Last time on Crown of the Kobold King, Scarab and Jaak regroup after a failed mission and
loss of Colonel Cobcorn.
Jaak decides that adventuring is not for him.
Scarab desperately started running around town looking for new employees to continue
his mission.
He met a dwarf named Rootmoor Redmayne who is here following the footsteps of his cousin
Druengar.
A human woman named Monet also joins Scarab and she too has a mysterious connection to
the Crucible ruins.
Later at the Crucible, Scarab leads his new party through a different path and they find
more dwarven remains, a dwarven dagger and a hat that belongs to Druengar.
Our story continues now!
Scarab, as you examine the worn and weathered cap, you can't help but notice the interior
holds a name tag labeled Druengar.
Oh!
Hey Rudy!
He's gonna toss you the hat.
Yes!
Ah cool hat.
Oh what is this?
Yeah yeah yeah it's your guys!
Oh.
You gonna start crying again?
No no.
He's not dead in it, he can still yet live.
It's been so long.
Part of me kinda keep this between us but part of me kinda hopes he might have passed.
You know.
Treasure!
Yeah sure thing!
Of course.
This stays in this tiny room with us.
I'd like to leave the room.
Yes.
Good find, good find Scarab.
I would think that this jacket is his as well.
Do you wish to look?
Let me see.
Maybe.
That's him alright.
I'd recognize my cousin's stench anywhere.
Is there like anything in the jacket pockets or the coat pockets rather?
Turning out the pockets they all seem empty.
Both the hat and the jacket seem like they're meant for travel.
So you would assume he came, happened to find this coat closet and had intended to set it
here until he left.
Any signs of the wolves in these rooms?
No.
Scratch marks on the doors, anything like that?
No forced entry on these.
The doors are well enough on their hinges and the last one you went through was barred
from the inside.
Just take a look down here to the south.
Looks like the hallways open up.
It does seem that he came in this way which is promising.
Making your way down the southern corridor you find yourselves at a dead end with a door
to your left and a door to your right.
Ah.
I'll check the east door for traps.
Plus ten.
If you want to roll it or me it doesn't quite matter.
Who are you talking to?
Sure I'll roll it.
Torag of course.
God willing.
Thirteen.
You detect no traps but a small jiggle of the handle tells you that it's locked.
Locked.
Well, let's force this baby open.
Half-legged.
I'm sure you don't.
Don't worry lass, we'll try it.
Let's see.
Six.
Gah!
Stride and true, just as before, shoulder collides at the door and it doesn't budge.
Alright.
Needs a ladies touch.
Oh now you want my help?
I had to make sure it was safe.
Hmm.
A likely excuse.
Excuse.
Please step aside.
Or not.
Oh sorry I was on another window.
Nine.
Doesn't budge.
Alright, my turn.
If I can't get it I don't think you're gonna get it old man.
You sure?
Fourteen?
No.
You feel the door give way but it's just not enough.
I'll give it another go.
Good quality lock.
Seventeen.
DC-17.
Wow.
As you give yourself more space you take a running charge at the door and hurl yourself
at it, slamming it open and as you do you hear a snap and you look up just in time to
see a net of rocks release itself down upon you.
I need a reflex save.
Hmm.
It's a powerful hit to bring the whole building down on us.
That is a 25.
As you attempt to maneuver out of the way of the falling rocks you feel confident that
you'll be able to dodge out of the way before you see amidst the rubble is actually a small
falling anvil.
The alarming nature of this discovery sets you off and in order to dodge that you end
up taking a couple blows from some of the stones.
With a loud clang the anvil slams into the stone floor and the rocks scatter and fly
about.
You take seven points of bludgeoning damage.
What is this loony tunes?
That was half damage for a success.
Damn.
Hmm.
What are you making that face at me?
I thought you said it wasn't trapped.
You said it wasn't trapped.
It wasn't.
Your hit was so powerful you probably took the second floor floor down you know.
You are a moron.
You know.
That's kind of rude.
Anyway.
You're alright right?
No.
No?
No she's fine.
Alright good.
Glad you're fine.
Just rest right here.
I'll see what's in the room.
Good luck.
What was that noise?
I hate this place.
Yeah it sucks.
This place sucks.
I hate it.
I don't want to be here anymore.
Don't bring me here anymore.
Ah what's in here?
Which door is that?
The door that you just opened?
Yeah this is right here.
That's the door.
Just step over these rocks.
Past the small anvil.
This chamber appears to be some sort of sitting room.
Complete with a single table and a pair of chairs both in relatively good condition.
Resting atop the table is a half-eaten crow next to a crude knife and a cracked mug.
What kind of knife you say?
A crude one.
A crude knife.
As you walk by it says nice tits.
Thank you.
Ah I smell cobalt.
Could I inspect this trap to see who, to look at the make?
Yeah give me a crafting check.
Sixteen.
Food construction but clever application.
The trademark of the kobolds.
Ah yes.
Well surely they weren't guarding a dead bird.
There's something else in here.
Oh they would.
That's food.
Yum.
Add that to your sausage collection.
Just a old bird.
Nah I'm okay.
You gotta take pride in sausage.
Whatever man eats the bird.
You can eat the bird.
I mean you can.
Just to know how old.
I mean it looks relatively recent.
Delicious.
It looks relatively delicious.
Fuck yeah I'll eat the bird.
Oh man.
Suit yourself.
Rootmore's gonna poke around for like secret walls or compartments or anything cause he
still thinks it's weird there's a trap in here for nothing.
Let me check this door.
Fifteen.
You don't see any hidden compartments or anything of the sort but you do notice the door in
the southeastern corner.
There's a door here?
Yep right in front of you.
Oh okay.
Definitely gonna check for traps on that.
Yeah.
Also in case you were curious the crow didn't do anything to you.
It's for you, perfectly fine.
We find raw bird.
Twenty chicken traps on the door.
Or I'm sorry twenty three.
Better than me.
You do not detect any traps on this door.
Yeah.
Should be good to open buddy.
Alright.
This chamber is pretty cramped.
Has two beds, one of which is covered in bird bones.
A small sack on the floor and an array of old tools.
The other bed looks recently slept in.
And this is where they sleep.
Let me look in that bag.
I'll check the tools.
Sounding too much like corn cob.
I'll check the tools.
Well I'll check the tools.
I'll say, I'll say.
Corn cob's body must be close.
Okay.
I would love to get possessed.
I want you to get possessed by corn cob.
How do we do that?
How do we curse ourselves?
It's a nice little room.
Cozy.
Basically like three feet of walking space and two twin beds.
Alright Rootmore.
As you look over the tools, you see it is a complete set of sterling artisan's tools
used for stone masonry or stone carving work.
Hot damn.
Mm hmm.
A scarab in the sack, you find sixty two silver pieces and a single garnet.
Wowee.
I can resell this baby for a high price.
Go ahead and roll me a crafting on that garnet.
Seven.
Yeah you think it's a gem.
Gems are good.
Pretty.
Exactly.
One thing you do notice though, it seems to have like a faint emanation to it.
Could I identify magic on it?
You can try.
Okay you don't have to threaten me like that.
Lug up.
Scarab eats the stove.
Stares her in the eyes.
This will grind up the bird nicely.
Shake me quick.
That is a nine.
You you're not really sure what's going on here.
It's enough to know that this thing maybe might have been magical at some point but
it seems like the magic has faded from it so the only thing you're seeing in these
emanations is like an echo of what it might have been but it's a little difficult for
you to determine like what kind of magic it would have been.
It's actually a ten if that changes anything.
I forgot to say my thing did two.
Oh in that case, no.
I was still at level nine.
I mean level one.
Did you detect magic?
Is that what you did?
I was identifying magic.
We leveled up.
I forgot to set my level.
Oh nice.
Sorry that was sarcastic and mean.
I can detect magic on that.
Wow that was sarcastic and mean.
I'll detect magic on that.
Or not on that but you know 30 foot emanation.
See if there's magic around.
These artisan's tools.
It's worth four gold pieces but it's heavy.
I can't hold it.
Just set it down here.
Leave it here for now unless anyone can hold 20 pounds.
Oh is that how much?
Two bulk.
Yeah.
Yeah we could put it.
