Welcome to Fit to Be Real. And a little extra.
We have a very special guest today and her name
is Claire. Hi. Do your best. Hey, guys. It's.
Hey, guys. Is it? Yeah, that's it. You have to
say your name afterwards. Hey, guys. Claire Baker.
Yes. Congratulations. Thank you. Thank you. I've
been practicing. I say my name a lot in my life.
And I'm Victoria. Hey, guys. I'm Carly. And we
know Claire from, well, we know Claire from Seafit.
Yes. But we also know Claire from the dance studio.
Right. Claire's son used to take dance at our
mom's dance studio. But actually, it wasn't until
you came to Seafit that you said, Hey, we have
another connection. Yeah, we have a connection.
My son used to dance there, and now he's in school.
He graduated high school. But I was like, oh
my gosh, that's so crazy. We love your son. And
you had been there for a little bit before we
put that connection together. Or did you already
know? I already knew. You already knew. I knew
about Carmela. I didn't realize how much her
mom was involved in C -Fit until I saw her in
class. Well, define involved. She's the entertainment.
She's there a lot. So, and I think, well, CFIT,
what does that C mean? Is that, you know, I don't
know. I don't know what role your mom actually
has in CFIT other than being there a lot. It's
Carly Fit. It is not Carly Fit. God darn it.
It is not. It's community. It's cardio. We're
not going through this again. It's Claire. It's
Claire. It's about me. It's all about me. It's
Claire Fit. I think I met my match. I think I
met my match at Claire. I'm speechless. I'm speechless.
You can just push Pepper down. Pepper is super
friendly. So we wanted you to talk for a reason,
right? So Claire, besides the fact that we love
you, Claire is, before we get into all of her
hats that she wears, she's like the smile in
the back of the room. And no matter what, she
laughs at Carly. It's really annoying. No, no,
no, no. She's my only fan. Not only fans, she's
my only fan. Very different. If Carly makes a
joke, I feel like I can now feel you look back
and be like, Claire, help me. Tell everyone it's
OK to laugh, Claire. She's got the best energy,
and she will clap for everything. And you just
know that if Claire is in class, you're like,
OK, I got one that's going to bring in the energy
and going to make everybody else feel good. No
pressure. No pressure, though. That's the challenge
with the classes that require us to hold weights
in our hands, because we can clank them together
or something. I guess we could stomp our feet
or something. But it's really hard to demonstrate
appreciation without throwing your weights down
and then clapping. Don't appreciate her. So I'm
not going to do that. But I laugh at your jokes,
too, Victoria. We like those. They're not as
funny. But when it's funny, I laugh. I'm an equal
opportunity joke appreciator. The reason I bring
that up about your fantastic energy is because
when the very few times you've ever not been
as energetic as you are, we're like, oh my God,
what's the matter, Claire? And it's very, very
rare, but on the certain couple days, your energy
is so amazing that when it's not there, we're
like, something's wrong with Claire. Let's go
see what's wrong with you. And that's when I
learned Because after saying one time, like,
are you OK? That, you know, I learned about she's
a life coach. She just didn't like your jokes.
No, it was, I had a migraine that day. No, you
did have a migraine that day. But in talking
about that, I learned you were a life coach,
like all of the different things that you did.
I had no idea. Well, we knew about the Weight
Watchers coach. Right, because it's right across
the hall. So we'd run into each other. I referred
to myself as the mayor of Stony Brook Plaza,
because I'm like, here I am. I got keys. I can
help. You're locked out of the elevator. I know
the code. This is so good to remember that Claire
has keys to the building. It's true. I totally
forgot about that. Like that one time when you
got locked in the stairwell. I could have helped
you. Oh my gosh. Claire. Claire, savior, savior
of the day. So yeah, Seafit is across the hall
from Weight Watchers. So you knew like Seafit
before Seafit was a thing because you've been
there for how long. And there are people who
go to Weight Watchers who are very familiar with
Seafit. So I was Seafit. aware, she fit curious
since well before the pandemic. Oh my god, I
love this. And I thought, oh, I could never do
that. I was like, I'm kind of in the bunch of
people who like, oh, I don't dance. I don't know.
I'm not any good at that. I'll look stupid. I'll
look. And I had to do a lot of like, you know,
I do a lot of self coaching as well as coaching
others to get to a place where. I could just
show up and nobody cares what I'm wearing and
I'll catch on and nobody, you know, I spend,
I joke, it's not even a joke. I spend a lot of
time counting to four in that class. I don't
know if you see my lips move, counting to four
and eight so I can try to stay on the beat and
get the moves right. And you know, now that I've
been doing it for more than a year, I am much
better at anticipating what's coming next. There's
still some. some moves I just can't do very well.
So I have my fallback, I came up early with my
fallback of if it's, you know, I might break
into jumping jacks if I can't quite get it or
I'll run in place or something or I'll just,
sometimes you'll say, oh, I'll just turn it,
I can't believe I missed that again. But do you
see now when we say it's the same moves but sometimes
just in different orders or in like a different,
a little bit of a different style but we, Genuinely
do, not genuinely, we... Generally? Generally.
God, thank God she's here. I do see it and like,
okay, I'm doing this with my legs this time,
but my arms are doing something different than
like, sometimes it's a step here, throw in the
air and sometimes it's a step here, punch in
the air. Yeah, that's exactly right. And it's
a throw a dice. And so, you know, you've got,
you know, roll the dice. That's right, Claire.
I love a throw a dice. And the step behinds and
that's an optional. Sometimes those step in front,
step behind. Yeah, that's optional. I'm just
going to like not trip myself. Oh my God. You're
the best. Things that require me to twist a lot.
I'm like, okay, balance. stay upright. But that's
a really good point though. That you were a little
nervous to come in and say, I don't dance. I'm
not doing this. And one, you realize it's more
than just dance that we do. We do do some weights.
But also that you don't have to be a dancer.
