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Welcome to Fit to Be Real and a little extra.

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This is a very special 40th episode because the guest that we have was our guest for our fourth episode.

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Woohoo!

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So full circle and it's also special because we have absolutely no idea what we're talking about.

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But we also, I think we really need what we're about to talk about.

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Yes.

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I'm Victoria.

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Hey guys, I'm Carly and who do we have with us?

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Justin.

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Love it.

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Justin, what are we talking about today?

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We're going to talk about self-regulation.

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Explain.

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Yeah.

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So we'll get into that.

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First, I think I need to set the record straight from last week's episode where I was called out.

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Oh my god.

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For being unsupportive.

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Okay.

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In my defense.

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Okay.

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I didn't know you that well when all of that was happening.

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And I didn't know.

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You said that well so you didn't know me.

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Well, he was a dancer in the show.

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You were a lead.

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Yeah, exactly.

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And we didn't do rehearsals together.

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I knew who you were.

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No, I knew you in the shows but I didn't know you well enough to know all of that was going on.

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I was friends with Victoria before I was friends with you.

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You just wanted to get that on the record.

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Any chance I get to say that.

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It's all right.

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He was working at Arapastel at the time so.

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I never worked there.

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Okay.

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Never mind.

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Where'd you work?

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Hollister.

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Hollister.

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That was college.

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Oh.

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I can't like see.

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Never mind.

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Whatever.

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It doesn't even matter.

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I don't even care.

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So basically how I got, I don't want to say interested in self-regulation,

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but how I learned about self-regulation was I have willful children.

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And Carly has one willful child.

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Dean.

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I have three deans.

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Okay.

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I love when you say that.

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So basically they're great.

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Other people say how great they are, which they are great.

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My kids are great.

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Everyone else says how well behaved they are.

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However, at home they can be a little crazy at times.

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Carmella has a phrase for that though, doesn't she?

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Yeah.

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It's how devil street angel.

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Yes.

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Which is a good thing.

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Yes.

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It's a great thing.

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And it means that they are comfortable enough at home to truly express how they're feeling

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and know enough to not do that in the outside world.

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I mean, I've told you when Kayton has been over one of Justin's only son,

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I'm like, he is so polite and so good.

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And you're like, what?

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Yeah.

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No, he's not.

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I'm like, no, he really is.

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Yes.

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And that's how Dean is at school.

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Right.

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Exactly.

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Exactly.

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And that's willful children, right?

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They're going to press every one of your buttons and try to get you to do what they want to do at home.

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So it's hard when you are trying to figure out how to be a parent to that type of kid, right?

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You don't get an owner's manual when you have a baby.

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You don't know what to do.

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So to figure out what is the best approach to that to handle those emotional outbursts

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when they don't even know how they're feeling, I started researching and looking at books.

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And I found out about self-regulation.

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And so before I talk about what self-regulation is, I feel like we should talk about what it

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isn't because a lot of people confuse self-control and self-regulation.

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And Carly is raising her hands right now.

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No, no, no, no, no.

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She's raising the roof.

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That's true.

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She's raising the roof.

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Because when you said you wanted to talk about this, I was like, oh, yeah, self-control.

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I just like that's what I thought it was.

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Yeah.

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Different.

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Right.

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OK.

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So Carly, in your opinion, what is self-control?

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Self-control is the ability to stop yourself when enough is enough.

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Yeah, kind of, yes.

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So it's the ability to stop, to ignore impulses and emotions that you're having and prevent you from

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doing something or acting a certain way.

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And a lot of people think self-control is the end all be all right.

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Like I'm sure a lot of people think you guys have good self-control because you are,

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you know, you eat healthy for the most part.

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You exercise regularly.

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Yeah.

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And there's this perception that, you know, self-control is a muscle that we need to strengthen

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and we need to make sure, you know, we are this unstoppable force with self-control.

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And it kind of sets us up for failure because then inevitably we relapse, right?

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We don't have self-control in an instant.

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And that can make us turn and say, you know what, forget it.

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Yeah.

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If I'm trying not to eat those sweets, maybe I have a cookie and I'm like, oh, I messed up,

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screw it.

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I'm going to eat the whole cake now or things like that.

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That's me with Oreos and whole Oreo sleeve.

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I say I'm going to have one and then I have whole sleeve.

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But it's also beyond food. This is also something that you have said a few times that you're

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a reactive person.

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Yes.

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So that would be part of self-control of wanting to respond and not react.

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Correct.

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So think of like a river and a dam, right?

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You can put a dam up.

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You're a dam.

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That's...

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Okay.

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You can put a dam up.

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No, really, let's be serious.

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No, that's good.

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Okay.

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So are you the beaver?

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So there is no beaver.

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Isn't a dam stopping a river?

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Yes.

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So think, yeah, but a dam doesn't...

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There's man-made dams.

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Think of the Hoover Dam.

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A beaver didn't build the Hoover Dam.

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His name was Mr. Hoover.

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Herbert?

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Herbert.

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All shows.

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Please don't start singing Annie.

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I knew it was coming.

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The showtubers were coming out.

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Her real show announced the wedding.

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I knew it was going to happen.

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Anyway, go ahead.

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About a dam.

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Moving on, yes.

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So think of a dam and a river, right?

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The dam is your self-control.

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The river is all of the emotions and impulses

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and stressors that you're having in your life.

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The dam can hold for so long,

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but if the stressors keep coming,

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if the emotions keep coming, the impulses keep coming,

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eventually that river is going to overtake that dam.

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Correct.

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Right?

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So that's kind of what self-control is.

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Like you can't...

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It's not...

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Inevitably, it will fail.

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The dam will fail.

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The dam will fail.

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Yourself will fail.

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It's not...

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Self-control in and of itself is not something

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that can prevent impulse control.

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Okay?

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So that's where self-regulation kind of comes in.

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So self-regulation is the ability to reduce

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the stressors that you are having emotions from

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or impulses from.

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So it's trying to identify those stressors

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and reduce them so that you don't get to the point

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where you are dysregulated and you're not

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dysregulated and overwhelmed and just out of sync.

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Which basically means your nervous system is out of whack.

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Correct.

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Oh, I'm so glad you brought up nervous system.

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Is it like your Vegas nerve?

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I'm actually going to talk about your Vegas nerve!

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Your Vegas nerve!

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Carly thinks it means going to Vegas and partying.

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So don't get to it, son.

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She's doing a strange dance with her guns.

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Doing gangstands?

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Okay.

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Okay.

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Wait, before we go on.

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Okay.

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Can this be, I know you're talking about your kids

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and self-regulation and self-control,

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but this is adults too.

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So yeah, so right now I'm just talking about

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self-regulation.

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I got into this path because of looking up ways

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to help my kids identify their stressors

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so they aren't getting overwhelmed.

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Right, because that's what happens.

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They get to the point where, and we all do this,

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kids and adults, we get to the point where

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enough is enough, we're overstimulated,

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we're overstressed, we're overwhelmed,

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and then we have to figure out some way to come down.

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And for us adults with our brains developed,

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fully developed, some more than others.

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Why are you looking at me?

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Right, that's hard enough for us.

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Imagine what it's like with kids who are still

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going through that development stage.

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So that's kind of how this started,

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but this applies to everyone across the board.

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Because the dam is up right now for me.

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There's a little leak, and I do not want it

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to burst, and I'm at the point where it's going to burst,

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and it's not going to be good.

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So it's help take me back.

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We're going to help you, Karlie.

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Okay, thank you.

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We're going to help you.

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A part of your brain is called the limbic system.

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And this is, it's also called your reptilian brain,

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because this is something that all animals have.

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It's the basic brain fight or flight idea.

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So it is tied with your emotions, and the main component of it

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is your amygdala.

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So the amygdala is a part of emotional response

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and memory creation within your brain.

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And that activates your sympathetic nervous system,

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which is where fight or flight comes from.

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Right, so like you have cortisol rushing through your body.

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It creates that fight or flight response

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when you are addressed with stressors in your life.

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And the base of it came from back when we were cavemen,

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you know, you would see a saber-toothed tiger,

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and you would have to either fight or run for your life.

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And that is why that's rooted in our reptilian brain.

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Another part of our brain called the prefrontal cortex.

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Kind of look like a caveman right now.

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Thank you, because my beard.

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He's a very long, burly beard.

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So the other part of our brain.

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He doesn't care.

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Moving on.

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Okay.

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Stay on tracks.

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Sorry, sorry, sorry.

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I mean, you're being very legit right now,

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and I'm having a hard time concentrating

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because I'm like, am I talking to Justin

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or somebody that knows stuff?

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Yeah.

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And it's the same person.

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So I'm...

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Continue.

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Sir.

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I'm gonna try.

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Somehow that was an insult and a compliment.

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All in the world.

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Keep going.

270
00:10:02,580 --> 00:10:04,580
So there's another part of our brain

271
00:10:04,580 --> 00:10:06,100
called the prefrontal cortex.

272
00:10:06,100 --> 00:10:08,900
And that is where, you know, logic and reasoning

273
00:10:08,900 --> 00:10:11,060
and reflective thought comes from.

274
00:10:11,060 --> 00:10:13,140
And what happens a lot of times is

275
00:10:13,140 --> 00:10:14,740
when we get overwhelmed,

276
00:10:14,740 --> 00:10:16,740
that limbic system part of our brain,

277
00:10:16,740 --> 00:10:18,980
that amygdala and our reptilian brain,

278
00:10:18,980 --> 00:10:22,180
takes over the prefrontal cortex, the PFC.

279
00:10:22,180 --> 00:10:25,860
So we don't have control of what happens.

280
00:10:25,860 --> 00:10:27,140
That's why when you talk about like,

281
00:10:27,140 --> 00:10:29,380
oh, I saw red and I was in a rage

282
00:10:29,380 --> 00:10:30,820
and I didn't know what I was doing.

283
00:10:30,820 --> 00:10:32,820
That's because that limbic system took over

284
00:10:32,820 --> 00:10:35,860
and you didn't have that logic, reason, thinking.

285
00:10:35,860 --> 00:10:38,260
That's when our kids get so overwhelmed

286
00:10:38,260 --> 00:10:39,380
and they have a meltdown.

287
00:10:39,380 --> 00:10:41,140
There's nothing that can bring them down.

288
00:10:41,140 --> 00:10:41,620
Right.

289
00:10:41,620 --> 00:10:43,620
Because their logic, the little logic that they have,

290
00:10:43,620 --> 00:10:44,420
is just gone.

291
00:10:44,420 --> 00:10:47,780
So like I said, the amygdala is also part

292
00:10:47,780 --> 00:10:52,820
or in charge of memory storage and creation.

293
00:10:52,820 --> 00:10:57,940
And so that's why sometimes when you think about something

294
00:10:57,940 --> 00:11:00,900
or have a memory of something, you have an emotion with it,

295
00:11:00,900 --> 00:11:03,380
especially when thinking of like PTSD.

296
00:11:03,380 --> 00:11:04,980
So when you're walking through a mall

297
00:11:04,980 --> 00:11:06,580
and you see someone from a year ago,

298
00:11:06,580 --> 00:11:08,020
you stop, drop and roll.

299
00:11:08,020 --> 00:11:10,340
Like that is why that happens.

300
00:11:10,340 --> 00:11:11,060
That's true.

301
00:11:11,060 --> 00:11:14,180
Because it's tied together, that memory and that emotion.

302
00:11:14,180 --> 00:11:14,900
No way.

303
00:11:14,900 --> 00:11:16,980
And that's where like PTSD comes from

304
00:11:16,980 --> 00:11:20,340
and why you can hear something or smell something or...

305
00:11:20,340 --> 00:11:21,300
I know, it's just weird to...

306
00:11:21,300 --> 00:11:23,860
See something and get that anxious feeling.

307
00:11:23,860 --> 00:11:24,420
Hear.

308
00:11:24,420 --> 00:11:25,860
That's anxiety, Carly.

309
00:11:25,860 --> 00:11:28,340
But also it can be twisted in a good way.

310
00:11:28,340 --> 00:11:28,980
Absolutely.

311
00:11:28,980 --> 00:11:33,220
I heard someone say that a good tip for like,

312
00:11:33,220 --> 00:11:34,740
as a bride in a wedding,

313
00:11:34,740 --> 00:11:37,940
is that you put your favorite flower around her.

314
00:11:37,940 --> 00:11:39,940
You put it around you on the altar so that when you smell it,

315
00:11:39,940 --> 00:11:41,300
it brings you back to that moment.

316
00:11:41,300 --> 00:11:41,540
Yeah.

317
00:11:41,540 --> 00:11:42,980
Because they're all connected.

318
00:11:42,980 --> 00:11:44,500
So it can be in positive ways too.

319
00:11:44,500 --> 00:11:45,460
It's not just PTSD.

320
00:11:45,460 --> 00:11:46,020
Correct.

321
00:11:46,020 --> 00:11:46,180
Correct.

322
00:11:46,180 --> 00:11:49,620
Well, I actually texted Victoria last night

323
00:11:49,620 --> 00:11:50,740
and I'm laying in bed.

324
00:11:50,740 --> 00:11:51,220
Yeah.

325
00:11:51,220 --> 00:11:51,780
How about this?

326
00:11:51,780 --> 00:11:52,260
Yeah.

327
00:11:52,260 --> 00:11:55,940
And I saw my first Christmas commercial

328
00:11:55,940 --> 00:11:57,380
and I texted her and I said,

329
00:11:57,380 --> 00:11:59,140
oh my gosh, I saw the first Christmas commercial.

330
00:11:59,140 --> 00:12:00,100
Now it's before Halloween.

331
00:12:00,100 --> 00:12:01,620
I understand that's crazy.

332
00:12:01,620 --> 00:12:04,020
But I said, I feel so happy

333
00:12:04,020 --> 00:12:06,740
and just me watching that commercial made me feel happy.

334
00:12:06,740 --> 00:12:07,380
Mm-hmm.

335
00:12:07,380 --> 00:12:09,060
And we must read this.

336
00:12:10,260 --> 00:12:12,020
I didn't know what the emotion was.

337
00:12:13,540 --> 00:12:16,660
Carly, just saw my first Christmas commercial.

338
00:12:16,660 --> 00:12:18,260
It actually made me feel happy.

339
00:12:18,260 --> 00:12:20,020
Like the music and the colors.

340
00:12:20,020 --> 00:12:20,740
Is that a thing?

341
00:12:21,380 --> 00:12:24,900
I said, happiness is happiness a thing for some.

342
00:12:26,820 --> 00:12:29,460
Carly, I don't know what it is, but it's tingly.

343
00:12:30,340 --> 00:12:31,220
Me, okay.

344
00:12:31,220 --> 00:12:34,580
I may have told her that it may be an STD of sorts.

345
00:12:34,580 --> 00:12:38,180
She said, I knew it wasn't happiness.

346
00:12:38,180 --> 00:12:40,100
She said, happiness is only for some.

347
00:12:40,100 --> 00:12:40,900
I was kidding.

348
00:12:40,900 --> 00:12:41,140
But.

349
00:12:41,860 --> 00:12:44,660
But yes, that is exactly what we're talking.

350
00:12:44,660 --> 00:12:45,140
Right.

351
00:12:45,140 --> 00:12:47,140
So you're connecting a memory,

352
00:12:47,140 --> 00:12:48,980
the memory you have of a really, you know,

353
00:12:48,980 --> 00:12:50,580
being happy at Christmas.

354
00:12:50,580 --> 00:12:52,980
And that's why happiness is what comes up for you.

355
00:12:52,980 --> 00:12:53,220
Yeah.

356
00:12:53,220 --> 00:12:55,700
Now some people that could be the opposite.

357
00:12:55,700 --> 00:12:56,420
Could feel that completely.

358
00:12:56,420 --> 00:12:57,140
Exactly.

359
00:12:57,140 --> 00:12:57,620
Exactly.

360
00:12:57,620 --> 00:12:59,700
So it's different for every person.

361
00:12:59,700 --> 00:12:59,940
Yeah.

362
00:12:59,940 --> 00:13:01,380
Because everybody's brain is different.

363
00:13:01,380 --> 00:13:01,940
Yeah.

364
00:13:01,940 --> 00:13:06,660
So and so that's kind of like the basic of how you have these two

365
00:13:06,660 --> 00:13:11,780
areas of your brain competing for how you feel and how you're regulated.

366
00:13:11,780 --> 00:13:16,900
And that's why it's important to reduce the stress so that your limbic brain,

367
00:13:16,900 --> 00:13:20,180
your limbic system doesn't take over and you can stay, you know,

368
00:13:20,180 --> 00:13:23,860
logical and and reflective and reasonable and things like that.

