Welcome to Fit to Be Real. And a little extra.
I'm Victoria. Hey guys, I'm Carly. We did it.
We have a special episode today. One, because
Carly doesn't know what we're doing. Nada. No
nothing. As usual. Well, to be fair, we're dressed
and ready to go because Carly made us go to Melody's
project, live project at school that's next week.
Listen, it's next week. She told me it was today
and she was doing a podcast and she knows everything
about podcasts and she was very excited to have
us come and watch her do her religion podcast.
Oh my God. I didn't know that. And she neglected
to tell us it was next Thursday. Yeah, so it's
definitely the 11 year old's fault. It can't
be Carly's fault, even though she did email the
teacher, just didn't do any details because Carly
doesn't detail anything. You know, it's really
fun when you show up with your mom and your sister
fully decked out in Valentine's Day and they
all look at you in the office and go, hello.
So if you are not watching, Carly's wearing baby
pink pants with red hearts. all over them and
a different shade of pink sneaker so uh we love
this here's why we spend too much time together
we spend too much time together oh wait i did
ask her she gave me a look and i said oh do you
have the same pants carly's going away for the
weekend um for valentine's day week or no We
usually go away for President's Day. It just
happens to be on Valentine's Day weekend this
year. Super fun for us all. So she's going away
tomorrow, which will be over Valentine's Day.
And I found this little thing, which we don't
get Valentine's Day gifts, but I found this little
thing and was going to give it to you today anyway.
Might as well do it on camera. Here you go. Hope
you wear it together. Wait a second. it oh my
god it's the same pink shirt with the same red
heart it's quite literally the same shade oh
my god oh my god oh my Victoria that's why you
got out of the car and I went what are you wearing
and I said oh do you have the same pants and
she said no I don't have the same pants I don't
own a pink item in my life oh my god Victoria
Wait, that's crazy. Where did you get this shirt?
It's this really fancy store called Lidl. Super
fancy boutique. They specialize in chicken. Wait
a second. I have to wear this together. I actually
can't believe how it's the same. It's the same
shade of pink and the same red hearts. Wow. Wow.
Wow. Well, thank you. I can't wait to wear this
together. And you think I'm not going to, but
I am. Oh no, we know. Yeah. We know. For a moment,
I was like, yeah, don't give it to her. Nope.
Oh my god. It's a small, but it's oversized.
No, I love it. And it fits me, so it's definitely
oversized. Oh my god, I love it. That's amazing.
This isn't a podcast about Valentine's Day, even
though this comes out two days after. We are
doing Thinkers. That's what we're going to title
it. Oh God. So things that I've found on the
internet that we have either posted via Fit To
Be Real podcast handle on Instagram or just things
that I save that I'm like, oh gosh, that insights
just like a good way to think about something
or a good way, a different way or something that's
so simple that really hits you hard. And you're
like, wow, I should reassess my entire life.
So I have cultivated a full Rolodex of these
thoughts that I have read, but Carly has not
read. So she's making me think. We love initial
reaction from Carly we just do so we're gonna
we're not gonna waste time we're gonna go through
them this is our 143rd episode so what's really
cute is that it's one four three which means
I love you she really got excited when she figured
that out today I didn't realize until I typed
it in super cute so happy Valentine's Day to
everybody to the gals to the guys to the relationships
to everything hold on that note before we start
your thinkers something that is not a thinker
And I just want to let you know, and I don't
know if you're going to be mad at me or not.
But because you watched The Pit, I started watching
Love is Blind. Which season? Whatever season.
The new one? So I just realized a new one started.
I haven't even watched it yet. OK. I am newly
addicted. It's an addiction. Pedro, there's a
new season out. I had nothing to watch. because
tonight the pit comes out, so I have something
then. Wait, what? It's every Thursday. The pit
comes out every Thursday. They make you wait
like olden days. Okay, we haven't started second
season yet, so we have like a few. Oh, okay,
so yeah. But I started Love is Blind, and I'm
very invested, and I can now see the draw before
I was like, why do you like this trash? It is
trash. It's trash. I love it. It's it's not trash.
Oh just my shows my Bravo verse you can call
that trash, but I love that trash This is like
a science experiment You need to watch the season
and then you need to enjoy yourself and go back
to season one and watch I have a quick question
about this. Do they get married? Do people actually
stay together? Yes, really? Yes, is there like
a whole like oh our love is blind like marriages
and they actually work. Oh my god. Oh my god
Oh my god. I'm new. You're so blind. Yes, at
the end, you meet someone through a wall only
talking. So the whole point is that you have
no idea what they look like. Sometimes you meet
someone that you want to get engaged to within
a week. And then they send the engaged parties
to a vacation like everybody goes to this Mexican
resort. Face -to -face and that's when you meet
each other. We're not in the resort you meet
each other at the on like Love Island or whatever
it's called or the Pods the pods the pods. Yeah,
then you go to Mexico to see if you can like
function together in real life But you're also
on a Mexican resort like vacation not real life.
You meet the other couple So like people that
you've dated quote -unquote you're like, oh that's
what you look like if if other couples also get
engaged That's when you meet so you have to get
engaged through a pod Without seeing the person
so then you go to the Mexican restaurant. I mean
the Mexican resort Engaged uh -huh only seeing
each other for now the second time is when you
walk into this resort So if you make it past
Mexico, and you don't like fall apart Which nobody
usually does then you are put into an apartment
that love is blind pays for right so it's the
same apartment for everybody in one complex and
you merge lives and you meet mom and dad and
you meet sisters and siblings and friends usually
people have pushback of what the hell are you
doing yeah sometimes people get upset like um
love bomb too much but do they switch what if
somebody's like oh i want to date that person
so the lot of drama ensues so when you come to
your apartment living life you have to have,
because it's reality TV, gatherings where you
meet everyone that was in the pods. Yeah. So
people that rejected you. Uh -huh. People that
you thought were going to propose to you and
then you, you know, go in for your date and they're
like, hey. Yeah. You meet them. So a lot of crazy
things happen. And then you start planning a
wedding that has to happen in two weeks. I'm
still on the pods. They're just talking through
a wall. Oh, yeah. It takes a minute. But the
weddings happen. And at the wedding, is when
you say yes or no. So you could be rejected by
your person. Very much like the bachelor. Like
we're at the last date, you either get engaged
or you don't. Like you show up and you're like...
