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Hello, my beautiful, powerful CEOs of the world.

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Welcome to the Startup Stories podcast where new female business owners are heard, held,

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and served.

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Relatable stories to keep you sane, grounded, and growing as you deliver your purpose and

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grow your business.

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Today I'm joined by Sandra Possing, a life coach who has completely allowed space to

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explore herself so that she can show up in greater impact and authentic alignment in

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order to live a life of creative choice, freedom, and empowerment.

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I choose these words very specifically because her journey is extremely like ours.

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I'm looking at her.

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She's beautiful.

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She's beautiful.

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Faces symmetrical.

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Like, look at her.

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She's glowing.

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She has this awesome energy.

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But she had to overcome insecurities and she had to overcome doubts and self-limiting beliefs

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as well as having accepted beliefs that the world imposed in order to really be free

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as she is.

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That's going to be what we talk about as an example of if I can do it, you can do it.

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Let's get to it.

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Welcome to the show, Sandra.

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Feel free to edit, add, and elaborate on your introduction as you see fit.

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Thank you so much for having me.

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It's always really cool to hear yourself through someone else's interpretation and words and

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perspective.

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Thank you for that.

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That was really cool.

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It's a cool way to, it's like cool reflection.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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Right.

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We're mirrors to each other and we need that in order to further accept who we are and

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what we're here to do.

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It's affirmative and I'll say that with a disclaimer that you can take us into.

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This isn't external circumstance dictating internal decision.

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This is authentic living being reflected back and we remove those layers and we allow that

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space for people to really see us in a way that we see ourselves, but that also reminds

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us of that from someone else who doesn't carry all of the baggage that we've carried

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about ourselves.

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I think it's something that becomes more and more perceivable or noticeable the more that

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we train ourselves to be more present.

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I think when we're checked out and on autopilot and running around and doing all the things,

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we don't pause and notice that the world is reflecting us back to ourselves.

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We're more like just reacting and it's more like this is just the way it is.

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This is just how I am.

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Like victim mode, defensive, all that kind of stuff.

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I think the more that we can cultivate a sense of awareness, self-awareness and presence,

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the more we notice those little subtleties that you're speaking to, the like, wow, if

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I can slow down enough and quiet the external noise enough, there's so much all around me

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that everything can be my teacher.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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I'm just saying a few minutes.

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And we're pushing to strive towards something, but that slowing down allows us to see where

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we're at now.

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And that's an important piece of turning off that external noise like you say that this

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isn't conditional when I have a million followers or I'm making $10,000 a month or whatever,

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then I will.

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What is true right now and what is your authentic self right now and dropping into that, allowing

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that to guide you and then see it actually showing up?

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Our conversation, so you guys haven't shared this, but Sandra has built a six-figure plus

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business online, thriving.

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We're startups.

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We're still in the beginning stages of things.

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We're having this conversation.

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We're connected.

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We see each other.

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That is a benefit of her being a guide, being a lighthouse to where we're going, but that

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doesn't mean that there isn't meaningful connection, appreciation of each other where

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we are now.

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100%.

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And it's like we can't see anything when we're rushing at least.

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I feel very strongly about that because it's been one of my biggest, like you could call

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it one of my biggest life lessons that has, it's had to sort of like smack me across the

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head with like many two by fours before I've really gotten anyone.

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And the interesting thing is, because it felt to me, it's felt very paradoxical to slow

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down because one of my most deeply ingrained limiting beliefs, and this is, I'm 43.

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I just figured this out like a couple of years ago, was you're taking too long.

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Like that's the voice I would hear in my head all the time, but it took me, you know, until

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a couple of years ago where I was like, where is this, who was telling me that I'm taking

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too long?

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And then I realized like, wait a minute, this is showing up in, first thing, you know, I

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notice it and like in business, right?

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It's super easy to compare ourselves and you see all the shiny object syndrome, you see

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all your mentors online and you're like, I want what she has, why am I taking so long?

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I should have gotten there much faster, you know, and I'm like, I've been doing this 12

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years, I should have been at this milestone 100 years ago.

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And so all those things, it's easy around business, but I'm like, this shows up in relationships

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that shows up in my personal development, in my leadership, in my health, in my yada,

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yada, yada.

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And then you would think that slowing down is like the last thing I would want to do

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when I'm already beating myself up, taking too long into literally every area.

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But what I had to realize once I finally wrap my head around it is like, because I've had

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this very unconscious, like it didn't realize it was running the show.

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But once I recognize like this limiting belief is that I'm taking too long, therefore I have

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been rushing my entire life.

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And I, you know, I can like psychoanalyze and go back and see a lot of where it comes from,

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like my dad is very grounded, slow moving, methodical engineer man.

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My mom is like, I was right with my mom.

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I'm wired like my dad.

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And being around my mom's like, you know, fun, fast, quick action taking energy, I think

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I probably always felt a little bit like behind, you know, I would be.

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And you're not in flying that way.

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Right.

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Around that.

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Yeah.

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So for the longest time I was like, oh, wow, okay, I've been rushing.

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But when I rush, I that's, I'm pretty clumsy anyway.

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And I'm like, when I rush, I'm more clumsy physically.

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I miss things.

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I get distracted.

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I try to multitask and try to catch up from taking too long for everything.

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So I'm like, wow, rushing.

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It makes sense that I've been doing that, but it's literally the worst thing I could do

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in every area.

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And so finally I was like, I actually need to slow down in order to speed up.

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And once I slow down, then I can like actually breathe with my full lung capacity.

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I can take my monkey mind, which is all over the place and just be like, you can just focus

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on one task.

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You don't have to do all 27 tabs on your computer at the same time while juggling things and

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really it was like, Oh, it was like this huge breath of sigh of relief.

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And then as soon as I started slowing down, like I started being faster at stuff, which

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is what I was trying to do the whole time.

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And I was like, we're like, so like, what you so counterintuitive.

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It is.

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But I just, and then just like what that does for your nervous system, I think regardless

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of kind of what our deal is, most of us could benefit from just regulating down, regulating

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a little bit and just like giving ourselves time and space.

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Yeah, to find out what's actually going on and what do we need in order to achieve what

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we want because it's different for each of us.

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So tell us what were some of those two by fours to the head and who were you before?

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Like one of your quotes, if you will, is that you were people pleasing good girl to now

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being this uncamed wild woman.

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But I think it's really like being this really expressed certain woman of who Sandra actually

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is when Sandra dictates that, when Sandra chooses that and leads herself with it.

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Yeah, I would say so much of the kind of my inner work roller coaster that I've guided

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myself through intentionally and unintentionally in my life has been that, like the struggle

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between living from the outside in versus living from the inside out, you know, growing

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up I like many kids, you know, just wanted to fit in was just trying to I was such a

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people pleaser in I was less like trying to make everyone happy, although I was doing

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that to my version of people pleasing was I just didn't want anyone.

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I just didn't want to be annoying.

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Like I didn't want to bother anyone.

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I didn't want to inconvenience anyone.

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I didn't want to slow anyone down, of course.

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I, you know, I didn't want to be in the way.

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Like I was that, you know, I not catch myself still doing it now or like someone, you know,

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I'm walking towards a stranger on the sidewalk.

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My instinct is I want to leap out of the way to let whoever go by because clearly they're

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more important, you know, even in the kitchen at home with my husband, who's my biggest

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supporter in the world, we're like, you know, if we're just moving around each other in

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the kitchen and like he needs to go to an area, I will leave out of the way.

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And I'm like, oh my gosh, it's under like you are allowed to be here.

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You are allowed to be on the sidewalk.

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You know, so it's like, it's those physiological instincts that are so deeply ingrained still.

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And I, it's like, I have to be so aware and present in the moment to catch myself, to

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do it.

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And a lot of it is, you know, the people pleasing thing, it gets so related to self-worth because

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when you believe that everyone else is better or more worthy and you're just trying to like

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get out of the way, no wonder you play small, no wonder you hold back, no wonder you shrink

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away, no wonder, you know, and then it's like slowly untangling that and not like, you know,

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running it over with a dump truck, but like recognizing that these are all protector parts

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of me.

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These are parts that I developed as a kid to keep me safe and survive and whatever.

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And I don't need them anymore.

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So it's like lovingly releasing those parts kind of like teaching yourself to laugh about

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them, I think.

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Like people pleasing jokes are my jam now because I think like it is, once you start

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to notice it and other people, A, it's really annoying and B, you're like, it's absurd, the

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things that we do when we're view releasing.

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And so letting that go and then instead of like, so that would be living from the outside

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in where you're trying to like appease everyone else and defer and do all that.

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And when you let that go, which is processed and then start to live from the inside out

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where you're like, I matter and I'm allowed to take up space.

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And what do I want?