369
00:13:23,860 --> 00:13:24,020
Yeah.

370
00:13:24,740 --> 00:13:28,420
So there's three Rs of self regulation.

371
00:13:28,420 --> 00:13:31,620
There's recognizing, reducing and restoring.

372
00:13:31,620 --> 00:13:36,020
You want to recognize the stressors, recognize when you're overwhelmed,

373
00:13:36,660 --> 00:13:40,660
reduce them and then restore the energy.

374
00:13:41,780 --> 00:13:44,100
So we'll kind of talk about each one.

375
00:13:44,100 --> 00:13:49,700
So recognizing it can be hard to recognize when you're overwhelmed.

376
00:13:49,700 --> 00:13:50,420
Oh, yeah.

377
00:13:50,420 --> 00:13:51,700
I think that's the hardest one.

378
00:13:51,700 --> 00:13:52,180
Yeah.

379
00:13:52,180 --> 00:13:57,620
Carly just busted through the door like Kramer on Seinfeld and we kind of had to be like,

380
00:13:57,620 --> 00:14:01,780
OK, take a breath like we're not in a rush. We'll wait for you.

381
00:14:03,140 --> 00:14:03,860
Wait for you.

382
00:14:04,740 --> 00:14:05,860
Because we've been waiting.

383
00:14:07,140 --> 00:14:11,780
She was late because I was running from somewhere else.

384
00:14:11,780 --> 00:14:13,140
But that's that's me.

385
00:14:13,780 --> 00:14:17,300
Like a not a bull in a china shop because I don't like messing up,

386
00:14:17,300 --> 00:14:18,900
but I'm always coming in hot.

387
00:14:19,860 --> 00:14:20,420
I'm coming in.

388
00:14:21,460 --> 00:14:22,020
Yes.

389
00:14:22,020 --> 00:14:23,220
Always coming in hot.

390
00:14:23,220 --> 00:14:24,500
And I don't love that.

391
00:14:24,500 --> 00:14:25,140
Right.

392
00:14:25,140 --> 00:14:29,220
And that's part of what you have going on with your life, right?

393
00:14:29,220 --> 00:14:33,700
Like I kind of think you're trying to do it all because you are.

394
00:14:33,700 --> 00:14:41,140
So you want to be you have a job that is kind of close to as 24 seven as you can get

395
00:14:41,140 --> 00:14:44,020
because you have the accountability piece where you're always on call.

396
00:14:44,020 --> 00:14:44,900
You have the classes.

397
00:14:44,900 --> 00:14:46,260
You're preparing for the classes.

398
00:14:46,260 --> 00:14:48,180
You have every other aspect of it.

399
00:14:48,180 --> 00:14:49,780
And then you're also trying to be a mom on top of that.

400
00:14:49,780 --> 00:14:54,340
And you're trying to do all of the mom things because you feel like you are slacking

401
00:14:54,340 --> 00:14:55,380
if you don't do those things.

402
00:14:55,380 --> 00:14:56,980
So like you want to be at home.

403
00:14:56,980 --> 00:14:57,860
You want to be there for dinner.

404
00:14:57,860 --> 00:15:00,980
You also want to be there for school and for every activity and to be homeroom mom.

405
00:15:00,980 --> 00:15:02,980
So that is a lot to put on yourself.

406
00:15:02,980 --> 00:15:04,420
Are you in my brain right now?

407
00:15:04,420 --> 00:15:07,620
Yeah, I know because you are every other mom in this world.

408
00:15:07,620 --> 00:15:08,580
You are my wife.

409
00:15:08,580 --> 00:15:09,860
You are my friends.

410
00:15:09,860 --> 00:15:10,980
You are everyone.

411
00:15:11,620 --> 00:15:12,420
I agree.

412
00:15:12,420 --> 00:15:15,860
But I would also like to learn how to not come in hot.

413
00:15:16,900 --> 00:15:22,260
And like recognize be like take that as Victoria likes to call it breath.

414
00:15:22,260 --> 00:15:22,980
Yeah.

415
00:15:22,980 --> 00:15:23,300
Yeah.

416
00:15:23,300 --> 00:15:27,540
And that is not a wild thought to breathe.

417
00:15:27,540 --> 00:15:28,100
It's not.

418
00:15:28,100 --> 00:15:29,860
If you don't breathe, you are dead.

419
00:15:31,140 --> 00:15:33,220
It is the first thing you do when you're born.

420
00:15:33,220 --> 00:15:35,220
And it is the last thing you do before you die.

421
00:15:36,500 --> 00:15:38,100
You are somewhere in between right now.

422
00:15:39,460 --> 00:15:40,500
Close to death.

423
00:15:42,500 --> 00:15:43,780
So close.

424
00:15:43,780 --> 00:15:44,660
Anyway, continue.

425
00:15:44,660 --> 00:15:45,540
Regulate me.

426
00:15:45,540 --> 00:15:46,100
Oh God.

427
00:15:47,380 --> 00:15:48,740
But it's true.

428
00:15:48,740 --> 00:15:50,580
So I mean it's like anything.

429
00:15:50,580 --> 00:15:53,540
You have to accept that you're in the moment of that.

430
00:15:53,540 --> 00:15:59,140
And this yes, we're somehow we looked at Carly as subject matter number one.

431
00:15:59,140 --> 00:16:00,500
But everyone does this.

432
00:16:01,220 --> 00:16:07,700
And really realizing that you are overwhelmed and then figuring out what your stressors are

433
00:16:08,580 --> 00:16:12,660
is the only way to start regulating them because you can't

434
00:16:13,460 --> 00:16:15,140
fix something you don't even know is broken.

435
00:16:15,140 --> 00:16:15,780
Right.

436
00:16:15,780 --> 00:16:16,580
Exactly.

437
00:16:16,580 --> 00:16:22,180
And so there's kind of so when we're thinking about self-regulation,

438
00:16:22,180 --> 00:16:25,060
when we're thinking about being overwhelmed,

439
00:16:25,060 --> 00:16:27,380
there's different levels of arousal.

440
00:16:27,380 --> 00:16:31,860
And before we say anything, arousal means state of alertness.

441
00:16:31,860 --> 00:16:32,420
Okay.

442
00:16:32,420 --> 00:16:35,780
Because I knew if I said the word arousal.

443
00:16:36,900 --> 00:16:38,100
I am a child.

444
00:16:38,100 --> 00:16:39,220
I am a child.

445
00:16:39,220 --> 00:16:40,900
You might as well just say doodoo as well.

446
00:16:40,900 --> 00:16:48,100
So there's different levels of arousal.

447
00:16:48,100 --> 00:16:51,300
So there's hyper arousal and that is when you are overwhelmed.

448
00:16:51,300 --> 00:16:52,420
Your heart is racing.

449
00:16:52,420 --> 00:16:53,700
You are anxious.

450
00:16:53,700 --> 00:16:55,220
You might be scared.

451
00:16:55,780 --> 00:17:00,340
So you're hyper arous because your sympathetic nervous system is pumping

452
00:17:00,340 --> 00:17:01,380
quarters all through your body.

453
00:17:01,380 --> 00:17:03,460
Your heart rate is going.

454
00:17:03,460 --> 00:17:05,620
You are paying more attention.

455
00:17:05,620 --> 00:17:06,660
Lights are brighter.

456
00:17:06,660 --> 00:17:08,660
Sounds are louder.

457
00:17:08,660 --> 00:17:12,660
It's like when you're, tell me if I'm wrong,

458
00:17:12,660 --> 00:17:17,460
when you're going to be late for something or you're lost and you have to turn the music down.

459
00:17:17,460 --> 00:17:18,660
That's exactly what it is.

460
00:17:18,660 --> 00:17:19,620
But that's not going to help you.

461
00:17:19,620 --> 00:17:20,100
Yes.

462
00:17:20,100 --> 00:17:20,580
That's what we do.

463
00:17:20,580 --> 00:17:21,060
Yeah.

464
00:17:21,060 --> 00:17:21,700
All the time.

465
00:17:21,700 --> 00:17:22,260
100%.

466
00:17:22,260 --> 00:17:23,540
I was going to actually say that.

467
00:17:23,540 --> 00:17:24,020
Yes.

468
00:17:24,020 --> 00:17:24,500
Very cool.

469
00:17:24,500 --> 00:17:29,620
Because you, everything, all of the stimuli seem larger.

470
00:17:29,620 --> 00:17:30,100
Yeah.

471
00:17:30,100 --> 00:17:33,380
And you are trying to focus, but it is difficult to focus.

472
00:17:33,380 --> 00:17:34,980
So that's kind of hyper arousal.

473
00:17:34,980 --> 00:17:35,540
Right.

474
00:17:35,540 --> 00:17:39,300
Then you have, you know, the moderate where you're calm, but not tired.

475
00:17:39,300 --> 00:17:44,020
You are paying attention, but you're not overstimulated.

476
00:17:44,980 --> 00:17:49,540
You are ready to learn or to complete a task or do anything that you need to be doing.

477
00:17:49,540 --> 00:17:55,300
And then there's hypo arousal, which is where you're kind of in a zombie state.

478
00:17:55,300 --> 00:17:55,780
Right.

479
00:17:55,780 --> 00:18:00,420
You, you were just overwhelmed and now you just are disassociating with things.

480
00:18:00,420 --> 00:18:03,300
You don't have the energy for anything.

481
00:18:03,300 --> 00:18:04,900
You can't pay attention.

482
00:18:04,900 --> 00:18:07,220
You can't pay attention and focus on anything.

483
00:18:07,220 --> 00:18:08,260
You basically crash.

484
00:18:08,260 --> 00:18:08,820
Yes.

485
00:18:08,820 --> 00:18:09,300
Exactly.

486
00:18:09,300 --> 00:18:10,340
You got a sugar crash.

487
00:18:10,340 --> 00:18:15,940
And so what happens if we don't know how to, yeah, it was sugar crash.

488
00:18:15,940 --> 00:18:16,180
Sure.

489
00:18:17,220 --> 00:18:22,980
What happens if we don't know how to regulate ourselves, we'll go from stages of hyper arousal

490
00:18:22,980 --> 00:18:23,860
to hypo arousal.

491
00:18:23,860 --> 00:18:28,660
So we'll get like crazy overwhelmed stress, manic running around, doing everything.

492
00:18:28,660 --> 00:18:34,340
And then we crash and then we're in hypo arousal where we're just like a vegetable on the couch.

493
00:18:34,340 --> 00:18:36,980
We don't have energy to do anything.

494
00:18:36,980 --> 00:18:37,220
Yeah.

495
00:18:37,780 --> 00:18:38,420
Yeah.

496
00:18:38,420 --> 00:18:42,660
So that is why, you know, recognizing is so important.

497
00:18:42,660 --> 00:18:49,380
So when you're in those moments, it can be difficult for adults to really say,

498
00:18:49,380 --> 00:18:50,420
I'm overwhelmed right now.

499
00:18:51,140 --> 00:18:56,500
So it's important after the fact to be, and I said, I think I said this on episode four,

500
00:18:56,500 --> 00:18:59,380
to kind of do a journal of how you're feeling.

501
00:18:59,380 --> 00:18:59,940
Reflection.

502
00:18:59,940 --> 00:19:06,340
Yeah. And say, you know, I didn't handle that situation well or, you know, I didn't feel good

503
00:19:06,340 --> 00:19:08,900
about how I acted or what I was thinking.

504
00:19:09,780 --> 00:19:14,660
I'm going to write that down because after a while you can start getting ideas of trends

505
00:19:14,660 --> 00:19:18,180
or common themes of what is getting you to that point.

506
00:19:18,180 --> 00:19:22,580
And so if at any point something like you just feel something got you stressed,

507
00:19:22,580 --> 00:19:24,660
write that down so you can keep track of that.

508
00:19:25,940 --> 00:19:29,220
It's not going to happen, be something that happens right away, but over time,

509
00:19:29,220 --> 00:19:34,180
you'll see those trends of, okay, I was really stressed in this moment and that's a problem.

510
00:19:34,820 --> 00:19:40,580
Well, if your Instagram feed looks like mine, you constantly see different psychologists

511
00:19:40,580 --> 00:19:45,940
posting things and they say, your brain, the more what you tell your brain is what you,

512
00:19:46,500 --> 00:19:47,620
your brain starts to believe.

513
00:19:47,620 --> 00:19:53,300
So the more you are self-destructive, then you start to believe that you're those bad things

514
00:19:53,300 --> 00:19:54,020
about yourself.

515
00:19:54,020 --> 00:19:58,580
So if you start saying really good things, and even if you don't believe it yet,

516
00:19:58,580 --> 00:20:01,460
then it turns into this belief system that you are amazing.

517
00:20:01,460 --> 00:20:02,340
You can succeed.

518
00:20:02,340 --> 00:20:03,620
You can do these things.

519
00:20:03,620 --> 00:20:09,540
So if you find that reflection, reflective moment, which you do have to take the time to do,

520
00:20:09,540 --> 00:20:15,700
which is step one of like failure, not taking the time to reflect and journal,

521
00:20:15,700 --> 00:20:20,020
which we like make fun of like little teenage girls journal.

522
00:20:20,020 --> 00:20:21,220
Oh, you're journaling.

523
00:20:21,220 --> 00:20:21,620
Why?

524
00:20:21,620 --> 00:20:25,140
I don't understand why we do that as a society.

525
00:20:25,140 --> 00:20:34,420
But if you start recognizing all of these triggers, yes, I said triggers and write it

526
00:20:34,420 --> 00:20:41,220
down that the word trigger is something you have a feeling about triggered that you feel

527
00:20:41,220 --> 00:20:41,460
triggered.

528
00:20:41,460 --> 00:20:41,620
Yeah.

529
00:20:41,620 --> 00:20:43,940
No, it just it can start to change.

530
00:20:43,940 --> 00:20:48,740
But if you don't take the time, then obviously no change will happen.

531
00:20:48,740 --> 00:20:53,460
I mean, that was captain obvious, but I was talking about myself to myself.

532
00:20:53,460 --> 00:20:55,940
And I read something.

533
00:20:55,940 --> 00:21:00,020
It said our feelings are looking for support, not solution.

534
00:21:00,020 --> 00:21:00,260
Right.

535
00:21:00,260 --> 00:21:06,100
So a lot of the times we will vent to our best friend, our significant other, our parent,

536
00:21:07,380 --> 00:21:08,980
and they will want to help us.

537
00:21:08,980 --> 00:21:11,300
And so they'll start giving us ideas.

538
00:21:11,300 --> 00:21:12,420
Try this, try that.

539
00:21:12,420 --> 00:21:13,780
I don't want to hear that right now.

540
00:21:14,340 --> 00:21:14,980
Right.

541
00:21:14,980 --> 00:21:17,140
Our problems are looking for support.

542
00:21:17,140 --> 00:21:19,620
Our feelings are looking for support, not solutions.

543
00:21:19,620 --> 00:21:20,100
Yes.

544
00:21:20,100 --> 00:21:25,460
And sometimes just saying that like me saying it to you, saying whatever my problem is,

545
00:21:25,460 --> 00:21:30,420
venting to you will help me realize, OK, maybe this is what I need to do.

546
00:21:30,420 --> 00:21:34,500
Or I'm able to think about it more because I'm verbalizing it to you.

547
00:21:34,500 --> 00:21:36,660
I just had this conversation with mom.

548
00:21:36,660 --> 00:21:37,060
Yeah.

549
00:21:37,060 --> 00:21:37,700
What's up, mom?

550
00:21:38,980 --> 00:21:39,860
You can vouch for me.

551
00:21:40,580 --> 00:21:46,660
In one of those venting moments or just even before it gets to that blow up, you just want

552
00:21:46,660 --> 00:21:48,340
someone to be like, I hear you.

553
00:21:48,340 --> 00:21:48,580
Yeah.

554
00:21:48,580 --> 00:21:49,940
I totally understand.

555
00:21:50,660 --> 00:21:53,620
I'm not fixing this, but like I've been there too.

556
00:21:53,620 --> 00:21:56,100
Like you just want someone to be on your side.

557
00:21:56,100 --> 00:21:56,740
On your side.

558
00:21:56,740 --> 00:22:04,020
Really, without giving you solutions that you're not going to take in in that moment.

559
00:22:04,020 --> 00:22:07,540
That moment is not going to be like, you know what, I understand what you just said.

560
00:22:07,540 --> 00:22:08,820
I will do it like that next time.

561
00:22:08,820 --> 00:22:10,100
It's like, no.

562
00:22:10,100 --> 00:22:13,140
And it's this, you know, angry red that you see.

563
00:22:14,820 --> 00:22:16,180
There's no solution.

