Welcome to Unlimited Parenting. This is a show
where we talk about what it's like to raise children
with disabilities and or special health care
needs. My name is Allison and with me today are
Melissa and Sarah. And today we are going to
talk about generational parenting differences.
I think that's what like the title we agreed
on. Okay. But it's also just parenting. Okay.
Yep. Yeah. So everybody. Because you're young
and we're old. I think that probably got started.
I think so. For real. I think. The audience doesn't
know, but we're recording this on my birthday.
So if the two of you could be kind to me. All
of that to say that my birthday is in 10 days
where I will be 10 years older than you. I feel
like you need to be more. Are you looking forward
to being 56? As much as you are looking forward
to being 46. Just kidding. She's going to be
46. Okay. And if you can do math, then you can
figure out. I can do math. So then you can math.
Well, that says a lot about our parenting. Can
you do math? It does. I used an abacus in my
day. Okay, but really... Sarah used an abacus.
She still does. She has an abacus app on her
phone. She doesn't go to the... No. Yes! What?
I take my beans. I'm sure there is an app for
that. There probably is an abacus app. Why would
one need that? Okay, well, I don't like mountains
like them. An abacus? Yeah. You're so full of
it right now. Accountants use abacus, abacusers,
abacusai. Someone get Candice in here. On behalf
of all financial directors, come in here and
talk to us. Okay. Really, though, the intention
behind this podcast was that we were in my office
having a casual conversation. And of course,
those are always the best ones. And then about
halfway through it, I was like, someone needs
to push record. Yeah. So then we tried to pause
it. And now we're all coming back together to
try to figure out what we were talking about.
We were really in it. It was an organic conversation.
So we're going to try to re -organize that. And
those are the best ones. So I re -organize. She's
contemplating if she can remove that. No, I was
thinking, I think that's what Dr. Frankenstein
thought she was doing. to his monster reorganifying
you sound like mary shelley right now oh there
we go i fell asleep watching it she was busy
on her abacus app she was like if this movie
says it's 120 minutes and we've gone through
40 minutes how much time is left over to this
side until i can go back to watching the wizard
of ours that's right okay okay so i know for
sure that we were talking about how And when
you're little, you're like, I'm going to raise
my kids so different than how I'm being raised
right now. And I know that we were talking about
a story where I wouldn't say it backfired on
me. But it was almost like, ooh, has the pendulum
swung too far the other way? That's what I remember.
I remember that we were talking about how I was
concerned that. potentially I was coddling my
children because they have, all three of my children
have such really high emotional intelligence.
Very, very much. Like they can tell you what
they're feeling, when they're feeling, how they're
feeling, what got them there. They're very much
intellectualizers of their emotions, which of
course is something that they learned from me.
So if you were to say, you know, like, where
does this anger feel in your body? They wouldn't
really know, but they would be able to tell you
where the anger started. My children can do the
ABCs of their own behavior. Right. Which I said,
there ain't no way that my kids are doing that.
My kids weren't raised with the same kind of
emotional intelligence. I raised them to be very
independent, but it was almost like, you do this,
you go. You got it. Got it. And that's when I
realized, sure, my kids have high emotional intelligence,
but they are so low on the resilience scale.
like they don't have that's what we were talking
about and i was like i think my kids can pull
themselves up by their bootstraps but they probably
aren't as well i know they're not as emotionally
until like we can have those conversations as
open and freely as as you know they go in the
room and shut the door and yeah don't come out
we don't talk about that but there's also a lot
to be said about i mean maybe i would rather
my kids be emotionally resilient. I don't know.
I always saw it as kind of like a linear thing.
Like first you become emotionally intelligent
and then you become resilient. Yeah. And I don't
know why, but I always saw it as like a stepping
stone. It was never both things can be true.
Oh, I see what you mean. At the same time. So
I was like, first you have to teach them how
to talk about their emotions and how to understand
their emotions and then they can be resilient.
