1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:03,200 Welcome to fit to be real and a little extra 2 00:00:04,120 --> 00:00:06,120 Carly has 3 00:00:06,160 --> 00:00:08,160 shockingly 4 00:00:08,200 --> 00:00:11,880 Decided on this today's topic because Carly is the worst 5 00:00:13,200 --> 00:00:15,200 communicator in the world I 6 00:00:16,560 --> 00:00:18,560 Communicate that I agree with that 7 00:00:19,600 --> 00:00:22,040 Does that help I don't you're using it wrong? 8 00:00:22,840 --> 00:00:25,200 we are talking about communication and 9 00:00:25,200 --> 00:00:32,340 Assertiveness which we both struggle with yes, I think you're better at assertiveness 10 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:35,120 than I am 11 00:00:35,400 --> 00:00:38,600 Don't you think I you get your point across pretty well 12 00:00:39,600 --> 00:00:42,220 It depends if I'm stressed or if I'm like 13 00:00:43,280 --> 00:00:48,760 Overwhelmed then I can it's for anybody that's hard to articulate. Yeah, I fear in the middle of something 14 00:00:48,760 --> 00:00:51,260 Yeah, I get aggressiveness and assertiveness 15 00:00:51,260 --> 00:00:54,940 Confused yes in my mind and you 16 00:00:56,100 --> 00:00:58,100 Where else would it be? 17 00:01:00,220 --> 00:01:02,540 Wait a second we need to know what else you have 18 00:01:05,300 --> 00:01:10,340 Even when you are you or someone else is assertive you think it's aggressive right? 19 00:01:10,340 --> 00:01:16,540 I immediately take it as aggressiveness and then therefore I am not assertive because I don't want people to think I'm aggressive 20 00:01:16,540 --> 00:01:21,540 But they're very different and we're gonna talk about that because it's very very important 21 00:01:21,540 --> 00:01:26,320 I also want to point out that Carly wanted to do the episode on grudges and fighting and now 22 00:01:26,740 --> 00:01:34,780 Communication assertiveness so there's so much happening here. I'm trying to better myself. I appreciate it. I'm assertive 23 00:01:35,500 --> 00:01:39,940 No, no, no, all right. We'll figure it out. You've your an ass 24 00:01:43,660 --> 00:01:45,660 Mom 25 00:01:45,660 --> 00:01:48,640 Victoria's word as s I'm sorry 26 00:01:55,700 --> 00:01:58,300 I'm Victoria. Hey guys, I'm Carly 27 00:02:00,940 --> 00:02:02,940 Listen I am 28 00:02:04,260 --> 00:02:06,180 Known to be 29 00:02:06,180 --> 00:02:08,180 the worst communicator in 30 00:02:08,740 --> 00:02:12,080 The family I think I am not good at it. I 31 00:02:12,080 --> 00:02:14,080 I 32 00:02:14,120 --> 00:02:18,360 Communicating I just ignore. Yeah, why I don't know I 33 00:02:19,240 --> 00:02:25,880 Avoid not ignore. It's there. I avoid it. Why I don't know ask me again 34 00:02:25,880 --> 00:02:28,320 We're gonna yell at your therapist and they say why Carly? 35 00:02:29,360 --> 00:02:31,360 Geez, I don't know 36 00:02:31,760 --> 00:02:33,760 If I knew I'd be better 37 00:02:34,760 --> 00:02:37,000 Right well, that's not true 38 00:02:37,000 --> 00:02:45,000 I'm necessarily I think you are a way better communicator than I am you get your point across and 39 00:02:45,520 --> 00:02:48,020 Everybody knows how you're feeling. I think I 40 00:02:49,480 --> 00:02:52,500 Don't express myself well 41 00:02:53,840 --> 00:02:55,840 I like how hard it was for you to say that 42 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:59,960 I don't like to think anything bad about myself. I 43 00:03:01,480 --> 00:03:04,280 But that's okay, and that's what we're gonna talk about because 44 00:03:04,280 --> 00:03:07,220 All of your thoughts are wrong 45 00:03:09,280 --> 00:03:12,960 And I would venture to say I wasn't always 46 00:03:13,760 --> 00:03:15,600 particulate and 47 00:03:15,600 --> 00:03:19,480 Anything like that. I had a wall. Yes, you could always tell 48 00:03:20,160 --> 00:03:26,620 My emotion because I couldn't hide my face. You can't hide your face. I still can't I can very well hide my face 49 00:03:26,620 --> 00:03:34,620 You can yes, absolutely. That's why people think you are nicer and happier and I don't know kinder 50 00:03:35,820 --> 00:03:39,960 If you went to Victoria's class last night, you would not agree, but I smiled the whole time 51 00:03:39,980 --> 00:03:45,820 You my mom always said to me it looks good kill. Oh my god. You're right. Oh, that just came back to me 52 00:03:45,820 --> 00:03:50,500 That's all she would say to me and it's true because I can't hide it on my face 53 00:03:51,420 --> 00:03:55,580 Which is a filter I need to work on sometimes sometimes you have to work on that 54 00:03:55,580 --> 00:04:00,980 But because we're gonna talk about body language and expressions and that's a big piece of communication 55 00:04:00,980 --> 00:04:04,860 I think as I get older, I'm I'm better at choosing words 56 00:04:06,020 --> 00:04:11,580 Choose your words wisely. Yeah, you should just have to pick words. I just have to pick them 57 00:04:11,580 --> 00:04:15,460 Yeah, just say anything. I just usually give the stare and the smile 58 00:04:16,260 --> 00:04:18,580 My gosh when she gets like 59 00:04:18,580 --> 00:04:26,060 Jessica day reindeer dole eyes. Yep, just walk away. Yep walk away. Yep 60 00:04:26,180 --> 00:04:29,580 There's so much happening in her head that she's not listening to you number one 61 00:04:29,580 --> 00:04:35,620 She's her own conversation is happening. You're responding in a certain way within her own imagination and 62 00:04:37,060 --> 00:04:39,060 Steam is about to go. Yeah 63 00:04:39,220 --> 00:04:46,820 But you will never know by looking at me. I wish I didn't do that because it creates definitely creates 64 00:04:46,820 --> 00:04:50,940 Communication problems and issues because you're like, oh, I thought you were fine with that 65 00:04:50,940 --> 00:04:52,940 And I was like I looked like I was fine with it 66 00:04:53,260 --> 00:05:00,380 Well, but that's your issue. I know that's what I mean like that turns into like that's the only fault is to is yours 67 00:05:00,380 --> 00:05:02,780 Because you weren't direct and like said what you wanted, right? 68 00:05:04,060 --> 00:05:08,700 Because I hate conflict that much even if the situation is not 69 00:05:09,460 --> 00:05:13,780 Does not call for it. I will create it interesting because we didn't grow up in conflict 70 00:05:13,780 --> 00:05:20,340 I know and usually what you're describing is is a trauma response to being surrounded by 71 00:05:21,020 --> 00:05:25,420 Conflict and we that's not how it was. I know I don't I 72 00:05:26,500 --> 00:05:31,460 Honestly would have to a Victoria deep dive into that because I don't know 73 00:05:33,580 --> 00:05:35,940 Tori I don't like I don't like my name 74 00:05:36,660 --> 00:05:41,380 I'm sorry. I just had a moment. I don't like the Victoria deep dive title 75 00:05:41,380 --> 00:05:45,980 Not a fan. Are you saying all the time? Not a fan. Nope 76 00:05:47,060 --> 00:05:49,060 Redact that right now 77 00:05:49,300 --> 00:05:51,980 Nope, okay. I heard it 78 00:05:53,500 --> 00:05:57,580 I said it and I heard it at least you were listening 79 00:05:58,380 --> 00:06:02,860 Wonderful, there's a step in the right direction. No, I I want to get better at 80 00:06:03,660 --> 00:06:05,020 being 81 00:06:05,020 --> 00:06:08,180 authentic and not giving you deer in headlights 82 00:06:08,180 --> 00:06:12,620 Yeah, and smiling and being like, oh wait. No, actually, that's not gonna work for me 83 00:06:12,620 --> 00:06:19,780 Right and not feeling like by saying, oh, that's not gonna work for me is aggressive because it's not no that's assertive, right? 84 00:06:20,100 --> 00:06:23,340 You feel guilty right correct. I feel like 85 00:06:23,860 --> 00:06:30,660 It's just easier to go along even if it's not what I want because I don't want to feel like I'm being mean 86 00:06:30,820 --> 00:06:33,820 I'm not answers. Just no, I don't want to do that, right? 87 00:06:33,820 --> 00:06:40,180 So I think I want to get better at that and and I know for a fact that I'm a horrible communicator 88 00:06:40,180 --> 00:06:42,180 How do you and Andrew work? 89 00:06:42,340 --> 00:06:48,980 Because he is a very good communicator. He is he is no he with me. He is he's a very good communicator 90 00:06:48,980 --> 00:06:53,940 I know exactly how he's feeling. I know what he wants. I know what he doesn't want. He has no idea 91 00:06:54,780 --> 00:07:00,900 What I don't want. He's like, what's that a line from the movie? What do you want? 92 00:07:00,900 --> 00:07:06,740 No book. No book. What do you want? My god, it is Andrew and that's me and she's like 93 00:07:08,500 --> 00:07:11,940 Sushi Chinese food. I don't know. What do you want? 94 00:07:14,940 --> 00:07:20,540 But no, he's a good communicator, I am not I will just ignore like if if you ever 95 00:07:21,180 --> 00:07:26,540 Ignore shut down and yeah it and defend exactly if we are in a fight 96 00:07:26,540 --> 00:07:30,620 Which we've been known to have there have been days where I just don't even speak to him 97 00:07:30,620 --> 00:07:35,900 I can I cannot talk to him for three days and he will go about his day and he's like this isn't me 98 00:07:37,900 --> 00:07:43,460 It's been harder to do that with kids because we like have to talk but back in the day when we would fight I 99 00:07:43,940 --> 00:07:49,780 Would just give him the silent really that's horrible. I know I that is toxic 100 00:07:49,780 --> 00:07:53,460 What's that mean where it's like, you know, it's bad while you're doing it 101 00:07:53,460 --> 00:07:57,020 But you're already so deep into it. You can't get yourself out of it and you're like well 102 00:07:57,020 --> 00:08:00,540 I've gone this long. I might as well keep going because I'm 103 00:08:01,140 --> 00:08:04,540 Can't go back now. Yeah, yeah dug myself into this hole now 104 00:08:04,540 --> 