Welcome to Fit to Be Real and a little extra.
Hello everyone.
It's me.
It's Carly.
Guess what?
We are talking about pressure and stress today.
Do you feel pressured and stressed?
I think I'm getting a better handle on it
thanks to this podcast called Fit to Be Real.
I'm learning how to handle things a little differently.
There's a little difference between holiday pressure
and holiday stress as opposed to mundane,
regular old pressure and stress that we're used to.
So we're gonna talk about that today.
Okay.
I'm Victoria.
Hey guys, I'm Carly.
I think part of my pressure and stress comes out
in my intro.
What do you think?
Well, it's been consistent for 47 weeks.
All right.
So I'm gonna give you a little backstory
about what just happened
and why Victoria might be a little stressed out.
Okay.
So the other day I told her what we were gonna talk about
and I said, I got it.
I'm gonna research it.
I got it.
I wanted to do this episode.
I didn't realize that the next text message I sent her
about 10 minutes later said,
I just Instagram real bombed you.
The other thing.
I'm gonna text you tomorrow.
And so she said her alarm for like 45 minutes earlier.
4.45 AM.
To watch them all
cause she thought I was gonna test her
and those two text messages did not go together.
I just found some really funny Instagram reels
that I wanted her to watch.
And I thought I had to know my stuff.
So I got up way earlier in the dark
so I could get ready for class and watch 20 plus reels.
They were so good.
That I kept going, what does this have to do with anything?
These, none of these are connected.
None of these make sense to each other.
They're funny individually.
Why do I have to know these?
Okay.
Maybe I'll watch them twice
because she's gonna test me later.
And after those text messages,
there was a text that said, I have it all tomorrow,
end of game.
So I was preparing at 4.45.
Listen, I walked in and she said,
what did those reels have to do with today's episode?
I said, I have no idea what you're talking about.
I just really liked those reels.
I threw a Christmas pillar at her.
Oh my God, multiple times.
She was so angry with me.
Some might say she's stressed.
No, I'm anger.
Okay.
If this is inside out, I am anger.
Speaking of, I'm actually very excited
to see the new inside out with anxiety.
Yeah.
Is it just inside out too,
or is it called something else?
I think it has a different title.
Thank you for asking.
I don't know.
Oh, well, maybe you should have,
that was the next reel I sent you.
Hold please.
It's called inside out too.
Nice.
And it adds anxiety to the mix.
Just anxiety?
Cause I feel like there are other ones.
No, I think there was another.
Yeah.
I think there was a, I don't know.
I'm not sure, but anxiety looks like my spirit animal.
Where, oh my God, it's Victoria as a muppet.
And Carly when she tries to do her hair during class.
So everybody look it up.
You will know.
When does it come out?
Not that we're sponsored,
but we should be by inside out too.
In 2020 release date, June 14th.
Oh my God.
We have a lot of anxiety now.
We have a while.
I'm going to have anxiety waiting for this movie.
I hope you wake up every morning waiting for it.
I hope that alarm goes off at 445.
Well, now that she's over that,
we're going to talk about pressure and stress
and sort of differentiating between the two
because sometimes people think they're the same thing.
Yeah.
I feel like they're very similar.
I'm interested.
Okay. Thanks.
You're interested?
I'm interested in today.
Okay, good.
Pressure here.
Okay. Let's define them first and then we'll get into it.
All right. Pressure.
Pressure is the tension we feel during important moments
or that we think are important moments,
sort of like in your head,
possibly feeling judged and uncertain.
And it's when we feel we need to perform
because something's at stake.
So that's basically work pressure.
When you've got something do, when you're at school,
you've got like, something's at stake.
So you've got to work towards that end goal,
but then it's over.
Then the pressure lifts and then it's released
and then you're on to something else.
Like when you set an alarm the night before,
kind of dreading having to get up that early,
but then when you see all the videos that you need to do
and watch by like 530, you feel like the relief.
Yeah. Yeah.
Did you feel the relief?
Yeah, I did until you walked back in the door.
And then now this is when the stress comes in.
So what's stress?
This is the second part of your morning routine.
We experience stress when no one else is paying attention
and we are overwhelmed.
So there's nothing really at stake.
No one else is paying attention.
It's internal.
When no one's paying attention to you
and your external whatever's at stake, your pressure,
the stress is what you feel.
It's like internal judgment.
