Last time on Crown of the Kobold King, our heroes murdered the dwarven ghouls.
In the room with the ghouls, they found bones and remains of animals locked in a cell.
Scarab recognized one of them to be his missing pig that disappeared with his cart.
He then turned to Pig and realized there was a connection between the two of them.
Scarab then named Pig Tricky.
Plowing ahead with their new halfling companion, Egard Moonrain, the group caught up with the
purple kobold as he was descending deeper into the lava.
After Monet and Tricky shoved some kobolds down the deep shaft to their death, Scarab
and Rootmore jammed the lift so that nothing below could ascend to the surface.
Our heroes then reached level 4.
Our story continues now!
As you stand around the now disabled elevator, heavy air quotes, deciding what your next
move is, what would you like to do?
Check these double doors to the south?
I think so.
Ma'am, what would you like to do at the door, Rootmore?
Let's check for traps.
Twenty-five.
You do not detect any traps, but you can hear from the other side of the door more kobold
speech, the sounds of what sounds like one particular kobold speaking loudly in draconic.
Scarab, come here!
What did they say?
Sorry, they're just things that happened during the level up.
I forgot.
I didn't level up.
Ah!
At all.
Level 4.
Level 4!
Oh my god.
What do you got?
What just happened?
Uh, Pig's large now.
Whoa!
Oh dude, like four square?
Uh, large is, yeah.
He tips over and falls down the pit, plugging it up.
Oh god.
So just all of a sudden, whoop!
That's awesome.
Literally last episode you were saying that you hoped to get to large Pig and now here
you are.
I'd like to play it out differently though.
But.
You know, differently than Pig's just large now.
Yeah, how would you like it?
Do you want to keep him the size he is until you sleep?
Cause that's fine too.
Or he just eats all the dead kobolds.
Turn around and look over your shoulder.
He swallowed all of them.
Yeah, I just wasn't sure if we were, uh, how we're doing level ups.
As far as resting and as far as talking about him.
Or any of that.
If we're doing, you know what I mean.
Yeah.
Uh, as far as...
Emma didn't even know we've leveled up yet.
He knew, he just forgot.
I reminded him already when he was making skitty.
I was busy making skitty!
You know.
I forgot.
Uh, I am fine with everybody getting access to everything when you level up.
Oh thank you.
Spell slots and all.
I know normally people will do, marshals get their stuff and casters don't.
Get the slots or anything like that.
They make the casters weaker, why don't you?
Yeah.
So I'm going to go ahead and allow you access to that.
Just don't refill any of your other spell slots or if you're a, what do you call it,
a non-prepared caster, you don't refresh any of that either.
So.
Yeah.
Scarab's going to hop on the back of Tricky and walk up to the door listening in.
Pig's got a name.
The pig's got a name.
Go ahead and give me a pig based stealth check.
Pig based.
There it is.
Oh.
It's trained in stealth.
Wow.
It's a natural 20.
That's a 28.
Oh my God.
It floats above the ground.
Rootmore, you don't even hear it as this pig slides past you until suddenly it's in front
of you between you and the door.
And with that noise.
Okay.
Scarab now give me a quick perception and see how well you can hear this.
Friggin 28.
Beautiful.
As you press your ear to the stone door, you can hear through the reverberation in the
stone, a distinct cobalt voice that sounds almost like it's preaching to someone or something.
Our king has failed us.
He has experienced failure time and time again.
In his consort, Ragnar, slipped on the dais and poked out his eye with the old crown and
shattered it on the floor.
Even after murdering his 18 siblings, clearing the way for his reign, even with such ease,
could he not fill the shoes of our old king?
I like you have begun to doubt, brothers, I have sought a new leader, someone stronger.
And in my dreams came the red reply.
We all know the pop pop of our king's eye was just the start.
So many of us died when the bald dead speaker came and ran us off.
Our king did not fight.
He led us flight into the sun and we took so long to return.
When the king wanted shiny shiny and sent our bravest into the mines, they were crushed
by collapse.
Another failure.
Now that we have returned, the bald dead speaker is still here, down below.
But the king is too busy.
His plan to make magic up his crown is going to get us even more trouble if we keep snatching
people from the human town.
That's how you get do-gooders in your home.
Now join me, brothers.
Join me in prayer, my acolytes, so that we may make peace with the bones and the shadows,
save ourselves from the king's crown.
Lorcan is the red reply.
Lorcan will lead us to greatness.
Lorcan will protect our souls and if our fragile bodies die, we will be reborn as vampires
or ghosts or vampire ghosts.
Yeah, Scarab is repeating all of this as it's coming in a whispered tone.
I almost feel sorry for them.
Lorcan, red reply.
What is that?
Yeah, knowledge check.
Yeah, religion.
Is there a possible other role?
Don't worry, I got this.
Five, twenty.
Lorcan is an infernal duke, aka a powerful, unique devil.
His other name or alias is known as the red reply and he rules over the revenant court
Malbogil and hell.
He's a lawful evil and you know that he is a his like realm of power as a infernal duke
involve blood, rebirth and undeath.
And you know him particularly that some vampires will pledge themselves signing a contract
with Lorcan in order to preserve their souls should they be shattered.
Fools, fools.
Not even to follow a dragon, but a demon.
What are they thinking?
Kobolds are not to follow otherworldly beings.