00:08:10,300 I've got to make sure he apologizes first because I've already gotten myself. Oh my god. I know I know 105 00:08:10,300 --> 00:08:14,180 I'm not like that to that extent anymore since we've had kids. I 106 00:08:15,460 --> 00:08:17,700 Would like to take a moment of silence for Andrew 107 00:08:17,700 --> 00:08:19,700 I 108 00:08:25,420 --> 00:08:29,100 Took a moment for you Andrew. All right effective 109 00:08:29,620 --> 00:08:35,980 Communication because communication is fine on its own but effective communication is what we are talking about today 110 00:08:36,740 --> 00:08:38,740 there's verbal 111 00:08:38,780 --> 00:08:41,180 Which we struggle with 112 00:08:41,180 --> 00:08:46,860 Nonverbal which is body language facial expressions what I talked about before 113 00:08:48,060 --> 00:08:51,500 Pausing which is like if you're not responding right away 114 00:08:51,500 --> 00:08:56,900 That's a form of communication in a good way doesn't have to be a bad way like taking that moment step back that we talked about before 115 00:08:58,020 --> 00:09:01,380 Who knows how many episodes ago and I contact I 116 00:09:02,500 --> 00:09:08,300 Contact is huge communication and a skill that the new generation does not have 117 00:09:08,300 --> 00:09:11,500 Well, the new generation spends a lot of time 118 00:09:12,100 --> 00:09:19,020 Working from home alone on their computer. So it's not no the children. Oh the chill. Well same thing 119 00:09:19,540 --> 00:09:25,340 Yes, they're on the screens. They can't look you in the eye. I mean teaching teaching dance is the only time I'm with 120 00:09:26,380 --> 00:09:30,260 Anybody but my family members the children in my family and 121 00:09:30,940 --> 00:09:35,620 Oh my gosh the amount of times I have to say look at me. Yeah talking to you look at me 122 00:09:35,620 --> 00:09:40,660 Okay, don't look down. Look at me or the same the short attention span just yesterday 123 00:09:40,660 --> 00:09:46,620 I was telling them how amazing they were doing and then they were talking to themselves and I was like, excuse me 124 00:09:46,620 --> 00:09:50,620 I'm giving you a compliment. Please don't make me take it back. My gosh. I say that all the time 125 00:09:50,620 --> 00:09:52,420 I'm 126 00:09:52,420 --> 00:09:58,820 Complementing you when you're and you're having your own conversation and they can't look at you. It's wild. It's wild the communication 127 00:09:59,460 --> 00:10:04,900 Has completely drops due to technology and social media. Yeah, and then there's a piece of that where you can go 128 00:10:04,900 --> 00:10:09,500 Oh, and then there's a piece where it's like be better. Yeah need to be better people that have children 129 00:10:10,060 --> 00:10:12,980 Be better be better. She I'm looking at 130 00:10:13,380 --> 00:10:15,380 She's looking at me 131 00:10:15,660 --> 00:10:17,660 the third 132 00:10:17,740 --> 00:10:26,520 Communication is written so texting emails letters, you know, those letters. You be right? Oh my gosh Victoria gets so mad about my texting 133 00:10:26,780 --> 00:10:28,780 Communication skills. Oh, it's a joke 134 00:10:28,780 --> 00:10:34,260 I think you were gonna say that it's a joke. It's it's I know how to do it now 135 00:10:34,260 --> 00:10:37,000 And I get mad at myself when I do it wrong because then I get mad at you 136 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:41,440 But it's my own fault if I send you too many questions for you to answer at one time 137 00:10:41,900 --> 00:10:45,500 It's my fault because you're only going to answer the one that you read 138 00:10:45,940 --> 00:10:52,500 Yeah, and you're not reading all of them, but it's not even that it's that you say my communication through text is mean 139 00:10:52,500 --> 00:10:56,980 And I'm like, no, that's how I talk. It's not. Yeah. Yeah. It does well 140 00:10:56,980 --> 00:11:00,380 You're not mean it's the tone is like, right cuz I I 141 00:11:01,740 --> 00:11:06,860 Don't I read it back and I don't understand how it was mean it was like I would have said that to your face 142 00:11:07,180 --> 00:11:12,220 It's like comment this time. Okay, I'll be there and you're like, oh, that was no no no no 143 00:11:12,220 --> 00:11:18,180 Okay, you wouldn't say okay. I'll be there if I said show up at nine you'd go sure yeah, what's wrong with that? 144 00:11:18,900 --> 00:11:20,060 S-u-r-e 145 00:11:20,060 --> 00:11:23,140 Sometimes period sometimes no period and I'm like, okay 146 00:11:23,140 --> 00:11:27,340 I do not see the difference between texting and talking and 147 00:11:28,460 --> 00:11:31,700 Do you know the difference between responding okay and okay? 148 00:11:32,620 --> 00:11:38,340 Yes, I do. Okay. Sure. Sure. Whatever same thing your lack of 149 00:11:39,420 --> 00:11:44,660 You have no expression in your text and here's why number one. It's okay 150 00:11:44,700 --> 00:11:48,980 It's not a big deal like you do you but you have to choose your words really wisely 151 00:11:48,980 --> 00:11:53,940 If you're not gonna give anyone a sense of like, hey, I'm not actually yelling at you. I'm just being direct 152 00:11:53,940 --> 00:11:59,140 Uh-huh with like an exclamation point or like I don't know an LOL 153 00:11:59,140 --> 00:12:01,900 Which is so stupid but like an LOL or an emoji to like 154 00:12:02,500 --> 00:12:08,220 Diffuse like you're saying something really harsh, but you don't mean it that way. Uh-huh. That's fine 155 00:12:08,220 --> 00:12:13,220 We just have to understand that Carly's B. I am not and it's totally fine 156 00:12:13,380 --> 00:12:17,220 However, if you would like to soften things up, which we will talk about 157 00:12:17,220 --> 00:12:23,780 Then you would just add a sure no problem or sure exclamation point. That's so stupid 158 00:12:24,220 --> 00:12:30,980 That's so stupid. Moving on. That's my communication to you. I'm communicating that I think that texting is stupid 159 00:12:30,980 --> 00:12:36,500 If I mean what I say and I say what I mean, I don't feel like I need an emoji 160 00:12:37,100 --> 00:12:39,500 Because you are a bully behind the screen 161 00:12:39,820 --> 00:12:46,380 She has this sense of puffed out chest because there's a screen in between if it was in person 162 00:12:46,380 --> 00:12:51,700 She'd be like, yeah, sure and it's so light and it's normal and it's also who you are via text 163 00:12:53,100 --> 00:12:54,700 Watch out 164 00:12:54,700 --> 00:12:56,860 Right. Yeah, it's true though. Yeah 165 00:12:58,140 --> 00:13:01,460 You can be who you want to be on text, but in person you would never 166 00:13:02,140 --> 00:13:06,060 You would never K someone in person unless you meant it of like I 167 00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:10,180 Would never K somebody in person, but I also don't really K 168 00:13:10,180 --> 00:13:17,820 Someone on text either because I know what that means and I also am very angry that we're talking about okay and K 169 00:13:18,500 --> 00:13:20,980 Well, that was just to describe, you know the difference 170 00:13:21,740 --> 00:13:26,740 Yes, it yes, you know and I know the difference and I think everybody listening like you if someone's giving you a K 171 00:13:26,740 --> 00:13:30,740 You're like, ooh, they're mad or thumbs up. Everyone says thumbs up is bad 172 00:13:31,260 --> 00:13:34,460 If you just give a thumbs up that to me feels a dismissive 173 00:13:34,460 --> 00:13:39,900 Like it's like mmm, but sometimes I do it when I don't have enough time to write and I just go thumbs up 174 00:13:40,340 --> 00:13:42,340 I would rather you text thumbs up 175 00:13:43,740 --> 00:13:49,300 There's wait, there's another piece of your lack of communication skills via text besides your dismissive aggressive behavior 176 00:13:50,260 --> 00:13:54,500 Your voice texting she voice text and it doesn't understand her 177 00:13:55,060 --> 00:13:57,060 Siri doesn't know what you're trying to say 178 00:13:57,860 --> 00:13:59,860 and sometimes it's a long 179 00:13:59,860 --> 00:14:04,740 Stream of consciousness because I forget to say period that I forget to say to Siri 180 00:14:05,420 --> 00:14:10,620 Period after the sentence because I'm talking you have to say period for yeah, you say period to Siri 181 00:14:10,620 --> 00:14:14,100 You're like, I'm coming on my I'm all my way right now period 182 00:14:14,620 --> 00:14:19,420 Blah blah blah blah blah exclamation point and sometimes I forget that so it's just a run-on sentence 183 00:14:19,420 --> 00:14:26,020 Oh my gosh, it's a run-on sentence talking about children. She doesn't have gene gene Tina Diane 184 00:14:26,020 --> 00:14:30,420 and I have to figure out which child is any of those and 185 00:14:30,420 --> 00:14:34,140 Oh my gosh, sometimes it's it's the complete wrong word 186 00:14:34,140 --> 00:14:43,020 Not a closeness to the word. It's it's left field and then you write back wait what and then she still doesn't actually 187 00:14:43,020 --> 00:14:47,220 If you ever get a text from me and it's spelled s e a 188 00:14:48,020 --> 00:14:50,780 space F I T it's C fit 189 00:14:50,780 --> 00:14:54,980 S e a space F I T it's C fit 190 00:14:57,180 --> 00:15:00,860 S e a space F I T the nautical version 191 00:15:01,980 --> 00:15:08,980 All right, hold on we totally got off. But yes, so written communication is any form of writing 192 00:15:09,740 --> 00:15:13,460 Then listening is also a form of communication 193 00:15:13,460 --> 00:15:22,140 Active listening not I'm looking at you while you're talking to me, but I'm forming the sentence next and or I'm 194 00:15:22,540 --> 00:15:24,540 Completely distracted and thinking of something else 195 00:15:25,020 --> 00:15:31,460 They're listening. Mm-hmm. I actually think it's just as hard as talking. It definitely is. I'm trying to do it right now 196 