Yes.
The pressure is other people judging
and you being nervous about that.
And then stress is you're judging yourself for X, Y, and Z.
And overthinking.
Overthinking, yeah.
So the pressure is an expectation or demand
to perform a task and it can lead to stress and anxiety
if it's not lifted.
Like if that end goal, if that end task is not lifted,
then it becomes stress.
The pressure becomes stress and stress is the psychological
response from ourselves or external beings, people,
situations that can manifest into physical symptoms,
which I know we've talked about before.
Stress gives you headache, stress makes your insides hurt.
There's just so many, it makes you break out.
There's so many external and internal stress symptoms.
So it's a fine line, I think, between pressure and stress.
So guess what?
We're gonna page nurse manager Justin, brain surgeon.
Oh my gosh.
And whatever he actually does, we're not quite sure.
And we're gonna get to the science behind it.
Ba-ba-ba-ba.
Crawl, yeah.
Me, I'm going to.
Do you feel pressure?
No, I feel so stressed.
The science behind it.
So cortisol, it's in your brain.
It's a stress chemical that our body releases
when we are worried or feeling judged.
So it gets released, okay?
We need cortisol to create aha moments.
This is literally the science behind it
for people like me to understand.
We need cortisol to create aha moments,
but if we have too much of it for too long,
our brain gets overloaded.
Too much cortisol releasing, you get overloaded.
What happens when that happens?
Cortisol overload makes us actually less productive,
causing us to crash.
You know when, just like Christmas morning,
everyone's all hype, type, type, type, type,
Christmas morning, all the presents are opened,
there's wrapping paper everywhere.
What happens?
Everyone falls asleep on the couch
because you have officially crashed.
Your cortisol has been released, overload,
you can't take it anymore in your body,
literally shuts down.
And the holiday season is a condensed amount of time
when our cortisol is on overload.
It is a very short amount of time.
That's why people get so stressed out during the holidays
because your cortisol levels are on overload
and you end up crashing.
And some people crack under that pressure.
I know cortisol in terms of stress and the high levels.
And I know that there's many ways
to decrease your cortisol levels.
Caffeine is a big instigator of high cortisol.
That was just for you.
I'm running on it right now.
How do you get to a aha moment?
Like what is the connection between cortisol and aha moment?
Like a realization?
Is that what an aha moment is?
Yeah, like a realization.
Like the finishing of that said pressure, task, work demand.
And like the cortisol that our body releases
is the driving force to get things like that done.
And then if it goes too much, it's bad.
Yes, and the aha moment is good.
Some of that pressure, some of that cortisol,
that aha realization, that's good.
Some pressure is good for us.
It helps us focus and avoid procrastination.
So you need that healthy level of release to get to the aha.
Once it goes past the aha, then it's overboard.
So, okay, yeah, some pressure is good.
That's fine.
However, if we leave things to the last minute
and procrastinate, it does not let us make the best decisions.
Which we all know.
If you wait till the last minute,
you might be getting it done.
You might be finishing in the task,
but you're not making the best decision
and you pick the first idea instead of the best idea.
Right.
Which is not always the best idea.
Right, right, right.
Because you're, you know.
But it's the one that's going to get it done
by the time you need to get it done.
Right, yeah.
Exactly.
So that is the difference between stress and pressure.
Now, why do the holidays make it worse for everybody?
Because you get up earlier to watch things
that you don't need to watch when you could be sleeping in
and getting a little bit more beauty sleep.
I was just going to be like, this is a test.
Why?
What reel did I send you?
Is this making sense?
I don't know.
I've now blacked out to the whole thing.
I mean, it was like cat singing and like kids dancing,
playing guitar.
It's like bullfowl screaming, random.
It has nothing to do with today, but whatever.
Why are we feeling so stressed
and full of pressure more during the holidays?
I think it's to try to keep the magic for some reason.
There's something to do with,
I don't know, they're fake obligations.
And I don't know if fake's the right word,
but obligations that we put on ourselves that are mandatory,
but they're not.
You do not have to make every party.
You do not have to make all of the cookies
because you did it last year.
Maybe this year you just don't have the time and that's OK.
But you're going to try to still get it done
because that's what you're quote unquote supposed to do.
Right.
And that adds on to stress.
And then the magic of, especially if you have kids,
keeping the magic of Christmas.
