1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:13,160 Hello hello, this is Sabrina Amina and I'm the host of the Feelings Pod, a podcast where 2 00:00:13,160 --> 00:00:25,840 I offer musings on feelings and a short mindfulness practice at the end of every episode. 3 00:00:25,840 --> 00:00:27,280 Thank you for joining me. 4 00:00:27,280 --> 00:00:28,880 Thank you for listening. 5 00:00:28,880 --> 00:00:39,160 Today's episode is about the feeling of insecurity which has been coming up for me. 6 00:00:39,160 --> 00:00:47,320 And in the winter season I know I promise to deliver more lighthearted episodes about 7 00:00:47,320 --> 00:00:52,600 more uplifting feelings. 8 00:00:52,600 --> 00:01:01,920 However, the springtime brings a lot of transition-y feelings. 9 00:01:01,920 --> 00:01:15,280 So I find myself observing, exploring, sitting with, being with emotions of the in-between. 10 00:01:15,280 --> 00:01:18,640 And I think insecurity is one of those in-between feelings. 11 00:01:18,640 --> 00:01:30,160 I wouldn't necessarily say it's like deep, dark, heavy, like some of the other topics, 12 00:01:30,160 --> 00:01:33,600 just as like more recently like envy and confusion. 13 00:01:33,600 --> 00:01:40,400 I think there is a lot of complexity in all of these emotions, but the ones that have 14 00:01:40,400 --> 00:01:58,440 been coming up lately for me are definitely about being with more than one thing, if that 15 00:01:58,440 --> 00:02:00,440 makes sense. 16 00:02:00,440 --> 00:02:08,760 So I'm happy to report that in this moment I'm feeling a little bit more secure and settled 17 00:02:08,760 --> 00:02:16,720 in my body and being so that I may record this episode. 18 00:02:16,720 --> 00:02:23,520 Insecurity is a tricky thing that has been coming up a lot for me lately as I transition 19 00:02:23,520 --> 00:02:35,840 in my career, as I transition in relationships, as I transition with who I am fundamentally 20 00:02:35,840 --> 00:02:46,120 as a human navigating this earthly existence. 21 00:02:46,120 --> 00:02:52,920 So how do you deal with your insecurities? 22 00:02:52,920 --> 00:03:05,280 How do you notice when insecurity comes up or do you automatically go to a place of defensiveness 23 00:03:05,280 --> 00:03:11,480 and retreat and fear? 24 00:03:11,480 --> 00:03:24,040 For me, my work currently is noticing when I'm retreating out of anger or insecurity. 25 00:03:24,040 --> 00:03:31,000 So I think a lot of times my experience will be feeling insecure is really vulnerable. 26 00:03:31,000 --> 00:03:41,360 So a great shield for vulnerability is anger. 27 00:03:41,360 --> 00:03:46,280 I think I've mentioned this before, but I have a fantastic therapist and I can never 28 00:03:46,280 --> 00:03:49,040 and I always sing the praises of therapy. 29 00:03:49,040 --> 00:03:57,320 If you have someone who you feel seen and heard by and safe with, I cannot overstate 30 00:03:57,320 --> 00:04:01,840 the power of that relationship. 31 00:04:01,840 --> 00:04:08,680 And so something he said to me, he characterizes is that, oh, your quills go up and I just, 32 00:04:08,680 --> 00:04:11,560 yeah, very much like feeling insecure. 33 00:04:11,560 --> 00:04:17,960 There's nothing that'll make my quills go up faster than when I'm feeling insecure. 34 00:04:17,960 --> 00:04:32,120 And insecurity is a feeling that makes you think that your safety is compromised, that 35 00:04:32,120 --> 00:04:45,760 you're under some kind of threat, or perhaps the insecurity is feeling as though you're 36 00:04:45,760 --> 00:04:58,960 not enough and therefore you're less deserving of the things that you need and want and desire. 