Welcome to Fit to Be Real and a little extra.
Please stay tuned and listen to how uncomfortable Carly is for the next, who knows, 45-50 minutes.
We're talking about death today.
Yes, and that makes me very uncomfortable.
Don't like it. Don't like to talk about it. Don't like to think about it.
Luckily, we're not doing this alone.
We have a BSN, an RN, a 200-hour yoga teacher, a death doula, and so many other things.
So many other things with us today.
With us today. That's good. I might kill you. Then we'll really have to talk about death.
Let's get into it.
I'm Victoria. Hey guys, I'm Carly. And who do we have with us?
I'm Bridget. That was good. That was really good. And we didn't even have to do that again.
But Bridget, Bridget Klopp, we talk about Bridget a lot. We do. We call her, if you don't know
Bridget Klossin, you know who B Kloss is. B Kloss. B Kloss. We mentioned and reference her a lot.
We've known her growing up at our mom's dance studio since she was a little kid.
I always forget. Did I teach you? Did I ever teach you? No. Did Justin? No. No, none of us did.
No, I just had Kristen and when I was little, it was like Miss Beth. Yeah. Oh, wow. And
Kristie. You had Kristie? Yeah. Okay. I don't think we ever taught you. But she grew up at the
dance studio and we've known her since she was little. And now she's like a professional in the
real world and we are going to pick her brain. And she taught yoga for us. She taught yoga for us.
She was what introduced us to yoga. My God, we would be, I don't know if you remember, you do.
So it's so funny now how things have turned. But I would be in the back like making jokes.
Storing yoga. Cracking jokes. Storing yoga being like, oh, this is so hard. So you were me.
Yeah. Yeah. And she's like, that's nice. We keep our voices inside. She never said that. But
I knew she was thinking it. Yeah. It's just funny how it turned out. And you're the one
who I talked to about when I wanted to get trained and I was like, what avenues do I look for? It's
just, you know, the world is a funny place. And I look at you and I'm like, wow, so weird.
It's so weird. I look at her and say, wow, you're so weird too. Same. But no, she was in yoga with
me last night and I actually thought about it. I forget what part, but I was like, huh, how about
it? Crazy how the world really works. So can you explain, Victoria, what we are talking about today
specifically? Because there's so much that we could talk about with Bridget. But what are we
specifically talking about with her today? Death. Death. Death. Why? Why? Because you're uncomfortable
with it. And I actually think you're the majority. I think it's not, it's not something people are
okay with to a certain degree in any regard. And I feel like there's so many aspects of death. We
just think it's like final. But I feel like there's so many aspects of it that we don't really
think about because we just feel lost and grief and all the things. So Bridget is a death doula.
Yeah. What is that? What is that? It's not really like a specific definition.
Like I did a death doula training. Think like birth doula helps the mom give birth,
whether it's through different avenues. It could be giving them support during, before, after. It
could be helping them push. It could be advocating for them for the doctors. Death doula, similarly,
depending on people's backgrounds. The woman that I trained under was a lawyer, so came at it from
like a legal perspective. So it was really helpful with finances and funeral planning and different
pieces like that. I'm from a medical background. So I know a lot about the medications, the dying
process, what things look like. I know a little bit about a lot of things. I know a little bit.
I feel that way. No. No, no, I'm the opposite. I know a lot about one thing and nothing about Bravo.
I'm just kidding. Anyway, you know a little bit about a lot of things. And you just listen to
people as honestly the biggest part of being a death doula and figuring out what they need and
figuring out whether you need to find somebody to help them with that or whether you can help
them with that yourself. But kind of having a person through one of the craziest, darkest,
like whatever's going on periods of your life or your loved one's life, just having a person that
you can like bounce things off of is kind of how I feel about it. So then it's, are you talking about
with the person who is going through like about to have the death process or the family members?
Both. Really? Bridget, how come I didn't know you did this? Because I don't really do it
yet. Like I have the training. I have a lot of trainings and I have a lot of things,
but I kind of just incorporate it into like my life instead of using it as a business at this
point. So when I had Melody and Melody destroyed me in childbirth, destroyed me. Okay, okay.
I looked up in my hospital room and who walks in at 3am in the morning. Oh my gosh. But Bridget
Klosson. I forgot. And I was half dead looking at Bridget and she's like, I just bathed Melody.
She had her first bath and I was like, wait, was it Melody? Yeah. It was Melody, right? Yeah. Melody
and then Dean. I think, yeah, it wasn't Louis. Yeah. You did Melody and you bathed Dean. So
Bridget gave my kids their first bath in the hospital. Totally forgot about that. And I was
like, thanks, Bridget. Like it's so wonderful when you are in that place to look up and see a friendly
face and be like, I took care of your baby. And I was like, oh my God, there's Bridget. Where'd she
come from? That's the opposite of what she just told us she does. I know, but that's what I'm saying.