That's every day for me.
Alive.
Exactly.
That's a lot. That's a lot.
So that is stress.
Right.
So the pressure of all of that,
like the pressure of like, oh, my gosh,
we only have four weeks to shop and wrap.
That's OK.
I mean, yeah, that happens.
People are busy.
You know, that pressure is OK.
The pressure when it comes to the point of being like,
we need to make this the best holiday
that we've ever had in our whole lives.
And then it becomes stressful to try and figure out
how to do that.
That's when I think people like jump ship and it's too much.
Where the pressure having to buy the same type of caliber
of presence as you did the year before,
but you just don't have the financial support for that
this year. That's pressure.
You're jumping.
Oh, don't stress me out.
We're not there yet.
I don't ask me questions then.
OK.
I feel pressured.
I feel you.
Or maybe I'm stressed.
I don't know.
Well, let's figure it out.
Why are you feeling more of this during the holidays?
I'll tell you.
Why?
Because we need to keep track of more responsibilities.
Not only are you at work, not only do you have, you know,
Christmas tableaus and the nativity scenes to go to.
And then this kid's concert.
And there's just like so many more responsibilities
in this very short amount of time.
So you're like packing it all in and getting teacher gifts.
Yes. Oh my god. Yes.
You're adding that on.
It's in your brain is an overload.
It actually causes your memory to decrease when your brain is
an overload like that.
I mean, Victoria will tell you firsthand.
I'm going to let you in.
She will agree with this for me.
Pervert.
That my oh, I do every day.
You know I do every day.
Your memory actually decreases when your brain is an overload
due to pressure.
Give us an example.
I can't remember.
Exactly.
Thank you.
There's so many.
She will tell me conversations that we didn't have.
We did not have said conversation.
I had them.
It's in my head.
It did not go that way.
Well, I also may be meant to have the conversation.
And just as I was falling asleep in my little pillow,
was like, I'll do it tomorrow.
But like in my head, I like did it.
I think it's called hallucinat.
I'm sorry.
What?
A hallucination.
Which you're doing right now.
A hallucination.
Victoria is on some hallucinogenics right now.
Oh, I wish.
No, I'm not.
That would de-stress me.
What a good stocking stuffer.
OK.
Mom, are you listening?
Anyway.
So yeah, you kind of disassociate from reality
when your cortisol levels are that high.
Yeah, and if you black out.
Yeah, if you write stuff down, go you.
That's awesome.
If you don't like me, you're definitely not
going to remember everything.
There's just too much.
I know.
You're saying that you could.
You have thumbs.
You have hands.
New Year's resolution 2024.
You have a phone in your hand at all times.
You don't even type anymore.
You dictate your text.
I know.
And Dean always comes out as Tina.
So I am constantly texting Victoria and my mom going,
got to pick up Tina from school.
Can you drop Tina off?
If only it was that simple and that was the only typo
that she was dictating.
It really is like a Morris code type situation in paragraphs,
individual paragraphs, because it's every fluid thought
that she's thinking, but not all at once.
It's always when I'm driving because I don't have my fingers.
I'm always dictating.
And there's always like a kid in the background
that messes up the one line.
Oh, do not blame them.
Don't you dare blame them.
How dare you?
Also, my memory is decreasing because my brain is on overload.
Fact.
So thankfully, all of that, the holidays are a short time.
That's why everybody always says, oh, thank god,
the holidays are over.
What's your excuse in July?
I have a child born in two in July, one in August,
and Andrew's birthday is in August.
I have a very stressful summer.
It is.
What's your excuse in September?
I am just coming off for birthdays in the summer.
And I am decompressing, getting ready for the holidays.
I call bullshit.
All right.
Why are we feeling it more during the holidays?
I'll tell you why.
OK.
I'm going to list off some reasons you're
feeling more pressure and more stressed during the holiday
season as opposed to other times.
Your sister doesn't write things down.
That's number one.
Number two, you work with your sister.
Number one, family get-togethers.
OK.
That can make you feel stressed.
Money, gift-giving pressure, which is a thing for me.
I love getting the perfect gift, so I
feel big pressure when it comes to that.
Excessive commitments, lack of time,
unrealistic expectations, which I think is a huge one.
And the number one holiday stressor is hosting the holiday.
I've never been happier that you had to do research for all
of this because you are just talking about yourself.
This is just an episode about Karin.
