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Hello, this is Sabrina Amina. I'm the host of the feelings pod and this episode is on

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restlessness. So let's get into it. As you know, or maybe you don't know, maybe this

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is the first time you're listening, so welcome. You know what? One time I heard before we

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get into restlessness. One time I heard a nice reframe of, you know, a lot of people

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when you speak want to say, um, as you shouldn't say, um, when you're speaking, you know what?

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For me, an um is a mindful pause. I like my ums. And if you're just not comfortable with

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ums in a podcast, this is not the podcast for you, my friend. This is where we pause

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and we think about our feelings and we think about the things we want to say. Um, and I

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fully encourage that. And apparently I'm modeling it too. So yes, we will hum, ha, um, and ah

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in this podcast. Um, so thanks for tuning in and setting aside judgments about hum, ha,

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ums, and ums, I guess. All right. Now that I've gotten that insecurity, you know, aired

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out. Oh, if you want to hear more about insecurity, you can just return to my episode on insecurity.

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I have some thoughts about that. Um, yeah. All right. Let's get into it. Restlessness.

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Okay. So the thing I was going to say before I went into my um, tirade, um, is that I lost

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my train of thought and that's okay. That's okay. When I learned how to edit these podcasts,

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these, these, these raw moments are not going to stay on the episode. Um, but if you like

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them, leave a comment and let me know. Like, no, don't edit your podcasts. Leave them sloppy

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and unpolished. We like that. I'm open to any and all feedback really. Even, even, even

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if you want to tell me like, what is this? Who are you and what, why are you putting your voice on?

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Like if you want to send me criticism, I'll eat that shit up. I, I really will. It's just like

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grist for the mill and grist for the mill is like, uh, uh, grist for the mill is an expression that I

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started using after I went to a heliotropic breath work retreat with rich silver in, um,

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out in California. I just forget the name. Anyway, if you're interested in finding out more about

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those kinds of retreats, let me know, but that's not the point. Grist for the mill is just an

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expression that rich use during that retreat and it just landed with me because why am I telling you

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to send, you know, criticism, even if it's not, you know, super friendly. It's just, it's just

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something for me to mull over. It's something for, if it triggers me or brings up something

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difficult in me, that's fully my responsibility and I can like explore that, but also, yeah,

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be kind. I think, I think you can definitely deliver. You don't have to be kind actually,

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you know, you do you, I do me and however we're all mirrors for each other. So however you feel

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like showing up is your responsibility and however I respond to the way other folks are

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showing up in the world is completely my responsibility. Um, lots of pontification

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before getting to the talk about restlessness. So what I initially was trying to say is that

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every week on this episode, on, on these episodes, I like to explore an emotion feeling

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um, experience in the realm of emotions that has been present alive for me within recent days,

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weeks. And that's how I decide on my topics. That's how I feel I can speak most truthfully

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on each topic is when I've been recently in touch and exploring the feeling actively. So

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yes, restlessness has been coming up for me and I don't know what restlessness looks like for you,

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uh, but I invite you to consider how it, how it looks for you. Um, for me, restlessness can show

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up as having trouble sleeping. Sometimes my restlessness is I can't sit still. Like I have

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to be doing something. Um, I'll have spaciousness in my day, which means, and when I say spaciousness

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in my day, it means I have time to myself to do anything I want. And restlessness shows up in

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those moments where I can choose to rest and instead I want to do all the things or I have this

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sense of guilt about being in spaciousness and not filling that with some kind of task, some kind

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of responsibility I feel the need to fulfill. Uh, restlessness shows up in moments where

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I have room for rest and feel guilty about resting. Damn.

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Yeah. Uh, restlessness also shows up when I'm avoiding myself, when I'm experiencing challenging

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difficult feelings and I, I, I don't want to face them cause it's too painful or too scary

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or too, I don't know, like just doesn't feel good. So staying busy and distracting myself

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is a great way to avoid feelings, but it's certainly not, it's not what I'm about clearly.

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Um, I'm curious about feelings, but I also, you know, I'm human and we all have our things around

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different emotions and some of them are easier for us to face than others. Uh, I think one of the

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emotions that's difficult for me to face is loneliness. Uh, there's another episode about

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loneliness. If you want to check back season one, there's an invitation. Um, but yeah, loneliness

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is definitely when, when loneliness pops up, my restlessness pops up for sure. Like I'll do anything

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to avoid feeling lonely and in, in the past that looked like abandoning my home space or my apartment

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or like constantly being out of my home. Um, I remember I was living on my own in my twenties.

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Um, and I had an apartment and I never really took the time to like maybe in the beginning

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when I first moved in, I did some like nesting and like decorating and all that, but

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it was hard for me to live alone. I grew up in a big family. I have five siblings and I,

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I shared a room with my sister. Like I didn't have space to myself a lot.

