WEBVTT 00:00:07.660 --> 00:00:10.560 Welcome to Fit to Be Real. And a little extra. 00:00:11.179 --> 00:00:14.939 I'm Victoria. Hey guys, I'm Carly. We did it. 00:00:17.699 --> 00:00:22.559 We have a special episode today. One, because 00:00:22.559 --> 00:00:24.519 Carly doesn't know what we're doing. Nada. No 00:00:24.519 --> 00:00:28.800 nothing. As usual. Well, to be fair, we're dressed 00:00:28.800 --> 00:00:33.479 and ready to go because Carly made us go to Melody's 00:00:33.479 --> 00:00:36.600 project, live project at school that's next week. 00:00:36.840 --> 00:00:39.640 Listen, it's next week. She told me it was today 00:00:39.640 --> 00:00:43.939 and she was doing a podcast and she knows everything 00:00:43.939 --> 00:00:47.039 about podcasts and she was very excited to have 00:00:47.039 --> 00:00:50.920 us come and watch her do her religion podcast. 00:00:50.920 --> 00:00:54.719 Oh my God. I didn't know that. And she neglected 00:00:54.719 --> 00:00:57.020 to tell us it was next Thursday. Yeah, so it's 00:00:57.020 --> 00:00:59.700 definitely the 11 year old's fault. It can't 00:00:59.700 --> 00:01:02.079 be Carly's fault, even though she did email the 00:01:02.079 --> 00:01:04.579 teacher, just didn't do any details because Carly 00:01:04.579 --> 00:01:06.859 doesn't detail anything. You know, it's really 00:01:06.859 --> 00:01:08.840 fun when you show up with your mom and your sister 00:01:08.840 --> 00:01:10.719 fully decked out in Valentine's Day and they 00:01:10.719 --> 00:01:13.379 all look at you in the office and go, hello. 00:01:13.540 --> 00:01:16.280 So if you are not watching, Carly's wearing baby 00:01:16.280 --> 00:01:20.469 pink pants with red hearts. all over them and 00:01:20.469 --> 00:01:24.250 a different shade of pink sneaker so uh we love 00:01:24.250 --> 00:01:29.349 this here's why we spend too much time together 00:01:29.349 --> 00:01:32.790 we spend too much time together oh wait i did 00:01:32.790 --> 00:01:36.870 ask her she gave me a look and i said oh do you 00:01:36.870 --> 00:01:38.750 have the same pants carly's going away for the 00:01:38.750 --> 00:01:42.939 weekend um for valentine's day week or no We 00:01:42.939 --> 00:01:44.459 usually go away for President's Day. It just 00:01:44.459 --> 00:01:46.599 happens to be on Valentine's Day weekend this 00:01:46.599 --> 00:01:49.379 year. Super fun for us all. So she's going away 00:01:49.379 --> 00:01:53.280 tomorrow, which will be over Valentine's Day. 00:01:54.040 --> 00:01:57.519 And I found this little thing, which we don't 00:01:57.519 --> 00:01:59.879 get Valentine's Day gifts, but I found this little 00:01:59.879 --> 00:02:03.379 thing and was going to give it to you today anyway. 00:02:03.760 --> 00:02:07.920 Might as well do it on camera. Here you go. Hope 00:02:07.920 --> 00:02:12.050 you wear it together. Wait a second. it oh my 00:02:12.050 --> 00:02:17.150 god it's the same pink shirt with the same red 00:02:17.150 --> 00:02:20.710 heart it's quite literally the same shade oh 00:02:20.710 --> 00:02:24.289 my god oh my god oh my Victoria that's why you 00:02:24.289 --> 00:02:26.409 got out of the car and I went what are you wearing 00:02:26.409 --> 00:02:28.409 and I said oh do you have the same pants and 00:02:28.409 --> 00:02:31.849 she said no I don't have the same pants I don't 00:02:31.849 --> 00:02:35.689 own a pink item in my life oh my god Victoria 00:02:35.949 --> 00:02:37.930 Wait, that's crazy. Where did you get this shirt? 00:02:38.270 --> 00:02:43.530 It's this really fancy store called Lidl. Super 00:02:43.530 --> 00:02:47.909 fancy boutique. They specialize in chicken. Wait 00:02:47.909 --> 00:02:53.189 a second. I have to wear this together. I actually 00:02:53.189 --> 00:02:55.530 can't believe how it's the same. It's the same 00:02:55.530 --> 00:03:00.330 shade of pink and the same red hearts. Wow. Wow. 00:03:00.509 --> 00:03:03.159 Wow. Well, thank you. I can't wait to wear this 00:03:03.159 --> 00:03:05.199 together. And you think I'm not going to, but 00:03:05.199 --> 00:03:07.840 I am. Oh no, we know. Yeah. We know. For a moment, 00:03:07.900 --> 00:03:09.699 I was like, yeah, don't give it to her. Nope. 00:03:10.659 --> 00:03:13.099 Oh my god. It's a small, but it's oversized. 00:03:13.360 --> 00:03:15.759 No, I love it. And it fits me, so it's definitely 00:03:15.759 --> 00:03:18.520 oversized. Oh my god, I love it. That's amazing. 00:03:18.759 --> 00:03:21.159 This isn't a podcast about Valentine's Day, even 00:03:21.159 --> 00:03:23.939 though this comes out two days after. We are 00:03:23.939 --> 00:03:27.080 doing Thinkers. That's what we're going to title 00:03:27.080 --> 00:03:30.330 it. Oh God. So things that I've found on the 00:03:30.330 --> 00:03:34.250 internet that we have either posted via Fit To 00:03:34.250 --> 00:03:37.689 Be Real podcast handle on Instagram or just things 00:03:37.689 --> 00:03:40.370 that I save that I'm like, oh gosh, that insights 00:03:40.370 --> 00:03:42.349 just like a good way to think about something 00:03:42.349 --> 00:03:45.669 or a good way, a different way or something that's 00:03:45.669 --> 00:03:47.750 so simple that really hits you hard. And you're 00:03:47.750 --> 00:03:49.870 like, wow, I should reassess my entire life. 00:03:50.509 --> 00:03:57.340 So I have cultivated a full Rolodex of these 00:03:57.340 --> 00:04:00.620 thoughts that I have read, but Carly has not 00:04:00.620 --> 00:04:04.939 read. So she's making me think. We love initial 00:04:04.939 --> 00:04:08.300 reaction from Carly we just do so we're gonna 00:04:08.300 --> 00:04:09.879 we're not gonna waste time we're gonna go through 00:04:09.879 --> 00:04:13.939 them this is our 143rd episode so what's really 00:04:13.939 --> 00:04:15.699 cute is that it's one four three which means 00:04:15.699 --> 00:04:18.019 I love you she really got excited when she figured 00:04:18.019 --> 00:04:19.879 that out today I didn't realize until I typed 00:04:19.879 --> 00:04:22.060 it in super cute so happy Valentine's Day to 00:04:22.060 --> 00:04:25.279 everybody to the gals to the guys to the relationships 00:04:25.279 --> 00:04:27.720 to everything hold on that note before we start 00:04:27.720 --> 00:04:31.220 your thinkers something that is not a thinker 00:04:31.290 --> 00:04:33.850 And I just want to let you know, and I don't 00:04:33.850 --> 00:04:35.410 know if you're going to be mad at me or not. 00:04:36.629 --> 00:04:40.769 But because you watched The Pit, I started watching 00:04:40.769 --> 00:04:46.870 Love is Blind. Which season? Whatever season. 00:04:47.670 --> 00:04:50.529 The new one? So I just realized a new one started. 00:04:50.730 --> 00:04:54.370 I haven't even watched it yet. OK. I am newly 00:04:54.370 --> 00:04:57.089 addicted. It's an addiction. Pedro, there's a 00:04:57.089 --> 00:05:00.589 new season out. I had nothing to watch. because 00:05:00.589 --> 00:05:02.189 tonight the pit comes out, so I have something 00:05:02.189 --> 00:05:04.949 then. Wait, what? It's every Thursday. The pit 00:05:04.949 --> 00:05:06.370 comes out every Thursday. They make you wait 00:05:06.370 --> 00:05:09.670 like olden days. Okay, we haven't started second 00:05:09.670 --> 00:05:11.790 season yet, so we have like a few. Oh, okay, 00:05:11.970 --> 00:05:15.790 so yeah. But I started Love is Blind, and I'm 00:05:15.790 --> 00:05:18.850 very invested, and I can now see the draw before 00:05:18.850 --> 00:05:23.069 I was like, why do you like this trash? It is 00:05:23.069 --> 00:05:26.740 trash. It's trash. I love it. It's it's not trash. 00:05:26.819 --> 00:05:30.620 Oh just my shows my Bravo verse you can call 00:05:30.620 --> 00:05:33.660 that trash, but I love that trash This is like 00:05:33.660 --> 00:05:37.300 a science experiment You need to watch the season 00:05:37.300 --> 00:05:38.920 and then you need to enjoy yourself and go back 00:05:38.920 --> 00:05:41.839 to season one and watch I have a quick question 00:05:41.839 --> 00:05:44.800 about this. Do they get married? Do people actually 00:05:44.800 --> 00:05:47.660 stay together? Yes, really? Yes, is there like 00:05:47.660 --> 00:05:51.040 a whole like oh our love is blind like marriages 00:05:51.040 --> 00:05:53.399 and they actually work. Oh my god. Oh my god 00:05:53.470 --> 00:05:57.910 Oh my god. I'm new. You're so blind. Yes, at 00:05:57.910 --> 00:06:01.129 the end, you meet someone through a wall only 00:06:01.129 --> 00:06:02.730 talking. So the whole point is that you have 00:06:02.730 --> 00:06:06.370 no idea what they look like. Sometimes you meet 00:06:06.370 --> 00:06:09.689 someone that you want to get engaged to within 00:06:09.689 --> 00:06:13.889 a week. And then they send the engaged parties 00:06:13.889 --> 00:06:18.029 to a vacation like everybody goes to this Mexican 00:06:18.029 --> 00:06:21.060 resort. Face -to -face and that's when you meet 00:06:21.060 --> 00:06:22.779 each other. We're not in the resort you meet 00:06:22.779 --> 00:06:26.120 each other at the on like Love Island or whatever 00:06:26.120 --> 00:06:29.740 it's called or the Pods the pods the pods. Yeah, 00:06:30.100 --> 00:06:32.639 then you go to Mexico to see if you can like 00:06:32.639 --> 00:06:35.939 function together in real life But you're also 00:06:35.939 --> 00:06:38.779 on a Mexican resort like vacation not real life. 00:06:38.779 --> 00:06:40.839 You meet the other couple So like people that 00:06:40.839 --> 00:06:43.339 you've dated quote -unquote you're like, oh that's 00:06:43.339 --> 00:06:46.920 what you look like if if other couples also get 00:06:46.920 --> 00:06:50.009 engaged That's when you meet so you have to get 00:06:50.009 --> 00:06:53.990 engaged through a pod Without seeing the person 00:06:53.990 --> 00:06:56.129 so then you go to the Mexican restaurant. I mean 00:06:56.129 --> 00:07:00.790 the Mexican resort Engaged uh -huh only seeing 00:07:00.790 --> 00:07:03.569 each other for now the second time is when you 00:07:03.569 --> 00:07:06.290 walk into this resort So if you make it past 00:07:06.290 --> 00:07:08.730 Mexico, and you don't like fall apart Which nobody 00:07:08.730 --> 00:07:13.009 usually does then you are put into an apartment 00:07:13.009 --> 00:07:16.829 that love is blind pays for right so it's the 00:07:16.829 --> 00:07:20.089 same apartment for everybody in one complex and 00:07:20.089 --> 00:07:23.170 you merge lives and you meet mom and dad and 00:07:23.170 --> 00:07:27.389 you meet sisters and siblings and friends usually 00:07:27.389 --> 00:07:29.490 people have pushback of what the hell are you 00:07:29.490 --> 00:07:33.529 doing yeah sometimes people get upset like um 00:07:33.529 --> 00:07:35.949 love bomb too much but do they switch what if 00:07:35.949 --> 00:07:37.709 