Welcome to Fit to Be Real and a little extra.
This is a very special 40th episode because the guest that we have was our guest for our fourth episode.
Woohoo!
So full circle and it's also special because we have absolutely no idea what we're talking about.
But we also, I think we really need what we're about to talk about.
Yes.
I'm Victoria.
Hey guys, I'm Carly and who do we have with us?
Justin.
Love it.
Justin, what are we talking about today?
We're going to talk about self-regulation.
Explain.
Yeah.
So we'll get into that.
First, I think I need to set the record straight from last week's episode where I was called out.
Oh my god.
For being unsupportive.
Okay.
In my defense.
Okay.
I didn't know you that well when all of that was happening.
And I didn't know.
You said that well so you didn't know me.
Well, he was a dancer in the show.
You were a lead.
Yeah, exactly.
And we didn't do rehearsals together.
I knew who you were.
No, I knew you in the shows but I didn't know you well enough to know all of that was going on.
I was friends with Victoria before I was friends with you.
You just wanted to get that on the record.
Any chance I get to say that.
It's all right.
He was working at Arapastel at the time so.
I never worked there.
Okay.
Never mind.
Where'd you work?
Hollister.
That was college.
Oh.
I can't like see.
Never mind.
Whatever.
It doesn't even matter.
I don't even care.
So basically how I got, I don't want to say interested in self-regulation,
but how I learned about self-regulation was I have willful children.
And Carly has one willful child.
Dean.
I have three deans.
Okay.
I love when you say that.
So basically they're great.
Other people say how great they are, which they are great.
My kids are great.
Everyone else says how well behaved they are.
However, at home they can be a little crazy at times.
Carmella has a phrase for that though, doesn't she?
Yeah.
It's how devil street angel.
Yes.
Which is a good thing.
Yes.
It's a great thing.
And it means that they are comfortable enough at home to truly express how they're feeling
and know enough to not do that in the outside world.
I mean, I've told you when Kayton has been over one of Justin's only son,
I'm like, he is so polite and so good.
And you're like, what?
Yeah.
No, he's not.
I'm like, no, he really is.
Yes.
And that's how Dean is at school.
Right.
Exactly.
And that's willful children, right?
They're going to press every one of your buttons and try to get you to do what they want to do at home.
So it's hard when you are trying to figure out how to be a parent to that type of kid, right?
You don't get an owner's manual when you have a baby.
You don't know what to do.
So to figure out what is the best approach to that to handle those emotional outbursts
when they don't even know how they're feeling, I started researching and looking at books.
And I found out about self-regulation.
And so before I talk about what self-regulation is, I feel like we should talk about what it
isn't because a lot of people confuse self-control and self-regulation.
And Carly is raising her hands right now.
No, no, no, no, no.
She's raising the roof.
That's true.
She's raising the roof.
Because when you said you wanted to talk about this, I was like, oh, yeah, self-control.
I just like that's what I thought it was.
Yeah.
Different.
Right.
OK.
So Carly, in your opinion, what is self-control?
Self-control is the ability to stop yourself when enough is enough.
Yeah, kind of, yes.
So it's the ability to stop, to ignore impulses and emotions that you're having and prevent you from
doing something or acting a certain way.
And a lot of people think self-control is the end all be all right.
Like I'm sure a lot of people think you guys have good self-control because you are,
you know, you eat healthy for the most part.
You exercise regularly.
Yeah.
And there's this perception that, you know, self-control is a muscle that we need to strengthen
and we need to make sure, you know, we are this unstoppable force with self-control.
And it kind of sets us up for failure because then inevitably we relapse, right?
We don't have self-control in an instant.
And that can make us turn and say, you know what, forget it.
Yeah.
If I'm trying not to eat those sweets, maybe I have a cookie and I'm like, oh, I messed up,
screw it.
I'm going to eat the whole cake now or things like that.
That's me with Oreos and whole Oreo sleeve.
I say I'm going to have one and then I have whole sleeve.
But it's also beyond food. This is also something that you have said a few times that you're
a reactive person.
Yes.
So that would be part of self-control of wanting to respond and not react.
Correct.
So think of like a river and a dam, right?
You can put a dam up.
You're a dam.
That's...
Okay.
You can put a dam up.
No, really, let's be serious.
No, that's good.
Okay.
So are you the beaver?
So there is no beaver.
Isn't a dam stopping a river?
Yes.
So think, yeah, but a dam doesn't...
There's man-made dams.
Think of the Hoover Dam.
A beaver didn't build the Hoover Dam.
His name was Mr. Hoover.
Herbert?
Herbert.
All shows.
Please don't start singing Annie.
I knew it was coming.
The showtubers were coming out.
Her real show announced the wedding.
I knew it was going to happen.
Anyway, go ahead.
About a dam.
Moving on, yes.
So think of a dam and a river, right?
The dam is your self-control.
The river is all of the emotions and impulses
and stressors that you're having in your life.
The dam can hold for so long,
but if the stressors keep coming,
if the emotions keep coming, the impulses keep coming,
eventually that river is going to overtake that dam.
Correct.
Right?
So that's kind of what self-control is.
Like you can't...
It's not...
Inevitably, it will fail.
The dam will fail.
Yourself will fail.
It's not...
Self-control in and of itself is not something
that can prevent impulse control.
Okay?
So that's where self-regulation kind of comes in.
So self-regulation is the ability to reduce
the stressors that you are having emotions from
or impulses from.
So it's trying to identify those stressors
and reduce them so that you don't get to the point
where you are dysregulated and you're not
dysregulated and overwhelmed and just out of sync.
Which basically means your nervous system is out of whack.
Correct.
Oh, I'm so glad you brought up nervous system.
Is it like your Vegas nerve?
I'm actually going to talk about your Vegas nerve!
Your Vegas nerve!
Carly thinks it means going to Vegas and partying.
So don't get to it, son.
She's doing a strange dance with her guns.
Doing gangstands?
Okay.
Wait, before we go on.
Okay.
Can this be, I know you're talking about your kids
and self-regulation and self-control,
but this is adults too.
So yeah, so right now I'm just talking about
self-regulation.
I got into this path because of looking up ways
to help my kids identify their stressors
so they aren't getting overwhelmed.
Right, because that's what happens.
They get to the point where, and we all do this,
kids and adults, we get to the point where
enough is enough, we're overstimulated,
we're overstressed, we're overwhelmed,
and then we have to figure out some way to come down.
And for us adults with our brains developed,
fully developed, some more than others.
Why are you looking at me?
Right, that's hard enough for us.
Imagine what it's like with kids who are still
going through that development stage.
So that's kind of how this started,
but this applies to everyone across the board.
Because the dam is up right now for me.
There's a little leak, and I do not want it
to burst, and I'm at the point where it's going to burst,
and it's not going to be good.
So it's help take me back.
We're going to help you, Karlie.
Okay, thank you.
We're going to help you.
