WEBVTT 00:00:08.200 --> 00:00:11.119 Welcome to Unlimited Parenting. This is a show 00:00:11.119 --> 00:00:13.820 where we talk about what it's like to raise children 00:00:13.820 --> 00:00:16.179 with disabilities and or special health care 00:00:16.179 --> 00:00:20.039 needs. My name is Allison and with me today are 00:00:20.039 --> 00:00:23.339 Melissa and Sarah. And today we are going to 00:00:23.339 --> 00:00:26.039 talk about generational parenting differences. 00:00:26.399 --> 00:00:29.019 I think that's what like the title we agreed 00:00:29.019 --> 00:00:33.299 on. Okay. But it's also just parenting. Okay. 00:00:33.299 --> 00:00:36.619 Yep. Yeah. So everybody. Because you're young 00:00:36.619 --> 00:00:39.520 and we're old. I think that probably got started. 00:00:39.520 --> 00:00:43.820 I think so. For real. I think. The audience doesn't 00:00:43.820 --> 00:00:45.579 know, but we're recording this on my birthday. 00:00:45.659 --> 00:00:51.259 So if the two of you could be kind to me. All 00:00:51.259 --> 00:00:55.039 of that to say that my birthday is in 10 days 00:00:55.039 --> 00:00:58.299 where I will be 10 years older than you. I feel 00:00:58.299 --> 00:00:59.920 like you need to be more. Are you looking forward 00:00:59.920 --> 00:01:06.120 to being 56? As much as you are looking forward 00:01:06.120 --> 00:01:09.780 to being 46. Just kidding. She's going to be 00:01:09.780 --> 00:01:13.459 46. Okay. And if you can do math, then you can 00:01:13.459 --> 00:01:15.879 figure out. I can do math. So then you can math. 00:01:16.780 --> 00:01:21.379 Well, that says a lot about our parenting. Can 00:01:21.379 --> 00:01:25.849 you do math? It does. I used an abacus in my 00:01:25.849 --> 00:01:29.549 day. Okay, but really... Sarah used an abacus. 00:01:29.769 --> 00:01:33.189 She still does. She has an abacus app on her 00:01:33.189 --> 00:01:37.670 phone. She doesn't go to the... No. Yes! What? 00:01:39.090 --> 00:01:43.489 I take my beans. I'm sure there is an app for 00:01:43.489 --> 00:01:46.450 that. There probably is an abacus app. Why would 00:01:46.450 --> 00:01:50.230 one need that? Okay, well, I don't like mountains 00:01:50.230 --> 00:01:53.750 like them. An abacus? Yeah. You're so full of 00:01:53.750 --> 00:01:57.170 it right now. Accountants use abacus, abacusers, 00:01:57.310 --> 00:02:03.750 abacusai. Someone get Candice in here. On behalf 00:02:03.750 --> 00:02:07.370 of all financial directors, come in here and 00:02:07.370 --> 00:02:10.150 talk to us. Okay. Really, though, the intention 00:02:10.150 --> 00:02:13.189 behind this podcast was that we were in my office 00:02:13.189 --> 00:02:15.469 having a casual conversation. And of course, 00:02:15.469 --> 00:02:18.500 those are always the best ones. And then about 00:02:18.500 --> 00:02:20.199 halfway through it, I was like, someone needs 00:02:20.199 --> 00:02:23.360 to push record. Yeah. So then we tried to pause 00:02:23.360 --> 00:02:25.439 it. And now we're all coming back together to 00:02:25.439 --> 00:02:27.479 try to figure out what we were talking about. 00:02:27.680 --> 00:02:30.879 We were really in it. It was an organic conversation. 00:02:31.020 --> 00:02:33.080 So we're going to try to re -organize that. And 00:02:33.080 --> 00:02:38.680 those are the best ones. So I re -organize. She's 00:02:38.680 --> 00:02:42.439 contemplating if she can remove that. No, I was 00:02:42.439 --> 00:02:45.319 thinking, I think that's what Dr. Frankenstein 00:02:45.319 --> 00:02:48.550 thought she was doing. to his monster reorganifying 00:02:48.550 --> 00:02:51.550 you sound like mary shelley right now oh there 00:02:51.550 --> 00:02:56.629 we go i fell asleep watching it she was busy 00:02:56.629 --> 00:03:00.389 on her abacus app she was like if this movie 00:03:00.389 --> 00:03:03.210 says it's 120 minutes and we've gone through 00:03:03.210 --> 00:03:06.370 40 minutes how much time is left over to this 00:03:06.370 --> 00:03:09.069 side until i can go back to watching the wizard 00:03:09.069 --> 00:03:12.810 of ours that's right okay okay so i know for 00:03:12.810 --> 00:03:17.599 sure that we were talking about how And when 00:03:17.599 --> 00:03:19.360 you're little, you're like, I'm going to raise 00:03:19.360 --> 00:03:22.300 my kids so different than how I'm being raised 00:03:22.300 --> 00:03:26.639 right now. And I know that we were talking about 00:03:26.639 --> 00:03:31.539 a story where I wouldn't say it backfired on 00:03:31.539 --> 00:03:36.840 me. But it was almost like, ooh, has the pendulum 00:03:36.840 --> 00:03:41.659 swung too far the other way? That's what I remember. 00:03:41.759 --> 00:03:44.419 I remember that we were talking about how I was 00:03:44.419 --> 00:03:49.080 concerned that. potentially I was coddling my 00:03:49.080 --> 00:03:51.919 children because they have, all three of my children 00:03:51.919 --> 00:03:55.240 have such really high emotional intelligence. 00:03:55.520 --> 00:03:57.699 Very, very much. Like they can tell you what 00:03:57.699 --> 00:03:59.580 they're feeling, when they're feeling, how they're 00:03:59.580 --> 00:04:02.580 feeling, what got them there. They're very much 00:04:02.580 --> 00:04:06.759 intellectualizers of their emotions, which of 00:04:06.759 --> 00:04:08.979 course is something that they learned from me. 00:04:09.039 --> 00:04:10.699 So if you were to say, you know, like, where 00:04:10.699 --> 00:04:13.849 does this anger feel in your body? They wouldn't 00:04:13.849 --> 00:04:15.930 really know, but they would be able to tell you 00:04:15.930 --> 00:04:18.990 where the anger started. My children can do the 00:04:18.990 --> 00:04:22.790 ABCs of their own behavior. Right. Which I said, 00:04:22.949 --> 00:04:25.550 there ain't no way that my kids are doing that. 00:04:25.649 --> 00:04:28.689 My kids weren't raised with the same kind of 00:04:28.689 --> 00:04:31.250 emotional intelligence. I raised them to be very 00:04:31.250 --> 00:04:33.290 independent, but it was almost like, you do this, 00:04:33.370 --> 00:04:35.910 you go. You got it. Got it. And that's when I 00:04:35.910 --> 00:04:39.689 realized, sure, my kids have high emotional intelligence, 00:04:39.790 --> 00:04:42.290 but they are so low on the resilience scale. 00:04:43.100 --> 00:04:45.740 like they don't have that's what we were talking 00:04:45.740 --> 00:04:48.819 about and i was like i think my kids can pull 00:04:48.819 --> 00:04:51.040 themselves up by their bootstraps but they probably 00:04:51.040 --> 00:04:53.720 aren't as well i know they're not as emotionally 00:04:53.720 --> 00:04:56.759 until like we can have those conversations as 00:04:56.759 --> 00:05:00.879 open and freely as as you know they go in the 00:05:00.879 --> 00:05:03.180 room and shut the door and yeah don't come out 00:05:03.180 --> 00:05:06.420 we don't talk about that but there's also a lot 00:05:06.420 --> 00:05:08.620 to be said about i mean maybe i would rather 00:05:08.620 --> 00:05:12.220 my kids be emotionally resilient. I don't know. 00:05:12.259 --> 00:05:15.800 I always saw it as kind of like a linear thing. 00:05:15.980 --> 00:05:18.240 Like first you become emotionally intelligent 00:05:18.240 --> 00:05:22.060 and then you become resilient. Yeah. And I don't 00:05:22.060 --> 00:05:25.100 know why, but I always saw it as like a stepping 00:05:25.100 --> 00:05:27.660 stone. It was never both things can be true. 00:05:28.060 --> 00:05:30.040 Oh, I see what you mean. At the same time. So 00:05:30.040 --> 00:05:31.860 I was like, first you have to teach them how 00:05:31.860 --> 00:05:34.019 to talk about their emotions and how to understand 00:05:34.019 --> 00:05:36.620 their emotions and then they can be resilient. 