WEBVTT 00:00:07.870 --> 00:00:10.970 Welcome to Unlimited Parenting. This is a show 00:00:10.970 --> 00:00:13.550 where we talk about what it's like to be parents 00:00:13.550 --> 00:00:17.289 of children with disabilities. This series is... 00:00:17.289 --> 00:00:21.329 Everyone's favorite. Everyone's favorite. No, 00:00:21.350 --> 00:00:24.629 that's B -Y -O -T. Oh, okay. This is... This 00:00:24.629 --> 00:00:26.109 is everyone's second favorite. This is everyone's 00:00:26.109 --> 00:00:31.030 second favorite. IPUL, that's us, found it on 00:00:31.030 --> 00:00:34.770 Facebook. So these are questions that I found 00:00:34.770 --> 00:00:37.409 this month on Facebook that I thought would be 00:00:37.409 --> 00:00:41.310 appropriate for us to answer together. Perfect. 00:00:41.729 --> 00:00:45.869 So I am just going to shoot out a couple. I picked 00:00:45.869 --> 00:00:48.509 some that I thought were really timely since 00:00:48.509 --> 00:00:52.250 it is the summer and, you know, potentially parents 00:00:52.250 --> 00:00:56.810 are getting their stuff ready for back to school. 00:00:56.890 --> 00:01:00.149 I know I'm saying this and you have sacrilegious 00:01:00.149 --> 00:01:04.439 of me. It's okay. Got to prepare. So the first 00:01:04.439 --> 00:01:07.780 question I found is, how do I know if my child 00:01:07.780 --> 00:01:12.079 qualifies for an IEP or a 504? And what is the 00:01:12.079 --> 00:01:14.920 difference? That's a really good question. That's 00:01:14.920 --> 00:01:19.939 one that we we get a lot in our office. And to 00:01:19.939 --> 00:01:22.859 qualify for special education, Idaho, well, there's 00:01:22.859 --> 00:01:26.420 three prongs that children have to meet to qualify. 00:01:26.840 --> 00:01:29.340 And so if they don't qualify for that specialized 00:01:29.340 --> 00:01:31.719 instruction, then that's where we start talking 00:01:31.719 --> 00:01:34.640 about that 504 plan. And it can still offer some 00:01:34.640 --> 00:01:37.739 help and support just in terms of its accommodations. 00:01:37.879 --> 00:01:40.739 It's not going to be modifications to a student's 00:01:40.739 --> 00:01:43.540 curriculum or the way that they're accessing 00:01:43.540 --> 00:01:48.560 their material. So how do we know when the struggles 00:01:48.560 --> 00:01:52.859 are enough to qualify? I think that that is what 00:01:52.859 --> 00:01:57.299 I hear a lot is, well, how do we know if I need 00:01:57.299 --> 00:02:00.260 like so if I'm not 100 percent sure, should I 00:02:00.260 --> 00:02:03.319 just test for a 504 or would you what would you 00:02:03.319 --> 00:02:06.040 say? Don't you think a lot of times too we will 00:02:06.040 --> 00:02:08.460 hear, well, they're they're taking some data. 00:02:08.860 --> 00:02:11.639 So I think I hear that a lot too when families 00:02:11.639 --> 00:02:17.080 call. And I guess you got to kind of know where 00:02:17.080 --> 00:02:19.439 you're at. And if your team is collecting data, 00:02:19.560 --> 00:02:23.199 we never want to delay an evaluation because 00:02:23.199 --> 00:02:26.580 we're taking data, because data is an evaluation 00:02:26.580 --> 00:02:29.300 potentially, you know. So parents, I guess in 00:02:29.300 --> 00:02:32.639 this instance, I usually recommend to families 00:02:32.639 --> 00:02:36.340 to place a request in writing for an evaluation 00:02:36.340 --> 00:02:39.719 for special education. Then that way, if the 00:02:39.719 --> 00:02:41.580 student that's going to tell the family if the 00:02:41.580 --> 00:02:43.900 student meets those three prongs and if they 00:02:43.900 --> 00:02:46.460 don't meet those three prongs, then that's when 00:02:46.460 --> 00:02:49.360 we know that a 504 plan may be that best route. 00:02:49.800 --> 00:02:51.979 Yeah, that's what I was going to say is because 00:02:51.979 --> 00:02:55.080 if you assess for a 504, you can only be found 00:02:55.080 --> 00:02:58.159 eligible for a 504. However, if you assess for 00:02:58.159 --> 00:03:01.180 an IEP. And then you're not found eligible for 00:03:01.180 --> 00:03:03.360 an IEP. You could potentially still be found 00:03:03.360 --> 00:03:06.020 eligible for a 504. Yeah. And some, you know, 00:03:06.039 --> 00:03:08.639 Idaho being the local control state, each district 00:03:08.639 --> 00:03:11.340 kind of has different procedures with how they 00:03:11.340 --> 00:03:16.439 test. So some districts do want to do a comprehensive 00:03:16.439 --> 00:03:21.330 evaluation for all students. Yeah, it kind of 00:03:21.330 --> 00:03:23.409 does make sense to request that special education 00:03:23.409 --> 00:03:26.310 evaluation and kind of go from there. Even if 00:03:26.310 --> 00:03:28.590 they don't need all those supports, that's what 00:03:28.590 --> 00:03:32.229 that evaluation will tell us. And then the 504 00:03:32.229 --> 00:03:34.689 plan could be written from there. And that just 00:03:34.689 --> 00:03:37.650 reminded me, just a quick plug, if you're an 00:03:37.650 --> 00:03:41.000 educator on here listening to this. We did hear 00:03:41.000 --> 00:03:43.400 that the State Department was going to potentially 00:03:43.400 --> 00:03:46.520 give some mini grants that you could use to purchase. 