1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:04,000 Welcome to Fit to Be Real and a little extra. 2 00:00:04,000 --> 00:00:09,000 This is Carly's favorite day because it is all about her. 3 00:00:09,000 --> 00:00:15,000 Yes, but yes, but yes. 4 00:00:15,000 --> 00:00:22,000 Ooh, no, it's all about her, but it's like not necessarily like a lighthearted story, right? 5 00:00:22,000 --> 00:00:23,000 I'm going to make it lighthearted. 6 00:00:23,000 --> 00:00:26,000 I'm going to make it like, yeah, coping mechanism is to use laughter. 7 00:00:26,000 --> 00:00:27,000 Yeah, that's good. 8 00:00:27,000 --> 00:00:28,000 Yeah, we'll laugh through it. 9 00:00:28,000 --> 00:00:29,000 Yeah, laugh through the pain. 10 00:00:29,000 --> 00:00:32,000 Keeps from crying, you know, she doesn't like to do that. 11 00:00:32,000 --> 00:00:40,000 So a few episodes ago, Carly volunteered both of us to give an inside scoop and spill the tea. 12 00:00:40,000 --> 00:00:41,000 Spill in the tea. 13 00:00:41,000 --> 00:00:43,000 I did my history of wrong guys. 14 00:00:43,000 --> 00:00:49,000 So now we are on Carly's big tea, little tea, definitely big tea that you won't admit trauma. 15 00:00:49,000 --> 00:00:52,000 It's because it's not, I won't admit it because it's not trauma. 16 00:00:52,000 --> 00:00:56,000 I think you save the trauma for your mama. 17 00:00:56,000 --> 00:00:59,000 See how I'm starting off real strong. 18 00:00:59,000 --> 00:01:00,000 All the drama. 19 00:01:00,000 --> 00:01:01,000 Yeah. 20 00:01:01,000 --> 00:01:07,000 It's just something that happened that, you know, I haven't gotten over yet. 21 00:01:07,000 --> 00:01:15,000 On that note. 22 00:01:15,000 --> 00:01:16,000 I'm Victoria. 23 00:01:16,000 --> 00:01:19,000 Hey guys, I'm Carly. 24 00:01:19,000 --> 00:01:20,000 Hello listeners. 25 00:01:20,000 --> 00:01:23,000 Is it annoying that we laugh every time? 26 00:01:23,000 --> 00:01:24,000 Every single time. 27 00:01:24,000 --> 00:01:31,000 Because I think, I think that it's going to change and I net and it just comes out the same every single time. 28 00:01:31,000 --> 00:01:33,000 So then I think it's funny. 29 00:01:33,000 --> 00:01:35,000 Oh good. 30 00:01:35,000 --> 00:01:39,000 Well, at least we all now know how the process works. 31 00:01:39,000 --> 00:01:41,000 Carly, this is your moment to shine. 32 00:01:41,000 --> 00:01:46,000 Oh, we're going all the way back to 2001. 33 00:01:46,000 --> 00:01:48,000 Graduates in eighth grade in 2000. 34 00:01:48,000 --> 00:01:50,000 No, this is 2004. 35 00:01:50,000 --> 00:01:51,000 Correct. 36 00:01:51,000 --> 00:01:52,000 Believe it or not. 37 00:01:52,000 --> 00:01:54,000 It was the year before I met Andrew. 38 00:01:54,000 --> 00:01:55,000 Isn't that crazy? 39 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:56,000 What? 40 00:01:56,000 --> 00:01:57,000 I met Andrew in 2005. 41 00:01:57,000 --> 00:02:00,000 This was my senior year of high school 2004. 42 00:02:00,000 --> 00:02:02,000 You were 19 in 2005. 43 00:02:02,000 --> 00:02:03,000 Yeah. 44 00:02:03,000 --> 00:02:04,000 Yeah. 45 00:02:04,000 --> 00:02:05,000 The next summer I met Andrew. 46 00:02:05,000 --> 00:02:06,000 The next summer. 47 00:02:06,000 --> 00:02:08,000 After my senior year of summer, I met Andrew the next summer. 48 00:02:08,000 --> 00:02:09,000 Yeah. 49 00:02:09,000 --> 00:02:10,000 And that, which is the same year. 50 00:02:10,000 --> 00:02:11,000 Yeah. 51 00:02:11,000 --> 00:02:12,000 Time is weird. 52 00:02:12,000 --> 00:02:13,000 Isn't that crazy? 53 00:02:13,000 --> 00:02:19,000 That, that does feel a little bit crazy because I was this to me feels like a high school memory for you. 54 00:02:19,000 --> 00:02:22,000 But Andrew doesn't feel like a high school memory. 55 00:02:22,000 --> 00:02:25,000 No, but he was around. 56 00:02:25,000 --> 00:02:29,000 Well, I'll get to that later, but he was around for the aftermath of it. 57 00:02:29,000 --> 00:02:32,000 Oh, a teaser. 58 00:02:32,000 --> 00:02:35,000 I'm laughing because no, I'm alive. 59 00:02:35,000 --> 00:02:39,000 And I did not get physically harmed. 60 00:02:39,000 --> 00:02:40,000 Right. 61 00:02:40,000 --> 00:02:42,000 So I can laugh about it now. 62 00:02:42,000 --> 00:02:45,000 While I was going through it, we were not laughing. 63 00:02:45,000 --> 00:02:47,000 It was not funny. 64 00:02:47,000 --> 00:02:49,000 And it was very scary. 65 00:02:49,000 --> 00:02:54,000 But I, so I don't want you to think that I'm like making it a joke. 66 00:02:54,000 --> 00:02:56,000 It's, well, time has passed and things are different. 67 00:02:56,000 --> 00:02:57,000 Yeah. 68 00:02:57,000 --> 00:02:59,000 And what you just described is a trauma. 69 00:02:59,000 --> 00:03:00,000 So thank you. 70 00:03:00,000 --> 00:03:01,000 Thank you so much. 71 00:03:01,000 --> 00:03:02,000 Wonderful. 72 00:03:02,000 --> 00:03:04,000 It all was 2004. 73 00:03:04,000 --> 00:03:10,000 I was just saying, I was just going to say it all begins. 74 00:03:10,000 --> 00:03:16,000 We listen to a lot of murder podcasts and I don't know what came before the chicken or the egg. 75 00:03:16,000 --> 00:03:22,000 Like, I don't know if I became obsessed with murder podcasts after this happened. 76 00:03:22,000 --> 00:03:24,000 Like, or murder in general. 77 00:03:24,000 --> 00:03:27,000 Like, you know how I've always said to you, I know how I'm going to die. 78 00:03:27,000 --> 00:03:30,000 I'm going to get killed and everyone's like, stop saying it because it'll come true. 79 00:03:30,000 --> 00:03:35,000 I don't know if I started saying that before this or after. 80 00:03:35,000 --> 00:03:36,000 I don't know. 81 00:03:36,000 --> 00:03:38,000 It was after this, but not directly. 82 00:03:38,000 --> 00:03:40,000 Like all of a sudden you were, I don't know. 83 00:03:40,000 --> 00:03:41,000 I don't know. 84 00:03:41,000 --> 00:03:43,000 It was a little bit after we always watched law and order SVU. 85 00:03:43,000 --> 00:03:44,000 We did. 86 00:03:44,000 --> 00:03:47,000 We always watched those things separately together. 87 00:03:47,000 --> 00:03:49,000 I was big into murder. 88 00:03:49,000 --> 00:03:53,000 She wrote when I was like eight sitting in the living room pop up. 89 00:03:53,000 --> 00:03:55,000 So like mystery was always my thing. 90 00:03:55,000 --> 00:03:57,000 I was into Oprah. 91 00:03:57,000 --> 00:03:58,000 Yeah. 92 00:03:58,000 --> 00:03:59,000 Okay. 93 00:03:59,000 --> 00:04:00,000 Very different. 94 00:04:00,000 --> 00:04:01,000 And then it switched. 95 00:04:01,000 --> 00:04:03,000 But I would, I would venture to say it was after. 96 00:04:03,000 --> 00:04:04,000 Yeah. 97 00:04:04,000 --> 00:04:07,000 I hate to tell you, but it's called a symptom of trauma. 98 00:04:07,000 --> 00:04:11,000 You know, you know, I mean, who doesn't think they're going to get killed? 99 00:04:11,000 --> 00:04:16,000 That, that is, that is, I think my number one, number one and two fear. 100 00:04:16,000 --> 00:04:18,000 My number one fear, I think I'm going to get murdered. 101 00:04:18,000 --> 00:04:21,000 My number two fear is that I'm going to fall off a bridge and drown. 102 00:04:21,000 --> 00:04:22,000 We've talked about that. 103 00:04:22,000 --> 00:04:25,000 So none of your fears have to do with your children. 104 00:04:25,000 --> 00:04:33,000 Well, being murdered, I mean, you know, I have a lot of doors on my house and I have a lot of cameras. 105 00:04:33,000 --> 00:04:39,000 So that doesn't have anything to do with my kids, but I am prepared if somebody does come in. 106 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:40,000 Yeah. 107 00:04:40,000 --> 00:04:42,000 And after this story, you're going to hear how that makes sense. 108 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:48,000 And she's avoiding it because she is anxious, avoidant, but we digress. 109 00:04:48,000 --> 00:04:49,000 Yeah. 110 00:04:49,000 --> 00:04:50,000 All right. 111 00:04:50,000 --> 00:04:51,000 The year was 2004. 112 00:04:51,000 --> 00:04:55,000 I was a senior in high school, living my best life. 113 00:04:55,000 --> 00:05:05,000 Super popular as a theater show kid could be. 114 00:05:05,000 --> 00:05:06,000 Okay. 115 00:05:06,000 --> 00:05:08,000 No, for a, for a, no, I mean, that's true. 116 00:05:08,000 --> 00:05:10,000 I was as popular as a theater kid could ever be. 117 00:05:10,000 --> 00:05:11,000 You were in all the groups. 118 00:05:11,000 --> 00:05:12,000 You were in all the groups. 119 00:05:12,000 --> 00:05:13,000 You were friendly. 120 00:05:13,000 --> 00:05:14,000 Yes. 121 00:05:14,000 --> 00:05:16,000 I was on student council. 122 00:05:16,000 --> 00:05:17,000 I had friends. 123 00:05:17,000 --> 00:05:23,000 I in more or less words was popular to each group. 124 00:05:23,000 --> 00:05:26,000 I wasn't best friends with all the popular kids, but they liked me. 125 00:05:26,000 --> 00:05:27,000 I liked them. 126 00:05:27,000 --> 00:05:28,000 We didn't hang out, but you know, whatever. 127 00:05:28,000 --> 00:05:35,000 I was popular-ish, but you were also friends or friendly with all the non-popular kids. 128 00:05:35,000 --> 00:05:36,000 Sure. 129 00:05:36,000 --> 00:05:38,000 You went to prom with one of them. 130 00:05:38,000 --> 00:05:40,000 I went to prom with a few of them. 131 00:05:40,000 --> 00:05:42,000 I was like, what's that called? 