Well, so it's funny.
When you do the moon stuff, like all that moon stuff.
That one time.
That one time we did an episode about the moon.
No, but most of the 99,000 episodes
that we've done, Victoria knows 99% more
than I do.
And I sit here and I throw in my two cents.
And I love it because I just get to sit here and just be like,
yeah, I'm learning stuff.
I love this.
But when I have to sit down and research,
I'm like, oh my god, it's me.
Hi, I'm the problem.
It's me.
Oh, finally, it's clicked.
Oh my goodness.
Well, I was sitting there thinking,
what we list out our episodes weeks in advance.
And I was like, what do we want to talk about?
Like, what are people interested in?
And it's really what are we interested in at the moment.
And I'm interested in the differences between pressure
and stress and why I always get this way during Christmas
because I don't want to feel this way.
I just want to enjoy it and live in the moment.
And it's so hard.
One of our first episodes was how much we don't have time,
but you do.
But you do.
Well, we do have time.
There's always time.
But we say that, oh, I only need how many more hours
in the day.
There's time.
Like, we have it.
But we stress ourselves out.
Sometimes we prioritize the wrong things.
Exactly.
So like, there is time.
And no, you don't have to go to that party.
And it's going to be OK.
Like, you miss out on it.
It's OK.
No, if I've learned one thing during this podcast,
I mean, I have some jo-mo.
Joy of missing out.
I mean, I have no problem with that.
You don't have to get every single teacher their gift
by the time their school ends.
If they get it in January, that's OK.
Right, right, right, right.
No.
They'll kind of be nice for them.
They get that little.
But like, stuff like that, that we put so much pressure on,
which I think I'm now understanding all of your,
all like the differentiation of it,
we put the pressure on.
Right.
We put it on ourselves.
We dress ourselves up.
In an unhealthy way.
Not the healthy pressure to an unhealthy extent, I think.
All right, let's get into some tips
on managing the pressure that has now turned into stress
for you over the holidays.
Number one, if you're hosting, don't.
That's literally what it said.
Oh, my God.
Don't.
If that's a high stress situation for you, don't do it.
Yeah.
Like, don't do it.
I'm not doing it this year for the first time in many years,
because people naturally come to my house
because I have the space for it, and I'm not doing it.
So, you know, I said no, and something good came out of it.
So it's fine.
So if you're hosting.
Well, Jerry's still out, we'll see.
We'll let you know.
Don't do it if you don't want to do it.
If you can handle the pressure and don't, if you can't.
Money, the biggest stressor of the Christmas season, I think.
I mean, get yourself on a budget and stick to it.
That sounds easier said than done.
Get paid first.
Oh, it's coming.
And then put yourself in a budget and then cry every time
you have to buy a Christmas present.
No, don't do that, because it says keep the reason
for the season front and center.
And the reason for the season is not about money.
It's about time.
Make it more about spending time and less about the actual,
like, biggest gift of the year.
I would have done that had you kept our pact of not buying
Christmas presents for each other.
I mean, I got you small stuff that add up to a lot.
And you put pressure on that.
No.
Yeah.
I like to buy things for you.
Doesn't matter.
When we make a pact that we're going to be equal and not
spend money that neither of us have,
you can't debunk that pact.
You know what?
That's fine.
I'm going to keep half of it for myself because I really
like it debunked.
Well, I've already bought stuff.
So you better give it to me.
Last one in the money.
Cut down on exposure to social media,
which I think is the most important when you're
talking about money and Christmas,
because what happens?
You're constantly on social media.
What is social media doing?
Sending you ads for things that you, I'm quoting right now,
absolutely need to buy for your child or your mom
or your dad.
If you don't see it.
And it's not blasting you in the face.
You clearly look around.
You don't need anything.
We don't need anything.
I saw a lot of them this morning at 4.45
when I was watching all of these videos,
but I didn't need to be watching.
But did you like the little boy playing the guitar?
Oh my god.
So cute, right?
Next one.
Yeah.
Struggling with expectations.
Lots of stress comes from the I should
or we should or what they should, what the holidays should
look like in your mind.
And that's not real life.
That's accepting change, I feel like.
Yeah.
I literally wrote down, let it go.
And then I wrote, don't sing it.
Oh.
I'm laughing.
Let it go.
That's true, though.
And you're the expectation queen when it comes to.
