Welcome to Fit to be Real. And a little extra.
And very Christmassy. I did peace fingers. I've
never done that before. In this setting. Yeah,
wait. Peace fingers are your only picture option.
Just to be clear. I'm Victoria. Hey guys, I'm
Carly. And Carly took one for the team today.
Is that what you're gonna say? took one for the
team today. Yes, it was. We were away last week.
And by away, I mean overwhelmed. So we did not
record. No different than right now. Yeah, we
were not actually away. No, I mean, we're overwhelmed.
Oh. It is that time of year. Every year, every
day. My God, she's lying. We're fine. Um, but
we, we were not in this situation last week.
How do I, how else do I say we didn't record
last week? They know those of you who were still
listening to us, you know, you didn't listen
to us last week. We couldn't get our schedules
together. Carly went away for Thanksgiving and
came back with a child with an accident. So doctor's
visits and making sure he's okay. It was like
number one priority. And I was tired. Honest
to God, that's it. That's all it was. Yeah, we
just we could not get it together. He's OK. Oh,
he's fine. He I mean, it was scary at the time,
but he's all good. Luckily, we have some amazing
see fit nurses that ran to the rescue for sure.
Melissa, Justin, you helped a little. You told
me to keep my story straight so they wouldn't
take him away from me at the hospital. Oh, my.
What? I texted Justin and I said, Like, I texted
him a picture of Dean, and I said, are they going
to take him away from me? Oh, it does look like
he got beat up. Beat up. And I said, are they
going to take him away from me? He said, just
keep your story consistent. That's helpful, actually.
So yeah, thank you. But Alyssa actually was helpful.
But yes, he's fine, and he just needs a little
plastic surgery, a little nose job, and he's
going to be just fine. Oh, Carly's dream. I'm
a little jealous. I'll throw a sled at your face,
happily. If you would like to also partake. No,
we'll see. We'll see what happens with that.
But he's fine. He's fine. I like your sweatshirt.
It makes me want to sing. Joy and pain. Oh, that's
not where I was going to go. Sunshine and rain.
Oh, you got to bring that dance back. That was
a good one. Nobody liked that one but you. I
love that one. All right, we'll do that. What
were you going to sing? Joy to the world. No.
Oh, the boys and girls, joy and pain. I'm sorry.
What was that octave? Joy. Very good. Very good.
But that actually is what we're talking about
today. Joy and pain. Oh, no, we're not. We're
talking about. You liar. So I like to think.
that we talk about fitness, even though you guys
might not think we're a fitness podcast. It's
just our brother. It's just our brother. Let's
just be clear. That we talk about fitness a lot.
We talk about how to keep our gut healthy, how
to keep our bodies healthy. I like to do the
opposite. But we talk about fitness a lot and,
you know, the best kind of workouts. But today
we're gonna talk about being mentally fit. and
how to keep our brains healthy and fit, which
until I started researching it, didn't realize
how unhealthy we know. We all know how unhealthy
your brain is. It's very good. You've woken up
to it. Well, isn't that really the point of everything?
You research to educate yourself and then realize,
oh, wow, I didn't know any of this. I mean, I
think, yeah. When you're learning something that
you don't know, you should be like, wow, I didn't
know any of this. Like, I guess. Well, five colleges
will do that. But we're going to talk about being
mentally fit. Depends on the season. What do
you mean? Mentally fit. I feel like in winter,
it's hard to be mentally fit. I know. But basically,
what we're going to talk about today is ways
to train and work your brain out so that just
like fitness, you have to train it. It's a muscle.
You have to train your brain. Did I just make
that up? Yes. Yes, you did. You have to train
your brain just like you would train your body.
It is a muscle, and it needs to be worked out.
No, you didn't rhyme body with train. So it's
over. It's over. But don't you feel like... You're
talking about seasons, but if you do it the right
way and you train the right way It's all your
room. I think I don't know what you're talking
about. So let's start Let's start with what you
want to talk about because that my mental fitness
idea I think is is not your idea. So, okay. All
right. We're let's start where I'm gonna give
you some Things to think about using your brain
that would be where we think So number one Train
it like a muscle and let yourself feel I don't
think that people let themselves feel and you
have to actually Let your what it says here is
Feel deal heal Uh -huh Is this gonna be like
the Mel Robbins podcast where you just sit there
possibly and you're like you're annoying. Yeah.
Oh, yeah basically training your brain that overthinking
is under feeling. If you are overthinking, you
are not feeling. You knew that? That's brand
new information. Brand new. Well, I think this
episode is going to be great for overthinkers.
I'm an overthinker. I'm an overthinker. And these
are - I think a lot of people are overthinkers.
I think everybody is, to a degree. You think?
Yeah. Are you thinking about it right now? No.
Are you? Oh. Because I believe it. I'm firm in
that stance. So these, basically, the things
we're going to talk about today are more geared
toward over -thinkers and how to train your brain
to be healthy. Drink every time she says train
your brain. I don't know what you have in your
hand right now, wherever you are. If you're driving,
pull over. Get to a Wawa. Grab a drink. It's
gonna be a long ride Yeah, so number one are
you thinking about it let yes a little bit let
yourself feel and Basically, it just means feel
I'm gonna say it again heal deal. I love it.