132 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:44,000 Like a serial date. 133 00:05:44,000 --> 00:05:46,000 A serial prom date. 134 00:05:46,000 --> 00:05:50,000 I would go to proms before, like I sometimes I didn't even know the guy that I went to 135 00:05:50,000 --> 00:05:55,000 until the night of the prom because somebody's friend would be like, oh, you need a date. 136 00:05:55,000 --> 00:05:58,000 Oh, Carly, I'll go with you at different schools, at different schools. 137 00:05:58,000 --> 00:06:01,000 And I would just borrow friends, dresses, and I would go to prom with them. 138 00:06:01,000 --> 00:06:03,000 Like I was very friendly. 139 00:06:03,000 --> 00:06:06,000 I knew everybody's name that wasn't popular. 140 00:06:06,000 --> 00:06:09,000 Just like I started them now, I'm like, oh, would you do this weekend? 141 00:06:09,000 --> 00:06:11,000 Like I know where everybody was every weekend. 142 00:06:11,000 --> 00:06:13,000 You're the stalker, but it's fine. 143 00:06:13,000 --> 00:06:14,000 That's totally fine. 144 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:17,000 I real quick tidbit about this prom. 145 00:06:17,000 --> 00:06:18,000 Oh, shut up. 146 00:06:18,000 --> 00:06:19,000 I know what you're going to say. 147 00:06:19,000 --> 00:06:20,000 Series. 148 00:06:20,000 --> 00:06:21,000 I know exactly what you're going to say. 149 00:06:21,000 --> 00:06:22,000 Was he Bonner? 150 00:06:22,000 --> 00:06:23,000 He was Bonner. 151 00:06:23,000 --> 00:06:29,000 So a local parochial boy school, I can see you in your dress and I can see your early 152 00:06:29,000 --> 00:06:34,000 2000s hair slicked back in an up and down with two tendrils right at your eyes. 153 00:06:34,000 --> 00:06:38,000 Like I remember being like, oh my gosh, she got her hair straightened. 154 00:06:38,000 --> 00:06:39,000 Oh my gosh. 155 00:06:39,000 --> 00:06:42,000 And she shut up. 156 00:06:42,000 --> 00:06:46,000 We're all standing or sitting or in the living room at the bottom of the stairwell, 157 00:06:46,000 --> 00:06:52,000 obviously, and he, this kid who's like not talking, super quiet, super shy, very awkward, 158 00:06:52,000 --> 00:06:58,000 which is like, as you would as a walking into a house of people you don't know with a date 159 00:06:58,000 --> 00:06:59,000 you've never met. 160 00:06:59,000 --> 00:07:00,000 Yeah. 161 00:07:00,000 --> 00:07:11,000 And Carly trips down the stairs and lands at the on the floor on her knees next to him. 162 00:07:11,000 --> 00:07:14,000 Like in her dress, everyone stopped breathing. 163 00:07:14,000 --> 00:07:19,000 Like there was a moment of like, and then we didn't know the reaction you would have 164 00:07:19,000 --> 00:07:22,000 and you looked up and you were like, hi, I'm Carly. 165 00:07:22,000 --> 00:07:23,000 Oh my gosh. 166 00:07:23,000 --> 00:07:24,000 That's where it comes from. 167 00:07:24,000 --> 00:07:25,000 Oh my gosh. 168 00:07:25,000 --> 00:07:30,000 I literally was like, hi, Mike, I'm Carly. 169 00:07:30,000 --> 00:07:33,000 Oh my God, that's right. 170 00:07:33,000 --> 00:07:34,000 That's where it started. 171 00:07:34,000 --> 00:07:37,000 The awkward, like I just tumbled. 172 00:07:37,000 --> 00:07:39,000 I mean, I am so lucky. 173 00:07:39,000 --> 00:07:41,000 I did not break my ankle, break my face. 174 00:07:41,000 --> 00:07:46,000 Like it was bad, but like solid on both knees. 175 00:07:46,000 --> 00:07:48,000 No phones at this point. 176 00:07:48,000 --> 00:07:52,000 I was like a sophomore in high school when I went when I did that. 177 00:07:52,000 --> 00:07:56,000 I didn't have a phone, no phones, no like cameras, nothing. 178 00:07:56,000 --> 00:07:58,000 Just the memory. 179 00:07:58,000 --> 00:07:59,000 And it's so vivid. 180 00:07:59,000 --> 00:08:00,000 It's so vivid for me too. 181 00:08:00,000 --> 00:08:06,000 I mean, I took one step down our steps at mom's house and I held on to the banister 182 00:08:06,000 --> 00:08:11,000 for dear life and just tumbled and slid down the steps and was like, oh my God, oh my God. 183 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:15,000 I looked up and I literally said, hey, Mike, I'm Carly. 184 00:08:15,000 --> 00:08:16,000 And everyone held their breath. 185 00:08:16,000 --> 00:08:17,000 That's right. 186 00:08:17,000 --> 00:08:18,000 Yeah, that happened. 187 00:08:18,000 --> 00:08:23,000 I was like, I'm a very intentional icebreaker, but that is Carly's like M.O. 188 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:28,000 Unintentional awkward icebreakers to make everyone else feel comfortable while she's dying on the inside. 189 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:29,000 Yep. 190 00:08:29,000 --> 00:08:31,000 Oh, I died on the inside for sure. 191 00:08:31,000 --> 00:08:34,000 So in any case, this was that same year. 192 00:08:34,000 --> 00:08:35,000 No, no, that was sophomore year. 193 00:08:35,000 --> 00:08:37,000 This happened senior year. 194 00:08:37,000 --> 00:08:39,000 So it was 2004. 195 00:08:39,000 --> 00:08:41,000 Oh my God. 196 00:08:41,000 --> 00:08:43,000 I think we got it. 197 00:08:43,000 --> 00:08:45,000 So we've gotten to the point. 198 00:08:45,000 --> 00:08:46,000 I'm friends with everybody. 199 00:08:46,000 --> 00:08:47,000 Everybody knows me. 200 00:08:47,000 --> 00:08:49,000 I was freshman to senior year, whatever. 201 00:08:49,000 --> 00:08:53,000 And you are very well integrated into the musical theater shows. 202 00:08:53,000 --> 00:08:54,000 Yes. 203 00:08:54,000 --> 00:08:56,000 So I was one of the leads in the theater show. 204 00:08:56,000 --> 00:09:01,000 I got along with all of the stage crew, a stage crew or my friends. 205 00:09:01,000 --> 00:09:05,000 And then our pop gave me a Nokia phone. 206 00:09:05,000 --> 00:09:06,000 That's our grandfather. 207 00:09:06,000 --> 00:09:10,000 Our grandfather gave us gave me a Nokia phone my senior year, like the brick. 208 00:09:10,000 --> 00:09:12,000 Think of Saved by the Bell. 209 00:09:12,000 --> 00:09:13,000 It was huge. 210 00:09:13,000 --> 00:09:15,000 You could only play Snake on it. 211 00:09:15,000 --> 00:09:16,000 It was blue, right? 212 00:09:16,000 --> 00:09:17,000 No, it was red. 213 00:09:17,000 --> 00:09:19,000 Because he got a new cell phone. 214 00:09:19,000 --> 00:09:20,000 So he gave me that. 215 00:09:20,000 --> 00:09:23,000 And that was my first cell phone at 18 at 18. 216 00:09:23,000 --> 00:09:26,000 Because I got my cell phone at 18 because my mom was begging me to drive. 217 00:09:26,000 --> 00:09:30,000 She was like, I will give you a cell phone if you get your license. 218 00:09:30,000 --> 00:09:31,000 Because I hated driving. 219 00:09:31,000 --> 00:09:32,000 So I was like, fine. 220 00:09:32,000 --> 00:09:33,000 So I was like, 12. 221 00:09:33,000 --> 00:09:34,000 I was like, I'm out of here driving. 222 00:09:34,000 --> 00:09:36,000 I hated it so much. 223 00:09:36,000 --> 00:09:38,000 So he gave me a cell phone. 224 00:09:38,000 --> 00:09:40,000 I had my cell phone my senior year. 225 00:09:40,000 --> 00:09:45,000 And all of a sudden I started getting these text messages from a number I didn't know. 226 00:09:45,000 --> 00:09:47,000 Which is new. 227 00:09:47,000 --> 00:09:50,000 You sing was new and you had to pay her letter. 228 00:09:50,000 --> 00:09:52,000 50 cents a text message. 229 00:09:52,000 --> 00:09:53,000 Yes. 230 00:09:53,000 --> 00:09:54,000 Yeah. 231 00:09:54,000 --> 00:09:56,000 So like you only really texted, hey, I need to be picked up. 232 00:09:56,000 --> 00:09:58,000 Hey, there's an emergency stuff like that. 233 00:09:58,000 --> 00:09:59,000 It wasn't like it is now. 234 00:09:59,000 --> 00:10:01,000 And that's how you who were not alive at the time. 235 00:10:01,000 --> 00:10:06,000 But that's the only reason I was allowed to have a phone if I drove because it was for emergencies only. 236 00:10:06,000 --> 00:10:07,000 Right. 237 00:10:07,000 --> 00:10:09,000 And you really weren't even allowed to have it in school. 238 00:10:09,000 --> 00:10:11,000 So I didn't bring it to school. 239 00:10:11,000 --> 00:10:12,000 Yeah. 240 00:10:12,000 --> 00:10:20,000 So I was getting these text messages and for those of you who don't realize this, sometimes you get a text message with like 97 numbers. 241 00:10:20,000 --> 00:10:23,000 It'd be like 1111127 blah, blah, blah. 242 00:10:23,000 --> 00:10:25,000 So it wasn't from a person. 243 00:10:25,000 --> 00:10:29,000 It was from something or a computer or whatever. 244 00:10:29,000 --> 00:10:33,000 But it would tell me what I was doing at that exact moment. 245 00:10:33,000 --> 00:10:34,000 Right. 246 00:10:34,000 --> 00:10:37,000 And I would be like looking around like I'd be at home. 247 00:10:37,000 --> 00:10:42,000 And I would get this text message saying, I really love what you're wearing right now. 248 00:10:42,000 --> 00:10:44,000 And I would see what she was wearing. 249 00:10:44,000 --> 00:10:45,000 So it didn't make sense. 250 00:10:45,000 --> 00:10:50,000 Grandfather sweaters and like, it was rough. 251 00:10:50,000 --> 00:10:57,000 But so I would get these text messages more and more often that were very specific to what I was doing at the time. 252 00:10:57,000 --> 00:11:05,000 So if somebody wasn't watching me or knew my schedule or knew me, I mean, I thought somebody was like watching me. 253 00:11:05,000 --> 00:11:06,000 Yeah. 254 00:11:06,000 --> 00:11:08,000 That's all I could think. 