And I've slowly started to realize. I don't know
if it's learned helplessness in the sense that
they don't have to do it because they know that
mom or dad or brother or whoever will do it for
them. But is it that? Yeah. I mean, even though
we have very different generational differences,
I still think that my kids have a lot. That line
was kind of starting to form where I started
to do a little bit. more and more and more but
like if you think back like when i we didn't
do anything we did it for ourselves we we went
to our friend's house we knocked on the door
we said can so -and -so play or we called the
house phone right i mean oh the trauma well you
were never taught how to do that right you just
did it you just did it right do you just watched
your your older brother or something do it one
time and then you did it and our kids need so
much More coaching. We're coaching now. And I
don't know if that's just because we never empowered.
I didn't necessarily empower them that much.
I did a lot of scheduling for them. Like, okay,
well, here's your play date and we're going to
be here at this time. And I didn't ever empower
them to do a lot of that themselves. I don't
know. But do you, and I know that this is slightly
off topic, but do you ever also kind of wonder
that the society, that the community that we've
set up hinders that as well? Yes. And okay. My
husband and I were talking about this this weekend.
And that's funny. I guess this kind of makes
sense. We weren't even doing it on purpose. Nowadays,
it used to be back in my day. Back in the day.
You would go out and other parents would parent
you as well. And you're talking about the mid
80s at this point. I'm saying the mid 80s. I
would go. I remember going places and other adults
would. would almost parent you i remember walking
in a restaurant one time and i had a hat on and
someone said you need to remove your hat in the
inside building and i'm like oh yeah yeah yeah
so it's almost like i was the way that that just
triggered me like don't even talk to my child
exactly right but why does that now where does
that come from why do i immediately want to go
don't talk to my kid where is that coming from
i don't know it's that right i don't know where
that's just strangers kind of thing because what
you're describing is helpful to me someone is
helping me reinforce what i'm trying to teach
my child but why do i immediately bristle and
but sometimes they're also giving you help telling
your kids other social norms that maybe it's
not something you've ever talked about at home.
Like, we don't wear a lot of hats. So my kids
might not necessarily know that they need to
take their hat off when they go walk in a building.
We don't wear a lot of hats. But do you know
what I mean? You're now only really... privy
to what you're told at home and other. Yeah,
it is that divide. I don't know what happened.
But it's so weird that you say that. And then
we can also say, well, they've got the whole
world in the palm of their hand. Like they can
see all the cultures. They can do all the things.
But do they? i don't know what information they're
accessing and that's the other yeah that's like
generational like we were on plugged that is
oh i know it yeah i know where my kids are right
right i know we we were when we were when it
was our turn or we were their age we were sun
came up you ate your cereal you were out and
feral until yes and i know that's so cliche but
i think that's partly where that resilience that
emotional resilience and that No, but I've heard
you tell stories about being on your porch. But
it's just like that's just how it is. Like you
dealt with the world as it was coming at you
and adults were nowhere to be found because they
were either working or they were doing their
own adult things. And it was like the children
were the children. Yeah. And, you know, and so
maybe that is partly where the society felt the
need to. Everyone raising everyone's kids. Like,
I remember going to my friend's house and walking
in the door. I don't even think we knocked anymore.
Right. You just walk in and say, hey, mom. And
she had food like everywhere you went. Yeah.
You were taken care of. Feral or, you know. Yeah.
Everybody helped everybody. Everybody helped
everybody. Yeah. Yeah. We always had a house,
someone's house. You're almost scared to do that
now. I was just about to say, it's funny that
you say that because sometimes neighborhood kids
will come into my house and I'm like, you can
have whatever you want. But then I immediately
go, oh, my God, like, do you have an allergy?