564
00:22:16,180 --> 00:22:17,780
Just let me bitch.

565
00:22:17,780 --> 00:22:20,260
I mean, the vent is the solution sometimes.

566
00:22:20,260 --> 00:22:20,820
Yes.

567
00:22:20,820 --> 00:22:22,100
It's just like 100 percent.

568
00:22:22,100 --> 00:22:22,900
Leave it at that.

569
00:22:22,900 --> 00:22:23,540
Yeah.

570
00:22:23,540 --> 00:22:24,020
Yeah.

571
00:22:24,020 --> 00:22:24,580
It's hard.

572
00:22:24,580 --> 00:22:30,180
It's hard to do if the person you're talking to is not aware of that.

573
00:22:30,180 --> 00:22:36,180
And I think I said this or we said this in a different episode of a good way to approach

574
00:22:36,180 --> 00:22:42,900
that if you are someone who maybe people vent to a lot is do you want me to listen or do you

575
00:22:42,900 --> 00:22:44,340
want me to help you?

576
00:22:44,340 --> 00:22:44,740
Yeah.

577
00:22:44,740 --> 00:22:48,900
And then that person who's venting can give you the answer that they really do want.

578
00:22:48,900 --> 00:22:51,540
And nine times out of 10, it's I just want you to listen.

579
00:22:51,540 --> 00:22:52,100
Yeah.

580
00:22:52,100 --> 00:22:52,980
Oh, absolutely.

581
00:22:52,980 --> 00:22:54,260
And I think that that's great.

582
00:22:54,260 --> 00:22:55,140
No, we don't do that.

583
00:22:55,140 --> 00:22:57,380
We go to because and it comes from a good place, right?

584
00:22:57,380 --> 00:22:58,820
Like we just want to help each other.

585
00:22:58,820 --> 00:22:59,300
Yeah.

586
00:22:59,300 --> 00:23:00,900
But that's not the best solution.

587
00:23:00,900 --> 00:23:01,140
Yeah.

588
00:23:02,100 --> 00:23:05,540
But and that venting can be a reflective process too.

589
00:23:05,540 --> 00:23:07,860
So yes, journaling is great.

590
00:23:07,860 --> 00:23:09,140
We should be journaling.

591
00:23:09,140 --> 00:23:14,420
However, that venting, that talking about that emotion or that process or that line of thinking,

592
00:23:14,420 --> 00:23:17,780
that can also be reflective too and help us get to a better place of understanding.

593
00:23:17,780 --> 00:23:18,100
Yeah.

594
00:23:18,100 --> 00:23:23,940
And then the other thing I wanted to say was it's harder to spot not always when you bust the

595
00:23:23,940 --> 00:23:31,700
door, but it's harder to spot a dysregulated adult because we've learned how to cope with it.

596
00:23:31,700 --> 00:23:32,020
Right.

597
00:23:32,020 --> 00:23:33,620
Like kids, it's easy to spot.

598
00:23:33,620 --> 00:23:34,980
They're having temper tantrums.

599
00:23:34,980 --> 00:23:35,940
They're freaking out.

600
00:23:35,940 --> 00:23:36,180
Right.

601
00:23:36,180 --> 00:23:42,100
Adults, we've kind of learned how to deal with that so that we can be part of society.

602
00:23:42,100 --> 00:23:42,180
Yeah.

603
00:23:42,180 --> 00:23:46,340
Because if we have them out down in Target, because they, Starbucks ran out of whatever

604
00:23:46,340 --> 00:23:51,940
our creamer is, then we're going to not cry a pound on the ground because everyone would

605
00:23:51,940 --> 00:23:53,060
stare at us like we're crazy.

606
00:23:53,060 --> 00:23:53,300
Right.

607
00:23:54,100 --> 00:23:54,660
We're talking.

608
00:23:54,660 --> 00:23:55,220
What are we talking about?

609
00:23:56,820 --> 00:23:57,780
She's just nosy.

610
00:23:59,380 --> 00:24:02,340
No, I was thinking about recognizing it.

611
00:24:02,340 --> 00:24:08,660
Like one of my things when I recognize that enough is enough a little bit is when you write

612
00:24:08,660 --> 00:24:14,180
out a text message to somebody and then what I normally do is I send it to Victoria and

613
00:24:14,180 --> 00:24:16,900
sometimes she's like, it's not worth it.

614
00:24:16,900 --> 00:24:17,460
Yeah.

615
00:24:17,460 --> 00:24:18,660
Don't send it.

616
00:24:18,660 --> 00:24:24,820
You basically have to read it again or send it to somebody else because I'm reactive.

617
00:24:24,820 --> 00:24:27,940
So I'm like, oh, I got to let me this person texted me.

618
00:24:27,940 --> 00:24:28,980
I'm going to text them back.

619
00:24:28,980 --> 00:24:30,340
A, B, C, and D, blah, blah, blah.

620
00:24:30,340 --> 00:24:32,660
She's like, don't it's not worth it.

621
00:24:32,660 --> 00:24:35,060
Take a minute and delete that.

622
00:24:35,060 --> 00:24:35,860
You know what I mean?

623
00:24:35,860 --> 00:24:39,460
It's like one of those things that's it's hard in the moment, though.

624
00:24:39,460 --> 00:24:45,940
It is very hard because if I didn't have it to send to her, I'd be reacting all the time.

625
00:24:45,940 --> 00:24:46,580
You know what I mean?

626
00:24:46,580 --> 00:24:48,660
Thank God Victoria tells me not to react.

627
00:24:48,660 --> 00:24:48,980
Yeah.

628
00:24:49,700 --> 00:24:53,140
Well, it's just but sometimes everybody needs that person.

629
00:24:53,140 --> 00:24:54,420
Like I need that person.

630
00:24:56,420 --> 00:24:57,780
I'm still looking for that person.

631
00:24:57,780 --> 00:24:59,860
I'm just going to say, wait, wait, I'm raising my hand.

632
00:24:59,860 --> 00:25:01,300
I'm like, I'm right here.

633
00:25:01,300 --> 00:25:03,700
Victoria's like, if they're out there, let me know.

634
00:25:03,700 --> 00:25:05,940
No, because Carly's like, yeah, yeah, get him.

635
00:25:07,060 --> 00:25:08,340
But no, it's hard to.

636
00:25:10,100 --> 00:25:14,980
Or it's it's necessary to have that person to go to because sometimes even in the process

637
00:25:14,980 --> 00:25:19,860
of trying to do it on your own, the world, we're not meant to do everything independently.

638
00:25:19,860 --> 00:25:20,180
Yeah.

639
00:25:20,180 --> 00:25:26,100
Like being an independent person is something that we're driven or told to to become.

640
00:25:26,900 --> 00:25:28,020
But we need people.

641
00:25:28,020 --> 00:25:29,060
We need connection.

642
00:25:29,060 --> 00:25:33,780
We need people as a human being and that person to have on the other end of the phone

643
00:25:34,900 --> 00:25:39,940
to be a part of yourself awareness to a degree is absolutely necessary.

644
00:25:39,940 --> 00:25:41,620
And it's OK to have those people.

645
00:25:41,620 --> 00:25:45,860
Like if you need to reach out to me to do to send a text message to someone like that,

646
00:25:46,660 --> 00:25:48,580
that doesn't mean you can't do it on your own.

647
00:25:48,580 --> 00:25:50,340
That you know that like you are doing it on your own.

648
00:25:50,340 --> 00:25:51,700
That's why you're doing it type of thing.

649
00:25:51,700 --> 00:25:55,540
Like this morning when you were making everybody late for a field trip.

650
00:25:56,420 --> 00:25:56,820
Oh, well.

651
00:25:58,420 --> 00:25:58,980
True story.

652
00:25:58,980 --> 00:26:00,580
But but think about it.

653
00:26:00,580 --> 00:26:02,180
Twenty minutes late for the bus to wait.

654
00:26:02,180 --> 00:26:03,860
Yes, is everything supposed to be planned?

655
00:26:03,860 --> 00:26:04,740
Yes. Guess what?

656
00:26:04,740 --> 00:26:05,620
No one's dying.

657
00:26:05,620 --> 00:26:06,900
Everything's going to be OK.

658
00:26:06,900 --> 00:26:08,260
Yeah. It's all relative.

659
00:26:08,260 --> 00:26:09,380
It's all relative.

660
00:26:09,380 --> 00:26:13,780
And it's hard to come down to that if you're in the middle of that.

661
00:26:13,780 --> 00:26:15,140
Yeah. That right.

662
00:26:15,140 --> 00:26:21,940
And again, our brain is is created from being back when we had to survive, you know,

663
00:26:23,060 --> 00:26:26,100
saber two tigers and it is still functioning like that.

664
00:26:26,100 --> 00:26:33,380
And we have that same reaction to things that are not as important or stressful as that was.

665
00:26:33,380 --> 00:26:35,140
And that's the thing, though.

666
00:26:35,140 --> 00:26:39,140
Like I think 90 percent of the things that we all stress about

667
00:26:40,260 --> 00:26:43,540
don't need to be high stress situations.

668
00:26:43,540 --> 00:26:44,260
Yeah.

669
00:26:44,260 --> 00:26:47,620
And how do you how do you get rid of them?

670
00:26:47,620 --> 00:26:48,420
Yeah. Yeah.

671
00:26:48,420 --> 00:26:49,140
No, I'm asking.

672
00:26:49,140 --> 00:26:49,300
Yeah.

673
00:26:50,820 --> 00:26:51,860
I mean, practice.

674
00:26:51,860 --> 00:26:53,380
Yes. And it's all about practice.

675
00:26:53,380 --> 00:26:57,300
And I think it's important to say, right, like, and I say this all the time,

676
00:26:57,300 --> 00:27:01,540
whether I'm at work or in general life, like your truth is your truth.

677
00:27:01,540 --> 00:27:05,620
So how you're feeling shouldn't be negated by other people.

678
00:27:05,620 --> 00:27:07,700
So, yes, you are stressed.

679
00:27:07,700 --> 00:27:10,740
It's not about not feeling upset about the situation.

680
00:27:10,740 --> 00:27:13,300
It's about not letting that overwhelm you to the point.

681
00:27:13,300 --> 00:27:18,340
So you can be you can feel bad about, you know, making the bus late.

682
00:27:18,340 --> 00:27:20,180
I mean, I got in a car accident.

683
00:27:20,180 --> 00:27:20,580
OK.

684
00:27:21,780 --> 00:27:22,420
I wasn't.

685
00:27:22,420 --> 00:27:24,500
I wasn't at Starbucks.

686
00:27:25,940 --> 00:27:27,860
Throwing a tantrum because they ran out of your cream.

687
00:27:27,860 --> 00:27:28,900
Well, now we have to explain it.

688
00:27:28,900 --> 00:27:33,780
So Carly got into a little bit of a fender bender and she was headed to a field trip

689
00:27:33,780 --> 00:27:35,060
and everybody was getting on the bus.

690
00:27:35,060 --> 00:27:35,780
She was chaperoning.

691
00:27:35,780 --> 00:27:39,540
So she was 20 minutes late for the bus and they had to wait for her.

692
00:27:40,340 --> 00:27:42,100
That's not a life or death situation.

693
00:27:42,100 --> 00:27:46,740
That just makes you feel bad because you're the one that's holding everything up.

694
00:27:46,740 --> 00:27:52,180
So, yes, you're going to have that moment of basically insecurity

695
00:27:52,180 --> 00:27:55,220
that you're now the one that everyone's like, who are we waiting for?

696
00:27:55,220 --> 00:27:59,540
And also the stressor of trying to rush and get there.

697
00:27:59,540 --> 00:28:04,020
And maybe you're breaking traffic laws and maybe you get into another accident

698
00:28:04,020 --> 00:28:06,660
because you are going into like fight or flight.

699
00:28:06,660 --> 00:28:06,900
Yeah.

700
00:28:07,620 --> 00:28:09,060
But doesn't have to be fight or flight.

701
00:28:09,060 --> 00:28:10,020
Right. Exactly.

702
00:28:10,020 --> 00:28:10,180
Yeah.

703
00:28:10,180 --> 00:28:11,300
And that's the whole point.

704
00:28:11,300 --> 00:28:19,700
So one one approach to identifying ways to reduce your stressors is the five Y's.

705
00:28:19,700 --> 00:28:25,460
So you start with a problem and then you keep asking why until you find something that you can

706
00:28:26,420 --> 00:28:29,060
do, put actions towards.

707
00:28:29,060 --> 00:28:30,420
I thought you said five wives.

708
00:28:31,540 --> 00:28:33,300
No, that sounds horrible.

709
00:28:33,300 --> 00:28:34,420
Well, this took a turn.

710
00:28:35,540 --> 00:28:38,020
We were definitely learning something today.

711
00:28:38,020 --> 00:28:39,860
I don't know how they do that in Sister Wives.

712
00:28:40,980 --> 00:28:41,860
Well, it's not going well.

713
00:28:41,860 --> 00:28:42,420
It's not.

714
00:28:42,420 --> 00:28:43,620
Well, yeah, there you go.

715
00:28:43,620 --> 00:28:44,180
There you go.

716
00:28:44,180 --> 00:28:45,780
So you said the five Y's.

717
00:28:45,780 --> 00:28:46,420
Five Y's.

718
00:28:46,420 --> 00:28:47,380
What are they?

719
00:28:47,380 --> 00:28:51,700
So it's you keep asking why because of this problem.

720
00:28:51,700 --> 00:28:52,740
So I'll give you an example.

721
00:28:53,540 --> 00:28:58,500
For a while, we struggled with Caden in the morning because he just wouldn't get ready for school.

722
00:28:58,500 --> 00:29:02,980
He was always upset about getting up in the morning and getting ready to go to school and all of that.

723
00:29:03,780 --> 00:29:06,260
So it's important to keep asking why.

724
00:29:06,260 --> 00:29:06,500
Right.

725
00:29:06,500 --> 00:29:10,740
So Caden struggles to get ready for school in the morning.

726
00:29:10,740 --> 00:29:11,540
Why?

727
00:29:11,540 --> 00:29:16,100
Because he's overly tired in the morning when we're trying to wake him up.

728
00:29:16,100 --> 00:29:16,900
Why?

729
00:29:16,900 --> 00:29:20,580
Because he doesn't sleep well because he has to sit up when he sleeps.

730
00:29:21,220 --> 00:29:22,100
Why?

731
00:29:22,100 --> 00:29:26,900
Because laying down, he feels like he can't breathe correctly.

732
00:29:26,900 --> 00:29:27,380
Why?

733
00:29:27,380 --> 00:29:30,340
We took him and it turns out he has sleep apnea.

734
00:29:30,340 --> 00:29:30,740
Why?

735
00:29:30,740 --> 00:29:37,460
Because he has some type of inflammation going on because he has allergies and we're trying to figure all that out.

736
00:29:37,460 --> 00:29:39,380
So we kept asking why.

737
00:29:39,380 --> 00:29:39,620
Right.

738
00:29:39,620 --> 00:29:40,740
Like start with a problem.

739
00:29:40,740 --> 00:29:42,180
Start with an emotional state.

740
00:29:42,740 --> 00:29:46,820
Keep asking why until you get to something that you can put actions towards.

741
00:29:46,820 --> 00:29:47,380
Right.

742
00:29:47,380 --> 00:29:47,940
Right.

743
00:29:47,940 --> 00:29:51,380
So you can use it in multiple other situations.

744
00:29:53,140 --> 00:29:58,500
For me, for example, I get a lot of anxiety at work when I'm dealing with-

745
00:29:58,500 --> 00:29:58,900
Carly.

746
00:29:58,900 --> 00:29:59,780
Big problems.

747
00:29:59,780 --> 00:30:00,020
Yes.

748
00:30:01,140 --> 00:30:03,620
I'm at nursing, but sure, we'll go with see fit.

749
00:30:06,180 --> 00:30:06,900
Continue.

750
00:30:06,900 --> 00:30:12,980
And asking my why is it got back to the point where a lot of times when I get to the point where I'm overwhelmed, it's because I haven't eaten.

751
00:30:14,020 --> 00:30:14,500
Stop.

752
00:30:14,500 --> 00:30:14,820
Yes.

753
00:30:14,820 --> 00:30:22,100
If I cannot function, like I have a faster metabolism, so I can eat a lot or I'm constantly eating throughout the day.

754
00:30:22,100 --> 00:30:22,580
Right.

755
00:30:22,580 --> 00:30:23,540
So that is one of-

756
00:30:23,540 --> 00:30:24,100
Cool.

757
00:30:24,100 --> 00:30:24,740
Cool.

758
00:30:26,100 --> 00:30:29,300
So that's like a reason I now have snacks.