255 00:11:08,000 --> 00:11:12,000 So all of a sudden this started happening to this other girl in the show. 256 00:11:12,000 --> 00:11:13,000 She was on stage crew. 257 00:11:13,000 --> 00:11:17,000 I mean, I was friends with her, but she didn't have many friends. 258 00:11:17,000 --> 00:11:19,000 Well, she was like that was she the stage manager. 259 00:11:19,000 --> 00:11:20,000 She was the stage manager. 260 00:11:20,000 --> 00:11:22,000 So she was. 261 00:11:22,000 --> 00:11:29,000 Yeah, she was like the big man on campus for those who don't know like the hierarchy of theater. 262 00:11:29,000 --> 00:11:30,000 She she ran the show. 263 00:11:30,000 --> 00:11:39,000 She was in charge of putting the microphones away at the end of the night, putting the microphones on the actors before the show, taking them off of the actors after the show. 264 00:11:39,000 --> 00:11:41,000 And kind of like the director's pet. 265 00:11:41,000 --> 00:11:42,000 Yeah. 266 00:11:42,000 --> 00:11:43,000 That's what a stage manager is. 267 00:11:43,000 --> 00:11:45,000 And that's who this this girl was. 268 00:11:45,000 --> 00:11:46,000 Yeah. 269 00:11:46,000 --> 00:11:55,000 And so we became friends and she started getting text messages to when she would show me and it would be from the same like random 12 digit number that didn't really exist. 270 00:11:55,000 --> 00:12:03,000 And she was getting these text messages that said like, oh, when you walk down the hall today, I noticed that you had blah, blah, blah in your hair. 271 00:12:03,000 --> 00:12:04,000 And we'd be like, what? 272 00:12:04,000 --> 00:12:07,000 So we spent a lot of time together. 273 00:12:07,000 --> 00:12:08,000 We got really close. 274 00:12:08,000 --> 00:12:11,000 Well, you were going through the same thing at the same time. 275 00:12:11,000 --> 00:12:12,000 I mean, frightening. 276 00:12:12,000 --> 00:12:14,000 The administration at our school got involved. 277 00:12:14,000 --> 00:12:16,000 Detectives got involved. 278 00:12:16,000 --> 00:12:22,000 The police got involved and nobody could track where these text messages were coming from. 279 00:12:22,000 --> 00:12:28,000 I remember the show is Oklahoma because I was in this squad as a freshman. 280 00:12:28,000 --> 00:12:32,000 Oklahoma, for those of you don't know, it is like country. 281 00:12:32,000 --> 00:12:36,000 It's obviously a musical, but it's it's in Oklahoma. 282 00:12:36,000 --> 00:12:38,000 So it was a period piece. 283 00:12:38,000 --> 00:12:39,000 There were guns. 284 00:12:39,000 --> 00:12:41,000 There were there was a lot of things involved. 285 00:12:41,000 --> 00:12:45,000 And I remember the priest at the time who was no longer a priest, actually, he left the priesthood. 286 00:12:45,000 --> 00:12:46,000 No way. 287 00:12:46,000 --> 00:12:47,000 Yeah. 288 00:12:47,000 --> 00:12:48,000 Oh my God. 289 00:12:48,000 --> 00:12:49,000 Well, this makes sense. 290 00:12:49,000 --> 00:12:50,000 Yeah. 291 00:12:50,000 --> 00:12:55,000 And in the gym, assembling before like a show or a school performance, I honestly don't 292 00:12:55,000 --> 00:12:56,000 remember. 293 00:12:56,000 --> 00:13:01,500 And he had the show gun in his hand, which is a fake gun, but it makes a noise when it's 294 00:13:01,500 --> 00:13:02,500 clicked. 295 00:13:02,500 --> 00:13:03,500 So you still have to be like really safe with it. 296 00:13:03,500 --> 00:13:04,500 And he put it up. 297 00:13:04,500 --> 00:13:08,000 He said something like, once we find who this is. 298 00:13:08,000 --> 00:13:09,000 Because everybody knew about it. 299 00:13:09,000 --> 00:13:11,000 He like put the gun in the air and he shot it. 300 00:13:11,000 --> 00:13:12,000 Uh huh. 301 00:13:12,000 --> 00:13:16,000 Everyone was rallying against this person to like find them and find justice. 302 00:13:16,000 --> 00:13:19,000 Everybody knew about it because prom had the lights off. 303 00:13:19,000 --> 00:13:21,000 No, it was snowball. 304 00:13:21,000 --> 00:13:26,660 Snowball had the lights on on because we got a text message saying, you look so beautiful 305 00:13:26,660 --> 00:13:31,340 in your black and gold dress right now and you're standing next to my date who was Pat. 306 00:13:31,340 --> 00:13:33,000 You guys look so good together. 307 00:13:33,000 --> 00:13:35,000 So I had to run up. 308 00:13:35,000 --> 00:13:36,680 I think about this. 309 00:13:36,680 --> 00:13:40,160 Another text said you could have hugged them better or that hug could have been a little 310 00:13:40,160 --> 00:13:41,160 bit better. 311 00:13:41,160 --> 00:13:42,160 Mm hmm. 312 00:13:42,160 --> 00:13:44,000 So like creepy things, like creepy things. 313 00:13:44,000 --> 00:13:47,840 And so I had to run and tell one of the teachers, they turned the lights on. 314 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:55,840 I mean, I had police walk me to my classes and the other girl had to be walked to classes 315 00:13:55,840 --> 00:13:58,120 because it was somebody in school. 316 00:13:58,120 --> 00:13:59,120 They could see. 317 00:13:59,120 --> 00:14:00,120 And to the car. 318 00:14:00,120 --> 00:14:01,120 And to the car. 319 00:14:01,120 --> 00:14:07,200 And they, we had, I had a police escort backstage after I would come off of stage and I had 320 00:14:07,200 --> 00:14:09,000 to like switch my mics or get changed. 321 00:14:09,000 --> 00:14:12,800 There was a police officer standing off the stage because we had a detective involved 322 00:14:12,800 --> 00:14:17,680 and the scary part back then was they couldn't trace where the messages were coming from 323 00:14:17,680 --> 00:14:20,520 because they were coming from a Yahoo account. 324 00:14:20,520 --> 00:14:22,840 So Yahoo like doesn't really exist anymore. 325 00:14:22,840 --> 00:14:24,080 I don't know. 326 00:14:24,080 --> 00:14:25,560 Like Yahoo.com or whatever. 327 00:14:25,560 --> 00:14:26,560 Yahoo. 328 00:14:26,560 --> 00:14:28,680 That's what it sounded like. 329 00:14:28,680 --> 00:14:29,680 I know. 330 00:14:29,680 --> 00:14:36,600 So you could send messages through an email account and it will never be traced. 331 00:14:36,600 --> 00:14:39,280 You can't do that anymore, but you could back then because it was so new. 332 00:14:39,280 --> 00:14:40,520 They didn't have the technology to it. 333 00:14:40,520 --> 00:14:41,720 So they couldn't trace it. 334 00:14:41,720 --> 00:14:43,800 So all they could do was follow me around. 335 00:14:43,800 --> 00:14:45,440 So I was getting walked to English class. 336 00:14:45,440 --> 00:14:47,120 I was getting walked to this class. 337 00:14:47,120 --> 00:14:49,200 I was getting walked to the car off stage. 338 00:14:49,200 --> 00:14:52,200 Like it was all day, all night getting these text messages. 339 00:14:52,200 --> 00:14:53,400 We both were. 340 00:14:53,400 --> 00:14:56,520 So yeah, the lights were on at snowball. 341 00:14:56,520 --> 00:15:01,240 Unfortunately for my whole senior class because they, the person was there. 342 00:15:01,240 --> 00:15:05,360 They were like, Carly, not again. 343 00:15:05,360 --> 00:15:10,000 But all of the administration was, you know, trying to help me because I was. 344 00:15:10,000 --> 00:15:12,200 So then my grades started failing. 345 00:15:12,200 --> 00:15:15,520 Like I started failing English and because I was nervous. 346 00:15:15,520 --> 00:15:20,240 I'm sitting in class waiting for my phone to ring to say that the person can see me 347 00:15:20,240 --> 00:15:21,240 in English class. 348 00:15:21,240 --> 00:15:25,360 Like, yeah, it's not a trauma though, you know. 349 00:15:25,360 --> 00:15:32,240 So then time came for us to go to Kyros for anybody that doesn't know what Kyros is. 350 00:15:32,240 --> 00:15:34,960 It's a religious retreat where you go away for three days. 351 00:15:34,960 --> 00:15:39,880 You are not allowed to have cell phones and you basically bond with your, your class, 352 00:15:39,880 --> 00:15:44,400 your senior class, which is mixed of people that you probably wouldn't have really been 353 00:15:44,400 --> 00:15:45,400 friends with. 354 00:15:45,400 --> 00:15:48,360 And then what I understand, I didn't go on it, but. 355 00:15:48,360 --> 00:15:49,920 So I, oh, that's right. 356 00:15:49,920 --> 00:15:53,680 Football players are friends with like the band kids and everybody's mixed and you just 357 00:15:53,680 --> 00:15:56,400 like bond to whatever happens in Kyros. 358 00:15:56,400 --> 00:15:57,400 Yeah. 359 00:15:57,400 --> 00:16:01,680 And you come home from Kyros and like your best friends with exactly like the football 360 00:16:01,680 --> 00:16:06,480 quarterback and you are the horn player of the band and it and people just accept that 361 00:16:06,480 --> 00:16:07,480 and it's awesome. 362 00:16:07,480 --> 00:16:09,480 It's a great thing for kids to go on. 363 00:16:09,480 --> 00:16:12,760 So as we're about to go on, they said, you have to bring your cell phone. 364 00:16:12,760 --> 00:16:15,040 You are not allowed to leave it. 365 00:16:15,040 --> 00:16:19,680 You, the police said me and the girl had to bring our cell phones in case of emergency 366 00:16:19,680 --> 00:16:21,360 because we were getting texts nonstop. 367 00:16:21,360 --> 00:16:27,400 So then my detective called my mom and said, I want you to, because this girl and I was 368 00:16:27,400 --> 00:16:30,560 supposed to room together to protect ourselves and stay close. 369 00:16:30,560 --> 00:16:31,720 She asked for it. 370 00:16:31,720 --> 00:16:32,720 She asked for it. 371 00:16:32,720 --> 00:16:35,280 She requested to room with you from what I remember. 