Well, like what you just said. You just said
edit. I make some edits. I don't modify. I make
edits. That's a great way to do it. You have
not fired me yet. You have not thrown me out
of class. I'm sorry. Never. You suck, get out.
Nobody has ever said that to me. And I've learned
that in a lot of different ways in my life. Like
I started, I joined a lesbian running club not,
oh, you know, two years ago. Cause I'm continually
trying to challenge myself to find community
and find ways to exercise in community. Cause
it's really good for my mental health. So I found
Les Run and I'm the old, one of the oldest. And
I was like, Oh, I'm going to look. I'm going
to dress wrong and I'm going to be slow. And
I got there and they don't care. They really
don't care. And I can be slow and they still
let me drink coffee with them afterward and chat.
And so we have this running component and then
this social component. Yeah. That's awesome.
See, Fit is pretty similar. It's like going to
Cheers. Hey, Claire. It's like norm. You walk
in and people greet you warmly, YouTube, but
also the other people in the class, the other
regulars. and you know it just feels very comfortable
and you guys create a very comfortable place
you know what you know uh what is a fit for everybody
or something like that so and you know walking
in as a 60 plus lesbian who presents that way
i got short hair i look you know i'm kind of
stereotypical in my in my appearance and sometimes
that can be intimidating going out in the world
in a world where I don't see myself in Springfield,
PA or in this area a whole lot. And I just have
to trust that people are fine. And when businesses
like yours and people like you make it very welcoming
and very explicitly welcoming, it makes us...
Makes people in my community want to keep coming
back and support you that's also just makes it
a lot more comfortable So what tipped it off
my rainbow flag bra that I wore that I wore Was
that a clue? I think I tried to see fit so I
was between Job jobs, so I'm I remember that
I'm a career nonprofit person and I had Quit
one job, and I was attempting to freelance, and
then I discovered how incredibly expensive health
insurance is for four. Oh my god. Claire. What
do you mean health insurance? I knew it. But
then I was like, oh, this is 100 % on me. I think
I should find a job that has health insurance.
But between the time I... I got a job but I didn't
have to start for another month. I'm going to
go all in on CFIT. I remember that. Unlimited.
Unlimited ride, all the rides passed and came
to a million classes for CFIT last March. I can't
remember specifically what it was but there was
some... explicit, we like the gays here. I mean,
that's the sign. We like the gays here. I think
the song was, we like the gays, yeah. You might
have, that was in March, right? Yeah. We might
have done, yeah. We do it all the time. And then
Pride came up. Yeah, we did a Pride month. We
did all rainbows all the time on Pride, and I
was like, this is awesome, I like this, I can
wear my gay things here, so. Yeah. And then I
started my new job, but it's got enough flexibility.
Enough evening meetings and that sort of thing
that I can still keep coming to see fit two or
three times a week So I know we love and I'm
telling you when we see your name on the list.
We're like, okay Somebody's gonna be there that
has a really good energy that's gonna make us
lift our energy if it's not if it's not totally
there But I usually don't sign up until about
the night before because I don't know what my
work schedule is going to be. So, surprise, I'm
here. Or I'm not. There's once no day I'm like,
yeah, I think I can make it. You're like, no,
we had to close. You're the only one. I'm like,
OK. I've done that before. I've done that before
to Claire. Claire, you are the only one signed
in today. She does ride her bike almost every
class. So if you don't know who Claire is, but
you've seen. her come in carrying her bike up
three flights of steps with her helmet on, that's
Claire. Yeah, if I took my helmet off before,
that would be, I gotta keep it on. You do, I
know. It's too much in your hands. It's too much
going on. How long, all right, we're moving back
here. All right. So you work for a nonprofit.
Yes. How long have you been a Weight Watchers
coach? Since 2018. Since 2018. You're a life
coach. Yes. What is a life coach? So my version
of life coach is really working with people to
get out of their own way, to identify what it
is that they want to achieve, why they haven't
gotten there yet. Oh my god, help her. Help her
right now. Help her right now. And to, you know,
come up with a plan to, you know, unpack all
of that and get moving forward toward what you
want. Or to figure out, you know, are you not
there because that's not really what you want
you just think that's what you want you know
there's a lot of you know um our brains are full
of thoughts all of the time frequently they are
not helpful or kind and so trying to sort out
and and i i say this to my uh weight watcher
people who uh that i coach but also my life coach
people that you know our our hearts beat blood
and our lungs breathe and our brains think thoughts,
but they're not always true or helpful or designed
to make us happy or healthy or anything like
that. So how do we get out of, how do we identify
those thoughts that are kind of in our own way?
Don't beat ourselves up for them because that's...
You know, I'm very evidence -based. If something
doesn't work, don't do that. And beating yourself
up doesn't work. It doesn't work in weight loss,
and it doesn't work in getting your goals. We
think that if we're really mean to ourselves,
or really hard on ourselves, that'll be a motivator.
In general, that is absolutely not true. Where
being mean to ourselves is like a big foot on
the brakes. And you're like, OK, I am. I am.
It just. Propels more of those negative thoughts
which don't get you going. So, you know helping
people come up with strategies to identify what
they're thinking which actually Doesn't it doesn't
inform what we're feeling it it determines what
we're feeling or What we're thinking leads to
what we feel what we feel is directly related
to what we thought about whatever a situation
is and we Take action from our feelings. So if
we're feeling Awful about ourselves. Our actions
are to do things that aren't necessarily, you
know, moving us toward our goals. I feel like
you're looking at me when you say that, Claire.
You should. I think it's just the way we're oriented.
