1 00:00:00,000 --> 00:00:08,520 Hello hello, welcome to the Feelings Pod, my name is Sabrina Amina, and we are on our 2 00:00:08,520 --> 00:00:17,120 10th episode of the first season of this podcast, and I'm excited to report that the days are 3 00:00:17,120 --> 00:00:27,680 getting longer, and we're gonna start moving into new episodes for the spring time, which 4 00:00:27,680 --> 00:00:39,040 means that we can talk a little bit more about the lighter, brighter feelings on this podcast. 5 00:00:39,040 --> 00:00:55,680 In the meantime, today's episode is on feelings of inadequacy. Inadequacy, when you feel inadequate, 6 00:00:55,680 --> 00:01:06,960 less than, like an imposter, not enough, it happens to all of us whether or not we like to admit it, 7 00:01:06,960 --> 00:01:20,720 and whether or not we even realize it. Therapy is helpful, I highly recommend it, 8 00:01:20,720 --> 00:01:30,520 if you're not realizing why you're behaving the way you're behaving, it helps to kind of take a 9 00:01:30,520 --> 00:01:45,840 look at things and notice, talk through the things that come up for you. There's a lot of kind of 10 00:01:45,840 --> 00:01:55,080 shame around some of the feelings that we experience, and so we sometimes just deny their 11 00:01:55,080 --> 00:02:06,760 existence or shove them down. Yeah, so I think feelings of inadequacy come up for me generally 12 00:02:06,760 --> 00:02:23,760 all the time. I'm better at noticing when they come up. For me, it's often when I receive like 13 00:02:23,760 --> 00:02:39,120 harsh criticism or reprimand or rejection. This is where my self-compassion practice has really 14 00:02:39,120 --> 00:02:51,960 helped me grow a lot in recognizing that everyone feels this way sometimes, and it doesn't actually 15 00:02:51,960 --> 00:03:03,040 mean I'm less than or not enough, or not good enough, not smart enough, not capable enough, 16 00:03:03,040 --> 00:03:12,160 not talented enough, not successful enough. Something that can really trigger feelings of 17 00:03:12,160 --> 00:03:20,200 inadequacy is when we compare ourselves to others, when we compare our journey to the journey of 18 00:03:20,200 --> 00:03:31,040 someone else, sometimes jealousy can tune us into feelings of inadequacy. Jealousy is interesting 19 00:03:31,040 --> 00:03:40,720 because it highlights the things that we desire, like the things that we truly want, and seeing 20 00:03:40,720 --> 00:03:50,360 someone else have what we want gives us the false impression that, oh, someone else has this thing, 21 00:03:50,360 --> 00:04:00,080 and there's a finite amount of it, and if this person has the thing that I want, it means that I 22 00:04:00,080 --> 00:04:11,440 cannot have the thing that I want, which is entirely false. So a book that I love about kind of 23 00:04:11,440 --> 00:04:19,880 navigating feelings of envy and jealousy is called Judgment Detox by Gabrielle Bernstein. It's a 24 00:04:19,880 --> 00:04:28,920 great read. I highly recommend it. It really can shift your relationship to envy and jealousy in a 25 00:04:28,920 --> 00:04:41,840 powerful way because while all of these emotions can be uncomfortable, they are probably the most 26 00:04:41,840 --> 00:04:55,640 powerful vehicle for personal transformation and growth. These shadow feelings are really worth 27 00:04:55,640 --> 00:05:03,680 looking at. They're valuable pieces of information that can just help you learn more about yourself. 28 00:05:03,680 --> 00:05:14,120 Once again, I recommend doing that in therapy with a professional. Yes, there are activities that 29 00:05:14,120 --> 00:05:22,120 are therapeutic and can help you cope, but doing the deep work really requires the assistance of a 30 00:05:22,120 --> 00:05:28,200 professional, and it doesn't necessarily have to be talk therapy. There are so many different 31 00:05:28,200 --> 00:05:41,800 kinds of therapy to try, so I recommend starting by asking the folks in your network if they know 32 00:05:41,800 --> 00:06:04,560 any good therapists. Yeah, so feelings of inadequacy, and it's so hard because we live in a society that 33 00:06:04,560 --> 00:06:17,560 really sometimes or very often celebrates competition and kind of this capitalistic dog eat dog race to 34 00:06:17,560 --> 00:06:27,840 the top. So comparison and feelings of inadequacy kind of thrive in a competitive environment. 