Last time on Crown of the Kobold King, our heroes continue exploring the Forgotten Crucible.
One of the rooms was inhabited by a lone kobold. After a plethora of obscenities between him
and Scarab, the kobold was allowed to escape. They find the library and most of the books
were covered in phantom mold. Monet was able to find an untainted book filled with hymns
for Torek. Inside was a scroll of spiritual weapon. Afterwards the party was attacked
by strange octopus squid-like creatures. Before they could investigate why and what they were
after killing them, the two wolves approached. The newly formed party easily dispatched the
wolves. After that, Rootmore placed a gem in the slot on an anvil and for a moment it
summoned a congregation of dwarven spirits worshipping Torek. Our story continues now!
What was that? Clearing my throat. Well sometimes you know exactly where it's at and you know
what tone to make. I know that's my main one whenever that happens is the hairball. Yeah
I know where it is. It sounded like Rudy crying for a second. It was great because we watched
the Lord of the Rings trilogy last weekend. My cousin Balin will throw us a glorious feast.
Nooooo! Did I nail it because I haven't seen it in a while. Funny. But on that note, the
Hobbit trilogy? Skip it. So bad. Just skip it. I gave it another chance. Just skip it.
Good eye candy. Makes no sense. Garbage. Filth. Cool sword though. I like the man. Oh yeah!
It's a goblin cleaver. Of course. Glamdringer. The lore of the hobbit is fantastic but movies?
Skip em. I like the man with the long hair and the dark eyebrows. Very dark eyebrows.
The dwarven king. No. Oh the other guy. The guy that looks like Legolas but he's not Legolas.
The guy in the town with the brown hair. The lake man. No. Not the guy with the long brown
hair. I forgot to turn the AC off. You said brown. You said dark actually. Long dark hair
with dark eyebrows. No no. Long blonde hair with dark eyebrows. That's Legolas. From the
Hobbit? Yeah. He's Ned. From Pushing Doodies. From Ned's Declassified? Oh the elf. The
elf man. Yes. I couldn't remember if he was an elf or not. Someone hit pause on the recording.
I don't want to recall that. Galadriel? No. No. That's a lady. No. Yeah. Pretty elf man
with real thick eyebrows. Real thick. He's six foot five. Damn! That's a tall man. I
could place markers while we're recording now. This thing is constantly updating. I
love it. That's awesome. I was about to say you know Emon you wouldn't have to edit us
vaping out if you just let us smoke. You'd still have to edit me. Yeah just light up
cigarettes inside. Perfect. You'd still have to. I won't. I won't smoke cigarettes. So
you'd still have to edit me. Don't worry that'll never happen. Just like if you consider it
just remember that you'll still have to edit me. Thranduil Cody. Thranduil. Won't actually
make it easier. No. Cause I'll just be vaping twice as much. Thranduil. Thranduil. Hey everybody
today is Saturday. It's episode 50. It's episode 50. Episode 50. Oh my god. What kind of fun
do you have planned for us Emon? Cody. Emon what are you doing today? I'm not running this
game. It's your house and you didn't tell me to bring anything so what is it? You brought
your sweet ass. Oh no no no baby. Poor Emon spinning the drink again. Look you let it
slip last episode but I don't want people to know what we've got going on. Stop stop
stop. No no. Uh oh no no. Baby I don't know. There's your answer Felicia. He did it. Yeah.
You're welcome. Play that anytime I'm like reading way too many dice which is like more
than three. It's like what'd you get? Oh baby I don't know. Be a good uh crit fumble sound
effect from now on. No. Oh baby I don't know. Oh yes finally. You're gonna blow it. Why
do you look so defeated? I'm defeated. Well it's cause I also work today too so I need
to uh uh uh. Anyway November's been the hugest month for us. It's crazy. People are listening
apparently. Most downloads this month. Don't know why. It's nuts. Sorry. Thank you so much.
Yeah that's badass. Weirdos. Oh and also the. It doesn't mean that. The shots that we had
earlier uh not because this is episode 50 made me forget the shot that we have in front
of us for episode 50. Yeah we got shots. We're gonna be shots. Yeah we're adults. We're all
adults here. Suicide packed. What are you all shooting? Poison on three. I'm an adult. I
got Jim Beam. I got Jim Beam. What math you have? You got some green concoction. What
is it? It's a hypnotic and uh Midori. Oh you missed. Yeah. Cody. I have Tuwaka. It's Italian
brandy. Very nice. Now let's try to cheer without. While we're drinking. Swashing and
getting shit all over the soundboard. Oh are you worried? Yes I'm terrified. We have to
clink over here though. No get that shit. Just putting a shot glass over my soundboard. Here's
to at least 50 more. Maybe. I'm fucking proud of you guys like I said earlier. Holy shit.
Proud of you too. You need to watch your language. Thanks dad. You need to watch your language.