somebody's like oh i want to date that person 00:07:37.709 --> 00:07:40.870 so the lot of drama ensues so when you come to 00:07:40.870 --> 00:07:44.230 your apartment living life you have to have, 00:07:44.230 --> 00:07:47.209 because it's reality TV, gatherings where you 00:07:47.209 --> 00:07:50.009 meet everyone that was in the pods. Yeah. So 00:07:50.009 --> 00:07:52.470 people that rejected you. Uh -huh. People that 00:07:52.470 --> 00:07:54.329 you thought were going to propose to you and 00:07:54.329 --> 00:07:56.069 then you, you know, go in for your date and they're 00:07:56.069 --> 00:08:00.129 like, hey. Yeah. You meet them. So a lot of crazy 00:08:00.129 --> 00:08:02.750 things happen. And then you start planning a 00:08:02.750 --> 00:08:04.769 wedding that has to happen in two weeks. I'm 00:08:04.769 --> 00:08:07.069 still on the pods. They're just talking through 00:08:07.069 --> 00:08:10.209 a wall. Oh, yeah. It takes a minute. But the 00:08:10.209 --> 00:08:14.269 weddings happen. And at the wedding, is when 00:08:14.269 --> 00:08:17.910 you say yes or no. So you could be rejected by 00:08:17.910 --> 00:08:20.769 your person. Very much like the bachelor. Like 00:08:20.769 --> 00:08:22.709 we're at the last date, you either get engaged 00:08:22.709 --> 00:08:25.209 or you don't. Like you show up and you're like... 00:08:25.209 --> 00:08:27.290 Yes, but you have gone through the pick out a 00:08:27.290 --> 00:08:29.910 wedding dress process. You've gone through bachelorette 00:08:29.910 --> 00:08:32.169 parties. You've gone through, you know, my family 00:08:32.169 --> 00:08:34.009 hates me because of this. Like you go through 00:08:34.009 --> 00:08:35.809 everything. You stand up there. You think they're 00:08:35.809 --> 00:08:39.299 going to say yes. They say no. or you root for 00:08:39.299 --> 00:08:40.840 that couple and you're like, no, they really 00:08:40.840 --> 00:08:42.559 should get, like you can kind of tell throughout 00:08:42.559 --> 00:08:46.159 the, oh, it's the most amazing drama. I will 00:08:46.159 --> 00:08:49.220 say, I'm very shocked that you like it. This 00:08:49.220 --> 00:08:52.580 is a very me type show. I'm very shocked that 00:08:52.580 --> 00:08:54.779 you like it. What did Pedro just say? Pedro says, 00:08:54.919 --> 00:09:01.779 Carly loves trash, put it on a shirt. That'll 00:09:01.779 --> 00:09:04.480 be my next lethal purchase. You know me, I love 00:09:04.480 --> 00:09:09.820 trash. Carly loves his trash. Yeah, I don't know 00:09:09.820 --> 00:09:11.759 how I got, I think it was like a, oh, what's 00:09:11.759 --> 00:09:13.419 this? I'll turn it on and then it's, I mean, 00:09:13.419 --> 00:09:15.120 it's addicting. Just like Bravo or anything. 00:09:15.120 --> 00:09:17.639 It's binge watching. Like I can, I'm going to 00:09:17.639 --> 00:09:22.460 binge this. Oh wait, season's passed. The amount 00:09:22.460 --> 00:09:26.980 of drama. Oh, I'm excited for you. Yeah. I thought 00:09:26.980 --> 00:09:28.899 you were going to be mad at me. Can you be like, 00:09:29.019 --> 00:09:30.600 really? I've been telling you about this for 00:09:30.600 --> 00:09:35.779 three years. No, I was so into it the last season. 00:09:37.950 --> 00:09:39.889 that Pedro came over and I was like, I have to 00:09:39.889 --> 00:09:42.129 watch this. Like I have to finish this or I have 00:09:42.129 --> 00:09:43.970 to get, whatever. And he was like, all right, 00:09:43.970 --> 00:09:47.610 we'll watch it, it's fine. He now can't stop 00:09:47.610 --> 00:09:52.070 watching it. You get invested. And it's like, 00:09:53.529 --> 00:09:59.049 it's narcissism 101, it's childhood trauma 101. 00:09:59.129 --> 00:10:01.210 Like you're like, well, we know why you said 00:10:01.210 --> 00:10:03.230 that. We know why you're doing this. Oh, you're 00:10:03.230 --> 00:10:06.350 a drinker. Right. It's just so, I don't know. 00:10:06.399 --> 00:10:08.539 It makes me feel good about myself. Oh my god. 00:10:08.679 --> 00:10:10.639 I'm just kidding. It's actually really funny. 00:10:10.799 --> 00:10:14.159 Okay, so we're gonna go into our thinkers, anyway, 00:10:15.080 --> 00:10:17.419 that make you think in a different way. And we're 00:10:17.419 --> 00:10:20.100 not gonna spend too much time on these. I know, 00:10:20.100 --> 00:10:21.580 I just spent a lot of time on Love is Blind, 00:10:21.740 --> 00:10:24.220 but I had to bring it up. Because it's real life 00:10:24.220 --> 00:10:26.759 and it's my real life. Like, it's also something 00:10:26.759 --> 00:10:30.240 like, would Andrew pick you? Hell no, he didn't 00:10:30.240 --> 00:10:35.279 pick me the first time. He broke up with me three 00:10:35.279 --> 00:10:39.059 times. Oh, I tell people seven. No, just three. 00:10:39.519 --> 00:10:42.539 Oh. But there's that meme that on Instagram where 00:10:42.539 --> 00:10:45.059 it's like a guy with all the kids around him 00:10:45.059 --> 00:10:47.639 and he looks miserable. And the little caption 00:10:47.639 --> 00:10:50.299 is like, I just asked the girl's number at the 00:10:50.299 --> 00:10:53.100 club and now look at my life. And I want to do 00:10:53.100 --> 00:10:55.679 that with Andrew because he's like, I was 20, 00:10:56.019 --> 00:10:59.559 like five. I just wanted to show manse and now 00:10:59.559 --> 00:11:06.500 look at my life. So funny. It's so funny. Yeah, 00:11:06.659 --> 00:11:10.919 no, Andrew would not pick me. I would make him 00:11:10.919 --> 00:11:14.899 pick me like I did the first time. That has happened. 00:11:14.899 --> 00:11:17.159 Really? On the show. Well, I am living proof 00:11:17.159 --> 00:11:20.580 that making somebody pick you worked out. Yes, 00:11:20.580 --> 00:11:22.240 but it doesn't work for everyone. Doesn't work 00:11:22.240 --> 00:11:27.419 for everyone. Okay. Everything is a win when 00:11:27.419 --> 00:11:31.019 the goal is the experience. You gotta talk slower. 00:11:34.299 --> 00:11:37.879 Everything like I can't everything is a win everything 00:11:37.879 --> 00:11:39.820 what you're going through is a win when your 00:11:39.820 --> 00:11:42.120 goal is not the outcome is it's the experience 00:11:42.120 --> 00:11:46.279 of it. But do you have to think of the experience 00:11:46.279 --> 00:11:48.100 the whole time or at the end goal you're like 00:11:48.100 --> 00:11:50.440 oh wait but that was a win or like do you know 00:11:50.440 --> 00:11:52.659 it's a win the whole time. Well that's the whole 00:11:52.659 --> 00:11:55.379 point is that if you change your mindset of like 00:11:55.379 --> 00:11:58.279 not just wanting to get to the end point of whatever 00:11:58.279 --> 00:12:03.639 the goal is right and Enjoy every piece of it 00:12:03.639 --> 00:12:06.340 as you get there. That's that's the real way. 00:12:06.500 --> 00:12:08.559 Yeah, so I didn't think I'd have to explain this 00:12:08.559 --> 00:12:10.379 one I thought that was pretty easy. Well, it's 00:12:10.379 --> 00:12:13.200 sort of like the journey is the reward, right? 00:12:13.220 --> 00:12:15.580 Yeah, but yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. Well move 00:12:15.580 --> 00:12:19.700 on I'm sorry. I thought we were breaking these 00:12:19.700 --> 00:12:21.120 down. I didn't think you'd have to break down 00:12:21.120 --> 00:12:23.120 the easy ones There's some hard ones. I was like, 00:12:23.200 --> 00:12:25.159 well, this one will be an easy one for her This 00:12:25.159 --> 00:12:27.360 one will be a little tougher. That was not on 00:12:27.360 --> 00:12:29.740 the tough. Sorry. You clearly don't know who 00:12:29.740 --> 00:12:34.840 I am So this is in reference to having kids in 00:12:34.840 --> 00:12:37.840 your life. But I also think it could be like 00:12:37.840 --> 00:12:43.759 having a partner or maybe taking care of your 00:12:43.759 --> 00:12:45.919 parents, like in the elderly situations. I think 00:12:45.919 --> 00:12:47.460 you can kind of put this in a lot of things, 00:12:47.480 --> 00:12:51.039 but this was meant for children. Don't be so 00:12:51.039 --> 00:12:52.919 busy giving them a good life that you forget 00:12:52.919 --> 00:12:56.100 to give them a good day. I don't know. Did you 00:12:56.100 --> 00:13:00.600 post this? Some of these were... fit to be real 00:13:00.600 --> 00:13:02.799 story repost, yeah. Because I think I read this 00:13:02.799 --> 00:13:05.720 before and I was like, ugh, ouch. I saved the 00:13:05.720 --> 00:13:10.159 one that you really felt. Don't worry. Yeah. 00:13:10.600 --> 00:13:12.639 But it's true. It is true. But think about someone 00:13:12.639 --> 00:13:17.159 you're taking care of, like, dementia. You want 00:13:17.159 --> 00:13:20.659 to make sure every day is a good day. Think about 00:13:20.659 --> 00:13:25.049 having a partner. And you're like, well, in 10 00:13:25.049 --> 00:13:28.629 years, we'll think about every day. I agree with 00:13:28.629 --> 00:13:30.870 that one. And I think especially with kids, you 00:13:30.870 --> 00:13:34.070 worry so much about giving them the best life 00:13:34.070 --> 00:13:37.210 that you forget to give them the best day. Yeah. 00:13:37.350 --> 00:13:41.110 It's like run and rush and hurry up to get to 00:13:41.110 --> 00:13:45.370 the stop sign. What are you doing? I like this 00:13:45.370 --> 00:13:47.730 because Pedro yells me all the time for apologizing. 00:13:47.929 --> 00:13:50.149 I've been better than him. You are an over -apologizer. 00:13:50.149 --> 00:13:55.039 I've been better. Not to me. Carly doesn't know 00:13:55.039 --> 00:13:56.919 how to say she's not gonna be able to notice. 00:13:56.919 --> 00:13:58.840 She said apologize her she couldn't even say 00:13:58.840 --> 00:14:02.460 the word. Sorry. She doesn't know how Wait, there's 00:14:02.460 --> 00:14:06.320 another meme of a several moms explaining to 00:14:06.320 --> 00:14:08.659 her kids how to apologize and the dads in the 00:14:08.659 --> 00:14:11.419 background going You know how to do it. I've 00:14:11.419 --> 00:14:14.440 never You don't know how to do it. So how can 00:14:14.440 --> 00:14:16.559 you explain it Carly's like yeah, it didn't work 00:14:16.559 --> 00:14:18.240 out. You could have done it differently though 00:14:18.240 --> 00:14:21.240 And it's her she's the one who did it anyway 00:14:21.240 --> 00:14:24.710 You also I've said it to you. I'm like, why'd 00:14:24.710 --> 00:14:26.370 you just say sorry to that? Because you'll see 00:14:26.370 --> 00:14:29.129 someone and go, oh, sorry. It just comes out. 00:14:29.629 --> 00:14:33.070 And it comes out. Do you know how I hug people 00:14:33.070 --> 00:14:35.590 that I don't know, but I don't like hugging people 00:14:35.590 --> 00:14:37.750 that I'm close to because I feel like you don't 00:14:37.750 --> 00:14:40.470 do that? I say sorry to people that I don't know. 00:14:40.529 --> 00:14:42.309 But when it comes to my family, I'm like, you 00:14:42.309 --> 00:14:43.850 don't need that from me. And you don't think 00:14:43.850 --> 00:14:48.110 you need therapy. Like that's so fucked up. Excuse 00:14:48.110 --> 00:14:50.990 my language. Oh my god, mom. I don't care. She's 00:14:50.990 --> 00:14:53.750 not watching. I don't care. That's so fucked 00:14:53.750 --> 00:14:59.250 up. OK. OK. Hold on. Producer just texted while 00:14:59.250 --> 00:15:03.049 I'm reading this. New segment. Carly's meme corner. 