WEBVTT 00:00:07.600 --> 00:00:10.619 Welcome to Fit to Be Real. And a little extra, 00:00:11.199 --> 00:00:13.880 I'm Victoria. Hey guys, I'm Carly. It's the first 00:00:13.880 --> 00:00:17.239 time we ever did that correctly. Or like that. 00:00:17.339 --> 00:00:23.820 That was very like... Correct? Yes. Well, considering 00:00:23.820 --> 00:00:25.679 last week she didn't even tell me that we were 00:00:25.679 --> 00:00:28.039 starting. Oh, and I did just say, I'll let you 00:00:28.039 --> 00:00:30.160 know this time. And I didn't. Well, I just sat 00:00:30.160 --> 00:00:33.259 here like this for 10 minutes. To be fair, she 00:00:33.259 --> 00:00:35.479 said, if I look like this, I was like, I can't 00:00:35.479 --> 00:00:40.670 like you, I'm working. I'm doing things. Welcome. 00:00:41.729 --> 00:00:45.229 Welcome to The Carly Show. To the mystery, yeah. 00:00:45.990 --> 00:00:48.630 It's The Carly Show today. Victoria has no idea 00:00:48.630 --> 00:00:51.350 what we're talking about. Turn the spot. Spot, 00:00:51.590 --> 00:00:55.070 spot. But it's not about Victoria. It's just 00:00:55.070 --> 00:01:00.570 God. OK, story time. I had a revelation yesterday 00:01:00.570 --> 00:01:03.509 and I didn't want to call Victoria and tell her 00:01:03.509 --> 00:01:06.159 right away because I was like. I'll save it. 00:01:06.200 --> 00:01:08.519 And also, I thought she was going to get really 00:01:08.519 --> 00:01:12.819 mad at me and hang up. So I didn't tell her. 00:01:12.859 --> 00:01:15.519 And I was like, she can't hang up on me if we're 00:01:15.519 --> 00:01:17.959 talking about it. I've literally never hung up 00:01:17.959 --> 00:01:19.519 on you. No, you're going to have you would hang 00:01:19.519 --> 00:01:22.040 up on me if I told you what I'm about to talk 00:01:22.040 --> 00:01:28.939 about. OK, OK. I cannot imagine. What it would 00:01:28.939 --> 00:01:31.939 be. OK, we're starting off with story time. I 00:01:31.939 --> 00:01:35.599 had a really bad day yesterday, like It's been 00:01:35.599 --> 00:01:39.879 building and building, and then it was so bad 00:01:39.879 --> 00:01:44.379 that I went for a run, which I do sometimes. 00:01:44.459 --> 00:01:46.079 Whoa, whoa, whoa. That wasn't to you. Put them 00:01:46.079 --> 00:01:47.959 away. That was to everybody else. Put the eyes 00:01:47.959 --> 00:01:50.900 away. When I feel like I need to listen to something 00:01:50.900 --> 00:01:55.799 and run, I run. And I run really long. and far 00:01:55.799 --> 00:01:58.500 yesterday because I was enjoying it. Far is run. 00:01:58.840 --> 00:02:01.420 So if you saw me yesterday out for like two hours 00:02:01.420 --> 00:02:04.439 and 10 miles, that was me. You know what? I had 00:02:04.439 --> 00:02:08.500 an inkling. Because usually she walks in to see 00:02:08.500 --> 00:02:10.580 fit when I'm in there with someone and she goes, 00:02:10.800 --> 00:02:13.280 hello. Just like that. That's exactly what I 00:02:13.280 --> 00:02:16.840 say. And this time she went. Yeah. And she just 00:02:16.840 --> 00:02:19.020 smiled silently like the Joker. I had a horrible 00:02:19.020 --> 00:02:21.469 day yesterday. You can tell me. I know. I didn't 00:02:21.469 --> 00:02:23.610 tell anybody. That's annoying. I felt better 00:02:23.610 --> 00:02:26.490 after my run and after the revelation. And I 00:02:26.490 --> 00:02:28.750 also knew if I talked to you too much, I would 00:02:28.750 --> 00:02:31.930 tell you what happened to me and it would not 00:02:31.930 --> 00:02:33.729 be good for today. So I was like, I can't talk 00:02:33.729 --> 00:02:38.069 to her too much. Oh, so you made this. OK. OK. 00:02:39.009 --> 00:02:41.430 So also, every time you say revelation, I want 00:02:41.430 --> 00:02:43.009 to sing a Hamilton song that I don't know the 00:02:43.009 --> 00:02:45.550 words to. Where she goes, I saw a revolution. 00:02:46.129 --> 00:02:49.250 That's revolution. Don't they say revelation? 00:02:49.490 --> 00:02:51.629 You want a revolution? I want, no. You want a 00:02:51.629 --> 00:02:54.889 revelation? I want a revolution. Thank you. Revolution. 00:02:55.229 --> 00:02:59.669 Something about constitution. Are you having 00:02:59.669 --> 00:03:01.889 a bad day today? No, I'm having a much better 00:03:01.889 --> 00:03:06.030 day today. It started because Dean and Lewis 00:03:06.030 --> 00:03:09.270 hysterically cried as I dropped them off to school, 00:03:09.689 --> 00:03:13.210 screaming, don't leave me, mommy, don't leave 00:03:13.210 --> 00:03:15.349 me. And I was like, I can't do this. Like, you 00:03:15.349 --> 00:03:17.590 don't need school. You don't need to be edumacated. 00:03:17.740 --> 00:03:24.080 I can do it at home. Joke number one. Well, we're 00:03:24.080 --> 00:03:26.699 in the car and they're sobbing like, Mom, we 00:03:26.699 --> 00:03:28.599 want to stay home with you. And I'm like, guys, 00:03:28.620 --> 00:03:32.520 I'm not fun. And Dean's going, you are fun. And 00:03:32.520 --> 00:03:34.900 I'm like, you've never said that before. But 00:03:34.900 --> 00:03:37.439 thank you. Because he's lying. I know. He's totally 00:03:37.439 --> 00:03:40.080 lying. But I think it was like a whole thing. 00:03:40.159 --> 00:03:42.400 The kids are going back to school. I literally 00:03:42.400 --> 00:03:45.439 went home and no one was there. Andrew went to 00:03:45.439 --> 00:03:48.409 Atlantic City to work. I walked in the house. 00:03:48.430 --> 00:03:52.229 Thank you for saying to work. He went to go gamble 00:03:52.229 --> 00:03:56.629 on a Monday and there was nobody there. Like 00:03:56.629 --> 00:03:58.930 Dean, usually I drop the kids off at school and 00:03:58.930 --> 00:04:00.729 I come home and then I get like an hour and a 00:04:00.729 --> 00:04:02.990 half with Dean. We do breakfast. I hang out with 00:04:02.990 --> 00:04:04.370 him for a little bit. I take him to school. There 00:04:04.370 --> 00:04:06.830 was nobody there for the first time. Sounds amazing. 00:04:07.009 --> 00:04:11.330 And yeah, to a lot of people it might, but - 00:04:11.330 --> 00:04:12.889 Someone who can't sit alone with her thoughts. 