She was rare. You did work in the hospital in the birthing unit. So I like to say, and I took this
from a writer, Amy Wright Glenn, who wrote a book kind of about she's a chaplain and a
birth doula and different things. But I work in birth, birth and death. I started in maternity.
I worked all there through school in a year after I graduated. I did pediatric cardiac ICU for six
years and hopefully going back there at some point. I've done hospice. I've done primary care.
I've done home care where I've taken like kids to like special needs preschool. I've done
pretty much everything along the lifespan. What is your favorite? I think the cardiac ICU is my
favorite. I'm currently working in a hospice. I don't know. I because I really just like learning
about people and learning different things like every job I've had, I've learned a ton about,
you know, taking care of people. So I think I just like to learn and I like to be able to help and
I like to take something from every job I've had and kind of incorporate it not just into my work,
which I care so much about, but also into like my family and friends and kind of helping everybody
with whatever's going on. Have you ever seen Justin in the hospital setting? I was going to ask
a legitimate question. No, but he did work a job. He was on. He says he was on a different floor
than I was. But exactly. We've never actually seen him do any of these things. We've heard tell. So
I just wanted to make sure it's one of the clarifying you've never seen him in a hospital
setting. Good. Okay. Moving on. You can ask a legitimate question now. You can only speak if
you're holding the speaking glasses. So take them back. Give them to me. So you take a little bit
of everything that you've learned and you put it in whatever I don't even know what you would call
areas of the hospital. Yeah. Yeah. Of like nursing. It's all nursing. So with that, do you find like
you have to, I don't know how to like wipe it all off at the end of the day, especially when you're
working with hospice and like little little kids going through it? Yes. And I'm not very good at it.
Oh, so what? Wait, what? That's like a great idea in theory. And when you sent me that question
earlier, I was like, that's a great idea. That's like, I should do that. Well, I only ask because we
we also know a yoga teacher hospice nurse. And she is the one when I was going through like
so many different people and so many different energies at the same time, not knowing why I was
being affected by it. She told me how to kind of like truly wipe it off of my body and try to
mentally offset the day so that I could be at home for the rest of the night by myself, like
with myself, not with anybody else's problems. When you're dealing with death and grief,
even if it's not, you know, grief connected to death, grief connected to any type of hospital
stay, right, at any age, I give nurses so much credit because you have to wake up and go back
and do it again. So if you're not good at it, which I'm not good at it, Bridget clearly says she is
not either. How do you how do you get through the day to day? I love that you're figuring it out
right now. No, but sometimes it's so real. Sometimes you don't get through it and you're
yeah, you just go do it day to day and it brings it down. It's interesting because one of my friends
who went to school in New York, musical theater, like as an actor and she at one point was like
nurses are really good actors because you simply just have to go in and like do it no matter what
you just came from, no matter what you're going to, like you still have this, you know, shift or
these visits or these things where you just have to go take care of the patient. So I don't know if
it's some sort of like mental block that happens, but it's just like you just kind of go in and do
it. And then the real challenge is I can do the 12 hour shift or I can do the eight hour shift or
whatever is is the going home and the taking care of myself outside of it, whether that's therapy,
whether that's see fit, whether that's walking, whether that's sometimes just having a day where
I just sit there and do straight up nothing and stare at a wall, like it just finding that balance
of like, okay, this is a really like emotionally, physically taxing career path and knowing that
if you don't take care of yourself and I've also been in those situations where I don't take care
of myself, like things can go downhill very quickly. So it's kind of fine, constantly searching
for that. Wait, so are you telling us, Carly, that you do therapy? Yeah. I love therapy. How about it?
Guys, listen, how about it? I love therapy. I love it. I do it every Tuesday at nine o'clock.
I go to therapy. You're not holding the glasses. So wait, let's let's bring it back because this
is this is fascinating. You're in hospice right now. Yes. But you're in an administrative
managerial position, correct? Okay. So then you're not, are you with like patients or are you with
the nurses? I have been because we've been very short staffed. Okay. And I'm with the nurses.
So generally, and this is my first time in a managerial position. And I'm really glad that I
took it. I've also am like, I like patient care. You like to be with people. I like to be with the
patients. So that's something that I learned. Yeah. Even at the end of their life, you are okay with
being next to somebody who's about to die. Death is not the worst thing in the world. It's not.
Tell us about it. Tell us about it. Tell. I think one of the, so kind of, okay, so quick,
how I got into death is number one, I grew up with my father, he's my favorite person on the planet.