00:03:47.120 --> 00:03:50.060 Correct. Materials that you use for assessments, 00:03:50.180 --> 00:03:52.240 right? Uh -huh, exactly. Yeah, and I don't know 00:03:52.240 --> 00:03:54.259 if that's, I know that's coming through SESTA. 00:03:54.360 --> 00:03:58.139 I don't, we heard about that at SEAP. That's 00:03:58.139 --> 00:04:01.139 the Special Education Advisory Panel. I will 00:04:01.139 --> 00:04:03.659 pull, I'll pull that information and we can attach 00:04:03.659 --> 00:04:06.099 it in the comments. Okay, so if you're thinking 00:04:06.099 --> 00:04:10.020 to yourself, well. What kind of assessments does 00:04:10.020 --> 00:04:12.319 my school use? And then your school comes back 00:04:12.319 --> 00:04:16.300 and says, well, you know, we're short on funding 00:04:16.300 --> 00:04:18.319 or whatever the case may be. This could also 00:04:18.319 --> 00:04:19.959 be something that you could potentially bring 00:04:19.959 --> 00:04:22.660 to your school's awareness. Just make them aware 00:04:22.660 --> 00:04:25.980 that this is another thing that's out there for 00:04:25.980 --> 00:04:27.920 them to take advantage of. Yeah, because I think 00:04:27.920 --> 00:04:30.360 sometimes that mini grant information just goes 00:04:30.360 --> 00:04:32.339 to the superintendent or the director of special 00:04:32.339 --> 00:04:34.800 education and maybe doesn't get disseminated 00:04:34.800 --> 00:04:37.199 down. And so, yeah, we'll put that in there. 00:04:37.579 --> 00:04:41.800 the caption but i think basically whenever you're 00:04:41.800 --> 00:04:45.420 listening to this this summer just know that 00:04:45.420 --> 00:04:47.779 if you have concerns about your child it's better 00:04:47.779 --> 00:04:50.459 to just make sure you put that request in writing 00:04:50.459 --> 00:04:53.839 always put it in writing that starts the timeline 00:04:53.839 --> 00:04:58.420 right we can't as parents say i asked for that 00:04:58.420 --> 00:05:01.399 and no one did anything if it wasn't in writing 00:05:01.399 --> 00:05:04.899 that gives us yeah that gives us the ability 00:05:04.899 --> 00:05:08.259 to say i asked for it at this point it's traceable 00:05:08.259 --> 00:05:10.379 so always put in writing i don't think i have 00:05:10.379 --> 00:05:12.779 the little sound bite anymore but remember we 00:05:12.779 --> 00:05:15.139 had that sound bite of angela going if you didn't 00:05:15.139 --> 00:05:18.300 put it in writing it didn't happen yeah and that's 00:05:18.300 --> 00:05:23.879 true okay another question that i found is i'm 00:05:23.879 --> 00:05:28.819 overwhelmed where do i even start And girl, if 00:05:28.819 --> 00:05:31.500 you find any answer to that, you come on down 00:05:31.500 --> 00:05:34.180 and tell me. Oh my gosh. I feel sometimes like 00:05:34.180 --> 00:05:38.019 imposter syndrome when they call us because we 00:05:38.019 --> 00:05:43.000 are the people we serve. You guys, we really 00:05:43.000 --> 00:05:46.060 are. And we know what it's like to be overwhelmed. 00:05:46.120 --> 00:05:49.800 And on any given day in this office, one of us 00:05:49.800 --> 00:05:53.019 is overwhelmed. We try to take turns. Sometimes 00:05:53.019 --> 00:05:54.699 it doesn't always work out that way. Sometimes 00:05:54.699 --> 00:05:59.009 people jump the darn line. um you just gotten 00:05:59.009 --> 00:06:02.589 your new diagnosis okay you could go back in 00:06:02.589 --> 00:06:04.790 time and tell yourself like what would you start 00:06:04.790 --> 00:06:07.829 with first because when i got jack's autism diagnosis 00:06:07.829 --> 00:06:10.350 there are definitely some things that i would 00:06:10.350 --> 00:06:15.350 have started with first yeah that i didn't because 00:06:15.350 --> 00:06:20.629 i didn't know about them then so what would so 00:06:20.629 --> 00:06:22.810 for example the first thing that i would have 00:06:22.810 --> 00:06:26.329 done honestly is gone and picked up a book okay 00:06:26.879 --> 00:06:30.079 Because I really see the value in going to a 00:06:30.079 --> 00:06:32.560 group on Facebook and asking some questions. 