372 00:16:35,280 --> 00:16:40,480 So the detective said, she's, you know, me, we are not to room together. 373 00:16:40,480 --> 00:16:41,600 You guys need to separate. 374 00:16:41,600 --> 00:16:43,120 I have a bad feeling. 375 00:16:43,120 --> 00:16:47,880 I want you to room with somebody else and I want you to keep yourself on close. 376 00:16:47,880 --> 00:16:49,720 So this girl was not happy about that. 377 00:16:49,720 --> 00:16:50,720 That's right. 378 00:16:50,720 --> 00:16:51,720 Isn't that crazy? 379 00:16:51,720 --> 00:16:55,840 And so that got me nervous because this girl that I have been like hugging and being like, 380 00:16:55,840 --> 00:16:56,840 we're so scared. 381 00:16:56,840 --> 00:16:57,840 We're so scared. 382 00:16:57,840 --> 00:17:00,040 All of a sudden I'm not allowed to be with her. 383 00:17:00,040 --> 00:17:01,680 The detective has a bad feeling. 384 00:17:01,680 --> 00:17:03,000 She a senior. 385 00:17:03,000 --> 00:17:08,240 She was a senior and police had to come to Kyros with me, but I'm also making a lot of 386 00:17:08,240 --> 00:17:14,520 friends that I'd never really talked to and they are, I'm talking about this. 387 00:17:14,520 --> 00:17:15,520 Everybody knows about it. 388 00:17:15,520 --> 00:17:17,160 We're becoming very close. 389 00:17:17,160 --> 00:17:19,240 Everybody on Kyros was like, we're going to find this person. 390 00:17:19,240 --> 00:17:21,760 We're going to, you know, it was 2004. 391 00:17:21,760 --> 00:17:24,560 We're going to egg their house. 392 00:17:24,560 --> 00:17:25,560 We come back. 393 00:17:25,560 --> 00:17:27,080 I get very sick. 394 00:17:27,080 --> 00:17:30,360 I stay home from school and Victoria. 395 00:17:30,360 --> 00:17:36,480 So I'm a freshman and it was the auditions for the senior spring show and I was, I had 396 00:17:36,480 --> 00:17:39,280 to go in later because I had to, you want to audition? 397 00:17:39,280 --> 00:17:40,280 Yeah. 398 00:17:40,280 --> 00:17:43,400 You were, yeah, you were taken ill, but I had a note that was in my locker that said, 399 00:17:43,400 --> 00:17:45,520 your sister's going to die today. 400 00:17:45,520 --> 00:17:51,960 And I took her right down to the disciplinarian office and they fingerprinted it and turns 401 00:17:51,960 --> 00:17:53,960 out mine were on it. 402 00:17:53,960 --> 00:17:54,960 Victoria. 403 00:17:54,960 --> 00:17:55,960 It was me. 404 00:17:55,960 --> 00:17:56,960 It was Victoria. 405 00:17:56,960 --> 00:18:02,200 No, it was the other girl that this was happening to. 406 00:18:02,200 --> 00:18:04,480 Now we're going to call her Betty. 407 00:18:04,480 --> 00:18:05,480 Betty. 408 00:18:05,480 --> 00:18:11,440 Now you would think that we should have known that it was Betty all along because Kyros 409 00:18:11,440 --> 00:18:15,680 up until Kyros, we didn't have an inkling, not even a little bit. 410 00:18:15,680 --> 00:18:19,520 I mean, our parents were, we were all crying together every day. 411 00:18:19,520 --> 00:18:22,920 Her dad was a police officer. 412 00:18:22,920 --> 00:18:25,000 So I forgot about that. 413 00:18:25,000 --> 00:18:30,040 So we had so many police involved where together all the time, the more text messages we got, 414 00:18:30,040 --> 00:18:32,320 the more we were together, right? 415 00:18:32,320 --> 00:18:37,560 At the police station, at school, we were, we were just put group together. 416 00:18:37,560 --> 00:18:41,960 So when Kyros happened and we were told to separate because our detective had a feeling, 417 00:18:41,960 --> 00:18:42,960 it started to unravel. 418 00:18:42,960 --> 00:18:43,960 She got angry. 419 00:18:43,960 --> 00:18:44,960 She got angry. 420 00:18:44,960 --> 00:18:45,960 Yeah. 421 00:18:45,960 --> 00:18:50,400 Like she got very angry because then I got nervous because they put it in my head that 422 00:18:50,400 --> 00:18:51,400 it was her. 423 00:18:51,400 --> 00:18:52,400 Yeah. 424 00:18:52,400 --> 00:18:53,400 Thank God. 425 00:18:53,400 --> 00:18:54,400 I started to pull away. 426 00:18:54,400 --> 00:18:55,400 I wasn't at school. 427 00:18:55,400 --> 00:18:56,400 So she put it in Victoria's locker. 428 00:18:56,400 --> 00:18:59,800 The only reason they caught her was because of the fingerprints. 429 00:18:59,800 --> 00:19:00,800 From the note. 430 00:19:00,800 --> 00:19:01,800 From the note. 431 00:19:01,800 --> 00:19:03,320 So nobody had told me yet. 432 00:19:03,320 --> 00:19:04,320 So I auditioned. 433 00:19:04,320 --> 00:19:06,120 I crushed it. 434 00:19:06,120 --> 00:19:11,080 I mean, crushed it and I'm sick and I'm like, this is my seat. 435 00:19:11,080 --> 00:19:12,280 This is what I've been working towards. 436 00:19:12,280 --> 00:19:13,280 What show is it? 437 00:19:13,280 --> 00:19:14,280 Do you remember? 438 00:19:14,280 --> 00:19:15,280 Joseph and the Amazing Technicolor Dreamcatcher. 439 00:19:15,280 --> 00:19:17,400 And I was like, this is my time. 440 00:19:17,400 --> 00:19:19,520 Like this, I have paid my narrator. 441 00:19:19,520 --> 00:19:20,520 Yeah. 442 00:19:20,520 --> 00:19:21,520 I've paid my dues. 443 00:19:21,520 --> 00:19:23,240 This is my time. 444 00:19:23,240 --> 00:19:24,720 My director knows this. 445 00:19:24,720 --> 00:19:28,920 Like this is the varsity basketball that I put in my work for. 446 00:19:28,920 --> 00:19:35,960 And the director had coach, you had gone through a lot to put your name in the running. 447 00:19:35,960 --> 00:19:36,960 For sure. 448 00:19:36,960 --> 00:19:40,200 To keep going with like the up and up on getting leads and stuff. 449 00:19:40,200 --> 00:19:46,640 But as it turns out, the person that did this to me, Betty, was his right hand man. 450 00:19:46,640 --> 00:19:47,640 Yeah. 451 00:19:47,640 --> 00:19:48,640 Girl. 452 00:19:48,640 --> 00:19:52,680 So I got an ensemble and I couldn't believe it. 453 00:19:52,680 --> 00:19:58,480 Not only did we find out who it was, but I got pushed down the ranks to girl from the 454 00:19:58,480 --> 00:19:59,480 left. 455 00:19:59,480 --> 00:20:03,000 And I was like, I am going to New York to do this for a living. 456 00:20:03,000 --> 00:20:04,000 Like, are you kidding me? 457 00:20:04,000 --> 00:20:06,240 And I'm a freaking amazing. 458 00:20:06,240 --> 00:20:07,240 But it wasn't just that. 459 00:20:07,240 --> 00:20:13,000 It was the fact that everyone in the administration had rallied behind you and us and everyone 460 00:20:13,000 --> 00:20:14,840 that was affected by this. 461 00:20:14,840 --> 00:20:19,640 And then when they found out that it was the director's little pet, they, oh, what? 462 00:20:19,640 --> 00:20:20,640 It's not a big deal. 463 00:20:20,640 --> 00:20:21,640 It's not a big deal. 464 00:20:21,640 --> 00:20:23,760 The detectives came and interrogated her. 465 00:20:23,760 --> 00:20:24,760 No. 466 00:20:24,760 --> 00:20:25,760 The detectives came. 467 00:20:25,760 --> 00:20:26,960 She got taken out of school. 468 00:20:26,960 --> 00:20:27,960 To school right away. 469 00:20:27,960 --> 00:20:28,960 Yeah. 470 00:20:28,960 --> 00:20:35,280 She got taken to the police station and I, and she was back the next day in school. 471 00:20:35,280 --> 00:20:37,160 She was supposed to be suspended. 472 00:20:37,160 --> 00:20:39,600 She wasn't allowed to walk at graduation. 473 00:20:39,600 --> 00:20:41,400 So like these were, that was all. 474 00:20:41,400 --> 00:20:45,100 She was supposed to be suspended for a specific amount of time that was lengthy and she would 475 00:20:45,100 --> 00:20:47,800 miss a few things that was within their suspension. 476 00:20:47,800 --> 00:20:49,320 She wasn't allowed to walk at graduation. 477 00:20:49,320 --> 00:20:50,320 And no prom. 478 00:20:50,320 --> 00:20:51,960 And no senior prom. 479 00:20:51,960 --> 00:20:54,160 She came back within three days to school. 480 00:20:54,160 --> 00:20:55,160 She went to prom. 481 00:20:55,160 --> 00:20:56,600 She walked with everyone. 482 00:20:56,600 --> 00:20:58,480 It was like it never happened. 483 00:20:58,480 --> 00:21:00,040 Like it never happened. 484 00:21:00,040 --> 00:21:03,840 Brushed under the rug and you're going to tell me this isn't a trauma. 485 00:21:03,840 --> 00:21:04,840 Listen to what you're saying. 486 00:21:04,840 --> 00:21:06,880 Well, I think I'm traumatized. 487 00:21:06,880 --> 00:21:07,880 I left the school. 488 00:21:07,880 --> 00:21:08,880 Yeah. 489 00:21:08,880 --> 00:21:10,600 Victoria left the school because she was so angry. 490 00:21:10,600 --> 00:21:11,600 I went public. 491 00:21:11,600 --> 00:21:14,320 I went to public school. 492 00:21:14,320 --> 00:21:15,320 It was amazing. 493 00:21:15,320 --> 00:21:18,560 Oh, you, I'm so jealous though, because you had such a great high school experience. 494 00:21:18,560 --> 00:21:23,640 But yeah, she was back and I, after getting walked to class by police officers, it was, 495 00:21:23,640 --> 00:21:28,160 there she was in the hallway again and there I was and I was scared to death. 496 00:21:28,160 --> 00:21:29,320 I mean, yeah, what happened? 497 00:21:29,320 --> 00:21:34,000 I like, imagine if you got a note that saying that you were going to die after all this 498 00:21:34,000 --> 00:21:38,120 togetherness, all this like, and then it turns out to be your friend. 499 00:21:38,120 --> 00:21:41,480 And then they, I remember them asking her, why did you do this? 500 00:21:41,480 --> 00:21:44,280 And she said, because she gets everything and I get nothing. 