A part of your brain is called the limbic system.
And this is, it's also called your reptilian brain,
because this is something that all animals have.
It's the basic brain fight or flight idea.
So it is tied with your emotions, and the main component of it
is your amygdala.
So the amygdala is a part of emotional response
and memory creation within your brain.
And that activates your sympathetic nervous system,
which is where fight or flight comes from.
Right, so like you have cortisol rushing through your body.
It creates that fight or flight response
when you are addressed with stressors in your life.
And the base of it came from back when we were cavemen,
you know, you would see a saber-toothed tiger,
and you would have to either fight or run for your life.
And that is why that's rooted in our reptilian brain.
Another part of our brain called the prefrontal cortex.
Kind of look like a caveman right now.
Thank you, because my beard.
He's a very long, burly beard.
So the other part of our brain.
He doesn't care.
Moving on.
Okay.
Stay on tracks.
Sorry, sorry, sorry.
I mean, you're being very legit right now,
and I'm having a hard time concentrating
because I'm like, am I talking to Justin
or somebody that knows stuff?
Yeah.
And it's the same person.
So I'm...
Continue.
Sir.
I'm gonna try.
Somehow that was an insult and a compliment.
All in the world.
Keep going.
So there's another part of our brain
called the prefrontal cortex.
And that is where, you know, logic and reasoning
and reflective thought comes from.
And what happens a lot of times is
when we get overwhelmed,
that limbic system part of our brain,
that amygdala and our reptilian brain,
takes over the prefrontal cortex, the PFC.
So we don't have control of what happens.
That's why when you talk about like,
oh, I saw red and I was in a rage
and I didn't know what I was doing.
That's because that limbic system took over
and you didn't have that logic, reason, thinking.
That's when our kids get so overwhelmed
and they have a meltdown.
There's nothing that can bring them down.
Right.
Because their logic, the little logic that they have,
is just gone.
So like I said, the amygdala is also part
or in charge of memory storage and creation.
And so that's why sometimes when you think about something
or have a memory of something, you have an emotion with it,
especially when thinking of like PTSD.
So when you're walking through a mall
and you see someone from a year ago,
you stop, drop and roll.
Like that is why that happens.
That's true.
Because it's tied together, that memory and that emotion.
No way.
And that's where like PTSD comes from
and why you can hear something or smell something or...
I know, it's just weird to...
See something and get that anxious feeling.
Hear.
That's anxiety, Carly.
But also it can be twisted in a good way.
Absolutely.
I heard someone say that a good tip for like,
as a bride in a wedding,
is that you put your favorite flower around her.
You put it around you on the altar so that when you smell it,
it brings you back to that moment.
Yeah.
Because they're all connected.
So it can be in positive ways too.
It's not just PTSD.
Correct.
Well, I actually texted Victoria last night
and I'm laying in bed.
Yeah.
How about this?
Yeah.
And I saw my first Christmas commercial
and I texted her and I said,
oh my gosh, I saw the first Christmas commercial.
Now it's before Halloween.
I understand that's crazy.
But I said, I feel so happy
and just me watching that commercial made me feel happy.
Mm-hmm.
And we must read this.
I didn't know what the emotion was.
Carly, just saw my first Christmas commercial.
It actually made me feel happy.
Like the music and the colors.
Is that a thing?
I said, happiness is happiness a thing for some.
Carly, I don't know what it is, but it's tingly.
Me, okay.
I may have told her that it may be an STD of sorts.
She said, I knew it wasn't happiness.
She said, happiness is only for some.
I was kidding.
But.
But yes, that is exactly what we're talking.
Right.
So you're connecting a memory,
the memory you have of a really, you know,
being happy at Christmas.
And that's why happiness is what comes up for you.
Yeah.
Now some people that could be the opposite.
Could feel that completely.
Exactly.
So it's different for every person.
Yeah.
Because everybody's brain is different.
Yeah.
So and so that's kind of like the basic of how you have these two
areas of your brain competing for how you feel and how you're regulated.
And that's why it's important to reduce the stress so that your limbic brain,
your limbic system doesn't take over and you can stay, you know,
logical and and reflective and reasonable and things like that.
Yeah.
So there's three Rs of self regulation.
There's recognizing, reducing and restoring.
You want to recognize the stressors, recognize when you're overwhelmed,
reduce them and then restore the energy.
So we'll kind of talk about each one.
So recognizing it can be hard to recognize when you're overwhelmed.
Oh, yeah.
I think that's the hardest one.
Yeah.
Carly just busted through the door like Kramer on Seinfeld and we kind of had to be like,
OK, take a breath like we're not in a rush. We'll wait for you.
Wait for you.
Because we've been waiting.
She was late because I was running from somewhere else.
But that's that's me.
Like a not a bull in a china shop because I don't like messing up,
but I'm always coming in hot.
I'm coming in.
Yes.
Always coming in hot.
And I don't love that.
Right.
And that's part of what you have going on with your life, right?
Like I kind of think you're trying to do it all because you are.
So you want to be you have a job that is kind of close to as 24 seven as you can get
because you have the accountability piece where you're always on call.
You have the classes.
You're preparing for the classes.
You have every other aspect of it.
And then you're also trying to be a mom on top of that.
And you're trying to do all of the mom things because you feel like you are slacking
if you don't do those things.
So like you want to be at home.
You want to be there for dinner.
You also want to be there for school and for every activity and to be homeroom mom.
So that is a lot to put on yourself.
Are you in my brain right now?
Yeah, I know because you are every other mom in this world.
You are my wife.
You are my friends.
You are everyone.
I agree.
But I would also like to learn how to not come in hot.
And like recognize be like take that as Victoria likes to call it breath.
Yeah.
And that is not a wild thought to breathe.
It's not.
If you don't breathe, you are dead.
It is the first thing you do when you're born.
And it is the last thing you do before you die.
You are somewhere in between right now.
Close to death.
So close.
Anyway, continue.
Regulate me.
Oh God.
But it's true.
So I mean it's like anything.
You have to accept that you're in the moment of that.
And this yes, we're somehow we looked at Carly as subject matter number one.
But everyone does this.
And really realizing that you are overwhelmed and then figuring out what your stressors are
is the only way to start regulating them because you can't
fix something you don't even know is broken.
Right.
Exactly.
And so there's kind of so when we're thinking about self-regulation,
when we're thinking about being overwhelmed,
there's different levels of arousal.
And before we say anything, arousal means state of alertness.
Okay.
Because I knew if I said the word arousal.
I am a child.
You might as well just say doodoo as well.
So there's different levels of arousal.
So there's hyper arousal and that is when you are overwhelmed.
Your heart is racing.
You are anxious.
You might be scared.
So you're hyper arous because your sympathetic nervous system is pumping
quarters all through your body.
Your heart rate is going.
You are paying more attention.
Lights are brighter.
Sounds are louder.
