Welcome to Fit to Be Real and a little extra.
Hey guys.
Victoria is so non-enthused and enthused at the same time.
Good word.
Thank you.
I just put a non in front of a word.
I feel like you can do that for a lot of things.
Yeah, you also could just say excited and not excited, but you said enthused.
So, good word.
Before we get into it, how is Vegas?
I feel like people need to know where you were and what happened.
I mean, what happens in Vegas I post about.
Yeah.
So, everybody knows it does not stay there.
If you want to burglarize Carly's house, just look at her Instagram because she's not there.
You know what?
Sometimes I post after the fact for that reason.
I didn't this weekend, but it was awesome.
Andrew's new show opened the disco show in Vegas.
So, if you're ever in Vegas, check it out.
It is so fun and dress up.
Absolutely dress up because why not?
Like theme, not just like wear nice clothes.
Right.
You don't have to, but it was really fun.
I had so many outfits.
I wore three a night.
Sounds like my nightmare.
Oh my God.
It was my dream.
Yeah.
It was no workout clothes and all fancy.
And I wore the tallest heels I've ever worn because I no longer care that I towered over Andrew and he didn't care either.
I was like, you know what?
I found these amazing disco lace up like all the way up my leg shoes.
I'm wearing them and Andrew had a mustache.
So, I mean, if he's going to have a mustache, then I'm going to wear whatever he like a one had a file stash.
100%.
Cool.
Yeah.
I'm wearing 70s glasses and a deep v-neck.
Oh, yes.
I did see that and fliers.
I swiped pretty quickly.
I just offended.
I just was like, I don't understand what's happening and they're having fun and I hate them.
I know.
I thought about that as well when I was posting.
I was like, oh, Victoria's going to be mad.
You just have to come with me.
Only if I can wear sweatpants.
No, they didn't wear sweatpants in the 70s.
Nope.
But you know what?
Some people did do hippie 70s.
A lot of people did do fringe shirts and like, you know, you hippie dippy like hair, like
hair.
Yeah.
With flair bell bottoms, like checkered pad.
A lot of people did that.
Do they smell good?
Well, I don't think they really went for it like method.
Well, then it should stay in Vegas because they didn't do it right.
Vegas is so fun though.
I know it's not everybody's cup of tea and I was dreading going a little bit because
it's hard to leave.
Preparing to leave is the hardest part of going anywhere.
Lunches, kids work.
Well, yeah.
Lining everything up and it's just like, this is so exhausting.
I don't even feel like going anymore.
But then when you get there, it's a good time.
If you go with Andrew because he owns Vegas.
It's amazing what goes on in your brain.
It's amazing.
And we're going to leave it at that.
So if you hear Carly's little rasp today, it's because she just had the best time in
Vegas screaming at disco balls.
I did.
I danced with all my favorite dancers and I shook it, which has nothing to do with what
we're actually going to talk about today.
Nothing.
Unless you'd like to use that disco show as a first date, which might be a great idea.
Actually it would take a lot of pressure off.
I feel like you wouldn't be able to talk and be way too loud.
Yep.
So if you don't want to know this person, you're in.
But if you want to go to dinner, I am going to add this little thing.
It's called diner Ross.
You get it?
Oh yeah.
Yeah.
Diner Ross.
Yeah.
Yes.
I understand Diana Ross.
And if you really look closely that it's based on like an old seventies kitchen, it looks
exactly like your grandma and grandpups kitchen and you can find baby pictures of everybody
that works there or old family pictures including.
Yeah.
Including our family.
So go look for us.
I like that a lot.
Yeah.
So now that we segwayed in and then we just segwayed back out, we're going to segway back
into what we're talking about, which is just really kind of the vibe of what we're talking
about as well.
Because you know, sometimes you want to online date.
Sometimes you just want to take a break and back and forth and we're going to talk about
that and we're going to talk about why.
So there's benefits and there are cons to online dating and the psychological effects.
And the reason why we're even talking about this is number one, it's my life.
And number two, we got a lot of requests for help with online dating.
But I, yeah, I understand that because it is a force right now.
I mean, I've never done it.
Victoria reminds me that I've never done it.
Every time I try and help her do it or I try and do it for her, she's like, you cannot
do that.
You have no idea what you're doing.
So this will be a learning experience for me as well.
Oh, just get ready.
I'm Victoria.
Hey guys, I'm Carly.
That's how I would say my name on a first date.
I would walk in and be like, Hey, hey guys, I'm Carly.
Immediate turnaround.
He's out.
Not coming back.
I think I did say that to Andrew when I met him.
Hey, I'm Carly.
You probably you were 19.
Yeah.
Hey, I'm Carly.
Oh, no, I think you had a different vibe.
A little bit.
Yes, I was a baby.
Yeah.
So yeah, online dating got a lot of, a lot of hits on the fill out the form for Fit to
Be Real.
And if you haven't checked that out, go to our Instagram, click the link tree and a Google
form of a request or maybe you want us to talk to somebody specific, give us the information,
we'll reach out, we'll figure it out.
So we want this podcast to be for you as much as it's for us because we are also learning
and why not listen to something you want to listen to.
So we want your feedback.
So a lot of use wrote in about online dating or just dating in 2024, which I unfortunately
it's really just online dating like that is dating in 2024.
Unless you know somebody, unless you know somebody, but I also doesn't happen a lot of
feel like you are not you specifically maybe other people are different.
You don't like to be set up on a blind date by somebody else.
It's not, it's not the blind date part because I will never not see the person before I meet
somebody.
Right.
So it's not that part.
It's I don't want the pressure.
I know you if I this doesn't work out, this is awkward now.
And a lot of people weigh in on their opinions because they want to rally for somebody else
or they disagree with like if I'm not interested or whatever.
That's where it gets muddled and like weird for me.
But it's not necessarily like a blind date.
Every first date is blind date.
Not a blind date.
I meant you don't like to be set up by somebody else.
You don't want somebody else's opinion of you and to be like, you should meet this person.
I'm going to set it up because that is a lot of pressure.
I feel well nine times that you feel I feel things when I do feel.
Yeah.
That's what I feel.
Cool.
Very not common.
