Welcome to Fit to Be Real and a little extra.
I'm pretty excited about this episode because I think we're in the thick of it.
I would have to agree with you.
It's about burnout.
I think burnout means that you just become delirious and that's what we are today.
Yay! Let's talk about it.
I'm Victoria.
Hey, guys.
All right. Hold on.
Hey, guys. I'm Carly.
Oh, my God. Hold on.
Why are you doing it from your diaphragm?
Because I'm trying different ways to do it to see if I can change it.
Let's be natural.
Like it's so ingrained in my brain how to say it now that I can.
Hey, guys.
I'm Carly.
Did you get confused?
No, no, no. Ready set?
Last time. Best time.
Hey, guys. I'm Carly.
Hey, guys.
There we go. I'm Carly. I'm here. I'm doing this thing.
Welcome to the burnout.
Yeah.
We're talking signs and symptoms so you can kind of be self-aware that you are in one.
Because maybe you don't know.
Like maybe you think this is just what life is and we're here to tell you it doesn't have to be that way.
That's horrible if you think this is what life is.
And well, when you live in it long, I mean, I know, I know, I know.
I should be holding up a mirror as we're doing this today.
And we're going to talk about how to get out of it.
And from that awareness, you have some tips and tools to get yourself out of it and regulate your stress and your life.
And we're also going to talk about the difference between stress and burnout, which I actually didn't realize are two very different things.
Neither did I. Yeah.
Yeah, that's that's new.
Raise your hand.
If you've been personally victimized by Regina George and burnout, I'm raising my hand for both.
No, for real, though, raise your hand if any of this makes sense to the path that you're on, because this means you're on the path of a burnout.
Okay, Garl, you better raise your hand.
I'll do it for everyone.
If every day is a bad day.
Well, no, no, no, okay.
I raised my hand.
That's sad.
If caring about work and home seems to feel like a waste of energy because it's too overwhelming.
Not home, but work for sure.
So like work life balance.
Yeah, really.
Daily exhaustion.
Hmm.
Majority of your day is tasks that you feel are like mind numbing or dull or overwhelming and just like way too hard to get through.
Sure.
I feel like nothing you do makes a difference.
It's just kind of keep piling up the overwhelm.
Yeah, the piling up for me.
Feel like you're not appreciated and nothing you do is going to be appreciated.
1 million percent.
Let's call HR.
We don't have HR.
If you raise your hand for any of those, even if they're in a smaller scale way, like Carly like to dissect all of those, which is super helpful.
Thank you so much.
It doesn't have to be to the extreme of 100 percent. Absolutely.
But if you raise your hand for any of that, then guess what?
It's very, very possible that you are on the path of a burn out way to be living your life.
Yeah, we don't want that for you.
We don't want that for you.
I don't want that for me.
And I'm definitely there's parts of this that make total sense to me.
And there's parts of like every day is not a bad day.
No, no, no, not a bad day.
I think that's the extreme of this.
But I'm for sure a burnout.
So it's just excessive and prolonged stress.
That's like what gets you to a burnout and it could be work.
It could be home.
It could be creative juices that you're completely burnout, whatever your path is.
But it brings you to being overwhelmed and emotionally drained, which I've never raised my hand higher.
And like unable, it says unable to meet constant demands.
Yeah.
So I feel like that is that could be a home life thing if you have children.
There's, you know, you're on the demand at all times, no matter whether you like it or not.
Yeah, for the most part, sometimes I ignore it.
The children.
Cool.
That's a very that's actually really healthy.
We should talk about that.
And it just like feels burnout is defined as just feeling like you have nothing else to give.
Like you are maxed out.
Your cup had run over.
Oh my God.
Nothing to give.
And you're pouring from an empty cup.
That's the thing I've heard a lot this year.
That's like a phrase I've heard a lot.
The pouring from an empty cup.
Yes.
And like you can't you cannot pour from a cup to someone else's if yours is completely defeated and depleted.
No, that's the same thing that we said already.
You cannot help somebody in an airplane if you don't put on your face mask, your oxygen mask first.
Yeah, you put your face mask on everyone.
You'd you definitely put your face mask and then put the oxygen mask on.
It will help everyone.
Don't sit near me in a plane.
I'm probably passed out.
Okay, so guess what?
They're physical symptoms and emotional symptoms and behavioral symptoms to a burnout.
Okay, so physical symptoms.
Raise your hand.
