Hello hello, this is Sabrina Amina and I'm the host of the Feelings Pod, a podcast where
I offer musings on feelings and a short mindfulness practice at the end of every episode.
Thank you for joining me.
Thank you for listening.
Today's episode is about the feeling of insecurity which has been coming up for me.
And in the winter season I know I promise to deliver more lighthearted episodes about
more uplifting feelings.
However, the springtime brings a lot of transition-y feelings.
So I find myself observing, exploring, sitting with, being with emotions of the in-between.
And I think insecurity is one of those in-between feelings.
I wouldn't necessarily say it's like deep, dark, heavy, like some of the other topics,
just as like more recently like envy and confusion.
I think there is a lot of complexity in all of these emotions, but the ones that have
been coming up lately for me are definitely about being with more than one thing, if that
makes sense.
So I'm happy to report that in this moment I'm feeling a little bit more secure and settled
in my body and being so that I may record this episode.
Insecurity is a tricky thing that has been coming up a lot for me lately as I transition
in my career, as I transition in relationships, as I transition with who I am fundamentally
as a human navigating this earthly existence.
So how do you deal with your insecurities?
How do you notice when insecurity comes up or do you automatically go to a place of defensiveness
and retreat and fear?
For me, my work currently is noticing when I'm retreating out of anger or insecurity.
So I think a lot of times my experience will be feeling insecure is really vulnerable.
So a great shield for vulnerability is anger.
I think I've mentioned this before, but I have a fantastic therapist and I can never
and I always sing the praises of therapy.
If you have someone who you feel seen and heard by and safe with, I cannot overstate
the power of that relationship.
And so something he said to me, he characterizes is that, oh, your quills go up and I just,
yeah, very much like feeling insecure.
There's nothing that'll make my quills go up faster than when I'm feeling insecure.
And insecurity is a feeling that makes you think that your safety is compromised, that
you're under some kind of threat, or perhaps the insecurity is feeling as though you're
not enough and therefore you're less deserving of the things that you need and want and desire.
So how do we navigate that?
How do we move through insecurity?
And that's, it's a tough one, but lately what I'm noticing is it's helpful to just
recognize when I'm feeling insecure.
It's helpful to like come face to face with it and acknowledge it and offer myself some
loving care.
Maybe that's a yoga practice, like getting into my body.
Maybe that's, maybe I just need some rest, maybe I need a nap.
Sometimes insecurity comes from being like physically under-resourced for me.
If I'm tired and exhausted and I'm not giving myself the things that I need to feel strong
and healthy and grounded, of course insecurity will come up.
So noticing the basics first, like am I hydrated?
Am I eating well?
Am I sleeping well?
Am I moving my body in ways that feel good?
And then when insecurity comes up relationally, I tend to observe how I'm behaving in relation
to someone else.
Is this insecurity causing me to blame someone else?
Am I blaming someone else for me not feeling like I'm getting what I need?
And sometimes yes, there will definitely be occasions when something in relationship
makes you feel insecure.
Someone doesn't offer you the things that you need or want.
In which case, how can we offer ourselves those things?
How can we offer ourselves like time, care, attention, love?
And if that is something that you're desiring from someone else, are there safe ways to
express that, are there safe ways to say, I feel like I need a little bit more time and
attention from you.
I feel like I need a little bit more tenderness or affection.
Sometimes it's really hard to make those kinds of requests because yes, it brings up vulnerability.
I think another really important thing about cultivating security in yourself is noticing
the relationships that feel safe and secure.
Are there relationships in your life that do feel safe and secure?
And are there relationships that just don't?
And how can we invest more in the relationships that do feel loving and expansive and encouraging
of our security?
And I know this is not always fun to hear, but it really does start with yourself.
It really does start with making sure that you're offering yourself the things that you
need before expecting others to offer it to you.
That's where we really are most empowered is loving ourselves so well that we are able
to first of all grow familiarity with the things that feel good to us and then teach
others.
This is what feels good for me.
This is what I desire.
This is what I need.
This is what helps me feel secure in our connection or as I navigate through this life.
Another question to ask is if you are feeling insecure relationally with another person,
are your expectations of this other person realistic?
Is this a person who can offer that feeling of security and safety and nurturing love?
Sometimes coming face to face with the answer to that question can be difficult if the answer
is no.
And yet they're just critical questions, important things for us to consider.
So something I think is really important when we're feeling insecure is to practice getting
into the body and feeling a sense of safety and grounded presence in the body.
And there are great yoga practices for this and even just sitting quietly with the breath,
doing a body scan can just help you be in the body and create perhaps a sense of grounded
safety within yourself.
So let's get into our practice for today.
If you are not able to practice, if you're unable to practice in this moment, just pause
and know that you can come back at any time.
So I'll light you to find a comfortable seat and see if you can place both feet on the
ground noticing your connection to the ground beneath you.
Seeing your sit bones and the position in your chair or cushion.
Letting yourself kind of be held by the seat beneath you and finding a soft sense of ease
in the body as you settle in, beginning to notice the breath as you soften and let the
shoulders kind of ease down the back, allowing the head to feel light, moving up toward the
sky as the shoulders kind of relax down the back.
Take a deep breath in to the belly and let it go.
Take another inhale and let it go.
Notice the top of the head.
Bring your awareness to your scalp.
Notice the hair on your head.
Notice your forehead move down toward the eyelids and eyebrows, just kind of allowing
the eyeballs to just like rest in the back of your eye sockets and just letting those
muscles all around the eyes just rest and soften in this moment.
And then just imagining all expression kind of leave the face as all of the muscles in
your face soften, letting the tongue rest, letting the jaw soften.
Imagining the head light as a feather kind of floating off the shoulders.
Bring your attention to the neck, take a deep breath in and let it go.
Let the shoulders soften, find ease here.
Notice what's present.
Notice if there's any tension or any sensation.
Use the breath to breathe into the upper torso.
Notice the chest and the heart space.
Notice the expansiveness of the heart space from the front of your chest all the way to
the back, between your shoulder blades.
Breathe into this space fully.
Take a deep breath in and let it go.
Bringing your attention and awareness to the space right below your breast bone, taking
a deep breath in here into the diaphragm.
And letting it go.
As you breathe in and out, notice the rib cage expand and contract as you exhale.
Notice the belly.
The solar plexus is the spot right above the belly button.
Take a deep breath in to the space and let it go.
Noticing the lower abdomen and breathing into here.
Letting it go, noticing a settled feeling in the sit bones and the hips, feeling the
support beneath you, feeling the weight of gravity holding you in place here, taking
a deep breath in, letting it go.
Noting that connection to the earth and the very spot that you're sitting.
Take a deep breath in and let it go.
Noticing your sit bones and just softening in your seat.
Bringing to mind a sense of gratitude for being held in this moment.
Noticing your thighs, the very tops of your thighs and the back of your thighs that may
have contact with the seat beneath you.
Notice the knees.
Bring some loving attention here.
Bring your attention to your shins and your calves.
Notice the ankles.
Notice the tops of your feet and your ten toes.
Notice the bottoms of your feet.
Notice where your feet have contact with the ground beneath you.
As we close this practice, we'll draw one more big deep breath.
Imagine drawing the breath up through the bottoms of your feet and bringing that breath
with your inhale all the way up to the crown of the head.
Take a deep breath in and let it go.
If it feels good for you to pause here and continue your breathing, I invite you to do
so.
And whenever you feel ready, gently allow the eyes to flutter open.
Come back to the room and offer yourself some loving kindness and gratitude for showing
up today.
Thank you so much for practicing with me.
Thank you so much for listening.
And I hope you have a wonderful day.