But Clara. But that's so true, because I saw
something. I just saw this online, I think yesterday,
and I don't know where this man was in the world,
but it looked like he was in like. beautiful
mountain right like the Himalayas like somewhere
where they're just a little more connected to
the present moment and he was talking about how
we think too much like the world just thinks
too much there's too much thought where you don't
have to think about what the weather you walk
outside and you think about the weather but don't
just walk outside and be in the weather and it
was this whole thing of why they're so much happier
wasn't the word I think it was more just more
peaceful and it's because they're more in the
present moment and they're not trying to determine
every thought that they're having because our
mind is not who we are. Our mind is a separate
thing and we listen to it too much. I think mindfulness
is never a bad thing. I think some people confuse
mindfulness and meditation with stopping the
thought when really that's impossible. You can't
stop your heart from beating blood or your lungs
from breathing air but it's the there's a thought
interesting. Let me go back to paying attention
to something in my physical surroundings. How
am I feeling? It's like mindfulness always has
you, frequently has you focus on your breath
or a sound in the room. I will get, when I work
on my mindfulness, I'll get a hot cup of coffee
or a hot beverage in a mug, a ceramic mug, and
have that in my hands because I can feel that
more easily than I can. feel air through my nostrils
or you know some of that stuff is just so subtle
and i'm like i need a little less subtle in my
mindfulness something that's going to focus me
and ground me in my hot coffee for 15 minutes
by the time 15 minutes is up it's not that hot
it's not in your brain do you do it i have to
go to more hot coffee not every day i do i do
journal every day you do i do and it's so you
guys have on the on your chalkboard at see fit
you know what's your goal goal for 2025 goal
and I wrote remember to do what works then down
the bottom right okay I see it I've read that
and what works for me is journaling every day
getting my you know like my mind is does all
the crazy stuff that everybody's mind does I've
got no I've got no magic bullet to get my mind
not to feed me unpleasant thoughts yeah the time
but one thing that helps is to write them all
down and then catch myself in the middle of the
lies that I tell myself about me. And so one
thing that works, journal every day, journal
every day, journal every day, get exercise, get
outside, find, create in as much as I, oh, I
plan and track my food, I plan and track my exercise,
but I also... have an intention to do that for
social interactions. I'm always much happier
when I spend time with people. So as much as
I like working from home, you know, several days
a week, I generally am happier when I go to the
office because I get the opportunity to hang
out with my coworkers and visit and we have lunch
together and that sort of thing. So giving myself
what works, find those social interactions, find
nature, find exercise. be mindful of the food
that I'm eating because, you know, I have personal
goals and I want to keep up with them. So that's
the remember what works is part of that is journaling.
And sometimes that, especially if I am just really
not having a good day, I'll try some mindfulness
or meditation. Let me just try to focus in. I'll
do a guided thing. So if I'm not like, let me
focus on somebody else telling me to breathe
and picture. Right. mountainside or something.
Usually I don't do the you know go to nature
ones because then I can't pick. Picture a stream.
I'm like, oh, picture water. I'm like, oh, do
I want a pond? Do I want a lake? What about the
ocean? Claire's very indecisive. I'm like, oh,
crap. Now I'm behind. Shoot. Is it cold? Is it
warm? I don't know. Like, crap. But that's such
a good thing to say because even someone who
has been coaching. for so long, you still go
through it too. Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And I
think everybody in the helping profession should
have their team. You guys are part of Team Claire,
whether you knew it or not. I have a coach. I
have, you know. Easiest team I've ever been on.
Easiest. I hope I'm captain. Oh, trust me, you're
captain. I'm cheerleader. But that's so true.
Finding your team is a big part of, yes, becoming
aware of the decisions that you actually want
to make or the ones. We talk about it with our
intention like New Year episodes of like make
sure you actually want this goal. Don't just
set it because it's something you think you need
to be doing or should be doing because you haven't
actually hit it yet and you just want to say
it until you do it. Right. I don't think you
really want to do it. Right. And you have to
start with. What do you value? What do you want?
And so I'm really clear. I want to have a great
relationship with my wife and my kids. I want
to do meaningful work for money in the world
so my non -profit self is out there. I want to
live a long time and I want to be well. I want
a nice well span as well as life span. What do
I got to do to keep my body and my mind healthy?
I'm going to need enough money to be able to
finance living a long time. So what do I have
to do? I've got retirement savings, but also
I'm going to have to work for a certain amount
of time. And I like to work. But I only like
to work doing things that I feel are meaningful.
So anyway, getting really clear on what your
values really are. And then backing up from there,
this is my value. So that's kind of the result
I want. What am I going to have to do to get
there? And how am I going to have to feel? So
it's kind of backing up the model that I use
of your results come from your actions, and your
actions are driven by how you feel. And how you
feel is driven by how you think. So if you kind
of go all the way back up, what am I going to
have to think to get to that? And you can't just,
you just can't. Affirmation your way to it. You
can't just stick affirmation. Say that again,
Claire. I mean, affirmations. Oh my God. Excuse
you. You don't even do affirmations. But I've
seen so many. Shut up. I've seen so many people
just be like, I want to lose 20 pounds in six
months or whatever. And they'll say things when
they'll be like, how do I do that? Well, I read
this thing that says makes me feel good every
day, but that's not enough. You need action.
You need action behind the affirmation. So say
it again, Claire. Well, and you can't, so. I
say it, and this comes up a lot in Weight Watchers.
So first, I'm not stumping for Weight Watchers
at all, but one thing I really love about Weight
Watchers is that it's very evidence -based, and
it focuses on food, which is 80 % of weight loss,
and activity, sleep, which is one that they added
not that long ago, and mindset. And mindset's...
everything and so when I talk to the Weight Watcher
people and I talk to my my coaching client it's
not like oh I need to change my thoughts okay
I'll go from I feel like crap to I feel awesome
because your brain isn't gonna remember your
brain isn't gonna believe you right you can't
it's like pasting a happy face sticker over your
empty gas gauge in the car, you know. Yeah. See,
I'm happy. I've got that. And that's kind of
what affirmations are. See, I'm happy. It's right
there. It doesn't mean you're not going to run
out of gas. Right. If you don't address the underlying
things behind it. So if you can, if your thoughts
are like, I'm feeling not in a way that's going
to get me the result I want. Instead of going
all the way to an opposite thought just find
a little bit better feeling thought, you know,
I like incremental change thoughts that your
brain can can believe so if somebody is Say they
have a weight loss goal and they come in and
they're You know, they thought they would be
down two pounds. This is not unusual. I thought
I thought it'd be down two pounds and they're
only down point eight and they I'm only down
0 .8. And they meant this is a bad thing. They
make it be bad. I'm like, no, no, no. Let us
look at that. A, one, the scale only provides
a measurement of gravity today. There are a lot
of factors that go into it. And you can take
that only down 8 .8 to, I had a loss this week.
