1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:06,560 Welcome to Fit to Be Real and a little extra. We are talking life lessons. 2 00:00:07,440 --> 00:00:11,520 30 by 30, right? So Carly and I are in our 30s. 3 00:00:13,600 --> 00:00:14,880 Aw, to be 30 again. 4 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:24,400 And so we are listing off half of what we've learned in these decades. 5 00:00:24,400 --> 00:00:29,040 Yes, I mean if you really want to hear all 37 lessons that I've learned by 37, 6 00:00:29,040 --> 00:00:32,400 we'd be here for about three hours. So we're gonna half it up. 7 00:00:33,360 --> 00:00:36,400 Half it up. Half it up. Let's half it up. 8 00:00:42,320 --> 00:00:48,240 I'm Victoria. Hey guys, I'm Carly. And one of the lessons I learned is to be consistent. 9 00:00:49,040 --> 00:00:56,720 So I'm just gonna keep doing what I do. You do, you bow. I mean it works for me, right? 10 00:00:56,720 --> 00:00:59,040 It's working. It's definitely working. Is it? 11 00:01:00,240 --> 00:01:05,360 We don't, I have no idea what your list is. Yeah, true. She just told me that she did her homework. 12 00:01:05,360 --> 00:01:11,680 So check. There we go. Guys, I did my homework. Doing great so far. And we'll go, we'll go back 13 00:01:11,680 --> 00:01:19,600 and forth. Yeah. Toriel, what's your first one? Mine or not in like an order of age. Same. It's just 14 00:01:19,600 --> 00:01:24,080 was like thinking over the years and experiences and kind of listing off that way. So these are 15 00:01:24,080 --> 00:01:30,720 not from like five to 30. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, same. Same Z's. Same Z's. Cool. I've learned to 16 00:01:30,720 --> 00:01:41,760 never say same Z's again. All right. My body's response to fear, i.e. almost getting into a car 17 00:01:41,760 --> 00:01:49,040 accident, is the same feeling as anxiety and worry. Like if I'm scared of something. Is it that like 18 00:01:49,040 --> 00:01:56,800 cold shoot up your chest? No, it is heat. Oh, really? Very, very deep heat. Yeah. And so the real lesson 19 00:01:56,800 --> 00:02:02,320 is when you can recognize that fear and worry are the exact same response that you can overcome it, 20 00:02:02,320 --> 00:02:06,160 because then you can realize that it's not actually real. It's just something that your 21 00:02:06,160 --> 00:02:10,480 brain is telling you to do. Oh my gosh. That's a good lesson. Thank God you learned that by now. 22 00:02:10,480 --> 00:02:16,720 Yeah. I'm feeling right now. Are you feeling worry or fear? No, wait, that's anger. That's a 23 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:21,680 different feeling. That's a different feeling altogether. I think it's probably the most 24 00:02:21,680 --> 00:02:27,360 important lesson I've ever learned is to trust your gut. Oh, I have that one. Really? Yeah, 25 00:02:27,360 --> 00:02:33,360 it's the most important one. I think I've gotten myself in some situations where I didn't trust 26 00:02:33,360 --> 00:02:39,360 my gut and those are some of the situations I will never forget or, you know, will always regret. 27 00:02:39,360 --> 00:02:45,360 Yeah. Yeah. And it could be easy things like just saying yes when I wanted to say no, but then 28 00:02:45,360 --> 00:02:50,880 there were some serious ones where I really didn't trust my gut because I was too young, probably, 29 00:02:50,880 --> 00:02:58,240 to know what that feeling was, to know that I should have, hey, this is not safe. And I, you 30 00:02:58,240 --> 00:03:04,000 know, you can't, it's very hard to learn that when you're 15 years old, but, you know, trust your gut 31 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:09,120 no matter how old you are. Trust your gut. My next one is trust your intuition, which is the same 32 00:03:09,120 --> 00:03:16,960 thing. It's the same thing. So my level up of not second guessing yourself is that if you feel 33 00:03:18,000 --> 00:03:24,960 the feeling in your chest, it's fear. If you feel the feeling in your stomach, and we'll just call 34 00:03:24,960 --> 00:03:32,160 it stomach and not get into the heady hippy stuff, it's intuition. Oh, I didn't know that. That, yes. 35 00:03:32,160 --> 00:03:41,360 Because I have felt it in my stomach area. Cool. You shouldn't have seen how she said that. 36 00:03:42,400 --> 00:03:46,720 Yeah. If you feel it, if you feel that burning or that cold or whatever the feeling is of like, 37 00:03:47,360 --> 00:03:53,200 I'm in this moment, and if it's in your chest, it's just fear. Like it's not a real gut instinct. 38 00:03:53,200 --> 00:03:58,240 Right. Oh, yeah. Well, I don't trust either of them. So I'm trying to... That's a problem. 39 00:03:58,240 --> 00:04:07,200 I know, no, no, I didn't. I am learned. I learned to trust both. I believe you. Trust me. 40 00:04:09,680 --> 00:04:16,080 Sometimes in life, you just have to start over. And I think when I was thinking about these, 41 00:04:16,640 --> 00:04:22,000 you know, I meant it more specific. Like I wanted to be on Broadway, and that was my dream. And I 42 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:27,680 didn't do that. And I started over and became a fitness instructor. So it doesn't have to be 43 00:04:27,680 --> 00:04:32,880 that specific. But like it's more so like when one door closes. Yeah. Don't be upset because 44 00:04:32,880 --> 00:04:39,280 another one, it led me to what I'm doing now, which I could have never foreseen when I was dreaming 45 00:04:39,280 --> 00:04:44,160 of being on Broadway. Oh my God. So everything, you know, works out for a reason. But sometimes it's, 46 00:04:44,160 --> 00:04:48,880 you know, it's okay to start over. It's not a bad thing. So accurate at any age. Yeah. 47 00:04:49,760 --> 00:04:54,800 You are never too old to start over. Okay. Well, this is a really, really important one. 48 00:04:54,800 --> 00:05:02,080 It's a three parter. Oh my God, Victoria. Muffins over donuts, pancakes over waffles, 49 00:05:02,080 --> 00:05:07,360 and sausage over bacon. One million percent agree. Yes. On all three of those. Yep. That's what 50 00:05:07,360 --> 00:05:13,920 you've learned. That's a very important morning lesson. Yeah. And sometimes dinner on a special 51 00:05:13,920 --> 00:05:21,440 fun day is dinner. Thank you for the breakfast lesson. This one's a pretty big one. And again, 52 00:05:21,440 --> 00:05:26,400 this is in no specific order. This was just sort of like, you know, train of thought. Yeah. And I 53 00:05:26,400 --> 00:05:34,320 put periods after every single word. It's life is short and fast. Oh, it is what it is. Life is 54 00:05:34,320 --> 00:05:40,560 short and it's fast. Done. All of a sudden I'm 37 and I have no idea how I got here. Like, honest 55 00:05:40,560 --> 00:05:47,200 to God. Like, well, we know you're directionally challenged. That's true. But you know, like, 56 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:53,920 I joke about like doing my stupid poses and like, oh, fit check. Like, oh, like, but like to me, 57 00:05:53,920 --> 00:06:00,720 I'm still 21. Good. I know, I know that's good. But I'm like, but really I'm 37. Right. And I have 58 00:06:00,720 --> 00:06:05,280 three children and I have to teach them things and I'm not old enough to be a parent forever. 