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Welcome to Fit to Be Real.

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And a little extra.

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Are you holding a grudge?

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Always.

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Do you feel?

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Oh.

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I was going to do this whole intro.

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Oh, sorry.

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But that's really all we need.

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That's about it.

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That's the point of the whole episode today.

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We are going to talk about arguments, grudges,

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how to let go, and everything in between.

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Everything in between, which you wouldn't think

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there would be a lot in between.

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But there's a lot to this.

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Well, there are many levels.

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And I think one of the biggest things in this episode

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specifically today will be how many times I will sing,

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let it go.

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Oh, god.

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I knew.

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I knew that was part of your plan.

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This was my idea episode, by the way.

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I got to let it go.

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Yes.

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You have to.

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Let it go.

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I took it down.

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You're, yeah.

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I took it way down.

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Sorry, Adina, way down.

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Adele Dazeem does not approve.

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Adele Dazeem.

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You may hear Carly's pepiness is a little bit different today.

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Two weeks ago, I was the ill one, and now she is the ill one.

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We just like to share everything.

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My pep is still up, but my vocal cords are pretty down.

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No, but seriously, I was thinking about doing

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an episode like this because I am not an expert

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and I have a very hard time with this, like a very hard time.

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Wow, can you hear that she's holding her grudge right now

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and she's like really upset about something?

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I hold on to things and it eats me away from the inside.

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Yeah, it does.

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Well, let's get into it.

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I'm Victoria.

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Hey, guys, I'm Carly.

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Oh, it's still there.

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Hey, guys.

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Hey, guys, it's Carly.

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What up?

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I like them all.

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OK, I like them all.

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I will not hold any grudge against you.

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So yeah, we have all been in situations where we've been hurt.

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It's usually when we've been hurt or embarrassed or it's not usually

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an agree to disagree kind of conversation.

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No.

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You have to be like feeling on the outs or something like that.

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Agree to disagree is basically neutral.

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You're just looking at looking at it and then walking your separate ways.

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Right.

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A grudge is like standing there.

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I'm picturing it in my mind is standing there with like arms crossed, not.

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We're not budging.

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And that grudge rhymes with budge.

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That's all I can input today.

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Yeah, so a grudge.

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OK, they're hard to get out of, especially if you are wired that way.

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But I don't know why I hold on to them for so long.

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I would love to.

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Let it go.

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I would like to invite you to take a drink every time she sings.

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Let it go.

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But make sure please do not be driving.

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So grudges are holding on to feelings for too long.

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That's basically all it is.

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Yeah, it's a feeling.

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It's a feeling problem.

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It's a feeling problem to break it down.

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I mean, that really is all it is to break it down even more.

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They they say that if you are prone or tend to hold grudges as your primary

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reactionary go to, it's either a low self-esteem, poor coping skills.

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You've obviously been embarrassed or hurt by someone else.

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You have a short temper.

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Or I don't know what that was.

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I keep on.

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I keep on.

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Or anxiety, which everybody has all of those things, right, to some degree.

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I think that's just the human condition.

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Yeah, I think and we all might not be all or nothing.

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Like I have a little of this, a little of this, not any of that one,

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but a lot of that one.

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Like it's like a smorgasbord.

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A smorgasbord.

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Oh, yeah.

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I think a smorgasborg is an org from trolls.

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A smorgasbord.

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I don't know.

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I want some I want some medicine right now.

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I think it's called a grudge.

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Yes, I think it's a grudge.

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So holding grudges is just blaming the other person.

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And then it's a form of self-protection.

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Yes. Did you read that?

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Yes. And that that was a big one, I think.

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Well, that resonated with me because I think I hold grudges to protect myself

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and I hold grudges for other people.

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Like if somebody hurt you, I hold a grudge against that person in protection of you.

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So I think that was a big one for me.

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And you do the same.

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Victoria can can she will forgive.

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Actually, Victoria is very good at forgiving, but she will never forget.

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Well, I thought about this when I was reading it.

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Old Victoria, previous Victoria, would be shut down, put up a wall.

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Yeah. Grudge holder.

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There was no coming back coming back.

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And I think that was like through college up until I don't know,

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honestly, probably till I was 30 and I'm 35.

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So only until we saw that medium.

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That was a game changer.

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Yeah, that was a game change.

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Life changed.

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Yeah. So 30, 30 years of my life, I think that was my skill.

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And it was a self-protection because I was a self-protector.

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Self-protection because it's so much easier to put that wall up and not feel feelings

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than feel the bad feelings and or learn how to feel the bad feelings and let them go

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and or deal with them. Right. Yeah.

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Yeah, I like how you say.

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Yeah, I like this medicine that you're on.

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It's just it's different ways to see the same thing, which is usual for for our back and forth.

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But you're you're really killing it.

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Well, how do you say it in English?

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It's a dayquil.

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It's new.

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I love the dayquil.

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It just came out on the market.

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That's good.

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That's good.

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So there are mental health effects to holding your grudge.

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It can actually affect you in a poor way to just hold on to these feelings mentally and physically.

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Yes, but we're going to talk about mental health effects.

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Oh, yeah.

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And then we'll get to the physical.

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So you feel anger, resentment, bitterness, hopelessness, emptiness and rage a lot easier than other emotions and you hold them for longer.

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Those are horrible.

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They aren't to think about like that's how you live.

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That's how you walk around.

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Right.

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So they skewing your mind to only go to the negative or go to the negative first before any other emotion to be if you're holding grudges and that's like you're go to.

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Right.

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And you will never really look at the positive first.

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You're not training yourself to do that.

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That's like a pessimist in definition.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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And you are unable to be present in the moment because you're living in the past.

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In the past.

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I read that and I was like, oh, that hit.

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Yeah.

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You can.

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That makes a lot of sense for you.

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For me.

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Yeah.

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Because I have a hard time living in the moment.

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Yeah.

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Like that's just.

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But that's why.

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You can easily go back and rehash whatever has happened before.

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And then it's self inflicted daily pain.

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And this is for the mental health effects.

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Self inflicted daily pain.

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It's what you said it in a previous episode.

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It's like drinking poison and expecting the other person to die or.

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It was something about tea.

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No, you said it.

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It was a it was a meme on like drinking the tea, but it could either be karma.

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Karma.

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Karma.

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We were talking about karma.

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Yeah.

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But it's the same thing holding your grudge and holding onto those feelings and constantly

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replaying this, the conversation.

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Oh, that is over and over in your head.

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Yeah.

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That's you drinking poison and looking at the other person and being like, when are they

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going to collapse?

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No, you're the one collapsing.

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Right.

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Right.

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So that's self inflicted daily pain.

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It produces anxiety.

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Aggressive behavior of us.

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Depression.

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Only aggressive behavior when you're in the moment.

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Yes.

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When it's happening.

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I'm very sharp.

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Carly's not aggressive.

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I can be very biting.

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Biting.

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Yeah.

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Depression.

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Emotional dysregulation, which everybody has to a degree, but holding grudges, you

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probably live in that like infinitely mood disorders, self harm.

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It could get to that self harm state of mind and burnout.

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Yeah.

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And burnout.

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Those are really horrible.

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So the way to work through all of that is the easy, easy action of forgiveness and acceptance.

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You know, so here's a little side note.

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Everyone always thinks that I am the nice one and Victoria is like the tougher one.

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It is the complete opposite.

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I don't smile as much as you do.

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I think that's, I really do think that's what it is.

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I am very sharp and very biting and I will cut you off immediately.

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And Victoria will say, can just hold on a second.

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Let like think about it.

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That's not what happened.

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I wasn't always like that though.

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I really, I wasn't very, I'm, I've just evolved.

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Just kidding.

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And I haven't evolved yet.

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I'm just kidding.

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She's too busy to evolve.

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She's too busy.

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She's got three kids.

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She's trying to keep the business afloat.

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She's married.

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She's trying to cut people out of my life.

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I don't have enough time.

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Victoria is like, hold up, back up.

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Well, there's a sense of boundaries there when you cut people off.

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Like we have talked about that before.

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Creating healthy boundaries sometimes is saying goodbye to people that need to be not a part of your timeline anymore.

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However, not every fight or argument or situation requires the cutoff.

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No.

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And I think because of my confrontational, I don't like it.

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I don't like to confrontate.

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Ooh.

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It is now.

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I don't like to confrontate.

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So I avoid it and then hope it goes away.

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But harbor.

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But, but I will exactly, I will hold the grudge because I don't want to have a confrontation and I'll pretend that it didn't happen.

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But I'm literally, you're still dying inside.

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Yeah.

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So here's how that affects you physically.

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Cardiovascular issues, heart problems, see previous episode of heart conditions.

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Okay.

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So that could essentially affect your cardiovascular system.

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Digestion and gut problems and gut health is directly related to mental health.

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We should do an episode on that.

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Gut health is directly related to mental health.

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I'm not going to say it again.

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I was just going to say.

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Reproduction issues.

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Oh, really?

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It's, I think that's all the same type of thing.

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Yeah.

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Mental health, I think, and I don't know much or anything about.

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I like pregnancy or anything.

264
00:11:12,560 --> 00:11:15,560
Or pregnancy or anything like that.

265
00:11:15,560 --> 00:11:17,560
But they always say the same thing.

266
00:11:17,560 --> 00:11:19,560
We try to relax, de-stress.

267
00:11:19,560 --> 00:11:20,560
Yeah.

268
00:11:20,560 --> 00:11:21,560
It will come naturally.

269
00:11:21,560 --> 00:11:27,560
It will try, you know, you have to, you can't be trying to get pregnant with your shoulders up in your ears and like life is just a ball of cortisol.

270
00:11:27,560 --> 00:11:29,560
I mean, have you never seen Sex in the City movie?

271
00:11:29,560 --> 00:11:35,560
Charlotte was a ball of stress, could not get pregnant, adopted, and then got pregnant.

272
00:11:35,560 --> 00:11:36,560
Right.

273
00:11:36,560 --> 00:11:38,560
Because she was not stressed about it anymore.

274
00:11:38,560 --> 00:11:39,560
Yeah.

275
00:11:39,560 --> 00:11:42,560
I learned everything I need to know from Sex in the City.

276
00:11:42,560 --> 00:11:45,560
That's all of our research, by the way.

277
00:11:45,560 --> 00:11:48,560
When we say click on the articles, we really just mean go watch Sex in the City.

