1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,200 Welcome to fit to be real and a little extra. 2 00:00:04,200 --> 00:00:05,600 Today's gonna be fun. 3 00:00:05,600 --> 00:00:11,160 We're talking support systems and surrounding yourself with the best people for you in your 4 00:00:11,160 --> 00:00:12,160 circle. 5 00:00:12,160 --> 00:00:15,440 Am I the right person for you, Victoria? 6 00:00:15,440 --> 00:00:16,960 Cue music. 7 00:00:16,960 --> 00:00:19,400 Ha ha ha ha! 8 00:00:19,400 --> 00:00:20,400 Oh! 9 00:00:20,400 --> 00:00:21,920 I'm Victoria. 10 00:00:21,920 --> 00:00:28,160 Hey guys, I'm Carly. 11 00:00:28,160 --> 00:00:32,800 It's never gonna change. 12 00:00:32,800 --> 00:00:38,600 Before we get started, I just want to thank all of you out there that are listening and 13 00:00:38,600 --> 00:00:41,960 sharing and liking these episodes. 14 00:00:41,960 --> 00:00:47,600 The tiniest bit of support, talking about support, helps in the biggest way and all 15 00:00:47,600 --> 00:00:51,120 of your feedback has been so incredible. 16 00:00:51,120 --> 00:00:57,800 It is so nice to get those DMs or those emails saying, oh my gosh, I related to that so much 17 00:00:57,800 --> 00:01:00,520 or you guys are just making me smile and laugh. 18 00:01:00,520 --> 00:01:05,240 Those are the absolute best and keep them coming because it's really helping us. 19 00:01:05,240 --> 00:01:06,600 Yeah, it's the whole point of this. 20 00:01:06,600 --> 00:01:11,280 So I just wanted to do a little bit of housekeeping there and say thank you. 21 00:01:11,280 --> 00:01:12,280 We actually mean that. 22 00:01:12,280 --> 00:01:14,680 Yeah, that's true. 23 00:01:14,680 --> 00:01:19,720 So we were thinking about what to talk about for this episode and something that has popped 24 00:01:19,720 --> 00:01:26,240 up a lot in the past year, I would say, is support systems and the importance of proper 25 00:01:26,240 --> 00:01:33,880 support systems in your world for your evolving, for your growing, for your health, your mental 26 00:01:33,880 --> 00:01:39,880 health, your physical health, all of it and kind of weeding out the people that don't 27 00:01:39,880 --> 00:01:45,840 actually serve your purpose in moving forward in life in the best way possible for you and 28 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:48,120 how you want to thrive and survive. 29 00:01:48,120 --> 00:01:53,120 And sometimes that changes over the course of a life just because maybe some people were 30 00:01:53,120 --> 00:02:00,000 with you since day one, that doesn't necessarily mean that those people are good for you in 31 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:01,720 this phase of your life. 32 00:02:01,720 --> 00:02:03,360 And that totally changes. 33 00:02:03,360 --> 00:02:06,320 And that's a hard pill to swallow sometimes. 34 00:02:06,320 --> 00:02:14,120 I saw on Instagram a reel that was somebody speaking and I might be able to find it and 35 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:19,200 put it in the show notes, but he said everything is seasonal. 36 00:02:19,200 --> 00:02:20,280 People are seasonal. 37 00:02:20,280 --> 00:02:22,560 Your phases of life, obviously it's a phase. 38 00:02:22,560 --> 00:02:23,560 It's seasonal. 39 00:02:23,560 --> 00:02:26,000 Some people aren't meant to be in every single season. 40 00:02:26,000 --> 00:02:29,880 And the hardest part of that is letting go of those people. 41 00:02:29,880 --> 00:02:34,400 And we we tend to be conditioned to think just like you said, day oneers are going to 42 00:02:34,400 --> 00:02:36,120 be last dayers as well. 43 00:02:36,120 --> 00:02:41,840 And that's not necessarily the case, but we attach ourselves or attachment styles keep 44 00:02:41,840 --> 00:02:46,480 us to people that maybe are not actually good for us for growing and evolving. 45 00:02:46,480 --> 00:02:49,440 I also saw something on Instagram. 46 00:02:49,440 --> 00:02:52,520 Did you know it was a real. 47 00:02:52,520 --> 00:02:56,040 That said, you're allowed to change. 48 00:02:56,040 --> 00:02:57,800 And that really hit hard. 49 00:02:57,800 --> 00:02:59,160 And you know who did it? 50 00:02:59,160 --> 00:03:01,160 Sister sister, Tamara. 51 00:03:01,160 --> 00:03:02,160 Oh, right. 52 00:03:02,160 --> 00:03:04,480 Wasn't it Tia Tia and Tamara? 53 00:03:04,480 --> 00:03:05,760 It was Tamara. 54 00:03:05,760 --> 00:03:08,280 And she said, you're allowed to change. 55 00:03:08,280 --> 00:03:09,280 Wow. 56 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:10,960 And I was like, I don't know. 57 00:03:10,960 --> 00:03:14,160 It just hit me because I can change. 58 00:03:14,160 --> 00:03:17,480 I don't have to be the person I was when I was 16. 59 00:03:17,480 --> 00:03:18,600 And that's not my fault. 60 00:03:18,600 --> 00:03:21,040 And I shouldn't feel bad about that. 61 00:03:21,040 --> 00:03:24,120 And I shouldn't have to hide that, but you are allowed to change and evolve. 62 00:03:24,120 --> 00:03:29,160 And I think at 37, I'm, you know, I'm learning a lot during these podcasts. 63 00:03:29,160 --> 00:03:30,280 It's very reflective. 64 00:03:30,280 --> 00:03:35,560 So again, thank you for your support because I'm learning a lot about myself and following 65 00:03:35,560 --> 00:03:39,080 all these Instagram accounts now that are teaching me things. 66 00:03:39,080 --> 00:03:40,080 Motivational. 67 00:03:40,080 --> 00:03:42,600 You see, you weeded out the bad ones. 68 00:03:42,600 --> 00:03:45,960 And now you're seeing all these positive motivational gifts. 69 00:03:45,960 --> 00:03:46,960 Sorry. 70 00:03:46,960 --> 00:03:51,000 And won't all be getting happy birthday texts or Facebook messages from you anymore. 71 00:03:51,000 --> 00:03:52,720 But I'm learning a lot about myself. 72 00:03:52,720 --> 00:03:55,120 So, but I'm bum. 73 00:03:55,120 --> 00:03:59,160 Your support system should support you in those changes. 74 00:03:59,160 --> 00:04:03,880 And if they are resisting and having friction with who you're trying to be or who you feel 75 00:04:03,880 --> 00:04:09,920 like is authentic for you to be now, they're not the right people to continue on with you 76 00:04:09,920 --> 00:04:10,920 in those changes. 77 00:04:10,920 --> 00:04:11,920 Yeah. 78 00:04:11,920 --> 00:04:17,400 This is a whole episode of me trying to get rid of Carly. 79 00:04:17,400 --> 00:04:23,000 I actually was going to just ask you, Hey, do I fall in that seasonal change of yours? 80 00:04:23,000 --> 00:04:24,320 Oh my gosh. 81 00:04:24,320 --> 00:04:25,320 Props not, but we're blood. 82 00:04:25,320 --> 00:04:26,320 Props not. 83 00:04:26,320 --> 00:04:27,320 Blood does not matter. 84 00:04:27,320 --> 00:04:28,320 That's true. 85 00:04:28,320 --> 00:04:29,320 It doesn't. 86 00:04:29,320 --> 00:04:30,320 It doesn't. 87 00:04:30,320 --> 00:04:32,680 Well, that's a whole another episode that we'll get into at another time. 88 00:04:32,680 --> 00:04:34,720 Oh, I can't wait for that one. 89 00:04:34,720 --> 00:04:37,080 Lots of content. 90 00:04:37,080 --> 00:04:45,280 But the importance of support system has such a positive impact on our overall mental health 91 00:04:45,280 --> 00:04:51,360 and it combats social isolation and loneliness, which helps physically and mentally. 