Last time on Crown of the Kobold King, our heroes departed from Falcon's Hollow and
headed back down into Droskar's Crag.
Rootmore started feeling sick and learned that he contracted filth fever from the rats
they encountered a thousand episodes ago.
The party decided to go into the steam-filled room and were set upon by electric lizards.
After examining them, the group pushed forward to find a large room lined with dwarven statues.
Our heroes found texts saying followers of Droskar won a significant battle, but then
learned it was false.
The party then decided to head east into the narrow cave.
The hot, smoky cave prevented Scarab from seeing a beast right in front of him.
Our story continues now!
But yeah, I am currently two out of the five issues through it.
Thronen?
Mmhmm.
So, I know who the last turtle is.
I won't spoil it for you.
Do you want to borrow it?
I already know.
You know?
I know just because I got spoiled on accident.
I'm thinking about it and I both knew when we were having the conversation with you.
Yeah, I also know.
Well, I guessed correctly.
Yeah.
But I also know who died first.
I don't know that.
I don't know.
I want you to read it.
It's so good.
I don't know how they died.
I don't know what happened or anything.
I just know who the last turtle is.
I know.
I spoiled Cody on it, but he needs to read it to you because it's just like a really
good comic, especially for a story that's been going on for 30 years.
It's dang good.
I won't spoil it for the listener.
The last Ronin, Eastman and Laird.
The original dudes, man.
The art is so good.
Golly.
I want them to make a movie and direct it and stuff.
That'd be something.
I don't.
It'd be dark as hell.
It'd be awesome.
Yeah.
I don't know what their story is right now.
How they feel about the property or what they're doing with it.
I know the last Ronin was definitely just a love letter.
Yeah.
I definitely will read it because that's one of the things that really interests me the
most about it is that they're taking the IP back to the old Eastman and Laird.
But it has so much of everything else that's been done.
They really owned the turtles with it.
It's so cool.
Yeah.
It's not even about it denounces anything.
It's just more of the whole Eastman and Laird style of the comic was a lot darker, a lot
grittier and a lot more serious.
Not meant to be some 90s turtle-tastic.
Insane crap party type thing.
Which that has its own place.
There are these drops of that kind of shit because I don't know the guys, but back in
the day they didn't want a part of that.
Of course they want the IP to grow.
I love the cartoon.
The original 89 early 90s cartoons.
It was all about that.
But growing up I can see how the original was way different.
Yeah.
I mean I didn't find out about Eastman and Laird until way after I already loved TMNT
to begin with.
Man, it's like Berserk.
If they made Berserk a comedy, just a silly slapstick for children comedy.
Yeah, exactly.
I would hate it.
That wouldn't make any damn sense.
Yeah.
Sorry about that.
But yeah, no.
I agree.
I also love the non-Eastman Laird stuff, but it's really cool that when they decided to
make this thing that they wanted to go back to that for a moment and I think that that's
really cool.
So I'm definitely going to read it just for that alone.
Oh, and the art is just too good.
Plus I love comedy as much as the next guy, but I also just really like gritty dark serious
stuff.
Especially when both.
So moody.
Because real life is that for me.
It is dark, but there's always some comedy.
Otherwise like...
Why are we here?
What am I doing?
Just to suffer.
So it's cool.
It doesn't take itself too seriously.
It's not edgy for the sake of edgy.
It's awesome.
Well, speaking of dark and edgy.
When we last left off, you fashioned yourself some gas masks from those left behind by the
kobolds and you began your first foray into the smoke-filled tunnels on the northeastern
part of the subterranean ruins.
You began to fumble through the dark, bumping into twists and turns in a rocky corridor
before you found yourself slowly moving through what seemed like an opening.
Before Scarab bumped into something that he first thought was a wall, but was much softer
and dare I say, a little fuzzier.
And as he slowly backed away from whatever he ran into, a low growl begins to emit and
an orange glow builds between the wafting smoke clouds, filling the space with a fiery
heat.
Let's all go the other way.
Two orange eyes open in narrow slits as a face in the shroud turns towards you and suddenly
a circular ball of orange begins to form just beneath them as a gout of flame spews in your
direction.
Time for initiative.
I don't know why it's playing off of the TV.
Let me just turn the TV off.
What the fuck was that?
Let's try this again.
What's happening to us?
There it is.
Here we go.
Fix it in post.
Here we go.
So confused.
I'm really excited for everyone to hear this AI music I've made.
Oh my God.
Yeah, I know.
Look, we can have that conversation someday.
Everybody, I get it.
I understand.
It's so good.
But the boys got other stuff to do.
We all got other stuff to do.
I hope you're enjoying the thumbnails too.
I think Emod's AI thumbnails look fantastic.
On YouTube.
I've been losing my mind making those.
It's so fun.
Hey everybody, I just want to, I just want you to know we're all artists here.
I understand the-
Trust.
Real stuff will be coming out.
We're just trying to make stuff look good right now.
Just understand that we all, just understand that, you know, jobs happen and we don't really
have the time to work on that kind of stuff and we respect AI.
Be nice to your AI overlords.
Pay it forward to real creators.
Yes, that also.
Right now I'm not a real creator.
It'll happen.
Watch.
No, this is, it's good AI.
I'm paying for the pictures.
Matt, you're paying for the music you're making.
Some asshole's getting paid.
And I'm going to be, I'm going to be subbed to Michael Gelfie forever.
Yeah.
Don't mind me just rolling damage.
You can't do that.
Not yet, please.
No.
I can and I will.
Not yet.
Let me move 10 feet first.
Not good.
That's so funny.
Thank you.
Emma, do you have a 21, you need to get a 21 drop.
Dead meme.
Dead meme, but here's the thing.
I've got 10 perception and I rolled a nine.
What's nine plus 10?
19.
Oh, and you wanted to say 21.
