Hello hello this is the feelings pod I'm Sabrina Mina your host and today's
episode is all about fear. Fear has been coming up pretty regularly for me lately
in the form of anxiety so I mean what is anxiety if not just fears about our
past or future or I think anxiety is actually more our fears of the future
rather than the past we can worry about the past but not sure we're actively
fearing what what's already happened. Fear feels more anticipatory of you know
whatever event is to come. I have fear about a lot of things I think my fear
is very similar to fears of other humans you know fear for but thankfully I don't
often fear for my safety. I think as a woman we are in a position where we
more frequently fear for our safety in public spaces or entering new places or
meeting new people but for the most part I'm pretty blessed and privileged to
live in a place and work in a place where I feel pretty safe for the most part.
Fear maybe more often for me comes up and worries about what's to come and you
know worries about my job or my child or anticipating a difficult conversation.
Trying something new is a place where fear comes up but it definitely that's
a good kind of fear I think that I've been exploring more of lately sometimes
for me doing new things going to new places behavior changes that feel
significant definitely bring up fear but fear that also kind of is adjacent to
excitement. So yeah I I've been getting curious about my fears and wondering is
this something I really need to be fearful of. If you've ever explored a
course in miracles there's the interesting take on on fear and basically
when we're in a state of fear it's because we are we've kind of succumbed
to an illusion of something which is an interesting perspective I'm not sure I
entirely agree or disagree with it but it's interesting to think about that
when you're in a state of like being one with the self or at ease or at peace
when you feel expansive like fear does not exist right when you're in that
state. However fear comes up when we're creating stories in our minds right we
have the illusion of something that doesn't exist so it is actually kind of
a comforting way to look at to look at fear. If you're able to kind of
observe it like create a bit of distance from it and say is this thing that I'm
afraid of is it you know am I creating a story and maybe experiencing this fear
unnecessarily. I had a difficult conversation today with my boss and I
was I was really worried about it I was super scared. I did my best to just be
present with it something that's something I find just really helpful when
I'm in a fear state is imagining the worst case scenario which you know can
either work for or against you because sometimes work imagining a worst case
scenario can really take you into overdrive but it's helpful if you imagine
the solution and ask yourself so if this were to happen and then what what would
I do is this something that I could handle is this something that I would be
able to navigate and yes nine times out of ten I'm able to say yeah that's
definitely something I can handle it's not an ideal situation but I can I can
I can do it I can do this hard thing that I'm in fearful anticipation of and I
find that's this that's a really helpful way to navigate my fear is tapping into
my my the trust I have in myself remembering that I'm capable that I
have the strength to navigate whatever challenges come my way remembering that
I've been able to navigate everything that's come my way up to this point I
try to also be really aware of when my fears are stopping me from growing I
recently took a trip to California and I was so scared to take this trip and I
couldn't I couldn't really figure out why because California is one of my
favorite places to visit and travel to it's it was just simply out of my routine
I don't regularly travel during the winter months it was something outside of
the norm for me and in my fearful mind in my fearful state I considered oh I
shouldn't do this I need to cancel this or I was kind of thinking of reasons why
I shouldn't go and then I was like wait a minute that's you know you know taking a
step back from it observing the fear and kind of questioning it and I did end up
going and even after I I was in I was in San Francisco I was going to take a
drive to another part of the state for a retreat and like once again fear came
up I was fearful of driving so far out of the city it was like a four-hour drive
I said oh maybe I should just stay put and stay here and not go to the retreat
that I flew across the country for again that was my fear coming up and I said
well I came out here for a reason like why would I not do this and again just
noticing and observing the fear and working through it I think it's so I was
I was having a conversation with my therapist about it and he framed it so
beautifully he said wow you had an entire heroes journey in the span of a
weekend I was like huh you know what I think you're right and actually I was
worried about the weather because the weather report I was driving into the
mountains like near Reno and like Tahoe not like yeah like around Tahoe area and
there was a report about the the snow coming in I was I was like no I can't
go I'm not gonna be able to like get out of this get out I won't be able to make
my flight back I'll miss my flight and once again and thankfully I was
surrounded by like really wonderful humans during this experience who you
know witnessed me in my state of fear and anxiousness I made it to the retreat
center and my friends there I was planning to leave early I was going to
just to make sure that I wouldn't miss my flight and my friends there were like
no don't you know stay for the weekend you're this was your plan you flew all
the way across the country like don't you know you don't you don't have to leave
it the weather is not going to be that bad like it's and it's such a gift when
you have friends you can co-regulate with co-regulate is this is a is a
concept I learned from Luis Mojica in one of his courses if you haven't heard
of him I highly recommend you check out his his podcast called holistic life
navigation or he's on Instagram under the same name so yeah he he brought I
learned about co-regulation with Luis and basically being able to settle your
nervous system in relation with another being another object relating to your
surroundings your physical surroundings and kind of settling and I was
fortunate enough to be around some really beautiful humans who helped me
regulate the fear observe it witness it be with that acknowledge it and
ultimately you know move move move through it I was able to I was I was
able to stay and yes the weather was not great on my drive back it was a much
longer trip back to San Francisco than I had anticipated at one point I was
really worried I was gonna get stuck in the snow but I got through it I managed
I was fine I'm a great driver I have good instincts and I can handle myself and
reminding myself that that is the case is what always helps me through through
fear yeah there are definitely I think there there have definitely been times
in my life where fear has kept me from from doing things that I want to do the
fear of the unknown the fear of change and I feel really grateful to just be in
a season of life where I'm I'm very much fear-facing I don't really believe in
like being fearless I don't think any of us are fearless unless we're you know
have some kind of serious psychological challenges we all have our fears and
we'll never be without them our fears you know keep us safe in a lot of ways but
when we're able to face those fears we grow and expand and are able to see what
we're capable of so in a way fear is a gift I am certainly of the opinion that
all of our emotions are gifts in one way or another especially the difficult
ones actually especially the great ones especially the uplifting ones especially
the joyful ones when the gift is also just like being able to be fully present
to them to listen to them to kind of get to the heart of what is this what it
what it what is this trying what is this emotion trying to communicate what am I
what can I learn from this how can I grow from this now so I think what I'll
leave you with is if you are in a space or moment where fear is coming up use
that question like ask yourself like what what what is this fear and if if my
fear is is about something that's going to occur is this event something that
I'll be able to handle is it something that I'd be able to overcome is it
something I'd be able to manage and probably for you to nine times out of
ten the answer will be yes and if the answer is no it's probably something
that's life-threatening and you shouldn't be doing anyway yeah so let's get
into a short little practice just a box breath we'll do five deep breaths to
settle this nervous system find a comfortable seat you can sit you can
lie down since it's such a short practice maybe you'll just want to sit and put
aside any distractions and let the eyes close and start tuning into the breath
once you feel connected to your breath start to deepen it a little bit take a
deep breath in to the count of five pause at the top of your breath and
exhale to the count of seven pause at the bottom of the breath take a deep
breath in pause at the top of the breath breathe out
pause once again take a deep breath in pause and exhale pause at the bottom of
the breath take another deep breath in pause at the top of the breath and let
it go and take one more deep breath in to the count of five pause at the top of
the breath and exhale to count of seven pause at the bottom of the breath and
when you're ready open the eyes come back to the room and offer yourself a
little bit of love gratitude and appreciation I hope you have a wonderful day thank
you so much for listening