00:06:33.040 --> 00:06:35.160 But I really wish that I would have started with 00:06:35.160 --> 00:06:39.519 peer -reviewed literature on how autism is different 00:06:39.519 --> 00:06:43.060 than ADHD, on kind of what are some things to 00:06:43.060 --> 00:06:45.360 know and expect, and then gone to a Facebook 00:06:45.360 --> 00:06:50.199 group. So I kind of have a different perspective 00:06:50.199 --> 00:06:55.120 because I started, I was given a book. And it 00:06:55.120 --> 00:06:58.720 was... The A to Z of Angelman syndrome. And my 00:06:58.720 --> 00:07:01.600 son has obviously Angelman syndrome. And it was, 00:07:01.740 --> 00:07:05.220 looked like it was written, okay, he got his 00:07:05.220 --> 00:07:08.779 diagnosis in 2010. This book was written in the 00:07:08.779 --> 00:07:11.800 early 90s. It was black and white and everything 00:07:11.800 --> 00:07:14.980 referenced mental retardation. And it was doom 00:07:14.980 --> 00:07:16.819 and gloom. Not a good book to start with. I did 00:07:16.819 --> 00:07:19.480 not want to start with that. I wish I had not 00:07:19.480 --> 00:07:21.399 started with that book. I wish I had found the 00:07:21.399 --> 00:07:23.980 Facebook group first. I wish I had seen other 00:07:23.980 --> 00:07:27.100 Angelman children thriving, doing things that 00:07:27.100 --> 00:07:30.899 that book showed me that they probably wouldn't 00:07:30.899 --> 00:07:34.500 do. But I was able to join that community. So 00:07:34.500 --> 00:07:37.100 for me, that community, it wasn't peer reviewed. 00:07:37.220 --> 00:07:40.560 It was I needed to see what my life was going 00:07:40.560 --> 00:07:43.920 to look like. But it's different. It's not there's 00:07:43.920 --> 00:07:46.680 not a lot of literature on angel syndrome. There's 00:07:46.680 --> 00:07:50.740 not a lot of studies. There's not all. And so 00:07:50.740 --> 00:07:54.819 I needed that that personal connection. I wish 00:07:54.819 --> 00:07:57.660 I had done it backwards. I don't know if that 00:07:57.660 --> 00:08:00.100 it does make a lot of sense because I felt like 00:08:00.100 --> 00:08:02.500 I was getting the. i was getting the inverse 00:08:02.500 --> 00:08:05.379 i felt like i was getting more doom and gloom 00:08:05.379 --> 00:08:08.279 from a facebook group than i was in a book okay 00:08:08.279 --> 00:08:11.740 so i we're but we're saying the same thing we 00:08:11.740 --> 00:08:14.199 need to find like i guess at the end of the day 00:08:14.199 --> 00:08:16.420 what i would really recommend to anyone who's 00:08:16.420 --> 00:08:20.220 overwhelmed with a new diagnosis is find where 00:08:20.220 --> 00:08:22.379 it's not the doom and gloom because that's what 00:08:22.379 --> 00:08:25.220 we were looking for on both of us exactly just 00:08:25.220 --> 00:08:28.120 in different spots yep i think another thing 00:08:28.120 --> 00:08:32.580 that i would definitely tell myself is that um 00:08:32.580 --> 00:08:37.480 the systems take so much time yes absolutely 00:08:37.480 --> 00:08:41.419 and I I would have I would have applied for Medicaid 00:08:41.419 --> 00:08:44.559 sooner I really would have applied for Medicaid 00:08:44.559 --> 00:08:48.710 sooner had I have known how much support You 00:08:48.710 --> 00:08:50.350 know, like the Katie Beckett pathway to Medicaid, 00:08:50.870 --> 00:08:53.570 how much support you get from children's developmental 00:08:53.570 --> 00:08:56.909 disabilities, how much support you get from early 00:08:56.909 --> 00:09:00.110 intervention. See, and I think in that respect, 00:09:00.330 --> 00:09:03.710 Reese was so delayed and so medically complex 00:09:03.710 --> 00:09:06.370 that those systems fell into place pretty naturally 00:09:06.370 --> 00:09:10.769 for us. He had seizures. So we were already connected. 00:09:10.889 --> 00:09:13.769 We very quickly got connected with Katie Beckett 00:09:13.769 --> 00:09:19.629 with the. infant toddler program. So we were 00:09:19.629 --> 00:09:21.289 really well connected, but I think it's because 00:09:21.289 --> 00:09:24.210 his challenges were, they appeared and presented 00:09:24.210 --> 00:09:28.750 differently. I was overwhelmed when we started 00:09:28.750 --> 00:09:33.049 the school system. When we started, like I had 00:09:33.049 --> 00:09:35.789 just wrapped my head around medical stuff to 00:09:35.789 --> 00:09:39.070 then jump into a new system. And we know those 00:09:39.070 --> 00:09:40.809 systems don't talk to each other. The healthcare 00:09:40.809 --> 00:09:44.929 and the education, they... They don't even look 00:09:44.929 --> 00:09:47.070 at each other. They're in different corners. 