Welcome to Unlimited Parenting, where we discuss everything related to having children with
disabilities or special health care needs.
Today we're going to try something a little different.
We have all gathered here today, myself, Allison, Melissa, and IPUL's newest employee, Katie.
Yay!
We have all gathered here today with a topic, one topic, and we are going to discuss it
and then see if it's tangentially related to disabilities or just see where it takes
us.
So without further ado, let's just jump right into the conversation.
I'm going to go first.
My topic is the dentist, because you're already laughing at me.
I'm just scared already.
Why?
Because you know I have a fear of dentists.
It's terrifying.
So my lip is sweating already.
Sorry, I was trying to drown your voice out.
I'm just kidding.
Duly noted.
I went to the dentist this morning and it was awesome.
I'm sure dentists are great, like on their off time and they're just normal humans who
bowl or golf or whatever.
But why are they Satan?
I have a hard time with somebody who's like, what if we went to school to learn how to
scratch on people's bones?
Like it's just, you know what I mean?
Yeah, that's disgusting.
I never thought about it like that.
I want to know.
This is what I want to know.
When you go to dental school, do you have to take a class to understand what the heck
I'm saying?
When you're having all those tools in your mouth and you're like, are you going to work
today?
I'm like, her, her, her.
It just hurts.
It's like a translation class.
Exactly.
It seems like that should be a check box.
You know when you get a massage and they're like, do you want to be chatty or do you want
to just sleep?
Like, maybe I don't want to talk about your hands.
Oh, that's genius.
That is.
That is really smart.
I'm going to pitch that to the dentist.
Yeah, where's school?
That needs to be the feedback for it.
Do you want to talk or not?
Have you ever been outside of like a library and they're trying to get signatures?
Me?
The library.
Just kidding.
I was in a library today.
So a library is short for the Latin word, librarians.
I don't know if that's true.
But yeah, people, you're one Spanish word.
Good for you.
It was French.
Biblioteca is Spanish.
I said bibliotech.
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
Yeah, this is a multilingual podcast.
Sorry.
Okay.
You're outside of a library or wherever you find yourself.
I don't know.
An air apostle.
I don't know.
They're collecting.
They're collecting signatures.
You know, you know, and they're like, do you support this?
Sorry.
While you're petting a billy goat?
And they're, you know, do you support Idaho's the racing, the horse racing in Garden City?
Do we support checkbox?
Okay.
That's where I want you to start your position for the checkbox at the dentist.
My name is Katie and I don't want you to talk to me at the dentist.
I add the qualifier of the dentist.
My name is Katie and I don't want you to talk to me.
I was just thinking that might be universal because like when I go to, I don't want, when
you sit next to me on the airplane, unless I know you don't talk to me.
I want that dog collar.
Like, okay.
Whoa.
That's not, that's not this podcast.
That's not this podcast.
I pull after dark.
Um, I want the, the, I want a sign on me.
Like don't talk to me.
I'm not friendly.
You know, like those training dogs.
That's what I was trying to say.
They like have a sign.
Okay.
Don't touch me.
I'm not.
Non-friendly.
Aggressive.
I'm on duty.
Please don't bother me.
I'm on duty.
I'm working.
This wildling went off course.
Yeah.
That's what, that's what happens in these, in these podcasts.
But yeah, don't talk to me.
So I do.
I think it could be universal.
And I'm not a not social person.
There are just times where like, seriously, I'm done.
But do you know what you're not?
A dentist person.
I know that for a fact, you are not a dentist person.
Do you, do you want to describe why you just hate the dentist because of a past experience?
Right?
I can describe why it was unbelievably traumatized.
Again, Dennis, probably great people, but for some reason Damien has been my dentist
in the past.
My dentist, I single-handedly helped create a new policy in our dentist because let me
tell you why.
My maiden name was Smith.
When I went to get my x-rays for my wisdom teeth, they told me I have two wisdom teeth.
I listened to that.
I took that to heart.
Just two?
I knew I had just two.
I had two, two on the top.
I knew that I had two going into the oral surgeon who then told me these x-rays show
four wisdom teeth and I was like, I have two.
And my mom said to me as a 16 year old, don't argue with the dentist.
And I continued to argue and push back that I had two.
I knew I had two.
The dentist sent their x-rays for another Melissa Smith who had four wisdom teeth.
The oral surgeon dug around looking for two wisdom teeth that didn't exist.
To then they got infected.
Then I couldn't open my mouth for two weeks.
It was a horrible experience.
So I hate the dentist.
And when I say I hate the dentist, I loathe the dentist.
Like the cringe.
That was the best Jim Carrey impression.
I can't.
Dinner with me?
I'm terrified.
I can't cancel that again.
I am terrified of the dentist.
Like sweaty.
My lip is sweating right now.
I'm very terrified of the dentist.
I know the humidity in here just changed.
It feels like a rainforest cafe.
I have like secondhand anxiety for you.
Thank you.
When you said you were going to be your topic, I had a little internal struggle.
Great guy.
My dentist is a man.
He's a great guy.
I'm sure he has lots of fun.
You know, he looks like he's a world traveler.
He's drilling into people's teeth and he's getting paid for it.
It almost seems like morally.
I know, right?
Ethically somehow there's got to be something.
He paid money to learn how to drill into my face.
How do you look at someone in their soul and say, that tooth right there, I'm going to
pull it out and then I'm going to have to do a root canal.
And he's just like smiling.
How do you eat lunch after that?