I would not do well on a blind date.
Just putting that out there.
You are very lucky.
You are just very lucky.
Well nine times out of 10.
What happens and it's not malicious.
It's not there's no like malintention behind it.
It's people think, oh, this person's single.
Oh, I know this person.
They're single.
They should get together.
And that's just like doesn't make a match.
Yeah.
Because people are single doesn't mean that they should go out on a date.
Yeah.
Even if it's just one date like if that doesn't make it worth it.
Yeah.
I agree.
You know what I mean?
And that's just not a fun position to be in to be like, no thanks.
I'm good.
That and that's another thing.
It's so awkward to reject even the notion of someone trying to set you up because it's
not has nothing to do with them.
Well, it does.
It has to do with them because if you're a client, a friend, a family member, a friend
of a friend and you're like, oh, I have this guy or I have this girl.
She's around the same age.
She's been single.
Like they give you like the bio.
And it has nothing to do with who this person is.
It's just like random facts.
And because they're single, that's why you guys should get together.
It's a great idea.
It might be the only thing that you have in common.
Exactly.
Yeah.
It's the only thing.
And it's just something that I'm not interested in.
And if things are meant to be, things will be and things will work out trying to kind
of live that way.
However, don't just set up your friends or your family because you know someone else.
It's just like also single.
Even if they're in their 20s and it's like not serious or if they're in their 40s and
it's like, you know, you got a date with intention.
Don't do it.
Just don't do it.
I, yeah, I agree.
I think that would be my number one no-no as well.
I would rather go to a bar with friends and see what the possibilities were than to be
set up by somebody I know.
Yeah, I agree.
Even though do people meet in bars anymore?
I feel like they don't.
I think in college in your 20s because that's when you're going to bars to be like, let's
go out and like meet people or like try to see any guys or there or whatever or girls
or whatever you're interested in.
And that's sort of, that changes when you're in your 30s and then that changes when you're
in your 40s.
Yeah.
So like if you're going right now, if we were going to go to a bar restaurant, we're having
dinner and we're having like a nice time with our girlfriends.
Right.
And that's number one, everyone's married or together or not looking because they've
got children and there's other things to do.
Like the phase of life changes as you get to your, I would say late 30s, 40s, 50s.
As mom would say, you're not looking to hook anymore.
Looking to hook.
My God.
Oh my God.
I used to say that.
Oh, you're looking to hook.
That was cringe before cringe was a thing.
That meant we were dressed scantily or, you know, like, look nice.
Oh, you're looking to hook, which means you look like a hooker.
No, you're looking to hook up.
Oh, I thought mom was calling us a hooker like a hooker guy.
You're going to go, are you kidding?
Yeah.
And I took it as a compliment.
I was like, thanks mom.
I do look like a hooker.
God you met him young.
God, you, it happened right.
So, I looked at this up.
Okay.
Number one thing you should not say to a single person.
What do you think it is?
Are you single?
Let me try again.
No, but that's not, it's close.
Let me try again.
The number one thing you should know, are you dating anyone?
No, because I hate that.
When people say that to you, are you seeing someone?
It makes me cringe and I want to jump in and be like, that's not a question.
If she is, she'll tell you.
There's a reason to ask because it makes her feel uncomfortable and now it's going to make
you feel uncomfortable.
I feel to me, it's like asking somebody, oh my God, are you pregnant?
When they're not.
Right, right, right.
Yeah, it's the same connotation.
I don't like when people ask you that question and I am around.
So only ask her that question if I am not in the room.
There was a time where I would get bent out of shape about it because it's usually, that's
not the end of the conversation.
So it's not necessarily that particular question.
It's that I now have to say, no, not right now.
And then you have to say why.
Why?
And it's like, I've got to make stuff up.
All right, sorry.
What's the number one thing you should never say to a single person?
But the number one thing is, how the heck are you single is what it says.
That is the number one thing not to say.
Which is said a lot.
It's said a lot, which is weird because in turn it's kind of a compliment.
They're saying you're so great.
How are you not with someone who also thinks that you're amazing?
So it's a backhanded way to tell someone that they're a wonderful person.
But single people know they're great.
Right.
Like, they know.
They know that they are just waiting for timing and the right person to come around and it's
just frustrating that it hasn't happened and they're frustrated that they're online.
And so they don't, what do you expect them to say?
I know.
Here are all the things that maybe are my flaws.
Like would you like to help me dissect them?
Like no.
But also it has nothing to do with people's flaws and faults.
It has to do with timing and the right people.
Yeah.
So I don't know, that's what it said.
That's the number one thing not to say.
Do not say that to your single friends or your married friends and say, how the heck are
you married?
I say that to you all the time.
I'm just kidding.
All the time.
I sort of say it to myself every day.
I'm just kidding.
You can absolutely say that to me because I don't know either.
I promote that.
Do not say that to people.
I promote it.
I have feel like it's okay to talk about.
Just like think about what you say.
I mean, don't take my advice because you know I don't do this, but like think about what
you say before you say it.
I would never say that to somebody though.
How the heck are you still single?
Well, think of your family members.
Think of your cousins.
Think of people that you know are trying and it's just not working out.
Like if there's somebody that you actually care about, you're not going to go and this
is specific to Carly because I know her, but you're not going to go up to someone you don't
really know and say that.
If you were going to say that, you would say it to someone that you know very, very well.
Even if someone knows me very, very well, it's just so awkward and just like, I know.
I'm amazing.
I hear all the things like, let me list my bio of why I'm awesome and let me tell you
why it hasn't worked out.
It's just like a conversation nobody really wants to have and it makes the single person
just feel worse.
There's no positive to come from that is from what they said.
And it's so true.
I was reading it and I was like, actually, that's true.
It just leaves like a very, I know, type of thing.
So that's fun.
Holidays are coming up.
So now you know what not to say.
But there are some positive and negatives to the psychological effects of online dating.
And the reason why we're kind of honing in on online dating is just because it really
is all there is right now.
I would say there's way more negatives than positives.
Yeah.
Victoria does not like it.
Nobody likes it.
That's the thing.
Nobody likes it.
Like if you're online, you don't like it.