00:04:13.789 --> 00:04:17.540 This is what I'm talking about. Yeah. So Andrew 00:04:17.540 --> 00:04:19.300 wasn't there. No one was there. I walked in and 00:04:19.300 --> 00:04:22.279 I like lost it. I had already lost it as I was, 00:04:22.699 --> 00:04:24.639 as Dean was walking into kindergarten. Like I 00:04:24.639 --> 00:04:27.120 put my sunglasses on and like I was crying. He 00:04:27.120 --> 00:04:28.920 was crying. It was horrible. And Lewis is nine. 00:04:29.079 --> 00:04:32.560 He's in third grade. He still cries going to 00:04:32.560 --> 00:04:35.519 school. Cause he's bored. You need to. Yeah. 00:04:35.600 --> 00:04:39.019 He's bored. I know. I know. He's a, I told, I 00:04:39.019 --> 00:04:40.560 can't remember who I talked to yesterday. I remember 00:04:40.560 --> 00:04:42.819 I only talked to like one person a week, but 00:04:42.819 --> 00:04:46.069 I feel like I talked to you about it. You texted 00:04:46.069 --> 00:04:49.490 me. He's a creative. Oh, I talked to Julie, my 00:04:49.490 --> 00:04:52.629 cousin. He is a creative person. So he doesn't 00:04:52.629 --> 00:04:55.230 like to sit at a desk for eight hours a day. 00:04:55.310 --> 00:04:57.529 He needs to be. He's a Montessori kid. Yeah. 00:04:57.610 --> 00:05:00.569 When he likes something, you know. And when he 00:05:00.569 --> 00:05:03.730 doesn't, you know. And it's rare he likes something. 00:05:04.550 --> 00:05:06.889 Yes. He was with Andrew on Sunday at a Star Wars 00:05:06.889 --> 00:05:09.529 convention. And Andrew texted me and was like, 00:05:09.550 --> 00:05:12.560 chatterbox. I was like, yes. That means he's 00:05:12.560 --> 00:05:15.779 happy. Oh, is he just noticing? Andrew, stop 00:05:15.779 --> 00:05:18.540 going to Atlantic City. On a Monday. On a Monday. 00:05:19.160 --> 00:05:23.379 So long story short, it was horrible. OK. OK. 00:05:23.579 --> 00:05:25.639 I knew this was going to come. Everyone's like, 00:05:25.660 --> 00:05:27.360 oh, I cried when my kid went to kindergarten. 00:05:27.800 --> 00:05:29.920 I didn't with Melody. I didn't with Lewis. Because 00:05:29.920 --> 00:05:33.180 you had two more. Yeah. So I did with Dean. So 00:05:33.180 --> 00:05:38.879 I went for a run, and I found a podcast. And 00:05:38.879 --> 00:05:43.339 I found somebody. that I am obsessed with. And 00:05:43.339 --> 00:05:47.240 I don't know if you've ever heard. Oh, no. Her 00:05:47.240 --> 00:05:50.579 name is Mellie R. I'm going to punch you in the 00:05:50.579 --> 00:05:55.180 face. I'm mad at myself. I'm mad at myself because 00:05:55.180 --> 00:05:57.379 I thought it was going to be something different. 00:05:58.459 --> 00:06:02.019 I heard. I'm mad. I knew you were going to be 00:06:02.019 --> 00:06:06.600 mad. I like I was running and crying and I was 00:06:06.600 --> 00:06:16.550 like, why haven't I listened to her? So I didn't 00:06:16.550 --> 00:06:20.589 call you. To be fair, she's on my favorite podcast, 00:06:20.850 --> 00:06:23.529 Smartless. So it was Jason Bateman, Sean Hayes, 00:06:23.550 --> 00:06:26.209 Will Arnett had Mellie R on when talking about 00:06:26.209 --> 00:06:29.410 Mel Robbins. And she was talking about the let 00:06:29.410 --> 00:06:35.870 them theory. Continue. Okay. So I'm running and 00:06:35.870 --> 00:06:43.050 crying. Like listening to Mel Robbins. Via Smartless. 00:06:43.199 --> 00:06:45.720 Via SmartList. OK, so she was talking about her 00:06:45.720 --> 00:06:50.699 show. She was talking about how she created Let 00:06:50.699 --> 00:06:53.639 Them and all this stuff. Oh. But she was also 00:06:53.639 --> 00:06:57.079 saying things that were hitting me so hard on 00:06:57.079 --> 00:06:59.759 the head that I was laughing at myself for how 00:06:59.759 --> 00:07:01.860 much I was crying. Can I also hit you so hard 00:07:01.860 --> 00:07:05.560 on the head? That I couldn't stop running because 00:07:05.560 --> 00:07:08.589 I wanted to finish. I wanted to finish listening 00:07:08.589 --> 00:07:11.629 to her. And I know that if I had read the book, 00:07:11.649 --> 00:07:14.490 she probably explains all this in the book, but 00:07:14.490 --> 00:07:19.050 she talked about the countdown method. I was 00:07:19.050 --> 00:07:23.629 like, where have you been all my life? So I called 00:07:23.629 --> 00:07:25.569 Victoria right after and I was like, I got the 00:07:25.569 --> 00:07:28.949 podcast. Don't worry about it. Oh my God. You 00:07:28.949 --> 00:07:33.129 did. I was like, no, listen, I got it. Like, 00:07:33.449 --> 00:07:39.639 I got it. Are you mad? I'm... Because I'm just 00:07:39.639 --> 00:07:43.240 going to let them. You can be mad. That's on 00:07:43.240 --> 00:07:50.000 you. It's not on me. I hope you enjoy this final 00:07:50.000 --> 00:07:53.879 episode of Fit to Be Real because one of us is 00:07:53.879 --> 00:07:58.459 really dying today. No, I died inside yesterday. 00:07:58.540 --> 00:08:01.360 I am fully alive right now. I had a revelation. 00:08:02.120 --> 00:08:04.879 I had to come to Jesus with Melliar. What is 00:08:04.879 --> 00:08:07.000 it? What's the revelation? Well, she talked about 00:08:07.000 --> 00:08:12.079 stress and we've done a podcast on stress. I 00:08:12.079 --> 00:08:15.740 am now having the worst day of my life. We've 00:08:15.740 --> 00:08:17.819 had podcasts about stress and gut health and 00:08:17.819 --> 00:08:20.079 how it affects you, but what we've never talked 00:08:20.079 --> 00:08:22.319 about and what she talked about was positive 00:08:22.319 --> 00:08:27.040 stress and how to take that negative stress and 00:08:27.040 --> 00:08:30.360 turn it into positive. It's literally called 00:08:30.360 --> 00:08:36.389 eustress. not distress, e -u -stress. Eustress. 00:08:36.710 --> 00:08:39.629 Eustress? Like a mistress, but a eustress? I 00:08:39.629 --> 00:08:46.350 want to die a painful death. And she talked about 00:08:46.350 --> 00:08:48.809 you can't, you can only control what you can 00:08:48.809 --> 00:08:55.129 control. And if you can't control it, you just 00:08:55.129 --> 00:08:58.669 have to let them. And so I'm going to let them. 00:09:01.100 --> 00:09:04.519 I couldn't control Dean from crying into kindergarten. 00:09:04.740 --> 00:09:08.399 What I could control was my reaction to it. Oh, 00:09:08.399 --> 00:09:10.700 my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, 00:09:10.700 --> 00:09:16.460 my God. This is not real. I mean, I do you know 00:09:16.460 --> 00:09:19.600 our first episode? We do. We do. We all very 00:09:19.600 --> 00:09:23.840 well know. Our first episode was flipping the 00:09:23.840 --> 00:09:25.799 switch, right? Or the second episode or something 00:09:25.799 --> 00:09:30.190 like that? Yeah. Well, 128 episodes later. I 00:09:30.190 --> 00:09:31.789 flipped the switch. You only know that because 00:09:31.789 --> 00:09:34.389 I said 128 right before we started. This is so 00:09:34.389 --> 00:09:41.149 not fair. What flip did you switch? I flipped 00:09:41.149 --> 00:09:44.590 the switch into being like, oh, Meliars got some 00:09:44.590 --> 00:09:46.669 stuff that she knows what she's talking about. 