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Welcome everyone to Unlimited Parenting. With us today is Brooke Garren She is a licensed

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clinical social worker, but also proudly identifies as neurodiverse, autistic with ADHD and dyslexia.

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She brings a deep knowledge of navigating complex systems paired with her personal insights

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into neurodivergence. This makes her a powerhouse, helping foster environments with neurodiverse

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children that can thrive without being seen through a deficit-based lens, which is what

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every parent wants to hear. So I was hoping to start by asking you, can you tell us more

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about what led you to focus on supporting others in their transition to adulthood?

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Sure. So that really kind of starts with where I kind of came from. So growing up, things

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were not overly easy. I grew up in poverty. My mom, with a single mom who had some significant

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mental health challenges. And so kind of from that, I knew that I wanted to do something

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in social work to work with other people. I kind of started off thinking that I wanted

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to work in foster care, working with kiddos who had parents who were kind of similar to

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mine. I did an internship early in my schooling in foster care and realized like, oh, that's

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really heavy. I don't know if this is where I'm meant to land and kind of shifted gears

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and was working in my undergrad and my grad program was supposed to focus on those in

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the criminal justice system and in substance use. And by happenstance, I needed a summer

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job in between undergrad and grad school. And I found a position as a teacher's aide

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at the Bridge High School, which is a school for 15 to 21 year olds and absolutely fell

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in love. I was really enamored with the population and looking back now, recognize that these

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are kind of my people. I just didn't know it yet. And so really it had me shift gears

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completely and had my graduate program focus on working with autistic people in the clinical

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setting. And that really blossomed into what is now Uniquely You Behavioral Health, which

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is a place where neurodivergent people, their families are truly accepted for who they are

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and get to feel comfortable. There's no need to try and fit into any box or change anything

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or apologize for anything that they're doing or not doing. And so that really was kind

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of the impetus of starting all of this was really just recognizing that myself included,

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but there's just too many people are not feeling accepted as who they are. And I'm really wanting

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to make sure that during those pivotal years that we're able to accept ourselves.

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That's a really good point. Not feeling like you can accept yourself impacts how people

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can accept you. Absolutely. You mentioned that your mom faced significant or just mental

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health struggles during pivotal years in your life. How do you think that influences your

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approach to self-advocacy or independence or how you help your families right now?

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I think for me, in my journey, I think my mom has mental health struggles, but she also

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has physical disabilities that were ever present throughout my childhood. And so really being

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able as a child and adolescent teen to see the struggles and understand what it looks

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like to have chronic mental illness and chronic physical illness and pain impact your day

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to day. I think it's one thing to know from a clinical perspective, from a book of, okay,

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this is how I can support this person. It's another thing to have lived that and to know

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that in theory, sometimes things work, right? But in practice, me being a therapist and

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sitting across the couch from you and maybe telling you like, oh, you should try this

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thing because in these studies that are really well controlled and these people have a lot

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of support, it works versus the reality is that you're a person who is tired, who has

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been dealing with this for a really long time. And these are some of the ways in which are

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maybe more practical to be able to help the person or the family with what it is that

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they're trying to accomplish and achieve. Yeah.

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Do you notice that maybe you help families in different ways than other practitioners

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or other professionals because you have not only the lived experience from a caregiver

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who needed extra supports, but also being the child who needed extra supports. It's

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almost like you exist in both worlds. Yeah. Yeah, absolutely. I think that is a big part

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of what makes my practice uniquely you so different, right? Is that not only me, Brooke,

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but the practice and the people that we intentionally hire are people who fit into one of those

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categories because knowing what it feels like and having had the book training to be able

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to take a lived experience of mine and one that a client may also share, but have a hard

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time putting into words that their significant other or their parent could understand. And

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then being able to essentially translate that. I think that that often is what I feel like

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my role is most often is just translator is being able to take something from sometimes

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like neurodivergent to neurotypical and people being able to kind of bridge that gap. But

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then also, yeah, to be able to understand what the experience is as the person who was

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in a situation where they needed extra support, but the person who is supposed to be giving

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the support in the first place wasn't necessarily giving support that would have been adequate

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for someone who didn't need extra. Right. And I think that that really created in many

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ways I think I wouldn't change a thing. And I'm so grateful for who I am. And that has

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allowed me to can do what we're doing now. But I think that it made someone who really

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understood that like self advocacy was not it was a requirement for survival. Right.

