Hello hello, welcome to the Feelings Pod, my name is Sabrina Amina, and we are on our
10th episode of the first season of this podcast, and I'm excited to report that the days are
getting longer, and we're gonna start moving into new episodes for the spring time, which
means that we can talk a little bit more about the lighter, brighter feelings on this podcast.
In the meantime, today's episode is on feelings of inadequacy. Inadequacy, when you feel inadequate,
less than, like an imposter, not enough, it happens to all of us whether or not we like to admit it,
and whether or not we even realize it. Therapy is helpful, I highly recommend it,
if you're not realizing why you're behaving the way you're behaving, it helps to kind of take a
look at things and notice, talk through the things that come up for you. There's a lot of kind of
shame around some of the feelings that we experience, and so we sometimes just deny their
existence or shove them down. Yeah, so I think feelings of inadequacy come up for me generally
all the time. I'm better at noticing when they come up. For me, it's often when I receive like
harsh criticism or reprimand or rejection. This is where my self-compassion practice has really
helped me grow a lot in recognizing that everyone feels this way sometimes, and it doesn't actually
mean I'm less than or not enough, or not good enough, not smart enough, not capable enough,
not talented enough, not successful enough. Something that can really trigger feelings of
inadequacy is when we compare ourselves to others, when we compare our journey to the journey of
someone else, sometimes jealousy can tune us into feelings of inadequacy. Jealousy is interesting
because it highlights the things that we desire, like the things that we truly want, and seeing
someone else have what we want gives us the false impression that, oh, someone else has this thing,
and there's a finite amount of it, and if this person has the thing that I want, it means that I
cannot have the thing that I want, which is entirely false. So a book that I love about kind of
navigating feelings of envy and jealousy is called Judgment Detox by Gabrielle Bernstein. It's a
great read. I highly recommend it. It really can shift your relationship to envy and jealousy in a
powerful way because while all of these emotions can be uncomfortable, they are probably the most
powerful vehicle for personal transformation and growth. These shadow feelings are really worth
looking at. They're valuable pieces of information that can just help you learn more about yourself.
Once again, I recommend doing that in therapy with a professional. Yes, there are activities that
are therapeutic and can help you cope, but doing the deep work really requires the assistance of a
professional, and it doesn't necessarily have to be talk therapy. There are so many different
kinds of therapy to try, so I recommend starting by asking the folks in your network if they know
any good therapists. Yeah, so feelings of inadequacy, and it's so hard because we live in a society that
really sometimes or very often celebrates competition and kind of this capitalistic dog eat dog race to
the top. So comparison and feelings of inadequacy kind of thrive in a competitive environment.
And that's not to say a little bit of healthy competition isn't a good thing, but when it
goes to an extreme, that's when we lose sight of ourselves. Sometimes I just like to take a pause.
Feeling inadequate is something hard to face for me because I work really hard on my self-concept.
I did not grow up feeling super confident in my being, my skills, my inherent worth as a human on
this earth, simply because I got that message so infrequently, which is not uncommon. For example,
I'm an educator if we talk about schools and just the simple, it's far from simple,
but our grading practices. I mean, all of that is deficit based. All of that is based on focusing
on what you don't know and giving folks a score based on that. If you think about it, if you know 60%
of a topic, I mean, that's a lot of information, 60% of a specific topic and that's a lot.
But in a school setting, a 60% grade is a failure because there was 40% that you didn't know.
That never made sense to me and I find it wildly infuriating and I like to give credit for the things
my students do know, give them that encouragement and help them grow their knowledge. So it'd be like,
oh, it's really awesome that you know the 60% of the information. Let's build on that and add,
you know, maybe 5% of the time. It just makes sense to me. So yeah, I think that feelings of
inadequacy are instilled within us from a very early age and especially if you grew up around
hypercritical adults who often gave the message that you weren't doing things right, you are doing
things wrong, you're basically not great person. We say these things to young people, to children,
and we use really harsh, cruel language with young people without giving it a second thought.
And so I'm also a parent and one of the ways I've helped myself grow through feelings of
inadequacy is just learning how to celebrate myself, learning how to recognize what my strengths are,
learning to see the glass half full when it comes to who I am. Well, let's be honest,
I've gotten to a point where I feel like the glass is completely full. So I've swung into the
opposite direction and I wish the very same for you if you're struggling with feelings of inadequacy.
And the great thing about learning how to acknowledge yourself and celebrate, even like
your smallest victories, even the things that you look over and don't even give a second thought to,
like that helps you not only cushion yourself and make yourself feel good,
but then you start to kind of see other people's strengths. It's easier to see other people's
strengths when you give yourself permission to see your own. So the next time you're feeling
really poorly about yourself, like see if you can remember to think critically about that self
criticism, you can ask yourself is what my thoughts are saying about me really true.
And perhaps I can tell a different story. I have a really simple example from this week. A colleague
of mine walked by and she was going to use the restroom and decided to pop into the student
restroom instead of going all the way upstairs to use the faculty restroom. And she felt the
need to explain that to me and said, oh yeah, I'm just too lazy to go all the way upstairs.
And we do it all the time in these really simple like passing statements and this woman is far
from lazy. She's a math teacher. She's running around all the time. She's grading papers all
the time. She's with students and supporting them. Teachers are just anyone who shows up
to educate like hundreds of teenagers or young kids every day is far from lazy. Anyhow, so when
she came out of the restroom, I just stopped her and I said, I would just like to say that doing
things to make life a little bit easier is smart and certainly not lazy. And I want us to do that
more often for ourselves is catch yourself when you're speaking to yourself in an unkind way.
