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Welcome to Fit to Be Real and a little extra.

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Please stay tuned and listen to how uncomfortable Carly is for the next, who knows, 45-50 minutes.

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We're talking about death today.

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Yes, and that makes me very uncomfortable.

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Don't like it. Don't like to talk about it. Don't like to think about it.

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Luckily, we're not doing this alone.

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We have a BSN, an RN, a 200-hour yoga teacher, a death doula, and so many other things.

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So many other things with us today.

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With us today. That's good. I might kill you. Then we'll really have to talk about death.

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Let's get into it.

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I'm Victoria. Hey guys, I'm Carly. And who do we have with us?

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I'm Bridget. That was good. That was really good. And we didn't even have to do that again.

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But Bridget, Bridget Klopp, we talk about Bridget a lot. We do. We call her, if you don't know

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Bridget Klossin, you know who B Kloss is. B Kloss. B Kloss. We mentioned and reference her a lot.

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We've known her growing up at our mom's dance studio since she was a little kid.

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I always forget. Did I teach you? Did I ever teach you? No. Did Justin? No. No, none of us did.

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No, I just had Kristen and when I was little, it was like Miss Beth. Yeah. Oh, wow. And

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Kristie. You had Kristie? Yeah. Okay. I don't think we ever taught you. But she grew up at the

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dance studio and we've known her since she was little. And now she's like a professional in the

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real world and we are going to pick her brain. And she taught yoga for us. She taught yoga for us.

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She was what introduced us to yoga. My God, we would be, I don't know if you remember, you do.

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So it's so funny now how things have turned. But I would be in the back like making jokes.

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Storing yoga. Cracking jokes. Storing yoga being like, oh, this is so hard. So you were me.

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Yeah. Yeah. And she's like, that's nice. We keep our voices inside. She never said that. But

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I knew she was thinking it. Yeah. It's just funny how it turned out. And you're the one

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who I talked to about when I wanted to get trained and I was like, what avenues do I look for? It's

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just, you know, the world is a funny place. And I look at you and I'm like, wow, so weird.

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It's so weird. I look at her and say, wow, you're so weird too. Same. But no, she was in yoga with

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me last night and I actually thought about it. I forget what part, but I was like, huh, how about

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it? Crazy how the world really works. So can you explain, Victoria, what we are talking about today

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specifically? Because there's so much that we could talk about with Bridget. But what are we

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specifically talking about with her today? Death. Death. Death. Why? Why? Because you're uncomfortable

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with it. And I actually think you're the majority. I think it's not, it's not something people are

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okay with to a certain degree in any regard. And I feel like there's so many aspects of death. We

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just think it's like final. But I feel like there's so many aspects of it that we don't really

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think about because we just feel lost and grief and all the things. So Bridget is a death doula.

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Yeah. What is that? What is that? It's not really like a specific definition.

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Like I did a death doula training. Think like birth doula helps the mom give birth,

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whether it's through different avenues. It could be giving them support during, before, after. It

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could be helping them push. It could be advocating for them for the doctors. Death doula, similarly,

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depending on people's backgrounds. The woman that I trained under was a lawyer, so came at it from

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like a legal perspective. So it was really helpful with finances and funeral planning and different

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pieces like that. I'm from a medical background. So I know a lot about the medications, the dying

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process, what things look like. I know a little bit about a lot of things. I know a little bit.

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I feel that way. No. No, no, I'm the opposite. I know a lot about one thing and nothing about Bravo.

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I'm just kidding. Anyway, you know a little bit about a lot of things. And you just listen to

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people as honestly the biggest part of being a death doula and figuring out what they need and

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figuring out whether you need to find somebody to help them with that or whether you can help

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them with that yourself. But kind of having a person through one of the craziest, darkest,

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like whatever's going on periods of your life or your loved one's life, just having a person that

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you can like bounce things off of is kind of how I feel about it. So then it's, are you talking about

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with the person who is going through like about to have the death process or the family members?

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Both. Really? Bridget, how come I didn't know you did this? Because I don't really do it

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yet. Like I have the training. I have a lot of trainings and I have a lot of things,

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but I kind of just incorporate it into like my life instead of using it as a business at this

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point. So when I had Melody and Melody destroyed me in childbirth, destroyed me. Okay, okay.

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I looked up in my hospital room and who walks in at 3am in the morning. Oh my gosh. But Bridget

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Klosson. I forgot. And I was half dead looking at Bridget and she's like, I just bathed Melody.

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She had her first bath and I was like, wait, was it Melody? Yeah. It was Melody, right? Yeah. Melody

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and then Dean. I think, yeah, it wasn't Louis. Yeah. You did Melody and you bathed Dean. So

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Bridget gave my kids their first bath in the hospital. Totally forgot about that. And I was

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like, thanks, Bridget. Like it's so wonderful when you are in that place to look up and see a friendly

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face and be like, I took care of your baby. And I was like, oh my God, there's Bridget. Where'd she

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come from? That's the opposite of what she just told us she does. I know, but that's what I'm saying.

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She was rare. You did work in the hospital in the birthing unit. So I like to say, and I took this

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from a writer, Amy Wright Glenn, who wrote a book kind of about she's a chaplain and a

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birth doula and different things. But I work in birth, birth and death. I started in maternity.

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I worked all there through school in a year after I graduated. I did pediatric cardiac ICU for six

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years and hopefully going back there at some point. I've done hospice. I've done primary care.