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And being able to advocate not only for my needs, but for my mom's needs. You know, when

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she was not able to to do the things that she needed or we needed to be able to understand

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how to you know, to get needs met very early became very important. What I mean over the

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years, not only through your own life, but in facilitating other people's journeys, what

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kind of maybe practical strategies have you found that are helpful in managing the unique

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challenges of these kind of family dynamics? Not even outside of that, you know, 10 to

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8, 10 to 21, where we're talking about transition to adulthood. Do you have any practical strategies

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that you've found? Yeah, I mean, I think first and foremost, we have to understand ourselves.

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Right. You know, I think probably most of the people listening to this podcast have

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a diagnosis or maybe are, you know, walking down that path. But I think first being able

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to know having that full picture, right, knowing that I'm autistic, knowing that I'm ADHD and

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knowing that I'm dyslexic allows for an understanding of myself that I didn't have before I had

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that diagnosis. When it was originally my only was diagnosed with ADHD. You know, there's

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a lot of things that just weren't explained by that. And so being able to know, OK, this

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is why I'm showing up in the world the way that I am. This is why things feel the way

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that they do for me and why things are harder in certain ways. And, you know, I think first

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and foremost, being able to understand that and know that that why isn't an excuse, but

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that it is a true like it is a neuro type. Right. That is how our brains are. And knowing

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those things allows us to be able to embrace those accommodations and know, you know, I

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am not going to choose a workplace that requires, you know, me to dress up. I'm just not going

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to be a good therapist there. Right. And knowing those things and being able to say, like,

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OK, either I need to be able to do what I did and open a practice that's going to support

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me in all of the ways that I need supported or know going into situations like, hey, I

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am not the person that's going to be able to leave my door open and get notes done or

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get something that needs concentration done and owning that. Right. It's. We don't have

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to push ourselves and like ultimately it's a form of hurting ourselves if we're forcing

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something that doesn't need forced. Right. And so I think that once we know, it becomes

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easier to let us accommodate ourselves. Right. And I think there's there's also something

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to be said about if you mask and mask all day long, you're just not wanting yourself

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up for a meltdown later. I see that frequently. Oh, absolutely. Yeah. I think, you know, one

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of our biggest things is. For. Kiddos, when they have been, you know, very much taught,

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right, that masking and. They don't have an opportunity to ever unmask. That is when we

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see honestly the most maladaptive coping skills come out. Right. We're going to see a higher

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rate of substance use. We're going to see self injury. We're going to see social withdrawal.

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We're going to see all these things because it's too much. It's it's painful. And so when

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we're we're continually masking and, you know, maybe we're a high masking person who doesn't

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find out until later in life. Right. They're so tired. Right. Like we use the word burnout,

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but I don't think that like. We. Really capture because it's that word is used so often. What

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that experience is of I, you know, I'm good in the morning. I'm good at school. I'm good

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when I come home. And like, when does that stop? When do I get to when do I get to be

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me? And when we don't allow for those that true sense of self, we see a lot of people

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who don't have the skill set for choosing their own wants. We don't have people who

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have the skill set for true future planning. Right. Which is what all parents want and

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what, you know, that transition year really is about. Years are really about. Right. As

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let's future plan, what are things look like are and when we are teaching people to mask

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to continuously that part of their brain doesn't get to develop. And so that is, I think, one

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of the biggest things when it comes to that transition period is we either are really

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starting to kind of undo and teach like, OK, when is masking necessary for safety and things

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like that versus when it's not and helping people to be able to get to that developmental

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capacity of being able to future plan and, you know, engage in the world in the way that

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they want to. I think that's a really powerful insight that if you are forced to be someone

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other than yourself all day, how can you even how would you even begin to know how to adults?

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Right. Those tasks that we ask of adults. Yeah. I guess my next question from that is

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what? I mean, I hate to use the word advice. What what did you find that worked? What would

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you give to a young adult who is neurodivergent, who feels overwhelmed and unsure about their

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next steps? Would it just be to really go back to basics and embrace who they are? Yeah,

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absolutely. You know, I think it's around like age seven, right? That between first

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and third grade, where we really start to see some of that like assimilation, right,

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where we start to see kids are maybe not talking about the thing that they like as much or

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they're they're really starting to do all the things that the other kids on the playground

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like to do. And, you know, just try to remember what are the things that you enjoy? Like,

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what are the things that fill your cup up? Because at the end of the day, you're the

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only person that you're stuck with all the time. That's yeah, I like that. Yeah. Right.

