Welcome to fit to be real and a little extra
Finally
I'm really excited about these though. Well, yeah, because mine says extra on it
I don't know if you can see that you can't because I didn't realize what's appalled when it's um
It's a iridescent iridescent. Yeah
Smart and yeah, we'll fix this. It's gonna be a process like I said piece by piece
Well, yeah, you might not be able to see it past my ice skating dress
What we call the ice skating dress there you go sleeves
I've never worn it the tags are still in it. So I thought I'd wear it today
She asked me to zipper up and I left the tag on yeah, definitely don't take the tag. It's a really big tag. I know
Like it's a bougie tag. You're annoying. I've never I've never gotten to wear this
I bought this during COVID and I was like I love this it looks like an ice skater and I've never been able to wear it
Well, did that during COVID? Mm-hmm when I had nowhere to go. I was like that's so cute
What are you gonna do about your shopping addiction?
Feed it
Speed that addiction. I mean you don't want to get rid of it ever you never want to get rid of an addiction
You just want to feed it
Okay, let's see opposite of everything if you don't know her she's kidding. We do not agree with that
You're so annoying. Oh
I'm Victoria. Hey guys, I'm Carly
I'm comfortable AF right now in my blanket. Wait, can I just say something?
What are we talking about today?
Right, okay. Well, let's just get into it very very good. Thanks for that. I'm a segueist remember. Mm-hmm
Merry late Christmas. I didn't have any Christmas wrapping or paper left. I can see that you got me a present. I did
Okay, have to go on. It's a book. Oh
Tell the people what it is the let them theory by Melly are wait
And you even put like codes in there like little okay. She said Carly read this damn it
Victoria's my inscription was that what it's called inscription. Hey your signature. You're like your little note to me
Yeah, we're official. Yeah
Read it damn it and we're gonna make her read it and start that process today. I go to the first time
So why don't you stop getting ahead of it? Oh, okay and ruining what I had planned just let them
It's not the whole point
You know anything
It's so annoyed with you right now. Wait, did this just come in or was this like a I
Last minute like I thought you would like this. They just got released. I ordered this I think over a month ago pre-order
They just got
Distributed so you are one of the first
She's got a lot of work to do on me. I will say that she's work is yours. It's all on you
So Carly what is the let them theory? Why don't you open tab number one?
But you were just gonna ask me what I thought it was. No, I know exactly how this is gonna work
The let them theory is about freedom
The let them theory will free you from the burden of trying to manage other people. How about it?
So here's what that's like
Okay, I
Pre-read this last night. I did not read the entire book. I marked through
Things that would stick out that kind of describe the whole point of this book and how the book works
So what is underlined is what you need to read out loud. Oh, yeah, okay?
Just what's underlined there's a lot and it's from what I kind of gathered
It's I kind of want to read this next. Well, you love her
Yes, I do
We all should no Robbins. What's up girl? I'm just saying so
Carly needs this more than anyone
Is this?
Yeah, I guess an intervention. Sure. Yeah, I was gonna say is this you trying to tell me something
You say let them as a joke, but we need to mean it
I do like I think the world needs you to mean it say a lot of things as a joke that probably is inappropriate and
Kind of how we started. Yeah about addiction. Yeah, we know we were there
Let's not remember that okay, so yeah now. What's the problem with Carly?
Let's go to tab number two. Wait, you didn't I saw something else to read. Oh, wow. You're really slow reader
The truth is other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them
This is something Victoria said verbatim to me last night
Didn't know we were talking about it this morning, but she literally said this to me as she was leaving last night in the office
Mm-hmm before I started reading this book. This was all notes from last night late last night really?
Yeah, so you do the let them theory in your life. I mean I try I
Try yeah, it
Well, we're not gonna do the gist. We're gonna do this okay for all the work that I did last night
We're gonna do it right. Okay, so what is the problem Carly?
Number two, okay, if you're struggling to change your life achieve your goals or feel happier
I want you to hear this the problem isn't you but hold on I gotta repeat that the problem isn't you oh
wait, I
Knew it. I knew this is where the
Problem is the power you unknowingly give to other people. I like the problem isn't you and of sense period slay
There was no period was there period
Period I
Disapproved but I'm gonna let you the problem is the power you unknowingly give to other people I
Said that to Carly last night as well. I said well you're you're letting them do that to you
They don't even know they're doing that to you you're letting that happen
Yeah
All right, okay, so there's a formula okay, it's not like read this book. You'll be fine
But there's peace what I mean. Yes, but there's you know guys things to action
There's a formula. So what is the formula tab number three? Oh my god. You really did a lot here
You did some work. Okay, let them is just the first half of the equation
There is a second even more crucial step to this theory. Let me what?