No, it is, it is 19, but when I roll for initiative, I get plus two.
So what's nine plus 10?
21?
Oh my God.
Wow.
The kid was just, he just knew.
Old meme or future person.
Both, I hope.
He died.
Yeah, he gone.
He's gone, he was just too stupid.
No, I'm not.
Man, you stupid.
No, I'm not.
Oh damn.
I'm not.
Be my next character.
Don't do that.
Well, unless I'm not joining the game, that's fine.
For your initiative is always 21.
Anyone?
What'd you guys get for your initiative?
Scarab?
21.
And Rue Moore.
25.
Ooh, what is your modifier?
It's plus 11, but you get to go first according to the rules.
Really?
Yes.
Whenever a player and a creature ties, the creature goes first.
Spicy, Monet.
18.
Well, that works out perfectly because the god of flame does in fact go in your direction.
I need a reflex save from all of you.
Let me do a little reveal here for a second.
Yeah, do a reveal first because I do get to move 10 feet.
Let me make sure.
It's like a wolf that's on fire.
It's a wolf with a glowing belly.
A wolf?
My first action on my turn.
It does indeed look like that for as the god of flame spews forth from it, it separates a bit of the smog so you can see.
What is undeniably a hell hound.
Oh my god.
Smog!
Reflex saves everybody.
I got mine rolled.
Spin, roll it.
Oh, fuck yeah.
What did you get Monet?
I got a 29.
Beautiful.
Wow.
It was a critical success.
You will take no damage.
True.
And Scarab?
24.
Half damage.
26.
Half damage.
That will be 46 worth of fire damage which I rolled.
And that is a total of 15 so half of that for you will be 7.
Fire damage.
And then I have to roll to see how many rounds before I get to do that again.
How many?
That is two rounds.
Oh wow, you told me.
Didn't expect that.
You're welcome.
Separate your knowledge from your character.
Hot, hot.
All of Rumeur's sausages are now cooked.
Perfect.
That's good.
You're going to have to roll for that.
Unfortunately it's not the end of what happens for as the last traces of flame leave its
now glowing mouth it will snap its jaws at you Scarab.
We're talking about a 29 to hit.
Shit.
Full momentum.
Correct me if I'm wrong but if you have not acted yet in combat you do not get access to
your reaction.
Correct?
That's up to you.
If you feel like we're surprised then we don't get reactions but technically we can get reactions
if we haven't gotten yet.
We did just get hit.
The...are you sure that's the way it works?
Yes.
Okay.
Because there's no rule saying that you can't have a reaction before your turn.
Well there is a rule that says on your turn you gain your actions and your reactions and
so if you have not had a turn would one gain a reaction that they have not gained yet?
Does that make sense?
Yes.
In my head I feel like...
I feel like you would use it up for my turn.
Because I see combat as...and I know I shouldn't but I see it as a round.
Like the full...like it starts on the boss, ends on the last guy.
And I know that doesn't work as far as reactions go but I keep it...
I am fine with doing that but bear in mind if I allow this then that means that that
applies for creatures as well.
Yes.
So if you were to sneak up on a creature and then do something if that creature has a reaction
that can do something it will do it.
I don't...that's the thing I don't think I would combat that.
Okay.
Then this is like...
A new precedent has been set.
Reactions are able to be used before your turn.
I would at least say for...because I don't have a reaction that I am going to use here
but I would say like that first attack you did maybe not but like you do the fire breath
and then you go for another.
At that time I would see my characters being like whoa hey chill but I know that's like
even more in the minutia of combat.
Because it could also be...if you really want to get into the...the fact that all of this
is happening in six seconds means that gout of flame comes out.
You're surprised by a gout of flame and then immediately as you stop shielding your arms
you move your hands away just in time to see the jaws clamping around you.
Yeah that's totally cool.
If I was running it I wouldn't allow reactions until their turn just because we couldn't
see them until we bumped into them.
For another DM's perspective I would allow it.
I think there's like a time and place.
It still should be gone over.
Like does it make sense for the moment?
I think I agree with case by case.
Let's say in this instance because the fight happened unexpectedly there are no surprise
rounds but we will say that because you were caught off guard that there is no reactions
before your turn in this instance.
However in an instance in which you are ready and something else happens we'll play it by
ear.
I think I agree with you initially.
Are you sure?
29 is it a crit?
No.
Okay so regular damage.
If it was a crit I would have done something.
Or I would have tried to.
Please lord give me a chance.
Okay you are going to take eight points of piercing damage.
You can see Scarab's bubble shield burst.
I am not done.
Two points of fire damage and one point of void damage.
What were the extras?
Two in one.
Fire and void.
So 11 all together.
Oof.
Not great.
And it has another attack.
Oh my god.
It will use this time.
Fire breath is one action?
Yes sir.
With a round stipulation so it can't use it.
I already told Felicia what it was.
Everybody else heard two rounds before it can do that again.
At the end of this full round it will go down by one.
I wrote it on the map.
That is a natty 15 this time for a 23 to hit.
That's with negatives?
Yes sir.
Uhhh.
Yep.
Alrighty.
That probably just hit you off.
Eight points of piercing damage.
I am sorry.
I messed up.
It is actually a 1d8 plus four and then the other two die.
So add four damage for the first bringing the total to 15.
Oh good.
I am so absolutely down after this.
This one is now another points of 12 plus one point of fire and six points of void for a total of 19 damage.
Yeah I am down.
Jeez.
Okay.
And that is the creatures turn and it is Rootmore's turn.
Fantastic.
So that drops you down below Scarab and you are now unconscious.
Yeah.
Rootmore your friend in front of you falls.
And he has moved up in initiative before the hell hound.
Thank you for reminding me.
I will change that now.
Okay grappling and moving characters.
What would you allow?
Or how many actions I guess?