00:05:36.720 --> 00:05:40.740 And I've slowly started to realize. I don't know 00:05:40.740 --> 00:05:44.600 if it's learned helplessness in the sense that 00:05:44.600 --> 00:05:47.199 they don't have to do it because they know that 00:05:47.199 --> 00:05:50.240 mom or dad or brother or whoever will do it for 00:05:50.240 --> 00:05:55.920 them. But is it that? Yeah. I mean, even though 00:05:55.920 --> 00:05:59.860 we have very different generational differences, 00:06:00.060 --> 00:06:04.500 I still think that my kids have a lot. That line 00:06:04.500 --> 00:06:07.939 was kind of starting to form where I started 00:06:07.939 --> 00:06:10.689 to do a little bit. more and more and more but 00:06:10.689 --> 00:06:13.870 like if you think back like when i we didn't 00:06:13.870 --> 00:06:16.930 do anything we did it for ourselves we we went 00:06:16.930 --> 00:06:18.589 to our friend's house we knocked on the door 00:06:18.589 --> 00:06:21.069 we said can so -and -so play or we called the 00:06:21.069 --> 00:06:24.610 house phone right i mean oh the trauma well you 00:06:24.610 --> 00:06:27.069 were never taught how to do that right you just 00:06:27.069 --> 00:06:30.649 did it you just did it right do you just watched 00:06:30.649 --> 00:06:33.350 your your older brother or something do it one 00:06:33.350 --> 00:06:36.129 time and then you did it and our kids need so 00:06:36.129 --> 00:06:39.819 much More coaching. We're coaching now. And I 00:06:39.819 --> 00:06:42.100 don't know if that's just because we never empowered. 00:06:42.259 --> 00:06:44.740 I didn't necessarily empower them that much. 00:06:44.800 --> 00:06:47.160 I did a lot of scheduling for them. Like, okay, 00:06:47.199 --> 00:06:48.680 well, here's your play date and we're going to 00:06:48.680 --> 00:06:51.040 be here at this time. And I didn't ever empower 00:06:51.040 --> 00:06:53.779 them to do a lot of that themselves. I don't 00:06:53.779 --> 00:06:55.839 know. But do you, and I know that this is slightly 00:06:55.839 --> 00:06:58.160 off topic, but do you ever also kind of wonder 00:06:58.160 --> 00:07:01.839 that the society, that the community that we've 00:07:01.839 --> 00:07:06.949 set up hinders that as well? Yes. And okay. My 00:07:06.949 --> 00:07:08.769 husband and I were talking about this this weekend. 00:07:08.910 --> 00:07:10.790 And that's funny. I guess this kind of makes 00:07:10.790 --> 00:07:14.490 sense. We weren't even doing it on purpose. Nowadays, 00:07:14.610 --> 00:07:19.449 it used to be back in my day. Back in the day. 00:07:19.850 --> 00:07:23.290 You would go out and other parents would parent 00:07:23.290 --> 00:07:25.689 you as well. And you're talking about the mid 00:07:25.689 --> 00:07:28.350 80s at this point. I'm saying the mid 80s. I 00:07:28.350 --> 00:07:32.389 would go. I remember going places and other adults 00:07:32.389 --> 00:07:35.230 would. would almost parent you i remember walking 00:07:35.230 --> 00:07:38.089 in a restaurant one time and i had a hat on and 00:07:38.089 --> 00:07:39.689 someone said you need to remove your hat in the 00:07:39.689 --> 00:07:42.490 inside building and i'm like oh yeah yeah yeah 00:07:42.490 --> 00:07:47.250 so it's almost like i was the way that that just 00:07:47.250 --> 00:07:49.589 triggered me like don't even talk to my child 00:07:49.589 --> 00:07:52.449 exactly right but why does that now where does 00:07:52.449 --> 00:07:55.029 that come from why do i immediately want to go 00:07:55.029 --> 00:07:58.209 don't talk to my kid where is that coming from 00:07:58.209 --> 00:08:00.980 i don't know it's that right i don't know where 00:08:00.980 --> 00:08:03.620 that's just strangers kind of thing because what 00:08:03.620 --> 00:08:07.379 you're describing is helpful to me someone is 00:08:07.379 --> 00:08:10.060 helping me reinforce what i'm trying to teach 00:08:10.060 --> 00:08:13.399 my child but why do i immediately bristle and 00:08:13.399 --> 00:08:18.579 but sometimes they're also giving you help telling 00:08:18.579 --> 00:08:21.399 your kids other social norms that maybe it's 00:08:21.399 --> 00:08:23.000 not something you've ever talked about at home. 00:08:23.060 --> 00:08:25.920 Like, we don't wear a lot of hats. So my kids 00:08:25.920 --> 00:08:28.699 might not necessarily know that they need to 00:08:28.699 --> 00:08:30.500 take their hat off when they go walk in a building. 00:08:30.579 --> 00:08:32.039 We don't wear a lot of hats. But do you know 00:08:32.039 --> 00:08:37.080 what I mean? You're now only really... privy 00:08:37.080 --> 00:08:39.879 to what you're told at home and other. Yeah, 00:08:39.960 --> 00:08:41.980 it is that divide. I don't know what happened. 00:08:42.039 --> 00:08:44.200 But it's so weird that you say that. And then 00:08:44.200 --> 00:08:46.059 we can also say, well, they've got the whole 00:08:46.059 --> 00:08:48.480 world in the palm of their hand. Like they can 00:08:48.480 --> 00:08:50.580 see all the cultures. They can do all the things. 00:08:51.019 --> 00:08:53.830 But do they? i don't know what information they're 00:08:53.830 --> 00:08:56.450 accessing and that's the other yeah that's like 00:08:56.450 --> 00:09:00.450 generational like we were on plugged that is 00:09:00.450 --> 00:09:03.289 oh i know it yeah i know where my kids are right 00:09:03.289 --> 00:09:06.110 right i know we we were when we were when it 00:09:06.110 --> 00:09:08.909 was our turn or we were their age we were sun 00:09:08.909 --> 00:09:11.509 came up you ate your cereal you were out and 00:09:11.509 --> 00:09:15.529 feral until yes and i know that's so cliche but 00:09:15.529 --> 00:09:18.570 i think that's partly where that resilience that 00:09:18.570 --> 00:09:21.330 emotional resilience and that No, but I've heard 00:09:21.330 --> 00:09:24.210 you tell stories about being on your porch. But 00:09:24.210 --> 00:09:26.970 it's just like that's just how it is. Like you 00:09:26.970 --> 00:09:29.850 dealt with the world as it was coming at you 00:09:29.850 --> 00:09:32.950 and adults were nowhere to be found because they 00:09:32.950 --> 00:09:35.590 were either working or they were doing their 00:09:35.590 --> 00:09:40.169 own adult things. And it was like the children 00:09:40.169 --> 00:09:44.429 were the children. Yeah. And, you know, and so 00:09:44.429 --> 00:09:48.029 maybe that is partly where the society felt the 00:09:48.029 --> 00:09:51.590 need to. Everyone raising everyone's kids. Like, 00:09:51.629 --> 00:09:53.929 I remember going to my friend's house and walking 00:09:53.929 --> 00:09:55.870 in the door. I don't even think we knocked anymore. 00:09:56.049 --> 00:09:58.169 Right. You just walk in and say, hey, mom. And 00:09:58.169 --> 00:10:01.309 she had food like everywhere you went. Yeah. 00:10:01.389 --> 00:10:04.549 You were taken care of. Feral or, you know. Yeah. 00:10:05.570 --> 00:10:07.429 Everybody helped everybody. Everybody helped 00:10:07.429 --> 00:10:10.149 everybody. Yeah. Yeah. We always had a house, 00:10:10.289 --> 00:10:14.820 someone's house. You're almost scared to do that 00:10:14.820 --> 00:10:17.299 now. I was just about to say, it's funny that 00:10:17.299 --> 00:10:19.639 you say that because sometimes neighborhood kids 00:10:19.639 --> 00:10:21.320 will come into my house and I'm like, you can 00:10:21.320 --> 00:10:23.480 have whatever you want. But then I immediately 00:10:23.480 --> 00:10:26.440 go, oh, my God, like, do you have an allergy? 