Hello to the beautiful, the exquisite, the powerful
everyday women of the world. Welcome to the Startup
Stories podcast, where the ambitious everyday
woman is heard, is held, and is served in life
and in business, bringing you relatable stories
to keep you sane, to keep you grounded. and to
keep you growing as you expand yourself and deliver
your purpose to the world. Every time I read
that intro, I feel it a little bit deeper, ladies,
a little bit deeper. And I hope that it helps
for you to normalize your experience and reduce
any pressure, competition, and scarcity that
you might feel inside. Because here at Powerful
Ink, we do not hijack the nervous system. We
calm it, we hold space, and we just be. We just
be, baby, because that's all we got to do, isn't
it, Jackie? It is. It is. It's all you can do.
It's all you can do. It's all you can do. Hey
guys today I trolled the internet and I picked
up another hot lady. I'm so glad you did. I'm
so glad you did. I met Jackie a while ago but
you know my style I'm just like who's out there
and in the meantime lots of other guests are
coming into the space too but it's super fun
when I stalk somebody into being my friend. Oh
my gosh. Monica Geller and me so... I don't know,
friends reference, right? You'll have to Google
the friends reference episode between Monica
and Phoebe if you don't know what that means.
But anyway, today, the beautiful, the delightful,
the vivacious... Yeah, Jackie Mott is joining
us and she's a fellow Canadian, which is important,
lives about halfway, two thirds across the country
in Ontario. And so I found Jackie on the old
Facebook and just started a conversation with
her and we... we've just connected on such a
deep soul level and it's been so wonderful. And
then as I get to know her more and we're going
to dive into her story and who she is and what
she's here to do, it's just a very beautiful
and relatable experience where even if her story
is not what happened to you, you'll find pieces
of it that relate to your life. The takeaway
that I want you to think about as we go into
this conversation and I introduce her is where
in my life am I holding myself back? Where in
my life am I holding myself back? Could be something
small like in the kitchen. Where am I not cooking
a little bit more intentionally, a little bit
more excitedly, right? Am I just doing pasta,
sauce, meat? Or am I experimenting a little bit
because getting chills already, this is where
we really create ourselves. We're not here to
create ourselves only through our business success.
We're here to blend it all into every fiber of
our being. everywhere we touch and that doesn't
mean we have to be a master at everything. It's
just a note and a highlight of encouragement
to play in your life and push things a little
bit further than they might be in whatever area.
And this preamble to bring Jackie in because
her story is like beautifully heartbreaking and
wonderful. And Jackie's going to tell us that
she wouldn't trade it for the world, but hot
damn was it la poops when she was going through
it. So her husband, 27 years of marriage, you
know, beautiful child between them. And then
27 years in. Bye bye. Thank you, ma 'am. So long.
See you later. and Jackie was like WTF what just
happened and found herself at her own ground
zero and so what do you do when you're faced
with such a harsh circumstance like that and
it does affect you know here we talk a lot about
external circumstance internal capacity but in
this situation it's definitely hits your internal
capacity and there's nothing so what do you do
well you take one step then another right and
you start to pull yourself up out of the rubble
and this was Jackie's gateway to freedom to really
see where she had been blocking herself and now
she can live out loud and fully and wholly and
from a highly empowered state and it doesn't
mean she's the next Oprah although she'd be a
great one. But this is now where she can create
a life that she never thought was going to be
possible. And now that her and I have joined
forces too, we will not stand, sit or lay back
and let you do the same. So Jackie, let's get
into it, baby. Hello. Hello. Please talk now.
That was, that was intense. Holy cow. Okay. I've
got nothing to live up to here. Nothing. I was
like, Sam, I'm ready. I am so excited that Mia
did find me. I just have to tell you, it was
amazing when we actually were able to finally
connect and have a conversation. There was just,
you know, one of those, as she says, the soul
connection, that feeling of, okay, this person
is meant to be in my world. And it doesn't happen.
all that often, at least that deeply. I mean,
so I have a theory that I'll share with you right
off the hop is that we, I have about three circles
in my world that people fit into. There are like
the intimate circle, the closest people, there
are about maybe five people in that realm. And
that is because those are my ride or die people.
Those are my people who showed up and proved
to me that they had my back, proved to me that
they were there no matter what. And then there's
sort of the middle circle where we have all those
other people that we're close with. We care about
them. We care about them deeply. And yet they're
not quite at... Now they could move into the
inner circle. They could. And maybe it's time,
maybe it's something needs to happen to show
their true colors. It's hard to say, but we want
to keep them close, but they're not quite in
that like intimacy with us yet. And then there's
the outer circle and that's sort of everybody
that we know and people that we care about, people
that we want to keep in our world. And yet, you
know, maybe they're not really the right energy
or the right fit for us, but we care about them.