35 00:06:27,840 --> 00:06:37,440 And that's not to say a little bit of healthy competition isn't a good thing, but when it 36 00:06:37,440 --> 00:06:59,360 goes to an extreme, that's when we lose sight of ourselves. Sometimes I just like to take a pause. 37 00:06:59,360 --> 00:07:10,840 Feeling inadequate is something hard to face for me because I work really hard on my self-concept. 38 00:07:10,840 --> 00:07:25,640 I did not grow up feeling super confident in my being, my skills, my inherent worth as a human on 39 00:07:25,640 --> 00:07:40,400 this earth, simply because I got that message so infrequently, which is not uncommon. For example, 40 00:07:40,400 --> 00:07:50,640 I'm an educator if we talk about schools and just the simple, it's far from simple, 41 00:07:50,640 --> 00:08:00,320 but our grading practices. I mean, all of that is deficit based. All of that is based on focusing 42 00:08:00,320 --> 00:08:11,000 on what you don't know and giving folks a score based on that. If you think about it, if you know 60% 43 00:08:11,000 --> 00:08:27,040 of a topic, I mean, that's a lot of information, 60% of a specific topic and that's a lot. 44 00:08:27,040 --> 00:08:38,360 But in a school setting, a 60% grade is a failure because there was 40% that you didn't know. 45 00:08:38,360 --> 00:08:50,680 That never made sense to me and I find it wildly infuriating and I like to give credit for the things 46 00:08:50,680 --> 00:08:59,400 my students do know, give them that encouragement and help them grow their knowledge. So it'd be like, 47 00:08:59,400 --> 00:09:05,240 oh, it's really awesome that you know the 60% of the information. Let's build on that and add, 48 00:09:05,240 --> 00:09:21,960 you know, maybe 5% of the time. It just makes sense to me. So yeah, I think that feelings of 49 00:09:21,960 --> 00:09:31,880 inadequacy are instilled within us from a very early age and especially if you grew up around 50 00:09:31,880 --> 00:09:42,840 hypercritical adults who often gave the message that you weren't doing things right, you are doing 51 00:09:42,840 --> 00:09:54,400 things wrong, you're basically not great person. We say these things to young people, to children, 52 00:09:54,400 --> 00:10:04,520 and we use really harsh, cruel language with young people without giving it a second thought. 53 00:10:04,520 --> 00:10:19,960 And so I'm also a parent and one of the ways I've helped myself grow through feelings of 54 00:10:19,960 --> 00:10:27,760 inadequacy is just learning how to celebrate myself, learning how to recognize what my strengths are, 55 00:10:27,760 --> 00:10:39,640 learning to see the glass half full when it comes to who I am. Well, let's be honest, 56 00:10:39,640 --> 00:10:46,280 I've gotten to a point where I feel like the glass is completely full. So I've swung into the 57 00:10:46,280 --> 00:10:51,880 opposite direction and I wish the very same for you if you're struggling with feelings of inadequacy. 58 00:10:51,880 --> 00:11:01,480 And the great thing about learning how to acknowledge yourself and celebrate, even like 59 00:11:01,480 --> 00:11:09,080 your smallest victories, even the things that you look over and don't even give a second thought to, 60 00:11:09,080 --> 00:11:21,120 like that helps you not only cushion yourself and make yourself feel good, 61 00:11:21,120 --> 00:11:30,360 but then you start to kind of see other people's strengths. It's easier to see other people's 62 00:11:30,360 --> 00:11:41,480 strengths when you give yourself permission to see your own. So the next time you're feeling 63 00:11:41,480 --> 00:11:53,920 really poorly about yourself, like see if you can remember to think critically about that self 64 00:11:53,920 --> 00:12:02,240 criticism, you can ask yourself is what my thoughts are saying about me really true. 65 00:12:02,240 --> 00:12:12,840 And perhaps I can tell a different story. I have a really simple example from this week. A colleague 66 00:12:12,840 --> 00:12:26,720 of mine walked by and she was going to use the restroom and decided to pop into the student 67 00:12:26,720 --> 00:12:35,320 restroom instead of going all the way upstairs to use the faculty restroom. And she felt the 68 00:12:35,320 --> 00:12:41,480 need to explain that to me and said, oh yeah, I'm just too lazy to go all the way upstairs. 