00:15:04.610 --> 00:15:07.330 I shouldn't be reading these out loud. I just 00:15:07.330 --> 00:15:11.309 watch too many memes and everything applies to 00:15:11.309 --> 00:15:14.090 me. But then you apply nothing to your life. 00:15:14.409 --> 00:15:17.850 It's cool. It's fun. So replacing I'm sorry with 00:15:17.850 --> 00:15:22.129 thank you. It rewires the guilt -based conditioning. 00:15:22.269 --> 00:15:25.210 Hold on. Replacing, I'm gonna explain it, so 00:15:25.210 --> 00:15:28.370 chill out. But the guilt -based conditioning 00:15:28.370 --> 00:15:30.610 is why you say, I'm sorry. Everything's like, 00:15:30.629 --> 00:15:33.509 oh, I feel bad. Oh, okay, let me not burden you. 00:15:33.549 --> 00:15:37.509 Oh, I don't wanna be the reason for, oh. So you 00:15:37.509 --> 00:15:39.710 replace sorry I'm late with thank you for waiting. 00:15:40.230 --> 00:15:43.850 Oh, okay. Because I'm sorry is more submissive. 00:15:44.009 --> 00:15:46.669 Like you're more important, I'm so sorry. And... 00:15:46.460 --> 00:15:49.279 Thank you is a confidence thing, but also acknowledging 00:15:49.279 --> 00:15:54.080 that you have consideration. Right. So the thing 00:15:54.080 --> 00:15:58.120 that comes to me is when someone holds the door 00:15:58.120 --> 00:16:00.740 at Wawa, I was just thinking this, I'll walk 00:16:00.740 --> 00:16:04.519 in and go, oh, sorry, as if I'm like in their 00:16:04.519 --> 00:16:06.600 way, but they were holding the door for me. So 00:16:06.600 --> 00:16:09.159 instead of I'm sorry, it's thank you, because 00:16:09.159 --> 00:16:12.259 thank you. Like it's not, you didn't do anything 00:16:12.259 --> 00:16:16.370 wrong. That's that they're holding the door for 00:16:16.370 --> 00:16:19.190 you correlation. Mm -hmm. Yeah, okay. I like 00:16:19.190 --> 00:16:23.889 that one. Thank you for waiting Thank you for 00:16:23.889 --> 00:16:26.429 holding the door I'm sure what else do you say? 00:16:26.549 --> 00:16:29.009 I'm sorry. I mean anytime you bump somebody or 00:16:29.009 --> 00:16:31.230 you get too close to somebody. Oh, I'm sorry 00:16:33.079 --> 00:16:37.000 Thank you for being close to me. Maybe I'm not 00:16:37.000 --> 00:16:39.519 gonna be good at this one. I mean, if you're 00:16:39.519 --> 00:16:41.919 actually bumping into someone, I think that can 00:16:41.919 --> 00:16:44.200 call for it. I'm sorry, that's an actual thing. 00:16:44.259 --> 00:16:46.940 I think I need extra lessons. Well, okay, you'll 00:16:46.940 --> 00:16:50.559 figure it out. All right, next one. Quitting 00:16:50.559 --> 00:16:53.879 your worst habit will change your life faster 00:16:53.879 --> 00:16:57.059 than starting a new one. You have to quit what 00:16:57.059 --> 00:16:59.240 isn't working for you now before starting something 00:16:59.240 --> 00:17:01.799 different. That will be the biggest change. I 00:17:01.799 --> 00:17:05.720 wish I could quit you. It says, Jesus, it says 00:17:05.720 --> 00:17:09.039 stop the leak before you fill the bucket. Yeah, 00:17:09.059 --> 00:17:10.779 that makes sense. Why would you use a bucket? 00:17:10.799 --> 00:17:12.480 You know what I mean? I don't have to explain 00:17:12.480 --> 00:17:15.940 that one. Hopefully that one. No, I got that 00:17:15.940 --> 00:17:19.420 one. This one is for me right now in this moment 00:17:19.420 --> 00:17:22.480 on this couch. Oh, God, you can't heal in the 00:17:22.480 --> 00:17:28.180 same environment where you got sick. I try to 00:17:28.180 --> 00:17:31.359 heal on these podcasts. And I just have to move 00:17:31.359 --> 00:17:35.940 on. Just kidding. It's getting in there. I'm 00:17:35.940 --> 00:17:41.180 absorbing. I'm absorbing it. I just have a hard 00:17:41.180 --> 00:17:49.720 time getting back out. The longer you stay on 00:17:49.720 --> 00:17:51.759 the wrong. I really liked this one. The longer 00:17:51.759 --> 00:17:54.619 you stay on the wrong train, the more expensive 00:17:54.619 --> 00:17:58.109 it is to get home. Yeah. Yep. So the path, whatever 00:17:58.109 --> 00:18:00.029 you're doing where you're like, well, I can fix 00:18:00.029 --> 00:18:02.509 him, I can fix her, just one more month, just 00:18:02.509 --> 00:18:05.450 this. It just takes so much more of a toll to 00:18:05.450 --> 00:18:08.509 reset, start over. And it's way too expensive 00:18:08.509 --> 00:18:10.950 for your time, your value and everything else. 00:18:11.130 --> 00:18:14.529 Honestly, every time Victoria was with, what's 00:18:14.529 --> 00:18:19.930 up, Pedro? Not you, the wrong guy. It would be 00:18:19.930 --> 00:18:24.170 so hard to watch because I would, what's it called? 00:18:24.269 --> 00:18:28.460 I would, knew it was gonna be over at some point 00:18:28.460 --> 00:18:31.440 and we were gonna have to restart over and I 00:18:31.440 --> 00:18:35.559 knew it was coming and I it's so hard to pick 00:18:35.559 --> 00:18:40.660 up the pieces and Yeah, I'm not explaining it 00:18:40.660 --> 00:18:42.339 well, but you know what I mean, I think you are 00:18:42.339 --> 00:18:47.079 we would watch it go downhill. Hmm. Sorry I'm 00:18:47.079 --> 00:18:51.240 crying We would watch it and I'd be like, oh 00:18:51.240 --> 00:18:54.220 my god, I know what's coming I know what's coming 00:18:54.220 --> 00:18:59.029 and the The battle to restart again would be 00:18:59.029 --> 00:19:02.309 so hard and I I was and take it would just take 00:19:02.309 --> 00:19:04.769 longer It would take more time from my life that 00:19:04.769 --> 00:19:07.890 the expensive part was that you know time is 00:19:07.890 --> 00:19:10.690 We don't have enough time and the longer you 00:19:10.690 --> 00:19:13.869 stayed Yeah, yeah the longer it took to rebuild 00:19:13.869 --> 00:19:15.970 along the attachment happen the longer it took 00:19:15.970 --> 00:19:17.630 for me to you know Work through it. Whatever. 00:19:17.789 --> 00:19:20.009 So yeah, I get it. That's good. I'm glad you 00:19:20.009 --> 00:19:25.369 brought me out for that Well Any lesson you refuse 00:19:25.369 --> 00:19:28.730 to learn, you repeat it until you learn it. I 00:19:28.730 --> 00:19:31.730 mean, that's pretty straightforward. Yeah. Someday 00:19:31.730 --> 00:19:33.690 she'll figure that out. I was going to say, does 00:19:33.690 --> 00:19:36.670 it have my name next to it? It says Carly, you 00:19:36.670 --> 00:19:42.190 bitch. Any lesson you refuse to learn. Okay. 00:19:42.289 --> 00:19:44.789 This one I love. This is the more fitness based, 00:19:44.950 --> 00:19:47.829 not mental base, but you have this one I love. 00:19:48.450 --> 00:19:53.160 Okay. If you switched bodies. With the person 00:19:53.160 --> 00:19:56.279 you love most for one year, uh -huh How would 00:19:56.279 --> 00:19:58.980 you take care of their mind and body knowing 00:19:58.980 --> 00:20:00.539 that you'd have to give it back? Yeah. Yeah, 00:20:00.539 --> 00:20:02.759 I read this one and how would you take care of 00:20:02.759 --> 00:20:05.880 that? Person now you have to do now put yourself 00:20:05.880 --> 00:20:08.460 in that person like put yourself Why don't you 00:20:08.460 --> 00:20:09.740 take care of yourself the way you would take 00:20:09.740 --> 00:20:12.400 care of somebody else somebody else's body, right? 00:20:12.519 --> 00:20:15.119 Yeah, so why aren't you talking like yourself 00:20:15.119 --> 00:20:17.559 if you switch? What's the movie Freaky Friday? 00:20:17.900 --> 00:20:20.859 I've never seen it I know, I've never seen it. 00:20:20.859 --> 00:20:22.220 Wait, that's a good one for you and Melody. For 00:20:22.220 --> 00:20:26.660 Melody? Yeah. Okay. If you switched bodies with 00:20:26.660 --> 00:20:30.400 your partner, with your child, if you and Melody 00:20:30.400 --> 00:20:33.539 switched bodies, how would you take care of Melody's 00:20:33.539 --> 00:20:36.579 body? Would you work out so much? Would you not... 00:20:37.289 --> 00:20:42.509 eat delicious food versus grapes. Would you sleep 00:20:42.509 --> 00:20:46.069 more? Yeah. Would you not scroll to go to sleep 00:20:46.069 --> 00:20:48.289 or would you wake up scrolling? Like you would 00:20:48.289 --> 00:20:50.589 do the things that we talk about because it's 00:20:50.589 --> 00:20:53.950 her body and you would give it back to her way 00:20:53.950 --> 00:20:56.910 better than you got it. Like you would be borrowing, 00:20:57.230 --> 00:20:58.789 you know, when you borrow something, you give 00:20:58.789 --> 00:21:00.369 it back in better condition than you got it. 00:21:00.369 --> 00:21:02.569 Cool. Give me all my Pyrex back for the past 00:21:02.569 --> 00:21:05.130 20 years. Well, I think some of them are broken. 00:21:06.170 --> 00:21:10.029 So, yes. So maybe I'm not a good example. She 00:21:10.029 --> 00:21:13.470 understands, but screw it. I'm absorbing. So 00:21:13.470 --> 00:21:15.690 why don't we treat ourselves that way when it 00:21:15.690 --> 00:21:18.490 comes to fitness and working out and taking in 00:21:18.490 --> 00:21:23.269 proper food and for me, managing stress and sleeping. 00:21:23.410 --> 00:21:26.470 Well, and also talking to that person's body 00:21:26.470 --> 00:21:28.829 mentally nicer. Yeah. That wasn't a sentence, 00:21:29.269 --> 00:21:32.410 but. Yeah. Wait a second. What? I was just saying 00:21:32.410 --> 00:21:35.859 words. The way you talk to yourself, we always 00:21:35.859 --> 00:21:38.279 talk about this, is the worst. You would never 00:21:38.279 --> 00:21:40.000 talk to somebody else the way you talk to yourself. 00:21:40.460 --> 00:21:42.940 If I was in Melody's body, I would never talk 00:21:42.940 --> 00:21:46.059 to her body the way I talk to mine. Right, right. 00:21:46.660 --> 00:21:50.680 So yeah. So yeah. Okay, this isn't a thinker 00:21:50.680 --> 00:21:53.599 or a thought in terms of like, ooh, it's just 00:21:53.599 --> 00:21:57.740 a really good idea. So again, if you have little 00:21:57.740 --> 00:22:01.059 ones... children, family, if you are a dog family, 00:22:01.099 --> 00:22:04.319 a pet family, if you are just you and your partner, 00:22:04.819 --> 00:22:10.980 celebrate your anniversary as your family's birthday. 