1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,680 Welcome to fit to be real and a little extra 2 00:00:06,240 --> 00:00:08,240 Finally 3 00:00:08,360 --> 00:00:12,640 I'm really excited about these though. Well, yeah, because mine says extra on it 4 00:00:12,640 --> 00:00:18,360 I don't know if you can see that you can't because I didn't realize what's appalled when it's um 5 00:00:18,840 --> 00:00:21,000 It's a iridescent iridescent. Yeah 6 00:00:21,760 --> 00:00:26,440 Smart and yeah, we'll fix this. It's gonna be a process like I said piece by piece 7 00:00:26,440 --> 00:00:29,840 Well, yeah, you might not be able to see it past my ice skating dress 8 00:00:31,600 --> 00:00:34,560 What we call the ice skating dress there you go sleeves 9 00:00:35,040 --> 00:00:38,560 I've never worn it the tags are still in it. So I thought I'd wear it today 10 00:00:38,560 --> 00:00:44,600 She asked me to zipper up and I left the tag on yeah, definitely don't take the tag. It's a really big tag. I know 11 00:00:45,640 --> 00:00:50,480 Like it's a bougie tag. You're annoying. I've never I've never gotten to wear this 12 00:00:50,480 --> 00:00:55,680 I bought this during COVID and I was like I love this it looks like an ice skater and I've never been able to wear it 13 00:00:55,680 --> 00:01:00,720 Well, did that during COVID? Mm-hmm when I had nowhere to go. I was like that's so cute 14 00:01:02,240 --> 00:01:04,240 What are you gonna do about your shopping addiction? 15 00:01:06,320 --> 00:01:08,320 Feed it 16 00:01:09,000 --> 00:01:14,080 Speed that addiction. I mean you don't want to get rid of it ever you never want to get rid of an addiction 17 00:01:14,080 --> 00:01:15,680 You just want to feed it 18 00:01:15,680 --> 00:01:20,480 Okay, let's see opposite of everything if you don't know her she's kidding. We do not agree with that 19 00:01:20,480 --> 00:01:22,480 You're so annoying. Oh 20 00:01:32,040 --> 00:01:34,600 I'm Victoria. Hey guys, I'm Carly 21 00:01:35,240 --> 00:01:40,400 I'm comfortable AF right now in my blanket. Wait, can I just say something? 22 00:01:41,400 --> 00:01:43,400 What are we talking about today? 23 00:01:43,400 --> 00:01:50,600 Right, okay. Well, let's just get into it very very good. Thanks for that. I'm a segueist remember. Mm-hmm 24 00:01:51,680 --> 00:01:59,440 Merry late Christmas. I didn't have any Christmas wrapping or paper left. I can see that you got me a present. I did 25 00:02:00,680 --> 00:02:03,280 Okay, have to go on. It's a book. Oh 26 00:02:06,920 --> 00:02:12,040 Tell the people what it is the let them theory by Melly are wait 27 00:02:12,040 --> 00:02:19,080 And you even put like codes in there like little okay. She said Carly read this damn it 28 00:02:19,840 --> 00:02:26,360 Victoria's my inscription was that what it's called inscription. Hey your signature. You're like your little note to me 29 00:02:26,360 --> 00:02:28,360 Yeah, we're official. Yeah 30 00:02:28,760 --> 00:02:33,960 Read it damn it and we're gonna make her read it and start that process today. I go to the first time 31 00:02:34,720 --> 00:02:40,500 So why don't you stop getting ahead of it? Oh, okay and ruining what I had planned just let them 32 00:02:40,500 --> 00:02:42,240 It's not the whole point 33 00:02:42,240 --> 00:02:44,240 You know anything 34 00:02:45,160 --> 00:02:49,080 It's so annoyed with you right now. Wait, did this just come in or was this like a I 35 00:02:49,720 --> 00:02:56,040 Last minute like I thought you would like this. They just got released. I ordered this I think over a month ago pre-order 36 00:02:56,280 --> 00:02:58,080 They just got 37 00:02:58,080 --> 00:03:01,120 Distributed so you are one of the first 38 00:03:02,440 --> 00:03:07,520 She's got a lot of work to do on me. I will say that she's work is yours. It's all on you 39 00:03:07,520 --> 00:03:12,440 So Carly what is the let them theory? Why don't you open tab number one? 40 00:03:12,440 --> 00:03:16,120 But you were just gonna ask me what I thought it was. No, I know exactly how this is gonna work 41 00:03:18,240 --> 00:03:20,680 The let them theory is about freedom 42 00:03:21,760 --> 00:03:27,940 The let them theory will free you from the burden of trying to manage other people. How about it? 43 00:03:29,200 --> 00:03:31,200 So here's what that's like 44 00:03:31,600 --> 00:03:33,600 Okay, I 45 00:03:33,600 --> 00:03:37,760 Pre-read this last night. I did not read the entire book. I marked through 46 00:03:38,160 --> 00:03:43,440 Things that would stick out that kind of describe the whole point of this book and how the book works 47 00:03:43,760 --> 00:03:47,980 So what is underlined is what you need to read out loud. Oh, yeah, okay? 48 00:03:48,000 --> 00:03:52,240 Just what's underlined there's a lot and it's from what I kind of gathered 49 00:03:52,680 --> 00:03:55,440 It's I kind of want to read this next. Well, you love her 50 00:03:56,680 --> 00:03:58,600 Yes, I do 51 00:03:58,600 --> 00:04:03,720 We all should no Robbins. What's up girl? I'm just saying so 52 00:04:04,840 --> 00:04:06,840 Carly needs this more than anyone 53 00:04:07,520 --> 00:04:08,920 Is this? 54 00:04:08,920 --> 00:04:13,020 Yeah, I guess an intervention. Sure. Yeah, I was gonna say is this you trying to tell me something 55 00:04:13,020 --> 00:04:15,400 You say let them as a joke, but we need to mean it 56 00:04:15,400 --> 00:04:21,120 I do like I think the world needs you to mean it say a lot of things as a joke that probably is inappropriate and 57 00:04:21,200 --> 00:04:25,720 Kind of how we started. Yeah about addiction. Yeah, we know we were there 58 00:04:25,720 --> 00:04:32,280 Let's not remember that okay, so yeah now. What's the problem with Carly? 59 00:04:32,280 --> 00:04:37,200 Let's go to tab number two. Wait, you didn't I saw something else to read. Oh, wow. You're really slow reader 60 00:04:38,920 --> 00:04:44,520 The truth is other people hold no real power over you unless you give it to them 61 00:04:44,640 --> 00:04:47,600 This is something Victoria said verbatim to me last night 62 00:04:47,960 --> 00:04:53,680 Didn't know we were talking about it this morning, but she literally said this to me as she was leaving last night in the office 63 00:04:53,680 --> 00:05:00,240 Mm-hmm before I started reading this book. This was all notes from last night late last night really? 64 00:05:00,240 --> 00:05:05,800 Yeah, so you do the let them theory in your life. I mean I try I 65 00:05:06,960 --> 00:05:08,960 Try yeah, it 66 00:05:08,960 --> 00:05:13,320 Well, we're not gonna do the gist. We're gonna do this okay for all the work that I did last night 67 00:05:13,320 --> 00:05:17,280 We're gonna do it right. Okay, so what is the problem Carly? 68 00:05:17,560 --> 00:05:22,520 Number two, okay, if you're struggling to change your life achieve your goals or feel happier 69 00:05:22,520 --> 00:05:30,240 I want you to hear this the problem isn't you but hold on I gotta repeat that the problem isn't you oh 70 00:05:30,560 --> 00:05:32,560 wait, I 71 00:05:32,840 --> 00:05:34,840 Knew it. I knew this is where the 72 00:05:35,360 --> 00:05:42,720 Problem is the power you unknowingly give to other people. I like the problem isn't you and of sense period slay 73 00:05:42,720 --> 00:05:44,840 There was no period was there period 74 00:05:47,200 --> 00:05:49,200 Period I 75 00:05:49,200 --> 00:05:54,840 Disapproved but I'm gonna let you the problem is the power you unknowingly give to other people I 76 00:05:55,920 --> 00:06:00,160 Said that to Carly last night as well. I said well you're you're letting them do that to you 77 00:06:00,920 --> 00:06:04,520 They don't even know they're doing that to you you're letting that happen 78 00:06:07,040 --> 00:06:08,320 Yeah 79 00:06:08,320 --> 00:06:13,440 All right, okay, so there's a formula okay, it's not like read this book. You'll be fine 80 00:06:13,440 --> 00:06:18,960 But there's peace what I mean. Yes, but there's you know guys things to action 81 00:06:19,040 --> 00:06:24,400 There's a formula. So what is the formula tab number three? Oh my god. You really did a lot here 82 00:06:24,800 --> 00:06:30,760 You did some work. Okay, let them is just the first half of the equation 83 00:06:30,760 --> 00:06:35,960 There is a second even more crucial step to this theory. Let me what? 84 00:06:35,960 --> 00:06:42,560 So let them there's so much I can make fun of right now is needed by let me I 85 00:06:43,320 --> 00:06:47,280 Can't wait for this. I have a new phrase instead of let them 86 00:06:47,280 --> 00:06:52,640 I'm just gonna say let me to you all the time now when I want to do something just let me 87 00:06:53,400 --> 00:06:55,960 We do and it never works out. Well 88 00:06:58,040 --> 00:07:00,840 It quite literally blows up I 89 00:07:00,840 --> 00:07:06,800 Like the let me theory. What is the let