59 00:06:05,280 --> 00:06:11,200 I know. And to me, I'm not old enough. I'm still a child. I just, it's fast. I have figured out, 60 00:06:11,200 --> 00:06:17,760 and this one is a recent realization in my yoga studies. The meaning of life is actually just 61 00:06:17,760 --> 00:06:24,640 growth. Say it again. The meaning of life, the purpose of all of us individually and collectively 62 00:06:24,640 --> 00:06:32,880 is just to grow and evolve. Meaning life is just consistent and continual lessons. Yeah. That is 63 00:06:32,880 --> 00:06:37,440 all it is, whether it's good or bad. So if something you reach a goal, you set a goal, you reach the 64 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:41,360 goal, you learn what you've learned in that process. Wonderful. Awesome. Guess what? You're 65 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:47,440 going to set a new goal. If you lose someone, lose something, make a mistake in life, you have to 66 00:06:47,440 --> 00:06:52,080 learn from it. Hopefully you reflect on it. But there are lessons there to, no matter what, it's 67 00:06:52,080 --> 00:06:59,760 just a lesson. And the point is to grow from each one of them until we're not able to do that anymore. 68 00:06:59,760 --> 00:07:05,840 Well, I read something that said a mistake is only a mistake if you don't learn from it. 69 00:07:05,840 --> 00:07:11,520 And repeat it. Yeah. Yeah. So that's exactly right. Like everything is a lesson. We're just, 70 00:07:11,520 --> 00:07:19,040 I think that was so eye-opening because we're just constantly searching for happiness and success and 71 00:07:19,680 --> 00:07:24,640 doing things the right way. Like that's what we are as a society and as a world. That's what 72 00:07:24,640 --> 00:07:29,760 we're told to do. Yeah. You're supposed to be happy. We're always searching for happiness. Yeah. We're 73 00:07:29,760 --> 00:07:37,200 always searching to be the best at something. No, it's just growing. Yeah. Just be better every day 74 00:07:37,200 --> 00:07:43,520 and learn something. Every single day. Never stop learning. One day I will learn my right and left. 75 00:07:44,400 --> 00:07:47,920 Well, some things you're just going to fail. You know, you just got to be okay with failure. 76 00:07:47,920 --> 00:07:51,600 Those are 100% mistakes I do every day because I have not learned from them. 77 00:07:53,200 --> 00:07:59,360 You don't have to like everyone and not everyone will like you. That one is huge. 78 00:07:59,360 --> 00:08:05,440 Yeah. And that's okay. So like our mom always used to say, be nice to everybody. Right. But she 79 00:08:05,440 --> 00:08:10,880 never said you have to like everybody. Right. And I'm very specific when I talk to Melody about that 80 00:08:10,880 --> 00:08:15,680 when she's having like, you know, girl drama in second grade. Like you don't have to like the 81 00:08:15,680 --> 00:08:20,240 person because not everybody's going to like you and that's okay. You're not for everybody and 82 00:08:20,240 --> 00:08:24,720 everybody's not for you. Yeah. I wish I had learned that sooner and not in my 30s. Other people's 83 00:08:24,720 --> 00:08:32,000 approval is not your self-worth. Yeah. It does not validate like your value in life. So it doesn't 84 00:08:32,000 --> 00:08:39,360 matter if how they feel about you. I wish I had these, you know, mantras or lessons a lot earlier 85 00:08:39,360 --> 00:08:45,120 in life. So if you're younger and you're listening to these, take it in and listen to somebody that's 86 00:08:45,120 --> 00:08:52,880 older because I am older now. If words and actions don't line up, believe it. I mean, 87 00:08:52,880 --> 00:08:57,520 it's basically like words are empty. Words mean nothing if they're, if you're not actually doing 88 00:08:58,560 --> 00:09:02,720 what you say you're going to do or if someone else is saying it to you. I took this from 89 00:09:02,720 --> 00:09:08,400 relationships. If the person you are with or the friendship that you hold dear, but it's just, 90 00:09:08,400 --> 00:09:15,280 there's some kind of, if what they're saying is not being backed up by doing that, yeah, by action, 91 00:09:15,280 --> 00:09:20,080 believe it. Don't believe the words. Believe the action only. That's one of my biggest pet peeves 92 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:23,200 when people say they're going to do something and it just never happens. Yeah. 93 00:09:24,480 --> 00:09:31,760 Stop waiting to be happy. Hey, hey, just be happy. Like you always want the next thing. I think 94 00:09:31,760 --> 00:09:36,640 Victoria already said this. Like you always want, oh, I'll be happy if, you know, I lose five pounds. 95 00:09:36,640 --> 00:09:42,560 I'll be happy if I can fit in the stress or I'll be happy about this amount of money. When I do 96 00:09:42,560 --> 00:09:47,920 these things. Right, right, right. Exactly. I'll be happy when I, you know, get married. I'll be happy. 97 00:09:47,920 --> 00:09:54,400 Like just be happy. You'll get everything you want and if you choose it, it's a choice. Happiness 98 00:09:54,400 --> 00:10:00,720 is a choice. 100%. And that's a two-part or right there. Yeah. It's just, it's hard to realize because 99 00:10:00,720 --> 00:10:04,720 you just, you're always wanting the next thing. And I don't know if that's part of the world 100 00:10:04,720 --> 00:10:10,000 because you're always chasing something. Yeah. Or not, but, and the world is so fast, 101 00:10:10,720 --> 00:10:16,400 but it's just, just stay still. Be happy with what you have because it's more than somebody 102 00:10:16,400 --> 00:10:21,360 else has. It's less than somebody else has and it doesn't matter. I wasn't going to say this next, but 103 00:10:21,920 --> 00:10:30,400 one of mine is what is meant for you will not pass you by. That's true. So if you are just living life, 104 00:10:31,040 --> 00:10:38,560 being grateful and happy every day for little things, or big things, or just waking up like, 105 00:10:38,560 --> 00:10:46,320 oh my God, I woke up today. I got to live another day. Like, I mean, it's so hard to do that. We, 106 00:10:46,320 --> 00:10:52,560 we can preach it. It's really hard. But if something is meant for you, it's not going to pass you by. 107 00:10:52,560 --> 00:10:59,040 You'll, what's meant for you will happen. So live your life happily because it's going to work out. 108 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:08,000 It is all going to work out. Live your life. Hey. Hey. You know that song? I think it's Rihanna. 109 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:17,200 God, I love singing Rihanna songs. Live your life. Hey. Hey. Come on. It's, it's better than you have 110 00:11:17,200 --> 00:11:24,800 been, but I'm not going to lie. It's similar to your humdingers. This is just a lyrical humdinger. 111 00:11:24,800 --> 00:11:30,640 I think it's just Rihanna's Jamaican accent. No. Oh, okay. Well, just listen to Rihanna. 112 00:11:30,640 --> 00:11:35,440 I would love to be in your head. I don't think you do. In those, no, just in that moment when 113 00:11:35,440 --> 00:11:41,040 you're thinking you're singing a song like well, no, I honestly am picturing myself as Rihanna, 114 00:11:41,040 --> 00:11:45,520 singing it like on a beach with all my rapper friends in the background. My like signs up. 115 00:11:47,920 --> 00:11:53,840 Just live your life. Hey. Hey. I mean, I think I was pretty on pitch. What key are you in? 116 00:11:53,840 --> 00:11:56,880 I don't know. I picked a different one. That's why you're opting down. 117 00:11:58,160 --> 00:12:00,560 Because it's really high for me this early in the morning. 118 00:12:00,560 --> 00:12:13,760 Every emotion, good, bad, ugly, exciting, etc. are opportunities to experience that emotion. 