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I've done home care where I've taken like kids to like special needs preschool. I've done

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pretty much everything along the lifespan. What is your favorite? I think the cardiac ICU is my

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favorite. I'm currently working in a hospice. I don't know. I because I really just like learning

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about people and learning different things like every job I've had, I've learned a ton about,

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you know, taking care of people. So I think I just like to learn and I like to be able to help and

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I like to take something from every job I've had and kind of incorporate it not just into my work,

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which I care so much about, but also into like my family and friends and kind of helping everybody

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with whatever's going on. Have you ever seen Justin in the hospital setting? I was going to ask

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a legitimate question. No, but he did work a job. He was on. He says he was on a different floor

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than I was. But exactly. We've never actually seen him do any of these things. We've heard tell. So

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I just wanted to make sure it's one of the clarifying you've never seen him in a hospital

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setting. Good. Okay. Moving on. You can ask a legitimate question now. You can only speak if

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you're holding the speaking glasses. So take them back. Give them to me. So you take a little bit

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of everything that you've learned and you put it in whatever I don't even know what you would call

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areas of the hospital. Yeah. Yeah. Of like nursing. It's all nursing. So with that, do you find like

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you have to, I don't know how to like wipe it all off at the end of the day, especially when you're

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working with hospice and like little little kids going through it? Yes. And I'm not very good at it.

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Oh, so what? Wait, what? That's like a great idea in theory. And when you sent me that question

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earlier, I was like, that's a great idea. That's like, I should do that. Well, I only ask because we

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we also know a yoga teacher hospice nurse. And she is the one when I was going through like

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so many different people and so many different energies at the same time, not knowing why I was

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being affected by it. She told me how to kind of like truly wipe it off of my body and try to

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mentally offset the day so that I could be at home for the rest of the night by myself, like

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with myself, not with anybody else's problems. When you're dealing with death and grief,

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even if it's not, you know, grief connected to death, grief connected to any type of hospital

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stay, right, at any age, I give nurses so much credit because you have to wake up and go back

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and do it again. So if you're not good at it, which I'm not good at it, Bridget clearly says she is

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not either. How do you how do you get through the day to day? I love that you're figuring it out

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right now. No, but sometimes it's so real. Sometimes you don't get through it and you're

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yeah, you just go do it day to day and it brings it down. It's interesting because one of my friends

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who went to school in New York, musical theater, like as an actor and she at one point was like

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nurses are really good actors because you simply just have to go in and like do it no matter what

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you just came from, no matter what you're going to, like you still have this, you know, shift or

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these visits or these things where you just have to go take care of the patient. So I don't know if

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it's some sort of like mental block that happens, but it's just like you just kind of go in and do

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it. And then the real challenge is I can do the 12 hour shift or I can do the eight hour shift or

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whatever is is the going home and the taking care of myself outside of it, whether that's therapy,

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whether that's see fit, whether that's walking, whether that's sometimes just having a day where

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I just sit there and do straight up nothing and stare at a wall, like it just finding that balance

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of like, okay, this is a really like emotionally, physically taxing career path and knowing that

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if you don't take care of yourself and I've also been in those situations where I don't take care

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of myself, like things can go downhill very quickly. So it's kind of fine, constantly searching

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for that. Wait, so are you telling us, Carly, that you do therapy? Yeah. I love therapy. How about it?

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Guys, listen, how about it? I love therapy. I love it. I do it every Tuesday at nine o'clock.

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I go to therapy. You're not holding the glasses. So wait, let's let's bring it back because this

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is this is fascinating. You're in hospice right now. Yes. But you're in an administrative

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managerial position, correct? Okay. So then you're not, are you with like patients or are you with

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the nurses? I have been because we've been very short staffed. Okay. And I'm with the nurses.

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So generally, and this is my first time in a managerial position. And I'm really glad that I

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took it. I've also am like, I like patient care. You like to be with people. I like to be with the

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patients. So that's something that I learned. Yeah. Even at the end of their life, you are okay with

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being next to somebody who's about to die. Death is not the worst thing in the world. It's not.

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Tell us about it. Tell us about it. Tell. I think one of the, so kind of, okay, so quick,

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how I got into death is number one, I grew up with my father, he's my favorite person on the planet.

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He grew up quoting a Christmas carol. And he's like, you know, we've all got to die,

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I crash it, which is like, yeah, such a simple phrase. I can just picture him saying it like

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by a whole life growing up. So it's never been something that in my house that's been like super

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feared and like scary. And we've dealt with a lot of loss in our house, like in family and

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friends and things. And it's just one of those things where it's like,

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it happens. There's no question about it. And then I went to, I worked in birth. And then I went to

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the CI. And I remember one of the first questions I asked the orientation was like, am I going to get

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to see a patient die like on orientation? And they were like, no, on orientation, no, Bridget, no,

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not today. How am I going to learn like what to do? Like I was terrified. I was like, they were

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like, well, when it happens, like it's going to happen. And I remember one of the first patients

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I had that I had taken care of for months was on the road to dying. And I remember like listening

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to all the conversations and being the one at the bedside doing the patient care and kind of

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trying to figure out why everybody was so like, we're going to fix this, we're going to fix this,

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we're going to fix. And I was like in my head, I'm like, am I missing something? Like,

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like, it can't be just dying. Yeah. So I read all the notes, I talked to a whole bunch of people.

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And one of the senior nurses there was like, you're not crazy. Like this is the world that we

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and we work in a pediatric environment. So like, we go by the families, we go by the doctors,

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like there's always things to be done. Right. But there was like a real sense of moral distress

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where I was like, every time I was touching this patient, I felt like I was hurting them.

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So by the time the patient actually passed on my shift later, and I was doing care afterwards,

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which is like bathing the patient and talking to the family and doing whatever, I was like,

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I'm not hurting this patient for the first time in weeks. And it felt like a weird sense of calm.