You're not like, ooh, I'm excited.
This is unless you're 20 years old and it's Tinder and you're not trying to date intentionally.
You're trying to just like meet a bunch of people.
And I never did that.
I never even did that.
I've never.
Well, downloaded Tinder.
You were also and I was also very into New York life, which was auditioning, teaching
fitness.
We didn't really do and that was our 20s.
That was our young 20s when other people were like working day jobs and then going to happy
hours and never did happy.
We never did that.
So we were with women constantly because we were teaching fitness or gay men or gay men.
And so I just dated the gay men and until I met Andrew as she tilted my head a little
bit.
But so when, when you say like people did Tinder in their 20s or they go out to bars,
we didn't do that.
And you definitely didn't do that.
We were so focused on acting and musical theater that I feel like we, you skipped that part.
Well, we also had to pay rent and stay alive.
Like it's hard work to live in New York, not just like living in New York.
It's hard to have a life.
Yeah.
It's hard to function because you have to make money to be able to pay to have a house.
So happy hour was not a thing because we had to work.
And that was like my night.
It's funny that you say that.
And that was my number one answer to when I would go on dates because at in my 20s,
I was doing match.com, which wasn't an app.
We've talked about this before.
It was the actual match.com emails on a desktop computer.
I never felt older.
And that's how I had some relationships.
And so obviously things are scheduled and planned.
I still wasn't doing happy hour.
However, when I would meet these people, they would ask the question, Oh my God, how are
you single?
Yeah.
You're blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
This is amazing.
It's like I came from my mind and I would go, Well, I work with a lot of women.
I do theater.
And if I'm going to go to a bar, it's going to be with a bunch of gay men and no straight
male is going to approach me with a bunch of gay men around me.
Yeah.
That's 100% true.
That was my answer.
Every time I got to ask that question and I got to ask that question every time.
And it's not like something to shut people up, but they'd be like, understandable.
Yeah.
I get that because that's exactly what it was in the 20s.
In the 20s.
In your 20s.
In my 20s.
So, now, so that's just a little backstory on why you didn't do the, the bar scene back
in, you know, when people are in their 20s going to bars and happy hours.
We just didn't do that.
That wasn't in our, in our wheelhouse during that time.
Yeah.
And now it's not in my wheelhouse because I have no one to go out with.
I go out with you.
We never go out.
Well, we don't have time, but if I had time, I would go out with you.
Yes.
I'm not going out to meet people standing next to you.
Well, I'll shut your face.
Number one.
Have you seen your outfits?
So, she's not a great wing person.
She doesn't think ahead.
She thinks about herself.
She doesn't think about what's going to come up to the table.
Number one.
Number two.
I'm looking a hook.
If it's, you are looking to hook and you're hooking a lot.
You're hooking a lot and you're also, you know, catch and release.
It's catch and release for you and it's, it's not fun for the rest.
If I am going out with you, it's not just you.
It's there's other women around and everyone's married with children.
Yeah.
And I love you all, but when you have children, that's all you talk about.
I know.
So it's different in your, in your thirties and any of you in your thirties that are
single, I think you're all nodding your head going, Oh my God.
If you're in your twenties, you have no idea what I'm talking about.
And so it, it's, yeah, it's just different.
It's just something.
So online dating is what it is and you suck.
So, well, I am a bad wing woman because I think everybody is an eligible bachelor and
you're like, Nope, Nope.
And I'm like, No, that person seems nice.
And you're like, Here's why there's red flags and I can see them.
And I just don't get.
I don't know.
Yeah.
So that's what we're going to talk about.
The pros and cons.
I agree with everything you're saying.
I know.
So here's a pro.
Here's a pro.
If you have a social anxiety issue and going to bars with your friends or restaurants or
events, it doesn't have to be a bar.
Like when you say bar that has like a connotation to it too.
So say you're going to a winery or whatever.
I don't know.
I guess that's alcohol either way.
But you don't, you have like a problem with social settings.
And dating is a really good thing for that because you're in control of who you say yes
to who you say no to.
Depending on the app, you're in control of who gets to talk first.
So like there's a lot of, there's a lot of good when it comes to that in terms of your
self anxieties.
And I kind of understand that.
So here's another pro.
Second pro is that you can online.
And this is seems obvious.
But if you just take a second to think about it, you can create the kind of people.
That are going to come into the net.
Right?
You put filters in of what you're looking for specifics.
Age range, how far away, how close do you want them to live to you?
Geographically desirable is something mom always said.
Are they geographically desirable?
I didn't understand it in my twenties.
Yeah.
I get it now.
I get it now too.
I totally get it.
And that's something that like, oh, this person looks nice.
Oh, they have a lot of the same interests.
Oh, they're in the great, you know, age range for me.
All the, all the yeses and then I see where they live and I'm like way too far.
Yeah.
And it's not, sometimes it's not worth it.
Sometimes it's not worth the conversation in the small talk to be like, oh, you're never
going to move from that area.
Me either.
So waste of time.
Waste of time.
So there's, you know, it, that makes it hard.
However, if you know what you're looking for, which if you're dating, you should know what
you're looking for.
You can do that online because they've thought of everything down to your political
beliefs, down to your religious beliefs, down to your smoking, drinking, pet.
Yeah.
Pet beliefs.
What kind of pet do you like?
There's an option for birds.
Like it's very specific.
So that, that makes online a little bit more controlled.
I, the word that's coming to mind and you're going to laugh at me is Schmurgersborg.
I feel like the online dating app is like a Schmurgers, Schmurgersborg.
Is it Schmurgersborg or Schmurgers, Schmurgersborg.
Oh, Schmurgersborg.
Wait, now please.
The Google.
Now I can't say Schmurg.
I don't even know how to spell this into Google.
I was just in Lancaster recently and they have a, that's what reminded me of it.
Schmurgersborg.
Oh no, I think you're re, what is it?
There's one that says Schmurgersborg buffet.
Yep.
That's the answer.
And there's one that says Schmurgersborg near me.
It's Schmurg.
It's Schmurgersborg.
I'm Schmurgersborg-ing it.
But I think it's Schmurgersborg.
We spent too much time on this word.