It's like when you're, tell me if I'm wrong,
when you're going to be late for something or you're lost and you have to turn the music down.
That's exactly what it is.
But that's not going to help you.
Yes.
That's what we do.
Yeah.
All the time.
100%.
I was going to actually say that.
Yes.
Very cool.
Because you, everything, all of the stimuli seem larger.
Yeah.
And you are trying to focus, but it is difficult to focus.
So that's kind of hyper arousal.
Right.
Then you have, you know, the moderate where you're calm, but not tired.
You are paying attention, but you're not overstimulated.
You are ready to learn or to complete a task or do anything that you need to be doing.
And then there's hypo arousal, which is where you're kind of in a zombie state.
Right.
You, you were just overwhelmed and now you just are disassociating with things.
You don't have the energy for anything.
You can't pay attention.
You can't pay attention and focus on anything.
You basically crash.
Yes.
Exactly.
You got a sugar crash.
And so what happens if we don't know how to, yeah, it was sugar crash.
Sure.
What happens if we don't know how to regulate ourselves, we'll go from stages of hyper arousal
to hypo arousal.
So we'll get like crazy overwhelmed stress, manic running around, doing everything.
And then we crash and then we're in hypo arousal where we're just like a vegetable on the couch.
We don't have energy to do anything.
Yeah.
So that is why, you know, recognizing is so important.
So when you're in those moments, it can be difficult for adults to really say,
I'm overwhelmed right now.
So it's important after the fact to be, and I said, I think I said this on episode four,
to kind of do a journal of how you're feeling.
Reflection.
Yeah. And say, you know, I didn't handle that situation well or, you know, I didn't feel good
about how I acted or what I was thinking.
I'm going to write that down because after a while you can start getting ideas of trends
or common themes of what is getting you to that point.
And so if at any point something like you just feel something got you stressed,
write that down so you can keep track of that.
It's not going to happen, be something that happens right away, but over time,
you'll see those trends of, okay, I was really stressed in this moment and that's a problem.
Well, if your Instagram feed looks like mine, you constantly see different psychologists
posting things and they say, your brain, the more what you tell your brain is what you,
your brain starts to believe.
So the more you are self-destructive, then you start to believe that you're those bad things
about yourself.
So if you start saying really good things, and even if you don't believe it yet,
then it turns into this belief system that you are amazing.
You can succeed.
You can do these things.
So if you find that reflection, reflective moment, which you do have to take the time to do,
which is step one of like failure, not taking the time to reflect and journal,
which we like make fun of like little teenage girls journal.
Oh, you're journaling.
Why?
I don't understand why we do that as a society.
But if you start recognizing all of these triggers, yes, I said triggers and write it
down that the word trigger is something you have a feeling about triggered that you feel
triggered.
Yeah.
No, it just it can start to change.
But if you don't take the time, then obviously no change will happen.
I mean, that was captain obvious, but I was talking about myself to myself.
And I read something.
It said our feelings are looking for support, not solution.
Right.
So a lot of the times we will vent to our best friend, our significant other, our parent,
and they will want to help us.
And so they'll start giving us ideas.
Try this, try that.
I don't want to hear that right now.
Right.
Our problems are looking for support.
Our feelings are looking for support, not solutions.
Yes.
And sometimes just saying that like me saying it to you, saying whatever my problem is,
venting to you will help me realize, OK, maybe this is what I need to do.
Or I'm able to think about it more because I'm verbalizing it to you.
I just had this conversation with mom.
Yeah.
What's up, mom?
You can vouch for me.
In one of those venting moments or just even before it gets to that blow up, you just want
someone to be like, I hear you.
Yeah.
I totally understand.
I'm not fixing this, but like I've been there too.
Like you just want someone to be on your side.
On your side.
Really, without giving you solutions that you're not going to take in in that moment.
That moment is not going to be like, you know what, I understand what you just said.
I will do it like that next time.
It's like, no.
And it's this, you know, angry red that you see.
There's no solution.
Just let me bitch.
I mean, the vent is the solution sometimes.
Yes.
It's just like 100 percent.
Leave it at that.
Yeah.
It's hard.
It's hard to do if the person you're talking to is not aware of that.
And I think I said this or we said this in a different episode of a good way to approach
that if you are someone who maybe people vent to a lot is do you want me to listen or do you
want me to help you?
Yeah.
And then that person who's venting can give you the answer that they really do want.
And nine times out of 10, it's I just want you to listen.
Yeah.
Oh, absolutely.
And I think that that's great.
No, we don't do that.
We go to because and it comes from a good place, right?
Like we just want to help each other.
Yeah.
But that's not the best solution.
Yeah.
But and that venting can be a reflective process too.
So yes, journaling is great.
We should be journaling.
However, that venting, that talking about that emotion or that process or that line of thinking,
that can also be reflective too and help us get to a better place of understanding.
Yeah.
And then the other thing I wanted to say was it's harder to spot not always when you bust the
door, but it's harder to spot a dysregulated adult because we've learned how to cope with it.
Right.
Like kids, it's easy to spot.
They're having temper tantrums.
They're freaking out.
Right.
Adults, we've kind of learned how to deal with that so that we can be part of society.
Yeah.
Because if we have them out down in Target, because they, Starbucks ran out of whatever
our creamer is, then we're going to not cry a pound on the ground because everyone would
stare at us like we're crazy.
Right.
We're talking.
What are we talking about?
She's just nosy.
No, I was thinking about recognizing it.
Like one of my things when I recognize that enough is enough a little bit is when you write
out a text message to somebody and then what I normally do is I send it to Victoria and
sometimes she's like, it's not worth it.
Yeah.
Don't send it.
You basically have to read it again or send it to somebody else because I'm reactive.
So I'm like, oh, I got to let me this person texted me.
I'm going to text them back.
A, B, C, and D, blah, blah, blah.
She's like, don't it's not worth it.
Take a minute and delete that.
You know what I mean?
It's like one of those things that's it's hard in the moment, though.
It is very hard because if I didn't have it to send to her, I'd be reacting all the time.
You know what I mean?
Thank God Victoria tells me not to react.
Yeah.
Well, it's just but sometimes everybody needs that person.
Like I need that person.
I'm still looking for that person.
I'm just going to say, wait, wait, I'm raising my hand.
I'm like, I'm right here.
Victoria's like, if they're out there, let me know.
No, because Carly's like, yeah, yeah, get him.
But no, it's hard to.
Or it's it's necessary to have that person to go to because sometimes even in the process
of trying to do it on your own, the world, we're not meant to do everything independently.
Yeah.
Like being an independent person is something that we're driven or told to to become.
But we need people.
We need connection.
We need people as a human being and that person to have on the other end of the phone
to be a part of yourself awareness to a degree is absolutely necessary.
And it's OK to have those people.
Like if you need to reach out to me to do to send a text message to someone like that,
that doesn't mean you can't do it on your own.
That you know that like you are doing it on your own.