So let them there's so much I can make fun of right now is needed by let me I
Can't wait for this. I have a new phrase instead of let them
I'm just gonna say let me to you all the time now when I want to do something just let me
We do and it never works out. Well
It quite literally blows up I
Like the let me theory. What is the let me you're really doing well at reading? Well, I'm very nervous
This is like round Robin at school. Do you guys remember round Robin? Yeah, but you're the only right now
I'm the solo Robin where you'd like go down the book the textbook to count where you probably are going like the paragraph
You're gonna read and then you'd pre read it while the other person was reading
Yeah
All the stress but then it like something wouldn't work out like a kid would have to go to the bathroom or something would happen
And then you read the wrong paragraph
Preemptively you had just practiced in your mind. Yeah the one you thought you were gonna read
And then you get to the one you have to read and you're like I forget how
That's sort of how I feel right now. I'm just bypassing commas and question marks, and I'm just saying words
I love lamp. I love lamp
Do you feel out of control let me just let me
Well, where does that control come from Carly tab number four lucky number better say something good. Where's your lucky number?
Yes
We didn't know that I picked it back in the day. You just picked it. There's so much to the underlying here
I'm very nervous. This is you should have preemptively done it. Let me
The urge to control things comes from a very primal place fear
That was more fear being ah
Just reading not all of it means it's you yeah
This book is not about me fear of being excluded of not being liked of things falling apart if we're not steering the ship
And it shows up in all kinds of ways we hover
We hover over our kids you
Underline this on purpose honestly, I flip the page and my eye just went to that section and I was like his kids met
Don't say kids met. It was meant to be yeah, we hover over our kids manifest destiny. Okay. Okay. I'm doing so well right now
You mess up my flow. I hate that word too. That's a trigger word for me
We hover over our kids making sure they make the right decisions. We try to write with quotation fingers
the
Right this isn't you didn't do it right? Well, I have there's so much going on right now. We try to influence our partner's habits
Worrying that if we don't step in they'll somehow get it wrong that is my daily life
Pretty sure you wrote those. Yeah. Am I Mellie are is that the big reveal at the end of this? I
Am there is a reveal actually but that tab is later
Okay, we even impose our opinions on friends believing we know better than they do about their lives
That one's not really you know, I don't know anything about anybody else's life not even my own
Yeah, and but I don't feel like when you're listening to someone vent or have a problem
I it doesn't like pop up to me that you're like here's what you need to do
You need to do it like this like I know what to do. Yeah, no, I'm not that person
That's not you get really passionate about what they're talking about as if it is you
Yeah, or or what I'll do is I'll try and Victoria hate this I
Will try and find a scenario that is most like yours and
Try and help you through my own personal experience, but Victoria thinks it's I'm trying to compare and I'm not
I'm trying to
Make you feel you already said it resume. I
Said resume. Oh in my head
She gave me tissues because I let my nose runs when I laugh
She's allergic to fun and happiness. Yes. Yes. I know I'm well aware
Because we had like a blowout. Oh my god a long time ago in the car in my driveway
Oh my god, and she's like stop talking like a therapist. Yeah, so you go to therapy and now you can't even talk like a real human
I was like tell me more. I know my god. It was so annoying. It's like, why are you yelling right now?
No, I know you're not one-upping or like comparing being like I have a bad too, but I think I
think
Say it higher. I think
All that needs to be said is like oh my god, I totally hear you I get it and
Then what you need to say instead of well when it happened to me and you're like cool
That's fun
Like there just needs to be more words used
Believe it or not. Sometimes she doesn't use enough words
So so fear that if I didn't make things happen, I'd be forgotten I
Sometimes want to be forgotten like this morning when I woke up with 72 text messages. I was like, yes
Like um, you know lunch mom text messages and threads threads. Oh, I hate literally threads
I hate them. I think there were 16 individual ones
I mean, I am on a thread with you and mom then I have mom side text then I'm on a thread with Billy
Then I'm on a family tech like I have so many threads. So if I don't answer you there's a that's why I found out yesterday
Let's hold the phone
That there's a family text thread
with Billy Katie Andrew and Carly so my brother his girlfriend my brother-in-law and
this monster right
And I'm not in I shouldn't have even told you because it's a rowing machine
Competition it's so boring. I got a rower for Christmas from Andrew even though I'm supposed to be off the sauce and
He got me a piece of equipment to work out more. I'm just eating sauce
Clearly
So I'm not allowed to be in it and
I guess my brother helped Andrew
Pick out this specific rower because he wanted to get me a good one that was gonna last the rest of my life
And so because he wants me to work out for the rest of my life. There's the problem
Um, oh, yes, everyone else is a shoe. I can't wait to keep diving into these tabs
But anyways, so we're we compete through rowing like there's a competition and Victoria doesn't have a rower
So she's not in the competition. I'm not I'm not in it. I'm we told really funny jokes been jaw dropped before so
Now you all know ever and I'm gonna please feel free to text me so we can have our own threads without Carly
No, please do that. I don't want to be in your thread
Wait last thing she underlined. Okay, and let's be real
Because that's what we do here even Mellie our thing so control gives us the illusion of safety
Is it an illusion or does it give us safety illusion?