It's like a buffet.
Schmurgersborg.
But there is a Schmurgersborg.
That might be a restaurant though.
But it's not Schmurgersborg.
Do you, how many people turned it off?
Or skipped 15 seconds.
This word has no meaning anywhere.
But it's like the online dating apps, I'm just skipping over all that is, is like an
online buffet you can pick and choose and that you can't do when you're being set up,
when you're meeting somebody at a bar.
So I feel like if we are talking pros, because there aren't, I mean, no, that's it for the
pros on this list.
I know that's what I mean.
Like there aren't that many.
Like there are, it's a Schmurgersborg and you can pick and choose.
The nones.
The negatives.
The cons.
The nones.
Oh God.
Anxiety.
So there was positive social anxiety, which will take you out of the scary too many people
type of setting, but then there's some anxiety that you can get because it's anxiety and
depression.
I'm going to put these two together because it's from like rejection, which everybody
is afraid of rejection.
Right.
I don't care who you are.
No, everybody is.
Even if you're the most confident person in the world, rejection doesn't feel good in
any, even, you know, romantic, platonic workplace, whatever it is.
So if you really get affected by that and it's like you're liking all these people and
no one's liking you back or even if it like you're in conversations and then something
comes up and it's like over, there becomes this like cycle of repeated emotions and the
emotion is like fear and sadness and anger.
And it's like all the negative ones, which can turn into anxiety and depression.
If you get too into it, which is the next one, which is addiction.
The next step of dating up addiction is a thing.
And it's the same thing that I would say to you.
It's a game.
People like you'd be like, just get online.
I'm like, it's a game.
You don't understand.
Like people just swipe to swipe nine times out of 10.
They're swiping and they're never going to talk to you.
It's like doom scrolling at night.
People are just on there like looking at other people, but not really.
Nothing's happening.
Yeah.
Nothing's happening.
It's like, oh, nice face.
Yes.
Oh, nice face.
Yes.
You can reach out and talk to you.
You're not contacting them back because it's not about that.
It's just about like who liked me.
All these people liked me back.
Like it's a weird psychological ego boost or ego downfall, which would go into the depression
pocket.
But dating up addiction is like you're not getting your work done because you're sitting
there and you're just swiping.
And at the end of the day with the doom scrolling, you're just swiping.
You keep the notification setting on so that your phone is blowing up every time someone
has liked you or swiped you or contacted you.
And it just becomes a part of the reason the phone is in your hand.
And it's, I mean, I think that's true for TikTok and Instagram and all the things.
So it just becomes one more app to be addicted to.
I think that over the years as everything gets more tech savvy and elevated, I mean,
I think about 20 years ago, we didn't have any of this kind of stuff.
It's getting worse and worse.
And I know that you can vouch for that because you've been seeing it.
But I feel like the more we get behind the phone, the harder it is to online date.
Yeah.
Because it's just going backwards.
Instead of the apps and online dating helping you, I feel like it's not.
I feel like it's non-help.
You can put none in front of anything.
That's what I'm noticing.
Well, yeah, because, well, it goes into the next one, which is people are becoming more
impatient and it's all about instant gratification.
So there's this unrealistic expectation on relationships where just like TikTok, you
make a 20 second video, look, I'm a dancer.
It's this weird thing that happens in our minds that now is being melted into the dating
world, which is I can make a relationship instantly.
Right.
Snap my fingers.
I can make a relationship.
Snap my fingers.
It's going to work out.
And then, but you don't know anything about this person.
You don't know the red flags.
You don't know the baggage.
You don't know how they are in conflict or communication or yada, yada, yada.
And when you like someone and you get instant likes back, yes, that's an ego boost, which
technically isn't a good thing.
But then on top of that, you add these expectations.
Well, yeah, it's, it's fake.
It's fake.
It's just like Instagram.
I mean, what you're seeing and what people are seeing out there is not a real representation
of who they are.
And then you get to meet that person and you're like, Oh, whoa, whoa, whoa.
What you post is not actually what I'm meeting.
And that 100%.
Yeah.
I mean, our mom used to online date back in the day, like when she first started dating
and then I think it lasted a hot minute because she was like, nah, I'm good.
But she said on her one date, the person, you know, put that he was 60 or 50 years old
and he showed up and he was like 85.
And that was before people talked about like being afraid of trolls and liars online.
And we had to call her and tell her because she's had like a code word, like she would
text us and we, and we called her.
And she came home.
She was like basically save me.
And that was a long time ago.
And it was happening back then.
So I can only imagine how much worse that kind of stuff has gotten.
Like you can say whatever you want about yourself on paper, but when you get in front of somebody
else and you're not that person, like you are on Instagram, I think that is such a, that's
such a horrible thing, representation.
Yeah.
So, so these are some negatives, right?
So then how do you get out of it?
How do you build a strong relationship if you're online dating?
Like say you meet someone that you are talking to, you have the same values, you're having
great conversation.
I mean, there's so many things that can be green flags for you and they're different
for everybody, especially how people communicate online.
I'm looking for someone who knows how to structure a grammatically correct sentence.
I know.
Put comments where they're supposed to be, capitalize letters.
Like don't use the letter U for Y-O-U, right?
What does that mean?
It's effort.
Put in effort.
It's just effort.
It's not that you're smart or not smart.
I don't care if you're, you know, what your intelligence IQ is, but put effort in like
putting something out like, that gives you yourself a good representation and doesn't,
like you said, doesn't matter.
I don't care where you went to college, if you went to college, but that you put some
effort into, hey, I want to put on a good representation of myself.
Exactly.
And that says a lot.
It's just like if you're going to show up to a first aid and sweatpants.
Yeah.
You're a great guy, but what are you, why?
Why did you not try?
Yeah.
Like if you're not going to try here in the beginning on day one, then that says a lot
online.
So there are little things like that, but when you're only in communication and you haven't
met the person yet, there's a lot of questions you have to ask yourself and you have to double
check with yourself what your values are.
And your values are going to be across the board, anything, like whatever your values
are, sit there, write them out, think about them.
And then in conversation, if they should come up, I mean, don't, you don't ever want to
interrogate someone and be like, here's a list of one to 10 answer these for me.
