Welcome to Fit to Be Real and a little extra.
And I think Carly has some subliminal messaging to tell us today.
You mean the whole episode in general?
Yeah.
I, when I was researching this, I kept thinking and shortly we'll tell you actually what
we're talking about, but I was thinking I can be like this sometimes.
I think everybody can.
I think everybody.
But some people like live in it.
They live in it.
I am finding as I'm going back in my mind about certain situations, I'm like, oh gosh,
I totally can be like this and I don't want to be.
Well, there's no saving you, but maybe save the rest of us for the Festivus.
Thank you, Seinfeld.
What is it?
Festivus for the rest of us.
Yeah, it's Festivus for the rest of us.
That's going old school.
Our younger generation is not going to know Seinfeld.
If you want to go retro, what is it, vintage?
Vintage, yeah.
Vintage watch Seinfeld.
It's good.
My goodness.
Ageless, they might say.
Except they wouldn't understand having the phone connected to the wall.
No.
Or a beeper.
They had beepers.
Yeah.
Ah, the beeper.
For hailing a taxi.
Yeah.
I know.
Oh, wow.
Yeah, so you're going, it's like the equivalent to us watching I Love Lucy or Laverne and
Shirley when we were.
Oh my God.
Really?
Yeah, it is.
It really is.
Isn't that sad?
So I was with Ryan, a friend of ours who's a teacher, high school teacher, and she does
for six weeks film studies.
She gets to teach film studies.
And so they go through genres.
They go through, you know, drama, comedy, horror.
They get, I think, a week per whatever she decides and then the very end of the six weeks
she's telling me they do, I love the 80s.
Oh, really?
And she shows them goonies, breakfast club, like the classics.
Ryan, I want to be in your class from the 80s.
And then she does like a, hey, tell me what your favorite was for the past six weeks.
I guess it's like a six week study or whatever.
And all of them, she said collectively, it's everybody picks the 80s is their favorite
thing, and they're always shocked that the movies are so good.
And when she's like, they look so real.
She's like, yeah, there's no CGI back then.
Yeah.
Like it's just people acting.
No, like little green screen.
Yeah.
That's it.
But it's like, I think of Molly Ringwald.
Right.
Every one of her movies.
Corey Feldman, Corey Hayne.
I feel like the, what the kids are crying for is a simpler time.
Maybe that's like the, what we should be getting out of this study.
Yeah.
And the problem here, and this has nothing to do with anything we're going to talk about
today is that they can't get through a movie.
They can't sit.
Your kids can.
Oh, my kids are, we call them TV zombies.
Your kids can sit through a two and a half, three hour movie.
Yeah.
They really, you know, liked it.
Even Dean.
He doesn't move.
He's five.
But the high schoolers at Dan's that we talked to, our other niece and nephew, they can't
sit through a movie because everything's quick.
Everything's a YouTube video.
Or short.
Right.
Short.
That's, you know, tops 10 minutes.
So like an hour and a half.
I don't even know how long the breakfast club is, but that, it's like, it needs to be broken
down.
Yeah.
And they pull out their phones, but they're like, yeah, I watched the movie, but like
you really didn't watch the whole movie because you pulled out your phone for 10 minutes.
Everybody take a second.
When is the last time you watched a television show and or a movie without your phone in
your hand also scrolling and doing something else?
I cannot name one.
I was doing it last night.
Scrolling and watching.
I was working on my computer and watching TV.
I did for all of Ted Lasso.
I just sat and watched Ted Lasso.
I did.
I did not scroll or do anything else.
Wait, but how good was it?
Oh my God.
Right.
Wait, did you finish it?
Oh yeah.
Did you feel sad?
I miss that.
But I know that another season's coming.
So like I didn't feel sad.
Right.
And when I finished it, that was it.
There was no fourth season.
It was a good ending though.
Yes.
It was a good ending, but there was no fourth season in the works.
And it looked like they patched everything up.
Yeah.
That's but yeah.
It's the I think the only series I've ever finished that I was like, oh, that's it's
a satisfying ending.
They did a good job with the ending.
They did, you know, they did all the characters well.
I want Andrew to be Ted Lasso for Halloween, but I don't know who I'd be.
Keely.
Oh shut up.
You would be Keely or Higgins.
Shut up.
Leslie Higgins.
If you haven't watched Ted Lasso and you have no idea what we're talking about, get
on our level.
It is so good.
I was late.
I was very late to the game.
Jamie Tart.
Oh, so good.
Jamie Tart.
Roy Kent.
Andrew and I saw Roy Kent.
Couldn't tell you his real name.
We saw his live show in Philly.
He's actually a comedian and we went to see him live and he's hysterical.
I would just listen to him say the F for every five seconds.
He does.
In real life.
His character is very much based on him.
He's a curmudgeon.
I love it.
Yeah.
But he said the F for every five seconds and he's really funny and he was actually a musical
theater major.
Roy Kent.
What?
Yeah.
See, I think anyone with a British accent can curse all they want.
There's something about that that's less like.
That's cute.
Like, trashy.
Not plastic.
Yeah.
When you have a British accent attached to it, I'm not going to do it now.
You should do it for mom and see what she says.
You should just say the F word with a British accent to mom.
Well, you're allowed to curse in front of mom and mom doesn't care.
I say it.
I'm 39.
No, I'm not.
I'm 38.
I will be 39.
Whoa.
I know.
And I will still get sent to my room.
That is such a bullshit.
That is such bullshit.
Not true.
Anyway, we digress.
So much.
We digress.
Seinfeld and Ted Lasso, please.
What are we talking about today, Victoria?
Well, we are talking about victim mentality.
That is correct.
So thank you.
I did my homework.
So I think, like you said, you have noticed tendencies or like if you think of situations,
you're like, oh gosh, I kind of ruminated in that a little bit longer.
I catastrophize.
I think that's mine.
I go to like the worst case scenario.
Yeah.
And I try to go through all the scenarios, but like the worst case scenario is my go-to
of like, ah, and then I bring it back down.
However, some people can't bring it back down.
It just, you live in that world.
So we're just going to talk about noticing the behaviors.
So maybe you can kind of do this for yourself and be like, oh, you know what, that is my
go-to or that is, I don't really do that.
And then how to sort of like be aware of it and how to get yourself out of it.
How to get yourself out of it is I think the big one.
Noticing that you're doing it is definitely the first step.
So even if you can't figure out how to get yourself out, because that's a little bit
harder, noticing that you're doing it again is the first step.
Very good.
Try it again.
Try it with a British accent.