I had a weight loss this week. I mean, that's
a circumstance. The scale is less this week than
last. And from that, I can say, oh, I am to step
on my journey. One thought is, it's a step on
my journey. Another thought is, damn it, I thought
I had a loss more. You can have both those thoughts
and one just feels better. So when I journal,
when I encourage people to journal, they write
down those, damn, I thought I'd be down two pounds
this week. Okay, let's look at that. That is
just a thought. That's a thought. What's a better
feeling thought? I did make progress toward my
goal. That is also true. Your brain can believe
that. And it feels better. It gives you some
ease. And from that place of ease, you can make
better choices. Your actions will flow better.
So that's kind of self -coaching, but also the
coaching model that helps people. We all did
Weight Watchers. My mom, my aunt, Victoria and
I. And the thing that helped me the most was
going... to the meetings afterwards. When people
would just go and weigh in and leave, that didn't
work well enough for me. I had to stay for the
meetings. That was something about the accountability
part of somebody else weighing me, yes, but also
staying for the extra hour. Even if it's something
I thought I already knew about, I really didn't.
I really didn't. Because if I did, I wouldn't
need to be there, right? I remember also taking
off every single bit of clothing, ring, sock,
like fingernail clippers, clip your nails, nail
polish remover, trim your split ends, anything.
And I would go the same time every week. I was
like, it's six o 'clock on a Monday, I was in
New York when I did this, and it was same time
every week, basically wear a bathing suit, stay
for the meeting. Well, that's part of routine,
but it also goes, it's also circling back to
what you said in the beginning about having the
community aspect of it. So even if the meeting
is something that you think you already know
about the fact that somebody else also feels
the same way is such a big comforting thing to
know that, like, I'm actually not alone in this
because they haven't figured it out either, or
they did figure it out. And that helps me, you
know, like there's there's so much to the community
part of it. And that is huge. And all of that
plus Sometimes when you're in a position to help
someone else, let me share, that helps someone
else, it makes us feel good. Oh, yeah. And from
that feeling good, we can like, oh, yeah, I can
do better. I don't want to be that person in
the meeting who dispenses advice or gives my
great tips or shares my great recipe and then
comes in and has a, you know, I want to stay
more compliant on the plan because I know it
works when I am. I think the biggest challenge
that we all face is that it's without, and part
of the secret sauce of Weight Watchers and coaching
and all of that is planning and tracking. Just
know this is where I'm gonna go, I have a plan,
one thing that makes humans different than Pepper
and the other, is that humans can imagine the
future and make a plan. And if we plan, for how
we're gonna do that and could be pre track your
food or could be plan your workouts or whatever
and then Have some accountability to yourself
or to others through tracking you say did I follow
my plan? Yes or no? Okay, and did I what results
that I get good good neutral bad. Okay, let me
adjust my plan, but if you're not planning and
tracking, it's much harder to make the progress
you want. It's harder to measure and then it's,
you know, weeks, months can go by without noticeable
change if you're not doing those things to plan
and track. Or even change can happen, but you're
not noticing the right parts of it, right? Just
like what you said before of how you look at,
it's kind of a glass full or glass empty thought
process, right? I'm upset about two pounds. I'm
not noticing them. Point eight is pretty darn
good for one week. So it's just the, I like that,
the good, the neutral, the bad, like deciding,
becoming aware of the part of the process is
a huge factor to move to the next step. But there
is a piece of positivity or, what did you say?
A better thought. A better feeling thought. A
better feeling thought. I love that. Equally
believable better feeling thought. I love that
because then it doesn't, it's not like, well,
I'm not being positive. Like there's so much...
negativity with over positivity that we can do
to ourselves. So you're way more science -based
in the thought process of it all. Well, and that
might, I tend to be rather cerebral, which could
also be my, you know, my, I don't, this downfall
is a little strong, but it could also be my biggest
Achilles heel is because I intellectualize when
really sometimes I just need to check in with
my feelings and know how am I feeling? I don't
feel great. Why don't I feel great? It was funny
So the day when you noticed me not feeling well
at CFIT when I had a migraine the day before
I was I was super emotional and very sad not
with any real reason some you know, I deal with
persistent depressive disorder in general, so
my My general is kind of neutral anyway, but
I was feeling really bad the next day I had a
migraine and then looking back There's a thing
called a prodrome prodrome It's kind of a precursor
to a migraine that includes a lot of moodiness
and a lot of sadness. Why did I start telling
you this story? That was great. Oh my God, Claire,
that was me. She's just like us. So I try to
intellectualize. I'm busy doing all my journal
and all of my stuff. Why do I feel so sad? Blah,
blah, blah. And it turned out I was just sad
because it was just a physiological thing in
that day. Nothing. I mean, it was a Monday and,
you know, I had a meeting. I wasn't looking for
it. You know, there's just, you know, Mondays
can suck, but there wasn't anything especially
wrong that day. I was just feeling sad, but I
really wanted to find the reason why I was feeling
sad. And there wasn't, in hindsight, I was just
feeling sad. It's okay to say, okay, this is
how I'm feeling right now and allow that. And
then if you allow it, it can move through a lot
faster. So I'm much more prone to wanting to
think the shit out of something. Can I say shit?