00:15:31,460 --> 00:15:33,460 and then 197 00:15:35,540 --> 00:15:40,660 Then there is visual communication, which I was like, huh visual communication 198 00:15:40,660 --> 00:15:45,420 But that's kind of how we live as a society right now memes gifts ads 199 00:15:46,060 --> 00:15:53,220 TV TV is on probably in everybody's house either for noise in the background and we don't realize what we're taking in without 200 00:15:54,020 --> 00:15:57,620 You know just sitting and focusing on the television if you have it on in the background 201 00:15:57,620 --> 00:15:59,940 Like I'm doing t-shirts right now and I have noise 202 00:16:00,940 --> 00:16:06,620 To distract me because sometimes I don't like the air pod in my ear at all times. Yeah, podcast bad 203 00:16:06,620 --> 00:16:10,540 I pay yeah to do it for hours and hours now. It's on and so I have the TV on 204 00:16:11,540 --> 00:16:17,060 And I don't even realize that I'm watching it, but I'm watching it right and like I if I looked back 205 00:16:17,060 --> 00:16:18,340 I'd be like yeah, I remember that scene 206 00:16:18,340 --> 00:16:24,460 But I didn't even know I was watching it at the time and I think that's how we all are when it comes to like when you go 207 00:16:24,460 --> 00:16:29,860 To bed with the TV. That's me. That's the worst thing you can do, but that's a visual communication and then 208 00:16:31,420 --> 00:16:35,100 Yes, because it's television, but think of your own Instagram 209 00:16:35,100 --> 00:16:41,900 Page like you're putting out a specific form of communicating who you are to people right right? 210 00:16:41,900 --> 00:16:47,140 It's fake we talk about how fake social media is but like you're putting out how happy you are with your dog 211 00:16:47,140 --> 00:16:51,860 And how great it is to be in the sunshine in the grass with your kids frolicking the field 212 00:16:52,140 --> 00:16:57,140 But you're all fighting and nobody knows that because you're not putting that out right right? I'm making that up 213 00:16:57,140 --> 00:17:00,780 I just made that up. No, no, no. That's not fighting with their children. No, no, no 214 00:17:00,780 --> 00:17:07,740 I was just gonna I was literally not actively listening. I was thinking I know you wonder why cuz she was going yeah, right? 215 00:17:08,540 --> 00:17:15,820 Right, I knew your eyes were glossed over. I was thinking if my Instagram page actually looked like my life 216 00:17:16,940 --> 00:17:26,180 It would just be Dean talking smack to me and me being like Dean get it together Dean time out Lewis stop crying melody 217 00:17:26,180 --> 00:17:34,020 Put your eyes away like it would be like all not what my Instagram actually looks like what's like look how cute my kids are 218 00:17:34,940 --> 00:17:38,740 Melody has the if looks could kill for sure. Uh-huh 219 00:17:39,500 --> 00:17:45,420 So I like that about my Instagram is not nobody's Instagram is actually what it is 220 00:17:46,660 --> 00:17:49,300 Mine I stopped I 221 00:17:49,740 --> 00:17:54,300 Like stopped posting personal stuff unless it really calls like I feel like I really 222 00:17:54,300 --> 00:17:57,660 Want to put something out like your four pictures of your dog today 223 00:17:58,340 --> 00:18:04,060 That was my story. So yeah, you put that out on Instagram. Yes, and she's so cute my sweet little baby angel 224 00:18:04,060 --> 00:18:10,860 See, but I mean like posting something permanently on my Instagram feed. I kind of stopped because I 225 00:18:11,500 --> 00:18:15,700 Didn't want to put a one picture of me looking happy when I don't actually feel it 226 00:18:15,700 --> 00:18:20,460 Yeah, I mean I'm fine right now, but like those types of things. I was like, I'm not gonna do it unless I really want to do it 227 00:18:20,460 --> 00:18:22,460 Yeah, she's fine today 228 00:18:22,460 --> 00:18:26,100 Obviously those are how we communicate and 229 00:18:26,780 --> 00:18:32,540 I I wrote down the entire quote of one thing about effective communication because I was like, oh, it is it's so true 230 00:18:33,180 --> 00:18:37,380 Effective communication means you are more likely to get what you want 231 00:18:38,660 --> 00:18:43,780 Yes, and it doesn't mean in a greedy 232 00:18:45,420 --> 00:18:51,220 Superficial entitled way. It's if you're effective clear direct. I was gonna say respect full 233 00:18:51,220 --> 00:18:56,140 You're going to get what you need and want way more than the back and forth of oh, that's not what I meant 234 00:18:56,140 --> 00:19:01,940 Oh, I'm so sorry. Oh, I meant this one. Can I have it? You know like it's too much or the constant 235 00:19:01,940 --> 00:19:04,140 I don't want to do this, but I said I would 236 00:19:04,740 --> 00:19:11,060 Well, why did you say you would because I didn't communicate that I really didn't want to I made it seem like I did want to 237 00:19:11,060 --> 00:19:17,780 And now you're complaining about something that you didn't it's it's really the power of saying no or the power of saying yes and 238 00:19:18,140 --> 00:19:20,140 Meaning it. Yeah. Yes 239 00:19:20,140 --> 00:19:21,340 Yes, you know what I mean? 240 00:19:21,340 --> 00:19:27,060 Like people say yes and people say no all the time, but they don't mean it because it's not direct 241 00:19:27,060 --> 00:19:31,500 It's not effective, but it's communication and I feel like that's me in a nutshell 242 00:19:31,500 --> 00:19:36,020 I say yes all the time or I say no all the time and I I don't actually mean it 243 00:19:36,740 --> 00:19:38,740 Yeah 244 00:19:38,740 --> 00:19:43,300 Yeah, that's a problem. Yeah, I you know what I'm thinking while you were talking because I wasn't listening to you 245 00:19:43,300 --> 00:19:45,300 I could tell 246 00:19:45,340 --> 00:19:49,500 a friend's episode and I can't remember the exact details, but it's 247 00:19:49,500 --> 00:19:53,900 I think they're asking somebody's asking Phoebe to do something and she was like, oh, no 248 00:19:53,900 --> 00:19:58,220 I can't because I don't want to yeah, and I remembered that because I was like gosh 249 00:19:58,220 --> 00:20:02,980 I wish I could talk to people like that, but you can you can say that but not 250 00:20:03,540 --> 00:20:07,500 But to be honest if somebody said that to me, I would be like oh 251 00:20:08,300 --> 00:20:15,420 Like there's a way to say it and not be like oh, I I like I give it. It's Phoebe buffet and she's just hippie and flighty 252 00:20:15,420 --> 00:20:19,980 That yes, that's funny, but like there are those t-shirts that say oh, sorry. I'm late 253 00:20:19,980 --> 00:20:26,420 I don't want to be here and I'm like, uh well there's assertiveness and being rude are very different 254 00:20:26,420 --> 00:20:32,800 Yeah, very very different and that's rude. Yeah. Yeah, so I think that's where my lines get crossed where I'm like 255 00:20:32,800 --> 00:20:37,580 Oh, no sure. I'm so sorry. I'm laying and I'm like under my breath. I'm like because I don't want to be here 256 00:20:37,580 --> 00:20:43,820 Do you know what I mean? Like that's passive-aggressive. Yes, I am passive-aggressive passive is the opposite of assertive 257 00:20:43,820 --> 00:20:46,780 Yes passive. I am sarcastic 258 00:20:46,780 --> 00:20:47,820 I am passive-aggressive 259 00:20:47,820 --> 00:20:53,580 You never know if I'm telling you the truth or not because I could be making a joke but being completely honest with you 260 00:20:54,100 --> 00:20:57,140 I'm a horrible person. You're not sounding great 261 00:20:59,060 --> 00:21:02,340 You know you're not not selling yourself well right now 262 00:21:02,340 --> 00:21:06,500 I'm only sarcastic to people that know me, but you're being honest and I appreciate that 263 00:21:06,500 --> 00:21:13,300 But there's a lot of reasons as to why you wouldn't be a good communicator and they seem very obvious 264 00:21:13,420 --> 00:21:15,420 Me or everybody? The world 265 00:21:16,100 --> 00:21:18,100 But Carly wrote these articles so 266 00:21:19,340 --> 00:21:22,140 Stress if you are stressed your tone is gonna come out differently 267 00:21:22,140 --> 00:21:29,180 You're gonna be distracted and overwhelmed and you're not most likely going to be able to listen because of all those factors 268 00:21:29,180 --> 00:21:37,180 You're also not paying attention and that goes with stress, but just not paying attention because maybe you have ADHD 269 00:21:37,780 --> 00:21:42,460 maybe you can't like what did you say earlier about the kids the 270 00:21:44,260 --> 00:21:49,900 Five-second rule the attention span. Oh my gosh, do you have one right now? 271 00:21:53,540 --> 00:21:55,540 The attention span 272 00:21:55,540 --> 00:22:01,260 Because you can't pay attention that's a big factor as to why you're not articulating 273 00:22:02,140 --> 00:22:08,380 Well, we're in communication because you didn't really pay attention what they said before so how you gonna be productive there? 274 00:22:08,780 --> 00:22:12,900 body language crossing your arms is completely closed off and closed-minded and 275 00:22:14,180 --> 00:22:17,260 Slouching and if your feet are pointing towards someone 276 00:22:17,460 --> 00:22:23,780 They're interested and if they're like giving you a basically the side hug type of situation 277 00:22:23,780 --> 00:22:27,500 Like that's a completely different communication in body language, right? 