Last time on Crown of the Kobold King, our heroes were able to locate Barliss, the missing
hunter with a communication room.
The party moved with haste to find him surrounded by undead, only his prayers keeping them at
bay.
An intense battle begins in the dark catacomb and eventually the dead stop rising.
Our story continues now!
Cody, tell me about when your mom called you about the last episode.
Oh yeah, so I was talking to my mom on the phone and she was like, yeah so, so for reference
ahead of time, my mom, you know, she loves me and supports me, but she doesn't listen
to the podcast in order.
The way it usually goes is she will finish whatever more important person that she loves
more than me, their podcast, will finish and then her Spotify in an effort to redeem her
will automatically play one of our episodes, but it plays it out of order so it'll just
pick whatever.
And so she listened to the most recent episode and she was on the way home and she was like,
I can't change this, I'm driving.
So she listened to the entirety of it.
And it's really funny because now she knows the character's names, I'm being overly critical
in a joking manner.
But she has base plot points, like committed to memory, but the overarching story is not
connected for her.
But anyway, she listened in and then she was like, oh yeah, that was really funny at the
end of the episode when you and Felicia were just, you know, you just said, Emma's address
and his phone number and his email address.
That was, that was hilarious.
And then I was like, wait, we did that?
And then, and then I was like, but yeah, like, but it was bleeped out, right?
And that was the joke.
And she was like, no, it wasn't bleep.
And I was like, uh huh.
And she was like, and they sounded real.
I was like, I need to call Emma.
I need to call Emma.
I need to call Emma right now.
And she was like, yeah, maybe.
Yeah, I guess you should.
You should call.
I was like, I love you.
I'll be right back.
And then I immediately called Emma and I was like, he was like, oh yeah, I'm having the
worst day ever.
Literally everything that's gone wrong has gone wrong.
And I was just like, bad news.
We may have as a funny haha, when you got up and went to the bathroom, said your email
address, your phone number and your address, and it may have made it into the episode.
And then he was like, wait, like at the end and I was like, yeah, I mean, that's what
my mom was saying.
And he's like, oh no, okay.
Whoo.
No, you guys, you did that, but you used fake info for all three of them as if they were
real.
And he was like, yeah, it'd have to be really stupid if I cut this and put it at the end
of the episode.
I was like purposely put it in.
I know.
I need to put it somewhere safe.
It was like, oh, thank God.
I was scared for two seconds.
I was.
I did panic for two seconds.
I was like, no, no, no, no, no, everything they said is fake.
Yeah.
But like the way you all said it, y'all weren't giggling or anything.
No, no, because we were being very bit was us being serious.
It's a good thing.
No one listens.
The funniest thing is I, my mom was like, well, I mean, could they have been real?
And I was like, they shouldn't have been.
We should have been fucking around.
And I was like, but sometimes when we don't want Emma to put something in an episode because
we say something horrible, we'll just say his address.
So he has to go in and edit it out.
And I was like, I don't know.
So I didn't remember the bit.
I remembered doing the bit with Felicia, but I didn't remember what the actual bit was.
And so for a second, I was just like, did we do that?
Being like, oh, and what's going to have to edit this?
And then he missed it.
No, I remember.
Yeah.
I remember.
So anyway, I loved that.
It was so fun.
He, yeah, he called me off after that and I was like, well, it must have been a good
bit if I fooled myself with it three weeks later.
Oh man.
And anyone else who wants to leave a comment, make sure to call Cody's phone number to give
him the deeds.
Yep.
Mm hmm.
It's too.
Stop.
I don't know if that's real or not.
I'm going to have to check.
Anyway, the number will be in the description.
Up to our Patreon to get everybody's contact info.
Next month is Matthew.
Make sure to call Cody and tell him on how he could edit better.
Again, taking all calls.
I'd love to hear your I think that's real.
Jesus.
Oh my God.
I have no shame.
I should probably bleep that out.
There was something else.
What did rolled off the tongue a little too easy.
What was I telling you?
You needed to show me.
I'm going to have to do that.
I've already blanked on it.
You needed to share as well.
I've already blanked on it.
Oh, comments.
That's right.
Let me see.
Do yourself a favor and give yourself some air.
Can't do it on my phone.
That's too hard on my phone.
Let me go on the pooter net.
He doesn't do it.
No dead air.
Matthew is taking life partner applications.
Submit them to Imod's inbox.
Just check the other episode to find out where that is.
Imod, not Imod, sorry.
To get a preview of this Lifetime subscription,
please subscribe to Matthew's OnlyFans.
I haven't made it yet.
Don't be surprised if it shows up someday.
Matthew's email is Matthew Regalo,
that is R-E-G-A-L-O at gmail.com.
Who is that?
It's you.
Who am I?
Jackie Jen.
We got a comment from a listener in Austria.
And it is on episode, let me see,
episode two of Crown of the Cobbled King.
Okay.
Why is this so hard?
You just had it.
Where did it go?
Go.
Interact, okay.
It's someone from Austria and their username is just a string of numbers.
You know who you are and we appreciate the hell out of you.
It's 1148897174.
Thank you so much for commenting.
Thank you.
I hope it's not your phone number.
Thank you 114.
And they said, hey, cursed caravan, where can I find episode one of the Cobbled King?
It does not show up on my Spotify.
You are doing great work.
Love your podcast.
Listen to all the other playthroughs already.
Thank you so much.
Holy crap.
Thank you.
So cool.
I did message you back.
I don't know if you saw.
I think you actually did see it because I told you if it doesn't work, go on to our YouTube channel.
And I did see we got another subscriber on the YouTube channel and they were playing episode one of Crown of the Cobbled King.
So I believe that's you.
Beautiful.
And for anybody else is wondering if you look on Spotify at the very top before the playlist itself, episode one of Crown of the Cobbled King is actually our display episode.
So you can start with episode one there and then scroll down to episode two.
For now.
Yes, it'll probably change once we start a different story.
Yeah, we'll rotate episode one of whatever series we start next.
But as far as March 15th, 2024, there you go.
That's that's that should be at the top.
Today's the Ides of March.
Beware.
What is that?
When Caesar died?
Is that what happened?
Yes.
Hell if I know.
I just repeated what you said.
For everybody at the table, yes.
Yeah, Emon, how many times a week do you think about the Roman Empire?
Prophecy for Caesar, beware the Ides of March.
How many times do you think about the Roman Empire?
Usually around March.
But like how many times like in a week?
In a week?
Oh, never really.
Really?
Not really.
Beta.
Actually, I do think about it a lot when I hear about Bible stuff.
I'm like, oh, that's when the Roman Empire was around.
Interesting.
Regardless, 114,889, 7,174.
Thank you so much for your comment.
Legitimately, that's just a really cool thing to see.
Yeah, I've been having a terrible week at work.
I've been working 12 hour days out in the sun.
I work outside.
And seeing that just made me so freaking happy.
Appreciate the hell out of you.
I laughed when he was saying that.
Not because of like it's just funny that that's what you have to do to make a living.
And really, if somebody could help him out with that, that'd be great.
Right now, he's forced to work his own cursed caravan.
And it's not pretty.
Yeah, I laugh not because he made up a funny story,
but because that's what he actually has to go through.
And it's pretty funny.
In Texas, it's hot.
13 months out of the year.
Good thing we're in Arizona.
114,889, 7,174.
I am going to affectionately call you 114.
And thank you so much.
We love you.
You are so sweet.
Thank you for listening.
Thank you for commenting.
You're the best.
Love you so much.
Please comment on who your favorite person is at the table because I love that.
It's going to make everybody else sad.
Thank you in advance.
No, it won't.
No negative comments, please.
Negative comments are awful.
It's a comment of love.
There's no negativity there.
What are you talking about?
Who's your favorite?
Don't be afraid.
And if you want your username to be J.O.ed this hard, make sure to leave a comment.
And if you don't like your username, change it before you do because
if you do comment, we'll most likely be reading that comment.
And don't forget, whoever's your least favorite is going to be killed off next week.
So look forward to that.
Stay tuned.
Oh, no.
I hope it's me.
Goodbye, Rootmore.
Goodbye.
Oh, bullshit.
All right, I unplugged my headphones.
He has awedogs.
Hot dog.
That guy's cool.
I had to explain the concept to my mom of what a barbecue mancer is.
That was awesome.
I love that word.
Can it be a BQ mancer?
BBQ mancer.
Yeah, all this was really fun to explain while my baby sister's in the back seat
and who knows nothing of anything cool.
And I'm just over here spouting off things like an earth...
So normally when you are...
And I had to...
He has a move like this, but instead of that, it's barbecue skewers.
He's got a grill on his back.
He uses a shield.
The whole time she's just back there just like, are we at the hotel yet?
I... please.
She's got to hear the basic stuff first before it gets advanced.
I think she's nine.
I think she's nine and she's like, nothing about me as a person.
He's sarcastic.
He smokes.
He drinks.
He must be a bad person.
It's kind of true.
I was waiting.
We had to pick up Pepto Bismol for my youngest brother
who ate too much while hanging out with his dad.
So on the way driving mom and my sister to the hotel,
we stopped at Bucky's just to try to grab some Pepto.
Boot-te-te.
So she just runs, you know, kid speed, 20 miles an hour
while everybody else is walking, runs inside.
And I'm waiting outside.
