Welcome to Fit to Be Real and a little extra.
What up?
Well, I was just gonna say that!
I was just gonna say that. I was gonna say, what's up, Carly?
Oh, that would be weird if you said my name.
I was gonna say, what up, dog?
No, that wouldn't be weird at all.
Because we've been sitting here for 30 minutes.
You kind of look like Snoop, actually.
You kind of look like Snoop today.
She's got a gold chain, her hair is slicked back.
She's very string beanie today.
I always wear gold chains.
But it's very, you're very long.
Oh, like I thought she's wearing monochrome blue from head to toe.
So she's, you're very Snoop-ish.
Yes, just call me.
Referred to me as that for the rest of the podcast, please.
Snoop?
Snoop.
I was really hoping you were gonna be like, the O-W-G, but...
I'm not that cool.
Yeah.
And I don't think I could name one Snoop song.
You're Snoop until you open your mouth.
I'm a lot of things to lay up on my mouth.
What are we talking about today?
We're gonna accept moving on.
Okay.
How about that for a segue?
We're talking about uncertainty and Carly already doesn't like how I said that.
I don't.
It's too many T's and too many emphasis.
Ssss.
Emphasize.
Yeah.
Emphasize.
Too many emphasize.
Hold on.
Uncertainty.
Huh?
Uncertainty.
Not uncertainty.
You're just not saying...
You're just...
You're just choosing to not say letters.
I probably am.
Oh.
Inappropriate.
Obvi...
Vito.
No.
Prolly is in a...
But even for the Delco, in all of us, I hate Prolly.
Prolly.
But you don't even say Prolly.
I don't, but...
You don't even type Prolly.
No, I don't.
I say Obvi.
I type Obvi.
I choose to forget that.
But Prolly is a different choice.
I'm saying uncertainty.
Not uncertainty.
You're saying uncertainty.
The uncertainty.
You're like an old smoker from the New York City, circa 1979.
I have a low ballet bun in right now.
Exactly.
I'm a Snoop Dogg or an 80 year old ex-Bellerina.
You are...
Which one is it?
I was going more Estelle.
Oh.
From French.
Yeah.
Joey's...
Manager.
Estelle.
The Uncertainty.
You know?
I feel like everyone agrees with me.
They are very uncertain about what we're about to talk today.
Oh my God, she just made fun of the fact that she said all the letters in the word.
Snoop would be proud.
Okay.
So yes, I am certain we are going to go through with this uncertainty.
Yeah.
Good work.
I'm Victoria.
Hey guys, I'm Carly.
All right, start us off.
None of you have heard the edit that I just killed of the dead air of wondering how to start this.
So Carly's brilliant take on how to begin the episode was to just throw it to me and say start us off.
I am certain that this podcast is always uncertain.
Yes, that is the truth.
We never know what's about to happen and we live in that uncertainty.
But do you though?
No.
You don't like the unknown.
I...
Right?
It keeps me up at night.
That's got deep rules for us.
No, I mean, that's the whole point.
That's why when I was, when we were thinking about like what to do next, this...
Quite literally, I will wake up in the middle of the night.
Do you know when you wake up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom or whatever your eyes pop open?
Then you start thinking of all the bad scenarios that could happen in the future or that could have happened today, but didn't.
I do that.
And I feel like I especially do it since I've had kids.
I don't do that.
You don't do that.
I wake up to go to the bathroom and I think, God damn, I have to go to the bathroom.
And then I go back to bed.
No, I will lay there for not every night and not all the time, but sometimes and just think about all the things in the future that could happen.
If this happens, then this will happen.
But you don't want to admit that you have anxiety?
No, that's sleep talking to myself.
There's a difference.
Oh my God.
I'm sure you're not alone.
I think a lot of people do what you just described.
I'm not one of them.
Yeah, but I think that's pretty common.
I think and I think and this is something that's completely opinion based, but I think that's like more these days because people know more about what's going on in the world and the bad things, not even just the good things, because I think the bad things are always louder.
So we know more of what's going on overseas.
We know more of what's going on domestically here in the United States.
We know more of the bad things that are going on overseas.
We know more of what people are portraying on Instagram that are actually true influencers and all that stuff.
Fake news.
Yeah, fake news.
So like, I think there's a piece of that I can't talk about the mother part.
I think that just comes with having a kid.
Right.
Yeah, I think it's just it elevates your worry of like, I worry and get anxious about myself and like myself situation, myself situations, but also now I worry about just like, you know, the kids.
And the pool in the summer now and what if this happens and what if this happens?
What is happening in the middle of the night about the pool that brings you to worry about the pool?
Do you know what I mean?
I think half sleeping and half.
So your dreams are worrying?
No, and half worrying about the next day.
Right.
Like always worrying about the future.
That's anxiety.
The future.