It's hard for me.
Well, everything.
But when it comes to Christmas.
Yes.
Because you want it to be how magical it was.
And I truly think it's never going
to be the magic the way we had it as kids just due to the times.
But I think it can still be magical.
And it's just in a different way.
Yeah.
Would you?
Not accepting.
No.
I have a very hard time with accepting change.
So when this year our holidays are changing a little bit
and I'm, Victoria is always just like, accept it.
This is the way it is.
You can be unhappy about it and complain.
Or you can just accept it and enjoy what we are doing.
Well, make new traditions.
That's what I have.
Create new family traditions.
All change is hard.
Even if you're great with change or you're not great with change,
it's different.
And yeah, if you are like me and you
want everything to be the way it was in 1985,
then yeah, you're going to have a little bit of a hard time.
I mean, you hear it, right?
You hear the sentence.
I'm giggling.
Oh.
Expectations huge.
This isn't just the holiday thing.
Expectation is like the catalyst for all pressure and stress,
I think.
Yeah.
And I mean, we all do it.
Because it's made up in your head.
Yeah.
And you're putting pressure on a situation
that doesn't need to be there.
The next one, I think, is extra hard and something
that we haven't had to go through during the holidays.
But a lot of people do.
And that's grief.
That's a big stressor for the holidays.
It's a big, you know, every first when you're dealing
with grief is hard.
And Christmas is a big one.
Yeah.
Yeah, that's whether you're going through it alone
or as a unit.
Yeah.
Grief.
Grief is tough.
But you know what?
It is better with people.
That's one of the things.
It's admitting and telling people you're having a hard time.
Don't hide it.
You're having a hard time.
Admit it.
I just saw an Instagram, I guess, a meme or a picture that
says, it's OK if you're not feeling merry and bright.
Yeah.
It's OK.
And I think there is a piece of maybe expectation
that the holidays are just chipper all the time.
And everything makes you happy.
And you're at this weird buddy-the-elf level of sugar
and why are you looking at me?
Because I'm talking to you, number one and number two.
It's just that's not, I think it's more OK these days to.
People are more aware of mental health and being sad.
Yeah.
Like it says to not force yourself to celebrate.
If you don't feel like celebrating, don't.
Yeah.
Like and don't compare this year's holiday to holidays
in the past because that's just going to put you down
a rabbit hole of depression.
So you just have to sit in it for a little bit.
And if you don't want to celebrate, don't.
Wow.
Insert applause.
I'm sorry.
I'm waiting for it to end.
It hasn't ended yet.
I'll do it twice.
OK.
Third time's the charm.
No.
OK.
All right.
You don't deserve three.
Last one, feeling disappointed.
About what?
About the holidays.
So feeling disappointed that you didn't get to make it
as magical as in your mind you thought you wanted to.
Or feeling disappointed that those traditions in your family
have changed.
Or feeling disappointed that you couldn't buy the perfect gift
that you wanted to for that person.
And what it says is to practice gratitude.
And I know that's what Victoria constantly tells us
to get a journal.
But it's a practice.
You don't just wake up unless you've been practicing and say,
I am thankful for this.
All of the things that I do have,
instead of all the things that you don't have.
So that's like a big end.
Sorry, notice when you're selling yourself short.
You're doing great things this holiday season.
You're doing great things all the time.
Remind yourself of how well you're doing
and stop selling yourself short.
Yeah.
The past two yoga classes that I taught at Seafit,
I've done three rounds of three affirmations
that they could opt to say in their head as I spoke or just
sit, listen, and just take it in.
But it was I am worthy.
I am enough.
And I am doing the best that I can.
I've seen people repost that.
And I just I didn't know you were saying that.
Because right now I feel like everyone feels like they're not
hitting the mark in small ways.
It's like, I was late to class.
And I really why am I always late to class?
And then they get upset or, oh, I missed this event
because of ABC and D or, oh, gosh, I didn't get that present
in time.
And now it's not the right one.
And they're going to be so sad.
No, you did the best that you could.
You did what you could.
And what hopefully the other end of whatever you're feeling,
the people around you, are just appreciative and grateful.
But if they're not, you just have
to know that you're doing the best that you can.
And that's all that you can ask for in life.
I wake up every morning.
I don't do the gratitude that you were just talking about of,
like, here's what I have.