We can put it in that front waiting room.
Yeah let's do that.
Put it up next to your cousin's hat.
Hee-ha-bles over there.
Yeah root more.
Hee-ha.
That's what I heard.
Hee-ha-bles over there.
My favorite encumbered walk is from Valheim where your guy just walks with his arms hanging
and sweating.
He looks so sad.
I do like how you walk in Baldur's Gate when you're encumbered because you just look cool.
You just do a cool walk.
Just walk real slow.
Just like stagger.
Stagger?
I mean swagger.
Yeah good find.
We can sleep here too.
Barring the owner of the bed showing up.
Okay so you did detect magic?
Yes just the 30 foot emanation.
You do detect magic in fact.
Two blips of magic that seem to be coming from under the bed.
Oh shit.
Uh oh.
Okay.
And as you stand there examining your tools a small hand clutching a dagger darts out
from under the bed and stabs into your boot.
Go for initiative.
I was just going to say oh no.
Before you do anything.
Oh yay no.
Here we go.
How dare you.
The sanctity of my boot.
I'm nervous because I don't want to play this character.
No idea what you are.
It's something none of us have ever played.
Again.
That's good.
It's fun.
I mean like I was telling Cody I'm surprised none of us have been a dwarf before you know.
I know.
It's crazy.
I know but creatures.
Sorry dwarves aren't hot.
Oh they can be.
Are you kidding me.
Have you seen this guy's face.
Look dwarves aren't hot.
Dwarves aren't hot.
Yeah I've seen his face.
It's okay you don't need to show me again.
I've seen it.
I've seen his mustache that goes all the way up to his ears.
Yeah.
Yep.
Copy.
Yeah but have you seen my character.
I saw just the little thingy.
She's hot.
She looks creepy.
She cool.
What'd you get Monet.
I bet you can't guess.
Dwarves.
Sorry.
Dwarves.
It's a nine.
Nice.
Yet again.
Damn.
Scarab.
28.
Woo hoo.
Rueboar.
27.
God damn.
Alright Scarab you see the hand come out before it strikes.
What do you do?
Can I see the creature.
It's under the bed so you can just see the hand.
Could drop prone if you'd like.
Three action?
One action.
Yeah okay.
From the back of the other room.
Cause he was in there next to Rudy.
Combat starts he runs to the back of the other room.
Drops prone for one action.
On the floor.
Gun ready.
Can I see this guy?
You can.
From under the bed you see a vicious snarl on the face of a small kobold with purplish
black scales, silvery white horns, and a long pink tongue that is sticking out of his mouth
as he prepares to strike.
Indraconic.
From which clan do you hail?
Taken by surprise the knife stops mid swing and in draconic he replies.
True scale.
We don't have to fight we can let you run.
But we have business here.
I'm willing to end combat.
I'm so sorry.
Why would you let me run?
Better than death.
Well then I'll just be going.
Get out of the way.
The other one too.
I know you're in there.
Right.
The other one.
Who else is in there?
Thirty of us.
Damn it.
What is happening here?
Will you let my friend back away?
Sure.
No no not you.
No he's saying he's speaking draconic.
Unless you speak draconic.
No I don't.
No no.
All of you out of my room.
And then I leave.
Alright.
Uh Scarab's gonna lay there with his gun trained.
And he's gonna end his turn.
He's gonna put his hand up and be like hey Cobalt's under the bed.
Let him out.
You have two actions you could ready an action.
I was counting the speaking cause it was a lot.
That's up to Cody.
Nah you're fine.
Cause I would ready you to shoot if anything goes awry.
Cody would it do anything else?
Sorry I was yawning.
Sorry this is perfect.
It's good radio.
Ah.
It is Rootmore's turn.
And you said to let him pass right?
You look down there's a tiny blackish purple hand holding a dagger right above your boot.
That's just rude.
But I guess he has nowhere to run.
So Rootmore will back out of the room.
He'll go to this back corner next to Scarab.
And he will ready an action.
It is this Cobalt's turn next and the knife hand goes back under the bed and you can see
like the reflective flash of two yellowish eyes.
I wait for all of you to leave then I leave.
And he holds his action.
And it is Monet's turn.
Monet steps out of the way.
And is a pig in your space?
I left pig but pig can move.
Yeah she will ready an action.
Back to Scarab.
I can promise you no injury if you promise the same.
I do have questions.
I don't want to answer them.
I want to leave.
Leave.
That's very fair.
Perhaps I can give you a gift for some information?
Like some arrows?
Or bullets?
Or a dead bird.
I hate the bird.
Oh.
Oops.
He's probably going to be upset about that.
Did you at least remove the feathers?
No never.
What are you talking about man?
Maybe.
I give you information.
But I want to know that it's a good gift and you have to toss me my bird.
I'm a little hungry.
This is very stressful and if I'm going to deal with you I need to be full.
Scarab is going to turn to you guys.
You have to help me get this bird out.
Look I'm just going to open my mouth and you reach in.
You got that?
Don't fuck with anything down there.
Just grab the bird.
Will you give me a moment to retch?
To show that you are in good company?
I will give you back your bird that I accidentally stole.
You ate my bird?
Put it down.
It's good.
It's real good.
Stupid.
Filthy.
Stealing.
Fomult.
You clamless fool.
Scarab would like to retch for one action.
I got your bird.
Toss the bird for another action onto the floor in front of you.
In good faith.
I will be hungry again.
Two gifts.
And you let me pass.
I want to go back to Absalom.
Oh come on man.
You're going to be fine.
Let's see here.
Hey check this out.
He tosses seven arrows, five bullets, a torch, and a bar of soap.
The tiny scaled hands reach out and begin clawing all that stuff under the bed with
him, the last being the bar of soap, before a moment pauses and the bar of soap gets tossed
back out.
Cool.
Now where are my two gifts?
You thieving.
Stupid.
Liar.
He pulls the glock back out.
You get out from under that bed right now.
Come and get me.
You'll never take me alive.
Why are the true scales here?
Why are you here?
We're looking for a dwarf.
This is a dwarven hold.
There are no dwarves here.
We live here now.
Two score.
He's stressed.
No living dwarves.
Right.
Damn it man speak.
No living dwarves.
Okay.
I mean that's something because we're looking for a guy.
Looks possibly like this guy but not him.
What does that have to do with me getting out of here?
I want to look under the bed.
I don't want to be under the bed.
Get out from under the bed.
Get out of the way.
I think we're good guys.
Let him through.
Uh, goes back to room work.
I forgot where to go.
Get out from under the bed.
I'm gonna roll an intimidation.
Ten.
God.
You say that and then after he goes, get out from under the bed.
Second action.
He runs into the room.
Oh, he's gonna kill you.
Third action brings a hammer down onto the bed.
Roll to hit the bed.
If you net one, I will make that bounce back and hit you in the head.
Agreed.
I understand.
Twelve to hit.
Okay.
Yeah, roll for damage on the bed.
11 damage.
Yeah, we'll say not only did you hit the bed, but the weight of the blow actually crushed
the bed onto him and he'll take a little bit of damage as well.
So roll me a d4.
Oh, shit.
That's a one on the d4.
It's okay.
You have split the bed in two, revealing him now covering his head from the splintering
wood.
Big old splinter in his finger.
Still laughing.
You broke my bed.
Eat my bird.
Break my bed.
Give me the bird back.
At least tell me my bag of rocks is still up there.
No, it's not.
And it was a bad trap.
You idiot, fool, dirty, smelly, stinky liar.
Why did you come out here and smell me yourself, stupid?
True scales suck.
I don't want to fight Cobalt.
All right, that's it for you, Rupmore.
Yes, that's it.
Okay.
It is his turn next.
He's going to scramble out from under the remains of the bed and go between your legs.
He's going to tumble through your space.
Does that activate an attack of opportunity?
Not if he gets it.
Not if I get it.
That is a...not very good.
14 against your reflex DC.
That is a fail.
So he does not move through your space.
Just jumps right into your garage.
That wonk.
Oops, sorry.
But he does stand up, provoking, correct?
No, he was scrambling from the floor.
Ah, gotcha.
He is going to have to stand up now, though, if you would like to take an attack of opportunity.
Of course.
Happy to do it.