And so I'm just vaping in the car.
And I have the window down because she's very sensitive about it.
And she's like, you blew smoke in my face.
And it's like, it's not smoke.
And no, I didn't.
But anyway...
It's water vapor.
It's only killing me.
Yeah, I'm the one in harm here.
But there was a point where she came back.
She ran ahead of mom.
She was standing at the front of the car.
And I had the window partway down.
And I took a big rip and I blew it out the window.
And it's windy outside and it blew it all in her face.
And she just started flailing at the air.
And she went, you blew it in my face.
Look at my face.
And I just put my head out the window and I was like, no,
I blew it out the window.
Earth blew it in your face.
It's like, you killed that guy.
No, I didn't.
The bullet in the fall killed him.
I'll be a great dad.
That's a Brad Pitt movie.
Or no, no, it's Tom Cruise.
One of them where they're like a crazy taxi driver.
I can't remember.
Yeah.
I don't know, man.
Moving on.
Wait, no, no, no.
Collateral?
Probably.
Did Tom Cruise have white hair?
Was it crazy taxi?
Yes, I think that's collateral.
The guy with white hair.
Yeah.
Sorry if that's not collateral.
I haven't seen the movie, but I remember it was like early 2000s.
I remember Tom Cruise with white hair.
Yeah, he was an assassinator.
Like he murdered.
I think they just call that an assassinator.
Shut up.
I'm the assassinator.
Unless you come from Wendy's.
He's a body hunter.
How much bacon's on this Tom Cruise?
I'm a body hunter.
You're a bounty hunter.
Bounty hunter.
Safe base.
Have one.
I've come to assassinatize this whole building.
I'd like an assassinator with a large side of fries, please.
Oh, that sounds awesome.
In all seriousness, we've missed y'all.
It has been a couple of weeks since we've been able to record.
And we're real excited to put out some more for y'all.
Bear with us.
As it's going to be shitty.
It's going to be real bad.
It's going to be awful.
Terrible.
Honestly, just check out right now.
Just check out.
Keep listening, but don't listen.
You know what I mean?
No, listen.
Don't listen to Felicia.
I'm getting mixed signals.
Stop sabotaging.
Voast are still coming in for best cast member.
Put up a YouTube poll.
Oh, wait, Emaud, didn't you say one of your coworkers is a big fan of me?
Yeah.
What's his name?
No, I'm not going to say.
He just saw a picture.
Hey, Emaud's coworker.
Appreciate you.
He just saw a picture.
Hi.
There's a girl with a table.
What's his name?
Not going to say.
Let me shout him out.
Come on.
He knows who he is.
Let me shout him out.
Was it Rodney Delaney?
Yeah, that's him.
Last time I talked to Rodney Delaney, he was saying some weird stuff.
Come on.
He's not going to hear this for like five years.
Let me shout him out.
I don't even know if he's still listening, though.
What's his name?
I don't even know if he's still alive.
Brendan Frazier.
Oh, the whale.
He's not his name.
Well, you know who you are, and I appreciate you for saying that I'm funny because I had
both Cody and Emaud shit on me when you said that because they don't think I'm funny.
But I appreciate it.
I appreciate it a lot.
You are funny, even though I shit on you.
And Emaud shit on you, too.
He can't get out of that either.
All right.
Yeah, I guess I did.
You are funny.
But yeah, you are funny.
You know, for a girl.
I'm kidding.
That was a joke.
Purely for Felicia.
I laughed.
Nobody else can comment on that.
Can find that funny or offensive.
Ignore it.
All of you.
Much like the rest of you are ignoring the dead skeletons at your feet.
Oh, yeah.
As once again, you stand in this reliquary, the broken bones of the skeletons and skeletal
mage scattered on the floor.
And behind you, the hunter you've been looking for, whose name you forgot multiple times.
Barless.
Around him, you can see a coalescence of shimmering as if a barrier had been erected.
And as the last of the skeletons fall, he begins to laugh weakly.
Bar tooth, are you OK?
Emaud, why did you laugh into the mic?
When Cody said erected.
Barless, how are you doing?
I think everything is dead.
Well, this is it.
Except for Barless.
He's not.
You killed him.
As you look at him, he is slumped on the floor.
He's on his knees kneeling in a stance of prayer.
And he sees the last skeleton fall and that shimmering that's around him slowly begins
to fade and his shoulders slump and he collapses onto the floor.
He's slumped.
He needs a doctor.
Rest in peace, Akira Toriyama.
That's all I'm going to say.
Are you OK?
Are you wounded?
I can treat your wounds.
Give me a medicine check.
Gladly.
Twenty one.
He's in horrible shape.
He is emaciated like he hasn't been able to eat for a while.
His lips are chapped and dry and cracked and a bit bloody around the edges.
He has been here for you're not sure how long, but he has been ill care for the entire time
he's been here.
It seems like the last of his strength was used in order to pray to a rascal in order
to save himself.
And you would surmise from your check that he is suffering from exhaustion.
Rootmore reaches for a sausage in haste, but.
Rootmore no!
But realizes he gave his last one to Edgar and he what he wants to do.
Edgar.
I look forward to meeting him.
Edgar.
He has a huge name under him for you.
I was on my character sheet.
I wasn't looking.
Let me give me ten minutes.
We'll fix things up.
Anybody else have food?
Any kind of boring food?
I'm going to spend ten minutes doing a treating wounds.
I will pass barless ration.
I'm going to pass on the whole thing.
You throw your week's worth of food onto an unconscious body.
I'm going to put it in his pocket.
Tenderly.
You tenderly shove a week's worth of food into this unconscious man's pocket.
Roll to 27.
That is a crit.
So 4d8 coming at you.
It's pretty good.
Damn.
18.
18 hit points.
As you tend to the hunter's wounds, you note that his frail frame bears many sores, bruises, and cuts.
You take your time to bandage each of those, noting particularly his knees have split.
All because he was just praying the whole time.
God, I can't imagine.
Imagine just being in a dark room.
He can't see shit either.
Just being in a dark room hearing these skeletons.
All he knows is the horrors that surround him that have only been kept at bay by his devotion to his God.
He was definitely praying.
Nothing weird here.
Clack, clack.
Somebody help this man.
We need to get him outside now.
You bandage his wounds and you can feel his ragged breathing begin to steady as you administer your first aid.
It will take more time for Barliss to recover fully, but at the very least you set him on the right path.
Good, good.
Is everything okay?
Do you know where the butcher is?
When's the last time you got tested?
His eyes flutter open again as you finish your administrations.
Thank you.
Our Rastul has saved me this day.
Hey buddy, that was us!
Monet kind of nudges Rootmore.
Tell him I put a ration in his pocket.
Oh yes, there's a week's worth of food in your pocket.
Get like a wet meat, a loaf of bread.
Eat it right now and die of shock.
Thank you Monet.
Edwin, anything to say to this man?
Nope.
I'm just glad he's alive.
Good, let's get the hell out of here, yeah?
Me too, me too.
After a quick search.
We need to get him to safety.
Um, Scarab would like to hop off and look at this pedestal behind him.
Sure.
Or whatever this might be.
Yeah, I'd also like to do a quick perception just around the room to see if there's anything cool.
I haven't rolled a die in so long.
I'm rolling my shittiest die that Emad gave to me.
Last time I rolled a die was at least two Tuesdays ago from this moment in time.
That was so hurtful.
It was unnecessarily hurtful.
I'm sad.
I'm honest.
It's gonna roll awesome right now.
Let me see, come on.
Fuck.
I got a 27 perception.
24 perception.
Okay.
Beautiful.
Nashville 17, thanks Emad.
Thank you for saying that.
Saying that every time, please.
Do either of you have religion?
That would be a 10!
That would be an 18.
Unless I roll religion again.
You can roll a separate one for religion.
I'm not trained unless you'd allow an untrained roll.
We'll see, give it a go.
15 religion.
Normally no, but you might have heard something in your travels.
24 perception, sorry.
Was that correct?
Yeah, 24 perception.
15 religion.
Nunca on my religion.
Is this during, root, more treating wounds or is it after?
We'll say it's during for efficiency.
Yeah.
As the two of you turn to look at the alcove behind, there is a small idol.
One that has been carved directly into the wall.
Atop a pedestal carved from a black stone is a dwarven figure.
It is rough-hewn, meaning whatever was here originally has likely been carved down and
altered to make a smaller idol.
Bastards.
The idol here is of a large dwarf standing over a pit of flames upon which other dwarves
worship within the fire.
Hmm.
Can I do a crafting check on the idol?
That's Droskar.
It used to be Torek.
It's Droskar.
Is it worth anything?
Well, no, because it's Droskar.
Yeah, give me a crafting check.
Oh, oh, oh!
26.
Being a shrewd merchant, you would know that all ancient works...
As grubby fingers reach up to it like a boo in the temple of...
Know that all ancient works are of value to the right collector.
If you were to be able to find a treasure, you would know that all ancient works are
of value to the right collector.
If you were to be able to find a way to extract this idol from its pedestal, you estimate
you could probably fetch as much as ten gold to the right buyer.
Son of a damn!
Grab, grab, grab!
We should destroy it.
Shut up!
Don't be an idiot!
Yeah, if you want to check the...
Can you remove it?
I have my fingers.
My phalanges.
My strength.
It's carved into the wall.