Have you ever shoved those metal things like between there and they're like, just close
your mouth gently.
And it's jabbing into my face like a wayward cap and crunch.
I don't understand.
And they do it for fun.
Like one of the Juanita's gets broken off and crushed into your teeth.
That's exactly what I'm saying.
And he's like, no, no, no, just shut your mouth.
Just shut your mouth again.
Just keep it.
Don't move.
And I'm going to jam it into your gums.
I want to know, like the smell, like does that smell when they are drilling into a tooth?
It's got to smell like burning hair.
It doesn't bother me, but I will tell you when they were recently working on my middle
child's tooth and they had to like do some sealant and stuff.
It must've made a weird smell because my middle child went, you mom.
I sir did not pass gas.
He called you out.
You mom.
I'm like, sir, that's the smell of your tooth.
Oh, okay.
So the answer is yes.
That panic too.
I should have just taken the fall for that.
Oh God, I'm sorry.
Just maybe I helped some brush though.
He's like, my tooth smells like my mom's fart.
He has to come back from that.
That's a lot.
That's a lot to take in.
That is a lot for a little guy.
For a big guy.
My child has gone to the dentist more times in the last six months than I have in the
last 10 years.
That is how much I hate.
I just dislike that.
Yeah.
And again, you know, we're talking about a child with a disability, so he has some extra
steps.
Sure.
Now, like his mom, I go to the sedated.
Oh, great.
Now you guys are all going to know where I go to the dentist.
I went to the sedated dentistry and I'm like, he's like, so you want to be sedated?
And I said, sir, I want you to question whether or not I'm alive.
So I don't want to be sedated.
I want to be like knocking on heaven's door.
I want you to wonder.
So you have to have a ride home.
I think.
Okay.
They're so serious about it.
I love it.
I really do love it for them, but they're like, you can't.
You can't leave the property.
So my husband has to sit there and wait the entire time.
They're if they like, see him go for the tour.
Oh, no.
They like that.
I imagine like shooting them with a Nerf gun.
Get back, sir.
Back because they're so worried that you're going to ditch.
So what happens if you don't have a ride?
Is that like a barrier to you have to call it like a Uber?
Yeah, because then the person has to take care of you.
Coming off of your being under like that coming off of anesthesia in the back of an Uber.
Can you even imagine being that Uber driver right now?
My poor aunt lives in by herself and she had to take an Uber home from her colonoscopy.
Isn't that sad?
I know that broke my heart.
I was like, I should have.
The stories you're bringing to the table today are just.
Flow up there.
I should have flow up there and helped her out.
But it reminds me.
It reminds me of what you just said.
Reminds.
Isn't that like the beginning of The Walking Dead where the guy Rick Grimes like goes in
for a surgery or something and he wakes up and there's zombies everywhere and he'd been
like in a mild coma or something and the world had like gone on without him.
I'm not scared of that.
What I'm scared of is these people who tell stories about like being under for surgery.
Yes.
I'm not that aware.
Oh no, I don't want that for you.
I'm so sorry.
I don't want that.
You take that back.
No, I tell you what I want for me from you is I want when you come off of your sedation,
I want your husband to video it because I think it probably would be hilarious.
He said that last time this happened and I was sedated.
I was trying to get out of the car on the freeway.
Child log.
Because through some weird circumstance, there was an accident on the freeway that day.
So he's driving me home from the dentist and everyone's at a stop on the freeway and I
was like, I'll just walk home.
And I opened the, I tried to open the door and my husband's like, he had to put on the
flashers.
Get out of the car.
Get out of the, get back in this car.
The patience on this man.
Oh well, yes.
You just got to love him.
And I'm like, listen, you're the idiot for staying in the gridlock.
In the marriage?
Oh, oh.
I'm just kidding.
That's it.
You see that little foam piece that's falling off the wall?
I'm going to put it over your mouth.
Okay.
I'm sorry.
I just, can he have my phone number for future research?
For future dentist trips.
One of my children will put it on Snapchat.
I'm sure of it.
I am too.
I'm absolutely sure of it.
Okay.
I do have one thing I want to say about this and it's completely off topic, but not really.
Do you find now as parents, I don't know what your experience was going to the dentist as
a child, but like to this day.
In the eighties?
It was wild.
I just feel like right now there's still this element of like, I'm in trouble when I go
to the dentist.
Like if I have a cavity as an adult, I'm like, like don't tell mom.
And I'm like, I'm a 30 year old woman.
I don't need to.
You know what?
I totally see that.
And I think that it's valid, but today I got the opposite of that because they were like,
you haven't been to the dentist in 10 years.
That's a real thing.
We expected you to come in with like some fish hooks and we expected to have to remove
so many of these, but you only have four cavities that need one crown.
My most recent experience was literally my 10 year high school reunion was in the same
month as the first time I'd gone to the dentist, like by myself as an adult.
Like I had never.
Did you journal about it?
Because you were ready to call those memories up real quick.
I was just laughing about it because it's like, I realized that once I was out of the
like home where my parents were like, Hey, let's be like a reasonable person and go to
the doctor.
After they let you out of the kidney.
They released me into the wild.
I didn't like transfer that I should keep going.
I still had insurance.
Here at I pull, we call that transition to adulthood.
After they let me out of the hole.
Yeah.
Anyway, I pushed the button.
It's a little delayed.
I was like, there should be a sound here.
Just my laughter.
Anyway, I just think it's funny.