That's why you're doing it type of thing.
Like this morning when you were making everybody late for a field trip.
Oh, well.
True story.
But but think about it.
Twenty minutes late for the bus to wait.
Yes, is everything supposed to be planned?
Yes. Guess what?
No one's dying.
Everything's going to be OK.
Yeah. It's all relative.
It's all relative.
And it's hard to come down to that if you're in the middle of that.
Yeah. That right.
And again, our brain is is created from being back when we had to survive, you know,
saber two tigers and it is still functioning like that.
And we have that same reaction to things that are not as important or stressful as that was.
And that's the thing, though.
Like I think 90 percent of the things that we all stress about
don't need to be high stress situations.
Yeah.
And how do you how do you get rid of them?
Yeah. Yeah.
No, I'm asking.
Yeah.
I mean, practice.
Yes. And it's all about practice.
And I think it's important to say, right, like, and I say this all the time,
whether I'm at work or in general life, like your truth is your truth.
So how you're feeling shouldn't be negated by other people.
So, yes, you are stressed.
It's not about not feeling upset about the situation.
It's about not letting that overwhelm you to the point.
So you can be you can feel bad about, you know, making the bus late.
I mean, I got in a car accident.
OK.
I wasn't.
I wasn't at Starbucks.
Throwing a tantrum because they ran out of your cream.
Well, now we have to explain it.
So Carly got into a little bit of a fender bender and she was headed to a field trip
and everybody was getting on the bus.
She was chaperoning.
So she was 20 minutes late for the bus and they had to wait for her.
That's not a life or death situation.
That just makes you feel bad because you're the one that's holding everything up.
So, yes, you're going to have that moment of basically insecurity
that you're now the one that everyone's like, who are we waiting for?
And also the stressor of trying to rush and get there.
And maybe you're breaking traffic laws and maybe you get into another accident
because you are going into like fight or flight.
Yeah.
But doesn't have to be fight or flight.
Right. Exactly.
Yeah.
And that's the whole point.
So one one approach to identifying ways to reduce your stressors is the five Y's.
So you start with a problem and then you keep asking why until you find something that you can
do, put actions towards.
I thought you said five wives.
No, that sounds horrible.
Well, this took a turn.
We were definitely learning something today.
I don't know how they do that in Sister Wives.
Well, it's not going well.
It's not.
Well, yeah, there you go.
There you go.
So you said the five Y's.
Five Y's.
What are they?
So it's you keep asking why because of this problem.
So I'll give you an example.
For a while, we struggled with Caden in the morning because he just wouldn't get ready for school.
He was always upset about getting up in the morning and getting ready to go to school and all of that.
So it's important to keep asking why.
Right.
So Caden struggles to get ready for school in the morning.
Why?
Because he's overly tired in the morning when we're trying to wake him up.
Why?
Because he doesn't sleep well because he has to sit up when he sleeps.
Why?
Because laying down, he feels like he can't breathe correctly.
Why?
We took him and it turns out he has sleep apnea.
Why?
Because he has some type of inflammation going on because he has allergies and we're trying to figure all that out.
So we kept asking why.
Right.
Like start with a problem.
Start with an emotional state.
Keep asking why until you get to something that you can put actions towards.
Right.
So you can use it in multiple other situations.
For me, for example, I get a lot of anxiety at work when I'm dealing with-
Carly.
Big problems.
Yes.
I'm at nursing, but sure, we'll go with see fit.
Continue.
And asking my why is it got back to the point where a lot of times when I get to the point where I'm overwhelmed, it's because I haven't eaten.
Stop.
Yes.
If I cannot function, like I have a faster metabolism, so I can eat a lot or I'm constantly eating throughout the day.
Right.
So that is one of-
Cool.
So that's like a reason I now have snacks.
Like Abby gets me a lot of snacks to bring to work, like healthier snacks like nuts and like different things like that so I can have-
So I can have them ready at work.
So I meal prep now.
I have fruit that I bring.
So I constantly eat throughout the day so that I don't get to the point where I'm overwhelmed.
Angry.
Yeah.
But how did you even figure that out?
Because I started noticing that all of the times when I was losing it, it was because I was hungry.
And then I would go off the deep end.
I just clapped into the mic.
Yeah.
And then I would go off the deep end and I would just eat crap because I was so hungry and I just needed something quick.
And so I would go to the cafeteria and get pizza or fries or gross nachos or something like that.
Or something that I could just grab and eat because I was ravenous at that point.
Yeah.
And it kind of fed into each other like the more anxious I get, the hungrier I got.
And the hungrier I got, the more anxious I got.
Yeah.
Um.
And then you're eating stuff that doesn't make you feel good and then it makes you feel worse.
Yeah.
It's just like the Snickers commercial, right?
Like sometimes you just need to eat something because you're so overwhelmed.
And for me, when I am hungry, it is like night and day.
I consider myself a very rational person, a logical person.
And when I, don't give me that face.
When I am hungry, that goes out the window.
I get overwhelmed extremely quickly.
I snap like the kids.
I don't do well when I'm very hungry.
So what's your problem?
I think it's, I think it's tired.
I, you know what Melody asked me yesterday.
I said, Mom, when do you think you're not going to be tired?
Oh, I know.
I'm so sad.
But that's true.
I was so sad.
I was like, oh, that made me so sad.
Yeah.
But it is, it's tired and that's a cycle too because why are you tired?
Because you're overworking yourself.
Why are you overworking yourself?
Because owning a business, that's what you have to do.
Why are we owning a, I mean, it goes back and back and back and back.
Can you do more than five?
Yeah.
Can you do more than five?
Just keep asking why.
Ten wise.
It's fine.
And it's fine.
It's like cracking.
I wasn't like kidding about the damn cracking like it's.
Yeah.
I know.
And that's okay though.
Like I think at some point you have to let that happen.
Yeah.
You're so tightly wound.
It's also a sign.
Yeah.
No, it's not that I'm tightly wound.
It's trying to keep it together.
Yeah.
I'm not like type A. I could care less.
No, no, no, no, no.
Trying to not let the damn break.
Yeah.
You have to be tightly wound.
I mean, you have to keep it together to not let it crash.
And a reason why it would crash is, I mean, it's everything you said.
It gets, it overflows.
Yeah.
It overflows.
And then that's where you are right now.
Yeah.
It is overflows.
And why?
Because you're tired.
Yeah.
I'm tired.
You're exhausted.
I know.
And I think.
Nothing is good when you're exhausted.
Yeah.
No.
Yeah.
And I think everyone's like that.
Yeah.
I know.
I don't.
No, I'm not any more tired than anyone else.
I just don't think I handle it as well.
You love that phrase.
Honestly, you are, you are every mom that I know.
I know.
How you're feeling right now and how you're acting.
It's not every, like, people are so critical of themselves right now.
And we need to give ourselves more grace.
Because, like, you're saying things that I know Abby feels the exact same way about.
