Welcome to Fit to Be Real and a little extra.
It is October and next week, and it happens every year, October.
Every year.
And next week is Carly's birthday and the week after that is mine.
So we are going to do our 30 lessons learned by our 30s part two.
Yes.
And I have learned more lessons than last year.
Well, I re-listened to last year's and I don't think you kept those lessons.
Hey, I, this is about learning.
This isn't about putting into action.
That's a different episode.
That episode is called Putting into Action, The Lessons I've Learned by the Time I'm 39.
This is just the lessons I've learned.
You're an idiot.
I've learned that.
I have never said in this episode or the episode we've done before that I put them into action
just that I have realized and learned them.
You don't need to tell us.
We know.
What is that redundant?
Yeah.
Is that like a word you just wanted to talk about?
Redundant.
So yeah, we've learned more lessons this year.
However, we are going to give you less of them.
Because we've learned that that was a lot to listen to.
We've learned that it was too many lessons.
So Carly is turning 39.
I know.
It's your last.
It's crazy.
Your last one in your 30s.
Because I look in the mirror and think that I'm 22.
There's nothing wrong with that.
No, no, no.
You say that all the time as if it's like the worst mentality ever.
It's not as great.
What's that real that's like, oh, I was born in 85 and I have two kids and yesterday I was
at the club and somebody's trying.
I am butchering this meme, but somebody's trying to tell me that I'm 38 and I'm still
16 at the club.
That was horrible.
I think I want to cut it, but I'm not going to.
You all know the meme I'm talking about is basically like, how did I get here with two
kids, a husband and a house and a job when in my mind, I have no responsibilities and
I'm at the club.
So the second time you tried to say it was way better.
So this was the only case where your repetitious vocabulary worked.
One of the things I've learned is to maybe think before I speak.
How about it?
We started early.
So Carly's only going to give us nine, nine by 39 and I'm going to give you six by 36.
And we are not talking about square footage, but let's do it.
I'm Victoria.
Hey guys, I'm Carly.
I think when I turn 39, it's going to get higher and when I turn 40, everything just
drops.
Everything.
Amazing.
I don't know how you feel about being 36.
You're not 36 yet and I'm not 39 yet, but do you feel like you're like going over a hump?
That's how I feel.
Like there's a hill and like you're getting, maybe that's why they say over the hill.
Did you just have like a revelation?
Oh my God.
Wait, this is real.
That's why they call it over the hill.
Because I feel like I'm being serious.
Yes, I'm being dead serious because I feel like I'm going over the hump of what?
What was this big obstacle that you needed to get over?
Just like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no,
no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I'm gonna get to that.
I wanna get to the top.
I just got a little bit of a headache and I don't even remember what I was thinking of.
I just found out it was over the hill.
I was like, just like going over, I picture myself like almost at the top of the hill going
over the hill and I guess 40 is over the hill.
Yeah.
See you.
I don't feel like that.
No.
I feel like I'm...
Well, is the hill bad?
Is getting over the hill a bad thing?
I don't think so.
What does it feel like?
I just don't feel like I should be at the top of that hill yet going over.
I still feel like I should be like crawling.
I mean, in reality, that's more your style.
Like if we were actually hiking over a hill, I don't think you'd be going so well.
No.
I think it'd be a lot of brakes.
Sit down.
It's very possible you'd hurt something.
I just...
I think part of the going over the hill is that I don't feel like if 40 is the top, I don't
feel like I'm anywhere close.
Like 40, that number to me, seems so far away in my mind.
And I'm not that far.
I'm not mature enough.
That's the honest part.
I'm not mature enough.
I don't know how I have three kids to take care of.
I am still a child in my mind.
Yeah.
You're like, you're not mature enough.
I mean, true.
But also, I don't think that's a bad thing.
And I think you think that's a bad thing.
Like you should feel more mature.
Like the adults in the movies that have CEO jobs and wear pencil skirts to work and like
all this...
Yeah.
I think that's what you think a 40-year-old should be.
Yeah.
Or more mature and like more farther along.
And I think that's bullsh**.
I think that is the story that we're told is to happen once you reach a certain age.
And I don't think that's actually like true or even aids in longevity.
Yeah.
I think that hinders longevity.
What's coming up in all my newsfeed is like our favorite movies from back then and how
their ages were depicted.
So right now and then is popping up.
If you have not seen now and then, younger ones out there.
Watch it now.
Right now and then watch it then.
Like Rosie O'Donnell was 33 in that movie as the old version of that character.
She was only 33.
Like we're older than all of the people that are all those actresses that were depicting
older characters in the movie and they were 33, 37, 35.
The Golden Girls were 41.
Exactly.
They were supposed to be 41.
And it's like a joke.
Yeah.
Because that's what I think.
But that's what it is.
In my mind, I'm like, oh my God, I'm Golden Girls age and I don't feel that way.
But they didn't feel that way.
Right.
That was just the style of the times.
Same thing about Maggie Smith.
Maggie Smith was the one from Peter Pan.
She was the old, what's it called?
The grandmother.
Wendy.
Oh, Wendy.
She was the old Wendy.
She was 56 years old.
They aged her.
Right.
They aged her into her 80s, 90s.
But then she's looked like that, Wendy, for the next 30 years.
Yeah.
Did she not?
Yeah.
I thought she was in her 80s since the beginning of Harry Potter.
I know.
Because that's just how the style of the times.
But I think that's the hill that you're thinking you should be.
And it's just the story we've been fed since we were little.
Like when you get to reach the certain age, you're over the hill.
Yeah.
Why?
I was thinking about this the other day.
I've almost been alive.
I've been with Andrew half of my life.
Half of my life.
Birds are hard.
They are.
It's troubling.
So I have been alive.
For half of years than others have been.
But I have been with him almost longer than I've been alive.
We talked about this in our last 30 for 30.
It'll be 20 years on your 40th birthday.
20 years together, 15 years married.
Yeah, not crazy.
I just like that's a big deal.
I know.
I just, I don't, time is flying, I guess is what I'm trying to say.