me you're really doing well at reading? Well, I'm very nervous 90 00:07:07,200 --> 00:07:11,760 This is like round Robin at school. Do you guys remember round Robin? Yeah, but you're the only right now 91 00:07:13,480 --> 00:07:21,160 I'm the solo Robin where you'd like go down the book the textbook to count where you probably are going like the paragraph 92 00:07:21,160 --> 00:07:24,160 You're gonna read and then you'd pre read it while the other person was reading 93 00:07:24,160 --> 00:07:24,960 Yeah 94 00:07:24,960 --> 00:07:30,880 All the stress but then it like something wouldn't work out like a kid would have to go to the bathroom or something would happen 95 00:07:30,880 --> 00:07:32,880 And then you read the wrong paragraph 96 00:07:33,240 --> 00:07:37,800 Preemptively you had just practiced in your mind. Yeah the one you thought you were gonna read 97 00:07:38,520 --> 00:07:42,040 And then you get to the one you have to read and you're like I forget how 98 00:07:43,680 --> 00:07:50,480 That's sort of how I feel right now. I'm just bypassing commas and question marks, and I'm just saying words 99 00:07:50,480 --> 00:07:53,920 I love lamp. I love lamp 100 00:07:55,640 --> 00:07:59,560 Do you feel out of control let me just let me 101 00:08:00,480 --> 00:08:07,440 Well, where does that control come from Carly tab number four lucky number better say something good. Where's your lucky number? 102 00:08:08,040 --> 00:08:10,040 Yes 103 00:08:10,040 --> 00:08:15,440 We didn't know that I picked it back in the day. You just picked it. There's so much to the underlying here 104 00:08:15,440 --> 00:08:19,480 I'm very nervous. This is you should have preemptively done it. Let me 105 00:08:19,480 --> 00:08:24,500 The urge to control things comes from a very primal place fear 106 00:08:26,640 --> 00:08:28,640 That was more fear being ah 107 00:08:30,400 --> 00:08:32,960 Just reading not all of it means it's you yeah 108 00:08:33,080 --> 00:08:39,840 This book is not about me fear of being excluded of not being liked of things falling apart if we're not steering the ship 109 00:08:39,840 --> 00:08:43,200 And it shows up in all kinds of ways we hover 110 00:08:43,200 --> 00:08:49,200 We hover over our kids you 111 00:08:52,480 --> 00:08:58,440 Underline this on purpose honestly, I flip the page and my eye just went to that section and I was like his kids met 112 00:08:59,360 --> 00:09:07,080 Don't say kids met. It was meant to be yeah, we hover over our kids manifest destiny. Okay. Okay. I'm doing so well right now 113 00:09:07,120 --> 00:09:11,000 You mess up my flow. I hate that word too. That's a trigger word for me 114 00:09:11,000 --> 00:09:17,280 We hover over our kids making sure they make the right decisions. We try to write with quotation fingers 115 00:09:17,960 --> 00:09:19,080 the 116 00:09:19,080 --> 00:09:25,560 Right this isn't you didn't do it right? Well, I have there's so much going on right now. We try to influence our partner's habits 117 00:09:27,400 --> 00:09:33,120 Worrying that if we don't step in they'll somehow get it wrong that is my daily life 118 00:09:33,760 --> 00:09:38,880 Pretty sure you wrote those. Yeah. Am I Mellie are is that the big reveal at the end of this? I 119 00:09:38,880 --> 00:09:42,860 Am there is a reveal actually but that tab is later 120 00:09:43,080 --> 00:09:48,520 Okay, we even impose our opinions on friends believing we know better than they do about their lives 121 00:09:48,920 --> 00:09:53,840 That one's not really you know, I don't know anything about anybody else's life not even my own 122 00:09:53,840 --> 00:09:58,320 Yeah, and but I don't feel like when you're listening to someone vent or have a problem 123 00:09:58,320 --> 00:10:03,480 I it doesn't like pop up to me that you're like here's what you need to do 124 00:10:03,480 --> 00:10:06,840 You need to do it like this like I know what to do. Yeah, no, I'm not that person 125 00:10:06,840 --> 00:10:11,720 That's not you get really passionate about what they're talking about as if it is you 126 00:10:12,560 --> 00:10:18,080 Yeah, or or what I'll do is I'll try and Victoria hate this I 127 00:10:19,160 --> 00:10:23,720 Will try and find a scenario that is most like yours and 128 00:10:24,240 --> 00:10:30,440 Try and help you through my own personal experience, but Victoria thinks it's I'm trying to compare and I'm not 129 00:10:30,800 --> 00:10:32,800 I'm trying to 130 00:10:32,800 --> 00:10:36,960 Make you feel you already said it resume. I 131 00:10:37,640 --> 00:10:39,640 Said resume. Oh in my head 132 00:10:46,840 --> 00:10:51,000 She gave me tissues because I let my nose runs when I laugh 133 00:10:52,080 --> 00:10:57,320 She's allergic to fun and happiness. Yes. Yes. I know I'm well aware 134 00:10:57,320 --> 00:11:03,040 Because we had like a blowout. Oh my god a long time ago in the car in my driveway 135 00:11:03,040 --> 00:11:09,760 Oh my god, and she's like stop talking like a therapist. Yeah, so you go to therapy and now you can't even talk like a real human 136 00:11:09,760 --> 00:11:14,240 I was like tell me more. I know my god. It was so annoying. It's like, why are you yelling right now? 137 00:11:15,240 --> 00:11:22,600 No, I know you're not one-upping or like comparing being like I have a bad too, but I think I 138 00:11:23,160 --> 00:11:24,320 think 139 00:11:24,320 --> 00:11:27,320 Say it higher. I think 140 00:11:28,560 --> 00:11:32,320 All that needs to be said is like oh my god, I totally hear you I get it and 141 00:11:33,240 --> 00:11:38,560 Then what you need to say instead of well when it happened to me and you're like cool 142 00:11:39,280 --> 00:11:41,120 That's fun 143 00:11:41,120 --> 00:11:44,040 Like there just needs to be more words used 144 00:11:45,080 --> 00:11:47,440 Believe it or not. Sometimes she doesn't use enough words 145 00:11:47,440 --> 00:11:54,000 So so fear that if I didn't make things happen, I'd be forgotten I 146 00:11:56,120 --> 00:12:02,640 Sometimes want to be forgotten like this morning when I woke up with 72 text messages. I was like, yes 147 00:12:03,880 --> 00:12:10,240 Like um, you know lunch mom text messages and threads threads. Oh, I hate literally threads 148 00:12:10,240 --> 00:12:12,960 I hate them. I think there were 16 individual ones 149 00:12:12,960 --> 00:12:17,840 I mean, I am on a thread with you and mom then I have mom side text then I'm on a thread with Billy 150 00:12:17,840 --> 00:12:23,840 Then I'm on a family tech like I have so many threads. So if I don't answer you there's a that's why I found out yesterday 151 00:12:25,360 --> 00:12:27,360 Let's hold the phone 152 00:12:28,040 --> 00:12:30,240 That there's a family text thread 153 00:12:30,920 --> 00:12:38,000 with Billy Katie Andrew and Carly so my brother his girlfriend my brother-in-law and 154 00:12:38,560 --> 00:12:40,560 this monster right 155 00:12:40,560 --> 00:12:45,080 And I'm not in I shouldn't have even told you because it's a rowing machine 156 00:12:46,880 --> 00:12:53,000 Competition it's so boring. I got a rower for Christmas from Andrew even though I'm supposed to be off the sauce and 157 00:12:53,440 --> 00:12:57,720 He got me a piece of equipment to work out more. I'm just eating sauce 158 00:12:59,720 --> 00:13:01,240 Clearly 159 00:13:01,240 --> 00:13:03,440 So I'm not allowed to be in it and 160 00:13:04,320 --> 00:13:06,840 I guess my brother helped Andrew 161 00:13:06,840 --> 00:13:12,560 Pick out this specific rower because he wanted to get me a good one that was gonna last the rest of my life 162 00:13:13,200 --> 00:13:17,960 And so because he wants me to work out for the rest of my life. There's the problem 163 00:13:17,960 --> 00:13:22,480 Um, oh, yes, everyone else is a shoe. I can't wait to keep diving into these tabs 164 00:13:22,640 --> 00:13:28,920 But anyways, so we're we compete through rowing like there's a competition and Victoria doesn't have a rower 165 00:13:28,920 --> 00:13:36,000 So she's not in the competition. I'm not I'm not in it. I'm we told really funny jokes been jaw dropped before so 166 00:13:37,560 --> 00:13:43,800 Now you all know ever and I'm gonna please feel free to text me so we can have our own threads without Carly 167 00:13:44,960 --> 00:13:47,920 No, please do that. I don't want to be in your thread 168 00:13:49,120 --> 00:13:51,840 Wait last thing she underlined. Okay, and let's be real 169 00:13:52,600 --> 00:13:58,240 Because that's what we do here even Mellie our thing so control gives us the illusion of safety 170 00:13:58,240 --> 00:14:02,400 Is it an illusion or does it give us safety illusion? 171 00:14:02,920 --> 00:14:05,600 Is it an illusion or death to give us safety? 172 00:14:06,080 --> 00:14:08,080 Yes, you manic crazy person 173 00:14:08,920 --> 00:14:10,760 It's an illusion 174 00:14:10,760 --> 00:14:13,280 You can never or does it give us safety? 