And then now as a parent, like if my kids have cavities, I'm like, okay, I can't make
them feel like they're in trouble because I walked into going to the dentist.
I always felt like I was in trouble.
We went trouble.
Yes.
I mean, eighties were pretty well in terms of dentistry.
Like we would get cavities filled with out anything.
I was just thinking about that.
There's steps that they take.
Like they drizzle the numbing and then they do the shot and they really take it so slow.
I just remember going in there and my mom would hold my hand down and the dentist would
just do it real quick.
They must be pumping something in those dentist schools because the nicest people on the earth.
You mean like R&B?
Like they're pumping R&B?
They're pumping something because the nurses are always these like the perkiest women who
are so kind.
They're so nice.
Like when they scrape your teeth and they clean it all up for Doc and then the dentist actually
comes in and does what he's supposed to do.
But like it's those first women that are always like the heaviest people.
Do you ever wonder how many red balls it takes for them to get to work?
They've got to be mainlining it.
Mainstream.
Full on.
They do scream.
I mean, how stereotypical are we being?
Those customer service people.
They're so good to me.
Every time I just want to be their friend.
It does.
It's working then.
It's very hospitable.
That was not the experience when I was a child.
No, I was a child either.
I'm telling you it was like apparently on top of you.
I literally, the dentist that I went to as a child in the 80s was called the Oregon Trail
Dentist.
And let's just say, well, I was concerned that they might not have even washed their
dental tools in the drink place.
You were just like, clean the dishwasher and was like, it'll be fine.
They were like, oh, there's another eight year old coming in after you.
You probably have the same germs.
There's only one elementary school, so it's fine.
It's fine.
Come to the dentist.
Same germs, same lice.
Just get it all in one spot.
Lice?
You can get lice at the dentist?
I don't know.
It just felt right.
Oh my God.
I'm sure you could.
It's a place of horror.
It's leaning back in the chair.
Yeah.
But I know someone that got it in movie theater.
Oh, right.
Oh, that's a new fear.
Can you imagine you're just watching Interstellar and your head just starts itching?
Interstellar, why is that the movie you picked?
I love, who is that man?
Matthew McConnally.
No.
All right, all right, all right.
I do love him too.
Who's in Interstellar?
The man, Hans.
Sorry.
Hans Zimmerman.
Oh, yes.
Who is the man who writes the music?
Yes, Christian Hans Zimmerman.
Okay, listen, that sounded like your dentures just slipped.
Maybe go to the dentist.
You went to the dentist, but my mouth has clearly been numbed.
Christian, Christian Ha.
Hans Christian, yeah, Zimmerman.
I believe you guys.
I don't know who you're talking about.
The song Cornfield Chase.
Have you ever heard it?
You've really not heard it?
Oh my God.
To all of our listeners, we just want to thank our dentists and encourage you to listen to
the song Cornfield Chase.
I will play for you later.
I wish I could play it right now.
I'm sure I've heard it.
It's so beautiful.
I just envisioned a woman writing it.
That's exactly what happens during a truck.
Being chased?
They're not being chased.
Have you never seen Interstellar?
I've never seen Interstellar.
Oh my God, you're missing out.
It is so amazing.
How amusing.
You never watch movies.
I know.
That's why it's the only movie I can talk about potentially getting lice at the movie theater.
Okay.
I've seen all of these other random movies.
Can you imagine?
And you have seen Interstellar movies.
Can you imagine?
You're listening to the song Cornfield Chase by Zimmer Zimmerman or whoever he is.
I have something that I want to say that's going to bring you back around.
The last time I went to a movie with my husband on a date, we were watching, oh, what's that
movie with moon landing?
Like Matt Damon and he's on Mars.
Mars.
Oh yeah, he's throwing the potatoes or whatever.
Yes.
So two funny things from that.
I was eating popcorn and I broke my tooth.
Still broken.
Dentist.
I was like, wow, that popcorn kernel was burnt.
Second thing that happened in that movie, the girls behind us were like, is this a true
story?
I'm my husband.
Did I tell you?
I almost lost it in the movie theater.
You remember that movie Benjamin Button?
No.
I thought it was you.
I thought it was real.
I was like, oh my God, can that really happen?
Oh my gosh.
If it makes you feel better.
My dad thought that too, Alison.
But you know what?
That was the same day that I found out.
Santa Claus.
Was it real?
That hot sauce, does it reduce calories when you put it on things?
You thought that happened?
Was the thought process like we're sweating out calories?
This in common sense was really hard to come by at the Orion Trail dentistry.
I have none.
I have absolutely none.
So yes, I thought Benjamin Button could have been real.
I was like, what?
When did that movie come out?
I don't think I even watched it.
I think I was like 14 or 15.
Too old to be that silly.
I'm like, is Benjamin Button real?
Do you think that could really happen?
Then you might've been the girl in The Martian in the movie theater behind me.
It was so funny.
I have never like, oh, it was so funny.
Did you say yes?
No, I just laughed at him.
That it's like the Blair Witch.
It was like the Blair Witch documentary.
No.
This is, yeah, this is actually real life footage from Mars right now.
Right.
He's upstreaming.
That's astronaut Matthew Damon.
Damon.
There's like a T in there.
Okay.
Dennis.
I digress.
Science field delivered.
Melissa, what's your topic?
I don't know.
All of that action.
Melissa, bring it to the table.
Fruit?
Whip it out.
Well, no, I was-
No, okay, keep it.
Don't whip it.