119 00:12:14,400 --> 00:12:18,560 She's not even reading this off a thing. She honest to God. Like I thought maybe she would 120 00:12:18,560 --> 00:12:25,520 write this down. She is just verbatim. Like from her mind. Because I learned this and it's from like, 121 00:12:25,520 --> 00:12:32,000 you know, reading and researching and really I took a year of introspection this year. Like I 122 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:40,160 isolated, I was in hermit mode and there's so much that happened. There's so much that happened for 123 00:12:40,160 --> 00:12:48,720 me and that was one of them is that yes, we can be sad over things. But if we look at it as an 124 00:12:48,720 --> 00:12:58,800 opportunity to get to experience sadness versus sadness happening to you, then it's easier or 125 00:12:58,800 --> 00:13:05,840 more understandable to understand that everything's temporary. Right. Then saying or thinking this is 126 00:13:05,840 --> 00:13:10,800 all happening to me. Why is this all happening to me? Right. Which is how I tend to do. Oh my 127 00:13:10,800 --> 00:13:15,840 God. Why is this happening to me? Same. Same. Because that's just, that's a normal human thing 128 00:13:15,840 --> 00:13:23,760 to do. But if we can take a moment in that minute of anxiety or minute of depression or minute of 129 00:13:23,760 --> 00:13:30,960 bliss and happiness to realize what does this feel like? Wow, I get to feel this. I'll feel it as 130 00:13:30,960 --> 00:13:38,160 long as I need to and then it will be gone. Yeah. Because then life isn't that heavy. And there are 131 00:13:38,160 --> 00:13:45,440 just little tiny opportunities and experiences that we in this lifetime get to experience instead 132 00:13:45,440 --> 00:13:51,200 of life happening to you and well with me and life is really, really hard. But if you're happy, 133 00:13:51,200 --> 00:13:58,240 you can be like, why is this happening to me? It's all in the inflection. Why is this happening to 134 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:05,920 me? Why is this happening to me? What does this feel like? It's so true. I haven't learned that 135 00:14:05,920 --> 00:14:12,320 lesson yet, but maybe, maybe in my 40s. Oh, okay. This one was a big one for me and I know that 136 00:14:12,320 --> 00:14:17,520 Victoria will agree with me and I think this has a lot to do with our theater background. Okay. 137 00:14:18,640 --> 00:14:25,440 Someone else's success does not diminish mine. Hey, oh, oh. So like just because somebody else did 138 00:14:25,440 --> 00:14:30,880 really well doesn't mean that I'm not just as successful or that I didn't do a good job. I 139 00:14:30,880 --> 00:14:36,160 think it's like supporting other people, support you. You know what you mean? Like be happy for 140 00:14:36,160 --> 00:14:41,120 your friends. Yes. It doesn't mean that they're taking anything away from you. Oh my gosh. Well, 141 00:14:41,120 --> 00:14:45,360 you know what comes with that? I think social media because everyone posts all the good things that 142 00:14:45,360 --> 00:14:49,600 are happening or all the fake good things that are happening and the number one thing we do is 143 00:14:49,600 --> 00:14:54,240 compare and think about how we're not actually doing that too. Yeah. But you're doing something else. 144 00:14:54,240 --> 00:14:59,120 Yeah. Just clap for somebody else that did a good job. Wow. That's all. I think, but it is hard when 145 00:14:59,120 --> 00:15:02,960 you're younger and I wish I had learned this sooner. When you're auditioning and you're in theater, 146 00:15:02,960 --> 00:15:08,160 you're all going for the same part. You know, there's 200 girls. There's one role. It's very hard 147 00:15:08,160 --> 00:15:14,320 to clap for your friend that got it when you really want to pay rent that month. So it's hard, 148 00:15:14,320 --> 00:15:19,360 but it wasn't meant for you. Right. So it doesn't mean you're not good. There are so many other 149 00:15:19,360 --> 00:15:25,520 circumstances, but just be happy for the people in your life. It doesn't mean it doesn't take 150 00:15:25,520 --> 00:15:33,840 anything away from you. Keeping plants alive is very hard. I can't. It's just so dumb. I hate your 151 00:15:33,840 --> 00:15:39,920 lesson. It's not dumb. You didn't even let me tell you the lesson. I hate plants. This isn't about you. 152 00:15:40,800 --> 00:15:45,760 First of all, lesson number one. Sorry, continue about your plants. I'm going to start over. Okay. 153 00:15:47,200 --> 00:15:54,080 Keeping plants alive is hard. It's harder than keeping a dog alive, but I've learned that having 154 00:15:55,120 --> 00:16:01,440 plants, and this is science-based, having plants around me, I only have it in my living room, 155 00:16:01,440 --> 00:16:11,120 it helps me be happy. Like what I get from them helps me regulate my moods when I'm around them. 156 00:16:11,120 --> 00:16:19,360 If you were in Victoria's house right now, you would see an array of plants. Like there's a lot. 157 00:16:19,360 --> 00:16:29,280 It's a lot of greenery. When I look at these, I think spiders, ants, dead plants, and dirty water. 158 00:16:29,280 --> 00:16:36,240 And I think I am Pocahontas jumping off of that cliff, swan diving just around the river bend. 159 00:16:36,720 --> 00:16:42,640 So yeah, to each their own. But plants really do boost people's moods. It's a science thing. Look 160 00:16:42,640 --> 00:16:47,360 at it. And it took me a very long time to realize that, but keeping them alive is really hard. I 161 00:16:47,360 --> 00:16:51,920 can't do it. Yeah, it's really hard. Like it's not something that's in me. Well, you're keeping humans 162 00:16:51,920 --> 00:16:58,160 alive. So just barely. But they're breathing. Yeah, it just barely. And they help you breathe. 163 00:16:58,160 --> 00:17:02,720 So same thing. They're just not green and they talk a lot more. You sure they're not sucking 164 00:17:02,720 --> 00:17:08,320 the life from me because I sometimes feel that they suck the life from me. But I'll be your 21. 165 00:17:08,320 --> 00:17:18,400 You're good. Life gets happier once you stop trying to change yourself. So just be you all the time. 166 00:17:18,400 --> 00:17:25,920 And I wish I had known this when I was 13 and 14 and 15. When you're trying to be in a group 167 00:17:25,920 --> 00:17:30,880 or you're trying to be, you know what, as an adult, it's the same thing. You know, it's hard 168 00:17:30,880 --> 00:17:36,720 meeting friends. You're trying to be like somebody else. Like just stop. Be yourself all the time. 169 00:17:36,720 --> 00:17:44,240 Just be as authentic as you can. And you will be happy. I have the same one. Oh, really? In a 170 00:17:44,240 --> 00:17:49,280 different way. Well, let's hear how you say it. It's, it's, I'm telling you, it's the same thing. 171 00:17:49,280 --> 00:17:55,920 Celebrate your weirdness or differences outwardly. Yeah. Because it's a superpower. And if you do that, 172 00:17:55,920 --> 00:18:01,840 there is a ripple effect because someone who also feels weird and different could see you 173 00:18:02,480 --> 00:18:09,200 living authentically and feel like it's OK for them to do that too. Yeah. I, that is the same. 174 00:18:09,200 --> 00:18:13,760 Yeah. Like there's a song. I know you guys don't want me to sing it. Please, please sing it. 175 00:18:13,760 --> 00:18:18,080 Don't tell us what it is. Let's see if we can guess. You won't because it's not a popular song. 176 00:18:18,080 --> 00:18:23,040 But it's by Todrick Hall. It's called Dance Forever. Todrick Hall is the man. Look him up. 177 00:18:23,040 --> 00:18:27,200 He says, you know, nobody teaches you, but when you grow up, the cool kids are never cool. 178 00:18:28,000 --> 00:18:32,560 So like, I know it's hard in the moment. Like I don't know if any high school kids listen to this, 179 00:18:32,560 --> 00:18:37,760 but even in college, like those cool kids, man, sometimes they peak in high school. Yeah. But 180 