Last time on Crown of the Kobold King, our heroes arrived at Falcon's Hollow with the
head of the Warg.
After speaking to the Sheriff and earning a free night at the Sitting Duck, they bed
down for much needed rest.
Scarab is then awakened by an angry mob of townsfolk busting through his door and stealing
him from his bed.
The mob drags him outside while Monet and Rootmore do their best to free him.
Scarab is then tied to a stake and is about to be burned alive, being accused of murdering
the town butcher.
Payday approached and saw himself as judge and jury and seemed to be enjoying it.
Monet was seeing red and Rootmore lied to cover Scarab.
Sheriff Belson then stepped forward and offered his life if the party does not find proof
that Scarab is innocent.
Our story continues now.
You find yourself standing on the precipice of this stairwell that descends deeper into
the darkness.
Once again you hear these faint sounds of dripping water, scurrying, faint whispers.
What would you like to do?
There's still dogs in here.
Perception for traps going down the stairway.
Alicia is my translator.
Twenty-two.
Twenty-seven from Scarab.
Good.
Nineteen.
For Monet.
Scarab will be going down the stairs on the back of Pig, by the way.
Okay.
He's hopped onto Pig.
As you make your way down the stairwell, it's about twenty to thirty feet down in a straight
line before it comes to a landing and then veers off to the right.
On the landing, however, is a wooden structure of some kind.
It seems to have been built up on either side of the wall with a makeshift banner hanging
over the top made of wood and other scrap pieces.
This sign, as you see it, is marked in a blood-like lettering that reads,
True Scales, the wood itself is cracked, splintered in a mishmash of pieces gathered from who
knows where, adorned with small skulls, bones and other tidbits.
Scarab, as you look at this signpost, you note a large slab of wood making up the banner
seems to be splintered and has the beginnings of a familiar word branded underneath the
blood lettering.
It says A-R-W-I and then underneath that, the beginnings of armaments.
No.
Scarab falls to his knees.
You immediately recognize this as a piece of your cart.
What's the matter?
His head hangs really low.
So low.
Very low.
What is it?
It's okay.
We found them.
I'm gonna have to build a new cart.
I mean there will be time for that later.
I don't understand.
My life's work.
Hung from the ceiling.
Well the stuff may be down here.
Find another spot in the ceiling and hang me.
Don't be silly.
Come on.
Stand up.
Okay, enough groveling.
Where's my shit?
Sorry.
Cut that.
Cursing too early in the podcast.
After you're right from the landing, further down, the staircase seems to descend another
twenty or so feet before the room below gives off a soft reddish glow.
From it, listening into the darkness among the skittering and water drop, you hear the
quiet sounds of light draconic arguing.
Shhh.
Hold.
I hear demons.
No, it's just stinky, stupid, true scales.
Keep yourself quiet.
They can hear you?
They know these halls more than we do.
What do they say?
Scarab takes a plain sheet of paper.
Folds it into a cone shape and holds it against his ear.
Go ahead and roll me a perception check.
Twenty-four.
How ingenuitive.
He's so smart.
From down below, you can make out the barest sounds of his grumps cocked, his rump, his
ruzz.
And then you hear a loud crash as something hits the ground, followed by several angry
screams before something barks in draconic at the others.
Watch it, you clumsy oaf.
Pick up the corners.
Pick it up.
We need to get it back.
They'll have our heads.
Of course.
They argue.
We can catch them by surprise.
Or we can be quiet until they leave, but they are down there.
And they won't be ready for us.
What do you think?
I wonder if this is the only way in or out.
Well, try the well.
I thought maybe the well could lead us further in, but nothing.
We'll have to wait.
I'm not sure.
Maybe the well could lead us further in, but nothing.
You say we just go in there?
Catch them by surprise.
Yeah.
Weapons ready, they take no prisoners.
We should keep one alive, though.
To prove to the townsfolk that you didn't commit the murder.
Fair.
But if he looks at you wrong, kill him.
Sure.
Twist his neck.
Snap it.
Remember.
The scarabs are in our hands right now.
Oh yeah, that guy.
Of course.
We need that town.
Be careful.
Be quiet.
I'm sure it'll be fine.
Yeah, Scarab's got his weapon readied.
Uh, so now I will, as we enter, I will check for traps again, crafty creatures.
Fourteen.
You see no traps, but you do note that the moisture dripping from the walls has left
the stairwell a little slick.
Best to watch your footing.
Slippery.
It's just grease pouring out of your pockets.
The peeing on the stairwell is nasty.
Alright, I will proceed down the stairs.
With caution.
Down the stairs.
Scarab will...
Nah, we're good.
We'll stay on pig.
Just thinking about hopping off, but screw it.
I don't know how sneaky our whole party is, but probably not too sneaky.
Rootmore is making noise.
Yeah, so he can't help it.
We're good.
Go ahead and roll me some stealth checks as you make your way to the bottom of the stairs.
Eight.
Nice and easy, very quiet.
Sixteen.
Failure.
What'd you get?
I went ahead and I rolled for pig and scarab and pig got an 11, scarab got a 10.
Damn.
And you're good at stuff, right?
Yeah.
It's the bad roll.
Terrible roll.
Roll by it.
Screens changing.
We're going down, down.
Why?
Darkness.
Should be towards the bottom of a revealed section.
There you are.
It is.
Yes.
As you make your way to the opening in this large rectangular chamber, you take note of
a large black obelisk in the middle, something that resembles some form of dwarven statue
in the likeness of a dwarf that has been chipped away and worn at.
You can see the culprits.
Four kobolds are huddled at the base of the statue, three of them struggling to lift a
large reflective slab of this obsidian-like stone, while the other one in a haughty attitude
barks orders at the other three, blaming them for their incompetence.
The room itself seems to have intricate dwarven carvings all along the walls, and on the rightmost
section of the room you can see the source of that reddish glow coming from a door, a
jar.
It eels into the room as its only source, bathing everything in an almost eerily demonic-looking
glow.
As the rest of you make your way to the base of the stairs, Rootmore's foot slips on the
last step, causing a loud squeaking noise and all of the kobolds turn.
They hiss immediately as three of them drop the slab on the ground, causing the other
to whip around in anger and shout at them once more, before all of them draw their slings.
Roll for initiative.
Here we go.
Put that down!
Does it belong to you?
Here we go.
Fuck.
You sound like a good person to ask first.
What'd you get?
Twelve.
Monet.
Thirteen.
And Scarab.
Twenty-four.
Beautiful.
Monet, you can use stealth for yours if it's higher.
It is not.
Okay.
I should actually offer the same to all of you.
Even if you failed, if you would like to, you can use stealth instead of perception if
it is higher for you.
That would make my roll a negative one if I did.
Yeah, let's go with that.
That's pretty good.
Yeah.
Makes sense.
You select rolling initiative and the negatives.
