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Hello, hello, this is Sabrina Amina.

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I am the host of the Feelings Pod and

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I believe we've begun season five.

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This is episode two.

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Well, the second episode of season five.

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We just kind of fell into it.

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And today we're gonna talk about

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patience and impatience.

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My name is Sabrina and it's a name that is,

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you know, has,

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is common pretty much all over the world.

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But my roots are North African.

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I'm originally from Algeria.

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And so the root of Sabrina is sabr.

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And in Arabic, sabr means patience.

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Allah sabrna is an expression,

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is like a prayer that asks God to give us patience.

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Allah sabrna.

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And so I think that the theme of patience

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has been present, if not consciously,

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at least in the background for me, my entire life.

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And I don't know that I've always fully

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or ever fully thought of myself as like very,

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a patient person.

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So it's something I think I strive for.

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And I think I do have a tremendous capacity

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for patience,

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but it gets a little tricky because

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is it really patience when you are kind of

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getting frustrated and kind of stuffing down your frustration

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and then you get to a point where you kind of lose it, right?

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Like is that patience?

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Is it patience when you like are kind of acting

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like things are okay when they're not until you get

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to a boiling point where you can't really accept

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any of this anymore?

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And sometimes the tipping point will be something really small.

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You'll find that I can fly off the handle about thinking,

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I've been practicing patience all along, but really,

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it was upon reflection, it felt sometimes like,

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more resentment than patience, more of bypassing

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than really practicing patience because I think in order

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to truly practice patience, there needs to be a quality

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of acceptance when we have patience.

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And I distrust that I'm not really a patient.

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And I think that's a good thing.

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I decided to do a couple of episodes reflecting

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on the month of Ramadan and different themes, emotions,

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lessons that have come up from 30 days of fasting.

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And one of the big themes every year is patience

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because it really takes patience to get through

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an entire day without eating, drinking.

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Some folks have substance addictions to caffeine

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and tobacco or other kinds of substances.

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And it takes a tremendous amount of patience to refrain

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from consuming any of that. And the thing about fasting

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is it really needs to be done in the spirit of service

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and submission and grace.

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That's when the fast is most,

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I would say, when it becomes more easeful is when you

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give this sacrifice from a place of willingness

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and generosity. And I think sometimes we mistake

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the things that we give from a place of like

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reluctant duty or obligation, we mistake that for virtue.

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And I think really the virtue lies in being able

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to offer a sacrifice with love and generosity and care.

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And that is really more of what I imagine

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the true quality of patience.

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So how do we cultivate that?

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It takes practice.

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And I would say, as always, it takes mindfulness

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and self-awareness and self-reflection to be able to notice

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am I giving from a place of fullness

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or am I giving from a place of lack?

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Am I giving when I don't have something to give?

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So what are the situations where we offer patience

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or where we rely on patience or call on patience

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is moments that were challenged, right?

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Like in the moments that we feel challenged,

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that's when we need patience the most.

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And sometimes it doesn't feel quite accessible

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to find patience in a moment of anger.

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Sometimes you have to physically step away from a situation

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to take a breath, gather your resources

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and come back to a patient space.

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Sometimes it's not available and that's okay too.

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And in those moments we practice self-forgiveness

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like patience is not available right now.

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I'm really angry about this and I can't,

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I don't have anything to give right now.

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When I think of patience I always think about like interactions

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I have with my daughter and

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I will ask her to do something

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and sometimes I'll have to ask her to do it repeatedly.

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I'm not going to ask her to do it repeatedly.

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I'm going to ask her to do it repeatedly.

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I'm going to ask her to do it repeatedly.

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I'm going to ask her to do it repeatedly.

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Don't touch that, don't touch it, please don't touch that.

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Please put that down.

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So I will repeatedly make a request.

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That is being ignored and so this is really one of the biggest triggers

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for me is not being heard and feeling ignored or disregarded.

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And so that's what triggers my anger.

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In a recent, I don't know if I talked about this,

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but it was a few weeks ago

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she was in my room and I had a vase of flowers

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and she was playing around where the table was

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that had the flowers on it.

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And I said, please be careful, please don't play over there,

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please don't touch that.

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I could kind of see the events unfolding.

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But I kept asking her to like stay away from there

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and she didn't, she was trying to help is what she said.