00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:43,760 like stay weird and you will be so much happier and happy people are successful. They just are 181 00:18:43,760 --> 00:18:48,400 in so many different ways. Yeah. And I'm not knocking cool kids because there are, you know, 182 00:18:49,040 --> 00:18:55,040 that's a very general statement. But, you know, I wasn't cool in high school. I look how awesome I 183 00:18:55,040 --> 00:19:06,000 am now. I'm speechless. Are you ready? This is mind blowing. No one actually knows what they're 184 00:19:06,000 --> 00:19:13,840 doing. Oh my God. Yes. No one. No. No parent, no child. Actually, probably children know more than 185 00:19:13,840 --> 00:19:20,080 adults do, to be honest with you. We tend to lose that freedom, unfortunately. But no one knows what 186 00:19:20,080 --> 00:19:25,760 they're doing. There's no right way to do life. How you figure it out for yourself can be very 187 00:19:25,760 --> 00:19:30,160 different than how you've done it before, than how the people in your world have done it before, 188 00:19:30,160 --> 00:19:35,680 and how your neighbor does it because everyone is doing it different. Yeah. That's so true. 189 00:19:35,680 --> 00:19:40,160 Nobody knows what they're doing. And why don't we preach that more? Like, why is that there's so 190 00:19:40,160 --> 00:19:45,600 many conditions to this world and this lifetime that it makes it just like you just said, cool 191 00:19:45,600 --> 00:19:52,720 versus not cool kids? Like, no one knows. And why did that get put out that being looking like this 192 00:19:52,720 --> 00:19:56,560 is cooler than looking like this and acting like this is better? I don't know. It's horrible. 193 00:19:57,120 --> 00:20:02,400 It's horrible. It's just I think everybody wants to be perfect. Everybody. I don't strive to be 194 00:20:02,400 --> 00:20:08,240 perfect. I'm I just never and you can back me up on this. I would never one of those moms or people 195 00:20:08,240 --> 00:20:14,000 that have to show that I'm perfect. No, no, no, I just never have been because I know I'm not. 196 00:20:14,000 --> 00:20:19,120 Yeah. That which is hard for a lot of people. So like you're already you're have a leg up on your 197 00:20:19,120 --> 00:20:25,040 your growth. Like if you saw what my kids ate, if you saw, you know, what they wear sometimes, 198 00:20:25,040 --> 00:20:29,040 like in the beginning, I tried to dress them cute. And like, it's just not well, it's easier when 199 00:20:29,040 --> 00:20:34,480 they're not running around. That's true. That's true. But I've never I've never wanted perfection 200 00:20:34,480 --> 00:20:38,560 because that's boring. She doesn't know what she's doing. I don't know what I'm doing. 201 00:20:40,400 --> 00:20:44,720 I have a problem with doing things right. Perfectionist. I don't think I'm one of them 202 00:20:44,720 --> 00:20:49,280 because I also just don't care about a lot of things. But in certain degrees, I do want to do 203 00:20:49,280 --> 00:20:53,600 things. No, I think you definitely want to do things right. I want to do things right enough. 204 00:20:53,600 --> 00:20:59,680 Like, I just want to like make it over that line where I'm like, that's good enough. 205 00:21:00,720 --> 00:21:06,160 Have you ever seen her clean a mirror? That's exactly right. You can tell a lot about a person 206 00:21:06,160 --> 00:21:14,720 how they clean a mirror. Yeah. All right, my next one, I actually learned after I got married, which 207 00:21:15,360 --> 00:21:21,920 it doesn't matter. No, just marry your best friend. Pretty simple. Like, he was my best friend before. 208 00:21:21,920 --> 00:21:27,120 But like, I didn't realize how important it was. Like, I was 25 when I got married. So I don't think 209 00:21:27,120 --> 00:21:32,080 that I was really like introspectively thinking like, I, you know, I got to marry my best friend. 210 00:21:32,080 --> 00:21:36,320 We just were best friends. Yeah. But I think it's really important. And it's a lesson I've learned 211 00:21:36,320 --> 00:21:43,040 now that we've been together for almost 20 years. Really? Yeah. That's 20. When's 20? In when I turn 212 00:21:43,040 --> 00:21:49,040 40. Oh my gosh. It's not a long time. No. So three in three years, we'll be together for 20 years. 213 00:21:49,040 --> 00:21:55,280 We'll be married for 15. But it's super important to marry your best friend because you have to 214 00:21:55,280 --> 00:22:02,000 live with them every day. You know, and like every meal is shared together. Like every adventure, 215 00:22:02,000 --> 00:22:06,320 if that's the kind of, you know, marriage that you have is together. And if you don't like that 216 00:22:06,320 --> 00:22:11,920 person and want to be with that person every day, then you shouldn't. You shouldn't say yes. Yeah. 217 00:22:11,920 --> 00:22:16,160 Do not say yes. You have to fight with that person all the time. Like, how do you fight? Do you fight 218 00:22:16,160 --> 00:22:21,040 well? I think I fight pretty darn good. We won't get into this. We won't. That's a different episode. 219 00:22:21,040 --> 00:22:26,400 We'll have to have you under one. This is a recent realization and a hard blow, 220 00:22:26,960 --> 00:22:33,760 but a recent realization in any, any relationship this pertains. So no connection can be truly broken 221 00:22:34,960 --> 00:22:40,800 by you speaking up or sharing your feelings. And if it is, it wasn't a real connection. 222 00:22:40,800 --> 00:22:47,280 I haven't learned that yet. Honestly, that's a lesson I have not learned yet. Really? Yeah. I 223 00:22:47,280 --> 00:22:52,400 have, you know, I have a hard time speaking up because of that. I don't want to break those 224 00:22:52,400 --> 00:22:56,800 in fear of burning bridge or whatever. Got it. I haven't learned that. So teach me. 225 00:22:56,800 --> 00:23:01,760 Well, it's not that it makes it easy to do if I'm going to relate it to myself for the world, 226 00:23:02,640 --> 00:23:07,920 getting out of a relationship, I should have spoken up way sooner. Right. And been not less 227 00:23:07,920 --> 00:23:13,520 afraid to share how I felt about it. And if it fell apart, it fell apart because that means it 228 00:23:13,520 --> 00:23:16,960 wasn't really what I thought it was in the beginning anyway. Right. Like you and Andrew, 229 00:23:16,960 --> 00:23:22,160 you can have conflict, you can have confrontation and, you know, miscommunications, communications, 230 00:23:22,160 --> 00:23:26,160 whatever you want to label it, but it's not going to go anywhere because that's not a 231 00:23:26,160 --> 00:23:30,640 maker to break it thing for you to share how you feel about something. Yes. Now I understand. Do 232 00:23:30,640 --> 00:23:36,560 you know what I mean? Yeah. So it can also happen with friendships or with clients or if it's a 233 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:42,960 connection that is meant to stay connected. That's all that matters. Whatever you say. So say what 234 00:23:42,960 --> 00:23:48,480 you need to say. I feel what you need to feel, share it and you have to be OK with it not working 235 00:23:48,480 --> 00:23:52,560 out. Yeah. I know. Now that you explained it, I still feel the same way. I have not learned this 236 00:23:52,560 --> 00:23:57,040 last time. Right. Because when I know what you're thinking of, Karlie's thinking of friendships 237 00:23:57,040 --> 00:24:03,760 because that in recent years has been proven friendships are not what they seem. Correct. 