92 00:04:51,360 --> 00:04:55,560 And I looked all this up online and I'm going to post all of those links below so that you 93 00:04:55,560 --> 00:05:00,440 can navigate these yourselves because there's a lot of interesting and really positive and 94 00:05:00,440 --> 00:05:05,680 helpful tools and tips in these articles that we've been researching through all of this. 95 00:05:05,680 --> 00:05:08,840 Because it's not just have a good support system, have a better life. 96 00:05:08,840 --> 00:05:10,960 Like there's so much to it. 97 00:05:10,960 --> 00:05:13,400 And physically it helps with high blood pressure. 98 00:05:13,400 --> 00:05:15,400 I saw that. 99 00:05:15,400 --> 00:05:16,400 Good. 100 00:05:16,400 --> 00:05:17,400 That's wonderful. 101 00:05:17,400 --> 00:05:19,400 Because I read those. 102 00:05:19,400 --> 00:05:20,400 All the links I sent you. 103 00:05:20,400 --> 00:05:21,400 Yes. 104 00:05:21,400 --> 00:05:22,400 Great. 105 00:05:22,400 --> 00:05:25,080 I read them and I saw that and I was like, of course. 106 00:05:25,080 --> 00:05:26,080 Yeah. 107 00:05:26,080 --> 00:05:30,440 Because when you're not stressed and when you're not constantly up here, sort of like I am, 108 00:05:30,440 --> 00:05:31,440 I'm constantly up here. 109 00:05:31,440 --> 00:05:32,440 High shot. 110 00:05:32,440 --> 00:05:34,400 You said that with a straight face. 111 00:05:34,400 --> 00:05:37,680 I was dead serious. 112 00:05:37,680 --> 00:05:41,640 When you're down and you're calm and you're zen breathing. 113 00:05:41,640 --> 00:05:43,880 When you're breathing normally. 114 00:05:43,880 --> 00:05:44,880 Yeah. 115 00:05:44,880 --> 00:05:46,200 It brings your stress. 116 00:05:46,200 --> 00:05:47,600 How easy is that? 117 00:05:47,600 --> 00:05:49,000 It's actually harder said than done. 118 00:05:49,000 --> 00:05:51,640 I'm going to have a conversation with myself now. 119 00:05:51,640 --> 00:05:55,080 You don't need to be here. 120 00:05:55,080 --> 00:05:58,880 Well, that takes us to a weakened immune system. 121 00:05:58,880 --> 00:06:00,800 Anxiety and depression. 122 00:06:00,800 --> 00:06:02,480 I mean, the list goes on and on and on. 123 00:06:02,480 --> 00:06:07,120 So that just comes from having a proper support system for you. 124 00:06:07,120 --> 00:06:12,160 And I don't want to use the words positive or negative just yet because too high of a 125 00:06:12,160 --> 00:06:14,800 positive was toxic positivity or something. 126 00:06:14,800 --> 00:06:17,640 It's called you need the negative to have the positive. 127 00:06:17,640 --> 00:06:19,080 You need the positive to have the negative. 128 00:06:19,080 --> 00:06:20,920 It's the same with light and dark. 129 00:06:20,920 --> 00:06:23,160 It's yin and yang. 130 00:06:23,160 --> 00:06:26,320 They have to be together to thrive. 131 00:06:26,320 --> 00:06:29,320 Negativity in the sense of Debbie Downers. 132 00:06:29,320 --> 00:06:30,320 Negative Nancy's. 133 00:06:30,320 --> 00:06:32,240 Oh, I like all these names. 134 00:06:32,240 --> 00:06:34,240 Oh, begrudged Betty. 135 00:06:34,240 --> 00:06:35,760 I just made that one. 136 00:06:35,760 --> 00:06:37,080 We can tell. 137 00:06:37,080 --> 00:06:38,080 I think we're aware. 138 00:06:38,080 --> 00:06:40,880 I'm going to batten that one. 139 00:06:40,880 --> 00:06:43,280 Those type of people that it's just constant. 140 00:06:43,280 --> 00:06:44,280 Yeah. 141 00:06:44,280 --> 00:06:49,120 Morning, noon, and night, every situation, even if something good is happening, they 142 00:06:49,120 --> 00:06:52,880 automatically go to what could happen or what could go wrong. 143 00:06:52,880 --> 00:06:59,240 Those types of people are more of the like all around negative, the toxic negativity. 144 00:06:59,240 --> 00:07:01,600 There's everything on each side of the spectrum. 145 00:07:01,600 --> 00:07:09,200 According to the American Psychological Association, there are five tips to find yourself a really 146 00:07:09,200 --> 00:07:14,800 good support system if you don't already have one or if you're looking for maybe more in 147 00:07:14,800 --> 00:07:16,200 a different way. 148 00:07:16,200 --> 00:07:21,040 I feel like we have a good support system, but I don't think there's any case where 149 00:07:21,040 --> 00:07:23,320 I would reject somebody that was supportive. 150 00:07:23,320 --> 00:07:24,960 Do you know what I mean? 151 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:30,800 Like I feel like you can always use positive supportive people in your life. 152 00:07:30,800 --> 00:07:31,800 Like minded people. 153 00:07:31,800 --> 00:07:32,800 Right. 154 00:07:32,800 --> 00:07:33,800 Right? 155 00:07:33,800 --> 00:07:34,800 Yeah. 156 00:07:34,800 --> 00:07:35,800 Yeah. 157 00:07:35,800 --> 00:07:36,800 You trying to reject someone? 158 00:07:36,800 --> 00:07:37,800 Who are you rejecting? 159 00:07:37,800 --> 00:07:38,800 No. 160 00:07:38,800 --> 00:07:44,800 You said, like if you already have one, and I'm adding, you could always use one more. 161 00:07:44,800 --> 00:07:45,800 Yeah. 162 00:07:45,800 --> 00:07:49,800 That was my addition to the conversation. 163 00:07:49,800 --> 00:07:54,840 This one is the first one and it is reach out to family and friends, which seems really 164 00:07:54,840 --> 00:07:58,920 simple and I read it and I thought about it and I was like, well, yeah, because you can't 165 00:07:58,920 --> 00:08:01,600 think, oh, well, they're not contacting me. 166 00:08:01,600 --> 00:08:05,880 So I won't contact them or that's why we, you know, you have to reach out. 167 00:08:05,880 --> 00:08:06,880 That's a hard one for me. 168 00:08:06,880 --> 00:08:10,560 I don't involves the telephone. 169 00:08:10,560 --> 00:08:15,920 One because I have to call to because I don't reaching out would mean that I need help. 170 00:08:15,920 --> 00:08:17,600 And sometimes that's number five. 171 00:08:17,600 --> 00:08:18,600 We'll get there. 172 00:08:18,600 --> 00:08:19,600 Oh, shoot. 173 00:08:19,600 --> 00:08:20,600 Sorry. 174 00:08:20,600 --> 00:08:25,760 Number two is use technology, which also seems really simple, stupid, but it's FaceTime. 175 00:08:25,760 --> 00:08:31,160 It's people that aren't around you in your house in your daily routine. 176 00:08:31,160 --> 00:08:34,920 Call them, text them, FaceTime them, Skype them. 177 00:08:34,920 --> 00:08:36,520 Remember Skype? 178 00:08:36,520 --> 00:08:37,520 That counts. 179 00:08:37,520 --> 00:08:40,640 It counts to have even a long distance support system. 180 00:08:40,640 --> 00:08:45,680 Like, okay, for what though, when you need help, support systems don't actually have 181 00:08:45,680 --> 00:08:48,280 to be about like, I need help, help me. 182 00:08:48,280 --> 00:08:51,480 It could just be the daily, hey, I'm on your side. 183 00:08:51,480 --> 00:08:52,480 Yeah. 184 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:53,480 Hey, I got your back. 185 00:08:53,480 --> 00:08:54,680 Hey, you just did that. 186 00:08:54,680 --> 00:08:55,680 That's really cool. 187 00:08:55,680 --> 00:08:56,680 I was a little tiny. 188 00:08:56,680 --> 00:08:57,680 Okay. 189 00:08:57,680 --> 00:08:58,680 You don't do them. 190 00:08:58,680 --> 00:09:00,680 No, they're not something that you do. 191 00:09:00,680 --> 00:09:02,160 I'm not great at that. 192 00:09:02,160 --> 00:09:03,160 I'm not. 193 00:09:03,160 --> 00:09:04,160 I'm not a good. 194 00:09:04,160 --> 00:09:07,160 I am self-proclaimed, not a great friend. 195 00:09:07,160 --> 00:09:08,160 Why? 196 00:09:08,160 --> 00:09:09,160 I don't know. 197 00:09:09,160 --> 00:09:12,160 Oh, because I don't have many. 198 00:09:12,160 --> 00:09:15,160 No, that's not true, though. 199 00:09:15,160 --> 00:09:17,440 No, no, no, no, no. 200 00:09:17,440 --> 00:09:20,080 I don't feel that I'm a great friend. 201 00:09:20,080 --> 00:09:23,080 So that kind of stuff, like I don't do that daily. 