Am I messing up your dinnertime meal? Is your
mom going to come over and be like, hey, you
know, we don't do processed food? Because in
my mind, I would just be like, thank you. I'm
sure my kid just walked right into your pantry
and took some things. So I'm just going to say
thank you. Yeah. But I'm always so worried about
someone's going to read what I'm doing as bad
intentions. But yeah, what am I like? Would you
really want me to go? Hey, look, I know you're
hungry, but no. Right. Right. Never. I don't
know what to do. Yeah. And I think we don't.
I think I'm scared. Exactly. Yeah. We're at this
like. defining moment and yeah and you don't
want to parent other people's kids because everybody
has such different feelings and beliefs and and
in a yeah and even even if we're just talking
about disability yeah even within the disability
circles of community There are so many different
feelings on so many different types of diagnoses
and don't do this, but do that. I guess when
I say parent people's kids, like I would never
spank another kid. Oh, no. Or I would never put
another child in timeout or something like that.
Yeah, or I don't even think I could raise my
voice at someone else's kid. you know and my
husband's like this is literally what i spend
my entire day doing almost is giving other people's
children you know he's in a school he's a big
behavior guy um so he's kind of lending i think
the use of today's manners it's i think it was
basic manners it's not like we were getting scolded
or taught or you know like here come our family
reads the bible so we're gonna go it was right
it was truly just those basic you know you remove
your hat when you're in the building that's just
that's a manner and that came comes from a generation
of our parents as parents yeah that's just the
way that they pass that that on and just manners
of saying please and thank you and yeah those
types of parenting per se don't you think it
made you feel like it made talking to adults
easier that's what i see my kids struggle with
even my 20 and 18 year olds sometimes they still
struggle with that adult they don't know how
to yeah encounter those adult encounters like
what am i supposed to do what do i say what do
i right really yeah do you feel that way your
kids are a little bit older than 20 and um some
they do pretty well talking to older people like
my friends and adults and their bosses and things
like that. But we all raised our children together.
So my best friend and her kids, we all grew up
together raising each other's kids and growing
up as parents together. And so it was fairly
easy for them. Now talking to their teachers,
maybe not so much. Yeah. It just depends, I guess,
what context we're in. But out in the public
and in the wild, they didn't have a problem saying
please and thank you. I had them, you know, we
taught them how to order from a menu. Right.
I remember that. Oh, that would devastate my
kids. My daughter, like I, she was so, so, so
shy. And about when she was five, she's my 20
year old right now. We're like, you gotta, you
gotta do this. You gotta do this for yourself.
And she would just, when she was five, she wouldn't
want to order. Yeah. So when she was five, we
started making her order and have her own voice.
My 10 year old can't. I know. And it was, but
it was scary for her. It was so scary. And she,
I don't want to eat. I don't want to eat. I don't,
I'm not kidding. Yeah. He starts crying. He would
rather not eat than place an order. So then we
started with just simple things. Like you point
at it on the menu, you know, like start with
these baby steps. And now, I mean, she goes out
to eat all the time, but it took a long time.
It took a really, really long time for just her
to have that. And I don't, I don't know. I mean,
I guess we can talk, can relate that back to
self -advocacy. Yeah, absolutely. Those skills.
I mean, we talk about at the doctor, like I was
having my kids talk to the doctor a long time,
like as early as we could. Seeing that's something
that I didn't do well. scheduled everything up
until the last moment of their being 18 and then
the minute they turn 18 mom can't do any of that
anymore and so i did kind of a district service
to my adult children by not giving them more
when were you making your own doctor's appointments
um i probably well out of college like the minute
i turned 18 i Yeah, same. Actually, probably
earlier. As soon as I got a car. As soon as I
got a car, I made all of my own doctor's appointments.
I'm talking OBGYN. Well, child checks, dental
appointments. I made all my own appointments,
drove myself there and said, like, put it on
my mom's card. Yeah. I can't imagine my children
doing that. No, no. Right. And it's not that
I'm like, oh, that's such a great skill for me
to have. It didn't really serve me that well.