So I was going to talk about, I was going to talk about siblings and how-
Do you think those two girls behind you in the movie theater were siblings?
They might've been.
Do siblings go to the dentist together?
No.
I think they do because their parents want to be in outdone.
They don't want to be coming back for another visit.
And whenever I take my kids like that, though, they fight over who goes first.
Really?
And I just end up shoving one back.
Yeah.
Like they want to go.
No, they don't want to go.
Oh.
No.
So they're fighting about who goes back.
And so then they send their brother, they send Reese as like the scapegoat because-
Okay.
And he's like, whatever, I'm down for anything.
Yeah, he's down for anything.
This is like a Katie Deep track.
So I'm religious and growing up, we had moved to a new place and as like a welcome to the
church, we all had to give a talk in front of the whole church.
Like a TED talk?
Like a TED talk, only not at all.
Like how old were you?
We were little, like we were a little little.
And like, I want to say I was in maybe middle school, but like if the very least, like I
think I was younger than that significantly, but I'm the oldest.
And so like mine had like the most bearing.
And so my thing is I'm like, I want to go first.
I want to get it done.
But I had a couple little siblings and they were like, no, Katie, you're going to go last.
And so the whole time, so they got to go and it was just like, hi, I'm Katie and this is
who I am and okay, good.
Oh, you were at an alcoholic synonymous meeting.
Basically, basically.
But they went and the whole time I am just on the stand in front of the whole church
sobbing and you can just see, I'm like, I just want to go first.
My siblings got to go first.
I'm so sorry if I would have known I would have let you present your topic first.
I'm so sorry.
I could have healed childhood trauma.
Inner trauma, but no, it was just really funny.
Looking back now, obviously I survived.
I survived my time.
Everything was fine.
What was it about though?
What did you talk about?
I couldn't tell you.
Oh, you don't remember.
Was it about Benjamin Button?
It was about this man who grew in reverse.
Weirder.
Maybe it's an ultra rare and it hasn't been discovered.
I bet if I would have had a sibling, they would have discovered it.
How many siblings do you have?
You've got two.
You don't really know, do you?
I mean, like, you know, you have one.
I have one.
But you could.
So are you the oldest or the youngest?
I'm the oldest.
And that's, that's kind of what I.
What?
You're looking at me like you're surprised.
I really thought that Bdubs was older than me for some reason.
Really?
I'm so down with that.
But you know, because he's 38.
Yeah, he looks old.
He looks old.
He looks way older than I am.
No, I'm the oldest because I'm way more mature than he is.
Of course.
Yeah, of course.
You were conceived on a carnival cruise.
So you're older.
Las Vegas.
Why do I know that?
You should never tell your children that, by the way.
Yeah, what?
Thanks, my parents.
What?
So one funny thing, and I won't.
My daughter is named after a city and people always ask me, is that where she was conceived?
And I never thought that.
Why would you ask that?
That's atrocious.
Would you ever ask someone that?
I would never.
I cannot tell you the amount of people that have asked me that.
That's insane.
Do you say it's because I love eating at my father's place?
No, I don't.
You're lucky she wasn't named my father's place.
So many people will not understand that.
If you're not from Idaho.
Sorry.
Well, anyway.
So I've always just thought that was very strange to be asked that.
Yeah, I can't imagine asking a stranger.
Isn't that weird?
Yeah.
No, I just, so I was thinking about siblings.
And the reason I was thinking about siblings is because this why it kind of brought up
is because this weekend is the first time that I have an adult child who is going to
take care of her younger brother who has some significant disabilities this weekend so that
her dad and I can go out of town for the first time.
So the siblings are in charge weekend at Bernie.
Right.
I'm a it has me feeling all the feels like I can't believe that.
I have an adult daughter that can take care of her younger brother.
Can't believe that we get a vacation.
But I also was thinking in context of I don't want this to feel like she has to do this.
Does that make sense?
I don't want her to feel like it's required and that we are making her do it.
Or what's that?
My sister's keeper.
Yes.
I don't want that for my kids.
I don't want that.
So I mean, well, after this weekend, she can not do it if she doesn't want to.
But just kidding.
She has to do it this weekend.
No, I'm just saying I want I always want it to be an option for my kids.
I also think it's important for you to include that she's being paid.
Oh, absolutely.
Yes.
She's not.
But it's also part of her job, right?
Because she says she is his CSW and she will be support and she will be compensated for
her time because absolutely she's not doing.
So she is doing some of it out of the goodness of her heart, but she will be.
But just not all of it.
But I guess the reason I was like, oh, I'm going to talk about siblings because I just
don't want it to be just because I have four kids, one of them who is disabled.
I don't want it to be that their siblings have to take care of them.
Does that make sense?
Yes.
That's a real thing.
And that's something that we think about a lot in our life is what's going to happen
when dad and I are gone and what does that look like for responsibility?
And I know that they'll probably be his guardian and assume some responsibility, but I don't
want it to have to be their job.
They didn't sign up for it.
This is Debbie Downer.
We went from.
No, it's not.
It's not Debbie Downer, but I'm just thinking of all the times that I had to watch my younger
brother without getting paid.
And you're not really your younger brother's.
I mean, that was just what siblings do, right?
We're just in a typical sibling relationship.
And I mean, we got money.
Yeah.
I mean, it's part of it.
Like, I guess.
Is it your family?
I have some friends who work really hard to make sure that their oldest, like it's not
the oldest child who chose to have more babies.
Yes.
