Welcome to Fit to Be Real and a little extra. We are talking life lessons.
30 by 30, right? So Carly and I are in our 30s.
Aw, to be 30 again.
And so we are listing off half of what we've learned in these decades.
Yes, I mean if you really want to hear all 37 lessons that I've learned by 37,
we'd be here for about three hours. So we're gonna half it up.
Half it up. Half it up. Let's half it up.
I'm Victoria. Hey guys, I'm Carly. And one of the lessons I learned is to be consistent.
So I'm just gonna keep doing what I do. You do, you bow. I mean it works for me, right?
It's working. It's definitely working. Is it?
We don't, I have no idea what your list is. Yeah, true. She just told me that she did her homework.
So check. There we go. Guys, I did my homework. Doing great so far. And we'll go, we'll go back
and forth. Yeah. Toriel, what's your first one? Mine or not in like an order of age. Same. It's just
was like thinking over the years and experiences and kind of listing off that way. So these are
not from like five to 30. Yeah, yeah, yeah. No, same. Same Z's. Same Z's. Cool. I've learned to
never say same Z's again. All right. My body's response to fear, i.e. almost getting into a car
accident, is the same feeling as anxiety and worry. Like if I'm scared of something. Is it that like
cold shoot up your chest? No, it is heat. Oh, really? Very, very deep heat. Yeah. And so the real lesson
is when you can recognize that fear and worry are the exact same response that you can overcome it,
because then you can realize that it's not actually real. It's just something that your
brain is telling you to do. Oh my gosh. That's a good lesson. Thank God you learned that by now.
Yeah. I'm feeling right now. Are you feeling worry or fear? No, wait, that's anger. That's a
different feeling. That's a different feeling altogether. I think it's probably the most
important lesson I've ever learned is to trust your gut. Oh, I have that one. Really? Yeah,
it's the most important one. I think I've gotten myself in some situations where I didn't trust
my gut and those are some of the situations I will never forget or, you know, will always regret.
Yeah. Yeah. And it could be easy things like just saying yes when I wanted to say no, but then
there were some serious ones where I really didn't trust my gut because I was too young, probably,
to know what that feeling was, to know that I should have, hey, this is not safe. And I, you
know, you can't, it's very hard to learn that when you're 15 years old, but, you know, trust your gut
no matter how old you are. Trust your gut. My next one is trust your intuition, which is the same
thing. It's the same thing. So my level up of not second guessing yourself is that if you feel
the feeling in your chest, it's fear. If you feel the feeling in your stomach, and we'll just call
it stomach and not get into the heady hippy stuff, it's intuition. Oh, I didn't know that. That, yes.
Because I have felt it in my stomach area. Cool. You shouldn't have seen how she said that.
Yeah. If you feel it, if you feel that burning or that cold or whatever the feeling is of like,
I'm in this moment, and if it's in your chest, it's just fear. Like it's not a real gut instinct.
Right. Oh, yeah. Well, I don't trust either of them. So I'm trying to... That's a problem.
I know, no, no, I didn't. I am learned. I learned to trust both. I believe you. Trust me.
Sometimes in life, you just have to start over. And I think when I was thinking about these,
you know, I meant it more specific. Like I wanted to be on Broadway, and that was my dream. And I
didn't do that. And I started over and became a fitness instructor. So it doesn't have to be
that specific. But like it's more so like when one door closes. Yeah. Don't be upset because
another one, it led me to what I'm doing now, which I could have never foreseen when I was dreaming
of being on Broadway. Oh my God. So everything, you know, works out for a reason. But sometimes it's,
you know, it's okay to start over. It's not a bad thing. So accurate at any age. Yeah.
You are never too old to start over. Okay. Well, this is a really, really important one.
It's a three parter. Oh my God, Victoria. Muffins over donuts, pancakes over waffles,
and sausage over bacon. One million percent agree. Yes. On all three of those. Yep. That's what
you've learned. That's a very important morning lesson. Yeah. And sometimes dinner on a special
fun day is dinner. Thank you for the breakfast lesson. This one's a pretty big one. And again,
this is in no specific order. This was just sort of like, you know, train of thought. Yeah. And I
put periods after every single word. It's life is short and fast. Oh, it is what it is. Life is
short and it's fast. Done. All of a sudden I'm 37 and I have no idea how I got here. Like, honest
to God. Like, well, we know you're directionally challenged. That's true. But you know, like,
I joke about like doing my stupid poses and like, oh, fit check. Like, oh, like, but like to me,
I'm still 21. Good. I know, I know that's good. But I'm like, but really I'm 37. Right. And I have
three children and I have to teach them things and I'm not old enough to be a parent forever.