37 00:04:58,960 --> 00:05:00,720 So how do we navigate that? 38 00:05:00,720 --> 00:05:07,720 How do we move through insecurity? 39 00:05:07,720 --> 00:05:18,480 And that's, it's a tough one, but lately what I'm noticing is it's helpful to just 40 00:05:18,480 --> 00:05:22,480 recognize when I'm feeling insecure. 41 00:05:22,480 --> 00:05:32,680 It's helpful to like come face to face with it and acknowledge it and offer myself some 42 00:05:32,680 --> 00:05:36,760 loving care. 43 00:05:36,760 --> 00:05:42,000 Maybe that's a yoga practice, like getting into my body. 44 00:05:42,000 --> 00:05:46,400 Maybe that's, maybe I just need some rest, maybe I need a nap. 45 00:05:46,400 --> 00:05:52,360 Sometimes insecurity comes from being like physically under-resourced for me. 46 00:05:52,360 --> 00:06:01,920 If I'm tired and exhausted and I'm not giving myself the things that I need to feel strong 47 00:06:01,920 --> 00:06:11,880 and healthy and grounded, of course insecurity will come up. 48 00:06:11,880 --> 00:06:16,320 So noticing the basics first, like am I hydrated? 49 00:06:16,320 --> 00:06:17,920 Am I eating well? 50 00:06:17,920 --> 00:06:19,400 Am I sleeping well? 51 00:06:19,400 --> 00:06:24,080 Am I moving my body in ways that feel good? 52 00:06:24,080 --> 00:06:38,040 And then when insecurity comes up relationally, I tend to observe how I'm behaving in relation 53 00:06:38,040 --> 00:06:41,360 to someone else. 54 00:06:41,360 --> 00:06:49,800 Is this insecurity causing me to blame someone else? 55 00:06:49,800 --> 00:07:00,960 Am I blaming someone else for me not feeling like I'm getting what I need? 56 00:07:00,960 --> 00:07:08,240 And sometimes yes, there will definitely be occasions when something in relationship 57 00:07:08,240 --> 00:07:11,320 makes you feel insecure. 58 00:07:11,320 --> 00:07:17,360 Someone doesn't offer you the things that you need or want. 59 00:07:17,360 --> 00:07:22,640 In which case, how can we offer ourselves those things? 60 00:07:22,640 --> 00:07:35,000 How can we offer ourselves like time, care, attention, love? 61 00:07:35,000 --> 00:07:42,280 And if that is something that you're desiring from someone else, are there safe ways to 62 00:07:42,280 --> 00:07:50,320 express that, are there safe ways to say, I feel like I need a little bit more time and 63 00:07:50,320 --> 00:07:52,680 attention from you. 64 00:07:52,680 --> 00:08:04,480 I feel like I need a little bit more tenderness or affection. 65 00:08:04,480 --> 00:08:18,800 Sometimes it's really hard to make those kinds of requests because yes, it brings up vulnerability. 66 00:08:18,800 --> 00:08:27,120 I think another really important thing about cultivating security in yourself is noticing 67 00:08:27,120 --> 00:08:31,600 the relationships that feel safe and secure. 68 00:08:31,600 --> 00:08:37,600 Are there relationships in your life that do feel safe and secure? 69 00:08:37,600 --> 00:08:42,120 And are there relationships that just don't? 70 00:08:42,120 --> 00:08:55,600 And how can we invest more in the relationships that do feel loving and expansive and encouraging 71 00:08:55,600 --> 00:09:00,600 of our security? 72 00:09:00,600 --> 00:09:07,320 And I know this is not always fun to hear, but it really does start with yourself. 73 00:09:07,320 --> 00:09:14,240 It really does start with making sure that you're offering yourself the things that you 74 00:09:14,240 --> 00:09:22,320 need before expecting others to offer it to you. 75 00:09:22,320 --> 00:09:37,000 That's where we really are most empowered is loving ourselves so well that we are able 76 00:09:37,000 --> 00:09:46,200 to first of all grow familiarity with the things that feel good to us and then teach 77 00:09:46,200 --> 00:09:48,000 others. 