Time is weird.
We talk about it all the time.
Yeah.
And it doesn't get any more clarity.
It's just like all of a sudden it's October.
Yeah, I know.
Like all of a sudden it's our birthday again and I used to love my birthday.
I don't not love my birthday.
What?
We had a few years, we had a few years, the past couple of years.
Yes.
I don't even want to celebrate.
I don't want to talk about it.
Past couple of years are bad.
It wasn't a fear of like getting older.
It just was like I, it was almost like a disappointment in the fact that a whole year went by and nothing
changed or a whole year went by and it and something changed or you know, whatever it is.
I think we were working a lot the past, I would say the past three birthdays of ours have not been great.
We have not enjoyed them.
No.
We, they went by like it was just a Tuesday and we are big birthday people.
Our mom always made it a big deal and so that's how we treated it up, up until the past three years.
But I think we're turning a corner.
Yeah.
I've been celebrating my birthday all month.
I think that we were working a lot, a lot, a lot and it was just exhausting to try and put something together.
Yeah.
Or care that we were like, oh, it's just another year where we work just as much.
Exactly.
And it's like, what's the difference?
Who cares?
But I think we're, we're moving past that and this, that some of the lessons I've learned and we'll talk about why that is changing.
So we're going over the hump.
Is that just another small scale word for the hill?
The hill.
Yep.
My humps.
My lovely lady humps.
I'm not following you over the hill.
It's okay.
I don't have them.
So it's fine.
It's not happening.
With that said, we're moving on.
So give us your first lesson in your 39th year.
Oh my God.
So crazy.
My number one, which I really had to sit down and think about this because I was like, what's different than last year?
Yeah.
But my first one is to bet on yourself.
I think that's a strong one for me because for so many years.
Bet on it, bet on it, bet on it.
Is that a song?
Yes, I just sang it.
I really hope so.
It is.
Is it one that's created already?
Yes.
It's Zach Efron in High School Musical 2.
I've never seen them.
And he's dancing around in golf course.
All right.
1A would be watch all the high school musical movies.
That would be the lesson I learned.
That would be 1B.
1A.
Bet on yourself.
Because I think for many years I've had imposter syndrome where I didn't think that I knew what I was doing and I was just acting.
But now I'm like, no, I do know I have something to say.
I trust myself.
Nice.
Yeah.
And I think that was a big one for me this year being trying to push that imposter syndrome.
I can't even say it.
Imposter syndrome.
She's okay.
She's alright.
She'll be alright.
Down so that because I don't believe that, I didn't want to believe it.
Your mind was telling you that.
Which is what we talked about last year.
Your mind is not who you are.
Right.
It just tells the story and sometimes we listen to it too much.
They think.
I agree with that.
And I think with you too, people bet on us.
People put their trust in us.
But we are the last ones to do it for ourselves.
And I'm working on doing that.
These are all thought about in hindsight.
You already told us you're not going to do any of this shit.
So you kind of ruined it.
But sounds good, Carly.
Go for it.
I hate you right now.
And I'm taking your birthday present back.
I don't have mine in order because I wrote down 15.
And then you told me only did six.
So I didn't have an order for it then either.
So I'm just going to shut my eyes and then the first thing I read.
You can do more than six.
Alright, here's the first one.
You can't heal a body that you hate.
Oh, I love that one because I've read that before.
Yeah, I've definitely this is not like an original thought of mine.
I just I've I stand by it.
Yes.
And I say it to people all the time, but I think this year alone.
I believe it.
Like I've given myself a lot more grace with making mistakes when it comes to my health journey of like eating.
Like if I go out to dinner midweek is OK. Like living your life is better than missing out on all the opportunities.
And if that means the scale goes up a little bit, figure it out.
Like it's not a big deal.
Yeah, like that type of grace.
And then also with not working out as vigorously or as much.
Now I had a lot of injuries past few years that changed a lot for me.
But my schedule has now changed.
And if I'm too tired, I'm too tired.
Yeah.
And it it messes like I'm not great with that because I beat myself up over like you did this to yourself.
Like what were you thinking you should have gotten up earlier.
You should have gone harder because you only have this amount of time and you got to squeeze in it.
And I've stopped really like doing that.
Punishing yourself.
Yes, but I'm I'm not happy with how my body is at this moment.
Like I've gained a little bit of weight, but also I'm happier.
Yeah.
So like I don't want to sink into this scale number because I don't really want to be where I am.
I want my clothes to feel a lot better.
However, my life feels like my quality is so much better.
Yeah.
Don't you think that's more important?
It is.
Oh, it totally is.
That's why that's like I'm working on finding the medium between the grace of that and not beating up my like with my mind.
Yeah, beating myself up over my body because your body can hear you.
I'm firm believer of that.
I've read it in a lot of places.
I've heard it from a lot of different people.
The thoughts that you have in your mind and like we're the meanest relationship we have.
I know we're the meanest.
I'm such a mean girl partner to ourselves.
Yeah, to ourselves.
Well, Carly's mean girl everybody.
You can't sit with us.
But like we tell ourselves that right.
And so the horrible things that we say in the mirror when we're trying to fit into the what you thought was going to fit you that day and you're like, shoot.
This was the outfit I planned and it doesn't fit me.
What am I going to do?
That just happened to me on Sunday.
And it's horrible.
Yeah.
And what instead of being like, oh man and going for another option, you just start reaming into yourself of all of the horrible things that you've done and like, God, you're so if you're only looked like this, if your legs were only like this, if you had just not eaten this, you could have like all this stupid, stupid stuff.
That's so mean.
I know.
And your body listens to it.
There is a scientific cellular level of it hearing you and believing you and storing stress and which in turn stores fat.
Yeah.
Which in turns gives you more storyline for your mind to tell you that you hate it.
Right.
Instead of like if we were just nicer to our bodies, the levels would come down.
It would be easier to lose weight, it would be easier to stick into consistency and give yourself those moments of grace when you're like, yeah, but you know what, that dinner was really good.