Yeah, you can. Explicit. Of course you can. Sensor
alert. Yeah. You might want you might want your
children to go to another room So anyway, that's
uh, you know, it's all everything in balance
and I'm much more likely to be Super intellectual
about stuff and my work is to be more, you know
tuned into how I'm feeling as well, you know
both and Well, I would have to say, Clara, I'm
the complete opposite of you. I am so not cerebral
in thinking of how I feel it, and I don't think
about where it came from, where it's going, what
I need to do. I am, like, so emotional, even
though we joke about me being non -emotional.
It's because I'm so emotional that... You act
off of emotion, not thought through process.
I do the exact opposite of what you do. Like
you think it through and you're like, maybe I
shouldn't, this is what I'm getting that you,
before you speak, you are going to think about
it first. That is, I think I've cultivated that
skill. Frankly, I think it helps me more to let
me take a beat and think about this before I.
Jump in with something that's gonna in the end
not be helpful. You know, I think it's not like
You know what like with my now adult kids, you
know the relationship I wanted to have with them
when they were you know, I'm an old mom I my
older son was born when I was 38 So I started
later than a lot of a lot of parenting if I had
started younger I'm sure I've been a worse parent
but even at in my 40s as a parent I would still
be quick to react and and then I would see the
result that that was having on my relationship
with my sons and it wasn't awesome and then I
got a little bit more evolved and went wait wait
wait wait if the relationship I want to have
with my kids is that they trust me and they come
to me and they want to talk to me after they're
grown up and all of that I need to create us
an opportunity or a space for them to to feel
like they can come to me even if it's not good
news even if it's hard stuff so don't you know
it's really hard not to get hooked by that but
i think my kids excuse me i think my kids gave
me um the skill set to try to figure out what
was going on with them before i react to their
behavior like why did they do that what like
and it frankly it works with everybody so if
i I know, I know. How about that? I'm like, oh,
I'm getting this feedback at work from, you know,
I've had many jobs, so I won't refer to any specific
job. Let's say a supervisor has some concerns
about my performance at work, for example, and
I look at it and I think, I thought that... was
actually, I did a pretty good job on that one.
Look at what might be going on for them and I
can go, oh, I see they're feeling anxious about
this or they're feeling stressed out about money
or, you know, because I report to the directors.
I was a director of an organization once and
it's not very fun. So I have a lot of empathy
for being very happy. I don't have to raise all
the money and have payroll depend on me. That's
very stressful. I don't like that. But I have
that empathy for them to go, OK, I can kind of
see why they are Might be feeling the way they're
feeling and it's coming out their feelings are
driving their actions toward me Alright, so I
don't really want to it's not gonna help me to
argue in this situation so I can come up with
a either a better response or give it some time
or whatever and I and I have regret sometimes
I like not not very long ago. I argued with Supervisor
in a staff meeting and it wasn't I wasn't gonna
win and I couldn't let it go and I like It might
have been the same day. I think it was my migraine
day. Poor Claire. She was having a day. It was
a bad day. I went to work and I'm like, wait
a minute. Stop, stop. Some part of my brain is
saying, shut up, Claire. Well, you were already
having a bad day. I was. So yeah, don't push
me around. But that seems very hard to do. You
have to be very self -aware to be like, somebody
has concerns about me. What are they going through?
How about that? I don't have that Claire. I'm
gonna just tell you this right now. What a process
It is a skill that could be developed. That's
and I Not that you have to work on that Claire.
She does stop it. How dare you? No, but it's
true though. I mean, it's it's a practice really
yeah, and that's really hard I Don't like how
you're agreeing to understand Oh, I understand.
And what we said that day, was that before your
meeting? Yeah. Something that you said to me,
you said, not everybody can be happy all the
time. Because I was like, what's the matter?
You don't seem like yourself. And she's like,
I have a migraine, blah, blah, blah. And you
said something like, not everybody can be happy
all the time. It's impossible. And it's not normal.
It's not normal. You're going to have those ups
and downs. But you're down. was also not a normal
down. It was just like, oh, something's off with
Claire. That was like my good day. That was like
our good day and Claire, we were like, what's
wrong with Claire? Because you're always at such
a good energy, but it is. It's impossible to
be happy all the time, but you seem very aware
of it and like. Just saying you need to move
through it and let it happen. That's hard. So
the migraines has been an interesting analogy
for other, you know, like so I mentioned I have
persistent depressive disorder and sometimes
I get really annoyed that I should feel better.
Everything is fine. There's nothing wrong. I've
got a job. My family's fine. Nobody's sick. You
know, I've got all of these reasons why I should
be happy and I don't feel happy and I get mad
about that. But then I realized I don't When
I have a migraine, it is just a migraine. And
I know what I need to do to try to treat it,
and sometimes it's bad and I have to go to bed
and turn out the lights and do all of that. I
don't make it mean anything about me. Having
a migraine, I don't make it mean anything about
me other than sometimes I get migraines. So I
can do the same when I'm... paying attention,
I can do the same with persistent depressive
disorder. It's just a thing. And do you guys
know about persistent depressive disorder? No,
tell me about it. It's also called dysthymia.
It's two or more years of having kind of a non
-enjoyment of life. Things you used to like,
you don't like anymore. Hard to be excited or
enthused. So this is, so my normal is kind of
low. Really? Yeah. So Yeah, it is what it is.
It's I wish I felt happier more of the time and
This is maybe I will yeah. Yeah. Well, it's because
when I go out in the role I don't try to be a
sad sack. I mean some people kind of compared
to Eeyore I hate that, you know, you're yeah.
Oh, yeah. I don't want to be Eeyore I don't want
to come across as Eeyore. I don't want you know,
it's just because kind of how I'm drawn right
now Doesn't mean I won't have more buoyance later,
and I'll continue to do those things. Remember
to do what works. What's going to be? I know
I feel worse if I don't exercise, if I don't
eat well, if I don't interact with people, if
I don't go outside, I do much worse. So I do
all of those things to make me as happy and buoyant
as I can be given my current status as a human
in the world. So well, in my grains, I don't
make it mean anything other than It's a thing
that happens to me. And sometimes I feel worse
than other times. And sometimes I feel better.