Sure, I could. go and do my own thing but it
didn't I don't think that that taught me it was
independence but just under the just it almost
got yourself there on your own I mean like no
hate to my mom but it almost felt like it was
just like one less thing she had to worry about
right so she loved it because not I it was almost
like she loved it not because she thought it
was teaching me something but because it took
one more thing off her plate and i feel like
that's kind of what parenting was for a while
is how do i teach you skills so it takes one
more thing off my plate it isn't it i mean i
don't know i don't know if i because you're taking
it off of our plate and putting it on their plate
you're teaching them that independence right
so if you're not making their doctor's appointment
you're empowering them to the feeling was to
you you felt like okay she can do it now i don't
have Now I don't even have to worry about that
anymore. Not in a way like... Yeah, but then
it was like there was no like check -in either.
There was not like, hey, you know, you made your...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. It was like a wash your
hands of it. You were independent just to be
independent, but then you still needed that support
of like, okay, did it go okay? Is there any...
Yeah, so that's why I'm like, did the pendulum
swing too far the other way? Yeah. But now am
I just like... So I think, I don't know, for
me... it was very much just like that like here
you go you're an adult good luck yeah and yeah
i still to this day don't tell my mom when i
go to the doctor i don't tell my mom like how
the doctor went unless there's like a you know,
a pregnant. Unless you have meningitis and you
show up at her door. Sure. You know, that did
happen. And she was able to help me through that.
But that's generational from our parents. That
is very generational. They still don't tell us
if they go to the doctor. Yeah. Anything is wrong.
They could be on their deathbed and they're like,
a thousand percent. Or I didn't want to tell
you. I didn't want to tell you this on your birthday
weekend. Uh -huh. Yeah, I have been guilty of
that. But then if I know my kids are going to
the doctor, I'm like, what's the matter? How
are you? What'd I say? Did you get any medicine?
You know, absolutely in their business. So I
think that's that generational shift that I have
made is to ensure that I am. Nosier. Yes. Or
then if something's wrong with you or our spouses,
that we're also setting that example. Like reaching
out to our kids and saying, hey, I went to the,
not for every little hangnail or anything, but
like, hey, dad had to go to the doctor. Everything's
fine. Just wanted you to know. Yeah. I don't.
I don't know. We're never going to get hit. This
isn't supposed to be like a shame session. It's
just we were just talking about how. And how
different we all are, even though that I'm only
10 years younger than the rest of you guys. And
it's still so different. Yeah. Yeah. And do you
think that social media has made this better
or worse? Oh, absolutely worse. I don't know.
I think it's really interesting to see how. i
think i think there's something really cool about
seeing how everybody does things sure yeah and
then you can see yourself in other people and
be like oh like look here's a mom who's dealing
with a child with autism with really severe behaviors
like she's hanging in there just like i am but
so i would say from a parent perspective It's
made it better because you feel like you're not
alone, especially from a disability world. Yeah.
Then on the flip side, from the kids perspective,
just my own children have said, I wish you hadn't
ever let me get Snapchat. I wish that. Oh, really?
Later. Absolutely. Because you're always comparing.
You're always on. There's no downtime. There's
always this. I didn't get a like. I didn't get
it. You know. It's constant. And there's no ability
for them to turn that off. We could turn it off.
I still turn it off. I take my watch off. I charge
my phone and I walk away on the weekends. And
they don't necessarily do that as much. I don't
know. I think there's that. I don't know. No,
I hear you because like in the 80s, there were
no cell phones. There was, I mean, you could
talk trash about a friend, but it couldn't get
blasted everywhere for everyone to see. And then
perpetuity on the internet. even in the early
aughts when i was a teenager right we had a messenger
and we had that was like the very beginning of
t9 cell phones you know okay so we had more access
to one another but it was but it wasn't anything
like it is now like people can share their location
with you on your phone and you know where your
best friend is all the time and My kids use that
more than I do now. They want to know where I
am. And I find that is weird. I don't know. It
feels kind of comforting. Like, they care about
you. I don't know. See? They want to know if
I'm going to be able to get them something to
eat. Okay. Oh, are you stopping by Starbucks?