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Like, it might make you know, my husband happy if I like, you know, show interest in this

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thing. But at the end of the day, if I don't have a thing that I'm interested in, and he's

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not there, what am I doing? Right. And so I think really being able to just explore

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and what are the things that you like? What are the things that you have maybe been taught

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to like, but maybe they're not actually of interest. And being able to kind of investigate

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that and really approach yourself with wonder. And, you know, I think that word is really

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important because when we approach something with wonder, we are curious, right? We want

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to know more. And we we need to know more about ourselves. What are the things that

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make me happy? Right. The things that interest me today are probably not going to be the

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same things that interest me in two years from now. Right. But if I don't check in with

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myself continuously, maybe I'm just going to do the same thing and then be like, oh,

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why don't I have a level of satisfaction or why am I approaching burnout? Well, I'm not

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doing anything that fills me up. Right. And, you know, I think as like a practical strategy

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that kind of aligns with that is when you are thinking about your day and I think, you

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know, when parents are thinking about their kids day, everybody wakes up with, you know,

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a certain amount of energy. Right. Sometimes we're at 100 percent because we slept really

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great. Sometimes we're at maybe 25 percent. Right. And we need to decide how are we going

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to allocate those units of energy for the day? Am I going to allocate it on wearing

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that fancy blouse because that's what I am supposed to do? Or am I going to allocate

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it on being able to focus really well in economics because I have a test coming up and so I'm

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going to wear the t-shirt instead. You know, where do we want to be allocating those units

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of energy because using your coping skill to stay focused, that's units of energy. Using

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your coping skill to keep that sock on that's annoying you today, units of energy. Right.

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And so we have to be intentional about where are we spending those units of energy and

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how are we getting units of energy back? What do you, again, I hate to use the word advised,

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but what do you suggest or find that works when there's kind of that difference of opinion,

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when a parent sees a child in a different way and almost like, you know, our family's

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full of firefighters and we want you to be a firefighter and it's not their unique timeline.

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How do you help kind of facilitate that conversation between the youth and the adult?

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Yeah. So, you know, I really think that the work doesn't start at the kid, it starts with

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the parent and then being, you know, understanding of their self, right? We're not only wanting

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to understand the neurodivergent person, we want to understand everybody in the family.

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And so, you know, if everybody wants that kiddo, they, you know, that was the dream

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when, you know, Billy was born is that he's going to follow in the last five generations

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of being a firefighter and that's just not in the cards for him. We have to look at ourselves

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and see, well, what is that? How does that change the way that I understood my role as

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a parent? How does this change my expectations, right? What does this look like now for conversations

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that we might be having with extended family? And then how does that, how is that impacting

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me, right? Because if I am the parent who is having this experience, I might be, you

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know, upset or have some of my own stuff that I need to work through. But at the end of

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the day, I think there has not been a parent that I have met, regardless of how they're

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feeling about, you know, their child status that doesn't want them to be happy. And so

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I think, you know, at the end of the day, the question needs to be, do I want my kiddo

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to be happy? Right? And if ultimately he doesn't want to run into burning buildings, then,

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you know, maybe that's not what that looks like. But I do want him to be happy, you know,

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being a vet or whatever it is that they want to do, right? And whatever it is that they're

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interested in and leaning into that and supporting them in being their happiest version of themselves.

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We talk a lot about planning and getting prepared to be an adult or exploring what we want to

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do and accepting who we are. And you really, you're really making that scene easy. Like

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you, like, I don't know if it's just your experience or because you work with so many

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families. I'm curious if you're using any kind of person centered planning tools, if

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you've created your own or using established ones, because you're making it sound so easy.

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Yeah, I would definitely say like it's a journey, right? It is definitely, I wish that it were

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as easy as follow these three steps and then you'll be really happy. But, you know, it's

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a process and it is, I think that it changes at every stage of our lives and being able

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to understand, you know, what that looks like. In terms of like kind of what tools do we

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use as a whole, like a practice, we really approach everyone from kind of the DIR lens,

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which is the developmental individualized and relationship based approach to human development.