These dice are neat, but they're hard to read.
Okay, that's a 15 plus 8.
That's 23 to hit.
That's a hit.
Who's laughing now?
Three damage.
As you swing your hammer at him, he ducks out of the way and then stands up as if he's
about to mock you, but the other side of the handle of your hammer catches him at the back
of the head.
Just clings.
And his little hands clasp the back of his head and he says, liars, all of you!
You got your gift.
And he, now that he's stood up, he's kind of fucked.
He's going to try to tumble through again, because that's all he can do to get through.
That is a 15.
I actually, I'm sorry, I'm looking at the wrong, stupid thing.
That is a 19 against your reflex DC.
That is a pass.
Okay.
He scurries around behind you and begins to run.
It is Monet's turn.
Monet will lean her head into the door.
I thought we were letting him run.
Are we not letting him run?
I don't speak Cobalt.
Well, he told us to.
But then he made fun of me.
I don't like that.
I don't like it when things make fun of me.
I mean, gave him his chance.
If he lives, he lives.
If he dies, he dies.
Fine.
Do I hit him or not?
That's up to you, man.
Let him be.
You got a good whack.
You got lucky this time.
Monet.
True scale idiot.
Monet crosses her arms and.
Readys in action.
Alright, Skirb.
From here, since he's in the hallway.
Hey, true scale.
You're not going to tell anybody to come back here and get us, are you?
No.
Why would I do that?
No, no.
Skirb's going to sense motive.
What is that again?
Perception against deception DC.
Right.
13.
You don't think he's going to tell anybody.
I don't think he's going to tell anybody.
Yeah, Skirb's going to end his turn.
Root more.
He'll start rooting around in this room, seeing if there's anything cool.
He's going to root more.
Nice.
Looking for sausage.
To perception check.
27.
You don't see anything else of interest in the room, aside from under the remnants of
the bed are Skirb's arrows and bullets and torch.
Root more gathers all that up, brings it back over to Skirb.
Thanks dude.
Ah, you're welcome.
Real trash clan.
You're done with your turn.
From the hallway you hear, I'm totally going to tell everyone.
Go pig.
There's pig right there.
5, 2, 3, 4, I stretched him.
5, 4, 3, 4, and he is gone.
Because we should probably be careful now.
He said he was going to tell everyone.
Ah, let them come.
Keep your wits about you.
Oh boy.
Well, you were out of initiative.
I see, that wasn't so bad.
That was fun.
That door next to you, Monet.
Mind ripping it off the hinges for us?
I can surely try.
We didn't check it.
Perception for traps?
Checking for traps.
Well, you can actually save yourself the trouble because as you look at this door across the
way it's another set of double doors and one of the doors is completely shattered.
Okay.
When you get in you could literally just walk through.
Still a perception for traps?
Yeah, that part.
You could walk in, you step on a tripwire.
Don't bother looking for traps.
What I mean is, yes, a bunch of squares.
17.
What I meant is before you examine the door I should tell you half of it is gone.
Not 17, that was a lie.
Sure you want to look for traps.
It seems kind of boring.
It's so blase.
19.
The door does not seem to be trapped or locked, just in disarray.
So like a trap, what?
No, you don't see like a trap rope on the floor behind the door with a bird on a table.
Okay.
Just a pile of blood and mashed body parts.
This is weird.
Witty ceiling.
Odd design choice.
What does she see looking in?
You see.
Scorch marks everywhere.
A room that looks to be in equal state of disrepair as is the same with the rest of
the monastery.
It looks to be what used to be a library.
There is a collapsed corner of the room where rocks are piled high and it's soaked in a
wide pool of stagnant water.
There are several shelves still lined completely with books, although you detect the subtle
earthy smell of mold in the air that kind of sours the smell of this room.
I'm going to be honest with you.
In Absalom, Drueingar started writing a book.
He came here seeking rumors of ways to stave off death itself.
You don't say?
I do say.
Hmm.
That...
That could explain the dwarven walking bones.
Possibly, when you mention that, I apologize for keeping it to myself, but...
Hey man, it's fine.
Have your secrets.
I don't know much more than that.
I just know that's what he was looking for here.
Possible immortality.
Seems like that's usually where danger starts.
Maybe...
Only we'll step in.
Yes, maybe the answer is in one of those books.
What's this hole in the ground?
I don't know.
Whoa!
Actually, yeah, it looks like busted in wall and perhaps that's just a pillar?
Yes.
Yeah, it's a support pillar.
Also it's...
Good job it's doing.
It's not...
Yeah, right.
Well, they should have built a pillar over there, clearly.
They did not put them on here, but the room is lined wall-to-wall bookshelves as well
as a few standing bookshelves in the middle of the room, namely around that pillar.
Yeah.
Although some of them have been smashed, emptied in there, like the tattered ruins
remains of pages and books on the floor.
Monet would like to look over these bookshelves.
Yeah, for sure.
Yes.
Do y'all want to do a good old-fashioned skimming?
Or not even skimming, but thorough look through?
Uh-huh.
Yes.
23.
Rue Mor, first thing you notice, the shelves themselves seem to be lined with a... some
sort of mold.
No doubt from the moisture lead into the room, but there are... almost all of the books that
you're looking over seem like they are covered in this strange mold and might be damaged.
Terrible thing.
Mold everywhere.
They seem to be dangerous in any way, or just ruining the books.
Uh, you could roll a nature check.
23.
Oh yeah, that's dangerous.
Careful with these books.
Do not disturb the mold.
It's covered in something known as phantom mold.
Eee.
Phantom mold.
These books may be lost to us.
Still, Monet would like to read over the spines of any books that she can.
Scarab's gonna cover his mouth and nose with his shoulder cape.
Monet will do the same with her shoulder cape.
Good idea.
Do you also have a shoulder cape?
No, he just gets his beard and wraps it around his face.
Come please!
Oh!
Come be out of this!
Just wraps it around the back of his head and comes back.
Monet as you're looking along the shelves you do notice what seems to be atop one of
the shelves on the far side away from the water.
There does appear to be a book which spine does not seem to be covered in mold.
In fact it looks in relatively good shape.
But as it is atop the high bookshelf you would have to risk disturbing the mold or finding
some way of dealing with the mold in order to get to it.
I've got this hook and this rope.
Just put the hook on the rope.
Step away from the shelf.
I'd like to ask a question.
Telekinetic projectile.
Could I just use that to get the book down?
As like an unintended object and then just hurl it at something?
Yeah, just hurl it down.
Just pick it up and throw it on the ground.
It might have to involve an attack roll because the mage hand is what that does.
I know.
That's why I'm asking.
I feel like there could be a chance it would destroy the book.
Yeah.
I would say we'll do an attack roll and if you don't, if you critically fail it's not
going where you want it to go and if you critically succeed at hitting the ground you might obliterate
the book on the floor.
Is that fair?
Yeah.
So because it's a DC5 to hit the floor if you hit a 15 or higher you're blowing that
book up.
Okay.
Roll for it.
So I'm just rolling an attack roll.
Attack roll against an AC5 to hit the floor.
Okay.
Well, then it's almost guaranteed to.
That's what I was saying if you critically succeed.
I'm trying to meet you halfway because Zemmatt is right that that telekinesis is more for
that.
So as long as you get a 14 total or less you're not destroying the book.
13.
13?
Yeah.
Okay.
So you hurl the book at your feet with a loud thud.
Yeah.
It spores into the air and you all breathe it in.
No, I'm just kidding.
No, you're good.
Can I say my thing?
Delicious.
This is the first time she's done anything to like show at all what she is.
Which?
Can I take a moment to describe what happened?
Evil being.
I mean, I was just asking so I could actually do like the whole like cinematic thing or
we could just wave it.
No, please.
She uses telekinetic like.
No, don't wave it because I was.
Yeah, I was gonna have questions.
So Monet stands at the base of the tall shelf looking up at it.
Kind of narrows her eyes and kind of like in a wave of energy comes out from her as
her like shoulder cape kind of floats a bit off of her and you taste a metallic flavor
in the air as she lifts her hands up into a fist and just hurls the book onto the ground.
Careful.
And she leans down and picks it up.
Wow.
Didn't need the rope at all.
Ah, magic user.