00:22:12.079 --> 00:22:15.420 Oh, I like that one. And then your memories just 00:22:15.420 --> 00:22:19.380 like change. So like for you, May 14th is your 00:22:19.380 --> 00:22:21.900 wedding anniversary. But why not get a cake? 00:22:21.900 --> 00:22:23.859 Celebrate with your kids. Yeah. This is when 00:22:23.859 --> 00:22:27.579 your family started. I love that idea. And that's 00:22:27.579 --> 00:22:29.859 the one. That's the one we'll do well because 00:22:29.859 --> 00:22:32.359 it's our 15 year this year and I really really 00:22:32.359 --> 00:22:34.680 wanted to do a Val renewal We talked about doing 00:22:34.680 --> 00:22:37.440 it in Vegas in October just because we were in 00:22:37.440 --> 00:22:40.160 Vegas My family was there and I was like, oh 00:22:40.160 --> 00:22:41.660 that'll be easy. We'll just go to Little White 00:22:41.660 --> 00:22:44.259 Chapel But I really wanted my I wanted the kids 00:22:44.259 --> 00:22:46.720 there. I thought it was important for them to 00:22:46.720 --> 00:22:49.660 see that, you know Cause they don't hug or kiss 00:22:49.660 --> 00:22:52.000 any other time. So Dean thinks we're just friends. 00:22:52.339 --> 00:22:56.019 So it was important for me to show them because 00:22:56.019 --> 00:22:59.460 you act like just friends. There is no love. 00:22:59.799 --> 00:23:02.819 Oh, that's not true. That's not true. The most 00:23:02.819 --> 00:23:07.259 love is on her pants. Okay. And now it's going 00:23:07.259 --> 00:23:11.779 to be on my shirt. I'm just kidding. But yes, 00:23:11.799 --> 00:23:14.579 that's, I think that's a good idea. All right. 00:23:14.579 --> 00:23:17.220 I really like this one. If you knew if you're 00:23:17.220 --> 00:23:19.539 you have a goal towards something and you knew 00:23:19.539 --> 00:23:23.059 that a hundred rejections for you to get to that 00:23:23.059 --> 00:23:28.359 goal. Let me say what it actually says. Yeah. 00:23:28.359 --> 00:23:30.319 Okay. Yeah. I want you to do that. A hundred. 00:23:30.579 --> 00:23:33.839 Whoa. Back off. That was really impressive. Holy 00:23:33.839 --> 00:23:36.920 back off. Okay. If you knew you were a hundred 00:23:36.920 --> 00:23:40.480 rejections away from your dream, think how excited 00:23:40.480 --> 00:23:42.480 you would be every time someone said no to you. 00:23:42.640 --> 00:23:44.400 Right. Because you'd be one rejection closer 00:23:44.400 --> 00:23:47.430 to your dream. Right. Love that. So that, and 00:23:47.430 --> 00:23:48.950 then that goes back to the first one where it's 00:23:48.950 --> 00:23:51.769 like you're enjoying the experience versus what 00:23:51.769 --> 00:23:54.150 you want in the end. I did see something recently 00:23:54.150 --> 00:23:56.670 that was like how boring life would be if you 00:23:56.670 --> 00:23:59.430 got what you wanted on the first try. Right. 00:23:59.450 --> 00:24:02.490 Like you'd have the most boring life. Right. 00:24:02.650 --> 00:24:05.450 Think of like, it's hard to think of any billionaires 00:24:05.450 --> 00:24:07.349 right now or millionaires or whatever, but think 00:24:07.349 --> 00:24:10.269 of like, we always say, well, if I just had money, 00:24:10.309 --> 00:24:12.069 then it would be easier and I could enjoy more 00:24:12.069 --> 00:24:14.849 and da da da. But like, once you get to that 00:24:14.880 --> 00:24:17.720 Get everything I want when I want it and it's 00:24:17.720 --> 00:24:20.180 so easy. Nothing's ever enough. No, it's right 00:24:20.180 --> 00:24:22.500 It's never enough. So then you'll never get that 00:24:22.500 --> 00:24:24.779 ease and that happiness miss Kristen. What's 00:24:24.779 --> 00:24:28.140 up? MK said something yesterday in dance class 00:24:28.140 --> 00:24:30.059 and she said oh, no, no, no You have to earn 00:24:30.059 --> 00:24:33.019 that and I was like, yeah these kids don't know 00:24:33.019 --> 00:24:35.779 how to earn things Yeah, they want it, but they 00:24:35.779 --> 00:24:37.920 don't know how to earn it and that's like you 00:24:37.920 --> 00:24:41.519 earn it through rejection Yeah, you have to fail 00:24:41.519 --> 00:24:44.950 failing is a privilege. Yeah And when she said 00:24:44.950 --> 00:24:47.589 that yesterday, I was like, yeah, you really 00:24:47.589 --> 00:24:50.170 have to earn things. Carly's the most privileged. 00:24:50.509 --> 00:24:54.910 No, I'm not. She fails at everything. See, she 00:24:54.910 --> 00:24:55.990 didn't even know what we were talking about. 00:24:56.190 --> 00:24:58.390 She took that in a different way because she 00:24:58.390 --> 00:25:00.069 wasn't even in the moment to understand. That's 00:25:00.069 --> 00:25:06.049 true. Anyway, moving on. This I like and I think 00:25:06.049 --> 00:25:09.970 is really hard. But I'm trying to have the year 00:25:09.970 --> 00:25:13.369 I want for myself is not. Like accomplishing 00:25:13.369 --> 00:25:15.329 things like it was last year. I just want to 00:25:15.329 --> 00:25:17.930 be well -rested Yeah, no, you said that like 00:25:17.930 --> 00:25:19.970 beginning of the year gonna hustle whatever so 00:25:19.970 --> 00:25:23.230 this popped up Changing from how much can I get 00:25:23.230 --> 00:25:26.410 done? To how relaxed can I be while I'm doing 00:25:26.410 --> 00:25:29.630 this is? The biggest change of your life. Yeah, 00:25:29.730 --> 00:25:33.450 and we are not bred like that. We were bred with 00:25:33.609 --> 00:25:36.970 You have 12 hours of like sunlight. If you're 00:25:36.970 --> 00:25:40.049 lucky, how much can you do? So that you can try 00:25:40.049 --> 00:25:42.009 to not do it the next day, but then also more 00:25:42.009 --> 00:25:43.769 things add up for you to have to do the next 00:25:43.769 --> 00:25:45.970 day. It's just like a never ending cycle of hustle 00:25:45.970 --> 00:25:48.430 and grind. It's. Yeah, that's interesting. So 00:25:48.430 --> 00:25:51.069 if you can do the things like I write out my 00:25:51.069 --> 00:25:53.190 list in the morning so I show up to things when 00:25:53.190 --> 00:25:55.750 they happen, not when you think they happen. 00:25:55.869 --> 00:25:57.650 So texting you and be like it's at 830 hurry 00:25:57.650 --> 00:25:59.670 up hustle. Where are you at the red light? OK, 00:25:59.849 --> 00:26:01.569 what's true to you on rolling road only to get 00:26:01.569 --> 00:26:05.609 there and there be no. podcast. She texted me 00:26:05.609 --> 00:26:09.130 and was like, you know, yada, yada, yada. Also, 00:26:09.250 --> 00:26:11.269 it's happening now, so I'm in the car, I'm at 00:26:11.269 --> 00:26:13.329 Wawa, do you want a coffee? Be there like now. 00:26:13.329 --> 00:26:17.549 And I was in the bathroom. I'm gonna be real 00:26:17.549 --> 00:26:19.950 transparent. I was in the bathroom. I went, I'm 00:26:19.950 --> 00:26:22.609 on my way. Oh my god, you liar. I knew it. When 00:26:22.609 --> 00:26:24.569 mom was like, you were five minutes away and 00:26:24.569 --> 00:26:26.170 you were on Rolling Road, I said she did not 00:26:26.170 --> 00:26:27.890 leave when she said I'm on my way. I know, I 00:26:27.890 --> 00:26:30.029 was 100 % on Rolling Road when I said that. No. 00:26:30.119 --> 00:26:32.619 When you said I'm on my way, you were not actually 00:26:32.619 --> 00:26:38.779 on your way. Something was on it. I'm sorry. 00:26:39.180 --> 00:26:41.619 I can't drop my life to show up for something 00:26:41.619 --> 00:26:44.039 that doesn't exist. But that's what we do. We 00:26:44.039 --> 00:26:47.380 hustle. We rush. Instead of like, I'd love to 00:26:47.380 --> 00:26:50.480 go grocery shopping and just grocery shop instead 00:26:50.480 --> 00:26:52.579 of being like, hurry up. I only have 25 minutes. 00:26:53.119 --> 00:26:54.660 Yeah. Stupid things like that. Yeah. That's a 00:26:54.660 --> 00:26:56.839 small thing. I know. Not enjoying the grocery 00:26:56.839 --> 00:27:00.029 store, but not like rushing through. Yeah. So 00:27:00.029 --> 00:27:01.990 if you can try to be like, I have to get this 00:27:01.990 --> 00:27:05.109 done, but how can I do it without urgency? Right. 00:27:06.549 --> 00:27:09.589 Okay. One day. Okay. We don't have to sit on 00:27:09.589 --> 00:27:12.269 this. This is just obvious, but one day someone 00:27:12.269 --> 00:27:14.630 will tell my daughter, you're, you're just like 00:27:14.630 --> 00:27:16.509 your mom. It's up to me to make sure that's not 00:27:16.509 --> 00:27:19.529 an insult. I saw that. That's the way that you 00:27:19.529 --> 00:27:23.329 were like, ouch. Uh, I did. I, Oh, I DMed fit 00:27:23.329 --> 00:27:25.569 to be real. And I was like, ouch. I sent that 00:27:25.569 --> 00:27:31.750 one to you directly. Just to be clear. I mean, 00:27:31.970 --> 00:27:34.630 I hope she wears pink pants with hearts on them 00:27:34.630 --> 00:27:37.230 and it's not an insult. I don't think it's in 00:27:37.230 --> 00:27:42.869 that way. I think it's the rush in the morning, 00:27:43.009 --> 00:27:46.450 the yelling to get your school bag, the little 00:27:46.450 --> 00:27:49.210 moments. I used to hate when people would be 00:27:49.210 --> 00:27:50.890 like, oh my gosh, you're just like your mom. 00:27:51.009 --> 00:27:53.730 Why? I was in my 20s. I was like in my young 00:27:53.730 --> 00:27:58.380 20s. I moved to New York and then I turned. I 00:27:58.380 --> 00:28:01.240 don't know what age, but I was like, thank you. 00:28:01.480 --> 00:28:04.240 I am. And that's really cool because you know, 00:28:04.339 --> 00:28:05.980 when you say like, when people are like, your 00:28:05.980 --> 00:28:08.579 mom's so cool. And you roll your eyes, and you 00:28:08.579 --> 00:28:10.740 pretend to be embarrassed. I was never actually 00:28:10.740 --> 00:28:12.480 embarrassed. I would always just like, because 00:28:12.480 --> 00:28:14.519 that's what you had to do as a kid. You had to 00:28:14.519 --> 00:28:16.420 pretend you were embarrassed by your mom. Were 00:28:16.420 --> 00:28:19.420 you jumping off a cliff with everyone else? No, 00:28:19.420 --> 00:28:21.539 but I'd just be like, oh my god, she's so annoying. 00:28:21.819 --> 00:28:24.599 But she was the one in Doc Martens and flannel 00:28:24.599 --> 00:28:27.640 shirts. We had the cool mom. We did. We had the 00:28:27.640 --> 00:28:30.279 cool mom. And I hope that I am that for Melody, 00:28:30.460 --> 00:28:32.839 but also the cool mom that you are still scared 00:28:32.839 --> 00:28:38.730 of. Huh? Like she was never, she wasn't our best 00:28:38.730 --> 00:28:41.670 friend. She is now, but growing up, we were always 00:28:41.670 --> 00:28:44.549 like, she was so cool, but we were like, we cannot 00:28:44.549 --> 00:28:46.089 disappoint mom. We didn't want to disappoint 00:28:46.089 --> 00:28:48.589 her. I was not afraid of mom. I didn't want to 00:28:48.589 --> 00:28:50.430 get in trouble. I was afraid of doing something 00:28:50.430 --> 00:28:51.930 that would disappoint her. Right, right, right. 