WEBVTT 00:00:03.600 --> 00:00:06.679 Hey all, Pastor John here. Thanks for tuning 00:00:06.679 --> 00:00:09.759 in to the weekly sermon podcast. We pray this 00:00:09.759 --> 00:00:12.519 message encourages you, strengthens your faith, 00:00:12.679 --> 00:00:15.080 and helps you to take your next step with Jesus. 00:00:15.599 --> 00:00:18.239 If this content blesses you and you'd like to 00:00:18.239 --> 00:00:20.339 be a part of helping us continue to bring the 00:00:20.339 --> 00:00:22.739 gospel to life, we'd love for you to consider 00:00:22.739 --> 00:00:25.739 supporting the ministry of Village. Your generosity 00:00:25.739 --> 00:00:28.339 makes it possible for us to keep creating and 00:00:28.339 --> 00:00:31.510 sharing resources like this podcast. You can 00:00:31.510 --> 00:00:35.250 give safely and easily by visiting sacvillage 00:00:35.250 --> 00:00:39.090 .org slash give or by heading to our website 00:00:39.090 --> 00:00:43.130 at sacvillage .org. Thanks again for listening. 00:00:43.310 --> 00:00:54.329 Now let's dive into this week's message. So what 00:00:54.329 --> 00:00:59.380 would someone conclude about Jesus? just by watching 00:00:59.380 --> 00:01:03.840 the way we relate to one another? What would 00:01:03.840 --> 00:01:06.540 someone conclude about Jesus just by watching 00:01:06.540 --> 00:01:09.780 the way that we relate to one another? Or another 00:01:09.780 --> 00:01:12.980 question would be, would the gospel look like 00:01:12.980 --> 00:01:16.920 good news if they watched the way that we relate 00:01:16.920 --> 00:01:20.579 to each other? There's a simple phrase that's 00:01:20.579 --> 00:01:25.040 all over the New Testament, and it's something 00:01:25.040 --> 00:01:34.819 like this. It's one One another. Love. Confess 00:01:34.819 --> 00:01:42.319 to. Bear with. Encourage one another, right? 00:01:42.560 --> 00:01:45.500 And depending on how you count them, that phrase, 00:01:45.640 --> 00:01:49.180 one another, appears nearly 60 times in the New 00:01:49.180 --> 00:01:54.079 Testament. You want a little saying when you're 00:01:54.079 --> 00:01:55.939 reading the Bible. If the Bible says it once, 00:01:56.120 --> 00:01:58.799 listen. If the Bible says it twice, pay close 00:01:58.799 --> 00:02:01.400 attention. If the Bible says it over and over 00:02:01.400 --> 00:02:05.420 again, God is trying to make a point. And we 00:02:05.420 --> 00:02:08.680 should receive it today, right? Christianity 00:02:08.680 --> 00:02:11.439 is not only believing the right things about 00:02:11.439 --> 00:02:15.159 Jesus. It's about becoming a certain kind of 00:02:15.159 --> 00:02:19.479 people together. And the New Testament assumes 00:02:19.479 --> 00:02:22.120 that the gospel will create a community where 00:02:22.120 --> 00:02:24.740 people don't just sit in the same room one day 00:02:24.740 --> 00:02:28.509 a week. but that they will actually live life 00:02:28.509 --> 00:02:31.689 with one another in a completely different way. 00:02:33.009 --> 00:02:35.069 And that's where we're going with this series. 00:02:35.129 --> 00:02:37.189 For the next three weeks, we're going to talk 00:02:37.189 --> 00:02:41.689 about what we might call one -anothering. The 00:02:41.689 --> 00:02:45.650 gospel doesn't just reconcile us to God, it also 00:02:45.650 --> 00:02:50.550 reshapes how we relate to one another. The gospel 00:02:50.550 --> 00:02:55.139 creates a new kind of community. A place where 00:02:55.139 --> 00:02:58.639 love is practiced, grace extended, truth spoken, 00:02:59.000 --> 00:03:03.000 sins confessed, burdens bared, forgiveness given. 00:03:04.240 --> 00:03:07.340 In other words, the church becomes a place where 00:03:07.340 --> 00:03:11.259 people actively and actually care for one another's 00:03:11.259 --> 00:03:16.680 spiritual life. And here's why this matters so 00:03:16.680 --> 00:03:19.120 much. Our culture has a very strong idea about 00:03:19.120 --> 00:03:24.629 what freedom and fulfillment look like. The story 00:03:24.629 --> 00:03:26.669 our culture tells is basically this. A good life 00:03:26.669 --> 00:03:30.270 is a self -directed life. And the highest good 00:03:30.270 --> 00:03:34.169 is personal autonomy and freedom. But the gospel 00:03:34.169 --> 00:03:37.330 tells a very different story. The gospel says 00:03:37.330 --> 00:03:40.310 that true freedom doesn't come from living for 00:03:40.310 --> 00:03:44.110 yourself. It comes from being freed from yourself. 00:03:45.930 --> 00:03:48.250 And here's what happens when that freedom comes. 00:03:48.469 --> 00:03:51.969 Instead of life curving inward around the self, 00:03:52.090 --> 00:03:55.509 it begins to bend outward toward God and toward 00:03:55.509 --> 00:04:00.050 one another. So why is the New Testament filled 00:04:00.050 --> 00:04:02.969 with these commands about how we treat one another? 