I am, yes.
Very cool.
Ropes.
Fantastic.
Primitive.
Yes, yes.
But practical sometimes.
As is magic, clearly.
Yes.
If you know magic, you must know how to read.
I do.
She opens the book.
What deity do you worship?
I don't.
What gives you this divine power?
What gives you the power to grow your beard?
Oh.
You see his brain just cramp.
He goes to sit down on a bench.
Just contemplate his life.
There's a puff of spores as you sit down.
Goof.
Her magic is beard power.
Weird.
Get it.
You are holding a beautifully decorated book that has dwarven text across the front and
has inlay of gold.
Oh.
I'm sorry.
Scarab, was it?
Yeah.
I can't read this.
I can't read.
Dwarf.
Yes.
It has the language of your people.
Oh, fantastic.
Thank you.
And she hands it over.
What does it say?
God, man, what does it say?
Please.
He looks at his eyes, go cross.
All the letters are just spinning around on the page.
Oh, please, God, help me.
It's the holy Bible.
Torag, speak into my ears, what does this say?
The cover of the Bible says, toons to toil to, a book of hems in the name of Torag.
Does it really?
Toons to toil to.
Does it really say that?
It's not titled anything, this is what I called it.
Page one, hi-ho, hi-ho, hi-ho.
It's off to work.
We go.
This is just rude.
Who wrote this?
As you're flipping through the pages, you just see many of them are just hems in dedication
to Torag and to toiling in his name.
This is beautiful.
Beautiful work.
It is beautifully illustrated.
Along with the hems are magnificent drawn dwarven artistry that depict various scenes
of people toiling, making great works, blacksmiths that were carpenters, even fishermen and farmers.
As you're flipping through, something falls out of the back of the book.
A piece of paper that kind of flutters down to the ground.
What is this?
He looks at the piece of paper and tries to figure out what's going on.
As you unfold it, you see dwarven runes depicting this as some sort of scroll.
A scroll.
Magic probably.
And he unfurls the scroll.
What did the scroll do?
Fireball.
He disappears.
I'd like to roll to help identify it.
Sure.
I could also try and identify magic.
Sure.
What is this?
Arcana?
It is religion.
Perfect.
22.
8.
9.
Haha!
Holy man.
Scarab it's a scroll of spiritual weapon.
Hell yeah.
Ah, that's what I knew.
Weapon!
That's what I know.
Spiritual weapon.
Uh, what level scroll?
Yeah, typically when it is not listed in a book it is at whatever the base level of the
spell is.
In this case it is spell level 2.
Okay.
Wow.
Spiritual weapon.
Um, who wants this?
I'll fucking take it if Felicia doesn't want it.
You got any range?
Hell of all forms of magic.
I think he's the only one who can use it.
But I don't want to use that.
Are you thinking how why?
Scrolls are funky in Pathfinder.
If I remember correctly the only two ways to use it are either to interact, to use the
item and then you have to make a use magical item check and it has to be one that is on
your spell list.
Uh, but the other way to do it if you can't is to use trick magic item in which you have
to, I think you need a feat for that.
Hold on.
And you still, I think even when you do that I think you still need to have it on your
spell list.
Um, I mean unless somebody's got it I already have it up here I can hold on to it at least.
Unless you want it and can use it.
Pardon.
So for trick magic item you examine a magic item you normally couldn't use in an effort
to fool it and activate it temporarily.
For example this might allow a fighter to cast a spell from a wand or allow a wizard
to cast a spell that is not on the arcane list using scroll.
You must know what activating the item does or you can't attempt to trick it.
You use a check.
Attempt to check using the skill matching the item's magic tradition or matching a
tradition that has the spell on its list if you're trying to cast a spell from the item.
So arcana for arcane, natural for, or nature for primal, occultism for occult, yada yada.
The DC is based on the item's level determined by the GM.
If you activate a magic item that requires a spell attack roll or spell DC and you don't
have the ability to cast spells of the relevant tradition use your level as a proficiency
bonus and the highest of your intelligence, wisdom, or charisma as modifiers.
So in that instance normally you would have to spend an action and then if you succeed
that then you can spend actions to cast that spell as if you had it.
Okay.
Did somebody else want to hold it?
I only have a cold.
Yeah.
I can take it.
Yeah.
I want to check this door.
Are we done in here?
Waiting for Cody.
You keep talking about wolves.
Haven't seen any wolves.
It's an open door.
Alright so you guys are checking this door?
Yes.
Traps.
24.
No traps.
26.
Three traps.
I hope not.
It would be horrible.
Just the difference of three to know if there are three traps there.
A guillotine, a poison dart, and a bowling ball.
Guillotine cuts off your toes.
You fall down.
The dart hits you in the forehead and the ball goes straight through your nuts.
You guys want to open that door?
Yes please.
Alright.
Who has dark vision?
I have dark vision.
Ah everybody does.
Nice.
Good.
Then all of you can see this horrible, horrible reveal.
There you go.
See?
It was horrible.
I didn't even do it.
I was on select area again.
It's so dark.
Oh yes.
Gah.
Oh this is like the actual church room.
It seems.
Mmhmm.
Yep.
As you enter the room you see a bunch of old dark wood pews.
Beautiful.
Miracle.
Many of them are tipped over, covered in dust on either side of what appears to be an ancient
shrine.
At the far end of this room to your left is a large ceremonial anvil.
Ugh, the disrespect in here.
Ruttmuller walks in ten feet, or fifteen feet towards the anvil and inspects it.
Makes me sad.
Approaching the anvil you see the telltale symbology of Toraag.
You also notice five hexagonal depressions on this anvil.
Although each of them is empty.
Hmm.
You know what?
One minute.
Uh, Scarab would like to run back to the room where the trap was.
Mmhmm.
And inspect the anvil that was amongst the rubble.
This one is nothing like the one that was in that room.
This is more of to say, uh, this is a very small anvil.
You assume it was probably used to make horseshoes, potentially for the stables out back.
Mmhmm.
No, uh, strange markings or anything?
Mmhmm.
Okay.
Yeah.
Why don't you roll me, uh, just a general recall knowledge.
Actually, go ahead and make it a crap thing.
Seventeen.
Uh, you recall picking up a gemstone recently that was hexagonal.
Oh!
Okay.
Ah!
Oh!
Yeah.
Uh, Scarab's gonna go back in here.
Are you, uh, what are you doing, Monet?
Uh, I was drawing squares on the stone.
Oh, that's cool.
We can see it.
Oh, yeah?
Thank you.
You're welcome.
So, y'all saw where that, can you see where I drew tools?
Yes.
Cool.
That's neat.
I didn't know it could show everybody.
Uh, yeah, Monet will come in.
Just stand in this corner.
Rudemore, check this out!
Pulls out the garnet stone.
Oh, it might fit.
Uh, any, like, identifying marks in the, uh, depressions?
Or do they all look the same?
They all look the same.
Uh, you, comparing the gemstone to that, that, uh, socket, for lack of a better word, it
looks to be the right size and shape.
Uh, but as you are inspecting, you hear a low whooshing noise coming from above you.
And as you look up, you see these horrific looking octopus-like, manta ray-esque creatures
drop down from above.
Roll for initiative.
What the bloody hell?
How many?
Two.
Here we go.
This is gross.
Oh, why did I close that dungeon?
Why are there sea creatures?
I don't understand.
Why did I roll terribly?
Oh, don't die in the second epiphode, Jorina.
Strange guy.
You and your conversations with Torak.
Very weird.
Oh, man.
What are these?
Disgusting!
Great, it's right next to me.
Gross.
Ew.
Nasty.
It takes like ten minutes for them to slowly seep down, just standing there.
Foul creature!
You disgust me.
Not a fan of seafood, I guess.
No.
Never had one of the bitch dogs?
It doesn't work in Lynx.
It doesn't work.
It doesn't.
No.
Abomination!
These culinary abominations falling from the ceiling.
I don't feel like taking a nap after eating it.
All right, Monet, what'd you get?
Let me go ahead and tell you.
Let me go ahead and tell you what I got.
Bet you can't guess.
Ooh, I think we're about to hear.
Six.
That's better than nine.
Root more?
It's not.
What did I say?
I know it was really bad.