Yeah.
So definition of the term anxiety projecting future happenings and events that have not happened.
And you but in a negative way.
Right.
And there was a study done that 85, hold on, I wrote it down because I was like, what 85% of what humans worry about never happens.
Yeah.
85%.
That's a lot of percent.
Yeah.
Never happens.
Isn't that crazy?
That's horrible.
I know.
Because we live in our thoughts and we live in a made up world that we project because you make up scenarios in your head too.
And then you, yeah, I mean, I don't know anybody that does that, but like, you know, you could make up scenarios in your head and overplay them in your head until it, you know, doesn't actually come to fruition.
Yeah, your friend, you know, your friend is really good at that.
But yes, so we're going to talk about how to acknowledge that and find awareness in the moments that you are feeling this worry pang of the future or, you know, maybe something's happening where you have to make a decision.
And the worry comes from, am I making the right decision?
Like sometimes I think that's usually mine.
I always want to make the correct decision.
I don't care which one it is.
Just let's do the correct one.
And that's a part of uncertainty.
Not necessarily.
I'm afraid of like what you're talking about.
I'm afraid of what's going to happen at the pool tomorrow.
I'm afraid of, okay, well, should I go to the pool or should I go hiking?
Which one?
I got to pick the right one.
You know what I mean?
Yeah, decision making.
And I think a lot of people lately because the news is always on, Instagram is always open.
You have what I call busy town in your brain.
It's constantly going and a lot of it's negative.
And there's uncertainty.
The housing market is horrible.
People are trying to buy houses.
You know, people are getting sick.
People, you know, COVID just happened.
There was so much uncertainty with COVID.
Nobody knew what was going on.
You are living every single day being like, what?
I don't know what tomorrow is going to bring.
And that's hard to live in.
To live in the I don't know is scary to me.
I hate not knowing.
But that's life.
No, I know.
No, you don't know.
No, I know.
It's really don't know.
I need to learn how to deal with living in an uncertain time, which, listen, the 50s were uncertain.
The 60s were uncertain.
It's never not going to be uncertain.
The world is going to hell in a handbasket.
There you go.
Okay.
And for lack of a better phrase, the world is crazy right now.
But is it crazier today than it was like when they were talking about the atomic bomb?
Well, it's relative.
It's all relative.
Yeah.
So it's never going to change in 50 years.
It's going to be a crazy uncertain time.
So then what are you stressing out about?
Because it's very hard not to live in that anxiety written, like what's tomorrow going to bring?
What's six months from now going to bring?
You got to figure out how to live in the now so you don't constantly fear the future.
Yeah.
Acceptance is the first step.
But that's so true because you really do.
I mean, you have to accept and we'll talk about it, which I don't know what you got in your little research book over there.
I have so much.
You, yeah, she does.
She flipped through like pages and handwriting.
That's the first thing we've done that in a long time.
I know.
You really care about this.
I do.
I'm happy for you.
I think living in fear, which we'll talk about, which is anxiety, which is not accepting.
It's resisting.
Right.
So, yeah, you want to accept and not resist.
So we'll get into it.
This is basically what I spent 200 hours of yoga training talking about.
Really?
Like truly this detachment.
Detachment and being doesn't mean that you don't care.
It's not resignation.
It's not resigning to like, it is what it is.
It's a little bit, it is what it is, but more in a present.
I'm a present in this moment.
It will be what it will be.
Yeah.
It is what it is.
Sounds negative.
It is what it is.
Yeah.
Mom never let us say it.
No.
She did not like it is what it is.
And I think that does have like a, I don't care.
Yeah.
Like a little bit more aloof, but not in a positive way.
And so, you know, accepting that like this moment we're sitting here, we're talking,
conversation that will happen.
So conversation that's going to happen and it's going to be great.
Yeah.
Like accepting the moment it at hand is detachment.
And I think a lot of people think, which is not resisting to change or transition or
the expectations that we have.
Because that's what you're talking about in the middle of the night.
And so, you know, you're going to have to expect things.
Well, maybe I'm wrong.
So tell me if I'm wrong.
You're, you expect something to happen a certain way, but then your mind goes, and if it doesn't
happen that way, it's going to go this bad place.
Yes.
That's exactly the way that it could go.
Yeah.
So you're also accepting or expecting the negative situation as well.
But it's never the, no, what if it all turns out well, my mind never goes to the positive
first.
I want it to.
I want myself to do that, which we'll talk about today.
Some tips on how to help yourself go to the positive instead of the negative.
And I'm not a negative person, but the, no, you're not.
When it comes to worrying about my family or my kids, I am a very sort of smotherer.
I owe a hoverer.
Yes.
Name more.
I don't know anymore.
Oh, we can just put it together.
I am a hoverer, smotherer, mother.
I am.