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And so many of my clients, like half the work we do is just them figuring out what they

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even want because they've never given themselves permission to wonder because they're like

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too busy doing what everybody else thinks they should be doing and caretaking and stuff.

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And so then once you start to tap into your own desires, you're like, oh, there's like

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a natural, you know, you can do all the affirmations and the shadow work and whatever in the world.

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But when you connect with what you actually want, especially as a people pleaser, when

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we've spent our whole lives trying to figure out what like, we're mind reading, right?

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Like everyone who's in front of me, I'm trying to figure out what they want.

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How can I deliver it?

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So there's no room for my own desires.

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But once I start to connect to my own desires, like, I think of our desires as not only a

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compass, you know, like they will guide us if we actually learn to listen to them.

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But it's also the source of a liveness.

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And once we connect to that, it is like, it's intoxicating in the best way.

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Like talk about like, if you're unmotivated, connect to your desires or connect to a Y or

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something.

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And like, if you're burnt out, tired, stressed, connect to your desires.

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It could be passions, it could be, you know, whatever, just little things that light you

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up.

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I've had so many clients, I work with a lot of women who are like high achieving, professional,

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they're parenting and their moms and they're like, go, go, go and trying to prove themselves

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to everyone in the world, you know, they're doing nothing for themselves.

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Like their self care is very sad, their boundaries are non existent.

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Of course they're depleted and tired and resentful.

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And we'll be like, you don't have to change your whole life.

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Let's just find like one thing that you like, like a hobby that you've ignored for 10 years

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or something, just anything.

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And just like give yourself a tiny little taste of that here and there.

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You know, about clients who like started painting again for the first time or like for something

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they're kids or, you know, signed up for like a pole dancing class or just anything that

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was like a little bit.

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Your pleasure.

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Your pleasure, right?

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Your pleasure.

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That's for the sake of the joy of doing it.

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And then suddenly it's like they, if you've seen the movie Avatar where they have their

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little like braid, hair braid things and they plug them into like the trees and stuff, it's

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like that.

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It's like, wait a minute, I can, I have an energy source that I plug into at any time

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and it's like limitless.

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Yes.

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Yes.

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So that to me is like kind of the antidote to the people pleasing and the, all the like

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playing small that comes from that.

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Just the shoots are not motivating.

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Impressing, they're like, we get contracted whereas when we listen to desires and that

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kind of stuff, it's like, we kind of can't help but unleash this.

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I really believe we all have this like wild woman inside of us.

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And most of us have either not met her, we haven't seen her for a long time.

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We haven't seen her for a long time because she's been tucked away, putting everybody

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else ahead.

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Yeah.

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Yeah.

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So, you know, we, I've seen this with older, like our moms, I'm 42, I'm right behind you,

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same age, basically anyway, where they poured into their kids and their family and now the

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kids in the family have moved on and they're left with themselves all over again and they

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forget or never had time because maybe they started their family at age 20 to really step

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into who they are.

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And so it's like a little bit heartbreaking because I know what spark is in their heart

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and know what wild woman is inside.

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They have to come to that desire by remembering who they used to be, right, by letting that

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space out again.

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And like you said, it's not going to be necessarily the first thing you try but experimenting

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into seeing and if you don't remember or you so-called don't know, friggin' pick something.

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First color, anywhere.

243
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Yeah.

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I played hockey last year for the first time ever.

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I did like four sessions.

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It was a free program for moms.

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I played hockey.

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It was a little lit up a part of me that I like had no idea was in there.

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It was fantastic.

250
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Nothing gone back but didn't now have that connection, now know and that feeling of really

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feeling alive, of feeling big.

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And in that I can hold more and hold more.

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That's how we build the capacity.

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It's not by doing more by allowing space for us to be more of who we are.

255
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And then that holds the strength for the other things.

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That's where it's like it is such an energy source.

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It's like when we're doing, doing, doing, giving, giving, giving and all the people

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pleasing and the caretaking and all of that, it's like we're in a boat and there's holes

259
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all over the boat.

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Each hole represents one of your commitments or obligations or whatever and it's like you're

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just constantly bailing water out of the boat.

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You're exhausted and you constantly have this feeling like you're sinking.

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When I work with clients, we're like, okay, we're going to plug one hole at a time.

264
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At the point where at least you're not like flailing and you're a little stable and then

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we find those energy sources, which to your point, like so different for all of us.

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And you can look to other people for inspiration and ideas and stuff, but like, interestingly,

267
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like three of my clients in the last couple of years ended up having the same one, which

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was flower arranging.

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I'm like, flower arranging was like the last thing on my radar for any reason.

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And this one of them was like, the thing that I just really love is flower arranging.

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I'm like, go do it, find it, whatever.

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And like one of them started like a flower arranging business in her garage, bought a

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van, like did a whole thing, like did it for a couple of years.

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Another one started like a flower cart.

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She lives up here in this area and like, you know, you put the cart out and then people

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can like then mow or put money in a jar or whatever.

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And then the other one was like doing just for personal passion, you know.

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And then you hear other stories like this wasn't my client.

279
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This is a colleague of mine who had a client who was, I want to say she was like in her

280
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70s and she had been in, you know, this long marriage and she had very much lost herself

281
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over the years, I think her husband and her like the intimacy was gone.

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She was like more of, had it looking more libido than he did.

283
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And like, so she just, you know, felt frustrated and satisfied for a long time.

284
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And then I believe he, maybe he passed away or they split up or something.

285
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And my friend was working with her and they discovered that she had this like real naughty

286
00:17:32,320 --> 00:17:38,800
side and this kind of like Dom side that she just never expressed.

287
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She ended up signing up to take classes to become a professional dominatrix.

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She was 70.

289
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And I was like, this is what I'm talking about.

290
00:17:46,000 --> 00:17:48,720
You don't have to be some, you know, hot 20 year old.

291
00:17:48,720 --> 00:17:53,960
Like you can be any age to find that inner wild woman or whatever you want to call her.

292
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Like, you know, the kind of wild woman resonates for some of us, for somebody else, it's like

293
00:17:57,440 --> 00:17:58,720
more witchy for somebody else.

294
00:17:58,720 --> 00:18:03,680
It's just really sophisticated and like, so whatever version of you is more empowered

295
00:18:03,680 --> 00:18:08,760
and like, when I think of the word empowered, one of my mentors, she uses the phrase like

296
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does it cause power in your body?

297
00:18:11,880 --> 00:18:15,920
And like, yes, like those are the things that empower you.

298
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Does it make your body feel more powerful?

299
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And the things that do the opposite that make you like, those are the disempowering ones.

300
00:18:25,320 --> 00:18:32,040
And there's easy practices I found that don't even require me to leave the house like folding

301
00:18:32,040 --> 00:18:33,040
laundry.

302
00:18:33,040 --> 00:18:36,680
It's sometimes fun because I'm an organizer.

303
00:18:36,680 --> 00:18:38,880
Like sometimes not fun.

304
00:18:38,880 --> 00:18:44,360
So I have given myself permission because I'm a big girl to leave the laundry basket

305
00:18:44,360 --> 00:18:48,040
for a couple of days until I feel like that's the kind of tidying I like to do.

306
00:18:48,040 --> 00:18:53,000
I do love to tidy just not all the time, not necessarily at 10 o'clock on a Wednesday

307
00:18:53,000 --> 00:18:57,520
when I'm tired from, you know, the weekly running around.

308
00:18:57,520 --> 00:19:05,040
And that has been such a release in my people pleasing or in my trying to be like a stepford

309
00:19:05,040 --> 00:19:10,480
wife type of situation because first of all, nobody's really noticing.

310
00:19:10,480 --> 00:19:14,160
We have more clothes than we can shake a stick at.

311
00:19:14,160 --> 00:19:21,320
And it's been a good practice of releasing from the to do and stepping into the being

312
00:19:21,320 --> 00:19:28,680
and making myself a priority from something as mundane and small as folding laundry.

313
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Other could be dishes or stalking the fridge.

314
00:19:31,440 --> 00:19:33,240
You guys, my in-laws are here.

315
00:19:33,240 --> 00:19:34,240
My fridge is empty.

316
00:19:34,240 --> 00:19:37,120
I need to restock and my mother-in-law I love her so much.

317
00:19:37,120 --> 00:19:38,760
She's like, what are we going to eat?

318
00:19:38,760 --> 00:19:40,600
I'm like, I'll get groceries tomorrow outside.

319
00:19:40,600 --> 00:19:41,600
There's food in the fridge.

320
00:19:41,600 --> 00:19:42,600
We're fine.

321
00:19:42,600 --> 00:19:43,600
It's okay, you know.

322
00:19:43,600 --> 00:19:49,280
But just that spaciousness is so lovely.

323
00:19:49,280 --> 00:19:57,480
And so these are just small little things that we can start to play with in the home.