The first step.
Nope.
That's Southern.
And I don't even know what state from the south.
Guys, I'm never going to make it to Broadway.
I don't think you are.
Carly's a little under the weather.
Wait, if I'm not, horse from Vegas.
I have a cold.
My children have been in school for one month and they have brought me a cold.
Let's begin.
I'm Victoria.
Hey, guys, I'm Carly.
Oh, you're Australian.
Did I do a good one?
I don't think so, but it definitely wasn't British.
I might.
Carly, why are you Carly?
You're what?
What?
Never stop.
You must do the entire episode like that.
I have so much day cool in me right now.
Day cool makes you Australian.
Yes.
You know, Tequila makes her clothes fall off.
Day cool makes you Australian.
Yes.
So let's talk about something serious.
I seriously can list in my head like people that live in this world that I know.
Yes.
I know.
Because it's common and it's it takes a toll on everyone around you.
I was just going to say, I feel like you can see it in other people more than you can
see it in yourself.
And you can.
Well, sure.
Yeah, which is also a type of victim mentality when you can see it in others, but not yourself.
You're like, well, you're doing that too.
Like, but you don't see it.
You mean blaming?
No.
I mean, you can you can pinpoint somebody.
Like awareness.
Yeah.
You have no awareness that you yourself are doing it or are living in that type of world,
but you can pinpoint that person.
That person, it will.
So are you.
Yeah.
She can't see it.
Yeah.
Which I think was my problem.
And then I started researching it and it was like, ask yourself these questions.
Do you?
And I was like, oh my God.
Yeah, I've done that before.
Yeah.
I don't want to do that.
And also, I think, I mean, you'll see it's part environmental.
So if you grew up with a parent that was yeah, victim mentality or an aunt or uncle or brother
or a sister, anybody in your circle, as you were forming your own personality and thoughts
and everything like that, it trickles in.
It's in.
So that I think is why everybody has the ability because there's one in every family
I would assume.
What is that nature versus nurture?
Like if you're around it, you become it.
And you can't fight the environment that you're in at the formative years to a degree.
So it's now as you age out and you get to be in the adult stage, it is your responsibility
to make the change, become aware and function accordingly.
So what is victim mentality?
We can say the words all we want, but unless you know what it is, you're like, what is
that?
I'm sorry, what are you like?
What are you like?
Victim, I'm not laughing at this because it's sort of serious.
Yeah, yeah.
OK.
I'm not laughing.
Victim mentality is where you often feel like the victim when the evidence says otherwise
or signs include blaming others, having trouble accepting personal responsibility.
You can't see yourself as the problem and you feel like the world is out to get you
at all times.
That life is happening to you instead of for you.
And everybody in your path is the problem and you are the victim.
For every situation.
So that is what victim mentality is.
And if you're sitting there thinking, well, I definitely don't do that, you might not
be doing that all the time.
But I have had times in my life where I was like, why is this happening to me?
Why is this happening to me?
It's about the control, lack of control.
It's situations that are out of your hands and you feel like they could have been your
hands and you just missed the boat or something that quite literally is out of your control
and you do the what was me, the pity me instead of, OK, this door closed, what window is open?
Let me go this route.
It's basically problem solving.
A lack of problem solving skills.
Some of this victim mentality stems from exactly what Victoria said.
Multiple situations where you don't feel like you're in control.
Feeling emotional pain that leads to learned helplessness.
If not helplessness, learned helplessness.
Very different because that is actually not ingrained in you.
Right, exactly.
It's behavior that you have learned from somebody else, usually a parent.
And betrayal by someone closest to you.
So sometimes you might be thinking, well, that person betrayed me, it's their problem.
But then maybe you were a cause for that in some other way, but you are not going to blame
yourself.
It is the complete other person's problem.
It's a two way street always.
So there's some other just some other reasons, you know, always alcohol and drugs come to
play if that's something that is in your lifestyle.
Like you'll go to that to help yourself or well, no, it feeds into it.
Depression makes it stronger.
Alcohol makes it stronger.
Use of drugs makes it stronger.
And that is when you feel the world is crashing down on you the most.
So it always that always just enhances it or like levels levels it up.
Basically, then you like drink more.
Yeah, you are taking substances to ease the pain, the mental and the emotional pain.
I mean, haven't you felt at?
Pain?
Yes.
Every Tuesday morning.
I love laughing at that.
Haven't you felt pain?
There's gotta be a better way.
No, I can name a couple situations in a row too.
Like when you just feel like the month is just out to get you and it has been a horrible
month or it has been a horrible three months.
So like, why is it horrible?
Because you're just thinking about things in a bad way.
Or exactly.
You're just in a negative mindset.
Constantly.
You think negative things are going to happen to you.
Right.
But you're making those negative things happen.
Right, because you're thinking negatively.
Karma is a B.
No, karma is fair.
You love saying that.
Karma is a B because you're a B. Karma is real happy and joyful if you're real happy
and joyful.
Is that a yoga thing?
What comes to you?
No, what you, it's literally what you just said.
What you put out is what you're going to get back.
So if I'm putting out good actions, philanthropic, helping people pay it forward, I'm going to
get the pay it forward back to me.
If I am cheating, hurting other people, only living for myself with no empathy, that's
all I'm going to receive.
You're going to, people like that will find you because that's what you're putting out
there.
So karma isn't a B. Karma is very fair.
What you give is what you get.
So if I'm a B, then my karma is going to be a B.
That's the exact thing I said.
Yeah.
In a, in a slower way.
Define slower.
Okay.
We're going to go through some behavioral signs of victim mentality and you really need
to ask yourself, you know, alone in your car, these questions, if maybe, yeah, in your
car, don't be in your room, don't be in an office space, cleaning, be behind the wheel,
people.
You're some behavioral signs of victim.
I hope you spit your coffee out.
That would be karma as being a fair B.
That exactly.
Exactly.
Because I was being a B. A beach.
A beach.
Yeah.
Some behavioral signs, placing blame on others or external factors, having trouble taking
personal responsibility or seeing how you may have contributed to a situation.
That's a big one for me, I think.
Sure is.
Because I never think I contribute to it.
Harley cannot own up to her, I don't know, a mistake or, or getting it wrong and it caused
like a little issue.
Yeah.
Like something that's minor.
Yeah.
Right.
She cannot do it.
I can in my mind, but I can't with my mouth.
Like, I know I'm fully aware.
I'm fully aware up there, but my mouth won't let me say it.
And even when the proof is in your hands, literally with the phone and she's looking at it, she's
like, yeah, well, you know, I don't know.