No, I don't want to.
I'll take my twelve.
I would like to go first.
Man, you're about to be disappointed.
Is that how this game works?
In fact, I think you're going last.
Oh, damn it.
What's your bonus?
Plus ten.
All right, not last.
You see each of these kobolds draw from their side a sling with a bullet that they begin
to whirl above their heads, but Scarab, you are fast to react.
As you see them draw their weapons, you make a move.
Okay, first things first.
We're going to run, what's it called again?
Sideways.
Oh, right.
Ten paces.
So first off, we're going to run ten feet to the right of the entryway we came from.
I'm going to do a good old fashioned gunshot on that kobold closest to me, to me and Pace.
Shoot him.
Kill it.
Heck yeah.
Okay, I think this is going to...
Twenty-four to hit.
That's a hit.
That's going to be two piercing damage.
Hell yeah.
Good damage, dude.
That's so...
Morph.
Hell yeah.
Two?
That's more than one.
Two.
That's more than one.
I'm going to reload and fire again.
Turtle.
Actually, no.
Screw that.
We're talking about actual intelligent beings here.
Reckon Tors reload.
Fire the one shot, hit the guy for one.
And then, or for two damage on that same guy.
Scarab's gonna point past him to the fellow behind him
and to the fellow he just shot, say,
oh, I'm sorry, friend, I was aiming for him behind you.
I'm going, that is going to be a,
I'm creating diversion, so, a deception check.
Oh, we're all friends.
It's good.
I was aiming at him behind you with a 21 deception.
Now the kobold in front turns around
to look at the one behind him
and that one in turn looks at him
and they both shrug at each other.
You succeed.
Okay, so I've created a version.
Sorry, what was your total again?
21.
21, yes, success.
Okay, so now he is flat-footed to the second shot
coming at the back of his head.
Oof.
What's a negative one plus 10?
Does a nine hit?
It does not.
Damn, I missed!
I missed that guy after I totally tricked him!
That's Scarab's turn.
The kobold behind the one that you just shot at
is enraged by your deception
and he lets his sling fly as a bullet flies your way.
Not great.
How's a seven treat you?
Now here's a thing.
Since I'm riding on Pig,
you aiming for Scarab exclusively.
Okay.
And what'd you roll?
Seven.
That misses.
Okay.
Oh no.
Close.
Damn close.
8AC.
He drops another stone into his sling
and begins swinging to fling it at you again.
You're not gonna hit me, idiot!
And he doesn't.
Ha ha!
Second stone shatters against the wall behind you
before the one in front of him turns back around
after your deception and also begins firing at you.
What did you do with my goods?
Natural one.
Oh my god.
Oh!
There it falls!
Oh!
You're gonna blow it.
Very good, very good.
Those cursed die-em I've got Cody are really working out.
Before recording, Cody was just rolling
big time on those things.
Ah, you were rolling outside of the box.
Maybe that's it.
Maybe you have to roll outside of the box for them to work.
Okay.
They worked in mine.
Or maybe I have a little contraption right now.
Hidden switch.
I'm manipulating his dice.
Mm-hmm, mm-hmm.
That's why the computer was magnetic.
Yes!
First thing, a lot of things the listeners
don't understand, sorry.
Cody's laptop has a magnetic connection
to where he closes his laptop.
It stays shut.
It doesn't matter, man.
Nothing to be confused.
This is cursed caravan lore.
Look, they can find out by subscribing to our Patreon.
Jesus.
It doesn't exist yet.
But if that got you excited, let us know in the comments
and we'll make a Patreon.
Please, please help us.
Help.
Help us.
Help!
The bullet from his sling collides with the ceiling
above him and explodes, showering all of them
in small debris.
This confuses the kobold and he becomes enraged
at what he perceives to be his party's incompetence.
He turns around to slap the kobold behind him
for his insolence.
Yes!
Wow.
That's a good roll.
I have sown Discord!
Speaking of Discord, we just started a Discord channel.
I don't know how it works, but.
Leave a comment.
We will find out how it works
and if anybody else knows how to invite people
and all that jibber jabber, let me know.
Press like.
We're all.
He slaps his companion for one point of bludgeoning damage.
Yes. Very nice.
Slowly but surely they will all die.
And for his last action, he reloads his sling.
The kobold to his right, then will fire at Rootmoor.
That kobold will move 15 feet to the right,
pushing past his quarreling companions
before firing off a shot, which then will be for an 18.
Yes, it's a miss.
It whizzes high over your shoulder,
exploding on the back wall again
before the kobold reloads.
And it is Monet's turn.
So Monet will hunker down and let out a shout
and cover herself in stones.
Her entire body is just covered in rocks.
Yeah.
Yep.
She rocked up.
And she will.
She just got bricked up.
Bricked up.
Rock out with the frock out.
Brick shithouse.
That's what my mother used to say.
She's mighty mighty.
She's letting it all hang out.
She will move forward
and this high pitched ringing sound
bounces through the room as she clasps her hands together
as if she was holding a weapon
as small bits of metal form into a halberd in her hands.
Sick.
What the hell?
Yeah, I know.
Cool character.
What are you gonna do with it?
She's gonna slap this guy.
Just slap him across the face with the flat end.
With reach.
The confused kobold in front.
Oh my God.
That's boy nice.
Yeah, man, I need to read this character more
because I didn't realize I could do that.
That's awesome.
It's also a free action.
Dude, nice.
Like, we all need to read more on this character
to make sure I'm not just making shit up.
Everybody, we really need to come together
and do Felucia's homework.
Everybody help me.
Well, I'm fine with this one.
We can call this one cannon.
This is fine.
Okay, so weapon fusion, free action.
With a signature flare,
you shape blast of elemental power
into the form of a weapon such as a sword or a whirling,
sorry, a sword of whirling wind or a bow that shoots flames
and your next action,
if your next action is an elemental blast,
which it could have been,
choose a weapon for it to take,
or weapon shape for it to take.
You can choose, so it's not gonna stay.
You can choose to change the blast's damage
to bludgeoning, piercing, or slashing.
In this case, it will be slashing,
whichever suits the weapon's shape.
You can choose other alterations
depending on whether you make a melee or ranged blast.
Melee, add one of the following traits of your choice.
Agile, backswing, forceful, reach, sweep, range.
Choose one of the three options.
Range, increment, 100 feet,
and the volu, 30 feet trait,
range, increment, 50 feet, and propulsive trait,
or range, increment, 20 feet, and the thrown trait.
Beautiful, okay.
And it's a free action, so.
So go ahead and make a roll for elemental blast.
Kill him.
That is a 25 to hit.
Big hit.
Because he's flat-footed, that is a critical hit.
Hell yeah.
Jesus.
Okay.
Yes, finally.
So acting as an elemental blast,
Monet, so she slashes into this guy.