00:09:47.409 --> 00:09:50.909 And it like hit me like a ton of bricks while 00:09:50.909 --> 00:09:55.970 I was running. OK. So. We're going to talk about 00:09:55.970 --> 00:09:58.269 the good stress and the bad stress. You only 00:09:58.269 --> 00:10:04.389 listen to a podcast of a podcast. You need to 00:10:04.389 --> 00:10:08.049 come back with at least 10. to 15 episodes under 00:10:08.049 --> 00:10:10.850 your belt. You should be thanking your lucky 00:10:10.850 --> 00:10:13.909 stars that I heard that and they had her on, 00:10:14.210 --> 00:10:16.230 or else I would have been like, I'm canceling 00:10:16.230 --> 00:10:18.850 today. I can't make it out of bed. But Melliar 00:10:18.850 --> 00:10:20.649 taught me how to get out of bed when you're in 00:10:20.649 --> 00:10:23.149 a stressful situation. Is this gaslighting? Is 00:10:23.149 --> 00:10:25.809 this what gaslighting is? Is this what manipulation 00:10:25.809 --> 00:10:28.830 and narcissism is? Can someone phone a friend? 00:10:29.570 --> 00:10:33.590 Call me. It's called the countdown method. Well, 00:10:33.590 --> 00:10:34.549 I'm going to count right now. Did you guys hear 00:10:34.549 --> 00:10:36.919 about it? Look at this. Look at this. Five, four, 00:10:37.019 --> 00:10:39.080 three, two, one. I'm gonna punch you in the face. 00:10:42.080 --> 00:10:44.539 I did not want to get out of bed yesterday because 00:10:44.539 --> 00:10:48.000 I knew that it was going to be a hard day for 00:10:48.000 --> 00:10:53.679 me. Our producer has just chimed in. I need you 00:10:53.679 --> 00:10:59.370 to breathe. You? Yes. This is why I didn't tell 00:10:59.370 --> 00:11:00.830 her what it was going to be about, because I 00:11:00.830 --> 00:11:03.710 knew she was going to be mad, Pedro. I know her 00:11:03.710 --> 00:11:06.070 like the back of my hand. I know how she's going 00:11:06.070 --> 00:11:11.110 to react, even though she's not letting me. She's 00:11:11.110 --> 00:11:15.169 not let them ming right now. She's not let them 00:11:15.169 --> 00:11:17.070 ming. She's not letting them talk. She's not 00:11:17.070 --> 00:11:20.570 letting them do whatever. You and your personalities? 00:11:21.210 --> 00:11:24.929 You're the them. All the personalities. I hate 00:11:24.929 --> 00:11:29.289 all of them. So the countdown method you ask, 00:11:29.649 --> 00:11:31.370 is that what you want to know about Victoria? 00:11:33.990 --> 00:11:37.690 Well, if you didn't know, Mellie R. was so depressed. 00:11:38.610 --> 00:11:40.210 You guys should do your research on her. Had 00:11:40.210 --> 00:11:43.730 no idea. She is fantastic. Yeah. The countdown 00:11:43.730 --> 00:11:47.029 method, you count down from five before you make 00:11:47.029 --> 00:11:50.350 a decision. Why has no one told me about this? 00:11:50.870 --> 00:11:54.879 It helps you with your reactions. to the stress 00:11:54.879 --> 00:12:00.000 by counting down five, four, three, two, one. 00:12:00.500 --> 00:12:04.639 Instead of one, two, three, four, five, like 00:12:04.639 --> 00:12:09.200 a launch or a rocket ship, you count down and 00:12:09.200 --> 00:12:12.419 then you make the decision. But if you think 00:12:12.419 --> 00:12:14.419 too long about the decision, it's not going to 00:12:14.419 --> 00:12:16.440 happen. So that's why she only gives you five 00:12:16.440 --> 00:12:19.799 seconds. I mean, the revelation like a ton of 00:12:19.799 --> 00:12:25.759 bricks. Yeah. So yesterday I was feeling a lot 00:12:25.759 --> 00:12:28.820 of stress. I was feeling very sad, but she taught 00:12:28.820 --> 00:12:34.159 me how to change it from distress to... Gaslighting. 00:12:34.299 --> 00:12:36.779 This is gaslighting. No, no. It's 100 % gaslighting. 00:12:37.000 --> 00:12:40.379 The other stress, how do you pronounce it? I 00:12:40.379 --> 00:12:42.259 think it's eustress. Eustress. I don't know. 00:12:42.480 --> 00:12:45.940 Like I stress you? Like Carly stress? It's an 00:12:45.940 --> 00:12:49.120 understatement. Have you ever felt blood boil? 00:12:49.500 --> 00:12:52.250 Have you ever felt... Not before. Did you know 00:12:52.250 --> 00:12:55.210 that there's science behind this? She's done 00:12:55.210 --> 00:12:57.129 all the research. You can just look it up. She's 00:12:57.129 --> 00:13:00.610 done all the research on this. You know, some 00:13:00.610 --> 00:13:03.190 people just have to come to terms with it on 00:13:03.190 --> 00:13:06.970 their own at their own time. Even she told me 00:13:06.970 --> 00:13:09.629 that she was like, you're going to this will 00:13:09.629 --> 00:13:13.269 happen on your own time. But when it hits you, 00:13:13.269 --> 00:13:14.710 it's going to hit you. And that's when I cried 00:13:14.710 --> 00:13:16.389 the hardest. And I was like, Victoria is going 00:13:16.389 --> 00:13:23.840 to love this. Mm hmm. Mm -hmm. Yeah. Yeah. This 00:13:23.840 --> 00:13:28.960 is an amazing revelation. What is stress? Other 00:13:28.960 --> 00:13:32.720 than what Victoria's feeling right now. What 00:13:32.720 --> 00:13:34.679 is stress? I think it's stress. I don't think 00:13:34.679 --> 00:13:36.580 I'm feeling stress. What are you feeling? Tell 00:13:36.580 --> 00:13:41.399 me. Let them. Am I using it wrong? I think I'm 00:13:41.399 --> 00:13:47.620 using it wrong. I think I'm feeling... Excitement. 00:13:47.879 --> 00:13:52.090 Delusion. Like I'm in a different timeline, a 00:13:52.090 --> 00:13:55.889 different universe, and I'm trapped. But I feel 00:13:55.889 --> 00:13:58.610 like you should be happy for me. Or do you just 00:13:58.610 --> 00:14:00.230 feel like you wasted two years of your life? 00:14:00.269 --> 00:14:03.029 I feel like I'm sad for me. I feel like I'm sad 00:14:03.029 --> 00:14:06.370 for me. Well, you know what she said? My BFF. 00:14:07.950 --> 00:14:11.370 She was like, you waste a lot. She said you, 00:14:11.509 --> 00:14:14.629 Carly, through the podcast, waste a lot of time 00:14:14.629 --> 00:14:18.529 worrying about. how to control other people's 00:14:18.529 --> 00:14:21.330 emotions and how they feel about decisions you 00:14:21.330 --> 00:14:27.210 make and how everything in your life, how they 00:14:27.210 --> 00:14:30.409 feel about it. And I was like, oh my God, I do. 00:14:34.009 --> 00:14:36.950 How do you feel about that? I feel like you owe 00:14:36.950 --> 00:14:40.330 me all of the money for my therapist because 00:14:40.330 --> 00:14:42.750 all I talk about is how no one listens to me. 00:14:43.580 --> 00:14:45.539 No, I feel like you should go back and tell your 00:14:45.539 --> 00:14:51.179 therapist she finally got it. I'm so happy for 00:14:51.179 --> 00:14:56.139 you. Look, I just got a text from, you know, 00:14:56.399 --> 00:14:58.080 a medical bill that's trying to collect money 00:14:58.080 --> 00:15:00.320 from me that I will not pay because I don't actually 00:15:00.320 --> 00:15:03.580 owe it, and I'm just gonna let them. No, you 00:15:03.580 --> 00:15:06.000 did that before. Okay. You did that before this 00:15:06.000 --> 00:15:10.100 revelation. You let them... And Andrew is the 00:15:10.100 --> 00:15:11.759 them and you're like, he'll deal with it. Usually 00:15:11.759 --> 00:15:13.200 I'd get stressed about it and be like, oh my 00:15:13.200 --> 00:15:15.299 God, but now I'm just going to be like, no, it's 00:15:15.299 --> 00:15:17.840 not happening. Let them. You can text me all 00:15:17.840 --> 00:15:19.940 you want. I don't care about anything anymore. 