Idiots.
I seem desperate.
Even now as you sit here explaining with your comrades, you can hear kind of the low murmured
tones of prayer only able to pick up bits and pieces, but they seem to be praying to
this devil of undeath and asking for Lorcan to offer them great power and to protect them
as a strong leader.
Now's a good time, isn't he?
Yup.
Let's get in there.
Okay.
Scarab, if I may take that position.
Thank you.
Individually walk up to that door and kick the shit open.
Nicely, gently.
Gently kick the shit.
Gently kick your foot forward and with your toes open the door.
The toes unlocking each deadbolt.
Chaching, chaching.
Don't start fighting.
Let me put my boot back on.
You see what appears to have been an old stone chapel of sorts.
There are six pews each with well-worn rests, like knee rests on the ground.
And at the back of the chamber you see a purple kobold, distinctly different from the one
that you chased earlier.
I see that.
Standing on a low dais.
Perched on his shoulder is a rat.
A large rat, especially by his standards, it's easily the size of his head.
Before him are four kobold warriors all knelt in prayer.
And as you kick the shit out of the door and it flies open, the kobold priest or cultist
lowers his hands and stares at you as the others look over their shoulders.
See brothers?
Do-gooders in your home.
Took the words right out of my mouth.
In draconic he speaks out to you.
I didn't understand that, sorry.
Nope.
Shut up.
He gestures towards you.
Welcome, do-goodies.
What can I do for you?
In common?
In draconic.
They also look like true scales, everyone?
Yes.
Four of them appear to be more of the common garden variety, red-scaled, in the same, like,
tattered garb, primitive spears that you've encountered so far.
He is a dark shade of purplish-black.
And he has a purple robe, as well as a ceremonial-looking dagger that is currently sheathed at his side,
and a large white rat that rests on his shoulder and head.
That's funny, I like that.
Big old rat.
What was the demon's name?
Lorcan?
Yeah, Lorcan.
Okay.
Yeah, Scarab is going to step into the room on Pig, showing himself as a cobalt.
Hello!
I am Scarab!
A traveling merchant.
A cobalt?
Like you.
But not of a great clan like the true scales.
But what is this I hear?
Following Lorcan?
Have the great dragons fallen before you?
Hello, Scarab.
I is Kerdramak.
No.
The dragons have not fallen.
But I have heard whispers of greater power in my sleep.
Haley tells me, Haley speaks to powers, resurrection, rebirth.
We could be more.
Too long have we been under the foot of a misguided and worthless king.
Almost seems to spit.
We would rise above true scale, become more than true scale.
True scales once great.
Now led by Coward, obsessed with magic crown.
Right, right.
You know, I heard word of this Coward.
Claiming himself as king.
Scarab is bullshitting.
He is bullshitting.
Claiming himself as king.
I know I said I was a merchant.
He pulls his cloak over a little bit, points at his gun that he's got at his side.
I was actually sent here to kill him.
Do you oppose?
Rule me diplomacy.
Sounds like this guy is trying to start a cult.
That's going to be a 31.
Wow.
Nat 20.
That is a critical success.
Hell yeah.
Yes, finally.
He almost seems in awe of your brazen claim.
Yes, Scarab.
The blood of dragons flows through you well, I see.
Now Kudramak does not oppose.
In fact, I encourage.
Let me, that is to say, if you pay no mind to me and my new found brothers, maybe we
can offer aid.
Information.
Information is good.
But one more thing I overheard, just for the safety of our kind.
Perhaps you can help with this.
The people in Falcon's Hollow are looking for you.
And they found me.
And we need to get this off of our backs, right?
What can you do?
Many of your men we can take and prove that they were being controlled by this evil king.
Hmph.
Any orders written?
Kudramak was only ordered to patrol, here for security to report back.
But we have better things to do.
We do not follow the words of the false kobold king.
If you need proof, why not take village his head?
That was my next thought.
That'll be good enough and I can get it when you point me to him.
Yes, yes.
The king is that way, north, down the hole, when you go down.
But be warned, our elevator is trapped.
Only one of you begins at a time.
Too much weight and you will fall, fall, fall.
And it's a long way down.
That's actually very good information.
Once you get down, go north, take a left, then a right, then a left, then a left.
Merlokrep's throne room.
That easy.
Okay, yeah, great information.
We can do this for you, as long as you give myself and my friends safe passage.
We will not interfere.
You see, brothers, see what Merlokrep's foolishness has brought.
Now his final test.
If we hear they have died, maybe Merlokrep, not bad leader.
But I am fairly certain his incompetence will happen once more.
And when we hear that this place has been cleaned, the world will know his blood was
not dragon.
He shifts his robe.
Come brothers, we will take our leave.
We saw nothing today.
Good luck.
You goodies.
Wow.
Fare thee well.
And they proceed to the west.
Wow, wee.
Very good.
Interesting.
Very nice.
Did anybody write that down?
Right, left, left.
Write what down?
They're speaking in a foul language.
I can't understand.
Oh, I forgot you're all idiots.
Left, right, left, left, right.
I'll check the recording.
Well, we could just wing it.
No, I'll be nice.
So he said when you go down the elevator, go north, then left, then right, then left,
then left.
Okay.
See, I would have taken an extra right and just fallen off the mountain.
He probably would have got there.