324
00:19:57,480 --> 00:20:01,480
Then you can move to bigger things or vice versa, whatever it's going to be.

325
00:20:01,480 --> 00:20:07,840
Tell us what some of your desires are that you now allow yourself to express in that

326
00:20:07,840 --> 00:20:12,960
you didn't before that were suppressed or just not prioritized.

327
00:20:12,960 --> 00:20:17,200
One just one thing I'll mention before I go into desireville, which is one of my favorite

328
00:20:17,200 --> 00:20:19,760
places in all the lands.

329
00:20:19,760 --> 00:20:22,160
Just I just want to speak to the power of language too, because when you're talking

330
00:20:22,160 --> 00:20:26,520
about like folding laundry and doing these things, make me think of like the way we talk

331
00:20:26,520 --> 00:20:31,400
about the things that we do, even just the way we talk about them silently to ourselves

332
00:20:31,400 --> 00:20:33,800
in our own heads is so powerful.

333
00:20:33,800 --> 00:20:35,360
Like language is so powerful.

334
00:20:35,360 --> 00:20:40,680
And when you constantly use words like should I should go to the gym, I should do the laundry.

335
00:20:40,680 --> 00:20:44,240
I should should should like the big joke in our industry is like stop shitting all over

336
00:20:44,240 --> 00:20:45,240
yourself.

337
00:20:45,240 --> 00:20:48,720
I'm always like, haha, when I say that, then like usually a lot of people haven't heard

338
00:20:48,720 --> 00:20:50,920
it before and they think it's like the thing in the world.

339
00:20:50,920 --> 00:20:52,080
I'm like, it is funny.

340
00:20:52,080 --> 00:20:57,800
But when we should something like I should do the laundry, I don't I literally can't

341
00:20:57,800 --> 00:21:02,320
think of a single thing that I would want to do that, if I say I should blank, that

342
00:21:02,320 --> 00:21:04,120
makes me want to do it.

343
00:21:04,120 --> 00:21:08,440
If somebody tells me I should do something I'm such a rebel to or you tell myself I should

344
00:21:08,440 --> 00:21:10,040
do something.

345
00:21:10,040 --> 00:21:13,640
All I want to do is do the opposite and tell the person to f off and leave me alone and

346
00:21:13,640 --> 00:21:15,720
don't tell me what to do.

347
00:21:15,720 --> 00:21:19,280
And so I'm like, I really had to take that word and just like remove it from my vocabulary

348
00:21:19,280 --> 00:21:20,280
entirely.

349
00:21:20,280 --> 00:21:22,080
And I encourage my clients to do the same.

350
00:21:22,080 --> 00:21:26,720
Because like, so there's the actual act of choosing between I should go do this versus

351
00:21:26,720 --> 00:21:29,760
like I choose to go do this.

352
00:21:29,760 --> 00:21:35,120
And like, you're like, I should do the laundry, but I'm going to choose not to, you know, I'm

353
00:21:35,120 --> 00:21:38,320
coming from a place of like what's actually really important to laundry or like honoring

354
00:21:38,320 --> 00:21:39,320
a desire.

355
00:21:39,320 --> 00:21:40,320
I'm going to go to desire.

356
00:21:40,320 --> 00:21:41,320
So like there's that choice.

357
00:21:41,320 --> 00:21:45,160
And then there's also like choosing that like, let's say there's things like you actually

358
00:21:45,160 --> 00:21:49,880
have to do like, I have to go pick up my kids from school, you know, or have to go to the

359
00:21:49,880 --> 00:21:50,880
dentist.

360
00:21:50,880 --> 00:21:53,280
Like these are things that like I do actually I've made a commitment I'm adulting like

361
00:21:53,280 --> 00:21:58,160
I want to follow through my obligation, but as long as I frame it as a should, I'm going

362
00:21:58,160 --> 00:22:03,520
to have this energy of resentment and like obligation is just like, I'm like, if I do

363
00:22:03,520 --> 00:22:07,040
have to actually go do the thing, I can still choose to see it as a choice.

364
00:22:07,040 --> 00:22:10,560
And I'm like, I choose to go pick up my kid.

365
00:22:10,560 --> 00:22:13,400
And I'm going to choose to do it in a way that makes it more fun for me.

366
00:22:13,400 --> 00:22:14,800
I'm going to turn on a playlist that I love.

367
00:22:14,800 --> 00:22:18,520
I'm going to like scream at the top of my lungs to Beyonce on the way there, you know,

368
00:22:18,520 --> 00:22:21,800
we're like, there's ways where we can reframe things just with our word choice.

369
00:22:21,800 --> 00:22:25,880
And it's so simple and it seems so basic sometimes, but I'm like, but oh my God, it

370
00:22:25,880 --> 00:22:26,880
makes a difference.

371
00:22:26,880 --> 00:22:30,120
You know, anyway, that's just a rant on language.

372
00:22:30,120 --> 00:22:35,480
In terms of my desires, I would say it's one of my favorite things is just getting more

373
00:22:35,480 --> 00:22:39,560
clear on those desires because every time I do get clear and then I go do the thing,

374
00:22:39,560 --> 00:22:44,400
I like it really is like a full I mean, I just get myself chills just even thinking

375
00:22:44,400 --> 00:22:48,240
about the concept of it, you know, like perfect examples yesterday.

376
00:22:48,240 --> 00:22:53,360
So I love to dance and by no means any sort of well trained professional dancer of how

377
00:22:53,360 --> 00:22:57,360
do my moments, but like, I find that when I dance, it kind of doesn't matter what it

378
00:22:57,360 --> 00:23:02,520
is, as long as I sort of like the music and I'm moving my body, I like it my whole full

379
00:23:02,520 --> 00:23:05,600
beat, it's talking about a lightness, like I get energy coursing through my whole body

380
00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:11,680
and it like, it just, I get that like, just, you know, the, you know, Latin root of the

381
00:23:11,680 --> 00:23:14,000
word inspiration is like breathing in or whatever.

382
00:23:14,000 --> 00:23:15,000
It's not feeling great.

383
00:23:15,000 --> 00:23:16,000
It's like, yeah.

384
00:23:16,000 --> 00:23:21,040
And so I love to dance, but I don't have my life set up in a way where I've like, have

385
00:23:21,040 --> 00:23:25,200
a class that I go to where I do, you know, I love to go to EDM festivals and shows and

386
00:23:25,200 --> 00:23:27,000
like head bang and just stay up all night.

387
00:23:27,000 --> 00:23:29,040
That's one thing, but also four months pregnant right now.

388
00:23:29,040 --> 00:23:30,040
So not doing that.

389
00:23:30,040 --> 00:23:33,520
I'm like, does it edit nine?

390
00:23:33,520 --> 00:23:39,240
But in the day of my 20s, I used to go partner dancing all the time and then Lindy hop and

391
00:23:39,240 --> 00:23:41,280
blues dancing and vachata and stuff.

392
00:23:41,280 --> 00:23:46,600
Now I'm like doing less of that, but I still crave it so much and I'll forget for like

393
00:23:46,600 --> 00:23:48,840
weeks or months at a time.

394
00:23:48,840 --> 00:23:53,960
And then it's like a little part of me is like, it's in the corner, just like, help,

395
00:23:53,960 --> 00:23:56,280
we're drowning, you know, but I forget.

396
00:23:56,280 --> 00:23:58,320
And then I'll remember and then I'll just go.

397
00:23:58,320 --> 00:24:00,360
So sometimes I just go to Zumba because it's easy.

398
00:24:00,360 --> 00:24:02,800
They're all, you know, all over the place.

399
00:24:02,800 --> 00:24:06,360
Every single time I've gone to Zumba, it's basically all women and like from like their

400
00:24:06,360 --> 00:24:07,360
60s to the 80s.

401
00:24:07,360 --> 00:24:08,880
And like, I'll bless them.

402
00:24:08,880 --> 00:24:09,880
They're adorable and amazing.

403
00:24:09,880 --> 00:24:12,760
And they all know each other and they like go to lunch and stuff, but I'm like, fish

404
00:24:12,760 --> 00:24:13,760
out of water.

405
00:24:13,760 --> 00:24:18,520
They're like, I don't drink to a totally different age, but it's easy to follow and it scratches

406
00:24:18,520 --> 00:24:22,760
the itch, you know, so I went yesterday and as soon as a salsa song or a bachata song

407
00:24:22,760 --> 00:24:25,800
comes on, I like immediately start sobbing.

408
00:24:25,800 --> 00:24:26,800
Yeah.

409
00:24:26,800 --> 00:24:31,440
I'm like the pregnant like young lady in the back who is sobbing and like, and dancing.

410
00:24:31,440 --> 00:24:33,400
They're like, what's happening over there?