He is not unconscious or he is I don't think you have to worry about grappling him because he is unconscious.
So I will say as long as you are strong enough to pull him away that you can do that for an action I believe.
We'll base it off like the shove trait which means you can move him.
What is it five to ten feet.
I think that's what I did for Monet when she moved you.
Man.
Yeah five for success ten for critical.
Okay and that is against their athletics DC or their fortitude DC.
Fortitude DC.
Okay.
I will say go ahead and do that and give yourself a plus two on the roll because he is unconscious.
Oh thank you.
Yeah well before I do it pretty much what I want to do is throw him behind Rootmore.
And this little guy right here.
This little guy's base over here.
Okay so you are aiming for moving him ten feet is what you are trying to do.
Yeah I am trying to think if I only succeed moving him five feet where would he go?
To your left in that little nook.
He is a small creature so that should be fine for you to just start pulling him and then if you want to use another action move him another five and so on.
If you crit though you will be able to move him ten you can just move him two diagonals you will be fine.
Yeah can Rootmore see Scarab?
Yes.
The thing that you are having trouble seeing is five feet beyond sorry beyond five feet in front of you the smoke is thickest and that is where you can see the glowing eyes of this thing that you cannot see it itself.
So as long as something is adjacent to you as you saw coming down the tunnel anything if you stay close enough to each other within five feet you can barely make each other out but anything beyond that is heavily obscured.
Okay this is what we are going to do.
I am not going to move Scarab.
Rootmore is going to point his hammer at Scarab and fire lightning.
I am just kidding no.
I am just kidding. I have decided who my next character is going to be.
I am pretty excited for it. I totally don't have any feelings for what is happening right now.
Scarab did you put a marker on yourself for unconscious?
There is a skull.
I see that I don't know what that is for.
I am dying.
Oh you put it on you?
Yeah.
Okay we are good then.
And he turned to the side.
Yeah he turned himself to the side.
Yeah I was just making sure it wasn't already there and I was like did I forget a thing?
What is this brain exploding thing?
That is just my mom's favorite character in the dirt.
Remember that Cody.
You already killed the chicken.
Also don't forget that Matt's mom knows where you live.
That is true. Well you know.
Why don't you come up and see me sometime?
Alright what are you doing Rootmore?
So Rootmore points his hammer at Scarab.
Not today little man not today.
27 hit points.
Hell yeah.
Beautiful.
Wow.
Get up and run get behind me.
And Rootmore raises his shield for his third action.
Alright Scarab you are up again but you are at the initiative before the hellhound which means effectively.
I go last.
And so Monet is up next.
Yeah I'm still prone.
Correct.
Yeah.
Okay Monet is going to oops I still have the drawing tool.
You just deleted yourself?
Can you give me back?
Control Z.
Back back back.
No?
No.
Give me a second.
So sorry.
Monet!
What dreams may come.
I don't know what things you had on you so if you did clever.
No I did in fact can you give me me again?
Yeah I have to add you and me.
There you go.
You have control.
Okay so.
Thank you so much Rootmore.
Monet will move.
Can I say one more thing on my turn?
Yeah.
Monet run back to where we came.
Let's fight him out of this smoke.
Monet will move and she will attempt to move.
Throw Scarab.
Okay give me a shove check.
I'll do a flight roll.
Also I believe if you are a willing participant to an effect that you can forego the check.
Yes.
Which means.
I'm going to throw you.
Yeah he's already playing dead.
Yeah you can.
He actually got upset when Rootmore yielded.
He was like no no no he's going to die.
If you want to roll.
I'm breathing again.
Just to see if you crit.
Then you can do that.
Give yourself a plus two.
And if you don't crit there's no possibility of failure here.
We'll say it's either you move him five feet or you move him ten.
Although we'll have to give that an extra stipulation due to the tight nature of this corridor.
Moving him five feet he can't occupy the same space as someone else.
Which means you will have to.
If you only move him five feet you will have to dedicate another action to moving him another five.
Okay.
Oh yeah is there a movement.
Difficult terrain.
In this smoke.
Yes.
Okay so.
Monet never mind.
Don't run away.
Let's just fight him here I guess.
Athletics.
Okay.
Athletics against his Fortitude DC.
And do not forget about your powerful point.
PP's at the ready.
That is a 26.
Oh 26.
What is your Fortitude DC scarab.
Oh trash 19.
So 26 is a success but not a crit.
So you can move him five feet.
And then spend another action to do it again.
And you don't have to check this time unless you want to try to move him ten more specifically.
No.
So move him right here behind.
Matt move him behind Rootmore.
Gotcha.
Alright so Monet you grab scarab by the scruff of his armor and spin around and hurl him over Rootmore into the cave behind you.
Oh did that heal bring you up all the way.
My HP is full.
Okay so you're not wounded.
That's the only way magic can take away the wounded condition.
Beautiful.
Is if you bring him up all the way.
Well done.
Okay and that's Monet's turn she moved and used two actions to throw him.
You are correct.
Which means it is now Scarab's turn at the top of the round.
Holy shit.
Thank you guys.
Scarab is going to.
You know what.
He's not going to stand himself up.
Oh and Monet will also say Rootmore back up.
Oh no problem.
Rootmore watch your mouth.
Back the fuck up.
Would you give me a straight line to him if I was to shoot him.
Yes.
Okay.
If you are remaining prone though you're going to have to shoot through Rootmore's legs.
So I'm going to give it a plus one and it is obscured so you will have to pass a natural five flat check or lose the action.
Yeah Scarab will roll flat check.
Does not succeed.
Oh damn it.
Okay you got it out of the way.
So based on what you guys were saying we're staying here.
Yes.
It's too hard to look around and I can't see difficult terrain.
Oh understood totally.
Um.
Okay so I would like to try again.
Well does the seek action would like would that take my ammo.
Or just like wasting time waving my gun.