He grew up quoting a Christmas carol. And he's like, you know, we've all got to die,
I crash it, which is like, yeah, such a simple phrase. I can just picture him saying it like
by a whole life growing up. So it's never been something that in my house that's been like super
feared and like scary. And we've dealt with a lot of loss in our house, like in family and
friends and things. And it's just one of those things where it's like,
it happens. There's no question about it. And then I went to, I worked in birth. And then I went to
the CI. And I remember one of the first questions I asked the orientation was like, am I going to get
to see a patient die like on orientation? And they were like, no, on orientation, no, Bridget, no,
not today. How am I going to learn like what to do? Like I was terrified. I was like, they were
like, well, when it happens, like it's going to happen. And I remember one of the first patients
I had that I had taken care of for months was on the road to dying. And I remember like listening
to all the conversations and being the one at the bedside doing the patient care and kind of
trying to figure out why everybody was so like, we're going to fix this, we're going to fix this,
we're going to fix. And I was like in my head, I'm like, am I missing something? Like,
like, it can't be just dying. Yeah. So I read all the notes, I talked to a whole bunch of people.
And one of the senior nurses there was like, you're not crazy. Like this is the world that we
and we work in a pediatric environment. So like, we go by the families, we go by the doctors,
like there's always things to be done. Right. But there was like a real sense of moral distress
where I was like, every time I was touching this patient, I felt like I was hurting them.
So by the time the patient actually passed on my shift later, and I was doing care afterwards,
which is like bathing the patient and talking to the family and doing whatever, I was like,
I'm not hurting this patient for the first time in weeks. And it felt like a weird sense of calm.
And it's not something that you do alone as a nurse, you always do things after patients pass
with somebody else. Right. But it was like an odd sense of like, like, finally, like, we're not
hurting them anymore. Like, this is like, where we are. And then I kind of took that into like,
I ended up taking care of a lot of the chronic patients, where I would just educate myself.
And I read all the notes, and I tried to figure out what I could do because I couldn't fix the
whole problem. But I could take care of them in a way, whether it was giving them a bath or putting
a bow on them or giving an outfit for the family to smile. Like there were things that I could do
to help with my like, moral distress of taking care of these patients. Oh my God. That and
I just got really interested in how can I make these patients comfortable. I worked a lot with
the palliative care team, which is how I got into hospice in the first place. Like I kind of fell
into it. Right. It wasn't really nobody's ever. What is palliative care? Palliative care is
is comfort based care without that prognosis of six months or less hospice is like a prognosis of
six months or less palliative care is just you have a lot of chronic issues. You have a lot of
things going on. Like, how can we manage your pain, your like exhaustion, like different symptoms
so that you can live life in the best way that you're like, able to bring everything that you
have going on. It's somebody that takes a look at your big picture. Right. And so, okay, so you
want to you have cancer, you have osteoarthritis, you have all these things. But your biggest
issue is that you're in so much pain that you can't even go to your kids soccer game. It's like,
how do we manage that pain? We're not going to fix the problem. But how do we manage your overall
quality of life to get you to do the things that you want to do? So that's what you mean by like,
death isn't the worst thing. No, living like that. Sometimes it's worse. Way worse. Does that make
sense to you? Oh, that makes sense to me. So does that makes death a little bit less scary? No.
Is it just the finality of death that scares you? Yes. I don't want, I don't like the process. Like,
for me, I'm getting murdered. So like, I don't like the process of death. Like, this morning,
I went for a run. Yes, I run on Tuesdays. It's not a secret. I run. Okay. I'd sent a video
because everyone's like, why do you run? Nobody cares. I'm just saying, I sent a video to Andrew
as I was running through scary alley saying, just so everybody, so you know, here's where I am. If
I don't come out of this alley alive, why would you go down the alley then? Because I, that's the
only way out. So I sent him a video of myself running through scary alley being like, this is
where I am. It's 7am. And if you don't hear from me again, and I'm not home in 30 minutes, this is
where I died. It's 7am. But I was also whispering because I didn't want to wake up any people that
might be sleeping and ready to pounce and kill me. So it was a whole video. So that's like,
I know that I'm getting murdered. None of this is logical. So I'm not. So I am scared of the
it's logical. He wrote back and said, I can't tell you what he said. Oh my gosh. Anyway,
so I'm, I'm scared of the finality of it that I won't see anybody again. And I don't know what
comes next, except that I will haunt the sh it out of this one. Nothing that you just said actually
is rational, except for the haunting part, which I'm bringing on. I'm very excited about that.
You're not upset with death. You're upset with what happens after if you had more of a faith
of what happens after death wouldn't be so scary. Do you have a faith of what happens after?
I just believe that there's something out there that's better than the body that's failing that
the person is currently living in. Yes. So murder is traumatic, no matter what. Like, that's just
like, there's different types of death. There's like the traumatic deaths. There's deaths that are
unexpected. There's deaths that are like, very chaotic. And then there's a body knows how to die.