I don't know.
Yeah.
But you're like, no, no, we all know.
We all know.
But my mind knows and I can't get myself to voice it, to admit your responsibility.
The next one, you victim.
Being overly critical of yourself or others.
Everybody.
Everybody does that.
Yeah.
Self-sabotage.
I think everybody does that.
Does that do?
Yeah.
Associating only with people who think like you.
So that's the environmental thing too, because you're going to, we said this once in like
a fitness podcast.
Yeah.
Who you hang out with is how your behaviors will start to, you know, seep into your life.
So if you want to live in a healthy track, you kind of have to surround yourself with
people who I can't.
No, just say it again.
I'm not going to bypass that.
I couldn't.
Wow.
You are a beach.
Carmen is gonna get you.
Dayquel is gonna get you.
I think you'd be nicer with Dayquel.
I'm blaming it on somebody else.
Yeah.
This really is about, okay.
So, I don't know what I was saying.
Oh, so if you want to be healthy, you're going to have to surround yourself with healthy
people like the buddy system always works.
Yeah.
So in terms of this behavior, if you are an e-wurr, you got to get a Winnie the Pooh.
You got to get a piglet.
You can't just live with a little bunch of e-wurs.
I agree, but when you're saying that at the same time, if I'm a Winnie the Pooh, it is
so hard for me to hang out with an e-wurr.
Like I have no time for that.
It's so hard.
No one ever said I was a good friend.
So that has never been said about me.
So I understand that because I have a very hard time dealing with stuff like that.
Yeah.
You're good at it.
You're good at talking people, you know.
Carly's like, yeah, jump, jump.
Just freaking jump.
There's nothing else.
No.
And I'm like, come here.
Yeah.
Victoria's like, let me talk you off the ledge.
And I'm like, if this is really what you want, do it.
If it's not, get down.
You bitch.
No, but I'm like, I feel like I'm a realist and you are more of a realist in being like,
we need, you need some empathy towards this person.
I mean, everybody's going through something.
This just happened to me the other day.
What was I like?
All right.
Was it me?
No.
No, I wasn't with you.
Oh, I was driving in Kentucky, which was scary enough because they make their own rules.
Yeah, they don't have driving rules in Kentucky.
They really don't have road rules at all.
They go over medians.
Like it's not like in front of the police.
Yeah, like you can.
And the police are like waving.
Hey, they're just crossing lines.
Yeah.
So it gave me a little stress.
But a lot of people were not a lot of people, but there were there was a situation where
somebody was just angry and like road raging.
I think it was towards me.
I don't know.
Like I think I did something wrong.
What happened was when you go off like your following ways, you take a ramp off, but you
there's two options.
Yeah.
You take the ramp and you have to stay in the left or go to the right.
Well, I didn't know it was that quick and I didn't know I had to be in one lane.
Yeah.
So then you have to like move fast and I'm cutting people off because I also am driving
my brother's car and it's old so I couldn't change the mirrors.
I have to like situation myself to so I can say.
So I was making a lot of a lot of I should apologize to the state, but I think I caused
somebody to just go off.
Yeah.
And in and yeah, they could just have road rage.
Like they could just be somebody who cannot handle whatever.
Yeah.
And that's probably its own trauma and issue.
But I was like, they're having a bad day.
They're late to get to work.
It was my fault.
Like I hope their day gets better because you have to put that out there.
Even if that person didn't hear me say any of that for myself.
So I wasn't like you idiot like getting mad for no reason and just like harboring that
if you think of it as like anything being stored in your body.
Like I don't want that.
I don't want that.
You don't want that negativity.
Yeah.
So yeah.
Well, Tyler, she's doing yoga right.
Kudos.
It's hard.
Yeah.
And I certainly am not patting myself or putting myself patting myself on the back and putting
myself on a pedestal because I don't successfully think this way 100% of the time seven days
a week.
Yeah.
Like not even close.
But if I have the wherewithal in those moments to think of it, then I will try.
I will try.
Yeah.
But you know, everyone's human.
All right.
Tyler, you're doing a decent job.
Sometimes she's doing yoga right.
All right.
Let's go through some mental signs.
These were big ones for me when I read these because I was like, oh, damn it.
This is me sometimes.
This first one is like, yeah.
Seeing the world as an unfair or unsafe place.
I don't.
Well, I am a fair person.
Yes.
I literally was outside on the phone with Andrew before I walked in here when having an argument
about fairness.
I have to be fair.
And that's just something that's ingrained in me and like is so important to me.
Why?
Mom didn't do that.
Did she?
Yeah.
Mom was a very fair person.
Like we always got, we didn't get the same things, but we always got taken care of in
a fair way.
You didn't get the same thing as me.
I didn't get the same thing as Billy.
No, because you put a stink up because, but we were all fair.
And when something is unfair, I cannot handle it.
And I see that in my kids, all of them.
So that, that's a mental sign.
That's a very hard one to get.
Life isn't fair.
And at 38, I'm still learning that.
It's not fair.
But why does it bother you?
Because I am like a fair person.
What, like it's hard?
You're not fair.
No, I'm fair.
I'm not fair.
Oh.
I am very fair.
What am I not fair with?
Let me get higher.
I'm so scared.
I'm so scared right now.
I hear hearing this.
I died.
Come get my body from the basement.
Oh, you think I'm going down steps?
Throw me down.
Yeah.
I am a very fair person.
I, um, I have no, nothing to back that up with.
I would like to know in light, like with your children, because I think that's really the
forefront of your life right now.
I am so fair.
Am I not fair with you?
You're so fair with your children.
You're causing their issue with it.
Oh, I know.
Because like if they, one kid gets one thing, then the other two expect something.
Well, so I just read this thing that I've been trying to say to them and it's not working.
What?
They, they're not taking it.
I mean, Lewis is the big, one of the biggest ones when he says it's not fair.
I read that you should say you do not have the same things as your sibling, but, and
that's okay.
But what I will always make sure of is that you're taking care of.
Do you have what you need?
Does she have what she needs?
I don't think you're saying that to them as well.
As that I just did.
Yeah.
What do you need?
Yes.
What do you need?
She has one.
I think that's more of a fair.
I'm going to take care of you for the rest of your life.
You're fine.
He's like, it's not fair.
That's I think how I said it, but no, it's, but that's true though.
Yeah.
You're not always going to get the same things, but I will always make sure that I, that you're
taking care of and are you taking care of.
And he's like, no, because I want that same thing that she's got.
And you, that's all I read.