For 11 damage, as she swings this halberd into him,
it bursts into particles of metal,
and then she will pull a hand back,
and throw another burst at him of fire.
Why not?
That is a 17 to hit.
This is all part of the same attack?
No, this is a second attack.
Oh, well your first attack did 11 damage, yeah?
Yeah, your halberd splits him in two.
Oh, damn, okay.
Hot damn.
So if you would like to redirect your other attack
to another, you are welcome to do so.
Yeah, so.
But the one in front of you
crumples into a lifeless mass on the floor.
She will go after this one,
with a ranged elemental blast.
And a 17 is a hit.
Good lord.
No, I'm so sorry.
Nope.
Oh, wait, wait, wait, yeah.
Because the other one was a free action.
So move, free action, form, hit, blast.
Well, free action to make the weapon,
but it's if your next attack were to be a.
You know what, yeah, nevermind.
Nope, we're done, sorry.
Someone said it'll just explode
after slicing that guy in half
into fragments of metal as she reaches back her hand.
Rude Mori.
Torag time.
Use more.
It's Torag time.
That is.
Is it difficult terrain?
Yes, only difficult terrain.
Okay, so let me see.
So that's.
Does it cost the penalty
when you go into difficult terrain?
Moving through it makes it double.
So no, it was only five to get in it.
Moving again will be 10 more for 15.
And then moving again through that will be 25.
That's as far as Rude Mori can go
because he only has 20 movement speed.
Let me double check.
Yes, only 20 movement speed.
I was hoping to get one space closer.
Well, I can.
Just won't be able to do a power attack.
You could take an alternate path
that leaves you standing on where the kobold is
if you were to have gone.
I would like to go right here.
This is, I would like to be adjacent to both of them.
So I'll spend the extra action.
Be adjacent to both and just do a regular old
hammer attack on the kobold to the north.
Kobold to the north.
What is that number?
Oh, okay, it's a 10.
19 to hit.
That's a hit.
Oh, good.
For four bludgeoning damage.
You hear a sickening crack
as the kobold lurches backwards,
blood pouring from his nose,
but he staggers back into place, still standing.
Ha ha, that's it for Rude Mori's turn.
This is a good enough spot.
That one that you just smashed.
The scarab will scream out,
good shot, Rude Mori, keep that one alive.
Oh, good idea.
You hear that, friend?
It's your lucky day.
Sheps him a little bit.
Ha ha ha.
Idiot.
Pushes a big meaty finger into his shoulder.
Cheer up, pal.
Oh, yeah, Cody, which one is the one
that looked like it was a leader, telling them what to do?
The dead one.
Ah, the dead one, okay.
The one that you just cracked with your hammer
is the one that goes next.
And you see a look of fear overcome his face
before a snarl of rage forms on his lips.
He makes a hurried retreat.
He will spend an action while adjacent to an enemy,
and he will stride up to his speed plus five feet,
gaining a plus two against the enemy.
Against reactions triggered by this movement.
And he has to end in a space that is not occupied,
so he is going to move here.
Okay, so he gets a plus two to my reactive strike.
Ha ha ha.
Oops.
The die just flew out of my hand.
I didn't mean it to do that.
19 to hit again.
19 hits.
Oh, fantastic.
Seven bludgeoning damage.
Hope it doesn't kill him because I didn't do non-lethal.
Well, it does in fact.
As he turns to slip past you, he's not quick enough,
and with a backswing of your hammer,
you catch him on the base of his skull,
and he slides onto the floor dead.
It's totally fine.
Just save one of the other ones.
I've got words.
It's hard keeping these alive,
as he looks at the other kobolds.
Who's next?
Scarab's next.
He looks at the other kobolds, including Scarab.
Who's next?
Any of these guys purple?
None of them resemble the kobold that ran from you earlier.
Yeah, Scarab is going to spend an action
to call upon his pig to move,
and they're going to run 5, 15, 20.
Let me make sure I got his movement correct.
Yeah, you're gonna move 35 feet to be,
to sandwich the remaining two kobolds
between Rootmoor, Pig, and Scarab.
With Pig's next action, he's going to gore
the kobold in front of him.
Very nice.
Not kobold number two.
Kobold number two's coming down.
10 to hit.
That's a miss.
That'll be a miss.
Scarab's gonna reload his weapon
and fire at the kobold in front of him.
24 to hit.
That's a hit.
Okay, that's gonna be four piercing damage on that fool.
Very good.
Your shot rips through his shoulder,
the one swinging the sling above his head
and his arm falls limp at his side,
begins breathing heavily.
He's gravely wounded.
Good to know.
Maybe we'll keep this one alive.
Good idea.
That is Scarab's turn.
Of the two surviving kobolds,
one turns to the other, fear in his eyes,
and he calls out in draconic.
Who speaks draconic here?
Scarab.
Okay, Scarab, you hear him say,
Flee!
Better to lose our heads than not.
I don't know.
Get out of here, we gotta go!
They're trying to run away!
And in draconic, Scarab says,
Don't run away, I know what you're saying!
Don't run away!
They proceed to run.
So number four goes first.
I believe that gives you an attack.
No, I used it already.
So it immediately bolts through the door,
leaving its swinging clothes behind him,
the room that has the red glow emanating from it.
The other will immediately bolt.
Look at them run, this is a fun game.
Which way do we chase them?
They run different ways.
What are attacks of opportunity called?
Reactive strike.
Reactive strikes.
So we are slowly going to get into the remastered edition.
Super exciting.
No more alignment.
That's probably what I'm excited about the most.
And Paizo getting the monkey off their back.
Hell yeah, Paizo.
I know, interesting times.
The kobolds scatter and you are out of initiative.
Ah, well Scarab.
Dammit, they're getting away.
Ah, they have nowhere to run little babies.
Which way do you want to kill them first?
This is exciting, I'm glad I'm here.
Well, let's see what these fools had on them.
Scarab would like to check over the leader one.
The leader of the bunch.
I found a dead kobold.
Nobody got hit, right?
No.
No?
Very good, very good.
Should probably skedaddle soon, right?
Because Monet, your stone shape.
Yes, it won't last for very long.
Okay.
On each of the kobold bodies,
you find several small flat sheets
of this obsidian metal in small polished disks.
You find their spears.
In shoddy condition, they are just regular spears.
You find four slings and 18 sling bullets apiece.
One thing I learned, if something's shoddy,
you can't get any money for it.
Well, Scarab would take one of them slings
unless one of you guys is into slinging rocks.
Oh no, not at all, actually.
As you go through their ammo pouches,
you see that several of these,
the bullets that they're using appear to be made
of similar pieces of this chipped obsidian.
Huh, yeah, definitely want to take that obsidian too.
The only thing that stands out odd
among the collected rocks they have,
as well as the large slab behind you that they had dropped,
these are obviously far too large to be used as bullets.