278
00:11:48,560 --> 00:11:50,560
I'm just kidding.

279
00:11:50,560 --> 00:11:51,560
Lack of sleep.

280
00:11:51,560 --> 00:11:52,560
Yeah.

281
00:11:52,560 --> 00:11:53,560
Oh, yes.

282
00:11:53,560 --> 00:11:56,560
Insomnia or just poor sleeping habits.

283
00:11:56,560 --> 00:11:59,560
And mind.

284
00:11:59,560 --> 00:12:05,560
A immune system, which opens you up for ailments, cancer, and everything else in between.

285
00:12:05,560 --> 00:12:10,560
And all of that just comes from harboring grudges, which is negative emotions.

286
00:12:10,560 --> 00:12:16,560
And it sounds a lot easier said than done, but you control it.

287
00:12:16,560 --> 00:12:22,560
So like you can control all those mental and physical ailments to not have them.

288
00:12:22,560 --> 00:12:25,560
You have the power to do it, but it is very difficult.

289
00:12:25,560 --> 00:12:27,560
It is so hard.

290
00:12:27,560 --> 00:12:31,560
I starred this, so I'm going to assume that I thought it was important.

291
00:12:31,560 --> 00:12:39,560
Another physical health effect and mental, I guess, is memory issues and perception of reality.

292
00:12:39,560 --> 00:12:41,560
Perception of reality, I think, is huge.

293
00:12:41,560 --> 00:12:46,560
They're associated with holding grudges because you believe things are happening one way,

294
00:12:46,560 --> 00:12:50,560
and maybe 12 people around you are like, wait, that's not what happened.

295
00:12:50,560 --> 00:12:58,560
And then you dissociate, which is forget, or your mind blocks out the issue.

296
00:12:58,560 --> 00:13:02,560
And then you have like black holes in memory.

297
00:13:02,560 --> 00:13:03,560
Right.

298
00:13:03,560 --> 00:13:14,560
That is very important because I do think that people have a false sense of reality when it comes to negative situations that they've been in,

299
00:13:14,560 --> 00:13:18,560
or they believe it to be so true that they made it up in their mind.

300
00:13:18,560 --> 00:13:19,560
Yeah.

301
00:13:19,560 --> 00:13:21,560
And that it's a false sense of reality.

302
00:13:21,560 --> 00:13:23,560
I think that's a big one.

303
00:13:23,560 --> 00:13:25,560
I'm glad you starred it.

304
00:13:25,560 --> 00:13:26,560
I did.

305
00:13:26,560 --> 00:13:27,560
I starred it.

306
00:13:27,560 --> 00:13:34,560
Then there was a third part of this article that said the social effects of being a grudge holder.

307
00:13:34,560 --> 00:13:38,560
And I read it, and all I wrote was, no friends.

308
00:13:38,560 --> 00:13:41,560
Because it says you don't socialize.

309
00:13:41,560 --> 00:13:43,560
Well, it's because nobody wants to be around you.

310
00:13:43,560 --> 00:13:51,560
When you have presented yourself as this tough, hard wall of, my God, I don't want to thank God, I'm on her good side type of person.

311
00:13:51,560 --> 00:13:54,560
You don't really have any real friends because they're not going to vent to you.

312
00:13:54,560 --> 00:13:55,560
They're not going to open up to you.

313
00:13:55,560 --> 00:13:56,560
They're not going to let you in.

314
00:13:56,560 --> 00:14:02,560
And then you're probably going to start being not invited to the happy hour because they don't want you around.

315
00:14:02,560 --> 00:14:08,560
And you don't want to go because you live in a negative headspace and world.

316
00:14:08,560 --> 00:14:09,560
So why would you want to go?

317
00:14:09,560 --> 00:14:10,560
Right.

318
00:14:10,560 --> 00:14:12,560
Because you are just living in a dark cloud.

319
00:14:12,560 --> 00:14:17,560
You're on edge and you're kind of ready to fight when it gets presented to you.

320
00:14:17,560 --> 00:14:18,560
Oh, she got excited for that.

321
00:14:18,560 --> 00:14:21,560
I just, I'm in a...

322
00:14:21,560 --> 00:14:32,560
We're going through a bit of a thing right now where this will be very helpful because a lot of times you hold grudges because you don't get the outcome that you want.

323
00:14:32,560 --> 00:14:37,560
And the outcome that we want is an apology because we've been hurt.

324
00:14:37,560 --> 00:14:45,560
And or acknowledgement that somebody else is in the wrong either as solely or in addition.

325
00:14:45,560 --> 00:14:46,560
I think awareness.

326
00:14:46,560 --> 00:14:47,560
Right.

327
00:14:47,560 --> 00:15:07,560
I have the problem which I think a lot of people have is I respect people so much and almost to my detriment because I will go above and beyond for somebody else so that when I've been hurt or disrespected, I'm not going to let it go.

328
00:15:07,560 --> 00:15:08,560
Right.

329
00:15:08,560 --> 00:15:12,560
I'm going to make you acknowledge that you disrespected me.

330
00:15:12,560 --> 00:15:16,560
And when I don't get it, that acknowledgement, there's the grudge.

331
00:15:16,560 --> 00:15:21,560
There's the shut down or not shut down cut off.

332
00:15:21,560 --> 00:15:29,560
And I'm just like, no, I'm going to keep coming back at you until you give me the respect I deserve and you don't get it.

333
00:15:29,560 --> 00:15:30,560
You'll never get it.

334
00:15:30,560 --> 00:15:31,560
I'll never get it.

335
00:15:31,560 --> 00:15:40,560
Because people that have no awareness and that are engaging in such disrespect that you do have to engage in one of the ways to stop all this is disengaging.

336
00:15:40,560 --> 00:15:47,560
But those people will never be the first to own up or not want the last word.

337
00:15:47,560 --> 00:15:50,560
Nine times out of 10, they just want the last word and it's never going to be an apology.

338
00:15:50,560 --> 00:15:52,560
And that's what eats at you too.

339
00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:53,560
Right.

340
00:15:53,560 --> 00:15:59,560
And I think that's where I get myself into a bind because then there's me trying to get the last word to be like, you're wrong.

341
00:15:59,560 --> 00:16:00,560
Acknowledge that you're wrong.

342
00:16:00,560 --> 00:16:01,560
And I'm never going to get that.

343
00:16:01,560 --> 00:16:03,560
So there's me bringing myself down to their level.

344
00:16:03,560 --> 00:16:04,560
Exactly.

345
00:16:04,560 --> 00:16:05,560
Yeah.

346
00:16:05,560 --> 00:16:06,560
Exactly.

347
00:16:06,560 --> 00:16:11,560
And I'm going to talk about some, you know, some tips to not hold a grudge.

348
00:16:11,560 --> 00:16:12,560
Yeah.

349
00:16:12,560 --> 00:16:13,560
To sort of let it go.

350
00:16:13,560 --> 00:16:15,560
Let it go.

351
00:16:15,560 --> 00:16:21,560
I started too high at this vocal range right now.

352
00:16:21,560 --> 00:16:22,560
Do it again.

353
00:16:22,560 --> 00:16:24,560
Let it go.

354
00:16:24,560 --> 00:16:25,560
Gule.

355
00:16:25,560 --> 00:16:26,560
Wait.

356
00:16:26,560 --> 00:16:27,560
Let it go.

357
00:16:27,560 --> 00:16:28,560
Let it go.

358
00:16:28,560 --> 00:16:29,560
Gule.

359
00:16:29,560 --> 00:16:35,560
If you are old enough to know who Robert Gule is, you can stay.

360
00:16:35,560 --> 00:16:36,560
Oh my God.

361
00:16:36,560 --> 00:16:38,560
If you're not, look it up.

362
00:16:38,560 --> 00:16:39,560
Okay.

363
00:16:39,560 --> 00:16:40,560
Is it worth it?

364
00:16:40,560 --> 00:16:44,560
So the number one tip is decide if you want to win the battle.

365
00:16:44,560 --> 00:16:47,560
Do you really want to win this battle?

366
00:16:47,560 --> 00:16:53,560
And if you had talked to me in the beginning of grudge holding, I would say 100%.

367
00:16:53,560 --> 00:16:56,560
It's about me winning the battle.

368
00:16:56,560 --> 00:17:01,560
Who's like, who's deciding that you've won?

369
00:17:01,560 --> 00:17:02,560
Right.

370
00:17:02,560 --> 00:17:03,560
You know what I mean?

371
00:17:03,560 --> 00:17:06,560
You win by just letting it go.

372
00:17:06,560 --> 00:17:07,560
Like that's how you win.

373
00:17:07,560 --> 00:17:11,560
But that's only if you are in a good mental headspace.

374
00:17:11,560 --> 00:17:12,560
Sure.

375
00:17:12,560 --> 00:17:13,560
Sure.

376
00:17:13,560 --> 00:17:14,560
Sure.

377
00:17:14,560 --> 00:17:15,560
Sure.

378
00:17:15,560 --> 00:17:16,560
Sure.

379
00:17:16,560 --> 00:17:17,560
Sure.

380
00:17:17,560 --> 00:17:18,560
Sure.

381
00:17:18,560 --> 00:17:19,560
Sure.

382
00:17:19,560 --> 00:17:20,560
Sure.

383
00:17:20,560 --> 00:17:21,560
Sure.

384
00:17:21,560 --> 00:17:22,560
Sure.

385
00:17:22,560 --> 00:17:23,560
Sure.

386
00:17:23,560 --> 00:17:24,560
Sure.

387
00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:25,560
Sure.

388
00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:26,560
Sure.

389
00:17:26,560 --> 00:17:27,560
Sure.

390
00:17:27,560 --> 00:17:28,560
Sure.

391
00:17:28,560 --> 00:17:29,560
Sure.

392
00:17:29,560 --> 00:17:30,560
Sure.

393
00:17:30,560 --> 00:17:31,560
Sure.

394
00:17:31,560 --> 00:17:32,560
Sure.

395
00:17:32,560 --> 00:17:38,160
So what is so unimportant in the grand scheme of life, that who cares?

396
00:17:38,160 --> 00:17:40,320
You have to be okay.

397
00:17:40,320 --> 00:17:45,640
I think it comes down with you have to be okay with people not liking you.

398
00:17:45,640 --> 00:17:47,620
That's very hard for me.