202 00:09:23,080 --> 00:09:25,640 I wish I did, but I don't. 203 00:09:25,640 --> 00:09:26,640 It's interesting. 204 00:09:26,640 --> 00:09:32,160 You have an amazing support system or just daily joy, which could also be support of 205 00:09:32,160 --> 00:09:35,280 just having daily joy in your Shawnee friends. 206 00:09:35,280 --> 00:09:36,280 Yes. 207 00:09:36,280 --> 00:09:37,840 None of them are in this area. 208 00:09:37,840 --> 00:09:42,800 None of them you see regularly, but they have an app that they regularly check in and 209 00:09:42,800 --> 00:09:45,000 talk and have conversations with. 210 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:46,000 True. 211 00:09:46,000 --> 00:09:47,000 All the time. 212 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:48,000 That's a support system. 213 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:52,000 You don't ask them for help on the daily, but they're there for you to be like, oh my 214 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,640 gosh, guys, this is a really funny meme. 215 00:09:53,640 --> 00:09:54,640 Yeah. 216 00:09:54,640 --> 00:09:55,640 And today that was really funny. 217 00:09:55,640 --> 00:09:57,920 You know, like that type of stuff is support. 218 00:09:57,920 --> 00:10:05,320 And that's a 16-year friendship, which only has gotten back sort of to the daily, weekly 219 00:10:05,320 --> 00:10:08,320 sort of thing since COVID, right? 220 00:10:08,320 --> 00:10:11,880 Which is technology and bringing people back together. 221 00:10:11,880 --> 00:10:18,840 By the way, Shawnee is a place in the mountains where Andrew and I met doing a theater show 222 00:10:18,840 --> 00:10:24,160 when we were musical theater actors, and I met him along with these 10 other people at 223 00:10:24,160 --> 00:10:26,880 the same time, and we all continued to stay friends. 224 00:10:26,880 --> 00:10:30,440 Shout out to the Cast House. 225 00:10:30,440 --> 00:10:35,880 So number three is connect with shared interests. 226 00:10:35,880 --> 00:10:42,760 So that also can be online in Facebook groups of, you know, we all have bulldogs, like that 227 00:10:42,760 --> 00:10:48,720 type of thing, or classes, group classes, fitness classes, charity organizations, going 228 00:10:48,720 --> 00:10:55,280 to dog parks, like stuff like that, like-minded people in group settings, and you'll connect, 229 00:10:55,280 --> 00:10:59,040 even if it's not like the deepest connections with people, you have that thing. 230 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:00,040 Right. 231 00:11:00,040 --> 00:11:01,040 Like, this is my thing. 232 00:11:01,040 --> 00:11:02,040 Yeah. 233 00:11:02,040 --> 00:11:03,040 I like doing this. 234 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:04,040 Yoga's my thing. 235 00:11:04,040 --> 00:11:06,440 I love my yoga teacher training people. 236 00:11:06,440 --> 00:11:07,840 You have no idea who they are. 237 00:11:07,840 --> 00:11:08,840 No. 238 00:11:08,840 --> 00:11:10,400 They're my favorite people ever. 239 00:11:10,400 --> 00:11:11,640 I love them. 240 00:11:11,640 --> 00:11:12,640 You don't know them. 241 00:11:12,640 --> 00:11:13,640 You don't know anything about them. 242 00:11:13,640 --> 00:11:15,640 You don't know their names, and I'm never going to tell you. 243 00:11:15,640 --> 00:11:19,800 So number four is look for peer support groups. 244 00:11:19,800 --> 00:11:25,000 So this one is a little bit more on if you're going through a personal challenge, you find 245 00:11:25,000 --> 00:11:28,760 support, actual support groups to help you. 246 00:11:28,760 --> 00:11:34,160 And that is a support system that have people that have also been through the experience 247 00:11:34,160 --> 00:11:39,360 that you've been through, that you need some help with experiencing to get through, you 248 00:11:39,360 --> 00:11:40,360 know? 249 00:11:40,360 --> 00:11:41,360 Yeah. 250 00:11:41,360 --> 00:11:43,560 Like a little, like some traumatic experience. 251 00:11:43,560 --> 00:11:47,120 And even something as simple as new mom's group. 252 00:11:47,120 --> 00:11:50,440 It's so hard being a new mom, trying to figure out how to feed your baby, whether you're 253 00:11:50,440 --> 00:11:52,240 nursing or not. 254 00:11:52,240 --> 00:11:57,560 And it can put you in anxiety and depression, and that kind of group is so great where you 255 00:11:57,560 --> 00:12:00,160 can all help each other out. 256 00:12:00,160 --> 00:12:05,840 And then the last one is actually asking for help, which I think is the hardest one out 257 00:12:05,840 --> 00:12:08,160 of all of them. 258 00:12:08,160 --> 00:12:13,040 Asking for help, I think across the board as a collective, most people struggle with, 259 00:12:13,040 --> 00:12:14,040 for sure. 260 00:12:14,040 --> 00:12:17,080 Nobody likes to feel weak or feel like they need help. 261 00:12:17,080 --> 00:12:18,080 Everybody wants to know. 262 00:12:18,080 --> 00:12:19,080 Why is that? 263 00:12:19,080 --> 00:12:20,080 Like, I don't know. 264 00:12:20,080 --> 00:12:21,080 What is that about? 265 00:12:21,080 --> 00:12:22,840 It doesn't make you weak that you need to ask for help. 266 00:12:22,840 --> 00:12:27,480 It's not, I'm not a weak person because I can't accomplish something without someone just 267 00:12:27,480 --> 00:12:32,560 aiding me in some way, giving me, I don't like to feel like I'm letting anybody else down. 268 00:12:32,560 --> 00:12:36,360 And if I've taken something on, I need to finish it myself. 269 00:12:36,360 --> 00:12:38,480 I don't want to put that on anybody else. 270 00:12:38,480 --> 00:12:41,960 So that like having kids, for instance, it was my decision. 271 00:12:41,960 --> 00:12:44,080 Why should I put that on you to take care of my kids? 272 00:12:44,080 --> 00:12:49,040 Like, I know that's a stupid thing to think, but it's a real thing. 273 00:12:49,040 --> 00:12:54,200 And it's a real thing that sometimes moms go through because you feel the guilt and you 274 00:12:54,200 --> 00:12:56,120 feel that I should be able to do this. 275 00:12:56,120 --> 00:12:57,120 Everybody else does it. 276 00:12:57,120 --> 00:12:58,120 Why can't I do it? 277 00:12:58,120 --> 00:13:01,880 But everybody else is also going, God, I wish I could ask for help, but no one's doing that 278 00:13:01,880 --> 00:13:02,880 out loud. 279 00:13:02,880 --> 00:13:06,440 I know I need to learn not even with just kids, just what's it called delegating. 280 00:13:06,440 --> 00:13:08,160 I'm not a good delegator. 281 00:13:08,160 --> 00:13:12,600 I'm going to do it the right way, my way, because if I don't do it, it's not going to 282 00:13:12,600 --> 00:13:13,600 get done correctly. 283 00:13:13,600 --> 00:13:17,880 I think that's called control issues. 284 00:13:17,880 --> 00:13:18,880 Micro-managing. 285 00:13:18,880 --> 00:13:20,680 Yeah, that's me. 286 00:13:20,680 --> 00:13:22,680 Think that's called hereditary. 287 00:13:22,680 --> 00:13:27,920 Yeah, I think that's something that's passed down through generations. 288 00:13:27,920 --> 00:13:32,040 And I think there's a lot of good qualities in everything that you just said that you 289 00:13:32,040 --> 00:13:33,040 do. 290 00:13:33,040 --> 00:13:35,120 I have them as well. 291 00:13:35,120 --> 00:13:39,040 I do think that's familial, and I do think that's something that needs to be broken. 