00:28:51.950 --> 00:28:54.589 But I was not afraid of her. No. If I needed, 00:28:54.910 --> 00:28:57.490 and which happened so many times, wanted to get 00:28:57.490 --> 00:29:00.309 out of a situation or needed to for my safety 00:29:00.309 --> 00:29:03.869 or felt sick, she was my phone call. Oh my god, 00:29:04.009 --> 00:29:07.859 yeah. She still is. So I'm thinking of all the 00:29:07.859 --> 00:29:09.740 times in my 20s where I was like, just call my 00:29:09.740 --> 00:29:11.420 mom, she'll come get me. Yeah, you know, when 00:29:11.420 --> 00:29:13.460 you black out at a gay club and your friends 00:29:13.460 --> 00:29:15.660 have to take you out and your mom's like, she 00:29:15.660 --> 00:29:18.859 needed this. That's basically the story. That's 00:29:18.859 --> 00:29:21.680 actually the first authentic, genuine story you've 00:29:21.680 --> 00:29:24.480 told with the correct sequence. So yes. Well, 00:29:24.480 --> 00:29:27.099 I hope that doesn't happen to Melody, but I hope 00:29:27.099 --> 00:29:29.880 if something like that does, I will also say 00:29:29.880 --> 00:29:32.359 she needed this. You won't. You will yell at 00:29:32.359 --> 00:29:34.660 her. No, I won't. Are you going to yell at her 00:29:34.660 --> 00:29:36.700 for telling us that her thing was today? No, 00:29:36.700 --> 00:29:39.299 because I know that's my fault. But I will also 00:29:39.299 --> 00:29:42.079 be at the gay club with her dancing. Interesting, 00:29:42.220 --> 00:29:45.920 because you're not invited. And you told her 00:29:45.920 --> 00:29:47.640 teachers, I'm going to kill her. That's what 00:29:47.640 --> 00:29:49.940 she said in a Catholic school today, this morning. 00:29:50.180 --> 00:29:52.920 To be fair, so did her grandma. I did too, but 00:29:52.920 --> 00:29:56.140 it was under my breath. I'm smart, and nobody 00:29:56.140 --> 00:30:01.519 heard it. All right, moving on. Healing. Healing. 00:30:02.430 --> 00:30:05.250 is not becoming the best version of yourself. 00:30:06.450 --> 00:30:10.410 Healing is letting the worst version be loved. 00:30:10.890 --> 00:30:13.309 That was way too long, you lost me at healing. 00:30:13.390 --> 00:30:16.670 You told me to slow the fuck down and I did. 00:30:16.769 --> 00:30:20.710 Say it again, say it again. I'll say it again 00:30:20.710 --> 00:30:23.890 for you. Healing. When you're healing, when I 00:30:23.890 --> 00:30:27.630 was in a dark time and I was trying to heal and 00:30:27.630 --> 00:30:29.569 by healing you just have to sit in it. Healing 00:30:29.569 --> 00:30:32.579 is not. figuring out how to be the best version 00:30:32.579 --> 00:30:35.440 of myself. Figuring not putting myself on a cruise 00:30:35.440 --> 00:30:40.920 just to be happy. It's recognizing that the worst 00:30:40.920 --> 00:30:43.059 version of me, that dark time when I'm sad, I 00:30:43.059 --> 00:30:45.920 can't be happy, also deserves to be loved. That's 00:30:45.920 --> 00:30:49.059 a good, it's still a worthy version of myself. 00:30:49.440 --> 00:30:52.440 Still enough in that moment. I get it. So that's 00:30:52.440 --> 00:30:56.089 you all the time. Just kidding. She's such a 00:30:56.089 --> 00:30:58.430 B. I'm just kidding. One, four, three. I said 00:30:58.430 --> 00:31:02.650 fuck. She said B. Okay. This one's definitely 00:31:02.650 --> 00:31:06.849 good for Carly. Get good at bouncing back. Not 00:31:06.849 --> 00:31:09.309 a good bouncer. A rough converse sit. There's 00:31:09.309 --> 00:31:13.630 not much there to bounce. To be fair. To be fair, 00:31:13.630 --> 00:31:17.589 there's not much bouncing going on. I have a 00:31:17.589 --> 00:31:20.670 lot of pep in my step, but nothing moves. She 00:31:20.670 --> 00:31:22.630 said something during class of like, I'm Cuban, 00:31:22.789 --> 00:31:25.150 so we got the bon. And I looked, I went, where's 00:31:25.150 --> 00:31:29.269 your bon? Where's your butt? I'm only Cuban right 00:31:29.269 --> 00:31:32.029 here. And I pointed to my butt. I have a butt. 00:31:32.130 --> 00:31:34.529 You don't. I have a Cuban butt. Yes, I do. Oh 00:31:34.529 --> 00:31:38.549 my god. I am Cuban. That's cute. All the Cubans, 00:31:38.730 --> 00:31:41.509 please write in. Actually, that's cute, Ben. 00:31:41.759 --> 00:31:47.680 All the Hispan... Yes. All the Latinos, all the 00:31:47.680 --> 00:31:51.920 Latinas, please write in. Let us know. Carly 00:31:51.920 --> 00:31:54.559 has a butt. Listen, we don't get political on 00:31:54.559 --> 00:31:56.319 this podcast, but my safe word is bad bunny. 00:31:59.680 --> 00:32:01.140 I'm not sure how that's political. It's just 00:32:01.140 --> 00:32:04.599 life. That's just... Well, these days everything 00:32:04.599 --> 00:32:06.460 is. And if you like something or you don't like 00:32:06.460 --> 00:32:08.460 something, it turns political. So just know my 00:32:08.460 --> 00:32:11.079 safe word is bad bunny. Cool bed bunny would 00:32:11.079 --> 00:32:13.460 not like your butt Just putting that out there. 00:32:13.460 --> 00:32:15.599 He needs a little bit more padding there. So 00:32:15.599 --> 00:32:17.200 I don't need to talk to him to know that I'll 00:32:17.200 --> 00:32:20.740 work on it. So Get it good and bouncing back 00:32:20.740 --> 00:32:23.460 a rough conversation a bad day. I skipped a workout 00:32:23.460 --> 00:32:26.880 a choice that you regret None of it has to ruin 00:32:26.880 --> 00:32:28.920 the rest of your week. Our producer just texted 00:32:28.920 --> 00:32:32.579 me. I wonder what he's gonna say You can reset 00:32:32.579 --> 00:32:35.160 Whenever you decide to yeah, I'm not good at 00:32:35.160 --> 00:32:36.920 that. You can't change what happened, but you 00:32:36.920 --> 00:32:39.890 can choose how long you're bothered by it when 00:32:39.890 --> 00:32:43.670 andrew and if i am man andrew i can go solid 00:32:43.670 --> 00:32:49.210 seven days what did he say i will not i'm not 00:32:49.210 --> 00:32:53.069 sure what that means i will not oh chime in the 00:32:53.069 --> 00:32:58.269 latinos chime in oh he will not that's appropriate 00:32:58.269 --> 00:33:01.769 that's appropriate well yeah andrew probably 00:33:01.769 --> 00:33:04.849 hates this the most about you yeah it's yeah 00:33:05.079 --> 00:33:07.339 Which is a rough way to say, I just, that's, 00:33:07.339 --> 00:33:09.299 you know what I mean. No, he does. But that is 00:33:09.299 --> 00:33:13.140 my biggest, I am not good at bouncing back. I'm 00:33:13.140 --> 00:33:15.319 good at bouncing up and down. I am not good at 00:33:15.319 --> 00:33:19.619 bouncing back. I take everything very personally 00:33:19.619 --> 00:33:24.019 and it weighs me down. If somebody like mom is 00:33:24.019 --> 00:33:28.599 mad at me or whatever, I am not, it will ruin 00:33:28.599 --> 00:33:33.319 these. We'll start changing. Oh, okay. because 00:33:33.319 --> 00:33:35.839 that's what Melody sees. I know, I know. And 00:33:35.839 --> 00:33:38.500 I don't want, I want her to just confront it 00:33:38.500 --> 00:33:41.059 instead of shutting down. Avoid it. You avoid 00:33:41.059 --> 00:33:49.640 it. Okay. Moving on, cause that got real. This 00:33:49.640 --> 00:33:53.259 one I love, but I feel like it's hard. Build 00:33:53.259 --> 00:33:57.359 margin into everything. Not margarine, not butter. 00:33:57.519 --> 00:34:01.480 We know what she was hearing. A margin, a margin. 00:34:01.859 --> 00:34:10.599 A line. A buffer. Space. OK. Build space into 00:34:10.599 --> 00:34:13.880 everything. Your calendar, your budget, your 00:34:13.880 --> 00:34:17.119 energy. The difference between stressed and calm 00:34:17.119 --> 00:34:21.719 isn't more resources, isn't more stuff, or more 00:34:21.719 --> 00:34:24.280 things you've accomplished. It's more space. 00:34:24.880 --> 00:34:28.530 Operate at 85 % capacity. and you'll have room 00:34:28.530 --> 00:34:30.650 to breathe when life happens and gets in the 00:34:30.650 --> 00:34:32.449 way, because life will get in the way. Yeah, 00:34:32.469 --> 00:34:34.349 basically live your life with a little bit of 00:34:34.349 --> 00:34:37.969 a buffer. Yes. Yeah. And is that why the kids 00:34:37.969 --> 00:34:42.949 say they're holding space? I don't know exactly 00:34:42.949 --> 00:34:44.750 what that means, but does that... Yeah, maybe. 00:34:45.349 --> 00:34:48.409 Maybe that means like you have... Room? Your 00:34:48.409 --> 00:34:50.329 cup isn't so full that you can't hold space. 00:34:50.369 --> 00:34:53.300 I can't even... deal with that. I can't acknowledge 00:34:53.300 --> 00:34:56.320 that. I can't understand that. You have the space 00:34:56.320 --> 00:34:59.300 in your cup to fill someone else in. I like that. 00:34:59.519 --> 00:35:01.699 I think the margin in terms of calendar is a 00:35:01.699 --> 00:35:06.860 big one for you. Your kids are booked every thing. 00:35:06.900 --> 00:35:08.219 Now they have to experience a lot of things, 00:35:08.460 --> 00:35:13.780 but maybe this vacation they go on at Pinchani 00:35:13.780 --> 00:35:15.840 in the Poconos, feel free to join them and follow, 00:35:17.199 --> 00:35:20.179 is booked hour to hour with activities. Last 00:35:20.179 --> 00:35:24.550 year. and the world kicked us in the butt and 00:35:24.550 --> 00:35:27.050 gave us neurovirus. There was no space for margin. 00:35:27.130 --> 00:35:30.469 There was no buffer to recover, reset, and enjoy 00:35:30.469 --> 00:35:33.829 the vacation because of that. You're not doing 00:35:33.829 --> 00:35:37.329 that this year. No. We are doing two of the things 00:35:37.329 --> 00:35:39.449 that we want to do, and then we're going to have 00:35:39.449 --> 00:35:41.789 a whole day where nothing is planned in case 00:35:41.789 --> 00:35:44.570 we want to do something and it's open, which 00:35:44.570 --> 00:35:46.289 we never do. We always are like, ba -ba -ba -ba 00:35:46.289 --> 00:35:49.940 -ba. That's the margin. That's the butter. because 00:35:49.940 --> 00:35:54.219 I Honestly, I saved that one and was like you 00:35:54.219 --> 00:35:55.760 have to change that word because she's gonna 00:35:55.760 --> 00:35:59.219 just think margarine but you didn't and I wanted 00:35:59.219 --> 00:36:02.820 to prove myself wrong, okay But I only understood 00:36:02.820 --> 00:36:05.440 it when you did didn't work. All right This one 00:36:05.440 --> 00:36:07.360 is a thinker because of the world we live in 00:36:07.360 --> 00:36:09.980 right now and it's something too We don't have 00:36:09.980 --> 00:36:12.239 to really sit on but it's true and I really enjoyed 00:36:12.239 --> 00:36:16.900 it. So once you realize that the two most profitable 00:36:16.900 --> 00:36:21.400 businesses Our war and illness, it's easy to 00:36:21.400 --> 00:36:25.019 understand what's going on. Obviously. And don't 00:36:25.019 --> 00:36:29.119 you think that's been, it's a tale as old as 00:36:29.119 --> 00:36:32.139 time, I feel like. But why are we just realizing 00:36:32.139 --> 00:36:35.760 it? Maybe people realized it before, but like 00:36:35.760 --> 00:36:38.260 it wasn't spoken because of the internet? I just 00:36:38.260 --> 00:36:40.840 think the internet slaps us in the face way more 00:36:40.840 --> 00:36:44.159 now. Like we're on our phones more than we're 00:36:44.159 --> 00:36:47.090 in our own heads. I had to stop. With my phone. 