Yes, but you have gone through the pick out a
wedding dress process. You've gone through bachelorette
parties. You've gone through, you know, my family
hates me because of this. Like you go through
everything. You stand up there. You think they're
going to say yes. They say no. or you root for
that couple and you're like, no, they really
should get, like you can kind of tell throughout
the, oh, it's the most amazing drama. I will
say, I'm very shocked that you like it. This
is a very me type show. I'm very shocked that
you like it. What did Pedro just say? Pedro says,
Carly loves trash, put it on a shirt. That'll
be my next lethal purchase. You know me, I love
trash. Carly loves his trash. Yeah, I don't know
how I got, I think it was like a, oh, what's
this? I'll turn it on and then it's, I mean,
it's addicting. Just like Bravo or anything.
It's binge watching. Like I can, I'm going to
binge this. Oh wait, season's passed. The amount
of drama. Oh, I'm excited for you. Yeah. I thought
you were going to be mad at me. Can you be like,
really? I've been telling you about this for
three years. No, I was so into it the last season.
that Pedro came over and I was like, I have to
watch this. Like I have to finish this or I have
to get, whatever. And he was like, all right,
we'll watch it, it's fine. He now can't stop
watching it. You get invested. And it's like,
it's narcissism 101, it's childhood trauma 101.
Like you're like, well, we know why you said
that. We know why you're doing this. Oh, you're
a drinker. Right. It's just so, I don't know.
It makes me feel good about myself. Oh my god.
I'm just kidding. It's actually really funny.
Okay, so we're gonna go into our thinkers, anyway,
that make you think in a different way. And we're
not gonna spend too much time on these. I know,
I just spent a lot of time on Love is Blind,
but I had to bring it up. Because it's real life
and it's my real life. Like, it's also something
like, would Andrew pick you? Hell no, he didn't
pick me the first time. He broke up with me three
times. Oh, I tell people seven. No, just three.
Oh. But there's that meme that on Instagram where
it's like a guy with all the kids around him
and he looks miserable. And the little caption
is like, I just asked the girl's number at the
club and now look at my life. And I want to do
that with Andrew because he's like, I was 20,
like five. I just wanted to show manse and now
look at my life. So funny. It's so funny. Yeah,
no, Andrew would not pick me. I would make him
pick me like I did the first time. That has happened.
Really? On the show. Well, I am living proof
that making somebody pick you worked out. Yes,
but it doesn't work for everyone. Doesn't work
for everyone. Okay. Everything is a win when
the goal is the experience. You gotta talk slower.
Everything like I can't everything is a win everything
what you're going through is a win when your
goal is not the outcome is it's the experience
of it. But do you have to think of the experience
the whole time or at the end goal you're like
oh wait but that was a win or like do you know
it's a win the whole time. Well that's the whole
point is that if you change your mindset of like
not just wanting to get to the end point of whatever
the goal is right and Enjoy every piece of it
as you get there. That's that's the real way.
Yeah, so I didn't think I'd have to explain this
one I thought that was pretty easy. Well, it's
sort of like the journey is the reward, right?
Yeah, but yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. Okay. Well move
on I'm sorry. I thought we were breaking these
down. I didn't think you'd have to break down
the easy ones There's some hard ones. I was like,
well, this one will be an easy one for her This
one will be a little tougher. That was not on
the tough. Sorry. You clearly don't know who
I am So this is in reference to having kids in
your life. But I also think it could be like
having a partner or maybe taking care of your
parents, like in the elderly situations. I think
you can kind of put this in a lot of things,
but this was meant for children. Don't be so
busy giving them a good life that you forget
to give them a good day. I don't know. Did you
post this? Some of these were... fit to be real
story repost, yeah. Because I think I read this
before and I was like, ugh, ouch. I saved the
one that you really felt. Don't worry. Yeah.
But it's true. It is true. But think about someone
you're taking care of, like, dementia. You want
to make sure every day is a good day. Think about
having a partner. And you're like, well, in 10
years, we'll think about every day. I agree with
that one. And I think especially with kids, you
worry so much about giving them the best life
that you forget to give them the best day. Yeah.
It's like run and rush and hurry up to get to
the stop sign. What are you doing? I like this
because Pedro yells me all the time for apologizing.
I've been better than him. You are an over -apologizer.
I've been better. Not to me. Carly doesn't know
how to say she's not gonna be able to notice.
She said apologize her she couldn't even say
the word. Sorry. She doesn't know how Wait, there's
another meme of a several moms explaining to
her kids how to apologize and the dads in the
background going You know how to do it. I've
never You don't know how to do it. So how can
you explain it Carly's like yeah, it didn't work
out. You could have done it differently though
And it's her she's the one who did it anyway
You also I've said it to you. I'm like, why'd
you just say sorry to that? Because you'll see
someone and go, oh, sorry. It just comes out.
And it comes out. Do you know how I hug people
that I don't know, but I don't like hugging people
that I'm close to because I feel like you don't
do that? I say sorry to people that I don't know.