00:10:26.919 --> 00:10:30.120 Am I messing up your dinnertime meal? Is your 00:10:30.120 --> 00:10:31.799 mom going to come over and be like, hey, you 00:10:31.799 --> 00:10:34.440 know, we don't do processed food? Because in 00:10:34.440 --> 00:10:38.100 my mind, I would just be like, thank you. I'm 00:10:38.100 --> 00:10:40.039 sure my kid just walked right into your pantry 00:10:40.039 --> 00:10:41.940 and took some things. So I'm just going to say 00:10:41.940 --> 00:10:45.159 thank you. Yeah. But I'm always so worried about 00:10:45.159 --> 00:10:49.460 someone's going to read what I'm doing as bad 00:10:49.460 --> 00:10:53.200 intentions. But yeah, what am I like? Would you 00:10:53.200 --> 00:10:54.700 really want me to go? Hey, look, I know you're 00:10:54.700 --> 00:10:58.779 hungry, but no. Right. Right. Never. I don't 00:10:58.779 --> 00:11:01.159 know what to do. Yeah. And I think we don't. 00:11:01.159 --> 00:11:04.460 I think I'm scared. Exactly. Yeah. We're at this 00:11:04.460 --> 00:11:09.289 like. defining moment and yeah and you don't 00:11:09.289 --> 00:11:11.330 want to parent other people's kids because everybody 00:11:11.330 --> 00:11:15.350 has such different feelings and beliefs and and 00:11:15.350 --> 00:11:18.549 in a yeah and even even if we're just talking 00:11:18.549 --> 00:11:21.889 about disability yeah even within the disability 00:11:21.889 --> 00:11:25.899 circles of community There are so many different 00:11:25.899 --> 00:11:28.840 feelings on so many different types of diagnoses 00:11:28.840 --> 00:11:31.299 and don't do this, but do that. I guess when 00:11:31.299 --> 00:11:33.440 I say parent people's kids, like I would never 00:11:33.440 --> 00:11:35.919 spank another kid. Oh, no. Or I would never put 00:11:35.919 --> 00:11:37.580 another child in timeout or something like that. 00:11:37.620 --> 00:11:39.200 Yeah, or I don't even think I could raise my 00:11:39.200 --> 00:11:42.539 voice at someone else's kid. you know and my 00:11:42.539 --> 00:11:44.759 husband's like this is literally what i spend 00:11:44.759 --> 00:11:48.240 my entire day doing almost is giving other people's 00:11:48.240 --> 00:11:50.820 children you know he's in a school he's a big 00:11:50.820 --> 00:11:56.440 behavior guy um so he's kind of lending i think 00:11:56.440 --> 00:11:59.440 the use of today's manners it's i think it was 00:11:59.440 --> 00:12:02.399 basic manners it's not like we were getting scolded 00:12:02.399 --> 00:12:06.019 or taught or you know like here come our family 00:12:06.019 --> 00:12:08.440 reads the bible so we're gonna go it was right 00:12:08.440 --> 00:12:12.019 it was truly just those basic you know you remove 00:12:12.019 --> 00:12:13.799 your hat when you're in the building that's just 00:12:13.799 --> 00:12:16.700 that's a manner and that came comes from a generation 00:12:16.700 --> 00:12:21.559 of our parents as parents yeah that's just the 00:12:21.559 --> 00:12:24.519 way that they pass that that on and just manners 00:12:24.519 --> 00:12:26.860 of saying please and thank you and yeah those 00:12:26.860 --> 00:12:31.669 types of parenting per se don't you think it 00:12:31.669 --> 00:12:34.669 made you feel like it made talking to adults 00:12:34.669 --> 00:12:37.309 easier that's what i see my kids struggle with 00:12:37.309 --> 00:12:40.169 even my 20 and 18 year olds sometimes they still 00:12:40.169 --> 00:12:43.870 struggle with that adult they don't know how 00:12:43.870 --> 00:12:46.710 to yeah encounter those adult encounters like 00:12:46.710 --> 00:12:48.269 what am i supposed to do what do i say what do 00:12:48.269 --> 00:12:50.490 i right really yeah do you feel that way your 00:12:50.490 --> 00:12:54.649 kids are a little bit older than 20 and um some 00:12:54.649 --> 00:12:59.710 they do pretty well talking to older people like 00:13:01.000 --> 00:13:04.600 my friends and adults and their bosses and things 00:13:04.600 --> 00:13:07.820 like that. But we all raised our children together. 00:13:08.080 --> 00:13:12.779 So my best friend and her kids, we all grew up 00:13:12.779 --> 00:13:15.580 together raising each other's kids and growing 00:13:15.580 --> 00:13:19.860 up as parents together. And so it was fairly 00:13:19.860 --> 00:13:25.559 easy for them. Now talking to their teachers, 00:13:25.679 --> 00:13:29.919 maybe not so much. Yeah. It just depends, I guess, 00:13:29.940 --> 00:13:33.820 what context we're in. But out in the public 00:13:33.820 --> 00:13:35.580 and in the wild, they didn't have a problem saying 00:13:35.580 --> 00:13:37.480 please and thank you. I had them, you know, we 00:13:37.480 --> 00:13:39.779 taught them how to order from a menu. Right. 00:13:39.860 --> 00:13:43.080 I remember that. Oh, that would devastate my 00:13:43.080 --> 00:13:46.340 kids. My daughter, like I, she was so, so, so 00:13:46.340 --> 00:13:49.259 shy. And about when she was five, she's my 20 00:13:49.259 --> 00:13:51.139 year old right now. We're like, you gotta, you 00:13:51.139 --> 00:13:52.700 gotta do this. You gotta do this for yourself. 00:13:52.799 --> 00:13:55.440 And she would just, when she was five, she wouldn't 00:13:55.440 --> 00:13:58.500 want to order. Yeah. So when she was five, we 00:13:58.500 --> 00:14:02.360 started making her order and have her own voice. 00:14:02.440 --> 00:14:05.720 My 10 year old can't. I know. And it was, but 00:14:05.720 --> 00:14:08.539 it was scary for her. It was so scary. And she, 00:14:08.580 --> 00:14:10.080 I don't want to eat. I don't want to eat. I don't, 00:14:10.080 --> 00:14:12.039 I'm not kidding. Yeah. He starts crying. He would 00:14:12.039 --> 00:14:15.120 rather not eat than place an order. So then we 00:14:15.120 --> 00:14:17.200 started with just simple things. Like you point 00:14:17.200 --> 00:14:19.960 at it on the menu, you know, like start with 00:14:19.960 --> 00:14:23.000 these baby steps. And now, I mean, she goes out 00:14:23.000 --> 00:14:25.799 to eat all the time, but it took a long time. 00:14:26.649 --> 00:14:31.509 It took a really, really long time for just her 00:14:31.509 --> 00:14:35.210 to have that. And I don't, I don't know. I mean, 00:14:35.230 --> 00:14:37.549 I guess we can talk, can relate that back to 00:14:37.549 --> 00:14:40.169 self -advocacy. Yeah, absolutely. Those skills. 00:14:40.250 --> 00:14:42.809 I mean, we talk about at the doctor, like I was 00:14:42.809 --> 00:14:46.950 having my kids talk to the doctor a long time, 00:14:46.970 --> 00:14:50.629 like as early as we could. Seeing that's something 00:14:50.629 --> 00:14:54.879 that I didn't do well. scheduled everything up 00:14:54.879 --> 00:14:58.600 until the last moment of their being 18 and then 00:14:58.600 --> 00:15:02.379 the minute they turn 18 mom can't do any of that 00:15:02.379 --> 00:15:05.379 anymore and so i did kind of a district service 00:15:05.379 --> 00:15:08.399 to my adult children by not giving them more 00:15:08.399 --> 00:15:11.820 when were you making your own doctor's appointments 00:15:11.820 --> 00:15:17.799 um i probably well out of college like the minute 00:15:17.799 --> 00:15:21.350 i turned 18 i Yeah, same. Actually, probably 00:15:21.350 --> 00:15:23.950 earlier. As soon as I got a car. As soon as I 00:15:23.950 --> 00:15:26.029 got a car, I made all of my own doctor's appointments. 