If there's no right off of his throne room, I'm not sure.
Okay, down, north, left, right, left, left.
You just would have got there sooner than you thought.
See him and be like, wait a minute, I've got to find you in this room.
I know where you really are.
Down, north, left, right, left, left.
Yeah.
Yep.
Down being the hole, of course.
Which you now know is trapped.
Yeah, that's very good to know.
Crazy.
You would have done it.
What he said, no more than one of you biggins at a time pointing to you, Monet and you,
Routemore.
Finally, someone notices me at medium size.
Anything cool in this chapel?
What's up with that?
Is that an exit?
Yep.
There is a door to the east.
Oh, golly.
I believe, Monet, if you're there and you were to give it a experimental touch, it is
locked.
What's it made out of?
Pull your elements, just pull the door off with your elements.
It is a wooden door.
Singular.
Any of the keys look like they fit if I wiggle the keys on it?
Right, you do have keys.
I know they were jailor's keys for maybe the work on this door.
And we do have a skeleton key motions to Monet.
Yeah, bro, go for it.
Let's see if one of the keys on there is right.
It does.
If you were to cycle through them and test each key, eventually one of them gives a turn
and a soft click.
Hot damn.
Scarab slides the key in, turns it, and Monet explodes the door.
Enjoy that.
The key fits.
Has been more than 10 minutes since I did my earth armor.
When did you do your earth armor?
Before we went into that room to talk to the kobolds.
Just before this room?
Yeah, not 10 minutes.
OK.
Short conversation.
Two minutes tops.
Oh.
This leads to a different map.
Looks like that hallway curbs.
Scarab would want to see which direction those other dudes went.
I'm sure open the door and see that it's the hallway we were already in.
Yeah, you can see the last of them trailing down the hall before turning left and heading
south, presumably up and out.
What do we got over there, Rootmore?
Let's see.
Rootmore goes through the door and looks around the corner.
Oh.
My goodness.
The hallway continues beyond the extent of your dark vision, although you do see about
50 feet ahead or so, it curves off to the right heading west.
All right.
Let's move forward to the next break in the hallway.
Perception in this hall, any weird, you know, scratch marks up and down, any floating skeletons,
any bats and or octopi on the ceiling, dinosaurs, dragons, T-Rex, perhaps.
No, but what you do see from the south appears to be a small dotted trail of blood.
That.
Let's just do this.
Where do you pick your color for this?
Or is it just going to be my color?
Ah, there we go.
Pretty cool.
This is the blood trail of that cobalt when we first entered this area that ran away from
us.
Mm hmm.
So you see that trail of blood coming from the south that seems to veer off to the west
to the set of double doors in front of you.
You can see a small bloody handprint pushed on the door, much like the one you found in
the room with the furnace.
Ah, that one idiot.
He's in here.
OK.
Check for traps.
Yes.
Oh, part of you.
All right.
You know what?
Looks entirely either fine or not fine to me.
You guys do me a favor and one of you keep Edgerton with you.
I give it to everybody so all of you can move in.
Almost.
Just help me keep him around and I'll worry about doing the roles and stuff for him.
Oh yeah.
Twenty one looking for traps.
OK.
Once again, you find no traps on the door, but you do hear something on the other side
of the door.
You hear what sounds like a stifled and quiet sobbing.
This is pitiful.
Oh man, if we open that door and it's a kobold sitting there crying, I'm just going to ruin
my day.
Yes, me too.
You do it.
Fine.
Slowly and awkwardly.
Try to try to meet the harmony with the wailing.
As you swing open the door, you see a large living space.
A grand bed whose frame is made of stone built directly into the floor and wall adorns the
southern wall on the northern wall.
It's a stone desk with a great deal of decoration.
It seems that whoever stayed in this room was someone of decent importance, but strangely
to the southeast corner of the room, there is a large anvil with a crude mechanical arm
holding a large mallet.
Interesting.
Stranger still, sort of slumped over the anvil, is a dwarven skeleton whose head has been
crushed in by said mallet.
It's like a mouse trap for you people.
Yes, it would probably work.
It makes me sad.
What, you want to lay your head down on an anvil?
I kind of do.
Well, he might if we move the other guy's head.
What?
I know how it works.
No, I'm not going to.
Where's the crier?
Jesus Christ, kitty.
She just like jump kick that she like jumped up and then just like shoved it.
Why did you do that?
Looking at a crossways, I guess.
Fucking karate kick.
Kick the shit out of that.
What the hell?
She kicked the skeleton.
Oh my God.
Little asshole.
I don't know where his eyeball went.
His eyeball fell out.
I'm telling you, it probably said some shit to her.
And she just walked by like, yeah, bitch.
She doesn't have the decency to like run away.
No, she just standing there watching.
She meant what she did.
It's no accident.
I'm glad it didn't fall on the ground.
It was shattered.
It's just put it next to it.
She's so cool.
So funny.
Still recording.
Yeah.
Yes.
Yeah.
Scared puts a hot dog on the anvil.
Where did you get that?
Oh, my room.
Sprints towards it.
Sprints licking the anvil furiously.
I want to die happy.
Two of my favorite things.
Hot dogs and cranking it.
Yes.
Where's the whiner?
A bit more steps into the room.
In the northwest portion of the room, you also see the slumped and still corpse of a
kobold.
His head appears to have been partially smashed in.