759
00:30:29,300 --> 00:30:37,620
Like Abby gets me a lot of snacks to bring to work, like healthier snacks like nuts and like different things like that so I can have-

760
00:30:37,620 --> 00:30:40,020
So I can have them ready at work.

761
00:30:40,020 --> 00:30:41,620
So I meal prep now.

762
00:30:41,620 --> 00:30:43,220
I have fruit that I bring.

763
00:30:43,220 --> 00:30:47,940
So I constantly eat throughout the day so that I don't get to the point where I'm overwhelmed.

764
00:30:47,940 --> 00:30:48,580
Angry.

765
00:30:48,580 --> 00:30:49,140
Yeah.

766
00:30:49,140 --> 00:30:50,580
But how did you even figure that out?

767
00:30:50,580 --> 00:30:56,580
Because I started noticing that all of the times when I was losing it, it was because I was hungry.

768
00:30:56,580 --> 00:30:59,220
And then I would go off the deep end.

769
00:30:59,220 --> 00:31:00,340
I just clapped into the mic.

770
00:31:00,340 --> 00:31:00,820
Yeah.

771
00:31:00,820 --> 00:31:06,900
And then I would go off the deep end and I would just eat crap because I was so hungry and I just needed something quick.

772
00:31:06,900 --> 00:31:12,820
And so I would go to the cafeteria and get pizza or fries or gross nachos or something like that.

773
00:31:12,820 --> 00:31:16,180
Or something that I could just grab and eat because I was ravenous at that point.

774
00:31:16,180 --> 00:31:16,660
Yeah.

775
00:31:16,660 --> 00:31:20,340
And it kind of fed into each other like the more anxious I get, the hungrier I got.

776
00:31:20,340 --> 00:31:22,100
And the hungrier I got, the more anxious I got.

777
00:31:22,100 --> 00:31:22,660
Yeah.

778
00:31:22,660 --> 00:31:23,460
Um.

779
00:31:23,460 --> 00:31:27,380
And then you're eating stuff that doesn't make you feel good and then it makes you feel worse.

780
00:31:27,940 --> 00:31:28,340
Yeah.

781
00:31:28,340 --> 00:31:30,020
It's just like the Snickers commercial, right?

782
00:31:30,020 --> 00:31:33,780
Like sometimes you just need to eat something because you're so overwhelmed.

783
00:31:33,780 --> 00:31:38,340
And for me, when I am hungry, it is like night and day.

784
00:31:38,340 --> 00:31:41,780
I consider myself a very rational person, a logical person.

785
00:31:41,780 --> 00:31:43,780
And when I, don't give me that face.

786
00:31:44,980 --> 00:31:48,020
When I am hungry, that goes out the window.

787
00:31:48,020 --> 00:31:50,660
I get overwhelmed extremely quickly.

788
00:31:50,660 --> 00:31:53,380
I snap like the kids.

789
00:31:53,380 --> 00:31:56,180
I don't do well when I'm very hungry.

790
00:31:56,820 --> 00:31:57,700
So what's your problem?

791
00:31:59,220 --> 00:32:01,460
I think it's, I think it's tired.

792
00:32:01,460 --> 00:32:03,460
I, you know what Melody asked me yesterday.

793
00:32:03,460 --> 00:32:05,700
I said, Mom, when do you think you're not going to be tired?

794
00:32:05,700 --> 00:32:06,500
Oh, I know.

795
00:32:06,500 --> 00:32:07,780
I'm so sad.

796
00:32:08,740 --> 00:32:09,460
But that's true.

797
00:32:09,460 --> 00:32:10,660
I was so sad.

798
00:32:10,660 --> 00:32:12,900
I was like, oh, that made me so sad.

799
00:32:12,900 --> 00:32:13,400
Yeah.

800
00:32:14,180 --> 00:32:20,020
But it is, it's tired and that's a cycle too because why are you tired?

801
00:32:20,020 --> 00:32:21,700
Because you're overworking yourself.

802
00:32:21,700 --> 00:32:22,980
Why are you overworking yourself?

803
00:32:22,980 --> 00:32:25,300
Because owning a business, that's what you have to do.

804
00:32:26,100 --> 00:32:29,380
Why are we owning a, I mean, it goes back and back and back and back.

805
00:32:29,380 --> 00:32:30,500
Can you do more than five?

806
00:32:31,540 --> 00:32:31,700
Yeah.

807
00:32:31,700 --> 00:32:32,900
Can you do more than five?

808
00:32:32,900 --> 00:32:33,380
Just keep asking why.

809
00:32:33,380 --> 00:32:34,180
Ten wise.

810
00:32:35,460 --> 00:32:36,420
It's fine.

811
00:32:36,420 --> 00:32:37,220
And it's fine.

812
00:32:38,020 --> 00:32:38,980
It's like cracking.

813
00:32:38,980 --> 00:32:41,700
I wasn't like kidding about the damn cracking like it's.

814
00:32:41,700 --> 00:32:41,940
Yeah.

815
00:32:42,740 --> 00:32:43,140
I know.

816
00:32:44,340 --> 00:32:45,380
And that's okay though.

817
00:32:45,380 --> 00:32:48,900
Like I think at some point you have to let that happen.

818
00:32:48,900 --> 00:32:49,060
Yeah.

819
00:32:49,060 --> 00:32:50,100
You're so tightly wound.

820
00:32:50,100 --> 00:32:51,300
It's also a sign.

821
00:32:51,300 --> 00:32:51,780
Yeah.

822
00:32:51,780 --> 00:32:52,020
Yeah.

823
00:32:52,660 --> 00:32:54,580
No, it's not that I'm tightly wound.

824
00:32:54,580 --> 00:32:56,020
It's trying to keep it together.

825
00:32:56,020 --> 00:32:56,500
Yeah.

826
00:32:56,500 --> 00:32:58,580
I'm not like type A. I could care less.

827
00:32:58,580 --> 00:32:59,460
No, no, no, no, no.

828
00:32:59,460 --> 00:33:01,060
Trying to not let the damn break.

829
00:33:01,060 --> 00:33:01,300
Yeah.

830
00:33:01,300 --> 00:33:02,260
You have to be tightly wound.

831
00:33:02,260 --> 00:33:05,540
I mean, you have to keep it together to not let it crash.

832
00:33:05,540 --> 00:33:12,260
And a reason why it would crash is, I mean, it's everything you said.

833
00:33:12,260 --> 00:33:14,340
It gets, it overflows.

834
00:33:14,340 --> 00:33:14,820
Yeah.

835
00:33:14,820 --> 00:33:16,260
It overflows.

836
00:33:16,260 --> 00:33:18,100
And then that's where you are right now.

837
00:33:18,100 --> 00:33:18,340
Yeah.

838
00:33:18,340 --> 00:33:19,460
It is overflows.

839
00:33:19,460 --> 00:33:20,100
And why?

840
00:33:20,100 --> 00:33:21,140
Because you're tired.

841
00:33:21,940 --> 00:33:22,340
Yeah.

842
00:33:22,340 --> 00:33:23,700
I'm tired.

843
00:33:23,700 --> 00:33:24,420
You're exhausted.

844
00:33:24,420 --> 00:33:24,900
I know.

845
00:33:24,900 --> 00:33:25,780
And I think.

846
00:33:25,780 --> 00:33:27,220
Nothing is good when you're exhausted.

847
00:33:27,220 --> 00:33:27,700
Yeah.

848
00:33:27,700 --> 00:33:28,180
No.

849
00:33:28,180 --> 00:33:28,340
Yeah.

850
00:33:28,340 --> 00:33:29,860
And I think everyone's like that.

851
00:33:29,860 --> 00:33:30,340
Yeah.

852
00:33:30,340 --> 00:33:30,740
I know.

853
00:33:30,740 --> 00:33:31,220
I don't.

854
00:33:31,220 --> 00:33:34,420
No, I'm not any more tired than anyone else.

855
00:33:34,420 --> 00:33:37,300
I just don't think I handle it as well.

856
00:33:37,300 --> 00:33:37,540
You love that phrase.

857
00:33:37,540 --> 00:33:41,540
Honestly, you are, you are every mom that I know.

858
00:33:42,580 --> 00:33:42,900
I know.

859
00:33:42,900 --> 00:33:44,980
How you're feeling right now and how you're acting.

860
00:33:44,980 --> 00:33:50,020
It's not every, like, people are so critical of themselves right now.

861
00:33:50,020 --> 00:33:53,220
And we need to give ourselves more grace.

862
00:33:53,220 --> 00:33:57,860
Because, like, you're saying things that I know Abby feels the exact same way about.

863
00:33:57,860 --> 00:33:58,100
Right?

864
00:33:58,100 --> 00:34:04,580
Like, you are not the only mom that feels like they need to be doing more or like,

865
00:34:05,460 --> 00:34:09,300
it's a society issue right now.

866
00:34:09,300 --> 00:34:09,540
Yeah.

867
00:34:09,540 --> 00:34:10,900
So help me fix it.

868
00:34:10,900 --> 00:34:11,220
Okay.

869
00:34:11,220 --> 00:34:11,780
I'm trying.

870
00:34:13,060 --> 00:34:14,580
I don't have a magic wand, though.

871
00:34:14,580 --> 00:34:16,020
There's only so much I could do for you.

872
00:34:16,900 --> 00:34:17,700
Jesus.

873
00:34:17,700 --> 00:34:20,340
I mean, but it's, you have to do the wise, I think.

874
00:34:20,340 --> 00:34:20,820
Yeah.

875
00:34:20,820 --> 00:34:22,740
Like, you have to break it down.

876
00:34:22,740 --> 00:34:27,460
I mean, can you, you just break it down until you can't break it down anymore?

877
00:34:27,460 --> 00:34:28,660
Why are you, all right, all right.

878
00:34:28,660 --> 00:34:29,140
Let's do it.

879
00:34:29,140 --> 00:34:29,620
Let's do it.

880
00:34:29,620 --> 00:34:31,140
Oh, God.

881
00:34:31,140 --> 00:34:33,460
Putting into practice.

882
00:34:33,460 --> 00:34:35,860
Why are you tired?

883
00:34:37,140 --> 00:34:38,100
I don't know.

884
00:34:39,060 --> 00:34:40,260
You don't know why you're tired?

885
00:34:40,260 --> 00:34:42,660
I mean, I, I don't, I mean, I.

886
00:34:43,940 --> 00:34:49,780
So is it, honestly, is it the point that you're getting into that hypo arousal where you just

887
00:34:49,780 --> 00:34:55,700
were overstimulated before you were hyper aroused before stressed running around like maniac

888
00:34:55,700 --> 00:34:57,780
and then you just get to a point where you crash.

889
00:34:57,780 --> 00:34:58,260
Yes.

890
00:34:58,260 --> 00:35:01,700
I feel like I crash at night and I passed eight o'clock.

891
00:35:01,700 --> 00:35:02,820
I cannot function.

892
00:35:02,820 --> 00:35:03,300
Okay.

893
00:35:03,300 --> 00:35:04,500
But I don't go to bed.

894
00:35:05,060 --> 00:35:06,660
Well, that's, that's a problem.

895
00:35:06,660 --> 00:35:07,060
Yeah.

896
00:35:07,060 --> 00:35:13,300
Because then I'll be like on the computer or doing other things or I just can't fall asleep

897
00:35:13,300 --> 00:35:14,500
because my mind is racing.

898
00:35:14,500 --> 00:35:15,300
Yeah.

899
00:35:15,300 --> 00:35:16,500
You said a lot.

900
00:35:16,500 --> 00:35:17,700
So let's break it down.

901
00:35:17,700 --> 00:35:20,180
So why are you tired because I don't go to bed at eight o'clock?

902
00:35:20,180 --> 00:35:20,660
Right.

903
00:35:20,660 --> 00:35:22,180
Why don't you go to bed at eight o'clock?

904
00:35:22,180 --> 00:35:25,940
Because there's, there's just too much to do after I get the kids to bed.

905
00:35:25,940 --> 00:35:27,140
I still have to.

906
00:35:27,140 --> 00:35:28,580
What is there to do?

907
00:35:29,380 --> 00:35:32,340
Like what is one of the biggest things you do after the kids go to bed?

908
00:35:32,340 --> 00:35:34,500
Edit videos and respond to emails.

909
00:35:37,380 --> 00:35:39,300
Why are you doing it at that time?

910
00:35:39,940 --> 00:35:43,780
Because that's the, that's like the only time I have to get on the computer.

911
00:35:44,660 --> 00:35:46,580
Because my computer is so bad.

912
00:35:46,580 --> 00:35:49,060
Because my day is so crazy busy.

913
00:35:50,260 --> 00:35:53,140
What is, what fills your day?

914
00:35:56,340 --> 00:35:59,860
The work, the kids, teaching, planning to teach.

915
00:35:59,860 --> 00:36:01,300
I mean, all the things you said earlier.

916
00:36:01,300 --> 00:36:03,300
Yeah.

917
00:36:03,460 --> 00:36:04,100
Fix me now.

918
00:36:06,100 --> 00:36:08,340
So is there, so honestly, like you need,

919
00:36:09,060 --> 00:36:10,740
My organization skills are not great.

920
00:36:10,740 --> 00:36:11,140
Right.

921
00:36:11,140 --> 00:36:14,820
Like you're doing so much, you only have two hands.

922
00:36:14,820 --> 00:36:15,140
Yeah.

923
00:36:15,140 --> 00:36:16,020
You only have two hands.

924
00:36:16,020 --> 00:36:16,180
Yeah.

925
00:36:16,180 --> 00:36:19,060
You can only do what you can do with what you have.

926
00:36:19,060 --> 00:36:22,500
And I think you're putting more on your plate than you can handle.

927
00:36:22,500 --> 00:36:27,540
So you need to figure out what can give or move or fluctuate.

928
00:36:27,540 --> 00:36:29,140
And it doesn't necessarily have to be like

929
00:36:30,420 --> 00:36:34,180
your kids are what you're giving away or your work is what you're giving away.

930
00:36:34,180 --> 00:36:37,700
But there needs to be some type of better balance because right now you're unbalanced.

931
00:36:38,740 --> 00:36:39,140
Yeah.

932
00:36:39,140 --> 00:36:45,460
And I think I could be better at organized or also what's it called?

933
00:36:45,460 --> 00:36:46,340
Not deliberating.

934
00:36:47,460 --> 00:36:48,500
Delegating.

935
00:36:48,500 --> 00:36:48,820
Yes.

936
00:36:49,380 --> 00:36:55,380
Well, I mean, this is like our 75th million episode where you have to learn how to ask for help.

937
00:36:56,020 --> 00:36:56,180
Yeah.

938
00:36:56,180 --> 00:36:57,220
Because we talk about that.

939
00:36:58,820 --> 00:37:02,020
You used to be good at trying to start doing that.

940
00:37:02,020 --> 00:37:04,820
But once, but this is part of it that once you get,

941
00:37:05,380 --> 00:37:11,380
yeah, to that burnout point, you stop asking for help because it's oh, that's overwhelming.

942
00:37:11,380 --> 00:37:11,460
Yeah.

943
00:37:11,460 --> 00:37:11,860
Right.

944
00:37:11,860 --> 00:37:16,580
Because then everything becomes even more like the not fight or flight,

945
00:37:17,140 --> 00:37:22,420
the stakes become even higher when you are even more tired.

946
00:37:22,420 --> 00:37:22,820
Right.

947
00:37:22,820 --> 00:37:28,580
Instead of being self aware and being able to be like, okay, I'm only one person.

948
00:37:29,220 --> 00:37:31,220
What can I give this person to do?

949
00:37:31,220 --> 00:37:34,900
What can I not worry about doing at all?

950
00:37:35,700 --> 00:37:37,140
Well, I'm a control freak.

951
00:37:37,140 --> 00:37:39,460
So that's like, you know, I like being in control.

952
00:37:39,460 --> 00:37:40,580
Carmella, did you hear that?

953
00:37:40,580 --> 00:37:41,860
Carmella, did you hear that?

954
00:37:41,860 --> 00:37:44,740
I got in trouble the other day because I said, well, Carly's a control freak.

955
00:37:44,740 --> 00:37:45,540
Oh, yeah.

956
00:37:45,540 --> 00:37:47,140
And I said, Carly, I'll tell you she is.

957
00:37:47,140 --> 00:37:47,620
Yeah.

958
00:37:47,620 --> 00:37:47,700
Yeah.

959
00:37:47,700 --> 00:37:52,500
But that's because if you're not, everything will fall apart in your brain.

960
00:37:52,500 --> 00:37:52,660
Correct.

961
00:37:52,660 --> 00:37:52,900
Right.