I don't have another sentence.
Oh, oh, read more.
Okay.
You should read more.
So that was only the first mental sign.
Yeah.
It's a big one though, because I think everyone has some sort of, it's not fair.
Like I'm going to get stuck in this.
It's not fair in my mind because it's easier.
She got this job over me.
It's not fair.
No.
But you're not thinking of as the why or how.
What did, what could I have done better?
All right.
What did she have?
Who did she know?
Maybe she was related to somebody.
She knew somebody.
She went to school with somebody.
There are other reasons.
No.
Um, the next month, Victoria already talked about actually cognitive distortions or catastrophizing.
So making things the biggest problem in the world and putting like anxiety to it.
Like you make up the future.
You make up the situation and you live off of that.
The end mic drop.
I am a LeBourg's case scenario person.
I wish I was a best case scenario.
I am like 50-50.
I think it depends.
I mean, I just went through a situation where Carly was like, yeah, but, but pay attention
to what was said and pay attention to how it went down.
It, it feels like it's more like this.
And I was like, nope, nope, it's done.
It's over.
Yeah.
Uh-uh.
I was like, I'm gonna go down and then I would be proven wrong.
And she'd be like, okay, are you good?
Are you done now?
So was I right?
Yeah.
Yes.
That's annoying.
Um, but because usually when you're in it, like it's hard to be under the cloud and be
like, oh, let me lift this umbrella up and save myself.
It's like, no, you can't see anything else.
And you don't want to listen to anybody else who might have a different perspective or seeing
it differently than you are.
We might be reading the same sentence and I take it one way and you're taking it another
way.
Exactly.
And that's, I think exactly what happened.
Um, so go me.
Harmful thinking patterns or pessimism, just being in a negative space at all times.
Yeah.
Ruminating over past wrongs and hurts.
This is a big one for me.
I have a hard time letting go.
So it sits in my body for years.
Rent-free.
Rent.
Oh yeah, right.
That's what the kids say.
Rent-free in my body for years.
I don't think they say that.
I don't think that's exactly what they say, but yes.
Okay.
I feel like why?
You know, why do we do that?
It's not going to change because the situation quite literally is not going to go backwards
and change it.
But letting go is so hard.
It's so hard.
Yeah.
Oh, and yeah, I texted that to you so hard and you were like, never say that again.
And you just said it.
So hard.
Oh, that's not fair.
Stop thinking about it.
That was so like two weeks ago.
That was yesterday.
Oh.
That was yesterday.
I'm still ruminating over it.
Okay.
And then the worst and most, you know, serious one would be thoughts of self-harm or suicide.
So if any of these, somebody you know, yourself, we always are always going to suggest to seek
professional help and care and guidance.
There is another option.
There is hope.
And so finding that is difficult, but there are avenues.
Yeah.
Good.
This is a serious thing.
So Carly's like, let's move on.
Okay.
Got it.
How about relationship signs?
You're so obvious.
So if you are in a partnership, a relationship or just your platonic like family friends,
difficult with intimacy and trust and intimacy doesn't have to just be like a sexual thing.
It's really just being vulnerable with somebody emotionally.
That is intimacy.
So if you have a, I don't know, problem, if you have an issue or a little bit harder,
like, yeah, to do that, I'm Carly.
And this is a sign that you are missing one of the other ones, which is like empathy and
those emotional, the feelings that help with vulnerability.
Yes.
And I think that these signs, the relationship signs are the most exhausting because if you
are not the one with the victim mentality, but you're in a relationship.
If you're not the one, then what?
What?
If you're not the one, then why does my heart beat?
She's looking at my lips and just saying the word.
You know what song we're talking about?
We are doing so well.
Why did you throw me under the bus?
Because I don't know the word.
I was looking to see if you actually knew the correct lyrics.
If you're not the one, then why does my heart beat?
I can't think of the rest of the song.
Look it up.
But I think these are the most exhausting.
If you are not the one that is in this kind of state, but you're in a relationship with
somebody that is, it is exhausting to try and get them.
You're basically talking people off the ledge or just listening to problems constantly.
The next one is emotional unavailability.
Right, Andrew.
It's funny that you say that because we were having an argument about it this morning.
I don't want to run away because I can't take it.
I don't understand.
If I'm not made for you, then why does my heart beat?
Tell me that I am Daniel Benningfield.
Yes.
And it is.
If you're not the one, then why does my soul feel glad today?
Oh my God.
I wouldn't remember that, but as soon as you started singing the other ones, I hopped on
the bandwagon.
Yeah, let's go.
What was your friend about?
A family issue.
Okay.
So it's...
Something's about me.
No, it's...
No.
I think that I live in the past and I can't let things go.
So the argument is why can't I move on?
Because I feel it has been unresolved and not in the way to my liking.
I don't feel finished with it.
And he thinks I like living in the state of that I...
Not that I like it.
I think it's 50-50.
Yeah.
I think that I like living in this horrible feeling of this situation, but that I don't
feel like I've gotten the resolution.
So I can't let it go.
And he's like, you have to just move on.
It was so long ago, but I don't feel that it's been resolved.
So why do I have to let it go?
So I think we go back and forth with this all the time.
What are you looking for for the resolve?
He asked me that.
Okay, well, what is it?
I don't know.
Well, then it's more of ruminating.
Right.
So he's right.
Oh, shut.
I thought you were going to go with me.
No, if you're just ruminating it, like you're living in the chaos because it's what you
know instead of doing the opposite, which is an unfamiliar territory, which is like
being okay with them or it.
Correct.
You know what I mean?
Yeah.
So it's a little bit of ruminating, but like, because you can't say, all I need is this.
And I will blah, blah, blah.
Bricks, I don't know what this is.
You need the situation to be completely different.
Right.
You need something that's never going to happen.
Right.
To a degree.
So in his mind, I'm ruminating and I'm, you're victim.
I, yeah, I, right.
He didn't say the words you like being the victim and this doesn't want to get divorced.
Oh, yeah.
It's been too long at this point.
I know.
We've been together almost as long as I've been alive.
So it, wow.
Yeah, I know.
Not really, but close.
And I, that's what made me think of this.
Interesting episode.
Cause I was like, Oh my God, I feel like I live in this state sometime and I don't want
to be like that.
Part of the state I think is expectation, which is not on our list.
No, it's not here.
But I think expectation because we expect outcomes to happen in a specific way.
And when they don't, that's when we get stuck into the fantasy we wanted.
Right.
And we also, in terms of people, we expect people to behave and to act and to talk a
certain way because that's our expectation.