278 00:22:27,500 --> 00:22:30,940 So all of that plays a factor as well as facial expressions 279 00:22:31,460 --> 00:22:36,980 I'm gonna side note right now. I actually read that in business school back in the day 280 00:22:36,980 --> 00:22:41,060 They used to teach how to give handshakes because handshakes 281 00:22:41,660 --> 00:22:46,660 Were that important the physical communication that is your it's like 282 00:22:46,660 --> 00:22:53,020 Your first interview do are they not now you think no, I doubt it. Nobody's touching anymore 283 00:22:53,660 --> 00:22:58,220 Especially after COVID but this was like back in the day. It was like one of those black and white 284 00:22:58,820 --> 00:23:03,980 Old-school movies and the guys were coming up to the teacher giving the handshake. That was a good one 285 00:23:03,980 --> 00:23:10,300 That was a bad one, you know like be more aggressive. No one wants to shake a limp hand, right? But I'm saying that's your first 286 00:23:11,220 --> 00:23:16,260 Think about it like a hug or if you're hugging somebody or you're a handshaking somebody 287 00:23:16,260 --> 00:23:20,460 That's that do you want to be hugging them? You can tell if you do or not, right? 288 00:23:20,580 --> 00:23:27,140 Do you want to be shaking their hand you can tell? Oh, it's another thing Carly's not good at I just don't do it doesn't like 289 00:23:28,140 --> 00:23:34,820 Hugging unless you are her child. Yep or her husband. Yeah, I I hug Andrew or her child 290 00:23:35,700 --> 00:23:39,500 I think I've ever seen you hug Andrew. Oh, I do all the time. No, I hug Andrew 291 00:23:39,500 --> 00:23:46,060 Never seen if mom sends me one more real about why hugging is important. I might I might come for her 292 00:23:46,060 --> 00:23:49,300 Hugging is very important and I agree with that. However 293 00:23:51,820 --> 00:23:56,260 Energy transfers via touch is a big deal and I don't let just anybody touch me 294 00:23:56,260 --> 00:24:01,340 No, that's true and I've learned that in the past couple of years. So if you want to hug me 295 00:24:02,020 --> 00:24:04,980 That's fine for you. Happy for you 296 00:24:06,220 --> 00:24:08,220 So happy for your life choices 297 00:24:09,180 --> 00:24:11,700 But I I'm not gonna do that. Yeah 298 00:24:12,580 --> 00:24:15,300 Unless I feel like it's okay. Yeah, right and 299 00:24:15,300 --> 00:24:21,380 It's not like a consent thing. It's not anything like that. It's like truly if your energy is off 300 00:24:21,380 --> 00:24:23,380 I do not want you touching me 301 00:24:23,580 --> 00:24:28,180 So it's a piece of that and if I don't know you I'm not a hugger to people like I don't know completely opposite 302 00:24:28,180 --> 00:24:31,060 I'm a hugger to people. I don't know if I know you don't hug me 303 00:24:33,420 --> 00:24:41,700 It's got to be a pillow you can take to change all of this or a lobotomy or something like that. Okay continuing judging 304 00:24:41,700 --> 00:24:45,300 Judging creates barriers not boundaries 305 00:24:45,860 --> 00:24:51,140 Barriers for your communication skills. So you really want to go into anything with understanding 306 00:24:51,500 --> 00:24:55,460 Even if it's a heated type of conversation, but even the regular conversation 307 00:24:55,980 --> 00:25:00,140 We got to eliminate the judgment. Yeah, which is really hard 308 00:25:00,740 --> 00:25:02,740 but necessary 309 00:25:02,820 --> 00:25:03,860 unwarranted 310 00:25:03,860 --> 00:25:05,300 unwanted advice 311 00:25:05,300 --> 00:25:10,740 This is hard for people who have no awareness of how they sound. Yeah, or what? 312 00:25:10,740 --> 00:25:12,340 how they 313 00:25:12,340 --> 00:25:15,460 Not like you should have awareness of how you look to other people but like 314 00:25:16,140 --> 00:25:20,740 unwarranted means perception you mean yes perception not like your right official look right uh 315 00:25:22,100 --> 00:25:28,740 Yeah, sometimes people just want to talk and it if you have the awareness in my last relationship 316 00:25:28,740 --> 00:25:31,620 I was like I have to start asking do you want 317 00:25:32,100 --> 00:25:35,900 My advice like do you want me to help you with something or do you just want to talk? 318 00:25:35,900 --> 00:25:42,300 Because there's such a difference there. Mm-hmm. And even if you have good advice if they don't want it just sit there and listen 319 00:25:42,300 --> 00:25:45,380 Sometimes people just need an ear and they need to like work it out for themselves, right? 320 00:25:45,380 --> 00:25:51,460 And sometimes they need the advice, but you you should ask that question first. Mm-hmm 321 00:25:52,180 --> 00:25:59,020 Andrew is a fixer. So if I'm venting he's like giving me all the ways to fix it and I'm like nope 322 00:25:59,100 --> 00:26:01,100 Don't want him. I'm just 323 00:26:01,100 --> 00:26:07,180 Like well, he can't win Carly. I know I don't think the man has a chance in hell 324 00:26:07,740 --> 00:26:11,500 in any situation, but Carly is like you are like that you are a 325 00:26:13,340 --> 00:26:18,980 You go in defense mode with help with help because I don't want anybody to help me 326 00:26:18,980 --> 00:26:22,540 So I'm like I'm speaking out loud and I'm complaining, but don't give me 327 00:26:23,100 --> 00:26:27,580 Any advice on how to fix it? I'll do it myself and I'll do it the real hard way 328 00:26:27,580 --> 00:26:31,940 But I don't want any help. Yeah. Yeah 329 00:26:33,540 --> 00:26:35,540 Okay 330 00:26:36,620 --> 00:26:39,220 Avoiding concerns is the next one 331 00:26:40,420 --> 00:26:42,420 So 332 00:26:44,260 --> 00:26:46,260 It keeps from crying 333 00:26:46,420 --> 00:26:48,420 if someone is 334 00:26:48,740 --> 00:26:51,460 Just like right now saying a lot of concerning things 335 00:26:51,460 --> 00:26:57,260 You don't want to avoid them, but you want to be clear and direct in 336 00:26:58,220 --> 00:27:00,220 showing concern or 337 00:27:00,340 --> 00:27:07,180 Asking if you could give some advice like there are just ways to not ignore or dismiss situations and 338 00:27:09,380 --> 00:27:11,460 Listen, yeah, I get it 339 00:27:11,460 --> 00:27:17,340 I think what I'm the goal for everybody and myself is just to have the clear path 340 00:27:17,340 --> 00:27:21,660 You know what you want, which is very hard to do a lot of the time. You know what you want 341 00:27:21,660 --> 00:27:25,740 You know where do you want to go? How do I get there? I need to be clear 342 00:27:25,740 --> 00:27:32,180 I need to be direct and I need to know what I want my brain is Richard Scarry's busy town 343 00:27:32,860 --> 00:27:34,300 where 344 00:27:34,300 --> 00:27:42,300 There are so many roads and I see the clear one and I can't get there because I have to stop at the Bunny's Post Office 345 00:27:42,300 --> 00:27:46,180 And I have to stop at the Lions library and there are just so many 346 00:27:46,180 --> 00:27:54,540 Ways and I feel like I'm trying to go around them all because I don't want to hurt anybody's feelings that the clear direct path 347 00:27:54,540 --> 00:27:58,940 That I need to get to I can't get to because I'm trying not to hurt everybody else. You know what you mean? 348 00:27:59,020 --> 00:28:01,180 Yeah, and I also liked your alliterations there 349 00:28:02,060 --> 00:28:04,060 the Lions library 350 00:28:05,060 --> 00:28:08,940 Yeah, yeah, and if you have busy town going on in your head at all times 351 00:28:08,940 --> 00:28:13,140 it's hard for you to listen because you are trying to do so many things up there and 352 00:28:13,140 --> 00:28:17,540 It's hard for you to articulate because by the time you figured out the sentence 353 00:28:17,540 --> 00:28:21,740 You're trying to turn the street and and then you lose it and you're like that's what I meant 354 00:28:21,740 --> 00:28:26,340 Yeah, and it gets it gets hard and that's how yeah communication is hard when you don't 355 00:28:27,300 --> 00:28:31,340 When you can't figure out how to get what you want. We need you to go from 356 00:28:32,020 --> 00:28:35,280 Busy town to like Winnie the Pooh a little slower 357 00:28:35,280 --> 00:28:41,300 Not a lot happen that's so much a hustle. Yeah busy town is hustling all the time language choice 358 00:28:41,300 --> 00:28:48,380 That's another reason as to why you're probably not a good communicator your language choice and we're gonna dive into this a little deeper 359 00:28:49,180 --> 00:28:50,380 Okay 360 00:28:50,380 --> 00:28:54,580 With saying eyes and use and wheeze and us's and stuff like that 361 00:28:54,580 --> 00:29:01,260 It's what you choose to say not necessarily use use guys. No, what that kind y o use poor role 362 00:29:01,260 --> 00:29:04,100 Right exactly like use guys. We're gonna get into this. Oh my god 363 00:29:06,140 --> 00:29:08,140 So if any of those are you 364 00:29:08,140 --> 00:29:12,660 Hmm use you should think about your choices. Any of those are you? 365 00:29:14,460 --> 00:29:22,940 They say the first way to be effective in your communication is to ask questions, but open-ended ones not yes or no one yes that I yes 366 00:29:24,420 --> 00:29:26,420 No 367 00:29:28,300 --> 00:29:32,860 And that makes a lot of sense because that just means that there's more lines of the holiday 368 00:29:32,900 --> 00:29:37,340 Yeah, and then it would probably most likely the direct answer and 369 00:29:37,340 --> 00:29:39,020 and 370 00:29:39,020 --> 00:29:43,620 You know information pass-off will come out more clear and then it won't be confusing 371 00:29:44,460 --> 00:29:46,460 Clear than the sentence I just made 372 00:29:47,300 --> 00:29:54,800 Be clear eliminate filler words and that doesn't mean just whether the popular ones like um 373 00:29:55,740 --> 00:29:59,300 Yeah, it's all words like I mean, you know 374 00:30:00,220 --> 00:30:02,820 That's not being clear and direct right 375 00:30:02,820 --> 00:30:07,780 Right, and I feel like I there's so many where people are like 376 00:30:08,500 --> 00:30:11,820 You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? You know what I mean? 377 00:30:12,020 --> 00:30:17,220 That is a huge one. I hate that one. Oh, I thought you're gonna say you say that I was like no 378 00:30:17,220 --> 00:30:21,180 I don't say it. I hate hearing it. No because it's like yes 379 00:30:21,180 --> 00:30:24,060 I do know what you mean