Over the loss action.
I'm going to say that you you just couldn't find the mark very much in the you know old 90s action movie you're sitting there with your gun and you're trying to get a bead on it but the wavering smoke mixed with the orange glow radiating off of it makes it hard to pinpoint the shot.
Okay.
So for my final two actions, I will.
This sucks.
I'm going to hunt prey.
Hunt prey on the creature.
And then I'm going to seek it.
So I get a plus two.
To pinpoint it unless I'm using that wrong.
Sorry, one thing at a time here I'm looking for there it is. Okay, a hunt prey icon.
This is something that I still get confused on even though we literally just did this.
I know.
If it has not been, when do I apply the five flat check and the 11 flat check.
The 11 is for if you don't know they're there I think.
No, because you can't shoot at something you don't know is there.
I can tell you because there's the whole there's the unobserved observed obscured there's like a whole chart for your flat check for concealed is DC three instead of five your flat check for.
Targeting target, or your project to target undetected creatures is nine instead of 11.
Okay, so you're not undetected. So we're still going off the five so that was correct. Yeah.
And then if you 11 which is hidden that's a you know what square they're in but you can't see them.
Action What is the benefit of that. Does that remove the five flat check that I don't know.
Yeah, sorry no I think that the only benefit to the seat is to reduce their status from undetected to hidden or from hidden to observe, which it is currently observed, but it is concealed.
I think, hold on observed anything in plain view is observed so no it's not observed creature takes measures to avoid detection such as using stealth to hide it can become hidden or undetected.
So it is currently hidden, I believe, double checking on that.
See, hidden creatures can become observed while a creature is hidden from you you know the space that it's in but you can't tell precisely, but can't tell precisely where when seeking a creature using only imprecise senses, it remains hidden rather than observed a
creature you are hidden from is off guard to you and must succeed a DC 11 flat check.
My brain.
My small small brain.
What is the DC five called.
I don't know about just a flat check, which, but the words I know hidden is DC 11 think it's obscured obscured or concealed.
I believe concealed is the highest is not undetected is the highest undetected is you have no idea it's there.
You have no idea that something is exactly there but you don't know what it is. And then concealed is, you know, what the something is and where it is but it's hard to pinpoint it.
I'm pretty sure really concealed and hidden are the same thing. Well hidden is a DC 11 flat check that I just checked and I'm sure.
The only thing I can say in relation for that is a creature knows the space that you are in but can't tell precisely where you are.
That's the old 50% miss chance 20% miss chance the DC five, I believe, is just for concealed creatures.
I think it's concealed and sealed. Yeah, because it says a concealed creature is in this within dim light or mid something else that obscure site but isn't a physical barrier.
So it should just be a DC five then. Well, let's see. So the bit that I'm at is I guess if the creature makes an attack and it would go from hidden to observed but it's still concealed.
So it should be a DC five flat check. I don't think that doing the seek action will reduce that any further.
So it's still going to be a five. So it might just be worth taking the shot. Well, the good the other good thing about hunting prey is that I have flurry and rather than taking a minus five MAP of B minus three.
And you can do that. I think you can hunt prey. I just wouldn't worry about the seek action. Okay. Yeah. So yeah, because you already tried to fire and that failed and then hunt prey for a second. Yes. Yeah, that's that's what I would like to do.
I wanted to know whether or not that would be worth it to seek in this case. No, if it were if it had not made the attack, we knew he was in the room and had not attacked yet. Yes.
Or even if like, if you had gone before it, not knowing it was there and then it's about a gout of flame, then it would be so that DC 11 because you don't know what's going on then seek would be good to be like, it's right there.
I just don't know what it is. So yeah, I guess I could we'll get this eventually. It'll be always changing couple years. Yeah. Okay. So I will I'll go for that. You see five flat check.
And again, I will give it a plus one just because of root moors legs.
Okay, I passed the check. All right, roll to hit. I'm going to pass in my PP and hope for the best moment twice on hunted prey.
25 to hit.
That is a hit. Yes.
Not the best eight damage.
Damage is damage. What is the type of damage piercing magical.
Beautiful.
As your bullet rips through the tunnel, you see a out of sparks flies it makes impact and the creature lets off a pain howl.
Get it, get it, get it.
And it is the creature's turn.
You see for a moment as the glow on the creature begins to dim.
For real lights in front of you Monet and it tries to bite you.
Big oof.
That's a 16 to hit. Nope. Sorry. 20.
That is a big difference.
Miss nonetheless.
That is actually the creature's turn.
Root more Europe.
You love to hear that.
Good. You moved up. That's perfect.
Now screw it. Let's go for a vicious swing.
Maybe you will die.
Big hammer hit.
Flat check.
Oh, flat check. Seven.
Okay. Good.
Same here. Same here.
Roll the hit.
Thank you.
That would have felt shitty. Oh my God. Very neat.
25 to hit.
Yes.
2D10.
14 bludgeoning damage.
And the nature of your damage. Just bludgeoning.
Bludgeoning. Bludgeoning. Bludgeoning.
Go Rudy.
Magical too if that matters.
Your hammer connects and just like before sparks fly as you crash your hammer into the head of this beast.
Staggering it for a moment.
What else you got?
Take that idiot.
He's going to raise his shield again.
That's it.
And Monet.
Just imagine a combat.
Raise the shield. Okay Monet. Your turn.
Well, Rudy did not listen.
What?
The move.
Oh no. I don't remember that. I apologize. Rudy's had one too many sausages.
So.
There's a lot going on.
Yes. I can't see anything.
I will take whatever damage is deserved to me.
Can Monet see here?
Vaguely.
Can she summon her whirling grindstone there?
I will allow it with a five flat check.
You do know the space exists.
15.
Beautiful.
So Monet will cast her whirling grindstone, her beyblade directly behind.