And while the rock itself is pretty,
it is somewhat fragile to the touch.
Doesn't break immediately,
but you feel if you give it enough force,
you could crack it.
Seems to be a rather poor quality stone.
Though it is nice, shiny, and matte,
though it is nice, shiny, and reflective.
Very nice.
I enjoy a good rock every now and then.
I wonder what they're doing with this.
It is very pretty.
Let's go catch one and ask.
Induitably.
Yeah, I say Scarab would follow them into the next room,
checking for traps.
One went north, one went east.
Um, the one that I,
that was gravely wounded went east.
East?
I believe.
Yes.
The one that was next to Scarab.
So we'll go to the doorway, check for traps.
Yeah, we're checking for traps.
27.
20.
15.
No, actually 18, my bad.
You do not detect any traps on the door.
However, you do note an intense feeling of heat
emanating from the door behind this orangish glow.
If you were to gingerly touch the handle of the door,
you would feel it is fairly hot.
Ah, is there a forge in here?
Either a forge or a dragon.
Rootmore throws the door open.
Oh boy!
You find yourself standing before a large stone chamber,
circular in nature.
It has a deep pit filled with molten slag
and sizzling blood that casts a hellish red gleam
on the walls.
Above this strange crucible of offering,
you find three vents that the smoke billowing from below
seems to matriculate up into.
Oh, okay.
I'm sorry, is that blood?
I don't know.
Smells like it.
Any?
Scarab will make that kobold his prey.
He will hunt prey on the kobold that he's tracking
and attempt to gain,
attempt to see where he is if he's not visible now.
Okay, roll me a,
let's say perception to see if he can follow tracks.
Rootmore, your presumption that this might be a forge
seems to be correct,
for on the opposite side of this pit of slag and blood
is a workstation.
Oh!
Yes.
Sorry.
I step into the darkness.
I was like, yeah, open your fucking eyes.
Oh.
It's a pit of fire.
The aforementioned vents hang about 20 feet above this pit.
Oh.
Rootmore walks in.
You note that the air is oppressively hot
and has a thick tinge of ash in the air.
Oh my gosh.
Oh, but Cody, it's 16 to follow tracks
or to pick up tracks or something.
They do whatever I wanna do.
I would be looking for blood on the ground.
You do, in fact, see small droplets of blood
as well as in the fine layer of dust and ash on the floor,
you can see the telltale signs of scaly gobl,
or not gobl, scaly kobold feet
that seem to patter towards the northern door.
Look at that fire.
Rootmore starts putting a hot dog on one of his skewers.
Now's not the time for that, Rootmore.
Are you sure?
Toss the hot dog into the fire!
It's a waste of a fire.
Rootmore!
Toss it into the fire!
Toss the hot dog, Rootmore!
No. There's blood sizzling
on the coals.
Rootmore, no!
I mean, you can do what you want,
but I won't be having any of it.
My precious.
And why should I?
He's precious to me.
Yes, I'll take a step closer
and start grilling a hot dog.
Yeah.
Scarab will sneakily follow the footprints in the room.
And Rene will follow behind Scarab sneakily.
Okay.
The two of you make your way towards the northern door,
which you can see a bloodied kobold handprint
on the handle.
Rootmore, two things you notice.
One, it doesn't seem that there is,
by the fine layer of dust around this forge,
that there's been anybody maintaining it.
So it seems strange that it should still be running.
Second thing you note is that all of the smoke produced
by this hot slag below seems to be filtering up
towards these vents, which is strange,
considering you would think the sheer amount
that they produce would fill the room with smoke.
Yet that doesn't seem to be the case.
Oh, this is magical.
I would like to detect magic.
Yeah, you can give me a identify magic check.
Oh, fantastic.
Would that be arcana, religion?
Give me, I believe you can do either.
I'll do religion.
God damn it.
It's a natural one for a nine.
You think it must be just a clever design.
Pretty cool.
Strange, you think we'd see smoke billowing
when we approach the area.
You do see, as you look up into these vents
where the smoke billows, the barest sign of movement.
Ah, something's here.
From these narrow tubes above,
a long sickly creature wriggles out.
Oh, I'm reloading, I'm reloading.
You can't say I'm not.
No, no, no, no, ew, yuck, what is it?
It's a long slimy body descends before it flaps
wildly to and fro from the bottom of the tube
before flinging itself next to you
on the edge of the crucible root more.
And it looks like a long slimy worm
whose face ends in spread tentacles
with a squid-like beak.
Roll for initiative.
Oh God, please.
This is what you get for cooking hot dogs on blood.
But maybe he just wants a hot dog.
Ah, these rolls are horrible.
Not cooking hot dog on blood, cooking it on the fire.
Oh, Monet, better out than in, I guess.
Oh, Monet, oh, Monet.
Nothing to worry about here.
Was that him saying oh, Monet?
I said, well, Monet.
Oh.
What the bloody hell?
It's like a worm with a crazy open mouth.
Oh, is there a picture?
Yes, it's right next to me, scarab.
Look at it, what are you doing?
What size is it?
You don't need a picture, it's right here in front of you.
It's one of those creepy circle mouths.
It's like a big butt worm.
Yep, scarab, what'd you get?
21.
Monet.
17.
Huh, Rootmore.
14.
This thing has been eating the smoke,
that's why the smoke, we never saw it.
That's why the smoke, we never saw it.
Sorry, I'm panicking, this is a giant worm thing
trying to eat my butthole right now.
So maybe, I'm not the smartest,
but maybe killing this would be bad.
Keep it alive, ask it questions.
Give feed it hot dogs.
Show it your butt.
Keep it satiated.
Rootmore starts taking his clothes off frantically.
The creature lands next to you
with a sickening squelching noise.
As it collides with the concrete below you
before its worm-like form rears back
and it whips its head in your direction.
It's two hooked tendrils from its face slapping at you.
No!
I fought these in Dark Souls 3.
22 to hit.
That's a hit.
Ow.
13 points of slashing damage as one of the hooked ends
of this creature's tendrils slices through your skin.
Ah!
Rootmore!
Ah!
This sucks!
Come in!
I need hot dogs!
The second tendril whips right behind it.
Oh no.
17 to hit.
Oh, that's a miss.
Nice.
You're able to bat the second one away,
but the creature's mouth moves in
and its beak gives a sickening clack as it goes to bite.
Gross, stop it!
How'd you hit it away?
Oh, just backhand.
Yucky!
Please!
As the creature moves in for a bite,
you hold your arm up,
holding back its writhing, wormy body
and its mouth clacks in front of your face multiple times.
Ah!
Scarab.
Got a feeling it's not a fan of piercing damage.
Yep.
Pig, we need to help Rootmore!
He's gonna call upon Pig to run
to the back of this creature,
flanking it with Rootmore.