292 00:13:39,040 --> 00:13:44,320 Yeah, it's definitely something that I need to be better at and I need to realize within 293 00:13:44,320 --> 00:13:45,520 myself when I'm doing it. 294 00:13:45,520 --> 00:13:47,640 I always know after the fact. 295 00:13:47,640 --> 00:13:49,520 Man, why didn't I just ask for help? 296 00:13:49,520 --> 00:13:50,760 That was so stupid. 297 00:13:50,760 --> 00:13:54,080 But in the moment, it's sometimes hard to realize. 298 00:13:54,080 --> 00:13:55,880 So those are the five things. 299 00:13:55,880 --> 00:14:00,880 And part of finding a strong support system is weeding out the negative relationships 300 00:14:00,880 --> 00:14:01,880 in your life. 301 00:14:01,880 --> 00:14:02,880 And this one's a hard one. 302 00:14:02,880 --> 00:14:03,880 Yikes. 303 00:14:03,880 --> 00:14:04,880 This one's tough. 304 00:14:04,880 --> 00:14:05,880 According to Forbes. 305 00:14:05,880 --> 00:14:07,880 Look at all these drops. 306 00:14:07,880 --> 00:14:10,280 We so smart. 307 00:14:10,280 --> 00:14:11,280 According to Forbes. 308 00:14:11,280 --> 00:14:12,280 One of us is. 309 00:14:12,280 --> 00:14:18,000 There are five ways to do this and reasons to do this. 310 00:14:18,000 --> 00:14:22,000 So the first one is guard your time, which basically means create boundaries. 311 00:14:22,000 --> 00:14:24,960 And I find that extremely challenging. 312 00:14:24,960 --> 00:14:26,200 I have no boundaries. 313 00:14:26,200 --> 00:14:33,440 No, you have lots of boundaries because you have the control to need to do it all yourself. 314 00:14:33,440 --> 00:14:36,720 Your control is your limitation in life. 315 00:14:36,720 --> 00:14:37,720 Hold on. 316 00:14:37,720 --> 00:14:38,720 Hold on. 317 00:14:38,720 --> 00:14:39,720 Say that again. 318 00:14:39,720 --> 00:14:45,000 Your control or need for control is your limiting yourself in life. 319 00:14:45,000 --> 00:14:48,000 So it's one of those things of guarding your time. 320 00:14:48,000 --> 00:14:51,760 They wrote it really well and I'm just going to repeat it basically in my own words, but 321 00:14:51,760 --> 00:14:56,800 you take two hours to worry and give yourself stress and anxiety for the one hour lunch with 322 00:14:56,800 --> 00:15:00,280 the person you don't actually want to spend lunch with, that negative person. 323 00:15:00,280 --> 00:15:01,280 I wrote that down. 324 00:15:01,280 --> 00:15:02,280 I have that down. 325 00:15:02,280 --> 00:15:03,440 I wrote that down because that's so true. 326 00:15:03,440 --> 00:15:08,440 And I read that and I was like, oh my gosh, most of our energy is spent on stressing out 327 00:15:08,440 --> 00:15:11,280 over things we don't want to do with people we don't want to do things with. 328 00:15:11,280 --> 00:15:15,800 I know for good reason that we don't want to do those things with those people. 329 00:15:15,800 --> 00:15:18,880 But like how many hours can we get back? 330 00:15:18,880 --> 00:15:20,640 You know, I just thought that was brilliant. 331 00:15:20,640 --> 00:15:25,120 Yeah, I wrote the same thing down because I do that daily sometimes. 332 00:15:25,120 --> 00:15:28,400 You know, not that I have all these negative people in my life, but I worry about things 333 00:15:28,400 --> 00:15:30,440 that have yet to come. 334 00:15:30,440 --> 00:15:31,800 You project into the future. 335 00:15:31,800 --> 00:15:35,880 That's what hasn't happened and could be different if you didn't project into the future. 336 00:15:35,880 --> 00:15:36,880 I know. 337 00:15:36,880 --> 00:15:37,880 I can change that. 338 00:15:37,880 --> 00:15:39,380 I think everybody has that. 339 00:15:39,380 --> 00:15:40,380 I should certainly do that. 340 00:15:40,380 --> 00:15:42,360 I'm trying to work through that every day. 341 00:15:42,360 --> 00:15:45,800 I'm amazing. 342 00:15:45,800 --> 00:15:48,680 Choose your attitude is number two. 343 00:15:48,680 --> 00:15:51,600 Carly's got an interesting one. 344 00:15:51,600 --> 00:15:56,480 But that basically means you are in the driver's seat of how you want your day to go. 345 00:15:56,480 --> 00:16:00,840 So you create a mantra, you repeat it all throughout the day or you start it in the 346 00:16:00,840 --> 00:16:04,160 morning or you finish your day with it, whatever it is. 347 00:16:04,160 --> 00:16:08,960 And that's basically just I'm going to choose to stay positive and stay true to me throughout 348 00:16:08,960 --> 00:16:10,520 every circumstance in the day. 349 00:16:10,520 --> 00:16:14,000 Like maybe you write a post-it note on the mirror and that's what you read when you brush 350 00:16:14,000 --> 00:16:15,000 your teeth. 351 00:16:15,000 --> 00:16:17,640 And then when you're in the situation with the one hour lunch for the person you don't 352 00:16:17,640 --> 00:16:22,440 want to be having lunch with, you repeat that to yourself to keep your attitude and 353 00:16:22,440 --> 00:16:26,360 pull your energy back to yourself of like, this is who I actually am. 354 00:16:26,360 --> 00:16:27,960 This is who I want to be. 355 00:16:27,960 --> 00:16:30,640 Number three is refocusing your thoughts. 356 00:16:30,640 --> 00:16:33,920 And this is really challenging because you have to be self-aware. 357 00:16:33,920 --> 00:16:40,160 That's really hard to be if you're not actually self-aware. 358 00:16:40,160 --> 00:16:47,000 But noticing your thoughts around these negative influences in your life and having a conscious 359 00:16:47,000 --> 00:16:54,120 effort to reduce the amount of mental energy you spend on those people and those situations. 360 00:16:54,120 --> 00:16:59,640 And you just have to be aware and that is like checking yourself in those moments and 361 00:16:59,640 --> 00:17:01,080 going, do I like this? 362 00:17:01,080 --> 00:17:02,080 What is happening? 363 00:17:02,080 --> 00:17:03,080 How do I want to feel? 364 00:17:03,080 --> 00:17:04,080 Where do I want to go from here? 365 00:17:04,080 --> 00:17:06,520 Like you kind of have to have these little conversations with yourself. 366 00:17:06,520 --> 00:17:08,360 You listen to what Justin said. 367 00:17:08,360 --> 00:17:13,240 He said at the end of his day, he sort of goes through situations in his head like, how could 368 00:17:13,240 --> 00:17:17,840 I have acted or what was my reaction warranted? 369 00:17:17,840 --> 00:17:21,040 And that's sort of what you have to do so you don't make the same mistake. 370 00:17:21,040 --> 00:17:25,360 I mean, you're going to make the same mistakes over and over, but so you try not to. 371 00:17:25,360 --> 00:17:26,640 But you, you know what I mean? 372 00:17:26,640 --> 00:17:32,720 Like yes, because you're talking about number four, which is choose to behave productively. 373 00:17:32,720 --> 00:17:34,400 And again, everything is like choose. 374 00:17:34,400 --> 00:17:36,640 It's your choice because it is your life. 375 00:17:36,640 --> 00:17:37,640 It's your choice. 376 00:17:37,640 --> 00:17:41,240 How you want to go about your days is completely up to your mindset. 377 00:17:41,240 --> 00:17:48,360 So choosing to behave productively is to commit to controlling your emotional reactivity and 378 00:17:48,360 --> 00:17:55,560 not like we tend to in high emotional moments, we react instead of taking a second to respond. 379 00:17:55,560 --> 00:18:01,240 And that is something I was brought to light in the last year for myself in a behavior 380 00:18:01,240 --> 00:18:04,040 that I have and I do. 381 00:18:04,040 --> 00:18:08,800 And it was kind of like an aha moment of, oh my, that's not even how I feel because 382 00:18:08,800 --> 00:18:12,920 you always tend in those moments of reactivity, you tend to take a step back after the fact 383 00:18:12,920 --> 00:18:14,200 and go, that's not what I meant. 