00:09:47.250 --> 00:09:50.610 They are. They try, though. They really do try. 00:09:50.769 --> 00:09:55.090 So I guess I wish I had known more of that kind 00:09:55.090 --> 00:09:58.750 of stuff. Well, let me put it this way. I am 00:09:58.750 --> 00:10:02.789 a brand new parent who just got an Angelman diagnosis. 00:10:03.490 --> 00:10:07.629 My kid is five. What would you say to me? That's 00:10:07.629 --> 00:10:09.889 weird that I got the diagnosis that late. Yeah. 00:10:10.389 --> 00:10:15.029 First, nowadays, it kind of is. But I would say 00:10:15.029 --> 00:10:19.070 welcome. Oh, see, that's so sweet. And I always 00:10:19.070 --> 00:10:23.169 like to share a picture of my kid. And you know, 00:10:23.210 --> 00:10:24.590 the picture that I like to share is the picture 00:10:24.590 --> 00:10:26.389 of him on the mountain because he climbed the 00:10:26.389 --> 00:10:28.549 mountain, even though we were told that he wasn't 00:10:28.549 --> 00:10:30.250 going to walk and he's not going to talk and 00:10:30.250 --> 00:10:33.669 he's, you know, take him home and love him. He 00:10:33.669 --> 00:10:36.210 runs, he climbs, he walked when he was almost 00:10:36.210 --> 00:10:38.250 five. You know, it took him a little bit longer. 00:10:38.330 --> 00:10:41.370 But I like to welcome people and I like to tell 00:10:41.370 --> 00:10:44.570 them it's not going to be rainbows and unicorns 00:10:44.570 --> 00:10:46.570 because I'm not going to give that false sense 00:10:46.570 --> 00:10:49.190 of hope. But it's also not going to be a death 00:10:49.190 --> 00:10:51.450 sentence. And that's what it felt like when we 00:10:51.450 --> 00:10:53.730 were given his diagnosis. It was a death sentence, 00:10:53.889 --> 00:10:58.419 kind of like, oh. And it's I guess there is that 00:10:58.419 --> 00:11:01.279 place for grieving. So I would make sure to tell 00:11:01.279 --> 00:11:04.440 someone that got a diagnosis at five grieve because 00:11:04.440 --> 00:11:06.919 you have to grieve what you're not going to have. 00:11:07.240 --> 00:11:09.639 And then you just figure it out. That's such 00:11:09.639 --> 00:11:12.919 a good point, though, because autism, obviously 00:11:12.919 --> 00:11:17.419 not a death sentence. But I remember when I got 00:11:17.419 --> 00:11:19.919 when I found that diagnosis, when he got that 00:11:19.919 --> 00:11:21.860 diagnosis and I heard about it, I just like sat 00:11:21.860 --> 00:11:27.610 in the car and cried. Which is so... It almost 00:11:27.610 --> 00:11:30.450 feels weird looking back on it now because obviously 00:11:30.450 --> 00:11:33.210 everything is fine, but hindsight is 20 -20. 00:11:33.409 --> 00:11:36.049 Yeah, because you're... Because I remember thinking, 00:11:36.210 --> 00:11:38.889 oh, is he not going to do all the things that 00:11:38.889 --> 00:11:42.049 I loved to do? So it was almost like... grieving 00:11:42.049 --> 00:11:44.990 what I thought could happen. Oh, 100%. Like, 00:11:45.009 --> 00:11:47.370 that's what I grieved. I grieved, like, oh, he's 00:11:47.370 --> 00:11:48.830 not going to play football. Oh, he's not going 00:11:48.830 --> 00:11:50.769 to get married. Because football is such a huge 00:11:50.769 --> 00:11:52.789 thing in your family. It is. And it's stupid. 00:11:53.230 --> 00:11:55.590 Guess what? He still played football. It's not 00:11:55.590 --> 00:11:57.730 stupid because I was wondering if Jack would 00:11:57.730 --> 00:12:00.490 ever learn how to read. Right. And that's what's 00:12:00.490 --> 00:12:02.950 important to me. So I was like, well, he has 00:12:02.950 --> 00:12:05.350 football reading. You can see where we're coming 00:12:05.350 --> 00:12:09.629 from. Anywho. But no, that's. Yeah, we kind of 00:12:09.629 --> 00:12:12.769 had to grieve some of that. So don't find the 00:12:12.769 --> 00:12:16.389 doom and gloom. Yeah. And find your people. Find 00:12:16.389 --> 00:12:20.909 your people. And what was the other one? Grieve. 00:12:21.070 --> 00:12:23.789 Grieve. Yeah. Find your people and grieve. Yeah. 00:12:24.190 --> 00:12:27.190 And when you're. It gets better from there. Exactly. 