So when a body is failing or a body is sick, the same way that like a mom knows how to give birth
intrinsically, the body knows how to shut down and die. And towards the end of people's lives,
where they're talking to dead, dead relatives and different people. And like, I see all these
things, they're kind of stuck in that in between. It makes me know that there's like, something else
out there. Go back now. Go back. You see that? Hold on. Go back. But you believe that I do.
So do I. So why is why is that scary if you know that it's not over? Because I like this life.
So like, I don't know what's next. And you know, I'm a creature of habit. I like
what I know. And I don't know. But what if this is the struggle and what's what's coming is is so much
calmer, peaceful, easier, happier. Bridget, tell us what you know. Tell us everything you know.
You've seen the in between. I've seen the in between. I've seen patients and various things.
And my own mortality scares me. Oh, it does. You are like, I can't say that I'm going to get to
the end of my life and be like, oh, hostess, oh, actively dying. Oh, it's like, terrifying. 100%.
Who knows what's going to happen. That's human. I think that's human. And you know,
my job is very different from the people in my life that are close to me as well. It's a different
kind of grief. I've had patients pass multiple patients pass and dealing with families and
dealing with different things. I've also had cousins die. I've had uncles die. I've had people
that are close to me in my life and it that are or that are going through struggles where I know
that they're going to die and kind of helping them with that. And it feels totally different
because you're connected to them. Yeah. Yeah. It's not like my job is like over here and like the
people in my life like all the time terrified. Yeah. People are going to die. Well, that makes
sense. Like you, she feels better that you are scared of her too. No. What do you see right
before they die? Do they see loved ones? Because that's what I always think. Like when I die,
like I hope, you know, my mom's there, you know, or my dad is there, you know what I mean? People,
they talk to loved ones. They talk to, they talk about sitting. I've seen patients talk about
sitting at the coffee table with their mom. Like afterwards, like different things like patients
that are like in their 90s. Like, and you hear like a lot of my time there is like talking to
families and convincing them that like that's okay. They're kind of stuck in this in between
place. Because they're probably confused of what's happening. Yeah. Yeah. But that's kind of one of
the major things that you can physically see or hear. Right. Hearing them talk about, you know,
different pieces or, you know, they kind of, there's like this rally that happens a lot of
times before people die where they've been unconscious for like days or they're close to it
or the rest of it. And then one day they're like speaking clearly or they eat a full meal for the
first time in weeks and the families, you know, are also confused by that. And I'm like, they're
really like, this is like their, this could either be their final burst or they are getting a little
bit better before they go back downhill. Yeah. I've heard about that. Yeah. It's like just one of those
like, and I always, I always preface everything with like, if I knew the exact date, if I knew
what was going to happen, like I'd be paid a lot more money. Like I'm not, right, God,
I'm not whatever your version of that is. I can only tell you what I know based on
the clinical picture that I'm seeing. That is incredible, Bridget. But there's, there's
some spiritual things that happen in the, in the medical sense of death. And that's what you're
saying. That's where like, I've always been like a little bit East meets West. Like I love being,
you know, in the ICU, I loved all the medicines. I loved bringing people back. I saw real miracles
happen there as well in keeping people alive. And the yoga trainings, the meditation, the Reiki,
like the more, the more holistic piece of it that a lot of people in Western medicine don't
necessarily love. I also love that to kind of see, take care of the whole person and kind of see
like big picture what's going on. When you said that people rally, it reminds me of when our
grandpa died and he was at like, they sent him home from the hospital because they know he wasn't
long. And we, all the nine of us, all nine of us, except Billy, he didn't live here. All the cousins
and the three daughters were around him and he had been unconscious for so long. And then all of a
sudden was able to not talk, but he was able to like look and see who was there. We all got to say
goodbye. And then like, but he hadn't been, he hadn't opened his eyes in a week or something, you know.
I've also seen people wait for somebody to show up. Really? Like, I look at them every day and I'm
like, what are you still doing here? Like there's some sort of something that's keeping people here,
whether it's families that like their loved ones are unprepared or they're waiting for that cousin
to fly in from California or they're waiting for something because I'm like, there is no physical
way that they should still be there. And then like within hours of whatever they need to happen,
like then they pass. And I'm like, okay, they were just waiting for that like person.