69 00:12:41,480 --> 00:12:50,680 And we do it all the time in these really simple like passing statements and this woman is far 70 00:12:50,680 --> 00:12:55,680 from lazy. She's a math teacher. She's running around all the time. She's grading papers all 71 00:12:55,680 --> 00:13:03,320 the time. She's with students and supporting them. Teachers are just anyone who shows up 72 00:13:03,320 --> 00:13:14,320 to educate like hundreds of teenagers or young kids every day is far from lazy. Anyhow, so when 73 00:13:14,320 --> 00:13:24,720 she came out of the restroom, I just stopped her and I said, I would just like to say that doing 74 00:13:24,720 --> 00:13:44,280 things to make life a little bit easier is smart and certainly not lazy. And I want us to do that 75 00:13:44,280 --> 00:13:51,520 more often for ourselves is catch yourself when you're speaking to yourself in an unkind way. 76 00:13:51,520 --> 00:13:59,200 Maybe you think calling yourself lazy is not a big deal, but you know, we call ourselves all sorts 77 00:13:59,200 --> 00:14:08,600 of disparaging names and rewriting those stories we tell about ourselves can be a really powerful 78 00:14:08,600 --> 00:14:19,480 practice to help us combat feelings of inadequacy. Also, another book I recommend is a book called 79 00:14:19,480 --> 00:14:28,720 Laziness Does Not Exist by Devin Price. I love this concept. A lot of times our feelings of 80 00:14:28,720 --> 00:14:35,280 inadequacy come from this idea that we're not doing enough. And basically, the thesis of this book 81 00:14:35,280 --> 00:14:45,320 is that, you know, laziness comes from like these puritanical ideas of kind of being constantly 82 00:14:45,320 --> 00:14:53,120 productive and constantly working. And that narrative feeds very well into the capitalist 83 00:14:53,120 --> 00:15:07,160 structure that we all are living under. So challenging this idea that we constantly have to do and 84 00:15:07,160 --> 00:15:23,000 produce and act and when we're not doing means that we're lazy. Like that's completely false. 85 00:15:23,000 --> 00:15:34,560 Can you imagine we live in a society where people just feel guilty, just stop and be and breathe and 86 00:15:34,560 --> 00:15:45,560 rest? Like that's a very human thing. It's a necessary thing. And yet so many folks like really 87 00:15:45,560 --> 00:16:01,360 struggle with just taking a pause. And it's hard to take a pause. Like sometimes I'll take a break 88 00:16:01,360 --> 00:16:08,560 and take a walk at school or, you know, stop by and see a colleague and have a chat. And, you know, 89 00:16:08,560 --> 00:16:18,360 there is this kind of atmosphere feeling like, oh, she's, what is she doing? Like, how does she have 90 00:16:18,360 --> 00:16:24,360 time to, you know, sit down and eat lunch? And I mean, in my particular environment, it doesn't 91 00:16:24,360 --> 00:16:31,240 always feel that way. But I have certainly been in schools where I felt like if I took a break, 92 00:16:31,240 --> 00:16:47,760 folks would really frown upon that. Yeah, so we really need to get away from this constant doing in 93 00:16:47,760 --> 00:16:59,960 order to feel accomplished or worthy or good. So I'll leave you with this reminder. You are whole, 94 00:16:59,960 --> 00:17:16,360 you are worthy, you are beautiful, you are complete. Did I say good? Because you're so good. You're so 95 00:17:16,360 --> 00:17:32,120 good. Just because you exist. So I hope you can hold on to that affirmation and carry it with you 96 00:17:32,120 --> 00:17:44,360 this week. Thank you so much for listening. Let's get into a practice today, our mindfulness 97 00:17:44,360 --> 00:17:53,600 practice. If you're able to take a pause and practice with me, that's awesome. If not, you can 98 00:17:53,600 --> 00:18:04,560 certainly pause the episode and come back to it when you're ready. So find a comfortable position. 99 00:18:04,560 --> 00:18:22,280 You can choose to lie down or sit upright and make yourself as comfortable as possible. And once 100 00:18:22,280 --> 00:18:35,400 you're in a position that feels good, close your eyes and start tuning into your breath. Just noticing 101 00:18:35,400 --> 00:18:47,000 your inhale and exhale and making a mental note of how you're feeling in this moment. Where are you 102 00:18:47,000 --> 00:18:58,440 carrying? Is there anything you'd like to put down? Is there anything that you'd like to invite in? 103 00:18:58,440 --> 00:19:22,960 Take a deep breath into the belly and exhale. Take another deep breath into the belly. 104 00:19:28,680 --> 00:19:41,960 And exhale. Take a deep breath in, filling the belly. 