My mom is watching. Thank you mom. My mom is now watching too. Hi mommy. While watching
our sound. I'm sorry. My mom is listening to music and then whenever a track finishes
it randomly puts on a random episode of our podcast so she's listening but she has no
idea what's going on because she's not listening in order. And that's why our first episode
we posted is played 500% more than every other episode. Yes sir. Woo thank you guys for listening
to that episode over and over and over again. My mom. For the unsung heroes who fall asleep
and then end up listening in their dreams we love you the most. I gotta talk about my
mom now. Just turn it on episode one. Just let it run. Literally. Thank you so much for
that. That's all. Clap for Felicia's mom. My mom is our number one fan. She's our biggest
fan. She's listened to almost every single episode. Do you know where she's at right
now? I don't know where she's at right now. I'll ask her. Probably good not to say. When
she calls me at some point later on today. Okay. Do you hear that my mom? There's work
to do. Competition. It's true. We often or rather I often hear conversations of Felicia
and her mom talking about the podcast and about the people that she loves the most and
the people that she doesn't like as much. So just really falling behind here. Maybe don't
say that name. Maybe don't say her name. Yeah. Beep. Beep. We often pit our mothers against
each other in fist fights. It's honestly very entertaining and I recommend. My mom is an
amazing fighter. Anybody has a mom that wants to fight Felicia's mom? Why are we putting
that on YouTube? Speaking of. Anyone has a mom that wants to fight my mom just let me
know and I'll see if she's got time. Speaking of YouTube we are on YouTube now. Yay. This
story we are telling now Crown of the Cobalt King is on YouTube. I am slowly working on
putting the rest of the podcast on YouTube. So tell your stubborn friends that only use
YouTube that it's here. Exactly. It's available. They have no more excuses. No more excuses.
Sit them down in a dark room and tie them to a chair and turn on a light that is like
directly above them and stand just in the shadows. And then when they wake up and they
say where am I? Say oh. There are no more excuses. But there is episode one of Age of
Ashes and then you just play that one on repeat. Yeah. Until they choose to listen to the rest
themselves. So what I wonder is like how many people haven't like started episode one they're
like these characters are lame and then they stopped listening. Well I hope so. They didn't
give us a chance. If you don't give people chances I don't want you around. Because I
need chances. I need more than one chance. You got to give me more than one chance. I
will disappoint you. Let's go. That's why we have three campaigns running. The human
condition. Two running. Mine is done. Is it? I want more. Everybody wants more. They said
it. They said it in the comments. It's true. We heard they want. All of the comments that
we've gotten so far have just been about how they want more. All of the comments. Shhh.
They don't need to know. How would they know? Because we've read them by now. We have read
them we just we didn't we didn't tell them that we were reading them. That's why sometimes
we just say things that don't make sense. Yeah if you don't understand what's happening
it's because you're out of the loop. Yeah. That's it. Only you can fix that. FOMO FOMO.
FOMO. Loser. But I mean maybe if you leave a comment and you hear something strange in
the middle of one of our sentences you'll realize whoa that was my comment and then
you won't understand what's going on. Emma we need a part two. We gotta bring him back.
Who? All three of them. Gotts. Ronk. Yes. Nathan. Yeah I'm not gonna do a movie because
y'all are gonna be looking for a movie. I mean it's okay if you do it too. I don't care.
It's not okay though because like what if you figure the movie. I'm so. Yeah I don't
understand how fucking lucky I was y'all didn't figure out that I was doing Ace Ventura because
if you figured it out it's like okay let's just go back and kill this fucking prick.
Yeah. Yeah but I mean if you pick one that's old enough there's a good chance even if we've
all seen it that none of us are gonna remember what the fuck even happens. Especially since
there were like two references to Ace Ventura. Yeah there were like three times where we
like you even flubbed one at one point where you're like oh the bat and we're like oh the
bat I think you mean the fairy dragon. Or at the point in the campaign where I literally
said you want me to Ace Ventura my way out of this mechanical rhino and it didn't click
for me because I'm a fucking dumbass. That's beautiful. See you overestimate us Emon. Never
overestimate your opponent you'll lose. I'll think of something. I do have an adventure
coming up though. Ooh it's written by Paizo. Hey Paizo how you doing? How you doing Paizo?
You wanna hang out in our house? Hi Paizo kisses. Can we come to your place? You wanna
come to ours? Love you. Love you. Love you. Oh baby do you wanna love us as much as we
love you? Jesus. Okay. Let me just have my moment with Paizo. Everybody else shut the
fuck up. This is Matthew's time. It's my time with Paizo. Are you listening mom? Mom turn
away I gotta talk to the- Don't look mom. I gotta talk to a possible sponsor. His mouth
is so close to the microphone right now. Paizo. It's very wet. Paizo you. Alright clip that
and send it to Paizo. Can I get a Paizo you? Restraining order. Plus sponsorship. You can
work with us just stay away. Please that's all I'm asking for. See the problem is we
really like you but you're fucking gross. Oh dear. Oh dear. But yeah I guess thanks.
Wow. Thanks everyone. I hope you keep on listening things are gonna get crazy from now on. I'm
excited. Cody can I stomp this fucking warg already? You can try. Ha ha ha. Already. A
warg you've never met. In a cathedral you've only dreamed of but here you are standing
in a room. As the silence falls after the dwarven chorus you find yourselves propelled
in darkness once again. Renewed. Reinvigorated. What do you do? A lot of things are going
through my mind right now. First what the hell are these sea creatures doing and a congregation
of my people? What happened here? Is there some kind of knowledge check or anything I
can do to figure out what happened? Are these, did these worshippers die here? Scarab would
happily like to look at the bodies as well. Roll me an arcana or a nature check. I didn't
even pull my dice out. Hey I have my character sheet out. Hey guys how's it going? Episode
50 still don't know what the hell I'm doing. I will do a nature as well. I will also do
a nature. Partials of 14. 23. Gah. Sorry I'm opening up my little bag of dice right now.
I wasn't ready. Please I'm in fun of how I breathe. Oh no. Can I make fun of that? Can
I make fun of you dropping your little bag all over the floor? I didn't drop the bag.