175 00:14:13,280 --> 00:14:17,200 Safe. I'm gonna throw this handheld microphone at you 176 00:14:17,920 --> 00:14:19,920 You can never be safe if you're in control 177 00:14:20,840 --> 00:14:22,720 You're never in control 178 00:14:22,720 --> 00:14:25,360 Like the fact that you think you have control is 179 00:14:25,360 --> 00:14:28,280 Is the illusion that's the first 180 00:14:30,440 --> 00:14:37,000 You don't have control you have to accept that there is no control and you just have to go with the flow of light 181 00:14:37,440 --> 00:14:44,720 Yeah, yeah, you release you from all of this unwanted mental drama you put yourself through so you don't want control 182 00:14:45,160 --> 00:14:51,360 But what control does is give you that false sense of safety because you think you've got it handled 183 00:14:51,360 --> 00:14:58,040 Right, and then when I don't have it handled I go off the deep end is what you're saying. I mean, yeah when it all crashes 184 00:14:58,240 --> 00:15:01,640 Yeah, you you know you crash. Yeah, okay 185 00:15:02,120 --> 00:15:03,960 cool 186 00:15:03,960 --> 00:15:05,960 So there's three different theories 187 00:15:06,360 --> 00:15:08,360 that go along 188 00:15:08,360 --> 00:15:12,760 To make the let them theory to a degree and she describes them in like a lot of detail 189 00:15:13,600 --> 00:15:19,120 But what are they and I think you're gonna struggle on a word that I'm really is it the first word. Yeah, I 190 00:15:19,120 --> 00:15:21,880 Already looked at it and was like wait do I have to read this? 191 00:15:21,880 --> 00:15:24,520 It's not underlined. I really don't want to read it, but she starred it 192 00:15:24,520 --> 00:15:26,840 Can I just skip it because it was in bold? 193 00:15:26,840 --> 00:15:29,920 So I was like if she doesn't understand that this is what she needs to read 194 00:15:29,920 --> 00:15:34,400 I literally was gonna skip down to the underline because I was like this I can't I this is too much for me 195 00:15:34,520 --> 00:15:41,160 Can you just let me what oh you're you have no idea what you're talking about. Okay three different theories 196 00:15:43,040 --> 00:15:44,600 Okay in 197 00:15:44,600 --> 00:15:48,480 Stoicism the focus is on controlling your own thoughts and actions 198 00:15:50,280 --> 00:15:56,640 Focus is on controlling your own. Yeah. Yeah, your own thoughts. Yeah, your own actions. Okay, that's stoicism. All right 199 00:15:57,160 --> 00:15:59,160 I'm confused. Do we want this? 200 00:15:59,800 --> 00:16:01,800 We don't want this 201 00:16:01,880 --> 00:16:08,200 Why would we not want this because stoicism sounds very negative to me. All right Carmella, okay? 202 00:16:10,120 --> 00:16:13,900 You're getting stuck on the word stoic. Yeah, which just means like stiff 203 00:16:13,900 --> 00:16:16,400 Yes, unchanging and unwavering correct 204 00:16:18,520 --> 00:16:23,040 But we want that for ourselves it but that's not what that sentence just said the sentence 205 00:16:23,040 --> 00:16:30,280 It's basically you can control yourself your mind your thought your actions and that's it. I can control right so we do have control 206 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:33,240 What's the next goddamn theory? 207 00:16:34,360 --> 00:16:40,640 Buddhism and radical acceptance teach that suffering comes from resisting reality and sitting on this couch 208 00:16:40,640 --> 00:16:45,280 Because I'm suffering but this is reality so 209 00:16:46,680 --> 00:16:48,680 radically let me and 210 00:16:49,400 --> 00:16:55,720 Detachment theory teaches us how to emotionally distance ourselves from situations that trigger us. I don't have that at all 211 00:16:55,720 --> 00:16:58,360 I feel like detachment is like one of the 212 00:16:59,080 --> 00:17:01,080 main I 213 00:17:01,360 --> 00:17:05,240 Think focuses that we did for our 200 hour training for yoga 214 00:17:05,240 --> 00:17:12,160 The Hindu thing it's a Buddhist thing and all of its combined like anybody thinks there's one true religion or theory or thought like 215 00:17:12,160 --> 00:17:15,840 It's literally all the same thing. Yeah used in different words. No, I agree 216 00:17:15,920 --> 00:17:21,440 Detachment is I was always like but I don't want to detach from people like I want to attach you want to connect 217 00:17:21,440 --> 00:17:27,960 Yeah, I have this thing and it's not it doesn't interchange attachment and connection don't interchange. They're not the same word 218 00:17:29,120 --> 00:17:31,120 attachment is being so 219 00:17:31,680 --> 00:17:33,680 gripped on to something in 220 00:17:33,680 --> 00:17:38,920 In fear of the outcome and letting that outcome kind of overtake you and detachment is 221 00:17:39,440 --> 00:17:41,440 Not caring what the outcome is 222 00:17:42,000 --> 00:17:46,960 So it's like I'm going out on these, you know those first couple days for the brand new person 223 00:17:46,960 --> 00:17:51,200 And you just you're like, oh my gosh, this is amazing like I really like this person 224 00:17:51,200 --> 00:17:57,280 I'm gonna be crushed if it doesn't work out like you're creating you already know what the outcome needs to be for yourself 225 00:17:57,280 --> 00:18:01,400 Right, and you will be crushed if it doesn't that's like expectations though, too 226 00:18:01,400 --> 00:18:05,440 Yeah, so detachment is just like I'm in the moment. This is awesome 227 00:18:05,440 --> 00:18:10,880 If it doesn't work out, oh good because I'm having fun right now like yeah, I'm not like that. Yeah 228 00:18:14,240 --> 00:18:16,240 Yeah, that's not me to a T 229 00:18:20,720 --> 00:18:22,720 Are you charging me for the minute right now? 230 00:18:23,160 --> 00:18:28,800 Because this is like deep therapy and like I don't I can't afford it. You're so overdue 231 00:18:28,800 --> 00:18:36,240 So like the books have stopped accruing because it's it's now outlandish, okay 232 00:18:37,000 --> 00:18:40,280 But that was very good reading of the word stoicism. We're all really proud of you 233 00:18:40,280 --> 00:18:45,800 Thank you, and I also have something that you underlined. I did yeah when you let others be who they are 234 00:18:45,800 --> 00:18:50,440 You're making an active empowered choice to release control. You never truly had 235 00:18:51,280 --> 00:18:54,640 letting others be they are not want them to be 236 00:18:54,640 --> 00:19:02,080 Victoria wishes I had done that since the day she was born, but I've been trying to mold her into somebody else since the day she 237 00:19:06,080 --> 00:19:10,840 Did I get you that no oh my friend Nicole as a joke made it 238 00:19:12,360 --> 00:19:18,400 Nicole she said my picture was a joke. No if I gave it to her it would have been as a joke. You're a horrible 239 00:19:19,120 --> 00:19:21,120 horrible ice dancer 240 00:19:21,120 --> 00:19:27,720 My show on says it's just a phase and it was a full moon last night. It's a wolf moon and I'm 241 00:19:28,360 --> 00:19:31,680 Vibing and I knew she was gonna have a problem with it. I 242 00:19:32,720 --> 00:19:37,040 Wasn't gonna say it though. Let me I knew you need to let that I was thinking it 243 00:19:37,040 --> 00:19:41,400 I was controlling my own mind that it wouldn't come out of my mouth, but you brought it up 244 00:19:41,400 --> 00:19:48,920 You failed you brought it on you failed miserably or successfully you brought it up. So I felt comfortable enough to 245 00:19:48,920 --> 00:19:50,920 I 246 00:19:50,960 --> 00:19:56,000 What's the power move Carly? Oh, I got some power moves number six. Okay. Oh 247 00:19:57,800 --> 00:19:59,800 When you say let them 248 00:20:00,080 --> 00:20:02,080 You're making a joke 249 00:20:04,120 --> 00:20:11,960 When you say let them you make a conscious decision not to allow other people's behavior bother you when you say let me 250 00:20:11,960 --> 00:20:16,680 You take responsibility for what you do next break it down. Hold on 251 00:20:16,680 --> 00:20:23,480 When you say let them let them you make a decision not to allow other people's behavior to bother you 252 00:20:23,480 --> 00:20:25,480 So you did very hard you're detaching from 253 00:20:27,160 --> 00:20:32,320 Their judgment that you think they're doing or the birds that they just said to you they that are affecting you 254 00:20:33,120 --> 00:20:41,040 You are letting them. Okay, or say they blocked you on Instagram. Let them like you are you don't care and you don't care 255 00:20:41,040 --> 00:20:43,040 Oh, yeah, that's the I don't care 256 00:20:43,040 --> 00:20:50,200 2025 motto we're doing right now great because it doesn't affect you you're letting them show you who they are and it doesn't even if it's 257 00:20:50,520 --> 00:20:53,560 What they're directing at you is is insults. Let's say 258 00:20:54,440 --> 00:20:57,320 That doesn't mean it's true. That