411
00:24:33,400 --> 00:24:35,360
You know, but it just because it moves me so much.

412
00:24:35,360 --> 00:24:39,680
And every time I do that, I'm like, that's when I know I haven't been off enough.

413
00:24:39,680 --> 00:24:43,280
But once I start going more frequently, I don't have such a huge reaction every time.

414
00:24:43,280 --> 00:24:44,280
Yeah.

415
00:24:44,280 --> 00:24:48,400
You know, that's something like that to me, even and then other things that are not like

416
00:24:48,400 --> 00:24:53,160
a passion or a hobby, like, you know, I spend time with friends in different capacities and

417
00:24:53,160 --> 00:24:54,160
stuff.

418
00:24:54,160 --> 00:24:58,360
But what really lights me up is when I sit down, when I'm a crust from the person, having

419
00:24:58,360 --> 00:25:04,280
coffee or whatever, if they ask me questions and then really listen, you know, like when

420
00:25:04,280 --> 00:25:07,400
you're making small talk with friends in a group and like people are half distracted

421
00:25:07,400 --> 00:25:08,960
and looking at their phones and whatever.

422
00:25:08,960 --> 00:25:12,360
But if someone's like looking into my eyes and they can have really intense eye contact

423
00:25:12,360 --> 00:25:18,240
and if somebody can actually hold mine and match it, I'm like, and then they listen and

424
00:25:18,240 --> 00:25:20,120
then they ask follow up questions and then they try.

425
00:25:20,120 --> 00:25:23,320
That's why I love podcasting so much because we're basically doing that the whole time.

426
00:25:23,320 --> 00:25:26,080
You know, and then like big full body hugs.

427
00:25:26,080 --> 00:25:28,560
I love so like little things like that.

428
00:25:28,560 --> 00:25:29,560
They're not hard to get.

429
00:25:29,560 --> 00:25:33,080
It's not like I have to go like hike up a mountain to, you know, I'm like, I just find

430
00:25:33,080 --> 00:25:37,000
a friend to sit down and be like looking in the eye for two seconds.

431
00:25:37,000 --> 00:25:41,960
But I forget, you know, and so I really have to be present and mindful and like go like

432
00:25:41,960 --> 00:25:45,320
take what I want and get what I want and go create it.

433
00:25:45,320 --> 00:25:48,040
Otherwise, I'm just like waiting around and like, I hope somebody gets me a big hug or

434
00:25:48,040 --> 00:25:53,080
I hope something like love deep conversations, you know, where I hope a dance class just happens

435
00:25:53,080 --> 00:25:54,920
to fall into my lap today.

436
00:25:54,920 --> 00:25:58,520
We have to take initiative and do and when we're too big, parenting and working and do

437
00:25:58,520 --> 00:26:02,240
other stuff like that falls off the list.

438
00:26:02,240 --> 00:26:03,400
Yeah.

439
00:26:03,400 --> 00:26:12,840
And when it's so cliche, it's like annoying, but you fill your cup, you're better all around

440
00:26:12,840 --> 00:26:22,160
and it's easier to carry more when those desires have been given attention and when they've

441
00:26:22,160 --> 00:26:24,480
been scratched, like you say.

442
00:26:24,480 --> 00:26:29,800
And you know, what's so powerful about these examples you've shared is how easy they are

443
00:26:29,800 --> 00:26:30,800
to do.

444
00:26:30,800 --> 00:26:31,800
Yeah.

445
00:26:31,800 --> 00:26:36,280
And I'm just going to quote, it was Selma Hayek in some dumb movie, the red door or

446
00:26:36,280 --> 00:26:41,000
something and I'm sorry, like it was just, it was very easy movie for me.

447
00:26:41,000 --> 00:26:44,880
But she said something so great, her character said, you can have excuses or results, but

448
00:26:44,880 --> 00:26:45,960
not both.

449
00:26:45,960 --> 00:26:47,200
Right.

450
00:26:47,200 --> 00:26:54,160
And so what you're leaning into is the personal responsibility and accountability to yourselves

451
00:26:54,160 --> 00:26:59,080
and external circumstances are not dictating or not in control.

452
00:26:59,080 --> 00:27:04,480
Nice and point guys, I work full time, I have a five year old, I'm the primary caregiver,

453
00:27:04,480 --> 00:27:08,600
even though we're in a relationship and everything, husband works somewhere else has to leave before,

454
00:27:08,600 --> 00:27:09,880
gets home after.

455
00:27:09,880 --> 00:27:14,720
So I'm getting her to and from school, I'm getting myself to and from work, I'm closing

456
00:27:14,720 --> 00:27:19,800
up the house when we leave, all of these things, getting the garbage out, all of these things.

457
00:27:19,800 --> 00:27:24,440
I was podcasting before waking up child.

458
00:27:24,440 --> 00:27:32,880
I have shifted and shifted to open up my desires for schedule freedom.

459
00:27:32,880 --> 00:27:39,800
That is I hate fricking having shit on the calendar, which is crazy because like how

460
00:27:39,800 --> 00:27:40,800
do you live life?

461
00:27:40,800 --> 00:27:43,680
But you can live it and flow that way.

462
00:27:43,680 --> 00:27:48,680
What I've done now, taken responsibility like we were talking about before mornings are

463
00:27:48,680 --> 00:27:52,120
open now, they're sacred time for me.

464
00:27:52,120 --> 00:27:57,080
Things are open now for the most part to be present with family because when a kid's in

465
00:27:57,080 --> 00:28:05,120
school, your time with them reduces and business things fall in when and where I want in spaciousness

466
00:28:05,120 --> 00:28:10,520
and enjoy and I love showing up to perform because I'm not doing it from a resentment

467
00:28:10,520 --> 00:28:12,160
or a should.

468
00:28:12,160 --> 00:28:17,960
And this is and I want to just highlight, you know, the so-called busyness of what's

469
00:28:17,960 --> 00:28:26,360
going on, yet the joy and the bigness of how I feel in that arena.

470
00:28:26,360 --> 00:28:29,320
And I haven't quit my job and made a million dollars online.

471
00:28:29,320 --> 00:28:35,440
I haven't like, you know, I'm still just living my normal life here, but which changed is me

472
00:28:35,440 --> 00:28:42,080
and the choices I make and the way that I show up to do me while doing others.

473
00:28:42,080 --> 00:28:45,760
And that's not meant to sound dirty, but it's kind of fun.

474
00:28:45,760 --> 00:28:51,440
It's such a rad example because it really is a testament to how much power we have.

475
00:28:51,440 --> 00:28:56,320
And you know, the kind of common thing is to look around and just be like, well, I don't

476
00:28:56,320 --> 00:29:03,320
need we just we complain or we whine or we can't situation without even realizing it.

477
00:29:03,320 --> 00:29:08,240
We're in this like, we're just in sort of like a collective victim mindset and it's

478
00:29:08,240 --> 00:29:11,800
so normalized and you get together with your girlfriends and you drink wine and you talk

479
00:29:11,800 --> 00:29:13,840
shit about everything you complain.

480
00:29:13,840 --> 00:29:17,200
But you know, take, you know, and I think venting in conscious complaining has its place

481
00:29:17,200 --> 00:29:22,000
to be very cathartic cathartic and bonding, but it's like, are we actually doing anything

482
00:29:22,000 --> 00:29:23,720
to change the things we want to change in our lives?

483
00:29:23,720 --> 00:29:27,960
And I think one of the reasons so many of us don't is because we think it's going to

484
00:29:27,960 --> 00:29:31,960
be this huge thing like, oh, I'm unhappy in my situation, but like, what am I going to

485
00:29:31,960 --> 00:29:32,960
do?

486
00:29:32,960 --> 00:29:36,200
Like quit my job and my like, let my daughter raise herself in the woods.

487
00:29:36,200 --> 00:29:39,720
Like what are we, you know, and so we come up with all these excuses and we do nothing

488
00:29:39,720 --> 00:29:40,720
and we keep complaining.

489
00:29:40,720 --> 00:29:44,160
Whereas like what I see in my clients over and over because so many of them are high

490
00:29:44,160 --> 00:29:45,360
achieving, they're very busy.

491
00:29:45,360 --> 00:29:47,680
They're like, they barely have time to think for themselves.

492
00:29:47,680 --> 00:29:53,520
But then they start to realize like, oh, I can just make these tiny little shifts and

493
00:29:53,520 --> 00:29:55,640
like what you've done with your schedule and creating more space.

494
00:29:55,640 --> 00:30:00,800
Like if you have an intention or you have a goal or a desire around, yeah, more time,

495
00:30:00,800 --> 00:30:05,200
freedom, or like, I just want to do slightly more self care for myself or I'm going to

496
00:30:05,200 --> 00:30:06,920
feel slightly less stressed, you're like, cool.