Yeah.
You know, like and I hadn't and I enjoyed my time while I was not even just like the food was so good.
I had a good time.
Yes.
Like you spend time differently.
You cannot heal a body that you hate because it's listening.
So be nice.
Be kind to yourself.
I like that one.
I'll try and do that.
All right.
We all know how that's going to work out.
This one is a big one for me this year and I am it's still something that I'm trying to be okay with, but I'm going to be okay with it.
People come in and out and that is okay.
It's so hard.
You're still working on this one.
Yeah.
You said this last year.
I did.
Yep.
No, it's good.
That's good though.
You can't just learn a brand new lesson every single solitary year or many lessons every year.
You're going to learn the same one until you figure it out.
Well, clearly you have not.
It bothers me.
Yeah.
Like it's something that I'm bothered by that people come in and out and like most I was thinking about it.
A lot of it is on me.
I've said this before as a joke and it is sort of a joke.
I'm not a great friend and that doesn't mean that I don't love my friends.
I'm not good with communicating and getting together because everybody's life is crazy.
I'm not saying mine is any crazier, but like at the end of the Friday or Saturday, the last thing I want to do is go back out and be with people.
So it has to be like really meaningful for me to want to do that.
So I'm not a great friend.
I reach out when I need to reach out, but I think the people in my life either come and go or the ones that know me like,
that really know me, they stick by me because they know me.
But the ones that come in and out, like that has to be okay.
Like seasons of friends.
Come in and out or come in and leave and are gone.
Yeah.
That that that.
People like you said before, people come into your lives for a reason at the time that you need them and they go out for a reason at the time that is right.
That is time for them to go.
Right.
And I have to be okay with that and I guess I'm still learning that that has to be okay.
And it's well, the underlying of all that is, is change.
You don't like change.
Yeah.
And I don't want to force something that's not working, but you do.
I do.
I'm a forcer.
I'm an enforcer.
Well, all you need is one person to listen and I think you'll chill out, but no one, no one will listen to you.
It's not that I don't want to be a good friend.
I just have never, I like ever since I was in high school, like I moved to New York and I just had my blinders on.
I wanted one thing.
I didn't really have time for friends.
Like I had my friend group, but like, like I'm always like on my own path, I think.
Does your path involve connection?
Yeah.
But I think when those connections have played its part, I have, I force them for too long.
For too long to hold on.
You stayed too long.
Yeah, I stayed too long.
Yeah.
I stayed too long at the party.
Well, no, you have to show up to the party first.
That's true.
You're not showing up.
You're not even responding to the RSVP.
Shoot, I have to do that.
That's true.
I still, I have to, I have a text they need to respond to.
I'm a horrible responder, but yeah, I'm working on that clearly.
Now, I think you could, I think you're a little blinder.
You do have blinders on just because you're, yeah, you're tired.
I'm tired.
I'm tired of this.
You're just tired.
Yeah.
I could open up my blinders.
You know, those horse blinders, they have like, I could open them up a little bit more.
And I think everybody needs that.
I mean, nobody can live their life in a one track mind sort of.
I could open them up a little bit.
So I'll work on that too.
So many things, so many things.
This again is not my quote, my phrase, my concept, but I heard it.
And I think it couldn't be more true to what I've been dealing with, but also like this
year specifically, honesty, I'm going to have to say this twice.
I'm going to say it slow.
Maybe that won't happen.
Honesty is the best policy.
No.
Okay.
Well, sure.
Yeah.
Honesty is telling the truth when asked.
No, I heard you.
I heard you the first time.
Oh, shut up.
Oh my God.
It was a very dramatic pause because you put your head down.
I didn't know if you understood it.
I'm listening with my eyes closed.
God, that was like Vicki out at my wedding.
Honesty is telling the truth when asked.
Transparency is telling the truth when they don't even know to ask.
Okay.
Yup.
Say it again.
I said it too fast and didn't put a pause.
I hate you.
But transparency is telling the truth when they don't even know to ask.
So honesty is like you being like, hey, I'm going to ask this question, tell me the truth
and you tell the truth.
That's honest.
I'm being honest.
Right.
But what I want and what I live by and what I have learned this year is a deal breaker
and like a non-negotiable.
The bear.
Non-negotiable.
Thank you, chef.
Is transparency and transparency is giving the information and telling the truth before
you even know that you need to ask that question.
Okay.
No, I get it.
Why?
That's because sometimes asking the question, like I think that's an old behavior pattern
of knowing and it's something that you do too.
Asking the question for proof.
For validation.
Yeah.
For proof that I know this answer, you're going to tell me the truth.
Are you?
Right.
So I'm, if I'm thinking of it in terms of relationships, romantic relationships, like
when you're asking a question that you need complete honesty for, it's because there's
something else that you need.
And so if transparency exists, you don't have to ask that question.
Right.
You already know the answer because they're acting that way or because, hey, they brought
it up to you first and they want to be fully open with you and they don't want you to have
to ask the question.
Right.
And like I need transparency.
Yeah, that's difficult.
I think everybody needs it, but it's something that I don't want to sacrifice myself for
anymore.
Yeah.
Because I've always had to ask the questions and then you have to do the, okay, do I believe
them?
Right.
Instead of, I never have to ask that question.
Right.
Like I don't have to wonder if I believe you.
Because it's all out there.
Because it's already out there.
Yeah.
And it goes with the same thing we said last year.
If it's something is real and something is an actual connection, that transparency isn't
going to break that.
So it's connected to that, which is what I've learned last year.
That like if it's real, it's not going to break forever.
It can be fake.
It can be cracked.
It can be glued back together.
Yeah.
But transparency is a non-negotiable.
Yeah.
I like that one.
That's not on my list.
So that's number 10.
Oh, good.
You're going to repeat it again.
I would love for you to try to repeat that.
So as Victoria said, those were not her words.
No.
These are 100% my words.
Oh, it's going to be good.
Being cool isn't cool.
My words.
Yeah.
Not anybody else's.
What?