962
00:37:52,900 --> 00:37:53,700
That's how you feel.

963
00:37:53,700 --> 00:37:54,900
That's how you feel.

964
00:37:54,900 --> 00:37:58,020
So you're not, I don't think you actually are.

965
00:37:58,020 --> 00:38:03,620
I think right now there's so much happening between what we're doing at Seafit,

966
00:38:03,620 --> 00:38:05,780
which a lot of change is currently happening.

967
00:38:05,780 --> 00:38:10,020
And that might be the most stressed thing in your life right now.

968
00:38:10,020 --> 00:38:10,260
Yeah.

969
00:38:11,460 --> 00:38:13,220
Because what brings the change?

970
00:38:13,860 --> 00:38:14,980
Hopefully it's successful.

971
00:38:15,620 --> 00:38:15,940
Yeah.

972
00:38:15,940 --> 00:38:17,940
There is no guarantee that it's going to work.

973
00:38:17,940 --> 00:38:19,700
Yeah, but we're going through the changes.

974
00:38:19,700 --> 00:38:21,060
So that's the biggest stress.

975
00:38:21,060 --> 00:38:22,100
Can you give that away?

976
00:38:22,100 --> 00:38:23,540
No, we have to go through that.

977
00:38:23,540 --> 00:38:24,900
Like we have to.

978
00:38:24,900 --> 00:38:33,060
So the control for you is that if I don't handle and get ABCD and E off of my list done

979
00:38:33,060 --> 00:38:37,620
by today, by myself, figure this out, get that one to practice, get this one to practice.

980
00:38:37,620 --> 00:38:40,740
Don't have a second car yet, but we're going to figure it out.

981
00:38:40,740 --> 00:38:45,060
All of these things, you have to be in control.

982
00:38:45,060 --> 00:38:45,300
Yeah.

983
00:38:45,300 --> 00:38:46,500
Like there's no option.

984
00:38:46,500 --> 00:38:46,740
Yeah.

985
00:38:47,460 --> 00:38:48,260
Mentally.

986
00:38:48,260 --> 00:38:55,780
But I think what I think being more organized about it and not like looking at the day and

987
00:38:55,780 --> 00:38:59,380
saying there's 12 hours and being like there's not enough hours.

988
00:38:59,380 --> 00:39:00,180
I'm not going to get it done.

989
00:39:00,180 --> 00:39:01,140
I mean, there are.

990
00:39:01,140 --> 00:39:01,700
Right.

991
00:39:01,700 --> 00:39:02,180
There are.

992
00:39:02,740 --> 00:39:07,060
And do you also feel like you need to fill those hours with things or you won't be

993
00:39:07,060 --> 00:39:07,620
successful?

994
00:39:07,620 --> 00:39:07,700
Yes.

995
00:39:07,700 --> 00:39:10,100
If I sit down, I'm like, oh, no, I should be working.

996
00:39:10,100 --> 00:39:13,780
And like also with your kids, like do you feel like you need to have something planned for

997
00:39:13,780 --> 00:39:15,140
them to constantly do?

998
00:39:15,140 --> 00:39:18,580
So my mom would say yes, but I don't.

999
00:39:19,140 --> 00:39:23,540
And is that a reflection of just you thinking that that's not?

1000
00:39:24,420 --> 00:39:24,900
I don't know.

1001
00:39:25,380 --> 00:39:28,820
I mean, yesterday we went to the Renaissance fair, the week before that we went to Legoland.

1002
00:39:28,820 --> 00:39:30,100
Like we're always somewhere.

1003
00:39:30,100 --> 00:39:30,420
Yeah.

1004
00:39:30,420 --> 00:39:31,140
Yeah, we are always.

1005
00:39:31,140 --> 00:39:36,340
Because you want them to have honestly, I think this is why you want them to have these

1006
00:39:36,340 --> 00:39:39,540
amazing memories and not remember how busy and tired you are.

1007
00:39:41,780 --> 00:39:42,820
I think that's why.

1008
00:39:43,380 --> 00:39:43,620
Yeah.

1009
00:39:43,620 --> 00:39:44,100
And guess what?

1010
00:39:44,100 --> 00:39:45,860
They're going to have those amazing memories.

1011
00:39:45,860 --> 00:39:46,340
Yeah.

1012
00:39:46,340 --> 00:39:47,060
They're absolutely.

1013
00:39:47,060 --> 00:39:50,260
But the sacrifices, like your mental health.

1014
00:39:50,260 --> 00:39:50,500
Yeah.

1015
00:39:50,500 --> 00:39:52,980
And like your ability to function.

1016
00:39:52,980 --> 00:39:54,100
I will tell you something.

1017
00:39:54,100 --> 00:39:59,540
I just learned this year that my dad worked a second job when I was younger on the weekends.

1018
00:39:59,540 --> 00:40:00,820
He worked seven days a week.

1019
00:40:00,820 --> 00:40:01,940
I had no idea.

1020
00:40:01,940 --> 00:40:02,580
You didn't know.

1021
00:40:02,580 --> 00:40:03,300
I don't remember that.

1022
00:40:03,300 --> 00:40:04,660
How do you not have that?

1023
00:40:04,660 --> 00:40:06,740
I was like seven, eight, nine years old.

1024
00:40:06,740 --> 00:40:07,860
I do not remember that.

1025
00:40:08,740 --> 00:40:12,180
He worked every single day and I don't remember that.

1026
00:40:12,180 --> 00:40:13,300
I remember him.

1027
00:40:13,300 --> 00:40:14,900
I remember doing things with him.

1028
00:40:14,900 --> 00:40:15,620
He coached me.

1029
00:40:16,180 --> 00:40:17,220
We did stuff.

1030
00:40:17,220 --> 00:40:18,100
He was a coach.

1031
00:40:18,100 --> 00:40:18,420
Yeah.

1032
00:40:19,620 --> 00:40:20,580
But he worked every day.

1033
00:40:20,580 --> 00:40:21,300
I don't remember that.

1034
00:40:22,100 --> 00:40:26,820
I don't remember that because that wasn't a key memory growing up.

1035
00:40:27,380 --> 00:40:30,180
Vacations were a key memory and the important stuff.

1036
00:40:30,180 --> 00:40:31,140
I remember him.

1037
00:40:31,140 --> 00:40:32,260
I remember him being there.

1038
00:40:33,220 --> 00:40:33,460
Yeah.

1039
00:40:33,460 --> 00:40:34,500
But he wasn't there a lot.

1040
00:40:34,500 --> 00:40:34,660
Yeah.

1041
00:40:34,660 --> 00:40:35,940
Because he worked every day.

1042
00:40:35,940 --> 00:40:36,740
Yeah.

1043
00:40:36,740 --> 00:40:38,020
So they're not going to.

1044
00:40:38,020 --> 00:40:38,580
Yeah.

1045
00:40:38,580 --> 00:40:46,180
You are not disservicing your children by not doing extraordinary things constantly.

1046
00:40:46,180 --> 00:40:46,260
Yeah.

1047
00:40:46,900 --> 00:40:47,460
Oh, I know.

1048
00:40:47,460 --> 00:40:47,780
That's true.

1049
00:40:48,420 --> 00:40:49,620
And mom was.

1050
00:40:52,100 --> 00:40:53,540
Mom was what you're doing.

1051
00:40:53,540 --> 00:40:54,020
Oh, I know.

1052
00:40:54,020 --> 00:40:56,900
But I think she handled it way better than I do.

1053
00:40:56,900 --> 00:40:59,380
I feel like she would probably say otherwise.

1054
00:40:59,380 --> 00:41:00,900
I think we don't remember.

1055
00:41:01,620 --> 00:41:01,940
She.

1056
00:41:01,940 --> 00:41:03,220
She.

1057
00:41:03,220 --> 00:41:04,580
She crashes at me.

1058
00:41:05,140 --> 00:41:05,860
Can still.

1059
00:41:05,860 --> 00:41:06,580
Yeah.

1060
00:41:06,580 --> 00:41:11,300
And she did back then and we would go sit and watch her dance classes like the kids.

1061
00:41:11,300 --> 00:41:12,420
Yeah, but I love that.

1062
00:41:12,420 --> 00:41:13,380
And the kids love that too.

1063
00:41:13,380 --> 00:41:15,220
And your kids love that too.

1064
00:41:15,220 --> 00:41:16,820
You know, and there's nothing wrong with that.

1065
00:41:16,820 --> 00:41:18,660
And we did things on the weekends.

1066
00:41:18,660 --> 00:41:20,260
We also did nothing on the weekends.

1067
00:41:20,260 --> 00:41:20,500
Yeah.

1068
00:41:20,500 --> 00:41:21,140
But I know.

1069
00:41:21,860 --> 00:41:22,420
Oh, I know.

1070
00:41:22,420 --> 00:41:24,660
I know it's like a fleeting time.

1071
00:41:24,660 --> 00:41:26,100
But right now it's like.

1072
00:41:26,100 --> 00:41:26,500
Yeah.

1073
00:41:26,500 --> 00:41:27,140
I'm in it.

1074
00:41:27,140 --> 00:41:28,420
It's everything.

1075
00:41:28,420 --> 00:41:31,620
But you know, just like everything else, it's a blip.

1076
00:41:31,620 --> 00:41:32,260
Yeah.

1077
00:41:32,260 --> 00:41:37,060
And it's going to be a blip when you're over the, you know, when you think of that,

1078
00:41:37,060 --> 00:41:40,420
like getting over the hill and you're on the other side of it, you can always reflect back.

1079
00:41:40,420 --> 00:41:40,820
Yep.

1080
00:41:40,820 --> 00:41:42,740
But getting to the other side of it.

1081
00:41:42,740 --> 00:41:43,300
It's hard.

1082
00:41:43,300 --> 00:41:43,860
Oh my God.

1083
00:41:43,860 --> 00:41:44,340
It's like.

1084
00:41:45,780 --> 00:41:47,860
You know, you wish you had magic.

1085
00:41:47,860 --> 00:41:48,260
Yeah.

1086
00:41:48,260 --> 00:41:50,660
To fast forward and see what it looks like.

1087
00:41:50,660 --> 00:41:52,660
And to be like, oh, this is all for something.

1088
00:41:52,660 --> 00:41:52,980
Right.

1089
00:41:52,980 --> 00:41:53,700
It was worth it.

1090
00:41:53,700 --> 00:41:59,300
And worth the stress and the sleepless nights and like the anxiety over it, you know,

1091
00:41:59,300 --> 00:42:00,500
would help with it.

1092
00:42:00,500 --> 00:42:01,860
Shut your face.

1093
00:42:01,860 --> 00:42:03,700
We have to say that every episode.

1094
00:42:03,700 --> 00:42:04,340
Shut your face.

1095
00:42:06,420 --> 00:42:08,420
Here's what I heard on a podcast once.

1096
00:42:08,420 --> 00:42:08,980
Who was it?

1097
00:42:08,980 --> 00:42:09,700
Megan Trainor.

1098
00:42:09,700 --> 00:42:12,500
I was listening to Megan Trainor on the Jay Shetty podcast.

1099
00:42:13,700 --> 00:42:20,180
And she said, the only thing that can help a brain is another brain.

1100
00:42:21,620 --> 00:42:22,180
Meaning.

1101
00:42:22,180 --> 00:42:22,420
Yeah.

1102
00:42:23,140 --> 00:42:23,380
Yeah.

1103
00:42:23,380 --> 00:42:27,380
A brain that went to school to help brains is who you go to.

1104
00:42:27,380 --> 00:42:27,860
Yeah.

1105
00:42:27,860 --> 00:42:28,740
And that's for everybody.

1106
00:42:28,740 --> 00:42:30,020
I'm not saying this for just Carly.

1107
00:42:30,020 --> 00:42:33,540
I'm saying it for me to keep myself in therapy, to be honest with you, because sometimes it's

1108
00:42:33,540 --> 00:42:34,580
too expensive.

1109
00:42:34,580 --> 00:42:37,540
And I think, oh my gosh, I can't afford this, blah, blah, blah, blah.

1110
00:42:37,540 --> 00:42:38,580
I bet you have to.

1111
00:42:38,580 --> 00:42:39,300
I just have to.

1112
00:42:39,940 --> 00:42:43,540
And I just had this conversation with a mom of life is too expensive.

1113
00:42:43,540 --> 00:42:44,420
Why are we overworked?

1114
00:42:44,420 --> 00:42:46,020
We're trying to pay for life.

1115
00:42:46,020 --> 00:42:46,420
Yeah.

1116
00:42:46,420 --> 00:42:47,700
In your life's not about money.

1117
00:42:47,700 --> 00:42:48,340
Nope, it's not.

1118
00:42:48,340 --> 00:42:50,020
But it's really hard when you don't have it.

1119
00:42:50,020 --> 00:42:50,340
Yep.

1120
00:42:50,340 --> 00:42:55,620
And it's really hard to feel like there's things that you can do or can't do because of the money

1121
00:42:55,620 --> 00:42:56,260
situation.

1122
00:42:56,260 --> 00:42:56,740
Yeah.

1123
00:42:56,740 --> 00:43:00,100
And that's the like the world is too expensive.

1124
00:43:00,100 --> 00:43:00,500
Yeah.

1125
00:43:00,500 --> 00:43:03,620
We are facing something generations before us did not have to face.

1126
00:43:03,620 --> 00:43:03,860
No.

1127
00:43:03,860 --> 00:43:05,380
It is extremely difficult.

1128
00:43:06,260 --> 00:43:06,660
What?

1129
00:43:06,660 --> 00:43:07,300
What?

1130
00:43:07,300 --> 00:43:08,820
Just how expensive life is.

1131
00:43:08,820 --> 00:43:13,940
The difference between cost of living and income is unlike anything.

1132
00:43:13,940 --> 00:43:18,180
You don't think that it's just no.

1133
00:43:18,180 --> 00:43:18,740
OK.

1134
00:43:18,740 --> 00:43:18,900
No.

1135
00:43:18,900 --> 00:43:20,820
You're going to say it's relative to the times.

1136
00:43:20,820 --> 00:43:21,700
Yeah, yeah, yeah.

1137
00:43:21,700 --> 00:43:22,420
No, it's.

1138
00:43:22,420 --> 00:43:26,420
Things are obviously more expensive now, but like dollar

1139
00:43:26,420 --> 00:43:33,940
value, yes, because inflation, however, the dichotomy that exists between what you're making

1140
00:43:33,940 --> 00:43:39,780
percentage wise and what everything costs just to exist in this world is vastly different.

1141
00:43:39,780 --> 00:43:41,540
They're calling it a silent depression.

1142
00:43:41,540 --> 00:43:42,100
Yeah.

1143
00:43:42,100 --> 00:43:47,220
Think of how many people used to live like 40 years ago off of a single family income.

1144
00:43:47,860 --> 00:43:48,180
Yeah.

1145
00:43:48,180 --> 00:43:49,540
That doesn't happen a lot today.

1146
00:43:49,540 --> 00:43:50,580
Single family.

1147
00:43:50,580 --> 00:43:50,660
Single family.

1148
00:43:50,660 --> 00:43:52,260
Everyone was a stay at home mom.

1149
00:43:52,260 --> 00:43:52,900
Yeah.

1150
00:43:52,900 --> 00:43:54,980
Only one person needed to go to work.

1151
00:43:54,980 --> 00:43:55,460
Yeah.

1152
00:43:55,460 --> 00:43:57,460
It's so not like that right now.

1153
00:43:57,460 --> 00:44:00,260
I don't even have kids and I'm like, I need another.

1154
00:44:00,260 --> 00:44:02,420
I need somebody else to help me with the bills.

1155
00:44:02,420 --> 00:44:03,140
Yeah.

1156
00:44:03,140 --> 00:44:07,140
And it's it's that's a piece of the tired.

1157
00:44:07,140 --> 00:44:07,380
Yeah.

1158
00:44:07,380 --> 00:44:12,100
And that's a piece of the hyper stimulation that everyone is going through.

1159
00:44:12,100 --> 00:44:15,220
So, yes, Carly's what I said before is that's your favorite phrase.

1160
00:44:15,220 --> 00:44:16,340
Carly doesn't like to.

1161
00:44:17,860 --> 00:44:22,020
She doesn't like to feel that she has it worse or better than anyone else.

1162
00:44:22,020 --> 00:44:26,900
So, in this completely stressed out moment, there are people who have it worse.

1163
00:44:26,900 --> 00:44:27,300
Yes.

1164
00:44:27,300 --> 00:44:27,700
Yes.

1165
00:44:27,700 --> 00:44:28,900
There are people who have it worse.

1166
00:44:28,900 --> 00:44:29,300
Yeah.