It's not their responsibility to go get the diaper and they do a really great job of like,
hey, you're not because it's also like you get that oldest mentality and that middle
mentality and that youngest oldest always thinks they're in control and in control and
all that stuff.
But I think I hear what you're saying where it's not you don't want to force it on her
as the oldest to come in, be the parent.
Right.
Like, I don't want it to be like a Duggar family where you're assigned like a child
in your.
Oh, my God.
That's right.
They do that.
They do.
And I would never want that.
Except for the first two years, because then that child is assigned to Michelle.
Yes.
I remember reading.
I remember.
I know shade.
If that's your religion, we're not trying to shame your religion.
We're just saying I want my years.
That seems like a long time.
I would be like, bye.
Can one of you kids come grab this?
When I saw their laundry room, though, they had like four or five washers, which makes
sense.
Their family is so huge.
But I was like, I want four or five washing machines.
I would love that.
Even if I just had to.
Me too.
That would be amazing.
And two dishwashers.
Oh, the dishwashers.
My mom has two ovens and holy game changer.
That's like all I want in my life is to have two ovens.
Really?
I could do without the oven.
I would want the dishwasher.
That's very Hansel and Gretel of you.
Well, I like to cook.
You do.
Well, I like to eat.
I like to eat.
I like when people cook.
I think we're just being clear.
Yeah.
Fair.
She like whips it, especially at Christmas.
She has things going in every single space.
She's got crock pots and roasters and both ovens and the stove.
And it's sufficiency.
It's full blown heaven.
Right.
That's if I won the lottery, that's what I would do.
I would do two ovens, two dishwashers.
I have someone that does that for me.
But I would, I would want, I would buy all the appliances and a freestyle cook machine,
if we're being honest.
A freestyle cook machine.
You know, like when you go to Wendy's and the whole big thing.
I want it all.
Could one just purchase that?
Could we look it up?
Yeah, I've looked it up.
Seriously.
I've looked it up.
The way that I would do that right now.
Oh yeah.
I've looked it up.
It's like $10,000 for the first, the initial investment.
You've got your ice.
You're like, you do it with the fancy ice.
You can, they do.
And then, and then you have to get all the syrups.
So you could probably, I bet at that point, all the syrups, you only want like one.
I only want one, but I want the freestyle so that everyone that comes to my house has
an option, but I just want the one option.
And don't you dare take it from me.
This is giving me like, did you guys see big back in the day?
Yes.
I love big.
We watched it a couple of days ago.
That's so funny.
Yeah.
It's kind of giving me that vibe.
That was, I just remember him on the giant piano.
Yes.
And the trampoline in his house.
So yeah.
What's your, what's your topic?
Are we done with my boring topic?
Do you feel done with the trampolines?
I was done when, yeah, stick a fork in it.
I don't like bringing topics to this podcast.
We should in the future, just get a bowl and we can just pull out random topics to discuss.
Kind of fun.
That would be really fun.
Yeah.
I'll collect some for you.
Okay.
I'll pull out a list of listeners.
I don't know if I can just do it on the fly.
Well, I guess we are doing this on the fly.
So yeah, I will see how this turns out.
Oh God.
Okay.
Katie, Katie, Katie, Katie, newest iPoll employee.
Yes, welcome.
Thank you.
How long have you been here?
On earth.
I mean at Idaho parents unlimited.
Sorry.
My goodness.
I think I kind of started around Halloween when I was the only one who dressed up for
the occasion.
Was Halloween three months ago?
October, November, December, January.
So maybe four months.
I know.
She was kept.
I'm like, Oh my God, she's kept counting.
Well, I think maybe four months.
I don't know.
But wait, I want to go.
I think she's mad we didn't dress up.
That's what I'm feeling.
Well, I will always dress up because that's who I am.
I know I wore spooky earrings.
I think you did.
I really missed the opportunity to not dress up as a dentist.
An overall dress that had spooky things on it.
And it was fun.
Why have I blacked out Halloween?
It's your favorite.
It's my favorite holiday and I cannot.
Oh yeah, this was the year they had the blow up costumes and they walked in their blow
up costumes for like two houses and then they were like, these are pony arms.
Oh, that's bummer.
Anyway, sorry.
Well, her kids all had like blow up costumes that had like the fans in them.
And my kids all have disabilities.
I'm not laughing.
That's not what I mean.
I mean, I do mean they all have disabilities.
I don't know why I laughed, but they the sensory of it and the scrunchie part on the ankles
and the wrists and then one kid.
One of my children is so small and he had the pick us blow up costume.
He was one of those little Among Us characters.
And so it was like pulling him backwards.
And at one point I thought he was going to fly away.
It was windy that night.
It was windy.
I was in my skirt.
I had put shorts on underneath.
I was going to trick or treat some kid.
Trick was trauma.
I said treat.
OK, so I was just thinking like my topic is a little also kind of a Debbie Downer, but
I was thinking just the being the new girl, especially in an office where I don't have
any kiddos with disabilities.
Have you been like I don't have have we scared you like beyond belief.
Like now I feel really bad.
Sometimes the stories that I tell, I don't think that I don't think that you've scared
me.
Sometimes sometimes like I don't know what to say.
Sure.
That makes sense.
Oftentimes neither do we.
Yes, that's that's fair because I've definitely like especially if there's like stories or
like like when I come in and I've had a rough night with my kiddos versus when somebody
else comes in with a rough night with their kiddos, like sometimes I feel like there's
just this weird line where like everybody's life is so much harder than mine is.