That's truly what it is. I'll take a mocha frappuccino.
Yeah. It's weird, though, because I was of the
generation to where, like you said, we went out.
And we came home when it got dark. I didn't drag
around a water bottle with me all day long. Heaven
forbid my child doesn't have their water and
access to their hydration at any point. I would
find a garden hose. Right. That's not fair. All
I was. Yeah. Now, see, I think that's where I've
done that. I have done that because I'm like,
oh, you know, we don't drink out of a garden
hose because one time mommy saw a video where
the water could be 145 degrees and you could
burn your mouth. Or we don't drink out of a water
hose because these chemicals are made in the
hose and the water sits in the hose. And then
you put those forever chemicals in your body.
So like at some point. I have those forever chemicals
in my body. Right. Me too. But at some point
I have to ask myself, like, have I fear mongered
my own children? I did. I know I did. Yeah. And
I don't know. That makes me feel really sad.
You could equate it to some of the things that
our parents feared. into us too i mean true what
i know those german stories they're scary so
i never told my kids anything like that because
i didn't want to scare them i didn't want them
to be scared of something that wasn't real and
use that as a way to force their hand on performing
well or being good kids or having good behavior
so instead what i did was take real world scenarios
and scare them with those yeah so either way
we're traumatizing our children yeah And our
parents did it. How do I do this right? Will
you tell me? You guys are 10 years older than
me. How do I do this right? I don't think I'm
doing it right. Oh, this is another thing that
came out of this conversation. Can you tell us
what your oldest daughter said? She said to you,
like, when your youngest was upset or something,
and she's like, hey, they're just figuring this
out. Oh, yeah. She said it's their first time
being parents, too. That is so smart. I just
love you. And she, you know what? She's right.
Because, I mean, granted, we do have four kids,
so it's our fourth time with him. But, you know,
she recognizes that as parents, you need a little
bit of grace, too. And I appreciate that. First
off, how smart. And emotionally resilient is
she to be able to like conceptualize that concept.
It's suddenly because I raised her that way.
She's the oldest daughter. But then Sarah and
I were talking also from a totally different
perspective. And not that I want this podcast
to be an hour long, but from a totally different
perspective about how siblings can be raised
in the same house and still experience things.
Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like because you you have one
sibling. I do. And she had a totally different
childhood. Right. And we're we're only 15 months
apart. So our experiences were I mean we were
we were mixed up as twins all of the time because
we were pretty close. Like there's a time where
we're one year apart for three months. We're
two years apart. But. I mean, yeah, like there
are things that she will tell me, I'm like, that
happened? Like, and part of that is a trauma
response. Right. And part of that is just like,
yeah, we had all the same experiences. We always
together, it was just the two of us and our mom
and wherever we were, or it was the two of us
and my grandma and my grandpa, but we were always
in. completely different experience remember
things so different so then what am I supposed
to do with that like as a parent and I'm not
trying to say because I think that there are
very much times where you did not get what you
deserved a hundred percent and I'm not trying
to take any heat off of any of the adults in
your situation but it made me resilient at 100
percent but also at what cost sure and as a parent
how am how do I go how am I making sure that
all of my kids are having a good childhood because
I have three and I'm like if if listening to
your stories and even thinking about back on
my childhood my siblings remember things very
differently than I do and I'm like how do I give
all three of you yeah I guess either way you're
just gonna mess it up can you just let the podcast
okay well well I will say I do have a good relationship
with my mom we still speak my sister and I still
talk I mean very much present in the way that
we need her now and my boys will my older one
especially um will constantly check in and say
hey mom i see you you're doing great i know this
is really hard right now oh my god i love that
and he's 27 and he'll see me at my worst when
i mean we're going through a really rough time
right now and we need each other as a family
and i guess that's the other thing it's like
we're falling apart as a family Yet we're pulling
together as a family. That's all I want. That's
what I want. Things are falling apart. We are
picking each other up. I am divorced and we're
working together to do what's best for our son
that has a health need and a disability. And
all five of us are pulling together for him.