So Mia right now, I think she's edging her way
in that inner circle, just so you're aware where
she's where she's fitting in my world. She's
sort of edging her way in. And I am so excited
about that because I see what she is doing in
this world. I see how valuable the work that
she is doing is because not everybody is going
to necessarily be the best Oprah. right? There's
only one Oprah, right? And that's great. We need
Oprah. We also need everybody else. We also need
everybody else. And what would it feel like if
we could start to embrace our lives and engage
our lives with passion and excitement and like,
whatever that is, I don't know if there are small
kids around, they are great examples of this,
right? What if we could change a dirty bum with
laughter and joy and, you know, engaged, engaged
with that child or with that adult that we care
for, or with nature, or with whatever, cooking.
It doesn't matter what it is. What if you could
engage in your life in a passionate, ignited
way? And I'm just here to tell you it's possible.
It is absolutely possible. Yeah. So paint the
picture for I'm like weeping already. A picture
of us sucked right in. live engaged in your life.
How were you living before? And who were you
even 10 years ago? And, you know, and then we'll
go through that and we'll come out and say what
things started to change to really try and make
it tangible. Because I'm not encouraging Big
life events to happen in people's lives. Like
the whole point is that we can do that right
now listening to this podcast if you're Washing
dishes and they're kind of clunking around, you
know, you could turn up the volume and slow down
the washing Just be here a little bit deeper
right instead of having a 27 year relationship
pull the rug out or you know other event other
event type of thing so that that's the big piece
because if we build that foundation when something
happens as the saying goes when life gets lifey
we'll be stronger to face it we'll be more resilient
and that doesn't mean it's not going to suck
it just means that we will do a more peaceful
it'll be a more peaceful journey. It will still
be painful, it will still have lessons, it will
still have growth, but will be just a little
bit more kind of like prepared or like stronger
to walk into it. Okay, so first thing that I
think I want to just say on that note is there
are lots of things that happen in this life that
we can't predict. And if you've been hit by one
of those things, it's okay. It's okay to fall
down. It's okay to struggle to get back up. It's
okay. Okay, so if you're in that place right
now with all of the love in my heart, take care
of you and do what you need to do in this moment
to get back on your feet. That's the first thing.
Okay, and if that means that you need to rage,
if that means that you need to scream, if that
means that you need to hit a pillow, that means
that you need to cry, if that means that you
need to go and sit in nature for a little bit,
do it. do it, because one of the things that
I recognized as I was going through this process,
and there's a lot to this story, so hopefully
we can get everything in in this hour that I've
got with you. But if not, then I'll come back.
She'll be in the summit in November, guys, so
stay tuned. One of the things that really became
clear to me, and this actually was before the
marriage ended, it was, I was doing a lot of
writing. I lost my sister in a car accident about
15 years ago, I think. And, um, I was doing a
lot of writing because that's how I process and
I'm pretty good at it. I'm pretty good at it.
Well, book number one, international bestselling
book. Um, so. I was doing a lot of writing and
one of the things that hit me at one point was
there is only one person on this planet that
you will have with you from the moment you are
born until the moment you die, right? One person
and that's you, one. You are the person that
you have so it is essential for us to take care
of ourselves well. You know, you hear people
talking about put the mask on first, right? it's
essential that we take care of ourselves. What
happened as a result of... So I'll just sort
of give you the backstory really quickly. I became
a mom at 17, lived on welfare with my son for
I don't know how many years, probably five or
six years before I was able to get an education.
In the meantime, I met my former husband and...
we started to build a life together and went
back to school, got my college diploma, blah,
blah, you know, all of that kind of stuff. Started
a business. Started the business because I didn't
know what else to do. My son had some challenges
and keeping him in school or keeping him in like
solid childcare became really difficult. So although
I'd gone to school and gotten this education,
I wasn't able to keep a job. between appointments
and, you know, dealing with the circumstances,
I wasn't able to keep a job. So I decided to
start a business and wow, just, I had no idea
what I was doing. I didn't know people who were
in business. It was just like, okay, I've got
this skill. I can do bookkeeping. I can do bookkeeping.
And this was like a while ago, right? Before
the internet was so prolific, right? 2020, yeah,
25 years now. So I, I'm sorry, 2000. It was the
year that it was the year that we got married.
Um, anyway, so 25 years ago, I started this business
and I'll tell you what, like face meet earth.
It was insane because I didn't know what I was
doing. I didn't know how to sell. I didn't come
from that background. Right. And I had the skill
set. So the beautiful thing was to keep trying
and trying and trying. So started it here, then
moved to another city, started it there, same
result, then moved to Alberta, which is another
province here in Canada, not far from Mia. The
Canadian Texas. So we moved to Alberta and that
one was the third time was a charm. Okay. And
I learned so much in the process, but I also,
and this is where I think this whole thing began,
was making that move across the country with...
My husband at the time, my almost grown son,
a big dog named Missy and what we could carry
into vehicles. That was we had no jobs waiting.
We had a hotel room with a kitchenette waiting
on the other end because I had come to a place
where I understood that something had to change.
And that was the thing that for some reason felt
like it was the right move. And it was. because
what happened was all of a sudden this Jackie
person who had, you know, ruined her life at
16 when she got pregnant. And, you know, all
like, just forget it, Jackie, all of your dreams,
all of your goals, all of your happy blah, blah,
forget it. I had lived into that. And when I
went to Alberta, all of a sudden they had people
going, wait a second, you packed up two vehicles
and moved across the country. How brave are you?