Pretty strong.
I could rip the wall.
Oh, before I forget, there's something...
I don't know if it's a remastered thing or not, but if you want to repair something,
you need a repair kit.
Have you heard of that?
Is that remastered or has that always been a thing?
I think it's always been a thing.
I don't know if you have the repair spell.
Ah, no.
Only thing I've got is the Ju-Huan-Dao.
But even so, that's not the kind of thing I'd want to use.
Monet's gonna nudge Rue more again and be like, hey, can you apologize for him for all of
the blood on his rations?
I'm kinda hurt.
Oh, look at him ravishly eating it.
He doesn't notice.
It's fine.
Okay, sorry.
I'm just bleeding.
Come here.
Let me fix that.
It's not a big deal.
You don't need to right now.
I'm totally fine.
I'm just bleeding.
I'm 27 again.
I crit.
Let's get 4 D8s in here.
18!
18 hit points.
I feel so much better, Rue more.
Thank you, Rudy.
You're welcome.
I'm scared of scratching at it and picking at it.
It's not working any steps away.
You win today, Rue more.
Oh, what did I win?
Prize?
Let me bring my hammer to this thing.
You know, just like try to hit it from the side.
Yeah, really.
Knock it off the wall there.
Come on, man.
Money.
I don't see anything unless...
You have like a ju-
Oh, actually...
A dagger?
A hammer?
Oh, yeah, I do have my own. I forgot.
I had two. One of them was Droskar's.
That's being used to hold the bucket elevator.
No, I don't have anything.
I don't want to chip my dagger on stone.
It's fine.
Maybe we can use some rope.
And I could lightly tap it with my hammer.
I mean, it's not a big deal.
You could give me a crafting check with a penalty.
If you want to try to use your hammer.
I don't have anything.
I could give you a penalty if you want to try to use your weapons as improvised tools.
I also have a grappling hook.
Uh...
I'd be happy to help you out with that.
Well, I'm trained in crafting.
Would it be better if my hands are yours?
I mean, I'm pretty good if you want to hand over the tools.
Okay, yeah, take them.
Yeah, let's give it a shot.
Aid me! Aid me, big man!
Oh, yes! Ah, yes.
Remastered Edition. Aid is now...
DC 15 instead of DC 20.
I do not aid.
Easier now than ever before.
Fuck.
Yeah, not a great one for me. 14.
In your efforts to remove the idol, it crumbles.
Ah, meant to be.
Ah, damn it!
Rootmore!
What's that?
Can you heal me?
Come here, Scarab.
Sit down. Stop!
Stop squirming!
Heal me nicer! Why do you smell weird?
You know why I smell weird.
I crit again! 26.
He's so good at it!
DC 15 is easy.
21. 21 hit points.
Damn.
Um, oh, man.
I don't think I've used a resolve yet.
I was actually wanting to do that myself.
Where's the resolve now?
Just click on your stamina.
It'll bring up a window.
At the very bottom, it says use resolve.
Oh, okay.
Is it right here?
Yes. I'm going to do that too.
Should we?
I mean, to be honest, I'm kind of running out of energy.
Should we make camp?
We've got your buddy, Edgred.
We can take that white cobalt back to...
Back to town.
We do have to go.
Back to town?
Yes. The hunter's in bad shape.
Should you want to rest here, I do actually have a lock in my backpack.
Oh.
Okay.
Lock the door.
Well, as far as I know,
it's pretty much down the hole.
There was that strange fog at the entrance that we passed by.
Don't know what secrets that might hold.
Yeah, I don't want to go in there right now.
We should probably check the rest of this room,
make sure there aren't any creepy boys.
Take 20! Thorough search!
We shall search the room.
All the alcoves, shake the skeletons!
Make sure they don't wake up.
Back, back.
As you walk through the ossuary,
you can't help but notice that the skeletons that lie on the floor
have a eerie golden glow that emanates from their eyes
that slowly begins to dissipate and fade into nothingness.
Not the first time that you've seen this light among the undead so far.
Monet will crush all of their skulls.
Beneath her foot.
That's a bit disrespectful.
Very disrespectful as the light begins to dissipate as you approach anyway.
But you make your way throughout the rest of the ossuary,
inspecting the... God, who's moving 100 feet?
What the fuck? 135 feet?
Scare them.
As you investigate the rest of the ossuary,
you find no more of this mysterious glow,
and the rest are dwarven remains lying in rest.
Can we see down...
I'm looking for it.
Reveal the entire map, God!
Let's do one of these.
Nice.
It looks wonderful.
Carlos, are you okay with staying the night here?
And then we go back to town.
I haven't much choice.
I feel... my body is weak.
Okay.
Whatever, man.
Carry me.
Someone, I will go to...
To feel your warm embrace.
Ah, yes, come here.
We're going to embrace him.
Is that a sausage in your pocket?
No, it is not. I'm out of sausages.
Money will go to the door and lock it
with the lock that she does, in fact, have in her backpack.
All righty.
Is it a lock in your pocket, or do you not want to see me?
Yes.
And after you do that,
Rootmore is going to walk up to the door
with a few of the bones that are laying on the ground.
He's going to set them...
He's going to kind of stack them.
Are there doorknobs?
Handles? Okay.
Well, he'd like to stack the bones on the handles.
So if anybody tries playing with the door,
the bones will clatter, and we'll all hear it.
Okay.
I think it would be best if we laid down for the night back here.
In the back.
By the shattered statue.
Used to be Toraq.
It's upsetting.
Monet will set up a bedroll for Barliss,
which she also does have.
Got double bedrolls?
She do.
What's the story there?
She's got a lot of stuff.
She's very prepared.
Okay, so behind the locked doors of the ossuary,
you set up camp for the night.
Admittedly, the room is dark and cold,
and a bit damp,
but you are not unaccustomed to the discomfort of the world.
Anything you guys want to do before you sleep?
Scarab's going to walk down one of the...
These little...
Oops. Uh-oh.
How do I erase the mistake I made?
Oh, no.
Uh-oh.
What do I do?
Control-Z.
Oh, no.
Oh, no, it's not working.
Oh, there it is.
I'm getting it.
You had to go back to the pointer,
click on your line, and then delete it.
Yeah, Scarab's going to go down a hallway and poop and pee.
I've done that for at least three days.
Hey, Scarab, what are you doing?
Oh, my God.
When's the last time you poo-pooed or pee-peeed?
Oh, Jesus Christ.
Quit looking through these tiny holes.
All of you can smell it. It's awful.
Give me privacy!
Remora reminds you of the duck hole.
Oh, yes, the duck hole.
Home away from home.
Wonderful memories.
Yeah, I guess Ritmore will walk up and down
and see if there's any names on the...
What do you call them?
Not graves, but body cartridges.
These are no named graves.
Oh, you got one of the body clips for your human gun?
As you monitor the outcoves, no, there are no names.
Instead, there are caskets.
Stone coffins is a better representation.
There are stone coffins propped up into each of the outcoves
at a 30-degree angle,
so standing up leaning against the back wall.
Several of them are open and empty,
from which you imagine the skeletons emerged.
The others remain tightly sealed with no sign of opening.
Each of them depicts some form of dwarven likeness.
You imagine meant to be some form of respect or reverence
given most likely by the loved ones
who formed them for their lost ones.
Can you tell if it's Droskar or Torag related?
None of them seem to be depictions of anyone you recognize.
Okay.
Well, during his shift where he's awake,
he's gonna kind of tidy up in here, clean up the bones.
I mean, there's no way to tell whose bones are what,
but he's just gonna put bones back in the empty coffins.
Put six skulls in one coffin.
Hope that's right.
Now you have company.
Yeah, I'm good to sleep for the night.
Before we actually go to sleep,
Rootmore is gonna bust his last healing spell.
Nut.
How's Edgrin looking?
Good question.
Caught me off guard.
Forgot I made a character sheet for him.
Everybody else is okay, right?
HP wise.
Yeah.
Cool.
Does Balsin, is he full?
Barliss?
Balsin?
He's full HP.
Okay.
Because he would be able to heal.
Edgrin is down four HP.
He'll be full.
Oh, okay.
He'll get that from sleep.
Yeah.
Okay.
Pretty sure.
What's his con?
Unless you want to crit fail on him.
One time's all we're...
Go ahead, roll the die.
He'll get two HP back.
Go ahead, Emad, roll the die.
We'll just do a community heal.
Don't roll the one, Emad.
So this is the AOE heal?
Yes.
Everyone gets two D8.
Thanks, man.
Then go ahead and roll me a perception check.
Oh.
Also make sure that you're recording.
Seven.
Am I recording?
Yes.
Thank you.
We're the ghosts that come out when you don't go to bed on time.
Seven HP.
Probably woke up a bunch of shit.
15 on the die.
12 perception.
27 perception.
One thing you notice is as your holy light begins to pulse outward washing over your
companions, the normal constant flow of holy energy that pours forth from you seems to
ebb and struggle against the darkness.
Whoa.
Almost as if it fights against some pulsing force in the darkness that you can't perceive
beyond this effect.
And as the magic begins to dissipate, you can't help but notice now as you stand in
the quiet of this long forgotten crypt that you can hear the very faint whispers of unintelligible
voices somewhere beyond the void.
Aggressive or peaceful?
Unknowable.
Just quiet.
Constant.
This is scary.