Jesus.
Who did that?
Smashed in.
There's nobody alive in this room.
Scarev's going to walk backwards to the end of the hall so he can see all vantage points.
Looking over his shoulder every few seconds.
Okay.
He doesn't feel good about this.
No.
Yeah.
Is there are there any other doors in this room?
Yes.
On the western door, you see a western wall northwest corner of the room.
Just in front of the collapsed kobold, you see another door.
Scarev is going to hurriedly run to that door and listen to see if he hears crying.
Scarev will come back into the room.
19 perception.
Dead silence.
This is creepy.
This is really creepy.
Scarev wants to search the desk in the room.
Okay.
He'll hop off Pig to do so.
Rene would like to look under the bed.
As you begin to rifle through this stone desk, not much left intact in the way of paper,
but you do find a worn old biblical text, one that bears the same symbol you've seen
scratched into the doors with the arch and the flame underneath.
It is in Dwarven.
You also see the few crumbling remains of paper that have managed to survive the time
also written in Dwarven.
And one piece of paper that you find seems to be some sort of incomplete work in progress
schematic for some kind of machine, one that resembles very much the anvil in the corner
of the room.
Rute more, get over here.
What is it?
Yeah.
Scarev's going to hand the goods over to Rute more to look over.
Scarev can help with the schematics if it needs any.
Yeah, you guys give me a crafting check.
Oh, and I've got you.
I haven't forgot about you.
Don't worry.
We're just going to do things in order here.
No, I was saying I was saying I don't have crafting.
Oh, sorry.
17.
Sorry, you can't make shit.
19.
Okay, the two of you together are able to figure out that this is meant to be some sort
of design for a automatic hammering anvil.
Where's the joy in that?
An attempted innovation in order to speed production.
The idea is to create an anvil that has a mounted mechanical large maul that can bend
and shape metal.
Rube more among the other notes you are handed, the most recent is of a journal entry that
lists this place as the Abbott's quarters.
On the entry.
So we're just going to light this room up, right?
This is a journal from a dwarven monk by the name of Christogar Ashbreadth, who served
Drosgar unwaveringly even as the cult began to crumble around him.
When the last disciple tried to abandon the crucible, Christogar shattered the trader's
spine with a well placed punch and returned to his quarters to meditate.
To aid in his focus, he began tinkering with one of his latest creations, a metal machine
meant to automate the process of hammering metal.
You can infer that at some point something must have gone wrong or he must not have been
paying as much attention as he should have, as you can now see a dwarven skeleton with
a shattered skull bent over the anvil.
That's probably him.
Oh Abbott, oh poor Abbott, I'm sure you deserved this.
Trying to get someone else to do your toiling.
Silly.
The blood that you drew, Cody, gives Rootmore a perfect mustache where he's standing.
Is it ketchup mustache?
Intentional.
No.
Okay, and Monet, as you begin to look underneath the bed, which side of the bed are you on?
Kind of like right here looking...
So because this bed is built into the stone, the headboard and endboard actually reach
all the way to the ground.
You could look under from the sides though.
Okay, uh yeah, show our erg.
Sorry.
Drawing an arrow.
Yeah yeah, look from this way.
Get down on our hands and knees.
Well.
Yeah, whatever.
Edwin, stay back.
Get off of Edwin.
Get away from the iron.
And his name's not Edwin, it's Ed-Grin.
Ed-Grin.
I thought I had it right this time.
I thought I had it all the time.
He's sad every time.
I thought I had it right that time.
The text is just small enough to where I can't read it.
Ed-Wall.
It looks like Ed-Gwin.
For me it looks like Er-Gain.
Yeah, to me I was gonna say Ed-Grin.
Ed-Grin?
Stop.
I don't know his name anymore.
Yeah, just looking at it, if I really just look at it for a second, it looks like Ed-Grin
to me.
But it's Edwin, right?
No, it's Ed-Grin.
Just call him Ed.
Just call him Ed-Dog.
Ed, stand by the door.
We don't want you getting hurt.
His name's Alphonse, right?
You tricked me.
Ed-Grin, what are you doing here?
Go home.
How did I trick you?
Because you said his name looks like Edwin, or you said the correct name.
Whatever that is.
We've just gone over it like four times.
I know.
But I totally understand.
I said, if I take a second and I look at it, it looks like it says Ed-Grin, because that's
what it says.
I know, that's his real name.
And you tricked me.
I thought, unintentionally you tricked me.
Because I thought, this is how I see it, but it's actually that.
It's understandable.
Ed.
Just Ed.
What a fucking simple name.
I know.
God damn it, man.
Now I know how people feel when they see my name.
What's your name?
M-Head?
Ahmed?
Fucking no, it's not.
Eye-Mead?
I'm going to throw up.
Ooghan, get over here.
But it's Edwin, right?
I'm just going to start calling you Philip.
Whatever you say, Mr. Rootmore.
God damn it.
You're a good man.
I'm terribly sorry.
I'm horrible at names.
You're a good man, Eric.
Ed-Grin, do you always need approval?
Huh?
Monet was under that bed.
I don't know.
I'm a bard, of course I always need approval.
Monet, as you bend down to look underneath the bed, you see a small, quivering mass of
something balled up underneath.
It lets out a tiny little...
There's something under here!
Kill it!