00:15:26.149 --> 00:15:29.950 I'm talking OBGYN. Well, child checks, dental 00:15:29.950 --> 00:15:31.710 appointments. I made all my own appointments, 00:15:31.870 --> 00:15:33.990 drove myself there and said, like, put it on 00:15:33.990 --> 00:15:38.370 my mom's card. Yeah. I can't imagine my children 00:15:38.370 --> 00:15:42.190 doing that. No, no. Right. And it's not that 00:15:42.190 --> 00:15:44.129 I'm like, oh, that's such a great skill for me 00:15:44.129 --> 00:15:46.710 to have. It didn't really serve me that well. 00:15:46.750 --> 00:15:50.750 Sure, I could. go and do my own thing but it 00:15:50.750 --> 00:15:54.230 didn't I don't think that that taught me it was 00:15:54.230 --> 00:15:57.850 independence but just under the just it almost 00:15:57.850 --> 00:16:01.909 got yourself there on your own I mean like no 00:16:01.909 --> 00:16:04.070 hate to my mom but it almost felt like it was 00:16:04.070 --> 00:16:05.769 just like one less thing she had to worry about 00:16:05.769 --> 00:16:09.210 right so she loved it because not I it was almost 00:16:09.210 --> 00:16:10.789 like she loved it not because she thought it 00:16:10.789 --> 00:16:12.330 was teaching me something but because it took 00:16:12.330 --> 00:16:15.580 one more thing off her plate and i feel like 00:16:15.580 --> 00:16:18.080 that's kind of what parenting was for a while 00:16:18.080 --> 00:16:19.960 is how do i teach you skills so it takes one 00:16:19.960 --> 00:16:24.139 more thing off my plate it isn't it i mean i 00:16:24.139 --> 00:16:26.559 don't know i don't know if i because you're taking 00:16:26.559 --> 00:16:28.960 it off of our plate and putting it on their plate 00:16:28.960 --> 00:16:31.559 you're teaching them that independence right 00:16:31.559 --> 00:16:33.700 so if you're not making their doctor's appointment 00:16:33.700 --> 00:16:35.960 you're empowering them to the feeling was to 00:16:35.960 --> 00:16:39.240 you you felt like okay she can do it now i don't 00:16:39.240 --> 00:16:41.429 have Now I don't even have to worry about that 00:16:41.429 --> 00:16:44.370 anymore. Not in a way like... Yeah, but then 00:16:44.370 --> 00:16:46.230 it was like there was no like check -in either. 00:16:46.429 --> 00:16:48.309 There was not like, hey, you know, you made your... 00:16:48.309 --> 00:16:49.990 Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like a wash your 00:16:49.990 --> 00:16:53.549 hands of it. You were independent just to be 00:16:53.549 --> 00:16:55.769 independent, but then you still needed that support 00:16:55.769 --> 00:16:58.070 of like, okay, did it go okay? Is there any... 00:16:58.070 --> 00:16:59.929 Yeah, so that's why I'm like, did the pendulum 00:16:59.929 --> 00:17:03.509 swing too far the other way? Yeah. But now am 00:17:03.509 --> 00:17:06.769 I just like... So I think, I don't know, for 00:17:06.769 --> 00:17:09.819 me... it was very much just like that like here 00:17:09.819 --> 00:17:12.700 you go you're an adult good luck yeah and yeah 00:17:12.700 --> 00:17:16.019 i still to this day don't tell my mom when i 00:17:16.019 --> 00:17:18.059 go to the doctor i don't tell my mom like how 00:17:18.059 --> 00:17:20.500 the doctor went unless there's like a you know, 00:17:20.500 --> 00:17:23.000 a pregnant. Unless you have meningitis and you 00:17:23.000 --> 00:17:24.940 show up at her door. Sure. You know, that did 00:17:24.940 --> 00:17:28.059 happen. And she was able to help me through that. 00:17:28.119 --> 00:17:30.119 But that's generational from our parents. That 00:17:30.119 --> 00:17:32.839 is very generational. They still don't tell us 00:17:32.839 --> 00:17:35.119 if they go to the doctor. Yeah. Anything is wrong. 00:17:35.220 --> 00:17:36.940 They could be on their deathbed and they're like, 00:17:36.960 --> 00:17:39.420 a thousand percent. Or I didn't want to tell 00:17:39.420 --> 00:17:42.299 you. I didn't want to tell you this on your birthday 00:17:42.299 --> 00:17:46.829 weekend. Uh -huh. Yeah, I have been guilty of 00:17:46.829 --> 00:17:49.490 that. But then if I know my kids are going to 00:17:49.490 --> 00:17:51.369 the doctor, I'm like, what's the matter? How 00:17:51.369 --> 00:17:53.890 are you? What'd I say? Did you get any medicine? 00:17:54.849 --> 00:17:59.509 You know, absolutely in their business. So I 00:17:59.509 --> 00:18:03.670 think that's that generational shift that I have 00:18:03.670 --> 00:18:10.529 made is to ensure that I am. Nosier. Yes. Or 00:18:10.529 --> 00:18:14.849 then if something's wrong with you or our spouses, 00:18:14.930 --> 00:18:18.809 that we're also setting that example. Like reaching 00:18:18.809 --> 00:18:21.269 out to our kids and saying, hey, I went to the, 00:18:21.329 --> 00:18:23.390 not for every little hangnail or anything, but 00:18:23.390 --> 00:18:26.390 like, hey, dad had to go to the doctor. Everything's 00:18:26.390 --> 00:18:30.720 fine. Just wanted you to know. Yeah. I don't. 00:18:30.720 --> 00:18:32.859 I don't know. We're never going to get hit. This 00:18:32.859 --> 00:18:35.960 isn't supposed to be like a shame session. It's 00:18:35.960 --> 00:18:39.359 just we were just talking about how. And how 00:18:39.359 --> 00:18:41.480 different we all are, even though that I'm only 00:18:41.480 --> 00:18:44.759 10 years younger than the rest of you guys. And 00:18:44.759 --> 00:18:47.740 it's still so different. Yeah. Yeah. And do you 00:18:47.740 --> 00:18:50.660 think that social media has made this better 00:18:50.660 --> 00:18:53.140 or worse? Oh, absolutely worse. I don't know. 00:18:53.160 --> 00:18:55.920 I think it's really interesting to see how. i 00:18:55.920 --> 00:18:58.660 think i think there's something really cool about 00:18:58.660 --> 00:19:01.279 seeing how everybody does things sure yeah and 00:19:01.279 --> 00:19:03.000 then you can see yourself in other people and 00:19:03.000 --> 00:19:04.759 be like oh like look here's a mom who's dealing 00:19:04.759 --> 00:19:07.140 with a child with autism with really severe behaviors 00:19:07.140 --> 00:19:10.420 like she's hanging in there just like i am but 00:19:10.420 --> 00:19:15.319 so i would say from a parent perspective It's 00:19:15.319 --> 00:19:17.200 made it better because you feel like you're not 00:19:17.200 --> 00:19:19.559 alone, especially from a disability world. Yeah. 00:19:19.640 --> 00:19:22.420 Then on the flip side, from the kids perspective, 00:19:22.700 --> 00:19:25.480 just my own children have said, I wish you hadn't 00:19:25.480 --> 00:19:28.000 ever let me get Snapchat. I wish that. Oh, really? 00:19:28.579 --> 00:19:31.039 Later. Absolutely. Because you're always comparing. 00:19:31.480 --> 00:19:35.819 You're always on. There's no downtime. There's 00:19:35.819 --> 00:19:38.859 always this. I didn't get a like. I didn't get 00:19:38.859 --> 00:19:42.579 it. You know. It's constant. And there's no ability 00:19:42.579 --> 00:19:45.400 for them to turn that off. We could turn it off. 00:19:45.619 --> 00:19:48.599 I still turn it off. I take my watch off. I charge 00:19:48.599 --> 00:19:50.779 my phone and I walk away on the weekends. And 00:19:50.779 --> 00:19:54.880 they don't necessarily do that as much. I don't 00:19:54.880 --> 00:19:59.109 know. I think there's that. I don't know. No, 00:19:59.269 --> 00:20:02.029 I hear you because like in the 80s, there were 00:20:02.029 --> 00:20:04.049 no cell phones. There was, I mean, you could 00:20:04.049 --> 00:20:06.289 talk trash about a friend, but it couldn't get 00:20:06.289 --> 00:20:10.009 blasted everywhere for everyone to see. And then 00:20:10.009 --> 00:20:13.740 perpetuity on the internet. even in the early 00:20:13.740 --> 00:20:18.099 aughts when i was a teenager right we had a messenger 00:20:18.099 --> 00:20:22.160 and we had that was like the very beginning of 00:20:22.160 --> 00:20:26.359 t9 cell phones you know okay so we had more access 00:20:26.359 --> 00:20:29.759 to one another but it was but it wasn't anything 00:20:29.759 --> 00:20:33.160 like it is now like people can share their location 00:20:33.160 --> 00:20:36.319 with you on your phone and you know where your 00:20:36.319 --> 00:20:40.599 best friend is all the time and My kids use that 00:20:40.599 --> 00:20:43.920 more than I do now. They want to know where I 00:20:43.920 --> 00:20:48.299 am. And I find that is weird. I don't know. It 00:20:48.299 --> 00:20:50.039 feels kind of comforting. Like, they care about 00:20:50.039 --> 00:20:52.480 you. I don't know. See? They want to know if 00:20:52.480 --> 00:20:53.799 I'm going to be able to get them something to 00:20:53.799 --> 00:20:56.279 eat. Okay. Oh, are you stopping by Starbucks? 