I definitely am because I'm so afraid that something's going to happen to them that if
I'm there, I can control it.
You can control nothing.
And that's what we're going to talk about.
Yeah.
So let's talk about it.
One of the first ways to help create certainty in an uncertain situation or your life in
general is you really need to watch what you consume.
And that doesn't mean just food.
That is a part of it.
Healthy food, healthy diet, exercise, breathe, meditate, that's all part of it.
But what you're watching and what you're looking at, what you're consuming daily, even if it's
on in the background, is all a part of the uncertainty.
The news.
If you are an anxiety-ridden warrior, you have to turn it off.
Yeah.
You have to turn it off.
And it's never positive.
Social media.
I was reading that someone said, unfollow even your friends.
If their stories or their posts make you feel bad about yourself and that is only you will
know that, unfollow them.
The less you see it, the less you'll feel bad.
Even if it's positive for them, maybe it makes you feel bad about yourself.
That's true.
And that might sound like you're being jealous or something, but it's not.
It's just cracking away at all the negativity and controlling what is consuming you.
Yeah, really, that's all it is.
I agree.
So turn the...
I'm not a news watcher.
No.
It scares me.
It doesn't scare me.
It's just how much darkness can you take in when life is already pretty dark?
And this, I did read that there's 7.5 billion people in the world.
I mean, I can't really even fathom that number.
But there's a lot more good things and good people in the world than there are bad, but
we're only consuming the bad.
Yeah.
The good are not as loud as the bad.
Right.
There's no such...
Well, there was during COVID.
I was gonna say there's no good news.
It's always something bad.
What was his name?
Tom Grzinski.
Huh?
Not Tom.
John Grzinski.
Yeah.
It was the good news.
Yeah.
And he would do like a YouTube video weekly or whatever about all the good things that
happened that week.
And I used to watch it because I was like, oh my gosh.
It was my favorite.
It was funny and it was also very positive, but we don't watch that.
It soon as the world got back to life, that kind of went away.
Right.
So I like it.
Consumption.
Mm-hmm.
Taking the healthy mental meals as well as the physical healthy meals.
Yeah.
And I like to do them and gloom, unfollow the news, unfollow it all.
Another tip to try and help you live in a more certain stable feeling is I really liked
this analogy.
It was called a peace filter to find your peace.
Peace like, peace fingers, not P-I-E-C-E.
Yeah.
A peace.
P-E-A-C-E.
And I'm gonna do it right now.
Why does the tongue have to come out though?
Because when I do a double peace finger, I like, you have to, and you're squinting an
eye.
Yeah.
It's like the Miley Cyrus or like the emoji.
Well there's definitely not an emoji of this.
And I think if there isn't an emoji, you should probably stray from doing it in real
life as well.
But you continue the peace filter.
And what that means is think of yourself as a coffee filter.
Okay.
A literal, you know what it looks like.
It's white, you put the grounds in and the coffee comes out, but the grounds stay in the
filter.
Right.
You want to find your peace.
You are the coffee.
Of course you are the coffee because coffee is the greatest thing on earth.
You want the hot water and the coffee.
That is your peace.
The grounds get to be thrown away.
So how you find your peace, how you find your coffee is up to you.
And then it's really hard how to do that, but you have to filter it.
So if that's stop consuming the negative, if that's stop, you know, eating unhealthy
because the toxins are making you feel bad about yourself, which is making you feel bad
about life, like you have to find your peace.
There's something by a nonning moose that says if it's not, I'm going to paraphrase
the cursing, but if it's not a hell yeah, it's a hell no.
Yeah.
If you don't immediately feel drawn or happy about something or even just determined about
something, then it's scrap it.
Get rid of it.
Say no to it.
You've made the decision.
And that I think is a really good, I think it's a piece of that peace filter where that's
a coffee ground.
Yeah.
It's not saying yes, that's a no.
There you go.
Then you go into this, this section of life or you get completely eliminated.
And I think for you, that's the point you were making about making a decision.
Like you either have to make it, but there's no in between make it and be like, yes, I'm
excited or no, like it's done.
I'm moving on.
Well, I pay the anxiety cost.
You know what that is?
No.
So it's expensive.
It's super expensive.
Can I afford it?
No.
No, but you do it too.
And I think a lot of people do it.
So it's the theory, I'll keep it short is that say it is, let's talk about decisions.
So I have to make a decision and I'm presented with this decision on Monday.
You gotta make this decision A or B.
And I have to make it by Friday.
Well, instead of just making it on Monday with what feels good to me and saying yes
to one of those two options, I wait till Thursday night.
But my anxiety cost, the price I pay is ruining my Monday night, my Tuesday, my Wednesday,
and my Thursday.
Carly's raising her hand very high.
It's me.
We all do that and it's called the anxiety cost.
And we do it with procrastination like chores we have to do or emails we have to send.