And that's how I know. we did a good job yep
your parent yeah yeah no matter at the end of
the day and yeah and you guys do that really
well well yeah like you're able to like have
a conversation and again this is not a like dog
on your parents session at all but like my parents
cannot my biological parents cannot communicate
i mean they can But I don't think they ever really
do it effectively. And the way that you and your
ex -husband can come together and have like really
intense conversations, I'm just impressed. Well.
It's got to take a lot from both of you. The
subject is our son. Yeah. That is it. Yeah. The
notes. Yep. There you go. So anyway. But yeah,
we're going to screw it up and we're going to
screw them up. But we're also going to. And every
generation is going to have a new set of. issues
and problems and hurdles that they have to work
through oh yeah imagine these gen alpha kids
with their ai yeah right what kind of conversation
are they gonna have like i gave my kid an ai
for emotional resilience and now they're dependent
and yeah yeah what were our parents like and
my gosh i do you think that every generation
has this conversation yeah i can't be self -centered
enough to think that this is just us no way i
know i would hope not i would hope that i'm sure
this has been happening since they since the
dawn of time yep i bet they were sitting around
the fire after they gathered their berries and
they were like well did you see women are wearing
pants now well this is what i heard i want that
white cloth women would quilt and they're quilting
and sewing circles and this is the things these
are the things they would talk about but at the
same time those women in the quilting sewing
circles were parenting all the children they
were parenting all the children yeah Yeah. Or
they were sharing parenting tips amongst. Yeah.
So what you're saying is we should start quilting.
Yeah. Or having those Tupperware parties. That's
where they passed along all the secret knowledge
that they had. For a different activity, but.
Oh, no. Oh, yeah. A wine and sip. Oh, okay. I
was like a bunk. Oh, sorry. Paint and sip. Paint
and sip. Campered chef. No, just a wine night.
But I read a book, and I know that's really surprising,
but that said that those women who did those
Tupperware parties, that's when they would get
together and really, like, pass information about
each other's husbands or, like, helping people.
Like, that was their own underground railroad,
their Tupperware parties. And the quilting. Yeah.
Absolutely. Yeah. And the quilting. For sure.
We don't do that kind of stuff. We don't get
that community anymore. And again, even within
the disability community, a smaller subset, like
it's so divisive. Yeah. Yeah. So divisive. And
it's like people always want that community,
but then. They also tear it apart at the same
time. It is. And again, I'm not talking about
anyone in particular, but let's just take autism,
for example. and my kids are autistic so i feel
highly qualified to talk about this but the community's
like i mean gosh i've seen posts where people
are like considering doing aba or whatever the
case may be and parents will come in there and
like aba destroyed my child you must not love
your child if you want and i'm like what No parent
is considering something like that if there's
not some love and care. Yes, exactly. I think
at the end of the day, everybody loves their
kid and is doing whatever they think is best
for their kid. And I just wish people would support
that. As long as you're not hurting anybody else.
Yeah. And it's fine to have an opinion. just
say absolutely work for my child here's why and
leave it alone and and see if someone's asking
you for advice right that's that's when you give
the advice but you don't have to tack on the
extraneous like not love to your child exactly
like why yeah yeah that was unnecessary yeah
at the end of the day we're just all trying to
make it from breakfast to bed yeah right uh For
sure. And then maybe sleep through the night.
Yeah. I hear that happen. That's a bonus. I hear
that happen sometimes. No. It doesn't happen.
Because my. Because he's trying to pull his tray
down in the middle of the night. Yeah. Or my
child peed in their bed and then came in and
peed in mine. Yeah. Yeah. You know. All those
things. That could happen in my world too. Yeah.