And here's what I'm grateful for, which I think throughout the day,
maybe pieces of it, I do that.
But I wake up and I sit up in bed before I
put my feet on the floor.
And I say, whatever is meant for me will not pass me by.
Ooh, whatever is meant for me will not pass me by.
So whatever I basically meaning, and I guess pertaining
to the holiday, whatever I get done,
I was meant to get done.
Whatever I don't, I was meant to not get done today.
It's all OK.
And it's going to find me if it's meant to find me.
Right.
So don't try so hard.
Don't.
Yeah.
Basically, don't try just trust in what's out there.
Trust?
I mean, trust the process, if you will.
Now, what does that reference?
I don't know.
Oh, you think it has something to do with sports?
It's the 76ers.
Oh, yeah.
Sports.
Oh.
I don't trust the process.
I don't trust it.
But trust the process.
Like, I need to do that more myself when
it comes to sports and my life.
Oh, no.
Just give up on this.
Let's do one thing.
OK.
You know, I tell you every day, there's
enough I want to take into the Christmas lights.
I want to do this.
I want to take them to Dilworth Park in the city.
I want to we got to do cookies.
We got to do whatever happens, happens.
And guess what?
The kids will not that they won't remember because they will
because we remember, but they are loving everything.
And going overboard and doing too much
is overwhelming to them too.
Yeah, sometimes they're exhausted by the end of the weekend
and they have to go back to school.
And it's like Monday, but they're drained.
Yeah.
And you have pushed them too far.
And then on the holiday cheer, they have to stay home from school.
And then it's harder for me because they get sick.
And I did that to myself.
That's specifically for this for this season.
But no, well, I guess it could be any weekends throughout the year.
That's I feel like then it's like, oh, my gosh,
we have to do all this stuff because they have a weekend
off for President's Day.
And then it becomes the best Valentine's Day ever.
And then St. Patrick's Day weekend has to be great.
It's it's an ongoing thing.
Yeah, it's a cycle of expectation and disappointment
because I think they go hand in hand.
So I'm going to end this little sesh.
We do have a game, but I'm going to end this with a quote that I found
that I think is really important, especially now,
because everybody's watching all these said Instagram reels.
Santa's watching.
And you're constantly scrolling and you're seeing everybody's
perfect house with the white lights and everybody looks.
Everybody's holidays look great.
And why can't why can't my holidays?
I don't have the money to have that.
It's a quote that says comparison is the thief of joy.
And it is.
I think we've actually said it on this podcast before,
but it really hits for the holiday season.
Your holiday does not have to look like anybody else's.
It is your holiday.
It is your season.
And when you compare it to somebody else's,
it really sucks the joy out of the whole season.
I think we've said comparison is the root of all evil.
I mean, it's the same.
I think that's what we've said before.
Yeah.
But the thief of joy when this is supposed to be quote unquote,
supposed to be the most joyous season of the year.
Oh, my God.
Like, what are we doing?
I know, just you do you, boo boo.
I like how you yelled it strongly.
Because we don't want to feel pressure and we don't want to feel stress.
We want to have some fun and we encourage you to do this with your family as well.
We're going to play a little game.
If this doesn't have to do with Instagram videos, I'm turning you off.
I found this while I was scrolling on the internet.
It's called Do You Know What I Know?
Oh, no.
I think I know all of the answers to what Victoria is going to say.
Story of your life.
But we're going to say we're going to play a little icebreaker game.
We're going to ask Victoria questions.
I think I know the answers.
We definitely need an icebreaker.
Yeah, we don't know each other very well.
But this is a really fun game to play when you're sitting around the dinner
table at any holiday occasion.
And we did it the other night actually with the kids.
The kids are crazy at dinner time and I wanted them to calm down.
And I bought a game that asks them questions like just random questions.
What do you want to be when you grow up?
Blah, blah, blah.
And it calmed them down and it was really interesting to hear their answers.
So we're going to play that with Victoria, except it has to do with Christmas.
So number one, have you ever regifted a present?
Yes.
Have you ever been caught?
No.
Well, they didn't tell me that they knew.
So maybe.
We're going to sidebar real quick.
Yeah.
Our mom regifted our uncle slash best friends.
They came for Christmas Eve, gave her a bottle of wine.
On Christmas morning, she realized, oh my God, I forgot to get them something.
So she rewrapped the bottle of wine they gave her, not thinking they would notice.