Perhaps in the chaos you couldn't notice before, but now that you stand in the dark as everybody
begins to bed down, you can hear them faintly.
Like disembodied voices quietly calling out in the night.
We are sleeping in a graveyard.
What a wonderful place to sleep!
Perfect.
Hong shu, hong shu!
Me, me, me.
I'm going to sleep by the door.
Just in case.
Now where is everyone going to sleep?
I'm sleeping up in that alcove.
In the back of the death cathedral.
Ten feet from the front door to this room.
Hey, Monet.
At two, Monet.
Oh, I'm setting up in the back with Borrowless and Edgren.
Borrowless.
Legally blind.
As each of you lays down in your bedrolls and begins to await the quite-embrace of slumber,
you all too before long become aware of these quiet, distant whispers.
It makes it hard to fall asleep, as they never seem to go away, not quite enough to be ignored,
but not loud enough to be understood.
Monet actually has earplugs.
Nice.
In her backpack.
Wow.
Do you really?
Yeah.
Okay.
Wow.
You don your earplugs.
Monet is sound asleep almost immediately with very little struggle.
The rest of you, it takes a while longer in the darkness as you contemplate that which you've seen so far
and that which you have yet to see.
But before long, one after another, each of you falls into silent slumber.
Yes.
As you rest through the night, or your perceived night anyway,
best you can throughout, you know, the interior of a dungeon in a long-forgotten ossuary,
each of you, aside from Monet, can still hear...
...
...coming in small pulses, like some obscene, necrotic heartbeat pulsing.
Scarab in your sleep, these noises begin to invade your dreams.
You find yourself standing in a vast blackness.
This was a bad idea.
The floor beneath you is dark, reflective, and it ripples like water.
As you look around you, you hear these voices.
...
...from the voices you begin to hear something coalesce.
...
Lord Highstewart, perform that.
What the hell?
There is danger.
Wake. Wake.
And your eyes snap open in the darkness.
...
Looking to the corner from where you still lay in your bedroll,
Tricky is standing at the corner, facing the front door,
and he is now a large creature.
His head is turned towards you and he seems to be regarding you,
but the voice stops, and his head slowly turns from you towards the front door.
Everybody, roll me a perception check, except for Monet.
So asleep right now.
Earplugs!
So asleep.
Oh, God.
That was one of the... I bought a bunch of random stuff when I first made Monet.
One of the things was earplugs. I don't know why.
I don't know the thought process, but I did buy earplugs.
Pretty cool.
Scarab, give yourself a bonus plus two to your check.
Okay.
That's going to be a 20 total.
22.
Scarab, now that you focus in on the darkness and you see Tricky's head turn towards the door,
you still hear those underlying whispers, though they are more faint now,
and instead you can hear a... almost imperceptible...
Plink.
Scarab is going to Mount Tricky.
Is anyone else awake?
Rootmoor, you awake to this noise, and you can hear it a lot closer.
There's something on the other side of these stone doors making a barely perceptible...
Plink, plink, plink.
And as you look at the door, you can see the bones against the door are shuddering.
Not enough to knock them over, but something seems to be plinking against the door.
This is terrifying.
I know we're in a fantasy world, but just picture yourself.
Not as a hero, but in your own house, and you're hearing this shit.
I would lose my mind.
Ah, yes.
This is crazy.
He's going to sit up, he's going to look, he's going to see Scarab is awake,
so he's not going to say anything, and he's just going to start frantically putting his armor on,
but I think it takes like five minutes to put your armor on.
I believe it is ten minutes to don armor.
Hey man, get going.
Get off to it.
Yeah, there's a peak that makes it so you can put on your armor faster.
Yeah.
It's, it's, that's too long.
He's not going to do that.
He's going to just, he's going to grab his hammer, grab his shield.
As you begin to move around and grab your armor, there is a stop in the noise.
You find yourselves once again in the quiet, with only the whispers,
before the clinking becomes much more rapid and much louder.
Pling, cling, cling, cling, cling, cling.
The bones at the foot of the door begin to rattle and collapse,
as you see a small hole form at the edge of the door.
Quickly, quickly, Scarab would like to look back, see if Edgrin is up and Monet.
The other three are still asleep.
Still asleep, geez.
Scarab's going to reach into his bag and he has...
Pull out his gun.
No, he has, perfect, a bar of soap.
I would like to toss a bar of soap at Monet.
Roll, roll, roll.
What?
Oh, it's wrong soap!
Shouldn't have tousled with my weapons.
Uh-oh.
That would hurt.
Just a solid bar of soap.
It's like a small rock.
It's going to be less than one...
D12 of damage.
D12.
Tossing, underhand, underhand.
Kill a lot with a...
That's a good oh my god.
I'm going to do a minus...
Minus four for non-lethal.
For non-lethal.
That's a 25 to hit.
You crit her and kill her with soap.
Oh, no.
The soap bar flies across the room and collides with your stomach, Monet, waking you up.
And as you begin to stir and you remove the earplugs, the noise...
Scarab's going to be aiming his gun at you and then he's going to aim it down the hallway.
And in this moment the noise redoubles, much louder than before.
Pling, pling, plong, pling, pling, pling, plong.
And you can see the bones in front of the door begin to rattle and shake as something is slamming into the door with a loud plinking noise before a hole is punched through the stone.
And you see a reptilian eye glaring back at you.
Wait, what?
Another slam.
R'hllor sticks his finger in and pokes his eye.
Get out of here!
Something is breaching the door and the amount of time you have left is very small.
You see a metal wedge plink into the hole before a larger hole is starting to form and before long the lock itself breaks off the door and it begins to swing open, revealing...
Monet would channel her elements.
Standing up, seeing that happening, she should channel her elements.
Okay.
Revealing...
Cobold eyes gleaming in the darkness.
Roll for initiative.
Here we go.
I like it.
So, did we get our spells back?
I like...
Probably not.
Man, I did all the right things, you know.
Put a lock on the door, put in my earplugs.
All the right things.
That was good. That was good.
Give me one sec to get all this together, you guys.
Vant, Hawk, go.
Think everyone would be happy to know that I started watching One Piece.
60 episodes in in two days.
One Piece? What is that?
It's a lot.
It's a whole lot. You should watch the live action on Netflix.
Oh yeah, you're telling me. It's the guy with the straw hat.
It's fantastic. It's about pirates. You would love it.
You would love it.
It's real good.
I was going to start watching it honestly with my son here,
but I saw that The Batman was about to leave Netflix,
so we had to watch that.
The Batman. Is that the...
The newest one.
The Twilight one?
Yeah, the Twilight dude.
With Twilight in it?
It's good.
Robert Pattinson.
It's good. He plays a good Batman.
One of the better Twilight movies, for sure.
The Batman.
Have you seen it?
No.
You haven't seen The Batman?
I haven't seen it, but I've seen The Joker.
Oh, Matthew Twilight.
Or was it called Joker or The Joker with Joaquin Phoenix?
That shit was actually good.
You need to watch The Batman before it leaves Netflix.
Alright. I got some time.
It's three hours.
I don't have that much time.
But it's so good.
Three hours?
It's three hours.
But I've got like 3,000 hours of One Piece to watch.
That'll be there forever. It's a Netflix official.
Yeah, that's true.
You're not wrong.
You should watch...
You should...
I will.
I promise.
If you shut the hell up.
I can't do that.
No, but I was going to say if you should...
You should...
Yeah.
You should watch...
You should...
Okay, stop.
Thank you.
Cody, kill us, please.
I'm trying.
You should watch Prince Sprite.
I will. I'm going to watch that with my boys.
You don't need to watch that.
What's the one with Heath Ledger, Matt?
Knight's Tale.
Yeah, have you seen that?
When it came out.
That's been too long.
Such a good movie.
It's a real good one.
I like how they use modern music in it, too.
That's what I remember from it.
It's neat.
I need to watch it again.
I've only seen it once, but I remember I loved it.
It's funny.
I watched Suicide Squad with my boys.
The new one or the old one?
The first one with Will Smith.
Yeah.
And, you know, I'm not...
It's like whatever to me.
And it's funny because, you know, with kids, it's not easy.
I mean, it is easy to entertain kids.
And I asked them, so what do you all think?
They're like, eh.
That movie sucked.
That movie legitimately as a movie was not great.
Have you seen the new one?
I have not.
I heard it's good.
It's actually...
I'd say my favorite DC movies outside of the Dark Knight trilogy,
because that's different, but my favorite DC movies have been
Joker and Suicide Squad,
because they're not trying to be...
They're not trying to do the Marvel thing.
It's just like good stuff.
It's like actual good movies.
Yeah, I just thought it was so funny, because I'm like,
I mean, they're kids.
They're easily entertained, but nope, they didn't like it.
No, man.
That's the thing.
Movies are so bad now that it can't even fool kids.
Like, it's trash.
There's some really... just a lot of stupid one-liners.
Yeah, man.
They're trying too hard.
Media's always treated us like idiots,
but now it's just blatant and bad.
Might as well be written by AI.
Might as fucking well.
Trash, trash.
All right, sorry.
Add a lot to add.
Rootmore, what'd you get?
Oh, shit.
26.
Monet, what'd you get?
23.
Very good.
Scarab.
Oh, my.
Sorry.
Oh, that's a lot of...
We got a lot of cobalt.