00:04:03.150 --> 00:04:05.629 Well, it's because the church is meant to be 00:04:05.629 --> 00:04:08.729 a living demonstration of what the gospel does 00:04:08.729 --> 00:04:14.490 to people. And so as we as a church, as village, 00:04:14.689 --> 00:04:18.189 as we accept our bring three challenge for Easter, 00:04:18.410 --> 00:04:20.790 Easter is coming up and we put out a challenge 00:04:20.790 --> 00:04:23.230 last week that we would all consider and pray 00:04:23.230 --> 00:04:25.850 and think about how we could bring three people 00:04:25.850 --> 00:04:28.250 to meet and encounter Jesus and take their next 00:04:28.250 --> 00:04:32.449 step with him. And as God hopefully brings a 00:04:32.449 --> 00:04:34.970 lot more one mores into our midst and we put 00:04:34.970 --> 00:04:36.970 out all the chairs that we have and we fill this 00:04:36.970 --> 00:04:38.949 room with people who are ready to take that next 00:04:38.949 --> 00:04:42.399 step. and invite them into that step with Jesus, 00:04:42.480 --> 00:04:45.500 one of the ways we prepare for that is by asking, 00:04:45.600 --> 00:04:53.420 what are we inviting them into? Amen? Are we 00:04:53.420 --> 00:04:56.259 inviting them into a community of Christ -honoring, 00:04:56.300 --> 00:05:00.259 gospel -shaped one -anothering, or something 00:05:00.259 --> 00:05:02.360 that doesn't look much different than the world? 00:05:05.160 --> 00:05:07.459 What would it look like if we actually lived 00:05:07.459 --> 00:05:11.420 these one another passages out together? And 00:05:11.420 --> 00:05:13.040 this week, we're going to start with one of the 00:05:13.040 --> 00:05:18.160 most foundational ones. Serve one another through 00:05:18.160 --> 00:05:21.680 love. So if you're taking notes, I got three 00:05:21.680 --> 00:05:24.000 points today. The first one is the command of 00:05:24.000 --> 00:05:29.319 love. So we should probably start with the place 00:05:29.319 --> 00:05:31.860 where the whole vision for this begins, and that's 00:05:31.860 --> 00:05:35.500 with Jesus himself. If you have your Bibles, 00:05:35.500 --> 00:05:37.779 you can begin turning over to John chapter 13, 00:05:38.000 --> 00:05:40.680 verse 34 is where we'll begin. But on the night 00:05:40.680 --> 00:05:43.779 before the cross, Jesus gathers his disciples 00:05:43.779 --> 00:05:47.120 for the last supper. The weight of that moment 00:05:47.120 --> 00:05:50.420 is enormous. And within just hours, he will be 00:05:50.420 --> 00:05:55.139 arrested, tried, and crucified. And in that moment... 00:05:55.610 --> 00:05:59.069 Knowing what is coming, Jesus gives his disciples 00:05:59.069 --> 00:06:02.350 a command that will define their life together 00:06:02.350 --> 00:06:06.189 from that point forward. What is that command? 00:06:06.269 --> 00:06:09.550 Well, we find it in John 13, beginning in verse 00:06:09.550 --> 00:06:17.110 34. I give you a new command. Love one another. 00:06:18.350 --> 00:06:22.310 Just as I have loved you, you are also to love 00:06:22.310 --> 00:06:26.420 one another. By this, everyone will know that 00:06:26.420 --> 00:06:31.040 you are my disciples if you love one another. 00:06:32.759 --> 00:06:36.060 And you notice what Jesus does here. He doesn't 00:06:36.060 --> 00:06:38.279 say that the world will know his disciples by 00:06:38.279 --> 00:06:41.660 their knowledge. He doesn't say that the world 00:06:41.660 --> 00:06:44.639 will know his disciples by their influence or 00:06:44.639 --> 00:06:47.220 by their political power or by their religious 00:06:47.220 --> 00:06:52.689 programs. He says the defining mark of his people 00:06:52.689 --> 00:06:57.829 will be love. By this, everyone will know that 00:06:57.829 --> 00:07:01.970 you are my disciples. In other words, the credibility 00:07:01.970 --> 00:07:06.129 of the church's witness is tied directly to how 00:07:06.129 --> 00:07:12.089 we treat one another. Jesus calls his followers 00:07:12.089 --> 00:07:15.769 to a unique kind of love for fellow believers. 00:07:17.199 --> 00:07:21.339 Because through the gospel, we have become the 00:07:21.339 --> 00:07:25.379 family of God. And you notice something else. 00:07:25.399 --> 00:07:29.920 He says, just as I have loved you, a new standard 00:07:29.920 --> 00:07:34.180 is set for what this love will look like. And 00:07:34.180 --> 00:07:36.459 that also means that the love that Jesus calls 00:07:36.459 --> 00:07:41.740 us into is not sentimental love. It's not grounded 00:07:41.740 --> 00:07:45.949 in emotion or affection. Or unconditional affirmation. 00:07:45.949 --> 00:07:49.550 It's not a vague love. It's not a polite or nice 00:07:49.550 --> 00:07:55.629 love. It's a self -giving love. Moving toward 00:07:55.629 --> 00:08:01.029 people. Serving for their ultimate good. Sacrificial. 00:08:02.529 --> 00:08:06.189 Right before this conversation, Jesus showed 00:08:06.189 --> 00:08:12.329 them a living example of this love. He took a 00:08:12.329 --> 00:08:14.490 towel and knelt down and washed the disciples' 00:08:14.769 --> 00:08:18.910 feet, including the feet of the one who would 00:08:18.910 --> 00:08:23.709 betray him. The king took the posture of a servant 00:08:23.709 --> 00:08:26.170 and he looked at his disciples and essentially 00:08:26.170 --> 00:08:29.009 said, now from this point forward, go live like 00:08:29.009 --> 00:08:35.590 this with each other. Love one another. So what 00:08:35.590 --> 00:08:38.070 does that love actually look like in practice? 