Yeah.
Nobody wants to do that.
No.
But if they naturally come up in conversation and you find that things line up and align,
that's great.
And keep going with it, whatever.
But if they don't, you have to, you can't be afraid to ask the question.
Do you know what I mean?
Yes.
You can't be like, well, I will get to that later and we'll keep talking and I'll keep
getting attached.
But that one thing I haven't asked about that is a big deal to me.
Yeah.
We're just going to shuffle that underneath the rug.
Right.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, no.
I think you get it out in the open and the beginning, especially if you're on, what do you have
to lose?
What do you have to lose?
And I think that's something else is that you put in like so many eggs in one basket
in terms of this is going really well.
It has to be this moment.
I've done it.
I've 100% done that.
It's a little different as you get older because things change if you're dating in, I mean,
yes, I'm only 35.
You're only 35.
In my, but I'm 96.
Well, mentally, yes.
But you're only 35 and you are not dead yet.
Oh my God.
Please elaborate.
I mean, because to me, you act very mature.
You always have since you were, I don't know, nine.
So well, I'm who I had to be ever against.
Yes.
You have always been the older sister, but sometimes I feel when we talk about dating
and all this stuff, it's like, well, I can't do this or I can't do that.
I'm like, well, you're only 35.
You're not 85.
You're 35.
You are so young.
And so I feel like sometimes people have to remind themselves, people like you, that
you are not.
Yes, you're looking for somebody, but at the same time, you are only 35.
And I feel like you say, oh, I'm 35 and I'm saying you're only 35.
Yes.
Do you understand?
You said that a lot.
I like the different inflections you chose to say the same thing.
Yes.
I totally hear you.
That's not where I was going with what I said.
Oh, but you're not wrong.
You're not wrong at all.
Like there's no life sentence, right?
I was going more so of like, once you get up there in age, it's more about not wasting
time.
That's what I meant.
Because you don't want to waste time.
So you don't, you know, you want to vet and you want to, you want to like get all the
questions out.
Things move a little faster.
They move a little faster.
It doesn't have to be, or not that it doesn't have to be.
It's a little less about having fun and like nothing matters.
And it's more of like, I don't want to waste my time anymore.
I don't want to go on first date just for the sake of being like, well, let me get a
whole bunch of money on my belt.
No, it doesn't matter anymore.
I want to, if I'm going to go out with you on a first date, I want to go out with you
on a first date to see if there's more dates afterwards.
It's not necessarily just like, oh, just go.
I'm free.
So let's.
Why not?
Yeah.
It's not like that anymore as you get older.
So I meant that too.
But also because I am not dead yet.
Does that help?
You are young in body and I want you to be young in the mind.
So ask yourself the right questions about values.
Ask yourself, how do I want to connect with this person?
Because a lot of people get lost in morphing to what the other person likes.
And I think that that is ageless.
Everybody can kind of do that.
If you're like, well, I really like this person, yeah.
I don't like these movies as much as he does, but yeah, I like them.
No, stick to what you are, who you are, what you like, what you don't like.
And if it's not the right person and then somebody else will come along, you know what
I mean?
So you have to ask yourself those questions, values.
How do I want to connect?
Who do you want to present yourself to be?
Because it should be who you are.
It shouldn't be a presentation.
I think that's definitely something that is pro with online dating and you, I know from
personal experience, I was 25 when I got married.
I was 19 when I met Andrew.
I had no idea who I was, what I wanted, who he wanted me to be or who I projected myself
to be was not who I was.
He thought I liked the outdoors and camping and waking up early.
Oh my God, I couldn't have been more opposite.
But I morphed myself.
How are you not divorced?
Because eventually I was like, hey, listen, I like to sleep.
I hate the outdoors.
I like to material things at the time, you know, but I didn't know who I was and you
get to be exactly who you are and decide if you want to go forward with somebody else
or not and see if they like exactly who you are.
Like we had to, and which was cool too.
We had to grow into the people that we are today, which is why I want a Val renewal at
in 15, on our 15 year anniversary because I just said to him in Vegas the other day,
he's like, why do you want it so badly?
And I said, because when we got married at 25, I appreciated it, but I didn't really
know what it meant.
Marriage?
Yeah, like at 25, like I knew I wanted, we wanted to get married.
I knew we were going to be together forever, but I just, because what we were supposed
to do.
No, like it didn't mean as much, I think as it will now knowing who I am, you know, it's
way more important now.
At then I was just like excited to get married, you know, so now you get to, it's almost like
you're solidifying the decision.
No, no, I'm sure now.
Yeah.
After 20 years together, 21 years together, I think I'm sure now.
That's nice.
I think that is a pro for people online dating going through the, I know it's a lot and I
know it's hard and there are so many cons, but you get to be exactly who you are and
if that person doesn't want that, you move on.
Well, so I'm talking to someone right now, he's 43 with children and a history and just
like everybody in the dating range that I'm looking for, everybody has history, everybody
has baggage and complications, especially when it comes to children.
Right.
And I forget what he was talking about, but it sparked me to be like, I need to ask this
question.
And so I was like, okay, how are you, what's your stance on being an open book or not?
Like are you someone who's going to be cool with talking about you something?
Yeah.
You're going to be cool with me asking a question or you want to just like hold off a little
bit.
And he was like 100% open book.
I said, great, how are you with your kid's mother?
What's the relationship like?
Because that's a big deal.
Yeah, huge.
So the conversation could have ended.
It could have been like, this is a little too much or I don't want to tell you or whatever.
And I would have been like, okay, if you don't want to tell me now, probably not going to
continue this conversation.
Right.
But also, if the answer isn't great, then there's something there too.
So it worked out.
We continue to talk, whatever.
You have to ask the questions.
Even if the conversation was fun and normal and stupid and just like cool to keep texting
somebody new, you have to ask the questions that you need to ask, especially when they
arise.
And it just like naturally comes up, ask the question.
If it's over, it's over.
If it's not, it'll keep going.
You are a very good judge of character.
You are though, for the most part.
And okay, sometimes.
I know that when you go on and you meet these people online, you know right away if you
want to actually see them.
