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Hello hello my name is Sabrina Amina I am the host of the feelings pod it's a

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podcast where we discuss feelings and ways to use mindfulness to navigate

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those feelings. Today's episode is on sadness, heartache, whatever word you use

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to describe the feeling. When you're down in the dumps maybe you want to cry

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maybe you want to crawl under the covers and hide maybe you want to scream

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maybe you just need a hug or a warm bath or a warm meal. Sadness comes up

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sometimes unexpectedly and sometimes for very obvious reasons and something I've

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learned about my sadness is it helps not to pathologize my sadness and what

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I mean by that is basically if I'm sad it doesn't mean that there's anything

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wrong with me and one of the most important things that we can understand

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from tuning into our emotions is that all of these emotions are information for

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us. The most difficult emotions are hard to sit with they're hard to be with and

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the reason I'm so passionate about mindfulness and sharing this practice

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is because it allows you to be with so many of the difficult parts of being

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human. It makes it somewhat more bearable not necessarily easier but it feels

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like a really handy tool for just getting through it somehow. And actually I

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wouldn't even say it's getting through it it's being with mindfulness is

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really a practice of being with whatever is and if that feeling is sadness

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well get curious about the sadness. For a period of time I it may come as no

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surprise to you that someone who likes talking about their feelings really

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enjoys therapy so for a period of time when I was seeing my therapist I was

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always giving myself a hard time and saying I hate always being the sad girl

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I hate always coming in here and being sad so I was I was really harshly

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judging my sadness and my depression and I wanted to be different I wanted to be

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happy I wanted to not be sad anymore and you can't really wish away emotions you

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can try your best to squash them and repress them but at this point we all

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pretty much know that one way or another those feelings are gonna find a way of

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coming out sideways and your sadness can fester turn into grief and rage and I

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don't know where your sadness goes but that's my sadness you know if I don't

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make space for it if I don't honor it if I don't name it if I don't sit with it

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if I don't ask it hey sadness what are you trying to communicate to me

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sometimes it has an answer and sometimes it doesn't sometimes sadness will just

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come up in a moment of exhaustion just the body is tired the body has nothing

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more to give and sometimes when there's a very obvious reason for the sadness it's

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probably really normal to be sad in certain circumstances so why is it that

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we don't allow ourselves that time to just be sad I have a couple of thoughts

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on this growing up I never felt like sadness was really acceptable right like

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no one wants to be around the sad person but on the other hand you know if you

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have parents who are attentive and caring and you know emotionally in tune

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with your emotions and feelings maybe sadness was a way of getting attention

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maybe being expressive about your sadness was a way to find care in some way

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I'm not sure sadness is still something that I struggle with in terms of allowing

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myself to sit with it I want to run away from it I don't want to be with my

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sadness but I almost always feel a little bit better when I when I look at it

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and it's not a conscious decision it's not like oh I'm sad and I'm going to

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ignore my sadness sometimes it just creeps up and so coming back to the

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mindfulness practice having time every day to just sit quietly and tune into

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the body tune into the emotions tune into the thoughts tuning into the breath

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in that practice in that silence in that moment of pause that gives us an

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opportunity to notice hmm yeah there's sadness here

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what is this sadness trying to communicate is there a need here that's

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not being met how can I offer myself more of what I need maybe the sadness

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just needs to be witnessed maybe it just needs to be held

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acknowledged I think sometimes there's also shame that comes around difficult

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emotions you have a certain pride and you don't want to feel sad about certain

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things maybe you were insulted maybe someone said something to you that was

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really hurtful and it's hard to admit when someone caused you harm in a way

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that really affected you for example sometimes I get angry with myself for

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allowing someone to hurt my feelings I'm like why am I so upset about this I get

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really worked up about it and I I try to make sense of it but you can't really

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rationalize feelings you can't really talk yourself out of feelings you really

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just have to let yourself feel them and I I say this as someone who's getting

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better at the practice of feeling feelings labeling them naming them

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recognizing them getting more familiar with how they feel in my body because

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when you start to recognize a feeling like sadness and understand where it

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manifests itself in in your body sometimes your body will give you the

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hint before your mind be like oh here's that heavy feeling at the bottom of my

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throat I guess I'm feeling sad right now you know and in our busyness in our

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daily lives in the work that we do sometimes there's just not a lot of

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room for being with feelings sometimes you just have to get through sometimes

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you just have to shut it off and just for the sake of getting things done but

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eventually we do have to come back to our practice and be with what is and

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learn to get more familiar with the way that we feel I will say one last thing

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before we get into our practice today and and that is I find I'm a K-12

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educator I used to teach kindergarten and first grade and then I moved to

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teaching high school students and one of the the biggest differences I noticed is

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just how much less importance is given to students emotional lives as they get

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older we're so much more tender and nurturing for children at a younger age

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and I imagine that tenderness starts to taper off probably as early as third and

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fourth grade so yeah even having language to name some of our emotions is

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that education ends so early it seems and so it's kind of on us to to develop

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our own language around our emotions and our feelings and our just thought just

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the way that we experience this life it's wild and wondrous life

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okay so here's a short practice for being with sadness today and if you're not

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sitting with sadness you can sit with anything that's coming up for you right

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now just find a comfortable seat start tuning into the breath notice the inhale

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and the exhale and as you follow the breath bring your attention to the body

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notice the top of your head bring that awareness to your forehead your eyes let

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all the muscles in your face relax bring your attention down to your shoulders

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and your neck noticing the throat and the heart space noticing the upper arms

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elbows forearms in your hands your ten fingers take a moment rub the hands

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together until you feel a little bit of warmth and then gently place your hands

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over the heart and breathe into the space take a deep breath in and let it go

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as you sit with your hands over the heart bring to mind any emotions that are

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most prominent for you in this moment label the emotion and start to notice

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if you feel it in any particular place in the body there may not be a physical

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manifestation of the emotion it might just be something in the mind and if

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that's the case just observe it notice where it goes notice the texture of it

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notice the shape of it notice the intensity take a deep breath in and let

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it go when you're ready you can open the eyes come back to your space and give

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yourself a little bit of love and credit for taking care of yourself today

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you're doing great have a beautiful day