238 00:24:03,760 --> 00:24:09,440 And relationships are not what they seem. And she doesn't mean with her husband. Oh, no. So 239 00:24:10,240 --> 00:24:16,960 it's hard to speak up for yourself in fear of losing those people. But guess what? If you're 240 00:24:16,960 --> 00:24:22,400 going to lose them, then you never had them. Right. Exactly. That actually I'm going to take that one 241 00:24:22,400 --> 00:24:29,200 straight to friendships will come and go. I have learned in my 37 years that friendships will come 242 00:24:29,200 --> 00:24:34,640 and go. That's OK. Yeah. And that's OK. Yeah. Like we said in earlier podcasts, you go through 243 00:24:34,640 --> 00:24:39,840 seasons of life and you pick up friends and you lose friends and that's OK. And I have learned 244 00:24:39,840 --> 00:24:45,120 that that's OK. Like don't hold on to them just like you just said in your last one. Yeah. Because 245 00:24:45,120 --> 00:24:49,360 of some weird thing you have in your head. Like we've been friends for 20 years. I've got to. 246 00:24:49,360 --> 00:24:56,880 Yeah. No, you guys grew apart. It's OK. And 100 percent. Expectations are the root of pain. 247 00:24:56,880 --> 00:25:03,920 You. Yeah. I 100 percent agree. We. We. And I'm saying we because you all out there listening. 248 00:25:03,920 --> 00:25:09,360 You do it too. And I don't need to know you to know that. That expectations, what we put on 249 00:25:09,360 --> 00:25:14,640 people, what we put on situations, what we decide things should be going should. The word should, 250 00:25:14,640 --> 00:25:20,240 it should be eliminated from vocabulary. But we put expectations on way too many things. If we 251 00:25:20,240 --> 00:25:26,000 just live and let live and let go and let God, whatever God is to you, God, it's so much easier 252 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:31,680 to wake up and be happy every day. I know. I can remember as a kid, like all of our mom's friends 253 00:25:31,680 --> 00:25:35,680 were, you know, were in New York. And when they would say we're coming to visit for the weekend, 254 00:25:35,680 --> 00:25:40,640 we used to be so excited and then they wouldn't show something would happen. And I remember feeling 255 00:25:40,640 --> 00:25:45,680 devastated as a child, because I was expecting them to show up, expecting to have this great weekend 256 00:25:45,680 --> 00:25:50,720 and just being disappointed. Yeah. And that was at a very young age. And I know that's like trivial, 257 00:25:50,720 --> 00:25:55,760 but it's expecting something to happen. Because when it doesn't work out, it's not. 258 00:25:55,760 --> 00:26:01,920 Well, if we could do an expectation, have it not work out and be like, OK, no biggie, no biggie. 259 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:06,000 I'm not super flexible like that. Be helpful to not have the expectation in the first place. But 260 00:26:06,000 --> 00:26:12,720 yeah, that's you got to, you got to be flexible. If mom said you need to be flexible or go with the 261 00:26:12,720 --> 00:26:20,640 flow more as a kid, I, she said it all the time. And I would get so angry because that's just not 262 00:26:20,640 --> 00:26:27,840 who I am. I'm very stubborn. I'm not flexible and I don't like to go with the flow, which I'm 263 00:26:27,840 --> 00:26:31,920 trying to teach my kids. But you can't teach them that if you don't actually feel it. That's true. 264 00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:36,080 That's true. Because they're going to, they feed off of how you feel. Yeah. Just like before, 265 00:26:36,080 --> 00:26:42,720 words and actions. So you preaching it to them, if they feel like you are tightly wound with 266 00:26:42,720 --> 00:26:47,680 something, you could say, relax, you could grind your teeth and say, relax. And they're going to 267 00:26:47,680 --> 00:26:52,880 just go off of you grinding your teeth. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. But that's a really hard 268 00:26:52,880 --> 00:27:00,000 thing to change for yourself and shift. Yeah, that is. But it can be done if you want it to be done. 269 00:27:00,000 --> 00:27:06,800 We'll see. No, you do. It goes even if you do not have children because I think this goes for 270 00:27:06,800 --> 00:27:12,320 business as well. It takes a village. The lesson I've learned is you, I am not doing this alone. 271 00:27:12,320 --> 00:27:18,480 I'm not doing anything alone. I'm doing this with all of you. I'm doing this as a business, 272 00:27:18,480 --> 00:27:23,680 if it wasn't for our C fitters, you know, and those who've helped us get to where we are, 273 00:27:23,680 --> 00:27:27,520 those that help with my kids, those that help, you know, with the day to day, 274 00:27:27,520 --> 00:27:31,040 it takes a village and no one out there is doing it alone. So. 275 00:27:34,240 --> 00:27:41,760 You don't have to eat everything on your plate. Sure, don't. I haven't learned that yet. 276 00:27:41,760 --> 00:27:47,280 It's so hard. Well, there is a condition. It was condition we had to. We couldn't leave the table. 277 00:27:47,280 --> 00:27:52,400 I don't blame anything on mom at all for that. That's what she was taught. And that's probably 278 00:27:52,400 --> 00:27:57,840 what honey, our grandmother was taught. So it trickles down in generation, but yep. That's it. 279 00:27:57,840 --> 00:28:04,400 Yeah. Yeah. That's 100% true. Don't do it. It'll help you out as you get older. 280 00:28:04,400 --> 00:28:10,960 It, yes, in two different ways. You're feeling about your body and coping with guilt and shame. 281 00:28:10,960 --> 00:28:14,720 Yeah. Because that's what it is. If you don't eat your plate, you feel bad. 282 00:28:15,280 --> 00:28:18,640 Because somebody else needs that food and somebody, you know, that's what we were told. 283 00:28:18,640 --> 00:28:23,040 There are starving people everywhere. You got to eat plate. So I think of that as 34 years old. 284 00:28:23,040 --> 00:28:29,040 I think of that. I know me too. I think, oh, mom, work so hard for this, this meal to put food on 285 00:28:29,040 --> 00:28:34,960 our plate. I better eat it also. We don't waste our money. Yeah. Boom. Mike drop. Mike drop. 286 00:28:35,760 --> 00:28:40,160 No one is judging you and those who are are really judging themselves. 287 00:28:40,160 --> 00:28:46,400 Oh, I can't not believe you just said that. Well, because I know this, I've learned this. 288 00:28:46,400 --> 00:28:51,920 Putting it into action is different than learning it. Like it's an ongoing process. 289 00:28:52,640 --> 00:28:56,480 Somebody that's judging you was just projecting something on you that they really feel about them. 290 00:28:56,480 --> 00:29:00,560 Yes. If somebody's talking about you or something like that, they're really just talking about 291 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:06,320 themselves. Yeah. And I wish I had learned that sooner, especially when I was in theater, because 292 00:29:06,320 --> 00:29:13,200 the whole game is a judgment zone. Just like I said before, just be you and nobody is judging you. 293 00:29:13,200 --> 00:29:18,320 And if they are, it's about them and not you. I had a teacher in college in the theater program, 294 00:29:18,960 --> 00:29:26,640 and he would say, your insecurity is boring. Oh, and I say that to myself a lot. And I've said it 295 00:29:26,640 --> 00:29:32,400 to some old relationships of mine. Did you say it with that sort of sass that you just did in the 296 00:29:32,400 --> 00:29:37,360 I-roll? Oh, 100 percent. There's no other way to say it. It's so true, because all that is is somebody 297 00:29:37,360 --> 00:29:43,600 else's insecurity. And if you're confident in yourself, there's no time and no need to judge 298 00:29:43,600 --> 00:29:50,080 anybody else. True that. I was going to say that. And I thought you were going to make