I know. And to me, I'm not old enough. I'm still a child. I just, it's fast. I have figured out,
and this one is a recent realization in my yoga studies. The meaning of life is actually just
growth. Say it again. The meaning of life, the purpose of all of us individually and collectively
is just to grow and evolve. Meaning life is just consistent and continual lessons. Yeah. That is
all it is, whether it's good or bad. So if something you reach a goal, you set a goal, you reach the
goal, you learn what you've learned in that process. Wonderful. Awesome. Guess what? You're
going to set a new goal. If you lose someone, lose something, make a mistake in life, you have to
learn from it. Hopefully you reflect on it. But there are lessons there to, no matter what, it's
just a lesson. And the point is to grow from each one of them until we're not able to do that anymore.
Well, I read something that said a mistake is only a mistake if you don't learn from it.
And repeat it. Yeah. Yeah. So that's exactly right. Like everything is a lesson. We're just,
I think that was so eye-opening because we're just constantly searching for happiness and success and
doing things the right way. Like that's what we are as a society and as a world. That's what
we're told to do. Yeah. You're supposed to be happy. We're always searching for happiness. Yeah. We're
always searching to be the best at something. No, it's just growing. Yeah. Just be better every day
and learn something. Every single day. Never stop learning. One day I will learn my right and left.
Well, some things you're just going to fail. You know, you just got to be okay with failure.
Those are 100% mistakes I do every day because I have not learned from them.
You don't have to like everyone and not everyone will like you. That one is huge.
Yeah. And that's okay. So like our mom always used to say, be nice to everybody. Right. But she
never said you have to like everybody. Right. And I'm very specific when I talk to Melody about that
when she's having like, you know, girl drama in second grade. Like you don't have to like the
person because not everybody's going to like you and that's okay. You're not for everybody and
everybody's not for you. Yeah. I wish I had learned that sooner and not in my 30s. Other people's
approval is not your self-worth. Yeah. It does not validate like your value in life. So it doesn't
matter if how they feel about you. I wish I had these, you know, mantras or lessons a lot earlier
in life. So if you're younger and you're listening to these, take it in and listen to somebody that's
older because I am older now. If words and actions don't line up, believe it. I mean,
it's basically like words are empty. Words mean nothing if they're, if you're not actually doing
what you say you're going to do or if someone else is saying it to you. I took this from
relationships. If the person you are with or the friendship that you hold dear, but it's just,
there's some kind of, if what they're saying is not being backed up by doing that, yeah, by action,
believe it. Don't believe the words. Believe the action only. That's one of my biggest pet peeves
when people say they're going to do something and it just never happens. Yeah.
Stop waiting to be happy. Hey, hey, just be happy. Like you always want the next thing. I think
Victoria already said this. Like you always want, oh, I'll be happy if, you know, I lose five pounds.
I'll be happy if I can fit in the stress or I'll be happy about this amount of money. When I do
these things. Right, right, right. Exactly. I'll be happy when I, you know, get married. I'll be happy.
Like just be happy. You'll get everything you want and if you choose it, it's a choice. Happiness
is a choice. 100%. And that's a two-part or right there. Yeah. It's just, it's hard to realize because
you just, you're always wanting the next thing. And I don't know if that's part of the world
because you're always chasing something. Yeah. Or not, but, and the world is so fast,
but it's just, just stay still. Be happy with what you have because it's more than somebody
else has. It's less than somebody else has and it doesn't matter. I wasn't going to say this next, but
one of mine is what is meant for you will not pass you by. That's true. So if you are just living life,
being grateful and happy every day for little things, or big things, or just waking up like,
oh my God, I woke up today. I got to live another day. Like, I mean, it's so hard to do that. We,
we can preach it. It's really hard. But if something is meant for you, it's not going to pass you by.
You'll, what's meant for you will happen. So live your life happily because it's going to work out.
It is all going to work out. Live your life. Hey. Hey. You know that song? I think it's Rihanna.
God, I love singing Rihanna songs. Live your life. Hey. Hey. Come on. It's, it's better than you have
been, but I'm not going to lie. It's similar to your humdingers. This is just a lyrical humdinger.
I think it's just Rihanna's Jamaican accent. No. Oh, okay. Well, just listen to Rihanna.
I would love to be in your head. I don't think you do. In those, no, just in that moment when
you're thinking you're singing a song like well, no, I honestly am picturing myself as Rihanna,
singing it like on a beach with all my rapper friends in the background. My like signs up.
Just live your life. Hey. Hey. I mean, I think I was pretty on pitch. What key are you in?
I don't know. I picked a different one. That's why you're opting down.
Because it's really high for me this early in the morning.
Every emotion, good, bad, ugly, exciting, etc. are opportunities to experience that emotion.