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And it's not something that you do alone as a nurse, you always do things after patients pass

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with somebody else. Right. But it was like an odd sense of like, like, finally, like, we're not

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hurting them anymore. Like, this is like, where we are. And then I kind of took that into like,

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I ended up taking care of a lot of the chronic patients, where I would just educate myself.

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And I read all the notes, and I tried to figure out what I could do because I couldn't fix the

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whole problem. But I could take care of them in a way, whether it was giving them a bath or putting

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a bow on them or giving an outfit for the family to smile. Like there were things that I could do

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to help with my like, moral distress of taking care of these patients. Oh my God. That and

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I just got really interested in how can I make these patients comfortable. I worked a lot with

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the palliative care team, which is how I got into hospice in the first place. Like I kind of fell

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into it. Right. It wasn't really nobody's ever. What is palliative care? Palliative care is

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is comfort based care without that prognosis of six months or less hospice is like a prognosis of

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six months or less palliative care is just you have a lot of chronic issues. You have a lot of

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things going on. Like, how can we manage your pain, your like exhaustion, like different symptoms

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so that you can live life in the best way that you're like, able to bring everything that you

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have going on. It's somebody that takes a look at your big picture. Right. And so, okay, so you

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want to you have cancer, you have osteoarthritis, you have all these things. But your biggest

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issue is that you're in so much pain that you can't even go to your kids soccer game. It's like,

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how do we manage that pain? We're not going to fix the problem. But how do we manage your overall

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quality of life to get you to do the things that you want to do? So that's what you mean by like,

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death isn't the worst thing. No, living like that. Sometimes it's worse. Way worse. Does that make

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sense to you? Oh, that makes sense to me. So does that makes death a little bit less scary? No.

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Is it just the finality of death that scares you? Yes. I don't want, I don't like the process. Like,

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for me, I'm getting murdered. So like, I don't like the process of death. Like, this morning,

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I went for a run. Yes, I run on Tuesdays. It's not a secret. I run. Okay. I'd sent a video

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because everyone's like, why do you run? Nobody cares. I'm just saying, I sent a video to Andrew

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as I was running through scary alley saying, just so everybody, so you know, here's where I am. If

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I don't come out of this alley alive, why would you go down the alley then? Because I, that's the

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only way out. So I sent him a video of myself running through scary alley being like, this is

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where I am. It's 7am. And if you don't hear from me again, and I'm not home in 30 minutes, this is

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where I died. It's 7am. But I was also whispering because I didn't want to wake up any people that

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might be sleeping and ready to pounce and kill me. So it was a whole video. So that's like,

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I know that I'm getting murdered. None of this is logical. So I'm not. So I am scared of the

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it's logical. He wrote back and said, I can't tell you what he said. Oh my gosh. Anyway,

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so I'm, I'm scared of the finality of it that I won't see anybody again. And I don't know what

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comes next, except that I will haunt the sh it out of this one. Nothing that you just said actually

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is rational, except for the haunting part, which I'm bringing on. I'm very excited about that.

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You're not upset with death. You're upset with what happens after if you had more of a faith

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of what happens after death wouldn't be so scary. Do you have a faith of what happens after?

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I just believe that there's something out there that's better than the body that's failing that

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the person is currently living in. Yes. So murder is traumatic, no matter what. Like, that's just

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like, there's different types of death. There's like the traumatic deaths. There's deaths that are

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unexpected. There's deaths that are like, very chaotic. And then there's a body knows how to die.

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So when a body is failing or a body is sick, the same way that like a mom knows how to give birth

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intrinsically, the body knows how to shut down and die. And towards the end of people's lives,

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where they're talking to dead, dead relatives and different people. And like, I see all these

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things, they're kind of stuck in that in between. It makes me know that there's like, something else

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out there. Go back now. Go back. You see that? Hold on. Go back. But you believe that I do.

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So do I. So why is why is that scary if you know that it's not over? Because I like this life.

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So like, I don't know what's next. And you know, I'm a creature of habit. I like

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what I know. And I don't know. But what if this is the struggle and what's what's coming is is so much

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calmer, peaceful, easier, happier. Bridget, tell us what you know. Tell us everything you know.

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You've seen the in between. I've seen the in between. I've seen patients and various things.

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And my own mortality scares me. Oh, it does. You are like, I can't say that I'm going to get to

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the end of my life and be like, oh, hostess, oh, actively dying. Oh, it's like, terrifying. 100%.

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Who knows what's going to happen. That's human. I think that's human. And you know,

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my job is very different from the people in my life that are close to me as well. It's a different

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kind of grief. I've had patients pass multiple patients pass and dealing with families and

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dealing with different things. I've also had cousins die. I've had uncles die. I've had people

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that are close to me in my life and it that are or that are going through struggles where I know

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that they're going to die and kind of helping them with that. And it feels totally different

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because you're connected to them. Yeah. Yeah. It's not like my job is like over here and like the

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people in my life like all the time terrified. Yeah. People are going to die. Well, that makes

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sense. Like you, she feels better that you are scared of her too. No. What do you see right

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before they die? Do they see loved ones? Because that's what I always think. Like when I die,

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like I hope, you know, my mom's there, you know, or my dad is there, you know what I mean? People,

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they talk to loved ones. They talk to, they talk about sitting. I've seen patients talk about

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sitting at the coffee table with their mom. Like afterwards, like different things like patients

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that are like in their 90s. Like, and you hear like a lot of my time there is like talking to

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families and convincing them that like that's okay. They're kind of stuck in this in between

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place. Because they're probably confused of what's happening. Yeah. Yeah. But that's kind of one of

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the major things that you can physically see or hear. Right. Hearing them talk about, you know,