Was it a nine?
No, baby, I don't know.
Did I say baby?
I meant to say maybe.
Baby, I don't know.
I heard maybe.
I probably said baby.
We'll know.
We'll know later.
We're stuffy.
What year is it?
Baby.
It couldn't have been a nine, because I've got plus ten.
Why are you holding your d20?
Because I rolled it a long time ago and I said it and then I started playing it.
Oh, and then picked it up.
I got you.
Just roll again.
It's okay.
I think it was a 13 total.
That's what I think.
That's all right.
Everybody will hear the recording later and they'll know.
Yes.
11, so 21.
Okay.
What's your bonus?
Can I roll mine again?
No.
Oh, my bonus?
Plus ten.
What if I call you a baby?
No.
That was to Matt.
That helped Matt, not me.
But it made you smile a little bit.
It did.
Dear listener, that is how you cheat.
I'm scared of what you get.
That's okay.
I just gave you a minus eight modifier.
It's fine.
28.
22.
I don't know why I said 28.
Guys.
I know.
It makes me so mad.
I hate that I forgot.
That you cheated?
Yes.
To be fair.
I didn't mean to cheat.
To be fair, listeners, it's one in the morning.
It's way past your month's bedtime.
I'm sorry.
It's way past your month's bedtime.
Yes.
I have no excuse.
Baby.
I just woke up.
No, baby.
I don't know.
Oh, baby.
I don't know.
Holy.
Goddamn it.
I really want to listen to that part again.
Because that was so funny.
Baby.
Do you remember when you were describing something when you were running the game in Age of Ashes?
You said, around the corny.
Did you hear that part?
You said, around the corny.
And I was the only one who was like, did you say around the corny?
And everybody's like, you said around the corner, right?
It's like, no, you said around the corny.
And you actually did.
Around the corny.
It's around the corny.
Just wait till I run a game.
Scarab, once again, you're too quick for your enemies.
I'm the fastest boy in the...
West part of this building.
There we go.
First things first, I'm going to take my 10 steps.
And then I'm not going to ask these guys any questions.
I'm going to fire at the one that's closest to Monet.
You don't want to talk to it.
Blow, blow.
That's going to be 16 to hit.
That's a hit.
Oh, thank goodness.
Oh, yeah, dude.
Oh, nice.
That's six piercing damage.
Beautiful.
Scarab will then reload.
Get this.
Fire again.
Oh.
17 to hit.
Second shot hits a mark.
Oh, yeah.
Mark.
Six piercing damage.
Wow.
Yes, yes, yes, yes, yes.
That's it for Scarab.
Oh, yeah.
Do you guys get anything cool for level two?
Not that I didn't know.
I don't even know what classes you are.
You get anything cool for this mystery?
Well, Rootmore's chance to show you.
Ah, perfect.
Drops hot dogs on the ground.
Eat up.
You disgust me.
Are they on the ground level or still on the ceiling?
Yes, they have floated down.
Floated.
Are they kind of above the ground?
Yeah.
Can't trip these.
So Rootmore is going to step to the north.
I would love to lasso their feet.
He's going to step to the north to the one at the north and he's going to power attack.
I'm on baby with his with his hammer.
War hammer.
Can't do math.
26 to hit.
Critical hit.
Nice.
Oh, with a power attack.
Holy crap.
That's 40 10.
OK.
Yep.
That's a lot.
Holy.
It's eight plus 10 right there.
Eight plus.
I rolled another eight or three.
OK, it's an eight.
Wow.
So eight plus 10 plus eight.
So eight plus 18.
26.
Nine and four.
13.
So 26 13.
Yeah, 39.
39 damage.
Describe what you do to this thing.
Get out of my Lord's temple.
And he just he just walks up and just brings a goddamn hammer down, slams the fuck out
of this thing.
Just straight down into the ground.
As you drive it into the stone, the stone cracks and black viscous fluid shoots out
in all directions and you obliterate the creature.
Scarab claps heartily.
Fuck.
That's it for his turn.
Good show.
Holy.
The remaining creature next to Monet puts its tentacles close together and almost seems
to inflate before it does a and a inky cloud comes out into the room, casting the whole
room into darkness.
Now each of you has dark vision, but even still, as the clouds swirl, it kind of obscures
the creature a bit.
Mechanically speaking, it is concealed, not invisible.
You can still hit it.
You know where it's at.
You just got to do 20 percent miss chance.
Now from the inky black whips out a torrent of tentacles at you, Monet.
Twenty three.
That's a hit.
Is he the only one that gets the shroud or do we all get concealed when the blob of darkness
lands that explodes into a 10 foot burst of darkness that prevents light from penetrating
or emanating within the area of light does not enter this area and any non magical light
source such as torches or lanterns are extinguished.
Even their light ready, even if their light radius would extend beyond the darkness.
This also suppresses magical light of first level or lower, but has no effect on magical
light from second level or higher spells from the outside.
It appears as a globe of pure darkness.
Yeah.
We surprisingly haven't played or yeah, we haven't dealt with the magical darkness.
We'll give it a go just to be fair then.
Because I know some creatures aren't affected by magical darkness.
Yeah, that's kind of the funky thing.
And I would I would think that since he did it, he'd be able like it's a defense mechanism.
It's a like a biological thing, not a so you would think that he might be OK.
Yeah, I'm going to go ahead and actually say that he's not affected by it.
Monet, that's five points of bludgeoning damage and you are grabbed.
But that is it for its turn.
And it is your turn, Monet.
Sorry, you are not grabbed.
OK, I take that back.
That's good.
I'm scared of wondering what the abilities are of his new compatriots.
You see Rootmore, the way he handles himself, probably a fighter.
Figured as much with the power attack.
Yeah.
OK.
I was just curious based on are you Dex then or do you just not have any points in athletics?
By looking at him, you see he's a little pudgy.
He's not very strong.
He's only got plus two strength, zero Dex, but his armor is huge.
He's got like full plate armor.
Cool.
I mean, as long as you get hit like that.
Yeah.
But for the listeners, you know, we dual class.
That's one of the classes.
Something else in there.
I'm not dual classed.
Oh, you're not.
Interesting.
Spell slinger that is strong as hell.
Monet, the door crusher.
That is what I will call you.
Door crusher is pretty cool.
Monet gets pummeled by these tentacles.
And if y'all can see her in the dark, her eyes turn from the bright yellow that they
normally are to this almost like it turns like, what's that called?
Like they revolve like a slot.
Yeah, like a slot machine to metallic spheres.
And she like, ah, and shards of metal burst out of her body into this creature.
Can I borrow some D4s?
How many?
What you need?
I need five.
A lot of D4s.
Okay, so the first attack is a 20.
The next attack is a 12.
Miss.
The next attack is a 12, so six damage.
Could be cool.
Might kill it.
But wasn't.
That's all she got.
From where your metallic shards pierce this thing, black eiker kind of drips out.
Hey, was there a modifier on that?
No, um, modifier.
Okay.
Oh, I lied.
So the first hit was actually, I didn't see that I actually had a different modifier for
that kind of attack.
Cause it's an impulse.
So I was doing plus two, it's actually a plus six.
So then the first attack would have been a 25.
24.
Cause if you're doing a plus two in the first attack, 24.
And that means that was a 16 for both the other two.
All three of those hit.
Really?
Yeah.
Roll the rest of your damage.
So that is six damage.
So all together 18 damage.
Yes.
Okay.
I'm so sorry.
New class that I've never played before.
So sorry.
18 damage in one hit is fun.
Your middle shards pure damage.
The creature turning it into Swiss cheese as it falls to the ground.
Hell yeah.
Yeah.
Out of combat.
No more squid to poos.
No more squid to poos in the building.
Somebody shoo away this darkness.
Get it out.
What is this?
Can we open the door and start swinging the door?
Roll me a perception check.
Everyone.
Those things are cute.
What else do we have in here?
The 20 perception.
Oh, 28.
I got a 22.
Nice.
Big looking.
Big looking we're doing in here.
He called him that baby.
He said, now I have to keep it in.
I want to hear it because I don't remember saying that.
Maybe I did.
I don't know.
It's been so long.
You said, you said maybe, but as a, as a stuff nosed boy, I know about baby.