00:08:40.220 --> 00:08:42.720 Thankfully, the apostles unpacked what that love 00:08:42.720 --> 00:08:44.919 looks like inside the life of the church. And 00:08:44.919 --> 00:08:46.659 we're going to look particularly at Galatians 00:08:46.659 --> 00:08:49.899 chapter 5 in point 2. Number 2, the shape of 00:08:49.899 --> 00:08:52.419 love. The command of love, the shape of love. 00:08:52.460 --> 00:08:58.299 Number 2, Galatians 5, 13. For you were called 00:08:58.299 --> 00:09:02.059 to be free, brothers and sisters. Only don't 00:09:02.059 --> 00:09:05.000 use this freedom as an opportunity for the flesh, 00:09:05.179 --> 00:09:10.110 but serve one another through love. For the whole 00:09:10.110 --> 00:09:14.690 law is fulfilled in one statement, love your 00:09:14.690 --> 00:09:17.649 neighbor as yourself. But if you bite and devour 00:09:17.649 --> 00:09:21.330 one another, watch out, or you will be consumed 00:09:21.330 --> 00:09:24.830 by one another. Sorry, I had a seizure there 00:09:24.830 --> 00:09:30.070 for a second. Let's try 15 again. But if you 00:09:30.070 --> 00:09:32.730 bite and devour one another, watch out, or you 00:09:32.730 --> 00:09:36.110 will be consumed by one another. We're back, 00:09:36.250 --> 00:09:46.840 okay. Yeah, if you don't know, this week I went 00:09:46.840 --> 00:09:48.559 and finally bought a pair of reading glasses. 00:09:48.740 --> 00:09:50.679 I've not needed reading glasses my whole life. 00:09:53.360 --> 00:09:56.700 In fact, I've mocked my family their whole life 00:09:56.700 --> 00:09:59.379 because everyone wears glasses. And so, yeah, 00:09:59.460 --> 00:10:03.200 now I'm wearing glasses. I should be wearing 00:10:03.200 --> 00:10:14.440 glasses right now. I'll wait. It's not like we 00:10:14.440 --> 00:10:19.100 were in the middle of something. So if you think 00:10:19.100 --> 00:10:21.820 about this passage in Galatians chapter 5, think 00:10:21.820 --> 00:10:23.580 about what Paul is saying. Paul is saying something 00:10:23.580 --> 00:10:25.519 about Christian freedom. He starts there, right? 00:10:25.659 --> 00:10:28.799 You were called to be free, brothers and sisters. 00:10:28.840 --> 00:10:31.000 Only don't use this freedom as an opportunity 00:10:31.000 --> 00:10:37.240 for the flesh. But instead, what? Serve one another 00:10:37.240 --> 00:10:41.970 through love. That's interesting because that's 00:10:41.970 --> 00:10:45.490 not how we think of freedom, is it? See, we think 00:10:45.490 --> 00:10:47.230 of freedom in our day and we think independence. 00:10:48.230 --> 00:10:50.549 Freedom means no one tells me what to do. Freedom 00:10:50.549 --> 00:10:54.509 means I live for myself. But the gospel redefines 00:10:54.509 --> 00:10:58.830 freedom very differently. The gospel frees us 00:10:58.830 --> 00:11:05.730 from the slavery of the self. Before Christ, 00:11:05.909 --> 00:11:11.340 everything in our life was bent inward. Martin 00:11:11.340 --> 00:11:13.940 Luther, the great reformer, once wrote about 00:11:13.940 --> 00:11:17.299 this. He said, our nature, by the corruption 00:11:17.299 --> 00:11:21.220 of the first sin, being so deeply curved in on 00:11:21.220 --> 00:11:24.559 itself that it not only bends the best gifts 00:11:24.559 --> 00:11:27.220 of God toward itself and enjoys them as is plain 00:11:27.220 --> 00:11:30.919 in the works righteous and hypocrites, or rather 00:11:30.919 --> 00:11:33.899 even uses God himself in order to attain these 00:11:33.899 --> 00:11:37.590 gifts. But it also fails to recognize that it 00:11:37.590 --> 00:11:40.970 so wickedly, curvedly, and viciously seeks all 00:11:40.970 --> 00:11:46.750 things, even God, for its own sake. You see, 00:11:46.850 --> 00:11:50.889 curved -in hearts want and perform all kinds 00:11:50.889 --> 00:11:53.929 of things, even good things for other people. 00:11:54.629 --> 00:12:00.350 But they do it with a disordered heart. Go to 00:12:00.350 --> 00:12:04.049 church. Read your Bible. Serve other people. 00:12:04.600 --> 00:12:06.840 Join a serve team. Go to a disciple group. Raise 00:12:06.840 --> 00:12:09.720 your hands in worship. You can do all of those 00:12:09.720 --> 00:12:12.820 things, but if they are bent in, they become 00:12:12.820 --> 00:12:18.720 sinful activity when they're done for self -serving 00:12:18.720 --> 00:12:22.279 reasons. And maybe they're done for recognition 00:12:22.279 --> 00:12:26.899 or praise, done for earning, done for competition 00:12:26.899 --> 00:12:32.080 or comparison with someone else. But see, when 00:12:32.080 --> 00:12:34.799 the gospel begins to transform a person, that 00:12:34.799 --> 00:12:37.740 inward curve begins to break and life begins 00:12:37.740 --> 00:12:41.879 to bend outward toward God and toward other people. 00:12:43.320 --> 00:12:45.960 Which is why Paul says the natural result of 00:12:45.960 --> 00:12:50.320 gospel freedom is this, serve one another through 00:12:50.320 --> 00:12:55.039 love. And love in the New Testament is not just 00:12:55.039 --> 00:12:58.039 an emotion. I don't know if you guys remember 00:12:58.720 --> 00:13:01.019 Back in the day, if you grew up in the Christian 00:13:01.019 --> 00:13:03.460 culture, there was a band named DC Talk, right? 00:13:03.600 --> 00:13:07.720 And they had a song called Love is a Verb, right? 00:13:08.419 --> 00:13:11.539 Love is a verb, right? Love is an action word. 00:13:12.879 --> 00:13:15.899 Love in the New Testament is never just an emotion. 00:13:16.700 --> 00:13:20.340 It takes the shape of this. It takes the shape 00:13:20.340 --> 00:13:24.460 of all things done for the true good of another. 