384 00:18:14,200 --> 00:18:15,200 I know. 385 00:18:15,200 --> 00:18:16,200 I didn't mean to do that. 386 00:18:16,200 --> 00:18:17,200 I didn't mean to say that. 387 00:18:17,200 --> 00:18:18,200 That's not how I feel. 388 00:18:18,200 --> 00:18:20,280 It's not even how I feel, you know? 389 00:18:20,280 --> 00:18:22,440 I'm in the opposite. 390 00:18:22,440 --> 00:18:28,880 I think and what I do is I don't react and then afterwards think, oh my gosh, there's 391 00:18:28,880 --> 00:18:31,320 so much that I wanted to say. 392 00:18:31,320 --> 00:18:32,720 That is not how I feel. 393 00:18:32,720 --> 00:18:35,760 I'm this or I'm that, but I never say it. 394 00:18:35,760 --> 00:18:36,760 I shut down. 395 00:18:36,760 --> 00:18:37,760 I shut down. 396 00:18:37,760 --> 00:18:38,760 I'm a yes man. 397 00:18:38,760 --> 00:18:42,640 I will yes you, but that's not actually how I feel. 398 00:18:42,640 --> 00:18:49,080 And both ways are reactivity and not a reactive, I should say, and not responses. 399 00:18:49,080 --> 00:18:50,920 And this is all for being aware. 400 00:18:50,920 --> 00:18:52,200 I mean, they're all tied. 401 00:18:52,200 --> 00:18:53,520 They're all connected. 402 00:18:53,520 --> 00:18:58,200 It's different ways to say these things, but this is self-awareness and with practicing 403 00:18:58,200 --> 00:19:03,080 and the consistency of all this, you won't have to send that text afterwards and try 404 00:19:03,080 --> 00:19:08,920 to fix the moment or come to your energy of saying, ah, that's not authentically who I 405 00:19:08,920 --> 00:19:10,720 am and how I want to go about things. 406 00:19:10,720 --> 00:19:12,680 It's just going to become your new behavior. 407 00:19:12,680 --> 00:19:14,160 It's hard to be level headed. 408 00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:19,040 It really is at all times, especially when you're in situations with people that shouldn't 409 00:19:19,040 --> 00:19:21,680 be in your supportive circle because they're not actually supportive. 410 00:19:21,680 --> 00:19:22,880 Right, right, right. 411 00:19:22,880 --> 00:19:25,880 And then the last one is seek out positive people. 412 00:19:25,880 --> 00:19:26,880 And I don't help. 413 00:19:26,880 --> 00:19:30,680 No, it's seeking out positive people. 414 00:19:30,680 --> 00:19:35,040 Like I said, it's seeking out positive people. 415 00:19:35,040 --> 00:19:38,280 One more time for the people in the back. 416 00:19:38,280 --> 00:19:42,680 It's identifying the people in your life that you have that are those people because you 417 00:19:42,680 --> 00:19:44,920 do have them somewhere. 418 00:19:44,920 --> 00:19:51,920 You have at least one person in your corner that is your positive reinforcement or something 419 00:19:51,920 --> 00:19:52,920 like that. 420 00:19:52,920 --> 00:19:54,320 Hopefully, hopefully you do. 421 00:19:54,320 --> 00:20:00,200 If not, we're giving you the tools and the how-to's to find these people for you, but 422 00:20:00,200 --> 00:20:04,920 it's seeking out the people that you already have while you're figuring out the people 423 00:20:04,920 --> 00:20:05,920 that need to go. 424 00:20:05,920 --> 00:20:10,560 So the moments are few and far between and they shouldn't be, but we have friends that 425 00:20:10,560 --> 00:20:16,160 when we are together, Victoria and I, when we are together, all we do is laugh. 426 00:20:16,160 --> 00:20:17,440 And that's what you need. 427 00:20:17,440 --> 00:20:21,520 And you need it more often, but life gets in the way and it's too busy and because you 428 00:20:21,520 --> 00:20:22,520 don't ask for help. 429 00:20:22,520 --> 00:20:25,120 I mean, it all ties in. 430 00:20:25,120 --> 00:20:26,120 It all ties in. 431 00:20:26,120 --> 00:20:27,440 You need to plan it out. 432 00:20:27,440 --> 00:20:28,680 You need to organize it. 433 00:20:28,680 --> 00:20:30,840 But those are, that's what you need in your life. 434 00:20:30,840 --> 00:20:35,400 When you are laughing so hard that you're crying, that's a good thing. 435 00:20:35,400 --> 00:20:37,400 You need that in your life. 436 00:20:37,400 --> 00:20:41,440 And you just don't get enough of it because everybody's so busy and the hustle of life 437 00:20:41,440 --> 00:20:43,440 is so hard. 438 00:20:43,440 --> 00:20:49,480 But that is choosing how you want to behave and be productive and putting those people 439 00:20:49,480 --> 00:20:55,640 into your schedule is complete productivity because that will not only boost your mood 440 00:20:55,640 --> 00:21:04,600 and lower your blood pressure and your anxiety and depression, which we all have to a degree. 441 00:21:04,600 --> 00:21:06,320 How is that a bad thing? 442 00:21:06,320 --> 00:21:12,040 That is a huge forward step into the next joyous day of your life. 443 00:21:12,040 --> 00:21:16,360 Yeah, you need to make it as important as everything else. 444 00:21:16,360 --> 00:21:17,360 Prioritize. 445 00:21:17,360 --> 00:21:18,360 Yeah, that's the word I was looking for. 446 00:21:18,360 --> 00:21:20,160 That was a little bigger than important. 447 00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:24,840 But you really punched the P, so I knew there was a P you were looking for. 448 00:21:24,840 --> 00:21:28,200 But here's the thing with all this. 449 00:21:28,200 --> 00:21:33,960 So we can rattle off these lists and I feel like we don't have to say this, but we are 450 00:21:33,960 --> 00:21:36,960 not masters at any of this. 451 00:21:36,960 --> 00:21:40,600 Oh my gosh, I don't do any of this. 452 00:21:40,600 --> 00:21:42,720 You want to be extra, real extra? 453 00:21:42,720 --> 00:21:43,720 I don't do any of this. 454 00:21:43,720 --> 00:21:45,960 Yeah, well, we need it needs to start now. 455 00:21:45,960 --> 00:21:48,800 Yeah, today is the commitment to yourself. 456 00:21:48,800 --> 00:21:53,960 So on the topic of this self realization, somebody asked us, you know, or I was talking 457 00:21:53,960 --> 00:21:58,400 to somebody the other day and they were like, it's so nice to listen to because you are 458 00:21:58,400 --> 00:21:59,920 saying the things that I'm feeling. 459 00:21:59,920 --> 00:22:04,160 And I said on the opposite side of that, it's so nice to say these things out loud because 460 00:22:04,160 --> 00:22:09,240 sometimes when you and I are saying it in this podcast out loud, it becomes a realization. 461 00:22:09,240 --> 00:22:15,760 So it's this is really good when you talk about things out loud, it becomes a reality. 462 00:22:15,760 --> 00:22:16,760 It's called manifesting. 463 00:22:16,760 --> 00:22:20,840 Yeah, speaking it into existence and believing it's already yours. 464 00:22:20,840 --> 00:22:23,000 It's one of the hardest things to do. 465 00:22:23,000 --> 00:22:26,240 But it's true, you have to speak it words are really, really powerful. 466 00:22:26,240 --> 00:22:31,080 Like the way you use words, the way we should, we should use words. 