00:36:47.090 --> 00:36:49.849 I've actually gone down since the Super Bowl 00:36:49.849 --> 00:36:53.230 because I everything is a conspiracy Everything 00:36:53.230 --> 00:36:56.389 is like I guess with the Epstein files and everything 00:36:56.389 --> 00:36:58.409 everything's coming out and then there's new 00:36:58.409 --> 00:37:00.630 you don't know what to believe So you just you 00:37:00.630 --> 00:37:03.409 can't look at I just can't look at it anymore. 00:37:03.670 --> 00:37:05.650 It's it overtakes your life and then you go down 00:37:05.650 --> 00:37:09.650 these rabbit holes Yeah, I think we've talked 00:37:09.650 --> 00:37:11.429 about this before and we won't get into it too 00:37:11.429 --> 00:37:14.329 long, but like there's knowledge and being informed 00:37:14.329 --> 00:37:17.150 and then there's over consumption. Yes. So you're 00:37:17.150 --> 00:37:20.429 talking about over consumption. You need to like 00:37:20.429 --> 00:37:23.309 stop cold turkey so that you can go in and kind 00:37:23.309 --> 00:37:25.530 of like cherry pick the moments and the times 00:37:25.530 --> 00:37:29.130 right now. You're overstimulated with it because 00:37:29.130 --> 00:37:31.670 we can't shy away from it. It's life. It's what's 00:37:31.670 --> 00:37:33.849 happening and we should be in an uproar. But 00:37:33.849 --> 00:37:37.769 at the same time, I think we have to not wake 00:37:37.769 --> 00:37:39.909 up with it and not go through the workday with 00:37:39.909 --> 00:37:42.449 it and then not scroll before bed with it. And 00:37:42.449 --> 00:37:44.989 that like, we can't, you just can't do that. 00:37:45.050 --> 00:37:47.130 And I think we do that. I did see someone say 00:37:47.130 --> 00:37:51.250 that they, she's sleeping. God, she's dreaming. 00:37:51.510 --> 00:37:55.190 She's dreaming and she was kicking Carly in her 00:37:55.190 --> 00:37:59.269 dream. It was aggressive. We're talking about 00:37:59.269 --> 00:38:00.869 Pepper if you're not watching, by the way. Not 00:38:00.869 --> 00:38:03.989 Carly. No. Not me. They transferred all of their 00:38:03.989 --> 00:38:06.230 social media and anything that they use on their 00:38:06.230 --> 00:38:08.630 phone. Scroll wise, they put it on an iPad. The 00:38:08.630 --> 00:38:11.309 iPad stays in their house. The iPad does not 00:38:11.309 --> 00:38:13.610 leave the house with them. So the phone is text, 00:38:13.809 --> 00:38:17.309 emails, phone calls. Love it. And it's a it's 00:38:17.309 --> 00:38:20.250 a great game changer. If you have that addiction, 00:38:20.349 --> 00:38:22.730 mom needs to do that. I love it. The iPad stays 00:38:22.730 --> 00:38:25.469 at home with all of your social media. So, yeah, 00:38:25.469 --> 00:38:27.210 you could still wake up and get on your iPad 00:38:27.210 --> 00:38:29.289 or use your iPad to go to bed, I guess. So that's 00:38:29.289 --> 00:38:32.019 something you have to regulate. But like at a 00:38:32.019 --> 00:38:33.639 stop sign or a red light, you're not getting 00:38:33.639 --> 00:38:35.599 on your phone. Love it. You know what I mean? 00:38:36.119 --> 00:38:37.960 It's not a bad idea. I think you have, I get 00:38:37.960 --> 00:38:39.820 to get myself an iPad if I want to do that, but 00:38:39.820 --> 00:38:42.460 I love that. All right, we're going to move on. 00:38:42.519 --> 00:38:47.920 The world sucks. We get it. Your self -esteem 00:38:47.920 --> 00:38:53.000 is a muscle. I really like this because you know 00:38:53.000 --> 00:38:54.500 how people are like, you have to build my self 00:38:54.500 --> 00:38:56.440 -esteem. How the heck do you build your self 00:38:56.440 --> 00:38:59.449 -esteem? Your self -esteem is a muscle. and it 00:38:59.449 --> 00:39:02.610 grows with every small promise you make to yourself 00:39:02.610 --> 00:39:04.809 that you honor, that you follow through with. 00:39:05.349 --> 00:39:08.630 That's how your self -esteem builds. That's a 00:39:08.630 --> 00:39:11.489 great way to look at it. Think of Legos. You're 00:39:11.489 --> 00:39:16.760 building a tower. So each Lego is a little promise 00:39:16.760 --> 00:39:18.719 that you're like, I'm gonna do this for myself 00:39:18.719 --> 00:39:20.719 today I'm gonna do a self -love moment for myself 00:39:20.719 --> 00:39:22.420 and then you follow through with it you get to 00:39:22.420 --> 00:39:24.519 add that to the tower and then you're gonna feel 00:39:24.519 --> 00:39:26.440 bad like that's where your Self -esteem and at 00:39:26.440 --> 00:39:28.280 the end of that tower when it's finished being 00:39:28.280 --> 00:39:29.880 built, which it's never finished being built 00:39:29.880 --> 00:39:33.719 But when you get to that like precipice You are 00:39:33.719 --> 00:39:37.019 a more confident more worthy person internally, 00:39:37.019 --> 00:39:39.539 you know all the things So that's how you build 00:39:39.539 --> 00:39:41.440 self -esteem and I never thought of it like that. 00:39:41.440 --> 00:39:46.619 No idea You're either I honestly I don't know. 00:39:46.619 --> 00:39:48.320 I don't think you're it's not Maybelline You're 00:39:48.320 --> 00:39:51.019 not like born with it But some people are some 00:39:51.019 --> 00:39:54.000 people have and have been instilled with it more 00:39:54.000 --> 00:39:57.059 and some of those bricks get taken away Or those 00:39:57.059 --> 00:39:59.280 Legos get taken away. Even if you were born with 00:39:59.280 --> 00:40:02.400 it I do think some people are born with a higher 00:40:02.400 --> 00:40:05.099 self -esteem, but I also think it's an environment 00:40:05.099 --> 00:40:13.300 thing But then also it's not Continue I'm sorry, 00:40:13.300 --> 00:40:15.780 you're making me think on the spot and I'm literally 00:40:15.780 --> 00:40:18.280 just saying what's coming to my mind and I can't 00:40:18.280 --> 00:40:21.599 filter it. So now I'm like, I'm thinking about 00:40:21.599 --> 00:40:26.599 it out loud. It's actually frightening. Oh my 00:40:26.599 --> 00:40:28.400 God. All right. We won't live on this too long 00:40:28.400 --> 00:40:29.719 because we basically just talked about it with 00:40:29.719 --> 00:40:32.619 the iPad, but it says we don't talk enough about 00:40:32.619 --> 00:40:34.559 how looking at our phones while someone is telling 00:40:34.559 --> 00:40:36.860 us a story is a form of rejection. Oh my God. 00:40:37.420 --> 00:40:41.619 I never, I stopped talking. I stopped talking. 00:40:42.619 --> 00:40:44.519 if someone is on the phone while I'm talking 00:40:44.519 --> 00:40:46.800 to them and I'll wait. So I'm like, oh, I don't 00:40:46.800 --> 00:40:48.699 want you to be distracted. Do you know, I don't 00:40:48.699 --> 00:40:52.800 know how often that happens. It happens all the 00:40:52.800 --> 00:40:55.920 time. Really? When I'm even things like making 00:40:55.920 --> 00:40:57.860 a playlist and somebody's coming into class and 00:40:57.860 --> 00:40:59.840 wants to talk, I will stop because I need to 00:40:59.840 --> 00:41:02.119 acknowledge them. Oh, oh, oh, oh. And then be 00:41:02.119 --> 00:41:04.599 like, OK, I'm just going to make a play. It's 00:41:04.599 --> 00:41:06.880 those little moments. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah. 00:41:07.099 --> 00:41:09.250 Mm -hmm. I would totally get that. No, I'm glad 00:41:09.250 --> 00:41:10.730 you're here. You're not even looking at them. 00:41:11.230 --> 00:41:13.329 That's it's without acknowledging it. And maybe 00:41:13.329 --> 00:41:15.070 they don't even know it in the moment to realize 00:41:15.070 --> 00:41:17.630 it, but they're taking on rejection. And it's 00:41:17.630 --> 00:41:22.010 something that everyone now does. And I, I notice 00:41:22.010 --> 00:41:25.110 when I do it and I think you don't have to text 00:41:25.110 --> 00:41:27.730 me, but Pedro can attest to this. If I notice 00:41:27.730 --> 00:41:29.989 he's talking to me and I'm, I went onto my phone, 00:41:30.030 --> 00:41:31.949 I had to do something and I I'll apologize about 00:41:31.949 --> 00:41:33.469 it. I'm like, I'm sorry. I had to do this. I'm 00:41:33.469 --> 00:41:35.849 really sorry. Say it again. No. Have we learned 00:41:35.849 --> 00:41:40.059 nothing? Thank you for waiting. No, no, no. No. 00:41:41.119 --> 00:41:43.239 They weren't waiting. They were talking. They 00:41:43.239 --> 00:41:48.300 were talking. But yes. You make this hard. You 00:41:48.300 --> 00:41:50.019 make this so hard. Get off your phones while 00:41:50.019 --> 00:41:52.659 people are talking to you. Thank you for waiting. 00:41:53.059 --> 00:41:57.519 What can I help you with? You're not going to 00:41:57.519 --> 00:41:58.840 like this one because it's words that you don't 00:41:58.840 --> 00:42:03.119 know. Discernment. Jesus, Mary and Joseph. They're 00:42:03.119 --> 00:42:06.480 busy. Can make you a villain. in rooms where 00:42:06.480 --> 00:42:10.980 denial is the culture. Okay, break down. Break 00:42:10.980 --> 00:42:15.059 it down. Basically, disagreeing, like being strong 00:42:15.059 --> 00:42:17.519 in your convictions, which I'm pretty sure is 00:42:17.519 --> 00:42:22.000 what discernment means, makes you the bad guy. 00:42:22.320 --> 00:42:25.800 When who you're disagreeing with or who, the 00:42:25.800 --> 00:42:29.239 thing that's happening around you, they cannot 00:42:29.239 --> 00:42:31.780 acknowledge awareness. They live in denial. You 00:42:31.780 --> 00:42:35.150 will always be the bad guy. Yeah. doing what's 00:42:35.150 --> 00:42:37.869 right and talking about what you're what you 00:42:37.869 --> 00:42:40.610 believe in when the people you're talking to 00:42:40.610 --> 00:42:45.449 will never get it because they cannot they cannot 00:42:45.449 --> 00:42:50.250 they live in a state of denial I am the one that 00:42:50.250 --> 00:42:53.130 doesn't like confrontation and she's the one 00:42:53.130 --> 00:42:56.369 that always says she looks like the bad guy because 00:42:56.369 --> 00:43:00.360 she will say This is what I think or this is 00:43:00.360 --> 00:43:02.300 what is happening or blah blah blah when you 00:43:02.300 --> 00:43:05.559 are strong and you say what you Feel and you 00:43:05.559 --> 00:43:07.219 say what you think you look like the bad guy 00:43:07.219 --> 00:43:09.079 and she always says that right but confrontation 00:43:09.079 --> 00:43:11.000 to you means something different than actually 00:43:11.000 --> 00:43:12.739 what conference I know that's what I mean That's 00:43:12.739 --> 00:43:14.920 what I'm saying. Like I like if I were to walk 00:43:14.920 --> 00:43:17.800 in the room I wouldn't say my strong conviction 00:43:17.800 --> 00:43:20.039 because to me in my mind I would take that as 00:43:20.039 --> 00:43:21.800 a confrontation. I don't want to start a confrontation 00:43:21.800 --> 00:43:24.599 You say it because you're strong and what you 00:43:24.599 --> 00:43:26.559 feel and think and you look like the bad guy 00:43:26.559 --> 00:43:30.340 both are wrong Both are wrong. Right. I was just 00:43:30.340 --> 00:43:32.519 saying both are wrong. Right. Because if I don't 00:43:32.519 --> 00:43:37.559 apply it to my life, I can't understand it. Right. 