I just saw.
26.
Ooh, we're tied.
Yeah, how do you guys want to handle that?
Doesn't matter to me.
Let me go first.
Okay.
Easy enough.
Just in case I magically kill one of them,
that way you could get set up better, maybe.
You don't cast spells.
All righty.
I know I said it as a jerk.
As a joke.
As a jerk.
Earlier I said, uh,
we got all our spells back, right?
But we probably don't,
because we didn't sleep all the way.
We did not.
Okay.
Which means this is exceptionally dangerous,
especially because as the doors burst open,
you see two cobalt tunnellers in front holding pickaxes,
and behind them they duck as two more stand up
and they hurl two canisters into the room.
Oh, jeez.
Both of these are coming at you, Rootmore.
First one is...
a 19 to hit.
As Rootmore was getting out of his sleeping bag,
you know, he picked up his hammer and his shield,
he gets out of his sleeping bag.
Literally all he's wearing is a jockstrap.
This bare ass jockstrap.
And his AC is 16.
Okay.
Uh, the second is going to be a 23.
So two of these canisters fly through the air.
They are metallic, and as each of them collides with you,
they will do 1d4 plus one damage.
First one does two damage.
Second one does three.
He's dead. He's dead, everyone.
And then they both explode.
Oh, shit.
So you will take two more points of damage.
And as they explode, they fill the room with a thick smoke.
Obscuring...
Obscuring your vision.
I will now remove your ability to see.
I can't see.
But I can.
Ah!
Okay.
It sucks.
What do I have for this?
Uh-oh.
First up, make sure I have this correctly.
Or is it like a fog?
It is.
It actually acts as a fog wall.
Hmm.
What are the characteristics of a fogged wall?
Uh, creatures inside are obscured.
Let me pull it up real quick.
This is really bad.
Rupemore is out of healing spells,
and he also did his battle medicine on himself.
So he literally has no way to heal himself right now.
It has been more than an hour.
So you could battle medicine yourself.
Battle medicine's once a day.
Ooh, okay, yeah, that is terrible.
Oh, it's been more than an hour.
How many hours has it been specifically?
That matters.
Let's say it's been about four, halfway through the night.
Okay, so everybody's enfeebled's gone.
Because I had enfeebled four, and I know you said one hour per point.
Yes.
Beautiful.
You are correct.
Okay, that's really good.
Rupemore can use his hammer!
Rupemore's hammer!
Yes!
Not all hope is lost.
Okay, we're good.
Just Rupemore.
You guys are fucked.
Okay, so this will mechanically function like obscuring mist.
As in, all creatures within the mist become concealed,
and all creatures outside the mist are concealed to those within.
Um...
Beep, beep, beep.
The only difference is the area is also difficult to rain,
as long as there is smoke.
Okay.
I would like to remind the GM that Monet is a liminal fletching...
Eerie, eerie.
...a liminal fetchling,
which means she gets a plus one circumstance bonus
to undetected creatures within 60 feet using the seek action.
Nice, okay.
This is where we get into Crunchy Rules,
remember things like concealed.
EC5 flat check to be targeted by anything.
This purple is all of the area affected by the smoke currently.
Cool.
You good?
I can't see!
I can't see the fire!
Alrighty, Scarab, it is your turn.
Oh...
boy.
Can I hear the kobolds?
You do hear the two explosions go off at the front of the room,
followed by a cheer of jeering kobolds.
Hmm...
Because I would like to hunt prey, if possible.
Did I get a look at them before...?
Not from around the corner.
Yeah.
Yeah, I was just looking through hunt prey.
I think you can. You don't have to see them.
You just have to know their existence.
Yeah, if you can see them or hear them.
Which one do you want to hunt on?
One of the ones that was picking at the door,
or one of the ones that hucked a bomb?
One of the ones that hucked a bomb.
The one, I guess for us, the one on the back right.
Right, okay, let me go ahead and do a race symbol.
Boom, it's got a little target on it.
Okay.
Now I've got to figure out what's going on with my big boy.
I've got some moves I can do.
I just want to do them in the right order, according to the rules.
That's a good hunt prey symbol. I like it.
If this changes your mind on who you hunt prey,
let me go ahead and say that as the smoke begins to fill the room,
you hear over the jeer of kobolds a familiar voice.
You should have killed me when you had the chance!
Oh yeah, him, right away.
Yeah, I was so afraid of leaving him alone.
Let me remove that one and I'll put it on that guy for you.
Yeah, I can smell him.
Well, can you take off that sad face on Rootmore?
Because that's the fatigued or whatever.
You can take off that sad face.
I can?
Yeah, right click.
Thank you.
If you just click yourself?
No, I thought that only, I thought if you put it on, that's it.
Like, I can't take it off.
Maybe.
I mean, you shouldn't if I put it on.
Well, that reminds me, I've got to put something else on you.
Give me a second.
I've already got the rat stain.
The rat stain?
Yeah, that's what that is.
That's been on me ever since we fought the rats.
Okay, good.
Is that what you were looking for?
Yep.
I was looking for a rat stain.
Alright, apologies.
Scarab, please continue your turn.
Okay, does anyone know, now that I have Impressive Mount, it has that deal where if I don't command my animal, they get a stride or an attack?
Still gets one action.
Can I, do I have to do that at the end of my turn or can I choose to do it now?
You can choose to do it now.
Okay, that's what I would like to do.
So Scarab and Tricky, we're going to move forward.
Five, ten, fifteen, ten, twenty-five.
We're going to move thirty feet forward.
Just at the edge of the wall.
So that's a free action.
I've used one action to hunt prey.
Now, final two actions.
I'm going to fire at my hunted prey.
And I will get a plus two to whatever my roll is.
Or I guess I need to, do I need to seek first because of the fog?
Correct.
Okay, so I'm going to seek with a plus two.
It's going to be a nineteen.
I will say that that is not enough to pinpoint where he is, but you have a feeling that it is coming from this direction.
As I accidentally highlight the creature.
Engaging on the volume from what you could hear you estimate from your current position, it is roughly sixty feet away.
Straight down the hall.
Can I just fire with a, what, like a fifty percent chance?
Let's see, normally.
It's a DC five.
For concealed, but this is, this is through a fog.
An unobserved creature.
I don't know if you can target.
Hidden is DC eleven, that's the technical word is hidden.
Okay.
So I don't know if that's.
Let's do that, do a DC eleven.
DC eleven, yeah.
Flat check.
And if it doesn't go, then it doesn't go.
What'd you get on the flat?
Three.
Okay, now roll me to hit anyway.
No.
Blow off Rootmore's butt cheek.
That's a natural one.
Oh, Matthew, I'm gonna have to now.
Uh oh.
You're gonna blow it.
I mean, regardless, I'm just gonna take whatever the card says.
Yeah, let's see what the card is.
There you go.
Actually, I don't know why I opened that first.
Nice catch.
Good catch.
Almost hit your beer.
Right on your software.
We pull him from the front, yeah?
Yes.
Can't be rolling ones right now.
Critically hit an ally.
Rootmore's in his birthday suit.
Can't be doing this.
Oh.
What was in the fog?
Is it like noxious gas?
It's smoke.
Okay.
Yeah, as Scarab levels his weapon into the fog, hearing Rootmore and the screams of this
shitty other kobold, he takes a deep breath to ready himself.
And when he takes a deep breath, he inhales a bunch of the fog, starts hacking away, and
becomes Sickened 3.
No.
Yeah.
Sickened is bad because it's just like Frightened, but it doesn't go away after each turn.
You have to spend an action to retch.
Yeah.
What is it?
Is it DC 15 to pass it?
It lowers my stuff so bad.
Oh, oops.
I am also going to call that your shot goes off.
And Rootmore, as the bullet rips through the smoke, you see a brief moment of clarity as
the bullet whizzes past your head.
Oh!
Into the hallway beyond you for a brief moment can not only see...
Well, tell me what you see.
Roll a perception check.
Kitty, please, out of the dice.
I don't even know where my dice is, baby.
Thunder hurt.
27.
You see what look like barricades.
And moments later, as the bullet whizzes by, you hear a thuck of bullet colliding with
wood.
They're trying to trap us in here.
Oh, I wonder why.
It's wonderful.
I think they're trying to kill us.
Maybe.
It's easy to hit me right now, but I'm quite comfortable.
Let's get scared.
Um, let's see.
So that was...
That's it.
It's final action.
You had tricky move of its own accord, so you should have three actions, right?
So then you fired once.
Hunt, pray, walk forward, seek, fire.
Gotcha.
Thank you for being honest.
I knew there was something else.
Rootmoor, it is your turn.
Roll me.
Constitution save.
Uh-oh.
Gotta get out of the smoke.
I take back my honesty.
Fire again!
Oh.
Fortitude?
That one.
Come on, Rootmoor.
Sorry, been playing other games recently.
Natural one.
No!
Uh-oh.
You're good at blowing.
Rootmoor, you are sickened too.
Cool.
Oh, this tastes delicious.
Oh, that's bad.
Can you take the frowny face?
Is that really something that happens in the fog?
Pardon?
Can you take the frowny face off of Edgrin?
Yeah, I'll put it on Rootmoor.
Oh, I need to put a...
I need to put a face on myself.
Oh, dang.
Let me just put that...
I'm gonna use the frowny face for a second amount so you can just have that back.