Are we going to have the whirling grindstone go now or at the end of her turn?
Any of your turn.
Okay.
So one action for that.
Sorry. Two actions for that. So she'll do a...
With her last action she will do an elemental blast.
Okay.
Nice.
Legendary play bait.
Play bait.
God damn it.
Don't forget your flat check first.
Haven't even started drinking yet.
Six.
Beautiful. Wow. Barely.
Well she gets a three.
Oh you're right. Come on. Twice as much.
You'll hit forever.
That is a 15.
That is a miss.
Shit.
Okay. But with the whirling grindstone.
Nice.
Grind that puppy.
AC attack against...
That basic creature. That is a fail.
Yeah.
That's a 10.
That is a fail.
Yeah.
It happens.
But it can sharpen its weapons.
Nice. New round. Scare up your up.
Just biting a spinning grindstone.
Aaaaaaah!
I think a Tom and Jerry thing comes back away and all the teeth are cracked and falling out.
First action.
I always forget how this works.
I would like to do my raconteurs reload.
And attempt to create a diversion with the wolf.
Just need to...
I believe that is your deception check against its willy see.
Yes. I just need to remember what that does for me. I think it makes it off guard.
Correct. To you. For one round.
Yeah. I would like to do that in my reload. So one action. Reload.
Scare up is going to... still prone.
He's waving his weapon.
I'm throwing his voice further down the tunnel.
Careful, wolf! I've seen that thing at work before. It's going to cut you to pieces!
And attempt a deception check.
It's going to be a 27.
That is a critical success.
What does that do for me?
I have no idea. You tell me.
Let me see.
Cody, what does my character sheet say?
Where does that create a diversion?
I think it's just... success and failure.
Okay. Success then.
Still a nice roll.
Yep. That's all that's going to come from that.
Okay. So he's now off guard to you. And we'll take a minus two to its AC.
And final action... well, no. Not final action.
Second action. Scare up is going to... stay laying down.
Scare up is going to fire.
Okay. Flat check.
13.
Okay.
And without adding the off guard, it's going to be a 22 to hit.
That is a hit.
Much better. 10 damage piercing magical.
Final action. Scare up reloads.
Hell yeah. Quite a little beastie.
This time, as your shot pierces the creature, you see a small gout of what looks like magma drip down onto the floor from the source, casting a strange orange illumination on the floor.
Its light flickers for a moment before it begins to growl in a rage and the glow begins to grow.
It is its turn now, and as the glow and rumble both reach their apex, another gout of flame spews down the hall.
I need a reflex save from every one.
Oh boy.
Goodbye, fan with a friend.
What'd you get, Monet?
I got a natural one for a 12.
That is a critical failure.
Okay. You will take double damage.
Scare him.
19.
That is a regular success. Rube more. Rube more also got a natural one, but turn in your peepee.
Hand you my peepee and roll the camera.
Would you allow that for Felicia? If you'd like to.
Fair's fair. Don't forget your peepee.
Just because I called him in last doesn't mean that it didn't happen at the same time.
You can just leave. Sorry.
That is probably a good idea.
Yeah, you don't want to take a fucking...
What'd you reroll, Monet?
17.
That is a regular failure. So better. A step up.
Rube more.
25.
That is a success. So you and Scarev will take half damage. Monet, you will take regular damage out of 4d6 fire damage.
Got three threes on that and a five for 14 points of fire damage to Monet and seven to Rube more and Scarev.
Okay.
Oh, wait a minute. Let me check some... Oh my goodness. Let me check a dumb little thing.
Are you fire resistant, my little dragon friend?
I don't know if I am yet, but I might be. I think I've been waiting for fire damage for so long.
Do I have...
No. Initially I was going to choose the... because there is a Dwarven ancestry thing you can choose for fire resistance, but I didn't choose that.
I have two.
Fire resist.
So you will take five points of fire damage.
And for the creatures...
We haven't fought against fire demons.
The same as before as the last of the flame subsides, shortly behind it is an orange glowing maw biting at Monet.
Well, I guess there was that one wormy guy.
That is a huge hit for a 31.
That is a hit.
Only a hit.
Wow.
Okay.
I mean, yeah, you got that AC. Let's go.
Huge.
That is five points of piercing damage.
One point of fire damage.
And two points of void damage for a total of eight.
Okay.
And as its jaws swipe to take a bite at you, they will move past you to Rootmoor, where there will be a second bite.
Get out of here.
Which will miss.
Silly dog.
And Rootmoor, it is your turn.
Monet, do you want me to move?
Or is it too late for that?
It's too late.
Fantastic.
I was going to put the Beyblade in front of me.
And you didn't move.
That would have been pretty good.
My bad.
Yeah, ruined my plan.
That's okay.
Vicious swing.
Okay, good.
Where is my two hit?
That's actually, I don't know, 20 to hit?
20 is a hit.
Beautiful.
Yes.
Ooh.
Roll well, Rootmoor.
Drink, drink, drink, drink.
Bring out the whole ocean.
13 bludgeoning damage.
Where's the lobster?
As the creature bites at you and misses and your hammer comes down, describe your kill.
Oh my God.
So we've got the Beyblade going on behind it.
This thing is gnashing at us.
Rootmoor's got his shield up.
It just waits for the perfect moment.
Blocks the last attack with his shield.
Comes straight down with the hammer.
Crushes through the skull.
Skull flattens.
Magma splatters.
And you are out of combat.
Woo!
Well, well, well.
I'm just really good at killing dogs.
Apparently.
Not big dog fans, dwarves.
I don't like dogs.
Gross.
Thank goodness.
This one is sick.
Tricky, are you okay?
Tricky!
Tricky, are you okay?
Hey!
Monet, please cover your mouth when you sneeze.
No.
Bring your gas mask.
Just splatter on your gas mask.
Thank goodness.