keep going or no I have no 380 00:30:24,060 --> 00:30:28,620 No, you're talking about and if I answer every time you say, you know what I mean, we're gonna be talking forever. Yeah 381 00:30:28,620 --> 00:30:31,980 Read books the more you read the more vocabulary 382 00:30:32,780 --> 00:30:39,540 You soak in and then it will be easier to articulate stress management is the next one. Good luck 383 00:30:41,300 --> 00:30:49,020 Proper body language we talked about lean forward when you're interested don't cross your arms unless you're trying to convey that so 384 00:30:50,180 --> 00:30:52,180 Here's one Carly cannot get behind 385 00:30:52,940 --> 00:30:53,980 silence 386 00:30:53,980 --> 00:30:56,940 If I'd read avoid using the silent treatment 387 00:30:56,940 --> 00:30:58,380 Oh 388 00:30:58,380 --> 00:31:04,940 Yeah, Carly. I think silence is very power powerful screw that. No, you don't you hate silence 389 00:31:04,940 --> 00:31:10,740 I hate right. I hate silence, but if I'm giving the silent treatment, it's very powerful because it means I'm mad 390 00:31:14,700 --> 00:31:18,100 Oh my god, I'm so triggered. I do it mad 391 00:31:18,100 --> 00:31:23,060 I do it a lot less now because Andrew and I don't really fight about anything except like kids 392 00:31:23,060 --> 00:31:28,100 Schedules and stuff like that, but like I used to do a lot when I was younger when I was young 393 00:31:28,100 --> 00:31:32,980 I mean, I've been with Andrew since I was 19 years old. So to me that was like my fighting mechanism 394 00:31:32,980 --> 00:31:38,820 I was like, yeah, we don't agree. I'm gonna give you the silent treatment for three days and he was like, yes 395 00:31:38,860 --> 00:31:40,860 This is glorious 396 00:31:43,260 --> 00:31:45,260 I 397 00:31:45,260 --> 00:31:47,860 Am so upset. Okay. I don't do it anymore 398 00:31:47,860 --> 00:31:54,060 But also silence is golden. That's what I meant to say silence is powerful silence is golden 399 00:31:54,060 --> 00:31:55,260 Yeah, silence is powerful 400 00:31:55,260 --> 00:31:56,980 It's certainly powerful 401 00:31:56,980 --> 00:32:00,780 But I mean silence is golden and like take a moment to think about what you're gonna say next 402 00:32:01,300 --> 00:32:06,940 Yes, it's just talking to talk not I'm gonna give you the silent treatment because I'm mad at you and you should just assume 403 00:32:07,140 --> 00:32:12,300 That you know how to fix the situation without me talking to you. Yes, that is that was me in a nutshell 404 00:32:12,300 --> 00:32:13,500 Yeah, put your eyes away 405 00:32:13,500 --> 00:32:18,420 She got very excited that I knew what she was talking about because that is exactly why I would give the silent treatment 406 00:32:18,420 --> 00:32:22,140 I'm like you need to figure out how to fix this and assume, you know, what's going on in my head 407 00:32:23,060 --> 00:32:24,900 You still do that sometimes 408 00:32:24,900 --> 00:32:27,540 Did he yesterday? Yeah, she does it to me a lot 409 00:32:28,700 --> 00:32:30,540 positive mindset 410 00:32:30,540 --> 00:32:36,140 And that one's hard just because but we're talking about communication in general. We're not talking about like anger 411 00:32:36,180 --> 00:32:39,620 No, no, no conflict. So smiling having enthusiasm 412 00:32:39,620 --> 00:32:42,980 enthusiasm IE an exclamation point a period and emoji 413 00:32:43,580 --> 00:32:46,380 or a sense of humor adding some, you know 414 00:32:47,020 --> 00:32:54,660 Fun little 10 bits in there. I don't really know what that means. That's okay be respectful. So you always want to have empathy 415 00:32:55,900 --> 00:33:01,460 Open mind open heart with any type of communication if you think your way is the only way 416 00:33:01,460 --> 00:33:07,540 There's a different episode and podcast that you need to listen to first before you get to this one and that that just comes with 417 00:33:07,540 --> 00:33:12,900 understanding so any type of communication you have to understand a little bit of where the other person 418 00:33:13,300 --> 00:33:17,060 Might be coming from and if not you ask those open-ended questions to figure it out 419 00:33:17,260 --> 00:33:24,500 Or you just have a sister that lives as the devil's advocate so that when you think you're super right you have a sister that goes 420 00:33:24,580 --> 00:33:27,540 Well, let's look at the other side 421 00:33:27,540 --> 00:33:35,060 But that's not see devil's advocate only happens when it comes to you because you are always triggered and you always go to 422 00:33:35,060 --> 00:33:40,100 the defense and 10th and degree I like and 10th degree 423 00:33:40,740 --> 00:33:42,740 9th degree 8th 424 00:33:42,980 --> 00:33:45,860 7th of separation what about seventh inning stretch now? 425 00:33:46,340 --> 00:33:47,780 stop it 426 00:33:47,780 --> 00:33:53,220 End degree. I think it's end degree. Cool. You always go to the extreme. There you go 427 00:33:54,340 --> 00:33:56,340 of defense mode 428 00:33:56,900 --> 00:33:58,900 and 429 00:33:59,140 --> 00:34:02,660 Perceiving things in like a whoa back off way. I know that's what I'm saying 430 00:34:02,660 --> 00:34:08,420 I need you everybody needs somebody to back them off the ledge and be like, why don't you look at the other person? 431 00:34:08,420 --> 00:34:12,100 The only person they have to go. All right, hold on Carly. Um our brother 432 00:34:13,060 --> 00:34:15,060 Yeah, that's true. He is an extremist 433 00:34:16,020 --> 00:34:18,420 Yeah, I have a purpose in life. That's for sure 434 00:34:19,780 --> 00:34:21,780 Keep learning and keep 435 00:34:21,860 --> 00:34:25,860 Your curiosity and basically like interest which means if you're meeting somebody new 436 00:34:26,500 --> 00:34:28,500 find stuff out about them so that you can 437 00:34:28,500 --> 00:34:32,900 Keep the communication lines open that goes for business life personal life 438 00:34:33,540 --> 00:34:39,460 friendships anything like that. Um basically this article is telling you to facebook stalk them and 439 00:34:39,860 --> 00:34:41,860 find out all of their 440 00:34:42,420 --> 00:34:45,300 Uh interest before they tell you so that you know what's going on 441 00:34:46,020 --> 00:34:47,860 That's not actually true. Please don't do that 442 00:34:48,900 --> 00:34:50,900 And then the last one is use people's names 443 00:34:51,460 --> 00:34:57,220 I read that and I was like that's so silly and then I started saying names out loud 444 00:34:57,220 --> 00:35:00,340 And I was like wow that actually makes a huge difference 445 00:35:00,580 --> 00:35:07,620 I do think there is a way to overuse someone's name in conversation though. I know someone specifically that really says it 446 00:35:07,940 --> 00:35:13,540 Almost at the end of every sentence that they say and I'm like that we know what my name is not like almost condescending 447 00:35:14,020 --> 00:35:18,980 No, it's almost to me. It feels a little contrived like 448 00:35:21,140 --> 00:35:26,020 Like oh, how are you doing today Carly? You answer. Oh wow Carly 449 00:35:26,020 --> 00:35:32,900 That's really interesting. You answer it. Well Carly. It's like there's too much. Yeah, it's too much. It's too much 450 00:35:33,540 --> 00:35:35,940 Remembering someone's name and letting them know that you remember them 451 00:35:36,020 --> 00:35:40,820 That's enough and then you know you sprinkle it in there every now and then but like after every sentence 452 00:35:42,100 --> 00:35:44,100 Yeah, don't do that back off a little 453 00:35:44,580 --> 00:35:46,580 back off 454 00:35:48,340 --> 00:35:50,340 Sorry, I was was being jack black 455 00:35:50,340 --> 00:35:54,980 Step off. Oh step off step off step out 456 00:35:57,380 --> 00:36:02,340 So I I think I want you to tell us about assertiveness. Can't wait. Okay 457 00:36:02,900 --> 00:36:05,540 See what you took from all these articles. Listen 458 00:36:06,100 --> 00:36:13,300 Assertiveness is the ability to express feelings opinions and it lies between passive aggressive communication 459 00:36:13,300 --> 00:36:21,060 And constructive boundaries. So it's very I feel like assertiveness is a thin line, but it doesn't have to be 460 00:36:22,260 --> 00:36:25,060 That thin that as thin as I think it is in my mind 461 00:36:25,060 --> 00:36:29,700 Well, you're I don't know if the line is thin. You just are on one side or the other 462 00:36:30,180 --> 00:36:35,700 Right, there's like no middle ground because you're either very confusing or you're so direct. You're aggressive 463 00:36:36,180 --> 00:36:41,620 Right, and I want to be in the middle where I'm like, no, no, thank you. I don't want to do that instead of saying 464 00:36:41,620 --> 00:36:43,620 But why'd you do it in your weird voice? 465 00:36:43,780 --> 00:36:46,740 Because that's how I would say it if I didn't really want to do it 466 00:36:46,980 --> 00:36:51,060 But don't we all have that we have a phone voice. We have a stranger voice 467 00:36:51,620 --> 00:36:55,220 We have our regular normal circle of people voice 468 00:36:55,860 --> 00:36:58,260 It's so funny that we I think we all do that 469 00:36:58,900 --> 00:37:03,380 I I hear that for myself on the phone. I'm like, put your voice down. What are you doing? 