Pig is going to make a tusk strike.
20 to hit.
20 hits exactly.
Oh, frick yeah.
I apologize, it gets its flat footed AC.
It is definitely a hit.
Okay.
Oh yeah.
That is gonna be seven piercing damage.
Ah, stop it!
Stop it!
I'm not saying stop it, I'm saying stop it.
I know it sounds similar.
I need to make myself clear as I'm dying.
Then upon the back of the pig,
Scarab is gonna fire his gun.
13 to hit.
Miss.
Oh, I'm so sorry, I forgot, I got that upgrade.
That's going to be a 15 to hit.
Still a miss.
Nice.
The worm's writhing body is hard to pin down.
And as it's entangled with Rootmore,
you're also trying not to hit him,
but its writhing mask moves out of the way
last second as you pop off the shot.
Let me just fire my gun at the ground.
Yeah, one good thing about this game
is that it's a good old fashioned reload,
that's the end of my turn.
This is so gross!
Stop!
I'll have everyone know I have been counting bullets.
Rootmore, you're up.
Oh!
I think he sheathed his hammer
because I said he pulled out a skewer
and he was cooking hot dogs.
Can you use it?
Roll the hit with a hot dog.
Can you use it as a distraction?
Roll to feed hot dog.
In fact, he raises his skewer
and two more skewers levitate out of his pocket.
And all three of them go flying into this creature.
What is this?
Jesus Christ.
This is called needle darts.
Oh my God.
You shape needles out of a piece of metal
in your possession and send them flying
in a tight group towards one target.
Make a spell attack roll against the target's AC.
The needles deal 3d4 piercing damage
and might cause bleeding.
Now this is a spell and I'm within melee,
so it can attack him if it has reactive strike.
It is flat-footed though.
Can you AOO if you're flat-footed?
You are not using a move action, correct?
Well, casting.
It doesn't have AOO,
as long as it is not specifically a move action.
It's manipulate.
Which is not a move action, so you are fine.
Okay.
Oh, hell yeah.
21 to hit.
That's a hit.
Oh, fantastic.
That was one of the ones I could take with my kineticist.
Oh yeah, needle darts.
I saw that and I was like, skewers, of course.
I almost took that one.
So two skewers and the one with the hot dog
go down this creature's throat.
Yummy.
Oh, fuck yeah.
For eight piercing damage.
Hot dog heals for 1d6.
Beautiful.
The creature lets out a sickening squelching noise
as black eiker flies from its mouth hole at your stabbing
and it sprays across your face.
Its mouth hole.
Gross!
Anything else?
He'll draw his war hammer and that's it.
Oh, and those needles, they come flying back out
and back into his pocket.
That's so cool.
Barbecue mancer.
It's neat because it actually says that in the spell.
It says all the needles are made of the same metal
and the metal returns to you after the attack.
It's too bad you don't bake.
You could be a pyromancer.
Pyro.
Pie?
Pie.
I was like, what's a pyro?
Too bad you don't fuck pies.
You could be a pyromancer.
Ooh, girl.
Is that blueberry?
I'm gonna fuck that pie.
As you reach to draw your weapon,
one of the tendrils on the side of the worm
lashes out at your arm.
Oh shit.
Stop.
Oh shit.
That's a 23 to hit.
That's a hit.
It's been so long since I've had a key lime pie.
I would love a key lime pie.
Or lemon orange.
Now is not the time.
I just want something citrus.
Well, our friend's dying and he's the meat guy.
So we're gonna have to find somebody else.
Maybe.
Find a baker.
Maximum damage.
14 points of damage.
Stop.
So that's one stamina, 13 health.
The hook.
Oh.
The hook digs between a chink in your armor.
Clawing into your wrist,
it stops you from drawing your weapon.
Oh shit.
Is that a critical? Your action has been interrupted.
Was it a critical?
No.
Unless it's a special creature thing.
It is a special ability known as gripping tentacle.
The trigger is a creature in the Grix reach
uses a move action or leaves a square
during a move action it's using.
Effect, the Grix makes a tentacle strike
against the target.
If the attack, oh sorry, you're right.
If the attack is a critical hit
and the trigger was a move action,
it disrupts the action.
So you still manage to draw your weapon.
But as you do it lashes at your arm.
Clawing away at you.
Okay.
Thank you for correcting that.
I'm sorry, I read it twice.
Wrong, twice.
You're good, man.
You're good.
Rude boy!
Still, things are not looking good.
Monet.
Hi, I realized how I've been cheating.
So Monet will,
kind of like an air of magic will,
an aura of magic will circle around her
as she channels energy,
channels her elements.
That's, she needs to do that.
To use her impulse.
Oh, so she's dead.
Yeah.
Okay, well.
I'll just go.
We'll see you next time guys
while Felicia rolls up into the character.
All right, see you later.
Hope it's a baker.
It's just one action.
I'm not sure.
So that's the thing that she's been forgetting to do.
So yeah.
It's kind of like hunt prey for a ranger
to use its impulse.
Yeah.
Okay.
So she channels her elements
and she will then,
would I be able to attack over Pig?
Probably not because he's medium now, right?
He's medium.
They probably stand around five, six feet.
They do a little cover bonus.
Probably stands at five and a half feet
with scarab on back.
Yeah, so as she channels her elements,
she has rocks and little particles
of metal floating around her.
Maybe you like channel the natural elements in the room,
drawing some of the molten slag
out of the forge itself to swirl around you.
Oh, that's neat.
Mm-hmm.
And she will call forth some of those
like molten bits of metal
and shards of metal in the air
and fire them at?
Rootmore.
At Rootmore, yeah.
No, Rootmore!
Rootmore!
No, at this worm.
Scarab fires at Rootmore.
Just remember, not if, but when I go down,
I have healer's tools in my pocket.
So?
Scarab fires at Rootmore.
Good luck getting past the skewers.
That's a nine to hit.
Come on.
No, that is a critical miss.
That is the end of her turn.
Shit.
Dang.
That be.
That have a be sometimes, you know what I mean?
It is the Grix's turn.
The creature has you in its sights, Rootmore,
so it will begin by trying to bite you.
Here we go.
17 to hit.
Oh, it's a miss.
And it will try again.
It's, again, that beak just snapping in your face
over and over again,
trying to pinch off its pound of flesh.
Maybe the second snap will be less effective.
17.
Oh, thank goodness.
Gah!
And it is so engrossed in this
that it will do a third bite.
And again, just that black eiker oozing out of its mouth
as it snaps at you, just clack, clack, clack,
trying to bite you.
It is Scarab's turn.
We may have a chance at this.
You're not gonna die today, yet.
Rootmore, I'm talking about you, Rootmore.
Oh, good.
I want you to know that you're my friend.
I love you.
Scarab is going to fire away at this beast
with a 16 to hit.
That is a miss.