doesn't mean it's who you are 259 00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:02,920 To let them so what's the let me let me you take responsibility for what you do next 260 00:21:03,920 --> 00:21:10,240 That's the stoicism you can control your mind your thoughts right, so your next move 261 00:21:10,240 --> 00:21:15,840 It's on you. Let me break so basically not react. I was just gonna say your reaction 262 00:21:16,920 --> 00:21:18,920 We're responses 263 00:21:20,160 --> 00:21:22,160 Is there different 264 00:21:23,040 --> 00:21:24,800 Okay, so 265 00:21:24,800 --> 00:21:32,040 There's a shocking reveal. We've made it to the tab number seven. What is this shocking reveal? Oh my god 266 00:21:32,560 --> 00:21:37,880 It's it's so what you're never gonna guess like no one's ever thought this before it's wild ready 267 00:21:37,880 --> 00:21:39,880 Life is stressful 268 00:21:41,280 --> 00:21:45,800 It's the chapter title I can totally write a book I 269 00:21:46,440 --> 00:21:49,240 Can write a book I can say life is stressful 270 00:21:49,240 --> 00:21:57,480 You'd be okay with people paying their hard-earned money for your BS to write life is stressful. Let them let me 271 00:21:58,560 --> 00:22:00,560 Hurry sorry 272 00:22:01,800 --> 00:22:06,520 That was loud for your ears. I apologize. She's learning. You know let me 273 00:22:06,520 --> 00:22:11,680 Okay, that was the yeah, okay, so then what is stress really doing go to Tabby? 274 00:22:13,680 --> 00:22:15,680 There's not many these are just little 275 00:22:17,120 --> 00:22:22,840 Okay, sorry I have like sound effects. Yeah Tourette's yep 276 00:22:24,040 --> 00:22:30,440 I wasn't gonna say it filtered moments. I can't control it stress causes you to doubt yourself 277 00:22:30,440 --> 00:22:36,000 Procrastinate burn out doom scroll and struggle with comparison. Oh my god, uh 278 00:22:37,200 --> 00:22:41,200 Was it feel to have an entire book written about you like how does that feel? 279 00:22:41,200 --> 00:22:47,360 I don't have stress and anxiety if you're having trouble focusing feeling happy or taking care of yourself 280 00:22:47,360 --> 00:22:50,920 The reason is stress. Oh, I 100% agree with that. Oh, yeah 281 00:22:51,000 --> 00:22:55,840 When you're stressed out when I'm stressed out the last thing I want to do is anything 282 00:22:55,840 --> 00:23:00,280 To solve the problem. I do anything but solve the problem 283 00:23:01,720 --> 00:23:07,320 Yes, and in turn sometimes I create more problems. Yeah, oh definitely start projects that I'm not finishing and 284 00:23:07,720 --> 00:23:11,120 Then I'm like even more stressed because I don't like that. I 285 00:23:11,800 --> 00:23:18,040 Tend yeah, I tend to get overwhelmed to the point of no return nothing like nothingness. Yeah, nothing 286 00:23:18,800 --> 00:23:20,800 happened nothing 287 00:23:21,800 --> 00:23:23,800 What nothing 288 00:23:23,800 --> 00:23:29,840 Yeah, and then I get mad at Andrew for trying to help and fix the problem when I just want to live in my stress 289 00:23:29,840 --> 00:23:31,840 We'll get into relationships. Oh 290 00:23:32,560 --> 00:23:34,560 but it's true though because 291 00:23:35,600 --> 00:23:40,080 You just put it on to whoever's around you. Yeah, and nine times out of ten 292 00:23:40,080 --> 00:23:44,440 It's if you're living in the house with people it goes to whoever those people are so you're putting it on your kids, too 293 00:23:45,040 --> 00:23:46,520 Yeah 294 00:23:46,520 --> 00:23:49,640 Cool. She also told me who is she? 295 00:23:49,640 --> 00:23:57,200 She also told me Melly did I put she I underlined she yeah a doctor. It's a doctor from Harvard. Oh 296 00:23:57,840 --> 00:24:02,760 Yeah, okay. She also told me that if your inner critic is louder than ever 297 00:24:02,840 --> 00:24:09,080 You're struggling with procrastination. You're tired. You can't stop scrolling on your phone. You're having trouble disconnecting from work 298 00:24:10,120 --> 00:24:15,000 Basically starts disconnecting from work. Oh, yeah, that's all we do disconnecting from work 299 00:24:15,000 --> 00:24:20,200 I do pretty darn well disconnecting from work when we are not scheduled to teach 300 00:24:20,200 --> 00:24:26,480 I don't show up like I could have gone to Carly's class last night, but every other shush. It's my turn 301 00:24:31,160 --> 00:24:33,160 I put the mic down 302 00:24:33,160 --> 00:24:38,360 I didn't even like how that came out of my mouth. I didn't feel that at all. She dropped my every other Monday 303 00:24:38,640 --> 00:24:42,720 It's Monday night. It's one of us and every other Monday morning 304 00:24:42,720 --> 00:24:45,760 It's one of us. So if whoever does in the morning doesn't do it at night 305 00:24:46,560 --> 00:24:51,880 Carly will show up to all of them doesn't matter. It doesn't matter. So it's a night her body could be resting 306 00:24:52,000 --> 00:24:58,040 She could be spending quality dinner time what she hates with her kids. No, I don't hate it. It's just so stressful 307 00:25:00,720 --> 00:25:08,040 Or or maybe not doing dinner with her kids and doing something else getting something done like a shopping list that she needs to do 308 00:25:08,040 --> 00:25:10,880 I make them come to see fit and sit in the kids room on a night 309 00:25:10,880 --> 00:25:17,120 She doesn't have to be there. So disconnecting from work is a sign of stress. So when you're like, I'm not stressed 310 00:25:17,320 --> 00:25:24,720 There's nothing about me that like I'm not worrying about anything. That's not worrying. That's physically walking through stress 311 00:25:24,720 --> 00:25:30,680 Yeah, you have a hard time disconnecting Victoria doesn't like it when I wake her up with text messages about all the things 312 00:25:30,680 --> 00:25:36,280 We have to do for see fit or new ideas that she's like and she'll write no no been done didn't work 313 00:25:36,400 --> 00:25:38,880 Yes, not doing that. Absolutely not 314 00:25:38,880 --> 00:25:47,880 No, that was like the January 2nd text message that I sent her all these new ideas. Nope. Nope been done didn't work 315 00:25:49,000 --> 00:25:51,000 But like true fact 316 00:25:51,600 --> 00:25:58,720 And also didn't you already complain about the reason you don't make lists is because we woke up with mom giving us a 317 00:25:58,720 --> 00:26:03,040 list of things to do in the morning when you've just woken up and 318 00:26:03,720 --> 00:26:06,400 Now you're doing it via technology. It's not a list 319 00:26:06,400 --> 00:26:09,760 It's a text mess like each word gets its own text 320 00:26:10,560 --> 00:26:16,120 That type of text you all know you all went like this. Oh my god, you know, well, she didn't like it 321 00:26:17,800 --> 00:26:22,360 What's another piece to why you need to let them Carly number nine 322 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:29,000 Okay, because everybody has critical opinions about people they love as well as total strangers 323 00:26:29,320 --> 00:26:31,000 It's a fact of life 324 00:26:31,000 --> 00:26:36,640 Embrace it accept it instead of trying to change reality start using it to your advantage. Let them 325 00:26:37,720 --> 00:26:42,880 You don't underline let them but I feel like we need to finish that italics. Yeah, what? 326 00:26:43,800 --> 00:26:45,800 What does that mean? I don't know? 327 00:26:47,440 --> 00:26:53,560 You were just reading words. Yes, that's I'm so nervous right now. I am reading that. I'm not listening to what I'm reading 328 00:26:53,560 --> 00:26:59,400 I'm just trying to get the words out correctly. I think that's every day. I'm having critical opinions about people 329 00:26:59,400 --> 00:27:01,400 myself 330 00:27:01,800 --> 00:27:05,200 That's just as bad every day everybody see I messed up 331 00:27:12,600 --> 00:27:14,600 You pre-read it 332 00:27:15,880 --> 00:27:17,880 You preemptively prepared 333 00:27:22,120 --> 00:27:24,120 I'm crying 334 00:27:24,120 --> 00:27:31,560 Okay, I didn't mess up that badly though. It's just everybody to every day. I don't know why but you are crying 335 00:27:31,560 --> 00:27:33,560 She is crying right now 336 00:27:36,360 --> 00:27:41,400 Everybody has critical opinions about people they love as well as total strangers. I mean everybody judges 337 00:27:41,800 --> 00:27:46,840 As hard as people try not to everybody does it so then why do you care so much? I don't know 338 00:27:46,840 --> 00:27:56,520 I'm trying to figure that out and you know what I don't want to care but like I take everything personally 339 00:27:58,440 --> 00:28:00,440 No 340 00:28:02,120 --> 00:28:08,040 But I don't want to I might pretend and I don't think it comes across that well that I don't care 341 00:28:09,880 --> 00:28:11,880 But I don't want to care 342 00:28:12,800 --> 00:28:14,800 well 343 00:28:14,800 --> 