Anyhow. Well. I hope another day. There we go.
Another day, another problem solved. The feral
kids have raised some children. I'm not going
to say they're not feral. I just love that I
just realized that I'm closer in age to Boston
than I am to you. Happy birthday to me. How old
did you just turn? Today, I turned 36. Wow. Only
Biden. He's 27. So nine years. Nine years. Nine
years to him and 12 years to you. Yeah. 12, 13,
three. I need the abacus. I'm three years closer
to him than I am to you. That's freaking wild.
That's absolutely crazy talk. Well, no, no, no.
I'm closer to you. I'm just glad he doesn't have
any children. Oh, man. That's another thing.
I can't imagine my kids raising kids. I know.
Yeah. Add on to this. Now when we're going to
be grandparents, what the heck are we going to
do? I don't know. My best friend is dealing with
that right now. Her daughter just had a baby
and it is different. It's different times. It
is so different. We have to keep our mouth shut.
Yes, she does. Yeah. Yes, she does. Yeah. We're
not going to be able to. That's going to be a
hard one. Really? I feel like it's your kid.
Just tell me what you want me to do. I feel like,
I don't know. Leave it. Is this her daughter?
Okay. Oh, see, that's a different dynamic altogether.
Yeah. When your daughter has a child, I want
to be like, give me that kid. Yeah. It's mine
now. I guess I want my daughter to ask me for
this. Yeah, no. Oh, no. She's got it in a parenting
book in a... In a TikTok. Oh, in the TikToks.
In the baby center groups. You guys, it's so
different than when we had him. Even when I had
my last one, because he's 12 and I have a 20
-year -old. So that tells you a little bit of
the gap. It was. We didn't do it to reveal. We
didn't. No. We didn't have push presents. No,
we didn't. We didn't make baskets for our nursing,
like the labor and delivery staff. I think social
media has taken some of this stuff, and it is
making these new parents feel so less than unreasonable
that it is setting such a high expectation for
these young moms that I don't even know how.
You know what I wish I hadn't have done? I wish
I hadn't have made being a mother my entire personality.
And I think that's what social media. Yeah. And
if I felt that way at 36, like, what are these
new moms? I'm old. Right. But like, what are
these new these 22, 23? It is their entire personality.
Especially ones that are doing it alone on their
own. Yeah, that's devastating. I'm seeing some
of the girls that I used to coach and they're
on their own with these babies. It's hard. And
then they don't have the social nets, the community
supports. There's none of that. And I see the
beauty of what I'm seeing in their postings,
but I'm not. And you want to. I wonder what it's
like. Yeah, you want to believe that that's what
it's behind. I do. I really do. That's what I
tell my kids all the time. And again, I'm trying
to stay young. You cannot believe. anything you
see on social media. Number one, first and foremost,
in this day and age, it could be AI. Like, it's
probably Sora 2 or whatever. I believe nothing.
Nothing. And number two, that person that I just
watched talking about how beautiful their house
is and how clean their room is, they pushed that
pile of laundry out of the way before they started
filming. Like, I have to tell myself that stuff
every time. No, for my own sake, too, because
I'm like, leave the sleeping bag to their bed.
100%. They let their dog. And then they get back
on their camera and they yell, Ellie, get off
the couch. Yeah. Spoken from experience, right?
Yeah. Yeah. It's not all creating this false
sense of reality. So that's where I think at
the end of the day, yes, social media is a disservice
because it makes everyone try to live up to the
Joneses or the Smiths or whoever your neighbor
is, right? You want to be exactly like that picture
perfect that they have posted on Instagram. But
yeah, if my other windows open, you know that
it's not like that. But yeah, no, that's for
sure. It's not. My favorites are a day in the
real world. Yeah. Like what is what is it's not
always ugly, but it's not always beautiful either.