399
00:17:47,620 --> 00:17:53,660
People not liking you and being comfortable with the disappointment that somebody might

400
00:17:53,660 --> 00:17:55,680
feel about you.

401
00:17:55,680 --> 00:17:57,120
That's a hard one.

402
00:17:57,120 --> 00:18:00,560
And deciding if you want to win the battle is completely up to you.

403
00:18:00,560 --> 00:18:01,560
Yeah.

404
00:18:01,560 --> 00:18:03,060
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

405
00:18:03,060 --> 00:18:05,860
Yeah, I'm not there yet.

406
00:18:05,860 --> 00:18:09,060
I'm getting there.

407
00:18:09,060 --> 00:18:12,460
Evaluate the importance of the argument.

408
00:18:12,460 --> 00:18:15,160
Like, are you compromising your beliefs?

409
00:18:15,160 --> 00:18:18,060
If you let the grudge go, that's a big, that's a big one.

410
00:18:18,060 --> 00:18:23,860
Yeah, because sometimes I do feel like I always have to back down

411
00:18:23,860 --> 00:18:25,420
and let the other person win.

412
00:18:25,420 --> 00:18:26,760
And that's a hard pill to swallow.

413
00:18:26,760 --> 00:18:28,220
Sometimes I'm like, I'm right.

414
00:18:28,220 --> 00:18:32,220
Why do I always have to be the bigger person?

415
00:18:32,220 --> 00:18:32,520
Right.

416
00:18:32,520 --> 00:18:34,520
I don't want to be the bigger person sometimes.

417
00:18:34,520 --> 00:18:36,820
I want to stoop down to your level.

418
00:18:36,820 --> 00:18:38,420
Oh, but is that fun?

419
00:18:38,420 --> 00:18:41,820
But I, but I know I won't because that's not how we were raised.

420
00:18:41,820 --> 00:18:46,120
We were always taught to kill them with kindness and, you know, be the bigger person.

421
00:18:46,120 --> 00:18:47,220
But that's so hard.

422
00:18:47,220 --> 00:18:53,720
But I think you misconstrue taking a step back and compromising versus.

423
00:18:53,720 --> 00:18:59,420
Saying your peace and your truth and letting and then moving on.

424
00:18:59,420 --> 00:19:04,320
Like, just because you've moved on after you have said what you needed to say,

425
00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:07,120
that doesn't mean you've back down or compromised.

426
00:19:07,120 --> 00:19:10,920
That means you're just, I've said what I needed, whether you believe me or not,

427
00:19:10,920 --> 00:19:12,220
whether you agree with me or not.

428
00:19:12,220 --> 00:19:14,420
And moving on, right?

429
00:19:14,420 --> 00:19:16,020
That's not, that's not backing down.

430
00:19:16,020 --> 00:19:17,820
You want that.

431
00:19:17,820 --> 00:19:23,220
You want the validation and the the acknowledgement of wrongdoing on your part.

432
00:19:23,220 --> 00:19:29,020
And the problem happens when you just have to stay.

433
00:19:29,020 --> 00:19:33,620
You just have to say, I'm never going to get it from this person and say, oh, well, right.

434
00:19:33,620 --> 00:19:34,920
That's something I have to learn.

435
00:19:34,920 --> 00:19:38,720
But you have to know that you know your truth and you know your beliefs

436
00:19:38,720 --> 00:19:41,320
and you stand by them and they don't have to.

437
00:19:42,320 --> 00:19:43,320
They don't have to.

438
00:19:43,320 --> 00:19:45,320
I'm a very fair person.

439
00:19:45,320 --> 00:19:46,620
I've always been like that.

440
00:19:46,620 --> 00:19:48,220
I like fairness.

441
00:19:48,220 --> 00:19:49,620
Life is not fair.

442
00:19:49,620 --> 00:19:50,220
I know.

443
00:19:50,220 --> 00:19:51,020
I know.

444
00:19:51,020 --> 00:19:51,820
Life is not fair.

445
00:19:51,820 --> 00:19:57,220
So the evaluating the importance of the argument, number one way to do that, you have to step away.

446
00:19:57,220 --> 00:19:58,920
You have to step away to evaluate.

447
00:19:58,920 --> 00:20:01,120
You cannot evaluate in the heat of the moment.

448
00:20:01,120 --> 00:20:04,720
That is just going to cause reaction and not response.

449
00:20:06,020 --> 00:20:12,020
You have to know and understand that every relationship involves at least some struggle and disappointment.

450
00:20:12,020 --> 00:20:15,320
If it's happening once, it's probably going to happen again.

451
00:20:15,320 --> 00:20:20,720
So now how do we get the tools to make it a little easier on ourselves?

452
00:20:20,720 --> 00:20:23,020
The next time it happens and how to cope with it.

453
00:20:23,020 --> 00:20:23,520
Right.

454
00:20:24,520 --> 00:20:26,820
And you know, that's a hard one too.

455
00:20:26,820 --> 00:20:28,120
These are all hard.

456
00:20:28,120 --> 00:20:29,520
Next one is ask your.

457
00:20:29,520 --> 00:20:30,120
Hmm.

458
00:20:30,120 --> 00:20:31,620
Are they are they hard?

459
00:20:31,620 --> 00:20:32,720
This one's hard for me.

460
00:20:32,720 --> 00:20:33,220
Okay.

461
00:20:33,220 --> 00:20:37,220
Ask yourself if you're truly winning by holding on to the grudge.

462
00:20:37,220 --> 00:20:38,420
Oh, no, you are losing.

463
00:20:38,420 --> 00:20:38,720
Yeah.

464
00:20:39,520 --> 00:20:40,020
Oh, I know.

465
00:20:40,020 --> 00:20:41,420
Like that's the answer.

466
00:20:41,420 --> 00:20:42,220
It's not a hard one.

467
00:20:42,220 --> 00:20:45,320
I've held on to like a 20 year grudge.

468
00:20:45,320 --> 00:20:49,720
And yeah, I'm very aware that I lost that.

469
00:20:49,720 --> 00:20:53,420
Like I lost that battle because I'm the one that's thinking about it.

470
00:20:53,420 --> 00:20:56,620
And the other person probably never thought about it again.

471
00:20:56,620 --> 00:20:57,020
Oh, yeah.

472
00:20:57,020 --> 00:20:57,620
Absolutely.

473
00:20:57,620 --> 00:20:58,020
Yeah.

474
00:20:58,020 --> 00:20:58,420
Yeah.

475
00:20:58,420 --> 00:21:01,820
So we shouldn't hold on to it because they're not thinking about it.

476
00:21:03,020 --> 00:21:03,620
Oh, no.

477
00:21:04,320 --> 00:21:06,420
So why should we let them think that they win?

478
00:21:06,420 --> 00:21:08,320
That's the you have to let them.

479
00:21:08,320 --> 00:21:10,520
I was going to say it before you were.

480
00:21:10,520 --> 00:21:11,420
I texted that to her.

481
00:21:11,420 --> 00:21:13,320
I said, Carly, let them and she left.

482
00:21:13,320 --> 00:21:14,220
I did.

483
00:21:14,220 --> 00:21:16,620
I was like, oh, God, you and your hippie dippy.

484
00:21:17,220 --> 00:21:18,320
That's not hippie dippy.

485
00:21:18,320 --> 00:21:18,720
It's not.

486
00:21:18,720 --> 00:21:22,720
No, you have to let them think whatever they want to think and you have to not

487
00:21:22,720 --> 00:21:25,920
care about it because you stand in who you are and what you believe.

488
00:21:26,920 --> 00:21:30,120
And you would be the first to apologize.

489
00:21:30,120 --> 00:21:33,020
I mean, I never see that meme on Instagram.

490
00:21:33,020 --> 00:21:33,620
It's not a meme.

491
00:21:33,620 --> 00:21:38,420
It's like a real where the girl goes up and gets coffee and she's like, oh, I'm

492
00:21:38,420 --> 00:21:38,720
sorry.

493
00:21:38,720 --> 00:21:39,620
Can I have a coffee?

494
00:21:39,620 --> 00:21:41,920
And she's like, oh, and then she's like at the grocery store.

495
00:21:41,920 --> 00:21:43,120
She's like, oh, I'm sorry.

496
00:21:43,120 --> 00:21:43,820
Can I buy this?

497
00:21:43,820 --> 00:21:45,020
Like it's the constant.

498
00:21:45,020 --> 00:21:45,720
I'm sorry.

499
00:21:45,720 --> 00:21:46,220
I'm sorry.

500
00:21:46,220 --> 00:21:46,720
I'm sorry.

501
00:21:46,720 --> 00:21:47,620
Can I cross the street?

502
00:21:47,620 --> 00:21:48,420
I'm sorry.

503
00:21:48,420 --> 00:21:50,520
Like I'll hold the door for you.

504
00:21:50,620 --> 00:21:53,020
It's when that shouldn't be saying I'm sorry.

505
00:21:53,020 --> 00:21:55,620
That's me on a daily basis.

506
00:21:55,720 --> 00:21:58,520
That is not me with Victoria and my family.

507
00:21:58,920 --> 00:21:59,620
Oh, God, no.

508
00:22:00,320 --> 00:22:04,220
No, and I was called out for over apologizing before.

509
00:22:04,820 --> 00:22:08,320
I think all of us in our we do that.

510
00:22:09,020 --> 00:22:09,520
Except Billy.

511
00:22:09,520 --> 00:22:10,220
Billy doesn't do that.

512
00:22:10,220 --> 00:22:10,920
No, not at all.

513
00:22:11,320 --> 00:22:13,020
But I used to do that too.

514
00:22:13,020 --> 00:22:14,720
I would hold the door and be like, oh, sorry.

515
00:22:14,720 --> 00:22:14,920
Yes.

516
00:22:14,920 --> 00:22:16,720
And then I'd go, why did I just say sorry?

517
00:22:16,720 --> 00:22:17,020
I do.

518
00:22:17,020 --> 00:22:18,620
I do it all the time.

519
00:22:18,620 --> 00:22:22,020
But in argument, that's not your go to.

520
00:22:22,020 --> 00:22:25,620
No, not with family with people that I don't know.

521
00:22:25,620 --> 00:22:34,020
Well, I will over apologize to a fault with people that I know.

522
00:22:34,020 --> 00:22:34,920
It's just like hugging.

523
00:22:34,920 --> 00:22:36,020
I don't hug my family.

524
00:22:36,520 --> 00:22:40,620
I think it's weird and you don't think you are a candidate for therapy.

