Welcome to today's episode. Today I'm talking about longing, that pang that
comes from the pit of your belly and
oscillates from there all the way up through the abdomen into the heart.
Seems to stop right at the throat. That's how I experience longing in my body.
Being with longing is challenging when the object of your desire is not
available to you. Man is that hard. It's so hard to want something so much and
no in the mind that you can't have it. My experience of longing doesn't happen in
the brain. The brain does its best to rationalize and convince you that the
thing that you desire is not actually what you want or it'll tell you that
you deserve so much more or this thing that you're longing for that's not
available to you is not meant for you. There are so many ways to explain it away
but that pull in the body that pull that makes you want to do things that the
brain disagrees with is so challenging. It digs up all of our old wounds of
wanting to be seen and loved and held and desired and to be validated to
be longed by someone in the way that you long for them. Now for me I don't... most
of my longing happens in relationship with other humans. My longings for
material things are not as pronounced or compelling. At least I don't think because
the current longing I'm sitting with is for connection with a particular human
and it's so all-consuming that maybe I have longed for something but in this
moment it doesn't feel like I've ever wanted anything or felt such a need to
be seen and this is a hard one to record because it's requiring a lot of
vulnerability on my part and I in an effort to make this more of an
educational podcast rather than just a... well honestly I think we can learn from
one another and our experiences and how we move through the most challenging
moments of our lives and I started this podcast with an episode on rejection
and that feels a little different than the longing. This longing is familiar to
me. It's a feeling of unrequited love and there's one part of the brain that
wants to rationalize it and send it away and another part of the brain that
wants to indulge it and be with fantasy and be with all of the possibilities and
imagine ways of bringing the object of desire into possession and I'm a new
student of Buddhist tradition but desire is definitely one of the aspects of the
human condition that challenges us and brings us to a place of feeling inadequate.
Longing is a tricky thing. If you are sitting with longing just know you're not
alone. It can feel like a very lonely experience but it is it is one of the
human experiences that unites us.
This is going to be a short episode because I didn't realize how difficult it
would be for me to speak about it. I'll leave you with this as I sit with this
longing as I sit with this pang of desire that keeps sneaking up on me. I'll
have moments of oh I'm over that I'm totally fine. I'm worthy of love. I am
moving towards greater things you know finding comfort in self-compassionate
thoughts like that. But the most important thing is to witness it with kindness
and love and self-compassion to hold it to know that it comes from a place of an
old wound. It comes from an old wound. It comes from an old wound and I mentioned
in that first episode on rejection a relationship with no and being with no
and not getting what you want. And that thought once again that rejection is
divine redirection does bring me comfort and I and if you're sitting with longing
or any kind of rejection I hope that thought brings you some comfort and a
little bit of ease. You keep drafting texts just keep them in your notes or
delete them whatever you do don't send them. It is my strong belief that when
it's right it's reciprocated. When it's right there's a flow there's an ease it
doesn't feel like such a push it doesn't feel so heavy it doesn't feel so
draining it doesn't feel like something you need to escape from. And the other
thing I'll say is there's no shame in longing there's no shame in having a
desire for something that you can't have there's absolutely no shame in it. The
best thing you can do again is witness it and be with it and sit with it.
Notice that sensation in the body where does it come up for you? For me it starts
at the sacral chakra and moves all the way up through the throat. It's a visceral
pang. So I will leave you with this short practice today. A brief body scan. Notice
where you are find a comfortable seat allow the body to rest in stillness. And
whatever emotion you're sitting with today bring it to mind give it a name.
Perhaps it's worry perhaps it's grief perhaps it's longing. And tune into where
that feeling where that emotion is coming up in your body. Where do you feel it
most prominently? When you spot it in the body just feel into it. This is what I
mean by being with the emotion. Locating it in the body and witnessing it with
softness. What does it do when it has your full attention? Take a deep breath in
and let it go.
For the next couple of minutes at your own pace slowly draw the breath in. Allow
the belly to expand allow the lungs to fill. When you reach the top of the
breath and you feel like you have a full breath breathe in one last deep breath
and let it go. Release it fully. Let the lung come out of your, let the air come
out of your lungs. Allow the stomach to contract as you exhale. Take another deep
breath in and release. And as you follow your breath just notice what's happening
to the emotion. Notice how it expands or contracts. Notice how it evolves with your
attention. Take a deep breath in and let it go.
Rub the hands together creating a little bit of friction between the palms
creating a bit of warmth and place the hands over the part of your body where
you feel the emotion and send that space some warmth and some love and kindness
and care. Take a deep breath in and let it go. Rest here as long as you need as
long as you like. And when you're ready allow the eyes to flutter open. Notice the
space around you. Let your eyes land on something that brings you comfort. And
offer yourself a little bit of love and gratitude for giving yourself this time
to care to give yourself some gentle attention. You're doing great. Have a
beautiful day.