Is it an illusion or death to give us safety?
Yes, you manic crazy person
It's an illusion
You can never or does it give us safety?
Safe. I'm gonna throw this handheld microphone at you
You can never be safe if you're in control
You're never in control
Like the fact that you think you have control is
Is the illusion that's the first
You don't have control you have to accept that there is no control and you just have to go with the flow of light
Yeah, yeah, you release you from all of this unwanted mental drama you put yourself through so you don't want control
But what control does is give you that false sense of safety because you think you've got it handled
Right, and then when I don't have it handled I go off the deep end is what you're saying. I mean, yeah when it all crashes
Yeah, you you know you crash. Yeah, okay
cool
So there's three different theories
that go along
To make the let them theory to a degree and she describes them in like a lot of detail
But what are they and I think you're gonna struggle on a word that I'm really is it the first word. Yeah, I
Already looked at it and was like wait do I have to read this?
It's not underlined. I really don't want to read it, but she starred it
Can I just skip it because it was in bold?
So I was like if she doesn't understand that this is what she needs to read
I literally was gonna skip down to the underline because I was like this I can't I this is too much for me
Can you just let me what oh you're you have no idea what you're talking about. Okay three different theories
Okay in
Stoicism the focus is on controlling your own thoughts and actions
Focus is on controlling your own. Yeah. Yeah, your own thoughts. Yeah, your own actions. Okay, that's stoicism. All right
I'm confused. Do we want this?
We don't want this
Why would we not want this because stoicism sounds very negative to me. All right Carmella, okay?
You're getting stuck on the word stoic. Yeah, which just means like stiff
Yes, unchanging and unwavering correct
But we want that for ourselves it but that's not what that sentence just said the sentence
It's basically you can control yourself your mind your thought your actions and that's it. I can control right so we do have control
What's the next goddamn theory?
Buddhism and radical acceptance teach that suffering comes from resisting reality and sitting on this couch
Because I'm suffering but this is reality so
radically let me and
Detachment theory teaches us how to emotionally distance ourselves from situations that trigger us. I don't have that at all
I feel like detachment is like one of the
main I
Think focuses that we did for our 200 hour training for yoga
The Hindu thing it's a Buddhist thing and all of its combined like anybody thinks there's one true religion or theory or thought like
It's literally all the same thing. Yeah used in different words. No, I agree
Detachment is I was always like but I don't want to detach from people like I want to attach you want to connect
Yeah, I have this thing and it's not it doesn't interchange attachment and connection don't interchange. They're not the same word
attachment is being so
gripped on to something in
In fear of the outcome and letting that outcome kind of overtake you and detachment is
Not caring what the outcome is
So it's like I'm going out on these, you know those first couple days for the brand new person
And you just you're like, oh my gosh, this is amazing like I really like this person
I'm gonna be crushed if it doesn't work out like you're creating you already know what the outcome needs to be for yourself
Right, and you will be crushed if it doesn't that's like expectations though, too
Yeah, so detachment is just like I'm in the moment. This is awesome
If it doesn't work out, oh good because I'm having fun right now like yeah, I'm not like that. Yeah
Yeah, that's not me to a T
Are you charging me for the minute right now?