And I think that's because I hear that a lot too. And people are always stunned by it. And they're
like, it was, it was wild. It was a miracle. It was whatever it was. But I think that spiritual
part of it is what makes it not so scary to me. Yeah. Even though if I think about a specific
person in my circle, I like, I don't want to think about that. Right. So there, I mean, of
course, but I, I can talk about it like a logical human. Well, what I'm going to need you to do is
stay far away until I've lived the rest of my life. And then you can come back and be the last person
because I'll wait for you. Finally, I can leave. You have to stay away so that I have to wait for
you to say goodbye, be the last person. Should I move now? So I can, can I do it right now so I
can have more time? Okay. Am I, wait, am I deaf? Yeah. Are you telling me that I am deaf? No,
no, no, no. Oh, that's heaven's door. No, that's door. Nevermind. Nevermind. What is interest,
shut it, shut it. I'm going to be serious for a second. You know, I like making uncomfortable
situations awkward. No one's uncomfortable but you. First of all, what's interesting to me is that
you could do birth and death. Yeah. They're very different. They all come from the same place.
But that is so different. It's like the happiest moment. Everyone's so happy. A new life has come
and then the other one is like so sad. Sometimes it's not. But sometimes it's not. That's what
she's saying is like sometimes it's relief, not grief. Yes, there's always grief attached. Tell
me if I'm wrong, but there's always grief attached, especially the families. And if you're someone
taking care of a patient, even if you're not related to them, like you were in charge of that
patient for however long, like there's a connection there too. But it's a relief that they're not
in pain. I mean, you hear it all the time. Unless they're not in pain anymore. Unless it's a tragedy.
Unless it's a tragedy. Unless it's a tragic unexpected death, which is always chaotic.
There's different versions of everything, Carly, just like life. Happiness comes in different
bottles as well. I'm also a little bit different in nursing in that I, again, I like the lifespan.
I love learning about people. I love learning new roles. I love learning new. So not everybody
is going to jump from maternity hospice. Like that's just simply not or well babies to sick babies
or like whatever. Like I just really enjoy, one of the reasons I became a nurse, I've wanted to
be a nurse since I was in like fifth grade is that my neighbor was a nurse and she worked,
you know, I think like weekends in the NICU or something, but she was always around. And whenever
anything happened, it was like, go over to that house. Like, I like, I like to be able to kind of
know a little bit about a lot of things. So that when people talk to me, it's like, not as it's
kind of like, Oh, I have like a little bit of this or I can look into that or like what I like to just
kind of be somebody that people can come to no matter what. So in knowing and working in all of
the different lifespans, it's like, I feel like that just opens so many doors in terms of getting
to know other people and talking about the things that are uncomfortable and feeling like closer
relationships because people are like, Oh, can I run this by you? And I'm like, sure, whatever.
So you're very different people. Well, very, very opposite. I want to know a lot about one thing so
that you can only ask me questions about that one thing. And I don't know anything else. So
go to Bridget for everything else. Justin's off my shortlist. You're on my shortlist top of the
list because every time I ask Justin, he goes, you're fine. You're fine. So I'm going to text you
now. She's going to tell you that you're fine. Or my other thing is go to your doctor because I
don't know. I can give you a little bit about what I do know or I've seen. But my always answer
question like you guys say on the podcast too is like, go see your doctor. Yeah, go see your doctor.
Always, always. That's so fun. Well, whatever. I'll just have all the nurses tell me I'm fine.
Because you're fine. Oh my God. There's at least three or four in any given class at C-FIT.
I know. Well, thank God. Yeah, I always look around and I'm like, okay, we got one, we got two,
we got three. Okay, classes can go forward. Yeah. I'm CPR certified, but you don't want me doing it.
You want someone who knows what they're doing? That was my shtick. What? In the CICU. That was
my favorite role to have in a code. In a code? You're the CPR girl? Wait, so when we did our episode
about what songs you should play for the CPR, were we on target? Baby Shark. I literally at one
point had a doctor come up to me like next to me, like he's like bagging the patient and he was singing
Staying Alive as I'm doing. No way. Were you good at it? I was good at it. She's a TPR girl.
And part of that's my strength and breathing and different things to be doing it. Yeah. But there's
a couple of different roles. You can be like the med nurse. You can be the recorder, which is my
least favorite job because I hated keeping track of anything CPR I could do. That is crazy. Yeah,
that's a lot. I've known Bridget almost her whole life. I am learning so many things about Bridget.
I think I know Bridget. I don't know Bridget. No, I do not know you because I am learning
so many things. You are fascinating. You are fascinating and you're so young. So I can only
imagine what more you're going to learn and do and all the avenues you're going to go through.
Well, I was telling Christy, I was having dinner with her on Saturday night and we're talking
and we're both like, we're not going to small talk. And then I was talking to Christy and Sam and
they were like, I was like, I just am not great at parties or like social gatherings because like
people ask me about my job or like what I'm interested in. And I'm like, it's kind of a
conversation. Stop her. Full stop. That is so interesting because I'd like to know what career
is good at parties because I was just saying to, oh, I don't know if I'm saying it to you or Andrew
that our career isn't good at parties either. So was it you? It's always me. Yeah. Yeah. But I would
agree. But see, to me going up to you and being like, how's your work? That's interesting to me.