467 00:22:31,080 --> 00:22:36,080 They are way more powerful than I think we really think that they are. 468 00:22:36,080 --> 00:22:39,080 That's why a lot of things that should not be said are said. 469 00:22:39,080 --> 00:22:44,200 So putting what you want out into the world through your words alone, which is why you 470 00:22:44,200 --> 00:22:48,600 say mantra is out loud from that post it in the mirror because the more you say it, the 471 00:22:48,600 --> 00:22:51,720 more you believe it, the more it's ingrained in you. 472 00:22:51,720 --> 00:22:56,800 And the more you make these changes for yourself of changes to be who you want to be, to be 473 00:22:56,800 --> 00:22:59,400 who you actually are. 474 00:22:59,400 --> 00:23:00,400 But how do you do it? 475 00:23:00,400 --> 00:23:05,000 And the how is always finding out the why is one thing and then finding out the how is 476 00:23:05,000 --> 00:23:08,000 different and there's six ways how to do it. 477 00:23:08,000 --> 00:23:12,880 So the first one is to accept reality, which is done done done. 478 00:23:12,880 --> 00:23:14,400 I think that's actually easy. 479 00:23:14,400 --> 00:23:15,400 I can. 480 00:23:15,400 --> 00:23:16,400 What? 481 00:23:16,400 --> 00:23:21,040 Yeah, accepting when you need to let somebody go in your life because they're not serving 482 00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:22,040 you anymore. 483 00:23:22,040 --> 00:23:23,040 I feel like I can accept that. 484 00:23:23,040 --> 00:23:26,320 I feel like I can't do the rest of it. 485 00:23:26,320 --> 00:23:30,040 Accept it even if they're family or your longtime friend. 486 00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:31,040 Like that's hard. 487 00:23:31,040 --> 00:23:32,040 Yeah, that is hard. 488 00:23:32,040 --> 00:23:33,040 That's hard. 489 00:23:33,040 --> 00:23:35,280 But it's being aware of who these negative people are in your life. 490 00:23:35,280 --> 00:23:39,560 And if that's who they are, you know, step one is accepting that reality. 491 00:23:39,560 --> 00:23:40,560 Boom. 492 00:23:40,560 --> 00:23:44,360 Two is be clear. 493 00:23:44,360 --> 00:23:49,440 Be clear with your intentions, meaning do not ghost anybody. 494 00:23:49,440 --> 00:23:52,680 Do not think by ghosting or ignoring the situation. 495 00:23:52,680 --> 00:23:53,680 It will go away. 496 00:23:53,680 --> 00:23:54,680 All right. 497 00:23:54,680 --> 00:23:57,840 Now explain what ghosting is to people that might not know. 498 00:23:57,840 --> 00:23:59,320 People over the age of 20. 499 00:23:59,320 --> 00:24:00,320 Yes. 500 00:24:00,320 --> 00:24:07,200 Ghosting is just not responding ever again, becoming a poof Casper, the ghost gone. 501 00:24:07,200 --> 00:24:09,000 That was actually really good. 502 00:24:09,000 --> 00:24:10,000 Thank you. 503 00:24:10,000 --> 00:24:14,240 So being clear with your intentions is being honest and straight forward. 504 00:24:14,240 --> 00:24:18,520 If you do not want to do said thing, you say, I do not want to do this. 505 00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:23,560 I think my problem and what a lot of other people might have problems with is setting 506 00:24:23,560 --> 00:24:27,160 those intentions because I am a yes person. 507 00:24:27,160 --> 00:24:34,520 So I will yes you and then complain about it to you or myself or mom until that thing 508 00:24:34,520 --> 00:24:36,600 that I don't want to do happens. 509 00:24:36,600 --> 00:24:38,960 Spending the two hours to complain over the one hour lunch. 510 00:24:38,960 --> 00:24:41,280 Yeah, I'm not clear with my intentions. 511 00:24:41,280 --> 00:24:45,320 Three is identifying your role in the mix. 512 00:24:45,320 --> 00:24:52,040 So if you have this negative friend, whatever experience always happens with this person, 513 00:24:52,040 --> 00:24:54,760 there's got to be something that you contribute to that. 514 00:24:54,760 --> 00:24:58,120 If you connect through gossiping, you're one of those gossipers. 515 00:24:58,120 --> 00:24:59,280 That's not necessarily positive. 516 00:24:59,280 --> 00:25:02,240 So like you're a part of that problem. 517 00:25:02,240 --> 00:25:03,880 It just brought your energy rubs off. 518 00:25:03,880 --> 00:25:07,800 So yeah, but you have to realize it and you have to identify that you are you are part 519 00:25:07,800 --> 00:25:08,800 of it. 520 00:25:08,800 --> 00:25:09,800 It's me. 521 00:25:09,800 --> 00:25:10,800 Hi. 522 00:25:10,800 --> 00:25:11,800 I'm the problem. 523 00:25:11,800 --> 00:25:12,800 It's me. 524 00:25:12,800 --> 00:25:17,120 Choose a way to end it. 525 00:25:17,120 --> 00:25:20,960 So they provided two options. 526 00:25:20,960 --> 00:25:21,960 Quitting cold turkey. 527 00:25:21,960 --> 00:25:25,240 It quite literally says quitting cold turkey. 528 00:25:25,240 --> 00:25:28,440 And I would say that's not in a ghosting way. 529 00:25:28,440 --> 00:25:31,120 That is in a I'm setting my intention. 530 00:25:31,120 --> 00:25:34,720 I do not think I can be friends with you any longer. 531 00:25:34,720 --> 00:25:35,720 Here's why. 532 00:25:35,720 --> 00:25:36,720 Thank you. 533 00:25:36,720 --> 00:25:37,720 Bye bye. 534 00:25:37,720 --> 00:25:38,720 Right. 535 00:25:38,720 --> 00:25:40,600 So that's quitting cold turkey. 536 00:25:40,600 --> 00:25:41,600 Do not ghost. 537 00:25:41,600 --> 00:25:47,320 I think the most disrespectful thing a stranger to a stranger or a close friend to a close 538 00:25:47,320 --> 00:25:49,280 friend can do is ghost. 539 00:25:49,280 --> 00:25:53,960 I just think it's unless it's made of Carly, but I just think it's absolutely disrespectful. 540 00:25:53,960 --> 00:25:55,880 I agree with you. 541 00:25:55,880 --> 00:25:59,000 And I also just want to put my little two cents in here. 542 00:25:59,000 --> 00:26:01,920 This doesn't have to mean you have to get rid of your friends. 543 00:26:01,920 --> 00:26:02,920 Oh, no. 544 00:26:02,920 --> 00:26:07,320 This just means this is basically boundaries and ways to deal with it and get around it. 545 00:26:07,320 --> 00:26:08,400 And guess what? 546 00:26:08,400 --> 00:26:12,160 Those negative people might take a step back and be like, Oh, well, I really want you in 547 00:26:12,160 --> 00:26:16,160 my life, so I'm going to see your boundary and I'll respect it. 548 00:26:16,160 --> 00:26:17,160 Yeah, I'll respect it. 549 00:26:17,160 --> 00:26:20,720 So you don't actually have to like get rid of all these people in your life. 550 00:26:20,720 --> 00:26:22,120 What are you telling me to do that? 551 00:26:22,120 --> 00:26:27,040 Unless you truly think that's going to help you in life. 552 00:26:27,040 --> 00:26:30,400 But a good way to do that would be to also fade out. 553 00:26:30,400 --> 00:26:36,760 So that would just be decreasing communication and decreasing time spent together over time. 554 00:26:36,760 --> 00:26:37,760 Five. 555 00:26:37,760 --> 00:26:38,760 Five. 556 00:26:38,760 --> 00:26:39,760 Give. 557 00:26:39,760 --> 00:26:41,400 Face to face. 558 00:26:41,400 --> 00:26:45,920 Or it's a forgiveness that you just decide in your heart that you forgive this person 559 00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:50,120 for all of whatever, if they've done something to you, if it's just been a negative presence 560 00:26:50,120 --> 00:26:52,960 in your life, whatever it may be. 561 00:26:52,960 --> 00:26:56,880 But it's the key to personal healing is to forgive. 562 00:26:56,880 --> 00:26:58,560 I do hold grudges. 563 00:26:58,560 --> 00:27:02,040 Even if I don't let you know, it's always there. 564 00:27:02,040 --> 00:27:04,000 I have a hard time forgiving and forgetting. 565 00:27:04,000 --> 00:27:06,880 Like I might forgive you, but I will never forget. 566 00:27:06,880 --> 00:27:07,880 Like maybe it's not a question. 567 00:27:07,880 --> 00:27:09,160 I don't think that's actually forgiving. 568 00:27:09,160 --> 00:27:11,080 If you can never forget. 569 00:27:11,080 --> 00:27:12,080 Right. 