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I don't think, or maybe I did. Probably not enough intentional space to myself where I could

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just do my own thing. Or you know what? I did have space to myself, but there was always somebody

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around. Like I didn't have to be alone. So living alone forced me to kind of

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face these feelings of, of loneliness, which is scary. Who wants to be alone? I mean, I mean,

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I mean, some people do, I guess, but being alone is a, is a, an area of challenge for me to this day.

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But I've gotten way, I've gotten way better at it because I get curious about my feelings. I'm in

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therapy. Um, I, I do that. I do the work. I do the internal work. And even when we do the work,

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the restlessness, the discomfort, the pain, the loneliness, the depression, the anxiety, the fear,

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it all shows up. So how can we be with all of it in a more self loving way?

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And for me, that's about curiosity. Oh wow. I'm just talking about all my past episodes.

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Yeah. Go back and check my episode about curiosity. This is certainly not planned or intentional.

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It's just where the direction is going today. So yeah, being curious about our emotions,

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instead of shutting them down or running away from them or distracting ourselves from them,

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is ultimately the most self loving thing you can do instead of, and, and this is not a conscious

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process, right? So that's why the practice of mindfulness is so powerful because before a

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mindfulness practice, fear might come up and you may not have this conscious awareness of the fear.

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And maybe your defense mechanism for fear is anger. So you'll get really angry if somebody

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scares you for whatever reason. And maybe you'll like get into like a fight response.

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Some people will fight, but some people like will get into a snap judgment and just

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get into a fight response and make poor decisions because of a lack of awareness of your emotional

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state. So the purpose of mindfulness really helps us not only to slow down and breathe

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and build awareness of our inner world, but also it gives us this beautiful soft cushion of space

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to make a choice. So instead of reacting in us in a moment of rage or anger, we're responding.

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You're like, Oh, shoot, that was scary. And instead of going, I felt that fear in my body,

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like mindfulness allows you to locate where the emotion lives in the body. Because maybe you

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know this or maybe you don't, but emotion is a physiological experience. It's not just this

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thing that we have in our head, right? So the beauty of mindfulness really is you tune into the breath.

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You notice the breath. What is the quality of your breath in this moment? Is it shallow? Is it

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slow and deep? Is it rapid? Your breath can tell you a lot about where you're at in this moment.

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So yeah, just take a moment in this moment. If you're not driving or if you have the ability

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to just close your eyes for a moment and tune into your breath, just notice it.

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And oftentimes just bringing attention to the breath,

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you give more space for it. Or perhaps you allow it to slow down, perhaps you allow it to deepen.

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Yeah, I think the world would be a better place if all of us could remember

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something so simple as taking a brief pause to tune into the breath.

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Mindfulness also gives us a space to explore our physical body, the sensations in the body.

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That's why I love doing body scans on these episodes. Body scans are beautiful because it

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gets us out of the thinking mind and into the sensations of the body. It allows us to notice

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what's happening physiologically, like what's happening in any space, in any of the spaces,

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from my head to my toes. Is there tension? Is there softness? Is there a feeling of

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expansiveness? Is there a feeling of pain or restriction? Is there any discomfort? Is there ease?

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So doing a brief body scan and noticing the parts of the head, neck, shoulders,

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your upper arms, your forearms, your hands, your fingers, your heart, your chest,

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your belly, your hips, your thighs, your knees, your calves and shins, your ankles,

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your feet and your toes. Doing a brief scan of all of these parts of the body tunes you into

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this present moment. That's the other important magic piece of mindfulness is being fully present,

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fully alive in this moment, in this infinite, never-ending present moment.

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There's magic right here right now. Whatever you're looking for, you'll find it right here right now.

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If you allow for it, mindfulness also allows us to explore our thoughts and be mindful of our

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thoughts and have an awareness of that never-ending dialogue that kind of runs through our mind

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constantly. Some people refer to it as the monkey mind or that feeling of not being able to stop

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thinking, not being able to shut it off. That's also a symptom of our restlessness.

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If you do experience the restlessness, I recommend finding time and space for

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a mindfulness practice, especially something body-based, like the breath or body is most

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accessible, I find, for beginners. Finally, mindfulness allows us to build our awareness of emotions.

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That's what I'm here to talk about on this podcast. It really is my life's work to

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do a deep dive into my emotional life using the tool of mindfulness.

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Being mindful about my restlessness allowed me this week to just slow down and be like,

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okay, yeah, I have a quiet moment to myself right now. I don't have to do the dishes right now.

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That's okay. It's okay for me to rest. It's okay for me to sit with myself. It's okay for me to just

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journal. No, I don't have to listen to another podcast. No, I don't have to learn something new.

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I can just be exactly as I am. I can be exactly who I am in this moment.