00:20:56.839 --> 00:20:59.559 That's truly what it is. I'll take a mocha frappuccino. 00:20:59.660 --> 00:21:03.640 Yeah. It's weird, though, because I was of the 00:21:03.640 --> 00:21:06.619 generation to where, like you said, we went out. 00:21:06.970 --> 00:21:09.490 And we came home when it got dark. I didn't drag 00:21:09.490 --> 00:21:11.490 around a water bottle with me all day long. Heaven 00:21:11.490 --> 00:21:14.009 forbid my child doesn't have their water and 00:21:14.009 --> 00:21:16.750 access to their hydration at any point. I would 00:21:16.750 --> 00:21:19.470 find a garden hose. Right. That's not fair. All 00:21:19.470 --> 00:21:25.289 I was. Yeah. Now, see, I think that's where I've 00:21:25.289 --> 00:21:28.579 done that. I have done that because I'm like, 00:21:28.640 --> 00:21:30.079 oh, you know, we don't drink out of a garden 00:21:30.079 --> 00:21:32.579 hose because one time mommy saw a video where 00:21:32.579 --> 00:21:36.259 the water could be 145 degrees and you could 00:21:36.259 --> 00:21:38.819 burn your mouth. Or we don't drink out of a water 00:21:38.819 --> 00:21:41.180 hose because these chemicals are made in the 00:21:41.180 --> 00:21:42.880 hose and the water sits in the hose. And then 00:21:42.880 --> 00:21:44.660 you put those forever chemicals in your body. 00:21:44.900 --> 00:21:47.420 So like at some point. I have those forever chemicals 00:21:47.420 --> 00:21:49.500 in my body. Right. Me too. But at some point 00:21:49.500 --> 00:21:51.839 I have to ask myself, like, have I fear mongered 00:21:51.839 --> 00:21:57.759 my own children? I did. I know I did. Yeah. And 00:21:57.759 --> 00:22:00.180 I don't know. That makes me feel really sad. 00:22:00.559 --> 00:22:02.500 You could equate it to some of the things that 00:22:02.500 --> 00:22:05.710 our parents feared. into us too i mean true what 00:22:05.710 --> 00:22:08.490 i know those german stories they're scary so 00:22:08.490 --> 00:22:10.809 i never told my kids anything like that because 00:22:10.809 --> 00:22:12.809 i didn't want to scare them i didn't want them 00:22:12.809 --> 00:22:16.190 to be scared of something that wasn't real and 00:22:16.190 --> 00:22:19.710 use that as a way to force their hand on performing 00:22:19.710 --> 00:22:22.430 well or being good kids or having good behavior 00:22:22.430 --> 00:22:26.089 so instead what i did was take real world scenarios 00:22:26.089 --> 00:22:29.569 and scare them with those yeah so either way 00:22:29.569 --> 00:22:32.279 we're traumatizing our children yeah And our 00:22:32.279 --> 00:22:36.000 parents did it. How do I do this right? Will 00:22:36.000 --> 00:22:37.859 you tell me? You guys are 10 years older than 00:22:37.859 --> 00:22:41.380 me. How do I do this right? I don't think I'm 00:22:41.380 --> 00:22:43.839 doing it right. Oh, this is another thing that 00:22:43.839 --> 00:22:46.099 came out of this conversation. Can you tell us 00:22:46.099 --> 00:22:48.500 what your oldest daughter said? She said to you, 00:22:48.559 --> 00:22:52.059 like, when your youngest was upset or something, 00:22:52.119 --> 00:22:54.240 and she's like, hey, they're just figuring this 00:22:54.240 --> 00:22:56.660 out. Oh, yeah. She said it's their first time 00:22:56.660 --> 00:23:01.380 being parents, too. That is so smart. I just 00:23:01.380 --> 00:23:03.660 love you. And she, you know what? She's right. 00:23:04.000 --> 00:23:06.759 Because, I mean, granted, we do have four kids, 00:23:06.779 --> 00:23:09.079 so it's our fourth time with him. But, you know, 00:23:09.140 --> 00:23:13.319 she recognizes that as parents, you need a little 00:23:13.319 --> 00:23:16.339 bit of grace, too. And I appreciate that. First 00:23:16.339 --> 00:23:20.319 off, how smart. And emotionally resilient is 00:23:20.319 --> 00:23:23.079 she to be able to like conceptualize that concept. 00:23:23.440 --> 00:23:25.140 It's suddenly because I raised her that way. 00:23:25.400 --> 00:23:31.859 She's the oldest daughter. But then Sarah and 00:23:31.859 --> 00:23:34.720 I were talking also from a totally different 00:23:34.720 --> 00:23:37.200 perspective. And not that I want this podcast 00:23:37.200 --> 00:23:40.460 to be an hour long, but from a totally different 00:23:40.460 --> 00:23:44.000 perspective about how siblings can be raised 00:23:44.000 --> 00:23:46.380 in the same house and still experience things. 00:23:46.599 --> 00:23:51.809 Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like because you you have one 00:23:51.809 --> 00:23:55.210 sibling. I do. And she had a totally different 00:23:55.210 --> 00:23:57.670 childhood. Right. And we're we're only 15 months 00:23:57.670 --> 00:24:00.390 apart. So our experiences were I mean we were 00:24:00.390 --> 00:24:04.150 we were mixed up as twins all of the time because 00:24:04.150 --> 00:24:06.309 we were pretty close. Like there's a time where 00:24:06.309 --> 00:24:08.470 we're one year apart for three months. We're 00:24:08.470 --> 00:24:12.170 two years apart. But. I mean, yeah, like there 00:24:12.170 --> 00:24:14.329 are things that she will tell me, I'm like, that 00:24:14.329 --> 00:24:16.990 happened? Like, and part of that is a trauma 00:24:16.990 --> 00:24:19.210 response. Right. And part of that is just like, 00:24:19.309 --> 00:24:22.950 yeah, we had all the same experiences. We always 00:24:22.950 --> 00:24:25.809 together, it was just the two of us and our mom 00:24:25.809 --> 00:24:28.170 and wherever we were, or it was the two of us 00:24:28.170 --> 00:24:30.329 and my grandma and my grandpa, but we were always 00:24:30.329 --> 00:24:33.140 in. completely different experience remember 00:24:33.140 --> 00:24:35.400 things so different so then what am I supposed 00:24:35.400 --> 00:24:38.519 to do with that like as a parent and I'm not 00:24:38.519 --> 00:24:40.640 trying to say because I think that there are 00:24:40.640 --> 00:24:42.839 very much times where you did not get what you 00:24:42.839 --> 00:24:46.680 deserved a hundred percent and I'm not trying 00:24:46.680 --> 00:24:49.779 to take any heat off of any of the adults in 00:24:49.779 --> 00:24:53.559 your situation but it made me resilient at 100 00:24:53.559 --> 00:24:57.779 percent but also at what cost sure and as a parent 00:24:57.779 --> 00:25:02.089 how am how do I go how am I making sure that 00:25:02.089 --> 00:25:04.190 all of my kids are having a good childhood because 00:25:04.190 --> 00:25:06.890 I have three and I'm like if if listening to 00:25:06.890 --> 00:25:09.410 your stories and even thinking about back on 00:25:09.410 --> 