00:28:16,800 This is why you have this book 344 00:28:17,760 --> 00:28:19,280 Okay 345 00:28:19,280 --> 00:28:25,360 We're gonna keep moving. Okay, so what's one of the most important reasons for this let them theory 346 00:28:26,800 --> 00:28:28,800 One of the reasons 347 00:28:30,080 --> 00:28:32,300 Everyone don't hold your damn it. Oh 348 00:28:33,360 --> 00:28:35,360 Hold on 349 00:28:36,120 --> 00:28:40,400 One of the reasons why I love the let them theory is that anytime you improve yourself 350 00:28:40,400 --> 00:28:44,960 It improves all your relationships and this is particularly true with family. What? 351 00:28:46,720 --> 00:28:48,080 Thank god for the break 352 00:28:48,080 --> 00:28:54,480 I have felt the impact in my own family the stuff that used to bother me doesn't stress me out anymore that is a hard one 353 00:28:56,560 --> 00:29:00,480 To just like let the things that have bothered you your whole life just like not matter anymore 354 00:29:00,560 --> 00:29:08,160 But it's not it's not you're deciding it's like a snap of the finger. It's a practice. Yeah, it's it's a piece by piece like day to day 355 00:29:08,160 --> 00:29:10,160 I 356 00:29:10,160 --> 00:29:12,160 Try to do it until it 357 00:29:12,880 --> 00:29:17,680 It becomes part of you. Yeah, just like you would practice teaching 358 00:29:18,400 --> 00:29:24,400 Like you weren't good at it in the beginning. We were nervous. We had to look at notes on the floor. I did that the other day though 359 00:29:24,400 --> 00:29:29,600 Yeah, she totally did. My brain is I'm tired. Okay, I can't I can't 360 00:29:30,480 --> 00:29:33,760 And I did it last minute anyway, um, we had to look at notes on the floor 361 00:29:33,760 --> 00:29:39,520 We also had mom in the corner going giving us like the stank face being like you messed up 362 00:29:40,240 --> 00:29:45,360 How dare there's a catch step and there shouldn't be a catch that that's too hard for people right foot left foot 363 00:29:46,880 --> 00:29:48,320 So there's 364 00:29:48,320 --> 00:29:52,640 Then we did it and then we did it and then we did it and we kept making mistakes, but we kept going and now 365 00:29:53,600 --> 00:29:56,080 I can improv very well. I cannot 366 00:29:56,960 --> 00:30:00,720 Exactly, but you teach very well you cue well 367 00:30:00,720 --> 00:30:04,640 I cue well this but I cannot do what you do and just like oh well 368 00:30:04,720 --> 00:30:08,640 We're gonna do this because I forgot the dance. I'm like, oh we're scrapping that dance. We're gonna do something else 369 00:30:08,720 --> 00:30:10,880 because I cannot start over. Yeah, so 370 00:30:12,880 --> 00:30:18,000 I no I can't do it. So but that's the same thing. It's a practice of like trying to 371 00:30:18,880 --> 00:30:21,680 Breathe through whatever has been like the constants 372 00:30:22,800 --> 00:30:26,000 Trying to pick a word you don't like and it's really hard because you don't like anything 373 00:30:26,000 --> 00:30:33,760 So I'm gonna say trigger the constant trigger that a family member has does yeah to like slowly chip away at that like 374 00:30:35,200 --> 00:30:38,880 Tightness you put around it. Yeah, and then eventually won't actually care 375 00:30:39,360 --> 00:30:43,200 Yeah, it literally says I don't allow myself to get sucked sucked into the drama 376 00:30:44,000 --> 00:30:46,800 I stay laser focused on how I show up and live my life 377 00:30:47,840 --> 00:30:48,880 so 378 00:30:48,880 --> 00:30:50,160 How about it? 379 00:30:50,160 --> 00:30:54,400 It just is so much easier said than done. Hold on. What's the problem again? 380 00:30:54,400 --> 00:30:56,400 Go to tab 11 381 00:30:57,440 --> 00:31:02,160 You're so good at this. I went to school for this everyone. Oh my god, you she did I'm acting my face 382 00:31:06,000 --> 00:31:08,000 You are the problem 383 00:31:09,440 --> 00:31:17,040 Read that one correctly and the first step is accepting the truth life isn't fair. It's just not if my mom said that to me 384 00:31:18,160 --> 00:31:23,120 One more time growing up because I'm a very fair person which you all know we've talked about this before 385 00:31:23,120 --> 00:31:27,520 My mom would just say life isn't fair life's not always fair 386 00:31:28,320 --> 00:31:30,320 I hated that 387 00:31:30,320 --> 00:31:32,320 So much but why? 388 00:31:32,720 --> 00:31:34,720 it's true 389 00:31:35,520 --> 00:31:37,200 Because I 390 00:31:37,200 --> 00:31:40,320 growing up felt that if I did something I 391 00:31:41,200 --> 00:31:45,600 It was fair to get this or if I did x y and z it 392 00:31:46,720 --> 00:31:48,720 It ends up in 393 00:31:48,720 --> 00:31:53,440 You know if I did abc it ends up x y and z because this is algebra 394 00:31:54,320 --> 00:31:56,000 We don't do math 395 00:31:56,000 --> 00:32:01,920 But like and so when it didn't end up the way that I felt I deserved it was not unfair 396 00:32:02,240 --> 00:32:05,680 Attached to the outcome. Yeah, I mean you are the reason for this book 397 00:32:07,600 --> 00:32:13,440 You're who she had in mind when she was writing this with her daughter. She wrote this with a I was not a very go with the flow person 398 00:32:14,480 --> 00:32:16,480 Really, you're still not okay 399 00:32:16,480 --> 00:32:23,440 But you are in some random like things that all get bent out of shape about you're like carrots. I don't feel like that happens ever 400 00:32:24,880 --> 00:32:27,200 No, it does and now I can't think of an example 401 00:32:28,640 --> 00:32:33,280 I should have had that ready in my yeah, you should have had that one example that happened in our life 402 00:32:33,840 --> 00:32:36,080 No, there are things where I'm like, oh my god 403 00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:39,920 I mean, I guess a lot of them were with dating 404 00:32:40,480 --> 00:32:42,640 that I would think something was 405 00:32:42,640 --> 00:32:48,400 You know a mess or like shouldn't have happened or that person shouldn't have said it and you were like stop 406 00:32:48,720 --> 00:32:53,840 That's not that's not I know but I you were right and saying I know nothing about online dating 407 00:32:54,480 --> 00:32:55,920 I don't 408 00:32:55,920 --> 00:32:57,440 but I 409 00:32:57,440 --> 00:33:01,600 Say for the people in the back, but I know a thing or two about 410 00:33:02,240 --> 00:33:03,280 people 411 00:33:03,280 --> 00:33:05,280 And I don't like the rules do you? 412 00:33:06,400 --> 00:33:08,880 I don't like the rules that this online dating has 413 00:33:08,880 --> 00:33:15,040 But out there and I feel like there should be no rules and you should just go on your gut and not how 414 00:33:15,600 --> 00:33:22,240 If this emoji sending this emoji means this and responding in 20 minutes versus two hours means this like I 415 00:33:22,800 --> 00:33:24,240 I can't do that 416 00:33:24,240 --> 00:33:28,320 Just be if there were no rules, how would things be fair and things have to be fair 417 00:33:30,800 --> 00:33:32,800 So how is that equal balance happen 418 00:33:34,160 --> 00:33:37,840 If you're okay with no rules you can't be okay in a no rules someplace and not 419 00:33:37,840 --> 00:33:42,720 No, okay. I'm not okay with no rules. I didn't like those rules. There's a difference. Oh 420 00:33:44,240 --> 00:33:47,040 That's a preference. Yeah. Yeah, I didn't like the online dating rules 421 00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:49,920 I thought they were stupid and I think you should just be able to be who you want to be 422 00:33:50,560 --> 00:33:51,920 and not 423 00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:53,920 I didn't like them. I love rules 424 00:33:54,800 --> 00:33:56,560 love rules 425 00:33:56,560 --> 00:34:01,840 And when you follow the rules and somebody else doesn't follow the rules. I hate that you get so bent. Yes 426 00:34:02,640 --> 00:34:05,200 It's you get you also can't let it go until 427 00:34:05,200 --> 00:34:12,480 I sometimes I don't think you ever let it go. There's a lot of things. I don't let go and when you're storing that in this little 428 00:34:13,120 --> 00:34:17,120 Ice cream or outfit you have on like where do you store all these? Oh in my chest 429 00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:22,560 But I'm bump folks 430 00:34:22,800 --> 00:34:28,720 For those of you who can't see her there's nothing there the size negative a there's gotta be a better way 431 00:34:28,720 --> 00:34:35,200 There is and I don't think I'm ready to do that, but it's like $2,000. Yeah, that's it 432 00:34:35,920 --> 00:34:37,920 Yeah, yeah, but everybody's getting them removed 433 00:34:39,120 --> 00:34:41,840 We're talking about implants. We switched gears. We did 434 00:34:43,600 --> 00:34:48,960 I think some of you were with us though. Uh, yeah. All right. So moving on. What's what's the question? 