She's not even reading this off a thing. She honest to God. Like I thought maybe she would
write this down. She is just verbatim. Like from her mind. Because I learned this and it's from like,
you know, reading and researching and really I took a year of introspection this year. Like I
isolated, I was in hermit mode and there's so much that happened. There's so much that happened for
me and that was one of them is that yes, we can be sad over things. But if we look at it as an
opportunity to get to experience sadness versus sadness happening to you, then it's easier or
more understandable to understand that everything's temporary. Right. Then saying or thinking this is
all happening to me. Why is this all happening to me? Right. Which is how I tend to do. Oh my
God. Why is this happening to me? Same. Same. Because that's just, that's a normal human thing
to do. But if we can take a moment in that minute of anxiety or minute of depression or minute of
bliss and happiness to realize what does this feel like? Wow, I get to feel this. I'll feel it as
long as I need to and then it will be gone. Yeah. Because then life isn't that heavy. And there are
just little tiny opportunities and experiences that we in this lifetime get to experience instead
of life happening to you and well with me and life is really, really hard. But if you're happy,
you can be like, why is this happening to me? It's all in the inflection. Why is this happening to
me? Why is this happening to me? What does this feel like? It's so true. I haven't learned that
lesson yet, but maybe, maybe in my 40s. Oh, okay. This one was a big one for me and I know that
Victoria will agree with me and I think this has a lot to do with our theater background. Okay.
Someone else's success does not diminish mine. Hey, oh, oh. So like just because somebody else did
really well doesn't mean that I'm not just as successful or that I didn't do a good job. I
think it's like supporting other people, support you. You know what you mean? Like be happy for
your friends. Yes. It doesn't mean that they're taking anything away from you. Oh my gosh. Well,
you know what comes with that? I think social media because everyone posts all the good things that
are happening or all the fake good things that are happening and the number one thing we do is
compare and think about how we're not actually doing that too. Yeah. But you're doing something else.
Yeah. Just clap for somebody else that did a good job. Wow. That's all. I think, but it is hard when
you're younger and I wish I had learned this sooner. When you're auditioning and you're in theater,
you're all going for the same part. You know, there's 200 girls. There's one role. It's very hard
to clap for your friend that got it when you really want to pay rent that month. So it's hard,
but it wasn't meant for you. Right. So it doesn't mean you're not good. There are so many other
circumstances, but just be happy for the people in your life. It doesn't mean it doesn't take
anything away from you. Keeping plants alive is very hard. I can't. It's just so dumb. I hate your
lesson. It's not dumb. You didn't even let me tell you the lesson. I hate plants. This isn't about you.
First of all, lesson number one. Sorry, continue about your plants. I'm going to start over. Okay.
Keeping plants alive is hard. It's harder than keeping a dog alive, but I've learned that having
plants, and this is science-based, having plants around me, I only have it in my living room,
it helps me be happy. Like what I get from them helps me regulate my moods when I'm around them.
If you were in Victoria's house right now, you would see an array of plants. Like there's a lot.
It's a lot of greenery. When I look at these, I think spiders, ants, dead plants, and dirty water.
And I think I am Pocahontas jumping off of that cliff, swan diving just around the river bend.
So yeah, to each their own. But plants really do boost people's moods. It's a science thing. Look
at it. And it took me a very long time to realize that, but keeping them alive is really hard. I
can't do it. Yeah, it's really hard. Like it's not something that's in me. Well, you're keeping humans
alive. So just barely. But they're breathing. Yeah, it just barely. And they help you breathe.
So same thing. They're just not green and they talk a lot more. You sure they're not sucking
the life from me because I sometimes feel that they suck the life from me. But I'll be your 21.
You're good. Life gets happier once you stop trying to change yourself. So just be you all the time.
And I wish I had known this when I was 13 and 14 and 15. When you're trying to be in a group
or you're trying to be, you know what, as an adult, it's the same thing. You know, it's hard
meeting friends. You're trying to be like somebody else. Like just stop. Be yourself all the time.
Just be as authentic as you can. And you will be happy. I have the same one. Oh, really? In a
different way. Well, let's hear how you say it. It's, it's, I'm telling you, it's the same thing.
Celebrate your weirdness or differences outwardly. Yeah. Because it's a superpower. And if you do that,
there is a ripple effect because someone who also feels weird and different could see you
living authentically and feel like it's OK for them to do that too. Yeah. I, that is the same.
Yeah. Like there's a song. I know you guys don't want me to sing it. Please, please sing it.
Don't tell us what it is. Let's see if we can guess. You won't because it's not a popular song.
But it's by Todrick Hall. It's called Dance Forever. Todrick Hall is the man. Look him up.
He says, you know, nobody teaches you, but when you grow up, the cool kids are never cool.