I know a bit about baby.
I probably did say baby.
Oh, I know about baby.
I'm sorry, baby.
Oh baby.
We left it in the other room.
Sorry, baby.
Baby, you think of me.
As the inky blackness begins to fade out of this room, you notice that there are two figures
standing at the door to the east.
Come here, boy.
Come here.
Get a taste of the summer.
No, no, or no.
You killed your two toys, two wolves push their way into the room.
They found you scarab roll for initiative.
I keep reading what my perception is.
I keep closing down John and being like, yeah, I don't have to do this for now.
And I'm like, I'm not going to touch my die after I rolled it.
I'll leave it right there.
That's what you got that for.
Play with the little stress ball.
We got to give Emma little toys to play with.
Yes.
And it came back to me.
Like when my kids were little, we played board games and I bought a bunch of like fidget
toys, fidget spinners.
Cause like, you know, it's my fault.
It's like, let me introduce you to these complicated board games and that, you know, every turn
takes forever and you know, kids, it's just how they are.
They can be a patient and they want to play with stuff.
Seen me this entire time, just playing with this box.
Yeah.
She's opening and closing a small gift box.
It's a really nice small little gift box.
Oh, it says best wishes.
Listeners, you know, at like, uh, what do you even call them?
I haven't been a child in a very long time, but you know, at like children's clinics where
you sit in the waiting room and they have that big weird thing with all the, uh, pediatrician
and all the big loops in the, in the little knobby guys.
Emma got bored of his, keeps it next to himself, but you know, you can only go back and forth
on that track so many times.
So own one of those.
It was a big ordeal to get it into the, into the basement too.
Cause the, cause the stairs are so narrow.
Like, well, what, what with all the, all the other strange toys down there that are getting
in the way of his kids toys?
How did you guys know I have a basement?
Well, cause, cause we, we had to bring in the toy.
It was a surprise.
I was wondering where that came from.
I wasn't going to ask anybody cause you know what?
I'll delete all this.
We just, you know, we talked to the man that lives in your attic.
Hey, hey man, what is that?
Hey, Emma, Emma, no, no, no.
Oh my God.
Oh, that was magic.
Throwing fireballs.
Now, I'm odd has the right kind of toys.
He doesn't have any weird kids toys or anything like that.
He has adult toys.
Like a good adult.
Scarab, what'd you get?
I meant to do machine gun, not monkey.
Scarab, what'd you get?
Back to back combat.
Hell yeah.
That's what I've been waiting for.
Here are your puppies.
That's not what I rolled at all.
Uh, 19.
Rudy?
25.
Wow.
Monet.
23.
Whoa.
Double digi's.
No nine right at this moment.
Monet, more like Mo nine.
Am I right?
I wish that someone gave me a pity laugh.
I'm so sorry.
I was thinking I might be first, so I'm really trying to focus.
I was looking at the map.
I was just trying to figure out what to do.
I really wish.
I just wanted to know what you meant because I didn't hear your roll.
Did you roll a nine?
I just, I've rolled a lot of nines tonight.
Okay.
I'm so sorry.
It's okay.
I just felt so self-conscious.
Oh, no worries.
If anyone's going to be judged, it's me.
Scarab, your ability triggers before initiative?
Or is it at the beginning of your turn?
I will look at the fine text.
You react to trouble with lightning speed, positioning yourself just right, gain a plus
two circumstance bonus to your initiative roll, and you can interact to draw a one-handed
firearm or one-handed crossbow as your first action on your first turn you can step.
Okay.
So if you go before me.
I do?
Then you can.
One of the wolves spies you as the darkness clears and immediately rushes to you and lunges
at your leg with a bite.
Oh.
15.
Miss.
Oh, hell yeah.
Its jaws snap the air as it reaches back to do the same again and misses.
Scarab does a cartwheel in place, dodging both attacks.
Rudy.
Well, let's take care of your puppy problem.
He takes a five-foot step towards the wolf harassing Scarab and he goes for a power attack.
This wolf has his hands on my jacket.
Get him off.
Eight.
I mean, sorry, ten to hit.
It's a miss.
That's it for his turn.
The wolf does a cartwheel in place.
Damn.
What did I say?
What is it about me?
This room is crazy.
So quick.
It's got style.
Two actions for that power attack.
Everyone in the room starts to turn into a small windmill.
Because later on you can get it where power attacks only one action.
Oh.
Yeah.
That's right.
You were doing that with your other character.
With hat.
Ha.
I will not say his name.
It doesn't matter.
Monet.
Wait, did you go?
You go before him.
Oh.
Oh yeah.
You rolled like 23 or something.
Yeah.
This is very big.
I rolled a 19.
Oh.
My brain was still on the 28.
No.
That's just perception.
Normal.
Wowee.
Okay.
So Monet kind of like bunkers down.
You know?
Like.
And starts going like.
And her eyes turn to stone as her entire body just is covered in stone.
Oh god.
And she will.
Stop.
That's the magic.
She's just punching over and over again.
That's the magic.
Aww.
Baby.
Two things, Monet.
First, there is a pew tipped over in the way.
Difficult to reign.
Second, there is a pillar between you and that wolf.
Just something to consider.
Okay.
So the air around you begins to taste all metallic again.
And.
I tore my hand out.
And she shoots shards of metal from her hand at the wolf.
I'm going to give it a slight cover bonus just because of the pillar.
Great.
A natural one.
Ugh.
Uh oh.
You're going to blow it.
Where's the red one?
I don't even know.
Right in front of Cody.
Between the two lapitopis.
Uh oh.
I don't want it.
I've been rolling all over the place today.
Cast it on your nearest ally.
Ah.
So the.
God damn it.
The shards of metal fly directly into the pillar.
And that wolf is going to be the head of the wolf.
And you're.
Creating a deafening clattering and until healed she is deafened.
Oh no.
That was for a magical crit?
Yep.
Damn.
Until healed.
Ouch.
So yeah.
That's it.
Um, she's not taking any HP damage
So she can't even be healed
Yeah, so she just like we can still like drink a potion right? Yeah
It's just not for stamina
No, give you anything. He just means you can heal even if you regain no hit points
Yeah
Get rid of the or I guess could you still do a move like lay on hands even if you haven't taken the damage?
Or taking HP damage and would that count?
I think so
Yeah, I would hope you're still expelling something for something
It's kind of dumb if you'd have to go out jump off a 10-foot roof
Just stop being deaf just pop a 10-foot roof roll a one
You're gonna be okay, you're gonna be okay. Hey, can you listen up? You're gonna be okay?
She's like
A real asshole on her ears. It's like it's a redammit
Let's uh continue the rest of the episode but everybody except Felicia just goes
At the way of my arms you to get your role
What do you do know we're friends with the wolf stop
Oh, it's my dad
It is the other wolf's turn dang
It runs to the defense of its brother and attacks attack of opportunity more
Actually, didn't even move that far
I just forget about diagonals. He's not like he gets flanking another situation
16 to hit mess
I
Can't wait
Dude I've literally rolled three sevens in a row. I
Mean now, you know Wow for Vegas you're punishing the whole whole set
Maybe then they'll peer pressure the d20 into doing better
Scare of it's your turn
All right, Cody
Which of these?
What of what of this area is
Difficult terrain any of the like walking that have a pew in it walking
Walking from like this one to this one
Okay
How much would it cost for my pig to get here in between the pews next to a?
Scarab
It's 35 movement
35
Damn, I was I was gonna call my pig in there, but I did just remember that I'm standing
There's a there would be a pole between him and the wolf
Yeah, and I don't want to do that your best choice would be if you were to go around but even then
This one right here moving from there to there will be difficult terrain, but not beyond that. So
It'd be like five ten fifteen
Mm-hmm twenty five thirty thirty five. Well, you can move diagonal for 35. Oh
You know what?