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different pieces or, you know, they kind of, there's like this rally that happens a lot of

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times before people die where they've been unconscious for like days or they're close to it

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or the rest of it. And then one day they're like speaking clearly or they eat a full meal for the

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first time in weeks and the families, you know, are also confused by that. And I'm like, they're

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really like, this is like their, this could either be their final burst or they are getting a little

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bit better before they go back downhill. Yeah. I've heard about that. Yeah. It's like just one of those

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like, and I always, I always preface everything with like, if I knew the exact date, if I knew

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what was going to happen, like I'd be paid a lot more money. Like I'm not, right, God,

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I'm not whatever your version of that is. I can only tell you what I know based on

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the clinical picture that I'm seeing. That is incredible, Bridget. But there's, there's

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some spiritual things that happen in the, in the medical sense of death. And that's what you're

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saying. That's where like, I've always been like a little bit East meets West. Like I love being,

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you know, in the ICU, I loved all the medicines. I loved bringing people back. I saw real miracles

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happen there as well in keeping people alive. And the yoga trainings, the meditation, the Reiki,

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like the more, the more holistic piece of it that a lot of people in Western medicine don't

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necessarily love. I also love that to kind of see, take care of the whole person and kind of see

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like big picture what's going on. When you said that people rally, it reminds me of when our

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grandpa died and he was at like, they sent him home from the hospital because they know he wasn't

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long. And we, all the nine of us, all nine of us, except Billy, he didn't live here. All the cousins

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and the three daughters were around him and he had been unconscious for so long. And then all of a

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sudden was able to not talk, but he was able to like look and see who was there. We all got to say

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goodbye. And then like, but he hadn't been, he hadn't opened his eyes in a week or something, you know.

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I've also seen people wait for somebody to show up. Really? Like, I look at them every day and I'm

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like, what are you still doing here? Like there's some sort of something that's keeping people here,

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whether it's families that like their loved ones are unprepared or they're waiting for that cousin

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to fly in from California or they're waiting for something because I'm like, there is no physical

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way that they should still be there. And then like within hours of whatever they need to happen,

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like then they pass. And I'm like, okay, they were just waiting for that like person.

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And I think that's because I hear that a lot too. And people are always stunned by it. And they're

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like, it was, it was wild. It was a miracle. It was whatever it was. But I think that spiritual

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part of it is what makes it not so scary to me. Yeah. Even though if I think about a specific

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person in my circle, I like, I don't want to think about that. Right. So there, I mean, of

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course, but I, I can talk about it like a logical human. Well, what I'm going to need you to do is

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stay far away until I've lived the rest of my life. And then you can come back and be the last person

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because I'll wait for you. Finally, I can leave. You have to stay away so that I have to wait for

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you to say goodbye, be the last person. Should I move now? So I can, can I do it right now so I

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can have more time? Okay. Am I, wait, am I deaf? Yeah. Are you telling me that I am deaf? No,

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no, no, no. Oh, that's heaven's door. No, that's door. Nevermind. Nevermind. What is interest,

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shut it, shut it. I'm going to be serious for a second. You know, I like making uncomfortable

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situations awkward. No one's uncomfortable but you. First of all, what's interesting to me is that

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you could do birth and death. Yeah. They're very different. They all come from the same place.

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But that is so different. It's like the happiest moment. Everyone's so happy. A new life has come

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and then the other one is like so sad. Sometimes it's not. But sometimes it's not. That's what

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she's saying is like sometimes it's relief, not grief. Yes, there's always grief attached. Tell

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me if I'm wrong, but there's always grief attached, especially the families. And if you're someone

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taking care of a patient, even if you're not related to them, like you were in charge of that

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patient for however long, like there's a connection there too. But it's a relief that they're not

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in pain. I mean, you hear it all the time. Unless they're not in pain anymore. Unless it's a tragedy.

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Unless it's a tragedy. Unless it's a tragic unexpected death, which is always chaotic.

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There's different versions of everything, Carly, just like life. Happiness comes in different

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bottles as well. I'm also a little bit different in nursing in that I, again, I like the lifespan.

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I love learning about people. I love learning new roles. I love learning new. So not everybody

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is going to jump from maternity hospice. Like that's just simply not or well babies to sick babies

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or like whatever. Like I just really enjoy, one of the reasons I became a nurse, I've wanted to

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be a nurse since I was in like fifth grade is that my neighbor was a nurse and she worked,

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you know, I think like weekends in the NICU or something, but she was always around. And whenever

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anything happened, it was like, go over to that house. Like, I like, I like to be able to kind of

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know a little bit about a lot of things. So that when people talk to me, it's like, not as it's

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kind of like, Oh, I have like a little bit of this or I can look into that or like what I like to just

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kind of be somebody that people can come to no matter what. So in knowing and working in all of

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the different lifespans, it's like, I feel like that just opens so many doors in terms of getting

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to know other people and talking about the things that are uncomfortable and feeling like closer

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relationships because people are like, Oh, can I run this by you? And I'm like, sure, whatever.

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So you're very different people. Well, very, very opposite. I want to know a lot about one thing so

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that you can only ask me questions about that one thing. And I don't know anything else. So

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go to Bridget for everything else. Justin's off my shortlist. You're on my shortlist top of the

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list because every time I ask Justin, he goes, you're fine. You're fine. So I'm going to text you

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now. She's going to tell you that you're fine. Or my other thing is go to your doctor because I

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don't know. I can give you a little bit about what I do know or I've seen. But my always answer

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question like you guys say on the podcast too is like, go see your doctor. Yeah, go see your doctor.

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Always, always. That's so fun. Well, whatever. I'll just have all the nurses tell me I'm fine.