00:43:37.559 --> 00:43:40.760 But now, now just because this is a day of thinking, 00:43:41.579 --> 00:43:43.639 put that into Melody and why she doesn't stand 00:43:43.639 --> 00:43:45.539 up for herself. Right. And why I always say, 00:43:45.599 --> 00:43:47.800 why didn't you stand up for yourself? Yeah. That's 00:43:47.800 --> 00:43:51.739 what she's seeing. I know. I get it. Oh, I like 00:43:51.739 --> 00:43:55.340 this one. Healthy rel - conflict. Healthy relationships 00:43:55.340 --> 00:43:58.579 aren't conflict free. No. They're repair rich. 00:44:00.000 --> 00:44:04.400 Oh, I get a hundred percent. Oh, oh, finally 00:44:04.400 --> 00:44:07.980 one. I get it. I agree. Oh my God. How, but also 00:44:07.980 --> 00:44:11.340 how boring would it be if, no, how boring it 00:44:11.340 --> 00:44:13.179 would be if you didn't have any conflict, if 00:44:13.179 --> 00:44:16.400 every day was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I definitely. 00:44:16.739 --> 00:44:19.639 Well, not boring, but like you want to have relationships 00:44:19.639 --> 00:44:23.619 where if, if like conflict comes up, you're able 00:44:23.619 --> 00:44:31.170 to like, Fix it versus band -aid it or not acknowledge 00:44:31.170 --> 00:44:35.090 it at all for seven days. Okay. Why seven days? 00:44:35.449 --> 00:44:39.289 Oh, like I can, I am a shutter downer. So I can 00:44:39.289 --> 00:44:42.789 shut down for, you are a therapist dream is what 00:44:42.789 --> 00:44:45.690 you are. That is what you are. Andrew Dyckman 00:44:45.690 --> 00:44:48.909 just added an event to my calendar. Oh yeah, 00:44:48.909 --> 00:44:54.679 he did. I saw it. Conflict. All right, I like 00:44:54.679 --> 00:44:56.579 this one. I like this one because it's something 00:44:56.579 --> 00:45:00.079 we If you have a partner if you have a friend 00:45:00.079 --> 00:45:01.980 if you have a close friend if you have a sibling 00:45:01.980 --> 00:45:06.380 parent Whatever people in your life If you listen 00:45:06.380 --> 00:45:12.360 closely to your partner's triggers Nope, there's 00:45:12.360 --> 00:45:16.940 a comma. Hold on If you listen closely comma 00:45:16.940 --> 00:45:20.480 your partner's triggers will tell you the story 00:45:20.480 --> 00:45:23.570 of their childhood the things that bother Andrew, 00:45:23.849 --> 00:45:26.050 the things that get him. Oh, 100%. I can see 00:45:26.050 --> 00:45:30.769 it. Right. If you respond with compassion, you 00:45:30.769 --> 00:45:33.449 become part of their healing, not their reenactment. 00:45:34.590 --> 00:45:38.969 Oh, does that make sense? Yeah. I love that because 00:45:38.969 --> 00:45:43.849 I have a very good, I can see that in people. 00:45:43.969 --> 00:45:46.489 And when people talk, I can understand why they're 00:45:46.489 --> 00:45:49.300 saying it. I'm like, oh, well you, this. this 00:45:49.300 --> 00:45:51.480 was your childhood, this was whatever, this was 00:45:51.480 --> 00:45:53.340 whatever. I'm good at that too. You're not good 00:45:53.340 --> 00:45:58.539 at that. But I never think of how like if you 00:45:58.539 --> 00:46:00.900 just spew advice at someone that's not compassion 00:46:00.900 --> 00:46:02.940 that's trying to fix the problem and sometimes 00:46:02.940 --> 00:46:05.179 they don't need that. Nobody needs that. Nobody 00:46:05.179 --> 00:46:07.820 needs that but also well some people might need 00:46:07.820 --> 00:46:11.199 that but maybe that's part of the reenactment 00:46:11.199 --> 00:46:13.320 of the childhood of being told everything that 00:46:13.320 --> 00:46:15.380 they need to do versus letting them do it you 00:46:15.380 --> 00:46:18.170 know like Or what I learned on Southern Charm 00:46:18.170 --> 00:46:22.170 last night. Oh, geez. Madison was telling Shep 00:46:22.170 --> 00:46:26.130 how to help his friend Austin in this breakup. 00:46:26.170 --> 00:46:28.849 And she said, don't tell him what to do. Ask 00:46:28.849 --> 00:46:32.210 him questions. Right. Like, let him answer. And 00:46:32.210 --> 00:46:34.110 of course, Shep was just like telling him how 00:46:34.110 --> 00:46:36.489 he thinks he should fix the problem when really 00:46:36.489 --> 00:46:40.250 you should just ask questions so that they can 00:46:40.250 --> 00:46:42.449 figure it out. Or it's just a better way to do 00:46:42.449 --> 00:46:44.590 it than just telling somebody how to fix. So 00:46:44.590 --> 00:46:46.960 if if you don't know, You should be watching 00:46:46.960 --> 00:46:50.000 Southern Charm for all advice. Are you Shep in 00:46:50.000 --> 00:46:52.119 this analogy? Is that what you're saying? Well, 00:46:52.159 --> 00:46:53.659 now I am, because I'm telling you what to do. 00:46:54.920 --> 00:46:56.860 Do you like Southern Charm? Do you think that 00:46:56.860 --> 00:47:01.360 you should watch a news show? I just think Carly 00:47:01.360 --> 00:47:03.679 is going to eat this one up the most, because 00:47:03.679 --> 00:47:08.099 number one, you should, and number two, it's 00:47:08.099 --> 00:47:11.170 very like a trendy way of thinking. I ate no 00:47:11.170 --> 00:47:14.010 crumbs. I lost it. I would like you to eat all 00:47:14.010 --> 00:47:18.829 the crumbs. Of cake, of cookies, all the things. 00:47:19.230 --> 00:47:23.050 Clock it. Oh, geez. Sorry. Calling people's opinions 00:47:23.050 --> 00:47:27.929 of you. Uh -huh. Call them fan theories. Yes, 00:47:29.030 --> 00:47:34.989 queen. Ew. Wait, but also, I go out like this. 00:47:35.199 --> 00:47:38.300 I have no shame. You have no shame in that regard. 00:47:38.460 --> 00:47:40.139 But you care if they think you're good at your 00:47:40.139 --> 00:47:44.079 job. Oh, well, sure. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Who 00:47:44.079 --> 00:47:46.619 gives a shit if they think you did a good class 00:47:46.619 --> 00:47:49.179 or not? But Kara, if you know you did a good 00:47:49.179 --> 00:47:51.420 class, that's all that matters. But you do care. 00:47:52.119 --> 00:47:54.760 And we should care. As business owners, we should 00:47:54.760 --> 00:47:56.940 care. Yeah, they're paying us. But you go to 00:47:56.940 --> 00:47:59.340 the nth degree. No, I know. I care too much. 00:47:59.420 --> 00:48:03.070 You care too much about Well, we have to do a 00:48:03.070 --> 00:48:04.590 brand new playlist every single solitary class, 00:48:04.710 --> 00:48:06.610 and we do 22 classes a week, and I cannot repeat 00:48:06.610 --> 00:48:10.730 a playlist. That's crazy. That's a fan theory 00:48:10.730 --> 00:48:13.090 that their opinion's like, well, we did this 00:48:13.090 --> 00:48:15.289 one already. That's a fan theory. Love your theory. 00:48:15.469 --> 00:48:17.289 Thank you for being a fan. You keep coming back. 00:48:17.329 --> 00:48:19.789 We're going to do an episode on all the new theories 00:48:19.789 --> 00:48:21.869 I've learned. Do you know how many theories there 00:48:21.869 --> 00:48:24.650 are? Oh, no. There's open window theory. There's 00:48:24.650 --> 00:48:26.909 closed door theory. We're going to go over all 00:48:26.909 --> 00:48:30.030 the theories. I didn't know you could read theory. 00:48:30.329 --> 00:48:33.550 theory. I like that. I'm going to call it a fan 00:48:33.550 --> 00:48:36.630 theory. All right, we're almost done. Yeah, we're 00:48:36.630 --> 00:48:38.849 almost done. I like this one because we all need 00:48:38.849 --> 00:48:42.409 to do this more. So there's a science based study 00:48:42.409 --> 00:48:44.969 that's discovered that it takes you 400 reps 00:48:44.969 --> 00:48:48.650 of doing something to wire your brain differently. 00:48:49.070 --> 00:48:55.269 So 400 repetitions of the morning routine. Then 00:48:55.269 --> 00:48:57.739 it's That's how your brain's wired. I must wake 00:48:57.739 --> 00:48:59.860 up and drink water before coffee. Like, you don't 00:48:59.860 --> 00:49:01.340 think about it anymore, basically, is what that 00:49:01.340 --> 00:49:07.480 means. Unless it's done in play, which takes 00:49:07.480 --> 00:49:12.920 only 10 to 20 reps in play, having fun. Enjoying. 00:49:13.019 --> 00:49:17.159 Oh, in enjoyment, in play, like childhood play, 00:49:17.500 --> 00:49:19.639 child's playing on the playground. They soak 00:49:19.639 --> 00:49:21.940 in the rules of the game because they're having 00:49:21.940 --> 00:49:25.260 so much fun versus you standing on the sidelines 00:49:25.260 --> 00:49:27.300 being like, well, how does football? I don't 00:49:27.300 --> 00:49:30.360 get it because you need 400 times to understand 00:49:30.360 --> 00:49:33.659 it because you're not enjoying the moment. So 00:49:33.659 --> 00:49:36.760 if you if we do more things playing like kids 00:49:36.760 --> 00:49:39.920 play and using the imagination and the creativity, 00:49:40.139 --> 00:49:43.500 it only takes like 20 times to take something 00:49:43.500 --> 00:49:45.960 in and rewire your actual brain chemistry. Yeah, 00:49:45.960 --> 00:49:48.940 that makes sense. That's crazy to me Yeah, that's 00:49:48.940 --> 00:49:51.420 awesome though. I know that's why I always say 00:49:51.420 --> 00:49:53.179 like when we have new people I'm like it takes 00:49:53.179 --> 00:49:55.960 three to five classes because it's fun. So it'll 00:49:55.960 --> 00:49:58.760 take less than 400 classes Yeah, but you're having 00:49:58.760 --> 00:50:01.820 fun. So you're gonna retain it more. Yeah. Yeah, 00:50:01.820 --> 00:50:05.280 actually Yeah, this one's for you awkward people 00:50:05.280 --> 00:50:08.809 Don't know how to be fake And that's why they're 00:50:08.809 --> 00:50:12.949 awkward because they're just genuine. 100%. That's 00:50:12.949 --> 00:50:15.929 like my mammogram. I was not fake in the least. 00:50:16.130 --> 00:50:18.969 I was 100 % awkward. Neither were your boobs. 