Hello, hello. This is Sabrina Amina with the Feelings Pod. It's a weekly, relatively weekly podcast about navigating our feelings of mindfulness using my feelings as a case study.
A little look at the micro that represents the macro. And at the end of each episode, I share a brief mindfulness practice meditation.
So, I am excited about this episode because it's my first episode in a few weeks. I was away and took a little break from recording.
And this morning, I want to talk a bit about hurt feelings. I've done an episode on hurt feelings before. If you're curious about that, you can check out the other episodes.
If this is your first time tuning in, welcome. So glad you're here. If you're tuning in again, thank you so much for listening again. I'm so delighted to share this transmission with you.
So, here's what I have to say about hurt feelings and it's a lesson that I think largely stems from my most recent studies of self-inquiry with Byron Katie. I've also talked about her on several other episodes.
And it's just this idea that the invitation today is that if we're insulted or hurt by something, if someone's words trigger us, a lot of times our response or reaction will be to get defensive, right?
We'll defend against the thing. I'll use a silly example. Somebody calls you a dinosaur. Now, for me, somebody calling me a dinosaur would be funny.
If somebody is trying to call me a dinosaur as an insult, I'd be like, oh, that's actually pretty funny. I don't mind being associated with these mysterious ancient reptiles.
It's humorous to me to think about it and be open to that. So it's just kind of absurd, right? But maybe you're somebody who's triggered by someone calling you a dinosaur because you have really negative associations with dinosaurs.
Maybe you struggle with, who knows, dry skin or something. I don't know. Do reptiles have dry skin? Who the fuck knows?
The point I'm trying to make is the thing that we defend against a lot of times is it's like a deep wound.
It's like there's some truth to the insult, maybe. And then if you find yourself defending against that, like, no, I am not a dinosaur in any way, shape, or form.
Like, I mean, what would it be like to wonder what about me is a dinosaur? Maybe I have insecurities about my age. So maybe I'm defending against this idea that I'm old, for example.
Maybe you have some insecurities about your appearance or you doubt your beauty or you've forgotten how beautiful you are for some reason. It happens to us a lot, often.
So maybe you think dinosaurs are particularly ugly creatures and you're like, I am not a dinosaur. You defend against this idea that you could possibly be ugly.
But the invitation here is to examine the ways that we are, in fact, all things. Like, we are beautiful and we are ugly, we are good and we are bad. Like, there's no...
None of us is one thing. Like, we are all the things. So... And that's hard to see when we're triggered, but that's why we practice mindfulness and building awareness of our emotions and our states of being.
And the work is to get to a place where instead of getting offended by a judgment, really, because an insult, I think, a lot of times is someone else's judgment.
Instead of being insulted, it might be interesting to be curious. You're like, hmm, I'm feeling really triggered by this. Why could that be? Is it possible that there is some truth to this that pains me that I don't want to look at?
And that's really... That's not an easy thing to do without some self-compassion, self-nurturing, and lots and lots of practice.
And I think the most challenging relationships in my life have been with the people who are closest to me, like the people who I love the most and have created kind of expectations around how I want to be treated.
And when those expectations aren't met, or when the people who are closest to me see something and say something that I may... That may trigger me, that I may find insulting, I get defensive because the people who are closest to me might be able to see me.
They might be able to see me most clearly. Sometimes we don't see ourselves.
And this... So what I've been practicing is when I get really activated and I have an argument with a sibling or something, I will try to take a step back, notice the activation, and be like, okay, what about this is true?
Like someone I love and care about is also hurt because when people use unkind words, it comes from a place of hurt, right?
So instead of kind of perpetuating a cycle of hurt, we might be able to interrupt it by kind of being open to it.
I know, maybe that sounds a little crazy, but I mean if you're hearing this, there's a reason you're hearing this and it might mean that...
Yeah, it's just an invitation that perhaps is meant for you today. So again, the invitation is to maybe think back the last time that you got really...
I mean, okay, on a scale of 1 to 10, let's not go to 10, but let's go to maybe a 5 or a 6 or a 7. You were like a 6 out of 10 feeling pretty upset or activated about something somebody said to you.