fun of me. 299 00:29:50,960 --> 00:29:58,800 No judgment. What did you just say? I know. But learning ING. Oh, God, I was going to say true 300 00:29:58,800 --> 00:30:09,600 that true that prioritize your energy and self care slash rest is extremely productive. So there 301 00:30:09,600 --> 00:30:15,600 are different ways to prioritize your energy, which really just means say no to more things that you 302 00:30:15,600 --> 00:30:22,480 want to say no to step away from people that are not good for your mental health or just, you know, 303 00:30:22,480 --> 00:30:30,240 the season has passed and take more cold, plunge showers at the end. Well, it's self-regulating, 304 00:30:30,240 --> 00:30:36,960 let me tell you. Stuff like that. Like take a rest day, take a day off self care or whatever. We 305 00:30:36,960 --> 00:30:41,040 have so many podcasts on self care at this point because it's so important, but it doesn't mean 306 00:30:41,040 --> 00:30:45,280 you're not being productive in society or for yourself. Right. And that is so hard for the 307 00:30:45,280 --> 00:30:51,440 hustler. So prioritize yourself, which is your energy. And if that means you need to take a 308 00:30:51,440 --> 00:30:55,600 step back, that still means you're being productive because the next day you're going to feel way 309 00:30:55,600 --> 00:31:02,080 better. This one is something that I have learned at a very young age. Uh-oh. And you're going to 310 00:31:02,080 --> 00:31:07,840 laugh at me or maybe you won't. I don't know. And I don't care if you do. Life isn't fair. 311 00:31:08,800 --> 00:31:15,120 It's just not. Life's not fair. So you have to learn that and like continue on. There are people 312 00:31:15,120 --> 00:31:19,680 that are successful, that shouldn't be. There are people that aren't. That should be. Yeah. You know, 313 00:31:19,680 --> 00:31:24,800 so just work hard, do your best, you know, put your head down and hustle for it. But like life 314 00:31:24,800 --> 00:31:30,160 isn't fair. I remember mom saying it to me, you know, sometimes honey, life just isn't fair because 315 00:31:30,160 --> 00:31:35,200 I'm a very fair person. I'm a, you know how black and white I love absolute. It's either right or 316 00:31:35,200 --> 00:31:40,960 wrong. Like that's how I am. It does just, I know. And I want everything to be fair. I did this. Why 317 00:31:40,960 --> 00:31:45,840 didn't I get this? Yeah. She didn't do that and she got this, but that's not fair. Right. And so I'm 318 00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:50,400 trying to teach Melody because she's very black and white. Right. That life just sometimes 319 00:31:50,400 --> 00:31:55,520 isn't fair and it doesn't matter how hard you work. There's so many different circumstances and there's 320 00:31:55,520 --> 00:32:01,360 gray. You know what comes with that? Being flexible. Yeah. Yeah. Like it all is, it's just all connected. 321 00:32:01,360 --> 00:32:05,600 Yeah. So it is a lifelong lesson. You know what we do? We get defensive when we hear that. Life's 322 00:32:05,600 --> 00:32:12,000 not fair. We tighten up, you know. And I do that too. And I also have those feelings of like, well, 323 00:32:12,000 --> 00:32:19,360 I did the work. Yeah. I did it. I should be reaping the reward of this. But that, you know, 324 00:32:19,360 --> 00:32:23,840 wasn't meant for you. Yeah. So you gotta be flexible with it. That's hard. It's really hard. 325 00:32:23,840 --> 00:32:32,240 Life's not fair. All right. This I got from Glennon Doyle, she's a motivational speaker. 326 00:32:32,960 --> 00:32:37,760 You can do hard things. Oh yeah. I've heard you say this before. You can do it. It's so simple, 327 00:32:37,760 --> 00:32:45,120 but you can do it. But if it's an obstacle that you are, maybe you didn't think was going to be 328 00:32:45,120 --> 00:32:51,600 coming into your path, you can do it. You can get over it. You can come out on top on the other side 329 00:32:51,600 --> 00:32:58,080 of it. It might not be pretty. It might take longer than you think, but you can do hard things. 330 00:32:58,080 --> 00:33:09,520 I have learned that scrolling is the new smoking. It is an addiction. It's bad for you. Wow. It 331 00:33:09,520 --> 00:33:14,880 literally burns you on the inside. I mean, scrolling can burn you up. Wow. Just sitting there 332 00:33:14,880 --> 00:33:20,800 scrolling endlessly. It's an addiction. Yeah. Just it's toxic. And it's usually at the end of your 333 00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:26,640 day. Yes. And it's whenever you are bored. It's whenever you need that little fix. It's when, 334 00:33:26,640 --> 00:33:30,000 you know, how often are you constantly pulling out your phone? Just scroll real quick. 335 00:33:30,560 --> 00:33:35,040 You know, yes, all the time. Yep. Just like you would take out a cigarette. And I think 336 00:33:35,600 --> 00:33:40,160 for this generation and, you know, my generation is scrolling is the new smoking. 337 00:33:40,160 --> 00:33:43,920 Yeah. And they teach the kids to do it really young, just like they did with smoking, like making 338 00:33:43,920 --> 00:33:47,760 it look cool, making it, you know, so that the kids will do it. So you start getting them addicted 339 00:33:47,760 --> 00:33:52,160 young and making more money, you know, TikTok. These people are making more money and it's all 340 00:33:52,160 --> 00:34:00,160 off of you. It's all off of toxic energy, toxic. I mean, honest to God, when you are scrolling 341 00:34:00,160 --> 00:34:05,120 and you're feeling bad about yourself, it is just as bad as having a cigarette. Yeah. 342 00:34:06,960 --> 00:34:14,960 You cannot fix or change anyone else. I was going to put this down. Yeah. They have to want to do 343 00:34:14,960 --> 00:34:21,760 it themselves and you can support them and you can be there, but you cannot do anything for 344 00:34:21,760 --> 00:34:29,520 anyone else. Plain and simple. You have no control. That's a hard one. You don't even have control over 345 00:34:29,520 --> 00:34:33,680 yourself, let alone someone else. Even if it's out of love and support and wanting to help them, 346 00:34:34,560 --> 00:34:40,400 whatever it may be, you can't do it for anyone else. You can only do it for yourself. Yeah. 347 00:34:40,400 --> 00:34:46,400 I mean, just with the two of us, when I know that Victoria is down, I can try everything 348 00:34:46,400 --> 00:34:51,440 that I can to try and get her out of her funk, but if she doesn't do it herself, 349 00:34:51,440 --> 00:34:57,600 there's nothing I can do to help her. I mean, I literally tried to take her on a cruise. 350 00:34:58,800 --> 00:35:04,000 I spent a lot of money getting her out of the country to be like, okay, if we get her out of 351 00:35:04,000 --> 00:35:09,680 the country, she'll get herself up and out. And she was like, nope. I was really wanting to experience 352 00:35:09,680 --> 00:35:17,200 my depression and live in that. But that's true. And listen, that did help me and I felt 353 00:35:17,200 --> 00:35:21,680 it was very exciting. No, and I remember being there being like, this does feel awesome. 