00:50:19.889 --> 00:50:25.469 I wish you figured that out. Yep, no, I love 00:50:25.469 --> 00:50:27.550 it. You will never get fake from me, but you 00:50:27.550 --> 00:50:32.369 will get awkward. Next. When trauma gets triggered, 00:50:33.269 --> 00:50:35.929 you don't act your age, you act the age. The 00:50:35.929 --> 00:50:38.750 wound was created. Yikes. Does that make sense? 00:50:39.130 --> 00:50:43.170 Yeah. Trauma you don't like. So when you get 00:50:43.170 --> 00:50:46.329 hurt, Andrew says something to you. I don't know. 00:50:46.429 --> 00:50:47.429 I'm literally making this up. Yeah, yeah, yeah. 00:50:47.469 --> 00:50:48.650 No, make it about me, because that's the only 00:50:48.650 --> 00:50:50.849 way I understand. So Andrew says something to 00:50:50.849 --> 00:50:52.610 you in a way that you don't like, and it hurts 00:50:52.610 --> 00:50:55.610 you. Your feelings are hurt. You're not reacting 00:50:55.610 --> 00:50:57.710 as Carly, 40 -year -old Carly. You're reacting 00:50:57.710 --> 00:51:00.469 as 11 -year -old Carly. Yeah. It's when anytime 00:51:00.469 --> 00:51:04.449 he tells me to just like, Take a beat relax. 00:51:04.590 --> 00:51:07.130 It brings me back to like being a kid and being 00:51:07.130 --> 00:51:12.849 like leave me alone. Yeah. Oh 100 % Every time 00:51:12.849 --> 00:51:18.269 every time you avoid discomfort You reinforce 00:51:18.269 --> 00:51:22.769 the belief that you can't handle it Okay, when 00:51:22.769 --> 00:51:24.469 you avoid doing something that makes you uncomfortable, 00:51:24.510 --> 00:51:30.190 yeah instead of That being like I just want to 00:51:30.190 --> 00:51:33.039 be comfortable What you're doing is you're telling 00:51:33.039 --> 00:51:35.119 yourself in your body and your mind and everything 00:51:35.119 --> 00:51:37.519 else that you can't handle that thing. Oh, okay 00:51:37.519 --> 00:51:40.460 Yeah, so go to the things do the things that 00:51:40.460 --> 00:51:42.960 are make you uncomfortable this in a state of 00:51:42.960 --> 00:51:46.760 discomfort Because you're rewiring the way that 00:51:46.760 --> 00:51:48.539 your body and your mind reacts being like no 00:51:48.539 --> 00:51:50.500 I can handle all the hard things I can do this 00:51:50.500 --> 00:51:53.099 literally what the phrase step out of your comfort 00:51:53.099 --> 00:51:58.940 zone means Right So do it by yourself. Oh, no. 00:51:58.980 --> 00:52:03.800 Uh -uh. No, you have to come with me. OK. OK. 00:52:04.320 --> 00:52:07.280 I love this. I love this. It's a little longer, 00:52:07.300 --> 00:52:10.440 so stay with me. The reason you're tired all 00:52:10.440 --> 00:52:13.320 the time. I'm interested. It's not your workload. 00:52:14.360 --> 00:52:18.340 It's your open loops. It's the text you haven't 00:52:18.340 --> 00:52:20.699 answered, the apology that you owe and you won't 00:52:20.699 --> 00:52:23.659 say, the decision you're avoiding, the conversation 00:52:23.659 --> 00:52:26.719 that you keep postponing. These run in the background 00:52:26.719 --> 00:52:29.699 of your mind all day and they drain your battery 00:52:29.699 --> 00:52:32.960 just like your phone. Close your loops and then 00:52:32.960 --> 00:52:35.519 watch your energy return and your mental clutter 00:52:35.519 --> 00:52:40.599 will clear up. And the mental clutter is way 00:52:40.599 --> 00:52:42.239 more exhausting than any of the physical work 00:52:42.239 --> 00:52:45.880 that you have to do. Well, oh my God, she's doing 00:52:45.880 --> 00:52:50.579 it right now. I have 70 ,000 emails, 228 voicemails 00:52:50.579 --> 00:52:54.380 and six text messages to respond to. Well, yes 00:52:54.380 --> 00:52:57.460 and yes, so as much as it's like we laugh about 00:52:57.460 --> 00:52:59.059 this we talk about this all the time because 00:52:59.059 --> 00:53:02.820 those numbers have only gone up That's in your 00:53:02.820 --> 00:53:05.780 your subconscious all the time. Oh, yeah. Yeah, 00:53:05.920 --> 00:53:09.079 but that's a part of your friend like your man 00:53:09.079 --> 00:53:12.480 Nick your mania Oh, yeah, like the editing the 00:53:12.480 --> 00:53:15.400 videos for the live stream that goes on all day 00:53:15.400 --> 00:53:18.199 in my brain Sending emails for the dance studio. 00:53:18.199 --> 00:53:20.500 It goes on all like I haven't done this stuff 00:53:20.500 --> 00:53:23.960 yet. Yeah, so it's constantly like a running 00:53:23.960 --> 00:53:27.780 show in my brain. I'm watching myself do it, 00:53:27.780 --> 00:53:29.219 but I haven't done it yet. So then you can't 00:53:29.219 --> 00:53:31.719 do the one that's like, how can I do this, but 00:53:31.719 --> 00:53:34.000 without urgency? You're always in urgency because 00:53:34.000 --> 00:53:37.579 you have to get stuff done. Right. Right. I like 00:53:37.579 --> 00:53:39.659 that one. Like there are things that I put off 00:53:39.659 --> 00:53:41.699 and then I'm like, I just do it and I'll do it. 00:53:41.699 --> 00:53:44.559 And I honestly feel 10 times lighter. Oh, I can't 00:53:44.559 --> 00:53:47.500 wait to buy these costumes for the dance studio, 00:53:48.159 --> 00:53:50.199 for the concert. Why do you buy costumes? Those 00:53:50.199 --> 00:53:52.309 are costumes. Yeah, there's accessories. Every 00:53:52.309 --> 00:53:54.610 class needs an accessory. I'm not buying shit. 00:53:54.869 --> 00:53:57.889 We'll talk to the boss because unless she's paying 00:53:57.889 --> 00:53:59.769 for it. I'm not buying it. But that's the thing, 00:53:59.789 --> 00:54:03.030 like I haven't done it yet. Carly, it's February. 00:54:03.130 --> 00:54:05.389 Mom gave out all her costumes already. Well, 00:54:05.829 --> 00:54:07.670 if mom jumped off a cliff, would you jump off 00:54:07.670 --> 00:54:11.949 a cliff with her? Probs. Nah, son. I'm good. 00:54:13.230 --> 00:54:21.170 Enjoy. Okay. I feel unsafe. Bad bunny. What? 00:54:21.449 --> 00:54:25.389 I feel unsafe. It just, if people could acknowledge 00:54:25.389 --> 00:54:28.269 and be more self -aware, then everything would 00:54:28.269 --> 00:54:31.429 kind of fall into place and align more. And these 00:54:31.429 --> 00:54:33.730 are just things to think of where you fit in 00:54:33.730 --> 00:54:36.269 that alignment. Do you resonate with some of 00:54:36.269 --> 00:54:39.090 the harder things of like, Ooh, I would love 00:54:39.090 --> 00:54:41.349 to change my mindset about this. Or are you offended 00:54:41.349 --> 00:54:43.389 by some of these? And if you're offended by some 00:54:43.389 --> 00:54:47.630 of them, as if I'm calling you out, why? Yeah. 00:54:47.849 --> 00:54:51.010 What about that bothers you? Because there's 00:54:51.010 --> 00:54:52.730 something there for you to think about. That's 00:54:52.730 --> 00:54:54.769 what it is. Yeah. And the reason I picked these 00:54:54.769 --> 00:54:59.349 is because I needed them for myself. Or me. Or 00:54:59.349 --> 00:55:01.409 you. Yeah. Some of them were like, oh, Carly 00:55:01.409 --> 00:55:04.250 would like, Carly would definitely. No, I see 00:55:04.250 --> 00:55:05.929 myself in every single one of these. And I'm 00:55:05.929 --> 00:55:09.110 not offended by it. I know. I know it. But when 00:55:09.110 --> 00:55:12.289 it's said or when it's said out loud or written, 00:55:13.269 --> 00:55:17.070 it's more likely to be acknowledged. Right. You 00:55:17.070 --> 00:55:19.579 know? Yeah. I'm not offended by any of these. 00:55:20.179 --> 00:55:22.460 But I say that some people would be. Some people 00:55:22.460 --> 00:55:26.679 might be listening to it. Why does that bother 00:55:26.679 --> 00:55:28.739 you? Why does the word trigger bother you? Why 00:55:28.739 --> 00:55:31.460 does trauma bother you? Trigger bothers me because 00:55:31.460 --> 00:55:33.539 it's a trendy word and I think people use it 00:55:33.539 --> 00:55:39.460 too often and too easily. But I am triggered 00:55:39.460 --> 00:55:43.699 by you. Things trigger you all the time though. 00:55:44.280 --> 00:55:46.739 There are things that trigger you that I'm like... 00:55:47.599 --> 00:55:51.780 We'll say set me off then Which sounds a little 00:55:51.780 --> 00:55:55.119 weird That sounds sexual and I don't approve 00:55:55.119 --> 00:55:58.420 I don't like triggered because all the kids be 00:55:58.420 --> 00:56:00.800 like I'm triggered and it's like somebody blew 00:56:00.800 --> 00:56:03.400 their nose I'm triggered by that or like I don't 00:56:03.400 --> 00:56:06.239 know. It's it's an overused word that I don't 00:56:06.239 --> 00:56:09.059 think but oh man I'm set off. Wait, can we make 00:56:09.059 --> 00:56:11.320 that trendy? No, there's there's this thing. 00:56:11.320 --> 00:56:13.960 That's like There's a meme that I saw I know 00:56:13.960 --> 00:56:15.860 we're in Carly's meme corner But there was a 00:56:15.860 --> 00:56:18.639 meme that I saw and it was like I don't know. 00:56:18.760 --> 00:56:22.840 I can handle. You know working in the ER for 00:56:22.840 --> 00:56:25.559 a 12 -hour shift and get through the pit and 00:56:25.559 --> 00:56:28.039 I can get through that whole day But God forbid 00:56:28.039 --> 00:56:29.679 three noises are happening at the same time. 00:56:29.840 --> 00:56:33.519 Yeah, I can't like I career So many hard things 00:56:33.519 --> 00:56:35.300 throughout the day and I can help you and I can 00:56:35.300 --> 00:56:37.460 help you and I can get this done and I can finish 00:56:37.460 --> 00:56:40.139 my list But if some there's music on in the background 00:56:40.139 --> 00:56:41.940 and someone's talking I'm like I can't I can't 00:56:41.940 --> 00:56:45.519 do it. Yeah, okay That's our thinker for the 00:56:45.519 --> 00:56:47.900 day. We're gonna bring this series back and we're 00:56:47.900 --> 00:56:50.519 gonna do Carly bringing in the thinkers and see 00:56:50.519 --> 00:56:52.719 what makes her think. Wait, do you know what 00:56:52.719 --> 00:56:59.380 would be really fun? Not what I said. If nothing 00:56:59.380 --> 00:57:02.079 else, remember you are fit to be fucking real. 00:57:02.380 --> 00:57:13.380 And always allowed to be a little extra. For 00:57:13.380 --> 00:57:15.059 legal reasons, we have to tell you that this 00:57:15.059 --> 00:57:17.139 podcast is meant for entertainment and educational 00:57:17.139 --> 00:57:20.039 purposes only. We are not healthcare professionals. 00:57:20.480 --> 00:57:22.639 For all of your health, wellness, fitness, and 00:57:22.639 --> 00:57:24.699 self -care needs, please refer to the medical 00:57:24.699 --> 00:57:26.980 professional in your life. Your primary care 00:57:26.980 --> 00:57:29.460 physician, your therapist, a certified coach, 00:57:29.760 --> 00:57:32.139 whoever it may be. And then let us know what 00:57:32.139 --> 00:57:34.460 they say because I guarantee we need to know 00:57:34.460 --> 00:57:37.480 it too. Okay? Okay, bye.