Whatever the mass is begins to unfurl, revealing a tiny form of a small humanoid creature,
sorry, a tiny humanoid creature, with four distinct flapping wings, and its eye flashes
a glowing light as it begins to lunge at you.
Roll for initiative.
Oh, Jesus.
Here we go.
I...
Here we go!
Okay, okay.
Oh my god.
My initiative is shit every time.
Oh.
Shit.
Oh please don't.
No, oh no, no!
I'm gonna go, while we're doing this I'm gonna eat some peanut butter.
Still hungry?
No, I just got hiccups also.
Busting your balls.
Busting.
Would you get root more?
28!
Wow.
That's your best one in a while.
Pretty good.
And for Ed...
24.
Scared?
24 as well.
Nice.
Ed says he'll go first.
You can go first.
Just kidding, it doesn't matter.
Nah, it's fine.
Alright, money?
13!
Hey, that's one better than last time.
Yeah, man.
Very nice.
Somehow miraculously you all stayed in the same order as last time.
Oh, wow.
Alright.
Somebody's gonna be beat up by a fairy.
This could legitimately be pretty bad.
Yeah.
Monet the creature flies into your space, getting right up against you.
So you still have your stone form on?
Sure do.
Nice, you might be alright.
But the tiny jaws of the creature attempt to latch onto a portion of your stone.
See, this natural one.
Nah, you!
Beautiful!
Woohoo!
Get there, red box!
Uh oh.
You're gonna blow it?
Uh oh.
It's time for some red thunder.
That's what I call my dog's dick.
Stop!
It's an energy drink from Aldi.
He's stunned one.
Which means he's out of actions and it is now...
Rootmore's turn.
Monet, what is that?
I don't know!
Rootmore run up ten feet and...
Smash my name with a hammer at this thing.
Vicious strike.
What do I have now?
Plus eleven to hit, I like it.
How does that work when attacking a creature that occupies your analyze space?
You just gotta pull his punch a little bit.
And still, just don't follow through with your swing.
Yeah, I don't think it's...
I don't think it's that complicated, you just have to be within five feet of it.
Okay.
It's a...
It just seems really weird, I'm gonna squish a hammer against this thing in Monet's face,
but her face will be fine.
Well he could be swinging, instead of like swinging at her, he could be swinging from
left to right.
Rootmore just graze her.
Yeah, I feel you.
Alright.
Uh...
Twenty-one to hit.
Oh yeah, that's it.
Oh neat.
It's disorienting when you're holding a plastic die and a metal die, trying to roll them in
your hand, because the plastic die goes flying out of your hand.
Hell yeah.
Because you're compensating.
Uh, twelve...
Twelve bludgeoning.
Slam it to the ground!
Who are you?
After attacking.
We know where priorities lie.
I know.
Stupid.
Should've spoke first.
It's okay.
Uh, after you fucking slam it with a hammer and then ask for its name, because manners
are your duty, uh, you get no response.
Instead it just calls back with that same like wailing cry.
I feel bad.
Maybe it's just scared.
Anything else?
Oh no, that was his turn, sorry.
Okay.
Yeah, one action to move, two actions for the vicious streak.
Up next is a...
Hold still Mr. Mone!
I'm gonna launch a rock right at it!
Mr. Mone!
Begins slinging his, uh, swinging his sling above his head and lets a rock fly in your
direction.
Nady seventeen.
Okay.
Oh, beautiful.
For a twenty-four to hit is a hit.
Damage... three damage!
And...
I need a...
You just did it man, you just made that sound.
You did it.
Right, right, right.
Uh, for his other actions he's going to cast Telekinetic Projectile and pick up the same
bullet he just threw and try to sling it back.
Nice.
But it misses.
Killing Mone.
Uh, scare up your girl.
Damn.
Uh, is it still on Mone's spot?
Correct.
That's pretty cool.
Yes sir.
Ew, yuck, yuck!
That's gross yuck!
Get it, pig!
Uh, sorry, Tricky!
Uh, Tricky turns back, snorts, runs at Mone, tackles Mone to the ground!
Yuck!
Uh, Tricky, Tricky is going to run forward and swing away with its tusks.
Uh, twenty-one to hit.
Twenty-one is a hit.
Yes!
Okay, that's going to be ten piercing damage.
Uh, as you swat the creature with your tusks it falls lifeless to the ground.
Oh, thank goodness.
I didn't want to have to fire my gun!
Hell yeah.
So much for questions.
That's alright.
Well, we're going to talk to this little thing crying.
Yuck, what is it?
I don't know.
Uh, maybe I can roll a check on it.
Yeah, can I do a knowledge check on this?
Well, as you bend down to examine the creature, something strange begins to happen.
Uh oh.
Even though the creature's lifeless body lays there motionless, you still hear...
No.
And you see something translucent and wispy begin to float out of the creature's body,
like some form of small spirit that rises up into the air of the room and begins to swirl around just all the while...
I'd like to catch it.
Before you see it whiz over to that strange hammer-like device on the anvil, which then slowly begins to activate.
You hear the revving of some kind of mechanical engine as the hammer begins to swing down, clanging,
shattering the remains of the bones on top of it as the thing begins to clink to life and move towards you.
Roll for initiative.
Go!
Oh, god damn.
Here we go.
Can I still get my...
Here we go.
My knowledge?