I just put it out onto the floor. Nice. I got a 19. Scarab you've heard of these creatures
but Monet you have seen them. These are dark mantles. Elusive squid like creatures that
tend to hide and prey on unsuspecting foes. They first will cast the area in darkness
this inky alchemical substance their bodies produce before attempting to confound confuse
and assassinate their prey. Are they extra planar by chance? There are those that exist
in I forget where you're from. From. Goari. You forget to. From Beacon. I'm from Goari.
The Shadow Plane. Yes. My goodness Rudy. Do you know what this is? No. Of course not.
Have you ever seen the movie Little Nemo? No. Animated Japanese film. I think it was
from the 80s but I saw it in the mid 90s. These aren't supposed to be here. They come
from hell. God damn it I was thinking of Finding Nemo. No no also has fish but the only fish
in Little Nemo is this and it's big and it's up in the sky of the outer darker realms.
Like hell. I've seen this before. Why? Why are they here? I can't ask them they're
dead. Very true. Makes no sense. What? Should not be in a should not be in small cathedral.
Should be in big cave. So many questions. The dwarven spirits. What happened? Ask them.
Is there a role I can do for that? Maybe a society or religion probably. As you begin
to ponder on it you're not entirely sure what it could be. For all intents and purposes
you know this to be a chapel to Droskar as it is named Droskar's Crucible. Yet now the
party itself as you combine your information from your experience thus far you have heard
two references to Torag. It used to be Torag. Clearly with the hammers, statues, the anvils.
That seems like a rather bold assumption in my opinion. Well I found books. I found books
in writing that point to Torag. But this is Droskar's Crucible. Right it was converted
at some point. It was co-opted. It was taken. The ideals between Droskar and Torag are very
very different. So this is- Almost clashing. Dwarven tribes? Religions I would say but
I just I don't understand. He's gonna take a seat on one of the not broken pews and just
ponder for ten minutes. You wanna take twenty on the inside of your mind? Let me see if
I find anything in there. Just trying to get a focus point back right away. That's all.
Yeah let me see if I can take any uh take up on any of that. If either of the two of
you need to recover stamina or anything like that you could use the same time. Um. Um.
Um. Monet will uh as uh as Rudy sits down on a pew she'll just like lift up a leg and
start stretching on the pews. Interesting. Not what I expected. Monet. Uh a moment. Over
here. If you if you have a chance. I'd like to speak with you. Sure. Okay. Is this a cue
a coup? Is this a coup? Everything's fine my dear friend Scarab. Alright man I've seen
one before I've taken part and I don't want any of it. If you're gonna leave just leave
don't have to kill me. No no no just keep an eye on the doors everything's fine. Sure
thing have fun be quiet. Monet will walk over. Oh can I get control of Monet on roll twenty
here? You losers. You losers. Start it over. I forgot my charger to my laptop so Matt's
gonna be in control of my dang old token. And I'm gonna get it. Killed. Killed. No
no I'll be good boy. I'll use it. Monet I have to ask. I could be wrong but I've seen
a few signs and I don't want to end up accidentally hurting you. Oh Rudy I'm not interested. No
listen. I I have I deal a lot of positive energy. Holy energy if you will. Okay. I'll
just I'll stop beating around the bush. Are you a dampere? No. Good okay because I just
saw the pale scan the wide brimmed hat. Just thought maybe dampere if I tried to heal you
for example with holy energy it would kill you. Just wanted to make sure. No no I'm a
Kyle. What the? Root war and Emma don't know what a Kyle is. A knowledge check I guess
or you could just fucking tell me what is a Kyle? His eyebrows are raising up and down.
That pouring from his face. Okay that was somewhat rude way to ask. What the fuck are
you? Explain to me what I'm looking at. I am a humanoid much like yourself. I just.
Are you a biped? I am. Good. I guess. My lineage has been touched by the shadows. Does that
help? Okay as long as you don't get hurt by my positive energy. No. Everything is great.
Okay. Roll me a knowledge society. Oh I would hate to be in a situation where I think I'm
helping but I'm actually killing you on accident. She just wouldn't tell you either way. Fucking
I forgot. Is that a three or an eight? This die is so cool but okay that's an eight. Was
it a nine? Sixteen. What'd you say? Society. Oh eight. Plus zero in society. Sixteen. I
looked at religion. You don't know a whole lot about the name Kyle but based on the brief
description given you do recall that long ago there were a sect of humans abandoned on the
Shadow Plane and from there they would eventually evolve due to the Shadow Plane's influence on
their people into what are colloquially known as fetchlings. Wow. Ah yes I know that term. The
wrong term. That is not good. Okay. That term. Yes. Yes. Kyle. All right. I'll stick with Kyle.
Can I call you Kyle? Never mind. I apologize. I suppose you can do that as long as I can continue
to call you dwarf. I'm proud to be a dwarf. Okay. Thank you for your time. Glad I'm not gonna kill
you. Good. Very good. Scarab how's that door watching going? I was listening the whole time.
So do you know of these creatures personally? I have seen them. Yes. Have I encountered them
myself? No. You have actually. I mean yes. Ten minutes ago. You're right actually. Yes. True.
Yeah I don't think they're supposed to be here. No it doesn't. They did. No. My people have seen
them deep deep in caves. Oh sorry to bring this to a halt but I feel fantastic and I feel like
it's only gonna last for an hour. Yeah let's do something. Oh dear Tora please explain the
gift we got from these from the spirits that showed up last episode. Hang on. I feel it. It's coming.