Right?
Like, you are not the only mom that feels like they need to be doing more or like,
it's a society issue right now.
Yeah.
So help me fix it.
Okay.
I'm trying.
I don't have a magic wand, though.
There's only so much I could do for you.
Jesus.
I mean, but it's, you have to do the wise, I think.
Yeah.
Like, you have to break it down.
I mean, can you, you just break it down until you can't break it down anymore?
Why are you, all right, all right.
Let's do it.
Oh, God.
Putting into practice.
Why are you tired?
I don't know.
You don't know why you're tired?
I mean, I, I don't, I mean, I.
So is it, honestly, is it the point that you're getting into that hypo arousal where you just
were overstimulated before you were hyper aroused before stressed running around like maniac
and then you just get to a point where you crash.
Yes.
I feel like I crash at night and I passed eight o'clock.
I cannot function.
Okay.
But I don't go to bed.
Well, that's, that's a problem.
Yeah.
Because then I'll be like on the computer or doing other things or I just can't fall asleep
because my mind is racing.
Yeah.
You said a lot.
So let's break it down.
So why are you tired because I don't go to bed at eight o'clock?
Right.
Why don't you go to bed at eight o'clock?
Because there's, there's just too much to do after I get the kids to bed.
I still have to.
What is there to do?
Like what is one of the biggest things you do after the kids go to bed?
Edit videos and respond to emails.
Why are you doing it at that time?
Because that's the, that's like the only time I have to get on the computer.
Because my computer is so bad.
Because my day is so crazy busy.
What is, what fills your day?
The work, the kids, teaching, planning to teach.
I mean, all the things you said earlier.
Yeah.
Fix me now.
So is there, so honestly, like you need,
My organization skills are not great.
Right.
Like you're doing so much, you only have two hands.
Yeah.
You only have two hands.
Yeah.
You can only do what you can do with what you have.
And I think you're putting more on your plate than you can handle.
So you need to figure out what can give or move or fluctuate.
And it doesn't necessarily have to be like
your kids are what you're giving away or your work is what you're giving away.
But there needs to be some type of better balance because right now you're unbalanced.
Yeah.
And I think I could be better at organized or also what's it called?
Not deliberating.
Delegating.
Yes.
Well, I mean, this is like our 75th million episode where you have to learn how to ask for help.
Yeah.
Because we talk about that.
You used to be good at trying to start doing that.
But once, but this is part of it that once you get,
yeah, to that burnout point, you stop asking for help because it's oh, that's overwhelming.
Yeah.
Right.
Because then everything becomes even more like the not fight or flight,
the stakes become even higher when you are even more tired.
Right.
Instead of being self aware and being able to be like, okay, I'm only one person.
What can I give this person to do?
What can I not worry about doing at all?
Well, I'm a control freak.
So that's like, you know, I like being in control.
Carmella, did you hear that?
I got in trouble the other day because I said, well, Carly's a control freak.
Oh, yeah.
And I said, Carly, I'll tell you she is.
Yeah.
But that's because if you're not, everything will fall apart in your brain.
Correct.
Right.
That's how you feel.
So you're not, I don't think you actually are.
I think right now there's so much happening between what we're doing at Seafit,
which a lot of change is currently happening.
And that might be the most stressed thing in your life right now.
Yeah.
Because what brings the change?
Hopefully it's successful.
Yeah.
There is no guarantee that it's going to work.
Yeah, but we're going through the changes.
So that's the biggest stress.
Can you give that away?
No, we have to go through that.
Like we have to.
So the control for you is that if I don't handle and get ABCD and E off of my list done
by today, by myself, figure this out, get that one to practice, get this one to practice.
Don't have a second car yet, but we're going to figure it out.
All of these things, you have to be in control.
Yeah.
Like there's no option.
Yeah.
Mentally.
But I think what I think being more organized about it and not like looking at the day and
saying there's 12 hours and being like there's not enough hours.
I'm not going to get it done.
I mean, there are.
Right.
There are.
And do you also feel like you need to fill those hours with things or you won't be
successful?
Yes.
If I sit down, I'm like, oh, no, I should be working.
And like also with your kids, like do you feel like you need to have something planned for
them to constantly do?
So my mom would say yes, but I don't.
And is that a reflection of just you thinking that that's not?
I don't know.
I mean, yesterday we went to the Renaissance fair, the week before that we went to Legoland.
Like we're always somewhere.
Yeah.
Yeah, we are always.
Because you want them to have honestly, I think this is why you want them to have these
amazing memories and not remember how busy and tired you are.
I think that's why.
Yeah.
And guess what?
They're going to have those amazing memories.
Yeah.
They're absolutely.
But the sacrifices, like your mental health.
Yeah.
And like your ability to function.
I will tell you something.
I just learned this year that my dad worked a second job when I was younger on the weekends.
He worked seven days a week.
I had no idea.
You didn't know.
I don't remember that.
How do you not have that?
I was like seven, eight, nine years old.
I do not remember that.
He worked every single day and I don't remember that.
I remember him.
I remember doing things with him.
He coached me.
We did stuff.
He was a coach.
Yeah.
But he worked every day.
I don't remember that.
I don't remember that because that wasn't a key memory growing up.
Vacations were a key memory and the important stuff.
I remember him.
I remember him being there.
Yeah.
But he wasn't there a lot.
Yeah.
Because he worked every day.
Yeah.
So they're not going to.
Yeah.
You are not disservicing your children by not doing extraordinary things constantly.
Yeah.
Oh, I know.
That's true.
And mom was.
Mom was what you're doing.
Oh, I know.
But I think she handled it way better than I do.
I feel like she would probably say otherwise.
I think we don't remember.
She.
She crashes at me.
Can still.
Yeah.
And she did back then and we would go sit and watch her dance classes like the kids.
Yeah, but I love that.
And the kids love that too.
And your kids love that too.
You know, and there's nothing wrong with that.
And we did things on the weekends.
We also did nothing on the weekends.
Yeah.
But I know.
Oh, I know.
I know it's like a fleeting time.
But right now it's like.
Yeah.
I'm in it.
It's everything.
But you know, just like everything else, it's a blip.
Yeah.
And it's going to be a blip when you're over the, you know, when you think of that,
like getting over the hill and you're on the other side of it, you can always reflect back.
Yep.
But getting to the other side of it.
It's hard.
Oh my God.
It's like.
You know, you wish you had magic.
Yeah.
To fast forward and see what it looks like.
And to be like, oh, this is all for something.
Right.
It was worth it.
And worth the stress and the sleepless nights and like the anxiety over it, you know,
would help with it.
Shut your face.
We have to say that every episode.
Shut your face.
Here's what I heard on a podcast once.
Who was it?
Megan Trainor.
I was listening to Megan Trainor on the Jay Shetty podcast.
And she said, the only thing that can help a brain is another brain.
Meaning.
Yeah.