435 00:34:49,360 --> 00:34:53,200 What is number 12? What is the question? You're so I mean the segue is 436 00:34:53,200 --> 00:34:59,600 I gotta learn from you. I'm not the segue. I'm making this new miracle. The question is 437 00:35:00,320 --> 00:35:02,320 Will you let yourself do it? 438 00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:03,840 Probs not 439 00:35:03,840 --> 00:35:10,320 The most important part of the let them theory is understanding that you're responsible for your own happiness. No, I understand that 440 00:35:10,480 --> 00:35:12,480 I think when I was younger I used to be like 441 00:35:13,520 --> 00:35:17,280 If Andrew's not happy, I'm not happy or like Andrew's making me unhappy 442 00:35:17,280 --> 00:35:22,880 But you literally just said that to me the other day. She ruins my class 443 00:35:23,680 --> 00:35:27,040 She ruins my day. Yeah, she ruins 444 00:35:27,680 --> 00:35:30,240 Whatever. Yeah, I was talking about 445 00:35:33,840 --> 00:35:37,440 But I was like, but you're letting you're letting that happen. Yeah, no, that's true 446 00:35:38,000 --> 00:35:43,680 You are you could have a great time because this is what you love to do and this makes you happy and 447 00:35:43,680 --> 00:35:47,440 Even if you don't want to start by the end, you're so happy that it happened 448 00:35:47,520 --> 00:35:52,240 Right. You let one thing bother you enough. Yes, and it takes over you give it power 449 00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:57,760 Yeah, yeah, so like you understand you are in control of your own happiness until something happens and then you have no control 450 00:35:58,640 --> 00:36:01,200 Yeah, and you allow that thing to fester 451 00:36:02,960 --> 00:36:07,520 And like sometimes it doesn't last that long but it's long enough that it will ruin my mood 452 00:36:07,600 --> 00:36:09,360 But you're letting that happen. Yeah, I know 453 00:36:09,360 --> 00:36:14,080 I don't know how to fix it in the moment, but I know after the fact 454 00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:18,080 What it like I can diagnose myself after the fact 455 00:36:18,320 --> 00:36:22,160 But while it's happening while somebody's effect like when Andrew's in a bad mood 456 00:36:22,240 --> 00:36:26,400 I'm like, why are you in a bad mood because you're making me in a bad mood? No, I know 457 00:36:26,800 --> 00:36:29,840 That's not how no, there's so here's what happened 458 00:36:31,680 --> 00:36:36,160 We went from tab 11 to tab 12 and in between tab 11 and tab 12 459 00:36:36,160 --> 00:36:39,360 are like so many pages of this book 460 00:36:40,160 --> 00:36:42,160 because it goes through relationships it goes through 461 00:36:43,120 --> 00:36:47,680 Uh children how to do this for children. This is this is kind of an adult theory 462 00:36:48,480 --> 00:36:51,760 Let them go for more of the adult because you can't let kids 463 00:36:53,760 --> 00:36:56,640 You know do bad things to other kids like you can't let them, right? 464 00:36:57,280 --> 00:37:01,920 So this is more of like adults have their own thoughts of their own adults do the judgment adults give 465 00:37:01,920 --> 00:37:05,840 A judgment to you. So it's the adult brain that this really is 466 00:37:06,640 --> 00:37:08,640 directed towards 467 00:37:08,720 --> 00:37:12,880 And so it talks about but how do you also make boundaries for your kids and stuff like that 468 00:37:12,960 --> 00:37:16,240 So there's a lot of chapters about that. There's a lot of chapters about relationships 469 00:37:16,640 --> 00:37:20,080 A lot of uh, there's a chapter about if you're single and how to get through dating 470 00:37:20,560 --> 00:37:25,840 With this theory basically the detachment we talked about before I skipped all of that. We are going under all 471 00:37:25,840 --> 00:37:31,440 She's only doing the things that pertain to me. It's 99 percent of the book 472 00:37:32,160 --> 00:37:36,160 Um, but that relationship there's a whole thing on how your partner 473 00:37:36,800 --> 00:37:40,080 It does affect your mood if you have a negative partner every single day 474 00:37:40,240 --> 00:37:45,120 Would you not also become negative you soak in what they put out, but there's a piece of it 475 00:37:46,480 --> 00:37:49,040 That like that's that does not be you well 476 00:37:49,120 --> 00:37:52,080 It's really funny that you say that because Andrew's like never in a bad mood 477 00:37:52,080 --> 00:37:57,360 But when he is he can be curmudgeoning and he's like I hate it when you ask me if I'm in a bad mood 478 00:37:57,440 --> 00:38:01,040 Because that makes me more in a bad mood and if I wasn't a bad mood 479 00:38:01,360 --> 00:38:03,840 Wouldn't it be helpful if you tried to like 480 00:38:04,480 --> 00:38:08,880 Be positive and help me get out of the bad mood so that instead of acknowledging it you just 481 00:38:09,600 --> 00:38:12,400 Ignored it and then it it would go away for me probably 482 00:38:13,440 --> 00:38:17,120 And I was like, yeah, probably but that's not fun. Andrew is the let them theory 483 00:38:17,120 --> 00:38:24,800 Andrew lets everyone do whatever whatever gives no f no he does and Carly's the one like taking all the f's 484 00:38:25,200 --> 00:38:30,080 I store them. I store them. She's like, oh, thank you. I put this one here. Oh, thank you 485 00:38:33,600 --> 00:38:35,600 I do I love to collect the f's 486 00:38:42,560 --> 00:38:44,560 I hate that you sidelined to me 487 00:38:44,560 --> 00:38:49,840 To make sure that I actually understood what you said if you're giving them out. I'll take them 488 00:38:50,880 --> 00:38:55,120 Wait, so I went to a concert with my brother in September 489 00:38:56,160 --> 00:39:01,200 It was the bourbon festival in Kentucky and we went to he was forcing me to drink bourbon. Oh, man 490 00:39:01,520 --> 00:39:03,520 I know so we know it was really bad 491 00:39:05,120 --> 00:39:06,400 It was really bad 492 00:39:06,400 --> 00:39:11,600 So we went to like one of the bars. I forget and got a drink but this bartender was so amazing 493 00:39:11,600 --> 00:39:16,720 Like she was like I'm working tonight and I'm gonna make the best out of this entire festival of like 494 00:39:16,960 --> 00:39:21,360 Yeah, who knows who's gonna come into my path, right like drunk people nice people mean people 495 00:39:22,080 --> 00:39:26,720 She was giving out little wooden words that say f usk and she was like 496 00:39:27,520 --> 00:39:32,080 I don't give a and she would give it to you and you were like, oh, thank you. I have one 497 00:39:32,720 --> 00:39:37,600 Stop and billi got one. I got him my bread because my first one broke and billi was like, oh no 498 00:39:37,600 --> 00:39:41,440 And he went back and he was like her f broke 499 00:39:41,680 --> 00:39:43,680 She was like, oh, we can't have that 500 00:39:43,920 --> 00:39:47,360 But that was that's what I'm picturing like people are just giving out and Carly's like 501 00:39:48,400 --> 00:39:50,400 Just give me all the abs please 502 00:39:51,040 --> 00:39:52,880 catching them in our apron 503 00:39:52,880 --> 00:39:54,880 because I store them 504 00:39:55,120 --> 00:40:01,120 So there's a oh my god, there's a benefit to this book Carly. What is the benefit of this book? Find number 13? 505 00:40:01,120 --> 00:40:03,120 Oh my god, it's all the way in the beginning 506 00:40:03,120 --> 00:40:05,920 I gotta go all the way back to the beginning in the intro of the book 507 00:40:05,920 --> 00:40:07,040 Oh my god 508 00:40:07,040 --> 00:40:09,040 Okay 509 00:40:09,200 --> 00:40:15,520 If you can promise yourself that you'll stick with me through this book read absorb and immediately start implementing what you learn 510 00:40:15,600 --> 00:40:20,240 I guarantee you your life will get a little easier and your relationships will get so much better 511 00:40:20,800 --> 00:40:27,520 This will be one of the most liberating and empowering things you will ever experience and it all begins with the two simple words 512 00:40:27,520 --> 00:40:35,520 Let them she tried in her brain really hard to think of two different words to say to make it funny because everything's a joke 513 00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:38,080 And you didn't you failed 514 00:40:38,240 --> 00:40:41,440 You did not I wanted to say F.U.C.K. off 515 00:40:41,920 --> 00:40:43,920 And I thought that would be really funny 516 00:40:44,240 --> 00:40:48,240 If those were the two most simple empowering words, but you can't say the word 517 00:40:48,640 --> 00:40:54,240 She physically cannot say the word so spelling it wouldn't have worked. I collect them, but I can't say it 518 00:40:54,240 --> 00:41:00,800 Oh, yeah, you you you pegged me. I did. I sat there for at least a second and a half thinking how can I make this funny? 