Because this is like deep therapy and like I don't I can't afford it. You're so overdue
So like the books have stopped accruing because it's it's now outlandish, okay
But that was very good reading of the word stoicism. We're all really proud of you
Thank you, and I also have something that you underlined. I did yeah when you let others be who they are
You're making an active empowered choice to release control. You never truly had
letting others be they are not want them to be
Victoria wishes I had done that since the day she was born, but I've been trying to mold her into somebody else since the day she
Did I get you that no oh my friend Nicole as a joke made it
Nicole she said my picture was a joke. No if I gave it to her it would have been as a joke. You're a horrible
horrible ice dancer
My show on says it's just a phase and it was a full moon last night. It's a wolf moon and I'm
Vibing and I knew she was gonna have a problem with it. I
Wasn't gonna say it though. Let me I knew you need to let that I was thinking it
I was controlling my own mind that it wouldn't come out of my mouth, but you brought it up
You failed you brought it on you failed miserably or successfully you brought it up. So I felt comfortable enough to
I
What's the power move Carly? Oh, I got some power moves number six. Okay. Oh
When you say let them
You're making a joke
When you say let them you make a conscious decision not to allow other people's behavior bother you when you say let me
You take responsibility for what you do next break it down. Hold on
When you say let them let them you make a decision not to allow other people's behavior to bother you
So you did very hard you're detaching from
Their judgment that you think they're doing or the birds that they just said to you they that are affecting you
You are letting them. Okay, or say they blocked you on Instagram. Let them like you are you don't care and you don't care
Oh, yeah, that's the I don't care
2025 motto we're doing right now great because it doesn't affect you you're letting them show you who they are and it doesn't even if it's
What they're directing at you is is insults. Let's say
That doesn't mean it's true. That doesn't mean it's who you are
To let them so what's the let me let me you take responsibility for what you do next
That's the stoicism you can control your mind your thoughts right, so your next move
It's on you. Let me break so basically not react. I was just gonna say your reaction
We're responses
Is there different
Okay, so
There's a shocking reveal. We've made it to the tab number seven. What is this shocking reveal? Oh my god
It's it's so what you're never gonna guess like no one's ever thought this before it's wild ready
Life is stressful
It's the chapter title I can totally write a book I
Can write a book I can say life is stressful
You'd be okay with people paying their hard-earned money for your BS to write life is stressful. Let them let me
Hurry sorry
That was loud for your ears. I apologize. She's learning. You know let me
Okay, that was the yeah, okay, so then what is stress really doing go to Tabby?
There's not many these are just little
Okay, sorry I have like sound effects. Yeah Tourette's yep
I wasn't gonna say it filtered moments. I can't control it stress causes you to doubt yourself
Procrastinate burn out doom scroll and struggle with comparison. Oh my god, uh
Was it feel to have an entire book written about you like how does that feel?
I don't have stress and anxiety if you're having trouble focusing feeling happy or taking care of yourself
The reason is stress. Oh, I 100% agree with that. Oh, yeah
When you're stressed out when I'm stressed out the last thing I want to do is anything
To solve the problem. I do anything but solve the problem
Yes, and in turn sometimes I create more problems. Yeah, oh definitely start projects that I'm not finishing and
Then I'm like even more stressed because I don't like that. I
Tend yeah, I tend to get overwhelmed to the point of no return nothing like nothingness. Yeah, nothing
happened nothing
What nothing
Yeah, and then I get mad at Andrew for trying to help and fix the problem when I just want to live in my stress
We'll get into relationships. Oh
but it's true though because
You just put it on to whoever's around you. Yeah, and nine times out of ten
It's if you're living in the house with people it goes to whoever those people are so you're putting it on your kids, too
Yeah
Cool. She also told me who is she?
She also told me Melly did I put she I underlined she yeah a doctor. It's a doctor from Harvard. Oh
Yeah, okay. She also told me that if your inner critic is louder than ever
You're struggling with procrastination. You're tired. You can't stop scrolling on your phone. You're having trouble disconnecting from work
Basically starts disconnecting from work. Oh, yeah, that's all we do disconnecting from work
I do pretty darn well disconnecting from work when we are not scheduled to teach
I don't show up like I could have gone to Carly's class last night, but every other shush. It's my turn
I put the mic down
I didn't even like how that came out of my mouth. I didn't feel that at all. She dropped my every other Monday
It's Monday night. It's one of us and every other Monday morning
It's one of us. So if whoever does in the morning doesn't do it at night
Carly will show up to all of them doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. So it's a night her body could be resting
She could be spending quality dinner time what she hates with her kids. No, I don't hate it. It's just so stressful
Or or maybe not doing dinner with her kids and doing something else getting something done like a shopping list that she needs to do
I make them come to see fit and sit in the kids room on a night
She doesn't have to be there. So disconnecting from work is a sign of stress. So when you're like, I'm not stressed
There's nothing about me that like I'm not worrying about anything. That's not worrying. That's physically walking through stress
Yeah, you have a hard time disconnecting Victoria doesn't like it when I wake her up with text messages about all the things
We have to do for see fit or new ideas that she's like and she'll write no no been done didn't work
Yes, not doing that. Absolutely not
No, that was like the January 2nd text message that I sent her all these new ideas. Nope. Nope been done didn't work
But like true fact
And also didn't you already complain about the reason you don't make lists is because we woke up with mom giving us a
list of things to do in the morning when you've just woken up and
Now you're doing it via technology. It's not a list
It's a text mess like each word gets its own text
That type of text you all know you all went like this. Oh my god, you know, well, she didn't like it
What's another piece to why you need to let them Carly number nine
Okay, because everybody has critical opinions about people they love as well as total strangers
It's a fact of life
Embrace it accept it instead of trying to change reality start using it to your advantage. Let them
You don't underline let them but I feel like we need to finish that italics. Yeah, what?