Yeah, we've talked about this before Feelings
are energy if you think about it like that Because
it's true but if you can't think about it like
that for a second humor me so if you get it stuck
because you don't want you want to suppress a
feeling usually they're negative feelings nobody
really wants to suppress joy or happiness yeah
no uh some people some people can't live they
live in the chaos they can't live in like the
happy so maybe that's i'm already going back
on on what i said but if you stop the feeling
then it lives in there so For instance, shame.
If you're ashamed of something that you've done
or just feel shame, it's usually an inherited
thing of something that shouldn't make you feel
shameful, but you do because that's how you were
conditioned and you don't want to feel that.
And you just, well, let's just keep going. Let's
just, I got to work. I got to go hustle. I got
to do all these things, but that shame now gets
stored in your hips. So now you can't lose weight
in your hips and that anger that gets stored
right in your belly. Now you can't lose weight
in your belly. I mean it's all connected. Yeah.
So if you think of your body like a garden hose
and then you know how it can get twisted and
like cranked or like um it like gets cut off.
Yeah it's like a kink. Kink. Yeah. A kink in
the hose. So every time you stop a feeling you
create a new kink in your body. And then you
can't work that body out. You can't work that
out unless you start working on that feeling.
So to get the hose completely straight and like
flowing through like a tube, you have to acknowledge
the kinks and then work through them and pop
them out. Do you read this stuff on like? Like,
what were those books? Something for dummies?
Because the way you explain it is for me, for
dummies, like the way you explain it is in like
the way a child would understand it. So so me.
I'm always like, oh, now I understand it. Because
I can visualize, which we're going to talk about,
I can visualize the kink in the hose. So very
good. Clap for yourself. That was very good.
At the end, I'm going to ask Victoria a question
and see what she says. All right, moving on.
Number two, a good thing to do to train your
brain. Thought about it before I said it. Drink,
drink, drink, drink. It's to brain dump. Write
everything down. Don't filter it. Don't stop
yourself. If it's negative thoughts, write it
down. And transferring, let me say this right.
The word is only transfer. It's not even hard.
Oh, big word, Carly. Transferring from your brain
onto paper. I'll give you, transferring from
is a hard. Transferring from. That's a tough
one. That's a tough one. I'll give you that.
I'll give you that. Thank you. Transferring from
your brain onto paper. Work that shame kink out.
Work that shame kink. She can't say transfer
from. That's shameful. I'm going to think about
this all day. Sorry. Keep going. Sorry, sorry,
sorry. OK, third time. Transferring from your
brain to paper frees up space in your brain.
So journaling? Yeah, basically. Aw. I really
thought you were with me on that one. Carly,
this is insane. But I've never thought of it
like that. I don't do any of this. We know. OK.
Do you? Yes. OK. I've got one right there. And
I just wrote myself. Here, I'll show you. So
you are mentally fit. Producer has texted, say
kink again. Wait, I almost wanted to be like,
I made her say kink. And then I was like, oh,
I'm going to get canceled. Oh my God, I thought
I was gonna be like, it looks great, sounds great,
keep going. Nope, kink. Thanks, Pedro. Useless.
I just, and if you can see, I don't know where
the camera is. Look at that long note. Woo! If
you're not tuning in, it's a long novel of a
note. Holy God. I just worked out by myself and
did the whole, I'm flipping the switch because
I can't stand life as it is. You flipped the
switch? Flipped it. Okay. I've got plans. I've
got big plans And so I've couldn't get to my
journal fast enough and I knew you were about
to walk in the door So I just whipped my notepad
out Because if it doesn't it's like thoughts
are nice But it's it's like goals for the new
year or intentions for the new year It's nothing
if you're not putting it to action right like
they're just thoughts words are just words stories
are just stories so to write it down lets it
out. And it gets it out so that you can free
up space to think of other things. To start on
the action of what you want to do or to, yeah,
think about things that need to be thought about
versus. Right, we'll get there. The anxiety.
We'll get there. Anxiety. I want to get through
these really quickly because I have some important
things I want to talk about. These are important
too. But this is basically like steps to work
out. Okay. Reduce decision fatigue. I don't know
about you, but do you ever see that notebook
meme that's like, what do you want? Like they're
in the rain. The notebook, the movie. Yeah. Yeah.
The notebook, the movie where he's like, and
it's always funny because it's where do you want
to go for dinner? And he's like, what do you
want? You know, I don't know. That's me every
night. We need to figure out. That's a weird
kink. There you go. Can't be. Love you, boo.
Happy anniversary. Oh, is it today? No, it's
a year and a half. It's the ninth, so it's a
year and a half today. God, I hate you guys.
July is the full two. So simplify choices. No
one's on your side. Because you brain -dumped
and wrote everything down without a filter, you
can now simplify your decisions and simplify
your choices so that decisions can be made and
you don't have an overwhelming, like I know how
I feel sometimes where I'm like, remember my
birthday? I said I don't want to be involved.
I make decisions all day long for the kids, for
me, for CFIT, for the family, like for Andrew.
I don't, I cannot handle any more decisions.
This is super fun for all of us. But I was overloaded.
So if you do that brain dump, write everything
down, then you can piece by piece decide what
decisions are important and ones that you're
just creating in your mind. Yeah. Yeah. I like
that. Hold on. I actually have a book today.