519 00:41:00,800 --> 00:41:02,800 Don't say pegged me 520 00:41:02,800 --> 00:41:04,800 Okay 521 00:41:04,800 --> 00:41:06,800 So 522 00:41:06,800 --> 00:41:08,800 We have a little game 523 00:41:08,800 --> 00:41:10,800 Wait before you say that 524 00:41:10,800 --> 00:41:12,800 Congrats on the 525 00:41:12,800 --> 00:41:14,800 I love taking the wind out of your sails 526 00:41:14,800 --> 00:41:16,800 I almost wrote that in a text yesterday. Really? 527 00:41:16,800 --> 00:41:18,800 Oh, that's so weird. I was talking about that 528 00:41:18,800 --> 00:41:20,800 I was talking about that 529 00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:25,200 Really? Oh, that's so weird. I was typing that out 530 00:41:26,160 --> 00:41:28,160 And then erased it because I was like nobody says that 531 00:41:28,960 --> 00:41:35,200 Oh, I didn't write that in a text. That's fine. Oh my god. That's so weird. Okay. Keep going. Did I take the wind out of your sails? 532 00:41:35,600 --> 00:41:37,600 twice 533 00:41:38,000 --> 00:41:41,760 Um, I love I love this book. Thank you. I appreciate it. Melly are 534 00:41:42,640 --> 00:41:47,200 Um, owes me some money. I clearly was her guinea pig for writing this book 535 00:41:47,200 --> 00:41:54,560 She's been creeping on you for years. I feel I feel that watching you and also I just want to put out there 536 00:41:54,560 --> 00:41:56,000 I've started 537 00:41:56,000 --> 00:41:58,000 the show shrinking 538 00:41:58,480 --> 00:42:02,320 And it's about therapists. Oh my god. Everybody should go watch it 539 00:42:02,640 --> 00:42:06,480 Just go watch it and I did learn something from it. I don't approve of you 540 00:42:07,440 --> 00:42:09,440 talking about this like 541 00:42:09,520 --> 00:42:16,480 Doing every other therapy session like fit to be real and reading books and watching a funny comedy about therapists 542 00:42:16,480 --> 00:42:18,480 You shouldn't 543 00:42:18,720 --> 00:42:21,200 Keep therapy out of your mouth 544 00:42:22,560 --> 00:42:29,680 Also, you need to read this book. I will you tap it out for me. So nice. Okay. No, but knowing you she's like, well, I read it 545 00:42:30,000 --> 00:42:32,000 She underlined things. That's that's all I need 546 00:42:32,640 --> 00:42:34,640 every single week 547 00:42:34,640 --> 00:42:36,640 We want a page 548 00:42:36,720 --> 00:42:40,320 Out of my book. No a number. I've made it from page 50 549 00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:43,280 To page 60 we you need to read 550 00:42:43,280 --> 00:42:47,680 And that's gonna be our hot girl check. What what reads the book? 551 00:42:48,960 --> 00:42:53,440 Probably no you will okay. Yep, because we're gonna talk about it every week until it's done 552 00:42:53,520 --> 00:42:59,520 So if our listeners get super annoyed with this topic, you need to read faster. Let them 553 00:43:00,080 --> 00:43:02,080 Good for you 554 00:43:02,640 --> 00:43:04,640 You did it 555 00:43:04,720 --> 00:43:07,600 But you know what that's a really good segue into this game 556 00:43:07,600 --> 00:43:12,080 This game is called to let them or not to let them okay? So as soon as you 557 00:43:12,720 --> 00:43:16,320 Did this book? I was like damn it had I known this is what we're talking about today 558 00:43:16,400 --> 00:43:18,720 I would have done it game called like that 559 00:43:20,080 --> 00:43:22,080 You had done game called like that 560 00:43:23,920 --> 00:43:30,320 Hold on I had to take a second to hear you I would have I would have done it like would you let them or would you not let them? 561 00:43:31,120 --> 00:43:33,120 You're fired 562 00:43:33,120 --> 00:43:37,520 We my phone's on silent, but my computer must not be who's calling me from naras town. Okay 563 00:43:39,040 --> 00:43:41,040 so 564 00:43:41,040 --> 00:43:43,040 You have to 565 00:43:43,040 --> 00:43:49,040 Tell us if you believe this is a let them it doesn't bother me because I'm good at the let them theory or 566 00:43:49,600 --> 00:43:53,600 Not let them this needs to be handled and controlled and talked talked about 567 00:43:53,600 --> 00:43:56,080 Sorry, okay. It's my dress. Yep 568 00:43:57,360 --> 00:43:59,360 I'm gonna go ahead and read it 569 00:43:59,360 --> 00:44:03,120 Sorry, okay. It's my dress. Yep. I 570 00:44:04,320 --> 00:44:06,320 Have to practice this theory as well 571 00:44:06,960 --> 00:44:10,320 All right, if oat milk cold foam gets discontinued 572 00:44:11,520 --> 00:44:13,520 Let them or no 573 00:44:14,080 --> 00:44:16,080 No false let them okay 574 00:44:17,040 --> 00:44:19,040 If mom reads the news headlines to you 575 00:44:19,760 --> 00:44:21,120 out loud 576 00:44:21,120 --> 00:44:23,760 No, let me false. Let them know 577 00:44:24,800 --> 00:44:28,160 I can't I can't if your kids run around the house with scissors 578 00:44:28,160 --> 00:44:31,280 Oh my god. No. Good job. You got one right 579 00:44:32,240 --> 00:44:34,880 Dean tried that yesterday. I lobbed in some easy ones. Okay 580 00:44:36,720 --> 00:44:40,160 The thought of people not liking what you post on instagram. Oh, no 581 00:44:41,360 --> 00:44:45,280 I can't have that. Okay. It's a lot them. Okay. You're failing 582 00:44:47,200 --> 00:44:52,080 I'm being honest when clients show disapproval of your business changes that you've made 583 00:44:52,320 --> 00:44:55,200 I want to say let them but at the same time 584 00:44:55,200 --> 00:44:59,760 We work for them. So it's hard for me to let them cool 585 00:44:59,760 --> 00:45:03,120 So when you raise the prices from 15 to 18 dollars and people are giving me a stink 586 00:45:03,120 --> 00:45:05,120 Are you supposed to let that or not? 587 00:45:06,320 --> 00:45:08,320 No, I mean, yeah, I'm gonna let let them 588 00:45:09,120 --> 00:45:11,120 What 589 00:45:11,520 --> 00:45:13,520 I'm gonna let them be bothered by it 590 00:45:14,320 --> 00:45:17,760 You're gonna let them you're not gonna let their disapproval 591 00:45:17,840 --> 00:45:21,600 Yeah of you raising a walk-in price not even 20 dollars 592 00:45:21,600 --> 00:45:28,640 Just three dollars. Let them. Yeah, let your problem. No, mine. Yeah, it's yours. Wow. This is harder than I thought 593 00:45:29,440 --> 00:45:33,120 It's a game, right? I thought those must be fun. I thought you were gonna get them right 594 00:45:33,840 --> 00:45:38,560 Uh, when your 10 year old fights you on wearing the bows and the dresses that you want her to wear 595 00:45:39,360 --> 00:45:41,840 Do you like her? I know the right answer 596 00:45:43,680 --> 00:45:46,640 Letter fine letter or whatever she wants even if it's not cute 597 00:45:46,640 --> 00:45:52,800 Let her we need a moment of silence poor melody 598 00:45:53,600 --> 00:45:57,760 Uh, let your kids take over your bedroom. Let them 599 00:45:59,360 --> 00:46:01,360 I put no 600 00:46:01,760 --> 00:46:06,400 That's personal opinion. That is personal opinion true true. I don't like your opinion 601 00:46:07,600 --> 00:46:10,480 When a client looks miserable your entire class 602 00:46:10,480 --> 00:46:15,600 Do you let them or do you let it bother you? Victoria says let them 603 00:46:17,840 --> 00:46:19,840 Not Simon says 604 00:46:20,080 --> 00:46:22,080 Victoria says let them 605 00:46:22,960 --> 00:46:27,920 When others maybe even family members judge your parenting skills say family members again. I can't 606 00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:31,200 literally um 607 00:46:31,920 --> 00:46:35,600 Let them I my brother and I parent our kids very differently 608 00:46:35,600 --> 00:46:40,640 And I have come to the conclusion that he can say whatever he wants and I will let him 609 00:46:42,080 --> 00:46:46,720 She's giving up folks. I'm giving up because he just just say whatever you want Billy. I don't care 610 00:46:48,000 --> 00:46:50,000 That took a personal turn 611 00:46:51,040 --> 00:46:55,840 All right, so there's construction on the route that you always take and now you're gonna be late for something 612 00:46:56,720 --> 00:46:58,480 let it like 613 00:46:58,480 --> 00:47:03,360 Or be pent up and and frazzled and well, I'm definitely gonna be stressed out about it 614 00:47:03,360 --> 00:47:05,920 But I will for now let them 615 00:47:06,720 --> 00:47:10,320 And put on in sync and just sit in my in sync 616 00:47:13,920 --> 00:47:15,920 Sometimes you just have to sit in your in sync, you know 617 00:47:18,480 --> 00:47:19,920 So 618 00:47:19,920 --> 00:47:25,360 A parent or a child of yours is not letting you say no to things wait what? 619 00:47:26,320 --> 00:47:31,360 Your parent or your children when you say no and create a boundary. They have a problem with it 620 00:47:31,360 --> 00:47:34,560 Do you let it or do you find it? Are you in our family? 