But when it comes to my family, I'm like, you
don't need that from me. And you don't think
you need therapy. Like that's so fucked up. Excuse
my language. Oh my god, mom. I don't care. She's
not watching. I don't care. That's so fucked
up. OK. OK. Hold on. Producer just texted while
I'm reading this. New segment. Carly's meme corner.
I shouldn't be reading these out loud. I just
watch too many memes and everything applies to
me. But then you apply nothing to your life.
It's cool. It's fun. So replacing I'm sorry with
thank you. It rewires the guilt -based conditioning.
Hold on. Replacing, I'm gonna explain it, so
chill out. But the guilt -based conditioning
is why you say, I'm sorry. Everything's like,
oh, I feel bad. Oh, okay, let me not burden you.
Oh, I don't wanna be the reason for, oh. So you
replace sorry I'm late with thank you for waiting.
Oh, okay. Because I'm sorry is more submissive.
Like you're more important, I'm so sorry. And...
Thank you is a confidence thing, but also acknowledging
that you have consideration. Right. So the thing
that comes to me is when someone holds the door
at Wawa, I was just thinking this, I'll walk
in and go, oh, sorry, as if I'm like in their
way, but they were holding the door for me. So
instead of I'm sorry, it's thank you, because
thank you. Like it's not, you didn't do anything
wrong. That's that they're holding the door for
you correlation. Mm -hmm. Yeah, okay. I like
that one. Thank you for waiting Thank you for
holding the door I'm sure what else do you say?
I'm sorry. I mean anytime you bump somebody or
you get too close to somebody. Oh, I'm sorry
Thank you for being close to me. Maybe I'm not
gonna be good at this one. I mean, if you're
actually bumping into someone, I think that can
call for it. I'm sorry, that's an actual thing.
I think I need extra lessons. Well, okay, you'll
figure it out. All right, next one. Quitting
your worst habit will change your life faster
than starting a new one. You have to quit what
isn't working for you now before starting something
different. That will be the biggest change. I
wish I could quit you. It says, Jesus, it says
stop the leak before you fill the bucket. Yeah,
that makes sense. Why would you use a bucket?
You know what I mean? I don't have to explain
that one. Hopefully that one. No, I got that
one. This one is for me right now in this moment
on this couch. Oh, God, you can't heal in the
same environment where you got sick. I try to
heal on these podcasts. And I just have to move
on. Just kidding. It's getting in there. I'm
absorbing. I'm absorbing it. I just have a hard
time getting back out. The longer you stay on
the wrong. I really liked this one. The longer
you stay on the wrong train, the more expensive
it is to get home. Yeah. Yep. So the path, whatever
you're doing where you're like, well, I can fix
him, I can fix her, just one more month, just
this. It just takes so much more of a toll to
reset, start over. And it's way too expensive
for your time, your value and everything else.
Honestly, every time Victoria was with, what's
up, Pedro? Not you, the wrong guy. It would be
so hard to watch because I would, what's it called?
I would, knew it was gonna be over at some point
and we were gonna have to restart over and I
knew it was coming and I it's so hard to pick
up the pieces and Yeah, I'm not explaining it
well, but you know what I mean, I think you are
we would watch it go downhill. Hmm. Sorry I'm
crying We would watch it and I'd be like, oh
my god, I know what's coming I know what's coming
and the The battle to restart again would be
so hard and I I was and take it would just take
longer It would take more time from my life that
the expensive part was that you know time is
We don't have enough time and the longer you
stayed Yeah, yeah the longer it took to rebuild
along the attachment happen the longer it took
for me to you know Work through it. Whatever.
So yeah, I get it. That's good. I'm glad you
brought me out for that Well Any lesson you refuse
to learn, you repeat it until you learn it. I
mean, that's pretty straightforward. Yeah. Someday
she'll figure that out. I was going to say, does
it have my name next to it? It says Carly, you
bitch. Any lesson you refuse to learn. Okay.
This one I love. This is the more fitness based,
not mental base, but you have this one I love.
Okay. If you switched bodies. With the person
you love most for one year, uh -huh How would
you take care of their mind and body knowing
that you'd have to give it back? Yeah. Yeah,
I read this one and how would you take care of
that? Person now you have to do now put yourself
in that person like put yourself Why don't you
take care of yourself the way you would take
care of somebody else somebody else's body, right?
Yeah, so why aren't you talking like yourself
if you switch? What's the movie Freaky Friday?
I've never seen it I know, I've never seen it.
Wait, that's a good one for you and Melody. For
Melody? Yeah. Okay. If you switched bodies with
your partner, with your child, if you and Melody
switched bodies, how would you take care of Melody's
body? Would you work out so much? Would you not...
eat delicious food versus grapes. Would you sleep
more? Yeah. Would you not scroll to go to sleep
or would you wake up scrolling? Like you would
do the things that we talk about because it's
her body and you would give it back to her way
better than you got it. Like you would be borrowing,
you know, when you borrow something, you give
it back in better condition than you got it.
Cool. Give me all my Pyrex back for the past
20 years. Well, I think some of them are broken.
So, yes. So maybe I'm not a good example. She
understands, but screw it. I'm absorbing. So
why don't we treat ourselves that way when it
comes to fitness and working out and taking in
proper food and for me, managing stress and sleeping.
Well, and also talking to that person's body
mentally nicer. Yeah. That wasn't a sentence,
but. Yeah. Wait a second. What? I was just saying
words. The way you talk to yourself, we always
talk about this, is the worst. You would never
talk to somebody else the way you talk to yourself.
If I was in Melody's body, I would never talk
to her body the way I talk to mine. Right, right.
So yeah. So yeah. Okay, this isn't a thinker
or a thought in terms of like, ooh, it's just
a really good idea. So again, if you have little
ones... children, family, if you are a dog family,
a pet family, if you are just you and your partner,
celebrate your anniversary as your family's birthday.