So like, I know it's hard in the moment. Like I don't know if any high school kids listen to this,
but even in college, like those cool kids, man, sometimes they peak in high school. Yeah. But
like stay weird and you will be so much happier and happy people are successful. They just are
in so many different ways. Yeah. And I'm not knocking cool kids because there are, you know,
that's a very general statement. But, you know, I wasn't cool in high school. I look how awesome I
am now. I'm speechless. Are you ready? This is mind blowing. No one actually knows what they're
doing. Oh my God. Yes. No one. No. No parent, no child. Actually, probably children know more than
adults do, to be honest with you. We tend to lose that freedom, unfortunately. But no one knows what
they're doing. There's no right way to do life. How you figure it out for yourself can be very
different than how you've done it before, than how the people in your world have done it before,
and how your neighbor does it because everyone is doing it different. Yeah. That's so true.
Nobody knows what they're doing. And why don't we preach that more? Like, why is that there's so
many conditions to this world and this lifetime that it makes it just like you just said, cool
versus not cool kids? Like, no one knows. And why did that get put out that being looking like this
is cooler than looking like this and acting like this is better? I don't know. It's horrible.
It's horrible. It's just I think everybody wants to be perfect. Everybody. I don't strive to be
perfect. I'm I just never and you can back me up on this. I would never one of those moms or people
that have to show that I'm perfect. No, no, no, I just never have been because I know I'm not.
Yeah. That which is hard for a lot of people. So like you're already you're have a leg up on your
your growth. Like if you saw what my kids ate, if you saw, you know, what they wear sometimes,
like in the beginning, I tried to dress them cute. And like, it's just not well, it's easier when
they're not running around. That's true. That's true. But I've never I've never wanted perfection
because that's boring. She doesn't know what she's doing. I don't know what I'm doing.
I have a problem with doing things right. Perfectionist. I don't think I'm one of them
because I also just don't care about a lot of things. But in certain degrees, I do want to do
things. No, I think you definitely want to do things right. I want to do things right enough.
Like, I just want to like make it over that line where I'm like, that's good enough.
Have you ever seen her clean a mirror? That's exactly right. You can tell a lot about a person
how they clean a mirror. Yeah. All right, my next one, I actually learned after I got married, which
it doesn't matter. No, just marry your best friend. Pretty simple. Like, he was my best friend before.
But like, I didn't realize how important it was. Like, I was 25 when I got married. So I don't think
that I was really like introspectively thinking like, I, you know, I got to marry my best friend.
We just were best friends. Yeah. But I think it's really important. And it's a lesson I've learned
now that we've been together for almost 20 years. Really? Yeah. That's 20. When's 20? In when I turn
40. Oh my gosh. It's not a long time. No. So three in three years, we'll be together for 20 years.
We'll be married for 15. But it's super important to marry your best friend because you have to
live with them every day. You know, and like every meal is shared together. Like every adventure,
if that's the kind of, you know, marriage that you have is together. And if you don't like that
person and want to be with that person every day, then you shouldn't. You shouldn't say yes. Yeah.
Do not say yes. You have to fight with that person all the time. Like, how do you fight? Do you fight
well? I think I fight pretty darn good. We won't get into this. We won't. That's a different episode.
We'll have to have you under one. This is a recent realization and a hard blow,
but a recent realization in any, any relationship this pertains. So no connection can be truly broken
by you speaking up or sharing your feelings. And if it is, it wasn't a real connection.
I haven't learned that yet. Honestly, that's a lesson I have not learned yet. Really? Yeah. I
have, you know, I have a hard time speaking up because of that. I don't want to break those
in fear of burning bridge or whatever. Got it. I haven't learned that. So teach me.
Well, it's not that it makes it easy to do if I'm going to relate it to myself for the world,
getting out of a relationship, I should have spoken up way sooner. Right. And been not less
afraid to share how I felt about it. And if it fell apart, it fell apart because that means it
wasn't really what I thought it was in the beginning anyway. Right. Like you and Andrew,
you can have conflict, you can have confrontation and, you know, miscommunications, communications,
whatever you want to label it, but it's not going to go anywhere because that's not a
maker to break it thing for you to share how you feel about something. Yes. Now I understand. Do
you know what I mean? Yeah. So it can also happen with friendships or with clients or if it's a
connection that is meant to stay connected. That's all that matters. Whatever you say. So say what
you need to say. I feel what you need to feel, share it and you have to be OK with it not working
out. Yeah. I know. Now that you explained it, I still feel the same way. I have not learned this
last time. Right. Because when I know what you're thinking of, Karlie's thinking of friendships
because that in recent years has been proven friendships are not what they seem. Correct.