Right. And so that feedback started to make me
think about myself in a different way. Right.
And I started to think, wow, you know, what if
they're right? What if I'm not a failure? What
if I'm not a loser? What if I'm not a, you know,
what if I didn't ruin my life? What if I, what
if there's still time? What if I could still
become? Right. And that's where it starts to
get really interesting. playing with those ideas.
And at the time, I mean, I thought I had a solid
marriage and I thought that we were good, right?
I was building this business. We were accumulating
some money for the first time in my life. We
weren't living in abject poverty, you know, and
it was like, Oh my God. So that was, I think
the turning point for me. At a certain point,
I got sick. We decided we were going to move.
It was always in the cards that we were probably
going to move home. But I got sick and it was
necessary for us to make that decision earlier
than anticipated. And about a year or so after
that was when my sister had her car accident.
So you had to move home in order to be there
for that, right? Well, you know, in order to
have time with her before. in order to have time
with her before it happened. And then, you know,
and I mean, there's a whole story that goes along
with that. I don't really want to go too far
into that right now. But the story was obviously,
this was unexpected. This was a knock me flat
moment. And one of the things I remember very
clearly was thinking to myself like, I've lost
people before. I've lost people before and I
have never felt like this. I have never felt
like I can't get back up on my feet. I've never
felt like I can't function. I've never felt like
just so lost and empty. And so the result was
where the marriage I think started to fall apart.
My ex -husband came home one day and to be fair,
I had not been honest with anybody. I had not
told anybody how badly I was struggling with
my grief or what was actually happening inside
me. But he came home one day and I was in my
office sitting at my desk working away because
that day I'd been able to find my focus, right?
And it was so wonderful because I was... struggling,
but I was accomplishing something. Right. And
he came into my office and I'm like, what are
you doing home in the middle of the day? And
he goes, oh, I lost my job. Now, if you've ever
seen that movie Titanic, like this is how this
is how that moment felt for me. Every time I've
seen that movie, it's like the moment that she
pushes Jack off of the the door or whatever she's
on in the ocean and he just sinks. That was the
moment because I was struggling so much just
to keep my head above water and to keep functioning
and keep showing up and keep taking care of him
and our son and the house and the dogs and my
clients and show up and I had no idea how to
do that but in that moment I felt very much alone
and I felt like I went under. And he was unemployed
for about a year and a half after that. By the
time he found work again, we were struggling
with some debt. And I mean, there's a whole other
story there, right? Because debt and stress,
financial stress is... really hard on a marriage,
but it's also really hard on us in our beings
and our bodies. It's really hard on us. So there
was this stress of like, okay, I can't find my
feet again. I don't know what like, what the
hell does life look like without her? What does
it look like to never have a Christmas with my
sister again? You know, all of that kind of all
of that kind of stuff. So I started going to
the beach and I started listening to music in
partly an effort to crack myself open because
I recognized that I had gotten really shut down.
you know, especially after the loss of the job,
but I recognize that. And also what happened
in the meantime was that people, you know, I'm
pretty well connected in my community and people
kind of like me, you know. So I'm going through
this grief journey and people are saying to me,
oh, could you come and speak for my group? Could
you come and talk about what this has been like
for you? She was also, by the way, she was also
well known in the community. So I started to
speak. And then one day this, this thing happened
and, you know, isn't that always the way one
day something happens. And I met these, these
women and they were running this. monthly group
thing called Mo Mondays. I'm not sure if it's
everywhere, but in Ontario, it was really big
in London for a while. And I had met them. I
loved their energy. Same sort of, you know, like,
oh, this person's meant to be here. So I was
talking with them one day because I was going
to these things and I loved it. The format was
basically this. You have a life changing event
that happens. So you share three things that
you learned. You share the story, but you share
three things that you learned as a result of
that story. And excuse me. And, um, so I, I was
just loving all of these, like people, some of
them I knew really well, some of them I barely
knew some of them I didn't know, but they were
getting up there and they were sharing from a
vulnerable place, something that had happened
to them and what that had created for them. So
I remember saying to one of them one night, Uh,
you know, I, I just love this so much and one
of these days I'm going to get on that stage.
Ah, so you were just going, you were just going.
Yeah. Yeah. One of these days I'm going to be
on that stage. And the ironic thing was that
I, I was terrified of public speaking at that
time. So small groups were okay. You know, five,
10 people, that was fine. But once you got into
like hundreds of people, forget it. Yeah, sure.
So. I don't know maybe two weeks later I get
a call from one of them and she go right she
goes um so one of our speakers had to cancel
something came up for them and they had to cancel
for our next show which is in two weeks and uh
we have a spot to fill we'd like you to fill
it and I was like yes yes yes I'll do it yes
yeah because I've also learned that most of the
time when you get that yeah There's a thing.