1167
00:44:29,300 --> 00:44:30,660
And there are people who have it better.

1168
00:44:30,660 --> 00:44:30,820
Yeah.

1169
00:44:31,780 --> 00:44:36,100
But you are not less tired than someone else or more tired.

1170
00:44:36,100 --> 00:44:36,420
Yeah.

1171
00:44:36,420 --> 00:44:37,060
You know what I mean?

1172
00:44:37,060 --> 00:44:42,420
Like, yes, everybody has an equal relative way that their life is and they could say

1173
00:44:42,420 --> 00:44:43,620
they're just as tired as you.

1174
00:44:43,620 --> 00:44:45,220
It's just in a very different way.

1175
00:44:45,780 --> 00:44:46,260
Absolutely.

1176
00:44:46,260 --> 00:44:50,740
Your level is the level that you can't handle or can handle.

1177
00:44:50,740 --> 00:44:51,540
Yeah.

1178
00:44:51,540 --> 00:44:52,980
You can't handle or anything.

1179
00:44:54,180 --> 00:44:55,620
Well, that's what I was just going to say.

1180
00:44:56,500 --> 00:44:58,580
So, did you want this to happen today?

1181
00:45:02,020 --> 00:45:03,300
Can we get to the third R?

1182
00:45:08,260 --> 00:45:09,220
Yes, please.

1183
00:45:09,220 --> 00:45:12,580
Tell me how to fix with the third R.

1184
00:45:12,580 --> 00:45:14,340
So, the third R is recovered.

1185
00:45:14,340 --> 00:45:15,300
I'm going to kill you.

1186
00:45:15,300 --> 00:45:15,620
I'm going to kill you.

1187
00:45:15,620 --> 00:45:16,420
The third R.

1188
00:45:16,420 --> 00:45:17,460
I'm going to kill you.

1189
00:45:19,860 --> 00:45:21,700
The third R is recover.

1190
00:45:21,700 --> 00:45:24,740
And it's about, you know, recovering the energy.

1191
00:45:24,740 --> 00:45:25,780
We're talking about energy.

1192
00:45:25,780 --> 00:45:26,980
We're talking about being tired.

1193
00:45:26,980 --> 00:45:31,460
You need energy to prevent those stressors from taking over.

1194
00:45:31,460 --> 00:45:31,780
OK.

1195
00:45:31,780 --> 00:45:32,100
Right?

1196
00:45:32,100 --> 00:45:33,620
So, a couple of different things.

1197
00:45:33,620 --> 00:45:36,340
One, you need to be doing things that restore your energy.

1198
00:45:36,340 --> 00:45:39,460
So, that is specific to each one of us depends on what we do.

1199
00:45:39,460 --> 00:45:40,900
Some people like to be alone and read.

1200
00:45:40,900 --> 00:45:45,060
Like, for me, I am a mix of extrovert and introvert.

1201
00:45:45,060 --> 00:45:45,300
Right?

1202
00:45:45,300 --> 00:45:46,660
Like, I like being...

1203
00:45:46,660 --> 00:45:47,780
So, you're an ambivert.

1204
00:45:47,780 --> 00:45:48,340
Yes.

1205
00:45:48,340 --> 00:45:49,140
Correct.

1206
00:45:49,140 --> 00:45:52,660
I like being Etsy Fit, being on stage, talking to people.

1207
00:45:52,660 --> 00:45:54,260
I like public speaking.

1208
00:45:54,260 --> 00:45:56,660
However, that takes a lot out of me.

1209
00:45:56,660 --> 00:45:59,140
Afterwards, I need like time by myself.

1210
00:45:59,140 --> 00:46:02,660
I need to sit and read or listen to music on my own

1211
00:46:02,660 --> 00:46:03,940
or be away from everyone.

1212
00:46:04,660 --> 00:46:08,660
We were just on vacation and Abby will talk to anyone and everyone.

1213
00:46:08,660 --> 00:46:10,180
Like, she is extroverted.

1214
00:46:10,180 --> 00:46:12,100
We'll talk, talk, talk to strangers.

1215
00:46:12,100 --> 00:46:15,940
And our one day in Florida, we were talking to all these people,

1216
00:46:15,940 --> 00:46:16,500
making friends.

1217
00:46:16,500 --> 00:46:17,060
It was great.

1218
00:46:17,060 --> 00:46:19,300
The next day, I was like, I am exhausted.

1219
00:46:19,300 --> 00:46:21,300
I just need to not talk to anyone.

1220
00:46:21,300 --> 00:46:24,500
And of course, we were in St. Pete's and people were coming down

1221
00:46:24,500 --> 00:46:27,140
for the Tampa Philly game, like the Eagles game.

1222
00:46:27,140 --> 00:46:27,540
Yeah, yeah.

1223
00:46:27,540 --> 00:46:29,300
And so, there were a ton of...

1224
00:46:29,300 --> 00:46:30,740
We knew they were Philly fans.

1225
00:46:30,740 --> 00:46:31,380
They were loud.

1226
00:46:31,380 --> 00:46:32,420
They were obnoxious.

1227
00:46:32,420 --> 00:46:33,380
They were cursing.

1228
00:46:33,380 --> 00:46:34,900
And Abby's ears perked up and I was like,

1229
00:46:34,900 --> 00:46:36,020
please, don't say anything.

1230
00:46:36,020 --> 00:46:37,140
Don't say anything.

1231
00:46:37,140 --> 00:46:38,660
I need to relax.

1232
00:46:38,660 --> 00:46:40,100
And she's like, are you from Philly?

1233
00:46:40,100 --> 00:46:41,300
I was like, oh, here we go.

1234
00:46:41,300 --> 00:46:46,500
But so, like, I need that space away to restore my energy

1235
00:46:46,500 --> 00:46:50,020
because if I'm constantly extroverted, I'm done.

1236
00:46:50,020 --> 00:46:51,300
I don't have anything left.

1237
00:46:51,300 --> 00:46:53,060
I think that's exactly how you are,

1238
00:46:53,060 --> 00:46:54,580
but you don't let yourself.

1239
00:46:54,580 --> 00:46:55,060
Yeah.

1240
00:46:55,060 --> 00:46:58,740
Because if you're sitting still and restoring or relaxing

1241
00:46:58,740 --> 00:47:01,380
or resetting whatever words you want to use,

1242
00:47:01,380 --> 00:47:02,820
you're not being productive.

1243
00:47:02,820 --> 00:47:03,300
Yeah.

1244
00:47:03,300 --> 00:47:04,420
And that's a problem for you.

1245
00:47:04,420 --> 00:47:08,500
Well, I think, yeah, I think when you have a long laundry list

1246
00:47:08,500 --> 00:47:09,460
of things to do,

1247
00:47:09,460 --> 00:47:12,820
sitting down seems like what you should not be doing.

1248
00:47:12,820 --> 00:47:13,300
Right.

1249
00:47:13,300 --> 00:47:15,860
But if you don't, then you'll get to this point.

1250
00:47:15,860 --> 00:47:16,340
Right.

1251
00:47:16,340 --> 00:47:19,380
So what if that, so like it's a rewiring that we,

1252
00:47:19,380 --> 00:47:20,180
and I do it too.

1253
00:47:20,180 --> 00:47:20,580
Yes.

1254
00:47:20,580 --> 00:47:21,140
I do it too.

1255
00:47:21,140 --> 00:47:22,900
This morning, I didn't have to get up and out

1256
00:47:22,900 --> 00:47:24,580
and I chose not to get up and out.

1257
00:47:24,580 --> 00:47:26,580
And I was like, there's something I need to be doing.

1258
00:47:26,580 --> 00:47:28,180
I have to clean my house.

1259
00:47:28,180 --> 00:47:30,420
I have to do, you know, I have to make a list of things

1260
00:47:30,420 --> 00:47:31,860
I needed to do.

1261
00:47:31,860 --> 00:47:33,540
And I didn't need to do that.

1262
00:47:33,540 --> 00:47:35,700
Don't make me, don't make me sing.

1263
00:47:35,700 --> 00:47:39,700
Oh my God.

1264
00:47:39,700 --> 00:47:41,700
Your hustler is going to kill us all.

1265
00:47:41,700 --> 00:47:43,700
Hustling right into the grave.

1266
00:47:43,700 --> 00:47:45,140
But that, that is true.

1267
00:47:45,140 --> 00:47:48,500
I guess you have to find what is your recovery.

1268
00:47:48,500 --> 00:47:50,980
What makes you recover or reset.

1269
00:47:50,980 --> 00:47:52,740
And for some people, that's friends.

1270
00:47:52,740 --> 00:47:53,940
For some people, that's yoga.

1271
00:47:53,940 --> 00:47:56,180
For some people, that's listening to music and dancing.

1272
00:47:56,180 --> 00:47:57,380
Some people, it's reading.

1273
00:47:57,380 --> 00:47:58,980
Like it is very specific to you.

1274
00:47:58,980 --> 00:48:02,020
You need to figure out what that is for you.

1275
00:48:02,020 --> 00:48:03,140
Time with family.

1276
00:48:03,140 --> 00:48:06,180
Time with friends, whatever it may be.

1277
00:48:06,180 --> 00:48:07,380
Yeah.

1278
00:48:07,380 --> 00:48:11,380
That, I mean, but that's also hard to figure out sometimes.

1279
00:48:11,380 --> 00:48:12,180
Yeah.

1280
00:48:12,180 --> 00:48:13,140
If you don't.

1281
00:48:13,140 --> 00:48:13,940
If you don't do it.

1282
00:48:13,940 --> 00:48:14,900
If you don't do it.

1283
00:48:14,900 --> 00:48:15,780
Yeah.

1284
00:48:15,780 --> 00:48:16,980
So it's trial and error a little bit.

1285
00:48:16,980 --> 00:48:18,580
Like figuring out what does work for you.

1286
00:48:18,580 --> 00:48:20,340
Literally this happened on Sunday.

1287
00:48:20,340 --> 00:48:22,580
I had to tell myself, it's okay not to do everything

1288
00:48:22,580 --> 00:48:23,620
they want to do.

1289
00:48:23,620 --> 00:48:25,940
Because we went to the park twice.

1290
00:48:25,940 --> 00:48:28,740
Kate and I had to catch outside for a while

1291
00:48:28,740 --> 00:48:30,020
and they wanted to ride bikes.

1292
00:48:30,020 --> 00:48:31,460
And Abby and I were like,

1293
00:48:31,460 --> 00:48:34,660
and they wanted to ride bikes and Abby had a million things

1294
00:48:34,660 --> 00:48:35,300
to do on Sunday.

1295
00:48:35,300 --> 00:48:36,900
She was like picking up her parents from the airport.

1296
00:48:36,900 --> 00:48:37,460
She was running here.

1297
00:48:37,460 --> 00:48:38,660
She was running there.

1298
00:48:38,660 --> 00:48:41,140
So I was, I wanted to do all those things with them

1299
00:48:41,140 --> 00:48:42,740
and then they wanted to go for a bike ride.

1300
00:48:42,740 --> 00:48:45,540
But Kaden's just learning how to do it without training wheels.

1301
00:48:45,540 --> 00:48:47,460
Yes, he's eight, but he's doing a great job.

1302
00:48:47,460 --> 00:48:48,980
Oh, we're not there yet.

1303
00:48:48,980 --> 00:48:49,860
So you're ahead of us.

1304
00:48:51,780 --> 00:48:53,860
But so like he needs someone paying attention to him.

1305
00:48:53,860 --> 00:48:56,260
And then there's Isla and then Emma, the baby, she's two.

1306
00:48:56,260 --> 00:48:57,620
She needs someone with her.

1307
00:48:57,620 --> 00:48:58,980
So there's no way I could do it.

1308
00:48:58,980 --> 00:48:59,700
And they got upset.

1309
00:48:59,700 --> 00:49:02,980
We couldn't go and then I felt bad because I couldn't do that.

1310
00:49:02,980 --> 00:49:04,420
And I had to tell myself like,

1311
00:49:04,420 --> 00:49:05,780
it's okay to say no sometimes.

1312
00:49:05,780 --> 00:49:06,340
Yeah.

1313
00:49:06,340 --> 00:49:07,620
I don't have the bandwidth.

1314
00:49:07,620 --> 00:49:08,820
It is okay to say no.

1315
00:49:08,820 --> 00:49:10,580
Did you cry about it on a podcast?

1316
00:49:10,580 --> 00:49:11,380
I did not.

1317
00:49:11,380 --> 00:49:12,020
Do you want to?

1318
00:49:12,020 --> 00:49:13,140
Maybe next time I'm here.

1319
00:49:14,100 --> 00:49:15,460
The 400th episode.

1320
00:49:17,060 --> 00:49:18,260
We'll just keep adding zeros.

1321
00:49:18,260 --> 00:49:19,060
Oh my God.

1322
00:49:19,060 --> 00:49:21,940
Wait, can you do me a favor and go over the three R's again?

1323
00:49:21,940 --> 00:49:23,380
The first one, it's been a minute.

1324
00:49:23,380 --> 00:49:24,020
Recognize.

1325
00:49:24,580 --> 00:49:26,740
So what is stressing you out?

1326
00:49:26,740 --> 00:49:27,940
What got you overwhelmed?

1327
00:49:27,940 --> 00:49:28,820
I'm overwhelmed.

1328
00:49:28,820 --> 00:49:32,580
Reduce figuring out ways to reduce, do not recycle.

1329
00:49:33,460 --> 00:49:36,020
Reduce and recover.

1330
00:49:36,020 --> 00:49:39,140
So getting that energy so that you have energy next time

1331
00:49:39,140 --> 00:49:42,260
those stressors come so it doesn't get you to the point

1332
00:49:42,260 --> 00:49:42,900
that you're overwhelmed.

1333
00:49:42,900 --> 00:49:43,460
Okay.

1334
00:49:43,460 --> 00:49:44,660
Here's my next question.

1335
00:49:44,660 --> 00:49:47,060
You said you started getting into this because you were doing it

1336
00:49:47,060 --> 00:49:47,700
for your kids.

1337
00:49:47,700 --> 00:49:48,180
Yeah.

1338
00:49:48,180 --> 00:49:52,100
How the heck do you make them recognize that they're about to?

1339
00:49:52,820 --> 00:49:53,060
Yeah.

1340
00:49:53,060 --> 00:49:54,420
No, that's a great question.

1341
00:49:54,420 --> 00:49:56,020
I was afraid we wouldn't have time to get into this.

1342
00:49:56,020 --> 00:49:56,580
So.

1343
00:49:56,580 --> 00:49:57,540
I'm going to.

1344
00:49:57,540 --> 00:49:58,420
No, no, I'm dead.

1345
00:49:58,420 --> 00:49:59,860
That was a dead serious statement.

1346
00:50:01,380 --> 00:50:05,060
So part of it is emotion recognition.

1347
00:50:05,060 --> 00:50:08,340
So what we started doing at home a lot is talking more about our feelings,

1348
00:50:08,340 --> 00:50:10,820
not only the kids' feelings, but our feelings.

1349
00:50:10,820 --> 00:50:13,380
So I feel this way when.

1350
00:50:13,380 --> 00:50:17,380
So they understand that cause and effect of feelings and emotions

1351
00:50:17,380 --> 00:50:19,140
and things that cause that.

1352
00:50:19,140 --> 00:50:22,580
So I'll tell them like, guys, I'm getting very frustrated

1353
00:50:22,580 --> 00:50:26,500
because this is happening so that they know what frustrated is

1354
00:50:26,500 --> 00:50:29,060
and what causes people to get frustrated.

1355
00:50:29,060 --> 00:50:31,780
So then recently, Kayden was like, something happened.

1356
00:50:31,780 --> 00:50:32,900
I can't remember what.

1357
00:50:32,900 --> 00:50:33,860
And I was like, how are you feeling?

1358
00:50:33,860 --> 00:50:35,220
He's like, I'm frustrated.

1359
00:50:35,220 --> 00:50:36,660
I'm angry and I'm mad.

1360
00:50:36,660 --> 00:50:37,140
That's crazy.

1361
00:50:37,140 --> 00:50:38,740
I said, I said, you know what?

1362
00:50:38,740 --> 00:50:40,100
Yeah, I would be too.

1363
00:50:40,100 --> 00:50:44,660
And validating those feelings for them so they can understand,

1364
00:50:44,660 --> 00:50:47,220
you know, it's normal to have this emotion.

1365
00:50:47,220 --> 00:50:49,380
The worst thing we can tell someone to do is calm down.

1366
00:50:49,380 --> 00:50:51,220
And that's like our first thing to do, right?

1367
00:50:51,220 --> 00:50:51,380
That's.