I won't say I don't ever feel buoyant, but not
a lot. And then there are times when you have
a migraine and you get called out for them by
me and I say, what's wrong with you, Claire?
Why aren't you smiling, Claire? And then I learn
and I'm sorry. I think in that class. That is
me in a nutshell. What's wrong with you, Claire?
Well, Carly, let me tell you. During that, this
is an aside, during the pandemic, I had trouble
with my contacts and I just couldn't get, I couldn't
get my prescription worked out and I couldn't
get ones I like. So I'm just committed to wearing
glasses and I'm nearsighted. So when I'm at work,
I don't need them. But when I go to CFIT, I wear
them so I can see what you guys are doing. But
if I have to do a lot of you know bend over or
do skaters and touch the floor my glasses will
come off so on that particular day I said my
face was sweaty I stopped to take my glasses
off and you said something like I know that trick
Claire I'm like how bad do you feel No, it's
okay, because sometimes I do stop and take a
drink of water when I'm not thirsty, because
I need a breath. I know, but Victoria's always
like, stop calling people out. You have no idea
what they're going through, and that's exactly
why, because I was like, really? You're stopping
Claire to take your glasses off? We all know
that trick. And you're like, dying inside. There
have been times when I have been about to pass
out in that class, but I keep going, because
I'm like, I'm not walking out. I've got to keep
going. I've got to keep going. I don't want to
pass out. If I pass out on the floor, I guess.
I would give me a pass, but I don't think so.
Not for Carly. I don't think so. Get up! Get
up! What are you doing? Claire, we know that
trick. You're now a trip and fall hazard. We
know that trick, Claire. Get up. If it were my
class, we would dance around you and try to make
you elevate. And Carly would just be like, everyone
point up Claire. Well, this is another aside.
We call Claire Mary -Kate and Ashley Olsen because
she comes in with a backwards hat sometimes and
She looks just like the Olsen twins. It takes
two. It takes two. A 61 year old Olsen twin.
But we had to make her look up because she didn't
know who it was. At first, it was funny. It's
like, oh, do I look like, you know, like back
to my, do I look stupid? Do I look like, hey,
no, wait, hey, I don't think anybody's ever given
me a nickname before. This is awesome. We gave
you two. Mary Kate and Ashley. That's me. I wear
my hat. Double the fun. So when you did the TV
shows, they were, maybe I'll have my hat on,
they'll do Full House. I never watched that show,
so I don't actually know the full, I mean, it
was on after I was a kid, so I'm old enough that
that is. I'm too old for that show. You're never
too old for Full House, and you're never too
old for Mary -Kate and Ashley. Clearly, I had
to look them up. I found the film. You should
watch It Takes Two. It's a really good movie.
One of them was wearing a hat backwards. I don't
know which one. We don't either. That's why we
call you both. I used to. I think we used to,
yeah. I'm kind of in awe of your hard work, because
what you're describing is not an easy thing to
do. on the daily with what you sometimes deal
with mentally and you like you make those choices
to get up to get out to do the list of things
that you know that work which i love that do
what works i'm gonna use that um and yeah we
at the same time as we're like claire is like
the happiest person and we love claire and everything
that doesn't mean you're not to be happy yeah
yeah it just i would give you a lot of credit
i give you a lot of credit so well in my usual
day Mostly, I'm not having bad days, I'm having
flat days. And going to CFIT classes helps. So
I always feel better when I work out. That's
awesome. This is the other thing. And you guys
are fun. And so I give you guys a lot of credit.
Somebody just tell me about CFIT. I'm like, well,
there's two sisters, and it's like going to a...
like imagine you're you're gonna audition for
the big show and it's the it's the choreography
it's you're being taught the choreography for
your audition I did that in my head once just
like hey I know I'm gonna audition for the big
show and here's the steps and do the you know
and so it made it funner than I could pretend
but you guys also are kind of a little bit like
a stand -up routine so you're well we know that
We we're aware of that and I have you bring tomatoes
I Have siblings and we have a lot of fun together.
So watching you two be siblings having fun together
is it's very it's just it's good. That's fine.
Well, that makes us feel better because If you're
having a flat day and we can elevate your flat
day, that is what makes us happy. That's why,
and me getting to class in the mornings is way
easier than me getting to class at the end of
the day, both schedule -wise and also just, oh,
I can't even. Sometimes by the end of the day,
I'm just like, I cannot even. And if I've worked
out in the morning, then great. If you see me
in a two... twice in a day, you know I'm really
working on feeling better. Yes. You came on a
Wednesday morning and I was like, Claire's back
on Wednesday night, this is great. I remember
that. But that like good for you though. Yeah.
Like I just, that's, it's hard. I know that,
that it's hard. She knows what works and that
works for her. She knows she needed to feel better.
She came back. I mean, we're very honored that
that's what you picked, that we are what you
picked because. We don't always feel that way.
So you guys make us feel like we don't always
want to come back. We don't have a choice. There
was one class, I'm not going to bring up the
reason, but there was one class that everybody
was down. We were down. We know you were down.
Everybody was down. But teaching that class,
we didn't want to teach. Nobody wanted to come.
Was this in November? It was. And afterwards,
we all felt better. We did. We all felt better.
And that's part of being part of a community
that supports instead of is in it for yourself.
There are a lot of gyms that that's what they
thrive off of. And that's cool. Ours is like
you were trying to help each other get through
the day. Yeah. Yeah. And that was that was a
tough one because we didn't want to be there
either. But you guys made it. worth it for us
to be like, okay, now I feel better. And vice
versa. Yeah, vice versa. And you know, together
we'll persevere better than, you know, staying
home and eating Ben and Jerry's and watching
the news. Well, that sounds really good too though,
Claire. Well, that's true. So Lucy and I, my
wife goes to, she's part of a choir. Oh, nice.