00:15:20.279 --> 00:15:24.240 No, I care. But I don't care how you feel about 00:15:24.240 --> 00:15:27.220 it. But I care a little bit because I don't want 00:15:27.220 --> 00:15:30.679 to hurt your feelings. But I don't care. Very 00:15:30.679 --> 00:15:33.639 gray revelation. It's a gray area, this revelation. 00:15:34.779 --> 00:15:38.039 Okay, we're learning. Stress is a psychological... 00:15:38.330 --> 00:15:42.409 and physiological response to a perceived threat. 00:15:43.269 --> 00:15:45.649 Not a threat. What's that mean, Carly? A perceived 00:15:45.649 --> 00:15:49.190 threat. Tell the people. I just did. What's it 00:15:49.190 --> 00:15:52.049 mean? I just told them. I know. What's the layman's 00:15:52.049 --> 00:15:54.909 terms? What's the terms that I would need to 00:15:54.909 --> 00:15:58.970 explain it to you? You are stressed out about 00:15:58.970 --> 00:16:01.769 something that's never going to happen. Yeah. 00:16:02.929 --> 00:16:04.789 Did I get it right? About your perceiving, your 00:16:04.789 --> 00:16:06.409 perception, the story you're making up in your 00:16:06.409 --> 00:16:15.370 head. Yeah. That's my life. Huh? Countdown, five. 00:16:15.649 --> 00:16:18.809 Mama said count to 10. No, Meliar said count 00:16:18.809 --> 00:16:21.629 down from five. It's the updated version. Mama 00:16:21.629 --> 00:16:25.710 said count to 10 is 1997. Meliar said count down 00:16:25.710 --> 00:16:27.789 from five. That's a Footloose reference, by the 00:16:27.789 --> 00:16:34.879 way. Okay. All right, so. I'm not going to go 00:16:34.879 --> 00:16:37.059 through what you need to do to control your stress 00:16:37.059 --> 00:16:40.480 because once again, we already did an episode 00:16:40.480 --> 00:16:44.440 on this and what I learned yesterday was that 00:16:44.440 --> 00:16:48.500 stress can be a good thing. If you turn it, your 00:16:48.500 --> 00:16:52.360 mindset. Change your mindset, change your life. 00:16:53.299 --> 00:16:57.039 That's what she said. She did. She did say that. 00:16:57.159 --> 00:17:00.440 She also did what I like to call a mic drop quote. 00:17:00.600 --> 00:17:04.490 You guys want to hear it? Oh, do we? Don't play 00:17:04.490 --> 00:17:07.009 footsies with me. I didn't mean to. She kicked 00:17:07.009 --> 00:17:11.809 my foot. Stress isn't the problem. Staying stuck 00:17:11.809 --> 00:17:14.569 in stress is. The power is in your response. 00:17:17.620 --> 00:17:19.799 Sorry, I didn't mean to do that. Is it a mic 00:17:19.799 --> 00:17:22.400 drop if you've had to listen to it over and over 00:17:22.400 --> 00:17:25.180 again and maybe the 50th time you've heard it? 00:17:25.279 --> 00:17:27.619 I feel like you should have been proud of me 00:17:27.619 --> 00:17:30.279 that I didn't completely fall apart yesterday 00:17:30.279 --> 00:17:33.900 and ruin the rest of my week. For sending your 00:17:33.900 --> 00:17:39.019 kids to school? Listen. Yes. You live a very 00:17:39.019 --> 00:17:44.920 privileged life. No, I think it's more the fact 00:17:44.920 --> 00:17:48.960 that like They're all in school now all day for 00:17:48.960 --> 00:17:53.160 the rest of their lives. Now what do I do? You 00:17:53.160 --> 00:17:55.539 have a life. You have to figure out who you are 00:17:55.539 --> 00:17:58.420 again. But I did that during COVID. Yeah, find 00:17:58.420 --> 00:18:01.819 a new one. Nobody likes her. And now you have 00:18:01.819 --> 00:18:04.539 the time. No, now I have the time. You didn't 00:18:04.539 --> 00:18:07.240 do that in COVID. You got skinny. You got healthy. 00:18:07.500 --> 00:18:11.400 I got healthy. Yeah. That's who you are? Well, 00:18:11.579 --> 00:18:15.519 no, but that made me feel better. Okay. Who are 00:18:15.519 --> 00:18:19.289 you? What do you like to do? I like NSYNC. But 00:18:19.289 --> 00:18:24.609 that was Carly at 16. Carly at 39, soon to be 00:18:24.609 --> 00:18:26.990 40. Whoa, whoa, whoa. Hope to God is a different 00:18:26.990 --> 00:18:29.789 person than Carly at 16. No, I still like NSYNC. 00:18:29.869 --> 00:18:32.869 And I'm not dating gay guys anymore. Yeah, you 00:18:32.869 --> 00:18:35.670 married one. Yeah. I was just going to say I 00:18:35.670 --> 00:18:38.369 married one. I don't date them anymore. Sorry, 00:18:38.549 --> 00:18:42.730 Andrew. He's not gay. He doesn't care. No, he's 00:18:42.730 --> 00:18:45.410 not. He's not. The jury's out. But he's not. 00:18:46.079 --> 00:18:49.220 You get to discover what you like to do. You 00:18:49.220 --> 00:18:52.079 get to discover what you don't like to do. You 00:18:52.079 --> 00:18:54.759 get time to read the goddamn books that somebody 00:18:54.759 --> 00:18:58.920 gives you. You get time to maybe learn how to 00:18:58.920 --> 00:19:01.500 cook for yourself. You get time. I do want to 00:19:01.500 --> 00:19:03.119 do that. I do want to learn how to do that. To 00:19:03.119 --> 00:19:05.180 figure out anything. You get time. You know what 00:19:05.180 --> 00:19:10.079 you gained? You gain time. But do you know what? 00:19:10.099 --> 00:19:13.799 He's in school and I'm still here. That hasn't 00:19:13.799 --> 00:19:17.089 changed. Like you're still alive? No, I mean 00:19:17.089 --> 00:19:20.029 like I'm still doing this. Like I don't feel 00:19:20.029 --> 00:19:22.750 like my life's gonna drastically change. I think 00:19:22.750 --> 00:19:25.490 I just got very sad that that part of my life 00:19:25.490 --> 00:19:30.390 is over and I got very tense and stressed out 00:19:30.390 --> 00:19:33.150 and anxiety about it. That that part of my life 00:19:33.150 --> 00:19:41.930 is over. Okay. So Mellie really made me think 00:19:41.930 --> 00:19:45.210 that that stress and anxiety that I knew was 00:19:45.210 --> 00:19:47.789 happening, I can change it into something positive. 