497
00:30:06,920 --> 00:30:12,040
So just make these little tiny, like I have my clients basically just take tiny baby steps

498
00:30:12,040 --> 00:30:16,640
all the time because they're so, they get so paralyzed by the thought of change that's

499
00:30:16,640 --> 00:30:17,640
going to be this big thing.

500
00:30:17,640 --> 00:30:21,880
And I'm like, what is the, we're activated to perform the way that they've been performing

501
00:30:21,880 --> 00:30:25,120
that got them to the status quo that they want to break.

502
00:30:25,120 --> 00:30:26,120
Yeah.

503
00:30:26,120 --> 00:30:29,600
I had a mentor one time who was like, she was really into like productivity and overwhelm

504
00:30:29,600 --> 00:30:30,600
and that kind of stuff.

505
00:30:30,600 --> 00:30:34,600
But she was like, when you get over, because so much of the time when we're procrastinating,

506
00:30:34,600 --> 00:30:40,280
it's because we look at the volume of the thing in front of us and it's too intimidating.

507
00:30:40,280 --> 00:30:45,080
So we're like, eh, that's like social media, eh, laundry, you know, but it's like, if

508
00:30:45,080 --> 00:30:49,280
we break, or maybe there's just a lack of clarity, like we literally don't know what

509
00:30:49,280 --> 00:30:50,280
the next step is.

510
00:30:50,280 --> 00:30:51,280
So we do nothing.

511
00:30:51,280 --> 00:30:56,680
But if it's the intimidation of the too big or too whatever of a thing, what if we break

512
00:30:56,680 --> 00:31:01,680
it down into tiny, tiny, such a tiny, so this guy was like, break it down into the

513
00:31:01,680 --> 00:31:05,840
tiniest action that has zero energetic charge.

514
00:31:05,840 --> 00:31:10,680
Like, let's say someone is like, you know, I work full time in parenting, my desire is

515
00:31:10,680 --> 00:31:11,680
to write a book.

516
00:31:11,680 --> 00:31:14,560
They're like, when am I going to write a book?

517
00:31:14,560 --> 00:31:15,560
I don't have time for that.

518
00:31:15,560 --> 00:31:17,480
You know, but then it's like, okay, what's the first step?

519
00:31:17,480 --> 00:31:19,400
Like, what do you know, I don't know, write an outline.

520
00:31:19,400 --> 00:31:20,400
What's the first step before that?

521
00:31:20,400 --> 00:31:21,400
Like, I don't know.

522
00:31:21,400 --> 00:31:25,720
So it's like, open a Google doc and name it.

523
00:31:25,720 --> 00:31:29,760
Pick a placeholder title or like, maybe you're trying to find an agent or something like

524
00:31:29,760 --> 00:31:30,760
that.

525
00:31:30,760 --> 00:31:32,440
And then you have to go to the first five agents you find online.

526
00:31:32,440 --> 00:31:35,320
And then, you know, so it's like, can you write a list and can you write the number

527
00:31:35,320 --> 00:31:39,040
one bullet point on a list or something like that?

528
00:31:39,040 --> 00:31:44,040
Once you come down to an action item that doesn't scare you or make you cry or like

529
00:31:44,040 --> 00:31:45,040
make you freak out.

530
00:31:45,040 --> 00:31:49,120
And it's just like, what is one tiny little thing?

531
00:31:49,120 --> 00:31:50,120
And then that creates a moment.

532
00:31:50,120 --> 00:31:52,000
Yeah, opens and opens.

533
00:31:52,000 --> 00:31:57,000
So take us through your transition because, you know, people pleasing, showing up for

534
00:31:57,000 --> 00:32:04,480
others working corporate to feeling that call inside that wild woman saying, dude, it's

535
00:32:04,480 --> 00:32:05,480
time.

536
00:32:05,480 --> 00:32:06,880
Let's go.

537
00:32:06,880 --> 00:32:08,040
What was that like for you?

538
00:32:08,040 --> 00:32:15,600
And what started to help you shift your life to now living this, the life that you wanted,

539
00:32:15,600 --> 00:32:17,920
that you yearned for previous?

540
00:32:17,920 --> 00:32:24,920
Well, I mean, it would be, it would be a better story if it was like, and then one day, transition,

541
00:32:24,920 --> 00:32:30,400
but it was like, this has been, this has been just a series of tiny shifts over time.

542
00:32:30,400 --> 00:32:33,640
You know, I don't have this kind of story where like I worked in corporate out of nine

543
00:32:33,640 --> 00:32:37,560
to five that I hated for 20 years and then I dramatically left one day and started a

544
00:32:37,560 --> 00:32:38,560
business.

545
00:32:38,560 --> 00:32:41,280
I kind of like fumbled around in my twenties and did a bunch of, I've never worked like

546
00:32:41,280 --> 00:32:44,360
a corporate corporate job, which is funny because I support a lot of people who work

547
00:32:44,360 --> 00:32:45,360
in corporate.

548
00:32:45,360 --> 00:32:48,840
And I'm like, I literally don't even understand your world at all.

549
00:32:48,840 --> 00:32:53,640
But I understand humans, you know, but it, so I like, I mean, work wise, I was kind of,

550
00:32:53,640 --> 00:32:57,040
I was bartending, I was working in fitness, I worked for startups mostly.

551
00:32:57,040 --> 00:33:01,480
So I was kind of in the like entrepreneur unconventional space.

552
00:33:01,480 --> 00:33:07,120
And it took me a long time to find this, like, had I known that coaching was a job, I would

553
00:33:07,120 --> 00:33:10,640
have started like in high school, you know, I probably would have gotten a master's in

554
00:33:10,640 --> 00:33:11,640
applied positive psychology.

555
00:33:11,640 --> 00:33:16,040
I'd known that was the thing I would have started so early and I would have been like

556
00:33:16,040 --> 00:33:20,800
entrepreneur from day one, took me a long time to realize that coaching was a job once

557
00:33:20,800 --> 00:33:25,560
I found it and I got trained and I became a coach took me a long time to realize that

558
00:33:25,560 --> 00:33:27,400
that meant that I was also a business owner.

559
00:33:27,400 --> 00:33:31,000
I was just like, yay, I'm a coach before I was a fitness trainer now I'm a coach.

560
00:33:31,000 --> 00:33:39,480
And I was like, that means I have to, I have to like business sales marketing admin, what

561
00:33:39,480 --> 00:33:46,440
you know, I was on the Donald work, I mean, that was a whole, I really think that entrepreneurship

562
00:33:46,440 --> 00:33:51,640
is like one of the most intense personal development journeys you can ever go on, I'm guessing

563
00:33:51,640 --> 00:33:57,040
the other one is parenting I can in about six months when I have more some people.

564
00:33:57,040 --> 00:33:58,040
Not for everybody.

565
00:33:58,040 --> 00:33:59,040
Like you too.

566
00:33:59,040 --> 00:34:00,040
Yeah.

567
00:34:00,040 --> 00:34:04,240
So I would say a lot, I mean, a lot of the personal development I've done and not like

568
00:34:04,240 --> 00:34:08,360
the transition from people pleaser to self proclaimed wild women.

569
00:34:08,360 --> 00:34:13,680
A lot of that was, I had to, I had to, because I, you know, I got to a place where I was

570
00:34:13,680 --> 00:34:17,800
so like one of my favorite energies to work with in clients is once they're so sick of

571
00:34:17,800 --> 00:34:20,560
their own BS, like they're like, I'm frustrated.

572
00:34:20,560 --> 00:34:21,560
No, no, I'm exasperated.

573
00:34:21,560 --> 00:34:25,040
No, I literally can't handle this anymore.

574
00:34:25,040 --> 00:34:26,040
That I loves it.

575
00:34:26,040 --> 00:34:30,520
And that's where I was when I was just like, what the actual like what I can't, this is

576
00:34:30,520 --> 00:34:31,880
not how I want to live my life.

577
00:34:31,880 --> 00:34:33,640
Like, I got so sick of that.

578
00:34:33,640 --> 00:34:37,880
So I started doing whatever I could do to figure out how to change that, which kind of coincided

579
00:34:37,880 --> 00:34:41,200
with me like figuring out my career and all that stuff too.

580
00:34:41,200 --> 00:34:44,760
But then since then, it's just been this very intentional ongoing process.

581
00:34:44,760 --> 00:34:49,240
A lot of self-awareness, a lot of practice, a lot of catching myself and being like this

582
00:34:49,240 --> 00:34:54,760
like small weak behavior that I'm doing right now is so unattractive and it's not who I

583
00:34:54,760 --> 00:34:55,760
want to be.

584
00:34:55,760 --> 00:34:56,760
And I know what I'm capable of.