Oh, I like that one. And then your memories just
like change. So like for you, May 14th is your
wedding anniversary. But why not get a cake?
Celebrate with your kids. Yeah. This is when
your family started. I love that idea. And that's
the one. That's the one we'll do well because
it's our 15 year this year and I really really
wanted to do a Val renewal We talked about doing
it in Vegas in October just because we were in
Vegas My family was there and I was like, oh
that'll be easy. We'll just go to Little White
Chapel But I really wanted my I wanted the kids
there. I thought it was important for them to
see that, you know Cause they don't hug or kiss
any other time. So Dean thinks we're just friends.
So it was important for me to show them because
you act like just friends. There is no love.
Oh, that's not true. That's not true. The most
love is on her pants. Okay. And now it's going
to be on my shirt. I'm just kidding. But yes,
that's, I think that's a good idea. All right.
I really like this one. If you knew if you're
you have a goal towards something and you knew
that a hundred rejections for you to get to that
goal. Let me say what it actually says. Yeah.
Okay. Yeah. I want you to do that. A hundred.
Whoa. Back off. That was really impressive. Holy
back off. Okay. If you knew you were a hundred
rejections away from your dream, think how excited
you would be every time someone said no to you.
Right. Because you'd be one rejection closer
to your dream. Right. Love that. So that, and
then that goes back to the first one where it's
like you're enjoying the experience versus what
you want in the end. I did see something recently
that was like how boring life would be if you
got what you wanted on the first try. Right.
Like you'd have the most boring life. Right.
Think of like, it's hard to think of any billionaires
right now or millionaires or whatever, but think
of like, we always say, well, if I just had money,
then it would be easier and I could enjoy more
and da da da. But like, once you get to that
Get everything I want when I want it and it's
so easy. Nothing's ever enough. No, it's right
It's never enough. So then you'll never get that
ease and that happiness miss Kristen. What's
up? MK said something yesterday in dance class
and she said oh, no, no, no You have to earn
that and I was like, yeah these kids don't know
how to earn things Yeah, they want it, but they
don't know how to earn it and that's like you
earn it through rejection Yeah, you have to fail
failing is a privilege. Yeah And when she said
that yesterday, I was like, yeah, you really
have to earn things. Carly's the most privileged.
No, I'm not. She fails at everything. See, she
didn't even know what we were talking about.
She took that in a different way because she
wasn't even in the moment to understand. That's
true. Anyway, moving on. This I like and I think
is really hard. But I'm trying to have the year
I want for myself is not. Like accomplishing
things like it was last year. I just want to
be well -rested Yeah, no, you said that like
beginning of the year gonna hustle whatever so
this popped up Changing from how much can I get
done? To how relaxed can I be while I'm doing
this is? The biggest change of your life. Yeah,
and we are not bred like that. We were bred with
You have 12 hours of like sunlight. If you're
lucky, how much can you do? So that you can try
to not do it the next day, but then also more
things add up for you to have to do the next
day. It's just like a never ending cycle of hustle
and grind. It's. Yeah, that's interesting. So
if you can do the things like I write out my
list in the morning so I show up to things when
they happen, not when you think they happen.
So texting you and be like it's at 830 hurry
up hustle. Where are you at the red light? OK,
what's true to you on rolling road only to get
there and there be no. podcast. She texted me
and was like, you know, yada, yada, yada. Also,
it's happening now, so I'm in the car, I'm at
Wawa, do you want a coffee? Be there like now.
And I was in the bathroom. I'm gonna be real
transparent. I was in the bathroom. I went, I'm
on my way. Oh my god, you liar. I knew it. When
mom was like, you were five minutes away and
you were on Rolling Road, I said she did not
leave when she said I'm on my way. I know, I
was 100 % on Rolling Road when I said that. No.
When you said I'm on my way, you were not actually
on your way. Something was on it. I'm sorry.
I can't drop my life to show up for something
that doesn't exist. But that's what we do. We
hustle. We rush. Instead of like, I'd love to
go grocery shopping and just grocery shop instead
of being like, hurry up. I only have 25 minutes.
Yeah. Stupid things like that. Yeah. That's a
small thing. I know. Not enjoying the grocery
store, but not like rushing through. Yeah. So
if you can try to be like, I have to get this
done, but how can I do it without urgency? Right.
Okay. One day. Okay. We don't have to sit on
this. This is just obvious, but one day someone
will tell my daughter, you're, you're just like
your mom. It's up to me to make sure that's not
an insult. I saw that. That's the way that you
were like, ouch. Uh, I did. I, Oh, I DMed fit
to be real. And I was like, ouch. I sent that
one to you directly. Just to be clear. I mean,
I hope she wears pink pants with hearts on them
and it's not an insult. I don't think it's in
that way. I think it's the rush in the morning,
the yelling to get your school bag, the little
moments. I used to hate when people would be
like, oh my gosh, you're just like your mom.
Why? I was in my 20s. I was like in my young
20s. I moved to New York and then I turned. I
don't know what age, but I was like, thank you.
I am. And that's really cool because you know,
when you say like, when people are like, your
mom's so cool. And you roll your eyes, and you
pretend to be embarrassed. I was never actually
embarrassed. I would always just like, because
that's what you had to do as a kid. You had to
pretend you were embarrassed by your mom. Were
you jumping off a cliff with everyone else? No,
but I'd just be like, oh my god, she's so annoying.
But she was the one in Doc Martens and flannel
shirts. We had the cool mom. We did. We had the
cool mom. And I hope that I am that for Melody,
but also the cool mom that you are still scared
of. Huh? Like she was never, she wasn't our best
friend. She is now, but growing up, we were always
like, she was so cool, but we were like, we cannot
disappoint mom. We didn't want to disappoint
her. I was not afraid of mom. I didn't want to
get in trouble. I was afraid of doing something
that would disappoint her. Right, right, right.