Anything that I would say, anything that you can't just do right off the bat without thinking,
it's something that you don't want to do.
Yeah.
Like I've done that with emails.
I'm like, I'll get back to them.
I'll get back to them because I'm procrastinating for some reason, depending on what it is.
I don't know.
And that you pay that cost in between.
So, stealing your life.
Exactly.
And that tax.
You cannot afford it.
You can afford it.
It is too expensive.
And if it's too expensive and it costs you your peace, you've got to let it go.
So that it's just another piece of that peace filter, which I really like the coffee analogy.
Who doesn't love coffee?
But if you just deal with it, the moment it happens, however, it aligns with you.
And these are all words that people are like, eh, trigger, align, accept, let go, anxiety
cross, but it's all true.
It's all real.
If it doesn't feel like it's aligning with something that feels good to you, it's a no.
When you say align, I immediately think of the stars, like aligning in a line.
And then I go to a different place and you're hippie, hippie spot.
Oh, but that's a really good thing to think of.
Because what if what if the thing that doesn't align, it's supposed to fit in that star star
path and it doesn't align and you're trying to.
So that's how you know it's not aligning.
And it's like, well, then that star is meant for a different galaxy.
It's not meant for mine.
All right, I'm with you.
Yeah, moving on.
Next tip.
Okay.
So this is going to sound super silly and like, duh.
Wait, so you're the net?
Yeah.
Duh.
You have to match the uncertainty with certainty.
Doesn't that sound silly?
Because you're like, yeah, duh.
I don't think silly is the word.
You have to match.
You have to match the uncertainty with your certainty.
So nothing external.
You can do anything about.
This is all about control.
It's all internal.
You can only control what you can control the world, the news, social media, everything
out there, you cannot control it.
So you need to match with every uncertainty that you have.
If you wrote a list down, you need to write a list of all the things you are absolutely
certain about and guaranteed they will be all things that are internal.
The internal things match the external.
The internal is the only thing you can control.
Yeah, you can't control other people.
It's impossible.
It's not silly.
But by saying, yeah, duh, we need to match uncertainty with certainty and then it will
be all even and then I'll be certain again.
Like no.
Well, my mathematician friend, John Allen Paulos, Johnny P, he said uncertainty is the
only certainty there is.
And knowing how to live with insecurity is the only security.
Yeah.
That's so hard.
It's the same thing.
It's so hard.
It's so hard, Johnny P.
See, that was sillier.
So we know the gauge of silliness, that was sillier.
But it's so true because life is completely uncertain 100 percent of the time.
If you want to put a number and a percentage on things, 100 percent of the time is uncertain.
I hate that because I am a planner and I like to plan.
You're a fool.
I know.
I know because, you know, it never works out that way.
And a lot of times it works out better.
Yeah, that's true.
You don't think about that.
That's so true.
What is that phrase when one door closes and another opens?
That's exactly what it is.
All the things I had planned for in my life did not happen.
They happened a better way.
But they did.
Right.
But because it's all in your mind.
It's all how you look at things.
And this is all about, you know, control and stress and anxiety comes from thinking and
worrying about what you can't control, which is a lot.
You can't control a lot.
And that's what we worry about.
Yeah.
So it's really all about like living in the moment, which is hard for a lot of people,
myself included.
Yeah.
You have to be present.
And so you have to accept.
First you have to accept, right?
And that means you have to surrender.
You have to surrender to the resistance and the friction of change.
Because everything that we're talking about, no matter what situation it is, decision,
event, it's about change.
Something's changing.
And that's where the anxiety comes from.
So you have to accept just kind of giving up the control to it.
And that's just being present in the moment and not worrying, being like, you know what,
I'm aware that I'm very anxious about this.
I am going to choose to not be in my head right now and I'm going to be at this birthday
party.
Yeah.
So I was just going to say, you have to live in the present moment.
So you've got to be in the moment and you have to detach.
So a good way to start doing that.
Because a lot of what we're saying is like, that's nice.
How do you do it though?
Right.
Like I said earlier, you have to name the anxiety.
Just like we feel like we've said this a lot.
You have to name it like Betty like Betty, like our friend, Betty.
I think we've named our anxiety Betty before in an episode.
We.
Yeah, I think we've made a lot of things.
Betty.
We do love a good Betty white.
So Betty white, I'm going to choose that.
It's Betty white.
Okay.
You have to name it.
You have to be like, all right, this is Betty.
This is not me right now.
I'm going to choose to put that aside and be here.
And by being in the moment and putting Betty to the wayside for the moment.
The solution will present itself because you can't focus.
You can't get the result that you need by focusing on the obstacle that's in its way.
It's like trying to show you.
OK, so that door you're talking about. Yeah.
What you want is on the other side of that door.
And there's another door, right?