585
00:34:56,760 --> 00:35:00,160
So it's like catching it, shifting it, catching it, shifting it.

586
00:35:00,160 --> 00:35:04,040
And then the entrepreneurship just helps so much because it's like, and then supporting

587
00:35:04,040 --> 00:35:08,880
others actually maybe supporting other people through the same journey is potentially one

588
00:35:08,880 --> 00:35:12,320
of the biggest transformations for you too.

589
00:35:12,320 --> 00:35:16,400
Yeah, because like I said before, when you, when you're a people pleaser and it's so deeply

590
00:35:16,400 --> 00:35:17,680
ingrained, you barely notice it.

591
00:35:17,680 --> 00:35:21,760
But once you're breaking out of it, then you start to notice it and other people more and

592
00:35:21,760 --> 00:35:23,720
you see how disempowering it is.

593
00:35:23,720 --> 00:35:27,040
And you want to grab the person and be like, stop doing that.

594
00:35:27,040 --> 00:35:28,040
You're so amazing.

595
00:35:28,040 --> 00:35:29,040
Stop hiding in the corner.

596
00:35:29,040 --> 00:35:30,040
Yeah.

597
00:35:30,040 --> 00:35:34,440
So seeing that and guiding other women through it, especially has been like, like watching

598
00:35:34,440 --> 00:35:38,680
somebody else go through the transformation is like, I feel like I'm like, do I have the

599
00:35:38,680 --> 00:35:41,880
best job in the world to get to witnesses?

600
00:35:41,880 --> 00:35:43,280
So that helps a lot too.

601
00:35:43,280 --> 00:35:48,440
Yeah, it ties the heart in an intrinsic way, right?

602
00:35:48,440 --> 00:35:51,040
And it helps you fulfill a purpose.

603
00:35:51,040 --> 00:35:53,960
But then you're not doing it for you.

604
00:35:53,960 --> 00:35:57,640
You're benefiting, but they're benefiting.

605
00:35:57,640 --> 00:36:08,640
And that's this reciprocal win that creates more joy, more desire to do more of it, more

606
00:36:08,640 --> 00:36:17,680
willingness to show up better and better in order to help them break free from a lived

607
00:36:17,680 --> 00:36:20,920
experience that you can completely relate to.

608
00:36:20,920 --> 00:36:23,280
And that's when we show up in service of others.

609
00:36:23,280 --> 00:36:27,560
It serves us because we want to get better and better.

610
00:36:27,560 --> 00:36:31,560
And it's so motivating because it's like, we need it for the collective too.

611
00:36:31,560 --> 00:36:35,080
I could do all this work for myself just because it feels good and it's selfishly motivated.

612
00:36:35,080 --> 00:36:37,320
I'd be doing that all day long, gladly.

613
00:36:37,320 --> 00:36:41,120
And when I help my clients, I'm so stoked to watch them become empowered and step into

614
00:36:41,120 --> 00:36:42,120
their power and that kind of stuff.

615
00:36:42,120 --> 00:36:46,440
But then I'm also like, this is literally what, in my opinion, what the world needs the

616
00:36:46,440 --> 00:36:47,440
most right now.

617
00:36:47,440 --> 00:36:48,440
Like what's the code?

618
00:36:48,440 --> 00:36:51,120
I want to say it's like Howard Thurman or something that's like, the world needs people

619
00:36:51,120 --> 00:36:52,640
who have come alive.

620
00:36:52,640 --> 00:36:55,920
Like go do what makes you come alive because the world needs people like something like

621
00:36:55,920 --> 00:36:56,920
that.

622
00:36:56,920 --> 00:37:01,200
And my version of that is like, and the world specifically needs women who have like the

623
00:37:01,200 --> 00:37:06,680
world needs big hearted, amazing women to go out and save the planet and save a lot

624
00:37:06,680 --> 00:37:11,520
of the things I think that like is work that we are so well equipped to do, but we can't

625
00:37:11,520 --> 00:37:16,680
do if we're hiding and playing small and putting everyone else first, you know, it's like,

626
00:37:16,680 --> 00:37:19,040
it has to come from that more empowered place.

627
00:37:19,040 --> 00:37:20,800
So it's like, yes, I'm doing it for me.

628
00:37:20,800 --> 00:37:24,480
And yes, the clients are doing it for themselves, but really we're all doing it for the benefit

629
00:37:24,480 --> 00:37:25,480
of the collective.

630
00:37:25,480 --> 00:37:38,240
Uh oh, it looks like we are frozen.

631
00:37:38,240 --> 00:37:43,960
At least on my end, I will just hang out for now.

632
00:37:43,960 --> 00:37:44,960
Hello again.

633
00:37:44,960 --> 00:37:53,040
I can't hear you, but I can see you.

634
00:37:53,040 --> 00:37:54,040
Back.

635
00:37:54,040 --> 00:37:56,040
I can't hear you.

636
00:37:56,040 --> 00:37:58,040
Shut down.

637
00:37:58,040 --> 00:38:00,040
Oops.

638
00:38:00,040 --> 00:38:02,040
I mean, so energetic.

639
00:38:02,040 --> 00:38:04,040
We broke the internet.

640
00:38:04,040 --> 00:38:05,040
Oh, gee.

641
00:38:05,040 --> 00:38:09,040
I'm just playing here with the passion and the collective.

642
00:38:09,040 --> 00:38:10,040
Exactly.

643
00:38:10,040 --> 00:38:11,040
Feeling that.

644
00:38:11,040 --> 00:38:13,800
I'll just put this in here.

645
00:38:13,800 --> 00:38:20,480
The collective healing, the role that we play, the ripple effect, right, and the responsibility

646
00:38:20,480 --> 00:38:27,720
to get over ourselves in order to show up for everybody who one needs us and who we need

647
00:38:27,720 --> 00:38:33,360
together to make this whole thing churn and really shift from the way that we've been

648
00:38:33,360 --> 00:38:39,760
living into a healthier, more grounded, more loving, more open way of life.

649
00:38:39,760 --> 00:38:45,320
And it's kind of like, it's a great response to anyone, especially women who were like,

650
00:38:45,320 --> 00:38:51,360
oh, no, I don't, you know, it's like we're afraid of being so self-absorbed that we

651
00:38:51,360 --> 00:38:53,920
would spend time on our own self-care or something like that.

652
00:38:53,920 --> 00:38:57,880
And it's like, if it's really hard for you to carve out time for yourself because you

653
00:38:57,880 --> 00:39:03,200
don't think it's important, think about it this way where it's actually your responsibility

654
00:39:03,200 --> 00:39:04,200
to the world.

655
00:39:04,200 --> 00:39:10,880
You know, if you want to be a better mom, partner, employee, employer, CEO, whatever,

656
00:39:10,880 --> 00:39:14,880
the only way you can be the best version of yourself or my new favorite version of that

657
00:39:14,880 --> 00:39:17,960
is your favorite version of yourself, not like the best or highest version.

658
00:39:17,960 --> 00:39:18,960
What's your favorite?

659
00:39:18,960 --> 00:39:21,960
At the present time, that's such empowering language.

660
00:39:21,960 --> 00:39:22,960
Favorite version of yourself.

661
00:39:22,960 --> 00:39:29,240
Again, move that pressure to change who you are now as part of who you were and who you're

662
00:39:29,240 --> 00:39:30,240
becoming.

663
00:39:30,240 --> 00:39:32,880
So it's all strung together, right?

664
00:39:32,880 --> 00:39:37,640
And then there's not expectation or still that external circumstance pending.

665
00:39:37,640 --> 00:39:39,280
I love that.

666
00:39:39,280 --> 00:39:44,640
I think that one of my favorite things to work on with people is identity work because

667
00:39:44,640 --> 00:39:48,840
it's like, once we start to realize how much our, you know, identity, you can think of

668
00:39:48,840 --> 00:39:53,640
it as like your self-image or who you believe yourself to be.

669
00:39:53,640 --> 00:39:58,280
Like I believe that that's one of the biggest factors and that's what's creating our reality.

670
00:39:58,280 --> 00:40:02,200
Like if we think in terms of manifestation stuff and the, which I love, it's like, if

671
00:40:02,200 --> 00:40:05,880
you're your identity and the frequency that you're putting out as a result of all that

672
00:40:05,880 --> 00:40:08,960
is creating a reality in the moment and thus in the future too.

673
00:40:08,960 --> 00:40:10,320
But most of us are identity.

674
00:40:10,320 --> 00:40:11,320
What is our identity?

675
00:40:11,320 --> 00:40:16,920
Like if you look to Dr. Joe Dispenza stuff, he talks about your personality creates your

676
00:40:16,920 --> 00:40:21,080
personal reality and your personality is made up of your identity and your, who you believe

677
00:40:21,080 --> 00:40:23,240
yourself to be and who do you believe yourself to be?