That's how we would do it.
That's how I would, you know, deal with this situation.
So why aren't you dealing with instead of letting people be who they are and accepting
the present situation?
I like you're expecting behavior.
Yeah.
That isn't natural for someone else, but you're expecting it because it's what you would do
and who you are.
And that's not fair to anybody in this situation.
Yeah.
And it's hard to let go.
But yeah, you kind of have to.
I know.
And so Victoria knows what I'm talking about.
So yeah.
But take this, this is anybody's situation because we all do this.
You have to, you, we expect, and I do it too.
I expect you send a text and you, you know, you think you know how you're going to be
responded.
Like, you know how they're going to do it.
You know what emojis that would be fun if they respond and then that doesn't happen
that way.
Right.
They say the wonderful thing back, but in a different way and you're like, oh, well,
they must, they must not feel that way.
Right.
Like we make things up.
And so when it comes to negative situations, we expect what we want, what we need.
And what we think is the better way or the best way to do it.
And what if it, what if you expected, I mean, what if you expected nothing?
Like I've been really trying to not put expectations on things.
But what if, what if you just decided, okay, I'm going to let the past go.
And from here on out, I know.
And it's, and, but on here on out, how you behave in the actions you give towards me
is who you now are instead of how you once were.
I just want to say to Andrew, you are so freaking lucky that we're talking about this today.
And Victoria is saying what she's saying because she's saying it in a way that I think when
you're arguing or having a disagreement with somebody, you don't say things the way that
you come, you want them to come across.
Do you know what I mean?
So I think every did or yeah, everybody should have a mediator when they fight with me and
Andrew.
No, I do.
I mean, some marriages need that and it works for them because they figured it out over
the years.
And you know, some people don't because they don't need it, but like, I don't think there's
anything I don't want to be your mediator.
I'm not.
I am not.
Well, you unexpectedly just were.
I think what you just said, you need to take people from the present and say, let me see
your actions from here on out.
I see that in me is I think held so tightly wound from past situations that it's hard
for me to be like, and this is one of the next ones in relationship science, keeping
score in relationships.
I keep score.
And not with Andrew, but in that in this situation, I have kept score that have betrayed you or
hurt you, which is a big part of victim blaming.
Anyway, right.
I have kept a very tight score and I want this because of this and I want this because
of this and you need to acknowledge this because what you said in here and Andrew's like,
it's unrealistic.
It's never going to happen and you're going to dredge up some really bad stuff.
And I'm like, OK.
And he's like, do you like this?
And I don't like it.
I don't, you know, I don't like confrontation.
I just like being treated fairly.
So it's it's something that I do.
I hope Andrew doesn't listen to this.
Have to let go.
Here's the thing.
You are being treated fairly.
You just don't like how you're being treated because what's fair is that the situation at
hand.
They're treating you how they would treat Joe Schmoe and other family and they're right.
You are being treated fairly.
Correct.
You just don't like how you are being treated or have been treated right.
Right.
You know, whatever.
And we all do this in any situation, especially when it comes to family, that it's not like
people that you never have to see again.
It's it's right.
Family.
So you kind of you are living in the chaos because it's comfortable.
That's all I've known.
And it's all you've known.
All I've known.
Something beside me.
It's a humdinger at all times.
That was from spring awakening.
But like not really.
I don't even I didn't even do the right interval of notes.
It's okay.
I'm not saying I'm siding with Andrew.
I'm saying no, that's fine.
He's desperate for one thing.
You're desperate for something else.
There's definitely desperation.
There's definitely a middleman where you don't necessarily have to forget.
Yes.
But you cannot live in this rumination because what are you benefiting?
Like what's nothing?
It's horrible.
So then why why I because I know I know why you got to work on letting go when we talk
about it in my head just like I said before, I want to say, all right, let's just go move
on.
But my mouth says I want to be I want a resolution and I want to be treated this way.
Ego.
Yeah.
So like I go.
Yeah.
Which is the ongoing battle of everyone like playing off of your ego when he said to me
today, I feel like you like living like this.
You like this.
And I was like, it hit me because I had been reading about this.
And I was like, oh my God.
Yeah.
No, I don't.
I hate this.
It gives me anxiety.
Like, yeah, but why you are the only one who can relieve the anxiety and I'm the one creating
it.
So like, exactly.
So that's why I was like, oh my God, it's the victim mentality.
And it's all the thing you were betrayed.
Yeah.
It was things out of your control and then things that are in your control.
You just you base them off of past.
Yeah.
Feelings and emotion and ruminating and harboring.
I'm a big consequence person and I feel like there has been no consequences except for
me and I want fair consequences.
But in life, I'm 38 years old with three children.
I don't need that.
I'm good.
I have a happy life.
Like I don't need somebody else to validate your existence.
Which is what you've been.
I think there's your answer.
That's the resolve.
Right.
The validation and the justification of your existence in the environment and your worth.
You want them to be like, I was wrong about ABC and D. You are this.
Yeah.
You are not this.
I've been wrong since the beginning.
Right.
And that's never going to happen.
Right.
Whether they think that way or not.
Right.
That's not going to happen.
But that is what your resolve would be.
And even then I think you'd be like, yup.
And then I'd just be like, yeah.
And I'd go to my room and cry because it's so bad at confrontation.
It's not confrontation though.
But I agree.
I get it.
I totally understand.
I think this now makes sense as to why you want to talk about this.
Well I was just like, oh my God, it's me.
I'm the problem.
It's me.
Yeah.
You know?
Well, you're the problem in not letting it go.
Right.
No, no, no.
And I see that.
Yeah.
That's really all it is.
Letting go is, it's hard for everybody.
It really is.
It's hard in the simple thing like, you know, traffic jam and road rage.
And then it's hard in bigger things that can affect your future and the ease that you can
go about situations within small circles in your world.
So yeah.
It's not easy, but it's something that I think should put some effort into.
And I think that everybody, if not, you don't need to have every one of these signs to be
a part of the victim mentality at points in your life.
Maybe not all the time, maybe not a lot, but just like this.
Like I don't feel like this way all the time, but in one situation in my life, this is how
I, the signs are all there.
This is your mentality.
Yes.
Yeah.
It's like the pie chart.
It's a very small sliver, but it packs punch.
Yeah.
You just, and we're not, we're going to get off the topic of Carly's marriage issues.
But honestly, it is our only fight.
And we say it all the time.
This is our only fight.
Right.
We don't fight about anything else.
And part of you wants that person to know this.
I want to scream it from the rooftops.