And so, hey, I'm home alone. Then that and I'm
tired after a long day in my kitchen and refrigerator
and freezer full of you know yummy items is right
there So I'm gonna be Much better. If I go occupy
myself, I could go to CFIT. I can start going
to the library on Wednesday nights. Remember
what works. Don't leave myself in situations
where I only have to rely on willpower if I'm
depleted. How can I do that? How can I get myself
structured to do things that I want? I joined
a mandolin orchestra. I've been working on playing
mandolin for a few years, and I'd kind of stagnated.
I have a great... mandolin instructor. She's
in a band. She's awesome. I love her. Hi Rachel.
I said, Rachel, what am I? I'm kind of stuck.
What do I need to do? She said, you need to find
other people to play with. You're not going to
get better until you, like, I think she meant,
like, go find people to jam with, but jam? That's,
I'm a little too stiff for jamming. It's like
me going to see fit. You want, you want me to
spin now in circle? Like, oh no, here's freestyle
dance item? Oh, shit. I shall, I shall look stiff
and awkward. Okay, good. That moment has passed.
everybody else so we're all so but I found the
Munier mandolin guitar mandolin and guitar orchestra
here in the Philadelphia area I started when
I started rehearsing with them on Mondays and
we played play gigs and that's why I can't come
on Monday nights I want to come see you play
we'll have a concert in May and at st. Philomena's
just down the way oh my gosh so you keep yourself
busy well is that a way that I keep myself busy
doing things that are in service of my values.
So learning an instrument is something I wanted
to do. It also helps with my long -term brain
health plan. You know, if I want to keep my marbles...
you know I'm gonna keep my body in good shape
if I want to keep my marbles also then what can
I do now to make sure that I'm setting myself
up for good brain health and learning a learning
new stuff challenging your brain to create new
synapses you know synaptic pathways is great
practice and so if I can learn get good with
mandolin that's fun music does something for
you playing in community it's got there's a lot
of benefit to that so what can I do that absorbs
me and gives me that benefit. Going to the library,
it's not like I'm just wandering around. I accidentally
started a genealogy project. Of course you did.
Of course you did. I did not mean to, but then
I've discovered this crazy relative of mine that
the story about him is not true, and I am here
to set the record straight. I'm going to tell
the world about Ezra Baker Jr. because he got
a bad rap, and I've discovered, well, some of
it he might have deserved. Oh my God, Claire.
So I go to the library and they've got great
research tools that you can't get at home. Like
it's free. Like what? At least for now. So somebody
takes away all of our libraries. Claire just
sank down. Oh, Claire. It's okay. We're okay.
It'll be okay. I can find a better feeling thought.
It's okay. Nobody can take away the internet.
Do what you know. What works. So anyway, that's,
um, and you know, if, uh, If it's fun and absorbing,
it's good for me. Nothing bad happens. I'm producing.
I'm, you know, being constructive. I'm not, you
know, it's great. So find stuff to do. I want
to be you when I grow up. I know. I want to be
Claire. I want to be Claire. And we're also going
to play a game. We're going to play a game. OK,
I'm ready. I love games. All right. Well, first
of all, I want to ask you, circling back. Would
your lesbian running group allow me to join?
No! Absolutely. Claire, you answered wrong. Except
it's Saturday morning and you don't even have
something to do on Saturday morning. Oh, yeah,
we teach Saturday morning. No, no, no, you can
have her. Is that why you don't come to class,
Claire, because you're running? That is. I'm
either running with Lezren or I'm across the
hall doing a Weight Watcher class because I'm
subbing for... I really like the name of your
running group and I want to... I feel like it
would be really fun. I might take off on Saturday
and join you. It is really fun and there's no
judgment. Anybody wants to show up, can? One
time we had a whole group of Japanese tourists
who found it on Meetup and I don't think they
knew what they were doing. We're like, hey, great
to see you, not English speakers. Come on, we're
going to run three miles. It was kind of hilarious.
I'm in. I'm joining for a day. You might see
me show up one Saturday morning. OK, Lloyd Hall,
8 AM, every Saturday, rain or shine. Done. I'm
taking off one Saturday. The only time we don't
meet is if it's dangerous on the course, like
icy or something. It's been around 10 years.
C .C. Tayez. She's a founder. She keeps it going.
She's awesome. Lez run. Lez run. Let's do it.
All right. This game is called the Claire Bear
Stare. All right. All right. Claire Bear Stare.
This is rapid fire. I'm ready. You have to pick.
I actually think she is ready. You have to pick
as fast as you can. I know you like to think.
Don't think about it. OK. Mountains or beach?
Mountains. Going out, staying home? Staying home.
Podcast or reading a book? Podcast. Drama or
comedy? Comedy. Christmas, Halloween. Halloween.
Oh, that was too slow. Long run, long walk. Long
walk. Oh, Lezron doesn't like that. Oh, Lezron
does not. Be that as it may. Not intimidated.
No, no, she's not. She's got the stare. She's
got the Claire Bear stare. I mean, what do I
prefer? Running's good for me. Walking is fun.
No, rapid fire, Claire. Ready. Snowy day, beach
day. Snowy day. Coffee, tea. Oh. Yep. I know.
Both. You're drinking tea right now. But I had
coffee earlier. Okay. Pop music, pop music, folk
music. Pop. And sing specifically? No. Oh. Who
specifically? I like Pink. Okay. She's my fave.
All right, good to know, good to know. Yoga or
kickboxing? Rapid fire. Kickboxing. I have a
black belt in taekwondo. I've never heard you
guys that. Claire! Are you kidding me? I know.
I hesitate to tell you now because your expectations
now will go up for my sidekick in my kickbox.
My kids take taekwondo. Gosh darn it, Claire.
I can kick their butts. I'm sure you could. That
little one's a piece of work though. Can you
kick hers? All right. Movies in the theater or
movies at home? Theater. Cats, dogs. Dogs. Vacation
abroad, staycation at home. Abroad. Sweet, salty.