There's a thing that can be really, really good
for you if you allow it. Yes. Yeah, so I started
to frantically write and I was writing writing
writing writing because I was trying to figure
out my three things and So I was writing this
whole thing about this grief journey and what
it was like to lose my sister and what what you
know what I learned in the process getting getting
prepared because I've got to be on a stage in
front of hundreds of people in two weeks and
I've got to come up with a talk and most people
have months to prepare for this and I've got
two weeks to do it anyway, so I'm like frantically
writing And one day I had this moment where I
hit my own grief and that hadn't happened yet
because I was so busy taking care of everybody
and everything that I had not yet hit this place
where I recognized that I had lost my big sister.
You know, I'd lost the one who had danced me
around the living room on her feet and taught
me how to drive and taught me how to apply eye
makeup and helped me take care of my son when
he was small and all of these things. And, oh
my God, it hurt, but it cracked it. Like it cracked
me wide open and all of this pain poured out.
Also, one of the really great things for me was
writing. And so whatever your thing is, like
maybe it's baking, maybe it's writing, maybe
it's speaking, maybe it's singing, I don't know
what it is. Because each of us, there will be
a different thing that we can do to help us process.
So if you don't know what that is, find it. Journaling
can be a really great place to start. Find it.
So that's what happened. They hit this grief
place. And I already had my three things, by
the way. When I hit that grief place, I already
had my three things. I knew exactly what I was
going to say. Well, that night comes and I get
up on that stage and, you know, knees knocking.
But the most beautiful thing happened was as
soon as the spotlight hit me, I felt like I was
home and I wasn't trying to be anybody that I
wasn't. I was sharing my story from the place
in my heart that it was real. and it was true.
And the audience was with me every single step.
It was amazing. It was like, I am looking out
because people tell you, right? People tell you
what to do from stage. They go, okay, so don't
focus on one person. You've got to scan, right?
And you've got to engage people and maybe focus
on one person in a moment, whatever. There are
techniques for this, right? So I'm, I'm doing
all the techniques and I'm, I'm talking about
this very personal, very painful moment in my
life. They were crying. They were laughing. They
were, you know, they were with me. They were
absolute with me. And I finally got to the place
where my second thing and I had said, okay, so
I'm, I'm a believer in God and I had said, there
is no way. that I am going to share that, that
part that is so raw and so ouchy. There is no
way that I am going to say that from that stage.
And I got my second point out and then my mind
went completely blank and the only thing that
was left was that. And I'm so glad because I
had people coming to me months and months and
months later saying thank you for sharing that
because your willingness to open that up allowed
me to deal with my grief about my father that
I lost 30 years ago. you know, allowed me to,
uh, I was hearing from people that I knew that
somebody came to me and they, I'm like counselors,
right? They couldn't tell me who it was and that
was okay, but somebody came to get help because
of what you said on that stage. And I was like,
what? Like, I'm just a bookkeeper, right? I'm
just a bookkeeper and a wife and a mom and a
dog owner and a, like I'm, huh? Yeah. So that's
where it started to get really interesting. The
piece about the marriage. Let's pull out a few
pieces here. Sure. In this. So I want you guys
to really hear what's happening in Jackie's life.
It's happening over a longer period of time and
it's building into something. And as life is
advancing over time, Jackie's starting to respond
to things a little bit differently, starting
to think about things a little bit differently,
which then allows her to see opportunities that
she might not have considered before and is opening
her up to more, maybe, well, let's try. Well,
what could that look like? Rather than The the
very painful initial story of I ruined my whole
life There's nothing left and like she was still
a baby herself as a teenager, right? And so we're
these are all just such Everyday examples of
where we might be holding ourselves back from
ourselves with some bullshit limiting belief
excuse not to and so when Jackie was saying well
what if this and maybe I'm not bad it's one of
my favorite and easiest kind of coaching tools
or even just self -reflection as a side by side
where you have your current belief and then well
what else could be possible because there's like
nine billion plus people on the planet so whatever
precise reality you're living in is not the only
reality that you have available to you if nine
nine billion minus one other people have done
things slightly different than you right and
that's not a comparison that is what is possible
what is possible and then that the things that
we go through are sometimes and most often meant
for much greater God uses us to help reach others
and that's such a poignant and like you know,
laugh out of my chair, because of course he would
do that. Oh, you don't want to say that? Poof!
And he like waves his magic wand. And then he's
like, what are you going to talk about now, huh?
And you're like, ah! This is one of my, and Lord
forgive me, but one of my kind of sarcastic and
hilarious things. It's like, it can be a pain
in the butt to follow Jesus because then you
couldn't do the things you don't want to do.
but he equips you to do them. And then look at,
look at where it took Jackie, not only for your
own healing Jackie, but then to touch other people's
lives. And then in that you realize you're so
much like, how much is possible for you as a
result of that. This isn't relating to bookkeeping.
This isn't to land coaching clients. This isn't
to like, rah rah how you went from you know 250
,000 in debt to a million in the green in the
bank. This is just heart to heart sharing for
your healing and for just the reason that you
said yes to that speaking invitation and the
timing of that was meant to now take us into
this next part of your story because you haven't
your husband hasn't left you yet at this point.