And so maybe I shouldn't be like my my worries or concerns are not near some of the other
worries and concerns in the office.
I know what you mean.
But they're still equal and valid.
Oh, for sure.
For sure.
And everyone here has been super kind.
I haven't gotten I just find that like I just tend to I find myself kind of walking on eggshell
sometimes where I'm like, well, I'll just not say anything because I don't want to I
just would not want to say anything that was inappropriate or that I didn't know was maybe
bad or also I didn't start complaining about my very easy will tell you.
And then I would be mortifying.
Yeah.
Oh, my gosh.
I wouldn't tell you like that.
I mean, oh, my God.
Can you believe that Katie said that?
Absolutely.
Look at her.
But yeah, yeah.
I like my kiddo got a an award recently and I almost was just like I put on the calendar
that needed to leave early and I almost just said I need to leave early versus like, oh,
no, it's different.
I know.
But that was the she got an award for kindness.
And I was so proud of her.
But I didn't want to like take away from any.
You're not.
You know.
I get you're the only one.
I don't like I get you of the wording around it.
But when you're the only one without disabilities, it's just a different it's a different you
guys are living in a different world.
But I will never be able to understand it.
I think that but I think that we just all have different baselines.
Yeah, right.
I can see it's hard for me when like Melissa and Sarah talk about like the medical complexity
of their children, you know, G tubes and specialists after specialists and seizures and surgeries.
And I'm like, oh, my God, I don't know how you do it.
Versus like when I come in and I tell like mental health stories or like severe aggressive
behavior stories and I'm like, well, it's just another Tuesday night.
And then they're like, I don't know how you do it.
So I think we just all have different baselines for what is and is not normal.
And then we all get very acclimated and used to that.
So then when it goes above and beyond that, we're like, oh, my God, the house is burning.
Yeah.
But then my version of the house is burning down like level one call the police would
be different than yours because you just have a different baseline.
Right.
Oh, yeah.
So like, you know, Melissa coming in one morning and being like, well, so and so pulled out
their G tubes.
So I had to make sure I shoved it in real fast or else we would have had to come back
and they would have had to have done surgery.
So sorry, I'm 10 minutes late.
And I'm like, oh, my God, it's the most Melissa thing to sorry.
I'm late.
We had to.
Yeah, but that's like no big deal.
But that's what we do because I'll run into our executive director's office on like, oh,
gotta go.
So and so try to strangle a kid today.
And everyone's just like, yeah, goodbye.
Have a great day.
Like, it's just so normal because our baseline is so you're right.
It is baseline.
I can understand how a new person would come into this environment and be like, I would
cry for a week if that ever happened to me.
And you're just like flipping about it like, oh, I gotta go.
My kid has behaviors or whatever.
So I think there's also like, sorry, did I interrupt you?
No, go on.
It's super difficult on the outside.
So I think we can acknowledge that you guys have it's a different world.
There's different acronyms.
There's different expectations.
There's different for sure.
There's just a lot going on that I'm slowly getting slowly.
We're having conversations, but I'm not quite there yet.
But outside of that, what was I gonna say?
I'll say this, though, while you're thinking about what you were going to say.
When I first started working here, even as a parent of multiple children with disabilities
who had existed in the world, I would come into work and people would have conversations
and then I would have to go back to Melissa later and then have another conversation about
the conversation.
She said this name or this acronym and I don't have any idea what just happened.
So it won even for me as someone who was already living in here.
It's already it's still was still really and I've been here almost two years and there
are still times when I'm like, can we circle back to what that what?
Yeah, yesterday.
What's a mix?
You're like, what's this partnership?
Yeah, exactly.
So yeah, I don't know how to orate this.
Apparently, as a mom of children, it's super important to me that we are kind and we're
acknowledging and accepting and, you know, it's just people are people and there's all
kinds of kinds.
I worked with you to say that there's all kinds of kinds.
That was just how she taught her kiddos, but I find it super difficult because I don't
feel like there's any one way to one, be disabled to teach your kids about disability.
Right.
They're so hard.
I've gotten mixed reviews of me being encouraged to ask questions because it's so interesting.
It's so fun or important for parents of kids with disabilities or the children themselves
to be able to communicate their needs and their differences to my kids.
But I've also gotten told that it's not the parents responsibility to educate me on the
things I've done wrong.
So it's so difficult to just turn your...
And how are you supposed to write their minds?
I didn't even know that disability existed.
Like, you know what I mean?
Yeah.
How do I Google that when I don't know?
So it's just so, there's just eggshells.
I'm going to say something controversial.
Uh oh.
I know.
Is there a sound for that?
Dun dun dun.
No, it's just the sound of my voice.
Because everything I say is controversial.
My accelerated heart rate is...
Yeah.
My sweaty lips.
Okay.
So here, I don't know if you or any of the listeners out there have heard of this thing
called TikTok.
Well, there's a meme or a talk or a tick tick or whatever.
I don't know.
Whatever we call it.
Where there is it's Jack Nicholson from The Shining and he's just kind of zoning out.
And it's like my toddler when they see an individual with a disability on a bus.
Yes.
And I just want to point something out.
I think that that's what toddlers do all the time when they see something new.
Anything new.
I wish that people might pause just a second before they say, your kid is scaring at my
kid or something like that.
And think that, you know, this toddler may have never seen an individual with a disability
before.
But it's something new to them and they are not trying to be rude.
They're trying to figure out the same thing they figure out when they're navigating their
world all the time.