My god, she licked her finger. Oh, this one was
good. Number four, a thought parking lot. So
this is like the brain dump where you write it
down, but you save it for later. You can't completely
free up your brain. You have to write down Your
worries your thoughts your anxieties to get back
to at a later date Carly You're explaining how
to write a list Of things to do Well, no this
one specifically that it's called the thought
parking lot. It stops the mind from treating
everything as urgent. So you're basically writing
a list Don't tell me more of what is urgent if
you have any because a lot of things a lot of
times In my mind, everything's urgent when none
of it's urgent. I just saw a post, a meme or
whatever this morning that was like, the real
laugh is that everyone thinks, it wasn't these
words, but it was that everybody thinks like
everything's a rush. Like we don't have to live
in a rush. You don't have to rush to go do the
errand. You don't have to go rush to get to the
party in time. You don't have to rush to make
it to work. Like we live in this rush. But it
life's just a bunch of stop signs. So like what
are we rushing for? Yeah, you have to stop either
way So this is a helpful way to do that, you
know make a list of things to do or not do or
Decisions to make or not make you can make them
in a later date Yes, the parking lot. Uh -huh.
Okay number five Lots of lines on a notebook
pad lots of lines in a parking lot. I get it.
I get it Victoria's gonna love this one anchor
in the present so Do you know my old, do you
know the old saying? Bye. Be in it. You know
that famous saying? Just be in it. If you don't,
you know that old adage. Listen back to a few
podcasts ago. So overthinking, I'm raising my
hand because I am an over thinker, means your
mind is in the past or it's in the future. You're
thinking about things that happened yesterday,
you're worried about things that are happening
in the future, but you need to anchor it in the
present. And I feel like that is very hard to
do. I am very much presently angry. So they say,
they, the gods say that you, when this happens
to you and you feel like you need to be present,
you actually say the words, I need to be where
my feet are. Say that out loud, and it trains
your brain to be in the present. This is not
new news. Do you do that? I'm not saying it's
new news. But I'm happy for you. Do you do that?
I don't say that phrase. But I will bring myself
back to reality for a second in a different way.
So one of the phrases that they said that I really
liked was, presence is power. And I thought that
was very Powerful. You're doing yoga wrong. You've
been doing yoga wrong your entire life. Well,
my problem is I haven't been to yoga in a very
long time. Yeah, I know. And I was feeling really
good. Same. Right? I was feeling really good.
And I was feeling like I was being more present.
Remember, I wanted to put my phone down. I want
to be with the kids. Really? You couldn't do
Shavasana, which is laying down, meditating.
You have to work in your brain. The last time
I went to yoga, what happened during my Shavasana?
You fell asleep. I fell asleep. That's not meditation.
That's falling asleep. And what that means is
you're not getting enough sleep. That doesn't
mean you're relaxed. That means you're not getting
enough sleep. You can't come back for a while
until you cannot sleep during Shavasana. Telling
yourself to ground yourself and plant yourself
in your feet. That is how you stop a panic attack.
So it's good for all, like that specific phrase
is very relaxing in a moment of like, hold on,
let me, I'm thinking too hard. Let me just stay
here. But a panic attack, you have to name five
things around you. And that just brings you out
of like the floating thing in your head of all
the worry and all the awful and all the I'm gonna
die feelings of like, you can't breathe. And
it tells you, okay, stockings, cactus, couch.
blanket and then it tells you like your brain
starts to tell your body where you are and then
it's not actually real this panic that you're
in so that presence is a yeah it is powerful
that i've read about that and i've only ever
had i want to say one real panic attack in my
whole life and do you remember and i called you
and you made me she wasn't with me but she made
me lay down on the ground in my house until i
like Calm down. It had to do with CFIT. So we're
still here. We're still here. It didn't ruin
us. All right. Next one. Number six, talk to
yourself like a friend. Now this seems very straightforward,
but it's also like doing a pushup, doing a burpee.
Like the more you do it, the better you get at
it. Do you like how I did that? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
How do you talk to your friends? And that's how
you would talk to yourself. How do you talk to
your imaginary friends, Carly? Tell us. Tell
us. We'd all like to know. Silence. Carly? No
new friends is Carly's, like, M .O., but that's
just because she can't keep the one she has.
I'm a horrible friend. You are. You are. I cannot
be good at everything. I am, too. I am, too.
Well, what are you... Hold, please. I am too.
There are seasons where I'm a really great friend.
There are seasons where I fall off the face of
the earth. Everybody's got it. Carly's only,
she's not on the earth. She's fallen off years
ago, never got back on. Honest to God, if it
wasn't for my cousin Julie, I wouldn't have had
friends in high school. And if it wasn't for
Victoria, I wouldn't have had friends the rest
of my life. Victoria does, like keeps me in contact
with friends. I feel like. I'm not great. And
I haven't been great recently. Yeah. Life has
just been, like, a lot. So it's not, I mean,
it's not your fault. No, I mean, it is my fault.
I don't do what the next one is. Look how good
this is. I don't act now. OK, hold on. But how
do you talk to your friends? Oh. I mean, no.
You talk to your friends. The nicer the tone,
that's how you should talk to yourself. The more,
this is going to sound like a bad sentence structure.