00:25:11.829 my childhood my siblings remember things very 00:25:11.829 --> 00:25:13.630 differently than I do and I'm like how do I give 00:25:13.630 --> 00:25:16.529 all three of you yeah I guess either way you're 00:25:16.529 --> 00:25:18.490 just gonna mess it up can you just let the podcast 00:25:18.490 --> 00:25:21.509 okay well well I will say I do have a good relationship 00:25:21.509 --> 00:25:24.769 with my mom we still speak my sister and I still 00:25:24.769 --> 00:25:32.359 talk I mean very much present in the way that 00:25:32.359 --> 00:25:36.319 we need her now and my boys will my older one 00:25:36.319 --> 00:25:40.880 especially um will constantly check in and say 00:25:40.880 --> 00:25:44.380 hey mom i see you you're doing great i know this 00:25:44.380 --> 00:25:46.640 is really hard right now oh my god i love that 00:25:46.640 --> 00:25:49.920 and he's 27 and he'll see me at my worst when 00:25:49.920 --> 00:25:51.700 i mean we're going through a really rough time 00:25:51.700 --> 00:25:53.980 right now and we need each other as a family 00:25:53.980 --> 00:25:56.220 and i guess that's the other thing it's like 00:25:56.220 --> 00:26:01.099 we're falling apart as a family Yet we're pulling 00:26:01.099 --> 00:26:04.180 together as a family. That's all I want. That's 00:26:04.180 --> 00:26:07.440 what I want. Things are falling apart. We are 00:26:07.440 --> 00:26:12.640 picking each other up. I am divorced and we're 00:26:12.640 --> 00:26:17.500 working together to do what's best for our son 00:26:17.500 --> 00:26:21.839 that has a health need and a disability. And 00:26:21.839 --> 00:26:25.099 all five of us are pulling together for him. 00:26:25.180 --> 00:26:29.369 And that's how I know. we did a good job yep 00:26:29.369 --> 00:26:32.430 your parent yeah yeah no matter at the end of 00:26:32.430 --> 00:26:35.069 the day and yeah and you guys do that really 00:26:35.069 --> 00:26:38.529 well well yeah like you're able to like have 00:26:38.529 --> 00:26:40.950 a conversation and again this is not a like dog 00:26:40.950 --> 00:26:43.849 on your parents session at all but like my parents 00:26:43.849 --> 00:26:46.650 cannot my biological parents cannot communicate 00:26:46.650 --> 00:26:50.019 i mean they can But I don't think they ever really 00:26:50.019 --> 00:26:53.000 do it effectively. And the way that you and your 00:26:53.000 --> 00:26:55.079 ex -husband can come together and have like really 00:26:55.079 --> 00:26:59.019 intense conversations, I'm just impressed. Well. 00:26:59.180 --> 00:27:01.140 It's got to take a lot from both of you. The 00:27:01.140 --> 00:27:05.339 subject is our son. Yeah. That is it. Yeah. The 00:27:05.339 --> 00:27:09.240 notes. Yep. There you go. So anyway. But yeah, 00:27:09.359 --> 00:27:12.220 we're going to screw it up and we're going to 00:27:12.220 --> 00:27:14.640 screw them up. But we're also going to. And every 00:27:14.640 --> 00:27:17.009 generation is going to have a new set of. issues 00:27:17.009 --> 00:27:18.950 and problems and hurdles that they have to work 00:27:18.950 --> 00:27:21.769 through oh yeah imagine these gen alpha kids 00:27:21.769 --> 00:27:24.950 with their ai yeah right what kind of conversation 00:27:24.950 --> 00:27:27.289 are they gonna have like i gave my kid an ai 00:27:27.289 --> 00:27:29.690 for emotional resilience and now they're dependent 00:27:29.690 --> 00:27:33.509 and yeah yeah what were our parents like and 00:27:33.509 --> 00:27:36.490 my gosh i do you think that every generation 00:27:36.490 --> 00:27:39.069 has this conversation yeah i can't be self -centered 00:27:39.069 --> 00:27:42.190 enough to think that this is just us no way i 00:27:42.190 --> 00:27:44.859 know i would hope not i would hope that i'm sure 00:27:44.859 --> 00:27:46.900 this has been happening since they since the 00:27:46.900 --> 00:27:49.240 dawn of time yep i bet they were sitting around 00:27:49.240 --> 00:27:51.700 the fire after they gathered their berries and 00:27:51.700 --> 00:27:54.019 they were like well did you see women are wearing 00:27:54.019 --> 00:27:57.819 pants now well this is what i heard i want that 00:27:57.819 --> 00:28:00.220 white cloth women would quilt and they're quilting 00:28:00.220 --> 00:28:02.240 and sewing circles and this is the things these 00:28:02.240 --> 00:28:04.180 are the things they would talk about but at the 00:28:04.180 --> 00:28:05.839 same time those women in the quilting sewing 00:28:05.839 --> 00:28:08.440 circles were parenting all the children they 00:28:08.440 --> 00:28:11.980 were parenting all the children yeah Yeah. Or 00:28:11.980 --> 00:28:14.579 they were sharing parenting tips amongst. Yeah. 00:28:14.759 --> 00:28:17.779 So what you're saying is we should start quilting. 00:28:18.339 --> 00:28:20.900 Yeah. Or having those Tupperware parties. That's 00:28:20.900 --> 00:28:22.759 where they passed along all the secret knowledge 00:28:22.759 --> 00:28:25.160 that they had. For a different activity, but. 00:28:26.799 --> 00:28:32.279 Oh, no. Oh, yeah. A wine and sip. Oh, okay. I 00:28:32.279 --> 00:28:35.859 was like a bunk. Oh, sorry. Paint and sip. Paint 00:28:35.859 --> 00:28:38.980 and sip. Campered chef. No, just a wine night. 00:28:42.000 --> 00:28:45.180 But I read a book, and I know that's really surprising, 00:28:45.259 --> 00:28:47.859 but that said that those women who did those 00:28:47.859 --> 00:28:50.000 Tupperware parties, that's when they would get 00:28:50.000 --> 00:28:52.759 together and really, like, pass information about 00:28:52.759 --> 00:28:55.759 each other's husbands or, like, helping people. 00:28:56.180 --> 00:28:58.259 Like, that was their own underground railroad, 00:28:58.519 --> 00:29:01.430 their Tupperware parties. And the quilting. Yeah. 00:29:01.769 --> 00:29:03.930 Absolutely. Yeah. And the quilting. For sure. 00:29:04.150 --> 00:29:06.690 We don't do that kind of stuff. We don't get 00:29:06.690 --> 00:29:10.430 that community anymore. And again, even within 00:29:10.430 --> 00:29:13.450 the disability community, a smaller subset, like 00:29:13.450 --> 00:29:20.210 it's so divisive. Yeah. Yeah. So divisive. And 00:29:20.210 --> 00:29:22.230 it's like people always want that community, 00:29:22.509 --> 00:29:24.990 but then. They also tear it apart at the same 00:29:24.990 --> 00:29:27.150 time. It is. And again, I'm not talking about 00:29:27.150 --> 00:29:29.849 anyone in particular, but let's just take autism, 00:29:30.009 --> 00:29:33.240 for example. and my kids are autistic so i feel 00:29:33.240 --> 00:29:36.339 highly qualified to talk about this but the community's 00:29:36.339 --> 00:29:39.460 like i mean gosh i've seen posts where people 00:29:39.460 --> 00:29:42.839 are like considering doing aba or whatever the 00:29:42.839 --> 00:29:44.900 case may be and parents will come in there and 00:29:44.900 --> 00:29:47.240 like aba destroyed my child you must not love 00:29:47.240 --> 00:29:52.079 your child if you want and i'm like what No parent 00:29:52.079 --> 00:29:55.400 is considering something like that if there's 00:29:55.400 --> 00:29:58.079 not some love and care. Yes, exactly. I think 00:29:58.079 --> 00:29:59.859 at the end of the day, everybody loves their 00:29:59.859 --> 00:30:02.900 kid and is doing whatever they think is best 00:30:02.900 --> 00:30:05.579 for their kid. And I just wish people would support 00:30:05.579 --> 00:30:08.220 that. As long as you're not hurting anybody else. 00:30:08.339 --> 00:30:11.359 Yeah. And it's fine to have an opinion. just 00:30:11.359 --> 00:30:14.180 say absolutely work for my child here's why and 00:30:14.180 --> 00:30:16.779 leave it alone and and see if someone's asking 00:30:16.779 --> 00:30:19.599 you for advice right that's that's when you give 00:30:19.599 --> 00:30:22.539 the advice but you don't have to tack on the 00:30:22.539 --> 00:30:25.279 extraneous like not love to your child exactly 00:30:25.279 --> 00:30:29.259 like why yeah yeah that was unnecessary yeah 00:30:29.259 --> 00:30:32.660 at the end of the day we're just all trying to 00:30:32.660 --> 00:30:36.069 make it from breakfast to bed yeah right uh For 00:30:36.069 --> 00:30:38.309 sure. And then maybe sleep through the night. 