That one's open. Yeah.
But you're worried about this closed door and the handles burning.
And you're just trying to touch the handle and open the handle and get through the door.
But there's another door right there.
So what you do in that moment is you step away from that door and that really hot handle.
And you're like, OK, I'm aware that this door is here.
I'm going to take a moment.
And in that moment, you'll probably look to the right and see that open door.
Right. Because you're taking a second to breathe.
Right. And then be like, oh,
actually, here's where we're going to go.
Here's the better solution.
And then it works out for everybody.
It just is a different door. That one's blue.
This one's red.
That is really interesting that you just said that too,
because what I was going to say next is that fear creates uncertainty.
Right. And if what I researched,
we're going to send you the podcast link because I really like this guy's name,
Daniel, he's awesome.
And he made it in terms that I understood.
Yeah. Because a lot of the times people talk about this all the time.
Yeah, there are 10,000 podcasts on uncertainty.
But if you don't say it in words or
yeah, what are you talking about?
Like a metaphor and alibi that you can understand.
It means nothing.
Is there a podcast for dummies?
You know, those books, like something for dummies, uncertainty for dummies.
That would be so great.
Yeah, I already said it.
It's called match certainty with uncertainty.
I think the book is empty.
You buy it and there's nothing on the pages.
But anyway, what did Danny say?
Fear creates uncertainty.
So when you feel that stress and that anxiety, when you're opening that hot door
and you can't get through and you're burning your hand, you need to do what
Victoria said, take a step back and ask yourself, am I safe?
Yeah, just ask that one question.
Am I safe?
You're at a kid's birthday party and you're like thinking about the future.
Stop for a second and say, am I safe?
Yeah, I am.
I'm at a kid's birthday party with my family.
You know, I'm thinking about five days from now when I have to make that decision
or thinking about what could happen in the situation.
But I'm safe right now.
Luckily, because not everybody can say that.
There's a lot of people that can't say that.
So you say, am I safe?
Yes. Go take a walk for 15 minutes in the sun.
Guaranteed when you come back, you will feel so much better.
And well, when you're on that walk, you have to think about all the things you are
certain about.
Well, the book, OK, I'm sorry.
That was Betty talking.
I really went for it.
Betty's a cartoon.
Go big or go home.
Then on the WB.
But yeah, that's the truth.
And if you're thinking about a certain situation, you're saying, OK, guys,
that's really great.
But my fear and anxiety and my uncertainties, I don't know how I'm to pay my rent
next week. I have no idea how I'm going to pay my rent.
You ask yourself, am I safe?
Yes, I'm safe.
Once you're in that safe space, then you can focus on how to take action
to pay the bills.
Well, if I do this, then this is going to happen.
If I do this, then this can happen and then it will work out.
But if you are in a frantic state of craziness worrying, then no,
you're going to live in that uncertainty field where you can't get out of it.
It's like literally like a corn maze.
Yeah. You know, and you can't get out of it.
So if you just take, as the kids say, take a beat, I know, give me a beat.
Then your focus will be back and you will figure out how to control to create
certainty. It's just really hard to do.
Yeah. Good way to do that is to breathe,
which really is another word for grounding and centering yourself.
That being safe that you're talking about.
Yes, just centering yourself and centering yourself is putting yourself in the room
that you're in instead of in your head.
And it's hard.
That's all it is.
And that's so if you've ever taken a yoga class, that's why you breathe in the
beginning. What?
What do you think we're doing in the beginning of yoga?
Like warming up, getting ready.
But you're not even doing that.
So when he says breathe, you're like,
I'm a guy.
What are we going to do?
Doing downward dog.
So maybe sorry, Tyler.
Next time.
And Tyler's like, I give up on you.
Yeah, I think he has.
He's actually yelling right now.
That's so true.
I know.
But you're a great breather.
No, false.
He's lying.
He's a very nice person.
He's lying.
So in the beginning of every yoga class, you do something called Pratiyahara.
And it's basically that sounds great.
But what I want to say is Maria.
Maria.
That's what I heard.
Maria.
Say it again.
Pratiyahara.
Oh, my gosh.
Pratiyahara.
You guys are all saying that too.
I know you were.
She was like, Pratiyahara.
It's the art of withdrawing from the external chaos, i.e.
Carly. That is what it means.
It's tuning inward
and silencing the chaos around you.
I just snorted.
You sure did.
There are veins popping out of places that I didn't think she had in her head and her neck.
You're so pleased with yourself.
That is clever.
But no, yes, no, yes.
I say, take a beat.
It's called ground.
Yeah, it's all the same thing.
And you slow your breath down.
If you slow your breath down, you're going to slow your heart rate down.
So that anxiety and that fear elevate your heart.
No matter what you don't have to be running for that.
So if you breathe, it slows it all down.