So, shall we continue?
Yes, I'm having a good time.
I might need to take a... take a ten, you know?
Yeah, good, good, good idea.
Let's just go back so we're not sitting around in the smoke.
Let's go back to where Tricky is.
Yeah, I would like to use Resolve to get my stamina back.
Same.
Me as well.
Beautiful.
What does that bring everybody down to?
Um...
That's my first one being used.
I've got three.
Yeah, three.
I think?
Uh...
Because we just came back from town.
I have one.
Okay.
Three, three, and one.
Oh, shit.
Good to know.
Yeah, luckily I didn't have to use one because he healed the hell out of me.
Well, Monet only has...
Uh...
Two Resolve.
Yeah, two is your max.
Is that correct?
Oh, Jesus.
What?
How is that built?
I think it's class-based.
Damn.
Which makes sense.
Trade-offs.
You've got a caster that's based off of the Constitution, so it's naturally tanky, but
at the same time, can't get up as often because it is still a caster.
Good balance.
If you say so.
Or I wonder if it's a dual-class thing.
It's not dual-class.
I know, that's what I'm saying.
Because we are.
You have four, right, man?
Mm-hmm.
Should we not have four?
Though, I don't...
I know...
I have had it, uh...
Calculate wrong before.
Mm-hmm.
Because I had to, like, look it up.
Right now?
Right now it's four.
Yeah, we'll look at that later, I guess.
I figure that...
We're all standing right now.
We're okay.
Because if that's the case, I'm down to have just two, to make it fair.
What is your Constitution bonus?
Is it a plus four?
Did you have that one capped?
My con bonus is plus two.
That's why.
Remember, we spoke about this, I spec'd my character wrong.
Because her main stat should be con.
Mm-hmm.
But I chose the wrong thing when I made her.
Yeah.
And so she should be...
Her hit to hit should be higher, and so should her, like, her contra be higher.
Oh, so is it based off of your main thing?
It's based off of your key ability modifier.
But I don't know how to make characters, so when I chose everything, I didn't change...
Like, I didn't realize that I could change one of the options while doing...
While choosing my ability scores, so she's just spec'd wrong.
You want to take a second to fix that?
It doesn't... I mean, it's been that way.
So if I just change it right now...
Maybe for box three.
Then it'll change her to hit, and it'll change her attack rolls, because her con changes her...
Everything.
Like, damage for her impulse blast, or for elemental blasts, too.
So...
God's giving you an out.
Yeah.
It just feels like cheating at this point, though, because I did it wrong, and I'm not doing it...
Like, it would change everything that she's been doing.
It would just change whether or not you hit more.
Yeah.
Which you can still miss.
So that part is not that big.
But, I don't know, I leave it up to you.
I mean, I hate myself for doing it wrong, because I didn't realize that I was doing it wrong.
Yeah.
Because I don't make characters often.
Well, it's up to you.
If you, now that you have learned better, if you want to just stick to your mistake and keep going...
And then do better on the next character, that's an option.
Or I'm, like I said, I'm trying to be forgiving here.
If you want to fix it, it's not like changing it...
Yeah, not changing a class.
Cheats you out of really anything that you've experienced thus far.
Or, if you want to feel good about it, I will let you do a respec at level five.
So if you can stick with it for another level, then you can do it when you hit level five.
I'll let you do that as your overnight activity, if you would like, if that makes you feel better about it.
I'd rather just you tell me what to do.
If you want to do it that way, then I'll do it that way.
I've given you three options, and I want you to choose.
And I will stick by whichever.
So it's either don't fix it, fix it now, or fix it when you hit level five as the in-between compromise.
Like, the reason I felt bad about it is because doing that...
I mean, it's not like a huge difference, but it lowers her athletics to 11 rather...
Or to 10 rather than 11.
And she's done a lot of athletic stuff.
Let's go with level five, I'll let you do it.
We'll treat it as a retrain activity.
So once you hit level five, it will take you a couple days.
I want to transcribe this into a narrative thing, though.
So I want you to think about that as part of your homework.
I hate that, because it was just an accident, and I don't know how to...
Write a fix, and... I don't need you to write a fix.
I need you to write a narrative reason for why Monet might be feeling off from how she should be feeling.
Yeah, I'm not going to do it yet, though.
Yeah. We'll look at it later.
All right, good?
Mm-hmm.
After your brief reprieve outside of the smoky tunnel, what would you guys like to do?
Continue moving through.
Can I roll a recall knowledge on this fire dog?
Mm-hmm.
That'd be arcana or religion.
Definitely religion.
28.
What would you like to know?
Let's see...
Why you buy this?
I'll say things you know right off the bat.
It is a hellhound.
They are fiendish extraplanar canines that hail from the pit that can hunt down quarry and breathe supernatural gouts of flame.
They are temperamental and quick to aggressive behavior.
Something else you know, based on your roll, is that they are typically, because they come from the pit, they are a summoned entity, which means something brought it here.
You also know that when summons are brought into a plane from which they don't exist, that the summoner must still be around.
Otherwise, the creature would have left or returned to its plane.
We're not alone in here.
Somebody's playing with dark magic, and I think demons are real now.
You also know...
Oh! Just like that!
Yes, I'm looking at one, I think.
Oh, thanks for catching up!
Oh, yes.
That creatures like this can be bound to a site, and that they are supernaturally patient, which means it could have been summoned yesterday, could have been summoned a hundred years ago, could have been here a very long time, or a very short time that you're not sure.
Does it possess any valuables?
Yeah, is the creature like literally laying there dead, or did it dissolve into nothing?
It is slowly dissolving into a receding pool of magma.
Wow.
Can I grab a tooth?
Sure, give me a crafting check.
Let me assist on that.
I really haven't been finding good goods. I gotta restock my chop!
I don't feel like helping you right now.
Me neither!
You got a nine?