If you're tired or drained.
If your immunity is low, so like you frequently can get colds and sicknesses and whatever that is, like you get, you're always congested.
Yeah, I always am.
Because yeah, just being run down, not enough sleep will make you sick.
Right.
That's called lowered.
Thank you.
I raised my hand.
If you get frequent headaches or muscle pains and not from doing a workout and being sore like that.
It's not really me.
Is this about me?
It's not about you, but I really like that that's where it's going for you.
I'm going to be the every man today.
Are you?
Yeah.
Are you?
Change in appetite and that could be in both ways, like emotional eating or not eating at all, stuff like that.
That is one million percent me.
I feel myself craving foods like sugar and salt when I am at my lowest amount of energy when you're tired.
Yeah.
Yeah, I agree.
And then you've already hit this, but change in sleep pattern.
So like overly tired and sleep too much.
Like you're like, oh, I fell asleep on the couch again.
How did I get here?
Or I'm not sleeping at all.
Like those two are two are physical options.
Nope.
Physical symptoms to a burnout.
If you feel any of those things, I haven't been sleeping.
Yeah.
And that comes from like when you can't turn your brain off.
Yeah, because you're thinking of so many things.
Yes.
And how am I going to get them all done?
There's not enough hours in the day.
There are, though.
And I think that's what we're here to talk about.
There are enough hours in the day because you need to figure out how not to do that.
Right.
I'm raising my hand because that's a symptom I wasn't aware of.
If you feel like there are not enough hours in a day.
Yeah.
And they're actually are.
I think we grew up with mom saying every day, oh my gosh, there just aren't enough
hours in the day.
Yes.
Because she's a hustler, as we've said before.
Don't.
Yes.
I'm a hustler, baby.
I'm trying to think of how many episodes I can say that in.
All of them.
11 out of 11 11 out of 11.
No, but yeah, there are enough hours in the day and we just have to figure out how to
delegate those hours.
Yeah.
Work smarter, not harder.
I know it's just so hard to work smart.
I snorted.
You sure did.
Because that's not going to happen.
Emotional symptoms.
If you have these symptoms.
If you feel like you have a sense of failure or self doubt in like completing tasks or.
Kind of overall.
Yeah, you just wake up and you already know that you're going to fail at getting everything
on your list done.
If you are a list maker.
What.
If you feel helpless or trapped or defeated and these are all really.
Extreme words, I think to feel on the daily all the time every day, but just at moments
that overwhelming times at your job or at home and you just, you know, basically you
just feel like it whatever you do isn't going to matter.
Right.
Detachment that you are completely alone in feeling this way or in the world at all.
Yeah.
And then you isolate yourself.
Yeah.
And you isolate yourself.
Yeah.
Loss of motivation or just overall negative like everything is like I know people like
this.
Like there's so much to deciding.
Oh, they're just wired that way.
They just think that way.
They're always at the negative perspective and that's their go to and then they can come
out of it.
Maybe they're just perpetually burnout.
Right.
Like now I'm I have to think about that.
You think about your whole life.
Yeah, sort of.
Decreased satisfaction or like sense of accomplishment.
Yeah.
I think that goes along with just not feeling like anything you're doing matters or is good
enough or worth it because there's so much to do like you couldn't possibly do it all
or make each thing.
Great.
Yeah.
Like that sentence.
Like getting that sentence out at all.
I great things do.
Why am I here?
Oh, OK.
So this is the last type of like listing that we'll do for right now, but there's behavioral
symptoms as well.
So the reason why we're even listing all this is so that you're aware and that maybe you
think of things in a different way of, oh, wow, very much sounds like me or somebody
I'm living with in my house or how things could be going.
But maybe I could stop it before it gets there.
Well, I think that people misconstrues stress and burnout.
Like I always just say, oh my God, I'm so stressed out.
Maybe I'm not stressed out.
Maybe I'm burned out.
And those are two different things.
They are.
So let's let's get to that now since you brought that up and then we'll do the behavioral symptoms
and go back to that.
So there is a difference of stress and burnout.
And this is brand new to me.
I was completely surprised in reading this.
Stress is when things feel like they're too much.
It's too much.
The pressures are very high mentally and physically.
And it feels like you can't get anything under control.
Yeah, you sort of feel out of control out of control.
But if you could just organize it, it'll be OK.
Yeah, like you can, you know, you look at that list of things to do.
This is this is what I do on the daily.