Yeah, I'll still give you the free knowledge check, don't worry.
But let's get the initiatives out of the way foist.
This is like Jesus fighting a cross.
Or a loaf of bread, I don't know.
And fish!
Oh.
Oh, no.
Sam.
Maybe we should shove it over and it'll clink on its side.
What'd you get, Rue Moore?
Fifteen.
Ed got a twenty-one.
Oh, very good, Ed.
Scarab.
Twenty-three.
Twenty-three!
Monet.
Eight.
Of course.
No!
Worse and worse.
Wait.
What's your perception?
Plus seven.
Really?
How?
Bro, I have no idea.
What is perception, wisdom?
Wisdom, yeah.
Is your wisdom zip?
No.
I mean, my will save is plus eight.
Yeah, that's what I feel.
So you must be like an expert in your will save or something.
Yeah, because like, even Ed gets a plus eight at level two.
That's perception, anyway.
I mean, look, her athletics is eleven.
Acrobatics, ten.
You know?
Arcana, six.
Nature, seven.
Occultism, six.
It's just, and like, all of her saves, Fortitude, ten, Reflex, eleven, will nine, actually,
now.
You just can't see.
I just can't see?
I can't talk.
It's not a way of your surroundings.
I don't know what's going on, but I can be very strong and fast about it.
I can be strong?
You point me in a direction and I'll do something.
Oh, hell yeah.
That's it.
What is all we need?
Ed's fucked.
Don't say that.
He's over there by himself.
He's gonna die.
He's so sad about it.
He told him to stand there for safety.
You did this to Ed?
No.
You killed him.
Rootmore!
What did you do?
I can't believe you've done this.
Okay, this is not an accurate representation, but believe it or not, there is not an automatic
anvil token.
Or many pictures.
Oh, no shit.
I typed in automatic anvil, showed me a picture of an AK-47.
Just get some industrial press or something.
Just grab me a magic looking anvil.
Just get the Terminator.
That's a cool picture, Cody.
Yeah.
As the strange anvil begins boring to life, you see its base begin to split from the floor,
acting almost as makeshift legs, and it slowly begins to walk over as the large hammer above
it clangs on it repeatedly.
The arm begins to flail wildly as it approaches Ed, swinging out at him with the giant maul.
Ed Gruin!
Ed Song Lookout!
And Ed gets hit.
Oh, no.
Four.
Fourteen points of bludgeoning damage.
Jesus Christ!
No!
Fuck.
Level two, that's half.
That's half, at least.
So long, Ed, it was good to know you!
Don't say that, Scurump!
Oh, what, you didn't like him?
Yes, I like him a lot.
He's dead either way!
No, he's not.
Save him!
The hammer wildly whips through the air, first uppercutting underneath our poor friend Ed,
catching him in the gut, lifting him off the ground before it whips back and over to try
to slam down on top of his head.
Use your thing that makes him soot.
My brother in Torag.
I can't.
It's a focus spell, and we didn't spend ten minutes.
And Ed is unconscious and dying.
Oh.
As he takes eleven points of damage.
No!
Let me put one of these symbols on him.
See, we got a little woo-woo-woo type symbol.
Yep.
Scarab.
First thing's first, ten paces, bing-boom.
I'm gonna move to the back of the room, away from the thing.
I am not sure how much I'm gonna be able to do here.
Let's find out!
Scarab fires at the animate object!
Twenty...
Seven to hit!
I was gonna...
Matt threw back his arms exactly as Emon hit the explosion.
God damn it.
I wish that that could have been recorded.
That would have been such a good give.
Twenty-seven is a hit.
Okay.
Very good.
Beautiful.
Ten to hit.
Beautiful.
Ten damage piercing.
Scarab is going to reload his weapon and call forth.
Tricky attack!
Tricky's gonna run across the room, flanking the beast with Edwin's body.
I'm kidding.
Tricky's gonna run 30 feet to the door and attempt to gore the anvil.
I still haven't gotten my...
Yes, I will get to you after this.
Scarab, something else you know, when you shoot at the anvil, you see the bullet clearly ricochet off of its steel surface, though it does leave a chip.
If anything I forgot, right now it may matter, it is magical for the purposes of damage reduction.
Gotcha.
The bullets are.
This won't be if it hits.
Eleven!
No.
Twelve to hit!
That is a miss.
Pig does nothing.
That's Scarab's turn.
I just liked the attempt to gore the anvil.
Metal begins pouring out of the anvil.
You slowly start realizing what you're saying.
Oh, I knew what I was saying.
Monet, go ahead and do that free knowledge check real quick.
I know how useless I am in this fight.
What is it?
On the corpse...
Slam your sword against the anvil, that'll break it.
On the corpse of the tiny creature, it would be either crafting or arcana.
Okay, how is...
M?
How do you feel about a 15?
You know enough to know that this is a homunculus.
Oh.
It's a homunculus!
A...
Essentially a construct made of flesh.
Incapable of speech, but with a spark of life, usually used as an assistant to some form of craftsman or enchantress.
I say all that.
Cool, I don't feel bad.
I do. For Edgrin!
Oh, yes, yes.
Who?
It is Edgrin's turn.
And he lies there.
Lazy!
Let me see, so he would spend...
Did you move him right before the end, though?
In initiative?
No, I didn't.
Mr. Smart Guy.