354 00:35:22,560 --> 00:35:27,840 But that didn't fix my problem. Right? It's exactly what you just said. Yeah. So, 355 00:35:29,200 --> 00:35:34,000 lucky for you, I'm out of it. I've come out of the hard thing that I had to do. I'm on the other 356 00:35:34,000 --> 00:35:42,400 side of it. So that's over. And yeah. But yeah, it's really hard to not want to take control of 357 00:35:42,400 --> 00:35:47,040 making people in your life feel better because that's really all it is. And also when it doesn't 358 00:35:47,040 --> 00:35:52,000 work or it's not working, not to just feel fed up or frustrated and you just got to, 359 00:35:52,960 --> 00:35:58,320 you just have to take a step back and let them do them. Yeah. That's the hard part for me. 360 00:35:58,320 --> 00:36:04,960 Because I never need to be fixed. It's funny that we put that on me, right? Yeah. It's funny 361 00:36:04,960 --> 00:36:09,840 that we did that. But it's also one of those things that you have to be comfortable with the 362 00:36:09,840 --> 00:36:16,400 discomfort of knowing that they may never get help for themselves. Right. Right. And you may have to 363 00:36:16,400 --> 00:36:23,920 watch that for the rest of their lives or you learn to take a step back. But it's not up to you. 364 00:36:23,920 --> 00:36:31,360 Yeah. And you didn't fail it if that person doesn't do it. Good to know. Enough is actually enough. 365 00:36:33,440 --> 00:36:40,480 I have learned that I have enough clothes. I have enough shoes. Yeah. I have enough of a house. 366 00:36:40,480 --> 00:36:44,800 I have enough children. Well, we'll see. We'll see. I actually didn't mean that. No, you do. No, 367 00:36:44,800 --> 00:36:47,360 no, no. I'm going to talk to Andrew about that. You're 37. You're not 21. No, no. 368 00:36:47,360 --> 00:36:56,160 I don't know if that's true. Everything is enough. Everything that you have right now is enough. 369 00:36:56,880 --> 00:37:01,360 It just is. Stop keeping up with the Joneses. Stuff like that. And then you could take it 370 00:37:01,360 --> 00:37:07,040 a little bit more deep. And if you're feeling depressed and sad, enough is enough. Yeah. Get 371 00:37:07,040 --> 00:37:13,040 out of it. You had the moment. You felt it. It's time to move on. So, and or relationships, 372 00:37:13,040 --> 00:37:18,560 enough is enough. I've been beat up enough emotionally, hopefully only. It's time to be 373 00:37:18,560 --> 00:37:22,880 done. It's time to stand up for myself. Enough is enough. So, fed up sometime is a good thing. 374 00:37:22,880 --> 00:37:33,280 Yes. Agreed. I don't take up too much space. In the world. I know. I am enough. I'm not too much. 375 00:37:33,280 --> 00:37:39,280 Right. Period. And not in the trending way. Just that's it. That's the sentence. Yeah. 376 00:37:39,280 --> 00:37:44,720 Like stop apologizing for yourself for my existence. Yeah. Or feeling like I don't deserve 377 00:37:44,720 --> 00:37:53,200 great A, B, C, or D. Basically having imposter syndrome. Yes. You are. Yeah. You are it. How 378 00:37:53,200 --> 00:37:57,680 do you know about imposter syndrome? Because I've had it. Yeah, but how do you know that term? 379 00:37:57,680 --> 00:38:09,360 Because I'd be smart. You is smart. You is pretty. What is it? Oh, shoot. We're not that smart. 380 00:38:09,360 --> 00:38:15,120 You is kind. You is smart. You is important. Damn it. You is kind. You is smart. You is important. 381 00:38:15,120 --> 00:38:18,960 What a good movie. It's time to help. Put it on a post-it. Put it on the mirror when you wake up 382 00:38:18,960 --> 00:38:24,800 in the morning and continually say that to yourself because nobody takes up too much space. 383 00:38:24,800 --> 00:38:32,240 No, that's that's a hard one to learn. Thank you. You're welcome. This I take very seriously and have 384 00:38:33,200 --> 00:38:40,640 I want everybody out there just know and I want you to learn this to be confident in your music 385 00:38:40,640 --> 00:38:47,760 choices. You like what you like and that is OK. That's true. Like I like in sync. Factory Boys, 386 00:38:47,760 --> 00:38:54,320 Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera. OK. That is what I like. And that is my Ben Platt. Wait, 387 00:38:54,320 --> 00:38:59,040 there's a lot more. Yes. But that is that's what I love. When we're in the car and Andrew's like 388 00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:03,520 what do you want to listen to? I'm like in sync radio. That's just that's what I love. Yeah. 389 00:39:03,520 --> 00:39:08,160 And I will never apologize for it because I have in the past. I've always felt like I had to 390 00:39:08,960 --> 00:39:15,600 learn other music not because I wanted to, but because it would help me fit in more if I like 391 00:39:15,600 --> 00:39:19,680 this music with this group of people and this whatever I like what I like and you're stubborn 392 00:39:19,680 --> 00:39:25,600 and not flexible. That's really all it's about. We get it. All right. Be confident in your music 393 00:39:25,600 --> 00:39:33,360 choices, even if they're boy bands. I am not my mind. You are not your mind. Do you need me 394 00:39:33,360 --> 00:39:40,000 to elaborate? Yes, please. Can you see it in my mind? We have thoughts, reoccurring thoughts, 395 00:39:40,000 --> 00:39:45,440 frequent thoughts every millisecond of every single day. Right. It's really hard to quiet the mind. 396 00:39:45,440 --> 00:39:52,400 Right. Sometimes your mind is not actually how you feel. Yeah. And some right because your 397 00:39:52,400 --> 00:39:59,440 mind quite literally has a mind of its own. So in those moments of feeling down on yourself and 398 00:39:59,440 --> 00:40:05,600 saying mean things to yourself, whether it's about your body or how you just executed something or 399 00:40:05,600 --> 00:40:11,200 if you didn't get the promotion and we are mean to ourselves, we say nasty, nasty, horrible things 400 00:40:11,200 --> 00:40:16,240 in those moments. That's not who we are. That's your mind playing tricks on you. So you are not 401 00:40:16,240 --> 00:40:22,720 your mind. You are not the thoughts that happen in your mind. That is definitely hard. It's definitely 402 00:40:22,720 --> 00:40:28,160 hard. It's really hard and it's something in doing all the self-care and making time for yourself 403 00:40:28,160 --> 00:40:33,920 and everything that I've done this past year and season. Your mind is not who you are. The thoughts 404 00:40:33,920 --> 00:40:38,560 that you have are not who you are. Yeah. That is definitely hard to wrap your head around 405 00:40:38,560 --> 00:40:46,480 around. And the voice inside your head is can be very mean. Name it. It's not you. Yeah. It's someone 406 00:40:46,480 --> 00:40:54,240 else. Name the thoughts, meaning give me a name that I don't know of anybody else. Betty. Betty is 407 00:40:54,240 --> 00:40:58,880 telling you those things. It's not Victoria. That's not me. That is so sweet. Not Betty White. 408 00:40:58,880 --> 00:41:04,160 You think about Betty White? What does your voice sound like? What does your mind sound like? 409 00:41:04,160 --> 00:41:11,680 It's a really good question. Yours is really annoying, I bet. It's like, hey, Carly. Hey, 410 00:41:11,680 --> 00:41:15,360 Carly, you look really bad today. Hey, Carly, you got to suck your stomach in a little bit more. 411 00:41:15,360 --> 00:41:22,720 Hey, Carly, yours is on crack. Mine's like a dog that's high strung. Yours is a chihuahua. 412 00:41:23,840 --> 00:41:29,040 With a boa? Yeah, and a little deeper voice. But yeah, a little deeper voice. Yeah. Yeah. But do 413 00:41:29,040 --> 00:41:36,800 that. If we can do that and visualize it and truly, if you name anything, it's not so scary. 