00:30:38.490 --> 00:30:42.450 Yeah. I hear that happen. That's a bonus. I hear 00:30:42.450 --> 00:30:46.630 that happen sometimes. No. It doesn't happen. 00:30:47.410 --> 00:30:50.289 Because my. Because he's trying to pull his tray 00:30:50.289 --> 00:30:53.049 down in the middle of the night. Yeah. Or my 00:30:53.049 --> 00:30:55.210 child peed in their bed and then came in and 00:30:55.210 --> 00:30:59.049 peed in mine. Yeah. Yeah. You know. All those 00:30:59.049 --> 00:31:01.690 things. That could happen in my world too. Yeah. 00:31:03.410 --> 00:31:07.990 Anyhow. Well. I hope another day. There we go. 00:31:08.150 --> 00:31:11.089 Another day, another problem solved. The feral 00:31:11.089 --> 00:31:15.390 kids have raised some children. I'm not going 00:31:15.390 --> 00:31:17.569 to say they're not feral. I just love that I 00:31:17.569 --> 00:31:20.170 just realized that I'm closer in age to Boston 00:31:20.170 --> 00:31:28.230 than I am to you. Happy birthday to me. How old 00:31:28.230 --> 00:31:32.559 did you just turn? Today, I turned 36. Wow. Only 00:31:32.559 --> 00:31:35.619 Biden. He's 27. So nine years. Nine years. Nine 00:31:35.619 --> 00:31:40.400 years to him and 12 years to you. Yeah. 12, 13, 00:31:40.660 --> 00:31:44.640 three. I need the abacus. I'm three years closer 00:31:44.640 --> 00:31:46.880 to him than I am to you. That's freaking wild. 00:31:47.460 --> 00:31:50.980 That's absolutely crazy talk. Well, no, no, no. 00:31:51.039 --> 00:31:53.500 I'm closer to you. I'm just glad he doesn't have 00:31:53.500 --> 00:31:57.190 any children. Oh, man. That's another thing. 00:31:57.250 --> 00:31:59.349 I can't imagine my kids raising kids. I know. 00:31:59.450 --> 00:32:01.869 Yeah. Add on to this. Now when we're going to 00:32:01.869 --> 00:32:04.390 be grandparents, what the heck are we going to 00:32:04.390 --> 00:32:06.230 do? I don't know. My best friend is dealing with 00:32:06.230 --> 00:32:08.130 that right now. Her daughter just had a baby 00:32:08.130 --> 00:32:12.789 and it is different. It's different times. It 00:32:12.789 --> 00:32:15.589 is so different. We have to keep our mouth shut. 00:32:15.710 --> 00:32:20.950 Yes, she does. Yeah. Yes, she does. Yeah. We're 00:32:20.950 --> 00:32:23.109 not going to be able to. That's going to be a 00:32:23.109 --> 00:32:25.559 hard one. Really? I feel like it's your kid. 00:32:25.660 --> 00:32:28.980 Just tell me what you want me to do. I feel like, 00:32:29.019 --> 00:32:31.119 I don't know. Leave it. Is this her daughter? 00:32:31.660 --> 00:32:34.519 Okay. Oh, see, that's a different dynamic altogether. 00:32:35.259 --> 00:32:37.880 Yeah. When your daughter has a child, I want 00:32:37.880 --> 00:32:40.180 to be like, give me that kid. Yeah. It's mine 00:32:40.180 --> 00:32:42.380 now. I guess I want my daughter to ask me for 00:32:42.380 --> 00:32:46.180 this. Yeah, no. Oh, no. She's got it in a parenting 00:32:46.180 --> 00:32:49.230 book in a... In a TikTok. Oh, in the TikToks. 00:32:49.230 --> 00:32:53.509 In the baby center groups. You guys, it's so 00:32:53.509 --> 00:32:56.250 different than when we had him. Even when I had 00:32:56.250 --> 00:33:00.190 my last one, because he's 12 and I have a 20 00:33:00.190 --> 00:33:01.930 -year -old. So that tells you a little bit of 00:33:01.930 --> 00:33:06.700 the gap. It was. We didn't do it to reveal. We 00:33:06.700 --> 00:33:10.980 didn't. No. We didn't have push presents. No, 00:33:11.140 --> 00:33:14.220 we didn't. We didn't make baskets for our nursing, 00:33:14.279 --> 00:33:18.740 like the labor and delivery staff. I think social 00:33:18.740 --> 00:33:22.240 media has taken some of this stuff, and it is 00:33:22.240 --> 00:33:27.220 making these new parents feel so less than unreasonable 00:33:27.220 --> 00:33:33.920 that it is setting such a high expectation for 00:33:33.920 --> 00:33:38.519 these young moms that I don't even know how. 00:33:38.680 --> 00:33:41.140 You know what I wish I hadn't have done? I wish 00:33:41.140 --> 00:33:44.160 I hadn't have made being a mother my entire personality. 00:33:44.940 --> 00:33:47.960 And I think that's what social media. Yeah. And 00:33:47.960 --> 00:33:51.079 if I felt that way at 36, like, what are these 00:33:51.079 --> 00:33:54.019 new moms? I'm old. Right. But like, what are 00:33:54.019 --> 00:33:59.160 these new these 22, 23? It is their entire personality. 00:33:59.559 --> 00:34:03.059 Especially ones that are doing it alone on their 00:34:03.059 --> 00:34:05.819 own. Yeah, that's devastating. I'm seeing some 00:34:05.819 --> 00:34:08.260 of the girls that I used to coach and they're 00:34:08.260 --> 00:34:11.699 on their own with these babies. It's hard. And 00:34:11.699 --> 00:34:14.199 then they don't have the social nets, the community 00:34:14.199 --> 00:34:17.719 supports. There's none of that. And I see the 00:34:17.719 --> 00:34:21.280 beauty of what I'm seeing in their postings, 00:34:21.280 --> 00:34:23.739 but I'm not. And you want to. I wonder what it's 00:34:23.739 --> 00:34:25.599 like. Yeah, you want to believe that that's what 00:34:25.599 --> 00:34:28.300 it's behind. I do. I really do. That's what I 00:34:28.300 --> 00:34:31.480 tell my kids all the time. And again, I'm trying 00:34:31.480 --> 00:34:35.739 to stay young. You cannot believe. anything you 00:34:35.739 --> 00:34:38.320 see on social media. Number one, first and foremost, 00:34:38.460 --> 00:34:41.159 in this day and age, it could be AI. Like, it's 00:34:41.159 --> 00:34:44.300 probably Sora 2 or whatever. I believe nothing. 00:34:44.760 --> 00:34:48.139 Nothing. And number two, that person that I just 00:34:48.139 --> 00:34:50.380 watched talking about how beautiful their house 00:34:50.380 --> 00:34:52.320 is and how clean their room is, they pushed that 00:34:52.320 --> 00:34:54.320 pile of laundry out of the way before they started 00:34:54.320 --> 00:34:56.840 filming. Like, I have to tell myself that stuff 00:34:56.840 --> 00:34:59.400 every time. No, for my own sake, too, because 00:34:59.400 --> 00:35:00.960 I'm like, leave the sleeping bag to their bed. 00:35:02.059 --> 00:35:04.800 100%. They let their dog. And then they get back 00:35:04.800 --> 00:35:06.559 on their camera and they yell, Ellie, get off 00:35:06.559 --> 00:35:09.739 the couch. Yeah. Spoken from experience, right? 00:35:09.920 --> 00:35:14.219 Yeah. Yeah. It's not all creating this false 00:35:14.219 --> 00:35:16.519 sense of reality. So that's where I think at 00:35:16.519 --> 00:35:18.840 the end of the day, yes, social media is a disservice 00:35:18.840 --> 00:35:23.739 because it makes everyone try to live up to the 00:35:23.739 --> 00:35:26.340 Joneses or the Smiths or whoever your neighbor 00:35:26.340 --> 00:35:29.239 is, right? You want to be exactly like that picture 00:35:29.239 --> 00:35:33.530 perfect that they have posted on Instagram. But 00:35:33.530 --> 00:35:35.809 yeah, if my other windows open, you know that 00:35:35.809 --> 00:35:38.309 it's not like that. But yeah, no, that's for 00:35:38.309 --> 00:35:40.570 sure. It's not. My favorites are a day in the 00:35:40.570 --> 00:35:43.809 real world. Yeah. Like what is what is it's not 00:35:43.809 --> 00:35:46.070 always ugly, but it's not always beautiful either. 