Yes. I have dogs, cats again. I clearly didn't
like your answer the first time. Dogs, still
dogs. I like cats, but dogs. Carly or Victoria?
Yes. Claire, you won! Claire, you really do wear
so many hats. I do. Oh my gosh, we need another
day to talk to you. And wait, she has a podcast.
What's your podcast called? Practical Change
for Midlife Lesbians. What? I know. Practical
Change for Midlife Lesbians? My coaching business
is practicalchangecoaching .com. So we're going
to put that on the, we'll put it on the, we'll
link it to the. And I've got, I've got TikTok
and Instagram and Facebook. Mostly I'm active
on TikTok, but not that active. Shut up. Yes,
I know. Do you do? We have to do a TikTok with
you. You're so cool. I am so cool. Claire. No,
I'm dead serious. Yeah, my TikTok, it's funny
because the stuff that goes, that really picks
up traction is stories about being an old lesbian.
I remember back in the day we had gay bars, lesbian
bars. Like, what? That's a thing? Yeah, lesbian
bars used to be a thing. And, you know, you used
to meet people in person. And sometimes there'd
be personal ads in the newspaper, but there was
no internet. So I had to meet people. You know,
it's like, my old lesbian stories seem to catch
traction. Because they don't get it now. Hey,
let me tell you some coachy stuff. Nobody cares.
It's fine. I'm tuning in so hard. So hard, Claire.
God, she's going to say something else next week
that she does, and we're going to be floored.
Save it. This is great. And my kids are way more
interesting than me. The circus artist, like,
oh my god, my son is a circus artist. That's
amazing. My other son is amazing, too. He's just
very private, so I can't tell you anything about
him. It's a secret. Love it. But Scott, yeah,
he's in the circus. He is. He goes to the National
Circus School of Canada. Ecole nationale de cirque.
And Claire will go up to Canada to go see her
son on a Friday and come back Saturday. Sunday.
Sunday. Yeah. She's crazy. She'll drive up to
Canada in a weekend just because she's like,
I want to go see my son perform in his circus.
A couple of times we've gone up, I've driven
up and back nonstop to get him home in time for
Thanksgiving weekend. So Canadian Thanksgiving
is in October and he loves. United States Thanksgiving,
but he doesn't have any time off for that. Yeah
take this year. We went up I drove up on Friday
morning grabbed him Friday after oh no, I drove
up on Thanksgiving Day Thursday Grabbed him got
him home for Friday. We just postponed Thanksgiving
a day So he could be home because you could be
home for the fest you are we're all vegetarian
so there's you know Oh my god, and you're a vegetarian?
I am. Oh my god, Victoria. And I have celiac
disease, so I can't. What? I know. Just like
peel me back like an onion. So much. Let's do
it. I love it. I will never get over this. It's
all because of a migraine. It is. It all is.
So that migraine. And my choosing to share that
with you, because I could have just left. You
could have just left. But you, yeah, you could
have just left. But Carly likes to pry. No, and
I did feel like I was I do you know I know that
it can be like I stand in front of the Weight
Watcher room and sometimes people are not giving
you any energy back and it's really really hard
and so I You get empathy for you all if you've
got a class. It's just not either very big or
very energetic so right so anyway Well, I appreciate
that and thank you for letting me pry into your
life and be like Claire, save it, we need to
talk about this with microphones. Yeah, I have
a real problem talking about myself, clearly.
We share that. She just winked and it was so
cool. Oh my god, that's the coolest wink I've
ever seen. Claire, we're hanging out. I gotta
hang out with you. We're probably out of time,
right? I've made your podcast be way too long.
This is the best day of our lives. You're gonna
have to edit out so much stuff. No, what I said
to you in person was real. Everybody, and you
said the same thing. If you're a seafitter, you
will now get to know who Claire is, which is
really fun to look around the room and feel like
you got to know somebody that you might not have.
Thank you. I've been laughing too much. I need
a tissue. And to get to know somebody that you
would have never have learned about otherwise.
And if you're not a seafitter, this is all really
important stuff. So like really good tips. The
whole episode was tips from Claire, basically.
Sweet. You know, so either way, whether you know
Claire in person or not, it's going to be beneficial.
Do what works. So listen, listen to her because
it works. Remember to do what works. And it might
be different for you, but figure out what, you
know, and keep trying, keep, get curious, keep
iterating, just keep trying things until you
find that, oh yeah, I felt better today. What
did I do? Okay, let me do that some more. Just
do more of that. Brilliant. Claire. Thank you
so much for taking time today. Thanks for having
me over. This is great. I can't wait. Follow
her on TikTok, Instagram, her podcast. We'll
link her website. Follow her bike. Follow the
bike around Springfield and go up to her in class
and just be like, Claire, you are cool because
you are super cool. Maybe she won't get you too.
No, she saves that for special occasions. Special
occasions only, Claire. I feel like this is the
most appropriate sign off though. Yeah. To be
like, remember that you're always fit to be real.
I feel like you're as real as you can be and
super extra. Yeah. In the best way. Yeah. Not
even just a little bit extra. No. Super. Super
extra Claire. Did you see the wink? You didn't
see the wink. I'm on this side of it, so. Gosh
darn it. What is wrong with you? No, you can't
wink. Don't do that. Carly tried. It was a little
more so. I did it and a little extra. Yeah. It
was creepy. That was a little creepy. You're
fit to be real and a little creepy. Well, you
should never wink at your sister, so. The more
you know. Thanks, Claire. Thank you, Claire.
You're the best. You're the best. For legal reasons,
we have to tell you that this podcast is meant
for entertainment and educational purposes only.
We are not healthcare professionals. For all
of your health, wellness, fitness, and self -care
needs, please refer to the medical professional
in your life. Your primary care physician, your
therapist, a certified coach, whoever it may
be. And then let us know what they say because
I guarantee we need to know it too. Okay? Okay,
bye.