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Because you're fine. Oh my God. There's at least three or four in any given class at C-FIT.

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I know. Well, thank God. Yeah, I always look around and I'm like, okay, we got one, we got two,

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we got three. Okay, classes can go forward. Yeah. I'm CPR certified, but you don't want me doing it.

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You want someone who knows what they're doing? That was my shtick. What? In the CICU. That was

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my favorite role to have in a code. In a code? You're the CPR girl? Wait, so when we did our episode

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about what songs you should play for the CPR, were we on target? Baby Shark. I literally at one

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point had a doctor come up to me like next to me, like he's like bagging the patient and he was singing

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Staying Alive as I'm doing. No way. Were you good at it? I was good at it. She's a TPR girl.

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And part of that's my strength and breathing and different things to be doing it. Yeah. But there's

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a couple of different roles. You can be like the med nurse. You can be the recorder, which is my

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least favorite job because I hated keeping track of anything CPR I could do. That is crazy. Yeah,

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that's a lot. I've known Bridget almost her whole life. I am learning so many things about Bridget.

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I think I know Bridget. I don't know Bridget. No, I do not know you because I am learning

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so many things. You are fascinating. You are fascinating and you're so young. So I can only

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imagine what more you're going to learn and do and all the avenues you're going to go through.

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Well, I was telling Christy, I was having dinner with her on Saturday night and we're talking

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and we're both like, we're not going to small talk. And then I was talking to Christy and Sam and

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they were like, I was like, I just am not great at parties or like social gatherings because like

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people ask me about my job or like what I'm interested in. And I'm like, it's kind of a

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conversation. Stop her. Full stop. That is so interesting because I'd like to know what career

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is good at parties because I was just saying to, oh, I don't know if I'm saying it to you or Andrew

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that our career isn't good at parties either. So was it you? It's always me. Yeah. Yeah. But I would

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agree. But see, to me going up to you and being like, how's your work? That's interesting to me.

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Well, it's always interesting to anybody else. Yeah. Then anybody else, whatever you're doing.

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Like a particular Christmas where I had a really bad shift and it was Christmas Eve and my parents

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have a big Christmas Eve party. And I remember like texting my mom and being like, everybody's

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going to ask where I am, like please tell them like, don't ask what happened today. Oh, no. I got

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home and everybody's like, Oh, I heard you had a bitch. Oh, God. What happened? I was like, shut it.

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I was like, I just, I'm just, we're just not doing this. But yeah, it's one of those two words.

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Like if I like it used to be such an interesting piece, like living with my parents and then

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being like, why don't you want to talk after work? Like what's going on? Whatever. And like,

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if I want to talk after work, I will tell you, I will be so excited about the little things that

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my patient has sent out. If I don't want to talk after work, like I probably wouldn't ask me about

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it. Yeah. It's one of those. That's a really good gauge. So one, this is like, I'm not calling it a

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guilty pleasure because it's not, but sometimes when I want to feel something, that's not,

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that's not about my kids because like I will cry at the drop of a hat if it's about

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the kids or whatever. I watch on Instagram reels like honor walks. It is so heartbreaking. What is

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that? An honor walk. Yes. Bridget, what's an honor walk? So that happens more in the general pediatric

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ICU than the cardiac ICU only because in cardiac, a lot of other organs are failing as well.

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But it's a patients, they keep a patient alive, even if they're considered brain death. And I

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guess occasionally like cardiac to go to the ICU to, or to go to the OR to donate their organs.

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Yeah. And so it's the final everybody lines up and they're like, clap it. Like it's like,

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it's a really like it's an honor and it's a blessing for this family to make this choice,

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whether it's for an adult or for a child. Meanwhile, in the cardiac ICU, I'm on the other end of that

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where I took care of patients that got heart and lung transplants. And there's only one way you

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can get a heart or a lung transplant, especially in a pediatric age. Oh my God. Yeah. So we would

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get the other end and we would see the other piece of it. But the honor walk, yeah, is when you

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nurses line up on me in the hallway. They come out and they wheel the child with the family

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behind them or next to them and they're clapping or it's so sad that they're putting their head

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down. But like it's their last honor as they go donate to keep somebody else alive. I mean, it's

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it's that's what there's no word to describe like fantastic and amazing and wonderful. It

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doesn't describe that, but I couldn't even watch that on Instagram. So you're gonna cry and I'm

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not even know what you're talking about. Oh, that's what I that in military homecomings,

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very different. They also make me cry. I'm not a military person, but at all. But like watching

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them come home and surprise their kids when they've been away for a year. I'm like, oh my God.

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Yeah. And it's funny because people are like and I think some of what I'm not super great at

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management I've learned is that I really need to care about what I'm doing. And the healthcare

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system in and of itself, I've been in a lot of roles, I've been in a lot of things, the healthcare

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system is broken and I can't necessarily fix the bigger pieces of the healthcare system.

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So I don't really want to cater to the money and the power and all that things like I'd rather just

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take care of patients. Right. And I really need to care about what I'm doing and I really need

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to feel like I'm making a difference even when it's emotionally draining or I'm exhausted or I

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need time to recover. Like it's something that I'm just like I've been in a lot of different roles

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and I try to be one of those people that I'm like, I don't need to care about work. I don't need a job

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that makes me like dig myself in, but I just can't picture doing. But what a gift that you found

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that out. Right. And I don't necessarily think it's like you're not, whatever you just said,

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you're not good at managerial roles or management positions. I think you're just, you're that good

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at dealing with people and patients. And your purpose is to help and heal like you're a healer.

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Do you have just a piece of advice or something that you take with you or anything about dealing

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with death or loss or grief with everything that you've gone through for anybody?