You look at the list of things to do and you're like, oh my gosh, what minutes do I have to
get these done that aren't work minutes and work like things that I'm already responsible
for?
If I can just organize and get situated and make this will go here and this will go here
and then it'll be all right.
It'll be all right.
Like you tell yourself that all the time.
That stress, right?
That is 100 percent just stress.
Yeah, it's like stressing out over a project.
And once the project's done, you feel relieved.
You do.
You feel like your shoulder is completely right.
That stress, right?
Yeah.
Burnout is not enough.
So if stress is too much, then burnout is the complete opposite.
Like you feel empty mentally and physically, you're exhausted and getting to the end, like
looking at that list in the morning, getting to the end of the list and wondering when
you're going to get it all done.
There's no hope.
It's not a feeling of like, all right, well, if I do ABC, indeed, that it's going to be
OK, even though I'm super anxious about it.
There's no hope when you're in a burnout.
Like, you know, it's not going to get done.
It's not going to get done well.
And you don't have the capacity to feel like it is.
To see the light at the end of the tunnel.
Yeah, yeah.
That's a good way to do it.
Yeah.
So that's the difference.
And I do they when they're mapped out like this, it's so different.
Yeah.
What I was reading was that stress eventually becomes physical.
So like you carry stress in your shoulders, you carry stress.
You know, in your muscles, you carry stress in your back, you carry it in your, you know,
in your head with headaches and stuff and burnout is just the feeling of nothing.
Yeah.
Nothingness, basically.
You have no feelings about it, anything, because you just don't care.
Stress is anxiety.
Burnout is depression.
Yes.
Stress is emotional overactivity, like highly anxious, right?
Overly.
And burnout is emotionally stunted.
It's everything you're saying.
I'm just fully mapping it out.
Yeah, I did not know that.
Stress is primarily physical damage.
I'm amazing.
And burnout is primarily emotional damage.
Yes.
Stress is energy loss and burnout is loss of ideals and hope.
Yeah, burnout sounds horrible.
I mean, stress is horrible, but stress sort of seems positive right now as opposed to
burnout.
Yeah.
Because there is a light at the end of the tunnel and if you can just get there, the
stress will be over.
Sometimes that stress is never over though, because you're constantly worried about the
next thing.
Well, if that stress is never over, then it goes into a burnout.
Like it doesn't just like.
Piled up.
It's like a pile up into anxious stress.
It definitely eventually turns into depression.
Right.
For sure.
Now, everybody has a level of anxiety.
Everybody has a level of depression in you.
It truly science fact.
Everybody has that capability.
It's how you manage and regulate to either stay like stay in the middle of the extremes,
like one side or the other.
So some of the behavioral symptoms.
Yeah, circle back.
Yeah.
But but but but.
Withdraw responsibilities, which makes sense to depression, right?
Like you can't.
You just can't do it.
Yeah.
You've already said this, but isolation.
Completely isolate yourself from your responsibilities.
When the people in your circle, like everything is just too much.
This association.
Yeah.
Using food, drugs, alcohol, whatever that is to cope, yeah, that goes to burnout.
That's not necessarily a stress reaction.
Trying to get burnout.
Oh my God.
Why are you here?
Lashing out on others via like your frustration, but you're taking it out on everybody else.
That is a behavioral symptom.
And then skipping work or not caring enough to show up late or to leave early because
it's just it's not the cards for you.
Yeah.
Those are all behavioral.
Yeah.
Well, they sound horrible.
Let's lighten this up a little bit.
Cool.
Carly is definitely more of the burnout.
Her emotional capacity is zero.
She has absolutely no sensitivity.
I am a highly sensitive person.
I am an HSP and Carly is a great match.
Dead.
Carly is dead.
Carly is Jack the Pumpkin King.
Dead inside, but she sings a pretty song, you know?
Victoria does.
She's like, you have no sympathy for anyone.
If you have an injury, you're weak.
Do you need to cry?
You're weak.
That is quite literally how Carly gets by.
And I think it's because you are so burnt out that dealing with whatever it may be, if
you crack that surface, you are going to crack wide open.
You know.
And then, Victoria knows, she's like, I have no, I do have feelings, but like, I wasn't
going to say like I have no feelings.
I do have feelings, but if that door or that flood gate opens, it is not going to be good
for me.
So instead of like doing it a little bit at a time, I just go one and done and I am down
for the count for a little while.