Then you're able to think a little bit clearer
and you can decide that you're safe in that moment and then make the next
decision or the next action from there.
So it's not rocket science.
No. And that's what I'm trying to say.
Like everybody can do this, but it's as Victoria says, it's a practice.
Like it really is.
You have to practice.
It's not just going to pop into your head one day and be like, I'm going to be this person now.
Like it obviously takes work.
The action part is what you can control and that I was thinking about this earlier this morning.
Yeah, the action.
The action is the most important part because you that's what you can control.
So if you are into politics and you're not happy with how the world is going in politics.
Now, we're not going to get into politics, but what's your action?
Vote.
Right.
That's the action.
Right.
That's what you can control.
You can't control what other people think you can't control other people's opinions,
but you can't control what works you up in a conversation about politics.
What you can control is voting.
So do that.
Right.
And let that be that.
Right.
You know, instead of worrying about it for the next couple, whatever.
My boy Anana Moose is back.
And I saw this online and it says the secret to happiness is letting every situation be
what it is instead of what you think it should be.
Yeah.
And then making the best of that.
So that's another way to say it is what it is.
It'll be what it'll be.
But letting go of what you think something should be doing and what someone should be doing.
Settle into the fact that what's happening right now is this is great.
This is what's happening.
This is where I am.
This is the safe place that I'm in and then move on from there.
Yeah.
Because you can't certainly can't go backwards.
Can't take any steps back and try to make the decision different.
And you might not want to.
We never we never should want to sometimes we do want to.
But yeah, it's if you let go of what you think things should be.
And then from what you think things should be, you worry about what they probably won't be.
Right.
And then that gets you into that spiral.
And I think, well, I know that the
prove it, prove it.
I'm not saying I do it, but personal development and something I'm working on.
But personal development is the prove it.
Just kidding.
Dead serious, but keep going.
I swear I work on it.
Sometimes not when you're sleeping.
No, but this is going to help me sleep.
This is going to help me sleep.
Yeah.
What is it?
Personal development.
I hope you spit your coffee out is the only thing we can control.
Working on ourselves is how we control the uncertainty in our lives.
How is your mental health?
How is your physical health?
How is your mindfulness?
All of those things are things that you need to work on to create certainty in your life.
Right.
To be able to take action to create more uncertainty.
But you can't create the certainty without working on yourself first.
It comes from the internal so that you can create certainty in the external.
And this analogy was really good.
And I liked it a lot.
If you knew in seven months from now that you needed to fight in like a ring,
be a fighter, would you do nothing and worry about it for seven months?
Right.
Or would you take action and prepare your mind, your body, physically,
everything you needed to do so that you crushed it in seven months?
Right.
Hopefully you would do that.
So your life should be preparing for these moments that you're uncertain about.
You need to be preparing for them and you need to prepare from the inside so that
the external won't bother you so much.
I would venture to say if you do this preparation for uncertainty,
uncertainty won't even come around.
It wouldn't be a thing.
It wouldn't exist because you'd be OK.
Yeah, you'd be OK.
It's yeah, I like that.
That's true.
Like I hope you wouldn't just sit there for seven months and worry about anxiety
cost right there and then get killed in the fight, you know,
because you didn't prepare.
Yeah, you would get killed.
Oh, 100 percent, because I would worry for seven months.
But, you know, that's what we should be doing.
Awareness is first step.
But by making yourself stronger and putting in the work on yourself,
I mean, that's how you create certainty in your life.
No one else can create that for you but yourself.
Right.
Yeah.
Are you done with your tips?
I'm done with my tips.
So basically ask yourself, am I safe?
Figure out how to focus on the one thing
that you can control to create more control and focus on yourself.
Really put the work in on yourself.
Say that again about control.
Am I safe?
Focus on the things that you can control on yourself so that you can add more and
more things that you are in control of, like basically add to your list.
The more you focus and work on yourself,
the more things you can be certain about and you want a lot of things to be certain about.
But aren't we saying that life is uncertain?
Yes.
But within yourself,
you want to be able to control your mind and your physical
ness and your health.
You want to be able to control that within yourself.
I'm not talking about like tomorrow's plans.
Right.
I'm talking about you want to have a list of certainties within yourself.
Right.
So that the mental space, the physical space, we're going to bypass your
physicalness or whatever you just said.
Physicalness, not a word.
You said something.
I don't even think it was physicalness.
I told myself to remember it and then I got sidetracked.
It's OK because you can go back and listen to it.
It's your dream of I will replay audio.
Right now.
Physicalness.
So, yeah, yeah, I agree.
I agree.
I was confused about the word control because control has such, I think, a negative.
And to me, it is control is negative because you can't control anything.