You got a nine.
I rolled a ten to assist.
I will allow you to extract a fang, however when you do, a small spurt of magma spills onto your hand for one point of fire damage, which you are resistant to.
Nothing! I'm too powerful!
I'll put this tooth in my pocket!
Scarab puts the tooth in his pocket.
Just burns a hole through your pocket.
Clatters to the floor.
Turns the lava in your pocket.
No, no, no! He's gonna put it in his pouch, his waterproof pouch.
Let me drop this hellhound tooth in my holy water.
Anything else you want to know?
Resistances? Weaknesses?
They are immune to fire, and they are resistant to cold.
Anybody has cold?
As for me to put this item in my pouch, what was the creature's name? Or did we get the name?
Hellhound.
Just straight up hellhound.
Hellhound fang.
Yeah, the weakness to cold makes sense, for you know that if you can quell the infernal flame that dwells deep within them, that they will essentially turn to stone and crumble.
Wow, Scarab, do you still have those icy bullets?
Used them!
Ah, shame.
God! God!
And then other fun mechanics, you know it has a breath weapon, it's a 15 foot cone, can be reused once every 1d4 rounds. For only in action.
Not anymore though.
Just then.
Not anymore.
They also have incredible vision, being able to see in the dark, and they have an imprecise scent range of 60 feet.
Just like a puppy.
Awful creatures.
Mm-hmm.
As I'm ready to press forward.
Yes, as I was speaking about the demons that I heard about before you chose to believe in them.
These kobold, what they call themselves, were trying to raise something. They were working with demons.
Not dragons.
It's probably gonna get gross this way.
I like gross.
I'm ready.
Me too, you first.
Alright, here we go.
Just pushing forward.
Ah, ah.
I can't see.
Just making sure you're still there.
Monet, grab the wolf's body, we'll need it for warmth.
I'd like to pick up the wolf's body.
It's dissolving.
Don't detest, don't!
It's dissolving into magma.
No, I need you!
I forget you still have like a ball hand.
You forget what?
That you have that fist, that cursed fist.
I also forget that.
I forgot all about that.
Don't forget the fist. You should put a thing on your character?
Maybe.
Cold iron short fist.
Short sword, sorry.
Can we add that plus one to your fist?
I mean, you can literally make a custom weapon.
It's really cool.
I mean, we do have a plus one for you if you want a plus one fist weapon.
I mean, I suppose so.
Why not?
Magical fist, you can punch ghosts.
Come on, dude.
Rootmore peels off the rune sticker.
That's how it works.
I don't even know why they paid these people.
You just spit on it and wave it in the air for a second and it gets the heat in his back.
It's like a stamp, you gotta lick it.
They don't suck on it.
Oops, I swallowed it.
My gut is now plus one.
I don't think you're supposed to lick stamps.
No, you don't anymore. They're now adhesive.
You were never supposed to ever.
Like, we're making things out.
I hear roaches lay eggs on envelope stickiness.
That happened to a lady.
Envelope stickiness, and then she ate them.
She was licking envelopes and she got a paper cut on her tongue.
And then she was woken up in the middle of the night as roaches birthed forth from her tongue
because there were apparently roach eggs that got left behind on the adhesive part of the envelope.
I'm gonna cry. I'm gonna cry, Ryan.
I don't know if that's fact or fiction, but it is a urban legend.
It does. It's a good way to get you to stop licking envelopes.
What are you, an envelope licker?
My dad used to pay me and my brother to lick envelopes for him.
I don't want bugs!
Thousands of them that needed to be sent out for the club that he owned.
So yeah, me and my brother would just go sit down in the office some days
and just sit there and lick them, and if we got through like 500, he'd give us like 20 bucks.
And we were like, yay! A third of the way to a video game!
I mean, what, like...
No, I guess at the time that was actually, if you were buying just an NES game, 20 bucks was enough for the game.
But also, how many hours were you working?
I mean, as two little kids licking envelopes, several.
Was it, I mean, per day, was it like the full, his full shift there was like an eight hour day?
That was at the at-home office, so we would do that while he was at work,
which meant it was after school, so probably from like five to eight, so like three hours worth.
And that was, we wouldn't do all 500 in three hours, it would take a couple days.
Just cause, my first job at 15, minimum wage was 5.15.
Yeah, I think it was like eight.
Per hour, so like...
I think your dad owes you money for your lab.
I mean, I'm just saying, you were getting paid better than me if you were working three hours and getting 20 bucks.
Well, it was me and my brother sharing the 20 bucks.
Oh, you guys were getting fucked.
This is 10 bucks.
You guys...
I mean, I was older, so I was getting like 12, Justin was getting eight.
Not really, we would take that 20 bucks and we would go to the pawn shop and we would buy NES games.
Back when you buy games purely based on their label.
I wouldn't watch videos or reviews about the game.
No, unless you had like Nintendo power and you could read about a game, but we didn't.
Oh my god, I forgot all about that, just getting actual magazines.
Like, oh, look what game is coming up next.
I collected those things.
Oh yeah, I still have a few.
Some of them are worth a lot.
I remember flipping through it and seeing like the premiere of the GameCube.
You remember that, Matt?
Oh yeah, like it showed like a picture of the GameCube controller.
It was like actual size.
I'm like, oh my god.
Oh, I know.
Putting my hands on the paper, pretending like I'm holding it.
Turns out that's like one of my favorite controllers of all time.
It's a really good controller.
Top two.
There's a reason why they still make them for specifically one game.
That's crazy.
I know.
Smash Brothers, if y'all didn't know.
I'm sure y'all know.
I sent Felicia the 90s commercial for the original Smash Brothers game.
I loved that commercial.
For N64, because we had been talking about the song and I was like, whenever I hear this song,
it takes me back to the best commercial of all time.
Man, Smash Brothers.