00:35:46.230 --> 00:35:50.070 So and I feel so much kinship to those new mom 00:35:50.070 --> 00:35:52.510 videos where they're like, here's my four diapers 00:35:52.510 --> 00:35:54.469 from last night because I didn't want to get 00:35:54.469 --> 00:35:56.369 up last night and throw the diapers away. So 00:35:56.369 --> 00:35:59.250 they're all right here on the floor. And I'm 00:35:59.250 --> 00:36:01.929 like, please share more of that. Thank you. From 00:36:01.929 --> 00:36:05.789 the gas station. 100%. I want to see that versus 00:36:05.789 --> 00:36:08.489 that your Newport is all dressed in white and 00:36:08.489 --> 00:36:10.730 there's not a stain on them. I'm like, that is 00:36:10.730 --> 00:36:16.599 not real life. How? Yeah. Anyhow. But then. Another 00:36:16.599 --> 00:36:18.599 part of the problem becomes that the more you 00:36:18.599 --> 00:36:20.280 linger on those videos, the more that you like 00:36:20.280 --> 00:36:22.019 them, the more that your feet is flooded with 00:36:22.019 --> 00:36:24.619 that. And then you miss out on the other parts 00:36:24.619 --> 00:36:27.519 of life because the algorithm is so curated. 00:36:27.820 --> 00:36:30.480 Yeah. And then I try to tell my kids that and 00:36:30.480 --> 00:36:32.340 they're like, Mom, you're just an old woman. 00:36:32.440 --> 00:36:37.159 Go lay down and read a book. Go knit. Go ash 00:36:37.159 --> 00:36:39.730 your hair. Go bake some bread. Yeah. Oh, I made 00:36:39.730 --> 00:36:41.949 bread. I could never bake bread. I made some 00:36:41.949 --> 00:36:44.150 yesterday. You got a sourdough starter for me? 00:36:44.250 --> 00:36:46.469 Ice cream bread? It was two -ingredient ice cream 00:36:46.469 --> 00:36:48.489 bread. So you just, it was ice cream and self 00:36:48.489 --> 00:36:50.989 -rising flour. Why in the Depression -era cooking 00:36:50.989 --> 00:36:54.849 is ice cream bread? Just that. It is very Depression 00:36:54.849 --> 00:36:57.110 -era cooking. It was fun. It was a fun little 00:36:57.110 --> 00:36:59.570 experience. But how is it ice cream, though? 00:36:59.789 --> 00:37:02.280 So it's just a full fat. it's just because it 00:37:02.280 --> 00:37:04.739 doesn't have any ice use any and it doesn't have 00:37:04.739 --> 00:37:07.900 any cream so it's just you're using the fat from 00:37:07.900 --> 00:37:11.400 the ice cream wow essentially oh oh okay i'm 00:37:11.400 --> 00:37:13.559 with you now i'm with you now good i'm glad we 00:37:13.559 --> 00:37:16.500 got there because it took a long water pie so 00:37:16.500 --> 00:37:19.820 that you know what from the depression that actually 00:37:19.820 --> 00:37:22.619 looked like something you could actually eat 00:37:22.619 --> 00:37:25.800 she did eat it you just water pie it came from 00:37:25.800 --> 00:37:29.659 the depression it was just pie with water But 00:37:29.659 --> 00:37:32.079 the way that they mixed it, and it was thicker. 00:37:32.260 --> 00:37:34.860 It was a thicker substance. It was butter, water, 00:37:35.019 --> 00:37:38.980 and sugar, and then a pie crust. And it looked 00:37:38.980 --> 00:37:42.679 like custard. I don't know. My algorithm had 00:37:42.679 --> 00:37:45.699 the Mountain Dew pie all weekend. Oh, that Baja 00:37:45.699 --> 00:37:49.880 Blast pie from Taco Bell. Yes, it's $20. It was 00:37:49.880 --> 00:37:53.960 a Baja Blast pie. Wow. Had a lot of artificial 00:37:53.960 --> 00:37:58.659 flavoring and coloring. Yeah. Wow. You know what? 00:37:58.739 --> 00:38:02.099 Your kid ate. What? If you ate that pie this 00:38:02.099 --> 00:38:04.880 weekend, you ate. Yep. And your belly is full. 00:38:05.159 --> 00:38:07.579 Yep. Yeah. And there are so many worse things 00:38:07.579 --> 00:38:09.320 that could have happened, but that pie looks 00:38:09.320 --> 00:38:12.500 like my stomach would be so upset all night long. 00:38:12.739 --> 00:38:15.400 If my child had that pie, the neighbors would 00:38:15.400 --> 00:38:18.340 know. They'd be like, what's that noise coming 00:38:18.340 --> 00:38:23.880 from my house? That humming, buzzing. Yeah. So 00:38:23.880 --> 00:38:26.920 I did not have that pie. Oh my gosh. Any parting 00:38:26.920 --> 00:38:30.659 thoughts? You're doing all right. Yeah, everybody's 00:38:30.659 --> 00:38:34.219 going to be doing the best they can do. And hopefully 00:38:34.219 --> 00:38:36.559 the next generation will figure it all out for 00:38:36.559 --> 00:38:40.159 us. Just kidding. If not, it's going to be like 00:38:40.159 --> 00:38:43.880 idiocracy. Or maybe the aliens are coming. Maybe. 00:38:43.960 --> 00:38:46.019 And the aliens will teach us how to, that three 00:38:46.019 --> 00:38:50.179 -eye atlas or whatever. What do you mean what? 00:38:51.119 --> 00:38:53.219 What are your guys' TikTok feeds? I don't know. 00:38:53.400 --> 00:38:55.599 The comet or whatever that's coming towards the 00:38:55.599 --> 00:38:58.059 Earth that people think could ostensibly be an 00:38:58.059 --> 00:39:00.619 alien ship because of what it's made of and whatever. 00:39:01.059 --> 00:39:04.920 Okay. But it has three I's? No. Anytime they 00:39:04.920 --> 00:39:09.079 name an interplanetary -like thing. Oh! And I'm 00:39:09.079 --> 00:39:13.039 not... Three I's? Yeah. Like the letter I. Three 00:39:13.039 --> 00:39:17.170 I's. The all seeing eyes. She thought I was talking 00:39:17.170 --> 00:39:19.010 about like Greek mythology. You remember three 00:39:19.010 --> 00:39:22.989 eye Atlas, right? I did. Like I envisioned it 00:39:22.989 --> 00:39:26.989 and everything. It was, she was purple. A one 00:39:26.989 --> 00:39:31.429 eyed one horn flying purple. See, look at this. 00:39:31.429 --> 00:39:33.429 This is how, this is a perfect example of social 00:39:33.429 --> 00:39:35.550 media content and algorithms. Cause y 'all have 00:39:35.550 --> 00:39:38.110 heard nothing about this. And I'm ready to be 00:39:38.110 --> 00:39:40.809 like, you remember from independence day and 00:39:40.809 --> 00:39:42.949 Mars attacks, those people that are waiting in 00:39:42.949 --> 00:39:45.469 Nevada with, the hat. Yeah. I'm like calling 00:39:45.469 --> 00:39:50.190 you. Come on down. Oh my. We'll be like, where 00:39:50.190 --> 00:39:54.550 is she? I got a kid you would love to meet. No, 00:39:54.550 --> 00:39:56.610 they would beam him back. They'd be like, we're 00:39:56.610 --> 00:39:59.750 good. We're actually fine. I thought you were 00:39:59.750 --> 00:40:12.969 coming here to teach me how to parent. Thank 00:40:12.969 --> 00:40:15.050 you so much, everyone out there, for listening 00:40:15.050 --> 00:40:18.849 in. And know that if you are in Idaho or planning 00:40:18.849 --> 00:40:22.010 on moving to Idaho and have questions on systems 00:40:22.010 --> 00:40:25.590 or services for children with disabilities, please 00:40:25.590 --> 00:40:28.349 consider reaching out to us on our website at 00:40:28.349 --> 00:40:34.369 iPullIdaho, that's I -P -U -L -Idaho .org, or 00:40:34.369 --> 00:40:40.429 by calling us at 208 -342 -5884. Be sure to tune 00:40:40.429 --> 00:40:44.090 in next time. Until then, This has been unlimited 00:40:44.090 --> 00:40:46.829 parenting. Thanks for listening.