Let's all hold hands. I don't want to. I'll do it. I'm sorry what are you doing? I was you're not
on roll 20 right now you can't see what I was doing. Oh I see AE come age ass. That's what it
says here. No you didn't say on air what the spirits did for our characters. So mechanically
after the 3d succeeding you received you also get a plus one circumstance bonus to attack rolls
for an hour. Oh yeah. It's like a fan. I like it. Here I'm on. I don't know if it's gonna reach him.
Swinging your sack around. Felicia has a little dice bag. Felicia. I've recently learned it's
easier to like stay with the voice if I keep doing the voice. That's why I just keep talking like
this. It doesn't matter. I was talking to my son last weekend. The whole time he was here I was
speaking as Rootmore. Like during Thanksgiving and everything. This is really cool. He didn't react
at all. He's just like that's just fucking bad I guess. That same thing happened to me with Nathan.
And it still happens whenever I get pissed off. I just get real Nathan out. So that's not what
he sounds like. No it was perfect. Nathan. Well after playing a few games with you. That's really
mean. That's a really mean thing to say. I'm pleased. Roll me an arcana check. I would love to. Nine. Not bad.
Okay. That's a good roll. Thank you guys. Do I get plus one for their help? While watching the door you remember the
ruby that you handed to Rootmore for the anvil. Yeah yeah yeah. Part of you can't help but wonder.
No sense letting a perfectly good semi-precious stone just sit in a dusty old chapel.
You're very correct. Thank you for reminding me of my draconic ways. Scarab wood as you two are talking
just kind of for no reason slip in between your legs and bodies just to be like hey hey just walking
through don't mind me. I'm not here. This is what he would do. He would grab it pick it up and put
it into another slot and see if anything happens. There you go. Like immediately. That's what he
would do. As you do there's the soft click of it connecting to the slot but nothing seems to happen.
And in fact as you pick up and place the gem you notice that the subtle vibrations the light humming
that seem to emanate from it is no longer there. Oh that's so cool. So then he'll uh after setting
it in the next slot pick it up look at it. Oh weird. And shove it in his bag. All right you two
all our muscles are glistening and pumped. Where do we go? I know for sure of the big wolf these two
were with him. Yes take us. North. Is there as far as we can tell yeah there's no other entrance
or uh exit from this room that we haven't gone through nothing on the back wall. Doesn't seem
like it. Oh boy yeah. Dang. So looking at the map here aside from the back corners of the building
the only way to go is Cobcorn's grave.
Scarab takes a big gulp and points towards the hallway. Through this way
this is where I lost my last party. So go ahead I've got your back. All right. We're right behind you.
I'll be right behind you guys. I've got your six. No Rootmore marches down the hall. I am in C15 right now.
Can I roll any kind of perception to see if there's anything dwarven like? Absolutely. The walls. The floor.
Hey you have a sneaking suspicion. I feel dumb. This whole building. I feel dumb. This is a d12
I've been rolling. An eight. God damn it. So how did you get a 20 earlier? What were you doing?
You can't roll me a perception check. Jesus Christ. I worked today. I did physical labor.
I might as well roll the d12. I did physical therapy. I didn't. You liar. I'm gonna hit you in the knees until they don't work anymore.
Then I'll go to physical therapy. 16 for dwarven shit.
Oh yes I have a special lore. Dwarven shit.
Ah perception 16.
Hey God just in case you forgot here's my resume.
My perception's pretty good these days right? Weird desk.
As you push your way into what Starob has described you as the wolves resting chamber
nothing stands out to you aside from the overwhelming stench of wet fur.
To you Scare of the Room appears just as you left it just as disheveled
bits of gray fur fluffing around on the floor old bones gnawed and scattered about your feet.
Make sure everyone hears that.
Scarab you okay? I'm just crying over my dead friends. Oh don't worry we will avenge.
I did want to look through my stuff make sure I don't have anything really freaking cool. We
did get those items uh from the alchemist don't forget. Oh yeah.
Mine is quite useless right now. What's the party order by the way?
Root wars first. Uh then probably Monet.
Monet. Now in this room is that that's a box that's in the way huh?
Yes it seems to be like a split open crate where uh two of the six sides have been removed.
Apparently it's been made into some sort of makeshift bed. Uh Scarab you know
seeing who knows Scarab would be stealthy in these moments. Go ahead and uh roll me a stealth check.
I think Monet would also try and be stealthy in these moments. I will try to be stealthy as well.
Yeah Scarab would definitely definitely let you guys know that through this door is where
he lost both of his companions. 12. Uh 21. No wrong one. Uh 17. 16 stealth good lord.
My glasses are dirty and I was looking at my perception. 16. You hear nothing in the
darkness but Rootmore you stand on the precipice of an archway leading into a dark room where the
singular fallen pillar you don't see anything in front of you. So this is the room. Now step into
the room. As you're stepping into the room nothing happens. Just a lock pause you're pointing your
finger at me. Well anything of note in this room. And the uh I'm sorry the party order again would
have been Rootmore then Monet then Scarab then. I. Does this look right to you? Oh yeah.
Okay. Scarab's going to uh he's got his gun in one hand and he's going to put a junk bomb in the
other. Actually he doesn't even need to have his gun out. It's a free draw. But he will have
a junk bomb in one hand. As you step over the threshold you hear and feel your foot catch on
something. Before you hear it. And then as two large axes swing down from the ceiling roll me a
reflex save. Monet you are also in the path. Roll me a reflex save. Goodbye friends.
Goodbye friends. It's been fun. Actually I apologize it is not a reflex save. It is an attack roll
with a natural 20 on Rootmore. Oh. Oh Jesus Christ. And a natural 2 on Monet. Uh Rootmore.