470 00:37:03,540 --> 00:37:07,780 Well, I think assertiveness. Well, I know assertiveness comes from confidence 471 00:37:07,780 --> 00:37:12,020 You have self-esteem, right? You have to be super confident 472 00:37:12,820 --> 00:37:17,460 In what you want, which I think I know what I want. It's not the confidence I need 473 00:37:17,620 --> 00:37:22,260 It's the the feeling of hurting other people's feelings if I say no 474 00:37:23,060 --> 00:37:26,820 Well, yes, I'm working through that too. That is we 475 00:37:27,940 --> 00:37:32,660 Have a bit of worrying about the other person first before ourselves 476 00:37:32,660 --> 00:37:40,260 And that is where this becomes really challenging because we've always put anybody else's feelings first 477 00:37:40,820 --> 00:37:42,820 and then 478 00:37:42,820 --> 00:37:51,220 thought about hours or the people in our circle and that is why it's really hard to not feel guilty guilty. Yeah when you 479 00:37:52,820 --> 00:37:55,060 Disappoint quote unquote. I'm quoting that 480 00:37:55,860 --> 00:38:00,340 Somebody else with your answer of no, thank you. No, I I don't want to do that 481 00:38:00,340 --> 00:38:04,660 I'd rather do this or I'm going to do this or I'm or yes 482 00:38:04,660 --> 00:38:08,900 This is what I want to do and I'm gonna do it and it's not no big deal. Those are boundaries 483 00:38:08,900 --> 00:38:14,660 Yeah, creating boundaries is tough and there are some people please are golden rules to being assertive 484 00:38:14,660 --> 00:38:20,100 And it's a lot like the communication sort of communication skills. It's using I statements 485 00:38:21,060 --> 00:38:26,420 I want to do this. I do not want to do this, right? And it's your personal point of view 486 00:38:26,420 --> 00:38:34,740 It's how you feel instead of going around it. You say I want to do this like it and also to be aggressive you would say you 487 00:38:36,100 --> 00:38:40,660 Right, that's where the difference is right right right right right if you use you too much 488 00:38:41,460 --> 00:38:47,060 Then that you're putting um, you're putting blame on somebody else or you're giving them 489 00:38:47,860 --> 00:38:51,380 More judgment on their person versus like the behavior 490 00:38:51,380 --> 00:38:55,780 So you want to you want to keep it to your perspective your opinion? 491 00:38:57,220 --> 00:38:59,540 And not bite it so much 492 00:39:00,740 --> 00:39:08,260 Don't bite it. That's true. The next golden rule is just like Victoria said state facts not judgments don't judge 493 00:39:08,820 --> 00:39:15,860 And speak from truths speak from facts and that's being direct. Yeah, I mean and if that's confusing 494 00:39:15,940 --> 00:39:17,940 I think somewhere in there 495 00:39:18,020 --> 00:39:20,020 if if the 496 00:39:20,020 --> 00:39:23,300 If what you want to say or what you should be saying is 497 00:39:24,260 --> 00:39:26,260 You're being mean to me 498 00:39:27,460 --> 00:39:32,180 That would be putting blame and saying the word you and that could come across as aggressive 499 00:39:32,260 --> 00:39:35,460 so I think the flip for the assertive version of that is 500 00:39:36,580 --> 00:39:40,500 I feel like you're being really unkind to me right now in how you're talking 501 00:39:41,220 --> 00:39:43,220 And there's no confusion there 502 00:39:43,300 --> 00:39:48,100 Because if you say you're being mean they're like i'm not being mean right why you blah blah blah blah blah 503 00:39:48,100 --> 00:39:54,420 But if you're like what you're saying is really unkind to me and I don't I don't appreciate how you're behaving 504 00:39:54,660 --> 00:39:59,140 There's no mixed communication. There's no question. Exactly. There's no mixed communication 505 00:39:59,940 --> 00:40:06,580 And the last one is use open body language. So if stand up tall open up your arms don't cross your arms 506 00:40:06,660 --> 00:40:11,780 I mean literally victoria is on the top of the titanic right now. That's what I was thinking. Yeah, she was rose 507 00:40:12,100 --> 00:40:14,100 And the on the tip of the boat 508 00:40:14,100 --> 00:40:20,100 Um, but that's true because I am just thinking of the kids that I teach and when I'm giving them a correction 509 00:40:20,100 --> 00:40:23,540 And they're standing with their arms folded. They clearly don't want to hear 510 00:40:24,420 --> 00:40:28,900 The correction or anything that I have to say even if I'm saying good job, right? 511 00:40:28,980 --> 00:40:31,860 Like their arms are folded and that's a clear communication sign 512 00:40:32,260 --> 00:40:37,780 And it's you don't want to tell somebody you want to do something or you don't want to do something with your arms folded 513 00:40:38,260 --> 00:40:43,620 That's mixed communication. Right. Even if you're in a good mood and that's just something that's relaxing to you 514 00:40:43,620 --> 00:40:48,100 Because put your arms like that. Your body language is saying something completely different what your 515 00:40:48,900 --> 00:40:50,900 voice is saying. Assertiveness is 516 00:40:52,260 --> 00:40:55,860 quite literally making the boundaries and then 517 00:40:57,140 --> 00:40:59,940 Being confident enough to get your point across 518 00:41:01,220 --> 00:41:08,580 Exactly like we said without saying you you you even if you in my mind sometimes I'm like, oh if I if I say well 519 00:41:08,580 --> 00:41:13,700 You wanted this this is what you wanted. I'm doing what you wanted. That's not you're putting it on them 520 00:41:13,860 --> 00:41:18,980 Right, you're putting it on them. You have to reverse the situation put it on yourself and just I mean 521 00:41:19,940 --> 00:41:25,780 What's it called the the word of the day today is direct. Yeah, not rude taking responsibility 522 00:41:26,660 --> 00:41:27,860 uh 523 00:41:27,860 --> 00:41:33,860 Is when is what you're talking about and not putting it on somebody else because that gets aggressive even if you don't mean it 524 00:41:33,860 --> 00:41:38,260 aggressiveness comes from I think self entitlement and 525 00:41:39,140 --> 00:41:44,340 That is a big one like I'm gonna get this. I want it. I don't really care how I'm gonna get it 526 00:41:44,340 --> 00:41:50,260 I'm gonna say what I think and I think there's a difference between saying exactly how you feel 527 00:41:50,900 --> 00:41:58,020 and completely sugarcoating it and that's where assertiveness comes across because if you're feeling a certain way about something 528 00:41:58,020 --> 00:42:03,620 There are some people like Phoebe buffet who can say 529 00:42:04,420 --> 00:42:06,420 No, I don't want to I don't feel like it 530 00:42:06,980 --> 00:42:11,380 And then there's a way of sugarcoating it like me who will who will say anything 531 00:42:11,460 --> 00:42:16,820 I will dance around it because I don't want to hurt your feelings and assertiveness goes right through the center 532 00:42:18,340 --> 00:42:19,540 Right 533 00:42:19,540 --> 00:42:25,060 But the entitlement is aggressive is right. You're just talking. Yes. Yes. Yes. Yes. I think the the aggressive 534 00:42:25,060 --> 00:42:28,660 part is my people it's the type of people that say 535 00:42:29,780 --> 00:42:31,780 I'm not mean. I'm just blunt 536 00:42:31,780 --> 00:42:36,020 That I don't think is fair. I don't think that's a fair statement 537 00:42:37,300 --> 00:42:41,140 I don't know. Yeah, I agree. I don't I agree that I don't agree 538 00:42:42,180 --> 00:42:46,580 Being blunt or being being blunt is mean being direct 539 00:42:47,940 --> 00:42:51,380 Is being assertive right and there's there's a difference there 540 00:42:51,380 --> 00:42:56,340 So if you're somebody that says I'm not mean. I'm just blunt. Well, guess what you're rude 541 00:42:56,740 --> 00:43:00,260 You're rude. That's that's there's a piece of being rude and a little 542 00:43:01,140 --> 00:43:05,540 Unaware with that there. I read this I'm going to read it 543 00:43:06,500 --> 00:43:14,180 To word word for word people misunderstand the meaning of assertiveness and mistake it for aggression or excessive dominance 544 00:43:14,580 --> 00:43:18,340 In fact, assertiveness is a positive characteristic. Oh, yeah. Yeah 545 00:43:18,340 --> 00:43:22,260 Yeah, you want you want to teach and raise your children to be assertive 546 00:43:22,740 --> 00:43:26,980 Get your point across be respectful of whoever you're talking to all at the same time, right? 547 00:43:27,860 --> 00:43:29,060 To me 548 00:43:29,060 --> 00:43:36,260 I just feel like it's not that hard. I know but just like if you're me and you're thinking of busy town 549 00:43:36,980 --> 00:43:42,980 Like it shouldn't be that way, but I think that's how you like this is a perfect example and I am a 550 00:43:44,020 --> 00:43:45,220 I do it 551 00:43:45,220 --> 00:43:50,820 Like you say to your kids. Oh, give them a hug. Give them a hug. Well, melody doesn't want to give that person a hug 552 00:43:50,820 --> 00:43:55,460 Because she doesn't know them. I do so it's perfectly fine, but she doesn't 553 00:43:56,100 --> 00:44:02,340 So then that is teaching her about the whole boundaries thing and instead she could just say, you know what mom? 554 00:44:02,420 --> 00:44:07,380 I don't feel comfortable and I would back off. I see myself doing that sometimes and I'm like, I forget it 555 00:44:07,380 --> 00:44:11,300 She's not gonna say that right. I want I want them to learn that now 556 00:44:11,300 --> 00:44:16,420 Yeah, but don't you be the one to force that? I'm I'm testing them. No 557 00:44:16,980 --> 00:44:20,500 No, but I'm saying I see myself do that and I'm like, ah shoot 558 00:44:20,980 --> 00:44:23,860 That's what mom did. I know because you don't have to hug everybody 559 00:44:24,340 --> 00:44:27,940 That you don't know if you don't feel comfortable and I want them to be like 560 00:44:29,300 --> 00:44:35,380 Assertive about standing their ground and that's just a simple subject. I mean, there's so simple example 561 00:44:35,380 --> 00:44:36,980 There's so many other 562 00:44:36,980 --> 00:44:41,620 examples of things that we make our kids do that they don't want to do and 563 00:44:42,260 --> 00:44:44,500 They don't they shouldn't have to do right? 