570 00:27:12,080 --> 00:27:13,600 Because I don't let it go. 571 00:27:13,600 --> 00:27:15,080 I think a lot of people are like that. 572 00:27:15,080 --> 00:27:17,160 I think I used to be like that. 573 00:27:17,160 --> 00:27:19,200 And only until this past year. 574 00:27:19,200 --> 00:27:23,920 I think the biggest transformative year and a half of my life is happening right now at 575 00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:24,920 34. 576 00:27:24,920 --> 00:27:29,520 I can truly and confidently pat myself on the back and say I am not who I was a year 577 00:27:29,520 --> 00:27:30,600 ago. 578 00:27:30,600 --> 00:27:35,720 And I'm not where I want to be, especially with my reactions and my responses. 579 00:27:35,720 --> 00:27:44,200 And I used to be the shut down, don't talk, control and never forgive or forget and keep 580 00:27:44,200 --> 00:27:45,200 it. 581 00:27:45,200 --> 00:27:46,200 I used to be you. 582 00:27:46,200 --> 00:27:47,200 Now that I'm speaking it loud. 583 00:27:47,200 --> 00:27:50,960 I'm sitting here going, are you looking at me in the mirror as me? 584 00:27:50,960 --> 00:27:52,760 Because you're describing me. 585 00:27:52,760 --> 00:27:53,760 It's you. 586 00:27:53,760 --> 00:27:54,760 Hi. 587 00:27:54,760 --> 00:27:55,760 You're the problem. 588 00:27:55,760 --> 00:27:58,360 It's you. 589 00:27:58,360 --> 00:28:02,560 You have to put in the work and that is where everybody stops. 590 00:28:02,560 --> 00:28:07,680 Like the realizations are great and the aha moments and everything seems awesome. 591 00:28:07,680 --> 00:28:13,480 But then putting in the work to better yourself and sometimes, and by sometimes I mean all 592 00:28:13,480 --> 00:28:15,920 the time, it's not easy. 593 00:28:15,920 --> 00:28:18,160 The work is not easy. 594 00:28:18,160 --> 00:28:23,440 You have to continuously, consistently put in the work for change and for what you want 595 00:28:23,440 --> 00:28:27,600 and who you want to be forever for the rest of your life. 596 00:28:27,600 --> 00:28:29,120 I'm listening to you say that. 597 00:28:29,120 --> 00:28:32,840 And you could, it's the same way with losing weight. 598 00:28:32,840 --> 00:28:34,920 Like you have to put in the work consistently. 599 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:35,920 It's hard. 600 00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:36,960 Like, and I did that. 601 00:28:36,960 --> 00:28:37,960 I put in the work. 602 00:28:37,960 --> 00:28:38,960 It was hard. 603 00:28:38,960 --> 00:28:39,960 It was not easy. 604 00:28:39,960 --> 00:28:40,960 I didn't want to do it. 605 00:28:40,960 --> 00:28:41,960 Maintaining it's hard. 606 00:28:41,960 --> 00:28:42,960 Maintaining it's hard. 607 00:28:42,960 --> 00:28:44,200 I work on it every day. 608 00:28:44,200 --> 00:28:46,960 It is the same with the rest of your life. 609 00:28:46,960 --> 00:28:48,320 So get on board, Carly. 610 00:28:48,320 --> 00:28:51,880 I'm just realizing this now as I'm saying it out loud and it's going to be my mantra 611 00:28:51,880 --> 00:28:53,960 on my post-it note tomorrow. 612 00:28:53,960 --> 00:28:58,920 The last one on this list, give yourself time to grieve because it's a loss if you 613 00:28:58,920 --> 00:29:03,760 actually do say goodbye to somebody and you have to give yourself time to do that because 614 00:29:03,760 --> 00:29:09,560 you can't, you can't heal and move forward without coming to terms with really committing 615 00:29:09,560 --> 00:29:12,680 to the next phase and that person just isn't a part of it. 616 00:29:12,680 --> 00:29:18,600 But I feel like we're saying all of this because it's so important that this goes away and 617 00:29:18,600 --> 00:29:23,000 the support system and the positive people in your life come to the forefront because 618 00:29:23,000 --> 00:29:25,960 that's how, life is short. 619 00:29:25,960 --> 00:29:26,960 Life is so short. 620 00:29:26,960 --> 00:29:27,960 Say it again. 621 00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:34,080 Life is so short and you should be spending it with the people and the experiences and 622 00:29:34,080 --> 00:29:40,760 the things you want to do than instead of the obligations or the conditioned obligations 623 00:29:40,760 --> 00:29:42,960 that aren't real. 624 00:29:42,960 --> 00:29:50,080 On that note, we're going to play a game that Victoria doesn't know anything about. 625 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:56,320 But this game is called How Rude or You Got It Dude and I'm going to give her a scenario 626 00:29:56,320 --> 00:29:59,240 and she's going to say, yeah, that's like really rude. 627 00:29:59,240 --> 00:30:01,680 You should probably not do that or You Got It Dude. 628 00:30:01,680 --> 00:30:02,680 It's no big deal. 629 00:30:02,680 --> 00:30:03,680 That's fine. 630 00:30:03,680 --> 00:30:08,280 To explain for the younger, this is a full house reference of Michelle and Stephanie 631 00:30:08,280 --> 00:30:09,280 Tanner. 632 00:30:09,280 --> 00:30:10,280 So I'm all in. 633 00:30:10,280 --> 00:30:11,280 I'm game. 634 00:30:11,280 --> 00:30:13,960 I'm giving the thumbs up for You Got It Dude. 635 00:30:13,960 --> 00:30:18,600 When you're going out to dinner, you personally, do you think that you would be like, hey, 636 00:30:18,600 --> 00:30:19,600 there's 10 of us. 637 00:30:19,600 --> 00:30:25,320 We're splitting the bill like ahead of time or just pay for what you ordered only? 638 00:30:25,320 --> 00:30:26,320 Hmm. 639 00:30:26,320 --> 00:30:30,200 You got it, dude, to setting the intention and the boundary at the start. 640 00:30:30,200 --> 00:30:31,200 Yes. 641 00:30:31,200 --> 00:30:32,200 I love splitting the bill. 642 00:30:32,200 --> 00:30:34,200 I think that's not a big deal as long as it's even. 643 00:30:34,200 --> 00:30:36,680 It depends on the situation, but you got to do. 644 00:30:36,680 --> 00:30:37,680 All right. 645 00:30:37,680 --> 00:30:43,240 Say you're going to a friend's house and it's just like BYOB and you don't bring anything, 646 00:30:43,240 --> 00:30:46,560 but you're going to like partake in whatever they have at the party. 647 00:30:46,560 --> 00:30:47,560 How rude. 648 00:30:47,560 --> 00:30:48,560 I agree. 649 00:30:48,560 --> 00:30:49,560 What? 650 00:30:49,560 --> 00:30:50,560 I know. 651 00:30:50,560 --> 00:30:51,560 People do that. 652 00:30:51,560 --> 00:30:52,560 No. 653 00:30:52,560 --> 00:30:53,560 Yes, I know. 654 00:30:53,560 --> 00:30:56,920 I think somebody else's house without something. 655 00:30:56,920 --> 00:30:58,360 You're saying how rude to that? 656 00:30:58,360 --> 00:31:00,000 How rude to bringing nothing? 657 00:31:00,000 --> 00:31:02,560 Absolutely nothing, especially with a BYOB. 658 00:31:02,560 --> 00:31:03,560 I know. 659 00:31:03,560 --> 00:31:04,560 Yeah. 660 00:31:04,560 --> 00:31:05,560 Okay. 661 00:31:05,560 --> 00:31:06,560 Don't be friends with those people. 662 00:31:06,560 --> 00:31:07,560 Cold turkey, come out. 663 00:31:07,560 --> 00:31:08,560 All right. 664 00:31:08,560 --> 00:31:09,560 This is the last one and it's a little tricky. 665 00:31:09,560 --> 00:31:11,200 Do you think it's super rude? 666 00:31:11,200 --> 00:31:18,080 How rude or You Got It Dude to text someone after 10 or early before six? 667 00:31:18,080 --> 00:31:19,960 How rude? 668 00:31:19,960 --> 00:31:21,440 That's not complicated for me. 669 00:31:21,440 --> 00:31:22,440 How rude? 670 00:31:22,440 --> 00:31:24,680 Yeah, that's easier than I thought. 671 00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:29,120 Do not come for me at those hours. 672 00:31:29,120 --> 00:31:30,120 At those hours. 673 00:31:30,120 --> 00:31:31,560 Well, some people are night owls. 674 00:31:31,560 --> 00:31:36,000 So then when they're in bed and they're texting you and it's 11 o'clock, some people do that. 675 00:31:36,000 --> 00:31:39,080 But see, all of this is about consideration for other people. 