What does that mean? I don't know?
You were just reading words. Yes, that's I'm so nervous right now. I am reading that. I'm not listening to what I'm reading
I'm just trying to get the words out correctly. I think that's every day. I'm having critical opinions about people
myself
That's just as bad every day everybody see I messed up
You pre-read it
You preemptively prepared
I'm crying
Okay, I didn't mess up that badly though. It's just everybody to every day. I don't know why but you are crying
She is crying right now
Everybody has critical opinions about people they love as well as total strangers. I mean everybody judges
As hard as people try not to everybody does it so then why do you care so much? I don't know
I'm trying to figure that out and you know what I don't want to care but like I take everything personally
No
But I don't want to I might pretend and I don't think it comes across that well that I don't care
But I don't want to care
well
This is why you have this book
Okay
We're gonna keep moving. Okay, so what's one of the most important reasons for this let them theory
One of the reasons
Everyone don't hold your damn it. Oh
Hold on
One of the reasons why I love the let them theory is that anytime you improve yourself
It improves all your relationships and this is particularly true with family. What?
Thank god for the break
I have felt the impact in my own family the stuff that used to bother me doesn't stress me out anymore that is a hard one
To just like let the things that have bothered you your whole life just like not matter anymore
But it's not it's not you're deciding it's like a snap of the finger. It's a practice. Yeah, it's it's a piece by piece like day to day
I
Try to do it until it
It becomes part of you. Yeah, just like you would practice teaching
Like you weren't good at it in the beginning. We were nervous. We had to look at notes on the floor. I did that the other day though
Yeah, she totally did. My brain is I'm tired. Okay, I can't I can't
And I did it last minute anyway, um, we had to look at notes on the floor
We also had mom in the corner going giving us like the stank face being like you messed up
How dare there's a catch step and there shouldn't be a catch that that's too hard for people right foot left foot
So there's
Then we did it and then we did it and then we did it and we kept making mistakes, but we kept going and now
I can improv very well. I cannot
Exactly, but you teach very well you cue well
I cue well this but I cannot do what you do and just like oh well
We're gonna do this because I forgot the dance. I'm like, oh we're scrapping that dance. We're gonna do something else
because I cannot start over. Yeah, so
I no I can't do it. So but that's the same thing. It's a practice of like trying to
Breathe through whatever has been like the constants
Trying to pick a word you don't like and it's really hard because you don't like anything
So I'm gonna say trigger the constant trigger that a family member has does yeah to like slowly chip away at that like
Tightness you put around it. Yeah, and then eventually won't actually care
Yeah, it literally says I don't allow myself to get sucked sucked into the drama
I stay laser focused on how I show up and live my life
so
How about it?
It just is so much easier said than done. Hold on. What's the problem again?
Go to tab 11
You're so good at this. I went to school for this everyone. Oh my god, you she did I'm acting my face
You are the problem
Read that one correctly and the first step is accepting the truth life isn't fair. It's just not if my mom said that to me
One more time growing up because I'm a very fair person which you all know we've talked about this before
My mom would just say life isn't fair life's not always fair
I hated that
So much but why?
it's true
Because I
growing up felt that if I did something I
It was fair to get this or if I did x y and z it
It ends up in
You know if I did abc it ends up x y and z because this is algebra
We don't do math
But like and so when it didn't end up the way that I felt I deserved it was not unfair
Attached to the outcome. Yeah, I mean you are the reason for this book
You're who she had in mind when she was writing this with her daughter. She wrote this with a I was not a very go with the flow person
Really, you're still not okay
But you are in some random like things that all get bent out of shape about you're like carrots. I don't feel like that happens ever
No, it does and now I can't think of an example
I should have had that ready in my yeah, you should have had that one example that happened in our life
No, there are things where I'm like, oh my god
I mean, I guess a lot of them were with dating
that I would think something was
You know a mess or like shouldn't have happened or that person shouldn't have said it and you were like stop
That's not that's not I know but I you were right and saying I know nothing about online dating
I don't
but I
Say for the people in the back, but I know a thing or two about
people
And I don't like the rules do you?
I don't like the rules that this online dating has
But out there and I feel like there should be no rules and you should just go on your gut and not how
If this emoji sending this emoji means this and responding in 20 minutes versus two hours means this like I
I can't do that
Just be if there were no rules, how would things be fair and things have to be fair
So how is that equal balance happen
If you're okay with no rules you can't be okay in a no rules someplace and not
No, okay. I'm not okay with no rules. I didn't like those rules. There's a difference. Oh
That's a preference. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't like the online dating rules
I thought they were stupid and I think you should just be able to be who you want to be
and not
I didn't like them. I love rules
love rules
And when you follow the rules and somebody else doesn't follow the rules. I hate that you get so bent. Yes
It's you get you also can't let it go until
I sometimes I don't think you ever let it go. There's a lot of things. I don't let go and when you're storing that in this little
Ice cream or outfit you have on like where do you store all these? Oh in my chest
But I'm bump folks
For those of you who can't see her there's nothing there the size negative a there's gotta be a better way
There is and I don't think I'm ready to do that, but it's like $2,000. Yeah, that's it
Yeah, yeah, but everybody's getting them removed
We're talking about implants. We switched gears. We did
I think some of you were with us though. Uh, yeah. All right. So moving on. What's what's the question?