501 00:21:44,280 --> 00:21:46,360 I don't remember that. 502 00:21:46,360 --> 00:21:51,680 And I was like, you took, and because she said that, that's why I didn't get the lead. 503 00:21:51,680 --> 00:21:54,680 That's why I didn't get the lead because they started taking things away from me. 504 00:21:54,680 --> 00:21:55,840 I started getting punished. 505 00:21:55,840 --> 00:21:59,360 I got the lead of my senior year taken away from me. 506 00:21:59,360 --> 00:22:01,360 I had, I ended up quitting choir. 507 00:22:01,360 --> 00:22:05,480 Like it was one of those things where I like went into a depression and I stopped showing 508 00:22:05,480 --> 00:22:06,480 up for things. 509 00:22:06,480 --> 00:22:12,440 I was so angry and hurt that the people that I looked to to take care of me in this situation 510 00:22:12,440 --> 00:22:14,160 completely abandoned me. 511 00:22:14,160 --> 00:22:16,240 Like my whole high school just stopped. 512 00:22:16,240 --> 00:22:17,480 Yeah. 513 00:22:17,480 --> 00:22:20,560 And then so I quit the choir. 514 00:22:20,560 --> 00:22:21,560 I quit the show. 515 00:22:21,560 --> 00:22:22,560 I did two things that I loved. 516 00:22:22,560 --> 00:22:26,440 And these sound, it sounds very small scale. 517 00:22:26,440 --> 00:22:33,320 When you say choir and the show, but as a senior of four years of putting in your dues 518 00:22:33,320 --> 00:22:38,840 and creating a name for yourself in, I mean, would you do it to the quarterback? 519 00:22:38,840 --> 00:22:40,480 Would you take away the final game? 520 00:22:40,480 --> 00:22:44,980 Would you take away his seat because he was a victim to something like it was just such 521 00:22:44,980 --> 00:22:49,720 a, such a shock that the administration and the police. 522 00:22:49,720 --> 00:22:53,520 Yeah, and the police did nothing because her dad was a police officer. 523 00:22:53,520 --> 00:22:56,040 And but the art, so the detective was a friend of ours. 524 00:22:56,040 --> 00:22:57,040 Yes. 525 00:22:57,040 --> 00:22:58,200 And she was the reason why this stopped. 526 00:22:58,200 --> 00:23:00,480 And she was the reason why this was found. 527 00:23:00,480 --> 00:23:04,120 And I think she did everything she could do. 528 00:23:04,120 --> 00:23:05,120 She did. 529 00:23:05,120 --> 00:23:10,520 But because the high school was not in Springfield where we lived, where her jurisdiction is, 530 00:23:10,520 --> 00:23:12,640 she could not do when her hands were tied. 531 00:23:12,640 --> 00:23:13,640 It was marble. 532 00:23:13,640 --> 00:23:14,640 It was marble. 533 00:23:14,640 --> 00:23:15,640 Oh, wow. 534 00:23:15,640 --> 00:23:19,440 So she could, she did everything she could, but she was like, I can't like, do you want 535 00:23:19,440 --> 00:23:20,440 her arrested? 536 00:23:20,440 --> 00:23:22,480 I remember her saying, do you want her arrested? 537 00:23:22,480 --> 00:23:23,480 I'll arrest her. 538 00:23:23,480 --> 00:23:27,120 And I was like, no, because then it makes me look like the bad person, but like, here 539 00:23:27,120 --> 00:23:31,480 she is walking down the hallways and I'm freaking out ducking into classrooms. 540 00:23:31,480 --> 00:23:32,480 Yeah. 541 00:23:32,480 --> 00:23:35,320 You know, so then my grade started failing. 542 00:23:35,320 --> 00:23:36,560 I had gotten into temple. 543 00:23:36,560 --> 00:23:38,520 This is why she can't count in class, guys. 544 00:23:38,520 --> 00:23:42,520 So be a little nicer when she can't count, pass four or on the beat. 545 00:23:42,520 --> 00:23:43,520 This is why. 546 00:23:43,520 --> 00:23:46,600 This is why I am the way I am. 547 00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:51,640 I had to have our state representative write me a letter to college that I had gotten accepted 548 00:23:51,640 --> 00:23:56,000 to because my grades dropped from A's to C's. 549 00:23:56,000 --> 00:23:57,640 I stopped going to class. 550 00:23:57,640 --> 00:24:01,360 I was in the, you know, like hiding in different rooms. 551 00:24:01,360 --> 00:24:05,680 I stopped studying because I was like, I just was so upset. 552 00:24:05,680 --> 00:24:07,680 Well, you were nothing mattered anymore. 553 00:24:07,680 --> 00:24:08,680 No, I didn't care. 554 00:24:08,680 --> 00:24:12,320 Everything I had worked for my whole life up until this point was taken away from me 555 00:24:12,320 --> 00:24:17,440 because somebody else did something to me, but I got punished. 556 00:24:17,440 --> 00:24:22,200 So the state representative wrote me a letter to say, tell me like vouch for me and say, 557 00:24:22,200 --> 00:24:24,720 I know what her grades look like right now. 558 00:24:24,720 --> 00:24:26,040 She's been through something. 559 00:24:26,040 --> 00:24:27,760 Please don't. 560 00:24:27,760 --> 00:24:28,760 What is it? 561 00:24:28,760 --> 00:24:29,760 Like I have not. 562 00:24:29,760 --> 00:24:30,760 I have not. 563 00:24:30,760 --> 00:24:31,760 I've analyzed her for. 564 00:24:31,760 --> 00:24:32,760 Yeah, because I had just gotten in. 565 00:24:32,760 --> 00:24:36,280 I hadn't gone yet, but so that's the only reason I got into college was because he had 566 00:24:36,280 --> 00:24:39,520 to be like, this isn't really a reflection of her. 567 00:24:39,520 --> 00:24:43,720 So she was like, let's see if I can do this six more colleges and get it. 568 00:24:43,720 --> 00:24:47,360 So she did. 569 00:24:47,360 --> 00:24:56,120 But if you ever went to, if you ever went to high school, you know how important like 570 00:24:56,120 --> 00:25:02,360 the last mass is or the events, like even if you're not Catholic, you have like the 571 00:25:02,360 --> 00:25:06,720 barbecue or the big like the quiet. 572 00:25:06,720 --> 00:25:10,840 Like for me, it was the choir, we sang at the mass and we all got solos, nothing. 573 00:25:10,840 --> 00:25:13,400 I got all my solos taken away from me. 574 00:25:13,400 --> 00:25:16,760 I got, um, she got to walk at graduation. 575 00:25:16,760 --> 00:25:20,760 So it was just like a very sad time for me. 576 00:25:20,760 --> 00:25:26,000 And the people in charge could have cared less when they found out who it was. 577 00:25:26,000 --> 00:25:30,360 Had it been anybody else, there would, it would have been issue, but they found out 578 00:25:30,360 --> 00:25:31,360 who it was. 579 00:25:31,360 --> 00:25:32,880 It was dead silence. 580 00:25:32,880 --> 00:25:39,680 Literally like they turned around and walked away and I never spoke to them again. 581 00:25:39,680 --> 00:25:41,800 And Victoria ended up leaving the high school. 582 00:25:41,800 --> 00:25:49,440 I'll never forget walking into the office with mom to tell them I was done, which I 583 00:25:49,440 --> 00:25:51,920 can't really believe that that happened. 584 00:25:51,920 --> 00:25:57,160 But I remember walking in and sitting down and he looked at me and he said, I know why 585 00:25:57,160 --> 00:25:58,320 you're here. 586 00:25:58,320 --> 00:26:00,840 And I just started crying. 587 00:26:00,840 --> 00:26:04,400 And I think there was obviously a full conversation after that, but I don't remember one word 588 00:26:04,400 --> 00:26:05,400 that happened. 589 00:26:05,400 --> 00:26:10,120 It just was, I lost faith in this place. 590 00:26:10,120 --> 00:26:14,200 Yeah, because it nobody was protecting us. 591 00:26:14,200 --> 00:26:18,040 I like all of those people, all of my friends. 592 00:26:18,040 --> 00:26:19,040 I kept one. 593 00:26:19,040 --> 00:26:23,480 What's up, Colleen? 594 00:26:23,480 --> 00:26:25,200 And but it's not about me. 595 00:26:25,200 --> 00:26:29,840 Like that was, it just was such a ripple effect to how big of a deal this was. 596 00:26:29,840 --> 00:26:33,120 Yeah, is the only reason I'm a part of the story. 597 00:26:33,120 --> 00:26:36,200 And I mean, I remember being scared when I got the note that you were going to die. 598 00:26:36,200 --> 00:26:37,200 Yeah. 599 00:26:37,200 --> 00:26:38,200 I mean, oh my God. 600 00:26:38,200 --> 00:26:42,680 Also, I remember being in our basement with Pat and we were like watching something on 601 00:26:42,680 --> 00:26:45,360 TV or we're singing karaoke and I would get a text message. 602 00:26:45,360 --> 00:26:49,520 My phone would light up and my heart would stop when it would light up green because 603 00:26:49,520 --> 00:26:53,640 it wasn't okay with like light up green and my heart would stop because I knew I knew 604 00:26:53,640 --> 00:26:54,640 who it was. 605 00:26:54,640 --> 00:26:55,640 No one else next to her. 606 00:26:55,640 --> 00:26:57,440 That's exactly right. 607 00:26:57,440 --> 00:27:01,400 I didn't know who it was, but I knew it was something bad and it was like, I hope you're 608 00:27:01,400 --> 00:27:03,200 enjoying your time with Pat right now. 609 00:27:03,200 --> 00:27:08,400 And I'd be like, oh my God, I was like, Pat, look in the like we would run out of the house, 610 00:27:08,400 --> 00:27:11,920 get my mom, look all around like the windows. 611 00:27:11,920 --> 00:27:15,200 But it was because she knew I was with Pat because I would tell her, I would tell her 612 00:27:15,200 --> 00:27:16,200 these things. 613 00:27:16,200 --> 00:27:17,200 Yeah. 614 00:27:17,200 --> 00:27:18,200 Oh yeah, Pat's coming over tonight. 615 00:27:18,200 --> 00:27:23,120 Well, don't you know, she would and she in the ones in school, she timed. 616 00:27:23,120 --> 00:27:25,520 So that's right through a Yahoo account. 617 00:27:25,520 --> 00:27:27,840 You can time text messages. 