00:12:27.710 --> 00:12:30.450 It absolutely gets better. Like that was rock 00:12:30.450 --> 00:12:34.840 bottom. Yeah. You can't go much. Lower than that. 00:12:35.000 --> 00:12:37.080 And so then you kind of start crawling your way 00:12:37.080 --> 00:12:39.460 out. And then don't beat yourself up when you 00:12:39.460 --> 00:12:42.340 have bad moments. Yeah. No. Because you're going 00:12:42.340 --> 00:12:45.740 to. Yeah. You're going to. Yeah. And I think 00:12:45.740 --> 00:12:48.039 that's what's really powerful about making sure 00:12:48.039 --> 00:12:50.259 that you have support in your community, too, 00:12:50.299 --> 00:12:52.200 because those bad days, you need that support 00:12:52.200 --> 00:12:54.299 to say, hey, not every day is going to be like 00:12:54.299 --> 00:12:57.820 this. You need to be able to hear that. Because 00:12:57.820 --> 00:12:59.440 you could get really stuck in your own head. 00:12:59.559 --> 00:13:01.720 You can. And then you can start to take that 00:13:01.720 --> 00:13:05.120 out on your kids. Yeah. Not that we would know, 00:13:05.159 --> 00:13:08.100 but it's just something I heard one time. Okay. 00:13:09.299 --> 00:13:12.720 So our final question is a little more lighthearted. 00:13:12.899 --> 00:13:18.519 Okay. These groups. How, and honestly, whoever 00:13:18.519 --> 00:13:22.039 asked this question, bless you, because I love 00:13:22.039 --> 00:13:25.820 it so much because this literally sounds like 00:13:25.820 --> 00:13:27.539 something I have asked at some point in my life. 00:13:27.740 --> 00:13:31.159 How do I advocate for my child without being 00:13:31.159 --> 00:13:35.919 labeled that parent? Isn't that the best question? 00:13:36.919 --> 00:13:39.759 Oh my gosh, that's the struggle that we all face, 00:13:40.159 --> 00:13:42.850 right? Because we don't want to be that parent 00:13:42.850 --> 00:13:45.690 that they see coming. Or that parent who's been 00:13:45.690 --> 00:13:48.970 asked not to step foot on school property anymore. 00:13:49.470 --> 00:13:52.309 Or has happened. Been kicked out of a therapy 00:13:52.309 --> 00:13:54.889 or like, you know, let go. Discharged from the 00:13:54.889 --> 00:13:57.409 clinic kind of a thing. Discharged from hospital 00:13:57.409 --> 00:14:00.009 systems. I mean, there's been parents. Oh, shoot. 00:14:00.250 --> 00:14:03.889 Have been completely discharged from systems. 00:14:03.970 --> 00:14:05.970 And then your children are affected. But then 00:14:05.970 --> 00:14:08.350 you feel like I'm just trying to advocate for 00:14:08.350 --> 00:14:11.330 what's best for my kids. It's really. It's a 00:14:11.330 --> 00:14:14.970 fine line. And I guess the line is almost invisible. 00:14:15.009 --> 00:14:18.049 It's almost invisible. I try to really bring 00:14:18.049 --> 00:14:23.669 in my sons, whoever, whether it is therapists, 00:14:23.769 --> 00:14:31.590 teachers, doctors. I value them as collaborators 00:14:31.590 --> 00:14:35.250 on his team. I value their opinion. And at the 00:14:35.250 --> 00:14:38.009 same time, I try to get them to value mine as 00:14:38.009 --> 00:14:41.759 well. Yes. I think that we have to be collaborative. 00:14:41.919 --> 00:14:44.519 And I think collaboration goes a long way in 00:14:44.519 --> 00:14:47.659 these systems. When you are at the table and 00:14:47.659 --> 00:14:51.659 you are not combative, but you are listening 00:14:51.659 --> 00:14:56.879 and offering solutions and feedback, but you 00:14:56.879 --> 00:15:02.120 aren't yelling. And that's, I guess it's hard, 00:15:02.259 --> 00:15:04.840 you know, when we get our mama bear time to not. 00:15:07.120 --> 00:15:10.679 But I yeah, I like to think of three things. 00:15:10.879 --> 00:15:13.840 Number one, Mark Perchin wrote a really great 00:15:13.840 --> 00:15:16.919 book. Again, a book. I'm sorry. But if you ever 00:15:16.919 --> 00:15:19.840 have time or you want me to just give you a quick 00:15:19.840 --> 00:15:23.500 synopsis, it's essentially how to have those 00:15:23.500 --> 00:15:25.080 difficult conversations. And it's from someone 00:15:25.080 --> 00:15:29.179 who was a mediator as his full time job. And 00:15:29.179 --> 00:15:33.500 we were lucky enough to have a symposium conference 00:15:33.500 --> 00:15:37.570 with him there. And he led a really powerful 00:15:37.570 --> 00:15:39.730 session that a lot of people took a lot from. 00:15:39.950 --> 00:15:43.870 Yeah. And I just wish that we could send every 00:15:43.870 --> 00:15:48.029 parent to talk to him and go through. I don't 00:15:48.029 --> 00:15:50.110 remember who was presenting with him. I am so 00:15:50.110 --> 00:15:53.269 sorry. But the both of them were so fantastic. 