Scarab will reload.
Pig while I'm reloading, attack!
Pig is going to swing with its gnarly tusk.
Big boy, big boy.
20 to hit.
That's gonna be eight piercing.
Eight piercing damage.
Beautiful, your tusks puncture this slimy worm body
and more of that black eiker ooze just drips
from its now punctured flesh.
Again, again!
The pig continues to thrash.
Not good, 15 to hit.
The second swing does not connect.
Good try, pig.
That is it for Scarab's turn.
Rudy!
Oh, here comes the hammer, you nasty creep.
You creep!
Power attack.
Fuck a duck!
14 to hit.
It does not connect.
Damn, damn, damn.
Goof!
Guffaw!
Yeah, look what a...
Ah!
Don't run away.
Ah!
Don't run away.
Oh, fool.
Can you drink a potion, RuPaul, please?
Oh, he touches himself.
Ah!
He's going to cast heal on himself for one action,
which I hate using one action.
The heal spells, it's only a D8.
I hate talking to you.
D8.
Talking to the worm.
It might be...
The whole time, just clack, clack, clack, clack.
I hate it.
You're wasting my time.
You know what?
Can I use my PowerPoint to reroll my attack?
I'll take it.
Fantastic, thank you.
Yeah, roll again for that hammer.
Trying again with a power attack.
We're not going to miss this time.
I've got a plus nine to hit, it's fine.
Natural one.
No!
Fine!
We'll take that token every now and then.
Uh-oh.
God.
You're going to blow it.
Can I...
Well, wait.
Backswing, you deal the attacks normal damage to yourself
instead of the target.
Goodbye.
Jesus Christ.
Goodbye, everybody, that's 2d10.
Can I use a token given to me to lower,
to give him disadvantage on his attack roll,
or on his damage roll, or not?
I'll take that.
I'll roll your damage die twice and take the lowest of,
what are you doing, 2d8?
Yes, 2d8, or 2d10 plus two.
So roll your 2d10, get the total,
then roll again and take the lower of the two.
It's 12 bludgeoning for the first roll.
Four, five, six, seven for the second roll,
which is exactly how much HP I have.
As you raise your hammering arm to...
God damn it.
I render righteous judgment on this worm.
Its body rise and bucks and a tentacle slaps your elbow,
forcing the hammer back into your own head,
knocking you stunned, right?
When you hit zero exactly, you're just stunned,
so you're not unconscious.
I don't think so.
I don't remember how zero exactly works.
And here, let's take a second here.
I think that's first edition.
While we're taking a second,
I have a question for all of my good friends and pals
in this room with me.
Would anyone like a saladito?
What's that?
The salted plums.
I'm okay, thank you.
That's what my friend Rootmorpid Blitz.
I'm okay, thank you.
He's gonna get eaten whole.
I'm dying, I'm not in the mood for candy right now.
He's gonna get...
I appreciate it.
He's gonna get swallowed.
Emon's gonna get swallowed whole again.
Yeah.
No!
Okay.
Um.
There's gotta be a way out.
Yeah, no, you are unconscious.
Yeah.
The worm's writhing thrashing
forces the hammer into your own forehead,
rendering you unconscious.
Boom, boing.
You collapse to the floor
and the heavy weight of the worm falls on top of you
as it begins moving in to bite.
It's not going to yet, it's just what's happening.
Terrible.
This is falling.
I have heroes still in my pocket.
You be.
Directly before the turn in which you were reduced to zero.
So you move up in initiative, you are now before Scarab.
Which does not.
I'm before the creature.
It moves you in...
I think.
Okay, let me double check
because it's not the creature that knocked you out.
You knocked you out.
So it says you immediately move in your initiative position
to directly before the turn in which you were reduced to zero.
In which case, you will go before Scarab,
who was before you.
Right, they didn't roll rules for idiots like me.
Well, for additional things like doing, you know, fun cards.
Fun cards, air quotes.
This is so fun.
I'm so, ah, so engaged.
Damn.
You are at zero HP, you are knocked out.
You will do a,
you'll do your Stamina Dealing John on your next turn.
Yes.
And thank you Almighty Cody for letting me do the whole thing.
It was fun.
Yeah, thank you.
It's just, I knew he had the power to kill himself outright
and I just don't want that again.
I'm always...
I mean, I rolled exactly, I rolled a four and a one
and then my plus two bonus on the attack, exactly seven.
That's exactly as much as you need to be able to do.
Rootmore just turns, looks at Monet.
Jog!
Run!
No!
Okay.
Stop!
I'm sorry.
The trauma of returns.
Bonks himself in the forehead.
He sees a bunch of Colonel Cobcorns running around his eyes.
Monet, it is your turn.
You see Rootmore fall and you see the worm moving in
to get its meal.
Now, look, here's a question I have.
Can I step over Rootmore and straddle him
and like to protect him?
I am taller than him.
You know, like just kind of like step over his body,
stand there and attack this worm.
You cannot end your turn in a space occupied
and he's not dead.
Can you...
You could try to...
Could you shove?
Yeah, shove or pull?
Yeah, you could try to move him out of the way.
Displace him, take his place.
Or try to displace the worm,
if you have anything that'll let you do that.
You shove your hand in the worm's mouth.
Fill a chest with hundreds of books
and drop it on the worm's head.
I'd like to grapple the worm.
Okay.
So, it is an athletics check against the targets
of 4-2 DC.
4-2 DC, okay.
All right.
Are you...
Do you feel like you have a chance?
I have a plus seven to my athletics.
Cause lest we forget, I was gonna say,
I was gonna...
I forget about our PPs that we hold.
Okay, here's what I wanna do.
Here's what I wanna do this turn.
I want to attack it and then attempt to grapple it.
That's what I wanna do.
That's what you have to do, right?
Is that a two-way ruling where you need to make a strike
and then a grapple?
No, you can grab whenever you want.
But it's an attack action to do the grapple.
Yes.
So the grapple...
Unless it has the flourish trait, I believe.
Or no, I'm sorry.
Let me look at...
Sometimes there are grapples that need an attack
to happen first.
Correct.
And it's a free grab.
There is a trait.
Can't just Google grab.
That doesn't do anything for me.
Why is it under creature abilities?
Yeah, sorry.
Just as the attack trait.
So you can do it right off the rip.
So it has MAP, right?
Yes, it does because it is the attack trait.
So, okay.
Okay, okay.
So could I grapple it and then shove it?
Like grapple it to pull it away from Rootmore
and then shove it?
You could also just start with a shove, no?
I guess, yeah.
Can I try to shove it in the fire?
That's something I thought of at the very beginning
and then I just forgot.
That's the thing.
Is it raised or is it just a straight up pit?
It's like a pit.
Okay, sick, yeah.
And it's about, I believe, 15 feet down.
Do it.
This guy's not holding anything we need.