But I was not afraid of her. No. If I needed,
and which happened so many times, wanted to get
out of a situation or needed to for my safety
or felt sick, she was my phone call. Oh my god,
yeah. She still is. So I'm thinking of all the
times in my 20s where I was like, just call my
mom, she'll come get me. Yeah, you know, when
you black out at a gay club and your friends
have to take you out and your mom's like, she
needed this. That's basically the story. That's
actually the first authentic, genuine story you've
told with the correct sequence. So yes. Well,
I hope that doesn't happen to Melody, but I hope
if something like that does, I will also say
she needed this. You won't. You will yell at
her. No, I won't. Are you going to yell at her
for telling us that her thing was today? No,
because I know that's my fault. But I will also
be at the gay club with her dancing. Interesting,
because you're not invited. And you told her
teachers, I'm going to kill her. That's what
she said in a Catholic school today, this morning.
To be fair, so did her grandma. I did too, but
it was under my breath. I'm smart, and nobody
heard it. All right, moving on. Healing. Healing.
is not becoming the best version of yourself.
Healing is letting the worst version be loved.
That was way too long, you lost me at healing.
You told me to slow the fuck down and I did.
Say it again, say it again. I'll say it again
for you. Healing. When you're healing, when I
was in a dark time and I was trying to heal and
by healing you just have to sit in it. Healing
is not. figuring out how to be the best version
of myself. Figuring not putting myself on a cruise
just to be happy. It's recognizing that the worst
version of me, that dark time when I'm sad, I
can't be happy, also deserves to be loved. That's
a good, it's still a worthy version of myself.
Still enough in that moment. I get it. So that's
you all the time. Just kidding. She's such a
B. I'm just kidding. One, four, three. I said
fuck. She said B. Okay. This one's definitely
good for Carly. Get good at bouncing back. Not
a good bouncer. A rough converse sit. There's
not much there to bounce. To be fair. To be fair,
there's not much bouncing going on. I have a
lot of pep in my step, but nothing moves. She
said something during class of like, I'm Cuban,
so we got the bon. And I looked, I went, where's
your bon? Where's your butt? I'm only Cuban right
here. And I pointed to my butt. I have a butt.
You don't. I have a Cuban butt. Yes, I do. Oh
my god. I am Cuban. That's cute. All the Cubans,
please write in. Actually, that's cute, Ben.
All the Hispan... Yes. All the Latinos, all the
Latinas, please write in. Let us know. Carly
has a butt. Listen, we don't get political on
this podcast, but my safe word is bad bunny.
I'm not sure how that's political. It's just
life. That's just... Well, these days everything
is. And if you like something or you don't like
something, it turns political. So just know my
safe word is bad bunny. Cool bed bunny would
not like your butt Just putting that out there.
He needs a little bit more padding there. So
I don't need to talk to him to know that I'll
work on it. So Get it good and bouncing back
a rough conversation a bad day. I skipped a workout
a choice that you regret None of it has to ruin
the rest of your week. Our producer just texted
me. I wonder what he's gonna say You can reset
Whenever you decide to yeah, I'm not good at
that. You can't change what happened, but you
can choose how long you're bothered by it when
andrew and if i am man andrew i can go solid
seven days what did he say i will not i'm not
sure what that means i will not oh chime in the
latinos chime in oh he will not that's appropriate
that's appropriate well yeah andrew probably
hates this the most about you yeah it's yeah
Which is a rough way to say, I just, that's,
you know what I mean. No, he does. But that is
my biggest, I am not good at bouncing back. I'm
good at bouncing up and down. I am not good at
bouncing back. I take everything very personally
and it weighs me down. If somebody like mom is
mad at me or whatever, I am not, it will ruin
these. We'll start changing. Oh, okay. because
that's what Melody sees. I know, I know. And
I don't want, I want her to just confront it
instead of shutting down. Avoid it. You avoid
it. Okay. Moving on, cause that got real. This
one I love, but I feel like it's hard. Build
margin into everything. Not margarine, not butter.
We know what she was hearing. A margin, a margin.
A line. A buffer. Space. OK. Build space into
everything. Your calendar, your budget, your
energy. The difference between stressed and calm
isn't more resources, isn't more stuff, or more
things you've accomplished. It's more space.
Operate at 85 % capacity. and you'll have room
to breathe when life happens and gets in the
way, because life will get in the way. Yeah,
basically live your life with a little bit of
a buffer. Yes. Yeah. And is that why the kids
say they're holding space? I don't know exactly
what that means, but does that... Yeah, maybe.
Maybe that means like you have... Room? Your
cup isn't so full that you can't hold space.
I can't even... deal with that. I can't acknowledge
that. I can't understand that. You have the space
in your cup to fill someone else in. I like that.
I think the margin in terms of calendar is a
big one for you. Your kids are booked every thing.
Now they have to experience a lot of things,
but maybe this vacation they go on at Pinchani
in the Poconos, feel free to join them and follow,
is booked hour to hour with activities. Last
year. and the world kicked us in the butt and
gave us neurovirus. There was no space for margin.