Mr. Smart Guy!
Edgrin doesn't get to turn this turn, then.
Rootmore!
Rootmore sees Edgar get smashed.
And he casts...
Edgar?
And he casts...
Stabilize.
You are no longer dying, my friend.
Was that genuine?
Edgrin.
I felt like it was.
I don't normally have to roll with it.
I'm trying to save Ed's life.
We're gonna let it go. It'll just be funny every time.
Earl Grey, can you stand?
Ed.
He casts Stabilize.
And he does.
I almost continued talking and I just stopped.
I don't want to fuck it up.
Yeah, that's me. All the time, every day.
It's just, look.
I'm not trying to give you a hard time. I am.
But it's literally just because...
It's very funny.
I had said it not even like ten seconds before you did.
I know.
I think what's fucking me up is that...
The way I see it, zoomed in as much as possible.
It looks like Edgrin.
Are you able to label tokens?
Yes, you can.
Like put text on it?
But let me do my last action.
Sorry.
I have it there, but I guess you can't see.
Scarab!
Save Ed!
Cast Guidance on Scarab.
Thank you. I'll do my best.
I got this.
Hey, bub.
We need him.
Ed, if you don't get up, I'm going to shoot your ass.
Well, I put a plate on him, but you can't see it, I guess.
Freaking dang.
It's fine. It's fine.
Okay, I can just click on Settings and I see the name Edgrin.
Edgrin?
There should be a little nameplate checkbox there.
But I checked it and it shows me the nameplate.
Which I guess is great, so I don't forget his name, but I'm not having trouble with this.
Interesting.
Did you have anything else you wanted to do after Stabilize?
Stabilize, then he casts Guidance on Scarab.
Okay, and it is Monet's turn next.
Monet.
You see, you click on the green circle.
Instead of typing a number value, I just typed his name.
Oh, I got you.
I see that.
It's kind of cool. It's still small.
Monet will move up to the anvil and flank it with turkey.
With turkey?
With turkey.
Why are you...
Because it went out of order.
I was doing something.
Hold on.
Is it not my turn?
No, it is.
There you go, now click on it.
Oh, beautiful!
But I typed it before and it's not in the same order it's displayed.
Oh no.
So his name was like...
His name was...what was it?
His name was like...
Inedgrin?
Gredin or something like that.
Ingrid?
That's going to confuse him.
Oh, Ingrid.
I'm sorry. Monet, for your turn, what are you doing?
Monet steps up next to the anvil, flanking with turkey.
With turkey.
Okay.
And she will do a two action elemental blast.
What'd you get?
It rolled so much.
A 12.
Shit.
That's a miss.
And that's it, that's your turn.
Ed's turn.
Ed is going to spend one of his resolve to get back his...
No, sorry.
So if you stabilize him, he still has to spend one to stand up, right?
He goes back to 1 HP and stands up?
Yeah, stabilizing just stops him from dying, but he's still unconscious.
But if you spend a resolve, you get 1 HP.
Yeah, okay.
So he does so and he gets 1 HP.
And then he's going to stand up.
Oh boy.
Run!
Oh boy.
And he's going to go ahead and cast Telekinetic Projectile on some of the bones in the corner of the room and fling them at the anvil.
Natural 1.
Oh my.
Okay, so like...
You're going to blow up.
I get it, I do.
But I thought he was going to run away if he was in big trouble.
Yeah.
I can't undo the natural 1.
Sorry.
Also, if I had rolled a natural 20 instead, would you have stood the same thing?
Well, I did yell run before you rolled.
When he was unconscious.
When he went up to 1 HP, I said, run!
Gotcha.
And the whole game, Mr. Monet swings at the owl.
I mean, it's fine.
God damn it, I told him not to be a hero!
So he raises his hand and it begins to glow as he starts to cast Telekinetic Projectile.
But something goes very, very wrong.
And you see the light leave his hands and instead surround the anvil.
And the anvil seemingly blinks out of existence.
What?
Your target becomes invisible until the end of its next turn or it uses a hostile action.
Oh cool.
You can still hear the loud clanging of the hammer in the room, but you can no longer see the flailing arm and hammer.
Wow, he defeated it.
Good job, Hedrick.
Bad news.
Good job, Patrick.
That was pretty bad.
I clicked on it in force.
Let's just go ahead and do this.
Cool.
Great.
So we're out of initiative.
No.
Rootmoor will rest for 20 minutes.
No, and in fact you hear the clanging seemingly get closer to you.
Wait, doesn't he have one more action?
Stand up, two to cast.
Oh, you wanted him to die.
Yeah, clang, clang.
You can also hear scraping on concrete, Rootmoor, as something seems to stop somewhere around you.
The clanging is so loud it's hard to pinpoint it before you hear a woof.
That's great.
Are you doing that?
25 to hit.
Oh, jeez.
Yes, it does hit.
He's going to use his reaction, his shield block reaction.
I apologize.
I said 25.
I actually, that is a 27 total.
Still going to use the reaction.
Okay.
It still hits.
It's just going to negate his five damage.
Gotcha.
So you hear the wishing of this thing swinging through the air and instinctively you raise your shield.
Just in time to feel a colossal force collide with your shield, slamming your arm into your head for 13 points of bludgeoning damage.
Okay.