618 00:27:27,840 --> 00:27:32,240 So she would time them when she knew I was in English class, knew who I was sitting next 619 00:27:32,240 --> 00:27:34,760 to and text about that. 620 00:27:34,760 --> 00:27:38,560 So she wasn't necessarily doing it in the moment for you to be like, who's looking at 621 00:27:38,560 --> 00:27:39,560 me? 622 00:27:39,560 --> 00:27:40,560 She, yeah. 623 00:27:40,560 --> 00:27:42,360 Oh my gosh, I forgot about them being time. 624 00:27:42,360 --> 00:27:48,320 And all because she was mad that I got things, that I got everything and she got nothing. 625 00:27:48,320 --> 00:27:49,560 And I was like, there's more to it. 626 00:27:49,560 --> 00:27:55,040 She clearly had a mental health issue, whatever that is, whether who knows if that's ever 627 00:27:55,040 --> 00:27:58,040 been addressed and I know she is around. 628 00:27:58,040 --> 00:27:59,360 I don't know. 629 00:27:59,360 --> 00:28:03,200 But I what I was going to say is I graduated. 630 00:28:03,200 --> 00:28:09,240 My mom was, I mean, my mom went out to school every single day and was like, at the very 631 00:28:09,240 --> 00:28:13,400 least she better write a letter of apology. 632 00:28:13,400 --> 00:28:16,520 Like something, something to say, I'm sorry for this. 633 00:28:16,520 --> 00:28:17,520 Like I'm nothing. 634 00:28:17,520 --> 00:28:21,760 We never heard from her parents again, who we were with every day. 635 00:28:21,760 --> 00:28:22,760 Never. 636 00:28:22,760 --> 00:28:23,760 It was radio silence. 637 00:28:23,760 --> 00:28:26,520 Do you think they knew that it was her the whole time? 638 00:28:26,520 --> 00:28:30,040 I don't think so because we were so police officer though. 639 00:28:30,040 --> 00:28:31,440 But you couldn't trace it. 640 00:28:31,440 --> 00:28:32,440 You couldn't trace it. 641 00:28:32,440 --> 00:28:33,920 But you could time it. 642 00:28:33,920 --> 00:28:34,920 Like that's absurd. 643 00:28:34,920 --> 00:28:35,920 I don't know. 644 00:28:35,920 --> 00:28:36,920 But you couldn't. 645 00:28:36,920 --> 00:28:41,280 I remember the detective being like, we'll never find it. 646 00:28:41,280 --> 00:28:42,380 We'll never. 647 00:28:42,380 --> 00:28:43,380 We can't do it this way. 648 00:28:43,380 --> 00:28:44,380 We got to figure out a different way. 649 00:28:44,380 --> 00:28:45,380 Yeah. 650 00:28:45,380 --> 00:28:47,360 But she just had a gut feeling about, about her for a bar. 651 00:28:47,360 --> 00:28:48,360 Thank God. 652 00:28:48,360 --> 00:28:49,360 I know. 653 00:28:49,360 --> 00:28:52,800 Imagine if I had to stay in the room with her for four days. 654 00:28:52,800 --> 00:28:57,320 Well, I, so something that comes back to my head when we talk about this, which we don't 655 00:28:57,320 --> 00:28:58,320 usually talk about. 656 00:28:58,320 --> 00:29:00,000 No, we never talk about this. 657 00:29:00,000 --> 00:29:05,840 We only talk about this when people want us to be very high spirited about the school 658 00:29:05,840 --> 00:29:07,560 and we don't want to be. 659 00:29:07,560 --> 00:29:14,560 And then we get judged and we get kind of berated for the fact that we don't have pride in, 660 00:29:14,560 --> 00:29:18,000 in this specific high school because we didn't have a good experience and we need to get 661 00:29:18,000 --> 00:29:19,000 over. 662 00:29:19,000 --> 00:29:20,360 Truly, we need to get over this experience. 663 00:29:20,360 --> 00:29:21,360 It was so long ago. 664 00:29:21,360 --> 00:29:22,360 You guys need to get over it. 665 00:29:22,360 --> 00:29:27,320 I'm like, ooh, you're like, okay, yes, there's a, there's a part of growth and getting over, 666 00:29:27,320 --> 00:29:30,960 which she's getting to. 667 00:29:30,960 --> 00:29:33,880 But that doesn't mean you have to be like, yeah, it was a great high school. 668 00:29:33,880 --> 00:29:34,880 It was a great this. 669 00:29:34,880 --> 00:29:36,640 Like, I don't have to support the high school now. 670 00:29:36,640 --> 00:29:37,640 No, sorry. 671 00:29:37,640 --> 00:29:38,640 Don't have to. 672 00:29:38,640 --> 00:29:42,880 But yeah, something that I remember is that she, yes, what if you had roomed with her 673 00:29:42,880 --> 00:29:43,880 at Kyros? 674 00:29:43,880 --> 00:29:45,600 She was putting your microphone down your costume. 675 00:29:45,600 --> 00:29:47,480 Oh my God, I was just going to say that. 676 00:29:47,480 --> 00:29:50,080 And I like that's the only way she was in a bustled dress. 677 00:29:50,080 --> 00:29:53,480 You know, like you do. 678 00:29:53,480 --> 00:29:59,520 And she was like up, up in your face talking to you being friendly. 679 00:29:59,520 --> 00:30:02,760 I mean, for a stage manager and an actor, that's not a big deal. 680 00:30:02,760 --> 00:30:04,640 It's really, it's the job. 681 00:30:04,640 --> 00:30:05,640 Yeah. 682 00:30:05,640 --> 00:30:08,920 And looking back and being like, she had to take my dress off. 683 00:30:08,920 --> 00:30:10,240 She had to put it down my bra. 684 00:30:10,240 --> 00:30:11,240 She had to do this. 685 00:30:11,240 --> 00:30:13,560 And I was like, is that what she wanted? 686 00:30:13,560 --> 00:30:15,200 Like, yes, was this a sexual thing? 687 00:30:15,200 --> 00:30:16,200 Yeah. 688 00:30:16,200 --> 00:30:18,960 Like, is that, is that why, you know, I don't know. 689 00:30:18,960 --> 00:30:19,960 We don't have any answers. 690 00:30:19,960 --> 00:30:24,680 She never, no, no, she, I never looked in her face or talked to her ever again. 691 00:30:24,680 --> 00:30:27,040 And I had to go to high school with her for three more months. 692 00:30:27,040 --> 00:30:28,040 Yeah. 693 00:30:28,040 --> 00:30:34,000 So the people that did rally behind me were the kids, the 500 kids in my class. 694 00:30:34,000 --> 00:30:35,000 Yeah. 695 00:30:35,000 --> 00:30:38,440 Especially the ones I had made over Kyros. 696 00:30:38,440 --> 00:30:40,560 Because they were like, we're going to go egg her house. 697 00:30:40,560 --> 00:30:44,720 And I had to be like, no, please don't, don't, because then that makes me look even worse. 698 00:30:44,720 --> 00:30:49,720 Like I was already the victim, already the one that looked like it was my fault. 699 00:30:49,720 --> 00:30:50,720 Like I brought this on myself. 700 00:30:50,720 --> 00:30:53,120 No, they were just telling you as your fault. 701 00:30:53,120 --> 00:30:54,360 Well, yeah. 702 00:30:54,360 --> 00:30:56,920 So it was just like a whole thing. 703 00:30:56,920 --> 00:31:00,600 And I, she went to college. 704 00:31:00,600 --> 00:31:06,640 I went to college and I happened to meet Andrew near her college. 705 00:31:06,640 --> 00:31:12,400 I Andrew and I were at the mall a year later, a summer later after senior year, I went to 706 00:31:12,400 --> 00:31:13,400 college. 707 00:31:13,400 --> 00:31:14,400 It was the next summer. 708 00:31:14,400 --> 00:31:15,400 It was the mall. 709 00:31:15,400 --> 00:31:16,400 Yeah. 710 00:31:16,400 --> 00:31:18,760 There's nothing to do in Shawnee other than like go to the mall. 711 00:31:18,760 --> 00:31:21,160 So like we went to the mall, the Pocono mountains. 712 00:31:21,160 --> 00:31:22,320 I, and guess what? 713 00:31:22,320 --> 00:31:24,680 I had just met Andrew like two months before. 714 00:31:24,680 --> 00:31:28,080 Now we're pretty, we're pretty close at this point. 715 00:31:28,080 --> 00:31:30,660 When you're in theater and you've known somebody for two months, it's like you've been together 716 00:31:30,660 --> 00:31:31,660 for two years. 717 00:31:31,660 --> 00:31:33,520 Because it's a condensed time. 718 00:31:33,520 --> 00:31:37,920 It's 24 hours a day for two weeks at a time, living in the same house with people you don't 719 00:31:37,920 --> 00:31:38,920 know, but you meet. 720 00:31:38,920 --> 00:31:40,120 So all of a sudden you're a family. 721 00:31:40,120 --> 00:31:41,120 Yeah. 722 00:31:41,120 --> 00:31:42,120 So he's my boyfriend. 723 00:31:42,120 --> 00:31:43,120 He's 97 years old. 724 00:31:43,120 --> 00:31:44,120 He didn't know it. 725 00:31:44,120 --> 00:31:45,840 He didn't want it. 726 00:31:45,840 --> 00:31:46,840 He didn't know it. 727 00:31:46,840 --> 00:31:53,600 But all of a sudden we're at the mall and I, I literally fall to the ground and hide. 728 00:31:53,600 --> 00:31:57,160 And he's like, what are you doing? 729 00:31:57,160 --> 00:32:01,120 And I start screaming and I was like, hide me, hide me. 730 00:32:01,120 --> 00:32:03,120 She's freaking in the mall. 731 00:32:03,120 --> 00:32:08,400 So because she goes to college there and this grant. 732 00:32:08,400 --> 00:32:14,040 So she, I had seen her in the mall and I never thought that I would ever react that 733 00:32:14,040 --> 00:32:15,040 way. 734 00:32:15,040 --> 00:32:19,160 I just thought like it was a year later, I had gotten, I thought I'd gotten over it. 735 00:32:19,160 --> 00:32:24,800 And I was like, it was like I had seen a ghost or a murderer or something. 736 00:32:24,800 --> 00:32:31,080 And I ducked to the floor, got my coat above my head and I was trying to hide from her. 737 00:32:31,080 --> 00:32:35,600 And she, I know she saw me, but like that was the last time I ever saw her. 738 00:32:35,600 --> 00:32:38,960 And Andrew was like, I'm going to marry this girl. 739 00:32:38,960 --> 00:32:39,960 She's not crazy. 740 00:32:39,960 --> 00:32:47,360 I was like, I have to tell you a story that happened to me last year for you to understand 741 00:32:47,360 --> 00:32:48,760 what's going on right now. 742 00:32:48,760 --> 00:32:54,280 But yeah, that's my, it's something that I think goes deeper than just like, oh, I was 743 00:32:54,280 --> 00:32:56,440 getting text messages for four months. 