She's a HSP baby.
In all aspects.
So I don't like to break those cracks very often.
Yeah.
So let me just, let's just put that up.
Everything you just said is wrong.
Everything you just said in life on how you handle life is you've not correct way to do
it.
Oh my God, no.
Don't do that.
Yeah.
And I'm only saying that and I'm partially making fun of her, but partially like Carly
uses this as her therapy because she won't actually go to therapy.
I will.
By the way, I'm just burnt out.
I don't have any time.
I don't have $5.
Yeah, that's true.
So here's, okay, to burn out.
I don't have any time for it.
Here's something I told myself for years and you can talk to mom about this because mom
tried to get me in therapy.
I feel like the first time was in high school and then in college and I was always like,
I don't have time for it.
Blah, blah, blah, blah, right?
Giving all the excuses as to why not.
And it was because the main reason was society of that like therapy means there's something
wrong with you.
Right.
It's really, you know, it's Carly's thought process, right?
Therapy means you're weak and there's something wrong with you and you have to talk it out
to a stranger and all the scary things, blah, blah, blah, blah.
So I avoided it like the plague for years.
So if it's something like therapy and I say, just do therapy for five minutes.
Go talk to someone for five minutes and you're like, I don't have five minutes.
I have five minutes.
That means you need an hour.
Right.
If you feel like you don't have time for five minutes, then you really need an hour.
Oh my gosh.
If you can't meditate for five minutes, then you should probably be setting aside an hour
of meditation in your day.
You lost me at meditate.
Oh, um, it's, it's, no, I get it.
I get it.
When do you, I get it.
I hear everything you say.
I'm absorbing it.
I just need to put it into action when I have time.
No, no, that is no.
And everyone out there listening, listen to me.
Do not listen.
Oh, trust me.
They're listening to you, not me.
Trust me.
Do garlic.
The ways to regulate stress and burn out our self care, which we've done a lot of tips
on and you totally believe in all of these things.
I do.
I believe it.
I believe to get through.
She's putting her hand up in the sky and she's saying, I believe.
Um, but even if you're putting your hand up in the sky and you're saying, I believe,
belief means nothing if you're not putting action to it.
Right.
I believe.
There are tips.
Yeah.
There are tips of ways to turn things around for yourself.
One of them, tip number one, there's only five of them.
Okay.
So bear with us here.
Tip number one is to turn to others.
Okay.
Carly's smiled like the Grinch picture the Grinch.
Now put blonde curly hair on the Grinch.
That's what Carly just did to me.
Wait a second.
I do want to say I did ask for help this week.
I asked for help and it was very hard for me and it was received very well.
I don't believe it.
To who?
To Jacqueline.
I asked her to help us teach an extra class that we're teaching this week.
I asked her to for help.
She said yes.
And she said, why don't I just do the whole thing for you?
Because I know you guys have been working yourselves to death and I was like, wow, I should ask
for help more often.
I was like, no, no, no, no, no, no, that's fine.
We got it.
Yeah, God forbid.
Yeah.
But it was hard for me.
I asked for help.
It was received well.
I might be asking for more help in 10 years.
Very proud.
Thanks Jacqueline.
Very proud of you.
So yes, turn to others and it doesn't necessarily mean even though that was a really good and
huge for Carly, huge way to express that, it could just mean to go like talk and like
vent.
It doesn't necessarily have to be about asking for help, but that is a huge, huge part of
turning to others.
So it's social.
It could just be someone to listen to you for five minutes.
It could be a community of people.
It could also be limiting the negative people in your life, which we've talked about in
other episodes before, but that's a way to turn to others.
Tip number two, reframe the way you look at work, because I think a majority of what burns
people out is their work-life balance.
So you work too much or what you're doing at work isn't fulfilling or they're asking
so much of you that you bring it home.
So like your career and what you do for a job has a lot to do with burnout.
They're just connected.
So the way that you look at work is what the difference would be.
So like you find value in a different way or find the balance of work and life in a
different way.
Or maybe you aren't someone who has a lot of work.
Friends make friends, like make your environment a little bit lighter for yourself.
And maybe that's hard.
Like making friends is hard, especially as an adult.
Yeah.
Friends as an adult.
It's it's no new friends.
Just like making friends as a kid.
It's scary.
Yeah.
Well, because we're all afraid of rejection.
Right.
So it's even scarier making friends as an adult.
And then take time off.