525
00:22:41,820 --> 00:22:43,020
But listen to yourself.

526
00:22:43,020 --> 00:22:45,320
You have to be accepted into that program.

527
00:22:45,320 --> 00:22:47,920
You've been accepted.

528
00:22:47,920 --> 00:22:50,420
You are sitting on the invitation.

529
00:22:50,520 --> 00:22:51,020
I'm sorry.

530
00:22:51,020 --> 00:22:52,420
Is what is this today?

531
00:22:52,420 --> 00:22:54,320
What what is this couch session?

532
00:22:55,020 --> 00:22:56,020
Then pay me.

533
00:23:01,120 --> 00:23:01,720
Moving on.

534
00:23:01,920 --> 00:23:02,220
Okay.

535
00:23:03,720 --> 00:23:06,220
Recognize the power of forgiveness.

536
00:23:06,620 --> 00:23:07,920
It is difficult.

537
00:23:08,420 --> 00:23:11,820
It's I mean, forgiveness is a wide range of emotions.

538
00:23:12,420 --> 00:23:14,320
Yes, but there's a way to practice forgiveness.

539
00:23:14,320 --> 00:23:15,620
You have to do it for the small stuff.

540
00:23:15,620 --> 00:23:16,720
The stuff that doesn't matter.

541
00:23:16,720 --> 00:23:17,120
Right.

542
00:23:17,320 --> 00:23:21,220
So it is definitely liberating for sure.

543
00:23:21,220 --> 00:23:22,020
You wouldn't know.

544
00:23:22,120 --> 00:23:23,020
I wouldn't.

545
00:23:23,020 --> 00:23:23,720
But I hear.

546
00:23:23,720 --> 00:23:24,020
Yeah.

547
00:23:24,020 --> 00:23:24,820
I hear tell.

548
00:23:24,820 --> 00:23:26,420
You have to do it for the small stuff.

549
00:23:26,420 --> 00:23:30,120
Like when you're in traffic and someone cuts you off, you have to be like, it's okay.

550
00:23:30,520 --> 00:23:34,720
You have to you have to be in the moment of maybe they're having a really hard day.

551
00:23:34,720 --> 00:23:35,520
They didn't mean it.

552
00:23:35,620 --> 00:23:37,620
Not the opposite.

553
00:23:37,620 --> 00:23:38,020
Right.

554
00:23:38,020 --> 00:23:40,120
Or, you know, find that forgiveness there.

555
00:23:40,120 --> 00:23:43,720
Find the forgiveness when someone at Wawa doesn't open the door for you.

556
00:23:43,720 --> 00:23:46,820
Or when you were going to turn in that parking spot and somebody else did it.

557
00:23:47,220 --> 00:23:49,320
You have to find the forgiveness in those small moments.

558
00:23:49,320 --> 00:23:54,020
So that when the big moments come up, it's you have a better mindset.

559
00:23:54,020 --> 00:23:54,520
Right.

560
00:23:54,720 --> 00:23:55,220
Okay.

561
00:23:55,320 --> 00:23:58,620
Because the forgiveness, forgiveness is not for the other person ever.

562
00:23:59,420 --> 00:24:00,720
No, no, no.

563
00:24:00,720 --> 00:24:02,320
I know that now that I'm older.

564
00:24:02,720 --> 00:24:03,720
I don't think you do.

565
00:24:03,720 --> 00:24:05,620
No, I understand the concept.

566
00:24:07,520 --> 00:24:12,920
Forgiveness is 100% for you and your body and your mind to let go.

567
00:24:12,920 --> 00:24:15,520
And that is it actually.

568
00:24:15,520 --> 00:24:17,920
So we don't have those physical and mental ailments.

569
00:24:17,920 --> 00:24:20,520
That's what forgiveness is for is to not get those.

570
00:24:22,120 --> 00:24:23,420
This is also a big one.

571
00:24:23,420 --> 00:24:30,720
See the bigger picture and this when you are in it to win it and you want to win it.

572
00:24:30,720 --> 00:24:31,920
What is the bigger picture?

573
00:24:31,920 --> 00:24:37,720
Is it something that is that important that you must win or you must hold on to this grudge?

574
00:24:37,720 --> 00:24:38,720
You have to look.

575
00:24:38,920 --> 00:24:40,720
I like to think of it as like a mountain.

576
00:24:40,720 --> 00:24:41,720
You have to look over the mountain.

577
00:24:41,720 --> 00:24:43,520
What is on the other side?

578
00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:45,520
Is it better if I hold on?

579
00:24:45,520 --> 00:24:47,120
If it is, I mean, it never is.

580
00:24:47,120 --> 00:24:47,920
The answer is no.

581
00:24:47,920 --> 00:24:52,720
But I feel like over on the other side of your mountain is you with a gold medal jumping up and down.

582
00:24:52,720 --> 00:24:55,320
Like I don't actually think that's a good picture.

583
00:24:59,320 --> 00:25:04,120
But that's, I mean, think of it that if you think of it that way, like it just, we're thinking of our situation.

584
00:25:04,720 --> 00:25:11,120
The bigger picture, it is such a small thing in our life and it is not our issue that Victoria was like,

585
00:25:11,120 --> 00:25:12,920
this isn't an us issue.

586
00:25:12,920 --> 00:25:14,720
So let it go.

587
00:25:14,720 --> 00:25:17,520
Literally just forget about it.

588
00:25:17,520 --> 00:25:22,520
Don't lose sleep over it because in the bigger picture and the grand scheme of life, this is nothing.

589
00:25:22,520 --> 00:25:31,120
And that's, I think, what you have to really remind yourself of when you are raging, when you're rage texting to Victoria.

590
00:25:31,120 --> 00:25:44,120
The little moments of forgiveness also start to add up to being able to forgive yourself and forgive everything so that you can be in acceptance and in the moment for the rest of your life.

591
00:25:44,120 --> 00:25:44,720
Yeah.

592
00:25:44,720 --> 00:25:46,720
And that's, that's a hard pill to swallow.

593
00:25:46,720 --> 00:25:50,720
So you really have to, as Victoria would say, step back.

594
00:25:52,720 --> 00:25:53,520
I'm so smart.

595
00:25:53,520 --> 00:25:54,520
Look at that mountain.

596
00:25:54,520 --> 00:25:55,720
God.

597
00:25:55,720 --> 00:25:56,920
Last one.

598
00:25:56,920 --> 00:26:00,920
Ask if you're willing to ruin your relationship over this.

599
00:26:00,920 --> 00:26:05,920
So you're holding that grudge or you're, you're really in it.

600
00:26:05,920 --> 00:26:06,920
Is it worth it?

601
00:26:06,920 --> 00:26:07,920
That's the cutoff.

602
00:26:07,920 --> 00:26:08,920
Is it worth it?

603
00:26:08,920 --> 00:26:09,920
Yeah.

604
00:26:09,920 --> 00:26:10,920
Is it all worth it?

605
00:26:10,920 --> 00:26:16,920
Like maybe you do just step back and say, not agree to disagree because that other person is not agreeing to disagree.

606
00:26:16,920 --> 00:26:18,920
But are you going to be the bigger person?

607
00:26:18,920 --> 00:26:22,920
Are you just going to let it go or do you shut it down and that, and that is just it for you.

608
00:26:22,920 --> 00:26:28,920
So you have to, you have to weigh your relationship in the situation that you're in.

609
00:26:29,920 --> 00:26:30,920
I think.

610
00:26:31,920 --> 00:26:35,920
I don't, that's, that's a, I mean, I'm going to say it again.

611
00:26:35,920 --> 00:26:36,920
These are all hard for me.

612
00:26:36,920 --> 00:26:37,920
Why?

613
00:26:38,920 --> 00:26:40,920
Because I don't like ruining relationships.

614
00:26:40,920 --> 00:26:43,920
I think because I don't want people to think bad things of me.

615
00:26:43,920 --> 00:26:44,920
Yeah.

616
00:26:44,920 --> 00:26:45,920
Okay.

617
00:26:45,920 --> 00:26:51,920
So when we're talking about some, something that people don't know us that well, but we're having a lot of problems.

618
00:26:51,920 --> 00:26:53,920
That's not that well, but we're having an argument.

619
00:26:53,920 --> 00:26:57,920
Like I still don't want that person to think bad things of me because I'm like that.

620
00:26:57,920 --> 00:26:59,920
What you're saying is not who I am.

621
00:26:59,920 --> 00:27:00,920
You don't know me.

622
00:27:00,920 --> 00:27:05,920
But how does that in the bigger picture of you and the rest of your life, how does that affect you?

623
00:27:05,920 --> 00:27:09,920
Well, I skipped that step and I, I didn't want to see the bigger picture.

624
00:27:09,920 --> 00:27:11,920
So I skipped over it.

625
00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:13,920
No, but in thinking of, should I ruin this friendship?

626
00:27:13,920 --> 00:27:19,920
Should I cut this off because of, or this stranger thinking whatever they want to think of me.

627
00:27:19,920 --> 00:27:21,920
Should I cut this off?

628
00:27:21,920 --> 00:27:22,920
Should I care?

629
00:27:22,920 --> 00:27:23,920
Should I not care?

630
00:27:23,920 --> 00:27:25,920
What does it matter what they think of you?

631
00:27:25,920 --> 00:27:27,920
Especially if it's someone that doesn't really know you that well.

632
00:27:27,920 --> 00:27:28,920
Right.

633
00:27:28,920 --> 00:27:33,920
You know, everybody I think always has a little bit of care of how other people think of them.

634
00:27:33,920 --> 00:27:40,920
If I'm going to be completely honest, I think for us, it stems from having where we live.

635
00:27:40,920 --> 00:27:41,920
People know everybody.

636
00:27:41,920 --> 00:27:42,920
Yeah.

637
00:27:42,920 --> 00:27:44,920
There's some sort of six degrees of separation.

638
00:27:44,920 --> 00:27:52,920
And it's not the smallest town in the world, but we have a family business that is well known.

639
00:27:52,920 --> 00:27:57,920
And we were always told to keep that into the back of our minds of our reputation.

640
00:27:57,920 --> 00:27:58,920
Yeah.

641
00:27:58,920 --> 00:28:02,920
And, you know, it's always going to get back.

642
00:28:02,920 --> 00:28:03,920
Things always come back around.