And relationships are not what they seem. And she doesn't mean with her husband. Oh, no. So
it's hard to speak up for yourself in fear of losing those people. But guess what? If you're
going to lose them, then you never had them. Right. Exactly. That actually I'm going to take that one
straight to friendships will come and go. I have learned in my 37 years that friendships will come
and go. That's OK. Yeah. And that's OK. Yeah. Like we said in earlier podcasts, you go through
seasons of life and you pick up friends and you lose friends and that's OK. And I have learned
that that's OK. Like don't hold on to them just like you just said in your last one. Yeah. Because
of some weird thing you have in your head. Like we've been friends for 20 years. I've got to.
Yeah. No, you guys grew apart. It's OK. And 100 percent. Expectations are the root of pain.
You. Yeah. I 100 percent agree. We. We. And I'm saying we because you all out there listening.
You do it too. And I don't need to know you to know that. That expectations, what we put on
people, what we put on situations, what we decide things should be going should. The word should,
it should be eliminated from vocabulary. But we put expectations on way too many things. If we
just live and let live and let go and let God, whatever God is to you, God, it's so much easier
to wake up and be happy every day. I know. I can remember as a kid, like all of our mom's friends
were, you know, were in New York. And when they would say we're coming to visit for the weekend,
we used to be so excited and then they wouldn't show something would happen. And I remember feeling
devastated as a child, because I was expecting them to show up, expecting to have this great weekend
and just being disappointed. Yeah. And that was at a very young age. And I know that's like trivial,
but it's expecting something to happen. Because when it doesn't work out, it's not.
Well, if we could do an expectation, have it not work out and be like, OK, no biggie, no biggie.
I'm not super flexible like that. Be helpful to not have the expectation in the first place. But
yeah, that's you got to, you got to be flexible. If mom said you need to be flexible or go with the
flow more as a kid, I, she said it all the time. And I would get so angry because that's just not
who I am. I'm very stubborn. I'm not flexible and I don't like to go with the flow, which I'm
trying to teach my kids. But you can't teach them that if you don't actually feel it. That's true.
That's true. Because they're going to, they feed off of how you feel. Yeah. Just like before,
words and actions. So you preaching it to them, if they feel like you are tightly wound with
something, you could say, relax, you could grind your teeth and say, relax. And they're going to
just go off of you grinding your teeth. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. But that's a really hard
thing to change for yourself and shift. Yeah, that is. But it can be done if you want it to be done.
We'll see. No, you do. It goes even if you do not have children because I think this goes for
business as well. It takes a village. The lesson I've learned is you, I am not doing this alone.
I'm not doing anything alone. I'm doing this with all of you. I'm doing this as a business,
if it wasn't for our C fitters, you know, and those who've helped us get to where we are,
those that help with my kids, those that help, you know, with the day to day,
it takes a village and no one out there is doing it alone. So.
You don't have to eat everything on your plate. Sure, don't. I haven't learned that yet.
It's so hard. Well, there is a condition. It was condition we had to. We couldn't leave the table.
I don't blame anything on mom at all for that. That's what she was taught. And that's probably
what honey, our grandmother was taught. So it trickles down in generation, but yep. That's it.
Yeah. Yeah. That's 100% true. Don't do it. It'll help you out as you get older.
It, yes, in two different ways. You're feeling about your body and coping with guilt and shame.
Yeah. Because that's what it is. If you don't eat your plate, you feel bad.
Because somebody else needs that food and somebody, you know, that's what we were told.
There are starving people everywhere. You got to eat plate. So I think of that as 34 years old.
I think of that. I know me too. I think, oh, mom, work so hard for this, this meal to put food on
our plate. I better eat it also. We don't waste our money. Yeah. Boom. Mike drop. Mike drop.
No one is judging you and those who are are really judging themselves.
Oh, I can't not believe you just said that. Well, because I know this, I've learned this.
Putting it into action is different than learning it. Like it's an ongoing process.
Somebody that's judging you was just projecting something on you that they really feel about them.
Yes. If somebody's talking about you or something like that, they're really just talking about
themselves. Yeah. And I wish I had learned that sooner, especially when I was in theater, because
the whole game is a judgment zone. Just like I said before, just be you and nobody is judging you.
And if they are, it's about them and not you. I had a teacher in college in the theater program,
and he would say, your insecurity is boring. Oh, and I say that to myself a lot. And I've said it
to some old relationships of mine. Did you say it with that sort of sass that you just did in the
I-roll? Oh, 100 percent. There's no other way to say it. It's so true, because all that is is somebody
else's insecurity. And if you're confident in yourself, there's no time and no need to judge
anybody else. True that. I was going to say that. And I thought you were going to make fun of me.