564 00:44:44,900 --> 00:44:50,020 There's a lot of things like what you're talking about at 38 and what I'm talking about at 35 565 00:44:51,060 --> 00:44:52,740 That it comes out 566 00:44:52,740 --> 00:44:58,980 At that age right because of one year nine and seven and four of things like that you were 567 00:44:59,300 --> 00:45:04,420 100 taught how to do right and that's hard. So Justin when Justin was here one time 568 00:45:04,420 --> 00:45:12,100 I can't remember what episode it was but he was saying that his kids are now openly talking to him about why they don't want to do something 569 00:45:12,180 --> 00:45:14,180 Or why they feel uncomfortable because 570 00:45:14,740 --> 00:45:17,300 Justin and abby ask them the questions 571 00:45:17,620 --> 00:45:20,900 Like if you don't ask them questions, you say like dean says no to me all the time 572 00:45:21,380 --> 00:45:25,940 Do I always say but why dean explain to me? Why no not all the time because we're like 573 00:45:26,340 --> 00:45:30,020 He doesn't want to put his coat on and it's two degrees. I'm like, I don't care put your coat on 574 00:45:30,020 --> 00:45:34,420 But if you stopped for a second and said, okay, tell me the reasons why? 575 00:45:35,460 --> 00:45:38,820 It may it does make a little bit of a difference so that when they get older 576 00:45:39,300 --> 00:45:44,340 They will come right out and say well, this is why I feel this way or this is why I don't want to do this 577 00:45:44,420 --> 00:45:51,620 Right, but it takes repetition. It takes time and it a lot of people don't it's frustrating sometimes it doesn't 578 00:45:52,420 --> 00:45:56,260 Yes, and it's frustrating because you want everything to be busy town and move really fast 579 00:45:56,260 --> 00:46:01,140 Yes, so there's a difference you do have to slow down to be like what you're feeling is anger 580 00:46:01,940 --> 00:46:07,380 Let's talk about it. And that's where I think they learn their emotions 581 00:46:08,580 --> 00:46:14,500 Of like I am feeling angry. This is what I've learned. This is what anger feels like or I've learned this is what 582 00:46:15,300 --> 00:46:19,780 You know excitement feels like right you're over excited. I'm over excited, you know 583 00:46:19,780 --> 00:46:26,180 Well, Andrew lives on that straight clear direct path. Yeah in a rocking chair with a piece of 584 00:46:26,820 --> 00:46:32,180 Like hay in his mouth and he's sitting on that rocking chair and he's just like twiddling that piece of hay 585 00:46:32,500 --> 00:46:34,500 and I'm in busy town and that's 586 00:46:35,700 --> 00:46:39,700 We need to like curve it a little bit you need to get out of it 587 00:46:39,780 --> 00:46:42,180 You need to take the road out of busy town 588 00:46:42,580 --> 00:46:45,060 But he also needs to get a little bit more suburban 589 00:46:45,060 --> 00:46:49,220 Right because he's in Beaumont and he needs to move in you need to move out 590 00:46:49,780 --> 00:46:52,580 Beaumont, where the hell is Beaumont? 591 00:46:53,380 --> 00:47:00,180 It's in Texas. So it's true though. That's very true. I think you just have you have learned behaviors 592 00:47:00,580 --> 00:47:03,540 Which is a reason that you might have bad 593 00:47:04,180 --> 00:47:08,020 Communication I don't want to say the word bad, but you have a lack of assertiveness, right? 594 00:47:08,740 --> 00:47:10,980 It's a learned trait. So if your parents 595 00:47:10,980 --> 00:47:16,020 Which weren't assertive and they behaved in a certain way you you can 596 00:47:18,260 --> 00:47:23,380 You're born into that right so you you are what you see a lot as a child. So here's the thing 597 00:47:24,180 --> 00:47:26,900 Mom always gets what she wants. She does 598 00:47:27,540 --> 00:47:29,540 But she knows how to do it 599 00:47:30,260 --> 00:47:35,300 Or in busy town by going around people's feelings, but she's oh I'm always like mom 600 00:47:35,300 --> 00:47:38,820 Why did you let this person get away with that and she's like I got it 601 00:47:38,820 --> 00:47:43,060 You got to give a little and then I'll get what ultimately I will get what I want 602 00:47:43,220 --> 00:47:48,900 So I think that's how we were raised to like ultimately will get what we want instead of 603 00:47:49,700 --> 00:47:51,700 I'm going to get what I want right now 604 00:47:52,260 --> 00:47:54,260 By being assertive like mom 605 00:47:54,500 --> 00:47:58,180 Goes around especially she's yes. She's passive and that's how I am 606 00:47:58,740 --> 00:48:04,020 That's how I am. I will yes, but not through text. You are certainly not through text 607 00:48:04,020 --> 00:48:09,540 You also are a lot of behaviors of mom of say hi. Did you say hi? Yes 608 00:48:10,420 --> 00:48:15,620 Mom, I love you. We talk to you about this all the time. So this isn't news to the world or to you, but 609 00:48:16,580 --> 00:48:20,580 Yeah, even as adults you walk into the room. Did you see this person say hi? Yeah 610 00:48:21,620 --> 00:48:25,620 That's you do that. Yes, I do your kids and I'll go Harley. She already said hi to me 611 00:48:25,780 --> 00:48:28,260 Yeah, or if I ask melody a question you answer 612 00:48:29,540 --> 00:48:31,540 Well, that's because I know the answer I 613 00:48:31,540 --> 00:48:35,780 Don't want to talk to you anymore than I have to I don't want to talk to you 614 00:48:35,780 --> 00:48:36,820 I don't want to hear from you 615 00:48:36,820 --> 00:48:41,860 But that's true and that's Carly that's you being in busy town not fully being in the moment of the room 616 00:48:42,260 --> 00:48:44,260 And wanting it to happen faster 617 00:48:44,740 --> 00:48:48,740 Than it's happening or not paying attention. Yeah, I do the same thing 618 00:48:48,820 --> 00:48:55,860 I just don't have kids to to see it more often or more directly like you have, you know passing down the trauma 619 00:48:55,860 --> 00:49:00,580 There's a lot of reasons I'm not going to list all of them 620 00:49:00,580 --> 00:49:06,340 But like if you felt like your voice with silence as a kid or you were ignored or misunderstood 621 00:49:07,220 --> 00:49:11,460 If you just constantly had those busy town irrational thoughts 622 00:49:12,900 --> 00:49:17,220 Which is it's a fun town. It's really fun necessarily from your parents 623 00:49:17,220 --> 00:49:23,140 That's just like kind of how your brain is wired. I don't think that's like a learned trait or if it's a learned behavior 624 00:49:23,140 --> 00:49:27,380 From your parents or your guardians, whoever you got brought up with 625 00:49:28,340 --> 00:49:30,340 stressful life events 626 00:49:30,900 --> 00:49:32,900 No actual like 627 00:49:32,900 --> 00:49:34,900 positive feedback as a kid 628 00:49:35,300 --> 00:49:40,500 Any of those are reasons why you might be a more passive person as an adult, right? 629 00:49:41,060 --> 00:49:45,220 And there's like a ton more on that list, but like those are the easiest ones to kind of I think they're 630 00:49:46,020 --> 00:49:48,020 common 631 00:49:48,020 --> 00:49:49,380 But you can 632 00:49:49,380 --> 00:49:53,860 Retrain your brain. You can you do not have to live passively 633 00:49:54,740 --> 00:50:00,340 Forever you can be assertive. You have to work for it though. You have to try and you have to work for it 634 00:50:00,420 --> 00:50:04,820 I think that um, some of you might be getting stuck on the word passive meaning 635 00:50:05,700 --> 00:50:09,940 Well passive aggressive is what you're thinking. No, no, no passive meaning. It doesn't really bother you 636 00:50:09,940 --> 00:50:15,620 You sort of just let people walk all over you. That's indifferent. That is that's indifferent. Correct. Because when you were saying passive 637 00:50:15,620 --> 00:50:21,780 I was like, I am not passive like I don't let people walk all over me. That's not actually what passive 638 00:50:22,340 --> 00:50:27,060 What we're talking about right indifferent is is kind of dismissive of like 639 00:50:27,700 --> 00:50:32,020 Yeah, but passive and assertive are opposite right right right right. Got it 640 00:50:32,420 --> 00:50:36,900 But how do you train your brain? You do what you're doing right now. You become aware of it. Mm-hmm, right? 641 00:50:37,220 --> 00:50:39,220 Having awareness is the first step 642 00:50:39,940 --> 00:50:41,780 wanting to change 643 00:50:41,780 --> 00:50:46,340 I'm wanting to change but you have to take action. You can't just like want it into effect, right? 644 00:50:46,740 --> 00:50:48,740 So then positive self-talk 645 00:50:48,820 --> 00:50:50,820 That's a big one. Mm-hmm 646 00:50:50,900 --> 00:50:56,500 Because it comes from negative self-talk. Are you looking at me? Yeah, I'm looking right at you. Oh, okay negative self-talk is like 647 00:50:57,140 --> 00:51:00,100 That guilt of like why I can't say this to make the other person 648 00:51:00,820 --> 00:51:04,020 Feel better right like you have this like negative thought pattern 649 00:51:04,500 --> 00:51:08,660 Of why being assertive is too much or why being assertive is too aggressive right or why right? 650 00:51:08,660 --> 00:51:15,860 So there's this positive talk that has to happen to build the confidence right and then the assertive comes 651 00:51:16,260 --> 00:51:18,260 Sort of nisk comes on confident 652 00:51:18,260 --> 00:51:22,420 So it's not that you have a low self-esteem clearly. Have you seen any carly's outfit choices? She is 653 00:51:23,140 --> 00:51:26,260 a very confident person on her superficial on her 654 00:51:27,220 --> 00:51:28,500 mental 655 00:51:28,500 --> 00:51:33,940 I don't want to hurt my my my mental problem is that I just don't want to hurt anybody's feelings 656 00:51:33,940 --> 00:51:40,420 You have to be okay with disappointing people. Yeah, you have to be okay with people not liking your answers 657 00:51:40,660 --> 00:51:47,220 And you have to move on and that's how that's how you be assertive. So it's it's that easy guys podcast over guess what therapy 658 00:51:47,860 --> 00:51:55,300 Damn it therapy because cognitive behavioral therapy, which is talk therapy a therapist is going to help you 659 00:51:56,500 --> 00:52:02,260 Talk about your emotions of what's wrapped around certain situations. They're going to help you 660 00:52:02,260 --> 00:52:04,260 analyze 661 00:52:04,500 --> 00:52:10,020 The irrational thoughts that you're thinking in your head and then you'll find that path out of busy town because you're like 662 00:52:10,020 --> 00:52:14,100 Oh, that's what that means for me. Why do I think that? Why do I go there? 