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You just have to feel your grief. Like there is just no, don't shove it down, don't hide it,

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don't hide it from your friends because you think they're not going to hear it or feel it or take

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the time to yourself because it's there and it's heavy and it starts and it's comes into every

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piece of your life losing somebody, whether it's a patient or whether it's, I had a friend who

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recently lost her mom like and she's going through it and it's like, I don't care if I don't talk to

364
00:33:25,200 --> 00:33:29,680
you for six months and we send each other memes on the internet or you do whatever or you don't

365
00:33:29,680 --> 00:33:35,840
feel like answering or whatever, just doing what you have to do to kind of make it through.

366
00:33:35,840 --> 00:33:39,840
And whether that turns into a point where it becomes like more clinical or it's like go to

367
00:33:39,840 --> 00:33:47,040
therapy or maybe you need meds or something, but like it's something that's unimaginable to

368
00:33:47,040 --> 00:33:51,760
most people. Like I just think that we as a society, it's like you get a couple of days of

369
00:33:51,760 --> 00:33:56,800
bereavement leave or a week if it's a parent or like things like that and it's like that is simply

370
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not how it works. So yeah, so like I mean, I know as a culture we all have to work, we all have to

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00:34:06,080 --> 00:34:10,960
continue living and if you have kids or pets or whatever, figuring out but allowing yourself to

372
00:34:10,960 --> 00:34:16,080
just be in the space of like complete and utter grief. Yeah, that's all I can say. It's like you

373
00:34:16,080 --> 00:34:23,200
have to feel it because if you don't then again things start to take a tumble. Yeah, I agree that

374
00:34:23,200 --> 00:34:28,480
I will work on that. You can't agree with it. Carly, that involves feelings. That's why I watch

375
00:34:28,480 --> 00:34:36,080
Honor Walks to make sure I still have them. Oh my god. Oh no. I tend to keep a lot of things inside

376
00:34:36,080 --> 00:34:44,080
until they waterfall. It's so fun. But I would be that person like I could never do what you do

377
00:34:44,080 --> 00:34:49,520
where I would, you know what I mean? People are meant to be in the roles that they're in. I say

378
00:34:49,520 --> 00:34:54,960
that about most nurses that I've met because I know them. I can't say it for everybody. I also love

379
00:34:54,960 --> 00:35:02,800
teaching new nurses. You do? I do. There was a point where I was burned out from like precepting

380
00:35:02,800 --> 00:35:11,040
new nurses but I love teaching new nurses about death, about caring for patients in ways that

381
00:35:11,040 --> 00:35:16,000
aren't medical, about feeling their own feelings. I used to share a lot more writing and different

382
00:35:16,000 --> 00:35:20,880
things and I would have the new nurses come up and say thank you for talking about your anxiety

383
00:35:20,880 --> 00:35:25,360
or your depression or whatever because I feel like this job is insane and everybody here is

384
00:35:25,360 --> 00:35:30,560
robots and I don't know what's going on. I think that's becoming more of a thing especially since

385
00:35:30,560 --> 00:35:36,960
the pandemic. There's organizations out there for healthcare worker, mental health in terms of dealing

386
00:35:36,960 --> 00:35:42,560
with these entirely stressful situations. But that was always something that was important to me

387
00:35:42,560 --> 00:35:46,720
was to be able to talk to them and be like you're not crazy. Just like somebody told me that I wasn't

388
00:35:46,720 --> 00:35:51,760
crazy when I was thinking about this patient where there are a lot of people that are very

389
00:35:52,480 --> 00:35:56,640
unemotional and there are moments when you're in crisis situations at work where you literally

390
00:35:56,640 --> 00:36:02,240
just have to be like flat and just get through it. There are times where I've taken care of this

391
00:36:02,240 --> 00:36:05,920
patient for six months. They tell you not to cry when the patient dies and I cry and I hug the

392
00:36:05,920 --> 00:36:13,920
family and I'm like, no, we're human. You can't spend your entire shift just crying as you're

393
00:36:13,920 --> 00:36:19,200
walking around. But you are allowed to show emotion and you are allowed to... You've worked with these

394
00:36:19,200 --> 00:36:22,560
people for so long and you get to know the families and you get to know the different things and it's

395
00:36:22,560 --> 00:36:26,720
like you're allowed to cry and you're allowed to feel things and it's not... It doesn't make you a bad

396
00:36:26,720 --> 00:36:31,840
nurse, it doesn't make you a bad person, it just makes you a human and a lot of times they take a

397
00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:36,080
lot of humanity out of healthcare because you're supposed to just go on and go pick up the next

398
00:36:36,080 --> 00:36:42,560
patient afterwards. Well, thank God for you, Bridget, because you are, I think, gonna make...

399
00:36:43,520 --> 00:36:48,880
If you haven't already made an impact with a lot of nurses specifically in that regard because

400
00:36:49,680 --> 00:36:54,880
it does. Sometimes they do feel robotic and the more you're in it, the more years you're in it,

401
00:36:56,000 --> 00:37:00,800
you can just tell that they've been doing this for a long time, things don't affect them,

402
00:37:00,800 --> 00:37:04,800
and that's not true. I'm sure it affects them, but it's like what you do, Carly,

403
00:37:06,240 --> 00:37:12,640
let them burry and burrow and then it becomes a different callous in your heart and your soul.