But you can completely
put awareness, I guess, is how my brain wants to think of it of your personal
growth and of what you're doing internally, which is the same thing as
controlling the things you can control and letting go of the things that you can
control. Basically, this whole podcast, we just needed to say that first sentence
that Victoria said that they say in.
That they say, I think they say in a acceptance.
Yes, we could have ended there.
We could have been done and your car ride would have been a lot less silent.
But, you know, that's that's really all it is, is accepting that you cannot see
the future and still let it happen.
And that's what I was talking about with detachment.
See, I think detachment is a negative word.
No, but that's because you're very attached to things.
You are you practice attachment.
I love attaching.
Yes. So attaching is the evilness.
So when I detach, it's very sad for me.
Detaching is just awareness.
It's another word for awareness and acceptance,
because you're detaching from the outcome.
You're you're letting go of that expectation of,
you know, it's like what you tell with kids, don't worry about who wins.
Just go have fun.
Yeah, don't worry about who wins.
Have a great game.
Have a good time.
Play with your friends.
Why is life not like that?
Why do we not say that to adults?
Don't worry about the outcome.
Just go have fun.
Do a great presentation.
Whatever happens happens.
Right.
If they don't pick up what you're putting down, oh, well,
then there'll be another opportunity to to do your Excel spreadsheet
and to make the PowerPoint and sell the pitch to somebody else.
Yeah, but we don't do that as adults.
So detachment, it's really just that.
All right, you want to get nitty gritty with it here.
Don't say gritty.
So detach.
We're from Philly, but yeah, don't say gritty.
Say physicalness, but don't.
So there's a guru named Patanjali,
which is very delco of me to say, but I'm going to say it so Carly
doesn't sing anymore.
Yada, you're here.
So Patanjali, most likely, but Angelina Patanjali.
How dare you?
This is blasphemous.
Everybody was thinking of it.
May Krishna come down on you.
Oh, I'm Mary Krishna.
No.
Harry Krishna.
Yes, Hade Krishna.
Harry.
OK.
He's the father of modern yoga.
He wrote this book called The Yoga Sutras, and it's basically the lesson
plan on how to detach and and reach enlightenment, which is just being like
your authentic self and not quite frankly, quote unquote, not giving a damn.
Yeah.
Explicit.
So what what it how he describes it in this first chapter is detachment is the
conscious mastery to your consciously choosing to be the best that you can be
over the control of desire.
Of yeah, because it's desire of the outcome.
It's desire of what it says is objects seen, so material items, objects perceived
and objects heard, which is emotions, thoughts, beliefs, ideas.
And it's just consciously being aware and detaching yourself from caring about
that outcome.
Right.
That's what detachment is.
It's not.
I don't care about you.
It's not caring.
Right.
It's not caring about the outcome.
And that's what detachment is, detaching from people, right?
Outcomes, from expectations.
And if you detach, then there's no opportunity for the fear of the future.
Right.
Just the same like you said, just go have fun.
Right.
Just go be yourself.
Well, you're good at saying that to other people.
I'm great at it.
I was just thinking about how Melody was like, I'm so nervous at the recital, at
the dance recital.
Right.
And I was like, Melody, you know this, just go have fun.
Yeah.
Just go have fun.
It's so easy to tell somebody else that had we known what we know now, but that's
just not how life works.
It's not.
How about it?
The uncertainty of knowing what we know now, but we didn't know back then.
That's uncertainty.
Paradi, I hear Paradi.
Yeah.
It's hard.
Yeah.
It's really hard.
I do think I'll give all the loving parents out there.
Not a pass, but it's hard.
You create this second cord to your life.
Just an expansion of you.
Yeah.
But then they make you cut the cord when they're born.
Well, you technically still haven't done that.
But yes, they make you physical in this cut the cord.
But but you have these expansions of yourself.
That is really hard to not
worry that they're safe and that they're OK and that when they go to school,
they're OK and they're safe.
And when they go to that party birthday party for the first time without parents,
that they're safe and that they're OK.
I get those little moments.
I totally get it.
It's really hard to be like, you're going here.
I'm good.
You'll be fine.
Everything's been good.
Some people are like that, and some people have an easier time doing that
than my hub or mother or mother.
Yeah, some people do.
Most people, some people do.
But I'm just saying, I agree that when it comes to taking care of little lives
around you that you have created or that you are loving.
There is a piece of internal worry that is that comes with having a having kit.
It's hard to shut that off.
That off and that is where that awareness piece of like naming Betty and Betty's
little sister comes into play and like taking that moment to be like, they are safe.
Yeah. Relax.
So I hate the word relax.
I can't believe I just said that.
I hate when people tell me to really nothing good happens when you tell somebody to.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, that escalated so quickly.
Oh my God.
I just went.
I spiraled. I spiraled.
It's so hot in here.
I spiraled. Oh my God.
That was so.
I got really angry at myself for saying relax because I am crying.