676 00:31:39,080 --> 00:31:40,680 I think it's situational. 677 00:31:40,680 --> 00:31:46,760 If you're in a line of service and talking to people all day long and every day, no, 678 00:31:46,760 --> 00:31:48,560 those people don't want to talk to you at night. 679 00:31:48,560 --> 00:31:54,480 I do not appreciate somebody asking me for more at those hours. 680 00:31:54,480 --> 00:31:55,920 Setting boundaries for yourself. 681 00:31:55,920 --> 00:32:01,800 You are asking me to continuously give to you, respond to you. 682 00:32:01,800 --> 00:32:03,760 So she thinks that's rude. 683 00:32:03,760 --> 00:32:04,760 How rude? 684 00:32:04,760 --> 00:32:05,760 Even worse. 685 00:32:05,760 --> 00:32:06,760 My gosh. 686 00:32:06,760 --> 00:32:16,040 Well, thank you for playing my first game of How Rude or You Got It Dude. 687 00:32:16,040 --> 00:32:17,040 You won. 688 00:32:17,040 --> 00:32:18,040 I did. 689 00:32:18,040 --> 00:32:19,040 You won the game. 690 00:32:19,040 --> 00:32:20,040 Yes. 691 00:32:20,040 --> 00:32:26,280 But in all seriousness, in all seriousness, I like that game. 692 00:32:26,280 --> 00:32:27,280 I was waiting. 693 00:32:27,280 --> 00:32:33,280 Your mouth was wide open because I had so many thoughts, but I couldn't get them out. 694 00:32:33,280 --> 00:32:39,880 This I think is one of my favorite episodes because there's so much important content 695 00:32:39,880 --> 00:32:43,920 to really marinate in because you have to make decisions. 696 00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:45,760 Like that's the thing. 697 00:32:45,760 --> 00:32:49,640 When you're doing the work, you have to make decisions to do it. 698 00:32:49,640 --> 00:32:50,640 Why are you? 699 00:32:50,640 --> 00:32:54,560 You said marinate and all I can think of is food. 700 00:32:54,560 --> 00:32:55,560 Like chicken? 701 00:32:55,560 --> 00:32:56,560 Yeah. 702 00:32:56,560 --> 00:33:00,320 You said marinate and I really tried to hold it together. 703 00:33:00,320 --> 00:33:04,040 Can someone else help me out there? 704 00:33:04,040 --> 00:33:05,040 Look, she's asking for help. 705 00:33:05,040 --> 00:33:06,040 I'm as steep. 706 00:33:06,040 --> 00:33:07,400 I will ask for help. 707 00:33:07,400 --> 00:33:13,080 The biggest ask for help would be going to therapy, would be finding a therapist and 708 00:33:13,080 --> 00:33:19,560 someone outside with absolutely no bias to talk to you or to just let you talk. 709 00:33:19,560 --> 00:33:25,200 There's such a stereotype in a taboo to the word therapy, to the word ask for help. 710 00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:26,200 Carly. 711 00:33:26,200 --> 00:33:27,200 I know. 712 00:33:27,200 --> 00:33:28,360 She's staring at me this whole time. 713 00:33:28,360 --> 00:33:30,440 She's been telling me to go to therapy since I was born. 714 00:33:30,440 --> 00:33:31,760 It doesn't mean you have a problem. 715 00:33:31,760 --> 00:33:36,720 It doesn't mean I know I'm saying that for all the people that we're talking to. 716 00:33:36,720 --> 00:33:39,120 I forget sometimes because it's just me and you here. 717 00:33:39,120 --> 00:33:42,160 And I'm like, what do you want from me? 718 00:33:42,160 --> 00:33:45,040 God, beat me over the head with it. 719 00:33:45,040 --> 00:33:47,440 No, it doesn't mean there's something wrong. 720 00:33:47,440 --> 00:33:52,640 And for some reason, a support system, my therapist is part of my support system. 721 00:33:52,640 --> 00:33:56,520 It's one hour a week, but she's a huge part of my support system. 722 00:33:56,520 --> 00:34:01,880 So to wrap it up, positivity is key. 723 00:34:01,880 --> 00:34:03,280 Consistency is key. 724 00:34:03,280 --> 00:34:08,080 Surround yourself with like-minded people that like the same things that you do and 725 00:34:08,080 --> 00:34:12,440 you will find that your life is just immeasurably happier. 726 00:34:12,440 --> 00:34:16,160 So it doesn't have to be you like what I like so I can only be friends with you. 727 00:34:16,160 --> 00:34:17,160 Right, right, right. 728 00:34:17,160 --> 00:34:23,000 It's differences are, of course, the whole point of life, but it's more about the mindset 729 00:34:23,000 --> 00:34:24,000 of the people in your circle. 730 00:34:24,000 --> 00:34:26,760 Yeah, I just learned that today right now. 731 00:34:26,760 --> 00:34:27,760 Let's get to the real tip. 732 00:34:27,760 --> 00:34:28,760 Okay, okay. 733 00:34:28,760 --> 00:34:36,800 It's called reality bites, which isn't very positive. 734 00:34:36,800 --> 00:34:43,640 But what I mean is that acknowledging that you can't change anybody else, you are not 735 00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:50,320 put here to change or have the ability to change or fix anyone else like yourself. 736 00:34:50,320 --> 00:34:54,480 And coming to terms with your reality that you might actually have to lose a friendship 737 00:34:54,480 --> 00:35:00,080 or a relationship to find peace and to gain more positive relationships that bites, that 738 00:35:00,080 --> 00:35:04,080 bites, but you have to come to those terms and you have to make that decision and realization 739 00:35:04,080 --> 00:35:05,480 for yourself. 740 00:35:05,480 --> 00:35:11,760 And now for the real extra tip of the week, it's called who me couldn't be. 741 00:35:11,760 --> 00:35:12,760 Oh my God. 742 00:35:12,760 --> 00:35:15,120 I made that up myself. 743 00:35:15,120 --> 00:35:22,360 It means sometimes it takes two to tango and the situations in your life that are not positive 744 00:35:22,360 --> 00:35:27,640 could be because of you as well and how you react or don't react or respond or don't respond. 745 00:35:27,640 --> 00:35:31,960 So you have to realize and acknowledge that you are part of the problem. 746 00:35:31,960 --> 00:35:36,400 And I know I've been joking about it this whole time, but it's me, hi, I'm the problem. 747 00:35:36,400 --> 00:35:39,600 It's me is 100% our real extra tip of the week. 748 00:35:39,600 --> 00:35:46,000 You have to realize within yourself, acknowledge what the thing is that you are contributing 749 00:35:46,000 --> 00:35:47,400 and really hone in on it. 750 00:35:47,400 --> 00:35:48,680 It doesn't mean fix it. 751 00:35:48,680 --> 00:35:49,680 Doesn't mean change. 752 00:35:49,680 --> 00:35:54,320 It just means acknowledge it and understand maybe moving forward how you cannot do that 753 00:35:54,320 --> 00:35:57,080 again or change your reactions. 754 00:35:57,080 --> 00:36:00,720 And that is your real extra tip of the week. 755 00:36:00,720 --> 00:36:09,640 As usual, remember that you are especially in this episode fit to be real and always 756 00:36:09,640 --> 00:36:19,520 allowed to be a little extra. 757 00:36:19,520 --> 00:36:22,720 For legal reasons, we have to tell you that this podcast is meant for entertainment and 758 00:36:22,720 --> 00:36:24,560 educational purposes only. 759 00:36:24,560 --> 00:36:28,920 We are not healthcare professionals for all of your health, wellness, fitness and self 760 00:36:28,920 --> 00:36:33,880 care needs, please refer to the medical professional in your life, your primary care physician, 761 00:36:33,880 --> 00:36:37,640 your therapist, a certified coach, whoever it may be. 762 00:36:37,640 --> 00:36:41,800 And then let us know what they say because I guarantee we need to know what to do. 763 00:36:41,800 --> 00:36:42,800 Okay. 764 00:36:42,800 --> 00:37:00,800 Bye.