Sometimes you go on a date just because you're like, all right, fine, I'll go.
But you already know through talking to them whether or not it's going to work out or not.
And I've seen you go on dates and you come back and you're like, I knew it.
Like I knew from talking that it's not what I wanted.
Which is why I say wasting time as you get older.
It's about not wanting to waste even two hours on a Friday night because it's not just time,
it's energy, it's emotional.
It's you know, for us, it's physical by the end of the week.
I'm exhausted.
Yeah.
So like I have to really want to get on close.
Yeah.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, you looking to hook?
I'm looking to hook in jeans and a t-shirt.
Oh my God, you're putting on jeans?
That's fancy.
That's what I mean.
I'm laying down on a bed trying to get the jeans to shimmy on up.
And if I'm doing that, then I really want to meet you.
So I just, since I've been back online, I've 100% kind of done the I have no chill.
Like I have no chill.
From the person who has all the chill.
Yes.
Well, when it comes to asking the questions, like I'm going to ask it and I don't care.
There was a guy that I almost met up with like this week.
Seemed like a really nice guy.
Not 100% attracted to him, but like he could be nice and per, I don't know.
Like it's one of those, like if that's the only reason, don't be stupid.
Just meet this person.
And as we talked, as we talked, we kind of set like something this week, we didn't set
a day, we're figuring it out.
I was just like, I actually don't think I want to meet this person.
And then I had to be presented with the, how do I get out of this conversation?
And how do I not be mean?
And I'm not someone that's just going to delete you.
I'm going to tell you, hey, I'm going to go away.
I'm not going to ghost you.
And I'm not going to be like, well, they deleted me.
I wonder why we were having a good conversation.
I just find that rude.
So then I had to have the awkward conversation of like, you know what?
This isn't really what I'm looking for.
You seem like a great guy.
I just, I don't, I don't think I'm going to find the time this week, which really means
I don't want to find the time this week.
Right.
And as much as it's uncomfortable, that, that discomfort goes away because then I did it.
I did it.
I didn't waste my time.
I try not to hurt his feelings.
I also think people bounce back.
Like it's not a big deal when you haven't even met.
It's not a big deal.
It, and people bounce back when you're honest and say, I'm not feeling exactly if you're
ghosted.
Exactly.
So that's where my no chill is.
I'm not like, hey guys, it's me, Karina.
How many dates would I have to go on because I just felt bad?
I would be going out every single night of the week because I'd be like, I don't want
to meet this person, but I don't know how to say no.
And so I'm just going to have to go on all these dates that I don't want to go on.
Oh my God, I would be horrible.
I mean, you'd have no time for it.
You would just have no time.
I mean, take the children away.
You'd have to be a different human to do all those dates because there's no time for
that.
Just thinking of all, because I hate confrontation.
I hate hurting people's feelings.
Not confrontation.
I know.
I would fight.
I know, but I would hate for somebody to feel bad because of something I said.
So I'd be like, yeah, sure, I'll go on a date with you.
And then I'd talk to me.
I talked to a guy on the phone the other day.
I was like, he gave me his number.
He was on a long road trip for work and he was like, if you want to just call, call.
We had talked a little bit and I was like, all right, whatever.
I'm going to call.
I'll make it a half hour at most, see what it's like and whatever.
I would have died.
Why?
I hate the phone.
I would much rather talk on the phone because in our conversations on the phone texting,
it was fine.
The guy knows how to text.
Okay, great.
Hearing his voice.
Oh my God.
I went, oh no, no, no.
Stop.
I will not be continuing this.
Really?
What completely different vibe hearing somebody's voice.
And I was hearing his voice, I was looking at his picture.
I was like, this doesn't match.
And also, oh my God, no.
Oh my God.
And then, Bitchie, was it high?
Was he like, it's not necessarily that because that gets very judgmental and superficial.
Like it has nothing to do with that.
It just told me a lot more about him.
Did he call you bruh?
No.
Did he like, no, these people are 45 years old.
If they're calling me bruh, I'm hanging up the phone and I'm ghosting because that's
insane.
Hanging out with Lewis and Dean a lot.
No, it was just like, you really get a sense of how they are thinking because there's no
time to sit and go, how do I want to text this back?
He has to just answer.
He has to just respond.
So it just was a lot of ADD, a lot of talking about himself, a lot of ways that we will
never work out in the real world.
So I'm not even going to humor this.
He continued to try to text me and I was like, listen, there's really nice talking to you.
Glad you made it to your destination.
This isn't something that we're going to continue doing.
So this is a full time job.
Oh, now you get it?
No, I say it all the time.
I'm like, I don't have time for this, but I can help you.
I can be your catfish.
I think we all hear that you can.
I think we all hear that.
So you go on so many dates on my behalf.
We are not going to play a game.
I'm just going to read you some of the most amazing bios off of the bumble that really
will have you all understand the trials and tribulations and not that I'm trying to deter
anybody.
I want everybody to experience life, however you want to experience life, but just understand.
That's all.
So next time you say to somebody, why are you still single?
This is why because it's so freaking hard to find somebody online.
So when you do, it's like you've found a piece of gold.
Yeah, well, you know, I'm not dead yet.
So that's not what I meant.
I know.
Oh, I hate you so much.
This is Bill.
He's 44.
And he says, I'm a lot like Celery.
No one wants Celery on its own, but in the right situation, it can lend a refreshing,
herbaceous crunch.
Thanks Bill.
Oh my gosh.
This is Justin, who somehow figured out how to use a different type of font and put it
into his profile.
So he must be, oh, he's an IT.
So that makes a lot of sense.
Clearly.
My goal in life is to own a goat farm and a roller disco.
He's 41.
Yo, I'm into it.
Not the goats.
You're allergic.
You could not date him.
This is true.
Oh, you're so cute.
Oh, Jason.
Jason is 43.
He's one of many I'm going to read off, who is on a journey of self-discovery with his
partner because they are E-N-M, ethically non-monogamous.
No.
So there's your non-word.
Oh, I'd be like sweet.
Well, it took me a while with E-N-M.
I was like, wow, these people don't know how to type.
They're just like putting letters together.