There was no buffer to recover, reset, and enjoy
the vacation because of that. You're not doing
that this year. No. We are doing two of the things
that we want to do, and then we're going to have
a whole day where nothing is planned in case
we want to do something and it's open, which
we never do. We always are like, ba -ba -ba -ba
-ba. That's the margin. That's the butter. because
I Honestly, I saved that one and was like you
have to change that word because she's gonna
just think margarine but you didn't and I wanted
to prove myself wrong, okay But I only understood
it when you did didn't work. All right This one
is a thinker because of the world we live in
right now and it's something too We don't have
to really sit on but it's true and I really enjoyed
it. So once you realize that the two most profitable
businesses Our war and illness, it's easy to
understand what's going on. Obviously. And don't
you think that's been, it's a tale as old as
time, I feel like. But why are we just realizing
it? Maybe people realized it before, but like
it wasn't spoken because of the internet? I just
think the internet slaps us in the face way more
now. Like we're on our phones more than we're
in our own heads. I had to stop. With my phone.
I've actually gone down since the Super Bowl
because I everything is a conspiracy Everything
is like I guess with the Epstein files and everything
everything's coming out and then there's new
you don't know what to believe So you just you
can't look at I just can't look at it anymore.
It's it overtakes your life and then you go down
these rabbit holes Yeah, I think we've talked
about this before and we won't get into it too
long, but like there's knowledge and being informed
and then there's over consumption. Yes. So you're
talking about over consumption. You need to like
stop cold turkey so that you can go in and kind
of like cherry pick the moments and the times
right now. You're overstimulated with it because
we can't shy away from it. It's life. It's what's
happening and we should be in an uproar. But
at the same time, I think we have to not wake
up with it and not go through the workday with
it and then not scroll before bed with it. And
that like, we can't, you just can't do that.
And I think we do that. I did see someone say
that they, she's sleeping. God, she's dreaming.
She's dreaming and she was kicking Carly in her
dream. It was aggressive. We're talking about
Pepper if you're not watching, by the way. Not
Carly. No. Not me. They transferred all of their
social media and anything that they use on their
phone. Scroll wise, they put it on an iPad. The
iPad stays in their house. The iPad does not
leave the house with them. So the phone is text,
emails, phone calls. Love it. And it's a it's
a great game changer. If you have that addiction,
mom needs to do that. I love it. The iPad stays
at home with all of your social media. So, yeah,
you could still wake up and get on your iPad
or use your iPad to go to bed, I guess. So that's
something you have to regulate. But like at a
stop sign or a red light, you're not getting
on your phone. Love it. You know what I mean?
It's not a bad idea. I think you have, I get
to get myself an iPad if I want to do that, but
I love that. All right, we're going to move on.
The world sucks. We get it. Your self -esteem
is a muscle. I really like this because you know
how people are like, you have to build my self
-esteem. How the heck do you build your self
-esteem? Your self -esteem is a muscle. and it
grows with every small promise you make to yourself
that you honor, that you follow through with.
That's how your self -esteem builds. That's a
great way to look at it. Think of Legos. You're
building a tower. So each Lego is a little promise
that you're like, I'm gonna do this for myself
today I'm gonna do a self -love moment for myself
and then you follow through with it you get to
add that to the tower and then you're gonna feel
bad like that's where your Self -esteem and at
the end of that tower when it's finished being
built, which it's never finished being built
But when you get to that like precipice You are
a more confident more worthy person internally,
you know all the things So that's how you build
self -esteem and I never thought of it like that.
No idea You're either I honestly I don't know.
I don't think you're it's not Maybelline You're
not like born with it But some people are some
people have and have been instilled with it more
and some of those bricks get taken away Or those
Legos get taken away. Even if you were born with
it I do think some people are born with a higher
self -esteem, but I also think it's an environment
thing But then also it's not Continue I'm sorry,
you're making me think on the spot and I'm literally
just saying what's coming to my mind and I can't
filter it. So now I'm like, I'm thinking about
it out loud. It's actually frightening. Oh my
God. All right. We won't live on this too long
because we basically just talked about it with
the iPad, but it says we don't talk enough about
how looking at our phones while someone is telling
us a story is a form of rejection. Oh my God.
I never, I stopped talking. I stopped talking.
if someone is on the phone while I'm talking
to them and I'll wait. So I'm like, oh, I don't
want you to be distracted. Do you know, I don't
know how often that happens. It happens all the
time. Really? When I'm even things like making
a playlist and somebody's coming into class and
wants to talk, I will stop because I need to
acknowledge them. Oh, oh, oh, oh. And then be
like, OK, I'm just going to make a play. It's
those little moments. Yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, yeah.
Mm -hmm. I would totally get that. No, I'm glad
you're here. You're not even looking at them.
That's it's without acknowledging it. And maybe
they don't even know it in the moment to realize
it, but they're taking on rejection. And it's
something that everyone now does. And I, I notice
when I do it and I think you don't have to text
me, but Pedro can attest to this. If I notice
he's talking to me and I'm, I went onto my phone,
I had to do something and I I'll apologize about
it. I'm like, I'm sorry. I had to do this. I'm
really sorry. Say it again. No. Have we learned
nothing? Thank you for waiting. No, no, no. No.
They weren't waiting. They were talking. They
were talking. But yes. You make this hard. You
make this so hard. Get off your phones while
people are talking to you. Thank you for waiting.
What can I help you with? You're not going to
like this one because it's words that you don't
know. Discernment. Jesus, Mary and Joseph. They're
busy. Can make you a villain. in rooms where
denial is the culture. Okay, break down. Break
it down. Basically, disagreeing, like being strong
in your convictions, which I'm pretty sure is
what discernment means, makes you the bad guy.
When who you're disagreeing with or who, the
thing that's happening around you, they cannot
acknowledge awareness. They live in denial. You
will always be the bad guy. Yeah. doing what's
right and talking about what you're what you
believe in when the people you're talking to
will never get it because they cannot they cannot
they live in a state of denial I am the one that
doesn't like confrontation and she's the one
that always says she looks like the bad guy because
she will say This is what I think or this is
what is happening or blah blah blah when you
are strong and you say what you Feel and you
say what you think you look like the bad guy
and she always says that right but confrontation
to you means something different than actually
what conference I know that's what I mean That's
what I'm saying. Like I like if I were to walk
in the room I wouldn't say my strong conviction
because to me in my mind I would take that as
a confrontation. I don't want to start a confrontation
You say it because you're strong and what you
feel and think and you look like the bad guy
both are wrong Both are wrong. Right. I was just
saying both are wrong. Right. Because if I don't
apply it to my life, I can't understand it. Right.