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DIR lens just saying DIR. So we really, we look at people through that lens because that's

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applicable regardless of diagnosis. And that looks at all the way from, you know, early,

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we're just born trying to cope and get, you know, attention from our diaper being changed

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and you know, things like that all the way through old age when we're reflecting back

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on our life and how we feel about our relationships and decisions and things like that. And so

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when we are looking at things like that, we need to, we use that framework to understand

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that the coping skills that work today in this situation may not work in the coping

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skills when, you know, you're 30 and your brain's fully developed, right? The coping

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skills that work for an eight year old, unlikely to work at 30. And that's why it's a continuous

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check-in. I think having a therapist or confidant or coach or what, however it is that you want

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to access, you know, that kind of support, who is neurodivergent affirming and who is

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knowledgeable, right? That affirming piece to me is non-negotiable. And I think that

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that can be where the quote unquote ease can come in, right? If we are, we're not affirming

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and we don't want this person to be supported and who they are and we're trying to fit them

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into a box they don't fit into, it's going to be painful and it's going to be hard and

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there's going to be fighting and discomfort the entire time. But I think that when we're

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looking at the person holistically and ultimately understanding that helping someone to have

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coping skills is what's going to help them be able to future plan, that I think is often

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kind of a game changer for parents. It helps them to understand that like when your kiddo

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starts to negotiate things with you, awesome, because that's showing that they have some

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of those early stages of perspective taking, right? They're able to understand that there's

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gray area to things, that it's not black and white, that it is like these are all of the

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building blocks to independence. And if we are shutting that down and we don't have those

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things as annoying as they can be, right? When we're in the midst of a negotiation,

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right? What can be so helpful is to remember we're literally building neural pathways and

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that's super cool. There's always a plus side to everything, right? Yeah.

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I'm curious, if you could go back in time and give advice to your 14, 16 year old self,

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someone who's really just trying to map out their life, what do you think you would have

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wanted to have known then? I think that that aged Brooke, I really think

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that she was more in a survival than she was any future planning. Wow.

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But I think, you know, what I would want to know is that things will get better. And when

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you get to know yourself, that is when things can really change and get a lot lighter. You

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know, I think that being able to know, you know, at 14, 16 years old, I didn't know that

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I was autistic. I didn't know that I was dyslexic. And so being able to know those things, I

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think that would be a good piece of advice to have given myself. But yeah, I think that,

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you know, knowing that like things are going to work out and also leaning into knowing

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and trying to understand who I am and being comfortable with that is definitely, I think

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something that I would, I want all teens to know teen years are so awkward and hard and

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no one feels comfortable. You know, just knowing that it's uncomfortable now and it will, you

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know, it's given the chance to get to know yourself. It will get better. And like you

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said, that doesn't happen unless you are honest with yourself and you have those really frequent

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check-ins, whether you do those in a facilitated setting with a family member or you just do

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it introspectively with yourself. You have to really get to know yourself or you can't

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better, right? Absolutely. Absolutely. How can people, our listeners here, how do they

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connect with you to learn more or get involved? Yeah. So our website is uniquely youbehavioralhealth.com.

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We also can be found on Facebook. I also own Affirming Minds Coaching and Consulting, which

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is a kind of just what it sounds like. I consult with businesses and schools, provide trainings

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on being neurodivergent affirming and being able to kind of have a faster track of sorts

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into understanding neurodivergence that maybe one-on-one therapy doesn't allow. That's amazing.

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Yeah. Well, I just want to say thank you so much for your time and your honesty here today

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because some of what you said, I'm sure, takes a lot of courage. But I also just want to

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say we're going to link every one of those businesses you mentioned. We'll link them

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in the description and hopefully we can get everyone connected because I really want to

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know more about that neurodiversity affirming work. Yeah, absolutely. We will be doing.

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So thank you again so much for your time. Thank you. Thank you for having me.

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Thank you so much, everyone out there for listening in and know that if you are in Idaho

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or planning on moving to Idaho and have questions on systems or services for children with disabilities,

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please consider reaching out to us on our website at iPullIdaho.org or by calling us

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at 208-342-5884. Be sure to tune in next time. Until then, this has been Unlimited Parenting.

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Thanks for listening.