I sure did.
I hate when people tell me to relax.
Absolutely nothing good happens.
Do you relax when somebody says relax?
Hey, relax. Oh, OK.
Yeah. Well, not when it's a command.
I really like this character voice you have today.
The does and the OK.
You're very you've got like a big character suit on or something.
Oh my God. It's furry.
It's furry. Yeah, obviously.
It's got fangs. Yeah.
But but seriously, you just I'm going to try and take this back a second.
Oh,
they are safe. You have to remember that they are safe.
Live in that they are safe.
You cannot.
Yes, you can try and protect them, but you cannot predict the future.
So you you prepare and do as much as you can to prepare for the uncertain with them,
without them and and you know,
what a lack of a better word it is what it is.
And, you know, that's what it is.
Because what are you going to do?
Keep them from going down the bouncy house slide because they could possibly
hurt themselves at the end.
Like, no, you can't let them miss out on having childhood fun because,
you know, as an adult, there's opportunity to hurt themselves.
Right.
Because then they're not living a life and you're just wanting them to live the
life that you have lived.
Yeah. And that's not the point of kids or put them in a bubble.
So.
We've gone so far and then it's over.
And then you go backwards.
It's a work in progress.
Work harder.
It's a life journey.
Life faster.
It's so hard.
But I'm trying.
What is meant for you will not pass you by.
Let them.
I actually was thinking that when you did your last monologue,
I was like, you know what?
This is an episode about the let them theory.
You like I hate you.
Well, you're certain about that.
So that's good.
But this is the let them theory.
If it's if it is something that's presenting itself where you can stress about it,
try saying let them let them if it's
the job opportunity you didn't interview.
What if they don't hire me?
Let them let them not hire you.
Yeah.
Something else will work out.
You didn't get invited to the small reunion of your high school friends.
Let them let them hang out.
Yeah.
There's a reason you didn't go.
You're never going to know the reason.
And there's no reason to force yourself into it.
Right.
So the let them theory is very true.
And you should all look that up on your end because I'm not going to talk about that now.
It's too long.
But the let them just let them and maybe them just means life.
Let it.
Yeah.
Let it happen.
Let it happen and go with the flow.
Ride the wave.
I mean, all the all the phrases.
Tomorrow is not promised.
And that's a big one.
I got one from my man, Leigh Iacocca.
What?
He was very woka.
He was.
Do you know who that is?
No.
Do you know the name Leigh Iacocca?
I feel like I went to high school with a dick.
Oh, if you went to high school with Leigh Iacocca, you are doing great.
I just want to keep saying the name Leigh Iacocca.
I knew his name.
He's an executive that created a lot of the Ford.
Oh, yeah, deaf, deaf, no.
And oh, oh, yeah.
OK, you definitely didn't go to high school with Leigh Iacocca.
So he said, so what do we do?
Anything, something so long as we just don't sit there.
Because if you screw it up, you could start over and try something else.
And if we wait until we're satisfied with all the uncertainties, it'll be too late.
Oh boy.
If you wait on the risk, like because there is risk, right?
Right.
You're missing it.
It's over.
It's done.
I miss it.
And I'm obviously all of the big people that created the best inventions that we
use now, right, the light bulb, you know, electricity, the phone,
they took risks.
Right.
Nobody knew if it was going to work.
They just tried.
So I was while you were saying that I was just thinking,
you know, we didn't create electricity or the phone.
I don't know. We're pretty electric.
Yeah.
Dun, dun, dun, dun, dun.
But we, I do think, are very good in
ignoring the risk and going for it.
And that's when it comes to business, when it comes to see fit.
We, every single thing that we do, we go, it doesn't matter.
Just do it. Just we'll just do it and see what happens.
And we're still open.
And we're still open 13 years later.
So I'm going to pat ourselves on the back for that because as much as we worry
about the future and what it might and what it might bring,
we do have this little innate sense in us that goes, just do it.
Like, you know, just we'll figure it out.
That's our little Leigh Iocoka in all of us.
I went to school with Leigha de Coca.
Oh, my God.
Nope.
Anyway, just do it like Nike.
Like Nike.
Be like Nike.
Well, we are all out of quotes.
We are certain about that.
And I really think this is a good
practice for all of us because life is a practice.
There is no one out there that knows what they're doing.
Do you remember being little and being like, oh, the 30 year olds,
they got it made.
Yeah, they know what's going on.
It's like the biggest joke of them all.
It's it is it is a hilarious joke.
So with that said,
remember that you're always and truly in every sense of these words,
you are always fit to be real and always allowed to be a little extra.
No, I really like how you said that.
I was feeling it.
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We are not health care professionals.
For all of your health, wellness, fitness and self care needs,
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And then let us know what they say because I guarantee we need to know what to.
OK.
OK, bye.