No. No, we were still together at this point,
but what had started to shift in me and I'm going
to share with you one of the. One of the hardest
pieces of releasing my marriage and releasing
him was a sense of guilt because now this thing
has happened, right? So I've I've had this. momentous
moment on stage. And I've had this thing happen
where my sister is now gone, and that's caused
me to re -examine my life. And am I happy? And
what am I doing? And what could I be doing? And
to your point, Mia, one of the things that I
love to talk about is mindset. I mean, that's
really my shtick, right? And we think that we
know everything. Our brain is an amazing, wonderful
machine. And it tells us what is possible. It
tells us what we can have. It tells us there's
all this conditioning inside us that says, okay,
Jackie, you're just a bookkeeper. Jackie, you
ruined your life at 16. Jackie, you blah, blah,
blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Right? But here's the thing. Our mind is very
limited because it's limited to the information
it already has. And as Mia said, there are 9
billion people on this planet. How many places
have you never seen? How many experiences that
have you never had? When you start to play with
this, like, wow is something. And I love just
maybe, just maybe because there's no pressure,
right? And then I can, I can play with it and
I can be like, Ooh, what might that be like?
What might it be like to go and work on a beach?
Right? Like just somebody pampering me all day
long. What might that be like? So getting into
the really crazy time. So it was nine days before
my tax deadline, still doing bookkeeping and
taxes. And we had had a separation a couple of
years earlier for a few months, but then he came
back. And he said to me, because by then I'd
started coaching, you know, like people were
like, Oh, I want to work with you. Oh, I've seen
you speak. Oh, you know, I want to, how can you
help me? And so I'd started coaching and I was
speaking and he said when he came home that,
um, that he couldn't get behind that work. So
If I wanted the marriage, then I needed to let
that go and focus on the accounting. And I did.
And I'm not going to say that I regret that because,
you know, I don't regret much. You know, it was
the decision that I made at the time. I did lose
a lot of momentum. Right. And it's okay. It's
okay. Because, you know, momentum, you can build
it again. I mean, here's the thing. If you have
built it once, you can build it again. Okay?
So sometimes the timing is not right now, but
if you've done it, if you have the skill set,
if you have the God given gift to do something,
it may go away for a little while. You may make
decisions that might take that a bit off track
and that's okay. It's okay, because you will
find your way back. Those things that are meant
for us are never gone. They are never gone. It's
so important to sit in that, you guys, because
otherwise you're always activating and hijacking
your nervous system in scarcity and survival
mode. this is a big piece I swear I'm living
through it now of just being okay with what is
and what's happening is like I'm showing up way
more comfortable yeah because now it just is
it is like hanging out with friends when I'm
out there offering my my coaching services audience
or not I'm just like this is where it's coming
from and it is pressureless and there is a an
expected result, but there's no like Amazon 24
hour delivery guarantee. And normalizing that
and creating that safety in your body is so crucial
to sustaining it. And like Jackie's saying, to
waiting for when it comes around again. And in
this case, you were shown Something very big
like like a day in the life of Jackie Five years
from now or whatever the timeline is Right. And
so now you have evidence in your life. Your brain
has this more information That is in the database
that you can access again So yes, I love that
because you don't have to do everything right
now. We You know, we take each day as it comes
but we can take a little bit for granted that
there are more days to come too. Okay so keep
us going because that's that is really powerful
of sitting in the moment and what's really great
here too Jackie is you you came back to all of
that so now you're living evidence to all of
the listeners and that you can rebuild momentum
and that really allows that scarcity mindset
to drop away and be safe with what is. Yeah and
one of the things when we're talking about lack
or scarcity one of the things that I oh god I
just love you gotta get the book because it's
all in there but one of the things I really love
to say is like you've always had enough. Yeah.
You've always had enough and I know that you've
always had enough because you're still here,
you're still breathing, you're still with us
and you're with us on this podcast. Right? So
you've always had enough. Now, maybe it's time
to start thinking about what would I like? What
would I enjoy? You know, maybe enough isn't enough
anymore. Right? So, and it's okay if it takes
you time. It's okay if you have to step out.
The guilt that I dealt with was because I knew
that something was shifting and I had so much,
it was a very codependent relationship. And I
had so much invested in him, in the relationship,
all of my goals, all of my dreams, all of my...
plans for the future were all tied up in this
marriage and making him happy, you know, and
being the perfect wife, which I wasn't, but you
know, that was, and that was also another stick
that I would beat myself over the head with,
right? I'm not the perfect wife. Well, who is,
who is, right? So it was actually a blessing
and it took me a long time to get there because
I was just feeling guilty and I was feeling obligated.