00:13:26.139 --> 00:13:28.240 All things done for the true good of another. 00:13:28.440 --> 00:13:31.139 And hear this, this kind of love sees the future 00:13:31.139 --> 00:13:34.740 person God intends for the individual to become 00:13:34.740 --> 00:13:37.179 and decides that it wants to go along for the 00:13:37.179 --> 00:13:41.080 ride and be a part of that. And sometimes love 00:13:41.080 --> 00:13:45.960 feels natural and it might be natural, but it 00:13:45.960 --> 00:13:50.240 is always missional. Biblical love, New Testament 00:13:50.240 --> 00:13:53.940 love is always missional. It always is about 00:13:53.940 --> 00:13:56.539 who the person is supposed to become in Christ. 00:13:58.100 --> 00:14:00.899 The illustration would be in parenting, right? 00:14:01.100 --> 00:14:04.960 I love my children with a natural love for them. 00:14:06.120 --> 00:14:08.899 I love them, I enjoy them, I enjoy being with 00:14:08.899 --> 00:14:12.120 them. But also as a parent, there's another love 00:14:12.120 --> 00:14:15.120 that's active in my parenting. And it's the love 00:14:15.120 --> 00:14:18.460 that wants ultimate good for them. And you know 00:14:18.460 --> 00:14:22.220 what sometimes that means? Discipline, telling 00:14:22.220 --> 00:14:26.460 them no, having them flip out. Not anymore, praise 00:14:26.460 --> 00:14:31.500 God, but... Maybe, I mean, who knows, right? 00:14:31.820 --> 00:14:35.179 They're all over 18 now, but who knows? Only 00:14:35.179 --> 00:14:39.159 the future will tell. But there's a love that's 00:14:39.159 --> 00:14:42.120 at work, and it's a love that oftentimes was 00:14:42.120 --> 00:14:45.620 in conflict with my emotional love, oftentimes 00:14:45.620 --> 00:14:49.080 in conflict with my natural love for them. Because 00:14:49.080 --> 00:14:51.220 I could look at the moment and I could say, but 00:14:51.220 --> 00:14:55.200 if I deprive this of them, they'll be sad. If 00:14:55.200 --> 00:14:57.259 I keep this from them, if I don't let them do 00:14:57.259 --> 00:14:59.700 this thing, they'll be sad. But then another 00:14:59.700 --> 00:15:02.899 love would oftentimes trump that and say, temporary 00:15:02.899 --> 00:15:08.779 sadness for ultimate goodness is better. It's 00:15:08.779 --> 00:15:13.399 better. Jen Wilkin writes in her book, In His 00:15:13.399 --> 00:15:17.779 Image, about this kind of love. She says, Whereas 00:15:17.779 --> 00:15:21.600 our common notion of love is that it is an emotion 00:15:21.600 --> 00:15:25.759 to be experienced, agape, or New Testament love, 00:15:25.980 --> 00:15:30.919 is an act of the will, an intelligent, purposeful 00:15:30.919 --> 00:15:33.919 attitude of esteem and devotion, a selfless, 00:15:33.919 --> 00:15:37.220 purposeful, outgoing attitude that desires to 00:15:37.220 --> 00:15:42.659 do good to the one loved. In other words, agape 00:15:42.659 --> 00:15:47.480 does not merely mean to feel. It means to act. 00:15:48.340 --> 00:15:53.220 And 259 times in the Bible, the Bible describes 00:15:53.220 --> 00:15:58.320 a love that acts. But here's where things get 00:15:58.320 --> 00:16:00.820 a little complicated because sometimes what looks 00:16:00.820 --> 00:16:04.240 like love is actually something very different. 00:16:06.039 --> 00:16:10.649 Sometimes what we call love can become unhealthy 00:16:10.649 --> 00:16:14.090 patterns inside a community, even in a church. 00:16:15.909 --> 00:16:17.970 And that's where another passage in Galatians 00:16:17.970 --> 00:16:19.970 helps us to see the difference between healthy 00:16:19.970 --> 00:16:23.629 love and a counterfeit love. So number three, 00:16:23.669 --> 00:16:27.070 the wisdom of love. The command of love, the 00:16:27.070 --> 00:16:29.769 pattern of love, the wisdom of love. Galatians 00:16:29.769 --> 00:16:35.429 chapter six. One page over, probably. Brothers 00:16:35.429 --> 00:16:39.389 and sisters, If someone is overtaken in any wrongdoing, 00:16:39.470 --> 00:16:43.789 you who are spiritual restore such a person with 00:16:43.789 --> 00:16:47.210 a gentle spirit, watching out for yourself so 00:16:47.210 --> 00:16:52.009 that you also won't be tempted. Carry one another's 00:16:52.009 --> 00:16:54.610 burdens. In this way, you will fulfill the law 00:16:54.610 --> 00:16:56.509 of Christ. What is the law of Christ? He gave 00:16:56.509 --> 00:16:59.129 the command there at the end. That's the law 00:16:59.129 --> 00:17:02.370 of Christ, that you would love one another. For 00:17:02.370 --> 00:17:04.829 if anyone considers himself to be something when 00:17:04.829 --> 00:17:07.150 he is nothing, he deceives himself. Let each 00:17:07.150 --> 00:17:09.710 person examine his own work, and then he can 00:17:09.710 --> 00:17:12.690 take pride in himself alone and not compare himself 00:17:12.690 --> 00:17:15.069 with someone else. For each person will have 00:17:15.069 --> 00:17:19.970 to carry his own load. Now, at first glance, 00:17:20.150 --> 00:17:24.250 Galatians 6 sounds like a contradiction. Carry 00:17:24.250 --> 00:17:27.690 one another's burdens. Okay, cool, got it. But 00:17:27.690 --> 00:17:29.869 also, each person has to carry their own load. 00:17:29.950 --> 00:17:35.880 Okay. Which is it? Carry each other or carry 00:17:35.880 --> 00:17:38.460 your own load? And the answer is obviously both. 00:17:38.500 --> 