Well, it's always interesting to anybody else. Yeah. Then anybody else, whatever you're doing.
Like a particular Christmas where I had a really bad shift and it was Christmas Eve and my parents
have a big Christmas Eve party. And I remember like texting my mom and being like, everybody's
going to ask where I am, like please tell them like, don't ask what happened today. Oh, no. I got
home and everybody's like, Oh, I heard you had a bitch. Oh, God. What happened? I was like, shut it.
I was like, I just, I'm just, we're just not doing this. But yeah, it's one of those two words.
Like if I like it used to be such an interesting piece, like living with my parents and then
being like, why don't you want to talk after work? Like what's going on? Whatever. And like,
if I want to talk after work, I will tell you, I will be so excited about the little things that
my patient has sent out. If I don't want to talk after work, like I probably wouldn't ask me about
it. Yeah. It's one of those. That's a really good gauge. So one, this is like, I'm not calling it a
guilty pleasure because it's not, but sometimes when I want to feel something, that's not,
that's not about my kids because like I will cry at the drop of a hat if it's about
the kids or whatever. I watch on Instagram reels like honor walks. It is so heartbreaking. What is
that? An honor walk. Yes. Bridget, what's an honor walk? So that happens more in the general pediatric
ICU than the cardiac ICU only because in cardiac, a lot of other organs are failing as well.
But it's a patients, they keep a patient alive, even if they're considered brain death. And I
guess occasionally like cardiac to go to the ICU to, or to go to the OR to donate their organs.
Yeah. And so it's the final everybody lines up and they're like, clap it. Like it's like,
it's a really like it's an honor and it's a blessing for this family to make this choice,
whether it's for an adult or for a child. Meanwhile, in the cardiac ICU, I'm on the other end of that
where I took care of patients that got heart and lung transplants. And there's only one way you
can get a heart or a lung transplant, especially in a pediatric age. Oh my God. Yeah. So we would
get the other end and we would see the other piece of it. But the honor walk, yeah, is when you
nurses line up on me in the hallway. They come out and they wheel the child with the family
behind them or next to them and they're clapping or it's so sad that they're putting their head
down. But like it's their last honor as they go donate to keep somebody else alive. I mean, it's
it's that's what there's no word to describe like fantastic and amazing and wonderful. It
doesn't describe that, but I couldn't even watch that on Instagram. So you're gonna cry and I'm
not even know what you're talking about. Oh, that's what I that in military homecomings,
very different. They also make me cry. I'm not a military person, but at all. But like watching
them come home and surprise their kids when they've been away for a year. I'm like, oh my God.
Yeah. And it's funny because people are like and I think some of what I'm not super great at
management I've learned is that I really need to care about what I'm doing. And the healthcare
system in and of itself, I've been in a lot of roles, I've been in a lot of things, the healthcare
system is broken and I can't necessarily fix the bigger pieces of the healthcare system.
So I don't really want to cater to the money and the power and all that things like I'd rather just
take care of patients. Right. And I really need to care about what I'm doing and I really need
to feel like I'm making a difference even when it's emotionally draining or I'm exhausted or I
need time to recover. Like it's something that I'm just like I've been in a lot of different roles
and I try to be one of those people that I'm like, I don't need to care about work. I don't need a job
that makes me like dig myself in, but I just can't picture doing. But what a gift that you found
that out. Right. And I don't necessarily think it's like you're not, whatever you just said,
you're not good at managerial roles or management positions. I think you're just, you're that good
at dealing with people and patients. And your purpose is to help and heal like you're a healer.
Do you have just a piece of advice or something that you take with you or anything about dealing
with death or loss or grief with everything that you've gone through for anybody?
You just have to feel your grief. Like there is just no, don't shove it down, don't hide it,
don't hide it from your friends because you think they're not going to hear it or feel it or take
the time to yourself because it's there and it's heavy and it starts and it's comes into every
piece of your life losing somebody, whether it's a patient or whether it's, I had a friend who
recently lost her mom like and she's going through it and it's like, I don't care if I don't talk to
you for six months and we send each other memes on the internet or you do whatever or you don't
feel like answering or whatever, just doing what you have to do to kind of make it through.