Not that I can tell unless it's inside him.
Frick it.
Yeah, roll for it.
Okay.
And the Athletics against its Fortitude DC
handed me a PP.
Handed you a PP.
Oh, yes.
Did you spit on it first for good luck?
You've gotta be fucking kidding me.
Did you just?
I rolled two natural ones.
Oh my God.
What is happening?
That's rough.
Yeah, I mean.
One per roll.
Yeah.
Yeah, I can't.
That's so shittily unfortunate.
Well, but I mean, what are you gonna do?
Grab yourself?
Critical failure, you lose your balance and fall prone.
Yeah.
Okay, so one action.
You can use another action to stand.
This makes sense.
I'm gonna try to go for it.
One action to stand.
This makes sense.
Your hands move into this wriggling mass
of this worm flesh and it just rides in such a way.
It's black eikers been spilling out from the gore from pig
and your foot just slips from underneath you and you fall.
Two, such a fucking waste of a PP, God damn.
What are you gonna do?
That's how I feel too.
My PP killed me.
Your PP was a natural one as well.
So then.
Then.
The dire wolf was too much?
In frustration on the ground,
she's gonna kind of like scramble toward knees
and all of those elements like swirling around her
are going to gather and culminate
to this mass in front of her.
And she is going to do a two action elemental blast.
So flavor knees not standing, right?
Not still prompt.
Yeah, just like.
No, I just had to clarify.
You're good.
Is there a role for this?
Yes, there is a role for this.
You will take my daily PP from you.
You would take my PP.
I'll just set this.
It might be at a minus two since you're prone.
Is it making?
I know melee attacks are.
Are you doing a melee or a range?
I don't know.
I'm doing a melee.
What is it?
Okay, minus two.
That is a 21 to hit.
21 is a hit.
Oh God.
Roll to 17.
What am I doing?
Elemental blast.
I don't know, but a hit.
Yeah.
Okay, that is 13 damage as all of these shards of metal,
like glowing hot metal from coming from this forge,
all form in front of her and then point forward
as they vibrate with energy and shoot into it.
Like a molten lance.
What kind of damage?
Slashing.
Okay.
Oh, it's dead.
It's gotta be dead.
It's only 13 damage.
13 damage.
It took a few hits though.
It took like eight or nine.
You see.
Boop.
God damn it.
Sorry, Cody.
You said 13, correct?
Sorry, just double checking.
One three, one three.
Okay.
You see as your molten spear connects
with this creature's wriggling hide,
that it almost seems to repel the slashing nature of it
for a moment before it gives
and the magical nature of your attack
slices through the creature.
It writhes in pain and a spray of black goo
coats you from your position on the ground.
The worm's writhing body turns in your direction
and it begins wriggling towards you.
Okay.
Okay, that's something.
That's good.
And it is its turn.
It took a lot of damage.
I have my stone armor, my earth armor on.
I have a 21 AC.
Nice.
As it rides in your direction,
its flapping tentacles whip at you.
The clawed hooks on their ends
attempting to rend your flesh.
Natural one.
Yeah!
Bitch!
Slime!
Worm!
And the creature's frenzy.
Its clawed hook goes wild and slashes at its own body.
Hell yeah, it does.
That is...
Oh my God.
The creature moves with such fury
that as its tendril whips around,
it slices at its own skin,
eviscerating itself,
its black guts spilling onto the floor.
It lets out an unearthly screech
as it falls to the floor, flopping, dead.
Yeah!
Oh my God!
Yeah!
The war killed itself.
Rootmore took himself out.
This worm killed itself.
This is a very suicidal podcast.
The card I drew.
That's why I am accursed.
The card I drew was you critically hit yourself
with your attack.
The creature rolled 2d8 plus 12 for a total of 18 damage.
Oh yeah.
It has resist five to physical,
but still only had nine HP left and died.
Dude.
Beautiful.
Thank goodness.
Rootmore, what do you need?
Healer's soul is in his back pocket.
Monet will...
I have a plus two in medicine.
I don't know if you're better.
Let me find out.
Well, whose turn is it?
Yours.
I have a plus one.
Okay, so I can either roll to stabilize
or take or spend a resolve to stabilize.
I don't think I've, I don't have we used resolve?
I don't think I have.
No, no, cause we rested.
We came straight here.
So none of us have used any.
If you guys don't have good medicine, I'll just use it.
I just got potions, but you know.
Yeah, sim sim.
Nothing, nothing awesome.
Yeah, Rootmore will use a resolve
and which brings him to one HP and then he wakes up.
It also grants you the wounded condition.
Yes.
Rootmore, you got bootstraps?
Wounded bootstraps?
I just woke up sleepy.
Everything was hurting for a second.
The room slowly begins to fill with a horrible smell
as the black blood oozes over the edge
and into the forge, filling the already sickly metallic air
with a burning smell of some kind of other worldly rot.
We're not in initiative anymore, right?
No, you are fine.
And you don't feel any adverse effects to it.
It just is a horrible sensation
as a finish to a horrible encounter.
Yiki.
With a scan of the room
and what's not been overtaken by smoke yet,
any interesting stuff in here?
Funny you mention it.
The room is not overtaken by smoke.
It still seems like the smoke is funneling itself
almost impossibly into these small vents.
Okay, so that worm enjoyed being in here
but wasn't the root necessary for this smegger to go?
Unless there's another worm.
Could be.
Just then.
But anything interesting?
Well, while you're doing that,
the Ruhmohr's gonna heal himself with a heal spell.
Actually, no, he's going to...
Like any strange molds
that molten obsidian might fit into.
No, doesn't seem to be anything really of interest
in this room, aside from this strange unmanned forge.
Though if you want to, you could roll a check
on the obsidian that you've gathered if you wanna,
I don't know, try to figure out what the deal is with that.
I would be curious considering we're in this room.
Yeah, go ahead and give me a...
Crafting?
Yeah.
14.
It seems like these shards all come from
that obsidian statue in the last room.
You recall when you would gaze on them for a moment
that it seemed to be like a large statue
of a dwarf of some kind, some prominence.
And the base of the statue,
as well as the legs of the dwarf,
had been chipped and chiseled away.
So it seems like they've maybe been coming back to
and harvesting bits from this.
You're not really sure why.
You saw some of it was being used as ammunition,
but you remember in your fight that the bullets
were exploding on the walls and ceiling,
but not in any kind of threatening capacity.
So it's not very good ammunition.
There's other reasons for this.
Then yeah, if that were the case,
that it was solely for ammunition,
then why do they have these large polished discs
of this stuff on them?
And what's the deal with the big slab
they were trying to take?
Did anyone write down obsidian?
I will.
Because I do have a feeling this will have import.
If we have 10 minutes,
Rootmore's gonna perform a medicine check on himself.
Yeah.
I just wanna make sure we're safe in this room.