I'm so sorry listener and
everyone else at the table
I've forgotten if I get a if I
Do I get any negatives for firing within melee with a gun I
Don't think there is it just depends on if it's manipulating if they have attack of opportunity
That's what I thought. I just didn't know if anyone knew offhand
No, cuz like a bow you can fire
The only thing is a what is it long bows that have the arch
That you take a negative. Yeah
Wallet rate. Yeah the volley. Yeah
Yeah, there's no no penalty aside from if something has an a log it could hit you but aside from that you're good
Okay. Yeah, perfect
Scarab is gonna cry out
BIG PIG
And the pig is going to run it's gonna hear from the the the rotting library
The screams of his friend scarab
He's gonna run 35 feet
His full movement speed up in next to Rudy and the wolves
Scarab wolf then
I don't
Pig fright
I don't think I've reloaded I fired reloaded fired scarab's gonna with a second action
Or no
Command animal pigs gonna run in there. It's gonna do a melee attack on
The wolf in front of him. Yeah the second wolf
He's gonna do a tusk attack
17 to hit that's it very nice
Seven piercing damage. Wow
Second action
Scarab will reload
Third action fire at the wolf in front of him
Or no, actually, he's gonna fire at that wolf that a
Pig just hit
Tiny cover bonus tiny cover bonus. Okay. I'll take it
24 to hit definitely
Okay, that's gonna be six piercing damage and
Pig is gonna activate his support benefit your bore go gores your foes
My strikes that damage a creature and boars reach also deal 1d6 persistent bleed damage
Do you have access to the support stuff yet? Is that a different?
It hasn't told me otherwise. It might have to be a could be
What do you call it?
Hey like an adult
Pet like your pet might have had to have what it does say is if the bore is nimble or savage
It does an extra d6. Okay, that is what happens when you the nimble and savage thing
That's like the path you take after you evolve them. So yeah
I assumed it was just a thing because I haven't seen any otherwise
Okay, so your animal companion supports you you gain the benefits
The benefits listed in the companions type support benefits entry if the animal uses the support action
The only other actions it can use on this turn are basic move actions to get into position to do
Okay advantage of the support benefits. Okay, my bad
Yeah, we're good then now that's good to know so you can basically position him and then do a thing and then use the support
Yeah, which is totally like what I would have done otherwise, but I'll take the big damage he did
Cool. Yeah. Okay, cool
So yeah six damage I was about to call out wolf with your turn
Then just stare at the screen
waiting
I won't move or something scare of the one closest to you will snap at you again
19
That is my AC
That is my
Two points. Nope. Sorry four points of piercing damage
And you are knocked prone. Okay
It will lunge again
That's a 19 again
Damn
Does my AC go up or down since I'm prone?
No, if you were prone you were flat-footed so it goes down. Yeah
Three points of piercing damage. Oh still trying to figure out how to
That triggers a reaction from root war what do
My friend getting attacked going to use
protector sacrifice
The protector ally by suffering in their stead reduce the damage triggering the ally would take by three
So you take no damage and root more takes three damage
Oh, very nice
for its third action
It is going to
Leap up on the pews behind you and circle around
And it is
root more's turn
20 points or 20 movement from to Gryffindor
Yeah, cuz it's five ten 15 20, right? Yeah
Perfect
So I have exactly 20 movements
Try again with this power attack. Don't worry scarab little puppies. They won't less long
There it is
Math
23 to hit that's a hit big show good big good big of you
Eight eight bludgeoning damage
I'm sorry. That was a power attack. What am I doing? I need to roll another die
Did I say power attack? Yeah, you did. Okay
Good bit though. Oh, I'm sorry. There's a whole other more damage. I think I'm in your way mister. I'm so sorry eight more
What did I say? I think
You said you crushed the skull of the wolf in front of you. Oh fuck. Yeah
There we go little puppies
Something so bad
And that's it for his turn money
Walking through any square with a pew in it is double
Aside from this one right here cuz it doesn't really count
Mmm, I guess if you're walking past probably not cuz like if I went like and then yeah, you're fine
And then fine
So Monet will move up
It's like can you erase that from her palm?
It's not on the pond. He just moved it after the fact. I don't want that
Okay, so
Sorry, we're listener. We're having fun with drawing
We're very you know when you get like a new technology. You got to play with it for a while. We'll get bored
After a couple episodes we won't touch anymore. Monet shaking her head like hitting the side of her head trying to get her hearing back will
Reach down at the ground
as
Loose stones and bricks begin to float up from the ground and she will hurl them
At the wolf. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah
Probably miss
14 it is miss. Oh, she will try again
and miss
Golly, I love these die, but they're awful
That's her turn
Oh, no, the wolf next to you takes a snap natural 20. Oh fuck
They are named just kidding they're not
Eight points of piercing damage and you are not grown
Dang shit
Where are we all laying down bad luck man?
What are you all doing laying down we're not done here yet second attack
18 to hit
That is a miss against your flat putt at AC
Really? All right. What's your AC? My AC currently is 21
Okay, rock on. She's covered in an earthen armor. Wow. Okay
Very good
Good call would the first one have hit wait you said your so your AC standing up is 21
Okay. Yeah, so the first one definitely still would have been a quick. Yeah
You rolled a 20. Yeah, you rolled a 20. We do. Well, yeah, we do that. I was doing math. Anyway, I did
Or do we not give natural 20?
Is a guaranteed hit no matter what the question is if if it would have been a miss it basically is just one step better than what it would have been
Yeah, so in this case a natural 20
Would have been a total of a 29 against your 21 AC which would have been a hit so then it is considered a crit
Yeah, this is me
Sure that I was like wait is that meant to be a normal then but no
But it doesn't know that
It doesn't know that my AC is 21
No, that's not what I'm basing it off of them basing it off of my MAP and doing a third attack in a row
And also what it would do when it bites into somebody that's made of rock
Because it doesn't have to be a genius to go out make teeth hurt. So I think it's going to move
Good swing it pig big juicy pig
Big ol piggy. There is a pig there
Pig looks like one of those warthogs and arc colors, you know
I think it's a pig
Pig looks like one of those warthogs and arc colors, you know
They all taste it big and a woman made of stone. I think his colors. I think I still need to put pictures of them up
Yeah, I wanted to wait until he got big enough for me to ride him so now I can do it because I made a made a figure of
Scarab riding pig cool
Yeah, you know what he's actually going to move in a position behind root more
Ah, welcome and that's it.
Scarab
Okay, scarab
Is going to reload his weapon
Wait a minute. Yeah, he's gonna reload his gun
Roll on to his back and fire at the wolf
It's gonna be a 22 hit
Five damage
And then he'll call out pig finish it the pig is going to move over here
Over here
The pig is going to move next to the wolf and strike with its tusks
Somebody drew poo poo or whatever. I don't know what that is. That's what we're laughing at
Rather than using the move my character tool. I just drew a brown line on this
Yeah, it's gonna be a 15 to hit your surrounded AC
That's a hit. Just deleted my pig
Just deleted my pig. There you go. He's back. Oh, he's safe
I have to give you control again. I've really lost it
You just threw his die on the ground
I've gone mad
10 damage piercing
Wow
And for the listener I've had Ozzy Osbourne's bark at the moon playing this whole time
Has this been the same song?
I can't tell with this guy just like all the songs sound the same. I thought you're just playing an album
You get a lot of hate for that
Look, I don't know if there's anyone that's gonna argue that
Well, I guess not being able to understand Ozzy's speech would be kind of the same as saying it all sounds the same
Well, it's not that I just don't like it. You being ableist?
I don't know what you mean
Oh no. Is he has a speech impediment? Oh he does? I don't know that
That's getting bleeped but just so y'all know it wasn't that offensive
It wasn't that offensive. It was all in good fun. It's just I'm not a comedian
I'm not allowed to say things
But no, Iman's just not a fan of the classics
What is the damage? Did you say the damage?
He did his nine. Not the classics. I like classics. I just don't like
10 damage. Sorry. Yeah 10 damage
Rube more? Let me finish. People are gonna wonder
No, no. They're gonna be like
I don't like his voice. I don't like ACVC's voice. I don't like Guns N' Roses that
I don't like that. It's just you know, I get that
Not telling you to change the song. I'm used to it. I am. Put on sleep token
Rube more is going sometime. I'm just kidding. I was just kidding. They'll have their moment right now
It's bark of the moon until we beat this
Looks a little hurt. Do we even need a power attack with this little little puppy?
Fuck it. Why not, right?