And whether that turns into a point where it becomes like more clinical or it's like go to
therapy or maybe you need meds or something, but like it's something that's unimaginable to
most people. Like I just think that we as a society, it's like you get a couple of days of
bereavement leave or a week if it's a parent or like things like that and it's like that is simply
not how it works. So yeah, so like I mean, I know as a culture we all have to work, we all have to
continue living and if you have kids or pets or whatever, figuring out but allowing yourself to
just be in the space of like complete and utter grief. Yeah, that's all I can say. It's like you
have to feel it because if you don't then again things start to take a tumble. Yeah, I agree that
I will work on that. You can't agree with it. Carly, that involves feelings. That's why I watch
Honor Walks to make sure I still have them. Oh my god. Oh no. I tend to keep a lot of things inside
until they waterfall. It's so fun. But I would be that person like I could never do what you do
where I would, you know what I mean? People are meant to be in the roles that they're in. I say
that about most nurses that I've met because I know them. I can't say it for everybody. I also love
teaching new nurses. You do? I do. There was a point where I was burned out from like precepting
new nurses but I love teaching new nurses about death, about caring for patients in ways that
aren't medical, about feeling their own feelings. I used to share a lot more writing and different
things and I would have the new nurses come up and say thank you for talking about your anxiety
or your depression or whatever because I feel like this job is insane and everybody here is
robots and I don't know what's going on. I think that's becoming more of a thing especially since
the pandemic. There's organizations out there for healthcare worker, mental health in terms of dealing
with these entirely stressful situations. But that was always something that was important to me
was to be able to talk to them and be like you're not crazy. Just like somebody told me that I wasn't
crazy when I was thinking about this patient where there are a lot of people that are very
unemotional and there are moments when you're in crisis situations at work where you literally
just have to be like flat and just get through it. There are times where I've taken care of this
patient for six months. They tell you not to cry when the patient dies and I cry and I hug the
family and I'm like, no, we're human. You can't spend your entire shift just crying as you're
walking around. But you are allowed to show emotion and you are allowed to... You've worked with these
people for so long and you get to know the families and you get to know the different things and it's
like you're allowed to cry and you're allowed to feel things and it's not... It doesn't make you a bad
nurse, it doesn't make you a bad person, it just makes you a human and a lot of times they take a
lot of humanity out of healthcare because you're supposed to just go on and go pick up the next
patient afterwards. Well, thank God for you, Bridget, because you are, I think, gonna make...
If you haven't already made an impact with a lot of nurses specifically in that regard because
it does. Sometimes they do feel robotic and the more you're in it, the more years you're in it,
you can just tell that they've been doing this for a long time, things don't affect them,
and that's not true. I'm sure it affects them, but it's like what you do, Carly,
let them burry and burrow and then it becomes a different callous in your heart and your soul.
Yeah. And thank God for you. That's why when I left the bedside last year to go to primary care,
I had to... That was more about I need to figure out my brain and I need a less stressful job to
figure out my brain and figure out what I want and what I want to do next because I knew there was
a point where I was so jaded and so burnout and I was like, this is not how I want to be
when I'm at work, but I don't know how to fix it. So you're allowed to... The cool thing about
nursing or healthcare is that you can switch and you can do other things that are less stressful or
taking the time to take care of yourself in other ways and then if you need to, you can always go
back. You bounce around, but I never wanted to be a person at work that hated going to work every
day. I was like, we have a really big job. We need to take care of these patients and if I'm not
feeling it, then it's time to go. But you're just very self-aware and I don't think that's...
It's a lot of therapy. Normal. How about it? Listen, I had Bridget on day one with the birthing plan
and Bridget was there. I would be happy to have Bridget on the last day with my family.
Wow, that's big. Listen, that's big. Because what would you rather, a nurse that is also upset
of whoever's passing like a family member or you or somebody that has no emotion and it's just
another day of work for them, but it is the biggest thing in your life. I would choose Bridget
any day of the week. Sure. On that note, now we're gonna play a game.
Because I love to make things uncomfortable. I really want to make Bridget uncomfortable
if she isn't already, but I feel like she's not because she deals with situations on the daily.
We're gonna play a little game called a moment of pause with B-claws. Okay? We're gonna take a
moment and we're gonna play, would you rather, rapid fire. Only Bridget. Yeah, it's only Bridget.
Okay, it's only B-claws. I'm gonna give you two options. You pick one. Okay. And it's rapid fire.
No thinking. Okay. Okay. A moment of pause with B-claws. Sorry, I had to say it again because I'm so
proud of myself. Okay. Peanut butter, crunchy or smooth? Crunchy. Movies or TV shows?
TV shows. Coffee, iced or hot? Iced. Till I die. Yeah. Winter or summer? Summer. Rain or snow?
Rain. Build a snowman or sandcastles? Sandcastles. Yeah, your beach girl. Grow flowers or carve
pumpkins? Carve pumpkins. I kill every plant I have. Samesies. TikTok or IJ? Reels. Oh, TikTok.
Oh my god. Memes or gifts? Memes. Send TikToks or receive TikToks?
Both. That's hard. That is hard. Have Mondays off or Fridays off? Mondays.