Oh, OK.
Take time off.
This doesn't apply to business owners.
But take time off, which relieves some of your stress in the workplace.
Those are some good tips.
What I will say when I was researching burnout for stress is burnout, they say, you know,
take time off, like go on a vacation, but just like we did, we went on vacation for
three days and you'd think that when we came back on Monday, we'd be like rejuvenated,
energized.
And it actually says if you're in a burnout, you won't be because three days is not going
to fix the monumental stuff that you have in your mind or you piled up.
And guess what?
It didn't.
We went away for three days and and we actually felt I needed another week of vacation.
Yeah.
And not just because like we were up late or whatever like that.
It was, oh, my gosh, now we're going back to it all.
And I don't have I can't get it done.
I couldn't get it done three days ago and I can't get it done now.
And that to me screamed, oh, yeah, I am in a burnout because I just went on a cruise
and I feel worse coming back.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's true.
But if you take like anything, if you take micro time off, if you take like a day here
and there in the week, then your stress levels and everything lowers so that it doesn't do
the build up.
Everything in moderation.
Right.
Doing one big trip once every 10 years.
Yeah.
Is that.
Yeah, it's very different.
It's just like, you know, going to therapy one time every six months and thinking it's
going to fix all your problems.
No, you can't talk about that.
OK.
Never mind.
Tip number three.
Re-evaluate your priorities, Carly.
Setting boundaries, which we've talked about before.
It's super hard to do, but really important.
The tech break, which we talked about before, which is also very important.
It all goes together.
Getting some more creativity into your life, whatever that is, whatever creativity is for
you.
Everyone's creative in a different way, but bring that into your life.
Take away the humdrum of like wake up, coffee, work, stress, pick kids up from school, get
kids where they need to go, make dinner, go to bed, do again.
Like, but that to me sounds like a great day.
Oh, my gosh.
Have some relaxing time set aside, though, that you've scheduled that in.
We've talked about all this stuff before.
So start doing it and then sleep, prioritize your sleep.
That's something I don't do because I end up staying on the couch way too late.
Yes.
But at the same time, it's hard for you to actually do because you lay in bed thinking
about all the things you have to do tomorrow and then stress out about that, which makes
you not sleep.
Right.
But the little things that you change throughout the day will help the sleep in the end.
So like deciding I'm going to change my sleep that no, nothing's going to change.
My brain will continue to go on.
But if I take a break here and there throughout the day and I reset myself for the 10 minutes,
we'll talk about it a little bit later on how to do these tiny things to help yourself.
Then the sleep begins sleep.
Yeah, I love that.
Tip number four, make exercise a priority.
Whether you're a fitness person or not, make exercise a priority.
And this is what I was just kind of alluding to.
It could be a 10 minute walk at your lunch break.
You have 30 minutes for lunch, which I think everybody should have way more than 30 minutes
for lunch.
But if you have that, then you take 10 minutes of that, get outside, do a stroll.
It doesn't have to be a power walk.
It can be a pretty girl walk and if you don't want to do a hot girl walk, just take a little
pretty girl walk.
Get rid of that visual.
That's quite a visual if you ask me.
But she's not wrong.
She's not wrong because that 10 minute pretty girl walk can boost your mood for two hours
in the sun.
That's crazy hours and help you sleep.
Grant Vicki is a perpetual insomniac for all intents and purposes.
And sleeping has never been something that came easy.
And there's if you look at her, she's got an I'm asked.
She's got the lavender.
She's got acupuncture needles coming out of the wazoo.
And she's in her own special cocoon trying to get one good night of sleep.
Recently, she is the queen of I read in an article once like that's her her line.
But if you take a walk and she can definitely correct me, but I venture to say it's between
10 and 30 minutes.
If you take a walk before noon in sun or an overcast day where the sun, you know, some
of those days where the sun's still like there, but it's not completely black and dreary, you
will sleep better at night.
And if you make it a daily thing, she is sleeping like a sleeping beauty.
She does it every day, every single day.
And she'll do it after she prioritizes her workout at Seafit and just take a walk before
she gets in the car and then goes about her day.
But she's sleeping and prioritizing that is such a big deal.
But that 10 minutes of getting exercise in not only helps your body, it also helps your
sleep.
So like everything is connected is basically what I'm trying to say.
Yeah.
Tip five, support your mood with a healthy diet.
So what you eat matters.
Oh my gosh.