Oh, no, no. The nicer you talk to yourself, it
trains your brain to believe that. Wow. Number
seven, act now. Overthinking, just like it's
under feeling, it's also under acting. Just like
Victoria said earlier, you need to do like write
down those small things so that you can take
action on them. And I think that is, number one,
the hardest part of being mentally I mean, you
can call it mentally fit, mentally stable, mentally
aware. I think that's the hardest part is acting
on it. Yeah. I was thinking about, I mean, you
can go through all the options of how you would
have to act on something, whether it's for yourself,
whether it's an obstacle for your family, whether
it's something you have to take the action or
else nothing will change. So I was trying to
think of like, yeah, but, but there is no but.
Every situation. That falls under well, so you
take that list of things that you've written
down or things that you Put in the parking lot
to deal with later and you have to start small
You can't change the world in one day You've
got to start small put action to it figure out
which actually leads me to my next one which
is focus on what you can control which is I am
nowhere near fit in this area. I do not focus
on what I can control I focus on Everything that
I can't control and I forget about what I can
control You just want to control. Well, I think
I looked at it. Okay, let's try and be Victoria
think of two circles there's a small circle and
there's an outer circle and the small circle
is what you can control and the outer circle
is what you can't and I can I feel like you can
make a pathway to the to the middle, but I am
just so worried about getting every inch of that
outside circle that I forget about the inside.
Well, your inside circle should be a dot because
you can't really control much. That's true. Right.
But I but that was a very good analogy. Thank
you. I was I was seeing it. Were you seeing it?
Yeah. It says under focus on what you can control
that you need to, like what Victoria said, write
a list and visual. when you see the visual, it
completely helps you 100 % on, oh, we haven't
said 100 % in a while. 100 %? 100%. Visualization
is basically the key to being mentally on par.
Think about it, when you were in school, specifically
us, like when you were in school, I don't know
if every... Teenage or child's mind works like
this in school, but we were flashcard people.
Oh, yeah, if I didn't make flashcards I wasn't
really studying well and I definitely wasn't
going to perform my best on the test. Mm -hmm.
So flashcards was like The only way if I'm thinking
about it and I rewrote once I got into college
I rewrote my notes. So if I was doing the flashcards,
I'd also write them down So if it works for schooling
Why wouldn't it work for life, like the school
of life? And we lose that. Once we become like
adults, I'm quoting adults for those of you listening,
because that's not real. It's like, well, you
do that in school. Well, why can't you do it
now? Make it work for you. Like if it worked
for you then, it can work for you now. So why
not flip it to whatever it needs to be done in
this phase of your life? That I never understood.
I agree. It's the post -it notes we talked about.
Yes. Put it on your mirror. Put it out in the
door as you walk out. Visualize it. Look at it.
Say it out loud. Read it. It's a flash card.
You're studying for the test. The test is to
have peace in your life with yourself, your outer
self, the outer world, the chaos. Peace is powerful.
Oh, put it on a t -shirt. Peace is powerful.
Presence is powerful. pimples are powerful because
they take over. Everything happens in threes.
Doesn't matter how old you are. Anyway, so those
are just some ways you can try to restructure
or, you know, for this purpose, we're saying
train the muscle. I didn't say train your...
Train the muscle that is in your head so that
you can be productive, present. more mentally
aware of what's going around you and not fixating
on that outer circle of things that you can't
control. And then it's taking over your life.
And then the things that you can, you lost it.
So just like a workout and you're training your
body, it doesn't work on the outside if it doesn't
work on the inside. And I mean, I feel like I
know that better than anybody. I know the inside's
not working. You know. everything. I know how
the, you know, you can, you can be physically
fit. If your mind is not right, it's not going
to work. The outside's not going to work if your
inside's not right. It's not going to be sustainable.
Yeah. So just a couple, I'm going to leave you
with, we're not leaving you yet, but I'm going
to give you some things to not overthink about.
Think about just enough. Okay. Okay. There's
a limit. Yeah. Well, we're going to talk about
that too. Overthinking is your brain's survival
mode. Do you believe that? Yeah. This isn't a
true or false. I'm just asking you if you believe
that. Yeah, because it's how you were trained.
You being brought up, the world you got brought
up in was training you for adulthood when you're
on your own. Think of it that way. that overthinking
that you either adopt to the nth degree and you
are the champion over thinker or the little moments
if you're not you overthink but it's not as much
like there are levels to it so if you were in
training all of those years to make the decisions
like if you were a parentified child and you
had to make a lot of decisions and you were the
emotional support for your parent or you had
just so many family issues or just thought it
was fine, but there were definitely emotionally
problematic things with your parents, whatever
it is, and overthinking, because you had to stay
a step ahead. So survival mode is being a step
ahead of the problem so that you can make it
work and you can make everybody happy. And then
you turn into a people pleaser. And you're never
in the present. You're never in the moment because
you're constantly having to stay a step ahead.
So survival mode, 100%. If you don't use it,
you lose it. I made that one up, I didn't write
it down. You made that up. I did. You made that
up? You guys ever see the movie 40 Year Old Virgin?