Sleep in and work late or get up early and get off early? I'm not that 5.30 every day. Yeah.
We figured that out. Visit the past or go to the future? I know. That was a deep one. That's a hard
one. How dare you. She doesn't like small talks, so I got into it. I'm going to say visit the past
because I'm missing people. I like that. Breathe underwater, underwater, just so everybody understands
or fly. Breathe underwater. Pause time or rewind? Pause. Yes. Right, because we're taking a moment
to pause for B-Claus. Early bird or night owl? Early bird. Camping or glamping? Neither.
Sleep or eat? Sleep. Friday night or Sunday morning? Friday night. Really? Sunday morning,
I get the Sunday scare. Yeah, we all do. Friday night, you just have the whole weekend to like.
Yep. I agree. Sleep with sounds or silence? Silence. Sleep with a nightlight or complete
darkness? Completely darkness. Carly alive or dead haunting you? Alive. Although I think haunting
me would also be fun. Yeah, I'd be wearing this, so. She's in a flannel. I'm in a flannel, so it'd
be C-Claus, so. My favorite tattoo is like Beetlejuice that I have. It's like a dumb because I love
Lydia Dietz. Yes. She's my inner gothy team, but also like that whole haunting Beetlejuice,
Beetlejuice like the underworld and. You like all that. Yeah, so I'll come haunt you.
That's not a question, but how many tattoos do you have?
Somewhere between 10 and 20. Oh, that's a big gap, Bridge. All right.
Ready? Last question. Carly or Victoria? You must pick.
I'm gonna do what most people do, and I'm gonna go with Carmella.
Good choice. Guess what, B-Claus? You won!
Did you think you wouldn't? Did not. Did not. I like that a lot of those questions were the same,
but in different ways. Same. Very good game. Well, we, well, thank you, Bridget, for hopefully enlightening
you. I learned so much. I learned so much, too, but I'm okay with it a little bit more than you are.
Well, you didn't like the Honor Walk. I don't like the Honor Walk. But that's dead. I don't think
anybody likes the Honor Walk. I think that's... No, I don't like it, but I was very surprised
that you would get emotional over that when you can talk about death till the cows come home.
Yes, but I empathetically can put myself there thinking about it, and the emotion is so high
that that's... I don't want to think about it. Yeah. So don't watch the Instagram or else of it.
I won't, but if they pop up now, I'll kill you. Where's your phone? Is it listening?
It's right there. But no, thank you. I think you have such a good perspective
due to all of your different career paths and also your own internal research that you like to do.
I mean, you're a nurse and a yoga teacher, and just like you said, medical field in the spiritual
world, they're usually not one and the same, but you are somehow making it very natural and normal.
And I think we need more people like you, especially in hospitals, 100%.
Thanks, guys. I appreciate you inviting me on. Listen, I just said I knew you, but I did not
know you. You know what I mean? It's so interesting to really get into...
To talk to people. Yeah, because when do we talk like this,
Bridge, when I'm yelling at you in class, I'm not going to be like, yeah, Bridge, how was work today?
Get lower. We don't have time to talk like this. So it's really interesting to get inside your
brain. One of the first times you said on the podcast that you didn't like death, she deemed
fit to be real and was like, do you ever want to talk about it? Well, you had talked about
death cafes and how people can talk about and do things. I was like, squad, I got you.
You're fine. You're good. You do. If you ever need someone to talk to when she is fully recovered
from her days and her emotions and coming out of therapy and all the things, then Bridget is
a great person to talk to you for that. But thank you so much. Yeah, thanks, guys. Love it.
What? Just remember, we're going to cut you off. I feel like your haunting ghost is just like,
hey guys, it's Carly. Like in everyone's hear. Wait, have you ever seen that meme that's like,
why doesn't anybody haunt in like outfits like what I'm wearing right now, a t-shirt and flannel?
They're always in Renaissance clothing or some 1800s. I'm going to haunt you in a C-fit tank top
and leggings. That's haunting. No, no, it won't be a full tank top. It'll be half of a tank top.
That's how you'll know it's me. And remember, you are always fit to be real and always allowed to be
a little extra. After thoughts with B-claws, have your wishes written
down, please. It makes life for everybody else so much easier. And if you are anybody's power of
attorney or have any type of paperwork as your loved ones get older, have 17 copies on your desk
at all times because you will need to give them to people and nobody can ever seem to find them.
Brilliant. That's it. For legal reasons, we have to tell you that this podcast is meant for
entertainment and educational purposes only. We are not healthcare professionals. For all of your
health, wellness, fitness, and self-care needs, please refer to the medical professional in your
life. Your primary care physician, your therapist, a certified coach, whoever it may be. And then
let us know what they say because I guarantee we need to know what to do. Okay? Okay, bye.