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Welcome to today's episode. Today I'm talking about longing, that pang that

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comes from the pit of your belly and

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oscillates from there all the way up through the abdomen into the heart.

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Seems to stop right at the throat. That's how I experience longing in my body.

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Being with longing is challenging when the object of your desire is not

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available to you. Man is that hard. It's so hard to want something so much and

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no in the mind that you can't have it. My experience of longing doesn't happen in

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the brain. The brain does its best to rationalize and convince you that the

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thing that you desire is not actually what you want or it'll tell you that

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you deserve so much more or this thing that you're longing for that's not

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available to you is not meant for you. There are so many ways to explain it away

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but that pull in the body that pull that makes you want to do things that the

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brain disagrees with is so challenging. It digs up all of our old wounds of

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wanting to be seen and loved and held and desired and to be validated to

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be longed by someone in the way that you long for them. Now for me I don't... most

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of my longing happens in relationship with other humans. My longings for

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material things are not as pronounced or compelling. At least I don't think because

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the current longing I'm sitting with is for connection with a particular human

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and it's so all-consuming that maybe I have longed for something but in this

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moment it doesn't feel like I've ever wanted anything or felt such a need to

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be seen and this is a hard one to record because it's requiring a lot of

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vulnerability on my part and I in an effort to make this more of an

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educational podcast rather than just a... well honestly I think we can learn from

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one another and our experiences and how we move through the most challenging

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moments of our lives and I started this podcast with an episode on rejection

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and that feels a little different than the longing. This longing is familiar to

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me. It's a feeling of unrequited love and there's one part of the brain that

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wants to rationalize it and send it away and another part of the brain that

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wants to indulge it and be with fantasy and be with all of the possibilities and

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imagine ways of bringing the object of desire into possession and I'm a new

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student of Buddhist tradition but desire is definitely one of the aspects of the

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human condition that challenges us and brings us to a place of feeling inadequate.

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Longing is a tricky thing. If you are sitting with longing just know you're not

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alone. It can feel like a very lonely experience but it is it is one of the

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human experiences that unites us.

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This is going to be a short episode because I didn't realize how difficult it

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would be for me to speak about it. I'll leave you with this as I sit with this

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longing as I sit with this pang of desire that keeps sneaking up on me. I'll

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have moments of oh I'm over that I'm totally fine. I'm worthy of love. I am

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moving towards greater things you know finding comfort in self-compassionate

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thoughts like that. But the most important thing is to witness it with kindness

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and love and self-compassion to hold it to know that it comes from a place of an

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old wound. It comes from an old wound. It comes from an old wound and I mentioned

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in that first episode on rejection a relationship with no and being with no

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and not getting what you want. And that thought once again that rejection is

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divine redirection does bring me comfort and I and if you're sitting with longing

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or any kind of rejection I hope that thought brings you some comfort and a

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little bit of ease. You keep drafting texts just keep them in your notes or

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delete them whatever you do don't send them. It is my strong belief that when

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it's right it's reciprocated. When it's right there's a flow there's an ease it

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doesn't feel like such a push it doesn't feel so heavy it doesn't feel so

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draining it doesn't feel like something you need to escape from. And the other

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thing I'll say is there's no shame in longing there's no shame in having a

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desire for something that you can't have there's absolutely no shame in it. The

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best thing you can do again is witness it and be with it and sit with it.

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Notice that sensation in the body where does it come up for you? For me it starts

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at the sacral chakra and moves all the way up through the throat. It's a visceral

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pang. So I will leave you with this short practice today. A brief body scan. Notice

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where you are find a comfortable seat allow the body to rest in stillness. And

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whatever emotion you're sitting with today bring it to mind give it a name.

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Perhaps it's worry perhaps it's grief perhaps it's longing. And tune into where

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that feeling where that emotion is coming up in your body. Where do you feel it

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most prominently? When you spot it in the body just feel into it. This is what I

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mean by being with the emotion. Locating it in the body and witnessing it with

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softness. What does it do when it has your full attention? Take a deep breath in

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and let it go.

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For the next couple of minutes at your own pace slowly draw the breath in. Allow

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the belly to expand allow the lungs to fill. When you reach the top of the

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breath and you feel like you have a full breath breathe in one last deep breath

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and let it go. Release it fully. Let the lung come out of your, let the air come

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out of your lungs. Allow the stomach to contract as you exhale. Take another deep

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breath in and release. And as you follow your breath just notice what's happening

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to the emotion. Notice how it expands or contracts. Notice how it evolves with your

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attention. Take a deep breath in and let it go.

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Rub the hands together creating a little bit of friction between the palms

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creating a bit of warmth and place the hands over the part of your body where

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you feel the emotion and send that space some warmth and some love and kindness

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and care. Take a deep breath in and let it go. Rest here as long as you need as

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long as you like. And when you're ready allow the eyes to flutter open. Notice the

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space around you. Let your eyes land on something that brings you comfort. And

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offer yourself a little bit of love and gratitude for giving yourself this time

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to care to give yourself some gentle attention. You're doing great. Have a

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beautiful day.