Oh my god. Has it been 10 minutes?
Now. Okay. Um. Oh it took 10 minutes in the chapel at the very beginning. Rootmore does a 19 hit your
AC. I will use my reaction to raise my shield and it does not hit. Nice. Okay.
Uh you will however. As the two axes swing down at you and Monet one of them you quickly raise
your shield and deflect the blade. Sending it past you as the other one collides solely with your
shoulder. Gah. When he raised his shield. His shield is his grill. Like he raised his grill.
It's just so funny because I have one of those grills at home.
Just the perfect size for it. The lid will not pop off. Cody.
I will tell you. That's a lot of damage. The lid stays on. I hold it by the lid handle.
By the description. Three secure lid locks. The grill features three secure lid locks for easy and
safe transport. Everything will be fine. He's saying this as the actual grill.
Everything will be fine. He's saying this as the axes are swinging down at you. No no don't worry.
Oh man. We're gonna have to take a full rest after this.
Hey hey. Morgue we need a minute. Let's see if it hits Monet.
Uh natural one on the first axe. Wow. I thought you rolled a natural two. What happened to that?
It's two axes on one trap that swing down. Okay. So two of them would have tried to hit
him and then two of them are gonna try to hit you. Because it's alive.
Okay. Uh the second one uh is going to be a critical. 35. A 35? We're level two. I know.
Yeah. Rueboar you take 21 points of slashing damage. Monet you take 13.
All right guys you want to go back to town. Yes. 21.
We're never gonna get past this fucking room. Yeah we can't even get in there. Like Jesus Christ.
I'm still standing. Everything's fine.
Ouch. Oh my arm is hanging from its sockets but.
Oh yeah that's wow. And from behind you you hear a rustling. Yeah of course.
Monet dips. Monet is gonna start running. Literally right now. Monet is gonna start running.
From the corner of the room beneath a mass of loose fur stands the ward waiting and hiding.
I knew you'd be back and the cold world warned you will not escape again.
Roll for initiative.
Here we go.
Well aren't you just adorable. Come here so I can scratch your ear.
What'd you get Rudy? 25. Scarab. 30. Hot damn. Monet. 25. Hell yeah. What's your modifier?
Plus five. And Rune War what's yours? Plus ten. But you and I get to decide. You want me to go?
I mean it's kind of up to Cody whether or not. Well according to the rules. Yeah you can choose.
I know but it's up to Cody and being the GM. But as far as education is according to the rules the
players decide if they tie. Well the two of you have tied so choose between you. Okay I will go
first. Okay. You're in front. Rot okay. Here we go. Don't forget. I don't have one. You should have
a daily. I might have used it last time. Wait a second I might. I do have one sorry. Yeah even
if you didn't have a daily you should have a daily for this one. I was just reminding everyone of
their pee-pees. Thank you. You should have one. You're cold now. Scarab as you watch your
companions butchered by a trap you feel a tingling beneath your scales behind you and you turn and
you see the creature rise hidden as it was in the back of the room. You are first. Collared.
Start with Pathfinder throwing a bomb. What do we go off of? Go to add weapon and for free you can
choose throw bomb as a weapon and you'll know exactly what to roll for it. Yes. See where's
the search bar. Scarab in his crouched position though he was the one who was snuck up a pawn
is going to turn and in his turn seeing this great ward showing itself is going to scream.
I tried the nice way. And he's gonna launch off his brand new junk bomb at this creature.
Roll the hit. Yes. Is this bomb pee-pee worthy?
It could be for my friend. For my friend I'm going to use my daily pee-pee.
I'm just going to roll two see which works. Come on baby.
Natural 20 on one of them. What the fuck? Natural 20 on the second one that is.
Natural 20 on the second one that is. Oh boy and it's a bomb. Sorry. Yes.
Scarab launches this bomb at homeboy. We're going to hit him directly and let's see what it does.
It's going to deal two d8 slashing damage two persistent bleed damage and two slashing splash
damage. So I guess the slashing the splash would that hit him as well? Yes. Okay.
So add everything all together when you give it to me. Except for the bleed that'll come.
I've never seen Matt so excited about anything in my life. It's amazing. I rolled an eight and eight
a seven and a two. Oh my god. So 25. So 25 and then the persistent bleed. So two persistent bleed.
I don't know if you want that. It'll happen on his turn. Yeah and the two so 25 plus two of the
splashing slash slashing splash damage and because it's a crit this thing hits it it slams into the
wolf hits the sides of the walls and the sparks from that corner of the area just light up so
much that the creature is blinded until the end the end of its next turn. So this fool lights up
so bad that it doesn't know where it is anymore. Oh my god. We got one more of these. Listen to the end.
Remember a long time ago Felicia I told you I was gonna add a cat sound at the end of the
explosion. So he's gonna blast off with that. Next action he's gonna level his pistol with the
warg and fire. This is insane. Yeah don't forget MAP. Oh but I rolled good on that one. Oh baby.
20 to hit. That's a hit. Oh oh dude.
That's gonna be six piercing damage. Devastating. Final action. Yeah final action reload.
Root more. And scarab is swaying. What a turn. Feel this axe impale you and before you can gather
what exactly just happened to you a bomb goes off behind you blasting you back forward. I'm so glad.
Feel it in your hair and your beard as heat comes across the back of you and you turn and look and
you see this massive warg struggling to stand blood pouring from its obviously distorted form.