Yes.
Because we would have no fights.
Well, your voice is hoarse.
You can't do that.
But you just said this to me quite literally a week ago.
And I think it needs to be said to you.
Everybody deserves a second chance.
Jesus Christ, Joseph.
Everyone deserves one second chance.
So you know the situation.
You still think that?
I think if you want to stop fighting this friction with an ultimately perfect marriage
and seasonally having to deal with this how many times a year, it's on you to give the
second chance and then let whatever unfolds from there.
Then that's what's out of your control.
What's in your control is letting go and giving the option to start anew.
What's out of your control is what they take with, they take that ball, how they run with
it.
Right.
And that is where you can now base your future off of that.
I don't want to sound gross, but that's what Andrew said, not the second chance, but the
however it happens from here on out is on that.
And we're good.
So we're going to see how that plays out.
And if it's bad, it's bad and we'll remove ourselves.
Do you guys want to be together?
I feel like, is this something that you guys want to try?
No, but maybe he is your life lesson.
Some people are meant to be the rooted tree and some people are meant to be leaves that
fall on die every season and they're not supposed to be in your timeline.
He is your rooted tree.
You need him for this type of stuff to learn the life lesson this time around and he needs
you for a lot of other reasons that he's not grounded in.
This just is something that you're not grounded in.
No, not.
I would make him mulch.
You would totally.
I would kill him.
He moves way too slow for you.
Oh my God.
Wait, did I say everyone deserves a second chance?
I think what I meant was.
Moving on.
We're going to go down to strategies and tips for coping.
Let's figure this shit out.
If you're ready to change, number one, you have to be aware that you're in that mentality.
Like I am aware I'm in it, which is huge.
I think that's hard.
I think in New York, a lot of the times we were like, why me?
Why I don't get the job?
Why me?
I'm so like talented or like I can tell you why I didn't get the job.
Me too.
Now.
But like when you're in it, if you're not aware that you have these signs or that you
have this sort of hamster wheel of emotions of when something doesn't go right for you,
you blame everybody by yourself and you're not going to be able to cope.
So you have to be self aware as number one.
They don't say this, but I'm telling you that because I was realizing it as Andrew was talking
and that's why I wanted to go through something like this because I was like, oh, there's
a name for what I do.
But you're also not like remember if the a lot of this is resonating for you too.
There's nothing wrong with you.
This is so normal.
And if you can start realizing it, if whether it's this episode and conversation or you
know, it's something another time in your life that you're already now a step ahead.
Yeah.
Because you're not going to want to live like this.
Just like you said, I don't want to live like this.
Oh my God.
I don't want to feel this all the time.
My heart's racing.
It's my nails are short.
Right.
Skin on my fingers.
Your hair breaks off and falls out.
Like there's so many physical because when it's stored, like I said earlier, when it's
stored in your body, your body reacts.
If you're thinking negatively, your body reacts to that.
Right.
Whether you think your body is listening or not, you are not your body.
Your body is its own thing.
And you're giving your body, you're feeding your body with your thoughts and it reacts.
So if you're giving it stress and anxiety, your hair is going to fall out.
Your hair is going to break off.
If you're giving it complete emotional instability, you're going to get adult acne.
I'm naming all the things that go what we deal with.
And I've been a prepubescent 13 year old acne face person for so long.
I'm over it.
I know, same.
But we do it.
We create this instability.
And there's, yes, there's supplements and there's so many things that we could do nutritionally
for our bodies.
But when it comes to the mind and the thought, this victim mentality comes out in so many
ways.
Yeah.
Like think of the state of being that you're in when you're surrounded by a situation that
you haven't let go of.
You're a ball of tension.
Oh my gosh.
Everything visually.
Yeah.
You look horrible.
Oh, yeah.
Oh, how do I look right now?
I don't really want to answer that question.
Please don't take a picture of me.
As you're saying this, and I thought about this this morning, Barbara, who was on here
with MS, does not have a victim mentality.
When she was talking about like, not that I ever wanted MS, but I'm glad that I have
it because it makes me so grateful for everything.
Oh my God.
Can you imagine if you had that mentality?
Imagine if everybody had that mentality?
You could be a Barbara.
I could be a Barbara.
Be a Barbara.
Can I?
Can you put it on a T-shirt?
Thank you.
Be a Barbara.
I'm a Barbara.
I want to be a Barbara.
We love you, Barbara.
But that is such a- It's so true though.
That's the complete opposite mentality of what we're talking about today.
Yeah.
I just, it's so funny.
I've been saying this in my yoga classes recently.
It's like part of this victim mentality, which is not what I'm verbalized in class.
You bring this up in class?
I'm like, listen, you victim.
But part of the victim mentality kind of falls into this umbrella where we have expectations
on how things are going to go.
So when it comes to yoga, you get into a balance and you expect to hold that balance
and you're going to make it today.
It's going to be good.
Well, sometimes balance just isn't on your side and you wobble and you fall or you need
to use an assist like a block and that tells yourself that you're not good enough and you
can't do it.
But we have to change that narrative, which you don't like that phrase, but you do have
to change the story you're telling to notice, I didn't hold the balance, but I held it like
five seconds longer than last week or last class or last time or, you know, I was able
to put my fingers on the mat instead of putting my whole hand on the floor, like little tiny,
even if you don't take yoga, like little tiny, tiny improvements.
You take the expectation and you turn it into an improvement that you have made and you
start to be grateful for the things that you can accomplish versus what you don't have,
whether you don't have it yet or you don't have it at all or you never had it, whatever
it is, we harbor there.
We live in a state of, but I want, but I need, but I don't have, but this isn't how I wanted
that person to talk to me.
I'll never get a situation.
I'll never get it instead of, wow, I can do this.
Wow, I did this today.
Wow, look at the people that are surrounding me.
Wow, this person didn't really treat me that well, but I was able to look at it like that,
like you have to give yourself the small wins so that in situations like what you're going
through or just anything and like Barbara, that you can look at it and feel satisfied
and feel like inherently good for all of the good around you instead of like the f-ed up
stuff that's going on.
I know and I think there are so many things that need to go into that so that you can,
sometimes it's a little more than flipping the switch in your brain.
Sometimes that's all it is.
I don't know if that works mentally.
Sometimes you just need to snap your fingers and be like, snap out of it.
I'm changing the day.
Tough love for yourself.
Yeah, exactly.
Like pretend I am in your head and I'm like, all right, get up, keep it moving.
Yeah.
I can't, it's very hard.
So you're good at that.
I can't do it for other people.