678
00:40:23,240 --> 00:40:26,040
Most of us, it's our trauma, our programming, our conditioning.

679
00:40:26,040 --> 00:40:27,440
It's all default.

680
00:40:27,440 --> 00:40:30,000
It's like 95% of our subconscious minds.

681
00:40:30,000 --> 00:40:32,720
Most of us, we have pretty like terrible thoughts about ourself.

682
00:40:32,720 --> 00:40:33,720
We're very self-critical.

683
00:40:33,720 --> 00:40:34,720
We're full of shame and whatever.

684
00:40:34,720 --> 00:40:38,960
And it's like, I don't really want to create my reality from that place.

685
00:40:38,960 --> 00:40:42,400
Nor do I want to impact the world around me from that place.

686
00:40:42,400 --> 00:40:47,240
I would much rather, so like one, another thing Joe Dispenza talks about is like, create

687
00:40:47,240 --> 00:40:52,680
your future or your present from your future instead of from your past.

688
00:40:52,680 --> 00:40:57,040
Most of us are creating from our past by default, but instead of just repeating the same tired,

689
00:40:57,040 --> 00:41:03,120
outdated, like old, unhelpful patterns, what if I think through the lens of my future self?

690
00:41:03,120 --> 00:41:06,880
Like I love doing future self work with clients because it's like your future self is you.

691
00:41:06,880 --> 00:41:11,400
It's your authentic self, but the aspirational version, like I love my future self.

692
00:41:11,400 --> 00:41:12,400
She's one of my favorite people.

693
00:41:12,400 --> 00:41:13,960
You know, I know exactly what she's like.

694
00:41:13,960 --> 00:41:14,960
I know exactly who she is.

695
00:41:14,960 --> 00:41:20,800
And when I'm playing small or just caught up in my own nonsense, I can channel her and

696
00:41:20,800 --> 00:41:21,880
be like, what would she do?

697
00:41:21,880 --> 00:41:22,880
What would she say?

698
00:41:22,880 --> 00:41:27,280
Even when I even just thinking the word future self, I like draw my shoulders.

699
00:41:27,280 --> 00:41:29,800
I straighten up, I slow down.

700
00:41:29,800 --> 00:41:34,360
My voice goes down a little bit and I'm like, it's that version of me that is grounded,

701
00:41:34,360 --> 00:41:38,360
confident, empowered, has like clarity of vision because I'm not caught up in all my

702
00:41:38,360 --> 00:41:42,240
own likes, yeah, criticism.

703
00:41:42,240 --> 00:41:47,520
And from that place, if we all spend more time as our future selves, we can show up

704
00:41:47,520 --> 00:41:52,040
so much better in all of the roles and then we can take so much more responsibility for

705
00:41:52,040 --> 00:41:58,240
playing our part in the collective and showing up as leaders and showing up in our power

706
00:41:58,240 --> 00:42:03,320
versus just like all the victim stuff.

707
00:42:03,320 --> 00:42:08,920
And the future self, like you said, it's who we are now.

708
00:42:08,920 --> 00:42:12,800
We have to open up to make way for her to come.

709
00:42:12,800 --> 00:42:16,920
So there's a part in Elizabeth Gilbert's book, Eat, Pray, Love, where she's devastated

710
00:42:16,920 --> 00:42:21,280
on the floor in the bathroom and she feels her future self come.

711
00:42:21,280 --> 00:42:27,040
And what you can create that connection through this visualization, journaling, you know,

712
00:42:27,040 --> 00:42:31,920
meditation and getting to know her and allowing her.

713
00:42:31,920 --> 00:42:36,600
You're creating her as she's coming back and creating you so they don't exist.

714
00:42:36,600 --> 00:42:38,280
It's not like she's separate.

715
00:42:38,280 --> 00:42:45,520
She's just in the future, but we can embody her now to help us strengthen and step up

716
00:42:45,520 --> 00:42:52,000
from our status quo, right, that empowering state and that greater sense of responsibility,

717
00:42:52,000 --> 00:43:01,880
which is a very divine, a very authentic and like longer vision way of living in the present.

718
00:43:01,880 --> 00:43:06,200
And because what we're doing now influences the future.

719
00:43:06,200 --> 00:43:11,800
So let's have a connection to the future to influence back that reverse engineering and

720
00:43:11,800 --> 00:43:12,800
tying them together.

721
00:43:12,800 --> 00:43:15,760
And you describe that really, really beautifully.

722
00:43:15,760 --> 00:43:21,520
And that is a practice that I don't see talked about as much online, although I've been exposed

723
00:43:21,520 --> 00:43:22,520
to it.

724
00:43:22,520 --> 00:43:24,320
So I'm really glad you draw that out.

725
00:43:24,320 --> 00:43:29,880
And maybe as we kind of start to wrap up, although I never want to end these things

726
00:43:29,880 --> 00:43:34,640
because I'm so fired up and like the exchanges are so good.

727
00:43:34,640 --> 00:43:42,640
But maybe you want to take us through a little, you know, visualization or example of what

728
00:43:42,640 --> 00:43:48,400
your relationship with your future self looks like so that we can understand so that we

729
00:43:48,400 --> 00:43:55,000
can start to kind of spiritually open to that intention and create a new yet another

730
00:43:55,000 --> 00:43:58,600
new neural pathway to help guide us forward from here.

731
00:43:58,600 --> 00:44:03,480
Yeah, I think usually what I'll have my clients do is they usually give them like a future

732
00:44:03,480 --> 00:44:06,680
self exercise, which has a bunch of different questions and things.

733
00:44:06,680 --> 00:44:14,880
And it's essentially an exercise in being able to describe and know and access this

734
00:44:14,880 --> 00:44:15,880
version of yourself.

735
00:44:15,880 --> 00:44:19,640
So it's helpful to get some clarity on a lot of things like there's, you know, the deeper

736
00:44:19,640 --> 00:44:23,360
stuff like how does she think of herself?

737
00:44:23,360 --> 00:44:26,680
Like what is her general mindset and attitude toward her life?

738
00:44:26,680 --> 00:44:31,840
But I also love some of the like seemingly superficial stuff because it's easier to it's

739
00:44:31,840 --> 00:44:32,840
like a shortcut.

740
00:44:32,840 --> 00:44:36,800
You know, if I'm out in the world and I'm doing something and I'm feeling really like

741
00:44:36,800 --> 00:44:40,720
mirror and small and something, it's harder for me in that moment to be like, okay, what

742
00:44:40,720 --> 00:44:41,720
would my future self do?

743
00:44:41,720 --> 00:44:42,720
How would she talk?

744
00:44:42,720 --> 00:44:43,720
What are her beliefs again?

745
00:44:43,720 --> 00:44:44,720
What are her core principles?

746
00:44:44,720 --> 00:44:48,560
You know, like, whereas I'm like, how does she stand?

747
00:44:48,560 --> 00:44:49,560
Yes.

748
00:44:49,560 --> 00:44:59,120
So like body posture, facial expressions, and then even things like clothing, you know,

749
00:44:59,120 --> 00:45:02,640
and not that you have to go out and buy an entirely new wardrobe that your future self

750
00:45:02,640 --> 00:45:03,640
would wear.

751
00:45:03,640 --> 00:45:05,720
But there's so many little things you can do.

752
00:45:05,720 --> 00:45:10,200
Like for example, like I'm kind of like loads to do my hair most days because I'm just like,

753
00:45:10,200 --> 00:45:12,440
oh, it's just blow drying, whatever.

754
00:45:12,440 --> 00:45:19,520
But I find that when I do, I'm like 25% closer to the other because it's just so much more

755
00:45:19,520 --> 00:45:20,520
simple.

756
00:45:20,520 --> 00:45:22,640
For other people's maybe putting on a pair of earrings, for some people's putting on

757
00:45:22,640 --> 00:45:26,600
lipstick, for some people's just wearing something that you actually like versus the, you know,

758
00:45:26,600 --> 00:45:27,600
whatever default.

759
00:45:27,600 --> 00:45:33,360
My husband and I, we have our quote unquote house fits, which is like my yoga pants from

760
00:45:33,360 --> 00:45:36,520
Lulu Lemon that are like literally 15 years old, but they're really comfortable.

761
00:45:36,520 --> 00:45:39,560
But it's like, so what can we do physically?

762
00:45:39,560 --> 00:45:45,320
What can we do just in, I think even just vocally, like there's so much power in our

763
00:45:45,320 --> 00:45:46,320
voices.

764
00:45:46,320 --> 00:45:51,240
It drives me crazy, you know, with so many women who maybe just don't have any concept

765
00:45:51,240 --> 00:45:53,040
of their vocal range and stuff.