What is number 12? What is the question? You're so I mean the segue is
I gotta learn from you. I'm not the segue. I'm making this new miracle. The question is
Will you let yourself do it?
Probs not
The most important part of the let them theory is understanding that you're responsible for your own happiness. No, I understand that
I think when I was younger I used to be like
If Andrew's not happy, I'm not happy or like Andrew's making me unhappy
But you literally just said that to me the other day. She ruins my class
She ruins my day. Yeah, she ruins
Whatever. Yeah, I was talking about
But I was like, but you're letting you're letting that happen. Yeah, no, that's true
You are you could have a great time because this is what you love to do and this makes you happy and
Even if you don't want to start by the end, you're so happy that it happened
Right. You let one thing bother you enough. Yes, and it takes over you give it power
Yeah, yeah, so like you understand you are in control of your own happiness until something happens and then you have no control
Yeah, and you allow that thing to fester
And like sometimes it doesn't last that long but it's long enough that it will ruin my mood
But you're letting that happen. Yeah, I know
I don't know how to fix it in the moment, but I know after the fact
What it like I can diagnose myself after the fact
But while it's happening while somebody's effect like when Andrew's in a bad mood
I'm like, why are you in a bad mood because you're making me in a bad mood? No, I know
That's not how no, there's so here's what happened
We went from tab 11 to tab 12 and in between tab 11 and tab 12
are like so many pages of this book
because it goes through relationships it goes through
Uh children how to do this for children. This is this is kind of an adult theory
Let them go for more of the adult because you can't let kids
You know do bad things to other kids like you can't let them, right?
So this is more of like adults have their own thoughts of their own adults do the judgment adults give
A judgment to you. So it's the adult brain that this really is
directed towards
And so it talks about but how do you also make boundaries for your kids and stuff like that
So there's a lot of chapters about that. There's a lot of chapters about relationships
A lot of uh, there's a chapter about if you're single and how to get through dating
With this theory basically the detachment we talked about before I skipped all of that. We are going under all
She's only doing the things that pertain to me. It's 99 percent of the book
Um, but that relationship there's a whole thing on how your partner
It does affect your mood if you have a negative partner every single day
Would you not also become negative you soak in what they put out, but there's a piece of it
That like that's that does not be you well
It's really funny that you say that because Andrew's like never in a bad mood
But when he is he can be curmudgeoning and he's like I hate it when you ask me if I'm in a bad mood
Because that makes me more in a bad mood and if I wasn't a bad mood
Wouldn't it be helpful if you tried to like
Be positive and help me get out of the bad mood so that instead of acknowledging it you just
Ignored it and then it it would go away for me probably
And I was like, yeah, probably but that's not fun. Andrew is the let them theory
Andrew lets everyone do whatever whatever gives no f no he does and Carly's the one like taking all the f's
I store them. I store them. She's like, oh, thank you. I put this one here. Oh, thank you
I do I love to collect the f's
I hate that you sidelined to me
To make sure that I actually understood what you said if you're giving them out. I'll take them
Wait, so I went to a concert with my brother in September
It was the bourbon festival in Kentucky and we went to he was forcing me to drink bourbon. Oh, man
I know so we know it was really bad
It was really bad
So we went to like one of the bars. I forget and got a drink but this bartender was so amazing
Like she was like I'm working tonight and I'm gonna make the best out of this entire festival of like
Yeah, who knows who's gonna come into my path, right like drunk people nice people mean people
She was giving out little wooden words that say f usk and she was like
I don't give a and she would give it to you and you were like, oh, thank you. I have one
Stop and billi got one. I got him my bread because my first one broke and billi was like, oh no
And he went back and he was like her f broke
She was like, oh, we can't have that
But that was that's what I'm picturing like people are just giving out and Carly's like
Just give me all the abs please
catching them in our apron
because I store them
So there's a oh my god, there's a benefit to this book Carly. What is the benefit of this book? Find number 13?