And I think I'm realizing this more because Melody is 10 and I'm seeing her a little
bit be like, no, mom, I don't want to wear my hair like that today.
And I can see it in her eyes.
Why?
Like she doesn't want to wear pigtails anymore.
It's not cool or like, mom, can I, I want to wear those shorts, you know, because they're
cooler.
I don't want to wear those ones with little stars on them.
You know what I mean?
Right.
So I think that's normal.
That's being a kid.
But I'm seeing it in myself being like, man, being cool is just not cool.
The kids that grow up that are cool, like they're never cool.
It's like Romeo and Michelle's high school reunion.
You go back and all the cool kids are like, not cool.
So all of you listeners, if it feels like deja vu, I said it last year, word for word.
God damn it.
But that's wonderful.
I think this is such an, this is such a like unscripted surprise of in such a good way
because you actually mean it.
I do.
Right.
And you're learning it in different ways.
Like last year, Melody wasn't, no, I was doing this.
No.
Like it was not a thing.
And so this year, you're realizing it for different reasons because you're cool that
you were talking about last year was about yourself.
No.
And I'm not talking about myself.
I know.
This year it's now about your kid.
Yeah.
So it's, it's interesting.
I think that's a cool thing.
I'm glad you didn't listen to it.
I just, I'm glad you didn't do your research and not say the things you said last year.
Well, you didn't do your research and you're saying everything you said last year.
I just, yes, I'm realizing it because I want to make sure Melody knows that like being
cool is such a waste of time.
It's not cool.
Like I know, I don't care.
Like mom never cared about being cool.
I now don't care.
I, you, you did.
Oh yes.
When you were growing up as like a teenager, of course you did.
I mean a couple of years ago I cared.
Me too.
And I don't care anymore.
I mean, if you ever come to our class, you can realize I am making you laugh.
I do not think that I am in any way, shape or form the coolest kid on the block.
I am just like having fun and being crazy.
But Melody, for example, is being the invisible man for Halloween.
Like her friends are being babies and like soccer players and like just wearing an Eagles
jersey at 10 and she and Andrew are making the invisible man.
What is that?
And who is that?
So many questions.
We went to the Goodwill yesterday and bought her a blazer, a shirt, pants.
But where did she find this costume idea?
Online?
Online.
And it's like then you attach a hanger and it goes all the way up the back and then
you put a top hat and then you glue glasses.
So there's no face.
Her face is in the blazer and the jacket and it's above her head.
I see.
And she has a lot of slits for her eyes and like that.
I want her.
I want to box that up while all her friends are wearing Eagles jerseys and like putting
a black line under their eyes because that's cool and she's going to walk around as the
invisible man and she thinks that's so cool.
And she thinks it's so cool.
It is cool.
It is.
I think she thought of it herself and she's making it and I just want to reiterate then
that being cool is not cool.
Mind you, we had a lot more recital costumes to play with.
Like that was our these are the costumes that we have.
What can we make from them?
And they don't have that.
No, not yet.
You had to go like start from scratch.
Yeah, I was Tina Turner one year.
Tina Turner.
No, you should be.
Thanks mom.
Okay.
Oh my God, I remember that wig.
This one is serious but also not serious.
Choose color.
Oh, choose color.
Because we wear black all the time.
It just I think for so long where this really stems from is I wear black because I love
it and I that's just like very my vibe.
It just is.
But there was always a piece to it of being slimmer when you wear black being more flattering.
And I don't necessarily when I say choose color mean just you know with your clothing
in like in decorating when you look around and I see a bunch of stuff online now and
like buying houses.
It's all modern and it's clean and it's crisp and it's but I just like color.
I like color.
Yeah, I don't care if you know my house looks like a giant rainbow and the carpet is a bunch
of different colors and in my kitchen my bath mat or kitchen mats or you know Mexican flowers
that are just every single color of the rainbow like why not and somehow somewhere along the
lines with the cool thing color isn't cool color makes you weird wearing all the colors
make you weird even if it's like high fashion that's weird.
So there's something about and I talked about being weird last year to make you feel better.
We talked about this last year.
Thanks.
But another one of mine that I'll pair with this is like keep people that match your freak.
Yeah, that's like a new term like a cool term.
We match you match my freak.
But like keep people that also want color like why not.
Great.
I don't know that term because I'm not cool.
So I know it was a hard launch.
Wait, I got so much shade for that.
And I'm just like that's me not thinking I'm cool but like making fun of it.
I think a lot of people agree with it.
I put a post out of my new relationship and apparently it was a big deal because Carly
wrote hard launch.
Because everyone was like, Victoria doesn't post about anything.
You're such a brat.
I know.
And that's what they were thinking.
I was laughing my butt off because I used it correctly and you were proud of me.
You did use it correctly and it was a hard launch.
However, so many people were agreeing with you and so many people were against you.
It was how the internet works.
But then it took the heat off the post because nobody was looking at the post anymore.
Nobody was commenting on my comment about being a hard launch.
Yeah.
And you're welcome.
Now it's happening in person.
People are talking about your hard launch in person.
I know.
Yeah.
That's either how uncool you are.
It's a talent.
And they're thrilled by it or they're shocked by it.
It's a special skill that I have.
I can make, I do want to say that my special skill is making every situation about me whether
I want to or not.
It is just something that happens.
That is so true.
I learned that years ago.
That is so true.
Yeah, me too.
I think I was seven.
That is so, so, so, so true.
So maybe I should be mad for you taking my thunder.
I don't think you are yet again.
They still looked at the picture and then one person said, oh, I went right to the comment
section as soon as I saw this picture.
What's up, Monica?
And I was like, yep, because she wanted to see what I was going to say or whatever.
She's like, I went right to that comment section.
Well, we're going to hard launch into the next one.
Okay.
This one is going to be fast.
I did not say this last year.
I can tell you that the worst case scenario rarely happens.
Is something I'm learning and I joke about it a lot.
I am a worst case scenario.
I am a fearful person and I am learning that the worst case scenario rarely happens.
I'm not saying it never happens.