Is that not the best movie in the world? If you
don't use it, do you lose it? So you didn't make
it up. No, I didn't. Well, it's a line from the
movie. You made it up for this. I did. I just
added it in there. Okay. No, what it says, train
it, don't fight it, which is basically the whole
point of this. You need to train your brain like
muscle so you don't fight. Keep saying it until
it's true. This is a good practice. Yeah, there
we go. Oh, I thought this was so interesting
and I'm sure you already know it. Don't look
at me right now. I can't wait. Your brain is
at its most impressionable in the first 90 minutes
of your day. So what you feed, What you feed
it sets the tone for the whole day. So if you
wake up and you are scrolling and you're seeing
negative, negative, and you're feeling bad about
yourself, that sets the tone for the entire day.
Yeah, we talked about, we've talked about this.
I know, but then I was thinking immediately,
like my kids, the first 90 minutes, I'm like,
hurry up, you're late. And I'm like, man, oh
no. Yeah. That's horrible. Yes. I gotta stop
that. Because what do you do when you wake up?
You sit. with coffee on your phone. So your day
has started like that and then you're starting
their day because you're in that mode. Because
I have already been up for 90 minutes and now
I'm ready to go and I have not given them the
chance to... Yes, but talk about yourself. You've
also been scrolling online. You're not reading
a book. You're not taking time to... sit outside
and just, like, take it in. You're scrolling
on the internet. Well, recently, because I love
Christmas, I've been sitting, drinking my coffee,
looking at the Christmas decorations. On your
phone. Yeah, but I'm posting for the day. I'm
working. You start your day working. And my sneakers
and my robe. I don't care what you're wearing
anymore. You do you. No, but that was very eye
-opening for me. Yeah. That your brain is the
most impressionable. That's why I started getting
up two hours before I have to talk to people.
I'm losing sleep, which is not great. But I get
up. I get ready. I make coffee. I sit down in
quiet with my dog. and I don't get on my phone
right away. I don't. What do you do? I will get
the phone, so I don't do the full 90 minutes
a week without touching my phone. I do nothing.
You do nothing? I sit here, I breathe, I look
out the window, I sip coffee in silence. Interesting.
In silence. I don't even want Christmas music.
Yeah. But then I get my phone out, and I scroll,
and I do. And I don't want to do it. I've been
saying it to... In client conversations. I've
been saying I want to get a book. I have so many
books I know it'd be a great time to start a
chapter or a couple pages like it doesn't have
to be that Do you a chapter morning? That's too
much or crossword puzzle? No, I won't do that.
Okay. I know I won't do that I'm not gonna set
myself up for that, but I have a bunch of books
that I really want to read Yeah, so why get it
here set it I set my coffee the night before
why can't I set my book? you know, like I'm gonna
start doing that because This is just reinforced
what I've been thinking for so long. But it's
very important how you start your day. Yeah.
And it was very eye -opening for me. I mean,
I think you can say it to me till you're blue
on the face, but until you realize it for yourself.
You know. It's really tired. You know that old
adage. It's exhausting. Oh, this one, my last
one. This one was also very eye -opening. Anxiety
and excitement are made of the same chemical
signal in your body. Mm. Anxiety and excitement.
Think about that. How excited you get is the
same chemical in your body as anxiety. I just
said it backwards, but it's fine. So what the
tip is is to label it excited instead of I'm
scared. It's like I thought about it as like
going into a haunted house. Be like, oh my gosh,
I'm so excited. And it rewires your brain to
put a little positive spin on it instead of the
negative. So you're not going downward, you're
going up. And that to me, I was like, oh God,
that's huge. So putting a name, we've talked
about this too, and I think we said it in a different
way where we called anxiety like Betty. So if
you put a name to what you're feeling, what you're
thinking, I start every one of my yoga classes
like this, then it lessens the intensity of what
that feeling is. You're still feeling it, you're
still letting it flow through and get through
the kinks and work them out. You said it. Drink
every time I say that. Go back, start it over
and play that game. But it lessens its intensity
where it's not in control of you. That's the
whole point of meditation. Once you get through
yoga, if you think of it in yoga sense, you're
doing a bunch of movements, you're moving your
body, whether you know them or not, that's to
get all the kinks out of your body, if you're
really tight, so that you can lay there in stillness.
in peace and let everything flow. You can't lay
there in meditation if everything is bound up.
So that's the only purpose for moving in yoga,
essentially. So if you put a name to what you're
feeling, you're in warrior two or you're in a
balance that you're like, Oh my gosh, I cannot
keep, you know, stable on my feet. You have to
put a name to what that feels like. I'm feeling
frustrated. And then frustration will leave your
body because you've called it out. You've called
it out. Yeah. So in any type of thing with your,
with your kids and, and one of them. assuming
everybody has multiple children, one of them
is going through it, having a moment, temper
tantrum, or upset about something, and they can't
really express with words what they're feeling.
What does that do to you? So frustrating. Or
maybe you're angry. You have to say that to yourself.
I'm angry, this will pass. I'm frustrated with
them, this will pass. This too shall pass is
a phrase for a reason. Not that you have to say
that all the time, but like, if you put a name
to what you're feeling, right? You had a conversation
or any conversation recently or whatever that
you think about all the time after. In that moment,
which is really hard to do, maybe let's say reality,
the conversation happened, you step away. This
is when you would do this for yourself. You name
that this is making me upset. What is upset feeling?
I'm sad. I'm mad You have to break down the bracket
of like all the feelings and then it goes away
because it you've acknowledged it and It doesn't
have to sit in there and wait for you to acknowledge
it, right? You just got it. You freed up space
in your brain by getting it out either, you know
thinking about it or physically or verbally.