643
00:28:03,920 --> 00:28:07,920
So I always had that in the back of my head, which is a good thing.

644
00:28:07,920 --> 00:28:08,920
Yeah.

645
00:28:08,920 --> 00:28:12,920
You make better decisions being like, I shouldn't act this way or I shouldn't say these things or whatever.

646
00:28:12,920 --> 00:28:14,920
I shouldn't represent my family this way.

647
00:28:14,920 --> 00:28:16,920
I shouldn't represent the business this way.

648
00:28:16,920 --> 00:28:20,920
But I think that also feeds a little bit into caring what other people think.

649
00:28:20,920 --> 00:28:21,920
Yes, I agree.

650
00:28:21,920 --> 00:28:28,920
And that's where that stems so strongly because we are ridiculous and we will do embarrassing things and we don't care.

651
00:28:28,920 --> 00:28:38,920
But if someone thinks we are a negative type of person, that reflects badly on us, the family, the business and the legacy.

652
00:28:38,920 --> 00:28:39,920
Right.

653
00:28:39,920 --> 00:28:43,920
And that's where our care, I think, weighs a little bit heavy.

654
00:28:43,920 --> 00:28:44,920
Nailed it.

655
00:28:44,920 --> 00:28:45,920
Yeah.

656
00:28:45,920 --> 00:28:48,920
So all of this is well and good.

657
00:28:48,920 --> 00:28:50,920
But how do you do it?

658
00:28:50,920 --> 00:29:01,920
How do you let go and be able to live in the present moment and not think about what happened before for the rest of your life and not worry about future situations?

659
00:29:01,920 --> 00:29:02,920
Right.

660
00:29:02,920 --> 00:29:05,920
They go hand in hand so that you can be in the moment.

661
00:29:05,920 --> 00:29:09,920
There are a few tips we'd like to share.

662
00:29:09,920 --> 00:29:11,920
And I really love that this first one is about a mantra.

663
00:29:11,920 --> 00:29:12,920
I knew it.

664
00:29:12,920 --> 00:29:14,920
I knew you were going to say that.

665
00:29:14,920 --> 00:29:18,920
Create a positive mantra to control painful thoughts.

666
00:29:18,920 --> 00:29:24,920
So if you're holding a grudge and a person's name pops up on social media and you're like, brrrrr.

667
00:29:24,920 --> 00:29:27,920
And then you go right back to that situation that happened.

668
00:29:27,920 --> 00:29:34,920
There's ways to trick, not trick your mind, but train your mind to think more positive.

669
00:29:34,920 --> 00:29:35,920
Say that again.

670
00:29:35,920 --> 00:29:36,920
Hold on.

671
00:29:36,920 --> 00:29:37,920
Let's get it out.

672
00:29:37,920 --> 00:29:44,920
More positively, the one that they wrote in this, I was going to change, but I was like,

673
00:29:44,920 --> 00:29:45,920
you know what?

674
00:29:45,920 --> 00:29:46,920
It's good.

675
00:29:46,920 --> 00:29:49,920
I am fortunate to be able to find a new path in life that is good for me.

676
00:29:49,920 --> 00:29:54,920
I am fortunate to be able to find a new path in life that is good for me, which means move on.

677
00:29:54,920 --> 00:30:01,920
I'm moving on and I have the ability and I can move on and I have that opportunity to move on.

678
00:30:01,920 --> 00:30:02,920
I agree.

679
00:30:02,920 --> 00:30:08,920
And while you're saying that, I was thinking, I think a lot of people think, why is this happening to me?

680
00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:10,920
Or how did this happen to me?

681
00:30:10,920 --> 00:30:12,920
But it's not about that.

682
00:30:12,920 --> 00:30:18,920
It's how can I change the situation I'm in and words mean a lot?

683
00:30:18,920 --> 00:30:27,920
And if you find that good mantra, and as I was driving over here, I put on my Spotify, letting go like meditations.

684
00:30:27,920 --> 00:30:34,920
And I found that there are so many, many meditations and one of them is literally called Let It Go.

685
00:30:34,920 --> 00:30:40,920
And there's nice music in the background and a calm woman's voice saying, this is not my issue.

686
00:30:40,920 --> 00:30:41,920
Let it go.

687
00:30:41,920 --> 00:30:42,920
Breathe in, breathe out.

688
00:30:42,920 --> 00:30:44,920
And I was like, oh my God, this might actually work.

689
00:30:44,920 --> 00:30:46,920
I'm going to hurt you.

690
00:30:46,920 --> 00:30:48,920
All of that is true.

691
00:30:48,920 --> 00:30:49,920
I agree with it.

692
00:30:49,920 --> 00:30:50,920
There are a million apps.

693
00:30:50,920 --> 00:30:52,920
I'm still going to hurt you.

694
00:30:52,920 --> 00:30:55,920
I let it go.

695
00:30:55,920 --> 00:30:58,920
Physical distance.

696
00:30:58,920 --> 00:31:00,920
Take yourself away from the situation.

697
00:31:00,920 --> 00:31:03,920
I've literally wrote, bye.

698
00:31:03,920 --> 00:31:07,920
Do your own work to be in the present moment.

699
00:31:07,920 --> 00:31:10,920
How to do that, you have to focus on gratitude.

700
00:31:10,920 --> 00:31:19,920
So if you're thinking of something or something has just happened, you disengage, you take a step back, focus on what's around you, focus on what you have.

701
00:31:19,920 --> 00:31:27,920
Go into a moment of gratitude and you will, I mean, just like an ombre situation from top to bottom, you will feel yourself cool down.

702
00:31:27,920 --> 00:31:33,920
And it'll go from red to blue and you just, then you can make decisions from there.

703
00:31:33,920 --> 00:31:37,920
I think people skip this step because they think, well, it's not my work to do.

704
00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:38,920
It's their work to do.

705
00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:39,920
Well, that's the problem with the world.

706
00:31:39,920 --> 00:31:40,920
Right.

707
00:31:40,920 --> 00:31:43,920
So I think a lot of people skip the do your own work step.

708
00:31:43,920 --> 00:31:44,920
She's talking about herself.

709
00:31:44,920 --> 00:31:45,920
She's talking about herself.

710
00:31:45,920 --> 00:31:47,920
Literally looking in a mirror.

711
00:31:47,920 --> 00:31:49,920
Mindfulness.

712
00:31:49,920 --> 00:31:51,920
It's just being more in the present moment.

713
00:31:51,920 --> 00:31:52,920
You have to be mindful.

714
00:31:52,920 --> 00:31:53,920
You have to be aware.

715
00:31:53,920 --> 00:31:56,920
You have to, I mean, it's grounding and centering yourself.

716
00:31:56,920 --> 00:31:59,920
Truly dig your feet into your shoes and be like, where am I?

717
00:31:59,920 --> 00:32:00,920
I'm safe.

718
00:32:00,920 --> 00:32:01,920
I'm here.

719
00:32:01,920 --> 00:32:12,920
You count about five things in the space around you, bringing yourself back to your body when you are in a mindset of anger or rage or just wanting to attack.

720
00:32:12,920 --> 00:32:13,920
Right.

721
00:32:13,920 --> 00:32:14,920
It's fight or flight.

722
00:32:14,920 --> 00:32:15,920
Yes.

723
00:32:15,920 --> 00:32:17,920
And you have to be mindful.

724
00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:25,920
And I think that's the hardest thing for everyone is to be mindful because there's so much distraction in the world.

725
00:32:25,920 --> 00:32:30,920
And that is it's such a cluster F.

726
00:32:33,920 --> 00:32:35,920
Be gentle with yourself because you're going to mess up.

727
00:32:35,920 --> 00:32:36,920
You're going to make mistakes.

728
00:32:36,920 --> 00:32:37,920
You're going to say the wrong thing.

729
00:32:37,920 --> 00:32:42,920
You're going to be in response mode, but you're in reaction mode.

730
00:32:42,920 --> 00:32:43,920
And then you're going to get mad at yourself.

731
00:32:43,920 --> 00:32:44,920
Give yourself grace.

732
00:32:44,920 --> 00:32:45,920
You're human.

733
00:32:45,920 --> 00:32:50,920
The human condition is the timeline and the experience that we go through until we die.

734
00:32:50,920 --> 00:32:52,920
And there's going to be ups and downs.

735
00:32:52,920 --> 00:32:58,920
And you get to experience anger and you get to experience joy and you just have to move through them.

736
00:32:58,920 --> 00:33:02,920
But the mistakes will happen in between and you have to be forgiving to yourself.

737
00:33:02,920 --> 00:33:05,920
Now, if you're constantly making the same mistake and you're not changing, that's different.

738
00:33:05,920 --> 00:33:13,920
But if you're trying to change your mindset and how you react to certain situations and you make the mistake when you've been in the process of doing the work.

739
00:33:13,920 --> 00:33:14,920
It's okay.

740
00:33:14,920 --> 00:33:15,920
It's okay.

741
00:33:15,920 --> 00:33:19,920
Well, that sort of goes into the next one, which is like, let your negative emotions flow.

742
00:33:19,920 --> 00:33:22,920
I mean, feel the feelings, feel the negativity.

743
00:33:22,920 --> 00:33:27,920
And if you're a Southern hospitality fan, just know it's all wavy, baby.

744
00:33:27,920 --> 00:33:28,920
Oh my God.

745
00:33:28,920 --> 00:33:31,920
I don't know what that means, but I do like that phrase.

746
00:33:31,920 --> 00:33:34,920
Energy and emotions are meant to flow like the waves.

747
00:33:34,920 --> 00:33:36,920
It's like you fighting the riptide.

748
00:33:36,920 --> 00:33:37,920
Right.

749
00:33:37,920 --> 00:33:38,920
The undertow.

750
00:33:38,920 --> 00:33:39,920
Right.

751
00:33:39,920 --> 00:33:42,920
So if you've ever been in the ocean and there's an undertow and you're like, I have to try to

752
00:33:42,920 --> 00:33:48,920
swim that way wherever where I started because I've flowed this way and it's really strong.

753
00:33:48,920 --> 00:33:50,920
You know how hard it is to swim backwards?

754
00:33:50,920 --> 00:33:51,920
Yeah.

755
00:33:51,920 --> 00:33:52,920
Or against the current.

756
00:33:52,920 --> 00:33:53,920
Against the current.

757
00:33:53,920 --> 00:33:54,920
Thank you.