And they opened it up and said, Carmela, we gave this to this bottle to you last night.
Last 24 hours ago.
She was like, oh my God, I didn't think you'd notice.
We were crying.
Crying.
We still talk about it.
And that's because she was under a lot of pressure and stress.
So.
Next one, which ornament on your tree has the best story?
Oh, yeah.
She's looking, she's looking.
Well, the one that's staring at me.
I can see it is from 2020.
Now, we get ornaments from mom every year, every single year, family ornaments.
And then when we all moved out, we got to keep
the ornaments that she bought us since we were little.
So it was a really cool way to start like your own tree ornament decoration.
And I do it with my kids now.
Now, shocking.
Now, when I travel, I try to pick up an ornament because my mug cabinet is too heavy.
So it's fun, you know, because I don't travel often.
So I only have three traveling ornaments.
But the one I just looked at, I bought everyone an ornament one year trying to be mom, but it was also 2020.
So it's a snowflake that is made out of the word F. U. C. K.
Because 2020 was an F. U. C. K. show.
And I thought mom would be like, oh, my God, Victoria.
And she was like, I love it.
Yeah.
If you had given it to her, she would have been really upset.
100 percent.
All right. Which one of Santa's reindeer would you want to invite over for Christmas?
Comet.
Oh, OK.
Like, are you fast?
Are you spacey?
Why are you named Comet?
Got it. Love it.
I'd probably invite Vixen.
I knew you were going to say that.
Just because, like, who doesn't love a reindeer named Vixen?
Like, why are you named Vixen?
Exactly. Why?
Let's talk about it.
How many STDs do you have?
Let's talk about it.
Let's not.
OK. All right. Don't do that.
What holiday song do you secretly love and listen to?
Secretly love?
Like, embarrassed?
I shouldn't tell everybody that I like that.
Props, yeah.
Are you embarrassed that I said props?
Dominic Donkey.
Hee-aw, hee-aw.
You do love that song.
She loves that song.
I'm not embarrassed by it, though.
I'm embarrassed for you.
OK. Thinking of your co-workers, which of your co-workers is most likely to still believe in Santa Claus?
Me.
That's true.
If you were Santa Claus, what type of cookie would you want to be left out for you on Christmas Eve?
Yeah.
All right.
Two. Two kinds.
OK.
Yeah.
I'm a hefty Santa.
An Oreo cookie with chocolate chips.
Oh.
And I didn't mean to say Oreo.
I said Oreo, but I was reading in my head oatmeal.
I was thinking, what?
I've never seen this cookie before.
Yeah.
Would you slow down and stop stressing out?
I'm blacking out right now.
I cannot believe that just came out of my mouth.
An oatmeal cookie with chocolate chips.
OK.
As well as a s'mores cookie.
Yeah.
I'm into that.
However you make them, I don't know.
I'm into that.
I would, I agree.
Yeah.
Which family tradition from your childhood do you carry into your holidays now?
Every Christmas Eve.
And we do dinner with our immediate unit.
And we always have a, an Italian dish called aliol.
Carmella calls it aliolia.
Drives me insane.
But it is supposed to be, or it usually is, capolini or spaghetti with olive oil and anchovies.
And anchovies.
And mom never puts enough anchovies in for our liking.
And she does though, like she puts in, I think we're up to 15 to 20 cans of anchovies.
Not enough.
And we're never satisfied.
But it is our, we have never strayed from that tradition on Christmas Eve.
And if you are new to the family and coming in, you better get on board.
Better get on board.
Or step out.
But at the same time, we've had a lot of people that just don't eat it.
Yeah.
But it's our favorite.
And at the side part to that tradition is we curse on Christmas Eve dinner.
Oh my God.
Yeah.
It's subsided because the kids are around now, but our mom lets us curse on Christmas Eve dinner.
Yeah.
I don't know with who do you think?
Billy.
Well, yes, but I, I forget how it got accepted and then passed on every year.
And then when, oh my gosh, when Andrew came along, came along, I remember the first year he was like, why?
Died and confused.
And he would be like, and now he's like, what?
There's not enough.
I honestly think mom just lost control and was like, you're home for Christmas.
I don't even care anymore.
It's like the weirdest tradition ever.
And then you started having children and it stopped.
So when, sorry, when they're, yeah, you should be when they're old enough.