I was feeling like, okay, I took these vows,
but man, what would my life be like? What could
my life be like? And understanding on some really
deep level that he simply couldn't go with me,
whether he may want to or not. he wasn't the
right person to accompany me on this leg of my
journey. He had been valuable to me for, obviously,
for a long time, right? In some ways, and one
of them was providing me the safety and the feeling
of security in my life because he was my husband,
right? And so that created this false sense of
security, in all honesty, but This security that
I had allowed me to then explore and blossom
into who I was becoming and heal those things
inside, or at least start healing. I mean, I
don't believe healing is ever like one and done
thing. I think it's a journey, right? But starting
that healing starting that emergence starting
that you know Blossoming into and exploring these
like oh, I'm just a bookkeeper But man, I did
that holy crap really that happened because of
something that I said on a stage. Are you kidding
me? Um, so all of that, anyway, so nine days
before my, my tax deadline, um, I came upstairs
and, uh, he was up earlier than I was. He was
sitting in the living room and I made myself
a coffee. I had a client coming in an hour and
a half. So I had an hour and a half to start
my day, make my coffee, have my shower, all of
the stuff, right? Brand new client coming in
an hour and a half. And, um, so I, I said, good
morning, gave him a kiss. hug, opened up the
blinds. And I was like, okay, so we haven't really
had a lot of time together lately, you know,
because it's been really busy. How do you feel
about going to a movie tonight? Oh, well, you
know, the hockey game's on tonight. And I went,
okay, so I'm feeling really disconnected from
you. And I really would like to spend some time
together tonight. And his response was that He
wasn't happy. He hadn't been happy. He hadn't
wanted to do this that particular day, but since
I'd brought it up, he was done with the marriage.
And he was gone. He was packed and gone within
about two hours. So while I was meeting with
this new client, he was packing. and gone, the
moment that that person went out the door, he
showed up at my office door and the car was packed,
he was going. So, yeah, like my entire life blew
up in minutes. in minutes. And there was a real
journey to that healing. And I still, in all
honesty, I still feel like sometimes I'm going
through pieces of that, right? Because it hit
so many different things. I found out that there
was another person a few weeks later and that
hit every, right? Right? Like, not enough, not
good, no matter what I did. No, I'm piece of
crap. It's that rich. Wow. Like it brought up
all of my, I call them demons. I call these voices
in the back of my head. I call them my demons.
And I say that I dance with them sometimes. Right?
So when my demon starts to tell me I'm not good
enough, when my demon starts to tell me that
I'm not pretty enough or skinny enough, or, you
know, or what, anything, I'm not funny enough.
I'm not smart enough. I'm not like anything enough.
Right? Not the truth. That's why I call it a
demon because it is not truth, right? I did not
ruin my life when I was 16 years old. I did not
ruin my life by marrying the person that I married.
I did not ruin my life. Darlings, your life is
not ruined. You may be going through some temporary
crap. You may have made decisions that have made
things more challenging. You know, I was an A
plus student. I was an honor roll student when
I, when I got pregnant and when I think about
that girl and what she bought into the, the stories
that she bought into. And I think, ah, ah, my
heart breaks for her, you know, because the truth
is the matter. Like what, Oh, what did she do
wrong? Oh, there's a baby coming. Oh no. Oh no.
There's a, there's a beautiful creation. gift
from God showing up on this planet. Oh, no. Right?
Stigma, stigma, stigma. If, if I had had a different
point of view that I could have bought into,
I mean, yes, things are definitely more complicated,
but there is no reason in the world why I could
not have gone on to do everything that I thought
that I wanted to do. There's no reason in the
world. Right, so this is this is the stuff. This
is this believe all things are possible because
our beliefs shape our reality They shape what
we believe that we can do or what's available
to us. What does it mean to love or be loved?
What does it mean to be successful or failure?
What does it mean? What does it mean to have
money or not have money? What does it mean? And
that's all living back there. And we can change
that. And that is the really exciting thing that
came out of all of this, like, holy crap, what
does it mean that he's now found another person?
What does it mean that I wasn't enough to keep
him satisfied and at home? What does it mean
that I have now been left? And when you talk
about debt, holy crap, the financial mess, what
does it mean? what does all of this mean? I thought
I would lose my house. I thought that I would
become dependent on my mother for the rest of
my life. I thought, I thought, I thought. And
like you think about that and you're like, okay,
but you, you had a bookkeeping business. You
were successful, right? Why would you think that
you were going to become dependent on your mother?
Like, where does that come from? It comes from
here. Like you said, the brain as a database
only sees and processes what it has. And the
unknown is literally unknown. But if you can
play in that maybe space or the side -by -side
alternate reality game. Then you can start to
bring that in and I think that's the power of
visualization not as something frou -frou but
of a climatizing your physiological self feel
and and be in a situation different than the
one that you're actually living and then you
normalize that you familiarize that and it becomes
part of your database even though it hasn't happened
and you know manifestation prayers answered preferably
thank you and working towards that with a conviction
and a certainty that maybe it is possible and
in all of this you said at the beginning like
engaging in your life a little bit more. So we've
heard of being present, oh look at my computer
and how silver it is. Also like you are the steward
of your thoughts because you are a soul living
in a body and if you can observe your mind and
its thoughts and let your soul kind of go around
that, then you steward your thoughts, which believe
such a great title for a book all about the actual
way that you do this in your day. Right? Like
again, guys wearing the best day ever t -shirt,
copy number two, three of these t -shirts and
then I'll stop wearing the same stinky t -shirt
every day. Anyway, this is how you have your
best day ever, every day. Like I kind of have
given an example and then we'll give it back
to Jackie to kind of round off because her and
I, oh my God, we need to do like a day long workshop
or something around all of this deep, deep conversation.