No judgment. What did you just say? I know. But learning ING. Oh, God, I was going to say true
that true that prioritize your energy and self care slash rest is extremely productive. So there
are different ways to prioritize your energy, which really just means say no to more things that you
want to say no to step away from people that are not good for your mental health or just, you know,
the season has passed and take more cold, plunge showers at the end. Well, it's self-regulating,
let me tell you. Stuff like that. Like take a rest day, take a day off self care or whatever. We
have so many podcasts on self care at this point because it's so important, but it doesn't mean
you're not being productive in society or for yourself. Right. And that is so hard for the
hustler. So prioritize yourself, which is your energy. And if that means you need to take a
step back, that still means you're being productive because the next day you're going to feel way
better. This one is something that I have learned at a very young age. Uh-oh. And you're going to
laugh at me or maybe you won't. I don't know. And I don't care if you do. Life isn't fair.
It's just not. Life's not fair. So you have to learn that and like continue on. There are people
that are successful, that shouldn't be. There are people that aren't. That should be. Yeah. You know,
so just work hard, do your best, you know, put your head down and hustle for it. But like life
isn't fair. I remember mom saying it to me, you know, sometimes honey, life just isn't fair because
I'm a very fair person. I'm a, you know how black and white I love absolute. It's either right or
wrong. Like that's how I am. It does just, I know. And I want everything to be fair. I did this. Why
didn't I get this? Yeah. She didn't do that and she got this, but that's not fair. Right. And so I'm
trying to teach Melody because she's very black and white. Right. That life just sometimes
isn't fair and it doesn't matter how hard you work. There's so many different circumstances and there's
gray. You know what comes with that? Being flexible. Yeah. Yeah. Like it all is, it's just all connected.
Yeah. So it is a lifelong lesson. You know what we do? We get defensive when we hear that. Life's
not fair. We tighten up, you know. And I do that too. And I also have those feelings of like, well,
I did the work. Yeah. I did it. I should be reaping the reward of this. But that, you know,
wasn't meant for you. Yeah. So you gotta be flexible with it. That's hard. It's really hard.
Life's not fair. All right. This I got from Glennon Doyle, she's a motivational speaker.
You can do hard things. Oh yeah. I've heard you say this before. You can do it. It's so simple,
but you can do it. But if it's an obstacle that you are, maybe you didn't think was going to be
coming into your path, you can do it. You can get over it. You can come out on top on the other side
of it. It might not be pretty. It might take longer than you think, but you can do hard things.
I have learned that scrolling is the new smoking. It is an addiction. It's bad for you. Wow. It
literally burns you on the inside. I mean, scrolling can burn you up. Wow. Just sitting there
scrolling endlessly. It's an addiction. Yeah. Just it's toxic. And it's usually at the end of your
day. Yes. And it's whenever you are bored. It's whenever you need that little fix. It's when,
you know, how often are you constantly pulling out your phone? Just scroll real quick.
You know, yes, all the time. Yep. Just like you would take out a cigarette. And I think
for this generation and, you know, my generation is scrolling is the new smoking.
Yeah. And they teach the kids to do it really young, just like they did with smoking, like making
it look cool, making it, you know, so that the kids will do it. So you start getting them addicted
young and making more money, you know, TikTok. These people are making more money and it's all
off of you. It's all off of toxic energy, toxic. I mean, honest to God, when you are scrolling
and you're feeling bad about yourself, it is just as bad as having a cigarette. Yeah.
You cannot fix or change anyone else. I was going to put this down. Yeah. They have to want to do
it themselves and you can support them and you can be there, but you cannot do anything for
anyone else. Plain and simple. You have no control. That's a hard one. You don't even have control over
yourself, let alone someone else. Even if it's out of love and support and wanting to help them,
whatever it may be, you can't do it for anyone else. You can only do it for yourself. Yeah.
I mean, just with the two of us, when I know that Victoria is down, I can try everything
that I can to try and get her out of her funk, but if she doesn't do it herself,
there's nothing I can do to help her. I mean, I literally tried to take her on a cruise.
I spent a lot of money getting her out of the country to be like, okay, if we get her out of
the country, she'll get herself up and out. And she was like, nope. I was really wanting to experience
my depression and live in that. But that's true. And listen, that did help me and I felt
it was very exciting. No, and I remember being there being like, this does feel awesome.
But that didn't fix my problem. Right? It's exactly what you just said. Yeah. So,
lucky for you, I'm out of it. I've come out of the hard thing that I had to do. I'm on the other
side of it. So that's over. And yeah. But yeah, it's really hard to not want to take control of
making people in your life feel better because that's really all it is. And also when it doesn't
work or it's not working, not to just feel fed up or frustrated and you just got to,
you just have to take a step back and let them do them. Yeah. That's the hard part for me.