So and I feel so much kinship to those new mom
videos where they're like, here's my four diapers
from last night because I didn't want to get
up last night and throw the diapers away. So
they're all right here on the floor. And I'm
like, please share more of that. Thank you. From
the gas station. 100%. I want to see that versus
that your Newport is all dressed in white and
there's not a stain on them. I'm like, that is
not real life. How? Yeah. Anyhow. But then. Another
part of the problem becomes that the more you
linger on those videos, the more that you like
them, the more that your feet is flooded with
that. And then you miss out on the other parts
of life because the algorithm is so curated.
Yeah. And then I try to tell my kids that and
they're like, Mom, you're just an old woman.
Go lay down and read a book. Go knit. Go ash
your hair. Go bake some bread. Yeah. Oh, I made
bread. I could never bake bread. I made some
yesterday. You got a sourdough starter for me?
Ice cream bread? It was two -ingredient ice cream
bread. So you just, it was ice cream and self
-rising flour. Why in the Depression -era cooking
is ice cream bread? Just that. It is very Depression
-era cooking. It was fun. It was a fun little
experience. But how is it ice cream, though?
So it's just a full fat. it's just because it
doesn't have any ice use any and it doesn't have
any cream so it's just you're using the fat from
the ice cream wow essentially oh oh okay i'm
with you now i'm with you now good i'm glad we
got there because it took a long water pie so
that you know what from the depression that actually
looked like something you could actually eat
she did eat it you just water pie it came from
the depression it was just pie with water But
the way that they mixed it, and it was thicker.
It was a thicker substance. It was butter, water,
and sugar, and then a pie crust. And it looked
like custard. I don't know. My algorithm had
the Mountain Dew pie all weekend. Oh, that Baja
Blast pie from Taco Bell. Yes, it's $20. It was
a Baja Blast pie. Wow. Had a lot of artificial
flavoring and coloring. Yeah. Wow. You know what?
Your kid ate. What? If you ate that pie this
weekend, you ate. Yep. And your belly is full.
Yep. Yeah. And there are so many worse things
that could have happened, but that pie looks
like my stomach would be so upset all night long.
If my child had that pie, the neighbors would
know. They'd be like, what's that noise coming
from my house? That humming, buzzing. Yeah. So
I did not have that pie. Oh my gosh. Any parting
thoughts? You're doing all right. Yeah, everybody's
going to be doing the best they can do. And hopefully
the next generation will figure it all out for
us. Just kidding. If not, it's going to be like
idiocracy. Or maybe the aliens are coming. Maybe.
And the aliens will teach us how to, that three
-eye atlas or whatever. What do you mean what?
What are your guys' TikTok feeds? I don't know.
The comet or whatever that's coming towards the
Earth that people think could ostensibly be an
alien ship because of what it's made of and whatever.
Okay. But it has three I's? No. Anytime they
name an interplanetary -like thing. Oh! And I'm
not... Three I's? Yeah. Like the letter I. Three
I's. The all seeing eyes. She thought I was talking
about like Greek mythology. You remember three
eye Atlas, right? I did. Like I envisioned it
and everything. It was, she was purple. A one
eyed one horn flying purple. See, look at this.
This is how, this is a perfect example of social
media content and algorithms. Cause y 'all have
heard nothing about this. And I'm ready to be
like, you remember from independence day and
Mars attacks, those people that are waiting in
Nevada with, the hat. Yeah. I'm like calling
you. Come on down. Oh my. We'll be like, where
is she? I got a kid you would love to meet. No,
they would beam him back. They'd be like, we're
good. We're actually fine. I thought you were
coming here to teach me how to parent. Thank
you so much, everyone out there, for listening
in. And know that if you are in Idaho or planning
on moving to Idaho and have questions on systems
or services for children with disabilities, please
consider reaching out to us on our website at
iPullIdaho, that's I -P -U -L -Idaho .org, or
by calling us at 208 -342 -5884. Be sure to tune
in next time. Until then, This has been unlimited
parenting. Thanks for listening.