How many more ways can we say it?
Minimize refined carbs and sugar.
So all of the white breads and all of the processed sugars.
Makes you tired.
Don't do it.
Just banter you.
Reduce some caffeine intake, Carly.
Nope.
No, you should reduce some caffeine intake, Carly.
I'm going to be real with you all.
I will do a lot of these things I will not know I won't do that.
I will do it, but I won't do that.
And then preservatives reduce those and reduce hormones in food.
So really look at the poultry that you're buying at the store.
Make sure it doesn't have those added hormones in them because they do.
They really, really do.
They're doing that now.
It's horrible.
Avoid nicotine if you're a smoker.
Like think about your choices.
You know, just like think about it.
Avoid alcohol.
I love that things say like coping mechanisms.
It's what was it from earlier?
Yeah, it's like drugs, alcohol.
That's the same thing.
Yeah.
The alcohol is a drug.
It is a poison.
It is more if not the same as addicting to heroin.
Like it's just allowed.
The difference is it's allowed.
It is a drug.
Right.
It's allowed and just do it in moderation.
We're not telling you not to drink.
No, I'm just I'm stressing the fact that like it is kind of surprising when everyone's
like drugs or alcohol.
No, drug.
It's an alcohol or the same thing.
So just avoid it as best you can.
If you're in the middle of a burnout, notice what you're doing with it is really all it
is.
Right.
We are not telling you to do anything other than I'm telling everything to Carly.
Eat more omega three fatty acids.
Love a good avocado.
Yes.
That is that the one you know?
And fish oil.
Yes.
Salmon, herring, mackerel, anchovies, sardines.
Oh, yeah.
Those are my favorite seaweed.
Carly likes seaweed.
I love seaweed.
I have seaweed salad at least once a week.
Black seed and walnuts.
They're great omega three fatty acids that helps with boosting your mood and just keeping
everything happy and healthy.
And as a side note, it's amazing for your immune system.
Right.
Because if you're burnout, your immune system is low.
Remember when Carly was like, no, my immune system is fine.
I'm always congested and I'm really tired all the time and I'm like always sick because
I have kids and like my body just doesn't fight it.
But here's why.
I want to talk about one thing.
Wait, you got more?
No, Carly.
It's your turn.
Okay.
So, thanks for us.
Here's the thing.
And I think a lot of us have the same issue.
It doesn't matter what career you're in, whether you own a business or not.
You're always on call.
We are not doctors.
Clearly.
I don't know if that's clear.
I don't think you have to say that louder.
All right.
We're always on call.
And because of technology, you're always on call.
You meaning you all.
And that is really hard right now.
So people expect you to be on at all times of the day.
Accessible.
I will get an email at 11 p.m. on a Sunday night and I respond.
That's ridiculous.
I know it's ridiculous, but I am in the mentality.
Maybe it's from being a theater, being in theater, musical theater that if I don't do
it, somebody else is going to get the job and we need that job.
So they're like, we're replaceable.
Somebody is replaceable.
You just are.
And if I don't respond, is that person going to contact somebody else and see if they can
get what they want from another business?
So I better do it now.
Or if you text me about a work issue, even though I say, you know, email, we have somebody
that deals with that, I will respond right away.
Because if I don't, somebody else will because I'm replaceable.
So I have that mentality constantly.
Right.
And what will help with that is that you are going to say something like, it's therapy.
Not that.
No, I know.
I think we all know we're not replaceable.
You are not replaceable.
Right.
I think we all know that.
But in this world with fast, instant technology, well, if you're not going to do it, somebody
else is going to do it.
I'll find somebody else.
It's very hard to get over that.
And I think that creates the burnout in any career that you have that you are constantly
accessible because of our phones.
And that's a hard thing to get away from.
I miss the Nokia block phone where you could just play Snake.
Yeah.
And you had to type a three times or the number one for the letter A, you know, like I, I
miss that because I could walk away from it and not have the obligation to respond and
think, well, if I don't respond right now, like the amount of energy we put into what
other people think about our responses and our timely responses or not so timely responses
is such a waste of time.
I know.
But I completely understand what you're saying.
But I am here to say, you know, that inner work that you do for your own self worth and
your own self value helps with that replaceable feeling even in the workplace, because you
are absolutely not replaceable.
There's no one there is no one like you, Carly.
Although I think I created one.
You one out of three.
You're not replaceable.
And if they do so, go elsewhere.
