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Hello hello this is the feelings pod I'm Sabrina Mina your host and today's

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episode is all about fear. Fear has been coming up pretty regularly for me lately

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in the form of anxiety so I mean what is anxiety if not just fears about our

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past or future or I think anxiety is actually more our fears of the future

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rather than the past we can worry about the past but not sure we're actively

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fearing what what's already happened. Fear feels more anticipatory of you know

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whatever event is to come. I have fear about a lot of things I think my fear

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is very similar to fears of other humans you know fear for but thankfully I don't

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often fear for my safety. I think as a woman we are in a position where we

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more frequently fear for our safety in public spaces or entering new places or

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meeting new people but for the most part I'm pretty blessed and privileged to

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live in a place and work in a place where I feel pretty safe for the most part.

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Fear maybe more often for me comes up and worries about what's to come and you

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know worries about my job or my child or anticipating a difficult conversation.

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Trying something new is a place where fear comes up but it definitely that's

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a good kind of fear I think that I've been exploring more of lately sometimes

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for me doing new things going to new places behavior changes that feel

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significant definitely bring up fear but fear that also kind of is adjacent to

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excitement. So yeah I I've been getting curious about my fears and wondering is

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this something I really need to be fearful of. If you've ever explored a

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course in miracles there's the interesting take on on fear and basically

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when we're in a state of fear it's because we are we've kind of succumbed

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to an illusion of something which is an interesting perspective I'm not sure I

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entirely agree or disagree with it but it's interesting to think about that

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when you're in a state of like being one with the self or at ease or at peace

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when you feel expansive like fear does not exist right when you're in that

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state. However fear comes up when we're creating stories in our minds right we

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have the illusion of something that doesn't exist so it is actually kind of

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a comforting way to look at to look at fear. If you're able to kind of

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observe it like create a bit of distance from it and say is this thing that I'm

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afraid of is it you know am I creating a story and maybe experiencing this fear

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unnecessarily. I had a difficult conversation today with my boss and I

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was I was really worried about it I was super scared. I did my best to just be

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present with it something that's something I find just really helpful when

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I'm in a fear state is imagining the worst case scenario which you know can

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either work for or against you because sometimes work imagining a worst case

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scenario can really take you into overdrive but it's helpful if you imagine

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the solution and ask yourself so if this were to happen and then what what would

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I do is this something that I could handle is this something that I would be

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able to navigate and yes nine times out of ten I'm able to say yeah that's

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definitely something I can handle it's not an ideal situation but I can I can

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I can do it I can do this hard thing that I'm in fearful anticipation of and I

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find that's this that's a really helpful way to navigate my fear is tapping into

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my my the trust I have in myself remembering that I'm capable that I

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have the strength to navigate whatever challenges come my way remembering that

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I've been able to navigate everything that's come my way up to this point I

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try to also be really aware of when my fears are stopping me from growing I

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recently took a trip to California and I was so scared to take this trip and I

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couldn't I couldn't really figure out why because California is one of my

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favorite places to visit and travel to it's it was just simply out of my routine

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I don't regularly travel during the winter months it was something outside of

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the norm for me and in my fearful mind in my fearful state I considered oh I

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shouldn't do this I need to cancel this or I was kind of thinking of reasons why

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I shouldn't go and then I was like wait a minute that's you know you know taking a

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step back from it observing the fear and kind of questioning it and I did end up

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going and even after I I was in I was in San Francisco I was going to take a

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drive to another part of the state for a retreat and like once again fear came

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up I was fearful of driving so far out of the city it was like a four-hour drive

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I said oh maybe I should just stay put and stay here and not go to the retreat

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that I flew across the country for again that was my fear coming up and I said

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well I came out here for a reason like why would I not do this and again just

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noticing and observing the fear and working through it I think it's so I was

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I was having a conversation with my therapist about it and he framed it so

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beautifully he said wow you had an entire heroes journey in the span of a