And then I looked it up and I was like, oh, ethically non-monogamous.
So they are in relationships already looking for a third or individually dating on their
own.
So there's lots of ways to do E-N-M.
Can't.
So they're just looking for casual friends and fun, right?
Okay.
Nope.
He's first.
He's first of many.
What the?
He's in.
Another one?
Yep.
He's 45 and he's in an open relationship.
But he knows it's not for everyone.
But, you know, he likes sentimental redneckie art.
Wait, I would swipe yes because I want to know what sentimental redneckie art looks like.
There's no time for that.
Okay.
Ryan's 43 and he says, I spent too many years focused on school and only myself when I should
have been a better boyfriend and prioritized good relationships.
So very honest.
I like that.
But I really love my career and I'm ready to be all in and make someone the happiest
every day.
Cool.
Also, may or may not make the best cheese trays.
You're so cute.
So he likes the schmorgasbord of charcuterie.
Exactly.
That one was just fun.
That's not offensive.
Let's wait.
Did you swipe yes?
Oh, absolutely not.
So this is Robbie and I'm giving Carly the visual.
Robbie's 39.
Can we post Robbie?
No.
No, that's not okay to me.
Robbie's a furry.
Robbie looks like a furry.
Yeah.
He's just wearing ears.
He's got a lot of his own fur in a beard and lots of hair.
He's having a good time.
And he in his bio has proceeded to tell us that he digs horrible food, great cartoons,
and competitive napping.
And now he wants us all to enjoy a story about a monkey and a ghost.
And it is a nine line emoji conversation about a monkey and a ghost.
And there's some bananas involved and some eggplants.
So take that for what it is.
I'm not sure if this is a pro or a con.
Oh, it's a con.
It's a con.
Oh my gosh.
Garrett Lee.
He's 37.
He's a young in.
He is.
He's a former ballet dancer.
Future eccentric thousandaire.
He's like what he's trying to do.
I love thousandaires.
And he's currently a friendly face of bureaucracy and a nonprofit art, which is all well and
good.
He's got cats.
He's got a pension for English literature and he's a E and M friends only please.
Oh my gosh.
I like that it's ethical.
Well, everybody has to be on board.
Everyone's on board.
You know that there's other people involved.
It's definitely a mindset.
All right.
There's no judge.
There's no jealousy.
Oh, so there's no non ethical, non monogamous.
Any.
N.M.
I think that's called cheating.
Pretty sure that's called cheating.
That's way easier to say.
This this man is 41.
I'm not sure how to say his name.
You fam maybe.
And his bio says.
Is it too late to be happy?
We put that funny.
But we don't swipe on that.
No, no, we don't.
We don't swipe on that.
No.
Oh my gosh.
Dwayne.
Yes.
Is the rock Johnson.
Yeah.
He's holding a pumpkin in his picture and he said just judge me by my pictures.
That's what I do.
He's only looking for casual fun dates.
God, I'd be on so many dates.
Oh, you're so cute.
D is 39.
And this is in all caps.
All cap.
All that matters right now is my bank account.
Oh my gosh.
He definitely looks like he's from Delco.
OK.
Solomon.
I feel for Solomon.
I agree with Solomon.
He's 38.
His bio says meh.
That's it.
I don't know if it's the way you're reading them or that they're actually funny to me.
But like I enjoy this.
Peter is 42.
His bio says winning.
He is.
Is he cute?
I don't remember.
I cut off his face.
OK.
Jay.
Jay is 37.
He's a tow truck driver at AAA.
And he's just angry.
Oh, he's angry.
His bio says now your bio is supposed to have like a little tidbit of who you are.
Maybe what you're looking for.
Maybe it's funny.
Nothing but a bunch of beautiful inconsistent women on here that does the complete opposite
of what they say on the page.
At this rate, I'll never get to the meeting stage because y'all suck at communication.
Why y'all screaming consistency is key and y'all don't have a drop of consistency within.
Who?
That's his bio.
Who swipes on that?
I have no idea.
He's a murder dirter.
He's going to murder dirter you.
What the?
This is Thomas.
Thomas is 39.
And I know I have a feeling this is pure sarcasm and like meant to be really funny.
I swiped no.
OK.
He's looking for fake lips, injected faces, bonus fake breasts and ass implants, preferably
all filtered pictures, change the eye color, a race of wrinkle or two, but please change
the shape of your face, the neck, the hips and whatever else.
If you have any real untouched pictures we won't work out.
I don't like surprises.
That is, I hope that's really funny.
I think that's meant to be hilarious.
Yeah.
He doesn't know.
OK.
Rick.
He's a real gangster and he have a cat and live in South Philly.
Not expecting much from the app, honestly, but how else do you meet people when you don't
drink?
If you think my profile is bad, wait until you get a load of women's profiles.
Oh my God.
How do we pick?
I don't know.
They're all so good.
Oh my gosh.
John is 41.
He's never married, no kids, pretty nerdy.
All that's good.
I like cooking, arguing about the best captain of the enterprise.
No idea what that is.
And picking up new hobbies, so that's fun.
But we should ask him why he has eight fish tanks in his living room.
We should ask him that because his water bill is up there.
Oh my gosh.
Matthew's 42 and he's a plumber.
No masks for him.
No, definitely no masks.
Online dating and online is two different words is the best since sliced bread, but it's far
from it.
So someone get me off of here.
Oh my God.
Let's laugh together.
I'll say sorry to cast a jokes down to earth, respectful, trusting all the good stuff.
Not one punctuation.
I don't know how you do it.
Eric with a K is 44 and he is a respectable credit square of 725.
He always puts the shopping cart back no matter what.
That's important.
But Wawa's on the decline.
Oh, I'm sorry.
Goodbye.
But post Malone thumbs up.
That's his bio.
No.
Oh my gosh.
Pete.
I love Pete.
Did you swipe?
Yes.
I swiped hell no.
But Pete is 36 and he is a super kink for Asian girls.
Oh my God.
And he's not sorry about it.
It literally says not sorry in all caps.
Vietnamese, Japanese, Chinese with the eggplant emoji.
If you thought Ultraman got a big emoji.
Oh, I work kind of.