I don't feel good.
And continue with the rest of your turn?
Oh, thank you.
Very kind.
Ahhhh!
Fuck.
See, I don't want to run away because Scarab is there.
Um...
But you can't see.
You're right.
Screw these guys!
Draw them in!
Rootmoor is gonna run deeper into the room.
His plan is to have them come out of the smoke.
His movement is 20 feet, I believe.
Yup.
Don't forget to conceal the four-year cold wall.
Mm-hmm.
Thank you.
Also remember that the smoke is difficult to rain.
Okay, well that changes it.
Now if you close your eyes and run as fast as possible...
That's one action.
Five.
Yeah, he's gonna move.
He's gonna stride twice.
Out of the smoke, deeper into the room.
Behind Scarab.
This is bad.
Oh, and then, uh, that's right.
The sickened...
I'd like to roll a fortitude save against the effect of the sickened condition.
Okay.
With his last action.
You retching?
Yeah, retching.
Fortitude...
That is 22.
Success.
Oh, good.
So he drops one sicken.
He sickened one now.
And that is the end of his turn.
Beautiful.
Oh, hey.
Smoke is hard to breathe.
It's kind of like...
When you're roasting outside and the wind changes direction and the smoke blows in your face.
Oh, but it smells so good!
Eeeeh!
And then your clothes smell like crap.
Luckily, I'm not using...
Rootmore emerges from the smoke just butt-ass naked, nothing but a jockstrap on.
It wiggles a little bit.
From beyond the...
When he stops moving.
From beyond the veil of smoke, you hear...
Take positions now!
And you hear shuffling beyond the darkness.
And it is Monet's turn.
Monet will, uh...
Hunker down and call forth her earth armor.
Cover yourself in stone.
Stone.
Call forth her earth.
Call forth her earth armor.
Earth!
And, uh, she will then channel her elements.
And calling forth the stone armor, that doesn't take any time, right?
Takes an action.
Okay.
And...
I want to make Captain Planet in Baldur's Gate.
He's a hero.
Gonna take pollution down to zero.
I feel like...
I guess he'd be a monk.
She will move to just in front of Scarab and Tricky.
Just into the smoke?
Just into the smoke.
Okay.
Don't slip on my vomit!
Careful, it's hard to breathe!
Yeah.
Knowing that you're going into the smoke, would you like to cover your mouth or hold your breath?
She shaves earplugs down the throat.
Go home!
Yeah, I think she would like to cover her mouth with her, like, scarf that she has.
When I ask you to roll a fortitude save, give yourself a plus one bonus.
Okay.
Anything else from you?
That is it.
Alrighty.
From the hall you hear, ready?
Fire!
As stones begin to fling their way through the smoke, Monet, one of them comes at you.
That is a 14 on the flat check.
Damn.
And that is a 15 to hit.
Yes!
That is a miss.
A second stone comes your way, has to flat with a 12.
And that's 16.
That is a miss.
It's also a miss.
Okay.
The other goes right for you, Scarab.
Gotcha.
That one is a fail on the flat check, so the stone clatters before harmlessly.
The second passes with a 17.
And with a natural 16, that is a 22 to hit.
One moment, one moment.
Once the smoke clears, I'm running in there.
I'll take it.
Alrighty.
That hits for six points of damage.
Fludgeoning.
Ow!
Gotcha.
Oof!
Next you hear more shuffling in the darkness.
Before you hear once again.
Reload!
Aim!
Quick question.
Mm-hmm.
I don't...
The support benefit of my boar.
Mm-hmm.
I know once upon a time...
Okay, support benefit.
Your boar gores your foes.
Until the start of your next turn, your strikes that damage a creature in your boar's reach also deal 1d6 persistent bleed damage.
If your boar is nimble or savage, persistent bleed goes higher.
He's not nimble or savage.
I know that was a thing where if I command an animal, you can't use both abilities for the...
Because it counts as like a reaction or some shit.
I don't remember if you can't...
I think it was either you can't attack and do the special, or you can't move and do the special.
But I'm pretty sure you can move and still use the special, but he couldn't have attacked that turn.
Yeah, you can't use all the actions.
So basically you would use like one to move up, and then when you do stuff, the support effect would go off.
Yes, you might...
Here's what I would like to do.
Does the support effect have like the little action symbol next to it, or it just says text?
No, I've...
That one is just when you make a strike.
Yeah.
I just know there is...
And it's not on here, not on my...
Not on Tricky's sheet, but I have heard that like...
You can't use your full command animal action and use that ability.
So it counts as an action?
Yes.
Okay.
What I would like to do...
Scarab is going to reload.
Uh...
Or...
It's not your turn yet.
I thought you said Scarab. I'm so sorry.
Oh, right. My bad. I was just asking for later.
Oh, yeah. Cody was in the middle of...
Yeah, my bad. Cut that stuff out. I was asking for later.
There's still five more people before you.
I totally made myself believe that it's my turn. Let's go!
I'm going to leave it there.
You can put that... I mean, don't.
Look, I've been drinking, all right?
I've been drinking!
I thought it was your turn too.
I'm drinking and excited.
You had me fooled.
Yeah, I do know there was...
Because I found a thread where people were like, this ability sucks because you can't ever use it without, you know...
Blah, blah, blah.
But now, since my boar can walk on its own...
Yeah.
Just make it do that and then have it set up.
It's not just walking. It can do an action. It can attack on its own as well.
It can attack as well. But...
Yeah, we'll see.
I'm so excited to finally...
Level four is the place to be.
Yeah.
Only going up from here, baby.
Already.
This sucks.
Minus three on everything!
Monet, within the smoke, you can see the clouds begin to swirl.
Don't hint, please.
Hit me.
I feel like you forgot to read my note.
No, that's actually coming up next.
As you see, the kobolds in front, the ones who broke down the door, begin to move through the smoke.
And as one comes up to you, it is obscured in the smoke, but as you can see the smoke updraft for a moment,
and you realize the kobold has raised the pick above its head and fixed to its face is some kind of makeshift gas mask.
Man, I was going to ask.
Draws the pick down...they still have to make the save, which they both did.
But it draws the pick down at you, and so does a...
Oh, that's terrible. Does an eight hit your flat-footed AC?
It does not. Actually, yeah.
Actually, that would have been the two even hit to begin with, which it whiffed.
I failed the conceal check.
So the second one conceal check succeeds with a six, second hit, also miss.
It's not long before you see another swirl and a second kobold lines itself next to you,
wearing the same gas mask and also wielding a pick.
To hit, pass the flat check with a 13.
Natural two to hit, so it misses.
Swings a second time. Come on.
Ha! Loser!
14 on the flat and actual to hit, please big number.
I miss.
I miss the box.
Find a die.
The natural routine outside the box.
Okay, does a 19 hit your flat-footed AC?
It does not.
Wow.
All right, well, I'm fucked.
This is awesome.
Okay, so two Monet, what are they right now?
Are they concealed or are they undetected?
Concealed.
Okay.
You can detect them.
You know their general whereabouts.
They're just being concealed by the swirling smoke because they are adjacent to you.
Sweet.
That is important for her bonuses as a liminal.
It's actually...
Kyle.
Who knew that she'd be dealing with concealed?
I'm so glad you're here because Rootmoor is not a tank right now.
You know what I'm not glad about?
15 AC.
Is Cody not reading my little message that I wrote to him that said, please don't hit me?
I didn't hit you.
Oh, you're right.
You did read that.
Yeah, you're welcome.
Thanks.
Well, yeah, but now that Cobalt is...
He's got a shield as he's standing in the spot that said, don't hit me.
Oh, I can't hit him.
Oh, yeah, now you can't hit him.
Damn it.
Come on, Fee.
Sorry.
I can fix this.
Okay, rolling for concealment on the next thing that happens.
Natural 10, that's good.
Two hits.
Okay.
Scarab, does a 21 hit you?
Yes.
Okay.
Because from the smoke, you suddenly see a flask of liquid hurtling towards you through the air as it collides with you and explodes in a gout of flame.
You've just been hit by alchemist's fire.
One moment.
In.
Let's see.
In response.
Can you shoot it out of the air?
On the stack.
That'd be crazy.
Oh, no.
Yeah, it is.
All right.
You will take...
Not too bad.
Two points of fire damage.
One persistent fire damage.
And both you, Monet, and Tricky will take one fire splash damage.
Hot, hot, hot!
And just as you begin to recover from the shock of that explosion, you see a second flask clatter to the floor next to you and explode.
So you, Monet, and Tricky will each take one point of splash damage again.
Ooh.
Oh.
Ah.
Owie.
Oh.
Ouch.
And it is actually the other alchemist's turn.
So, for concealment, that one is a miss.
Shoot.
OK, let's determine some random shit.
The other, huh?
The other what?
Alchemist.
Oh.
Yeah, so this is where we were going to be aiming for again.
And I got a natural three.
We'll just say it's a lost action, so it'll crash somewhere harmlessly in the smoke.
What if it falls at his feet, though?
It's just a lost action.
I was going to maybe...
I mean, if you want to play that way.
I was aiming here, so I was thinking about rolling maybe like a D8 and seeing where it goes.
Because it could fall at his feet.
Maybe he fumbles a little bit and...
OK, so if he was aiming here, let's determine direction, right?