What do you do? I'm in the wrong room. Yeah I thought I was confused. I probably should have
gone first but it's okay. That's the party room. He reaches and pulls an axe out of his shoulder
and his hand starts to glow. Quite more powerful than Cobcorn's lay on hands. Because he's twice
his level. It's not lay on hands it's holy energy. This is a heal. This is from God.
Casts. Straight up from God. Straight up from Torag himself. For 12. Oh that's huge.
I believe that brings me. Yes that brings my HP all the way up. That's awesome. It's the two action
heal. It's the wrong room. Excuse me Monet. My my my what big ears you have. You run straight up to
the warg. That is his last action. Monet you're up next. Okay. Monet gets hit by this axe just
turns and sees this giant warg. I know I said she was dipping but then Matt put on more on her.
I'm gonna use a PP. Dip baby dip. And uh. Dude a crit to make this full blind for a whole turn.
That's like as bad as you guys getting mauled at the beginning. I think this might level us out.
We might. Oh shit. Thank you for reminding me of my PP. Good lord. That was my second die. The first
one was a seven. Wow. Um and she's just gonna honk her down again as she and tiny little
shards start bursting out of her skin as she thrust them forward at him. Yes. Her magnetic
pinions. The first three hits. The first one I'm rolling twice to take the better. Now are these
ultra magnetized considering there are a bunch of nails and screws inside of the warg.
Not great. I want to see them get blasted through the walls. So the first attack is a 16. Miss.
Miss. The wolf in its blind state is thrashing about wildly and each of your pinions climbs off
the wall behind it. It is howling in pain and it turns and begins to move. You will not escape.
Its teeth gnashing in the air about it. It lunges forward hopping up on top of the crates and barrels
crashing into the things around the room as it begins to snap and turn at each of you first at
root more closest. But first attack of opportunity. Go for it. And don't forget concealment.
Don't forget your pee pee. I have my pee pee saved for something else. I saved my pee pee for a special time.
Is that why you're asking Monet questions? I'm not gonna hurt you if I touch you am I?
God damn it. A 20 to hit. That's a hit. Beautiful. No power attacks. Regular old D10. A seven hammer damage.
Your hammer collides with the back of the ward's head as it goes to snap at you and it hits it in
such a way that it fumbles its attack with a natural one. Holy shit. Oh eat this chicken.
I was gonna say cock but that was a good one. It's a real bad.
In his frenzy his teeth collide with his own arm and he chomps down.
Oh my my what big teeth you have. What's wrong with your eyes though?
These suckers ain't working. Wrong wolf. The ward was so sure of his victory even in his state his
fury so great that as he reached to rend flesh from bone from root more and his hammer collided
with him that his jaws clasped and tore at his own arm ripping it free. Jesus. And the ward howls
in pain writhing on the floor as its blood begins to spill out before eventually it moves to stillness
and it lays dying. Oh my god. Heal heal. No just kidding. Oh my god. It lays in a bloody furred heap
heaving drawing ragged breath. You are out of combat.
Hell yeah. Hell yeah. New hero. He starts firing blasts at the body. No he's not dead yet.
Yeah. No. Eldritch blast. No I'm just. Just a cloud of smoke. No she doesn't do that I'm sorry.
I've got Baldi's Gate on the brain and that's what I do with my Eldritch blast. I just shoot
all the damn time. Shoot him. I trusted you. Silly mutt tore his own arm off.
Oh wow. Wow. Not how I thought it was going to go. No. But that's how it goes. I rolled a 10. Then I
rolled a 2. Then I rolled a 5. Then I rolled a 5. You would think one of those hit because you're
rolling three times you know. Four times actually. Four times. Fuck. But no no I. Are they the same
dice? Yes. We're giving you trouble. Yes and I don't want to get rid of them. I really like them
but to be fair these are jock's dice and maybe I'll put them on. Never to be used again.
Never to be used again and I think I will switch over to Perry's dice for now. Hell of a bomb
throw. Holy shit. The beast laid before you writhing on the ground and gasping its final breaths.
What do you do? Scarab will you know just out of reach like maybe if this thing snapped at him it
could get him but he will get close enough to kneel down attempt to look this thing in the eyes
and sorry from the inebriation what's the name of the dwarf we're looking for is
Druengar. There's two people you're looking for one of which is the missing hunter
Barliss and the other the dwarf Druengar. Yeah Scarab is going to kneel down in front of it.
I'm sorry it came to this but for me just so I can settle this in my brain be you Druengar.
Sense motive.
No I mean you know. Why not? Yeah I mean yeah you can. Yeah root mode was sense motive too. Plus
plus uh oh I need to check I think it's plus 11. Why? Just see if he's lying about being Druengar.
Oh I just uh I didn't know if you were giving him a bonus to his. Plus five for her check.
Okay okay. Cody's rolling. Word. You just told me where your perception is.
Well I've got an ability that gives me yeah I do get plus one to my checks on sense motive so plus
11. Nice. He's not lying. Where is Druengar?
You will not survive the cold.
Rootmore brings a hammer down on his fucking head and he dies.
Mic drop. Except it's mounted on the table.
Very good guys very good. Oh my god. Scarab. You saw him devour a cop corn.
That's step number two. Scarab's gonna pull a pin.
Is a needle. He brought it out once before but he's gonna pull this this long. I guess for him it
would look like a pen but for anyone else it might look like a needle. He's gonna pull that out and
he's gonna start from the sternum of the beast and gently cut down like he's taking tape off of
a Christmas box. Christmas box. Shine a cheer. He's gonna open that belly up and see if his
homeboys in there. See if he can find any anything he can take back to Jock.