758
00:33:54,920 --> 00:33:55,920
Yes.

759
00:33:55,920 --> 00:33:56,920
Against the current.

760
00:33:56,920 --> 00:33:57,920
No.

761
00:33:57,920 --> 00:33:58,920
What is the first thing you do?

762
00:33:58,920 --> 00:33:59,920
Don't fight it.

763
00:33:59,920 --> 00:34:01,920
Let it flow you where it needs to go and then you can safely get out.

764
00:34:01,920 --> 00:34:02,920
Yeah.

765
00:34:02,920 --> 00:34:06,920
But you cannot safely get out swimming towards the current.

766
00:34:06,920 --> 00:34:07,920
Right.

767
00:34:07,920 --> 00:34:08,920
You can't.

768
00:34:08,920 --> 00:34:10,920
It's all wavy, baby.

769
00:34:10,920 --> 00:34:16,920
Except that they, I'm moving on, except that they may not apologize.

770
00:34:16,920 --> 00:34:17,920
Yep.

771
00:34:17,920 --> 00:34:19,920
I'm learning that right now.

772
00:34:19,920 --> 00:34:20,920
Yeah.

773
00:34:20,920 --> 00:34:22,920
It's, I'm learning it.

774
00:34:22,920 --> 00:34:24,920
That's all I'm going to say about that.

775
00:34:24,920 --> 00:34:25,920
They will not.

776
00:34:25,920 --> 00:34:26,920
They may not.

777
00:34:26,920 --> 00:34:27,920
They will not.

778
00:34:27,920 --> 00:34:31,920
And that does not, you don't need that validation.

779
00:34:31,920 --> 00:34:32,920
No.

780
00:34:32,920 --> 00:34:38,040
If you are firm and strong in where you stand and who you are, you need to be strong in who

781
00:34:38,040 --> 00:34:41,040
you are to not care how they think about you.

782
00:34:41,040 --> 00:34:42,040
Right.

783
00:34:42,040 --> 00:34:45,040
Because if they're not apologizing, they think a certain way about themselves.

784
00:34:45,040 --> 00:34:46,040
Right.

785
00:34:46,040 --> 00:34:47,720
So you've got to do the self care.

786
00:34:47,720 --> 00:34:48,720
That's the next tip.

787
00:34:48,720 --> 00:34:49,720
Self care.

788
00:34:49,720 --> 00:34:50,720
We've talked about self care a million times.

789
00:34:50,720 --> 00:34:53,120
It can be in a different way every day.

790
00:34:53,120 --> 00:35:00,000
It can be a routine you set for yourself, but self care is 100% attached to forgiveness,

791
00:35:00,000 --> 00:35:01,920
your mindset and your physical health.

792
00:35:01,920 --> 00:35:08,160
Well, it completely changes what you just said, the mindset to make any situation a little

793
00:35:08,160 --> 00:35:14,200
more bearable or clearer when you are in a better space.

794
00:35:14,200 --> 00:35:19,440
And it slows down maybe the process of you coming in hot.

795
00:35:19,440 --> 00:35:22,240
I'm coming in hot.

796
00:35:22,240 --> 00:35:27,040
Be surrounded by people that fill you up, that fill up your cup as well as you filling

797
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:32,160
up their cup, a support system, a circle of like-minded, supportive people.

798
00:35:32,160 --> 00:35:37,040
It could be your family, it could be your friends, it could be whatever group it is,

799
00:35:37,040 --> 00:35:42,920
but that's who you need to surround yourself with so that you can constantly practice grace,

800
00:35:42,920 --> 00:35:45,720
gratitude, compassion and empathy.

801
00:35:45,720 --> 00:35:49,800
And that goes very much so with the next one.

802
00:35:49,800 --> 00:35:52,080
The permission to talk about it.

803
00:35:52,080 --> 00:35:59,320
Get yourself someone like Victoria who you will text ferociously and she tells you to

804
00:35:59,320 --> 00:36:00,840
go to therapy and slow down.

805
00:36:00,840 --> 00:36:02,000
She tells you to go to therapy.

806
00:36:02,000 --> 00:36:05,680
It also means maybe go to a therapist, maybe go to a professional because sometimes when

807
00:36:05,680 --> 00:36:09,440
you talk about it too much, you're just living in the vent.

808
00:36:09,440 --> 00:36:10,440
Correct.

809
00:36:10,440 --> 00:36:13,040
Because you get to like, oh my God, we're talking about this again.

810
00:36:13,040 --> 00:36:14,440
And that isn't what I mean.

811
00:36:14,440 --> 00:36:15,840
Carly is correct.

812
00:36:15,840 --> 00:36:18,280
Find people in your circle that will hear you out.

813
00:36:18,280 --> 00:36:23,640
Be a third party to either help you diffuse your situation or just be the ear that they're

814
00:36:23,640 --> 00:36:24,640
like, you good?

815
00:36:24,640 --> 00:36:25,640
We can move on?

816
00:36:25,640 --> 00:36:26,640
Cool.

817
00:36:26,640 --> 00:36:27,640
Right?

818
00:36:27,640 --> 00:36:32,680
But professional help, talk therapy just so that somebody else who is not involved in

819
00:36:32,680 --> 00:36:35,600
your life can be like, oh, how'd that make you feel?

820
00:36:35,600 --> 00:36:37,400
And then you can talk about your feelings.

821
00:36:37,400 --> 00:36:39,680
And then the feelings flow through and they don't get stuck.

822
00:36:39,680 --> 00:36:40,680
That's the only point of therapy.

823
00:36:40,680 --> 00:36:42,560
It doesn't mean you're something wrong with you.

824
00:36:42,560 --> 00:36:48,120
It's so that your emotions do not get stuck in your body and then you live your life in

825
00:36:48,120 --> 00:36:53,520
the negative or in this one emotion that is not serving or benefiting the whole purpose

826
00:36:53,520 --> 00:36:55,760
of your being alive.

827
00:36:55,760 --> 00:36:56,760
Right?

828
00:36:56,760 --> 00:36:57,760
Right.

829
00:36:57,760 --> 00:37:01,600
Permission to forgive.

830
00:37:01,600 --> 00:37:04,280
It is vital for the healing process.

831
00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:09,120
And as Victoria said before, it is 100% for yourself.

832
00:37:09,120 --> 00:37:11,080
It is to benefit you.

833
00:37:11,080 --> 00:37:13,280
It is really not to benefit the other person.

834
00:37:13,280 --> 00:37:19,160
I mean, it helps you move on and with the other person, but it is for your mental and

835
00:37:19,160 --> 00:37:20,440
physical health.

836
00:37:20,440 --> 00:37:22,960
That is what forgiveness is.

837
00:37:22,960 --> 00:37:24,200
I hear you.

838
00:37:24,200 --> 00:37:25,920
I hear you.

839
00:37:25,920 --> 00:37:27,400
Well, let's recap it.

840
00:37:27,400 --> 00:37:29,480
Disengage, step away.

841
00:37:29,480 --> 00:37:35,840
Think before you speak to make the rational response, not reaction that will stay calm

842
00:37:35,840 --> 00:37:39,520
so that you can calm yourself and find the emotion that you want so you can let it move

843
00:37:39,520 --> 00:37:40,520
through.

844
00:37:40,520 --> 00:37:41,520
I don't do that.

845
00:37:41,520 --> 00:37:47,120
I can listen with empathy to the other person because nine times out of 10 in a moment of

846
00:37:47,120 --> 00:37:52,400
rage and an argument, you're just thinking of the next thing to say.

847
00:37:52,400 --> 00:37:53,760
You're not actually listening to somebody.

848
00:37:53,760 --> 00:37:54,880
Yes, I know that.

849
00:37:54,880 --> 00:37:55,880
Yeah.

850
00:37:55,880 --> 00:37:59,000
You're saying it and I'm already thinking of the next thing I want to say.

851
00:37:59,000 --> 00:38:00,700
But you can also see it in somebody's face.

852
00:38:00,700 --> 00:38:03,120
You're like, wow, you're not even listening to me.

853
00:38:03,120 --> 00:38:06,200
You are just wanting to say the next sentence.

854
00:38:06,200 --> 00:38:10,180
And when you're in the moment of that, you can't listen.

855
00:38:10,180 --> 00:38:11,920
You do not have the ability.

856
00:38:11,920 --> 00:38:15,560
So you have to step back and do all these steps so that you can come back with like,

857
00:38:15,560 --> 00:38:16,560
okay.

858
00:38:16,560 --> 00:38:21,600
And the way to do that from what we read is that when you go back to be able to listen,

859
00:38:21,600 --> 00:38:25,040
repeat what the person just said to you so that they can go, yeah.

860
00:38:25,040 --> 00:38:30,600
And now you got the approval of you are listening to me so that you can make the next sentence.

861
00:38:30,600 --> 00:38:32,680
And that's how it should be back and forth.

862
00:38:32,680 --> 00:38:37,240
Not that you constantly have to just repeat each other, but that's how you know you're

863
00:38:37,240 --> 00:38:41,000
listening and that you're in the moment so that you can fully understand what the other

864
00:38:41,000 --> 00:38:42,000
person is trying to say.

865
00:38:42,000 --> 00:38:43,000
Right.

866
00:38:43,000 --> 00:38:48,240
Because sometimes it's not just about communication and comprehension are two different things.

867
00:38:48,240 --> 00:38:50,120
Communication and comprehension are two different things.

868
00:38:50,120 --> 00:38:51,120
Yes.

869
00:38:51,120 --> 00:38:52,120
I'm comprehending this right now.

870
00:38:52,120 --> 00:38:53,120
Right.

871
00:38:53,120 --> 00:38:55,680
And I feel like we're communicating well.

872
00:38:55,680 --> 00:38:56,680
Not of approval.

873
00:38:56,680 --> 00:38:57,680
That is what I said.

874
00:38:57,680 --> 00:38:59,040
Not of approval.

875
00:38:59,040 --> 00:39:04,200
And then if it calls for this, suggest a compromise.

876
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:10,640
If there's a compromise to be made, which is how relationships go, right?

877
00:39:10,640 --> 00:39:11,640
Life is about compromise.

878
00:39:11,640 --> 00:39:12,640
It's not about being fair.

879
00:39:12,640 --> 00:39:13,640
It's about compromise.

880
00:39:13,640 --> 00:39:14,640
I know.

881
00:39:14,640 --> 00:39:23,080
But you're able to live in a team at home with your husband with compromise.