I exercise way too much.
I eat a lot.
I'm a failed entrepreneur still trying stupid FBI.
That's gotta be funny.
Hopefully that's a joke.
I own my house and everything in it.
I have a huge pianosilin collection.
Oh my God.
11 inches.
Has a girlfriend and she's not.
I don't know what that means.
He has a girlfriend but she's not a girl.
I don't know.
Maybe she's not alive.
Maybe.
Thanks Pete.
What the?
Matthew's 44.
He's a consultant.
He's a large fool.
An excellent tipper and he smells lovely.
And if you want his Instagram handle, it's right here.
Oh my gosh.
I don't know what to say.
Oh George.
George I understand.
George is a lot like Solomon with the meh.
George is 41.
Well, here we are.
That's it?
That's his bio.
Yeah.
Pascal is seemingly normal at 6 feet, 6 inches, but he's a male part of an ethical non-monogamous
polyamory married couple.
What the?
I did this one because when you type in usually just bumble, I'm not sure about the other
apps.
If when you type your name in, it's something you can't change.
So as soon as you type that in, it goes to the next like, okay, fill this stuff out,
but you can change most other things.
You can't change your name or your age.
So if you put the wrong birthday in, that's it.
Right.
So his name is Gish.
He's 39.
And his first thing says, name is Josh, but I can't type.
And he's a bunny dad.
He is a rabbit.
And everything else seemingly is normal, but he's also in an ethical non-monogamous open
relationship.
Oh my God.
So no.
Oh, Mr. Handsome.
He's 41.
Who knows what your real name is?
He has good credit.
There's a lot of O's in that good.
He's very positive.
He also has great in parentheses, hygiene.
I use Listerine Advanced All Natural Mouthwash and I use Orobi Electric toothbrush.
It removes 38% plaque to keep my teeth nice and white and shiny.
Do you think these guys think they're being funny?
No.
Oh.
Anything else you'd like to know, please feel free to ask.
Oh my gosh.
You can tell when someone's being funny and when someone is struggling at life.
Dan is 36.
Most people are looking for someone to grow old with.
I'm looking for someone to stay young with.
I thought he was sweet.
That's nice.
Yeah, I still swipe, no.
Aw, you're so cute.
Nano is 44 and he's happily married.
He's dipping his toes in the waters of ethical non-monogamy.
No.
Looking for casual, but not less meaningful connections for me and or for me and my wife.
John is 36.
Never blame someone else for the road you're on.
That's your own asphalt.
Let's be honest, if we're on here, neither one of us is at a high point in our lives.
Oh my God.
I promise I look better in person by a minimum of 1%.
He's an oncology infusion technician.
How are we going to pick?
Marcos 37.
And this is all seemingly fine.
Like he's Italian, he's Greek, Armenian.
He doesn't take selfies at the gym.
Just progress pictures.
I don't like dating apps because I believe in romance from like the 1940s, showing up
at your place, asking your mom permission, yada yada.
But we all swipe left or right now.
It's unfortunate.
Bonus points if you wear leather.
You just like threw that in at the end.
What the?
But you know, I'm not dead yet.
So never know.
I am seriously going to murder you.
You know that's I feel like that's how you feel.
And I'm trying to tell you that's not how you should feel.
Kevin is 38.
And how he feels is that he really don't know what to write because he really don't think
it matters.
Going to be nothing but disappointment like always.
Poor Kevin.
Poor all these guys.
Nicholas is 37.
I don't know what having my shit together looks like, but this definitely isn't it.
Professional musician, cat dad, homeowner, idiot, a little lost.
I like him.
He understands.
Oh my gosh.
Last one.
Corey, 43.
I have eight kids with 17 different women and I live with all of them.
I've been to prison 34 times and I'm currently on probation.
It's gotta be a joke.
This dating pool is drowning.
Someone pooped in it.
Somebody pooped in it.
Get out of the pool, everyone.
I think if I'm going to pick, I'm going to go with Furry Robbie with the monkey and ghost
story.
No, you're not because I think I want to know.
I want to know why the ghost likes this banana and I really want to know why the monkey likes
the heart and the explosive bomb.
I'm going with the guy who said, meh, Solomon.
Meh.
I agree, Solomon.
Yeah, same.
I would be like, yeah.
Meh.
So if you have not checked out online dating, I don't recommend putting in ages 36 to 45
as your search because that is what you're going to find for the majority.
It is a good time though.
It is very entertaining.
I think you have to have a good mental head space about it and a sense of humor and somebody
like me and intelligence.
To counterbalance somebody like you.
Garly would have said yes to some of them just for the sake of like, that would be so
funny.
Oh my God.
I know.
That's why I said I wouldn't have.
I wouldn't.
I'm not good at it.
I don't think you needed to say that.
I can't.
Victoria, I can't be good at everything.
Look, this was meant to be helpful, but I now understand that it's turned into like a roast.
Because it's hard for me not to.
Whatever your age is, you should, if you want to get out there, you got to get out there.
You have to weed through every man or female.
I don't know what the women's looks like, but according to Eric, it's not great.
It's not great.
So you just have to get out there.
You got to stick to what you want.
You have to know what you want.
I think that was, that's probably my biggest piece of advice.
Know what you want and do not settle for anything else because you don't need to.
Yeah.
Because you're not dead yet.
God damn it.
So if you are online dating, recognize the pros.
Truly recognize the cons.
Make sure that you keep in a good headspace and not get stuck into comparison or that
anxiety or depression about scrolling and swiping or anything like that.
Keep it positive.
Keep it authentic to yourself and keep it honest because that is the only way you're
going to get through and not get sucked in and get burnt out.
And if you need a wing woman, you know where to go.
Yep.
You can fly, fly away, fly away.
And remember, you are always fit to be real and always allowed to be a little extra.
For legal reasons, we have to tell you that this podcast is meant for entertainment and
educational purposes only.
We are not healthcare professionals.
For all of your health, wellness, fitness and self care needs, please refer to the medical
professional in your life.
Your primary care physician, your therapist, a certified coach, whoever it may be.
And then let us know what they say because I guarantee we need to know what to do.
Okay?
Okay, bye.