00:19:48.009 --> 00:19:50.970 What are you going to change it into? Well, I'm 00:19:50.970 --> 00:19:52.470 not sure. I didn't get that far. It was only 00:19:52.470 --> 00:19:56.750 a one and a half hour podcast. So if there's 00:19:56.750 --> 00:20:00.089 a part two, it should be her just talking to 00:20:00.089 --> 00:20:03.069 me, telling me what she thinks I should do, because 00:20:03.069 --> 00:20:05.190 I clearly need to be hit over the head with it. 00:20:05.349 --> 00:20:07.190 But before we talk about that, we're going to 00:20:07.190 --> 00:20:11.410 talk about the differences of distress, which 00:20:11.410 --> 00:20:15.309 I Okay, distress and eustress, which I think 00:20:15.309 --> 00:20:18.089 I live in the distress, but it's not always that. 00:20:18.170 --> 00:20:20.630 And I think a lot of people do that. It doesn't 00:20:20.630 --> 00:20:26.609 have to be distress. So like examples of eustress 00:20:26.609 --> 00:20:29.670 are like big events that are stressful, but they're 00:20:29.670 --> 00:20:34.190 positive. It's like starting a new job or having 00:20:34.190 --> 00:20:36.549 your kids go to school full day kindergarten 00:20:36.549 --> 00:20:41.059 and... starting having a new life or whatever, 00:20:41.079 --> 00:20:43.559 not a new life, but like a different normal. 00:20:43.980 --> 00:20:46.779 That is a positive stress. It should be a positive 00:20:46.779 --> 00:20:50.000 stress. Getting married, that's a positive stress. 00:20:50.079 --> 00:20:54.500 It's very stressful, but it's... What? What's 00:20:54.500 --> 00:20:57.680 the keyword? It's positive. That's right. It's 00:20:57.680 --> 00:21:01.759 positive. Starting a new job, achieving a personal 00:21:01.759 --> 00:21:04.819 goal, starting a new exercise. These are all 00:21:04.819 --> 00:21:14.339 positive stresses. Now distress Are the bad stresses 00:21:14.339 --> 00:21:20.000 Everything that's going wrong everything that 00:21:20.000 --> 00:21:26.319 you Perceive to be going wrong So what the difference 00:21:26.319 --> 00:21:31.779 is you stress is temporary Distress is not that's 00:21:31.779 --> 00:21:34.980 what keeps you in it for a long time. You can't 00:21:34.980 --> 00:21:39.710 manage it. So it's What's it called? It rolls 00:21:39.710 --> 00:21:43.890 over basically and it never stops. Those are 00:21:43.890 --> 00:21:46.630 the differences. Now, when you're starting a 00:21:46.630 --> 00:21:49.589 new job and you're stressed out, there's a finality 00:21:49.589 --> 00:21:54.329 to it if you allow it. This is what Mellie says. 00:21:55.390 --> 00:22:00.069 I have a tendency to not have a finish. It just 00:22:00.069 --> 00:22:03.950 rolls over and that's why I live my life distressed 00:22:03.950 --> 00:22:07.220 when clearly there's really no reason to me distressed 00:22:07.220 --> 00:22:12.940 because I mean there's in the world there's no 00:22:12.940 --> 00:22:15.579 reason for me to be distressed. I'm just gonna 00:22:15.579 --> 00:22:18.440 let you talk. There is no need for me. I can 00:22:18.440 --> 00:22:20.220 see that you're not helping me out at all. You're 00:22:20.220 --> 00:22:22.480 not helping me finish words or sentences. No 00:22:22.480 --> 00:22:27.500 need. No need. You figured it out. So you stresses 00:22:27.500 --> 00:22:31.250 are non -threatening. Just like I'm putting it 00:22:31.250 --> 00:22:33.890 back on me. Your kids going to kindergarten is 00:22:33.890 --> 00:22:36.890 not threatening. How I perceived to be was my 00:22:36.890 --> 00:22:39.710 life is over. My world is ending. This is horrible. 00:22:39.789 --> 00:22:42.309 I hate this. I don't want to do this. That's 00:22:42.309 --> 00:22:45.089 clearly a perception putting me in distress. 00:22:45.650 --> 00:22:50.250 What I want is it to be a fun to have a final 00:22:50.250 --> 00:22:54.950 moment. So yesterday I put a pin in it and it's 00:22:54.950 --> 00:22:57.730 not going to come out. I put the pin in and that 00:22:57.730 --> 00:23:00.220 was it. Mm -hmm, so I went to lunch duty and 00:23:00.220 --> 00:23:02.500 I saw him at lunch duty. That's how I that's 00:23:02.500 --> 00:23:05.319 literally I'm it's not even a joke I went up 00:23:05.319 --> 00:23:07.220 to school and I did lunch duty because that was 00:23:07.220 --> 00:23:11.720 how I could control My anxiety or stress to make 00:23:11.720 --> 00:23:13.539 me feel better even though it was really for 00:23:13.539 --> 00:23:19.160 him and Lewis but that to me was my conclusion 00:23:19.160 --> 00:23:26.119 or my solution solution Thank you Roll your eyes 00:23:26.119 --> 00:23:31.519 at me again But I think in my life, people tell 00:23:31.519 --> 00:23:35.579 me solutions and I don't take them. But I think 00:23:35.579 --> 00:23:37.900 I had to do it myself and say, hey, what's going 00:23:37.900 --> 00:23:40.119 to make me feel better right now? And how can 00:23:40.119 --> 00:23:42.619 I turn this, like Melliar said, into a positive 00:23:42.619 --> 00:23:45.440 situation? So I went up to lunch duty and it 00:23:45.440 --> 00:23:50.299 completely changed the rest of my day. And I 00:23:50.299 --> 00:23:54.599 need to do that every day in different situations. 00:23:56.180 --> 00:23:59.509 And honestly, We tell people this all the time. 00:23:59.630 --> 00:24:02.329 She's just deadpanning the camera. We tell people 00:24:02.329 --> 00:24:04.710 this all the time, but working out last night 00:24:04.710 --> 00:24:06.430 at CFIT, even though it was a Monday night, it 00:24:06.430 --> 00:24:08.549 was kick -hit, it was really hard, bar and tone, 00:24:08.630 --> 00:24:12.990 really hard, made me feel so much better. Now 00:24:12.990 --> 00:24:15.390 it always makes me feel good, but it made me 00:24:15.390 --> 00:24:19.839 feel good mentally more so than physically. because 00:24:19.839 --> 00:24:23.380 of the day I had. No. But I talked to people 00:24:23.380 --> 00:24:25.720 afterwards like I do. I talked to a couple people 00:24:25.720 --> 00:24:27.839 and they were like, this is my therapy. And I 00:24:27.839 --> 00:24:32.160 was like, yes, it is. But, you know, just like 00:24:32.160 --> 00:24:34.140 Victoria said, everybody needs a therapist. We're 00:24:34.140 --> 00:24:37.680 talking about how I need therapy. And they said, 00:24:37.819 --> 00:24:41.119 yes, but a therapist would say you need to do 00:24:41.119 --> 00:24:43.839 something for your mental health, which for them 00:24:43.839 --> 00:24:47.740 was CFIT. And for the first time, It clicked 00:24:47.740 --> 00:24:50.859 and I was like, yes, me too. Correct, but see 00:24:50.859 --> 00:24:53.559 if it's not your mental health. It was last night. 