A brain that went to school to help brains is who you go to.
Yeah.
And that's for everybody.
I'm not saying this for just Carly.
I'm saying it for me to keep myself in therapy, to be honest with you, because sometimes it's
too expensive.
And I think, oh my gosh, I can't afford this, blah, blah, blah, blah.
I bet you have to.
I just have to.
And I just had this conversation with a mom of life is too expensive.
Why are we overworked?
We're trying to pay for life.
Yeah.
In your life's not about money.
Nope, it's not.
But it's really hard when you don't have it.
Yep.
And it's really hard to feel like there's things that you can do or can't do because of the money
situation.
Yeah.
And that's the like the world is too expensive.
Yeah.
We are facing something generations before us did not have to face.
No.
It is extremely difficult.
What?
Just how expensive life is.
The difference between cost of living and income is unlike anything.
You don't think that it's just no.
OK.
No.
You're going to say it's relative to the times.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
No, it's.
Things are obviously more expensive now, but like dollar
value, yes, because inflation, however, the dichotomy that exists between what you're making
percentage wise and what everything costs just to exist in this world is vastly different.
They're calling it a silent depression.
Yeah.
Think of how many people used to live like 40 years ago off of a single family income.
Yeah.
That doesn't happen a lot today.
Single family.
Everyone was a stay at home mom.
Yeah.
Only one person needed to go to work.
Yeah.
It's so not like that right now.
I don't even have kids and I'm like, I need another.
I need somebody else to help me with the bills.
Yeah.
And it's it's that's a piece of the tired.
Yeah.
And that's a piece of the hyper stimulation that everyone is going through.
So, yes, Carly's what I said before is that's your favorite phrase.
Carly doesn't like to.
She doesn't like to feel that she has it worse or better than anyone else.
So, in this completely stressed out moment, there are people who have it worse.
Yes.
There are people who have it worse.
Yeah.
And there are people who have it better.
Yeah.
But you are not less tired than someone else or more tired.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
Like, yes, everybody has an equal relative way that their life is and they could say
they're just as tired as you.
It's just in a very different way.
Absolutely.
Your level is the level that you can't handle or can handle.
Yeah.
You can't handle or anything.
Well, that's what I was just going to say.
So, did you want this to happen today?
Can we get to the third R?
Yes, please.
Tell me how to fix with the third R.
So, the third R is recovered.
I'm going to kill you.
The third R.
I'm going to kill you.
The third R is recover.
And it's about, you know, recovering the energy.
We're talking about energy.
We're talking about being tired.
You need energy to prevent those stressors from taking over.
OK.
Right?
So, a couple of different things.
One, you need to be doing things that restore your energy.
So, that is specific to each one of us depends on what we do.
Some people like to be alone and read.
Like, for me, I am a mix of extrovert and introvert.
Right?
Like, I like being...
So, you're an ambivert.
Yes.
Correct.
I like being Etsy Fit, being on stage, talking to people.
I like public speaking.
However, that takes a lot out of me.
Afterwards, I need like time by myself.
I need to sit and read or listen to music on my own
or be away from everyone.
We were just on vacation and Abby will talk to anyone and everyone.
Like, she is extroverted.
We'll talk, talk, talk to strangers.
And our one day in Florida, we were talking to all these people,
making friends.
It was great.
The next day, I was like, I am exhausted.
I just need to not talk to anyone.
And of course, we were in St. Pete's and people were coming down
for the Tampa Philly game, like the Eagles game.
Yeah, yeah.
And so, there were a ton of...
We knew they were Philly fans.
They were loud.
They were obnoxious.
They were cursing.
And Abby's ears perked up and I was like,
please, don't say anything.
Don't say anything.
I need to relax.
And she's like, are you from Philly?
I was like, oh, here we go.
But so, like, I need that space away to restore my energy
because if I'm constantly extroverted, I'm done.
I don't have anything left.
I think that's exactly how you are,
but you don't let yourself.
Yeah.
Because if you're sitting still and restoring or relaxing
or resetting whatever words you want to use,
you're not being productive.
Yeah.
And that's a problem for you.
Well, I think, yeah, I think when you have a long laundry list
of things to do,
sitting down seems like what you should not be doing.
Right.
But if you don't, then you'll get to this point.
Right.
So what if that, so like it's a rewiring that we,
and I do it too.
Yes.
I do it too.
This morning, I didn't have to get up and out
and I chose not to get up and out.
And I was like, there's something I need to be doing.
I have to clean my house.
I have to do, you know, I have to make a list of things
I needed to do.
And I didn't need to do that.
Don't make me, don't make me sing.
Oh my God.
Your hustler is going to kill us all.
Hustling right into the grave.
But that, that is true.
I guess you have to find what is your recovery.
What makes you recover or reset.
And for some people, that's friends.
For some people, that's yoga.
For some people, that's listening to music and dancing.
Some people, it's reading.
Like it is very specific to you.
You need to figure out what that is for you.
Time with family.
Time with friends, whatever it may be.
Yeah.
That, I mean, but that's also hard to figure out sometimes.
Yeah.
If you don't.
If you don't do it.
Yeah.
So it's trial and error a little bit.
Like figuring out what does work for you.
Literally this happened on Sunday.
I had to tell myself, it's okay not to do everything
they want to do.
Because we went to the park twice.
Kate and I had to catch outside for a while
and they wanted to ride bikes.
And Abby and I were like,
and they wanted to ride bikes and Abby had a million things
to do on Sunday.
She was like picking up her parents from the airport.
She was running here.
She was running there.
So I was, I wanted to do all those things with them
and then they wanted to go for a bike ride.
But Kaden's just learning how to do it without training wheels.
Yes, he's eight, but he's doing a great job.
Oh, we're not there yet.
So you're ahead of us.
But so like he needs someone paying attention to him.
And then there's Isla and then Emma, the baby, she's two.
She needs someone with her.
So there's no way I could do it.
And they got upset.
We couldn't go and then I felt bad because I couldn't do that.
And I had to tell myself like,
it's okay to say no sometimes.
Yeah.
I don't have the bandwidth.
It is okay to say no.
Did you cry about it on a podcast?
I did not.
Do you want to?
Maybe next time I'm here.
The 400th episode.
We'll just keep adding zeros.
Oh my God.
Wait, can you do me a favor and go over the three R's again?
The first one, it's been a minute.
Recognize.
So what is stressing you out?
What got you overwhelmed?
I'm overwhelmed.
Reduce figuring out ways to reduce, do not recycle.
Reduce and recover.
So getting that energy so that you have energy next time
those stressors come so it doesn't get you to the point
that you're overwhelmed.
Okay.
Here's my next question.
You said you started getting into this because you were doing it
for your kids.
Yeah.
How the heck do you make them recognize that they're about to?
Yeah.
No, that's a great question.
I was afraid we wouldn't have time to get into this.
So.
I'm going to.
No, no, I'm dead.