663 00:52:14,420 --> 00:52:17,300 And they will openly because all a therapist is 664 00:52:18,180 --> 00:52:20,180 Is open-ended questions 665 00:52:20,500 --> 00:52:22,500 So that you talk your way 666 00:52:22,820 --> 00:52:27,460 Into what you know, I mean my my therapist doesn't give me any 667 00:52:28,500 --> 00:52:30,500 piece of advice 668 00:52:30,500 --> 00:52:37,220 Just doesn't give me advice. I see questions. I would not do well. She but but it's because I have word vomit and then she's like 669 00:52:37,700 --> 00:52:39,700 Oh, well, where did that come from? 670 00:52:39,700 --> 00:52:44,500 Why did you think that and I will figure it out and say it out loud without thinking 671 00:52:44,900 --> 00:52:49,780 Because I I don't have time to think I'm just talking and then I'm like, oh my god. That's what I can't believe 672 00:52:49,780 --> 00:52:52,740 I was thinking that is that what we're not doing right now is 673 00:52:53,860 --> 00:52:58,500 Why would I pay somebody else to do that? That's what we're doing every every week in any case 674 00:52:58,500 --> 00:53:05,300 No, no, that is it's truly that's that's a good therapist. They also well they give tools as well 675 00:53:05,700 --> 00:53:10,900 Oh, yeah, she'll give you like, you know when you go into this event that you're worried about try 676 00:53:11,540 --> 00:53:16,820 Try doing what we just said and try doing that and then that's where you know, not just oh, yeah 677 00:53:17,140 --> 00:53:21,940 I'm just kidding. Victoria is no we're close to being a therapist. She doesn't help me at all. So 678 00:53:21,940 --> 00:53:29,540 Okay, well we are going to move on 679 00:53:30,900 --> 00:53:35,140 Into Carly's only way to communicate which is games 680 00:53:38,500 --> 00:53:40,900 We're gonna play two communication games 681 00:53:41,620 --> 00:53:46,340 Are you ready? So ready. Okay. The first one is called taboo 682 00:53:46,340 --> 00:53:52,020 Oh, do I get to a buzzer? You don't it's called um 683 00:53:53,460 --> 00:54:00,980 There you go. There's your buzzer. So I sent you a picture. I haven't looked at them. Okay, you can 684 00:54:01,540 --> 00:54:06,580 Look at look and pick one word at a time. It's playing taboo. You have to describe 685 00:54:07,140 --> 00:54:09,780 The word to me without saying the word. Okay. Okay 686 00:54:09,780 --> 00:54:15,780 Okay, communication game number one really fun to play with your friends fun to play in the workplace if you're trying to 687 00:54:16,660 --> 00:54:19,700 You know open up the lines of communication. Okay, okay 688 00:54:20,420 --> 00:54:23,140 Billy stop sign college 689 00:54:23,700 --> 00:54:25,300 criminal 690 00:54:25,300 --> 00:54:27,300 sort of 691 00:54:27,460 --> 00:54:28,740 Action 692 00:54:28,740 --> 00:54:30,740 running he did 693 00:54:30,980 --> 00:54:32,260 jail 694 00:54:32,260 --> 00:54:33,380 yes 695 00:54:33,380 --> 00:54:34,420 but 696 00:54:34,420 --> 00:54:35,940 police 697 00:54:35,940 --> 00:54:39,940 Action arrested. Yes. Wow. We'll get better. Okay 698 00:54:42,100 --> 00:54:44,100 Sorry Billy 699 00:54:44,820 --> 00:54:50,020 Yeah, we won't tell you anything about that. None of us we are not letting you in on what she was just saying figure it out 700 00:54:50,100 --> 00:54:52,100 No, I literally said police 701 00:54:52,420 --> 00:54:54,420 stop sign college 702 00:54:54,660 --> 00:54:57,300 You can figure it out. Yeah. Okay. Okay 703 00:54:58,020 --> 00:55:00,020 Sephora makeup 704 00:55:00,020 --> 00:55:08,420 Okay, did I get it? Yep. I'm amazing communicator. Yeah die. That's it 705 00:55:09,140 --> 00:55:10,260 dirt 706 00:55:10,260 --> 00:55:11,220 headstone 707 00:55:11,220 --> 00:55:13,220 grave. Yes 708 00:55:13,300 --> 00:55:15,300 Okay, so men 709 00:55:16,100 --> 00:55:20,740 Usually have this definitely in the 70s. You want me to say it? Yeah 710 00:55:21,780 --> 00:55:24,420 I do you said men usually have this 711 00:55:25,220 --> 00:55:26,580 Oh 712 00:55:26,580 --> 00:55:27,780 my 713 00:55:27,780 --> 00:55:31,060 God, it's on their face beard 714 00:55:31,860 --> 00:55:34,020 Goatee. It's mustache. Okay 715 00:55:36,180 --> 00:55:38,180 Not your knee 716 00:55:38,500 --> 00:55:40,500 But not your toes 717 00:55:40,820 --> 00:55:42,020 shin 718 00:55:42,020 --> 00:55:42,980 tibia 719 00:55:42,980 --> 00:55:44,180 lower 720 00:55:44,180 --> 00:55:44,980 ankle 721 00:55:44,980 --> 00:55:46,100 Yes 722 00:55:46,100 --> 00:55:53,300 We are not good at this. We're not describing things. We're just we're not hopefully figuring it out. Not good communicators 723 00:55:53,780 --> 00:55:55,300 Okay, last one 724 00:55:55,300 --> 00:55:56,180 bath 725 00:55:56,180 --> 00:55:57,300 kids 726 00:55:57,300 --> 00:55:58,900 shampoo 727 00:55:58,900 --> 00:56:00,900 hygiene no 728 00:56:01,300 --> 00:56:04,420 Fun you've already said bath so I can't say bath time right 729 00:56:05,460 --> 00:56:06,820 circle 730 00:56:06,820 --> 00:56:08,100 shampoo 731 00:56:08,100 --> 00:56:09,780 a pool 732 00:56:09,780 --> 00:56:11,460 in the bath 733 00:56:11,460 --> 00:56:14,580 Circle, okay. I'm gonna go with a different direction. Decusie? 734 00:56:15,380 --> 00:56:17,380 smack 735 00:56:18,020 --> 00:56:20,020 What? Lips 736 00:56:21,780 --> 00:56:24,580 Are you eating in the shower? This one's horrible 737 00:56:24,580 --> 00:56:29,460 So easy. I think you're okay. Give me give me one more before I 738 00:56:29,860 --> 00:56:31,860 Babe Ruth 739 00:56:33,540 --> 00:56:38,340 You need to babe Ruth with your children more in the bath and eat smack 740 00:56:39,220 --> 00:56:40,820 circle 741 00:56:40,820 --> 00:56:42,340 shampoo 742 00:56:42,340 --> 00:56:46,340 Everyone's screaming this right now exfoliate rhymes with 743 00:56:47,780 --> 00:56:49,220 Shmubble 744 00:56:49,220 --> 00:56:51,220 bubble 745 00:56:51,220 --> 00:56:58,660 What what how how would you have described bubble if you can't see if you can't say gum soap blow or pop 746 00:56:58,820 --> 00:57:00,820 Where's babe Ruth in this? 747 00:57:00,980 --> 00:57:03,540 um in the movie sandlot he had a 748 00:57:04,980 --> 00:57:10,580 You got a piece of gum when you bought his card and babe Ruth has a kind of gum 749 00:57:10,740 --> 00:57:13,940 I would like to tell you that I am angry. That is my communicative 750 00:57:15,300 --> 00:57:17,300 Emotion right now. I feel great 751 00:57:17,300 --> 00:57:20,900 Okay, next game. Hurry up. It's called rapid fire 752 00:57:21,700 --> 00:57:23,700 communication station 753 00:57:23,860 --> 00:57:29,700 Okay, quickly answer the question and you get to know a lot about their deepest darkest secrets 754 00:57:29,860 --> 00:57:34,500 I will never finish the sentence. I will never. Oh, okay. So the rules are to finish the sentence 755 00:57:34,740 --> 00:57:36,260 First of all, that's a piece of communication 756 00:57:36,260 --> 00:57:40,260 You did not say that I have to finish the sentence of the things that are about to come out of your mouth 757 00:57:40,580 --> 00:57:45,460 Communication station finish the sentence. I will never do this with you ever again 758 00:57:45,460 --> 00:57:48,740 You won't find me here on the couch with you tomorrow 759 00:57:50,100 --> 00:57:52,100 I'll never throw out 760 00:57:52,820 --> 00:57:57,300 My dog. I knew you were gonna say that. I knew you were gonna say that 761 00:57:58,340 --> 00:58:02,340 She was right here. I didn't know what else to say. You're so dumb. I have never 762 00:58:03,780 --> 00:58:05,780 Jumped out of a plane 763 00:58:05,780 --> 00:58:07,780 I'll never be into 764 00:58:08,420 --> 00:58:10,420 you 765 00:58:10,420 --> 00:58:17,380 I'll always be into me. Catch me outside doing 766 00:58:18,180 --> 00:58:19,860 walking 767 00:58:19,860 --> 00:58:21,700 Catch me outside 768 00:58:21,700 --> 00:58:23,700 In case I go missing 769 00:58:24,100 --> 00:58:26,100 Don't call Carly 770 00:58:26,420 --> 00:58:28,420 I won't answer 771 00:58:28,820 --> 00:58:30,820 I very much dislike 772 00:58:32,900 --> 00:58:35,780 Starbucks I I love 773 00:58:35,780 --> 00:58:37,780 Voila 774 00:58:39,140 --> 00:58:42,180 Guess what you're a good communicator 775 00:58:43,860 --> 00:58:45,860 Well, once I learned the rules 776 00:58:48,020 --> 00:58:52,820 So we want to thank all of you for coming to Carly's therapy session 777 00:58:54,020 --> 00:58:56,020 time 66 778 00:58:58,020 --> 00:59:00,260 If you've learned nothing else today 779 00:59:00,260 --> 00:59:04,340 We always want you to remember how hard my life is 780 00:59:06,020 --> 00:59:08,180 And that we are all fit 781 00:59:09,860 --> 00:59:13,700 To be real and always allowed to be a little extra 782 00:59:21,700 --> 00:59:23,700 Get the 783 00:59:24,020 --> 00:59:26,020 Hell out of here 784 00:59:26,020 --> 00:59:34,340 For legal reasons we have to tell you that this podcast is meant for entertainment and educational purposes only we are not healthcare professionals 785 00:59:34,660 --> 00:59:37,460 For all of your health wellness fitness and self-care needs 786 00:59:37,620 --> 00:59:43,620 Please refer to the medical professional in your life your primary care physician your therapist a certified coach 787 00:59:43,860 --> 00:59:49,060 Whoever it may be and then let us know what they say because I guarantee we need to know what to do 788 00:59:49,700 --> 00:59:51,220 Okay 789 00:59:51,220 --> 00:59:57,220 Okay, bye