It rarely happens.
So try and be more present and less scared of life.
That's a great one.
Yeah.
I'm trying to be less scared of life.
Life scares me.
Death scares me.
So I'm not sure where I fit in.
She sits here with a skeleton sweater and a skeleton in a coffin on her t-shirt.
It says never better with peace fingers.
That's a thumbs up.
Oh, thumbs up.
Something fingers.
Yeah, both scare me so I'm trying to be less scared of life.
Moving on.
Oh, you're so not scared of it.
You don't even want to talk about it.
I just want to bypass.
Go.
Cool.
Then we're going to go into a two-parter for me.
It's two of mine that really mean the same thing.
I'm really thinking about it.
Stillness is productivity and take your time.
Yeah.
So like, I've really launched.
I hard launched.
You hard launched into practice.
I'm listening that in action this year of like, if I need to sit down and for 20 minutes
put something stupid on the TV or read one chapter of a book just to like sit that down.
Yeah.
That doesn't mean I'm wasting my time.
Yeah.
And like, we live in a state of hurry up and rush out the door and hustle and hustle, which
we've talked about it so much.
Don't make me do it.
I'm a hustler baby.
Oh, that was high.
Yeah.
I just want you to know.
Oh.
Go ahead.
Can we sing that song anymore?
I don't know.
There's so much we can't sing.
Yeah.
I had to change some of my recital songs for this year because I just don't feel comfortable
playing them.
Yeah.
If you don't know what we're talking about, figure it out because we're not going to
talk about it.
No, but we are going to have a hot topic episode.
It's coming.
Okay.
We're going to talk about all the hot topics.
Good to know.
Yeah.
That's a hot topic right there.
Awesome.
Yeah.
Just taking your time with things like it's going to get done and you'll get there.
And if it's not in time, you're on time.
Right?
Like I still don't want to be late for things, but if it's not in the time that you think
it's going to be, you're still going to get it done and it's still going to be the right
time for you to get it done.
That's a hard thing to...
Slow down.
... horribly come to terms with because everybody's fast paced.
Everybody's seeing everybody get it on Instagram and TikTok immediately.
Like why?
Yeah.
I mean, look what...
Just those reels of somebody being like, this is 2022.
This is what I look like.
This is March of 2022.
No, that's fake, but it's out there.
So it's just like immediate.
I think I just burnt out from being burnt out.
Yeah.
I think that's what it is.
I'm tired of being tired.
And we're only 36 and 39.
So it's taking your time for things, aids in your longevity and aids in feeling like
you're not tired because you're not constantly at the edge of everything.
I mean, it feels like everything where there's only one sip left.
There's only one second left.
There's only one...
I'm tired of it.
I'm tired of that mentality.
Well, when you just said I'm burnt out from being burnt out, we were watching the movie
Sing yesterday, one of my favorite movies.
And after, if you've never watched Sing, it's great, but they lost the theater.
Everything seems to be going to SHIT.
And the koala is like laying in a pool just like wanting to die basically.
It's a great kids movie.
And then his friend, the llama comes up and looks at him and is like, you know what the
best part about being at the bottom is?
There is nowhere else to go but up.
And I just...
I wasn't watching it.
I was doing stuff around the kitchen and I heard that.
And I was like, man, I wish the kids understood that line.
Like I just took it.
Like there is nowhere else to go but up.
And sometimes you don't realize that.
And like being burnt out, there's nowhere else to go.
But like digging yourself out of burnout basically and taking your time and slowing it down.
But that's the thing about burnout is that when you reach that lowest point, you take
a second to sit into it because you don't know what your next move is.
So you take your time and you sit into stillness and that's when you have the energy to pick
yourself back up.
But like even at burnout, you need that.
So like why do we burn out together at that point?
Why not do it all the way along and then it doesn't get to that point?
You know what I mean?
That's kind of where I am.
If I need to sit down, I sit down.
If I need to take a second and turn my phone off, I take a second to turn my phone off.
If it's a nap, I haven't quite done that yet.
But I firmly believe it's a midday.
If it's a midday nap, I'm going to take it.
You'll learn by 39.
Oh, good.
Can't wait because I learned that a long time ago.
So catch up.
Cool.
Tell me if I said it last year.
No one is coming to save you.
I don't think you did.
And what that means to me is I was always under the impression when I was trying to be on
Broadway and as an actor that like somebody was going to discover me.
Like it was it's not my job.
You're going to find me and everything's going to be fine.
Oh, yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like no, no one's coming to save you.
You have to do it yourself.
And that doesn't mean out of a bad situation.
It just means like in anything, like I'm always constantly or I have always looked and been
like, why is she getting this over?
I work justice.
Sorry.
No, she wasn't found.
She's a hustler.
And while I am also a hustler, a little part of you is like somebody will find me on the
algorithm and just take it to the next level.
So you kind of talked yourself into saying something that you said last year with us,
which was if somebody else somebody else's success doesn't mean that you're not successful.
So it's kind of kind of the same thing.
Yeah.
The comparison.
It's comparison.
Basically, if you want it, work for it.
And you know, no one is coming to take your hand and get you where you want to be.
If you want it, work for it.
I was watching this really amazing piece of television last night called Love is Blind.
And so season seven and they're just amazing.
So some guy was asking this girl like, Hey, why are you on the show?
Like, why did you decide to show?
And she was like, well, my husband's not going to come to me on my couch at home.
And it just was so I was like, that's so honest.
Number one, which is great.
And number two, it's so true because we all do that.
Yeah.
Somebody's going to find me.
You want it.
You don't want to do anything to go do it.
Yeah.
You're hoping it comes, literally comes through the door.
Yeah.
As you're sitting on the couch, wasting your time.
I know.
So.
And that's exactly what I mean.
Not that somebody else's success isn't warranted.
It's just that if I want something, like I have to do it.
And I know that.
So it's, you know, it was just a little revelation saying it like that.
No one's coming to save you.
Correct.
I can do it myself.
Right.
And I have to do it myself.
You're betting on yourself.