00:15:53.830 --> 00:15:56.129 The dress, remember? Oh, my God. And every time 00:15:56.129 --> 00:15:58.870 I see a dress like that on Sheen, I'm like, this 00:15:58.870 --> 00:16:03.320 is the dress. Sorry. No, no. I agree, though, 00:16:03.440 --> 00:16:09.000 because he did have really power. The gem. Are 00:16:09.000 --> 00:16:10.600 you going to talk about the gem? Talk about the 00:16:10.600 --> 00:16:14.000 gem. I just loved. And we actually have stole 00:16:14.000 --> 00:16:16.639 this from him. Because it was so powerful. At 00:16:16.639 --> 00:16:21.899 the end of the day, he asked us to. hold an imaginary 00:16:21.899 --> 00:16:26.360 gem in our hand and not let our neighbor see 00:16:26.360 --> 00:16:29.100 it and not let anyone take that and hold that 00:16:29.100 --> 00:16:32.299 close to us. And that was kind of a representation 00:16:32.299 --> 00:16:36.360 of our child. And that is who we hold close. 00:16:36.559 --> 00:16:40.179 And when we go into an IEP meeting, we have this 00:16:40.179 --> 00:16:42.539 gem and this gem is who we are there to protect. 00:16:42.740 --> 00:16:45.000 And so by showing the team this gem, showing 00:16:45.000 --> 00:16:47.039 them, you know, opening your hands and showing 00:16:47.039 --> 00:16:50.039 them, this is what I'm trying to protect. it 00:16:50.039 --> 00:16:52.899 kind of gives that team a visual representation 00:16:52.899 --> 00:16:55.659 of why you are so passionate as a parent and 00:16:55.659 --> 00:16:58.299 why you are, you know, maybe you're advocating 00:16:58.299 --> 00:17:00.860 and you're advocating a little too strong sometimes 00:17:00.860 --> 00:17:04.319 because you're holding this gem. Your pride and 00:17:04.319 --> 00:17:05.920 joy. Your pride and joy, right? You worked so 00:17:05.920 --> 00:17:09.539 hard on this. After all these years, you know, 00:17:09.579 --> 00:17:13.339 you... And most times you made it yourself and, 00:17:13.339 --> 00:17:16.859 oh. Right? And it's under pressure and it just, 00:17:16.960 --> 00:17:20.299 everything that a gem... kind of encapsulates 00:17:20.299 --> 00:17:23.539 can very be can very much be our children, too. 00:17:24.180 --> 00:17:29.079 And so I guess how I have used that in an IEP 00:17:29.079 --> 00:17:31.240 meeting is sometimes I take my son doesn't go 00:17:31.240 --> 00:17:34.019 to his IEP meetings. He's a little. It's a little 00:17:34.019 --> 00:17:36.299 overwhelming for him. It's not his least restrictive 00:17:36.299 --> 00:17:38.740 environment. Yeah. But I take a picture of him 00:17:38.740 --> 00:17:40.799 and I plop it on the table. And I learned that 00:17:40.799 --> 00:17:43.779 from Mark because he is the reason that we are 00:17:43.779 --> 00:17:45.980 there. He is the reason that we are at this IEP 00:17:45.980 --> 00:17:49.160 meeting. And it centers it around him. And so 00:17:49.160 --> 00:17:51.140 I don't know. I don't want to be that parent. 00:17:51.279 --> 00:17:54.519 But I agree that Mark had some powerful, powerful 00:17:54.519 --> 00:17:58.759 messages about centering and bringing it back 00:17:58.759 --> 00:18:02.470 to why. teams are together and that's what we 00:18:02.470 --> 00:18:05.109 mean when we say that we are the parents that 00:18:05.109 --> 00:18:07.130 we serve but we also have extensive professional 00:18:07.130 --> 00:18:10.210 development this is what we mean is that we've 00:18:10.210 --> 00:18:13.529 been we go to osep we go to these meetings where 00:18:13.529 --> 00:18:17.049 we get this and then our job is to bring it back 00:18:17.049 --> 00:18:21.329 to you via trainings or a podcast or when you 00:18:21.329 --> 00:18:23.910 give us a call and you say well What do I do 00:18:23.910 --> 00:18:26.049 now? Right. This is when we pull from that well 00:18:26.049 --> 00:18:28.230 of information. And I would tell you that we 00:18:28.230 --> 00:18:31.349 kind of flipped that script. And when we present 00:18:31.349 --> 00:18:35.549 to educators, we. Last year at the Transition 00:18:35.549 --> 00:18:39.269 Institute, every educator got a ring pop on their 00:18:39.269 --> 00:18:42.390 chair to represent the gems that are our children. 00:18:42.529 --> 00:18:45.289 And we tried to use that as a visual in the opening 00:18:45.289 --> 00:18:47.670 of our presentation to talk to them about, you 00:18:47.670 --> 00:18:50.589 know, these are our gemstones. Please understand 00:18:50.589 --> 00:18:52.710 that when we come and we are so passionate at 00:18:52.710 --> 00:19:04.720 these meetings, this is the reason why. Passionate. 