00:17:43.460 It's right there. Duh. Another Bible reading 00:17:43.460 --> 00:17:47.960 technique there, right, for you. See, Paul is 00:17:47.960 --> 00:17:49.940 describing the difference between a healthy gospel 00:17:49.940 --> 00:17:53.000 love and unhealthy relational patterns that we'll 00:17:53.000 --> 00:17:56.559 see pop up all the time. Because there are moments 00:17:56.559 --> 00:17:59.539 in life when someone's burden becomes... too 00:17:59.539 --> 00:18:03.740 heavy to carry alone. And in those times, be 00:18:03.740 --> 00:18:09.339 it grief or addiction, temptation or a crisis 00:18:09.339 --> 00:18:12.920 in their marriage or a season of overwhelming 00:18:12.920 --> 00:18:16.839 suffering, in those moments, the church steps 00:18:16.839 --> 00:18:23.519 in and we pray and we help, we support, we walk 00:18:23.519 --> 00:18:27.539 with them. That is burden bearing. That's what 00:18:27.539 --> 00:18:31.480 we're commanded to do. But Paul also says each 00:18:31.480 --> 00:18:35.200 person must carry their own load, meaning that 00:18:35.200 --> 00:18:38.579 every person remains responsible before God for 00:18:38.579 --> 00:18:43.680 their own life, their own obedience, their own 00:18:43.680 --> 00:18:47.240 repentance, their own decisions, their own growth. 00:18:47.359 --> 00:18:51.180 In other words, we don't become some Franken 00:18:51.180 --> 00:18:54.420 -person where we join together and we become 00:18:54.420 --> 00:18:56.859 one thing and we can't separate. We each have 00:18:56.859 --> 00:19:04.180 to carry our own load. A healthy love helps people 00:19:04.180 --> 00:19:06.980 carry burdens without taking over their life. 00:19:09.180 --> 00:19:12.359 See, if I come home and I'm in a funk or I wake 00:19:12.359 --> 00:19:15.519 up on the wrong side of the bed, my wife will 00:19:15.519 --> 00:19:19.500 engage with me and see what's up. And if there's 00:19:19.500 --> 00:19:21.599 an actual problem to solve, my wife is really 00:19:21.599 --> 00:19:25.500 good about sitting and listening and then talking 00:19:25.500 --> 00:19:29.839 it out and providing wise counsel. But if for 00:19:29.839 --> 00:19:32.299 some reason I'm functioning in that emotive space 00:19:32.299 --> 00:19:36.420 or I'm just dumping my problems on her, my wife 00:19:36.420 --> 00:19:39.319 is also perfectly comfortable with letting me 00:19:39.319 --> 00:19:42.140 wrestle with my own feelings and the Lord all 00:19:42.140 --> 00:19:48.279 on my own. She doesn't need to hold my hand through 00:19:48.279 --> 00:19:50.960 it and it doesn't affect the rest of her day 00:19:50.960 --> 00:19:53.660 or the way she responds to me from that point 00:19:53.660 --> 00:19:58.140 forward. And this frees her to be able to recognize 00:19:58.140 --> 00:20:01.160 and see things that are off and to love me in 00:20:01.160 --> 00:20:04.000 a way that I need to be loved and love me enough 00:20:04.000 --> 00:20:06.440 to call them what they are and allow the Holy 00:20:06.440 --> 00:20:09.000 Spirit to bring conviction and compliance with 00:20:09.000 --> 00:20:12.920 the word. It's a balanced approach to my moments 00:20:12.920 --> 00:20:18.180 of weakness. But there is also something that 00:20:18.180 --> 00:20:21.539 also quietly distorts love inside Christian communities 00:20:21.539 --> 00:20:24.759 and marriages and relationships all over. And 00:20:24.759 --> 00:20:26.559 it's a relational phenomenon that's sometimes 00:20:26.559 --> 00:20:31.940 described as codependency. Codependency happens 00:20:31.940 --> 00:20:34.700 when we begin to take responsibility for things 00:20:34.700 --> 00:20:40.539 that actually belong to someone else. Their emotions, 00:20:40.859 --> 00:20:47.099 their decisions, their spiritual growth, their 00:20:47.099 --> 00:20:51.170 consequences for their actions. And instead of 00:20:51.170 --> 00:20:53.230 helping them grow in maturity and supporting 00:20:53.230 --> 00:20:56.369 them along that path, we unintentionally begin 00:20:56.369 --> 00:21:01.210 to manage their life for them. And at first, 00:21:01.210 --> 00:21:03.710 it can look very loving. Codependency often looks 00:21:03.710 --> 00:21:07.670 very sacrificial. Stepping in, helping, fixing, 00:21:07.930 --> 00:21:13.750 rescuing. But underneath it is something very 00:21:13.750 --> 00:21:17.049 different because it's often driven by anxiety. 00:21:17.789 --> 00:21:21.299 It's often driven by guilt. Or sometimes it's 00:21:21.299 --> 00:21:26.500 driven by the need to be needed or to be a rescuer 00:21:26.500 --> 00:21:29.980 on one side and for some to be a victim on the 00:21:29.980 --> 00:21:34.079 other. Sometimes it's driven by fear of conflict. 00:21:34.940 --> 00:21:37.579 And so instead of allowing someone to face the 00:21:37.579 --> 00:21:40.019 consequences that might lead them to repentance 00:21:40.019 --> 00:21:43.140 or maturity, we step in and remove the weight 00:21:43.140 --> 00:21:48.019 from them. And the tragic result is this, that 00:21:48.519 --> 00:21:54.480 there is never growth. And we slowly become exhausted 00:21:54.480 --> 00:21:59.940 carrying a load that is not ours to carry. A 00:21:59.940 --> 00:22:02.000 few practical examples would be something like 00:22:02.000 --> 00:22:04.539 this. Sometimes codependency shows up when someone 00:22:04.539 --> 00:22:09.059 repeatedly makes destructive choices. But instead 00:22:09.059 --> 00:22:11.900 of allowing those choices and the consequences 00:22:11.900 --> 00:22:16.140 of those choices to confront them, Someone keeps 00:22:16.140 --> 00:22:21.059 stepping in to fix everything. Paying the bill 00:22:21.059 --> 00:22:23.319 when someone refuses to manage their finances. 