Oh my god, it's all the way in the beginning
I gotta go all the way back to the beginning in the intro of the book
Oh my god
Okay
If you can promise yourself that you'll stick with me through this book read absorb and immediately start implementing what you learn
I guarantee you your life will get a little easier and your relationships will get so much better
This will be one of the most liberating and empowering things you will ever experience and it all begins with the two simple words
Let them she tried in her brain really hard to think of two different words to say to make it funny because everything's a joke
And you didn't you failed
You did not I wanted to say F.U.C.K. off
And I thought that would be really funny
If those were the two most simple empowering words, but you can't say the word
She physically cannot say the word so spelling it wouldn't have worked. I collect them, but I can't say it
Oh, yeah, you you you pegged me. I did. I sat there for at least a second and a half thinking how can I make this funny?
Don't say pegged me
Okay
So
We have a little game
Wait before you say that
Congrats on the
I love taking the wind out of your sails
I almost wrote that in a text yesterday. Really?
Oh, that's so weird. I was talking about that
I was talking about that
Really? Oh, that's so weird. I was typing that out
And then erased it because I was like nobody says that
Oh, I didn't write that in a text. That's fine. Oh my god. That's so weird. Okay. Keep going. Did I take the wind out of your sails?
twice
Um, I love I love this book. Thank you. I appreciate it. Melly are
Um, owes me some money. I clearly was her guinea pig for writing this book
She's been creeping on you for years. I feel I feel that watching you and also I just want to put out there
I've started
the show shrinking
And it's about therapists. Oh my god. Everybody should go watch it
Just go watch it and I did learn something from it. I don't approve of you
talking about this like
Doing every other therapy session like fit to be real and reading books and watching a funny comedy about therapists
You shouldn't
Keep therapy out of your mouth
Also, you need to read this book. I will you tap it out for me. So nice. Okay. No, but knowing you she's like, well, I read it
She underlined things. That's that's all I need
every single week
We want a page
Out of my book. No a number. I've made it from page 50
To page 60 we you need to read
And that's gonna be our hot girl check. What what reads the book?
Probably no you will okay. Yep, because we're gonna talk about it every week until it's done
So if our listeners get super annoyed with this topic, you need to read faster. Let them
Good for you
You did it
But you know what that's a really good segue into this game
This game is called to let them or not to let them okay? So as soon as you
Did this book? I was like damn it had I known this is what we're talking about today
I would have done it game called like that
You had done game called like that
Hold on I had to take a second to hear you I would have I would have done it like would you let them or would you not let them?
You're fired
We my phone's on silent, but my computer must not be who's calling me from naras town. Okay
so
You have to
Tell us if you believe this is a let them it doesn't bother me because I'm good at the let them theory or
Not let them this needs to be handled and controlled and talked talked about
Sorry, okay. It's my dress. Yep
I'm gonna go ahead and read it
Sorry, okay. It's my dress. Yep. I
Have to practice this theory as well
All right, if oat milk cold foam gets discontinued
Let them or no
No false let them okay
If mom reads the news headlines to you
out loud
No, let me false. Let them know
I can't I can't if your kids run around the house with scissors
Oh my god. No. Good job. You got one right
Dean tried that yesterday. I lobbed in some easy ones. Okay
The thought of people not liking what you post on instagram. Oh, no
I can't have that. Okay. It's a lot them. Okay. You're failing
I'm being honest when clients show disapproval of your business changes that you've made
I want to say let them but at the same time
We work for them. So it's hard for me to let them cool
So when you raise the prices from 15 to 18 dollars and people are giving me a stink
Are you supposed to let that or not?
No, I mean, yeah, I'm gonna let let them
What
I'm gonna let them be bothered by it
You're gonna let them you're not gonna let their disapproval
Yeah of you raising a walk-in price not even 20 dollars
Just three dollars. Let them. Yeah, let your problem. No, mine. Yeah, it's yours. Wow. This is harder than I thought
It's a game, right? I thought those must be fun. I thought you were gonna get them right
Uh, when your 10 year old fights you on wearing the bows and the dresses that you want her to wear
Do you like her? I know the right answer
Letter fine letter or whatever she wants even if it's not cute
Let her we need a moment of silence poor melody
Uh, let your kids take over your bedroom. Let them
I put no
That's personal opinion. That is personal opinion true true. I don't like your opinion
When a client looks miserable your entire class
Do you let them or do you let it bother you? Victoria says let them
Not Simon says
Victoria says let them
When others maybe even family members judge your parenting skills say family members again. I can't
literally um
Let them I my brother and I parent our kids very differently
And I have come to the conclusion that he can say whatever he wants and I will let him
She's giving up folks. I'm giving up because he just just say whatever you want Billy. I don't care
That took a personal turn
All right, so there's construction on the route that you always take and now you're gonna be late for something
let it like
Or be pent up and and frazzled and well, I'm definitely gonna be stressed out about it
But I will for now let them
And put on in sync and just sit in my in sync
Sometimes you just have to sit in your in sync, you know
So
A parent or a child of yours is not letting you say no to things wait what?