But now, now just because this is a day of thinking,
put that into Melody and why she doesn't stand
up for herself. Right. And why I always say,
why didn't you stand up for yourself? Yeah. That's
what she's seeing. I know. I get it. Oh, I like
this one. Healthy rel - conflict. Healthy relationships
aren't conflict free. No. They're repair rich.
Oh, I get a hundred percent. Oh, oh, finally
one. I get it. I agree. Oh my God. How, but also
how boring would it be if, no, how boring it
would be if you didn't have any conflict, if
every day was. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. No, I definitely.
Well, not boring, but like you want to have relationships
where if, if like conflict comes up, you're able
to like, Fix it versus band -aid it or not acknowledge
it at all for seven days. Okay. Why seven days?
Oh, like I can, I am a shutter downer. So I can
shut down for, you are a therapist dream is what
you are. That is what you are. Andrew Dyckman
just added an event to my calendar. Oh yeah,
he did. I saw it. Conflict. All right, I like
this one. I like this one because it's something
we If you have a partner if you have a friend
if you have a close friend if you have a sibling
parent Whatever people in your life If you listen
closely to your partner's triggers Nope, there's
a comma. Hold on If you listen closely comma
your partner's triggers will tell you the story
of their childhood the things that bother Andrew,
the things that get him. Oh, 100%. I can see
it. Right. If you respond with compassion, you
become part of their healing, not their reenactment.
Oh, does that make sense? Yeah. I love that because
I have a very good, I can see that in people.
And when people talk, I can understand why they're
saying it. I'm like, oh, well you, this. this
was your childhood, this was whatever, this was
whatever. I'm good at that too. You're not good
at that. But I never think of how like if you
just spew advice at someone that's not compassion
that's trying to fix the problem and sometimes
they don't need that. Nobody needs that. Nobody
needs that but also well some people might need
that but maybe that's part of the reenactment
of the childhood of being told everything that
they need to do versus letting them do it you
know like Or what I learned on Southern Charm
last night. Oh, geez. Madison was telling Shep
how to help his friend Austin in this breakup.
And she said, don't tell him what to do. Ask
him questions. Right. Like, let him answer. And
of course, Shep was just like telling him how
he thinks he should fix the problem when really
you should just ask questions so that they can
figure it out. Or it's just a better way to do
it than just telling somebody how to fix. So
if if you don't know, You should be watching
Southern Charm for all advice. Are you Shep in
this analogy? Is that what you're saying? Well,
now I am, because I'm telling you what to do.
Do you like Southern Charm? Do you think that
you should watch a news show? I just think Carly
is going to eat this one up the most, because
number one, you should, and number two, it's
very like a trendy way of thinking. I ate no
crumbs. I lost it. I would like you to eat all
the crumbs. Of cake, of cookies, all the things.
Clock it. Oh, geez. Sorry. Calling people's opinions
of you. Uh -huh. Call them fan theories. Yes,
queen. Ew. Wait, but also, I go out like this.
I have no shame. You have no shame in that regard.
But you care if they think you're good at your
job. Oh, well, sure. Oh, yeah. Oh, yeah. Who
gives a shit if they think you did a good class
or not? But Kara, if you know you did a good
class, that's all that matters. But you do care.
And we should care. As business owners, we should
care. Yeah, they're paying us. But you go to
the nth degree. No, I know. I care too much.
You care too much about Well, we have to do a
brand new playlist every single solitary class,
and we do 22 classes a week, and I cannot repeat
a playlist. That's crazy. That's a fan theory
that their opinion's like, well, we did this
one already. That's a fan theory. Love your theory.
Thank you for being a fan. You keep coming back.
We're going to do an episode on all the new theories
I've learned. Do you know how many theories there
are? Oh, no. There's open window theory. There's
closed door theory. We're going to go over all
the theories. I didn't know you could read theory.
theory. I like that. I'm going to call it a fan
theory. All right, we're almost done. Yeah, we're
almost done. I like this one because we all need
to do this more. So there's a science based study
that's discovered that it takes you 400 reps
of doing something to wire your brain differently.
So 400 repetitions of the morning routine. Then
it's That's how your brain's wired. I must wake
up and drink water before coffee. Like, you don't
think about it anymore, basically, is what that
means. Unless it's done in play, which takes
only 10 to 20 reps in play, having fun. Enjoying.
Oh, in enjoyment, in play, like childhood play,
child's playing on the playground. They soak
in the rules of the game because they're having
so much fun versus you standing on the sidelines
being like, well, how does football? I don't
get it because you need 400 times to understand
it because you're not enjoying the moment. So
if you if we do more things playing like kids
play and using the imagination and the creativity,
it only takes like 20 times to take something
in and rewire your actual brain chemistry. Yeah,
that makes sense. That's crazy to me Yeah, that's
awesome though. I know that's why I always say
like when we have new people I'm like it takes
three to five classes because it's fun. So it'll
take less than 400 classes Yeah, but you're having
fun. So you're gonna retain it more. Yeah. Yeah,
actually Yeah, this one's for you awkward people
Don't know how to be fake And that's why they're
awkward because they're just genuine. 100%. That's
like my mammogram. I was not fake in the least.
I was 100 % awkward. Neither were your boobs.