Yeah.
I'm betting on myself.
This is what I wrote.
Dairy just isn't worth it.
And own your choices.
Good or bad.
How?
Put them together for me.
Right.
Because for me, dairy just isn't worth it.
It's because it hurts.
It hurts my belly.
And I, as much as I want it, I, it's not, it's truly isn't worth it.
Like.
I spend way too much money in makeup trying to cover up what dairy does to my face.
Right.
So just it's not, I've learned.
Don't take the bite.
Okay.
Nothing tastes that good.
No.
So how it's tied to own your own choices.
Good or bad is because I have made specifically dietary choices like not eating dairy, like
not eating meat other than fish, like not drinking, that I have owned.
I have owned.
I've owned every conversation that comes from it.
I've owned every awkward moment in meeting new people when it's like, I don't eat that.
I have owned it even if it's something that other people can't understand.
And that's where it's tied into.
Because if I like going on first dates being like, oh, by the way, I don't drink
right now and I don't eat dairy and I don't eat meat and you want to try to get an appetizer
that we can share.
And like as much as that's not a big deal, it's really not.
It's not a big deal at all.
It is in terms of like meeting people that don't care about that.
And I've met somebody that doesn't care about that, but in the process of finding this person
and meeting people that made it weird for me and I felt uncomfortable and it was such
a big deal.
And at the same time, I was like, sorry, not sorry.
Like this is who I am.
This is such a specific thing, but in owning your own choices, good or bad, like I mean
that in such a broad spectrum, but that's where I'm tying it into the dairy because
that's where it kind of gave me a light bulb where I was like, I've made some choices that
aren't necessarily mainstream.
It's popular.
Popular.
Yeah.
And it should be easy.
It should be not a question.
It should be something I when I go out, it doesn't, I don't have to think about it.
And it is for the most part, but it's just that like people, people are going to judge
you and your choices, whether they're good or bad based on how they feel.
Right.
Based on with that, they actually are good or bad.
I was just going to say that it's not a reflection of your choices.
It's a reflection on how they feel about your choices.
So own it.
So don't apologize for it, especially if it's not something that's going to harm somebody
else, but don't apologize for it and stick to your guns because they're your guns.
You know, like whatever that phrase really means, welcome to the gun show.
But that's why I'm tying it into the dairy because for a little bit of going out with
people that didn't know me, didn't know like what do you do when you go out with new people?
And they judge them.
Yeah.
You judge their little things to see if you want to judge them or not judge them for the
rest of your life, you know, like things like that.
And it just was, I was presented with like the opportunity to own my choices many, many
times.
Yes.
Way more than I have ever had to do.
And I, I've stick by it and dairy just is never a good idea.
I'm sorry.
It's not worth it.
Yes.
However, our favorite ice cream, they discontinued because we were the only ones buying it.
Oh yeah.
Peanut buttered chocolate swirl or whatever.
Oh my God.
I can't find, I look.
They discontinued it.
I know.
I contacted them.
Oh right.
I contacted them and I said, what did you do with my ice cream?
And they said, we're sorry.
We discontinued it.
And I tried to get anything that I could ship to me, but they like, like I was like, I'll
take 50 cases and store them.
My God, you would make me pick up so many more refrigerators.
I know.
But they don't make them anymore.
So yeah, that was my right choice.
If you have to tell someone you are that, then you're not that.
Oh, wow.
Let me say it again in words that you'll understand.
Thank you.
If you have to tell somebody you are that, then you're not that.
You just repeated it.
Yeah.
So like if you have to tell someone you're a big tough guy, then you're not a big tough
guy.
If you have to tell, like don't tell anybody your plans.
Show them.
Yeah.
If you have to tell somebody you're confident, you're not confident.
If you have to tell somebody you're rich, show somebody you're rich, you're not.
And also, you don't need to.
Right.
But you're not that.
Right.
So don't try and be somebody that you're not.
And that I think in previous years, I've been like, and then I'm going to do this and
I'm going to do this.
No, don't tell them.
Just do it.
Because you were also probably saying that just because you know you should or.
Right.
Exactly.
It sounded like you should.
Yeah.
So you just go quietly and it will be that.
But if you have to tell somebody you're not that.
Yeah.
That's a good one.
Yeah.
That's so true.
Therapy works.
Is this for you or me?
You have not tried it.
It's not on my list.
So you wouldn't know.
Should be on your list.
Therapy works.
There be works so much so that you don't realize it's working.
That's how it works.
You don't realize it's working.
And I did the whole thing with my therapist of like, I don't understand why I still feel
this way.
Why do I time why it's taking too long and she'd be like, we're taking as long as it
needs to take.
Yeah.
And so like all of these concepts that you don't realize someone who professionally
is unbiased towards you and your decisions is helping you to truly understand concepts
that you're like are really struggling with.
And for me, one of them was like, I'm just going to say it, I was afraid to get back
out there because I was afraid to make the same mistakes.
Right.
All over again and put myself back into the position of being heartbroken.
Right.
Or rejected.
Or just like, oh my God, how did I not see these signs?
Right.
Like all the things that you do when you're going through a previous relationship that
clearly was unhealthy, that even if everybody else saw it and you didn't, or if you saw
it yourself and ignored it, which was my thing, I was completely ignoring my own intuition.
I was so afraid to do that again.
So I didn't want to put myself out there.
Well, it's hard after repeatedly doing that to be like, let's go, let's do it again.
Right.
Which I was always happy that I did.
Like I'm always happy looking back.
I'm happy that I constantly kept trying.
It's like that.
I might always said the movie last week too.
And I couldn't remember it last week either.
Oh my God.
He's just not that into you.
Yes.
Where Maggie Gyllenhaal.
Yes.
She just keeps trying.
She's like, well, I'm closer to love than you are because I'm going to keep doing it
even though I'm getting hurt, like whatever her phrasing was.
And I've always been like, that's me.
Like I'm constantly getting burnt and I'm constantly trying again, but I was too tired
to do it.
Yeah.