Because I never need to be fixed. It's funny that we put that on me, right? Yeah. It's funny
that we did that. But it's also one of those things that you have to be comfortable with the
discomfort of knowing that they may never get help for themselves. Right. Right. And you may have to
watch that for the rest of their lives or you learn to take a step back. But it's not up to you.
Yeah. And you didn't fail it if that person doesn't do it. Good to know. Enough is actually enough.
I have learned that I have enough clothes. I have enough shoes. Yeah. I have enough of a house.
I have enough children. Well, we'll see. We'll see. I actually didn't mean that. No, you do. No,
no, no. I'm going to talk to Andrew about that. You're 37. You're not 21. No, no.
I don't know if that's true. Everything is enough. Everything that you have right now is enough.
It just is. Stop keeping up with the Joneses. Stuff like that. And then you could take it
a little bit more deep. And if you're feeling depressed and sad, enough is enough. Yeah. Get
out of it. You had the moment. You felt it. It's time to move on. So, and or relationships,
enough is enough. I've been beat up enough emotionally, hopefully only. It's time to be
done. It's time to stand up for myself. Enough is enough. So, fed up sometime is a good thing.
Yes. Agreed. I don't take up too much space. In the world. I know. I am enough. I'm not too much.
Right. Period. And not in the trending way. Just that's it. That's the sentence. Yeah.
Like stop apologizing for yourself for my existence. Yeah. Or feeling like I don't deserve
great A, B, C, or D. Basically having imposter syndrome. Yes. You are. Yeah. You are it. How
do you know about imposter syndrome? Because I've had it. Yeah, but how do you know that term?
Because I'd be smart. You is smart. You is pretty. What is it? Oh, shoot. We're not that smart.
You is kind. You is smart. You is important. Damn it. You is kind. You is smart. You is important.
What a good movie. It's time to help. Put it on a post-it. Put it on the mirror when you wake up
in the morning and continually say that to yourself because nobody takes up too much space.
No, that's that's a hard one to learn. Thank you. You're welcome. This I take very seriously and have
I want everybody out there just know and I want you to learn this to be confident in your music
choices. You like what you like and that is OK. That's true. Like I like in sync. Factory Boys,
Britney Spears, Christina Aguilera. OK. That is what I like. And that is my Ben Platt. Wait,
there's a lot more. Yes. But that is that's what I love. When we're in the car and Andrew's like
what do you want to listen to? I'm like in sync radio. That's just that's what I love. Yeah.
And I will never apologize for it because I have in the past. I've always felt like I had to
learn other music not because I wanted to, but because it would help me fit in more if I like
this music with this group of people and this whatever I like what I like and you're stubborn
and not flexible. That's really all it's about. We get it. All right. Be confident in your music
choices, even if they're boy bands. I am not my mind. You are not your mind. Do you need me
to elaborate? Yes, please. Can you see it in my mind? We have thoughts, reoccurring thoughts,
frequent thoughts every millisecond of every single day. Right. It's really hard to quiet the mind.
Right. Sometimes your mind is not actually how you feel. Yeah. And some right because your
mind quite literally has a mind of its own. So in those moments of feeling down on yourself and
saying mean things to yourself, whether it's about your body or how you just executed something or
if you didn't get the promotion and we are mean to ourselves, we say nasty, nasty, horrible things
in those moments. That's not who we are. That's your mind playing tricks on you. So you are not
your mind. You are not the thoughts that happen in your mind. That is definitely hard. It's definitely
hard. It's really hard and it's something in doing all the self-care and making time for yourself
and everything that I've done this past year and season. Your mind is not who you are. The thoughts
that you have are not who you are. Yeah. That is definitely hard to wrap your head around
around. And the voice inside your head is can be very mean. Name it. It's not you. Yeah. It's someone
else. Name the thoughts, meaning give me a name that I don't know of anybody else. Betty. Betty is
telling you those things. It's not Victoria. That's not me. That is so sweet. Not Betty White.
You think about Betty White? What does your voice sound like? What does your mind sound like?
It's a really good question. Yours is really annoying, I bet. It's like, hey, Carly. Hey,
Carly, you look really bad today. Hey, Carly, you got to suck your stomach in a little bit more.
Hey, Carly, yours is on crack. Mine's like a dog that's high strung. Yours is a chihuahua.
With a boa? Yeah, and a little deeper voice. But yeah, a little deeper voice. Yeah. Yeah. But do
that. If we can do that and visualize it and truly, if you name anything, it's not so scary.