And think about the words that they said, think about how it made you feel, and just examine how whatever they said like, is it possible that there could be a small amount of truth in the thing that they said?
Because chances are if there was no truth to it, if it was just completely off base and totally untrue, it wouldn't bring up so much activation or hurt or anger or pain.
Like the pain we experience is always an opportunity to kind of delve into the shadows.
So I just want to keep it brief today. I'm curious to hear your thoughts on that. You can reach out to me on Instagram. I'm at underscore SabrinaAminna underscore on Instagram is where you can find me.
So thank you for tuning in. Thank you so much for hearing what I have to offer today.
And with that, let's get into our practice and wherever you are, if you're driving, just pause and come back to it at another time.
Or if you're just otherwise occupied, you can always come back to the meditation when you have a quiet space to practice.
So find a quiet comfortable seat. You can sit upright or you can recline, lie down.
Just let's get into our body. Let's just notice what's present. Let's first notice the feeling of gravity holding us down.
Notice the connection to the earth, the floor, the ground beneath you.
Start bringing awareness to your breath. Just noticing the inhale.
And noticing your exhale.
Allowing the eyes to close if that feels comfortable for you.
Notice if there is any activation in the body from perhaps thinking about the last time your feelings might have been hurt.
Where does pain like that live in your body?
We'll do a body scan.
And as I guide you through this body scan, I want you to maintain a connection to your breath without overly controlling.
But as soon as you notice your mind start to wander, remember that your breath is an anchor.
It's a touch point that you can return to that brings you back into your body and into this present moment.
Let's take a deep breath and exhale.
Bring your attention to the crown of your head, the very top of your head.
And imagine a bright white light that moves down from the crown of your head to your third eye, a spot between your eyebrows.
Allow your eye sockets to rest. Allow the tiny muscles all around your eyes to just soften.
Allow the light to pour down all of the muscles in your face, allowing any expression to leave your face.
Allow your jaw to soften.
And as you continue flowing with your breath, notice your neck.
Take a deep breath in here.
And allow the light to keep flowing down into your heart space, radiating outwards, enveloping your shoulders and your upper arms.
Noticing your elbows and your forearms, bringing attention to your wrists and all the while feeling that light flow through.
Down your arms into the palms of your hands, bringing awareness and attention to the palms of your hands.
Just imagining that this light is pouring down and out through your fingertips.
Bring your hands to heart center. Continue breathing.
Feeling your heartbeat, allowing that light to keep flowing down into the belly.
You may wish to deepen your breath here as you allow the belly to soften and expand with the breath.
And exhale. Notice that light enveloping your sacral chakra, the space right below your belly button.
This light enveloping your hips and your sit bones and pouring down the thighs, noticing your knees.
Allowing the light to flow down the shins and the calves. Noticing your ankles, tops of your feet, bottoms of your feet.
Wiggle your toes and imagine that light radiating out the bottoms of your feet and out the tips of your toes.
And we'll draw one big deep breath in from the bottoms of our feet.
And once again, imagine that light coming right back up all the way up from our feet.
Up our shins, calves, up our knees and our thighs.
Bringing that breath up through the sacrum, the hips,
the solar plexus, the belly, the abdomen, the upper abdomen, the chest, the heart.
Allowing the shoulders to soften, melt down the back.
As the light continues to rise up through your throat and your face, up through your eyes, your third eye,
all the way back up to the crown, imagining this light radiating out of the top of your crown.
Resting here for a moment, feeling the soft glow of a healing white light, taking a deep breath in and letting it go.
Just remember that your breath is a constant ally.
It's always here for you.
Anytime you need a moment of softness and stillness, you can offer yourself.
Just three slow, deep breaths.
This is the practice that allows us to come back to presence,
allows us to connect with the safety in our bodies.
If it's available, allows us to connect with whatever is present in the body.
Let's take one last deep breath in together and sigh it out.
And when you're ready, you can let the eyes flutter open.
Thank you so much for practicing with me today.
I hope you have a wonderful day.