78 00:09:48,000 --> 00:09:50,880 This is what feels good for me. 79 00:09:50,880 --> 00:09:52,160 This is what I desire. 80 00:09:52,160 --> 00:09:54,800 This is what I need. 81 00:09:54,800 --> 00:10:17,000 This is what helps me feel secure in our connection or as I navigate through this life. 82 00:10:17,000 --> 00:10:30,400 Another question to ask is if you are feeling insecure relationally with another person, 83 00:10:30,400 --> 00:10:38,160 are your expectations of this other person realistic? 84 00:10:38,160 --> 00:10:51,760 Is this a person who can offer that feeling of security and safety and nurturing love? 85 00:10:51,760 --> 00:10:59,040 Sometimes coming face to face with the answer to that question can be difficult if the answer 86 00:10:59,040 --> 00:11:04,360 is no. 87 00:11:04,360 --> 00:11:19,200 And yet they're just critical questions, important things for us to consider. 88 00:11:19,200 --> 00:11:26,160 So something I think is really important when we're feeling insecure is to practice getting 89 00:11:26,160 --> 00:11:35,760 into the body and feeling a sense of safety and grounded presence in the body. 90 00:11:35,760 --> 00:11:47,680 And there are great yoga practices for this and even just sitting quietly with the breath, 91 00:11:47,680 --> 00:11:55,280 doing a body scan can just help you be in the body and create perhaps a sense of grounded 92 00:11:55,280 --> 00:11:58,960 safety within yourself. 93 00:11:58,960 --> 00:12:04,800 So let's get into our practice for today. 94 00:12:04,800 --> 00:12:14,120 If you are not able to practice, if you're unable to practice in this moment, just pause 95 00:12:14,120 --> 00:12:19,200 and know that you can come back at any time. 96 00:12:19,200 --> 00:12:29,000 So I'll light you to find a comfortable seat and see if you can place both feet on the 97 00:12:29,000 --> 00:12:43,080 ground noticing your connection to the ground beneath you. 98 00:12:43,080 --> 00:12:52,600 Seeing your sit bones and the position in your chair or cushion. 99 00:12:52,600 --> 00:13:02,120 Letting yourself kind of be held by the seat beneath you and finding a soft sense of ease 100 00:13:02,120 --> 00:13:15,280 in the body as you settle in, beginning to notice the breath as you soften and let the 101 00:13:15,280 --> 00:13:26,040 shoulders kind of ease down the back, allowing the head to feel light, moving up toward the 102 00:13:26,040 --> 00:13:34,840 sky as the shoulders kind of relax down the back. 103 00:13:34,840 --> 00:13:47,840 Take a deep breath in to the belly and let it go. 104 00:13:47,840 --> 00:13:58,280 Take another inhale and let it go. 105 00:13:58,280 --> 00:14:03,400 Notice the top of the head. 106 00:14:03,400 --> 00:14:08,080 Bring your awareness to your scalp. 107 00:14:08,080 --> 00:14:13,760 Notice the hair on your head. 108 00:14:13,760 --> 00:14:22,360 Notice your forehead move down toward the eyelids and eyebrows, just kind of allowing 109 00:14:22,360 --> 00:14:34,840 the eyeballs to just like rest in the back of your eye sockets and just letting those 110 00:14:34,840 --> 00:14:44,160 muscles all around the eyes just rest and soften in this moment. 111 00:14:44,160 --> 00:14:51,920 And then just imagining all expression kind of leave the face as all of the muscles in 112 00:14:51,920 --> 00:15:07,320 your face soften, letting the tongue rest, letting the jaw soften. 113 00:15:07,320 --> 00:15:14,400 Imagining the head light as a feather kind of floating off the shoulders. 114 00:15:14,400 --> 00:15:24,040 Bring your attention to the neck, take a deep breath in and let it go. 115 00:15:24,040 --> 00:15:30,920 Let the shoulders soften, find ease here. 116 00:15:30,920 --> 00:15:32,800 Notice what's present. 