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weekend I was like huh you know what I think you're right and actually I was

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worried about the weather because the weather report I was driving into the

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mountains like near Reno and like Tahoe not like yeah like around Tahoe area and

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there was a report about the the snow coming in I was I was like no I can't

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go I'm not gonna be able to like get out of this get out I won't be able to make

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my flight back I'll miss my flight and once again and thankfully I was

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surrounded by like really wonderful humans during this experience who you

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know witnessed me in my state of fear and anxiousness I made it to the retreat

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center and my friends there I was planning to leave early I was going to

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just to make sure that I wouldn't miss my flight and my friends there were like

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no don't you know stay for the weekend you're this was your plan you flew all

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the way across the country like don't you know you don't you don't have to leave

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it the weather is not going to be that bad like it's and it's such a gift when

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you have friends you can co-regulate with co-regulate is this is a is a

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concept I learned from Luis Mojica in one of his courses if you haven't heard

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of him I highly recommend you check out his his podcast called holistic life

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navigation or he's on Instagram under the same name so yeah he he brought I

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learned about co-regulation with Luis and basically being able to settle your

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nervous system in relation with another being another object relating to your

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surroundings your physical surroundings and kind of settling and I was

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fortunate enough to be around some really beautiful humans who helped me

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regulate the fear observe it witness it be with that acknowledge it and

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ultimately you know move move move through it I was able to I was I was

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able to stay and yes the weather was not great on my drive back it was a much

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longer trip back to San Francisco than I had anticipated at one point I was

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really worried I was gonna get stuck in the snow but I got through it I managed

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I was fine I'm a great driver I have good instincts and I can handle myself and

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reminding myself that that is the case is what always helps me through through

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fear yeah there are definitely I think there there have definitely been times

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in my life where fear has kept me from from doing things that I want to do the

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fear of the unknown the fear of change and I feel really grateful to just be in

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a season of life where I'm I'm very much fear-facing I don't really believe in

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like being fearless I don't think any of us are fearless unless we're you know

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have some kind of serious psychological challenges we all have our fears and

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we'll never be without them our fears you know keep us safe in a lot of ways but

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when we're able to face those fears we grow and expand and are able to see what

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we're capable of so in a way fear is a gift I am certainly of the opinion that

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all of our emotions are gifts in one way or another especially the difficult

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ones actually especially the great ones especially the uplifting ones especially

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the joyful ones when the gift is also just like being able to be fully present

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to them to listen to them to kind of get to the heart of what is this what it

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what it what is this trying what is this emotion trying to communicate what am I

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what can I learn from this how can I grow from this now so I think what I'll

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leave you with is if you are in a space or moment where fear is coming up use

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that question like ask yourself like what what what is this fear and if if my

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fear is is about something that's going to occur is this event something that

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I'll be able to handle is it something that I'd be able to overcome is it

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something I'd be able to manage and probably for you to nine times out of

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ten the answer will be yes and if the answer is no it's probably something

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that's life-threatening and you shouldn't be doing anyway yeah so let's get

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into a short little practice just a box breath we'll do five deep breaths to

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settle this nervous system find a comfortable seat you can sit you can

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lie down since it's such a short practice maybe you'll just want to sit and put

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aside any distractions and let the eyes close and start tuning into the breath

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once you feel connected to your breath start to deepen it a little bit take a

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deep breath in to the count of five pause at the top of your breath and

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exhale to the count of seven pause at the bottom of the breath take a deep

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breath in pause at the top of the breath breathe out

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pause once again take a deep breath in pause and exhale pause at the bottom of

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the breath take another deep breath in pause at the top of the breath and let

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it go and take one more deep breath in to the count of five pause at the top of

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the breath and exhale to count of seven pause at the bottom of the breath and

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when you're ready open the eyes come back to the room and offer yourself a

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little bit of love gratitude and appreciation I hope you have a wonderful day thank

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you so much for listening