Cause you're gonna miss. Fuck
15 to hit. 15 exactly. Yeah, that's fine
Oh fuck. Cause it is. Oh no, I'm sorry. Yeah, flat footed AC. Now you miss
No, I'm just kidding. You hit it. Okay. Yeah, I hit with a 15. He's flat footed so his AC goes up
He's really standing his ground. Oh
13. Bludgeoning.
Describe it
Yeah, so he's just casually walking around just murdering things with this hammer
He just walks up lifts this hammer above his head
UBLAWAAA
Casually
That was really fast
They did that to the squid. He did that to the other dog
And then this one. Meat master. What are you guys doing laying on the ground?
Oh my god. Are these the dogs you're having trouble with?
I'm not standing up until I know we're out of combat. It's everyone's revenge
Yes. Just then. Yeah, you're out of combat. It feels good. It feels really good
Yeah, it's awesome dude. Fuck these wolves
Monet is just slapping the side of her head
Can you hear anything?
Yeah, we can hear everything
Huh? What's the matter with you?
Uh, do a medicine check
I can't
She's like, I mean she's still just made of stone
Weird! You're trapped!
Start pulling at the rocks. Peel it off! She has no pulse
Don't touch me! Ah!
I can't
I can't hear! Hello?
Let me try to fix that
Rootmore pulls out his healer's tools
What are those? What are you doing? What's happening?
Healer's tools! Healer's tools. You've never seen these before?
I can't hear you
He holds it up to show you what they are. Healer's tools
He has a label printer sticker on it
Oh, healer's tools
Yes! It's in Dwarven though, you can't read it
Monet is just...
Monet is just screaming
He pulls out huge Q-tips
She's yelling
Stop yelling! You're telling me to stop yelling!
Those aren't supposed to go in your ear!
It's different for Dwarven. Let's see what we've got
What are you... What is that that you have? What are you rolling?
It's called a D20
Uh, 12 plus 8, that's a 20 medicine check
I can't hear you. You keep trying to talk to me and I have no idea what you're saying
Yeah, you're pretty sure that she can't hear you?
Yes, no, that was to actually heal. I know she can't hear me
How familiar were you working on rocks?
Oh, okay. Well then, I don't know
Is that how it goes? Is that how it works?
That is up to the Game Master to adjust the DC
The DC is normally 15 for medicine
And I roll a 20, so
He's talking to Toraq again
Huh? Are you talking? It's honestly so hard to tell if you're talking
I'm sorry. I hope that's not racist
I take it back
Scare puts a finger over his mouth
As to say
A shush
And listens
I'm talking loudly
Listen for a wolf
Or a warg
Oh, really quick
So for the medicine check, you think you would be able to do something about this
Or at least administer some form of first aid
If she drops the stone form that she's in
The only reason being
There's nothing to bandage, there's nothing to cut, there's nothing to clean
Because it's all rock
This rock war kind of points at the stone
I don't know how to help you with the stone just on your skin
I don't know what you're saying
Uh, Piper. Didn't you have Piper?
And she just
And she reaches into her bag and pulls out a potion
And drinks it because she's hurt
Okay
You are no longer deaf
And the potion is 1d8, is that correct?
I'll read it
It's in front of you
I just didn't want to go look for it
Sorry, Imaad, you did nail that check
It's just weird when somebody's changed their skin to stone
Yeah
Is that like a long time thing?
Ten minutes
It's also
It's not like a concentration thing
It's just ten minutes
Um
She's like, oh
I can hear you, what were you saying?
I was saying I couldn't help you because you are made out of stone
I had to dig a route around in your ears for a little bit
No, don't do that
I was going to, but I couldn't because stone
Don't do that? Why would you do that?
Maybe you shouldn't use that anymore because stone clogged up your ear holes
You couldn't hear us
No, it didn't
It didn't do that
It didn't clog up my ear holes, I can hear just fine
Ah, because you removed the stone
No, she's still stone
Problem solved
She's still stone
Oh, stone is still there
You know what?
There are things in this world some people will never understand
I am one of them
Now, we're done with your puppy problem, right Scarab?
No
He puts a finger to his mouth and he listens
Any sign of his hunted prey?
Any sounds?
Any ominous?
Roll me a perception check
Nope, didn't like that one, roll again
No, it was cocky
21
You don't hear anything yet
Mm-hmm
So we got another one?
These two were the guards for the big one
Ah, a full-size pup you mean
Is the big guy from memory, does he seem too big to come through these halls?
I mean, they're five-foot halls, so he's probably okay
Yeah, he can fit through the halls
We should just be very careful
These were his guard
I'm sure he'll know if they don't show up
Okay
Now what's with that altar?
It's very true, ah, that gem you have, shouldn't it fit?
Yeah, Scarab's gonna walk up to the shrine
Okay, as you walk to the shrine you see the five depressions, hexagonal-shaped depressions on top of the anvil
They're all the same size?
Approximately
I wonder if you place it in different ones, they do different things, or if you need, what, five total?
Would you like to do the honors?
I would
As a dwarf?
You know, sometimes, sometimes I just, I shouldn't touch it
I would, I would like to do the honors
I'm actually gonna stand over here
That sounds like a sound plane
So he takes the gem, the gem
The gem
He takes the gem, the very fancy gem
Place it in the slot
He pulls it in the slot
Put the gem in the slot
So I take the gem
And I put it in the slot
Slip it into the slot
Oh
You think it'll fit?
I don't know what is so funny
I will take the gem and put it into the slot
Call me baby again
Come here baby
No!
Watch me
Put it in the slot
Slot it up!
It looks like it's a perfect fit
Oh my god, get out of here
Damn it
Can you put the whole thing in?
Seems like it, a little trouble
Come here, spit on it
He's gonna say, nothing a little spit can't cure
He's just, he doesn't know how to spit
Just like sprays all over his beard, it's all gross
There's a camera coming up from like under his chin
And you can see he's sweating profusely
His eyebrows are going all over the place
The camera flips down to his hand
He's like putting it in sideways, it's covered in moisture
He's having trouble but it's like one of those little kid toys
Like you have to put the shape through the hole
He has to stop and close his eyes really hard
Wipe his forehead
What a mystery
Damn it!
See, he puts the germ in the slot
Kaboom
My face hurts
He's just, his hands are so sweaty, it just flies out
Oh, drop that, just drop the garnet
Let me pick that up
I hate bending over
I hate bending over in this armor
Close your knees real tight as you bend over to pick up the jam
Oh my god
I'm sorry old prison trick
The trick is you gotta tie a rope around it before you use it
And then tie it around your wrist
That's the way if you drop it
You don't get the stick
Anyway, did this thing fit or not?
With a soft click, the gem fits in place
You see that subtle magic pulse that seemed to emanate from it
Kind of
Before the light slowly goes out
And in this dark room, you notice behind you
A small illumination
And as you turn and look away from the anvil
The pews and seats are once again filled
By the light silhouettes of many dwarves
And a slow rising dwarven throng begins to build
As they sing Torag's Hymn
Wow
You feel soothing light wash over you
Immediately you feel relieved
Mechanically you're healed for 3d6 hit points
Damn, if we had just waited a second
Right, that would have been pretty cool
Damn
And not only this, you feel the heavy vibration of the song wash over your body
And you feel the sorrows melt away
And you feel the joy well up within you
For the great toils ahead
As this chorus reaches its crescendo
The spirits begin to rise and fade into nothing
And the room is once again left you in dark
And that's all for today
Wow
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Thank you for being a traveler on the Cursed Caravan
Download Sands of Aura on Steam to help our friend Zach
And watch Baebootrauma on YouTube
Bye bye
Oh, thank you, bye bye
Come back next week and watch Rootbeer
Can't even say his name, watch Rootbeer
Anyway, he's gonna kick this wolf's ass
Come back next week and see it
Let's go
Watch Rootbeer
Go back to the baby part
When was it?
You want me to run through three hours of content to make this?
No, no
You better make that
I will save it, I will save it
It'll either stay in the episode or I'll save it
You better make that a drop
Scarab cracks a cold beer
Long bake
That was not me
I would not be as so rude as to interrupt myself
Yeah, really putting a burden on the editor there
Didn't have to say anything
Could have just been cut out
We'll cut this out, dammit
What?
Where are we? What game are we playing?
I'm ADD man