00:22:24.440 --> 00:22:27.480 Covering up for or excusing patterns of sin. 00:22:28.619 --> 00:22:30.839 Constantly rescuing them from the consequences 00:22:30.839 --> 00:22:33.339 of their actions. Over time, the person never 00:22:33.339 --> 00:22:36.799 learns responsibility because someone else is 00:22:36.799 --> 00:22:42.000 always carrying their load. Another way codependency 00:22:42.000 --> 00:22:45.509 shows up is emotional responsibility. I think 00:22:45.509 --> 00:22:48.710 this one's huge. I think a lot of people are 00:22:48.710 --> 00:22:52.329 afflicted with this. Feeling like it's your job 00:22:52.329 --> 00:22:58.869 to keep or make someone else happy. It's your 00:22:58.869 --> 00:23:03.569 job to regulate their emotions. To prevent them 00:23:03.569 --> 00:23:07.809 from becoming or being upset. You might avoid 00:23:07.809 --> 00:23:10.069 telling the truth or any sort of confrontation 00:23:10.069 --> 00:23:14.700 so that they don't react poorly. And ultimately, 00:23:14.880 --> 00:23:20.940 it's because if they act poorly, how that will 00:23:20.940 --> 00:23:27.299 make you feel. Looks like love, but it's really 00:23:27.299 --> 00:23:33.519 bent in on yourself. But now their emotional 00:23:33.519 --> 00:23:38.220 life controls you. And that's not love or freedom. 00:23:39.359 --> 00:23:43.220 That's enslavement. And the Bible never calls 00:23:43.220 --> 00:23:47.400 us to that. You notice in Galatians 6, what it 00:23:47.400 --> 00:23:49.519 actually says, it restores someone who's caught 00:23:49.519 --> 00:23:52.299 in sin gently. It says carry burdens for those 00:23:52.299 --> 00:23:54.519 who can't carry them. And it says each person 00:23:54.519 --> 00:23:58.099 carries their own load. See, healthy love helps 00:23:58.099 --> 00:24:00.819 someone grow toward responsibility before God. 00:24:00.880 --> 00:24:05.039 It doesn't take over their life. You think about 00:24:05.039 --> 00:24:08.119 this. What if God was too afraid of hurting our 00:24:08.119 --> 00:24:14.599 feelings? and never called sin what it is? Where 00:24:14.599 --> 00:24:17.019 would we be if God was too afraid of hurting 00:24:17.019 --> 00:24:20.900 our feelings so he didn't call our sin, sin? 00:24:21.039 --> 00:24:25.000 We wouldn't know we need a savior and we would 00:24:25.000 --> 00:24:27.839 have no explanation for why everything around 00:24:27.839 --> 00:24:31.660 us is broken and distorted. And we wouldn't know 00:24:31.660 --> 00:24:34.279 why everything inside of us is broken and distorted. 00:24:34.359 --> 00:24:36.660 We have no context and therefore we would have 00:24:36.660 --> 00:24:42.039 no hope of salvation. Do you like your sin exposed? 00:24:43.319 --> 00:24:46.039 Anyone? Come up here. Let's do it right now. 00:24:46.859 --> 00:24:50.940 Any takers? No. No, we don't like our sin exposed, 00:24:51.240 --> 00:24:54.799 right? It's uncomfortable. It stirs up all kinds 00:24:54.799 --> 00:24:59.480 of things. Shame and guilt or pride. Like, you 00:24:59.480 --> 00:25:05.079 got your own stuff, right? But is it for our 00:25:05.079 --> 00:25:09.119 good? Well, unless something is brought into 00:25:09.119 --> 00:25:12.349 the light, unless it has a name that you can 00:25:12.349 --> 00:25:14.150 call it, you can't even begin to address it, 00:25:14.190 --> 00:25:22.410 can you? And here's another thing. Sin always 00:25:22.410 --> 00:25:27.690 costs you something. Even a sin that you've hidden 00:25:27.690 --> 00:25:30.430 away or you've stashed away or you've become 00:25:30.430 --> 00:25:33.150 grown to accept it, it's always costing you something. 00:25:36.200 --> 00:25:38.819 And this love that's held out for us in the Bible, 00:25:38.859 --> 00:25:43.400 this agape love that acts and moves for the good 00:25:43.400 --> 00:25:49.539 of others, it must be sincere, a true love. And 00:25:49.539 --> 00:25:51.799 what's interesting about the description of love, 00:25:51.980 --> 00:25:54.559 I see people tracking with something. Is there? 00:25:59.420 --> 00:26:05.769 Yeah. We synchronize that, so when I make a point, 00:26:05.809 --> 00:26:10.549 it's like, ching, ching, yeah. No, you can turn 00:26:10.549 --> 00:26:12.069 down those lights if they become distracting 00:26:12.069 --> 00:26:18.769 back there, the ones up there. Where were we? 00:26:18.869 --> 00:26:23.329 Good. Thank you, Kimberly. Sin always costs you 00:26:23.329 --> 00:26:24.710 something, right? There's a part in the Bible 00:26:24.710 --> 00:26:26.769 that says love must be sincere, but this is interesting 00:26:26.769 --> 00:26:28.910 because it's talking about this agape love. What's 00:26:28.910 --> 00:26:30.670 the very next thing that it says in that passage? 00:26:30.769 --> 00:26:34.819 Love must be sincere. detest what is evil, or 00:26:34.819 --> 00:26:38.380 an old translation said, hate what is evil. So 00:26:38.380 --> 00:26:42.900 there's a kind of hate in love. Isn't that interesting? 