As you spill the contents of the war on the ground you do immediately see the now only
partially digested remains of Colonel Cobcorn. His armor is cracked sundered in places but
still gleams even coated in blood as it is. Yeah without saying anything uh Scarab's gonna
clench its jaw real tight and you might see moisture forming around the backs of his eyes.
Oh. He's gonna pull on that big chicken as hard as he can.
Hopefully getting help from somebody else to get him out of there. Yeah uh Moni's seeing him pull.
She'll kind of like grab it whatever she can and kind of help tug. With very little effort he comes
free. All right Emon what did he have on him? Let's see what we got. Oh that's so sad.
Splint mail. A wolf fang. Uh healing potion. Miner. Rope. Water skin. Spell book. His his personal
spell book. Weeks worth of rations. Bedroll. A ring of torag. Remember that ring?
That's it. And his uh weapons. His yu huan dao. You do not see the weapons. Okay. Oh.
Would he have anything on him that would signify him? Because I would say the weapons but it looks
like we're gonna have to look for those. You see there's another ring besides the ring of torag.
Oh I'm taking that ring. Yeah it's a it's a gold band. I know exactly what that is. Jesus. Yeah
Scarab would pocket that and without saying anything like wave over the body like you guys
need anything take it it's here. Splint mail and whatnot. Take that potion. Yeah for damn sure.
Is that a ring of torag? What was the potion again? Did we find that ring in here? Yes with the on the skeleton.
The lady skeleton. Yeah uh the potion's a minor potion.
Yes yes it is. Back in one of the other rooms if you want to go.
Where I told you there were cells holding dwarven skeletons. Yes I remember. That ring was on one
of their fingers. A lady in dress not a warrior. Scarab. He uh Brumor puts a hand on your shoulder.
Take a moment. I know this was your friend. This might be hard. No rush. Big bad wolf is dead.
I yeah damn it. Yeah Scarab's gonna walk into the next room assuming that it's safe. He is assuming
that it's safe. He's gonna walk into the room where Copcorn was attacked. He's gonna sit next to the
pillar in the room and Matthew has to pee. I gotta pee. I gotta pee. That was like too much. I had so
much anxiety and then it happened and my body's like okay release. Whoa jeez. Whoa jeez.
Monet you want to roll for this ring of torag? Does it do something? Yes fire protection.
Bunch of fancy fire protection stuff. Sure. You can activate for one action once per round with
the requirement that you were taking persistent fire damage. To be fair before you say your roll
I do want to use my pee pee for this. I thought just have it. Sure. Yeah I don't want you to use
a pee pee on getting an item. Okay. Like that's such a waste of a pee pee. It just means so much
to me. It's torag. You could have just asked. I just thought it was fair to ask if you want to roll for it.
I just assumed you were gonna take it. Ah that's not fair. That's not fair.
I don't I don't have any care for these gods. No offense.
None taken. Puts the ring on a little tight but. You suddenly turn invisible.
Oh you didn't tell me it takes you back to the shadow plains.
Give it to me. As you move into the room and take a moment to rest and collect yourselves
Monet you see beyond the pillar on the ground something glimmer in the darkness.
In the main room? In the large room. Perception check. You can clearly see it something on the
ground shining in the darkness. Several somethings it seemed like glimmering in the bit of light
behind you. Roll a reflex. No I'm just kidding. I'm kidding. I'm gonna fucking leave the table.
Like I'm gonna I'm gonna do it actually. Give me the keys. I'm leaving. Monet your feet are an
array of weapons. Wow. I guess it makes sense that you just go up and start eating sticks with sharp
bits on them. Emad what what are these laying at Monet's feet? Oh we got Colonel Cobb.
Well you find a plus three scythe of of warg slaying. You find Colonel Cobb Corrin's gold
plated yu huan dao a short sword that is cold iron the one that was found in the tower.
Yeah. His sharp no his sharp beak.
Go ahead and pop that sucker off.
That's it the yu huan dao and a cold iron short sword. Who had the uh the what was it the silver
long sword? Jacques. Was Jacques okay so yes on the floor are two weapons the gold plated
what is it? Yu huan dao. Yu huan dao and a cold iron short sword.
Monet will reach down pick them up.
Found some weapons. These are friends. If Scarab asks for anything it's going to be just that
weapon. Also among the debris left on the floor you find several loggers axes. They're plain lumber
axes worn away and blunted. Some of them still coated in rather fresh looking blood. Yeah unless
anybody wants to fight him over it the Scarab would just pick up that one.
I don't know how to use that thing. It's a nice short sword if you don't mind.
No just this one. Rudy. Ah go for it. And if you need to use his body for hot dogs go ahead
it's okay. It's tempting but it seems disrespectful. What's he here? I've never made sausage out of a
humanoid before. Just seems wrong. I mean it's gonna go to waste here. Let's just be honest with
ourselves. Chicken's delicious. Cook the bastard. Oh I see you're going through the what is it seven
stages of grief. No I'm not. Denial there it is. I'll drag him out. I'll bring him out to a nice spot
under a tree. It's five stages. Five stages. Although those are kind of a myth. Well dwarves go through
seven stages. Twelve if you're lazy. Well I've only got one stage and that's running away.
I already did that. Here we are again. Anybody need to take a nap or anything? Are we good? Yes I would
like 10 minutes. I could use a trip back to town honestly. Oh nay we just got here. Yes. Not a
terrible idea. You have now completed a quest you could report to the loggers and the sheriff
at least your elimination of the uh the gray menace. This is true but it would be another trip
to and fro from here and though this as far as I know and I mean this is still part of our quest
line so it's not like we're not we would have no reason to come back here because this is still
where Drew and Gar went and there's more to it. Yes the stairwell. I would propose there are
there are at least six beds here. Could sleep here. I need a rest. Full night. It would be okay.
Scarab could use some time to uh think. Monet only has one resolve so if we rest then she'll be out
of resolve. Yeah. She goes down she dies. Yeah let's go sleep. She would be quite insistent that we
rest. Sure sure. Okay. So weighing your options for staying here or staying in town.
Staying in town means safety from ambush. That also means uh being able to turn in your quest.
You would also be able to deliver Copcorn's remains to Jacques.
But you would have to venture back through the forest again. A journey that you're fairly
confident that you could manage with little harassment at this point.
Staying at the monastery would forego all of that but you would be in closer proximity to
go further down if you would like. But there's no guarantee that any place you rest here would be
safe from eventual discovery or ambush in the night. I would only argue that back cell room.
I don't remember what was blocking it off. It was if it was like a secret door. Secret door behind
the bookshelf. They probably didn't even know about it. So yeah I mean we could that would be
like at least a good enough of a thing. Pagan and I can take shifts standing by the door.
Just so we can get a full rest possibly see what the rest what's what else is in here.
But I'm never gonna just like turn away from God who is explicitly saying that going to town would
be good as well. I mean you have some cool with that. You can literally do either. There there
are advantages and disadvantages to both. It's just I've turned away from God before and it doesn't go
well. All right children everyone listening? I don't want you to feel railroaded. You can't
everyone listening? I don't want you to feel railroaded. You can literally go further in
now or later doesn't matter. I just want the homies to feel safe and I think I think those
cells might be safe and also it's just even if it's just flavor it's more for for uh Rudy to
take in. Like for some reason dwarves were in here being sold out. I don't know. Makes no sense.
I think it'd be a good idea to go back to town and take those talk to the ghost. Yeah the ghost.
All right Rudy pulls out his great axe. Is it a great axe? Dwarven war axe
and chops the head off of this warg. Proof. Yeah did the warg does it have anything on it aside from
its head? Not anymore. There's you noticed looking it over that there are a few of its axes missing.
You assume used in the trap. Get this out of my spleen real quick and hang it to the wall. But there
are still a few more a few broken arrows lodged in its body as well as a chain or two wrapped
around one of its limbs but aside from that nothing of value. Yeah let's let's head back.
All right let me grab these artisans tools before I forget. It's gonna be very slow.
Brings my movement down to 10 I believe. Well I don't know if I can see it in here but
I don't know if if pig can help at all. Depends on how much you can carry. I believe the tools weigh
what was it 20 pounds? Yes two bulk. Two bulk yeah. Yes let's go back to town make some money and
upgrade. Yeah scarab's gonna hop on the back of pig. Rootmore hops on the back of pig as well.
Rootmore hops on the back of pig as well. I don't know if that would work. Quite. Monet lifts up pig.
We all ride on the back of Monet. Take us home Monet. Also carrying the artisan's tools.
How heavy are the artisan's tools? Two bulk.
Two bulk. I can carry one of the spulk without being encumbered but if I'm riding on pig I don't
think that should matter. Just I'm gonna get on pig you drop the tools on my lap we'll walk out.
All right we'll be okay. Pig's got a three strength we're good. Oh stronger than me.
Stronger than me too pal. I always said about that old Rootmore weaker than a pig.
Good guy. Shit strength. All you need is a powerful weapon. You don't need strength.
Guns kill people. Yes.
People don't kill people. Weapons do.
As you take time to gather yourselves feeling lightly rested you gather up the possessions and
treasure you found along the way and load up outside the monastery. As you begin to walk away
and back into the woods the camera pans back to the
hallways back into the room just to the front of the stairwell leading down into darkness
and we hear faint whispers skittering in the dark as we near the end of book one.
Wow that was book one. Crazy crazy crazy crazy what's in there what's in there is that
freaking kobold in there good lord i'm gonna kill him i'm gonna kill him this time
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The Cursed Caravan uses trademarks and slash or copyrights owned by Paizo. Under
the community policy paizo.com slash community use we are explicitly prohibited from charging you to
use or access this content. The Cursed Caravan theme music and beat you are hearing now is written
by our friend Matthew. But what I was saying is um what I was saying is I'm gonna I'm gonna
I'm gonna pretty good right now and and it would be really cool if we didn't die. Well don't be.
It would make my mood really nice if I didn't die and um don't be mad and die and Emma didn't
die and if and if we went to the right spot. I won't die but Colonel might.
Emma will save. Not Colonel. Emma's death saving.
Please. I'm a walking talking stick man.
Where's the halfway. I need you to pick up the condition diabetes one.
No. How long does that last? I thought you weren't supposed to be eating mayonnaise.
Are you eating mayonnaise? Yeah.
Oh it's so good. My dicks. Your mic.
It was like but it's so good. So good. Oh everything's fine. We're gonna have a good time.
Get your diet right already. Am I gonna do a good job? Can you. It's here. Please stop knocking
things over. Thank you. I have my um these are the the every time pps. No. Those are the fun ones.
Yeah those are the fun pps. Those are the ones that you're supposed to be giving us when we do
a good job. Or when maybe when you like us a lot. You know how you like me a lot. Yeah.
So maybe. You're best out of it. Yeah we're friends. Yeah I mean you know you're fine.