404
00:37:12,640 --> 00:37:18,480
Yeah. And thank God for you. That's why when I left the bedside last year to go to primary care,

405
00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:25,680
I had to... That was more about I need to figure out my brain and I need a less stressful job to

406
00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:31,520
figure out my brain and figure out what I want and what I want to do next because I knew there was

407
00:37:31,520 --> 00:37:35,520
a point where I was so jaded and so burnout and I was like, this is not how I want to be

408
00:37:36,080 --> 00:37:39,920
when I'm at work, but I don't know how to fix it. So you're allowed to... The cool thing about

409
00:37:39,920 --> 00:37:44,960
nursing or healthcare is that you can switch and you can do other things that are less stressful or

410
00:37:45,600 --> 00:37:49,280
taking the time to take care of yourself in other ways and then if you need to, you can always go

411
00:37:49,280 --> 00:37:56,000
back. You bounce around, but I never wanted to be a person at work that hated going to work every

412
00:37:56,000 --> 00:38:00,480
day. I was like, we have a really big job. We need to take care of these patients and if I'm not

413
00:38:00,480 --> 00:38:05,840
feeling it, then it's time to go. But you're just very self-aware and I don't think that's...

414
00:38:05,840 --> 00:38:13,760
It's a lot of therapy. Normal. How about it? Listen, I had Bridget on day one with the birthing plan

415
00:38:13,760 --> 00:38:18,880
and Bridget was there. I would be happy to have Bridget on the last day with my family.

416
00:38:18,880 --> 00:38:25,280
Wow, that's big. Listen, that's big. Because what would you rather, a nurse that is also upset

417
00:38:25,280 --> 00:38:31,440
of whoever's passing like a family member or you or somebody that has no emotion and it's just

418
00:38:31,440 --> 00:38:36,720
another day of work for them, but it is the biggest thing in your life. I would choose Bridget

419
00:38:36,720 --> 00:38:41,200
any day of the week. Sure. On that note, now we're gonna play a game.

420
00:38:41,200 --> 00:38:50,240
Because I love to make things uncomfortable. I really want to make Bridget uncomfortable

421
00:38:50,240 --> 00:38:54,880
if she isn't already, but I feel like she's not because she deals with situations on the daily.

422
00:38:55,440 --> 00:39:03,680
We're gonna play a little game called a moment of pause with B-claws. Okay? We're gonna take a

423
00:39:03,680 --> 00:39:12,080
moment and we're gonna play, would you rather, rapid fire. Only Bridget. Yeah, it's only Bridget.

424
00:39:12,080 --> 00:39:16,160
Okay, it's only B-claws. I'm gonna give you two options. You pick one. Okay. And it's rapid fire.

425
00:39:16,160 --> 00:39:20,640
No thinking. Okay. Okay. A moment of pause with B-claws. Sorry, I had to say it again because I'm so

426
00:39:20,640 --> 00:39:26,720
proud of myself. Okay. Peanut butter, crunchy or smooth? Crunchy. Movies or TV shows?

427
00:39:26,720 --> 00:39:38,240
TV shows. Coffee, iced or hot? Iced. Till I die. Yeah. Winter or summer? Summer. Rain or snow?

428
00:39:38,240 --> 00:39:45,040
Rain. Build a snowman or sandcastles? Sandcastles. Yeah, your beach girl. Grow flowers or carve

429
00:39:45,040 --> 00:39:53,280
pumpkins? Carve pumpkins. I kill every plant I have. Samesies. TikTok or IJ? Reels. Oh, TikTok.

430
00:39:53,280 --> 00:40:00,000
Oh my god. Memes or gifts? Memes. Send TikToks or receive TikToks?

431
00:40:02,720 --> 00:40:08,080
Both. That's hard. That is hard. Have Mondays off or Fridays off? Mondays.

432
00:40:08,880 --> 00:40:13,760
Sleep in and work late or get up early and get off early? I'm not that 5.30 every day. Yeah.

433
00:40:14,960 --> 00:40:22,240
We figured that out. Visit the past or go to the future? I know. That was a deep one. That's a hard

434
00:40:22,240 --> 00:40:28,640
one. How dare you. She doesn't like small talks, so I got into it. I'm going to say visit the past

435
00:40:28,640 --> 00:40:36,080
because I'm missing people. I like that. Breathe underwater, underwater, just so everybody understands

436
00:40:36,080 --> 00:40:45,920
or fly. Breathe underwater. Pause time or rewind? Pause. Yes. Right, because we're taking a moment

437
00:40:45,920 --> 00:40:51,920
to pause for B-Claus. Early bird or night owl? Early bird. Camping or glamping? Neither.

438
00:40:54,000 --> 00:41:02,240
Sleep or eat? Sleep. Friday night or Sunday morning? Friday night. Really? Sunday morning,

439
00:41:02,240 --> 00:41:07,440
I get the Sunday scare. Yeah, we all do. Friday night, you just have the whole weekend to like.

440
00:41:07,440 --> 00:41:14,400
Yep. I agree. Sleep with sounds or silence? Silence. Sleep with a nightlight or complete

441
00:41:14,400 --> 00:41:21,840
darkness? Completely darkness. Carly alive or dead haunting you? Alive. Although I think haunting

442
00:41:21,840 --> 00:41:27,840
me would also be fun. Yeah, I'd be wearing this, so. She's in a flannel. I'm in a flannel, so it'd

443
00:41:27,840 --> 00:41:33,760
be C-Claus, so. My favorite tattoo is like Beetlejuice that I have. It's like a dumb because I love

444
00:41:34,720 --> 00:41:41,120
Lydia Dietz. Yes. She's my inner gothy team, but also like that whole haunting Beetlejuice,

445
00:41:41,120 --> 00:41:45,520
Beetlejuice like the underworld and. You like all that. Yeah, so I'll come haunt you.

446
00:41:45,520 --> 00:41:47,920
That's not a question, but how many tattoos do you have?