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That takes a lot of presence of mind. It takes a lot of self-awareness to notice when

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our actions are a way of escaping. We're actually kind of trained to do that. I've worked in

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public education for almost close to 15 years now. We teach it in school. We're just like,

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do, do, do, produce, produce, produce. There are real consequences for not doing all the time.

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We punish kids with grades. Maybe that sounds harsh, but I think one of my biggest challenges

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with school is this obsession with grades that we instill in our kids. It's totally on us.

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It's totally on us that we feed this system that is completely based on this extrinsic motivation,

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like motivating our youth by holding this grade above their heads and saying, oh,

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well, if you don't do this, if you don't jump through these hoops, then you're not good enough.

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You don't get the A. You don't get the gold star. Oh, it's just, it's infuriating.

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Like, it's, yes, I understand, and maybe I'm going off a little bit on a tangent here, but

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yes, it's important to offer feedback to help students grow.

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But I think this singular focus on grades is damaging, and it does lead to this kind of anxiety

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and restlessness that I see in my students. So I think it's really important for us to

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build awareness around our own restlessness, around our own the activation of our own nervous

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systems so that we can allow, oh my, I got to turn off these notifications. Sorry about that.

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Yeah, so like building awareness of our restlessness so that we can

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slow down so we can create more easeful lives. Things don't have to be hard all the time. I feel

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like that's another thing we teach everybody is like, oh, it's not worth it if it's not hard,

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or like you have to work hard for every single achievement. Like, maybe not, maybe you're just

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good at something and things come easily to you, and that's, it's as simple as that. Like, why is that

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less valuable than something that you're hustling and grinding for?

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Again, like it's

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a message that we send, like, nothing can be easy. It's not okay to rest. Don't rest.

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Oh, this, this restlessness topic is bringing up a lot in me. Excuse me.

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Yeah, I'm curious to hear like how it's landing for you. Where do you

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notice restlessness? Do you notice it at all? Like, now that you're kind of listening to this and

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thinking about it, are there times where you feel like you can't allow yourself rest?

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I think I'll stop there for now, and let's get into our mindfulness practice for today. And

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since I talked a bit about body scans, I'm going to guide you through the gentle body scan. Again,

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as always, if you're not able to practice in this moment, you can always pause and return to the

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episode later. So I invite you to find an easeful position where your body feels rested and supported

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and start tuning into the breath, just noticing it.

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And doing like a general scan of the body to see if anything is particularly

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alive and pronounced and giving any of those spaces attention and warmth and ease.

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Take a deep breath in and let it go.

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And as you settle more and more into the body and feel the weight of gravity holding you in place,

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bring your attention to the crown of your head.

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Notice your forehead and your third eye that's spot right between your eyebrows. Let it rest.

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Imagine all of the muscles around your eyes softening,

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kind of just letting your eyeballs fall back into their sockets,

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allowing all expression to leave your face, taking a deep breath in.

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Let it go.

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Noticing the jaw, allowing any tension to soften and release with the breath.

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Noticing the neck and the shoulders, allowing the shoulders really to melt down the back

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and imagining the head is as light as a feather as your head kind of floats toward the clouds

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and your shoulders melt down the back.

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Finding ease in this place. Take a deep breath in. Let it go.

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Noticing the shoulders, noticing the upper arms,

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noticing your forearms, noticing your hands, noticing all 10 fingers.

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Take a moment to rub the hands together, create a little bit of friction between the hands and

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warmth. And when you feel ready, you can place the hands over the heart space.

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Breathe into this space. Take a deep breath in.

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Let it go.

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Take two more breaths in the heart space.

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Let it go.

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Take a deep breath in.

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And let it go.

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Release the hands and bring your attention and awareness to the abdomen, the belly.

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Notice the breath expanding your abdomen and releasing.

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Notice your hips.

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Notice where your body has contact with whatever support there is beneath it. Perhaps you're in a

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chair or you're lying down. Maybe you're on the floor or on a cushion. Just notice where your

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body has contact with the support beneath it.

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Notice the legs, the thighs.

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Notice your knees.

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Notice your shins. Take a deep breath in.

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Let it go.

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Notice the calves.

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Notice the feet, the ankles, your toes.

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And as we close this practice, imagine drawing your breath up from the very bottoms of your

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feet and allowing that breath to travel all the way back up through the body,

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all the way up to the crown of the head. And when you exhale, allow that breath to travel back down

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the body, down from the head, all the way down to your feet, back into the ground. Take a deep breath in.

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And exhale.

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Taking a moment to sit in this silence and stillness,

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sending yourself a little bit of love and care and gratitude for allowing yourself this moment of

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breath. When you feel ready, you can let the eyes gently open. Notice the space that you're in.

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Let your gaze land on something that gives you a sense of ease, something that feels good to look at.

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Thank you so much for practicing with me today. Thank you for listening.

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And if you enjoyed this episode, share it with a friend. Have a great day.