But the thing is, it's just happening in the
day to day. It is like Jackie still has her job
as a bookkeeper, her business, right? She's launched
her coaching career. She's become a bestselling
international author. But she's still Jackie.
She still has her son. She still has her friend.
She still has her life. It's not like she's jet
setting with diamonds, you know, on the daily.
Like we're still just the women that we were.
We're just more of her because we're practicing
and implementing this into the day to day. So
I just want to give a hopefully a very relatable
and boring example of what all of this means
I have a dumb but important job, right? When
neighbors complain about each other, I come in
and sort them out. And it's hilarious to me because
I am like such a youthful and colourful person
who has to do this very serious and authoritative
type job. So I always have this duality of...
you know, two different personalities that have
to coexist. So instead, I mush them together
and I get some semblance of a decent bylaw officer
out of it, because I was, I was compartmentalizing
them. And the context here is just that is this
mindset, where you let your soul lead as what
else is possible. Well, I have to be like this,
and I have to be serious, and I have to that.
At work, I allow myself to be expressed professionally.
I'm representing my local government, so I am,
you know, sort of like an ambassador and I am
branded under their culture, but I am still Mia,
the beautiful, sparkly human, and I can have
some fun with it. And I have a lot of autonomy
over how I run that service. And there are days
where the complaints are so... mundane and petty
that I get frustrated. So now I allow that frustration,
like Jackie was saying, let yourself go through
it, express those emotions, and then come back
around. And for me now, I'm like, well, how can
I have fun with this? How can I engage and create
meaning for myself in this and make it interesting
by shifting my perspective? I am not in the business
of behavior change. You are in the business of
your own behavior change, which is like, you
know, great catchphrase for what Jackie and I
are talking about here. So if I can't change
how somebody else is going to behave, including
my child every morning on the way to school or
at bedtime every night, bless her sweet little
heart, wouldn't trade her for the world, then
what am I going to change about myself? And how
am I going to make this better and more peaceful
and enjoyable for myself? And so very wonderfully,
like I honestly, guys, I hate returning voicemails
at work. I dread it. But then every once in a
while I get given a gift and I returned a voicemail
with a woman and I'm going through the list and
I'm like, okay, here we go another one. Hi, someone's
calling back. How can I help you? And it was
a complaint about noise and you just, you never
know what you're walking into. And this is where
when you apply the thought stewardship, you can
have little blessings like this. So I just want
to keep reminding of the context while I share
this delightful story. So I call this woman back,
she's complaining about noise and there's construction
happening very close proximity to her home and
it's rattling the bed. She's telling me this.
She's like, is there anything that can be done?
Because it really rattles the bed. And then there's
like this very, it felt like a very conscious
pause between the two of us. And then she goes,
I mean, I know some people would pay good money
for that. This little fellow to my chair. And
I was like, oh. And now we're howling on the
phone. Thank you for saying that because I was
totally thinking it. So we're like, we're staying
in the professional capacity, but we're being
real with each other. And that was it. That just
erased all of the other garbage that was holding
on in the day, right? So sometimes somebody can
help shake you out of it, but You have to be
a little bit soft inside like Jackie was saying
about the cracking of the grief. You have to
be a little bit soft and when you go through
something and you hold yourself you can apply
it everywhere. Everywhere. I joke a lot about
folding laundry but I have been doing conscious
thought stewardship that when I fold and it sounds
so cheesy but like I'm really grateful to have
the hat laundry. I have too many clothes so if
I don't like folding laundry my choices are get
rid all your clothes girl or enjoy having what
you have and it's so simple and sometimes I get
a bit frustrated with like all the cliches of
it but this is how we really Like what Jackie
reprogram build build ourselves build ourselves
into a state of it's always been enough But now
how can I turn that enough into more? service
and Even return in my own life Yeah, I have a
phrase that I use when I talk about this stuff
and it's the subliminal soundtrack So I talk
about it from a place of rewriting the stories
Right. Rewriting the belief systems to support
us. You know, one of the most important jobs
that I've ever done is being a mom. And I was
thinking actually just this morning with my first
cup of coffee, I was outside, I've got this patio
spot and I was sitting out there and I was thinking,
what am I most proud of? What am I most proud
of in my life? And first and foremost is the
human being that I've become. because they think
that that is absolutely essential. If you're
not the kind of person that you like, then you
got to do something about that, right? If you
can ground yourself in, you know what, I'm a
solid friend. I do the best I can with pretty
much everything that I do, even if maybe some
days it's not everything. If it's all I have
to give, then it's all I have to give. I do the
very best I can. I show up in the best way that
I know how. I do my very best not to cause harm
to anyone. I'm very proud of those things. My
career, my work, yes, I'm proud of that stuff
too, but at the same time, it's more about who
am I in this world and what kind of an impression
am I going to leave on the lives that I am? Part
of or that I've touched right my son He is the
the biggest best job That I have ever done in
my life now. He's a grown man now. He does still
live here because Stuff happened pandemic all
of that other stuff and He's a good guy, you
know, so There are some people, I think that
like, if you're, if you're talking about jet
setting and I don't even know if I'll ever want
to do that. Like I know that that appeals to
some people. I'm not sure that that really appeals
to me. Having said that I'm open. I'm open to
trying it. Maybe. I mean, that pampered on the
beach thing sounded pretty good. It's possible.
