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Hello hello this is Sabrina Amina with the feelings pod. It's been a minute since I recorded an episode.

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Actually I recorded an episode last week. It's been some time since I've published a new episode.

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I've been swimming in feelings of insecurity, shame, self-doubt, and inadequacy.

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And that's not fun. When I am in that space, everything I do feels not good enough.

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Especially the things that are subject to the scrutiny of other people.

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And I'm a teacher so basically everything I do is subject to scrutiny by other people.

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And I guess scrutiny can only exist when something is being observed.

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Imagine what it would be like if none of us ever had to worry about scrutiny.

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And we don't have to worry about it.

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I'd like to get to that place. But in the meantime, I am kind of...

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It's like this heavy feeling in my chest. It's like a disgust. It doesn't feel good.

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And then it gets twisted into other things to mask the discomfort of feeling this self-loathing.

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And it even feels shameful to say, I'm experiencing self-loathing because we're not supposed to hate ourselves.

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We're supposed to love ourselves. Sometimes that just feels far away.

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I've been reading a book with my child called Taming Your Inner Gremlin.

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And man, my gremlin has just been so loud over the last couple of weeks.

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And I'm just like... Sometimes you have the capacity to wrestle the gremlin.

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And that takes a lot of effort.

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And then I think in these wellness circles, there's talk about making friends with your gremlin, understanding your gremlin's fears, understanding that your gremlin has good intentions and is just trying to protect you.

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But man, we've officially entered Scorpio season and I may have mentioned this before.

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And I'll mention it again. I have four planets in Scorpio, which means I'm just all about going to the depths and exploring shadow.

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And so when these difficult feelings come up and I feel suffocated by them, it's like, what do I do?

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I gotta get to work.

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But sometimes you gotta put the work aside because you literally can't do any work. You just have to be in the muck of it.

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Put on our galoshes. Is that what they call rain boots?

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Galoshes.

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For some reason in this moment that word sounds really strange to me, but you know.

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The rubber boots that you put on to like jump in muddy puddles.

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Peppa Pig, anyone?

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Okay.

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I really would like to say that I have something of value to offer.

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I'm still swimming through the mess of it. It doesn't feel like I do.

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Just like, hey, here's a podcast episode about these really shitty feelings that are coming up and just doing my best to do life while I sit with the feelings.

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So I will say that I'll name the things that have been helping me stay afloat.

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Therapy always, always is helpful. I do recognize the great privilege I have that I'm able to see a therapist regularly.

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I see a therapist that I like who offers a lot of consistent care.

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My morning pages are an essential part of my daily mental health hygiene.

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And I deleted Instagram off my phone this week because I noticed the scrolling was just, you know, it's out of hand.

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It gets out of hand.

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So it's been two days since I stopped scrolling Instagram and, hey, look at me, I'm recording a podcast episode.

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And to be fair, this is the second episode I'm recording this week. I recorded another one on Monday with a special guest.

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So yeah, that is forthcoming.

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So what do I want to say about insecurity? It's an illusion. When you're feeling insecure, it's just an illusion.

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It's like you're gremlin taking over. And, you know, we just got to offer ourselves a little bit more tenderness and care and love in those moments.

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And sometimes that feels impossible. Sometimes when you're in a soup of self-loathing.

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You're doing the exact opposite of being self-loving.

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So giving ourselves credit for any little thing.

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Like I made a list of things called that feeling when.

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It was basically like that feeling when a teenager says, I like your fit.

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I don't know about you, but I really think it's a top tier compliment when a teenager compliments your outfit.

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Because I feel like teenagers kind of know what's cool or less. Maybe I don't know. I guess we all know. I don't know.

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I enjoy a compliment like that from the youth.

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So yeah, compliments are nice. So trying to like receive compliments.

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Because sometimes we receive compliments or I receive compliments and I just, it's hard for me to receive them.

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What else?

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Yeah, I just had a friend randomly check in and she told me that she loves me and she was really supportive and offered just a reflection of me that was like, oh wow, thanks for reminding me of that.

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It's so important that we surround ourselves around the people who can see us in the moments especially.

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I mean, it really is so important, especially in the moments when we have trouble seeing ourselves.

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Another sparkly moment this week was, again in therapy, my therapist was like, I believe in you. I just, that was nice to hear.

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And then if I'm giving myself credit, I show up every day to teach 150 students, high school students, and I do my best. I really do.

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I don't do things perfectly, but I can honestly say I'm always trying my best to do things with heart and with care and with intention.

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So yeah, making a list of the good things, like really amplifying those, you know, sticking with the folks who are uplifting.

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You know, if talk therapy isn't available, then just like putting on a song and, you know, dancing it out, like moving the body.

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And I think that's also what's got me stuck this week because I haven't been moving as much as I normally do.

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These are all such simple things, such simple things, and yet we, it's so easy to forget. I forget all the time.

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You know, I got some sunshine. I was lying down in the grass after a particularly challenging day.

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And then I was like, wow, I magically feel better. There's something about fresh air and being on the earth that revives me.

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Yeah. So that's my perfectly imperfect podcast episode today.

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Thank you for the gift of your time and attention. I hope that you got something from this.

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And if not, maybe stick around for the mindfulness practice I'm about to share.

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All right, so let's get into a comfortable position.

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You can either sit upright in the easeful posture or lie down.

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And close the eyes if it feels comfortable to do so.

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And just start tuning into your breath, noticing.

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Making any last adjustments before settling into stillness.

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And just taking a deep breath into the belly and exhale fully.

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Take a deep breath into the belly and exhale fully.

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Take a deep breath into the belly and exhale fully.

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And as you continue with your inhale and exhale, you're going to tune into our five senses.

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And just notice your sense of sight. Your eyes may be closed, so focus on what you see in your mind's eye.

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And if your eyes are open, just notice five colors in your surroundings.

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Deep breath in and exhale.

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And bring awareness to your sense of touch.

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And notice four things. Notice the temperature in the room.

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Notice the texture of the clothing on your body.

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Notice the pressure beneath your body of whatever it is that's supporting you.

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And notice the feel of gravity holding you in place. Notice the weight of your body.

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And now bring our attention to our sense of sound.

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Let's notice three things that we can hear.

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Something perhaps in our immediate surroundings.

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Perhaps the sound of your breath.

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Or perhaps recording.

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Or perhaps something just beyond your immediate surroundings.

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So breath in and let it go.

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And notice your sense of smell.

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Can you smell two different things?

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Can you smell something in your immediate surroundings?

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Or perhaps you can't detect any smells at all.

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Just notice what you notice.

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Take a deep breath in.

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And exhale.

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And bring your attention to your taste buds, your sense of taste.

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Perhaps there's a taste of something you ate or drank earlier.

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Perhaps you can imagine the taste of your favorite food.

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Take a deep breath in.

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And let it go.

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Just notice how you feel in this moment.

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Notice if there have been any shifts.

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Take a deep breath in.

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And let it go.

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My name is Sabrina Amina.

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Thank you so much for practicing with me today.

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Thank you so much for listening to the feelings pod.

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Have a wonderful day.