That was hard for you to say physically. Her
mouth made this like, you got stuck on the part.
It was so brief, but it was so real. That was,
I wish everybody could have experienced what
that looked like. My last one. Hold on, hold
on. But for real, that is something I say all
the time. Intense, it lessens the intensity of
what you're feeling. Start like body scans, mental
scans and moments of like, what, what am I doing?
Maybe in the morning. That's what you could do.
Yeah. Victoria loves body scans. She does that
in her yoga class. Body scans. Because then you
think about it. Oh, I'm sore. Am I sore there?
No, I'm not sore there. I'm sore here. Because
then you start to connect to yourself. Because
that is what we've all lost is connection to
ourselves and to others, but most importantly,
to yourself. So if you name it. Now, I didn't
make that up. I was taught this when I was doing
yoga. But if you name it, it won't be that serious.
So it's the same thing and anxiety moments of
like, you know, making this decision for the
future. Right. Well, you have to name what you're
feeling. Why is that decision so important? Besides
the fact that maybe it's taxes. Like, yes, there
are things that are important for reasons that
are important. Right, but you have to break it
down. But why is it that important to you? Why
is it ruining your day? Why is it making you
feel the way it's making you feel? And I just
had this conversation with Victoria yesterday.
I was like, you have to not let it bother you.
And she's like, well. How about I say that to
you when it bothers you? And I'm like, oh yeah,
I forgot about that. You first. I learned it
from watching you. Because it's so easy to say
and not easy to do. But if you work it out, if
you work it out in your mind and you practice
every day, because this, I mean, just like you
work out every day, if you mentally practice
every day, your brain will get stronger to defend
itself or... to just be resilient through these
kinds of situations. You don't have to think
so much because your brain already knows what
to do. You've trained it already. And it's a
separate entity from you. We have a body. We
have a brain. We have a spirit. If you break
it down like that, your brain tells stories and
you listen. You listen to it. We had that written
down. Right. It's that's when people are like
change the narrative change the narrative of
your brain Change the story because you're telling
it in a way to yourself about yourself. That's
really mean That's not true. It's not even a
true story where people around you are like,
but that's not But that's not how it happened.
That's not what you said. That's not how you
said it That's not what they meant because you're
telling yourself a different story perception
is Its own reality. We know this But we we fuel
that perception with. Let's say it's about your
body, because women, we talk about ourselves
and our body worse than any anything you could
say about somebody else. You're the meanest to
yourself. It's a lie. It's a lie. Every story
you're telling about yourself, what other people
are thinking of you while you're wearing that
dress, it's a lie. Nobody's nobody's even looking
at you because they're doing it to themselves.
Yeah. Not that this is how we want to live, but
like We make that story up in our heads, and
then we believe it. We say it's law. Well, write
down a different law. Put it in your journal,
the real thing that you're feeling and what you
want to feel. And now you have a new law. Because
what's up here is not written down. It's just
up here floating. It's just up there. But we
believe that more than anything else. It says,
it believes what you repeat, not what's true.
So if you repeat, oh my gosh, I'm up. I'm tired.
I don't want to go to work. I don't want to do
this. That's how it will be every day. Someone
I saw, or I read, or I heard, I don't even know,
where it said, if you talk to the universe, if
you talk to God, if you talk to whoever you want
to talk to believing somebody else is pulling
the strings, or whatever it is, and you go, okay,
show me what you got. It's gonna be a great day.
Prove it. It's gonna be an amazing day, because
you're gonna look for all the cool things that
are happening, and you're gonna be like, oh wow,
that was, oh wow, I got that parking spot. Oh
my gosh. I don't have to wait in a long line.
Oh, like the smallest things are gonna now make
the day amazing because you're looking for those
good things. You're not looking for the negative,
you're looking for the positive. But you have
to decide to do it and you have to train it.
What do you have to train? It. What's it? You
have to train your what? The universe. No. You
have to train your brain to drink. Ask that question
before you leave the house. Because once that
question's asked, it's going to do without really
trying. It's going to look for those things.
Right. Because you said it out loud, or you said
it at all. But that's the hard part of saying
it, not the aftermath. We have a joke at Seafit
that When people leave, they're like, oh, I'll
see you tomorrow. I didn't sign up yet. But I'm
like, you said it out loud. You said it out loud,
so make it happen. Like you put it out there
and it's like a joke, like, you know, whatever,
but that's the truth. Because you're going to
hunt them. Well, that's true, too. But yeah,
that's where that anxiety and excitement get
a little twisted. But but that's the truth. You
put it out there in the universe to make it happen.
Like, and even though you might think the universe
is happening to you, you're you're making it
happen. Yeah. So. Oh, wait. Oh, my God. This
just came to hold on. I'll go back to. naming
the fears or naming whatever you're feeling.
I got Christmas decorations out to decorate,
and I have to leave the house to do it. I have
that cellar door, the basement, and I have to
unlock it with the keypad and get downstairs.
But you have to go into this empty, creepy, couple
dead mice in there, cellar. Murder, dirt, or
cellar. To turn the lights on. And I started
doing all of this at like 530 in December. It's
dark. Yes. And I am the first one to run away
in the horror film. Like it's not happening to
me. I'm not even testing the waters. But I was
like, I have to do this. And I did that. And
I totally forgot until I just sat here. I was
like, I'm afraid because it's dark. And I'm fine.