621 00:47:35,680 --> 00:47:37,680 We don't say no in our family 622 00:47:38,240 --> 00:47:40,640 I say no a lot. Well, you say no the best 623 00:47:42,320 --> 00:47:45,520 Which you said to Pedro, I believe I did and he went 624 00:47:46,080 --> 00:47:50,160 That's scary. I know because she doesn't say no that often, but she says no the most 625 00:47:50,560 --> 00:47:54,000 He was like, we all need to work on this. I was like, I know 626 00:47:54,480 --> 00:47:58,480 Yeah, so if you're talking about our family, we're a family of people pleasers. I'm 627 00:47:58,480 --> 00:48:03,360 I'm semi-reformed Carly is you're semi-reformed just born 628 00:48:04,800 --> 00:48:06,800 I'm just formed 629 00:48:09,440 --> 00:48:13,440 So I want to say the right answer that everybody wants to hear is let them set the boundaries 630 00:48:13,520 --> 00:48:16,560 But in our family probably don't let them and just suffer 631 00:48:21,440 --> 00:48:25,360 Uh discontinued planet oat oat milk ice cream now 632 00:48:25,360 --> 00:48:30,960 I've tried to let them I've contacted them. I've asked them to send me everything that they have left 633 00:48:31,520 --> 00:48:36,320 And unfortunately I had to let them say no to me correct. I put no don't accept that 634 00:48:38,720 --> 00:48:45,360 Overdress we're underdress for an event or a party because you just you know, don't care. Are you asking me that right now? 635 00:48:46,640 --> 00:48:48,880 Let them we're not sure what a beige 636 00:48:49,280 --> 00:48:54,480 Uh dress for the ice means are you underdressed? Are you overdressed? 637 00:48:54,480 --> 00:49:00,000 We're not sure it does it doesn't matter. Let's I'm dressed. I'm gonna let you be thankful for that 638 00:49:01,120 --> 00:49:03,120 You walked in and got undressed so 639 00:49:04,400 --> 00:49:06,400 There's that 640 00:49:06,480 --> 00:49:10,800 Long line at the airport security line. You have time you'll make it 641 00:49:11,360 --> 00:49:16,560 But it stands still and you've been there for a really long time. There's one person holding the whole thing up 642 00:49:16,560 --> 00:49:21,520 I have no problem with that. I don't think I've ever had a problem at the airport where I'm like freaking out 643 00:49:21,520 --> 00:49:23,840 Because I am always on time 644 00:49:25,120 --> 00:49:32,640 Victoria would disagree with that but I hate being late. She shows up on the minute. Yeah, that's late. I hate being late 645 00:49:32,960 --> 00:49:39,280 I'm like 45 minutes early for every class though except for this except for this. I walk in at 9 30 646 00:49:40,160 --> 00:49:41,440 so 647 00:49:41,440 --> 00:49:46,080 Um, I would say let them I have no problem with waiting in line. I have things to do people talk to 648 00:49:46,080 --> 00:49:53,440 I feel like you've gotten some right but in but still you've gotten them all wrong at the same time 649 00:49:53,520 --> 00:49:57,600 They're still all wrong. What do you think? All right? Here's a bonus question for the wind 650 00:49:59,520 --> 00:50:03,120 I said it's a bonus question. I was talking to Justin before the wind 651 00:50:03,920 --> 00:50:05,920 He says let them now, you know 652 00:50:06,240 --> 00:50:10,880 Decide my responses and reactions are the only things I can control 653 00:50:10,880 --> 00:50:16,640 So who cares if I am the villain in someone else's story? This is a bonus question 654 00:50:17,760 --> 00:50:19,760 for the wind 655 00:50:20,000 --> 00:50:24,240 Does it negate everything I've said before and if I tell you the right answer then I win everything 656 00:50:24,640 --> 00:50:27,120 Or is it just a bonus question? I still lose 657 00:50:27,680 --> 00:50:29,440 It's a trick question 658 00:50:29,440 --> 00:50:31,440 And the answer is not 659 00:50:31,840 --> 00:50:33,840 Let them or do not let them. Oh 660 00:50:35,040 --> 00:50:40,160 What's the question? I'm not saying it again something about being the villain in somebody else's story. Yeah, that's fine 661 00:50:40,160 --> 00:50:42,960 I'm working on that. Okay. So everything 662 00:50:44,320 --> 00:50:46,480 Everything has been a two word thing let them 663 00:50:47,520 --> 00:50:49,520 No, let them this is uh 664 00:50:51,120 --> 00:50:53,120 Let them and don't let them 665 00:50:55,120 --> 00:50:58,480 It's a let me oh it's a let me because 666 00:50:59,120 --> 00:51:03,200 You cannot control anything other than yourself. So let me 667 00:51:04,000 --> 00:51:06,720 How do you react to that you let me not react? 668 00:51:06,720 --> 00:51:09,120 That was really hard one 669 00:51:11,600 --> 00:51:13,600 Apparently so is the one about 670 00:51:13,680 --> 00:51:15,680 Oh milk so 671 00:51:16,560 --> 00:51:18,400 Well 672 00:51:18,400 --> 00:51:20,400 You definitely lost 673 00:51:21,520 --> 00:51:24,960 But you won but it gave me things to think about 674 00:51:25,840 --> 00:51:30,000 Well, that's good because you're gonna read the whole book and continue on your thinking journey 675 00:51:30,000 --> 00:51:35,600 It's gonna be new for you. It is. Uh, but this goes along with my um resolution 676 00:51:37,440 --> 00:51:39,440 I don't like how you I did did air quotes 677 00:51:39,600 --> 00:51:46,080 I because it's not a resolution just with my motto of I don't care this year like I'm gonna do whatever 678 00:51:46,720 --> 00:51:50,240 I feel I need to do not always what makes me happy because sometimes 679 00:51:51,040 --> 00:51:54,560 Doing for other people doesn't always make you happy like things that you have to do 680 00:51:55,120 --> 00:51:57,680 What's right doesn't make you happy. So I don't want to say 681 00:51:57,680 --> 00:52:05,200 Every every single thing I do this year has to make me happy. This is part of the video where I wish we had somebody 682 00:52:05,280 --> 00:52:07,280 Zooming in the camera for me to go 683 00:52:08,400 --> 00:52:14,240 No, like you know what like I I don't believe that everything every decision every 684 00:52:15,120 --> 00:52:20,000 Thing needs to make you happy all the time. Absolutely, right. So I'm saying it can't right 685 00:52:20,400 --> 00:52:23,920 So I'm saying that this isn't the year of like I don't care 686 00:52:23,920 --> 00:52:30,640 I'm gonna do whatever as long as I'm happy because that's not realistic. I'm gonna say this goes along with my 687 00:52:31,440 --> 00:52:34,560 motto of I don't want to care as much 688 00:52:35,120 --> 00:52:38,000 About stupid things that are keeping me 689 00:52:38,640 --> 00:52:40,320 from being happy 690 00:52:40,320 --> 00:52:42,480 It was really hard to let you say all of that 691 00:52:44,000 --> 00:52:46,640 First of all, thanks for letting me second of all 692 00:52:47,440 --> 00:52:49,440 Yes, if that's your motto 693 00:52:49,440 --> 00:52:53,440 So your intention was to not doom scroll at night. So maybe you can 694 00:52:54,320 --> 00:52:59,040 Kind of change a piece of your doom scrolling and read a paragraph instead 695 00:52:59,680 --> 00:53:02,720 That can help with that. We can aid in your success 696 00:53:04,800 --> 00:53:06,800 Um, and I don't care if you like it 697 00:53:09,680 --> 00:53:12,400 Cool, but I think that's a good that the era 698 00:53:13,360 --> 00:53:15,360 coming up for you as 699 00:53:15,440 --> 00:53:17,280 T-Swift would say 700 00:53:17,280 --> 00:53:19,280 This is your era of 701 00:53:20,720 --> 00:53:22,720 Taking all the s letting go 702 00:53:23,360 --> 00:53:25,360 No, no, no 703 00:53:25,360 --> 00:53:30,000 No, I don't want to take them all. Hey, you want to give them away want to give them away. I'm gonna give them to you 704 00:53:30,800 --> 00:53:38,160 Okay, so pretty usual. Thank you for coming on this journey this impromptu surprise of a journey next week 705 00:53:38,480 --> 00:53:40,480 I'm the boss 706 00:53:40,960 --> 00:53:45,760 You weren't confident about that sentence because I do say I'm ohm or I'm 707 00:53:45,760 --> 00:53:47,760 I'm the boss 708 00:53:48,160 --> 00:53:51,200 How dare you no, I will not be the boss next week either. I was just trying to 709 00:53:52,160 --> 00:53:53,760 and this 710 00:53:53,760 --> 00:53:55,760 That's good 711 00:53:56,160 --> 00:53:57,840 so 712 00:53:57,840 --> 00:53:59,360 for usual 713 00:53:59,360 --> 00:54:04,560 Remember you are always fit to be real and always allowed to be a little extra 714 00:54:04,560 --> 00:54:20,560 For legal reasons we have to tell you that this podcast is meant for entertainment and educational purposes only we are not health care professionals 715 00:54:20,880 --> 00:54:23,680 For all of your health wellness fitness and self care needs 716 00:54:23,840 --> 00:54:29,840 Please refer to the medical professional in your life your primary care physician your therapist a certified coach 717 00:54:29,840 --> 00:54:35,200 Whoever it may be and then let us know what they say because I guarantee we need to know what do 718 00:54:35,920 --> 00:54:37,440 Okay 719 00:54:37,440 --> 00:55:01,440 Okay, bye