766
00:45:53,040 --> 00:45:56,560
But talk in this, and it's not about like having a high voice or a low voice, but it's

767
00:45:56,560 --> 00:46:00,440
they talk in this range, which is really like breathy and unsupported.

768
00:46:00,440 --> 00:46:05,360
Whenever I hear somebody on a podcast or just in real life and they're talking that way,

769
00:46:05,360 --> 00:46:10,360
I want to like go up behind them and like squeeze their whole squeeze, their midline

770
00:46:10,360 --> 00:46:12,160
together and be like, use your lungs.

771
00:46:12,160 --> 00:46:13,160
Damn it.

772
00:46:13,160 --> 00:46:14,800
You know what I'm like, just more resonance.

773
00:46:14,800 --> 00:46:19,520
Like there's so much, you know, when somebody walks into a room and they just, they just

774
00:46:19,520 --> 00:46:21,320
have like a presence.

775
00:46:21,320 --> 00:46:22,320
The magnet.

776
00:46:22,320 --> 00:46:24,480
They don't have to even say, yeah, it's a magnetism.

777
00:46:24,480 --> 00:46:26,320
It's like a radiance.

778
00:46:26,320 --> 00:46:32,280
And it's almost like you can feel the smolder and the crackle of the fire that's inside

779
00:46:32,280 --> 00:46:33,780
of them.

780
00:46:33,780 --> 00:46:38,680
And a lot of it is just what we almost like subconsciously perceive through their posture,

781
00:46:38,680 --> 00:46:41,440
through their energy, through their aura, like all of those things.

782
00:46:41,440 --> 00:46:45,920
I think that's the fastest way for me and often when I help clients is like, so have

783
00:46:45,920 --> 00:46:51,160
a really clear vivid image of this version of you, know what she looks like from the

784
00:46:51,160 --> 00:46:53,560
outside, but also know what she feels like from the inside.

785
00:46:53,560 --> 00:46:57,200
And that's like, you know, access her into meditation, access her into visualization,

786
00:46:57,200 --> 00:46:58,200
whatever works for you.

787
00:46:58,200 --> 00:46:59,720
We're so different, differently wired that way.

788
00:46:59,720 --> 00:47:03,200
But once you have a picture, then practice calling on her, you know, like you're standing

789
00:47:03,200 --> 00:47:07,280
in line at the grocery store feeling bored and frustrated and whatever, be like, use

790
00:47:07,280 --> 00:47:08,280
yourself.

791
00:47:08,280 --> 00:47:09,280
Yes.

792
00:47:09,280 --> 00:47:10,280
Yeah.

793
00:47:10,280 --> 00:47:11,280
Absolutely.

794
00:47:11,280 --> 00:47:17,080
And I've done that practice audience and it's very energetically shifting.

795
00:47:17,080 --> 00:47:18,360
It feels amazing.

796
00:47:18,360 --> 00:47:22,280
And all these things that Sandra has mentioned are doable.

797
00:47:22,280 --> 00:47:23,520
Nobody can give me an excuse.

798
00:47:23,520 --> 00:47:27,120
You don't need to have lipstick in order to, you know, embody.

799
00:47:27,120 --> 00:47:33,320
You can just pretend if, because I'm removing excuses here from doing the work, because when

800
00:47:33,320 --> 00:47:39,960
you do the work over, like you said, multiple years, myself, multiple years, then we start

801
00:47:39,960 --> 00:47:44,600
to reap the rewards and we come closer and closer.

802
00:47:44,600 --> 00:47:50,040
And ideally in our evolution, we're always becoming more of our future self.

803
00:47:50,040 --> 00:47:51,880
She's not an end destination.

804
00:47:51,880 --> 00:47:53,880
Our last breath is the end destination.

805
00:47:53,880 --> 00:47:59,680
It really, really, really wants to reverse engineer you go to your deathbed.

806
00:47:59,680 --> 00:48:01,080
We're all going to die.

807
00:48:01,080 --> 00:48:02,880
What's the face on?

808
00:48:02,880 --> 00:48:10,440
When you reverse engineer back to how do you want to feel in those moments, knowing how

809
00:48:10,440 --> 00:48:13,160
you lived up until then?

810
00:48:13,160 --> 00:48:17,160
And when you're practicing showing up as that version of yourself, there's all of that.

811
00:48:17,160 --> 00:48:20,240
I think in the beginning, it's mostly about feeling the feeling of like, how do I feel

812
00:48:20,240 --> 00:48:21,400
on the inside when I do that?

813
00:48:21,400 --> 00:48:22,400
Wow, that's really empowering.

814
00:48:22,400 --> 00:48:24,760
Wow, it feels so much better to stand tall and yada yada.

815
00:48:24,760 --> 00:48:31,480
But then you can also start noticing what's the impact room, you know, like it's like

816
00:48:31,480 --> 00:48:33,400
some people would call it the Marilyn Monroe effect.

817
00:48:33,400 --> 00:48:38,560
Like the classic story is that she would walk down a busy street in New York City.

818
00:48:38,560 --> 00:48:39,800
Nobody would notice her.

819
00:48:39,800 --> 00:48:43,320
She would turn around same exact clothes or whatever, but she would put on what turn

820
00:48:43,320 --> 00:48:48,240
it on that she would walk down the same street and everybody, every head would turn and people

821
00:48:48,240 --> 00:48:52,560
would be like, Marilyn, you know, because she knew exactly how to turn on her magnetism.

822
00:48:52,560 --> 00:48:53,560
Like it's a skill.

823
00:48:53,560 --> 00:48:57,320
You don't have to be born with, you know, supermodel looks or anything.

824
00:48:57,320 --> 00:49:00,520
Like it's a skill that we practice and it's mostly internal.

825
00:49:00,520 --> 00:49:01,520
It's such a fun game.

826
00:49:01,520 --> 00:49:04,840
Like, you know, walk around the grocery store, I keep coming to the grocery store, this example,

827
00:49:04,840 --> 00:49:05,840
but I think, you know, relate to that.

828
00:49:05,840 --> 00:49:12,040
Like the first half doing nothing and then the second turn it on, turn it on, just watch

829
00:49:12,040 --> 00:49:16,440
the faces that people see if you like notice heads turning or people just like more people

830
00:49:16,440 --> 00:49:20,520
make eye contact with you or more people kind of like want to be drawn to you or interact

831
00:49:20,520 --> 00:49:21,520
with you.

832
00:49:21,520 --> 00:49:22,520
It's a really fun game.

833
00:49:22,520 --> 00:49:23,520
All right.

834
00:49:23,520 --> 00:49:26,520
That's everybody's homework and then you're going to comment on the episode and you're

835
00:49:26,520 --> 00:49:28,920
going to message Sandra and I and tell us what happened.

836
00:49:28,920 --> 00:49:29,920
Back to you, Marilyn.

837
00:49:29,920 --> 00:49:31,720
I mentioned the world.

838
00:49:31,720 --> 00:49:32,720
So where do we follow you?

839
00:49:32,720 --> 00:49:34,240
Do you have a freebie option?

840
00:49:34,240 --> 00:49:38,920
You want to stay in your space and learn to grow and expand and make our ripple effect.

841
00:49:38,920 --> 00:49:39,920
Yes.

842
00:49:39,920 --> 00:49:40,920
So I'm very easy to find.

843
00:49:40,920 --> 00:49:42,640
I'm the only one of me.

844
00:49:42,640 --> 00:49:47,360
So everywhere, so under passing dot com at all the social medias.

845
00:49:47,360 --> 00:49:49,280
Come find me out.

846
00:49:49,280 --> 00:49:53,280
Especially love to play on Instagram is my kind of happy place, but I'm on a lot of platforms.

847
00:49:53,280 --> 00:49:54,280
Yeah, brilliant.

848
00:49:54,280 --> 00:49:58,840
Thank you so much for sharing your heart and your wisdom and your authenticity with us.

849
00:49:58,840 --> 00:50:03,760
It's such a powerful conversation made big changes through small moves.

850
00:50:03,760 --> 00:50:04,760
Right.

851
00:50:04,760 --> 00:50:06,840
That's, that's the relatability of it.

852
00:50:06,840 --> 00:50:07,840
I love it.

853
00:50:07,840 --> 00:50:11,000
I'm honored to have shared this time with you and I look forward to a continuing relationship

854
00:50:11,000 --> 00:50:12,000
online in person.

855
00:50:12,000 --> 00:50:13,000
We're not that far.

856
00:50:13,000 --> 00:50:14,000
Thanks for having me.

857
00:50:14,000 --> 00:50:15,000
Have a great day.

858
00:50:15,000 --> 00:50:16,000
Thanks for having me.

859
00:50:16,000 --> 00:50:40,000
I am going to pop up and unload some footage and brand it.