We'll start again.
All right.
Finish the video.
You should be when they're old enough.
All right.
Finish the sentence.
It's just not the holidays without being Crosby.
Yeah.
Oh, good answer.
Good answer.
What's your favorite Christmas movie?
White Christmas.
Nice.
Just because it's tradition.
But of course, elf is like, you can't do it without all.
Oh, but then there's love.
Stop it.
Love actually is number one.
Yeah, but then there's the other one that I really like the holiday.
No.
Oh, yes.
Then there's your cutoff.
You're cut off.
No, it's the one.
Oh, with all the big actors.
Oh my God.
The family stone.
Oh, is the Jessica Sarah Jessica Parker?
Yes.
Yeah.
I've never seen it.
I know.
I've never seen it.
I think it's the family stone.
I've never seen it.
This was supposed to be a short game, by the way.
One of my favorites.
All right, I'll watch it this year.
You really, I think you would really like it.
What present are you most excited about giving this year?
Not yours.
I was forced to buy them.
Just kidding.
I got every single child that I give presents to the same book and or books of the same
author and artist.
Uh-huh.
And I'm very excited about them.
Is it about moons and meditation?
I'm going to take that not as an insult.
I'm going to take that as you pretending to know who I am.
And kind of like one of them is called maybe I actually just gave one to my yoga friend
who does a lot of kid yoga.
So I'm excited for all the kids this year.
All right, that's good.
Not you.
Okay.
We've established that.
You'll no pressure with your gift.
What is your holiday beverage of choice?
Water.
I don't know.
What's your holiday beverage of choice?
Water.
You love a good gin and tonic.
Are we getting higher?
Water.
I do love gin and tonic, but that's not a holiday.
Before I stopped drinking, we did one year of a Bloody Mary morning.
We did.
Christmas and I do love that.
Same.
Okay.
This is a hard one.
One of our last ones.
What three words would you use to describe the past year without getting too deep?
Total shit show.
Done.
We don't need to get deep because that is self explanatory.
That's about as deep as you can understand.
The last icebreaker question of the day is very serious.
Have you ever made a dreidel out of clay?
I thought about that one all by myself.
But have you?
Have you dreidel dreidel dreidel?
I made you out of clay.
No.
Guess what?
You won.
I think I lost that last one.
That was supposed to be rapid fire.
And it, I think was as long as the episode.
So here's a piece of expectation you need to get rid of because every time we do rapid
fire, I never rapidly fire.
I know because number one, your brain doesn't work that fast.
Number two, you always have way more to say than a yes or no.
And you have to explain.
And yeah, I feel bad for all the answers I didn't say.
Okay.
Well, I won't feel disappointed or feel any grief or, you know, sad expectations from
you.
I will just have to accept that you are who you are and enjoy the holidays anyway.
I feel like you're begrudging that sentiment.
It's getting tense in here.
People, the holidays are coming.
I really, I really enjoyed that.
And I think I'm very happy that you have discovered cortisol and stress and pressure
in general.
Like I have discovered cortisol in general.
Did you know that word before?
No, I knew cortisone cream.
No, I know it's different.
I know it's different.
I know now.
Good.
Yes.
The answer is no.
Yes.
So now I know.
Right.
I just want to remind you that the end of your discovery and using the right amount of
cortisol to have the aha moments that you got today about pressure and stress with the
holidays and having Carly as the sister is that diamonds are made under pressure.
Diamonds are also a girl's best friend.
That's an extra tip for all the gents out there who are like, man, I don't have that present
yet.
Oh my gosh.
But yes, diamonds are made out of pressure.
So if you are not feeling particularly sparkly or you have some flaws in the center of your
diamond spirited feeling, you are still a diamond.
That's really good.
Actually, you wrapped up that diamond in a little bow.
And you just keep unwrapping it.
It's pretty wonderful.
Remember, you are always fit to be real and always allowed to be a little extra.
But not in your cortisol levels.
Unless you're not feeling it and then you don't have to be.
For legal reasons, we have to tell you that this podcast is meant for entertainment and
educational purposes only.
We are not healthcare professionals for all of your health, wellness, fitness and self
care needs.
Please refer to the medical professional in your life, your primary care physician, your
therapist, a certified coach, whoever it may be.
And then let us know what they say because I guarantee we need to know what to do.
Okay.
Bye.