You put a name onto something. Yeah, that's true. It's not scary. So if you put a name and make
it funny and put like a dog to it, like make it something, then you can quiet it and you can say,
stop talking to me. Yeah. Stop it. And then you can live how you really want to live in that moment
and walk away from the negative and walk away from that self-deprecating,
self-loathing thought that you just had. It's not even you. It's not me. And then you can
get it out of your path and get it out of your way. Yeah, you're basically in your own way.
Yeah, Betty. Yeah, Betty. God, Betty. Good night, Betty. Good night, Betty. That was a lot. Well,
we're older. I want to say this year, the past couple of years, we've learned double. Oh my god.
You know, because we're doing so many different things and, you know, Victoria teaches me what
she learns in therapy. So I'm really taking that in. You should pay me 50% of what I've done. No,
I won't though, because I've learned to save my money. Save your money. I don't even want to hear
it. She just gave me a second pair of jeans because she bought two. She thought they were cute. She
had to have a second one. Save your money. But you know what? I learned enough is enough. See,
I gave them to you because I know enough is enough and I don't need them. But you didn't save your
money. You could have put that money towards a session in therapy. Anyway, it's, I don't know,
it's kind of eye-opening. And I'm actually really proud of you because there's so much in there that
honestly, I just didn't think you understood about yourself or things. Oh no, I understand
everything. I have, you know, I had a very hard time putting them into play. I have always been
an observer. I sit, like my family makes fun of me because I will sit in the other room and listen,
like when I was a kid and I would listen to everything. I know exactly what's going on.
If there's a conversation two rooms away, I hear it. I know everything. I see everything I observe.
But I have a hard time putting it in place for myself. Change. Yeah. You have a hard time with
change. Yeah. Or just like, I know what's good for me. But doing those good things for me is
harder to do. But I can tell you how good you should be doing. What if you think about it,
that it's not for you, it's for your kids? Well, that's interesting so that you're not
conditioning them to have to redo everything that you did. But that's already happening.
But it can stop. I know. I know. And it's hard not to project your things on your kids.
Clearly. That's a very hard thing to learn. It just is. It's hard. And there's no shame in it.
There's no shame in the generations before us only teaching us what they knew. Yeah. I mean,
that's how the world works. Yes. But you can also evolve. 100%. 100%.
You know, it doesn't have to be the same way you grew up. You can evolve. And I'm not saying
there's anything wrong with the way we grew up. But I'm saying there are some things that you want
to evolve because they weren't that way when we were little. Yes. Don't eat the whole plate.
You don't have to have a glass of milk at dinner. Yeah. I know. It's silly stuff like that that
people don't think of. Everything doesn't have to be so hard. Like life can be late. Yeah. And I
think sometimes people just weigh it down with all of the stuff. And that's why I say enough is
enough. Like life doesn't have to be that hard. It can be light. Yeah. But it is fast. And it is
short. So you just got to remember to have fun. Ride the wave. You have to ride the wave. I don't
like the water. Can you say something else? Walk up the hill, walk down the hill and continually
do it. And if the hill turns into a different part of a hike, then go that path as well. And
it's OK if it may take you back to the original path. Might not. But you're cool with it. Yep.
Much better. Thank you. Ride the wave. My God. Ride the wave. All right. Your real tip.
So your real tip is called write it out. And here's what you do. You write it out.
Do what we did. However old you are, whatever that number is, write out that number worth of
lessons that you have learned over the years and just see it on paper. That means you have to think
about it. That means you just have to start processing what you've gone through in however
many years you've been on the earth. And it's really insightful and it's really cool. And you're
going to learn a lot of things. So we want you to do that too. And now for your real extra tip of
the week. It's called sharing is caring. Sharing is caring. What does sharing is caring? Me?
It means do what Victoria said. Write it out. Look at your the lessons you've learned and share it
with a friend because it's one thing to look at it on paper. It's another thing to share it out
loud and say, oh, my gosh, I learned that or oh, I never even thought of that. Share it with a friend.
It's actually really fun. Yeah. And then you can kind of attach it to experiences and maybe think
of that experience in a different way. If it wasn't like a positive one, you're like, oh, wow,
I did learn this from that. Yeah. Like I have actually grown a lot since then. Yeah. So yeah,
talk about it. One is writing it out and two is talking it out and they're both really important.
That was fun. Well done. Yeah. I mean sharing is caring unless it's like herpes.
Don't share that. Oh, my God. I hate you. You are always fit to be real and always allowed to be a
little extra. I can't. I quit. I don't want herpes. Enough is enough. Enough is enough.
For legal reasons, we have to tell you that this podcast is meant for entertainment and
educational purposes only. We are not healthcare professionals. For all of your health, wellness,
fitness and self-care needs, please refer to the medical professional in your life,
your primary care physician, your therapist, a certified coach, whoever it may be. And then
let us know what they say because I guarantee we need to know what to do. Okay. Okay, bye.