00:24:53.700 --> 00:24:56.819 But it's not, it can't be. It can't be every 00:24:56.819 --> 00:24:59.279 day. That's not your, your therapist would not 00:24:59.279 --> 00:25:01.859 tell you that. Your specific therapist would 00:25:01.859 --> 00:25:03.880 not tell you that. Why? Cause see if it is your 00:25:03.880 --> 00:25:06.440 work. See if it is your job. But I - See if it's 00:25:06.440 --> 00:25:08.200 part of the reason why you are very stressed 00:25:08.200 --> 00:25:12.279 out. Yes, but I think I put that aside last night 00:25:12.279 --> 00:25:15.710 and I was having fun in class. and I was like 00:25:15.710 --> 00:25:19.289 not thinking of the horrible day that I had. 00:25:19.750 --> 00:25:21.309 But you're not going to do that every day. But 00:25:21.309 --> 00:25:23.509 I do. I mean, I go. I see fit every day. Carly, 00:25:23.710 --> 00:25:25.829 let me tell you something. If you've learned 00:25:25.829 --> 00:25:29.529 nothing. OK. Don't wait another 128 episodes 00:25:29.529 --> 00:25:31.650 to hear me right now. All right. All right. I'm 00:25:31.650 --> 00:25:33.450 listening. I'm listening. No, there's nothing 00:25:33.450 --> 00:25:35.710 else I need to say. Oh, that was it. You can 00:25:35.710 --> 00:25:38.349 have a great. I agree. You can have a great class. 00:25:39.250 --> 00:25:41.769 on a day that's bad. You can have a great class 00:25:41.769 --> 00:25:44.730 on a day that's really good. Your seven day a 00:25:44.730 --> 00:25:48.769 week mind reset self care cannot be your job. 00:25:48.950 --> 00:25:51.589 No, I didn't. I'm not saying that. I'm just saying 00:25:51.589 --> 00:25:56.490 that I understood why fully why when people say, 00:25:56.490 --> 00:26:00.230 oh, that made me feel so much better. As I was 00:26:00.230 --> 00:26:04.049 like, I needed this tonight. Yes. So I'm not 00:26:04.049 --> 00:26:06.289 saying that that is the only thing I'm gonna 00:26:06.289 --> 00:26:09.509 do, but I was like, okay, I needed that release 00:26:09.509 --> 00:26:13.990 of whatever, endorphins, or just to be with people 00:26:13.990 --> 00:26:17.769 that I knew really well and to mess around after 00:26:17.769 --> 00:26:20.910 a really bad day was really nice. And then we 00:26:20.910 --> 00:26:23.369 happened to talk about therapy afterwards. It 00:26:23.369 --> 00:26:25.230 just came up. You have so much time for therapy 00:26:25.230 --> 00:26:29.150 now. That's what you've gained. We talked about 00:26:29.150 --> 00:26:31.910 that too. And then everything I was saying, I 00:26:31.910 --> 00:26:35.089 was like, guys, please don't tell Victoria. I 00:26:35.089 --> 00:26:37.589 literally said that. I said, please don't tell 00:26:37.589 --> 00:26:39.869 her. Just please don't tell her that I said this. 00:26:40.930 --> 00:26:44.009 I know who signed into class last night. I'll 00:26:44.009 --> 00:26:48.210 find you. I will find you. Yeah. But some of 00:26:48.210 --> 00:26:52.309 the things that she was saying yesterday. So 00:26:52.309 --> 00:26:54.369 you haven't changed at all? Is that what we're 00:26:54.369 --> 00:26:57.289 really hearing? Oh, I'm not changing. I just 00:26:57.289 --> 00:27:04.769 had a revelation. No. Do you know what I mean? 00:27:08.069 --> 00:27:10.450 I think it's going to take a lot for me to change. 00:27:10.609 --> 00:27:14.529 I think yesterday was the start of it, because 00:27:14.529 --> 00:27:18.329 you know when you just need to have a horrible 00:27:18.329 --> 00:27:22.589 day to come back from the bottom? You need to. 00:27:22.710 --> 00:27:25.559 Oh, so should I take you on a cruise? Well. I 00:27:25.559 --> 00:27:28.279 was thinking about that, not about going on a 00:27:28.279 --> 00:27:33.460 cruise, but what my BFF said was, you can't change 00:27:33.460 --> 00:27:37.880 people's emotions or how they feel. See you later, 00:27:38.000 --> 00:27:42.160 guys. We're going to hear this one out. And she's 00:27:42.160 --> 00:27:45.440 like, if somebody's having a bad day, you can't 00:27:45.440 --> 00:27:49.079 change that. Only they can change it. You can 00:27:49.079 --> 00:27:51.440 listen and you can let them, but you have to 00:27:51.440 --> 00:27:55.339 let them be and know that you will not be the 00:27:55.339 --> 00:27:58.720 cause of anybody's change. You will never be 00:27:58.720 --> 00:28:00.420 the cause of anybody's change. And I was like, 00:28:00.880 --> 00:28:02.859 and the first thing I thought was when I forced 00:28:02.859 --> 00:28:05.420 you to go on a cruise, cause I was like, be happy. 00:28:05.940 --> 00:28:09.299 I'm taking you on a cruise. That is how you get 00:28:09.299 --> 00:28:12.279 out of depression. You put somebody on a boat 00:28:12.279 --> 00:28:18.660 where they cannot escape and do activities. But 00:28:18.660 --> 00:28:20.500 that's the first thing I thought of. Also while 00:28:20.500 --> 00:28:22.960 they're not drinking. Yes. Oh God. Yeah. But 00:28:22.960 --> 00:28:25.539 you had one pina colada. I think I forced you 00:28:25.539 --> 00:28:28.700 to have one. I am an enabler in that way. But 00:28:28.700 --> 00:28:32.240 she did, she did say like, you have to - Maritime 00:28:32.240 --> 00:28:34.680 laws, guys. Doesn't count. It doesn't count. 00:28:35.599 --> 00:28:41.960 You have to just let them and have that not affect 00:28:41.960 --> 00:28:44.400 you. Now that's why I don't think I can put this 00:28:44.400 --> 00:28:47.299 into practice fully because that affects me. 00:28:48.420 --> 00:28:51.680 I can't change that. I can't change your stress, 00:28:51.680 --> 00:28:56.039 but I can't sit and watch you be unhappy and 00:28:56.039 --> 00:29:00.440 not try everything I can to change that for you. 00:29:00.680 --> 00:29:04.279 I think what I've realized is nothing I do is 00:29:04.279 --> 00:29:08.599 going to until you do it yourself. It was taking 00:29:08.599 --> 00:29:13.519 a long time. I'm sorry. My depression was not 00:29:13.519 --> 00:29:20.460 timely for you. I could not change her distress 00:29:20.460 --> 00:29:24.279 into a eustress. And I realize only she can do 00:29:24.279 --> 00:29:26.319 that herself. You know what distresses people 00:29:26.319 --> 00:29:28.299 when someone's looking at it and going, be happy. 00:29:28.640 --> 00:29:30.980 Why can't you just be happy? Be happier. Did 00:29:30.980 --> 00:29:32.700 I say that? Look at all the things that you have. 00:29:32.859 --> 00:29:35.319 I think mom said that. I never said that to you. 00:29:35.579 --> 00:29:37.960 I would say, you clearly don't know Victoria 00:29:37.960 --> 00:29:41.180 well. Don't talk to her like that. Just sit back. 00:29:41.319 --> 00:29:44.809 Just buy her tickets to a cruise. that I can 00:29:44.809 --> 00:29:47.410 go on as well. I never said I wasn't a selfish 00:29:47.410 --> 00:29:53.890 person. Back to you. Okay. But yeah, and I liked 00:29:53.890 --> 00:29:57.710 how she said that it like finally hit me. Just 00:29:57.710 --> 00:30:00.390 like Victoria telling me, just because she was 00:30:00.390 --> 00:30:02.950 telling me doesn't mean that it was going to 00:30:02.950 --> 00:30:09.269 get through to me. No. I know. So why are you 00:30:09.269 --> 00:30:15.490 so... Because you're acting you're acting like 00:30:15.490 --> 00:30:18.650 you've never