00:26:43.819 --> 00:26:48.980 There's a hate built into true biblical New Testament 00:26:48.980 --> 00:26:52.759 love, and it's a detest or hate for what is evil 00:26:52.759 --> 00:26:56.799 and a clinging to what is good. And sometimes 00:26:56.799 --> 00:26:59.240 the most loving thing that you can do is refuse 00:26:59.240 --> 00:27:02.400 to remove the consequence that God might be using 00:27:02.400 --> 00:27:07.519 to wake someone up. Not because you don't love 00:27:07.519 --> 00:27:10.019 them, but because you actually do love them. 00:27:12.960 --> 00:27:15.599 And there's another relational pattern, another 00:27:15.599 --> 00:27:21.180 distorted love that often travels with codependency, 00:27:21.220 --> 00:27:23.500 and it's something called triangulation. It's 00:27:23.500 --> 00:27:25.180 just a technical term. As soon as I start to 00:27:25.180 --> 00:27:29.900 talk about it, You'll know. Triangulation happens 00:27:29.900 --> 00:27:34.140 when we recruit people to manage a conflict we're 00:27:34.140 --> 00:27:39.079 unwilling to face. We recruit someone or people, 00:27:39.160 --> 00:27:41.680 others, to manage a conflict we're unwilling 00:27:41.680 --> 00:27:45.079 to face. Instead of going directly to the person 00:27:45.079 --> 00:27:50.180 involved, we go to someone else. Now a third 00:27:50.180 --> 00:27:53.140 person is pulled into the tension, and instead 00:27:53.140 --> 00:27:55.480 of resolving the issue, what happens? The conflict. 00:27:58.420 --> 00:28:01.799 And you'll see it in conversations like, can 00:28:01.799 --> 00:28:03.640 I talk to you about something that's bothering 00:28:03.640 --> 00:28:10.799 me about them? Or I just need to process something 00:28:10.799 --> 00:28:15.700 about what they did. Or have you ever noticed 00:28:15.700 --> 00:28:20.759 this about that person? Or maybe it's, I just 00:28:20.759 --> 00:28:25.539 need to vent. And we're not talking about the 00:28:25.539 --> 00:28:31.680 washer and dryer, right? And suddenly the issue 00:28:31.680 --> 00:28:35.539 is no longer between two people. The issue is 00:28:35.539 --> 00:28:39.400 no longer focused on reconciliation or healing. 00:28:39.619 --> 00:28:42.740 It's focused, it now involves three people, right? 00:28:43.400 --> 00:28:45.799 The two involved and then the one that's been 00:28:45.799 --> 00:28:48.299 added. And if you know anything about humanity 00:28:48.299 --> 00:28:51.400 or people, you think it's going to stay at three? 00:28:52.720 --> 00:28:56.259 Now it's at four, five, and pretty soon you can 00:28:56.259 --> 00:28:59.700 be in a community of people and everyone else 00:28:59.700 --> 00:29:01.740 is talking about it and the one who should have 00:29:01.740 --> 00:29:03.759 been gone to in the first place doesn't even 00:29:03.759 --> 00:29:09.960 know what's happening. The original issue never 00:29:09.960 --> 00:29:15.299 actually gets resolved. Jesus gave a very direct 00:29:15.299 --> 00:29:18.039 framework for conflict in the church in Matthew 00:29:18.039 --> 00:29:24.220 18. If someone sins against you, go to them directly. 00:29:25.779 --> 00:29:28.660 Don't talk about him. Don't gather opinions. 00:29:29.299 --> 00:29:32.680 Don't find allies. Don't build a case. Don't 00:29:32.680 --> 00:29:37.619 recruit others in. Go to them directly. Because 00:29:37.619 --> 00:29:41.119 healthy gospel community requires direct, honest 00:29:41.119 --> 00:29:46.000 relationships and open dialogue over time. And 00:29:46.000 --> 00:29:50.809 triangulation destroys that. It always breeds 00:29:50.809 --> 00:29:54.329 suspicion. It spreads confusion. It divides people. 00:29:54.490 --> 00:29:57.410 And eventually, it fractures trust inside the 00:29:57.410 --> 00:30:01.289 church. Why does this matter so much? Well, it 00:30:01.289 --> 00:30:04.410 matters so much because codependency or triangulation 00:30:04.410 --> 00:30:07.130 actually undermine what the gospel is trying 00:30:07.130 --> 00:30:10.930 to build in our community. The gospel is forming 00:30:10.930 --> 00:30:14.109 a people who love deeply, who speak the truth 00:30:14.109 --> 00:30:16.410 in love, who help each other grow, who carry 00:30:16.410 --> 00:30:18.450 burdens that are too heavy for one person to 00:30:18.450 --> 00:30:20.890 bear and also encourage each other to carry their 00:30:20.890 --> 00:30:25.009 own load. And codependency flows out of a fear 00:30:25.009 --> 00:30:28.970 of man and a lack of fear of God because it leads 00:30:28.970 --> 00:30:34.269 to idolatry of someone else. Needing someone's 00:30:34.269 --> 00:30:37.309 approval or needing their emotional stability 00:30:38.170 --> 00:30:42.930 more than trusting God. And triangulation often 00:30:42.930 --> 00:30:45.930 reveals a distorted desire to control outcomes 00:30:45.930 --> 00:30:48.769 and the narrative rather than to pursue real, 00:30:48.829 --> 00:30:51.549 honest, biblical reconciliation because of your 00:30:51.549 --> 00:30:54.549 love for the other person and your willingness 00:30:54.549 --> 00:31:00.630 to fight for who God wants them to be. And that 00:31:00.630 --> 00:31:02.809 slowly erodes the beauty of what the church is 00:31:02.809 --> 00:31:06.289 meant to be. But the gospel shows us a better 00:31:06.289 --> 00:31:12.450 way. A wise and healthy love. As Christ followers, 00:31:12.829 --> 00:31:15.930 we practice a love that moves toward tension 00:31:15.930 --> 00:31:20.509 in relationship, not away. That always seeks 00:31:20.509 --> 00:31:23.509 to cover over a multitude of sins, speaking the 00:31:23.509 --> 00:31:26.750 truth in love for the good of who the other person 00:31:26.750 --> 00:31:31.509 is becoming in Christ. Again, I want to remind, 00:31:31.690 --> 00:31:35.460 it's not merely sentimental or emotional. but 00:31:35.460 --> 00:31:39.319 it's missional love. It's a love that's on a 00:31:39.319 --> 00:31:41.759 mission to help the person become who God wants 00:31:41.759 --> 00:31:45.779 them to become. And that means I can speak encouragement 00:31:45.779 --> 00:31:48.140 when encouragement is right, but that also means 00:31:48.140 --> 00:31:50.519 I need to speak correction when correction is 00:31:50.519 --> 00:31:53.180 needed. I need to speak the truth in love. I 00:31:53.180 --> 00:31:55.160 need to restore someone who's fallen gently, 00:31:55.319 --> 00:31:57.859 but it's all because I want them to become who 00:31:57.859 --> 00:32:01.380 God is making them to be. My love is missional, 00:32:01.519 --> 00:32:06.549 not just bent in on myself. And so in conclusion, 00:32:06.789 --> 00:32:10.069 Jesus gives the command, love one another. And 00:32:10.069 --> 00:32:13.170 Paul shows us the shape of this love. Serve one 00:32:13.170 --> 00:32:17.009 another through love. And Paul gives us the wisdom 00:32:17.009 --> 00:32:20.049 to live it out in a healthy way. Carry one another's 00:32:20.049 --> 00:32:23.130 burdens. But each person carries their own load. 00:32:25.430 --> 00:32:28.049 In other words, the church is meant to be a place 00:32:28.049 --> 00:32:34.009 where people genuinely love one another. Where 00:32:34.009 --> 00:32:36.789 we step toward people when life gets heavy. Where 00:32:36.789 --> 00:32:40.269 we serve each other in practical ways. And where 00:32:40.269 --> 00:32:43.369 we help each other grow toward maturity in Christ. 00:32:44.150 --> 00:32:47.529 That's what the gospel produces, a new kind of 00:32:47.529 --> 00:32:52.750 community. And that kind of church doesn't happen 00:32:52.750 --> 00:32:57.529 accidentally. But that kind of church is irresistible 00:32:57.529 --> 00:33:01.369 to a world that only knows conflict and strife. 00:33:04.240 --> 00:33:06.920 It happens when ordinary believers begin to live 00:33:06.920 --> 00:33:11.039 out these commands in everyday life. And so just 00:33:11.039 --> 00:33:14.660 a few quick applications. If you're here today 00:33:14.660 --> 00:33:16.779 and you tend to stay on the edges of community, 00:33:17.099 --> 00:33:22.880 you come, you listen, you may have a seat, but 00:33:22.880 --> 00:33:25.740 then you leave. The invitation is really simple. 00:33:25.819 --> 00:33:30.920 Just step one layer deeper into community. Take 00:33:30.920 --> 00:33:34.799 one step further into community. Join a group, 00:33:34.900 --> 00:33:38.039 serve on a team, build real relationship, because 00:33:38.039 --> 00:33:40.859 you can't live out the one another commands from 00:33:40.859 --> 00:33:45.579 the sidelines. Yes, we are called to love everyone, 00:33:45.880 --> 00:33:49.359 but there is a peculiar love, a particular love 00:33:49.359 --> 00:33:51.940 we are called and commanded to show one another. 00:33:53.319 --> 00:33:58.319 And that's what we're talking about. According 00:33:58.319 --> 00:34:01.500 to Jesus, the way we love one another is one 00:34:01.500 --> 00:34:03.640 of the clearest ways the world sees the reality 00:34:03.640 --> 00:34:07.859 of the gospel. So if you're on the edges, take 00:34:07.859 --> 00:34:11.940 a step in. If you tend toward codependency or 00:34:11.940 --> 00:34:14.400 triangulation or any of those other things, relational 00:34:14.400 --> 00:34:16.599 counterfeits that we talked about, remember, 00:34:16.860 --> 00:34:21.559 love carries burdens, but it doesn't carry someone 00:34:21.559 --> 00:34:25.239 else's load. And I think this morning, there 00:34:25.239 --> 00:34:27.440 are some people who need to lay down someone 00:34:27.440 --> 00:34:33.460 else's load you've been carrying. Love requires 00:34:33.460 --> 00:34:36.739 it. You say, no, no, no, no, that's not loving. 00:34:36.780 --> 00:34:40.219 No, love, the biblical love, the love modeled 00:34:40.219 --> 00:34:45.119 for us in Christ requires it. It requires that 00:34:45.119 --> 00:34:49.079 we trust God and that we show healthy love to 00:34:49.079 --> 00:34:54.079 one another that helps people grow in who they're 00:34:54.079 --> 00:34:58.210 becoming before God. If you're in a season where 00:34:58.210 --> 00:35:00.489 life feels heavy, I want you to hear this. You 00:35:00.489 --> 00:35:02.789 were never meant to carry every burden alone. 00:35:04.610 --> 00:35:06.550 Part of the gift of the church is that there 00:35:06.550 --> 00:35:09.269 are people who will walk with you and help carry 00:35:09.269 --> 00:35:13.570 the weight of this season. Jesus said the world 00:35:13.570 --> 00:35:16.769 will recognize his disciples by their love for 00:35:16.769 --> 00:35:20.349 one another, not by our buildings, not by our 00:35:20.349 --> 00:35:23.989 programs, but by the way we love and serve each 00:35:23.989 --> 00:35:24.289 other.