1368
00:50:51,380 --> 00:50:54,100
That is my biggest pet peeve.

1369
00:50:54,100 --> 00:50:57,540
And I've said it to mom and mom never used to say it to me,

1370
00:50:57,540 --> 00:51:00,660
but she knew that that would get me upset when somebody tells me

1371
00:51:00,660 --> 00:51:01,780
to calm down.

1372
00:51:01,780 --> 00:51:03,540
That makes me go nuts.

1373
00:51:03,540 --> 00:51:03,780
Yeah.

1374
00:51:03,780 --> 00:51:05,620
But how many times do you say it to your kid?

1375
00:51:05,620 --> 00:51:06,340
All the time.

1376
00:51:06,340 --> 00:51:07,700
Oh, wow.

1377
00:51:07,700 --> 00:51:09,380
And that's that's the thing.

1378
00:51:09,380 --> 00:51:12,980
Telling someone to calm down in the history of her forever

1379
00:51:12,980 --> 00:51:15,380
has never actually worked in having them calm down.

1380
00:51:15,380 --> 00:51:18,660
Because how did the what if he had like the brain to be like,

1381
00:51:19,220 --> 00:51:19,380
how?

1382
00:51:19,940 --> 00:51:20,420
Yeah.

1383
00:51:20,420 --> 00:51:21,380
Yeah.

1384
00:51:21,380 --> 00:51:23,380
Because how if we don't teach them.

1385
00:51:23,380 --> 00:51:24,500
Exactly.

1386
00:51:24,500 --> 00:51:25,780
And so that's the other thing.

1387
00:51:25,780 --> 00:51:28,180
When they are calm, talk about that.

1388
00:51:28,180 --> 00:51:29,700
So say you're really calm right now.

1389
00:51:29,700 --> 00:51:31,700
So they know what calm feels like.

1390
00:51:31,700 --> 00:51:34,020
Because if you say calm down, I don't know what's calm.

1391
00:51:34,020 --> 00:51:34,500
I don't know what.

1392
00:51:34,500 --> 00:51:35,300
Yeah, they don't know.

1393
00:51:35,300 --> 00:51:35,860
No.

1394
00:51:35,860 --> 00:51:37,060
So bring that up.

1395
00:51:37,060 --> 00:51:40,980
In moments when they are calm, just reinforcing that feeling.

1396
00:51:40,980 --> 00:51:42,980
Like you look really calm right now today.

1397
00:51:42,980 --> 00:51:44,340
Like how are you feeling?

1398
00:51:44,340 --> 00:51:47,220
I'm going to say that to Victoria all the time.

1399
00:51:47,220 --> 00:51:49,540
Victoria, you look so calm today.

1400
00:51:49,540 --> 00:51:50,100
Yeah.

1401
00:51:50,100 --> 00:51:51,300
Faking it really well.

1402
00:51:51,300 --> 00:51:52,100
Yeah.

1403
00:51:52,660 --> 00:51:56,100
And like we just got in the car to go to an appointment for Kaden and Kaden got,

1404
00:51:56,100 --> 00:51:58,340
I picked him up from school and he gets in and he goes,

1405
00:51:58,340 --> 00:51:59,940
I'm feeling really good today.

1406
00:51:59,940 --> 00:52:01,220
I'm having a really good day.

1407
00:52:01,220 --> 00:52:03,620
And I was like, but I love that you just said that.

1408
00:52:04,260 --> 00:52:08,820
Because they're learning, they're learning emotions and they're learning feelings.

1409
00:52:08,820 --> 00:52:12,420
And they're learning how to attach that to things that they're going through.

1410
00:52:12,420 --> 00:52:12,820
Yeah.

1411
00:52:12,820 --> 00:52:13,940
That's such a big deal.

1412
00:52:13,940 --> 00:52:14,580
Yes.

1413
00:52:14,580 --> 00:52:16,340
Because they don't, their brains are developing.

1414
00:52:16,340 --> 00:52:17,220
They don't have that.

1415
00:52:17,220 --> 00:52:18,820
They don't have that vocabulary.

1416
00:52:18,820 --> 00:52:22,580
They don't have that knowledge of cause and effect and linking things.

1417
00:52:22,580 --> 00:52:27,060
So we kind of have to talk about it commonplace so that they can build on that.

1418
00:52:27,060 --> 00:52:30,660
And if they have that recognition as a kid, imagine.

1419
00:52:31,300 --> 00:52:31,380
Yes.

1420
00:52:31,380 --> 00:52:36,420
What they will be like on a podcast talking about it and being like, yeah, I know.

1421
00:52:36,420 --> 00:52:36,740
Yeah.

1422
00:52:36,740 --> 00:52:40,500
You know, you don't be 38 being like, help me, Justin.

1423
00:52:40,500 --> 00:52:42,020
But there's nothing wrong with that.

1424
00:52:42,020 --> 00:52:42,580
And no.

1425
00:52:42,580 --> 00:52:44,740
And it just like, no, I know, I'm just kidding.

1426
00:52:44,740 --> 00:52:48,260
Everybody, if we all learned this at eight years old,

1427
00:52:48,260 --> 00:52:53,620
like what you're talking about, think of how different the world would be by the time you're 30

1428
00:52:54,260 --> 00:53:01,540
to 38, whatever, plus, I mean, there are women and men in their 50s, 60s that I could

1429
00:53:01,540 --> 00:53:04,980
send this podcast to thinking of they don't know anything about emotion.

1430
00:53:04,980 --> 00:53:05,220
No.

1431
00:53:05,220 --> 00:53:08,340
Because they were not taught one thing about emotion.

1432
00:53:08,340 --> 00:53:10,340
And they're the ones who taught our parents.

1433
00:53:10,340 --> 00:53:10,500
Yeah.

1434
00:53:10,500 --> 00:53:13,220
And our parents are the ones who, I mean, it trickles down.

1435
00:53:13,220 --> 00:53:14,260
Generational trauma.

1436
00:53:14,820 --> 00:53:16,340
Not that it's trauma, but.

1437
00:53:16,340 --> 00:53:17,220
No, it is trauma.

1438
00:53:17,220 --> 00:53:17,700
Yeah.

1439
00:53:17,700 --> 00:53:21,540
Abandonment, not educated about emotions.

1440
00:53:21,540 --> 00:53:22,340
That's a trauma.

1441
00:53:22,340 --> 00:53:24,580
It's a small trauma, but it's a trauma.

1442
00:53:24,580 --> 00:53:24,660
Yeah.

1443
00:53:24,660 --> 00:53:29,460
Because then when you are in your 30s or 40s and it comes up to the surface,

1444
00:53:29,460 --> 00:53:31,860
because that's when life is the most stressful.

1445
00:53:31,860 --> 00:53:33,220
How do you deal with it?

1446
00:53:33,220 --> 00:53:33,860
You have no idea.

1447
00:53:33,860 --> 00:53:34,740
You were never taught.

1448
00:53:34,740 --> 00:53:34,980
Yeah.

1449
00:53:35,860 --> 00:53:40,180
But I we talk, we were good with emotions as kids and.

1450
00:53:40,900 --> 00:53:42,180
You know, we're highly sensitive.

1451
00:53:42,180 --> 00:53:42,740
Yes.

1452
00:53:42,740 --> 00:53:46,820
I I tend to do this fun little breakdown at least twice a year.

1453
00:53:46,820 --> 00:53:51,540
And I was coming up on it and it's so this is my last of the year.

1454
00:53:52,180 --> 00:53:58,660
But the difference now is that you're yes, you feel better when you're you cry to a degree.

1455
00:53:58,660 --> 00:53:59,060
Yeah, sure.

1456
00:53:59,060 --> 00:53:59,860
You let it go.

1457
00:53:59,860 --> 00:54:02,340
But now you got to take the action.

1458
00:54:02,340 --> 00:54:02,500
Right.

1459
00:54:02,500 --> 00:54:05,860
So that maybe it's only once a year or maybe it doesn't happen at all.

1460
00:54:05,860 --> 00:54:06,180
Yeah.

1461
00:54:06,180 --> 00:54:09,940
You know, for the next year, the next time, I mean, I'm everybody's still working through that.

1462
00:54:09,940 --> 00:54:15,540
But I do think the recognize out of the three hours, I mean, sure, recover.

1463
00:54:16,340 --> 00:54:16,820
Sure.

1464
00:54:16,820 --> 00:54:21,220
But I think recognizing it is like it's so hard.

1465
00:54:21,220 --> 00:54:21,620
Yeah.

1466
00:54:21,620 --> 00:54:23,220
Yeah, especially when you're in it.

1467
00:54:23,860 --> 00:54:27,620
And it's because that logic part of your brain isn't functioning.

1468
00:54:27,620 --> 00:54:31,940
The limbic system is taking over that prefrontal cortex where your logic resides.

1469
00:54:31,940 --> 00:54:32,340
Oh my God.

1470
00:54:32,340 --> 00:54:33,940
Can you say all of that again, please?

1471
00:54:33,940 --> 00:54:34,740
And slower?

1472
00:54:34,740 --> 00:54:37,780
The limbic system of your brain.

1473
00:54:37,780 --> 00:54:38,020
Yeah.

1474
00:54:38,020 --> 00:54:43,700
Your brain is taking over the prefrontal cortex where logic resides.

1475
00:54:43,700 --> 00:54:44,660
Okay.

1476
00:54:44,660 --> 00:54:50,260
And there's a bunch of ways to once you recognize, tell me if I'm wrong,

1477
00:54:50,260 --> 00:54:56,020
once you recognize over stimulation in the moment, like once we're good at this.

1478
00:54:57,060 --> 00:54:58,580
I'm literally about to say this.

1479
00:54:58,580 --> 00:54:59,140
Keep going.

1480
00:54:59,700 --> 00:55:05,220
Once we're good at this, you can say, hey, like I'm going to put the things down in the kitchen.

1481
00:55:05,220 --> 00:55:07,220
I'm feeling really overwhelmed, right?

1482
00:55:07,220 --> 00:55:08,900
So that's recognizing.

1483
00:55:10,340 --> 00:55:12,500
And there's somatic ways to do this.

1484
00:55:12,500 --> 00:55:14,260
Justin's freaking out right now.

1485
00:55:14,260 --> 00:55:15,460
He's so happy.

1486
00:55:15,460 --> 00:55:17,780
You guys have like given me layup after layup.

1487
00:55:17,780 --> 00:55:18,740
I swear to God.

1488
00:55:19,700 --> 00:55:24,740
But so I mean, I'm sure Justin's going to explain what that means, but a way of somatic

1489
00:55:24,740 --> 00:55:27,940
response to help yourself and your nervous system calm down.

1490
00:55:28,580 --> 00:55:29,460
Yes, breathing.

1491
00:55:29,460 --> 00:55:30,740
But sometimes it's shaking.

1492
00:55:31,380 --> 00:55:33,540
And I do that when I'm with people for too long.

1493
00:55:33,540 --> 00:55:37,140
I like shake the energy out to try to get new energy in my body.

1494
00:55:37,140 --> 00:55:43,540
And that helps me like get energy, which is a lot of energy to say in one sentence, but

1495
00:55:44,500 --> 00:55:48,980
dancing, shaking up and down, dropping your heels to the floor, feeling more grounded,

1496
00:55:48,980 --> 00:55:51,220
tapping your face or tapping your chest.

1497
00:55:51,220 --> 00:55:53,300
There's so many ways to look into it.

1498
00:55:53,300 --> 00:55:54,500
And that might be for you.

1499
00:55:54,500 --> 00:55:58,660
Like when you're maybe when the kids are running around and you're like, it is six o'clock,

1500
00:55:58,660 --> 00:56:04,980
I have to go teach that would that has to be a moment for you to like, you know, when the world

1501
00:56:04,980 --> 00:56:10,100
is spinning around you and you're in slow motion and you're like, oh, my gosh, that is where you

1502
00:56:10,100 --> 00:56:11,860
would find something that works for you.

1503
00:56:11,860 --> 00:56:12,100
Yeah.

1504
00:56:13,380 --> 00:56:18,100
To take me basically what I would consider as off the ledge.

1505
00:56:18,100 --> 00:56:18,660
Yes.

1506
00:56:18,660 --> 00:56:19,940
Of going over.

1507
00:56:19,940 --> 00:56:20,340
Yes.

1508
00:56:20,340 --> 00:56:20,740
Correct.

1509
00:56:20,740 --> 00:56:21,460
The dam.

1510
00:56:21,460 --> 00:56:22,180
Yes.

1511
00:56:22,180 --> 00:56:22,820
Yes.

1512
00:56:22,820 --> 00:56:23,380
Yeah.

1513
00:56:23,380 --> 00:56:25,220
So there's a bunch of different ways you can do that.

1514
00:56:25,220 --> 00:56:25,700
Exactly.

1515
00:56:25,700 --> 00:56:31,700
One is a somatic movement, heels to the ground, bare feet to the ground, to ground yourself.

1516
00:56:32,660 --> 00:56:33,780
Those are all great ways.

1517
00:56:34,660 --> 00:56:39,380
Another way is for humming, singing or gargling water.

1518
00:56:39,380 --> 00:56:39,780
What?

1519
00:56:39,780 --> 00:56:42,020
Because it activates your vagus nerve.

1520
00:56:42,020 --> 00:56:42,820
Yeah.

1521
00:56:42,820 --> 00:56:46,260
And your vagus nerve is responsible for activating your parasympathetic.

1522
00:56:46,260 --> 00:56:49,860
So we talked about the sympathetic nervous system before that's fight or flight.

1523
00:56:49,860 --> 00:56:53,540
Your parasympathetic nervous system is rest and digest.

1524
00:56:53,540 --> 00:56:58,260
So that is what's going on when we're not in that anxious state.

1525
00:56:58,260 --> 00:57:03,780
So that humming, that singing, that gargling activates that nerve, which activates that nervous system.

1526
00:57:03,780 --> 00:57:04,100
Geez.

1527
00:57:04,740 --> 00:57:09,460
Another way, like you said earlier, saying three nice things to yourself because eventually your

1528
00:57:09,460 --> 00:57:14,420
brain is going, if you do that enough, your brain is going to catch on to that and kind of get rid

1529
00:57:14,420 --> 00:57:19,780
of those intrusive thoughts about how you're not good enough or whatever it may be and replace it

1530
00:57:19,780 --> 00:57:21,380
with all of those positive thoughts.

1531
00:57:21,380 --> 00:57:22,980
So that's how you're going to get rid of those.

1532
00:57:22,980 --> 00:57:25,780
Have a healthy electrolyte drink.

1533
00:57:25,780 --> 00:57:30,020
So coconut water or something like that, not Gatorade or Powerade or whatever,

1534
00:57:30,020 --> 00:57:34,100
but something that has electrolytes that's healthy because your nervous system uses

1535
00:57:34,100 --> 00:57:35,460
electrolytes to function.

1536
00:57:35,460 --> 00:57:40,820
And part of that may be that you just don't have enough to for it to function properly.

1537
00:57:40,820 --> 00:57:41,300
Right.

1538
00:57:41,300 --> 00:57:42,660
Eat a snack.

1539
00:57:42,660 --> 00:57:44,100
Your blood sugar may be low.

1540
00:57:44,100 --> 00:57:46,020
I'm pointing at myself right now.

1541
00:57:46,020 --> 00:57:48,100
That is a huge stressor for me.

1542
00:57:48,100 --> 00:57:48,660
Yeah.

1543
00:57:48,660 --> 00:57:49,860
So eat a snack.

1544
00:57:49,860 --> 00:57:50,900
Get your blood sugar up.

1545
00:57:50,900 --> 00:57:54,100
Other ways are deep pressure.

1546
00:57:54,100 --> 00:58:00,100
So if you grab your wrist and just squeeze really tight, a lot of people don't like sensation

1547
00:58:00,100 --> 00:58:00,980
when they're overwhelmed.

1548
00:58:00,980 --> 00:58:03,540
Like I said, sound is louder.

1549
00:58:03,540 --> 00:58:04,580
Lights are brighter.

1550
00:58:04,580 --> 00:58:07,380
Sensation, even a light touch can be too much.

1551
00:58:07,380 --> 00:58:07,540
Yeah.

1552
00:58:07,540 --> 00:58:09,300
Like do you ever have the feeling that you're closed?

1553
00:58:09,300 --> 00:58:11,860
You just can feel your clothes on your body and you don't want them touching you.

1554
00:58:11,860 --> 00:58:12,340
Yeah, sure.

1555
00:58:13,220 --> 00:58:14,020
Deep touch.

1556
00:58:14,020 --> 00:58:16,420
So light touch isn't good, but deep touch is good.