744 00:32:56,440 --> 00:33:00,400 You know, it was the fact that I stopped trusting anybody. 745 00:33:00,400 --> 00:33:08,280 Like the people that adults that I thought were protecting me ended up abandoning me, 746 00:33:08,280 --> 00:33:10,200 like abandoning me. 747 00:33:10,200 --> 00:33:12,960 It's called an abandonment trauma. 748 00:33:12,960 --> 00:33:18,920 Like I'm partially kidding because like we, that's what we do, but that's what it is. 749 00:33:18,920 --> 00:33:25,360 So it's an abandonment that is so deeply sewn into you, something you have to work on, which 750 00:33:25,360 --> 00:33:26,600 you have, you have. 751 00:33:26,600 --> 00:33:27,600 Yeah. 752 00:33:27,600 --> 00:33:32,920 However, you haven't because that's where, that's where like, there's so many ways to 753 00:33:32,920 --> 00:33:36,880 respond to it, but like that's I think where you could only control what you can control. 754 00:33:36,880 --> 00:33:40,320 But that's where some of your, what do you call it? 755 00:33:40,320 --> 00:33:43,320 You're not high strung, but like you are a reactive person. 756 00:33:43,320 --> 00:33:44,320 I'm very reactive. 757 00:33:44,320 --> 00:33:48,440 It's hard for you to slow down and to breathe like all the things that we laugh about, but 758 00:33:48,440 --> 00:33:51,680 it really does stem from this. 759 00:33:51,680 --> 00:33:52,680 So jokes on you. 760 00:33:52,680 --> 00:33:53,680 Yeah. 761 00:33:53,680 --> 00:33:54,680 Jokes on me. 762 00:33:54,680 --> 00:34:00,040 I think what is hard or what was hard at the time was like being walked to class by 763 00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:03,240 a police officer because of the threat was so real. 764 00:34:03,240 --> 00:34:06,800 And then the next day, everything was gone. 765 00:34:06,800 --> 00:34:12,680 I had no police and I had no protection and I was like, Oh my God, I'm alone now. 766 00:34:12,680 --> 00:34:14,560 Why you think you're going to get murdered? 767 00:34:14,560 --> 00:34:15,560 Yeah. 768 00:34:15,560 --> 00:34:16,560 A hundred percent. 769 00:34:16,560 --> 00:34:17,560 Yeah. 770 00:34:17,560 --> 00:34:21,240 I know that I think I'm going to get murdered from this situation. 771 00:34:21,240 --> 00:34:22,400 Trauma doesn't mean abuse. 772 00:34:22,400 --> 00:34:29,280 I mean, it can and for a lot of people it does unfortunately, but trauma can be abandonment. 773 00:34:29,280 --> 00:34:30,280 Yeah. 774 00:34:30,280 --> 00:34:31,280 That's a trauma. 775 00:34:31,280 --> 00:34:36,280 I think, yeah, especially when I was only 17, 18 years old. 776 00:34:36,280 --> 00:34:37,280 Yes. 777 00:34:37,280 --> 00:34:40,560 And I'm like looking at these people that protect me and then nobody was and then there 778 00:34:40,560 --> 00:34:41,560 she is. 779 00:34:41,560 --> 00:34:43,640 I'm legit scared of her. 780 00:34:43,640 --> 00:34:47,800 If I saw her today, I think I that trigger, I would duck and hide. 781 00:34:47,800 --> 00:34:49,280 I think I would still. 782 00:34:49,280 --> 00:34:50,280 Sure. 783 00:34:50,280 --> 00:34:51,280 Sure. 784 00:34:51,280 --> 00:34:52,280 I would. 785 00:34:52,280 --> 00:34:53,280 I would. 786 00:34:53,280 --> 00:34:56,280 I think all the class one. 787 00:34:56,280 --> 00:35:00,640 I yeah, I think I would still do the same reaction I had the year after it happened. 788 00:35:00,640 --> 00:35:01,640 Yeah. 789 00:35:01,640 --> 00:35:02,640 But no, therapy is not necessary. 790 00:35:02,640 --> 00:35:07,280 Well, because I can laugh about it now and be like, oh my God, that was so scary. 791 00:35:07,280 --> 00:35:12,920 I thought I was I was getting stopped and it was called cyberbullying before cyberbullying 792 00:35:12,920 --> 00:35:13,920 was a thing. 793 00:35:13,920 --> 00:35:14,920 It was true. 794 00:35:14,920 --> 00:35:15,920 True. 795 00:35:15,920 --> 00:35:20,520 I mean, if you I'm going to post a picture of my Nokia phone that it was happening on. 796 00:35:20,520 --> 00:35:22,160 I was playing snake and getting stopped. 797 00:35:22,160 --> 00:35:26,040 Those are the only two things that happened on that phone and we'll post the pictures 798 00:35:26,040 --> 00:35:29,560 of our Oklahoma cross. 799 00:35:29,560 --> 00:35:31,520 I killed it in that show, too. 800 00:35:31,520 --> 00:35:38,080 But I do like to compare it to this for people that are like you you lost out on the senior 801 00:35:38,080 --> 00:35:39,080 year show. 802 00:35:39,080 --> 00:35:40,440 Carly, no one's reacting like that. 803 00:35:40,440 --> 00:35:45,360 Like no one's going to think I'm going to speak for all of you. 804 00:35:45,360 --> 00:35:46,640 Relextras out there. 805 00:35:46,640 --> 00:35:48,920 No one's going to hear this and be like, this is not a big deal. 806 00:35:48,920 --> 00:35:50,240 This was a big deal. 807 00:35:50,240 --> 00:35:51,320 No, I know it was. 808 00:35:51,320 --> 00:35:52,320 I know it was. 809 00:35:52,320 --> 00:35:54,280 I mean, I know it was. 810 00:35:54,280 --> 00:35:55,280 Do you know it was? 811 00:35:55,280 --> 00:35:56,280 I know it was. 812 00:35:56,280 --> 00:35:58,240 Oh, when you say it like that is different. 813 00:35:58,240 --> 00:36:04,560 But for people that don't know theater, but they know sports, it was like I came in hot 814 00:36:04,560 --> 00:36:07,560 my freshman year, like I got a part. 815 00:36:07,560 --> 00:36:10,160 So it's like going in freshman year and playing for varsity. 816 00:36:10,160 --> 00:36:15,200 And you're like, this chick is going to kill it once she gets a senior sophomore year, 817 00:36:15,200 --> 00:36:17,400 getting parts on still in varsity junior year. 818 00:36:17,400 --> 00:36:22,480 I'm playing like I am starting on the basketball team as a junior. 819 00:36:22,480 --> 00:36:25,080 There's only going up from here like senior year. 820 00:36:25,080 --> 00:36:26,680 I'm going to get recruited senior year. 821 00:36:26,680 --> 00:36:31,840 I'm getting a scholarship senior year and then getting to senior year. 822 00:36:31,840 --> 00:36:34,280 And then I don't even make the team. 823 00:36:34,280 --> 00:36:36,200 Like I don't even make the. 824 00:36:36,200 --> 00:36:37,200 Why? 825 00:36:37,200 --> 00:36:40,320 Because someone else said she doesn't deserve to be on the team. 826 00:36:40,320 --> 00:36:41,680 And they were like, oh, yeah, you're right. 827 00:36:41,680 --> 00:36:43,640 She gets too much. 828 00:36:43,640 --> 00:36:45,040 Everybody likes her. 829 00:36:45,040 --> 00:36:47,000 It's somebody else's chance now. 830 00:36:47,000 --> 00:36:48,920 So I don't even make the team. 831 00:36:48,920 --> 00:36:50,280 And it's just really good analogy. 832 00:36:50,280 --> 00:36:51,280 You like that? 833 00:36:51,280 --> 00:36:52,280 I'm impressed. 834 00:36:52,280 --> 00:36:53,280 Do you want to know something? 835 00:36:53,280 --> 00:36:54,280 I'm impressed. 836 00:36:54,280 --> 00:36:58,720 I've been thinking about that analogy since my senior year. 837 00:36:58,720 --> 00:37:00,240 How to explain that to somebody. 838 00:37:00,240 --> 00:37:01,240 Right. 839 00:37:01,240 --> 00:37:04,280 I've been thinking about that and I'm like, well, nobody's going to ask me now. 840 00:37:04,280 --> 00:37:06,320 It's been 20 years. 841 00:37:06,320 --> 00:37:09,400 But I've been thinking about that analogy for 20 years. 842 00:37:09,400 --> 00:37:10,560 And now I get to tell somebody. 843 00:37:10,560 --> 00:37:12,760 Well, it's happening for a reason. 844 00:37:12,760 --> 00:37:14,200 Maybe that's why I went to four colleges. 845 00:37:14,200 --> 00:37:16,360 I didn't know what, like who knows? 846 00:37:16,360 --> 00:37:18,280 You were honestly, you were lost. 847 00:37:18,280 --> 00:37:20,480 You were lost because everyone lost you. 848 00:37:20,480 --> 00:37:24,680 Like everyone let you wander once this was discovered and they were like, oh no, you're 849 00:37:24,680 --> 00:37:25,680 on your own. 850 00:37:25,680 --> 00:37:26,680 Like this is not a big deal. 851 00:37:26,680 --> 00:37:27,680 Yeah. 852 00:37:27,680 --> 00:37:28,680 Everybody diminished what happened. 853 00:37:28,680 --> 00:37:32,320 I don't think I've ever been depressed, but that was like the closest to depression. 854 00:37:32,320 --> 00:37:35,200 I mean, I don't, I didn't do my hair. 855 00:37:35,200 --> 00:37:36,200 I didn't wear makeup. 856 00:37:36,200 --> 00:37:38,040 I was just going through the motions. 857 00:37:38,040 --> 00:37:39,360 I wanted to get out of there. 858 00:37:39,360 --> 00:37:40,360 I wanted to get out. 859 00:37:40,360 --> 00:37:41,360 Depression. 860 00:37:41,360 --> 00:37:42,360 Yeah. 861 00:37:42,360 --> 00:37:43,360 That's depression. 862 00:37:43,360 --> 00:37:44,680 But I had Pat and Pat was like. 863 00:37:44,680 --> 00:37:45,680 That's depression. 864 00:37:45,680 --> 00:37:51,880 He was like, he was my best friend at the time and I was like, forget high school. 865 00:37:51,880 --> 00:37:52,880 I am over this. 866 00:37:52,880 --> 00:37:56,720 I just want to go to where he's going and I want to be with him. 867 00:37:56,720 --> 00:38:01,520 So I went to temple and that was, and then I went to three other colleges because I shouldn't 868 00:38:01,520 --> 00:38:02,520 have gone there. 