Your parent or your children when you say no and create a boundary. They have a problem with it
Do you let it or do you find it? Are you in our family?
We don't say no in our family
I say no a lot. Well, you say no the best
Which you said to Pedro, I believe I did and he went
That's scary. I know because she doesn't say no that often, but she says no the most
He was like, we all need to work on this. I was like, I know
Yeah, so if you're talking about our family, we're a family of people pleasers. I'm
I'm semi-reformed Carly is you're semi-reformed just born
I'm just formed
So I want to say the right answer that everybody wants to hear is let them set the boundaries
But in our family probably don't let them and just suffer
Uh discontinued planet oat oat milk ice cream now
I've tried to let them I've contacted them. I've asked them to send me everything that they have left
And unfortunately I had to let them say no to me correct. I put no don't accept that
Overdress we're underdress for an event or a party because you just you know, don't care. Are you asking me that right now?
Let them we're not sure what a beige
Uh dress for the ice means are you underdressed? Are you overdressed?
We're not sure it does it doesn't matter. Let's I'm dressed. I'm gonna let you be thankful for that
You walked in and got undressed so
There's that
Long line at the airport security line. You have time you'll make it
But it stands still and you've been there for a really long time. There's one person holding the whole thing up
I have no problem with that. I don't think I've ever had a problem at the airport where I'm like freaking out
Because I am always on time
Victoria would disagree with that but I hate being late. She shows up on the minute. Yeah, that's late. I hate being late
I'm like 45 minutes early for every class though except for this except for this. I walk in at 9 30
so
Um, I would say let them I have no problem with waiting in line. I have things to do people talk to
I feel like you've gotten some right but in but still you've gotten them all wrong at the same time
They're still all wrong. What do you think? All right? Here's a bonus question for the wind
I said it's a bonus question. I was talking to Justin before the wind
He says let them now, you know
Decide my responses and reactions are the only things I can control
So who cares if I am the villain in someone else's story? This is a bonus question
for the wind
Does it negate everything I've said before and if I tell you the right answer then I win everything
Or is it just a bonus question? I still lose
It's a trick question
And the answer is not
Let them or do not let them. Oh
What's the question? I'm not saying it again something about being the villain in somebody else's story. Yeah, that's fine
I'm working on that. Okay. So everything
Everything has been a two word thing let them
No, let them this is uh
Let them and don't let them
It's a let me oh it's a let me because
You cannot control anything other than yourself. So let me
How do you react to that you let me not react?
That was really hard one
Apparently so is the one about
Oh milk so
Well
You definitely lost
But you won but it gave me things to think about
Well, that's good because you're gonna read the whole book and continue on your thinking journey
It's gonna be new for you. It is. Uh, but this goes along with my um resolution
I don't like how you I did did air quotes
I because it's not a resolution just with my motto of I don't care this year like I'm gonna do whatever
I feel I need to do not always what makes me happy because sometimes
Doing for other people doesn't always make you happy like things that you have to do
What's right doesn't make you happy. So I don't want to say
Every every single thing I do this year has to make me happy. This is part of the video where I wish we had somebody
Zooming in the camera for me to go
No, like you know what like I I don't believe that everything every decision every
Thing needs to make you happy all the time. Absolutely, right. So I'm saying it can't right
So I'm saying that this isn't the year of like I don't care
I'm gonna do whatever as long as I'm happy because that's not realistic. I'm gonna say this goes along with my
motto of I don't want to care as much
About stupid things that are keeping me
from being happy
It was really hard to let you say all of that
First of all, thanks for letting me second of all
Yes, if that's your motto
So your intention was to not doom scroll at night. So maybe you can
Kind of change a piece of your doom scrolling and read a paragraph instead
That can help with that. We can aid in your success
Um, and I don't care if you like it
Cool, but I think that's a good that the era
coming up for you as
T-Swift would say
This is your era of
Taking all the s letting go
No, no, no
No, I don't want to take them all. Hey, you want to give them away want to give them away. I'm gonna give them to you
Okay, so pretty usual. Thank you for coming on this journey this impromptu surprise of a journey next week
I'm the boss
You weren't confident about that sentence because I do say I'm ohm or I'm
I'm the boss
How dare you no, I will not be the boss next week either. I was just trying to
and this
That's good
so
for usual
Remember you are always fit to be real and always allowed to be a little extra
For legal reasons we have to tell you that this podcast is meant for entertainment and educational purposes only we are not health care professionals
For all of your health wellness fitness and self care needs
Please refer to the medical professional in your life your primary care physician your therapist a certified coach
Whoever it may be and then let us know what they say because I guarantee we need to know what do
Okay
Okay, bye