447
00:41:50,960 --> 00:41:54,800
Somewhere between 10 and 20. Oh, that's a big gap, Bridge. All right.

448
00:41:55,440 --> 00:41:58,160
Ready? Last question. Carly or Victoria? You must pick.

449
00:41:59,680 --> 00:42:01,840
I'm gonna do what most people do, and I'm gonna go with Carmella.

450
00:42:04,240 --> 00:42:07,600
Good choice. Guess what, B-Claus? You won!

451
00:42:07,600 --> 00:42:14,640
Did you think you wouldn't? Did not. Did not. I like that a lot of those questions were the same,

452
00:42:14,640 --> 00:42:24,880
but in different ways. Same. Very good game. Well, we, well, thank you, Bridget, for hopefully enlightening

453
00:42:24,880 --> 00:42:30,720
you. I learned so much. I learned so much, too, but I'm okay with it a little bit more than you are.

454
00:42:30,720 --> 00:42:34,160
Well, you didn't like the Honor Walk. I don't like the Honor Walk. But that's dead. I don't think

455
00:42:34,160 --> 00:42:41,040
anybody likes the Honor Walk. I think that's... No, I don't like it, but I was very surprised

456
00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:45,520
that you would get emotional over that when you can talk about death till the cows come home.

457
00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:52,240
Yes, but I empathetically can put myself there thinking about it, and the emotion is so high

458
00:42:52,240 --> 00:42:58,240
that that's... I don't want to think about it. Yeah. So don't watch the Instagram or else of it.

459
00:42:58,240 --> 00:43:03,360
I won't, but if they pop up now, I'll kill you. Where's your phone? Is it listening?

460
00:43:03,360 --> 00:43:10,480
It's right there. But no, thank you. I think you have such a good perspective

461
00:43:11,840 --> 00:43:20,000
due to all of your different career paths and also your own internal research that you like to do.

462
00:43:20,000 --> 00:43:26,720
I mean, you're a nurse and a yoga teacher, and just like you said, medical field in the spiritual

463
00:43:26,720 --> 00:43:33,920
world, they're usually not one and the same, but you are somehow making it very natural and normal.

464
00:43:33,920 --> 00:43:38,400
And I think we need more people like you, especially in hospitals, 100%.

465
00:43:39,040 --> 00:43:45,600
Thanks, guys. I appreciate you inviting me on. Listen, I just said I knew you, but I did not

466
00:43:45,600 --> 00:43:50,240
know you. You know what I mean? It's so interesting to really get into...

467
00:43:50,240 --> 00:43:52,800
To talk to people. Yeah, because when do we talk like this,

468
00:43:52,800 --> 00:43:58,000
Bridge, when I'm yelling at you in class, I'm not going to be like, yeah, Bridge, how was work today?

469
00:43:58,000 --> 00:44:04,080
Get lower. We don't have time to talk like this. So it's really interesting to get inside your

470
00:44:04,080 --> 00:44:09,280
brain. One of the first times you said on the podcast that you didn't like death, she deemed

471
00:44:09,280 --> 00:44:12,800
fit to be real and was like, do you ever want to talk about it? Well, you had talked about

472
00:44:12,800 --> 00:44:18,000
death cafes and how people can talk about and do things. I was like, squad, I got you.

473
00:44:18,000 --> 00:44:26,480
You're fine. You're good. You do. If you ever need someone to talk to when she is fully recovered

474
00:44:26,480 --> 00:44:32,000
from her days and her emotions and coming out of therapy and all the things, then Bridget is

475
00:44:32,000 --> 00:44:38,000
a great person to talk to you for that. But thank you so much. Yeah, thanks, guys. Love it.

476
00:44:38,000 --> 00:44:47,280
What? Just remember, we're going to cut you off. I feel like your haunting ghost is just like,

477
00:44:47,920 --> 00:44:52,560
hey guys, it's Carly. Like in everyone's hear. Wait, have you ever seen that meme that's like,

478
00:44:52,560 --> 00:44:57,040
why doesn't anybody haunt in like outfits like what I'm wearing right now, a t-shirt and flannel?

479
00:44:57,040 --> 00:45:03,840
They're always in Renaissance clothing or some 1800s. I'm going to haunt you in a C-fit tank top

480
00:45:03,840 --> 00:45:10,960
and leggings. That's haunting. No, no, it won't be a full tank top. It'll be half of a tank top.

481
00:45:10,960 --> 00:45:19,200
That's how you'll know it's me. And remember, you are always fit to be real and always allowed to be

482
00:45:19,200 --> 00:45:33,760
a little extra. After thoughts with B-claws, have your wishes written

483
00:45:33,760 --> 00:45:38,880
down, please. It makes life for everybody else so much easier. And if you are anybody's power of

484
00:45:38,880 --> 00:45:45,920
attorney or have any type of paperwork as your loved ones get older, have 17 copies on your desk

485
00:45:45,920 --> 00:45:49,600
at all times because you will need to give them to people and nobody can ever seem to find them.

486
00:45:50,480 --> 00:45:57,280
Brilliant. That's it. For legal reasons, we have to tell you that this podcast is meant for

487
00:45:57,280 --> 00:46:02,400
entertainment and educational purposes only. We are not healthcare professionals. For all of your

488
00:46:02,400 --> 00:46:07,040
health, wellness, fitness, and self-care needs, please refer to the medical professional in your

489
00:46:07,040 --> 00:46:12,880
life. Your primary care physician, your therapist, a certified coach, whoever it may be. And then

490
00:46:12,880 --> 00:46:33,120
let us know what they say because I guarantee we need to know what to do. Okay? Okay, bye.