869 00:38:02,520 --> 00:38:05,680 But at the time I was like, I need to get out of here. 870 00:38:05,680 --> 00:38:06,680 Yeah. 871 00:38:06,680 --> 00:38:07,680 Yeah. 872 00:38:07,680 --> 00:38:08,680 That's my story. 873 00:38:08,680 --> 00:38:13,280 That is Carly's history of why she thinks I'm going to get murdered. 874 00:38:13,280 --> 00:38:15,320 Ah, why she is the way she is right now. 875 00:38:15,320 --> 00:38:16,640 She's murdered at some point. 876 00:38:16,640 --> 00:38:17,640 She's murdered. 877 00:38:17,640 --> 00:38:18,640 But that's, okay. 878 00:38:18,640 --> 00:38:20,880 Well, that's another issue for another day. 879 00:38:20,880 --> 00:38:29,360 What I am being called right now to say and to twist the story or finish the story with, 880 00:38:29,360 --> 00:38:31,880 just like I said, trauma doesn't have to be an abuse. 881 00:38:31,880 --> 00:38:34,560 Depression doesn't have to mean that you can't get off the couch. 882 00:38:34,560 --> 00:38:37,520 We all have these stigmas of what these words mean. 883 00:38:37,520 --> 00:38:41,400 Anxiety doesn't mean that you are shaking at all times and you can't move around. 884 00:38:41,400 --> 00:38:43,480 Everything has levels. 885 00:38:43,480 --> 00:38:51,520 And if we all kind of take a moment when things like this get talked about or you're 886 00:38:51,520 --> 00:38:56,560 experiencing it with somebody else in different ways, they're not scary words. 887 00:38:56,560 --> 00:38:58,360 Depression, anxiety, trauma. 888 00:38:58,360 --> 00:39:02,840 They're scary if you ignore it and they're scary if it gets worse because you're ignoring 889 00:39:02,840 --> 00:39:05,400 it and there are levels to it. 890 00:39:05,400 --> 00:39:09,040 So there's slight to extreme. 891 00:39:09,040 --> 00:39:12,440 And I think yours was all somewhere in the middle, but it was real. 892 00:39:12,440 --> 00:39:13,440 Yeah. 893 00:39:13,440 --> 00:39:14,440 Definitely. 894 00:39:14,440 --> 00:39:20,320 I think I have that kind of ripple effect of anxiety. 895 00:39:20,320 --> 00:39:22,840 I am always scared that somebody's watching me. 896 00:39:22,840 --> 00:39:23,840 You know this. 897 00:39:23,840 --> 00:39:31,680 I always have this fear that something or somebody is watching me or maybe I do have 898 00:39:31,680 --> 00:39:35,320 too much, so I want to pull it back a little bit. 899 00:39:35,320 --> 00:39:40,960 Where before I felt like I was just me, but she said I had too much. 900 00:39:40,960 --> 00:39:45,480 And I think I am very aware that that was not true. 901 00:39:45,480 --> 00:39:50,920 I'm very aware, but there's always something in the back of my mind was like, did I? 902 00:39:50,920 --> 00:39:56,080 Was I, you know, there are people that don't have the personality that I had, so they don't 903 00:39:56,080 --> 00:39:57,840 get as much as that fair. 904 00:39:57,840 --> 00:40:03,680 But as much as you can tell yourself that that stuff is not true, those words have always 905 00:40:03,680 --> 00:40:04,680 stayed with me. 906 00:40:04,680 --> 00:40:05,680 She gets everything and I get nothing. 907 00:40:05,680 --> 00:40:07,840 And I'm like, oh man, I feel bad. 908 00:40:07,840 --> 00:40:08,840 But why do I feel bad? 909 00:40:08,840 --> 00:40:09,840 I didn't do anything. 910 00:40:09,840 --> 00:40:10,840 Yeah. 911 00:40:10,840 --> 00:40:11,840 I'm like, exactly. 912 00:40:11,840 --> 00:40:14,880 So do you know what helps with that? 913 00:40:14,880 --> 00:40:15,880 Coffee. 914 00:40:15,880 --> 00:40:16,880 Coffee. 915 00:40:16,880 --> 00:40:17,880 Wine. 916 00:40:17,880 --> 00:40:26,000 No, I'm sending this to my therapist because now I need help. 917 00:40:26,000 --> 00:40:27,000 Therapy. 918 00:40:27,000 --> 00:40:32,880 I'm talking about it because I think, you know, it's been almost 20 years now. 919 00:40:32,880 --> 00:40:33,880 So it doesn't mean it's over. 920 00:40:33,880 --> 00:40:36,880 I know I am over it. 921 00:40:36,880 --> 00:40:37,880 I know. 922 00:40:37,880 --> 00:40:39,360 I know you're not over it. 923 00:40:39,360 --> 00:40:43,800 I hate to tell you, but the more you talk about it and the more you deal with it, you 924 00:40:43,800 --> 00:40:46,840 will be moving away from it for sure. 925 00:40:46,840 --> 00:40:52,280 Yeah, I like to, I don't remember this specifically, but I did know Justin, our teacher Justin 926 00:40:52,280 --> 00:40:53,280 at the time. 927 00:40:53,280 --> 00:40:54,880 I don't know if he rallied behind me. 928 00:40:54,880 --> 00:40:59,640 So maybe that's why I have this like, you know, aversion to him. 929 00:40:59,640 --> 00:41:08,880 I love your stand up comedian coping mechanism to deflect and to change the subject matter 930 00:41:08,880 --> 00:41:10,960 at your willy-nilly nature. 931 00:41:10,960 --> 00:41:11,960 Because I'm fine. 932 00:41:11,960 --> 00:41:12,960 I'm fine. 933 00:41:12,960 --> 00:41:15,960 I don't like to be told to get over it. 934 00:41:15,960 --> 00:41:20,800 That is one thing that really gets my, gets under my skin. 935 00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:22,320 Like it's been so long just get over it. 936 00:41:22,320 --> 00:41:23,880 Oh my God, that was so long ago. 937 00:41:23,880 --> 00:41:25,280 So that, that does annoy me. 938 00:41:25,280 --> 00:41:27,080 Well, because you don't have to get over it. 939 00:41:27,080 --> 00:41:33,880 You just have to get in control of how you feel and how you are now about it. 940 00:41:33,880 --> 00:41:37,880 Like, you know, therapy. 941 00:41:37,880 --> 00:41:42,840 I really, I don't think I've sat down and talked about that. 942 00:41:42,840 --> 00:41:47,360 I mean, I tell people, my mom loves to tell people, I'm like, mom, you can't, this isn't 943 00:41:47,360 --> 00:41:48,360 a five minute story. 944 00:41:48,360 --> 00:41:54,840 Cause if you just say Carly got text messages and she was stalked, but everything's fine. 945 00:41:54,840 --> 00:41:55,840 You have no idea. 946 00:41:55,840 --> 00:41:58,160 Like you can't just tell it in five minutes. 947 00:41:58,160 --> 00:42:02,240 So I really haven't talked about it in like 20 years. 948 00:42:02,240 --> 00:42:05,440 Listen, I hope, I hope Betty's doing fine. 949 00:42:05,440 --> 00:42:10,880 See that was just a blip in her, you know, she was just jealous. 950 00:42:10,880 --> 00:42:11,880 I don't know. 951 00:42:11,880 --> 00:42:12,880 Like, I don't know. 952 00:42:12,880 --> 00:42:14,000 I hope she's doing fine. 953 00:42:14,000 --> 00:42:19,280 But if I see her, I will duck and run and do a little stop, drop and roll action. 954 00:42:19,280 --> 00:42:24,560 And I'm going to work on letting that not be the reaction. 955 00:42:24,560 --> 00:42:25,560 Yay. 956 00:42:25,560 --> 00:42:33,560 So the trauma for your mama. 957 00:42:33,560 --> 00:42:39,040 On that note, the real tip is talk to Carly about this and keep talking about it. 958 00:42:39,040 --> 00:42:40,040 And that's her therapy. 959 00:42:40,040 --> 00:42:41,040 And then maybe the trauma sounds too big. 960 00:42:41,040 --> 00:42:44,960 And then when she sees her in the mall that she won't stop, drop and roll and she will 961 00:42:44,960 --> 00:42:47,400 be able to confront it or just call me walk away. 962 00:42:47,400 --> 00:42:49,440 Well, here's the real extra tip. 963 00:42:49,440 --> 00:42:52,880 It's called don't talk to me about it. 964 00:42:52,880 --> 00:42:56,800 It means don't talk to me about it. 965 00:42:56,800 --> 00:43:03,480 Well, that concludes our story. 966 00:43:03,480 --> 00:43:05,400 Well, here is the real extra tip. 967 00:43:05,400 --> 00:43:09,920 If you ever text me and you don't think I have your number, just sign your name at the 968 00:43:09,920 --> 00:43:10,920 bottom. 969 00:43:10,920 --> 00:43:11,920 This is true. 970 00:43:11,920 --> 00:43:13,640 That is that is a big trigger. 971 00:43:13,640 --> 00:43:17,360 If I don't know who you are and you don't sign your name, number one, you're not getting 972 00:43:17,360 --> 00:43:18,360 a text back. 973 00:43:18,360 --> 00:43:19,760 Number two, you're getting blocked immediately. 974 00:43:19,760 --> 00:43:23,920 So you said trigger small steps. 975 00:43:23,920 --> 00:43:25,920 Yay. 976 00:43:25,920 --> 00:43:27,400 I will not respond. 977 00:43:27,400 --> 00:43:30,200 We all bear witness to that. 978 00:43:30,200 --> 00:43:35,240 We hope you remember that you're always fit to be real. 979 00:43:35,240 --> 00:43:38,560 Oh, and you are always allowed to be a little extra. 980 00:43:38,560 --> 00:43:42,080 Even if somebody tells you that you shouldn't be, you should always be extra regardless 981 00:43:42,080 --> 00:43:44,480 if you think you're going to get stopped. 982 00:43:44,480 --> 00:43:45,480 Period. 983 00:43:45,480 --> 00:43:46,480 Period. 984 00:43:46,480 --> 00:43:50,800 For legal reasons, we have to tell you that this podcast is meant for entertainment and 985 00:43:50,800 --> 00:43:52,600 educational purposes only. 986 00:43:52,600 --> 00:43:54,800 We are not healthcare professionals. 987 00:43:54,800 --> 00:43:58,560 For all of your health, wellness, fitness and self care needs, please refer to the 988 00:43:58,560 --> 00:44:03,240 medical professional in your life, your primary care physician, your therapist, a certified 989 00:44:03,240 --> 00:44:05,680 coach, whoever it may be. 990 00:44:05,680 --> 00:44:09,880 And then let us know what they say because I guarantee we need to know what to do. 991 00:44:09,880 --> 00:44:10,880 Okay? 992 00:44:10,880 --> 00:44:29,400 Okay, bye.