So we'll do a D8 for direction first, with one being at the top, two for diagonal.
Sorry, one being on the money.
Two, three, four, five, six, seven, eight, for which way it goes, right?
That make sense?
Eight directions.
Fee, you were saying fall at the kobold's feet.
That's what you were saying, right?
I just direction in relation to that, because then I'm going to roll a D8 for the distance.
So if I roll low on the distance, then it goes... say I get a one, right?
It'll go one space.
That determines whether or not he accidentally throws it behind him and maybe hits other things.
Hits himself, or if he throws it into the smoke.
Just roll a D8 and a D4.
Yeah.
To see one, two, three, four.
I mean, where you were clicking, it was just around...
This is where it's aimed.
Right on tricky.
So what I was saying, if he was going to be throwing it on accident here, then it might actually hit here, right?
Yeah.
What I want to know is which direction did it go?
Did he accidentally throw it to the right, to the left, behind him, forward?
So that's what the D8 is going to do.
It's going to be on the direction we're going to go clockwise.
Okay.
That's fine.
Got a six, so it's going to go northwest of them.
So from here, it could potentially go like this.
Seeing how far it goes now.
Let's see, that was one, two, three, four, five, seven space away, so I'll do a D8.
Six.
So one, two, three, and it explodes over here, harmlessly in the smoke.
Dummies!
Damn, could have been fun.
Could have been fun.
Well, here's the second one, so who knows?
We'll see if he fails on this one.
That one is a natural one.
Yes!
Nice catch.
Do we do this on non-named?
Yep.
We do, right?
Always crit fails, never, not the...
Gotcha, not cards for...
Yeah, gotcha.
Okay.
That's your rule, because 2E doesn't have like a named thing.
I like the rule.
Fantastic.
As the kobold begins to launch the bomb into the air, you hear a very quiet pop, and he
goes, ah!
My elbow!
He has a minus two to ranged attacks until healed.
Nice!
Oh, cool.
Someone help him!
It's called archers.
I'm on it!
Reborn sprints into the fog.
Into the fray.
Archers elbow.
So, although that is the GM's rule, as far as how we've been playing it in all of our
other campaigns, the red box is for everyone for fumbles, and the green box is just for
named characters.
Yeah, right.
And green box is only on nat 20s.
Gotcha.
Okay.
That means it is Scare of Cern.
We've gone full circle.
Okay.
Well, we've got some friends up close.
What are the odds that I see this little fella that's standing in front of me in the fog?
Apologies.
Something else that happens now that we're at the beginning of a new round.
Beep beep beep.
No.
Don't do it.
Yep.
Yep, of course.
The fog spreads.
Yep.
The smoke continues to billow into the room.
It moves forward another five feet in all directions.
I thought it would shrink.
And now, Scare of...
Yes, I did.
You see that extra double line?
Or maybe you can't because it's partway.
Yeah, I didn't see it right away because of the...
Scare of now that you are starting your turn in the smoke, I need a Fortitude save.
Monet too.
On your turn.
Even if I'm already second, how does...
They can just keep stacking, bro.
Let's see.
17.
Just to make sure it doesn't get worse because they can't stack beyond their original value.
So it's just to make sure if you crit fumbled, then you would go to second two.
I'm second three.
I know you are, but we're checking anyway because if you start to recover like Rootmore has and then it happens to you,
you will always, if you're in the smoke, if you fail, be at second one.
But if you crit, you'll be at second two.
Yeah.
So...
17.
Cool.
Tricky's got a roll too.
Oh, thank you.
Sorry.
Not good.
14.
Exactly.
Enough.
Oh my goodness.
Okay.
Hey, we know the DC.
Wee-dee-bee-me-dee-bop.
I don't even know if it's worth it to retch.
What's my, I guess, my visibility on...
Gosh.
Flat five on the guy next to you.
And it would be the same for the bottle throwers.
The ones in the back are going to be, what was it, five, seven, 11 of the three breakpoints, Bob?
Or is it just five and 11?
Sorry, it's five for concealed, 11 for undetected.
Okay.
I'm trying to think about how this would work mechanically because they are in the smoke and you do know that they're around,
but there's a difference between being in the smoke right next to somebody and somebody that's like,
you know, 20, 30 feet away in the smoke.
So I think that they're going to be not undetected, but unobserved by you.
You know what?
Yeah, but we'll say screw that.
I'm going to go after this guy that's right in front of us.
You could also try to use the seek action again if you wanted to in order to be able to observe them.
Scarra, be sure to pack up so I can get in there.
I'm just going to gamble here.
All right.
First, I'm going to reload.
Yeah, one action, reload.
Second action, fire at this guy right in front of him.
Four concealment.
Five on the die.
Perfect.
To hit.
That's exactly what you needed.
17 to hit.
That is a hit?
Oh, Lord.
Okay.
Yes.
Come on.
Big money.
Terrible.
That's going to be four damage, magical piercing.
Okay.
Four damage.
Got it.
Final action.
Okay.
Use my bullets up real quick.
Final action.
Tricky attack.
Tricky is going to gore the foe in front of us.
Rolling concealment.
That's a nope, but I'm still going to attack.
Wait, how does that work again?
Well, I guess it just wouldn't go, right?
Right, the action is lost.
Tricky's second action, going to try again.
Do I use MAP on this?
Probably.
Yes.
MAP, multiple attack now.
19 for concealment.
Beautiful.
Now to hit.
21 to hit.
That's a hit?
Yes.
Hell yeah.
Wrong bullet.
Hell yeah.
That's going to be 13 damage.
And Tricky impales the kobold, killing him.
Beautiful.
Yeah, Tricky.
And that is the end of my turn.
Just yelling and still ingesting smoke.
Root more.
Root more is going to try to get rid of this last point of Sicket by rolling a 42 save.
Natural 20.
Beautiful.
Throw up.
Baaah!
Throw up, do it.
Throw up right now.
Nobody wants to hear that.
You vomit on your bare feet and splot your way into battle.
Get that sad face off of me.
All right.
Ow.
Sorry, I didn't do what you said.
You can come past me.
That's okay.
That's the thing, even though I'm taking up four squares, it's really like four squares tall because he is still a boar.
Boars are skinny as hell.
You can get through here.
Okay, so in order to hit somebody with range, it's DC 11, right?
Since they're in the smoke.
There we go.
Yes.
Okay, DC 11.
Here we go.
19.
Hitting the one that's right in front of Monet.
Okay, 19.
Go ahead and roll to hit.
So what happens is Rootmore lifts his hammer up and his bag that's right next to where he was sleeping.
A lot of his kebab skewers start flying out of it.
Oh.
Straight towards the cobalt.
Damn it, man.
15 to hit.
Ooh.
That is a miss.
All right.
Flat-footed?
Oh, it's not flat-footed.
Monet's flat-footed.
Scarab tells the other cobalt, hey, pusher.
Damn.
That's it.
Just completely misses.
Ding, ding, ding, ding, ding.
Actually, hold on.
Let me double-check that because I think in the rule of concealment, if you are concealed from a creature that you are flat-footed or off-balance, whatever it's called.
Yeah, right.
Off-guard.
I don't think.
Because it's not like putting the things to practice.
It's not like he would be able to know that they're coming.
So I would think that he would be off-balance to the attack anyway.
I don't know.
The cobalt.
I don't think his AC is effective.
Well, that's just negative thoughts.
I know.
Unless he got them smoke vision goggles.
Because I mean, think of it this way.
Like, you're a character hiding.
Why would your AC be lowered if you're hiding?
You know what I mean?
No, no, sorry.
I'll do it the other way.
Because the reason I'm checking with smoke is that creatures inside the cloud are concealed to those outside the cloud.
But those outside the cloud are also concealed to those inside the cloud.
So if you are concealed to him, he's flat-footed to you.
See?
You're both concealed to each other.
So technically you both should be off-balance, right?
Or off-guard.
That's how I would think of it.
Because if I can't see you attacking me, I'd be off-guard.
I guess so.
And vice versa.
Yeah, I'm going to take your word for it.
That's why I'm trying to double-check.
That's what I was saying.
Because if you see through it, if you're able to find him through concealment and you do an attack at him,
he's not going to have any idea that that's happening, which would be off-guard.
Yeah, which right now they are just hidden to you.
They're not undetected.
So hidden, a creature that's hidden is only barely perceptible.
You know what space that it occupies, but little else.
Perhaps the creature just move behind cover and successfully use the hide action.
Your target might be in a deep fog bank or behind a waterfall where you can see some movement,
but can't determine the exact location.
You are off-guard, minus 2 AC to a hidden creature, but it becomes observed after the attack.
When targeting a hidden creature, before you roll to determine your effect, you must do a DC 11 flat check.
That's what Emma did.
Yes. So I'm not seeing the DC 5 that you were talking about.
DC 5 is for concealed.
Yeah, when you're standing right next to him.
So undetected is 11, concealed is 5.
Okay. That is not on this cheat sheet that I pulled up. That's why I'm confused.
I have that on my liminal because for Monet, concealed is 3 and undetected is 9.
Yeah, okay.
That's right. So it wouldn't be hidden to you unless that creature uses hide while being concealed.
Okay. Okay, so if it is concealed, I don't think you're flat-footed after all. Only if it's hidden.
So I am sorry, a 15 is a miss.
Okay, that's okay. Fair. Rootmore is done.