How am I different?
How am I different from this person?
And it looks like this.
Right.
She's staring.
It looks awkward.
Staring into their soul and you're like, do I have something on my face?
Is there something on my teeth?
The way that my child stared at a curly headed red haired woman for the first time she ever
seen red hair is the exact same way she stared at the man with one arm.
She just was trying to understand what she was seeing.
Exactly.
And I mean, I guess on the other side, and I won't speak for you, but on the other side
of that, what I experienced a lot is my children have what is lovingly referred to as an invisible
disability so they don't look outwardly disabled.
So when they have big behaviors, everyone's like, why don't you just discipline your kids?
And I'm like, that's not how this works.
How come he gets to act like that?
Exactly.
And this is this child trying to understand the behavior.
I think if I was at the grocery store and my oldest was pulling a move and someone's
kid said, why does he get to act like that?
I think literally what I would say is, well, I wish he wouldn't.
Absolutely.
I think that.
Yeah.
And if you want to teach him how to not, we're actively paying people with PhDs to assist
us in that.
That's a real pain.
And I'm the mom of the kid asking.
I'm never angry at a kid though.
That's true.
Never.
I hope not.
I think if a kid genuinely came up to me and said, what's wrong with him?
I would be like, a whole lot of things.
Does that happen?
Because that happens to me.
I think it's happened to my middle child before when he was stimming really, really, really
hard and quickly.
And they were like, oh my God, what's wrong with him?
Like out of concern.
But I know that your family has a really tangible teachable story though.
That's so good.
You don't have an invisible disability.
No, he's it's it's visible right there.
Yeah.
I mean, Reese doesn't look, I guess if you looked at Reese, you maybe if you just looked
at him.
You then started talking to him.
He's nonverbal.
He's got, you know, he's screeches and loud and his gate is off, you know, so he's kind
of wobbly, but he can walk.
He's mobile.
He can walk and run and he might have seizure, but no big deal.
But exactly.
No big deal.
And I'm like, oh my God.
Right.
But and as it just is, seizures are so it is a Tuesday.
I mean, we are at a point where hundreds of seizures a day were normal for us.
Now, luckily, knock on wood, the Lego story.
Oh, thank you.
You got me back.
So people will come up to us and say, what's wrong with him, especially like a four on
a playground.
And he's 14 now.
So it's becoming more and more apparent that he is not like another 14 year old.
And he's nonverbal.
He doesn't talk.
But my husband has a whatever compelled him very, very early on to describe it to kids.
I think it's because he's a perpetual child.
We were at a park one day.
My son has a chromosomal deletion and we were at a park and someone said, what's wrong with
him?
Why?
Why doesn't he talk?
And my husband said, do you play Legos?
And the kid stopped and said, yeah.
And then it was funny because I could see more kids like starting to surround my husband
listening to this story.
And it was, do you play Legos?
Well, yeah, we play.
Of course we play Legos.
Well, you know, on each Lego, there's that little teeny little top on each Lego.
And if that piece is missing, another Lego won't hook to it.
And inside of our bodies are chromosomes and DNA and they're kind of like Legos.
They're building blocks that make us all who we are.
And all of our DNA and Legos look a little bit different.
And Reese's just happens to be missing just a little teeny, teeny tiny piece of a Lego.
And it has impacted his life in that way.
But he can still play and he can still, you know, do all of the things.
He just communicates a little bit different.
He just does things a little bit differently.
So I love it when kids ask what's wrong with him.
Or if I see a two year old staring, I'll be like, Reese, can you say hi?
Or you don't really try to bring him in.
If parents, I often will hear parents say, don't look, don't look.
And if, and I guess that's real too.
That is real.
We're not, we don't want to stare.
We don't want to be rude.
Right.
So, but we don't also want to be yelling.
Don't look at him.
It's from a good place, but it's not the right thing.
I'll ask you to, what can we, what can we do?
What can we, how can we teach our kiddos?
In that context, I try to, because I know the parent, you're the parent and you're like,
and I am mortified.
You want to get out of there.
Right.
Well, I don't want to be, I don't want to leave this a traumatic experience for your
child either.
No, my child, it'll be fine.
He won't carry.
He wants to play with your child and he wants to just be included like a normal kiddo.
Right.
Cause I, my kiddo doesn't think he's any different than any other kiddo.
No, that's not the same.
Just I'm speaking in terms of his disability, but I want parents to ask.
I want kids to ask questions.
And I guess I like it when kids ask the questions because their questions are really genuine.
I will always get a parent saying, does he have autism?
Because their neighbors, dogs, niece, his best friend had, you know, right.
So I always get, does he have autism?
I know someone with autism.
And I, I just like to explain because Angelman syndrome is pretty rare.
I like to explain what it is just offering more knowledge is power.
Right.
So I don't know.
I, I want to explain.
I want kids to be like your child.
I want them to win kindness awards.
And if we, right.
So I think that if I can give a kiddo on a playground, some knowledge about what it's
like to just be kind to it, into to it, to a kiddo that's a little bit different than
them that talks different walks different.
I think it's going to make kind of kids.
So I want to be part of that.
What a great way.
Cause then you've got, you've, you're, you've taught children and now they can go and teach
their parents.
That's a very, that Lego analogy is amazing.
Well, I can't take credit.
We gave him the credit, but you can, he's not here.
I'm not going to tell anything.
Okay.
Good.
Anyway, my topic, siblings, nothing.
Dennis, we're good.