So if it feels okay, then.
Yeah, for all intents and purposes,
you don't see anything else wriggling out of the vents.
Our children aren't gonna be bored
and with extra limbs for being in here.
I mean, the room's hot,
but aside from that, it's not unbearable.
Yeah, I'm a cobalt, I'm not scared.
Yeah, one away from creating.
Said no cobalt ever.
Yeah.
It's a 2D8, I rolled a 24, I was one away from creating.
Bam.
Damn, only four HP.
And if there's another 10 minutes,
I will spend it getting my stamina back.
Do you guys wanna do anything in this 20 minutes?
In that time, I would take 20
to just search around the room,
run my fingers over runes or whatever.
If there's anything interesting,
I'd love to hear about it.
What do you know about Dwarven lore?
Scarab has spent a lot of time in Dwarven minds,
but not with dwarves.
So most of what Scarab knows is their weaponry,
their armors, and what certain things look like.
It would have come into this room and said,
oh, this is the forge.
Yeah.
But not much, like knows architecture,
but not much outside of that.
Okay, so looking around, two things kind of,
well, I guess three things catch your eye.
First of all, there are racks for tools and weapons,
and they are barren.
Seems like they've been picked clean.
The second, the large bellows next to the forge,
what you would expect to be used to maintain the heat,
are tattered as if they've been shredded
or just in a state of disrepair for a long time,
which makes it unusual because here the forge is well-lit.
I know, that's what's going through my head right now,
is like, unless the Kobalts are using this,
is this just forever burning?
Like...
You could roll a check on that if you'd like.
But the third thing you notice is the anvil
that is still in place mounted into the floor
is not like other Dwarven anvils you've seen before.
Typically, while they are well-used,
they're used precisely and meticulously
and they are well cared for.
They are, for some Dwarves, a symbol of their deity
and are to be respected.
This one, however, is,
for lack of a better phrase, beat to shit.
It seems like whatever was using this forge
was using so fervently, oppressively even,
and without rest or care.
It seems like this was being used to the extreme.
Crasterts.
Could have been the Kobalts.
It's, it's...
But some of these markings, heavy-handed.
The followers of Drosgar.
They toil at any cost.
Dwarves?
Yes.
The ones that overtook?
Yes.
Because there was, did seem to be signs of like,
oh, here's a Dwarven place,
but we're gonna, we're gonna
wash it out with our religion instead.
Yes. Those are the vibes.
They've found a couple references to
and mentions of Torag
in a place that does not seem dedicated to him.
You've seen defaced and smashed statues.
And then there's this old,
goings on down here, just doesn't quite line up.
Something, if you were to think back
or even revisit the room you just came from,
you do recall there was some form of like,
Dwarven carvings on the wall themselves.
But stylistically, at least at a, you know,
amateur's glance, the stuff in the room before you
did not seem to match with the aesthetic
of the chapel above.
Drosgar and Torag are quite opposite.
Now-
Followers of Drosgar.
They lie, they cheat, they do whatever means necessary
to fulfill Drosgar's toil.
Now, Rodemora, I've got to be completely honest with you.
I haven't had the best time with dwarves in my life.
They, your kind, don't really like me, you know,
mine dwellers.
You dig holes, I find them.
You guys aren't big, big fan of me.
But it's, as much as I like you, it's crazy to see
a whole race of people killing each other willingly.
Kobolds would never do that.
It's quite rude, I don't know the full story.
He's just tracking the bloody footprints
of another kobold, shaking off the debris
of a kobold's brain off his shoulders.
I'll do what I can to protect you from your people.
They're crazy.
As we're talking, Rupemore heals himself
with a heal spell for minimum healing.
Perfect.
I rolled a one, I did the two action healing,
so it's nine healing.
Not a good day for Rupemore.
No.
And as we're talking, all the stones on Monet's body
just fall away.
Damn.
Do you need a potion?
No.
I'm at 14 of 20 health, I've got full stamina,
so that's decent.
Got four potions, I didn't buy them for nothing.
For six?
It's not gonna heal you six.
It's not even gonna heal you for six, pal.
Not the way you've been rolling.
I'd say, I would say save those for when somebody's down,
you gotta bring them up immediately, you know what I mean?
All right.
I might find out better.
I might do better next episode, I don't know.
All right, but if you die, just remember, it's my fault.
I'll take one next episode.
Actually, let me just hold one, make me feel better.
I mean, you're right, though, give it back.
You're holding, letting me hold Jock,
little stuffed Jock for comfort.
Emma got me a stuffed Jock.
Yeah, Emma got a stuffed Jock plushie for fee.
It's very nice.
Anyway, as you find yourselves in this room
confused by things that just don't quite add up,
among the carcasses of kobolds,
strange worm-like creatures that don't seem to belong,
finding yourselves with more questions than answers,
you can't help but feel just a bit more prepared
for what horrors lie in wait
as you all level up to level three.
What? What?
Woo!
Holy shit.
Round three!
Oh my God.
And we'll catch you next time.
Thanks for being a traveler on the caravan.
Thank you. Bye.
Later, y'all.
Bye-bye.
Yeah, that was fucking rough.
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Matt?
Oh, hi, it's me, Matt.
I made the music that you're listening to.
Thanks for listening to us and listening to my music,
but even more importantly.
We would like to thank
Michael Guelphie Studios,
the world reference for tabletop RPG audio
for the music and ambiance that we use in our episodes.
Thank you, Michael Guelphie.
You're fantastic. Thank you, Michael Guelphie.
We love you.
Thank you, Michael Guelphie.
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Thank you again for being a traveler on the Cursed Caravan.
Thank you.
You guys are great.
Later, y'all. Love ya.
Bye bye. That's a little strong,
but I like ya.
And I'm gonna grab a beer and pee.
Can you give me a Diet Coke if there are any Diet Cokes?
No, but I can go pee.
No, he's going to pee.
I got Cola over neckolas.
Nuggo.
Give me a Diet Jim D.
You want the bottle?
I need a bottle of that.
Shots?
No.
I fell asleep and I'm upset about it.
I know.
I didn't want to,
but like I'm such a dang old lightweight now.
Holy dang old.
I had two shots and two little baby,
one and a half of these.
No, I had two.
I lied.
Two and a half.
Two and a half of those little dang old baby boys.
And it just like,
damn, I'm such a goddamn lightweight now.
But like, especially this,
I don't have a lot of food in my system.
There's like 75 burritos over there.
There's 75 burrito right there.
I know.
I hate, I hate some.
It's just been a very.
It's been a hard year.
Let's be real.
I think I already ate all of them.
Pretty hard five years.
God damn, this past decade's been pretty rough.
Bean does.
Bedeed.
Bedeedies.
Tidees.
But dang old dang old.
Damn, I'm gonna buy myself a gale earring
and you can't stop me.