Not so good at it for myself.
And when I say other people, I mean you and you don't like that.
So it doesn't always work.
So I do like it except for when I'm stuck in this mentality and nobody receives anything
well.
It doesn't matter how you say it.
Yeah.
But I think the work that has to go into flipping that switch, there are little things that
you have to do because it's a little more than just researching a podcast to change your
whole 20 years.
Well, there's talking about it and then they're taking action.
Well, listening, actually listening to somebody else's view, I really thought you were going
to be on my side.
How?
You don't know me at all.
Well, no, if you were going to be like, yeah, I totally get it.
No, I totally get it.
I was going to be like, yeah, I'm validated.
So you expected that.
Yes.
But look how good the unexpected turned out.
No, I think there's so much more in not getting stuck on the outcome that we want because
99% of the time the outcome that we need is what's coming to you.
So a lot of numbers.
All I said was 99%.
If you want root A and you want it so bad, you want it so bad, you want it so bad and
it doesn't work out in possibility A, you get possibility B and the whole way you're
fighting possibility B and it gets to the end game of it and you're like, wow, this
is the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Yes.
But you had to fight it that entire way.
I know.
That's me.
Exactly.
I'm a fighter.
Exactly.
But you don't even like doing it.
I'm a fighter who hates confrontation.
Right.
You're a fighter who hates confrontation, but it's because it's, I don't know.
You know what you're like, you're like the wild, you're like the wild, like West.
Nope.
You'd be dead.
You'd be like, what number are we counting to?
And they would have already shot you.
No, you're like the like, don't say anything until I'm done.
You're like the rabid animal that they find on the street because somebody has like totally
abandoned them and they look haggard and their teeth are gnarled and they're like bearing
their teeth because they're so afraid.
I need a picture posted.
I will.
They're so afraid and they're fighting you and they're fighting the people that are trying
to rescue it and save it and they're fighting and it looks so scary and it looks so dangerous.
And then you get into the dawn soap commercial and they are rubbing all of the dirt and all
of the scary off of it.
And now it's this cute little puppy that just wants to nuzzle because now they feel love
and they feel accepted and they feel safe.
You're the rabid animal.
Wait, but do I end up being the nice puppy?
That's up to you.
Oh, that's up to you.
When it comes to the situation, right now you're a rabid animal.
Andrew's trying to rub some dawn soap on you to get the oil rig stuff off the dock.
I am crying.
And then it's up to you whether you get adopted.
Oh, God, because you can't handle love.
How dirty.
Dirty enough.
They thought you were rubbish on the side, but then it started moving and there were
eyes because I've seen my hair when I wake up some days.
I could be considered a rabid animal and Andrew accepts you every day.
And guess what?
She doesn't shower all the time.
So I'm going to kill you.
But that's what it is.
It's like when you want a but B is happening, you're fighting your way to it just to realize
that B was the best option that there was.
I know.
I know what I think people that are in this mentality know that, but they fight their
way through when they could have taken the elevator.
I just said all of that.
You think that happened?
You think I think like that when I'm in the middle of it?
Absolutely not.
Yeah.
But I can say it because I understand it logistically, not logistically.
Yes, that's the answer.
I think we need to rename the podcast to do what we say, not what we do.
Fit to be said, not always fit to act out on it.
It's a working title.
I like mine better.
But there'll be a poll to see which one wins.
Maybe it should just be Fit to be stupid.
How about you?
Fit to be horrid.
Do you guys want to know some tips on how to get out of this mentality?
We should because it's 56 minutes in.
Oh my God.
Try to practice self-compassion.
Now this is hard sometimes because appreciating yourself when you're downing yourself all
the time is not really the go-to.
When I'm down, I'm not like, man, I need to get my nails done.
Or like, oh, let me take a hot shower and listen to a podcast that I like.
But I mean, really, do what's relaxing to you.
And sometimes that changes your mindset.
Three things can fix a lot of your problems and it's trial and error in the moment.
So maybe you end up having to do all three, but three simple things that you are and hopefully
have the ability to do.
Eat something.
Rest.
Take a nap.
Or take a shower.
Really?
Yeah.
Those are the three emotional regulating things that you can do to calm your nervous system
in any type of moment.
Now sometimes it's like if you're feeling bad about yourself, you take a shower.
If you're feeling bad about something else, you take a nap and take a rest.
I always promote eating.
So anytime that you feel anything, you could just eat.
But those are the three scientific ways to regulate your nervous system in moments of
distress.
I'm going nap all the way.
You should probably shower first.
Nappy makes you happy.
You.
Okay.
Shower gives you power.
Oh, did you just make that up?
Yeah, it was so good.
I thought about that earlier.
Just waiting to say it.
Food puts you in the mood.
Okay.
Consider shifting your self identification.
What this means is instead of calling yourself a victim, switch it to saying, I'm a survivor.
That was hard.
I got through it.
I survived.
Not that was hard.
Why did this happen to me?
So if you can shift it in your brain, which is hard, but think of think right now, the
hardest situation you've ever been in or toughest or saddest or whatever it is.
Think about it right now and then notice where you are right now.
Okay.
You got out of it.
Yeah.
It moved.
You've moved on from whatever that was.
However it happened was really tough in the time.
Right.
But you've moved on.
You are now in a completely different phase.
Even if it was last week, this week is different.
She loves phases.
So notice that and that's what the survivor thing is.
It's like, yeah, I survived that really hard time.
So why can't I survive the next one?
We don't expect much from the rabbit dog, but you know, a little bit of just keep going.
Do you feel like the victim right now?
Are you saying why me?
Why do I have to do this with her?
No, I did this.
Okay.
So you know, I am very aware that I have put myself in the position for 88 weeks to sit
on a couch to talk to you about emotional vulnerability and the suffrage.
Yeah.
But guess what?
I am a survivor.
Love it.
I'm a survivor.
I'm going to make it.
I will survive is really hard for you.
Keep on surviving.
Even with my chest cold.
Oh my gosh.
I feel like Phoebe Buffet like, give me the cold because I sound better.
Smell it.
Anyway, yeah, that's all we have today.
We hope you are no longer feeling victimized by yourself because you are victimizing yourself.
That's usually the number one victim in a victim mentality.
Yeah.
I hate blaming other people's, but you're the victim because you're doing it all by
yourself.
I hate blaming people's.
Did I say people's?
You did.
I wasn't going to let it go by Salinas.
Salinas is bus.
That's an inside joke to me in Victoria.
We will not tell you what it means in Selena.