414 00:41:36,800 --> 00:41:42,240 You put a name onto something. Yeah, that's true. It's not scary. So if you put a name and make 415 00:41:42,240 --> 00:41:49,200 it funny and put like a dog to it, like make it something, then you can quiet it and you can say, 416 00:41:49,200 --> 00:41:55,520 stop talking to me. Yeah. Stop it. And then you can live how you really want to live in that moment 417 00:41:55,520 --> 00:42:00,160 and walk away from the negative and walk away from that self-deprecating, 418 00:42:00,160 --> 00:42:04,160 self-loathing thought that you just had. It's not even you. It's not me. And then you can 419 00:42:04,880 --> 00:42:08,960 get it out of your path and get it out of your way. Yeah, you're basically in your own way. 420 00:42:08,960 --> 00:42:19,360 Yeah, Betty. Yeah, Betty. God, Betty. Good night, Betty. Good night, Betty. That was a lot. Well, 421 00:42:19,360 --> 00:42:25,760 we're older. I want to say this year, the past couple of years, we've learned double. Oh my god. 422 00:42:26,240 --> 00:42:30,800 You know, because we're doing so many different things and, you know, Victoria teaches me what 423 00:42:30,800 --> 00:42:36,320 she learns in therapy. So I'm really taking that in. You should pay me 50% of what I've done. No, 424 00:42:36,320 --> 00:42:41,840 I won't though, because I've learned to save my money. Save your money. I don't even want to hear 425 00:42:41,840 --> 00:42:45,200 it. She just gave me a second pair of jeans because she bought two. She thought they were cute. She 426 00:42:45,200 --> 00:42:50,480 had to have a second one. Save your money. But you know what? I learned enough is enough. See, 427 00:42:50,480 --> 00:42:55,600 I gave them to you because I know enough is enough and I don't need them. But you didn't save your 428 00:42:55,600 --> 00:43:02,880 money. You could have put that money towards a session in therapy. Anyway, it's, I don't know, 429 00:43:02,880 --> 00:43:08,240 it's kind of eye-opening. And I'm actually really proud of you because there's so much in there that 430 00:43:08,240 --> 00:43:14,240 honestly, I just didn't think you understood about yourself or things. Oh no, I understand 431 00:43:14,240 --> 00:43:19,840 everything. I have, you know, I had a very hard time putting them into play. I have always been 432 00:43:19,840 --> 00:43:26,000 an observer. I sit, like my family makes fun of me because I will sit in the other room and listen, 433 00:43:26,000 --> 00:43:31,120 like when I was a kid and I would listen to everything. I know exactly what's going on. 434 00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:36,480 If there's a conversation two rooms away, I hear it. I know everything. I see everything I observe. 435 00:43:37,680 --> 00:43:42,480 But I have a hard time putting it in place for myself. Change. Yeah. You have a hard time with 436 00:43:42,480 --> 00:43:48,960 change. Yeah. Or just like, I know what's good for me. But doing those good things for me is 437 00:43:48,960 --> 00:43:53,360 harder to do. But I can tell you how good you should be doing. What if you think about it, 438 00:43:53,360 --> 00:43:59,680 that it's not for you, it's for your kids? Well, that's interesting so that you're not 439 00:43:59,680 --> 00:44:05,120 conditioning them to have to redo everything that you did. But that's already happening. 440 00:44:05,120 --> 00:44:14,160 But it can stop. I know. I know. And it's hard not to project your things on your kids. 441 00:44:14,800 --> 00:44:19,360 Clearly. That's a very hard thing to learn. It just is. It's hard. And there's no shame in it. 442 00:44:20,000 --> 00:44:25,200 There's no shame in the generations before us only teaching us what they knew. Yeah. I mean, 443 00:44:25,200 --> 00:44:32,000 that's how the world works. Yes. But you can also evolve. 100%. 100%. 444 00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:37,520 You know, it doesn't have to be the same way you grew up. You can evolve. And I'm not saying 445 00:44:37,520 --> 00:44:42,320 there's anything wrong with the way we grew up. But I'm saying there are some things that you want 446 00:44:42,320 --> 00:44:46,000 to evolve because they weren't that way when we were little. Yes. Don't eat the whole plate. 447 00:44:46,000 --> 00:44:50,720 You don't have to have a glass of milk at dinner. Yeah. I know. It's silly stuff like that that 448 00:44:50,720 --> 00:44:56,480 people don't think of. Everything doesn't have to be so hard. Like life can be late. Yeah. And I 449 00:44:56,480 --> 00:45:02,480 think sometimes people just weigh it down with all of the stuff. And that's why I say enough is 450 00:45:02,480 --> 00:45:08,880 enough. Like life doesn't have to be that hard. It can be light. Yeah. But it is fast. And it is 451 00:45:08,880 --> 00:45:15,520 short. So you just got to remember to have fun. Ride the wave. You have to ride the wave. I don't 452 00:45:15,520 --> 00:45:21,200 like the water. Can you say something else? Walk up the hill, walk down the hill and continually 453 00:45:21,200 --> 00:45:26,640 do it. And if the hill turns into a different part of a hike, then go that path as well. And 454 00:45:26,640 --> 00:45:32,080 it's OK if it may take you back to the original path. Might not. But you're cool with it. Yep. 455 00:45:32,080 --> 00:45:37,040 Much better. Thank you. Ride the wave. My God. Ride the wave. All right. Your real tip. 456 00:45:41,600 --> 00:45:47,200 So your real tip is called write it out. And here's what you do. You write it out. 457 00:45:47,200 --> 00:45:54,960 Do what we did. However old you are, whatever that number is, write out that number worth of 458 00:45:54,960 --> 00:45:59,920 lessons that you have learned over the years and just see it on paper. That means you have to think 459 00:45:59,920 --> 00:46:04,800 about it. That means you just have to start processing what you've gone through in however 460 00:46:04,800 --> 00:46:09,680 many years you've been on the earth. And it's really insightful and it's really cool. And you're 461 00:46:09,680 --> 00:46:15,200 going to learn a lot of things. So we want you to do that too. And now for your real extra tip of 462 00:46:15,200 --> 00:46:24,080 the week. It's called sharing is caring. Sharing is caring. What does sharing is caring? Me? 463 00:46:26,080 --> 00:46:31,840 It means do what Victoria said. Write it out. Look at your the lessons you've learned and share it 464 00:46:31,840 --> 00:46:36,800 with a friend because it's one thing to look at it on paper. It's another thing to share it out 465 00:46:36,800 --> 00:46:42,080 loud and say, oh, my gosh, I learned that or oh, I never even thought of that. Share it with a friend. 466 00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:48,480 It's actually really fun. Yeah. And then you can kind of attach it to experiences and maybe think 467 00:46:48,480 --> 00:46:51,760 of that experience in a different way. If it wasn't like a positive one, you're like, oh, wow, 468 00:46:51,760 --> 00:46:56,560 I did learn this from that. Yeah. Like I have actually grown a lot since then. Yeah. So yeah, 469 00:46:56,560 --> 00:47:01,120 talk about it. One is writing it out and two is talking it out and they're both really important. 470 00:47:01,120 --> 00:47:07,440 That was fun. Well done. Yeah. I mean sharing is caring unless it's like herpes. 471 00:47:07,440 --> 00:47:19,760 Don't share that. Oh, my God. I hate you. You are always fit to be real and always allowed to be a 472 00:47:19,760 --> 00:47:36,640 little extra. I can't. I quit. I don't want herpes. Enough is enough. Enough is enough. 473 00:47:38,240 --> 00:47:41,680 For legal reasons, we have to tell you that this podcast is meant for entertainment and 474 00:47:41,680 --> 00:47:47,040 educational purposes only. We are not healthcare professionals. For all of your health, wellness, 475 00:47:47,040 --> 00:47:51,280 fitness and self-care needs, please refer to the medical professional in your life, 476 00:47:51,280 --> 00:47:56,640 your primary care physician, your therapist, a certified coach, whoever it may be. And then 477 00:47:56,640 --> 00:48:18,000 let us know what they say because I guarantee we need to know what to do. Okay. Okay, bye.