00:19:04.900 --> 00:19:07.680 These are our kids. Passionate also can sometimes 00:19:07.680 --> 00:19:12.019 present as feisty. Passionate can sometimes present 00:19:12.019 --> 00:19:17.940 as defensive. And we have to, as parents, really... 00:19:17.940 --> 00:19:21.579 It's hard. Take a breath. Yeah. Bring the candy. 00:19:22.279 --> 00:19:24.700 It's hard. So what are your other two? Sorry. 00:19:24.759 --> 00:19:29.460 No, no. My other two are... I guess my second 00:19:29.460 --> 00:19:32.519 one is I would like to do for them what I hope 00:19:32.519 --> 00:19:36.180 that they do for me, which is pretend that I 00:19:36.180 --> 00:19:38.480 have just spent three hours on hold with Medicaid. 00:19:39.000 --> 00:19:41.599 That's how I go into any of these meetings. I'm 00:19:41.599 --> 00:19:43.500 like, I'm going to pretend that this person is 00:19:43.500 --> 00:19:47.940 absolutely exasperated, that this is the end 00:19:47.940 --> 00:19:49.380 of their day. This is the last thing that they 00:19:49.380 --> 00:19:51.579 have to do. And then that always automatically 00:19:51.579 --> 00:19:54.720 makes me want to give them extra grace. Yeah. 00:19:54.819 --> 00:19:57.000 So I try to do that. It doesn't always work, 00:19:57.079 --> 00:19:58.779 but that's something that has worked for me in 00:19:58.779 --> 00:20:02.740 the past. And then the third thing is, Melissa's 00:20:02.740 --> 00:20:05.380 going to laugh because this is a horse I'm going 00:20:05.380 --> 00:20:09.440 to ride until forever. Hanlon's razor, baby girl, 00:20:09.599 --> 00:20:13.319 is never going to die, which essentially... Be 00:20:13.319 --> 00:20:16.140 on your gravestone. It will. Please should. That's 00:20:16.140 --> 00:20:19.740 the eulogy I want read, which essentially means 00:20:19.740 --> 00:20:21.849 that, you know... But I'm older, so I'll die 00:20:21.849 --> 00:20:25.970 first. I can't help you out with that. Fine, 00:20:26.089 --> 00:20:28.910 I'll put it on your head so I can read it to 00:20:28.910 --> 00:20:32.789 you every day. Essentially, it's saying that, 00:20:32.789 --> 00:20:34.750 you know, don't attribute to malice that which 00:20:34.750 --> 00:20:37.289 can be attributed to ignorance. Right. So don't 00:20:37.289 --> 00:20:40.670 assume that when someone says something that 00:20:40.670 --> 00:20:43.710 they mean it the way that you automatically think. 00:20:43.809 --> 00:20:46.650 Right. So. If someone bumps into me in the hall 00:20:46.650 --> 00:20:49.670 on the way to class, I'm not like, oh, my gosh, 00:20:49.829 --> 00:20:53.009 Jessica hates me. Right. And that's hard for 00:20:53.009 --> 00:20:56.609 me because I am such a black and white thinker 00:20:56.609 --> 00:21:00.950 that that has really put so many shades of gray 00:21:00.950 --> 00:21:06.369 into my ability to see people. And then I always 00:21:06.369 --> 00:21:08.369 try to think, you know, like, what is the school? 00:21:09.089 --> 00:21:11.950 What is this IEP team like benefiting from when 00:21:11.950 --> 00:21:15.769 they do it this way? Right. I like that. And 00:21:15.769 --> 00:21:18.230 I just have to try to like see it from their 00:21:18.230 --> 00:21:20.990 perspective. And obviously I'm always going to 00:21:20.990 --> 00:21:24.529 do what's best for my child, but I never want 00:21:24.529 --> 00:21:31.490 to go in. Guns blazing. And I have had some rough 00:21:31.490 --> 00:21:37.089 experiences with educators. It hasn't been easy, 00:21:37.289 --> 00:21:40.829 but even now, even though I've been with this 00:21:40.829 --> 00:21:43.630 team for a while, I still always go in like, 00:21:45.559 --> 00:21:50.640 okay, he's had a bad day. He's going to be a 00:21:50.640 --> 00:21:52.640 little aggressive, but that's because these other 00:21:52.640 --> 00:21:54.480 things have happened to him and he's got this 00:21:54.480 --> 00:21:56.380 million other kids on his caseload and blah, 00:21:56.400 --> 00:21:59.420 blah. And then I really have still come out with 00:21:59.420 --> 00:22:01.920 it, getting everything that I thought would benefit 00:22:01.920 --> 00:22:04.980 my child and what I thought that my child would 00:22:04.980 --> 00:22:09.960 need without having to be defensive or getting 00:22:09.960 --> 00:22:13.130 upset. I've just remained very calm. And I'm 00:22:13.130 --> 00:22:15.849 very solution driven. Yep. And I think that that 00:22:15.849 --> 00:22:18.509 is another really big piece of advice to give 00:22:18.509 --> 00:22:22.470 is that, you know, what do you want? But then 00:22:22.470 --> 00:22:24.450 what's your solution? So, for instance, I'm in 00:22:24.450 --> 00:22:26.490 a very