That was a dead serious statement.
So part of it is emotion recognition.
So what we started doing at home a lot is talking more about our feelings,
not only the kids' feelings, but our feelings.
So I feel this way when.
So they understand that cause and effect of feelings and emotions
and things that cause that.
So I'll tell them like, guys, I'm getting very frustrated
because this is happening so that they know what frustrated is
and what causes people to get frustrated.
So then recently, Kayden was like, something happened.
I can't remember what.
And I was like, how are you feeling?
He's like, I'm frustrated.
I'm angry and I'm mad.
That's crazy.
I said, I said, you know what?
Yeah, I would be too.
And validating those feelings for them so they can understand,
you know, it's normal to have this emotion.
The worst thing we can tell someone to do is calm down.
And that's like our first thing to do, right?
That's.
That is my biggest pet peeve.
And I've said it to mom and mom never used to say it to me,
but she knew that that would get me upset when somebody tells me
to calm down.
That makes me go nuts.
Yeah.
But how many times do you say it to your kid?
All the time.
Oh, wow.
And that's that's the thing.
Telling someone to calm down in the history of her forever
has never actually worked in having them calm down.
Because how did the what if he had like the brain to be like,
how?
Yeah.
Because how if we don't teach them.
Exactly.
And so that's the other thing.
When they are calm, talk about that.
So say you're really calm right now.
So they know what calm feels like.
Because if you say calm down, I don't know what's calm.
I don't know what.
Yeah, they don't know.
No.
So bring that up.
In moments when they are calm, just reinforcing that feeling.
Like you look really calm right now today.
Like how are you feeling?
I'm going to say that to Victoria all the time.
Victoria, you look so calm today.
Yeah.
Faking it really well.
Yeah.
And like we just got in the car to go to an appointment for Kaden and Kaden got,
I picked him up from school and he gets in and he goes,
I'm feeling really good today.
I'm having a really good day.
And I was like, but I love that you just said that.
Because they're learning, they're learning emotions and they're learning feelings.
And they're learning how to attach that to things that they're going through.
Yeah.
That's such a big deal.
Yes.
Because they don't, their brains are developing.
They don't have that.
They don't have that vocabulary.
They don't have that knowledge of cause and effect and linking things.
So we kind of have to talk about it commonplace so that they can build on that.
And if they have that recognition as a kid, imagine.
Yes.
What they will be like on a podcast talking about it and being like, yeah, I know.
Yeah.
You know, you don't be 38 being like, help me, Justin.
But there's nothing wrong with that.
And no.
And it just like, no, I know, I'm just kidding.
Everybody, if we all learned this at eight years old,
like what you're talking about, think of how different the world would be by the time you're 30
to 38, whatever, plus, I mean, there are women and men in their 50s, 60s that I could
send this podcast to thinking of they don't know anything about emotion.
No.
Because they were not taught one thing about emotion.
And they're the ones who taught our parents.
Yeah.
And our parents are the ones who, I mean, it trickles down.
Generational trauma.
Not that it's trauma, but.
No, it is trauma.
Yeah.
Abandonment, not educated about emotions.
That's a trauma.
It's a small trauma, but it's a trauma.
Yeah.
Because then when you are in your 30s or 40s and it comes up to the surface,
because that's when life is the most stressful.
How do you deal with it?
You have no idea.
You were never taught.
Yeah.
But I we talk, we were good with emotions as kids and.
You know, we're highly sensitive.
Yes.
I I tend to do this fun little breakdown at least twice a year.
And I was coming up on it and it's so this is my last of the year.
But the difference now is that you're yes, you feel better when you're you cry to a degree.
Yeah, sure.
You let it go.
But now you got to take the action.
Right.
So that maybe it's only once a year or maybe it doesn't happen at all.
Yeah.
You know, for the next year, the next time, I mean, I'm everybody's still working through that.
But I do think the recognize out of the three hours, I mean, sure, recover.
Sure.
But I think recognizing it is like it's so hard.
Yeah.
Yeah, especially when you're in it.
And it's because that logic part of your brain isn't functioning.
The limbic system is taking over that prefrontal cortex where your logic resides.
Oh my God.
Can you say all of that again, please?
And slower?
The limbic system of your brain.
Yeah.
Your brain is taking over the prefrontal cortex where logic resides.
Okay.
And there's a bunch of ways to once you recognize, tell me if I'm wrong,
once you recognize over stimulation in the moment, like once we're good at this.
I'm literally about to say this.
Keep going.
Once we're good at this, you can say, hey, like I'm going to put the things down in the kitchen.
I'm feeling really overwhelmed, right?
So that's recognizing.
And there's somatic ways to do this.
Justin's freaking out right now.
He's so happy.
You guys have like given me layup after layup.
I swear to God.
But so I mean, I'm sure Justin's going to explain what that means, but a way of somatic
response to help yourself and your nervous system calm down.
Yes, breathing.
But sometimes it's shaking.
And I do that when I'm with people for too long.
I like shake the energy out to try to get new energy in my body.
And that helps me like get energy, which is a lot of energy to say in one sentence, but
dancing, shaking up and down, dropping your heels to the floor, feeling more grounded,
tapping your face or tapping your chest.
There's so many ways to look into it.
And that might be for you.
Like when you're maybe when the kids are running around and you're like, it is six o'clock,
I have to go teach that would that has to be a moment for you to like, you know, when the world
is spinning around you and you're in slow motion and you're like, oh, my gosh, that is where you
would find something that works for you.
Yeah.
To take me basically what I would consider as off the ledge.
Yes.
Of going over.
Yes.
Correct.
The dam.
Yes.
Yeah.
So there's a bunch of different ways you can do that.
Exactly.
One is a somatic movement, heels to the ground, bare feet to the ground, to ground yourself.
Those are all great ways.
Another way is for humming, singing or gargling water.
What?
Because it activates your vagus nerve.
Yeah.
And your vagus nerve is responsible for activating your parasympathetic.
So we talked about the sympathetic nervous system before that's fight or flight.
Your parasympathetic nervous system is rest and digest.
So that is what's going on when we're not in that anxious state.
So that humming, that singing, that gargling activates that nerve, which activates that nervous system.
Geez.
Another way, like you said earlier, saying three nice things to yourself because eventually your
brain is going, if you do that enough, your brain is going to catch on to that and kind of get rid
of those intrusive thoughts about how you're not good enough or whatever it may be and replace it
with all of those positive thoughts.
So that's how you're going to get rid of those.
Have a healthy electrolyte drink.
So coconut water or something like that, not Gatorade or Powerade or whatever,
but something that has electrolytes that's healthy because your nervous system uses
electrolytes to function.
And part of that may be that you just don't have enough to for it to function properly.
Right.
Eat a snack.
Your blood sugar may be low.
I'm pointing at myself right now.
That is a huge stressor for me.
Yeah.
So eat a snack.
Get your blood sugar up.