I wish you figured that out. Yep, no, I love
it. You will never get fake from me, but you
will get awkward. Next. When trauma gets triggered,
you don't act your age, you act the age. The
wound was created. Yikes. Does that make sense?
Yeah. Trauma you don't like. So when you get
hurt, Andrew says something to you. I don't know.
I'm literally making this up. Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, make it about me, because that's the only
way I understand. So Andrew says something to
you in a way that you don't like, and it hurts
you. Your feelings are hurt. You're not reacting
as Carly, 40 -year -old Carly. You're reacting
as 11 -year -old Carly. Yeah. It's when anytime
he tells me to just like, Take a beat relax.
It brings me back to like being a kid and being
like leave me alone. Yeah. Oh 100 % Every time
every time you avoid discomfort You reinforce
the belief that you can't handle it Okay, when
you avoid doing something that makes you uncomfortable,
yeah instead of That being like I just want to
be comfortable What you're doing is you're telling
yourself in your body and your mind and everything
else that you can't handle that thing. Oh, okay
Yeah, so go to the things do the things that
are make you uncomfortable this in a state of
discomfort Because you're rewiring the way that
your body and your mind reacts being like no
I can handle all the hard things I can do this
literally what the phrase step out of your comfort
zone means Right So do it by yourself. Oh, no.
Uh -uh. No, you have to come with me. OK. OK.
I love this. I love this. It's a little longer,
so stay with me. The reason you're tired all
the time. I'm interested. It's not your workload.
It's your open loops. It's the text you haven't
answered, the apology that you owe and you won't
say, the decision you're avoiding, the conversation
that you keep postponing. These run in the background
of your mind all day and they drain your battery
just like your phone. Close your loops and then
watch your energy return and your mental clutter
will clear up. And the mental clutter is way
more exhausting than any of the physical work
that you have to do. Well, oh my God, she's doing
it right now. I have 70 ,000 emails, 228 voicemails
and six text messages to respond to. Well, yes
and yes, so as much as it's like we laugh about
this we talk about this all the time because
those numbers have only gone up That's in your
your subconscious all the time. Oh, yeah. Yeah,
but that's a part of your friend like your man
Nick your mania Oh, yeah, like the editing the
videos for the live stream that goes on all day
in my brain Sending emails for the dance studio.
It goes on all like I haven't done this stuff
yet. Yeah, so it's constantly like a running
show in my brain. I'm watching myself do it,
but I haven't done it yet. So then you can't
do the one that's like, how can I do this, but
without urgency? You're always in urgency because
you have to get stuff done. Right. Right. I like
that one. Like there are things that I put off
and then I'm like, I just do it and I'll do it.
And I honestly feel 10 times lighter. Oh, I can't
wait to buy these costumes for the dance studio,
for the concert. Why do you buy costumes? Those
are costumes. Yeah, there's accessories. Every
class needs an accessory. I'm not buying shit.
We'll talk to the boss because unless she's paying
for it. I'm not buying it. But that's the thing,
like I haven't done it yet. Carly, it's February.
Mom gave out all her costumes already. Well,
if mom jumped off a cliff, would you jump off
a cliff with her? Probs. Nah, son. I'm good.
Enjoy. Okay. I feel unsafe. Bad bunny. What?
I feel unsafe. It just, if people could acknowledge
and be more self -aware, then everything would
kind of fall into place and align more. And these
are just things to think of where you fit in
that alignment. Do you resonate with some of
the harder things of like, Ooh, I would love
to change my mindset about this. Or are you offended
by some of these? And if you're offended by some
of them, as if I'm calling you out, why? Yeah.
What about that bothers you? Because there's
something there for you to think about. That's
what it is. Yeah. And the reason I picked these
is because I needed them for myself. Or me. Or
you. Yeah. Some of them were like, oh, Carly
would like, Carly would definitely. No, I see
myself in every single one of these. And I'm
not offended by it. I know. I know it. But when
it's said or when it's said out loud or written,
it's more likely to be acknowledged. Right. You
know? Yeah. I'm not offended by any of these.
But I say that some people would be. Some people
might be listening to it. Why does that bother
you? Why does the word trigger bother you? Why
does trauma bother you? Trigger bothers me because
it's a trendy word and I think people use it
too often and too easily. But I am triggered
by you. Things trigger you all the time though.
There are things that trigger you that I'm like...
We'll say set me off then Which sounds a little
weird That sounds sexual and I don't approve
I don't like triggered because all the kids be
like I'm triggered and it's like somebody blew
their nose I'm triggered by that or like I don't
know. It's it's an overused word that I don't
think but oh man I'm set off. Wait, can we make
that trendy? No, there's there's this thing.
That's like There's a meme that I saw I know
we're in Carly's meme corner But there was a
meme that I saw and it was like I don't know.
I can handle. You know working in the ER for
a 12 -hour shift and get through the pit and
I can get through that whole day But God forbid
three noises are happening at the same time.
Yeah, I can't like I career So many hard things
throughout the day and I can help you and I can
help you and I can get this done and I can finish
my list But if some there's music on in the background
and someone's talking I'm like I can't I can't
do it. Yeah, okay That's our thinker for the
day. We're gonna bring this series back and we're
gonna do Carly bringing in the thinkers and see
what makes her think. Wait, do you know what
would be really fun? Not what I said. If nothing
else, remember you are fit to be fucking real.
And always allowed to be a little extra. For
legal reasons, we have to tell you that this
podcast is meant for entertainment and educational
purposes only. We are not healthcare professionals.
For all of your health, wellness, fitness, and
self -care needs, please refer to the medical
professional in your life. Your primary care
physician, your therapist, a certified coach,
whoever it may be. And then let us know what
they say because I guarantee we need to know
it too. Okay? Okay, bye.