heard these exact words before like 00:30:18.650 --> 00:30:20.809 they were said in a brand new way That's why 00:30:20.809 --> 00:30:24.950 it's it's you're acting like Mel Robbins use 00:30:24.950 --> 00:30:33.210 her full government name Used different words 00:30:33.210 --> 00:30:36.089 when I would write them down and say them to 00:30:36.089 --> 00:30:40.569 you So it I get it. I get it super happy for 00:30:40.569 --> 00:30:43.130 you. No, you're not But I'm gonna let you. I'm 00:30:43.130 --> 00:30:46.829 mad for me. I'm happy for you. I've wasted a 00:30:46.829 --> 00:30:50.049 lot of energy. A lot of time I could have done 00:30:50.049 --> 00:30:53.569 on other things is what I'm mad about. But you 00:30:53.569 --> 00:30:55.730 can change and change is not the right word. 00:30:56.730 --> 00:30:58.869 Change is not the right word. There's a lot like 00:30:58.869 --> 00:31:02.369 you can shift for your perspective to change 00:31:02.369 --> 00:31:04.349 your day today, to change your norm, to change 00:31:04.349 --> 00:31:07.690 your mindset, to change your future. But that 00:31:07.690 --> 00:31:09.609 it doesn't have to be like you need to change 00:31:09.609 --> 00:31:13.200 who you are. No, I didn't get that from her. 00:31:13.200 --> 00:31:15.039 Yeah, I know. Because nobody would ever say that. 00:31:15.059 --> 00:31:17.920 So when you say, I can't change, I'm not going 00:31:17.920 --> 00:31:20.240 to change. I'm not changing. Well, no, you're 00:31:20.240 --> 00:31:24.660 not changing, but fixing. If you don't change 00:31:24.660 --> 00:31:28.440 anything, i .e. mindset, perception, reaction 00:31:28.440 --> 00:31:32.059 to response, then you're going to be right where 00:31:32.059 --> 00:31:35.660 you are in the next 128 weeks. Right. And I thought 00:31:35.660 --> 00:31:38.380 that I did a really good job of that yesterday. 00:31:40.000 --> 00:31:42.799 when I said, okay, well, I don't wanna sit at 00:31:42.799 --> 00:31:46.579 home and just cry in the shower, so I will go 00:31:46.579 --> 00:31:48.799 up to lunch, make sure he's okay, because that'll 00:31:48.799 --> 00:31:52.400 make me feel better. At least you showered. Thank 00:31:52.400 --> 00:31:56.099 God. That's a new thing for me too. She is Carmela. 00:31:56.180 --> 00:32:01.000 I'm gonna have more time to shower now. Yay! 00:32:02.960 --> 00:32:06.660 I think she just said a lot of things at the 00:32:06.660 --> 00:32:10.579 right time, at the right moment. and it was like 00:32:10.579 --> 00:32:13.940 the perfect storm. And then she brought it, she 00:32:13.940 --> 00:32:17.380 brought it all back around to like posting on 00:32:17.380 --> 00:32:19.380 Instagram. And I was like, now you're speaking 00:32:19.380 --> 00:32:22.740 my language. So bring it on. She's talking about 00:32:22.740 --> 00:32:24.980 the countdown method and how like you have to 00:32:24.980 --> 00:32:26.700 count down. It's called the five second rule. 00:32:27.799 --> 00:32:29.839 Oh yeah. Right? Yeah, yeah. She said that. But 00:32:29.839 --> 00:32:31.900 then to me, I was like, oh, that means you drop 00:32:31.900 --> 00:32:34.160 food and you have five seconds to eat it. But 00:32:34.160 --> 00:32:38.730 yeah, she did call it that. Five second rule. 00:32:39.630 --> 00:32:41.390 So you have five seconds to react. And she's 00:32:41.390 --> 00:32:44.509 like, because scientifically in your brain, any 00:32:44.509 --> 00:32:47.869 more time than that, you will change your whole 00:32:47.869 --> 00:32:50.289 trajectory of your thought process. And you're 00:32:50.289 --> 00:32:51.490 not going to do it anymore. You're going to talk 00:32:51.490 --> 00:32:53.849 yourself out of it. But you have five seconds 00:32:53.849 --> 00:32:56.549 to do it. The books in that room, do you want 00:32:56.549 --> 00:33:00.369 it? No, I have the one next to my bed. That's 00:33:00.369 --> 00:33:03.019 all labeled, which I'm going to look up. No, 00:33:03.019 --> 00:33:05.960 I will. But anyway, so she was like, it's just 00:33:05.960 --> 00:33:09.680 like a post on Instagram. If you are writing 00:33:09.680 --> 00:33:13.480 a post, write it and then post it. Don't write 00:33:13.480 --> 00:33:17.940 it backspace, edit it, because you are thinking, 00:33:18.640 --> 00:33:20.680 well, how is somebody else going to react to 00:33:20.680 --> 00:33:23.759 my post? Just post it. That's what you want to 00:33:23.759 --> 00:33:26.039 say. You're going to lose a follower over it. 00:33:26.039 --> 00:33:29.200 Who cares? Just let them. You can't control how 00:33:29.200 --> 00:33:32.339 somebody Views your post on whatever you're gonna 00:33:32.339 --> 00:33:35.079 say. So just do it So just do whatever you're 00:33:35.079 --> 00:33:38.319 gonna do and don't edit yourself and I was like 00:33:38.319 --> 00:33:41.539 I get that because I do that all the time I'll 00:33:41.539 --> 00:33:43.599 write something and then I'll erase it and be 00:33:43.599 --> 00:33:47.039 like I wonder like people are gonna think I'm 00:33:47.039 --> 00:33:51.859 like this Who cares? Yeah, who cares? Let them 00:33:51.859 --> 00:33:58.619 This is a lot I Need to process what it causes 00:34:00.139 --> 00:34:03.619 distress, and you'll have so much more positive 00:34:03.619 --> 00:34:07.640 stress if you just let them. And what she told 00:34:07.640 --> 00:34:10.380 me was, this happened to her at like 41 years 00:34:10.380 --> 00:34:12.820 old. She like flipped the switch at 41, right? 00:34:12.820 --> 00:34:15.960 She's like a million dollars in debt. She totally 00:34:15.960 --> 00:34:17.039 changed. We know the story. We know the story. 00:34:17.039 --> 00:34:18.340 Oh, yeah, you know, okay. Yeah, we all know. 00:34:18.360 --> 00:34:21.199 I just wanted to let you know. So she thought 00:34:21.199 --> 00:34:23.679 of the let them theory. Well, I have made up 00:34:23.679 --> 00:34:28.690 my own theory. We know, let them. No. If she 00:34:28.690 --> 00:34:30.969 could make millions of dollars on two words, 00:34:31.190 --> 00:34:33.769 I'm going to try my go at it. Okay. Okay. And 00:34:33.769 --> 00:34:35.949 I'm going to make this famous and you guys will 00:34:35.949 --> 00:34:38.949 all be saying this everywhere. It's going to 00:34:38.949 --> 00:34:40.530 go, it's going to make me a million dollars. 00:34:40.530 --> 00:34:42.250 Do this quickly because my computer is about 00:34:42.250 --> 00:34:45.730 to die. That's putting Victoria in distress. 