882
00:39:23,080 --> 00:39:26,080
Sure.

883
00:39:26,080 --> 00:39:32,480
But when I'm talking about life in general, I just, it's just ingrained in my head as

884
00:39:32,480 --> 00:39:35,400
a kid, like I wanted everything to be fair.

885
00:39:35,400 --> 00:39:39,400
What you got, I got what I got, you got and I just never.

886
00:39:39,400 --> 00:39:41,560
And that doesn't, maybe that's a hindrance.

887
00:39:41,560 --> 00:39:44,000
Maybe like you don't have to teach your kids that way.

888
00:39:44,000 --> 00:39:45,000
That it's okay.

889
00:39:45,000 --> 00:39:46,000
Right.

890
00:39:46,000 --> 00:39:47,560
Like, oh, it's so hard for them.

891
00:39:47,560 --> 00:39:49,480
I didn't get birthday presents on your birthday.

892
00:39:49,480 --> 00:39:50,480
Right.

893
00:39:50,480 --> 00:39:52,160
And my kids are having a hard time with that right now.

894
00:39:52,160 --> 00:39:53,560
Just being like, Melody got that.

895
00:39:53,560 --> 00:39:54,560
That's not fair.

896
00:39:54,560 --> 00:39:56,400
I said, well, she did this, this and this.

897
00:39:56,400 --> 00:39:58,040
She paid for it herself.

898
00:39:58,040 --> 00:39:59,040
Like that.

899
00:39:59,040 --> 00:40:00,720
And that was just recently on the cruise.

900
00:40:00,720 --> 00:40:02,360
And Louis was like, but that's not fair.

901
00:40:02,360 --> 00:40:05,520
And it, I was like, oh, I know, I know.

902
00:40:05,520 --> 00:40:09,520
You started that birthday present thing and I never understood it.

903
00:40:09,520 --> 00:40:13,280
Well, because I don't know why I did that.

904
00:40:13,280 --> 00:40:14,280
Yeah.

905
00:40:14,280 --> 00:40:16,080
Well, we, they're, my kids are two years apart.

906
00:40:16,080 --> 00:40:17,080
So it was a little harder.

907
00:40:17,080 --> 00:40:21,840
We were three years apart and we were more evolved at, I don't know.

908
00:40:21,840 --> 00:40:22,840
I can't explain it.

909
00:40:22,840 --> 00:40:23,840
I can't justify it.

910
00:40:23,840 --> 00:40:24,840
It's something that we do.

911
00:40:24,840 --> 00:40:27,160
It's, but it's that fair.

912
00:40:27,160 --> 00:40:32,480
It's that fair, you know, mentality that life is not fair.

913
00:40:32,480 --> 00:40:33,800
Life is not fair.

914
00:40:33,800 --> 00:40:36,480
There are, there are people's lives.

915
00:40:36,480 --> 00:40:39,640
Like you better count your blessings because there are people's lives that are even less

916
00:40:39,640 --> 00:40:42,800
fair than little random things we're talking about, right?

917
00:40:42,800 --> 00:40:44,280
When you think of the bigger picture.

918
00:40:44,280 --> 00:40:45,280
Yeah.

919
00:40:45,280 --> 00:40:46,280
That bigger picture.

920
00:40:46,280 --> 00:40:47,280
But life is not fair.

921
00:40:47,280 --> 00:40:51,560
Like you're not meant to be 50-50 with every situation and every person.

922
00:40:51,560 --> 00:40:53,240
You're meant to get the job over that person.

923
00:40:53,240 --> 00:40:55,040
That person's meant to get the job over you.

924
00:40:55,040 --> 00:40:56,040
Right.

925
00:40:56,040 --> 00:40:57,960
So it's not up to you to out of your control.

926
00:40:57,960 --> 00:40:59,400
It's that whole, what's the AA thing?

927
00:40:59,400 --> 00:41:04,840
I can accept the things you cannot change.

928
00:41:04,840 --> 00:41:11,040
And accept the things I cannot change and change the things I can or something.

929
00:41:11,040 --> 00:41:12,040
I don't know.

930
00:41:12,040 --> 00:41:13,040
Sorry.

931
00:41:13,040 --> 00:41:14,040
We could have looked this up.

932
00:41:14,040 --> 00:41:15,040
Yeah.

933
00:41:15,040 --> 00:41:16,040
But you know what we're talking about.

934
00:41:16,040 --> 00:41:19,000
There are things that are out of your control and sometimes it's not fair.

935
00:41:19,000 --> 00:41:24,520
And then the whole purpose of I think that moment is that you can train yourself and

936
00:41:24,520 --> 00:41:30,800
use the tools of how to make yourself work around that situation and not harbor.

937
00:41:30,800 --> 00:41:31,800
Right.

938
00:41:31,800 --> 00:41:34,760
And letting control go, I think.

939
00:41:34,760 --> 00:41:40,920
Which I have a hard time doing and letting somebody else take control or just going with

940
00:41:40,920 --> 00:41:42,560
the flow.

941
00:41:42,560 --> 00:41:43,560
Go with the flow.

942
00:41:43,560 --> 00:41:45,200
Save yourself from the undertow.

943
00:41:45,200 --> 00:41:49,600
Go with it and then make some decisions once you're in a safe place.

944
00:41:49,600 --> 00:41:51,880
And that is how I think life needs to go.

945
00:41:51,880 --> 00:41:57,280
And sometimes the undertow is an unfair situation and sometimes the undertow is complete disrespect

946
00:41:57,280 --> 00:41:59,440
and argumentative confrontation.

947
00:41:59,440 --> 00:42:05,320
And sometimes the undertow is happiness and joy and you don't know how to deal with it

948
00:42:05,320 --> 00:42:07,880
because you are not used to it.

949
00:42:07,880 --> 00:42:13,200
You're used to chaos and that's where you don't remember things because joy and happiness

950
00:42:13,200 --> 00:42:17,640
is not what's normal to you.

951
00:42:17,640 --> 00:42:23,440
Yes and negative emotions are comfortable.

952
00:42:23,440 --> 00:42:28,600
So sometimes the undertow is happiness and you find things that are wrong with things.

953
00:42:28,600 --> 00:42:29,600
You sabotage situations.

954
00:42:29,600 --> 00:42:31,760
I was going to say that sabotage.

955
00:42:31,760 --> 00:42:33,560
You sabotage your own happiness.

956
00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:40,160
Sabotage your own happiness with holding grudges and not being able to respond to situations.

957
00:42:40,160 --> 00:42:41,560
You react.

958
00:42:41,560 --> 00:42:47,400
And that passion and reactionary stuff is I think in the long run, not the life you

959
00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:48,400
want.

960
00:42:48,400 --> 00:42:49,760
No, you have to be self aware.

961
00:42:49,760 --> 00:42:55,680
And I think what hurts me the most is when people are not self aware and they are the

962
00:42:55,680 --> 00:43:01,120
center of the universe when in the universe there, we're all living here.

963
00:43:01,120 --> 00:43:02,320
We're all doing our thing.

964
00:43:02,320 --> 00:43:03,320
We're all humans.

965
00:43:03,320 --> 00:43:04,640
We're all people.

966
00:43:04,640 --> 00:43:06,560
Why are you trying to hurt somebody else?

967
00:43:06,560 --> 00:43:08,720
Like aggressively trying to hurt somebody else.

968
00:43:08,720 --> 00:43:12,440
I don't I don't understand that kind of being.

969
00:43:12,440 --> 00:43:18,840
So I think everybody just needs to be more self aware that that there are other people

970
00:43:18,840 --> 00:43:21,960
that in this world, the tallest order, though.

971
00:43:21,960 --> 00:43:23,560
What it's a venti.

972
00:43:23,560 --> 00:43:25,360
It's a venti.

973
00:43:25,360 --> 00:43:26,360
It's a venti.

974
00:43:26,360 --> 00:43:27,360
Is that Starbucks?

975
00:43:27,360 --> 00:43:28,360
It's a venti.

976
00:43:28,360 --> 00:43:33,640
A expectation, I think is the heart of the heart of all of this expectation is just like

977
00:43:33,640 --> 00:43:34,640
comparison.

978
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:36,480
I think it's the root of all evil.

979
00:43:36,480 --> 00:43:40,800
If you expect something to go a certain way and it doesn't turn out that way.

980
00:43:40,800 --> 00:43:43,160
How are you responding from there?

981
00:43:43,160 --> 00:43:45,640
Nine times out of 10 is not well.

982
00:43:45,640 --> 00:43:46,760
So expectation.

983
00:43:46,760 --> 00:43:52,600
You're expecting the other person to be self aware and put that expert like get rid of

984
00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:54,280
the expectation.

985
00:43:54,280 --> 00:43:58,000
Turn the situation into an improvement instead of expecting.

986
00:43:58,000 --> 00:43:59,000
Period.

987
00:43:59,000 --> 00:44:00,000
Period.

988
00:44:00,000 --> 00:44:01,000
Period.

989
00:44:01,000 --> 00:44:02,000
Yes.

990
00:44:02,000 --> 00:44:04,400
I think this was a good episode today.

991
00:44:04,400 --> 00:44:10,360
Nobody asked me, but I'm just going to tell you because I sometimes you need to talk it

992
00:44:10,360 --> 00:44:12,720
out with things that you're going through.

993
00:44:12,720 --> 00:44:17,200
Just like one of the one of the tips was to talk through it.

994
00:44:17,200 --> 00:44:19,560
And I'm not a, I don't need a yes man.

995
00:44:19,560 --> 00:44:21,240
I don't need somebody to tell me I'm right.

996
00:44:21,240 --> 00:44:24,440
A lot of the times Victoria says I'm looking at it the wrong way.

997
00:44:24,440 --> 00:44:31,280
So sometimes you need that person to flip it and say, Hey, you, but look at it this way.

998
00:44:31,280 --> 00:44:35,680
If you were in her shoes, if you were in his shoes, how would you feel like think of it

999
00:44:35,680 --> 00:44:39,240
that and you're like, that's so annoying, but okay, let them.

1000
00:44:39,240 --> 00:44:40,880
I mean, there's really no other way to do it.

1001
00:44:40,880 --> 00:44:42,400
We've talked about the let them theory.

1002
00:44:42,400 --> 00:44:45,240
Let them because it's only affecting you.