117 00:15:32,800 --> 00:15:38,360 Notice if there's any tension or any sensation. 118 00:15:38,360 --> 00:15:47,840 Use the breath to breathe into the upper torso. 119 00:15:47,840 --> 00:15:52,560 Notice the chest and the heart space. 120 00:15:52,560 --> 00:15:58,400 Notice the expansiveness of the heart space from the front of your chest all the way to 121 00:15:58,400 --> 00:16:02,840 the back, between your shoulder blades. 122 00:16:02,840 --> 00:16:04,920 Breathe into this space fully. 123 00:16:04,920 --> 00:16:17,280 Take a deep breath in and let it go. 124 00:16:17,280 --> 00:16:27,680 Bringing your attention and awareness to the space right below your breast bone, taking 125 00:16:27,680 --> 00:16:34,320 a deep breath in here into the diaphragm. 126 00:16:34,320 --> 00:16:37,240 And letting it go. 127 00:16:37,240 --> 00:16:50,080 As you breathe in and out, notice the rib cage expand and contract as you exhale. 128 00:16:50,080 --> 00:16:55,480 Notice the belly. 129 00:16:55,480 --> 00:17:02,000 The solar plexus is the spot right above the belly button. 130 00:17:02,000 --> 00:17:10,680 Take a deep breath in to the space and let it go. 131 00:17:10,680 --> 00:17:18,080 Noticing the lower abdomen and breathing into here. 132 00:17:18,080 --> 00:17:27,640 Letting it go, noticing a settled feeling in the sit bones and the hips, feeling the 133 00:17:27,640 --> 00:17:36,200 support beneath you, feeling the weight of gravity holding you in place here, taking 134 00:17:36,200 --> 00:17:44,800 a deep breath in, letting it go. 135 00:17:44,800 --> 00:17:52,600 Noting that connection to the earth and the very spot that you're sitting. 136 00:17:52,600 --> 00:18:00,480 Take a deep breath in and let it go. 137 00:18:00,480 --> 00:18:15,040 Noticing your sit bones and just softening in your seat. 138 00:18:15,040 --> 00:18:20,680 Bringing to mind a sense of gratitude for being held in this moment. 139 00:18:20,680 --> 00:18:31,160 Noticing your thighs, the very tops of your thighs and the back of your thighs that may 140 00:18:31,160 --> 00:18:37,160 have contact with the seat beneath you. 141 00:18:37,160 --> 00:18:40,920 Notice the knees. 142 00:18:40,920 --> 00:18:47,000 Bring some loving attention here. 143 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:55,000 Bring your attention to your shins and your calves. 144 00:18:55,000 --> 00:18:58,680 Notice the ankles. 145 00:18:58,680 --> 00:19:10,800 Notice the tops of your feet and your ten toes. 146 00:19:10,800 --> 00:19:14,240 Notice the bottoms of your feet. 147 00:19:14,240 --> 00:19:22,520 Notice where your feet have contact with the ground beneath you. 148 00:19:22,520 --> 00:19:27,360 As we close this practice, we'll draw one more big deep breath. 149 00:19:27,360 --> 00:19:35,000 Imagine drawing the breath up through the bottoms of your feet and bringing that breath 150 00:19:35,000 --> 00:19:40,360 with your inhale all the way up to the crown of the head. 151 00:19:40,360 --> 00:19:57,560 Take a deep breath in and let it go. 152 00:19:57,560 --> 00:20:02,600 If it feels good for you to pause here and continue your breathing, I invite you to do 153 00:20:02,600 --> 00:20:06,120 so. 154 00:20:06,120 --> 00:20:15,040 And whenever you feel ready, gently allow the eyes to flutter open. 155 00:20:15,040 --> 00:20:26,480 Come back to the room and offer yourself some loving kindness and gratitude for showing 156 00:20:26,480 --> 00:20:29,480 up today. 157 00:20:29,480 --> 00:20:31,480 Thank you so much for practicing with me. 158 00:20:31,480 --> 00:20:34,200 Thank you so much for listening. 159 00:20:34,200 --> 00:20:37,320 And I hope you have a wonderful day.