But anyway, I think this is really great for people that don't think that they have these
little signs or like me did not think it.
And then when I was told that I was living in it, I was like, what is this?
And then turns out there's a name for it.
Who knew?
Yeah.
A lot of people.
Oh, a lot of people knew.
A lot of people actually get their masters in it called therapy.
Psychiatrists, psychiatry.
I think if people want therapy, they should start a podcast and talk to Victoria.
It's definitely not free and have the other person pay $125 therapy out of pocket every
time.
But you know, we real quickly, before we sign off because we do that so well, we, I believe
we said this in another episode talking about anxiety, I want to say, but when you name
it, you name the emotion or the feeling.
And we were talking about, I think, with the kids.
Oh, right.
Justin mentioned it once and it does it well.
It's like when your child is having a temper tantrum and they, you know, you're trying
to figure out the cause and like the reason that, you know, they're upset that they didn't
get to close the door and you did it for them.
Really what's the underlying thing, right?
So that you name it.
What are you feeling?
I'm feeling sad.
Why are you feeling sad?
Right?
So it's the same thing here.
What are you, what am I feeling?
Angry.
Why am I feeling angry?
Because they didn't say what I wanted them to say.
Like you have to go through those questions and name the emotion so that you can be aware
and get yourself out of the emotion.
So without naming it, you're going to live in it.
Yeah, it's like you're floundering basically.
Yeah.
You are, there is a raft or a lifeboat right next to you, but you are flailing your arms
next to it because you won't just acknowledge that there's help.
Right.
And the help isn't professional.
It can be, it should be.
But the help is just you acknowledging what you're feeling because all of this is emotional.
Wait, didn't you see the meme I posted?
I don't know, but are you going to describe it well?
No, I'm going to strive it completely wrong like I always do, but it says, it says, no
one's stronger than the oldest sister who won't let anybody help them.
Oh yeah, yeah, yeah.
She tagged me in it.
I didn't want to enable that behavior so I did not repost it.
Yeah, she did not repost it because it is very me.
I am the oldest sister who wants help from nobody, but needs all the help in the world.
100%.
Yes.
I do think that's familial.
But I do that too, where I don't need help.
I want it.
I won't ask for it.
It'd be nice if I had it.
But you do that, I don't need anything.
I don't need anybody.
I'm good.
I got it.
And then all of a sudden you break down.
Yeah.
And we're almost at Carly's breakdown point.
I do it once a year.
It happens, yeah, once or twice a year because you get to a breaking point.
You get to such a breaking point.
And I would say the things you ruminate and you harbor about that you're not thinking
about, that's what's really doing it.
Because the holidays are coming up.
Yeah, that's what happens.
For me, that's what happens.
And somebody said to me recently.
It makes so much sense.
I know.
It's the same time.
It's like there's a play.
It's called Same Time Next Year.
It's like the same time every begin year.
But somebody said to me recently, like, oh my God, I feel like you never burn out.
I laughed.
The poor person, I laughed in their face.
I said, I'm so happy that's how it seems.
I burn out every night at eight o'clock.
I blow the candle out and I burn out.
So I'm happy that I don't show it.
That's like physical exhaustion, mental exhaustion on the daily.
We were talking about like getting upset.
I think she said burnout, but I think she meant breakdown.
And I was like, because then she said, you keep it so together.
And I was like, two thumbs up.
It's called an acting degree.
Use it every day.
It's called, that's the only reason college happened.
I'm wearing my college sweatshirt with all my colleges on the back right now.
Yeah, there's at least five.
I'm missing one though.
Yeah.
Actually, I think there's seven.
I don't know.
I have to read them, but I can't because they're on the back.
So we, so thank you for coming to Karli's personal therapy.
That's really what we understand this was about, even though she didn't really know
about it, but like we named it.
We named.
We named tell Victoria about it, either.
Yeah, we named the resolve of what the resolve needed to be.
And since she didn't know, that was the answer.
Andrew owes you his life.
Well, we'll see.
if you take action so that we can clean off the dirt
from the, you know, the dirty dog, the rabid animal
and see what happens from there.
So we'll, you know, we won't keep you all posted,
but we're gonna all hope and put positivity out
that things get better if you're going through a situation.
Same thing for you.
We hope and keep it positive
that the correct actions start to unfold, right?
We, I think all of this was a big tip,
but I'm gonna give you a real extra tip real fast.
It's called what it is, be like Barbara.
Everybody just be like Barbara, sunshine, think positive.
You can have bad days, but just don't say why me.
Say why me?
Why?
It's so exciting.
Yeah.
If you just put a different inflection on it
and it will completely change your day.
I said it last night and kick hit.
We did the three rounds, three rounds of 35 seconds
of like something torturous.
And by the third round, I was like,
guys, we get the opportunity to do it one more time.
We got the opportunity to do it differently
for the third round.
Maybe it's better.
Maybe this is the best round that you can do.
How many middle fingers went up?
Up they all left.
Okay.
So really it was just me at the end, but.
That's the truth though.
That's the mentality.
We get the opportunity to feel all the emotions.
We get the opportunity, like you get the opportunity
to get out from a betrayal.
Yeah.
If you think of it that way.
Yeah.
You get the opportunity to work yourself out
from feeling betrayed and feeling hurt.
Basically you regain power.
Yes.
You get the control back.
Yes.
Instead of feeling uncomfortable and out of control.
You give the other person the power
when you're just like, man.
Right.
I hate being me.
Yeah.
All right.
We're done.
Yeah.
So I'll see you on the other side when this editing job
gets done.
It's a murder.
In a, oh Jesus.
Slice and dice.
And I helped.
I get the opportunity to edit this.
And to sit and to listen to this conversation again.
Wait, it's not slice and dice and I helped.
Slice and dice and I helped.
No, something, something and I helped.
Is that commercial?
Yeah.
Slice and dice.
That sounds murderous.
Hamburger helper and I helped.
No, that's too much helping.
Okay.
But you might be right.
No, I'll look it up.
And then we won't tell you next week.
No.
All right.
Well, for usual, we hope you remember
that you're always fit to be real
and always allowed to be a little extra.
Shake and bake and I helped.
It's the accent.
I know.
For legal reasons, we have to tell you
that this podcast is meant for entertainment
and educational purposes only.
We are not healthcare professionals.
For all of your health, wellness, fitness
and self-care needs, please refer
to the medical professional in your life.
Your primary care physician, your therapist,
a certified coach, whoever it may be.
And then let us know what they say
because I guarantee we need to know what to.
Okay?
Okay, bye.