small district. The district doesn't have 00:22:26.490 --> 00:22:29.210 a ton of money. I'm going to ask for behavioral 00:22:29.210 --> 00:22:32.170 one to one support. I better come with a plan 00:22:32.170 --> 00:22:35.509 on how I think that school could do it, even 00:22:35.509 --> 00:22:38.009 though I recognize that that's not my job. But 00:22:38.009 --> 00:22:40.210 I'm being a part of the team and I'm helping 00:22:40.210 --> 00:22:43.289 to come with a solution. And that's being a good 00:22:43.289 --> 00:22:45.549 team member. Yeah. Right. And that you can bounce 00:22:45.549 --> 00:22:48.589 ideas off of each other. And it's OK to say, 00:22:48.730 --> 00:22:51.430 oh, can we try this? And for the team to say, 00:22:51.529 --> 00:22:53.750 no, that's not going to work. But you have an 00:22:53.750 --> 00:22:58.069 explanation to why. Yes. That's what's so critical, 00:22:58.109 --> 00:23:00.950 I think, is when you are able to have these discussions 00:23:00.950 --> 00:23:04.609 openly and honestly, that transparency. That's 00:23:04.609 --> 00:23:06.849 what that's the word I'm looking for is so huge 00:23:06.849 --> 00:23:10.349 with teams, because that is to me. That's why 00:23:10.349 --> 00:23:12.750 I trust my son's team so much. We've been able 00:23:12.750 --> 00:23:15.049 to have transparent conversations. We've been 00:23:15.049 --> 00:23:17.710 able to be really honest with each other. And 00:23:17.710 --> 00:23:19.289 there's been times where they've said, no, that's 00:23:19.289 --> 00:23:21.410 not going to work. And we've gone back to the 00:23:21.410 --> 00:23:23.890 drawing board. But that's just it is always to 00:23:23.890 --> 00:23:25.990 have those solutions. And we can help maybe sometimes 00:23:25.990 --> 00:23:28.309 with those solutions. We talk to a lot of different 00:23:28.309 --> 00:23:31.170 families. And a lot of different districts. Idaho 00:23:31.170 --> 00:23:34.369 is not just Ada County. Exactly. And so there's 00:23:34.369 --> 00:23:35.990 a lot of districts that have to think outside 00:23:35.990 --> 00:23:38.730 of the box. Yeah. Well, the last thing I would 00:23:38.730 --> 00:23:41.150 do is I just like to say thank you. That is so 00:23:41.150 --> 00:23:44.789 good. I like to acknowledge, you know, they put 00:23:44.789 --> 00:23:46.609 time and effort into this, assuming that they 00:23:46.609 --> 00:23:48.869 did. Now, there may be times where you go and 00:23:48.869 --> 00:23:51.789 there's nothing. That's a different story. Right. 00:23:52.230 --> 00:23:54.789 There are times that this is on their lunch break. 00:23:54.970 --> 00:23:57.990 Yeah. And thank you for that. Thank you for helping 00:23:57.990 --> 00:24:00.829 to support my kid. Yeah. Because then you have 00:24:00.829 --> 00:24:03.569 to go back to the classroom hungry. And I don't 00:24:03.569 --> 00:24:07.210 operate well. No. That's another good reason 00:24:07.210 --> 00:24:09.529 to bring snacks. Yes. I do like to take snacks. 00:24:09.950 --> 00:24:12.910 Nobody wants. Oh, and if there's anything that 00:24:12.910 --> 00:24:15.809 we've learned recently, if you're able, bring 00:24:15.809 --> 00:24:19.349 your child. If your child is able to help advocate, 00:24:19.609 --> 00:24:22.569 it is so hard to say no to a child. Yep. We have 00:24:22.569 --> 00:24:24.890 had some powerful stories of advocacy lately 00:24:24.890 --> 00:24:28.609 that wouldn't have gone the way that they did 00:24:28.609 --> 00:24:30.990 if the students had not advocated for themselves. 00:24:31.569 --> 00:24:34.440 It's huge. Yeah. And if your student can't be 00:24:34.440 --> 00:24:36.519 there, that's why that picture comes in handy. 00:24:36.579 --> 00:24:38.480 So at the end of the day, that student is at 00:24:38.480 --> 00:24:41.680 the center of the table. The student is at the 00:24:41.680 --> 00:24:51.720 center. Yeah. Thank you so much, everyone out 00:24:51.720 --> 00:24:54.119 there for listening in and know that if you are 00:24:54.119 --> 00:24:57.960 in Idaho or planning on moving to Idaho and have 00:24:57.960 --> 00:25:00.819 questions on systems or services for children 00:25:00.819 --> 00:25:03.480 with disabilities. please consider reaching out 00:25:03.480 --> 00:25:07.059 to us on our website at iPullIdaho, that's I 00:25:07.059 --> 00:25:13.400 -P -U -L -Idaho .org, or by calling us at 208 00:25:13.400 --> 00:25:18.500 -342 -5884. Be sure to tune in next time. Until 00:25:18.500 --> 00:25:22.240 then, this has been Unlimited Parenting. Thanks 00:25:22.240 --> 00:25:22.779 for listening!