There's nothing down here. But I'm afraid because
it's dark. And then I found the switch. Did you
say it in your mind? No, I said it out loud.
You did? Yeah. I was by myself, so I don't care.
First of all, I talk to myself all the time out
in public. If you see me, no one's in there.
Cool, dude. It's just me. But I said that to
get myself down the stairs and then have to walk
a few steps to get to the light. But pitch black.
Right. Just the noise of the hot water heaters
going, yes, yes, which it's a stranger things
moment in the basement. It's home alone. He thinks
the hot water heater at home alone is like the
scariest thing. He thinks it's a monster. Yeah
Oh, you should hear sitting on the couch. It
sounds like someone's dying down there But you
said it out loud and you were fine Were you I
just had to make it to the light switch. Yeah,
it wasn't that many steps But every horror film
you'll die doesn't matter how many steps it is.
So I was like, oh my god But yeah couple steps
in I said it because I just talked to myself
that nothing's going to happen. I'm just scared
because there are no lights on. And had I not
done that, I would have been like, I'll do it
tomorrow. You would have left. Yeah. I'm like,
I'm not going to do this right now. I agree.
I think we need to do that more because we tell
kids to do that all the time, like acknowledge
it, feel it. But like us as adults, we don't
do that. What's the first thing you're taught
by adults when you're a kid and you cannot get
over something, or you are having a tantrum and
you're crying really hard. What's the first thing
they say? Is it bad or good? We say that it's
bad? To help them. What's the first thing you
say to help a child? What's the matter? That's
going to help a child? Don't get upset. Don't
cry. Breathe. Oh. OK. That's why your children
need help. But yes. If they are crying and they
can't control it, you go, just take a breath.
Yes. Slow your breathing down. That is exactly
what you should do for all of this, because then
you'll write in the journal. But when you're
frantic, you're not going to just go write in
the journal. You have to take a second. You have
to take an inhale. You have to take an exhale.
That's the number one thing we learn as kids.
And then we have to relearn it as adults, because
you lose it. Or just learn it as adults, because
your mom didn't teach you that as a kid. Sorry,
kids. That's true. My last little tip. You've
been saying that for the longest time. Because
I have so many, but I am. dialing it down. But
this one was really meant something to me because
it is me. Your brain remembers the emotional
tone of experiences way more than any details.
So your mood shapes your memory. Yo, that is
you. And that's me. Like I just posted on my
Instagram like. If you're a millennial, you're
sitting by your Christmas tree just staring at
it in the dark because it makes you remember
your childhood. I don't remember the details
or what I got. I just remember the feeling of
my childhood at Christmas, and that makes me
happy. So your brain remembers the emotional
tone, not the details. You don't remember any
of the details. No. For anything. I remember
how it made me feel and that's why I love it
or that's why I don't like it. Instead of experiencing
it again in the moment and being present to experience
maybe something different or to be like, oh,
yeah, that is what this feels like. Because you
project history or you project what you want,
not what is. Right. But you have to train your
brain. I hope you are drunk right now because
I've said it a lot. But I've been drinking. You
really. as much energy and time and effort that
you put in to train your body. I mean, I've always
known this, but you have to take just as much
time to do it to the big muscle in your old noggin.
It's hard to say chicken or egg. I think it's
the mind first, personally, but sometimes it
happens. But Victoria is looking at me and she's
going, no. Exactly. But that's what I was going
to say. Sometimes it happens the other way. Like
you figured out the body. For yourself. Yeah,
but I did not figure out the mind, but I think
once you start this practice once you Pick and
choose things you can do because if you think
you're gonna do all this I want to happen you
can't you have to pick you're gonna see how much
better you feel in your body because I actually
don't think you feel a hundred percent even though
to the outside world you look a hundred percent,
but you don't know yeah Oh, I know I don't do
any of this guys. No, we know listen All right,
presence is power. Put your feet in the room,
put your butt on the couch. It's whether or not
you look good, you feel good, whatever, to the
outside world, their perception of you is gonna
be what it's gonna be. What we see is the most
physically fit body. We don't know if you feel
good or not. So then when you start this whole
practice, I think you're going to realize how
you don't actually feel good, but you're going
to once you start it. Yeah, it's one of those
like. When you started to lose weight, you're
like, I don't ever want to wake up different.
Like I don't feel bloated. I don't want to go
back to feeling bloated when I wake up. I think
that's what's going to happen for your mind.
Well, I think like you said today, you flip the
switch. I flip the switch in this, but there's
two switches. there's a switch for the body and
there's a switch for the mind. And I flip the
switch for the body, but it's not connected.
Like I need to flip a different switch for this
so that it can connect. Do you know what I mean?
Like I've got this muscle and I'm pointing to
my head and I've got the body muscle and they're
not connected. Because I have problems with the
body muscle because I'm not right in my head
muscle. And I am fully aware of that. I think
they cross all the time because I have problems
with both. this was like, researching this was
like a switch for me, to be like, oh my God,
I am so unhealthy. And yes. What, so you agree
I'm unhealthy? Yeah, for sure. I'm super unhealthy
right now. What's that line? What, so you think
you're pretty? I'm better than you. I have to
say, I do re -listen to this podcast. I spit
out my coffee when she said that. Because it's
true. It's not true. Think of your kids. I know.