Siblings, Dennis.
It's really a full circle.
It really is a full circle moment.
So I love that for us as opposed to what's wrong with him.
Is that the question that the kids are supposed to ask?
I say supposed to.
I don't really care.
I guess I just start to get cranky when it's the parents who say what's wrong with him.
I think that's when I get a little bit of a crank pot and I make that sound.
That's when I get cranky.
I appreciate that.
I'm trying to think, cause I've had some families or I've had some adults.
I'm just trying to think like, how, how is that?
How is it brought up?
Because I've had people ask what's wrong with him, but I don't think that's what they said.
Yeah.
I think, I think if an adult came up to me and said, you know, like, Oh, does he have
ODD?
That's different than what's wrong with him.
Yeah.
But if a kid came up and asked me, does he have ODD?
I would be very confused.
Like how do you know that?
Did someone else ask you to ask that?
On the flip side of everything, I think that people, everyone is very sensitive.
So like, if you just act like everything's normal, I'm doing a very exaggerated quote
unquote here.
It's just, then it's just like, obviously things aren't quite, I don't know.
Yeah.
Do you know what I'm saying?
Like if that guy with only one arm and I'm just going to pretend like he has two arms,
like everything's hunky dory.
Everything's totally fine.
I'm not obviously going to be a coasting one armed men, but yeah.
And that's kind of a, that's a hard question for me to answer because I learned about all
of you, how of our children when we were at parent leadership.
And so it wasn't ever a, what's different about him or whatever the question would have
been.
It would, it was this, this is my family.
And you'll notice right here is my, you know, one of my middle children and he has a disability
and this is what it is.
So it was never an opportunity to ask because we all went around the room and shared.
That's true.
I don't, I've never actually been in a situation where I was like, ah, what, what's happening
here?
Yeah.
I've never, I've never been in that situation.
Well, and I guess we ask parents that a lot just in our work, but we would say like, I
say, what's your disability?
Yeah.
So I don't know.
Is that more or PC to say, oh, I'm at the park.
What's your disability?
If you're in the wild, if you're in the wild.
I think again, this is a hot take.
Feel what you feel, but I'm just going to say it.
Treat it like it's one of those identity things.
You know how you're always like, would you prefer to be referred to as they, them or
he, him or she, her, and you don't really know how to ask.
I think we, we just go with the, we don't ask.
But then if you see that the child needs help or something like that, you could say like,
what kind of supports does he need?
How can I help you?
I love that.
I mean, I'm noticing that he's like really slipping off.
Is that just cause he's working on learning that new skill or does he need someone to
assist him with that skill?
And then that kind of like opens the door for some more conversation.
But I don't know.
Is it really ever appropriate to go up to someone and be like, what's wrong with him?
For me, mostly I don't know if I like that.
My seven year old who's trying to maneuver around.
Yeah.
And again, a seven year old asked me anything.
Anything.
I am an open book for kids.
I don't know.
And I guess I do think that the intent is different when children are asking questions
versus when adults are asking questions.
But then I've had the situation where the parent will whisper to a child and the child
will come up to me and pair it back with the parent.
So it comes from the kid instead of the adult.
Yes.
I've had that happen at a playground before.
Oh, interesting.
And I looked at her and I smiled and I said, if your mommy wants to ask me a question,
she can come over here and I'd love to talk to her.
Did the mom come?
No.
They left the park afterwards.
They literally got up and left.
I'm like, I'm not going to play.
Oh my gosh.
I'm not going to make your child the middle man, a courier.
But I'm also not going to be mean to your kid.
I'm not going to be like, even though I'm upset with how the mom handled it, I would
never be like, you can tell your mom to come over here or, you know, or rude to the kid.
I was just like, you know, yeah, that's a good question.
If your mommy wants to come over and talk to me because she pulled her daughter off
the slide to come and talk to me.
Wow.
Yeah.
And I'm so the kid had no interest in being over there.
A subtle situation.
No.
So yeah, maybe that's an outlier.
That is the best example, but it's all in working with people.
Sorry.
I love it.
I just don't like it when adults try to sell me essential oils to cure my skin.
Oh my God.
That's happened.
Yes.
That's happened to me too.
Absolutely.
They'll come.
You're not, but it's so multiple times.
It's almost disrespectful how it's done.
Oh yeah.
And they start so genuine and they ask all the right questions and then they really make
you feel like they really care.
And then all of a sudden they go, how about some freaking scents?
Have you ever tried?
And I'm like, come on.
If you were going to pitch to me, that's fine.
That's your job.
I get it.
I respect it, but don't do it using my child.
Don't bring my child.
I guarantee you that lemon oil or whatever isn't going to make his behaviors decrease.
It's not grown a chromosome.
Cause I've tried magnesium and you know what?
You name it.
Oh, I've, I would try it if I really thought it was going to help and offer him some support.
That to me is like the ultimate.
You don't care.
Yes.
Don't fake care.
That's it.
Don't fake care.
It's the fake care.
That's the ultimate worse, worse experience ever.
But when kiddos ask, I want to, I want to answer every question all the time.
Well, all the time, all the time, all the questions all of the time.
Thank you so much to everyone out there in podcast land for listening in.
If you are in Idaho or planning on moving to Idaho and have any questions on systems
or services for children with disabilities, please reach out to us on our website at ipulidaho.org.
That's I P U L Idaho.org or by calling us at 208-342-5884.
Until then, this has been unlimited parenting.
Thanks for listening.
Bye.