Maybe you think calling yourself lazy is not a big deal, but you know, we call ourselves all sorts
of disparaging names and rewriting those stories we tell about ourselves can be a really powerful
practice to help us combat feelings of inadequacy. Also, another book I recommend is a book called
Laziness Does Not Exist by Devin Price. I love this concept. A lot of times our feelings of
inadequacy come from this idea that we're not doing enough. And basically, the thesis of this book
is that, you know, laziness comes from like these puritanical ideas of kind of being constantly
productive and constantly working. And that narrative feeds very well into the capitalist
structure that we all are living under. So challenging this idea that we constantly have to do and
produce and act and when we're not doing means that we're lazy. Like that's completely false.
Can you imagine we live in a society where people just feel guilty, just stop and be and breathe and
rest? Like that's a very human thing. It's a necessary thing. And yet so many folks like really
struggle with just taking a pause. And it's hard to take a pause. Like sometimes I'll take a break
and take a walk at school or, you know, stop by and see a colleague and have a chat. And, you know,
there is this kind of atmosphere feeling like, oh, she's, what is she doing? Like, how does she have
time to, you know, sit down and eat lunch? And I mean, in my particular environment, it doesn't
always feel that way. But I have certainly been in schools where I felt like if I took a break,
folks would really frown upon that. Yeah, so we really need to get away from this constant doing in
order to feel accomplished or worthy or good. So I'll leave you with this reminder. You are whole,
you are worthy, you are beautiful, you are complete. Did I say good? Because you're so good. You're so
good. Just because you exist. So I hope you can hold on to that affirmation and carry it with you
this week. Thank you so much for listening. Let's get into a practice today, our mindfulness
practice. If you're able to take a pause and practice with me, that's awesome. If not, you can
certainly pause the episode and come back to it when you're ready. So find a comfortable position.
You can choose to lie down or sit upright and make yourself as comfortable as possible. And once
you're in a position that feels good, close your eyes and start tuning into your breath. Just noticing
your inhale and exhale and making a mental note of how you're feeling in this moment. Where are you
carrying? Is there anything you'd like to put down? Is there anything that you'd like to invite in?
Take a deep breath into the belly and exhale. Take another deep breath into the belly.
And exhale. Take a deep breath in, filling the belly.
And exhale. Just notice what thoughts are present and see if you can allow them to just float on
by. If a thought pops up, label it as a worry, as a memory, as a plan. Notice what the brain wants to
do as you are tuning into the breath. Perhaps there's a judgment or a discomfort. There's no need to
push against it, allow it to come up and allow it to go on its way. Sometimes our thoughts have a
sticky quality to them. They linger a bit longer than we want them to, especially when they're
difficult thoughts or repetitive thoughts. Our mindfulness practice allows us to observe thoughts
that come up, breathe into them, and send them on their way. Take a deep breath in and let it go.
Inhale, fill the belly, and exhale.
And in this moment, just notice the body. Notice the weight of gravity holding you in place.
Notice where your body makes contact with the support beneath you. We'll do a brief body scan,
starting with the feet. Notice the toes. Maybe you want to wiggle the toes. Notice the tops of your
feet. Notice the bottoms of your feet, the arch, your heels. Slowly bringing awareness up toward
the ankles. Noticing the left ankle and the right ankle. Moving up towards the calves, the left calf,
the right calf, the left shin, the right shin. Noticing your knees, the left knee, the right knee.
Take a deep breath in, let it go. Notice your left thigh, the right thigh. Notice the hips.
Take a deep breath in and let it go. Notice the belly. Take a deep breath into the belly,
and let that go. Bring your attention to the heart space. It might feel nice to rub your hands
together and gently place them over the heart. Breathing into the heart space, take a deep breath
in and let it go. Bring your attention to the chest, the collarbone, your shoulders, your left
shoulder, your right shoulder, your upper arms, your biceps, the elbows. Notice your forearms.
Notice your hands. Wiggle the fingers. Notice your thumbs, your index fingers, the middle finger,
the ring finger, and the pinky finger. Take a deep breath in, let it go. Bring your attention back
to the throat, the neck. Noticing the jaw. We tend to hold a lot of tension in our jaw and see if
you can soften into this space a little bit. Maybe offer yourself a little bit of massage.
Notice the muscles in your face and just allow all expression to leave your face. Take a deep
breath in, let it go. Relaxing the cheekbones, the forehead, the muscles of the eyes, allowing the
eyeballs just to fall back into your head and relax. Bring your attention to that spot right
between the eyebrows. Take a deep breath in, let it go. Bring your attention to the very top of your
head. And we'll end this practice with one last big deep breath. Imagine drawing that breath from
the bottoms of your feet and bringing it all the way up to the top of your head. Take a deep breath in,
and let it go. And while your eyes are still closed and we're ending this practice, bring to mind
how you felt before you started this practice. And notice how you feel in this moment right now.
When you feel ready, allow your eyes to open so slowly, letting the light come back into your eyes
and let your gaze rest on something that makes you feel at ease. Thank you so much for practicing
with me today. I hope you carry this practice with you and remember that ease can be found
through the breath. Have a wonderful day.