105 00:19:41,960 --> 00:20:11,280 And exhale. Just notice what thoughts are present and see if you can allow them to just float on 106 00:20:11,280 --> 00:20:29,680 by. If a thought pops up, label it as a worry, as a memory, as a plan. Notice what the brain wants to 107 00:20:29,680 --> 00:20:45,120 do as you are tuning into the breath. Perhaps there's a judgment or a discomfort. There's no need to 108 00:20:45,120 --> 00:20:55,920 push against it, allow it to come up and allow it to go on its way. Sometimes our thoughts have a 109 00:20:55,920 --> 00:21:04,480 sticky quality to them. They linger a bit longer than we want them to, especially when they're 110 00:21:04,480 --> 00:21:15,240 difficult thoughts or repetitive thoughts. Our mindfulness practice allows us to observe thoughts 111 00:21:15,240 --> 00:21:27,400 that come up, breathe into them, and send them on their way. Take a deep breath in and let it go. 112 00:21:27,400 --> 00:21:44,920 Inhale, fill the belly, and exhale. 113 00:21:44,920 --> 00:22:04,000 And in this moment, just notice the body. Notice the weight of gravity holding you in place. 114 00:22:04,000 --> 00:22:20,600 Notice where your body makes contact with the support beneath you. We'll do a brief body scan, 115 00:22:20,600 --> 00:22:32,680 starting with the feet. Notice the toes. Maybe you want to wiggle the toes. Notice the tops of your 116 00:22:32,680 --> 00:22:49,920 feet. Notice the bottoms of your feet, the arch, your heels. Slowly bringing awareness up toward 117 00:22:49,920 --> 00:23:05,600 the ankles. Noticing the left ankle and the right ankle. Moving up towards the calves, the left calf, 118 00:23:05,600 --> 00:23:23,080 the right calf, the left shin, the right shin. Noticing your knees, the left knee, the right knee. 119 00:23:23,080 --> 00:23:46,320 Take a deep breath in, let it go. Notice your left thigh, the right thigh. Notice the hips. 120 00:23:46,320 --> 00:24:11,000 Take a deep breath in and let it go. Notice the belly. Take a deep breath into the belly, 121 00:24:11,000 --> 00:24:27,320 and let that go. Bring your attention to the heart space. It might feel nice to rub your hands 122 00:24:27,320 --> 00:24:37,160 together and gently place them over the heart. Breathing into the heart space, take a deep breath 123 00:24:37,160 --> 00:25:00,200 in and let it go. Bring your attention to the chest, the collarbone, your shoulders, your left 124 00:25:00,200 --> 00:25:15,320 shoulder, your right shoulder, your upper arms, your biceps, the elbows. Notice your forearms. 125 00:25:15,320 --> 00:25:32,000 Notice your hands. Wiggle the fingers. Notice your thumbs, your index fingers, the middle finger, 126 00:25:32,000 --> 00:25:47,000 the ring finger, and the pinky finger. Take a deep breath in, let it go. Bring your attention back 127 00:25:47,000 --> 00:26:00,160 to the throat, the neck. Noticing the jaw. We tend to hold a lot of tension in our jaw and see if 128 00:26:00,160 --> 00:26:09,760 you can soften into this space a little bit. Maybe offer yourself a little bit of massage. 129 00:26:09,760 --> 00:26:23,280 Notice the muscles in your face and just allow all expression to leave your face. Take a deep 130 00:26:23,280 --> 00:26:43,720 breath in, let it go. Relaxing the cheekbones, the forehead, the muscles of the eyes, allowing the 131 00:26:43,720 --> 00:26:55,720 eyeballs just to fall back into your head and relax. Bring your attention to that spot right 132 00:26:55,720 --> 00:27:09,480 between the eyebrows. Take a deep breath in, let it go. Bring your attention to the very top of your 133 00:27:09,480 --> 00:27:25,040 head. And we'll end this practice with one last big deep breath. Imagine drawing that breath from 134 00:27:25,040 --> 00:27:31,480 the bottoms of your feet and bringing it all the way up to the top of your head. Take a deep breath in, 135 00:27:31,480 --> 00:27:54,240 and let it go. And while your eyes are still closed and we're ending this practice, bring to mind 136 00:27:54,240 --> 00:28:01,160 how you felt before you started this practice. And notice how you feel in this moment right now. 137 00:28:01,160 --> 00:28:16,800 When you feel ready, allow your eyes to open so slowly, letting the light come back into your eyes 138 00:28:16,800 --> 00:28:34,080 and let your gaze rest on something that makes you feel at ease. Thank you so much for practicing 139 00:28:34,080 --> 00:28:47,640 with me today. I hope you carry this practice with you and remember that ease can be found 140 00:28:47,640 --> 00:29:05,400 through the breath. Have a wonderful day.