But that's a different podcast.
We could probably talk about Smash Brothers for a while.
I'm not even good at it.
But boy, but boy.
I mean, if you want to hear me talk for a couple of hours, all we got to do is talk about Father's Gate and I'm ready.
We'll get there.
Just let me know.
So you're going to push further in.
Yes.
Something you notice as you begin to pass where the hellhound was.
The smoke here grows thicker and thicker, obscuring more and more to where it's even hard to see five feet in front of you.
You also feel in a natural amount of heat beginning to build.
And you can hear the faint sound of hammering on an anvil, as well as the sound of stone being crushed.
Is this the thing that the headless elf was writing about in their journal?
Do you remember what he said?
Something about a figure that still roams these halls.
I don't remember the description or anything.
Unless that was him talking about his own body.
No, no, this is before he went crazy.
OK.
Uh oh.
This is it.
Should we go down?
This is it.
I'm ready.
Let's go.
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Thank you for being a traveler on the Cursed Caravan.
Come on, what did you do to your thumb?
The weather during the winter is dry and with my work using my thumbs a lot, it starts to create a callus.
And then the callus cracks and then my thumb bleeds.
A chapped thumb.
Yes, it hurts really bad.
So I soaked it in Neosporin and wrapped it in gauze.
You should get some aquifer.
That is a very good idea. I have that.
I use that in my crotch when I chafe.
If it's an open wound, you probably don't want to use aquifer though.
No, aquifer is fine.
On open wounds?
Well, I use it on my tattoos.
Rub icy hot on your crotch.
I'm just worried that the mint might agitate the open wound.
There's no mint in aquifer.
Really?
That's a, yeah.
It's menthol?
No, there's no menthol.
Aquifer is basically like Vaseline.
Vaseline has mint.
No, Vaseline doesn't have mint.
You're thinking of Vicks Vaporob?
Aquifer is like a big old car mix.
I just Googled it and Vaseline does in fact have mint.
What does it?
It is most often packaged publicly with mint as its default scent or flavor.
Oh boy.
Don't eat it.
Delicious.
The first person pulling up Vaseline, six of them are mint.
You never have Vaseline hot dogs.
Well then not like Vaseline.
Vaseline hot dogs with a fuss.
Vaseline is just a...
You get them in the rear end real fast and quick and then you put them in the front end
real fast and quick.
It's just a jelly.
You're not wrong.
But as it is marketed to people is the first six results.
Vaseline lip therapy, mint, Vaseline jelly, now want to stick with mint.
Vaseline with mint, Vaseline with mint, cosmetic Vaseline, mint.
Put it on your eyes.
I imagine that there probably is an aquifer that has like menthol in it.
Okay, being more fair, just looking at Vaseline on its own is just petroleum jelly.
If you type in Vaseline mint, the first six results are all Vaseline mint flavored things.
Is that what you typed in?
Yes.
So it was maybe not fair.
Maybe I waited the search.
Don't include any of this in mine.
You're clapping once, if you could.
Aquifer is a healing ointment.
It's what I use whenever I get my tattoos to keep it moisturized.
Look how it's spelled.
Yeah, you should get some aquifer.
That's what my mom uses too because her hands get really dry because of her Raynaud's.
Because her hands are always so cold.
So she uses aquifer.
The one that you use for your hands when you used to put them in socks, that one has mint in it, right?
Or menthol?
Yeah, that was Vicks.
That was Vicks?
I put Vicks on my feet whenever I'm feeling sick and then I put socks on.
You had the thing where your hands were drying out for a while and you used to put them on your hands and then put socks on your hands?
That was not Vicks.
That was just lotion.
That's what I'm asking.
It was just regular lotion?
That was just regular lotion.
Okay.
I put my feet on my hands, wrap those up in a jacket.
Long story short, Emma, don't put anything with mint on your open wounds.
Or your crotch.
It would burn.
When we were working at ****, I would have to wash my hands so much so my hands would get super dry and trapped.
Just scheming too much?
Yeah.
So then I'd put a bunch of lotion on my hands, put socks on my hands.
She doesn't understand why the fly is her weird spirit animal, but then she does that so much it makes her hands bleed.
Dude, flies are gross.
I don't think flies are gross.
I don't sniff ****.
And then she eats it right after.
Gross.
Damn, dude.
Nice chair.
But I used to put, actually I do think it was aquifer that I put on my hands and then I just put socks, like a baby socks on my hands.
I just didn't know if it was the aquifer with mint or not.
It has a very medicinal smell.
It's a healing ointment.
Don't eat it.
It's not flavored.
Imagine it colored red and in a bottle to drink.
But that is, yeah.
It says cracked carefree on the, look I'll put it up on the big screen.
Craft?
Check it out.
See?
Okay.
You gotta go away.
See that?
It said carefree.
Cracked aquifer.
Carefree.
You do cocaine, you're good.
Oh, and then you become that.
You become a bloody mess and then you become two people.
So Rootmore applies Vicarab on his open wounds and he screams.
You guys hear the scream that wakes you up.
And then the serpent comes out.
It's Druengard, the glint axe.
I'm alive again, he says.
Where's my axe?
Fretil, my armor, my axe.
Where are they?
Oh, fuck yourself.
Roll for initiative.
Please cut all of this out.
This is garbage.
Don't keep any of this.
You'll realize later.
Except the information about the aquifer and that it's good for tattoos.
No, cut that out too.
Actually, don't put that in there because then tattoo people will come for me and they'll
be like, you shouldn't be using aquifer.
Tattoo talk?
And then they'll be like, look, I don't know the stuff that you guys use.
I just use aquifer.
Don't worry, nobody comments.
Fucking mustache keeps getting stuck on my microphone.
Yeah, you know what?
Leave it on there so the tattoo people do come for me.
Yeah, there you go.
Don't worry, nobody cares.