1557
00:58:16,420 --> 00:58:21,140
So like grabbing your wrist and really squeezing can help to ground you and get you back.

1558
00:58:22,740 --> 00:58:27,300
And then sometimes just crying into your pillow, just letting it out and getting it out, screaming

1559
00:58:27,300 --> 00:58:28,900
into your pillow, crying into your pillow.

1560
00:58:28,900 --> 00:58:34,580
Just that release of emotion can help bring you back and prevent you from taking that out on

1561
00:58:34,580 --> 00:58:35,140
someone else.

1562
00:58:35,140 --> 00:58:36,500
You know what's really funny?

1563
00:58:36,500 --> 00:58:38,260
My mom told Dean to do that.

1564
00:58:38,980 --> 00:58:43,220
And yeah, they're not the other day, but a little while ago he threw like a little tantrum.

1565
00:58:43,780 --> 00:58:46,100
And my mom was like, Dean, what did I tell you to do?

1566
00:58:46,100 --> 00:58:48,660
He said, he said, gee, mom, I couldn't find a pillow.

1567
00:58:48,660 --> 00:58:49,780
I couldn't find a pillow.

1568
00:58:49,780 --> 00:58:50,500
Yeah.

1569
00:58:50,500 --> 00:58:51,380
So he screamed.

1570
00:58:51,380 --> 00:58:51,620
Yeah.

1571
00:58:51,620 --> 00:58:53,140
You know what I mean?

1572
00:58:53,140 --> 00:58:55,380
He knew he was like, yeah.

1573
00:58:55,380 --> 00:58:55,700
Yeah.

1574
00:58:55,700 --> 00:58:58,340
I mean, I've told Kayden that before and sometimes he will do that.

1575
00:58:58,340 --> 00:59:03,140
He'll go up to his room, he'll lay on his bed and he'll like scream into his pillow to get that

1576
00:59:03,140 --> 00:59:04,420
energy out.

1577
00:59:04,420 --> 00:59:06,100
Kind of like you said, shaking it off.

1578
00:59:06,100 --> 00:59:10,900
It's just a release of that anxiety, that negative energy and getting it out.

1579
00:59:10,900 --> 00:59:11,060
Yeah.

1580
00:59:11,060 --> 00:59:17,620
Because the more you store it, energy is fluid and emotions are fluid.

1581
00:59:17,620 --> 00:59:20,020
So they're meant to flow through the channels.

1582
00:59:20,020 --> 00:59:20,260
Right?

1583
00:59:20,260 --> 00:59:26,100
If you think of your body as one big tube and one big channel, which it is, the energy has to come

1584
00:59:26,100 --> 00:59:27,540
in and it has to flow back out.

1585
00:59:27,540 --> 00:59:34,340
So the more that we pull it in and hold it in there, because we're stressed, sad, angry,

1586
00:59:34,340 --> 00:59:37,620
and we want to try to repress them because we don't have time to deal with it or we don't

1587
00:59:37,620 --> 00:59:40,420
want to deal with it or it would hurt too much to deal with it.

1588
00:59:40,420 --> 00:59:45,780
And they get stuck in there, then think of that as your ceiling.

1589
00:59:45,780 --> 00:59:50,020
So then everything's getting piled on top of it, on top of it and it's overflowing out

1590
00:59:50,020 --> 00:59:52,820
of the canal or out of the channel of your body.

1591
00:59:52,820 --> 00:59:54,820
And then it gets to the point of a breaking point.

1592
00:59:54,820 --> 00:59:55,380
Right.

1593
00:59:55,380 --> 00:59:57,940
So you have to let energy flow.

1594
00:59:57,940 --> 00:59:59,380
So if you want to cry, cry.

1595
01:00:00,180 --> 01:00:02,020
No one is too sensitive to cry.

1596
01:00:02,020 --> 01:00:02,340
Yeah.

1597
01:00:02,340 --> 01:00:03,780
Like it's not a sensitivity.

1598
01:00:03,780 --> 01:00:04,740
And I'm not saying that for you.

1599
01:00:04,740 --> 01:00:06,420
Yeah, I was going to say, I don't care about crying.

1600
01:00:06,420 --> 01:00:07,620
No, I'm not saying that for you.

1601
01:00:07,620 --> 01:00:08,580
Everybody thinks that.

1602
01:00:08,580 --> 01:00:10,020
Like, oh, they're crying.

1603
01:00:10,020 --> 01:00:11,220
Oh, that makes you cry.

1604
01:00:11,220 --> 01:00:12,740
Oh, you have a feeling about that?

1605
01:00:12,740 --> 01:00:15,460
Like why that's such a negative thing in the world we live in?

1606
01:00:15,460 --> 01:00:16,180
I don't know.

1607
01:00:16,180 --> 01:00:16,660
Yeah.

1608
01:00:16,660 --> 01:00:18,900
But your energy has to flow through.

1609
01:00:18,900 --> 01:00:20,340
So if you're sad, be sad.

1610
01:00:20,340 --> 01:00:21,700
You're angry, be angry.

1611
01:00:21,700 --> 01:00:27,780
But you have to find that reflective moment as to, OK, why am I angry?

1612
01:00:27,780 --> 01:00:28,820
Why am I sad?

1613
01:00:28,820 --> 01:00:30,820
Or else you're in a state of depression.

1614
01:00:30,820 --> 01:00:31,060
Yeah.

1615
01:00:31,060 --> 01:00:33,780
Because you're not working through it, you're just letting it be for too long.

1616
01:00:33,780 --> 01:00:35,380
It needs to be a learning opportunity.

1617
01:00:35,380 --> 01:00:36,660
So it has to flow.

1618
01:00:36,660 --> 01:00:39,940
And just because I've read about it and learned it and are trying

1619
01:00:39,940 --> 01:00:43,700
to do certain things doesn't mean I'm an expert by any means.

1620
01:00:43,700 --> 01:00:45,700
I mean, you sound very legit today.

1621
01:00:45,700 --> 01:00:46,580
Oh, well, thank you.

1622
01:00:46,580 --> 01:00:47,140
I try.

1623
01:00:47,140 --> 01:00:47,700
Yeah.

1624
01:00:47,700 --> 01:00:51,300
I still yell at my kids when I shouldn't be and get overwhelmed and lose it.

1625
01:00:51,300 --> 01:00:52,180
So it's.

1626
01:00:52,180 --> 01:00:52,980
Because you're human.

1627
01:00:52,980 --> 01:00:53,860
Yes, exactly.

1628
01:00:53,860 --> 01:00:54,980
You have to forgive yourself.

1629
01:00:54,980 --> 01:00:59,380
Forgive yourself a little bit of grace for those moments because you're not going to get it right 100% of the time.

1630
01:00:59,380 --> 01:01:01,300
You're not going to get it right 90% of the time.

1631
01:01:01,300 --> 01:01:02,020
Oh, yeah.

1632
01:01:02,020 --> 01:01:05,300
But there are going to be times that you get it right and remember for the next time.

1633
01:01:05,300 --> 01:01:07,620
So that maybe that percentage gets a little bit lower.

1634
01:01:07,620 --> 01:01:08,980
It's never going to go away, though.

1635
01:01:08,980 --> 01:01:09,380
Yeah.

1636
01:01:09,380 --> 01:01:11,940
Unless you do this religiously.

1637
01:01:11,940 --> 01:01:12,660
Yeah.

1638
01:01:12,660 --> 01:01:15,700
All the time for yourself, for your kids, for the people around you.

1639
01:01:15,700 --> 01:01:16,020
Yeah.

1640
01:01:17,060 --> 01:01:24,980
I give you I give you a big pat on the back or commend you for going into the research of like,

1641
01:01:24,980 --> 01:01:27,460
how can I how can I help my kids?

1642
01:01:27,460 --> 01:01:28,020
Yeah.

1643
01:01:28,020 --> 01:01:34,020
Figure this out when I don't have this figured out because I don't think a lot of people do that.

1644
01:01:34,020 --> 01:01:34,180
No.

1645
01:01:34,180 --> 01:01:38,020
And this is such a good episode to come back to.

1646
01:01:38,020 --> 01:01:41,060
I'm going to come back and listen to all of the things you said about the brain.

1647
01:01:41,060 --> 01:01:43,940
There's so much in the brain and the nervous system.

1648
01:01:43,940 --> 01:01:44,420
Mm-hmm.

1649
01:01:44,420 --> 01:01:48,900
And there's so many ways as a whole, we're not taught about it.

1650
01:01:48,900 --> 01:01:49,540
Yeah.

1651
01:01:49,540 --> 01:01:50,180
Oh, absolutely.

1652
01:01:50,180 --> 01:01:52,580
We're not taught about how to regulate the nervous system.

1653
01:01:52,580 --> 01:01:53,300
Yoga is a big part.

1654
01:01:53,300 --> 01:01:54,740
I learned all this in my yoga training.

1655
01:01:54,740 --> 01:01:55,060
Yeah.

1656
01:01:55,060 --> 01:01:56,100
That's the only reason I know this.

1657
01:01:56,100 --> 01:01:56,500
Yeah.

1658
01:01:56,500 --> 01:01:57,460
That's all science.

1659
01:01:57,460 --> 01:01:59,860
Like, I would have been like, oh, that's a medical thing you have to know.

1660
01:01:59,860 --> 01:02:02,180
I learned about this from Fit to Be Real podcast.

1661
01:02:02,740 --> 01:02:05,620
How do you think I learned about the Vegas nerd?

1662
01:02:05,620 --> 01:02:06,100
I can't.

1663
01:02:06,100 --> 01:02:06,900
I can't.

1664
01:02:06,900 --> 01:02:07,380
I can't.

1665
01:02:07,380 --> 01:02:10,980
What happens in the Vegas nerd stays in the Vegas nerd?

1666
01:02:10,980 --> 01:02:13,940
No, it clearly is staying there because I'm not doing anything to fix it.

1667
01:02:16,500 --> 01:02:18,500
Do you have any tips for us?

1668
01:02:18,500 --> 01:02:18,740
Yeah.

1669
01:02:18,740 --> 01:02:20,180
Other than everything you just said.

1670
01:02:25,300 --> 01:02:31,540
So I would say the real tip for today is identifying one activity that can help you

1671
01:02:31,540 --> 01:02:32,740
recover your energy.

1672
01:02:32,740 --> 01:02:38,820
So what is that one specific thing to you that you know restores you and makes you feel

1673
01:02:38,820 --> 01:02:40,260
like you again when you do it?

1674
01:02:41,540 --> 01:02:42,020
Carly.

1675
01:02:42,020 --> 01:02:42,740
That's pretty good.

1676
01:02:43,700 --> 01:02:46,980
I mean, I got to work on that and I will report back.

1677
01:02:48,340 --> 01:02:50,500
And for the real extra tip of the day.

1678
01:02:50,500 --> 01:02:51,380
You want me to say?

1679
01:02:51,380 --> 01:02:52,500
No, I do not.

1680
01:02:52,500 --> 01:02:55,540
That's why I am saying it so that you don't repeat it.

1681
01:02:57,380 --> 01:02:58,580
Start journaling.

1682
01:02:58,580 --> 01:03:03,460
So really start taking a look at how you're feeling when you're feeling that way,

1683
01:03:03,460 --> 01:03:09,060
what stresses you out so that you can over time see what trends are there that you can

1684
01:03:09,060 --> 01:03:14,260
take action towards because that's really important to fixing this whole thing and

1685
01:03:14,260 --> 01:03:16,500
helping you get to self-regulation.

1686
01:03:17,140 --> 01:03:17,380
Yeah.

1687
01:03:17,380 --> 01:03:19,140
What does start journaling mean?

1688
01:03:19,140 --> 01:03:20,740
Oh, I thought we got away from it.

1689
01:03:20,740 --> 01:03:21,540
It means.

1690
01:03:22,980 --> 01:03:25,940
But I think that might be a good one for you because you get up earlier,

1691
01:03:25,940 --> 01:03:28,180
you like getting up earlier to have coffee by yourself.

1692
01:03:28,180 --> 01:03:28,500
Yes.

1693
01:03:28,500 --> 01:03:29,460
In your house.

1694
01:03:29,460 --> 01:03:32,180
That's your moment to maybe organize your day.

1695
01:03:33,220 --> 01:03:33,780
Yeah.

1696
01:03:33,780 --> 01:03:35,860
And journal and or I don't know.

1697
01:03:35,860 --> 01:03:37,140
I mean, that's something you'll have to play with.

1698
01:03:37,140 --> 01:03:40,660
But maybe that's your time to be like, okay, I can handle this today.

1699
01:03:40,660 --> 01:03:41,060
Yeah.

1700
01:03:41,060 --> 01:03:43,540
Even give yourself the thought that you can do it all.

1701
01:03:43,540 --> 01:03:45,380
Say three nice things to yourself about it.

1702
01:03:45,380 --> 01:03:47,460
Instead of waking up being like there's no time.

1703
01:03:47,460 --> 01:03:48,100
Yeah.

1704
01:03:48,100 --> 01:03:52,100
And I think I do sit there sometimes as I take a picture of my mug of the day.

1705
01:03:52,100 --> 01:03:52,340
Yeah.

1706
01:03:52,340 --> 01:03:54,900
And post it for you all to see.

1707
01:03:54,900 --> 01:03:57,300
And I'm like, I don't know how I'm going to get through this day.

1708
01:03:57,300 --> 01:03:57,540
Yeah.

1709
01:03:57,540 --> 01:04:00,420
But if you wrote it out, that might be that might be your thing.

1710
01:04:00,420 --> 01:04:01,140
Yeah.

1711
01:04:01,140 --> 01:04:01,860
I think that's a great.

1712
01:04:01,860 --> 01:04:05,060
And the real extra tip is don't talk to me about this afterwards.

1713
01:04:06,820 --> 01:04:12,180
No, but for real, Justin, what you've said has been incredibly insightful.

1714
01:04:12,180 --> 01:04:14,420
I came in hot and I'm leaving like a puddle.

1715
01:04:14,980 --> 01:04:15,220
All right.

1716
01:04:16,420 --> 01:04:18,420
Then it's exactly what needed to happen.

1717
01:04:18,420 --> 01:04:19,060
Yeah.

1718
01:04:19,060 --> 01:04:20,660
It happened for a reason.

1719
01:04:20,660 --> 01:04:21,540
We will bill you.

1720
01:04:22,180 --> 01:04:23,060
Seriously though.

1721
01:04:23,060 --> 01:04:24,260
Thank you, Justin.

1722
01:04:24,260 --> 01:04:27,060
I think this is going to be a really awesome thing

1723
01:04:27,060 --> 01:04:28,340
to come back to.

1724
01:04:28,340 --> 01:04:30,020
Favorite this episode.

1725
01:04:30,020 --> 01:04:34,900
Put it in a place on your phone or a memory bank for you to come back to

1726
01:04:34,900 --> 01:04:39,780
when you need the reminder to continue your practice, start your practice,

1727
01:04:39,780 --> 01:04:43,540
do the self-regulation because dysregulation is a state we all live in.

1728
01:04:44,340 --> 01:04:44,900
Amen.

1729
01:04:44,900 --> 01:04:45,780
We don't.

1730
01:04:45,780 --> 01:04:47,700
We're not born to live in that state.

1731
01:04:47,700 --> 01:04:48,500
Nope.

1732
01:04:48,500 --> 01:04:55,780
So obviously, like always, especially with the subject matter, you are always fit to be real

1733
01:04:55,780 --> 01:04:58,580
and always allowed to be a little extra.

1734
01:04:59,220 --> 01:05:00,500
We're a lot extra.

1735
01:05:06,500 --> 01:05:07,060
It's okay.

1736
01:05:07,060 --> 01:05:07,540
I'm fine.

1737
01:05:07,540 --> 01:05:08,340
Guys, I'm fine.

1738
01:05:08,340 --> 01:05:08,740
It is.

1739
01:05:08,740 --> 01:05:11,540
Oh, I'm fine as the flames are around.

1740
01:05:13,380 --> 01:05:16,820
For legal reasons, we have to tell you that this podcast is meant for entertainment and

1741
01:05:16,820 --> 01:05:18,500
educational purposes only.

1742
01:05:18,500 --> 01:05:20,660
We are not healthcare professionals.

1743
01:05:20,660 --> 01:05:24,580
For all of your health, wellness, fitness, and self-care needs, please refer to the

1744
01:05:24,580 --> 01:05:29,860
medical professional in your life, your primary care physician, your therapist, a certified coach,

1745
01:05:29,860 --> 01:05:35,060
whoever it may be, and then let us know what they say because I guarantee we need to know it too.

1746
01:05:35,060 --> 01:05:57,060
Okay?