So I was afraid to get back out there and get back online because that's the only way
you meet people.
Easy.
Like people are now going, oh, where'd you meet?
I'm like online.
Online.
Don't ask that question.
You know where we met.
We didn't meet at Seafit.
It's obvious.
He didn't walk into Seafit one day asking to work out.
Me on my couch.
I really wanted to meet people.
So I would have this conversation with my therapist when I was like, when I first said, okay,
I'm thinking about going back online again, but I'm not ready to do it.
Right.
And she'd be like, all right, let's figure that out.
So I would have the conversation with the, but what if I just get so excited that I jump
in too fast because I think it's the right thing, but it's not.
But it's not.
And then I'm back to where I was.
I would replay all of these what if scenarios with her of what happened before.
And she'd be like, you'll know, you'll know, not the cliche, you'll know when it's different.
You'll know how to trust yourself by then.
You'll know that's done the work.
You've done the work.
You've spent all this time doing the work.
Right.
You'll see it ahead of time.
And I didn't trust that.
Yeah.
And I didn't trust that.
And she would, she was like, okay, well, then you're not, then you're not ready.
And so we'll do it when you're ready.
And you go, okay.
And she was, she was fantastic with the whole thing.
And she still is.
So when I talked to her last, which was almost a month ago, I was telling her a situation
where I was like, and then I said this, and then I did this, and then this.
And she was like, I need you to take a second.
And I need you to realize all the things that you just said to me.
And there are all things that you've never done before, which was sticking up for yourself,
which was not staying too long, which was having a feeling and going off of that and
not second guessing yourself.
And all of these things that I was like, I'm, what if I, what if I get blinded and put those
horse blinders on and I miss all of the things.
And now I bet she was like, you did everything you said you were afraid that you would miss.
You did it all.
And I started to cry.
I was like, oh my God.
I didn't even notice I did it.
I did it.
Which is amazing.
But like, you're, yes, that's the purpose of you.
Like you didn't even realize it was working.
I did not realize it was working until it was presented to myself that I had to make
certain decisions in a situation where I made different ones than I've ever made it before.
And that was the whole point.
I'd like to say that I think I had a hand in that as well.
Yes.
You kept me going to therapy.
Thank you.
And I will still continue to go.
I meet with her next week.
Oh, God.
So yes, therapy works, my friends.
I would also like to say that we, I think, whether you believe in God or not, are put
in situations that are meant for you.
Yeah.
Like God knew that I could not stand the relationships that you had been in or the rejection and get
back up and do it again.
He knew you could.
He knew you were strong enough to be resilient and keep it going and get yourself back out
there and keep like getting hurt.
You don't know.
But I know I would not having watched you and been there.
There's no way.
I'm just not that person.
I'm not that strong in that kind of way.
And so he gave me Andrew and I was 19 because he's like, you won't be able to handle this.
Oh, I'm going to give you Andrew when you're 19.
So you can just, you can just skip all that and Victoria, I'm going to make you as strong
as an ox.
But I firmly believe that.
Do you not?
I mean, God, the way you're saying it is horrible, but I completely understand your, your life
lessons are in different ways.
That's like what you were meant to learn and grow, which is what we said last year that
like life is just continual lessons.
Yeah.
Life's progress and like success is just growth or the same as last year, but whatever for
you.
No, but that's, but that's what it is.
Like your life lessons come in like you've gone through situations that I've never gone
through and maybe never will.
Wow.
Yeah.
And so maybe that's, I mean, that's, that's how it works.
Everybody's cards are dealt differently.
I like how you said it.
I would like to think my thighs are strong enough to crush a watermelon, you know?
That's not what I meant.
I meant you're mentally strong as an ox.
No, I know.
And I am not, but that is, and that's something I know about myself.
I wouldn't be able to handle the situations and relationships that you have been.
And I firmly believe that we were, we are where we're supposed to be.
Yeah.
And what, that's what we said last year.
What's meant for you will not pass you by.
Let them, let them.
All right.
We're going to rattle through these lessons because these just aren't as important.
I'm done.
Okay.
My lessons are over.
These are actually, this is one for both of us.
Your only failure is not to try.
We are very much a saying no first.
Somebody gives us an idea and we're like, no, it's not going to work.
Well, yeah.
We there it can.
I think we're very much knowers because we're scared of change.
Turn around my business?
Sort of.
Cause that's really the only way.
Yeah.
That's what I'm thinking.
We're the same with that.
Yeah.
So I, yes, I'm thinking like when, you know, Andrew has a great idea.
And we're like, no, it's not going to work because of this and this and this.
And he's like, well, why don't you try?
You shoot him down way faster than I do.
Cause I try and shoot him down before you do.
So it looks like it's me and not you.
That's ridiculous.
Cause I will always sit on it a little bit longer and be like, well, let me get you
let me think about it, but you've already shot it down.
I'm like, all right.
She said, no.
So that, yes, I am trying to learn to fail, just fail.
You also become a demon.
Yes.
Your eyes roll and become yellow.
Family.
Well, when you work with your family, meetings are not fun for me.
Oh God, even when he's standing in the studio and you're stepping off stage and he's like,
hey, how about you?
And you're like, no.
And I remember I looked at you and went, it's actually a good idea.
Make that announcement.
And you were like, all right, fine.
I'm like, oh my God, what the hell just happened to her face?
And the announcement went well and I didn't fail.
So I'm working on that.
I have two more.
My last one's important.
So I really hope you're still with us.
This one has an F word in it.
So I'm going to say F.
Is it F around and find out?
No, but I wish it was.
You cannot be life changing.
You cannot be a life changing presence.
You cannot be life changing.
Sorry.
We start over.
You suck.
Again, again.
You cannot be a life changing presence to some people without also being a complete effing
joke to some people.
Yeah.
And I don't need you to repeat that.
Okay.
I really love this one because it reminds me of like when people say, man, see if it
really changed my life, blah, blah, blah.
What do I do?
I'm not there and I am sometimes just being a joke.
And like people could say, you're trying too hard.