There's someone else in the line that's better suited.
Right.
So yes, should you respond to the work emails?
Absolutely.
I get that feeling at 11 p.m.
I must do this.
I must do this now.
They must know.
No, you're tight.
You're off the clock.
There is a little bit of a silver lining to this quiet quitting thing that people are
doing.
Oh, we're talking.
That's my next thing we're talking about.
Great.
Let's talk about it.
I'm about to quiet quit you.
Let's talk.
Quiet quitting that you're the one who told me about quiet quitting.
I didn't even know that was a term.
I'm going to be honest with you when I first heard it and told you, I was very judgmental.
My God, she was so mad.
I was angry.
I was like, this is the stupidest thing I've ever heard.
And after reading and living my life and then thinking about quiet quitting, I was like,
it's not it's not all that bad.
No.
Quiet quitting is not depleting yourself at work, doing what's expected, sometimes less
and not taking on any more responsibility than your job requires.
It's basically clocking in at nine, clocking out at five, not going over and above, not
going over and above.
And now I think there are levels.
Yeah.
I I'm not saying that I wish I quiet quitted every day.
Clearly, that's not in the cards for us.
I don't want to feel like you do anything quietly, to be honest, to be completely honest, but
I would be a total loud quitter.
I'm quitting.
I would make it known as I walked out of the office every day.
And especially as I just said in this day and age, you are accessible at all times.
We can't quiet quit.
I was judgmental because I was like, that's lazy.
That is so lazy.
Why would you do what is required of you and not extra?
Why wouldn't you want to go the extra mile?
Why would you not?
Because if you don't hustle, somebody's going to hustle harder.
So yeah, you quiet quit at five.
I'm going to hustle and I'm going to get promoted.
Right.
But I also think that you are paid to do a job, that job.
Right.
A lot of the extra stuff is on you.
And there's something about the quiet quitting that I just I like.
But the part of the quiet quitting that I think I say to you all the time is, no, you
don't have to do that right now, Carly.
No, you don't have to do that right now.
No, you they can wait.
No, they and I'm constantly saying that.
Oh, I know.
I've never read a text.
Why did you respond?
Don't respond.
They emailed you or DMed your personal account.
Don't respond on that.
That is inappropriate.
You do not have to meet them where they're trying to meet you.
You do it the way you want to do it.
Right.
And I think that's setting the boundaries, setting 100 percent.
Like the work boundaries leads you to a burnout.
Because if you have no boundaries, yeah, then you're going to burnout and this quiet quitting
has a very clear boundary, which I think that's why I said I think there's a happy medium
of quiet quitting and leading to burnout. Yeah.
And the hard part is trying to, you know, just sort of quit. Not like quiet, but not
loudly, just like, meh, I'm done. Like an average sound, an average tone. I'm right
in the middle, appropriate level. But that is don't judge a book by its cover, because
when I heard of quiet quitting, I was like, that's just people being lazy. And I'm like,
oh, I would love a little bit more of that of just clocking out at a certain time.
But you can, that's up to you. I know that like it's up to you. That's the thing. All
of this is about your choices and how you would like to go about either change, shifting
things or staying the same. It's the choice that you get to make. If you don't want to,
I'm learning. This is something that I'm doing the work for. If it's something I do not want
to do and I know my limits, I know my boundaries, I know if I over exert at this point, it doesn't
benefit me or anyone else in my circle or my world. So I have to make the hard decision
to say no, to stick up for myself, to stick up for what I want to do or don't want to
do and follow through without the guilt. Right. And maybe at the time, I mean, right
now I do have the guilt when I make these decisions, but then it dissipates. And hopefully
at some point that will go away. The guilt part, I mean, but it helps everybody. It
helps everyone. And I get to drive my own, my own path. I get to be the in the driver's
seat. What is it? It's the world. If you look at the world as a play, right? There's a script.
There's actors. There's characters. There's a director. You stop being a character in
your own story. Yeah. In your life. Be the director, the writer of the story. Get out
of that role and become the one who makes all of the decisions and realize that you are,
that's the real role. That's the real purpose that you have. And it's such a hard thing
to do because we are, we especially are generation. The younger generation is a little bit different.
The quiet quitters of the world right now are the younger generation. And our generation
did not follow those rules. Yep. We were told we don't get to set the rules. Right. We don't
get to be the director of our own story. And so cutting those conditions now in the 30s
and 40 year olds and the 50 year olds of the world. Well, that's harder because our minds
are already trained to not do that. Condition. But we're learning. And Victoria is the first
person to say, you know, make a decision and don't feel guilt about it. You feel guilt.