1003
00:44:45,240 --> 00:44:49,520
If you don't, you're losing sleep over something that is not a you issue.

1004
00:44:49,520 --> 00:44:51,400
It's not a you issue.

1005
00:44:51,400 --> 00:44:53,520
It's time for a real tip.

1006
00:44:53,520 --> 00:44:58,040
Sweet.

1007
00:44:58,040 --> 00:45:03,520
Get yourself a little box, a wooden box, a plastic box, whatever, go to home goods.

1008
00:45:03,520 --> 00:45:08,480
Get yourself a decorative box that you can put in a space in your house, whether it's

1009
00:45:08,480 --> 00:45:13,960
just for you or if you have a family, kids can be involved in this too.

1010
00:45:13,960 --> 00:45:17,880
This box is only for your problems and your worries.

1011
00:45:17,880 --> 00:45:20,640
I saw this once.

1012
00:45:20,640 --> 00:45:24,040
And then you fill that box or maybe next to that box, there are little pieces of paper

1013
00:45:24,040 --> 00:45:26,120
and a pen.

1014
00:45:26,120 --> 00:45:32,160
And when you have a problem or something that you can't let go of, right, you write it down,

1015
00:45:32,160 --> 00:45:34,520
you put it in that box.

1016
00:45:34,520 --> 00:45:36,120
Now it's out of your hands.

1017
00:45:36,120 --> 00:45:37,120
It's in the box.

1018
00:45:37,120 --> 00:45:38,120
Yeah.

1019
00:45:38,120 --> 00:45:41,520
It's like a mystery, something you're anxious about, something that you are focused that

1020
00:45:41,520 --> 00:45:43,280
could happen, could not happen.

1021
00:45:43,280 --> 00:45:48,600
Like right anxious, write it down, put in the box, walk away.

1022
00:45:48,600 --> 00:45:49,840
I love that idea.

1023
00:45:49,840 --> 00:45:51,560
And I think that's really good for kids too.

1024
00:45:51,560 --> 00:45:52,560
Yeah.

1025
00:45:52,560 --> 00:45:57,760
I mean, I feel like I feel like kids are way better at letting things go than adults are.

1026
00:45:57,760 --> 00:45:58,760
Right.

1027
00:45:58,760 --> 00:45:59,760
Because they don't forget.

1028
00:45:59,760 --> 00:46:00,760
But they don't forget.

1029
00:46:00,760 --> 00:46:03,200
Like Louis, some kids don't forget.

1030
00:46:03,200 --> 00:46:04,400
Louis doesn't forget anything.

1031
00:46:04,400 --> 00:46:06,560
So I think that would be a good one for him.

1032
00:46:06,560 --> 00:46:10,520
You know, to be like, OK, this is over now.

1033
00:46:10,520 --> 00:46:13,520
And you as the parent could be like, go write it down, put it in the box.

1034
00:46:13,520 --> 00:46:14,920
Or let me help you write it down.

1035
00:46:14,920 --> 00:46:15,920
Right.

1036
00:46:15,920 --> 00:46:16,920
You put it in the box.

1037
00:46:16,920 --> 00:46:17,920
I like that one a lot.

1038
00:46:17,920 --> 00:46:20,280
And put the action of putting it in the box.

1039
00:46:20,280 --> 00:46:21,560
It is now out of your hand.

1040
00:46:21,560 --> 00:46:24,360
Quite literally out of your hand.

1041
00:46:24,360 --> 00:46:28,200
And now for your real extra tip of the week.

1042
00:46:28,200 --> 00:46:29,200
Extra tip of the week.

1043
00:46:29,200 --> 00:46:30,200
I like it.

1044
00:46:30,200 --> 00:46:34,440
It's called Let's Conversate.

1045
00:46:34,440 --> 00:46:37,120
What does let's conversate mean?

1046
00:46:37,120 --> 00:46:40,200
It means, oh, I haven't done that in a while.

1047
00:46:40,200 --> 00:46:45,360
It means if you're an overthinker like I am and you like to control situations and you

1048
00:46:45,360 --> 00:46:50,600
want to control how a conversation is going to go or how you think it might go or how

1049
00:46:50,600 --> 00:46:56,320
you want it to go and you lose sleep over it because your mind is racing and you cannot

1050
00:46:56,320 --> 00:47:01,560
or something happened and it didn't go the way you wanted it to.

1051
00:47:01,560 --> 00:47:03,840
And now you're replaying in your mind how it could have gone better.

1052
00:47:03,840 --> 00:47:04,840
Right.

1053
00:47:04,840 --> 00:47:06,640
Which is the worst because you can't control it now.

1054
00:47:06,640 --> 00:47:07,640
It's out of your control.

1055
00:47:07,640 --> 00:47:08,640
Yeah.

1056
00:47:08,640 --> 00:47:11,600
Like you said, write it down.

1057
00:47:11,600 --> 00:47:17,520
What I would have loved to have done a little while ago is write down the conversation how

1058
00:47:17,520 --> 00:47:18,880
I wanted it to go.

1059
00:47:18,880 --> 00:47:19,880
Oh, yeah.

1060
00:47:19,880 --> 00:47:22,800
Ball it up and throw it out.

1061
00:47:22,800 --> 00:47:25,280
So then it happened.

1062
00:47:25,280 --> 00:47:26,640
It might have happened in your mind.

1063
00:47:26,640 --> 00:47:28,600
It might have happened solely for you.

1064
00:47:28,600 --> 00:47:32,600
It didn't happen with the person that you wanted it to happen, but it happened.

1065
00:47:32,600 --> 00:47:36,240
It'll make you feel better just because you got it out of your body.

1066
00:47:36,240 --> 00:47:40,800
It got you out of your mind and then you don't have to overthink about it anymore.

1067
00:47:40,800 --> 00:47:45,920
Write down the conversation how you would have liked to have said whatever you wanted

1068
00:47:45,920 --> 00:47:47,840
to say to somebody.

1069
00:47:47,840 --> 00:47:49,040
Write it down.

1070
00:47:49,040 --> 00:47:51,320
Do you want to write it down?

1071
00:47:51,320 --> 00:47:55,640
I want to tell you that you don't even know.

1072
00:47:55,640 --> 00:47:59,600
You don't even know.

1073
00:47:59,600 --> 00:48:01,560
I love that you came up with this.

1074
00:48:01,560 --> 00:48:02,720
Oh, really?

1075
00:48:02,720 --> 00:48:03,720
I do.

1076
00:48:03,720 --> 00:48:04,720
Oh, really?

1077
00:48:04,720 --> 00:48:10,720
It's a trauma response therapy tool to write down conversations how you would truly like

1078
00:48:10,720 --> 00:48:16,000
them to go on your end of things and then light them on fire or throw them out, rip

1079
00:48:16,000 --> 00:48:17,560
them up, whatever you need to do.

1080
00:48:17,560 --> 00:48:18,560
Shut up.

1081
00:48:18,560 --> 00:48:19,560
I made that up.

1082
00:48:19,560 --> 00:48:20,560
It's that you didn't.

1083
00:48:20,560 --> 00:48:25,960
But I love that you came up with it because that's a good tool that you believe in.

1084
00:48:25,960 --> 00:48:26,960
Yeah.

1085
00:48:26,960 --> 00:48:27,960
Oh, I should have done it.

1086
00:48:27,960 --> 00:48:28,960
It's a tool.

1087
00:48:28,960 --> 00:48:29,960
It's an actual trauma response tool.

1088
00:48:29,960 --> 00:48:30,960
Guys, I made a tool.

1089
00:48:30,960 --> 00:48:33,400
Guys, I am a tool.

1090
00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:35,560
She's the Tim, the toolman, Taylor.

1091
00:48:35,560 --> 00:48:36,560
Okay.

1092
00:48:36,560 --> 00:48:37,560
That's who she is.

1093
00:48:37,560 --> 00:48:38,560
I'm Al Borland.

1094
00:48:38,560 --> 00:48:40,240
No, wait, I think I'm Al Borland.

1095
00:48:40,240 --> 00:48:42,040
Oh, wait, no, you're Al Borland.

1096
00:48:42,040 --> 00:48:43,040
Yeah.

1097
00:48:43,040 --> 00:48:47,560
You love a good flannel.

1098
00:48:47,560 --> 00:48:51,000
That is a really great extra tip, though, are letting it go.

1099
00:48:51,000 --> 00:48:54,680
It's out of your hands and you will see how much lighter that you feel.

1100
00:48:54,680 --> 00:48:58,920
So try it out with your next scuffle.

1101
00:48:58,920 --> 00:48:59,920
And see.

1102
00:48:59,920 --> 00:49:00,920
Scruffle.

1103
00:49:00,920 --> 00:49:01,920
Did you say smorgasbord?

1104
00:49:01,920 --> 00:49:02,920
Smorgasbord?

1105
00:49:02,920 --> 00:49:04,920
It's like an AI bot.

1106
00:49:04,920 --> 00:49:05,920
Smorgasbord.

1107
00:49:05,920 --> 00:49:09,280
Try it out for your next issue.

1108
00:49:09,280 --> 00:49:11,400
I'm going to do it after this conversation.

1109
00:49:11,400 --> 00:49:14,640
And with me, I'm just kidding.

1110
00:49:14,640 --> 00:49:18,520
Yeah, Karlie's going to try to actually implement some of this.

1111
00:49:18,520 --> 00:49:24,680
I will because I love a good conversation.

1112
00:49:24,680 --> 00:49:30,440
As always, we hope you remember that you were always fit.

1113
00:49:30,440 --> 00:49:41,720
Always be real and always allowed to be a little extra.

1114
00:49:41,720 --> 00:49:44,920
For legal reasons, we have to tell you that this podcast is meant for entertainment and

1115
00:49:44,920 --> 00:49:46,720
educational purposes only.

1116
00:49:46,720 --> 00:49:48,920
We are not healthcare professionals.

1117
00:49:48,920 --> 00:49:53,040
For all of your health, wellness, fitness and self-care needs, please refer to the medical

1118
00:49:53,040 --> 00:49:58,080
professional in your life, your primary care physician, your therapist, a certified coach,

1119
00:49:58,080 --> 00:49:59,800
whoever it may be.

1120
00:49:59,800 --> 00:50:03,760
And then let us know what they say because I guarantee we need to know what to.

1121
00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:04,760
Okay?

1122
00:50:04,760 --> 00:50:32,800
Okay, bye.