You're trying like this, you're that.
And I'm like, no, I'm just trying to do my best and have fun.
And what's life changing to those people?
My presence is some people are making fun of.
And that is awesome.
I don't care.
I've seen that in it's basically the same thing in different way.
Like I'm, you have to be okay with being the villain in somebody's story.
Yeah.
Like how they perceive you.
How they perceive you.
That's how you are.
Yeah.
So it's, and I think I am a villain in a lot of people's story.
But yeah, you know, I don't care.
But that's how they perceive you.
That's not actually what you are.
Exactly.
So if they think you're a joke, let them, let them think you're a joke.
I am changing lives daily and that is what I'm.
And that's a joke.
I'm kidding.
But what I'm saying is.
Make them laugh.
This is how I am.
I'm awkward.
I make jokes.
And if that's not your thing, it might make somebody's day and it might make you angry.
And I don't care.
I make awkward, awkward situations even worse.
And it's not that I'm trying to.
I, I, it just am.
Like how they think of you and how that comes across to some, how that comes across to some
doesn't matter.
It just doesn't matter.
And I used to care.
And that is one that I have learned and I do take an action.
I don't care if I'm a joke to you because what I think I'm doing is more important than
how you think of me.
Yeah.
And that's, yeah, I like that one.
That's great.
Thank you.
Pat myself on the back.
Finally.
Welcome.
I'm going to start with Victoria too.
Well, I didn't sign off on these two first.
Um, it is never too late to change.
Is that similar to never too late to start over that from last year?
No, I'm not starting over.
I'm not starting over.
This is different.
Yeah.
I don't want to start over and do the same thing and be like, I'm going to do it better
this time.
I'm talking about complete change.
If this is the person I am today and I want to be somebody different tomorrow, it's okay
to change.
I'm not doing that.
Can you put that into action, please?
No, yeah.
If you want to learn piano tomorrow, do it.
But if that's not how you think as a person you should be, no, I'm not a, I'm not the
piano type of person, but you've always wanted to do it.
Just do it.
Change.
Just change.
Right.
And the people around you have to be okay with the change that you're making.
If you're a really loud person, but you want to be a little more quieter because that's
really who you are, change or the opposite.
Ooh, can you do that one?
No, please bring it down to my level.
Definitely not how I am.
I am loud and when I'm quiet, you know something's wrong, but it's never too late to change.
39, doing fine, 36, pick up stick.
That's what I get.
You're still able to pick up sticks at 36.
That's the point.
There you go.
Right there.
But yes, it's never too late to change.
I like that.
Well, that was like a, that was a twofold.
You're never too late to change and also don't care what other people think.
It kind of goes with the last one.
It goes with all of them.
Don't care what people think if you think that it's something they can't handle.
You think that they think is what you think.
Is what I think.
It's what you think.
I think.
What do you think?
Yeah, that's true.
That's so true.
I agree.
Half of these I do.
Half of these I don't do.
So next year I will do a re-listen.
Oh, it's five and four.
So which, which actually like next year will be five and five.
Five and five.
We hope you do this too.
I think you should do it before every birthday.
Sherry, what's up Sherry?
Is the one that introduced this to us to do it last year because Sherry does this and
you can correct me if I'm wrong, but I'm not going to error that.
You told me I was wrong, but you can DM me.
She does this every year and saves them and learns more from that.
Like she looks back on her birthday every year.
You didn't tell me that part that I had to look back and see what I said.
This is way more fun.
Okay.
This is way more fun to do it blind.
But I think that's, that's such a great thing to do, especially in your 20s.
Yeah.
If I knew now then what I know now and I don't know anything now, I just know more than I
did then.
Yeah.
It would have been, maybe things that have been different, but at the same time, it's
not, it's worked out the exactly it should work out like your words.
No, they never work out.
It's worked out exactly how it should be.
We're right where we need to be.
Everybody is where you are right now is exactly where you need to be.
And if it's in a bad spot, where you need to be, where you need to be, get out of it.
Get out of it.
You know, no one's coming to save you.
You got to figure it out.
So, bish?
He said bish.
Swish, swish, bish.
So yeah, thank you, Sherry.
And also, you know, thank you to all of you who have stuck with us for this because listening
to other people's lessons can sometimes be like, that's nice.
But if this, anything resonated with you, take it, take it, run with it, put some action
into it.
That's your real tip and your real extra tip with this.
Put some action to anything that you have kind of put a grip on with what we said.
And this goes for us too because it's always nice to get the reinforcement for that.
I agree.
Like you've repeated some things because I think you still need to repeat them.
Yeah, you know.
So still learning.
And so if that resonated for you, take it.
Maybe you know, we have a couple more months left of 2024.
It's crazy because I feel like we were just doing our, what's your intention this year?
And then we did a six month.
That feels like yesterday.
I will say that if you can ever see those things online, which is what people say on
their deathbed, I know that sounds really grim.
But if you read what people say on their deathbed, that's what I like to read and go off of because
I'm like, my God, this is what I don't want to be saying these things when I die.
I wish I had lived more.
I wish I had stopped, worked less and been more with my family.
I wish I had done this.
Like take what they're saying and think, do I do this?
And I like, as much as I don't like death, I like reading those things, being like, yeah,
I don't want to be at that place thinking, man, I really wish.
No, just do it.
Like do it now.
When you're before you're over the hill.
My God, remember that revelation was such a long time ago.
It was like an hour ago.
Wow.
Well, yep, hour and six.
Oh, my God.
Happy birthday to us.
Happy birthday to everybody in October.
Happy birthday whenever you listen and happy birthday on your actual birthday when you
should also be making your list of revelations.
You're all inclusive all the time, radically.
So with that said, we hope you feel fit to be real and always allowed to be the most
extra.
Changing it up.
I love it.
Hey, except my change.
Okay.
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We are not healthcare professionals.
For all of your health, wellness, fitness and self care needs, please refer to the medical
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whoever it may be.
And then let us know what they say because I guarantee we need to know what to do.
Okay?
Okay, bye.