You're making yourself feel guilty. Yes. Yes. You are making yourself feel guilty. The decision
is not right. So once you can get rid of that guilty feeling, that's on you. Right. It's
just a lot easier said than done. But if you do that more often, I mean, the power of no
is something that I may never take a hold to, but I try every day. No, I think you could.
I really do think you could. I mean, losing grip of your control is a big part of burnout.
It's a big part of anxiety and stress. And that that comes from, yes, you needing to
be in control is is part of why you are in a burnout. I am specifically talking to Carly
here. So if there's resonates for you to then then open those ears. But losing grip of the
control that you can control at all is really what I'm talking more to. Like you you don't
really have control of anything. Right. Correct. Because it's everywhere all over the place
100 percent. So losing the it has to be this way and my way or the way that I'm used to
and understanding if it goes a different route. Here's here's how I can manage that and like
it's all good and it'll be OK. And and it's going to be different. It's not what I expected.
All right. Here we go. Like that changes. That changes the game. So the way to regulate
and recover have to do with three hours. Did you read this? I sure did. Recognize reverse
and resilience. Recognize is to watch for the warning signs. So all of the symptoms
and signs that we're talking about that could lead you into a much deeper burnout. Be aware.
It's following your gut instinct and kind of perking your ears up to all of this. So recognize
what's going on. Reverse is undo the damage and seek help. OK. Seek help. Seek help.
Oh yeah. No no no. Now I will. I definitely will. That changed it. Great. Thank you.
You're welcome. Resilience. Self care physically and mentally create that resilience to getting
into these stages. So it's rest. It's self care. Anything that is self care for you.
Whatever self care is. We've done a bunch of conversations on self care alone because it
is so so so important. Micro breaks throughout your day whether it's a tech break a
zone out noise break from the people in your house the workplace the situation you're in
whatever it is micro small it all adds up creating a better work life balance for yourself
quality of life. That's a very hard one. It's a big one. Big one. But it is extremely important.
It's really fun for us to work together and then live life together. There's no balance.
I take lots of breaks from you. Yes you do. Meditate. It's super hard. Meditation is really
really hard and I would actually love to do an entire episode on meditating and talking
about it and the benefits and stuff. I do it every morning five minutes five minutes
I put a timer on and I focus on my breath and I try my very very best. I cannot stress
the importance of meditation and meditation comes in a lot of different forms. We'll do
an episode on it. Professional support is a therapist is a counselor is a community of
professional certified people to help you in whatever way shape or form that professional
support means to you. So like not me even though I'm a professional and I support you
crabs not the best person. What are you a professional in burning out. Just call her
Lumiere. She's got a candle at all ends and they are tapped out but she's going to start
practicing all of these things. Yes I will practice what I preach. Real tip of the day
I did not tell Carly what I'm going to call this. It's called if you don't know now you
know what I want you to do. If you need to go back and re listen to this episode is I
want you to differentiate between stress and burnout in your own life. So get a piece
of paper take 10 minutes and write down your stressors your triggers things that you're
feeling emotionally physically go through the list of everything we just rattled off
is it a stress is it a burnout. Are you highly anxious over things or are you a little bit
withdrawn and disassociated because it's all too much. Figure out what it is for you
and then you can go through the three hours and regulate and reverse and make some resilience
to all of this. And now for your real extra tip of the week it's called bound for boundaries.
What does that mean. She hates when I do that stress. What does that mean a bound for boundaries.
It means create a boundary and the boundary that I am asking you to create this week is
do not respond to anything work related after 8pm or in bed. So whenever getting to bed
is for you put the phone down and do not respond to emails to text messages unless you're a
doctor on call nurse on call if you're any job on call. But if you are not no one needs
you at 11pm when you're in bed. So put it down. Don't take it to the sheets and bound
yourself some boundaries. We want you to remember that you are always fit to be real
and always allowed to be a little extra. For legal reasons we have to tell you that this
podcast is meant for entertainment and educational purposes only. We are not health care professionals
for all of your health wellness fitness and self care needs please refer to the medical
professional in your life your primary care physician your therapist a certified coach
whoever it may be and then let us know what they say because I guarantee we need to know
it too. Okay. Okay bye.