Probably would have gotten a bonus to their AC because Scarab and Monet are in the way.
Yeah, for partial cover.
Yeah.
You hear more shuffling in the hallway beyond and then it is Monet's turn.
You want me to do a 14?
Please. Give yourself a plus one on that check because you covered your mouth.
That is a 14.
That's a success. Hey.
So natural 3.
This guy to be south of Monet right in front of her is concealed?
Correct. Not hidden.
So she's going to go ahead and try to seek him. Is that okay?
Mm-hmm.
There's a 9, a flat 9.
Why flat? Use your perception bonus.
Yeah, seeking costs an action to find them. The flat check is free.
Oh, you're just trying to hit him?
No, she's trying to seek him.
Okay, then that is an action and it's a perception check against their stealth DC.
Okay, so then that's a 15. If he's concealed, she just needs to get a 3. So that should be a pass.
A 3?
Because of her liminal fleshline.
You're thinking of two different things.
Well, it says here, you gain a plus one circumstance bonus to locate undetected creatures.
So never mind. That was wrong.
Okay.
Well, you're fine. Okay. That's fine.
So you are trying to locate right now. Add a plus one to your perception check because that's what you're doing.
You're trying to locate him with the seek action.
So that is a total of a...
16?
What did I say?
15. So plus one 16.
So I was actually wrong when I said 16 before. It would be a 16, so a 17.
Okay. You can see him. He is observed by you and no longer concealed.
Okay, so she knows exactly where he is.
Yep. So you don't have to do the flat check.
So she will go ahead and... I'm just doing that to be fair because I know I can see him.
Go ahead and right behind him right here, she's going to...
Remember that difficult terrain when moving through the smoke?
She's not going to move.
Okay. I thought you just said that. My bad.
She is going to cast Whirling Grindstone and she's going to summon that Whirling Grindstone directly behind him to the south of him.
Nice. There it is.
Re-summon the Beyblade.
So the way we were doing it before was at the end of her turn, which this would be at the end of her turn.
She would go at... or we would just have the grindstone go. Is that okay still?
Yeah.
Okay. So I'm going to attempt an impulse attack against the AC of said creature.
And the grindstone itself, is it a creature or a construct or...?
It... nope.
It is... let me go ahead and read it to you.
I'm curious of whether or not this thing needs to make a flat check.
Attack composite. Earth impulse kineticist metal primal.
Yeah, it's literally just a spell. She has to sustain it.
So we'll just consider it off of yours. Go ahead and roll to hit. No Concealing.
It's similar to like a holy weapon, whatever that thing is where the weapon just goes.
And you'll go against its flat-footed AC since you're flanking.
So that is a 19.
That is a hit.
Yes.
Okay. That kobold takes 9 slashing and 6 fire damage.
Beautiful. Damn.
15 points of damage.
As your grindstone cuts and burns the creature, it's barely left standing.
You can see, even though you cannot see its face through the makeshift gas mask,
you can kind of gauge its expression has now turned to 1 of 4.
I just like the... you know how you can like... how light is like kind of...
like seeing light through smoke.
Yeah, like an orange-ish glow that's just radiating over the cloud.
So that's what y'all see from outside of the smoke.
It's just like from the sparks coming off of the grindstone.
It's a cool image in my head.
Sweet.
And that is the end of her turn.
Good turn.
Alright, there are going to be several turns happening here at once.
So I'm just going to tell you what you see.
The smoke closest to the door that's spilling into the hallway begins to shift and flutter
as something moves through it, displacing it.
You hear that same shuffling noise again, and before long you can make out the bearish shapes
of something being pushed past the kobold alchemists up to the front of the room.
Oh my god.
Using two of its actions, Monet is suddenly from the smoke next to the creature
you just decimated.
You see another kobold wearing a gas mask.
This one lunges at you with a sharpened spear.
Concealed.
Okay, 18 on the conceal.
And 19.
Can't be a 61.
19 on the hit for a 25 to hit.
Alright.
That is also against your flat footed AC.
I know it still hits, but that is important because it will do extra stuff.
Max damage, 11 points of piercing damage.
That is that one's turn.
And the tunneler next to you begins to flee in terror.
Do you have an attack of opportunity?
I do not.
Opportunity strike.
It will begin to flee.
As it runs to the back of the room, you merely hear a scream.
A kobold scream?
A kobold scream.
We've been forgetting about Edgren and the hunter.
We have been.
I will roll them in.
Kind of you to say we.
It's true.
It was you, Emon.
It was all you.
Kind of you to say we and not put it all on Cody.
No, it's not all on Cody.
It's not a game to run.
I've got a lot of guys going on right now.
I don't know if you know.
That one up there.
That's why I said it was kind of you.
Oh, thank you.
Yeah.
Because a lesser person like myself might put it all on Cody.
You fucked up.
Is it fucked up or is it willingly forgetting?
Who wants to run those guys?
They're useless.
No, Edgren's got a beautiful song.
They're not useless to us.
It's more bodies for the fire.
Get them in here.
The next one will spend two of its actions getting up to you and it will also try to swing.
This is the flat check as it emerges from the smoke 14 on the flat and it hits.
That is a 17 against flat footed.
Oh, my God.
Let's make a major.
Give the shit a little AC.
Yeah, that's awesome.
That's all she got real.
That's it for that one's turn.
We need you right now.
The last thing that will happen.
She's a stone wall.
That is exactly what she is.
Flat check on this.
I think the team is over good.
Actual attack.
Natural one.
Oh, yeah.
Bye bye.
OK, that one's kind of lame.
It provokes reactions as if you use an action.
So we're just going to flavor this one instead.
You see a much like Monet's grindstone light coming through the smoke.
You see a burst of some orange looking flame happening at the back of the room as the cobalt fumbles his fire bomb and drops it onto the ground.
So that will do some annoying shit to my guys.
The one who dropped it will take two points of fire plus a persistent fire damage.
Wow.
Sorry, it was this one.
A fire symbol.
Yeah.
They take two off of him.
OK.
And the one next to him will take one damage.
Actually, both of them will take one splash damage as well.
So are the doors broken down?
Yes.
Eight on the flat check.
Does a 22 hit your flat foot AC?
It does.
OK.
You see.
Finally got hit.
A flask of orange liquid through the air as it collides with you, exploding in a burst of flames.
So that is going to do two points of fire damage.
One persistent fire damage.
One splash damage to you, the cobalt in front of you, and to Tricky and Scarab.
One damage?
Correct.
And then it is the other alchemist's turn.
This one coming at you, Scarab.
12 on the flat.
18 to hit flat footed.
And ranged attack.
I am going to use my Scarabs Gunling to raise his arm into the air and using his one daily use of bracers of missile deflection.
Yes.
He is going to bat that shit away.
Fantastic.
Raising it just enough to do so.
That is awesome.
Yeah.
So it will crash on the floor next to you still and do one damage to you and Monet.
And then it is going to throw another.
One on the flat check so that opportunity is missed.
Beautiful.
OK.
And then I have got one other thing to do.
As the fog begins to billow filling more of the room expanding five feet further inward, you can't help but notice something shifting around in the smoke.
And that is it for this week.
Oh my god.
No!
This, I didn't expect this at all.
Like I thought, yeah, just, I mean it is our fault.
Sleeping in a fucking dungeon, it is our fault.
Yeah, but I locked the door.
I know.
It is still our fault.
It was pretty good.
I mean, like locking the door was good.
Otherwise, you might have just woken up with them all standing over your bed.
This is so bad.
Gross fog.
Stupid.
Oh man.
Fog.
Dumb.
Dumb as hell.
Bye everyone.
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The Cursed Caravan is not published, endorsed or specifically approved by Paizo.
For more information about Paizo Inc. and Paizo products, visit paizo.com.
Cursed Caravan theme music and the beat you're hearing now is written by Matthew.
We would like to thank Michael Guelphi Studios, the world reference for tabletop RPG audio for the music and the ambiance.
Find out more at MichaelGuelphi.com.
Check out their Patreon.
Sorry.
Check out their Patreon and YouTube links in the description.
And also thank you for leaving us comments.
And also don't forget to rate us five stars on your podcast app of choice.
We will read your comments just like we did at the beginning of this episode.
It was fun.
It was fun, right?
It was fun.
Say something to us and we'd love to talk about it.
I mean, of course, as you all know, you've heard it from other people, podcasters, YouTube, whatever.
It helps the algorithm.
But also as far as like our feelings and the work we put into this, it moves mountains.
It makes us feel good and we really appreciate it.
And also if you want to, if you have like a topic you want us to discuss, you can send it at the curse caravan at Gmail dot com.
You have questions or whatever.
We can talk about it.
And the cursed caravan is also on YouTube.
That seems to be reliable.
If for some reason an episode does not appear for you, that's something unfortunately it's out of our control.
But YouTube seems to be working very well.
So just hit us up on YouTube and also send a comment saying, hey, I was able to find it on YouTube, but I couldn't find it on podchaser, Castbox, Spotify, whatever you're using.
Just let us know if it's not working and we'll try to reach out to them to see if we can fix it.
But all of our contact information is in the description.
Thank you for being a traveler on the cursed caravan.
Bye bye.
I had a piece of cheesy bread.
You peed on some cheesy bread.
I peed on cheesy bread.
I had a piece of cheesy bread.