Like we say all the things of, I didn't mean
to cut you off, but we say the... Okay. Okay.
I'll die for my kids. I will die for this person.
I would step in front for this person. But how
come you're not working on yourself in that way?
Because that's what's going to save your kids.
Because you're going to wake them up differently
now. Oh my God. And that's going to save them
from doing this. at 40 when they're 40 of like,
how come I'm always in a rush? How come I'm always
hustling? Why am I so tired? If you can avoid
them going through this particular process and
teaching them how to breathe and slow down, then
everything else for them is going to work out.
That's the one that really flipped it for me
when I was like, oh my god. And in my mind, because
I train my mind, I said mind, not brain, can't
drink. I'm saying I'm letting my kids sleep 15
extra minutes. I'm giving them extra sleep, but
then I rush them when they get up. So I think
I'm helping, but I'm hurting when they should
just go to bed earlier. It is literally a hamster
wheel that you have to figure out how to be on.
Yeah. But once you figure each little section
out and piece the puzzle together, where it all
starts to feel really good, then the hard part's
over. And it's all about small steps, big wins.
Write down the small stuff, because there are
so many small wins that if you don't acknowledge
them, you will not see the big picture. And I
never write down the small wins. Start with the
like, today's going to be an amazing day. Prove
it. Let's prove it. What do you got? Can I say
that to you? Start noticing. I'm going to do
shit for you. Start noticing all the good things
that happened in the day. All right, we have
a we have a really quick game because we've been
here and I have to go back to work But this has
been things to do to this has been so many things
trending And it just makes me laugh so much.
So oh god She's usually not in charge of games.
It's a it's a quick game Because you can only
do it. Maybe once maybe twice. I can only do
it. Maybe once for your choice It's the I will
always love you Whitney Houston drum So, it's
the part, we all know what this is. I think we
should do it with a clap, maybe? No, can we do
it with a, can we just say boom? Yeah. Right?
Because people that are watching can't, or people
that are listening can't. Yeah, you can't see,
you can't hear a clap. You are correct. Okay,
ready? I'll clap. No, no, no. Don't clap. Say
boom. That's fine. Boom's fine. I have it lined
up, or I think it's the end of the previous phrase
right before it's silence, and then you have
to say boom. Okay, ready? I'm so nervous. Boom!
That was actually that bad. That was not that
bad. You go. You go. All right. I have to line
it up. Two, three minutes on the dot. I have
to try that again, though. Wait, did you see
the post of the little boy doing it in front
of his whole school? No. Have you seen that recently?
No. You got to watch it. Go look it up on Instagram.
There's a little, like, 10 -year -old special
needs boy, and he got it on his first try, and
the entire school, like, runs and changes. Oh,
you got to send it to me. I will post it. I'll
post it. All right. Ready? Here we go. I need
your microphone, say boom. Okay. Boom. Did you
get it? Did I get it? I think you got it. I think
you got it. We have to play that back. But we
can't right now. No, I'm gonna do it. Oh my gosh.
I think you got it. Oh my gosh. I think I count
to four. Okay. Ready? Ready? Slow count? Fast
count? I don't know. I don't know. I just counted
to four. All right. I don't remember. Go. One,
two, three, four. Boom! One, two, three, four!
I didn't know if it was a slow or fast count.
I did middle of the road count. Hold on. All
right, just to see if it's true. I'm gonna try
it one more time. I feel like yours is a fluke.
Producers texting me, what do you know? Okay,
ready? Let's try it. One, two, three, four. It
was a fluke. It was on the floor. It was on the
floor. It's the boom on the floor. Oh, that is
a fun game. I could do that all night long because
I'll never get it. What did he say? Close, but
no cigar. Oh, yeah. Oh, you didn't get it. Oh,
I didn't get it. Oh, I think she got the M like
a boom on the drum. But that's just my brain.
I'm going to do this all day. That's my I'm going
to do this all day long. It's so hard. Why is
that so hard? It's so hard. I've seen a video
where they're like the POV, the point of view
of the drummer, and he's like eating a sandwich.
And he just like forgets. And they're like snapping
at me. He's like, oh, because there's no, like,
rhyme or reason. Yeah. So that is good. We hope
that you are drunk at this point on water, on
coffee, or alcohol. And we hope you do train
your brain. Carly's flipped the switch. So are
we going to check in? Are we going to make sure
we're doing it? Give me a couple of weeks, but
check in because you know nothing. Room wasn't
built in a day, people. That's another old adage.
How many days was the room built? The room was
built so long, so give me a long time. I will
let you all in on my switch flip. So we have
lots of things to rely back to. Yeah. We hope
you do, too. And we hope you always remember
that you were fit to be real. And always allowed
to be a little extra. I messed up the enter.
OK, bye. For legal reasons, we have to tell you
that this podcast is meant for entertainment
and educational purposes only. We are not healthcare
professionals. For all of your health, wellness,
fitness, and self -care needs, please refer to
the medical professional in your life, your primary
care physician, your therapist, a certified coach,
whoever it may be. And then let us know what
they say because I guarantee we need to know
it too. Okay? Okay, bye.