So, um, but I think that the, the stuff that
we don't understand is that the biggest impact
sometimes that we make is just in doing those
things that we do. We show up as whatever partner,
mom, whatever job, because each of these are
roles, right? And we show up in those roles.
And if you do your best, if you do the best that
you can, you know, Ian and I have talked a lot
because he's now a grown man. And it was so amazing
because, and it was, I think shortly after the
marriage ended, he came to me one day and he
said, you know, I was just thinking mom, and
like you were 17 years old, you know, and it
was amazing because I think that the healing
or the whatever that was going on around the
life change caused both of us to be kind of reflective.
And he said, I've been thinking about this a
lot. You were 17. And he had been carrying around
anger. I hadn't done enough. I hadn't whatever,
said the right thing at that moment or done the
right thing at that moment. By the way, there
is no perfect mom. There is no such thing. So
just throw that out the window and do the best
you can. That's all that's all you've got. Um,
but he said to me, you know, you were 17 years
old and Wow, right? Like look what you did and
you know, and he knows some of the challenges
and and all of that stuff, but like just that
one piece, what did you know at 17 years old?
He says i'm like I'm 20 almost 20 years older
than you were when you had me And i'm not sure
that I could have done any better than you did
You know, so it's those moments and and if you're
in a place where somebody offers you love like
that Offers you understanding compassion forgiveness,
whatever That thing is I would really really
really encourage you to hear them and acknowledge
and Allow it. Allow yourself to receive that,
right? Because I absolutely believed that I had
not done some of the things that I would do now,
right? If I became a mom now, I would do things
completely differently. But you're a completely
different person. Yeah. And what I'm hearing
in this is it's safe to be who you are. It's
safe to be who you are, as long as you're not
a huge dick, intentionally running around hurting
people. Just don't be a dick. Most of us are
not the bad person that we think we are, right?
And like, in sharing, it's in the day to day,
like that hilarious phone call. I'm going to
be talking about that forever. And it was so
just blended in. But because I showed up, you
know, in integrity, in service, proud to be the
woman that I am at work, at home, etc. I got
that gift. And it may not lend me a $10 ,000
client or pay off my debt overnight or any of
those sensational things, but it went in my heart.
My heart's glowing brighter. as a result of that
and then that feeds my soul to keep showing up
for little beautiful drops of experiences like
that that then lead to whatever else and whatever
else and whatever else right and that's the whole
thing and I love that you say you know most moms
will say my kids are what i'm most proud of but
Jackie you make such a powerful point about being
most proud of yourself and then immediately on
your heels hopefully of your children too right
because you are let's bring it all back to the
beginning you are who you're always with always
always you invest in you and in your time We
have talked about so much, such deep spaces.
We didn't really get a chance to the next chapter
of where Jackie's at, but I think it's kind of
evident that now she's living in her best life
and there's just going to be more of that to
come. It doesn't mean there's not enough of it
now. Now it's just parties on. The party's on,
baby. And let's go. So Jackie and I are going
to stay in each other's space. We're going to
continue to show up for you all and do fun things.
And I'm going to encourage you to go and follow
her along on her socials. She's got her website.
She's on YouTube, Facebook and Instagram. Jackie
Mott mindset empowerment. And all those links
will be in the show notes. And she's working
on her YouTube channel and whatever else is coming
up. So you just get in her space and stay there.
And let's all go out and get that book. Maybe
we could do a book club on Jackie's book. I would
love to do that. That would be fun. Yeah, and
do that. So anything that you want to say in
closing to our listeners, to me, to yourself?
Well, to you, thank you. Thank you for stalking
me into being your friend, because I'm very thrilled
to be in that circle with you. And just do the
best you can, right? To the listeners, just whatever
it is, do the best you can. And that's enough.
Whether people want to tell you that it is or
not, that's their stuff, right? Just show up
in the best version of you that you can. And
if you need help, You know, people like Mia and
myself, and there are lots of people. If we're
not the right line, well, I would have to guess
that we're the right voices for you because you're
here. But if we're not, find the right voices,
right? Follow me. Check in with me. If you've
got a challenge, please reach out. Please reach
out. I'm happy to have a conversation and see
how we can, and believe it or not, some of this
stuff is really very quick. Yeah, yeah. Beautiful.
Awesome. Well, thanks so much, Jackie. Have the
best day ever. Thank you, you too.