00:34:45.750 --> 00:34:50.550 We can't let it. Okay. It's called, it's called 00:34:50.550 --> 00:35:01.090 be here. Do you like it? Tell us quickly. We're 00:35:01.090 --> 00:35:05.010 on 2%. Be here means... You should have thought 00:35:05.010 --> 00:35:08.130 about this before. Be here means... I'm just 00:35:08.130 --> 00:35:12.969 kidding. I'm just kidding. Oh my God. You are 00:35:12.969 --> 00:35:16.989 allowed to sit in your shower and cry. If you 00:35:16.989 --> 00:35:20.710 feel that way, just be in it. Okay, we'll change 00:35:20.710 --> 00:35:22.630 it to be in it. She had two words. I'm going 00:35:22.630 --> 00:35:24.869 to do three because I'm extra like that. Be in 00:35:24.869 --> 00:35:28.250 it. Be in the happy, be in the sad. What you 00:35:28.250 --> 00:35:31.769 choose to do after that is on you. I chose to 00:35:31.769 --> 00:35:35.650 be in it, cry in it, and go take action. Let's 00:35:35.650 --> 00:35:39.329 make it viral, everyone. Be in it. Just rolls 00:35:39.329 --> 00:35:44.010 off the tongue, you know? Be in it. Be in it. 00:35:44.750 --> 00:35:49.989 Be in it. Kind of like a bayonet. A bayonet. 00:35:50.489 --> 00:35:54.789 Mmm, bayonet. I really thought hard about that 00:35:54.789 --> 00:35:56.510 and then I just changed it. So I'm really flip 00:35:56.510 --> 00:36:04.070 floppy. You mean feel the emotion and then let 00:36:04.070 --> 00:36:07.369 it go and move on? Yes. Hmm. Like figure out 00:36:07.369 --> 00:36:11.050 how to change. Like, no, I think. You're like, 00:36:11.230 --> 00:36:14.190 ban it. What everybody's afraid to do is be in 00:36:14.190 --> 00:36:18.130 it. They want to hide it under the rug. You mean 00:36:18.130 --> 00:36:19.789 to get through the storm, you have to go through 00:36:19.789 --> 00:36:22.820 the storm? Yeah, but that's too many words. But 00:36:22.820 --> 00:36:24.739 I like, I think, I like where your head is. Yeah, 00:36:24.739 --> 00:36:26.659 these are all phrases everyone's always known. 00:36:27.039 --> 00:36:30.019 These are all things. But I mean, let them, everybody 00:36:30.019 --> 00:36:33.659 knows, just let them, whatever. But we're gonna 00:36:33.659 --> 00:36:36.059 be at it. We're gonna be at it. And then we're 00:36:36.059 --> 00:36:43.460 gonna change it. Be in it. Change it. I like 00:36:43.460 --> 00:36:48.800 it. I can't help you. So this is why Victoria 00:36:48.800 --> 00:36:52.159 always asks me to go through her before I pick 00:36:52.159 --> 00:36:54.679 a podcast episode. No, I'm very happy about this. 00:36:54.880 --> 00:36:57.639 I'm happy for you. I'm happy about this. I'm 00:36:57.639 --> 00:37:02.960 excited for you. I'm happy for you to be in it. 00:37:03.400 --> 00:37:06.820 If you're annoyed, I want you to be in it. I'm 00:37:06.820 --> 00:37:11.099 not annoyed. No, I want you to feel it. Be in 00:37:11.099 --> 00:37:20.559 it. Shut up! This is like shock therapy. No, 00:37:20.840 --> 00:37:25.019 be in it. I want you to be in it. Do you think 00:37:25.019 --> 00:37:26.519 it'll go viral? Listen, we're really happy, no. 00:37:26.659 --> 00:37:29.619 Okay. We're really happy for you. I'm sad you 00:37:29.619 --> 00:37:35.599 had a rough day yesterday. I'm stoked for this 00:37:35.599 --> 00:37:42.719 new revelation. Truly. No really. But now you 00:37:42.719 --> 00:37:46.639 gotta follow through. I'm gonna be in it. I don't 00:37:46.639 --> 00:37:50.619 like when you do it. Aren't you happy I did this 00:37:50.619 --> 00:37:53.599 all by myself and I didn't call you? Yes. I really 00:37:53.599 --> 00:37:56.000 am. I really am. I'm laughing guys. My tone will 00:37:56.000 --> 00:37:58.599 change later, but right now my tone is gonna 00:37:58.599 --> 00:38:01.500 stay like this because I'm on banit right now. 00:38:02.119 --> 00:38:06.860 But later I will be out of it. But it's how you 00:38:06.860 --> 00:38:09.400 react to keep you in it. It's how you respond. 00:38:10.159 --> 00:38:12.539 It's not a reaction, it's a response. You were 00:38:12.539 --> 00:38:16.079 so close. You were so close. Mellie Art? Talk 00:38:16.079 --> 00:38:19.420 to us. We're gonna find you. Someone needs a 00:38:19.420 --> 00:38:23.699 lot of help. But we're happy that she found you. 00:38:24.139 --> 00:38:33.500 On SmartList. Via SmartList and Sean Hayes. If 00:38:33.500 --> 00:38:38.579 anybody feels the same way, please chime in. 00:38:39.179 --> 00:38:45.949 Let us know. Validate this. Well, I just don't 00:38:45.949 --> 00:38:48.150 think there's many people that are gonna be like, 00:38:48.309 --> 00:38:51.190 I cried because my kids are in school all day. 00:38:51.190 --> 00:38:55.210 No, I think a lot of people do that. I do, especially 00:38:55.210 --> 00:38:58.150 with the last child. I think it's very normal. 00:39:00.829 --> 00:39:03.369 You need to walk a mile in somebody else's shoes. 00:39:03.690 --> 00:39:05.469 No, you literally can't walk a mile in somebody 00:39:05.469 --> 00:39:08.630 else's shoes. You need to know that you can never 00:39:08.630 --> 00:39:11.309 walk a mile in somebody else's shoes. Because 00:39:11.309 --> 00:39:12.969 then you wouldn't be in there, you'd be over 00:39:12.969 --> 00:39:16.260 there. I really do like the way you're saying 00:39:16.260 --> 00:39:17.980 it. Yeah, thank you. You got to swallow it a 00:39:17.980 --> 00:39:21.940 little bit. Keep it down. Keep it suppressed. 00:39:24.400 --> 00:39:27.820 This is done. We got to go. We got to go. I'm 00:39:27.820 --> 00:39:33.860 applauding you silently because if I let it out. 00:39:34.320 --> 00:39:37.199 I'm dying. I can't. I just can't. Super happy 00:39:37.199 --> 00:39:44.590 for your new relationship. Guys, it's like 9 00:39:44.590 --> 00:39:47.170 a .m. in the morning. We are not drinking. Relationship 00:39:47.170 --> 00:39:52.849 status changed, okay? And we're gonna tune in, 00:39:52.869 --> 00:39:54.469 we're gonna check in, we're gonna follow up with 00:39:54.469 --> 00:39:57.150 her, follow through, make sure these little mind 00:39:57.150 --> 00:40:01.929 shift changes are happening. And just remember, 00:40:03.469 --> 00:40:05.929 you're always, I got four percent left on the 00:40:05.929 --> 00:40:10.070 computer, we're always fit to be real. And always 00:40:10.070 --> 00:40:56.849 allowed to be in it. Extra. For legal reasons 00:40:56.849 --> 00:40:58.690 we have to tell you that this podcast is meant 00:40:58.690 --> 00:41:01.070 for entertainment and educational purposes only 00:41:01.070 --> 00:41:03.849 we are not healthcare professionals for all of 00:41:03.849 --> 00:41:06.190 your health wellness fitness and self -care needs 00:41:06.300 --> 00:41:08.659 please refer to the medical professional in your 00:41:08.659 --> 00:41:11.260 life, your primary care physician, your therapist, 00:41:11.480 --> 00:41:14.559 a certified coach, whoever it may be. And then 00:41:14.559 --> 00:41:16.559 let us know what they say because I guarantee 00:41:16.559 --> 00:41:20.400 we need to know it too, okay? Okay, bye.