Other ways are deep pressure.
So if you grab your wrist and just squeeze really tight, a lot of people don't like sensation
when they're overwhelmed.
Like I said, sound is louder.
Lights are brighter.
Sensation, even a light touch can be too much.
Yeah.
Like do you ever have the feeling that you're closed?
You just can feel your clothes on your body and you don't want them touching you.
Yeah, sure.
Deep touch.
So light touch isn't good, but deep touch is good.
So like grabbing your wrist and really squeezing can help to ground you and get you back.
And then sometimes just crying into your pillow, just letting it out and getting it out, screaming
into your pillow, crying into your pillow.
Just that release of emotion can help bring you back and prevent you from taking that out on
someone else.
You know what's really funny?
My mom told Dean to do that.
And yeah, they're not the other day, but a little while ago he threw like a little tantrum.
And my mom was like, Dean, what did I tell you to do?
He said, he said, gee, mom, I couldn't find a pillow.
I couldn't find a pillow.
Yeah.
So he screamed.
Yeah.
You know what I mean?
He knew he was like, yeah.
Yeah.
I mean, I've told Kayden that before and sometimes he will do that.
He'll go up to his room, he'll lay on his bed and he'll like scream into his pillow to get that
energy out.
Kind of like you said, shaking it off.
It's just a release of that anxiety, that negative energy and getting it out.
Yeah.
Because the more you store it, energy is fluid and emotions are fluid.
So they're meant to flow through the channels.
Right?
If you think of your body as one big tube and one big channel, which it is, the energy has to come
in and it has to flow back out.
So the more that we pull it in and hold it in there, because we're stressed, sad, angry,
and we want to try to repress them because we don't have time to deal with it or we don't
want to deal with it or it would hurt too much to deal with it.
And they get stuck in there, then think of that as your ceiling.
So then everything's getting piled on top of it, on top of it and it's overflowing out
of the canal or out of the channel of your body.
And then it gets to the point of a breaking point.
Right.
So you have to let energy flow.
So if you want to cry, cry.
No one is too sensitive to cry.
Yeah.
Like it's not a sensitivity.
And I'm not saying that for you.
Yeah, I was going to say, I don't care about crying.
No, I'm not saying that for you.
Everybody thinks that.
Like, oh, they're crying.
Oh, that makes you cry.
Oh, you have a feeling about that?
Like why that's such a negative thing in the world we live in?
I don't know.
Yeah.
But your energy has to flow through.
So if you're sad, be sad.
You're angry, be angry.
But you have to find that reflective moment as to, OK, why am I angry?
Why am I sad?
Or else you're in a state of depression.
Yeah.
Because you're not working through it, you're just letting it be for too long.
It needs to be a learning opportunity.
So it has to flow.
And just because I've read about it and learned it and are trying
to do certain things doesn't mean I'm an expert by any means.
I mean, you sound very legit today.
Oh, well, thank you.
I try.
Yeah.
I still yell at my kids when I shouldn't be and get overwhelmed and lose it.
So it's.
Because you're human.
Yes, exactly.
You have to forgive yourself.
Forgive yourself a little bit of grace for those moments because you're not going to get it right 100% of the time.
You're not going to get it right 90% of the time.
Oh, yeah.
But there are going to be times that you get it right and remember for the next time.
So that maybe that percentage gets a little bit lower.
It's never going to go away, though.
Yeah.
Unless you do this religiously.
Yeah.
All the time for yourself, for your kids, for the people around you.
Yeah.
I give you I give you a big pat on the back or commend you for going into the research of like,
how can I how can I help my kids?
Yeah.
Figure this out when I don't have this figured out because I don't think a lot of people do that.
No.
And this is such a good episode to come back to.
I'm going to come back and listen to all of the things you said about the brain.
There's so much in the brain and the nervous system.
Mm-hmm.
And there's so many ways as a whole, we're not taught about it.
Yeah.
Oh, absolutely.
We're not taught about how to regulate the nervous system.
Yoga is a big part.
I learned all this in my yoga training.
Yeah.
That's the only reason I know this.
Yeah.
That's all science.
Like, I would have been like, oh, that's a medical thing you have to know.
I learned about this from Fit to Be Real podcast.
How do you think I learned about the Vegas nerd?
I can't.
What happens in the Vegas nerd stays in the Vegas nerd?
No, it clearly is staying there because I'm not doing anything to fix it.
Do you have any tips for us?
Yeah.
Other than everything you just said.
So I would say the real tip for today is identifying one activity that can help you
recover your energy.
So what is that one specific thing to you that you know restores you and makes you feel
like you again when you do it?
Carly.
That's pretty good.
I mean, I got to work on that and I will report back.
And for the real extra tip of the day.
You want me to say?
No, I do not.
That's why I am saying it so that you don't repeat it.
Start journaling.
So really start taking a look at how you're feeling when you're feeling that way,
what stresses you out so that you can over time see what trends are there that you can
take action towards because that's really important to fixing this whole thing and
helping you get to self-regulation.
Yeah.
What does start journaling mean?
Oh, I thought we got away from it.
It means.
But I think that might be a good one for you because you get up earlier,
you like getting up earlier to have coffee by yourself.
Yes.
In your house.
That's your moment to maybe organize your day.
Yeah.
And journal and or I don't know.
I mean, that's something you'll have to play with.
But maybe that's your time to be like, okay, I can handle this today.
Yeah.
Even give yourself the thought that you can do it all.
Say three nice things to yourself about it.
Instead of waking up being like there's no time.
Yeah.
And I think I do sit there sometimes as I take a picture of my mug of the day.
Yeah.
And post it for you all to see.
And I'm like, I don't know how I'm going to get through this day.
Yeah.
But if you wrote it out, that might be that might be your thing.
Yeah.
I think that's a great.
And the real extra tip is don't talk to me about this afterwards.
No, but for real, Justin, what you've said has been incredibly insightful.
I came in hot and I'm leaving like a puddle.
All right.
Then it's exactly what needed to happen.
Yeah.
It happened for a reason.
We will bill you.
Seriously though.
Thank you, Justin.
I think this is going to be a really awesome thing
to come back to.
Favorite this episode.
Put it in a place on your phone or a memory bank for you to come back to
when you need the reminder to continue your practice, start your practice,
do the self-regulation because dysregulation is a state we all live in.
Amen.
We don't.
We're not born to live in that state.
Nope.
So obviously, like always, especially with the subject matter, you are always fit to be real
and always allowed to be a little extra.
We're a lot extra.
It's okay.
I'm fine.
Guys, I'm fine.
It is.
Oh, I'm fine as the flames are around.
For legal reasons, we have to tell you that this podcast is meant for entertainment and
educational purposes only.
We are not healthcare professionals.
For all of your health, wellness, fitness, and self-care needs, please refer to the
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whoever it may be, and then let us know what they say because I guarantee we need to know it too.
Okay?