So your shield takes the 13 and then, or no, sorry, reduces it by the hardness and then you both take the remainder, right?
Yes.
And as it does collide with you, it suddenly blinks back into visibility.
It would be awesome if it was still over by it.
As it has taken a hostile action.
And then at you, Scarab, the arm whips around and swings.
Oh, one second.
I might.
Oh, no.
Just.
Okay.
It might not even hit.
That is a 18 to hit.
Oh, yes.
Okay.
Scarab, it's your go.
Go away.
This is not good.
Yeah, I'm going to fire at this dude right in front of me.
So what happens?
We're going to use a we're going to use a PP.
Good.
And you have guidance and guidance.
Natural 20.
Yes, finally.
Let's see.
That's not going to work.
Find one that you like.
Yes.
One that says kill the target.
Quintuple damage.
No, it doesn't work either.
Let me roll damage and then see what happens.
Make it work.
You pull from the back.
I can't make it sick or make it bleed.
That could have a cold.
It's just magic.
Magic's weird.
Yeah, I've drawn three cards in a row that aren't going to do anything.
So it's OK.
Yeah, I'll take my I'll take my big damage and see if it does anything.
Yeah, don't forget to up your damage and all that big gun crit.
OK, I'm fucking up on how many die I should be rolling from my my fatal by words of this.
I normally have two damage die.
It gives me another one.
So that would be three on our crits.
Am I adding anymore?
Am I just doing your three die?
You're wait.
So normally your gun has two because it has striking.
Right.
Yes.
So you're going to do four double damage on an extra and then the extra.
And then you're extra fatal.
Yes.
And yeah, that's geez.
Yeah, it's a lot.
You're doing like 40 10, right?
Plus one to 12 or something.
No, they're all just 10.
So five to 10 damage.
No, that's not terrible.
Twenty two piercing damage.
Coach could have should have would have been a lot more, but half is fine.
And that and I mean, if this anvil could bleed, if this anvil could be sick for like
three days, it totally would.
This thing would be throwing up right now if it wasn't an anvil.
Let me tell you.
Something happened with that cartridge in your gun that as soon as it shot left the
barrel of your gun glowing hot, a trail of smoke coming out of it and the
projectile rips a chunk out of that anvil.
And you feel like you did such catastrophic damage to it that it might be even easier
now to hit that machine.
Oh, beautiful.
Week spot opened up, boys.
Yet again, Scarab will reload his weapon and call upon Tricky.
Tricky will then run and gore the gore the stranger.
The stranger thing.
16 to hit.
Off guard.
Because you blasted a hole in the thing, a 16 isn't a hit.
Beautiful.
Beautiful boys, beautiful boys.
It's going to be 11 piercing.
11 pig damage.
That's it.
You hear whatever mechanical engine propelling this thing begin to sputter and pop and the
arm flails around more wildly than before, sparks starting to shoot out of it.
And it is Rootmore's turn.
Abomination created by lazy dwarves.
Let us vicious swing this stupid shit.
Bring the real hammer down on this bitch.
Fuck.
15 to hit.
That's a hit exactly.
Oh, Jesus.
Ever since the dwarves started using spirits, we're all losing our jobs.
We're taking our droves.
Shutting down another factory.
We took our jobs.
14 hammer damage.
Swing.
What else you got?
Let's go again.
Bring the hammer down again.
Minus 10 plus one to this roll.
14 to hit.
That is a miss.
Just missed.
That is it for Rootmore.
You should put your hammer in the way of its hammer so it like cracks itself.
Crack yourself.
It breaks your hammer.
Send reverberations throughout the whole complex.
All right, Monet, you're up.
Monet.
Will, step up.
And do another two action dealy-doo.
This time summoning down a rain of stones on top of it for bludgeoning damage.
23 to hit.
That's a hit.
Yes.
Yes, distract it.
Make arrowheads.
Quickly get away.
Nine damage.
Whoa.
Just enough to crack the anvil into as it flops to the ground motionless once more.
Yay.
Once again, you hear.
A thin whisp comes up from the anvil and slowly dissipates into nothing.
Scared of fires.
Stop, stop, stop.
Ew, so yuck.
I wonder if that little guy was possessed or.
And that's it for today.
Hell yeah.
Matt, did you get the, I sent it to you on Discord.
I don't, I, I don't, I don't want to.
I don't even know if I have Discord on here so that would, somebody else read it today.
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Awesome, Karen.
Thanks, Karen.
Love ya.
Love you.
Thank you for being a traveler on the Cursed Caravan.
Bye.
Goodbye.
You got any vibes you want me to put on or something?
Yeah, give me...I don't know, something intense but mysterious.
Play some Aerosmith.
I'll give you a minute, don't worry.
I tried to forget you.
I cried since I met you.
Man in the mirror.
Or maybe some Blink-182.
No, if it's mine, I want it to be some sleep token.
I don't know sleep token.
I was joking.
But I don't want Aerosmith or Blink-182.
No.
Maybe some Limp Bizkit.
No.
Nope.
You don't want to break stuff, right?
Just one of those days.
Location.
Library.
So if there's a setting for calm but intense.
You know what I like to groove to?
Some Michael McDonald.
I want truly some Yacht Rock.
This is the library.
Shut the fuck up.
This is my dream.
Get the fuck out of here.
No, I said this is the library.
Shut the fuck up.