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And so of course the vase of flowers spilled

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and I just lost it on my poor kid.

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I was just like, I yelled at her, I got really upset.

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I jumped up out of my seat and really had this big reaction.

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So, you know, and the times that I feel the least

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resourced is often at the end of a long work day,

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at the end of the week.

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And, you know, this was, I think this was like on a Thursday

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or Friday, I remember it being towards the end of the week

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and just, you know, completely losing my patience.

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But also upon reflection, you know, was I really being patient

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in that moment and how could I have cultivated a bit more patience?

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I don't know.

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That's the question I'm still like thinking about,

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but I think it's important to be able to, so it right after

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that happened, I felt like she got really upset and even like

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kind of scared at my big reaction and she like ran out of my room

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and she was, you know, not only was she upset and feeling

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badly that she spilled the flowers, but she was also like,

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you know, even more upset because of the way I reacted.

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And so then I went into a place of like shame and even more anger

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because like, it was messy.

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It was messy.

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I talk about these things because I, these are the moments

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that give us opportunity to learn and grow.

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And I'm, you know, we all have these human moments and I think

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the process of turning towards and reflecting and looking at like,

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oh, that was a moment where I felt really ashamed of how I reacted.

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Like how can I do this differently in the future?

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So coming back to the practice of patients during Ramadan,

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what comes up for me here is, so the food thing, I've been

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fasting since I was, you know, in grade school.

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So the food thing now, like I, I know how to prepare my body

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for fast.

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Like before, like years ago, like a couple of years ago,

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I was more of a regular coffee drinker.

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Now I don't really drink coffee.

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It's kind of a once in a while thing, but I'll definitely be

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mindful of any kind of caffeine consumption, which really

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makes me anxious even on, even on, and I noticed like the

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sensations in the body where I have had caffeine and I have less

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patience because of the substance in my body.

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It's, it's crazy noticing the difference and realizing like,

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oh wow, this is just like how I was operating for years and

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thinking that, oh, coffee is the comfort.

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Coffee is what's giving me the solution to get through my day

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when in fact it was more like revving me up in a, in a way

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that, that didn't feel like settled.

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And so I'm really mindful of like any kind of caffeine intake

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like in the, in the weeks before Ramadan.

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I, it's, for me, it's more about being patient with like being

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more, taking the seat of the observer more, like,

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because when you're not eating during the day, like you don't

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have, like you have to conserve your energy.

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You don't have, at least I definitely don't have the energy

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to fight with anybody or, you know, argue or like deal with

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any kind of really intense emotional situations.

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And so I have to be really grounded in my practice of

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self-awareness and mindfulness and self-compassion and just

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being connected to my breath.

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But it's also wonderful how much spaciousness is created in my

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day when I don't have to like think about what I'm going to

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eat or plan a meal or figure out where lunch is coming from

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today or cook or go grocery shopping.

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Like food takes up a lot of time in the day.

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So this is also creates spaciousness to be like kind of

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reflective and like do other things.

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It's such a, it's a month where like I do get to practice more,

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you know, I feel more connected to God and it's really just,

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I think there's also like a, the super, not, I would not

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super natural, that's not quite the word, but definitely a divine

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quality to patients.

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Because you know in those moments I'm like, God give me patience

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and come back to that prayer.

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Allah sabrni, like you know, I ask for patience from a source

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that is indefatigable.

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So for me it is very much a spiritual practice patients.

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And I know I call this the feelings pod.

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I don't know if patience is like something I'd consider an emotion

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necessarily, but impatience is definitely something in the

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realm of emotion.

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I think patience is more of like a state of being.

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I suppose one could argue that all emotions are states of being,

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but that's an interesting thought to ponder.

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Yeah, so the other thing I'm building patience around is just

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noticing when I need immediate gratification for something.

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And a lot of times food is a comfort and when we're stressed we'll

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reach for something like that feels nice to eat.

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It's like one of the first things that we instinctively do as

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babies to find comfort is you know, we're fed.

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And so when this source of comfort, when food is not a source

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of comfort that's available, what else can I rely on for comfort?

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And having patience definitely brings comfort.

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So let's get into our practice for today.

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I'd like you to notice how patient you are with the practice today.

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Sometimes I rush through my prayers or my meditations because

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I'm excited or you know, eager to do the next thing,

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but really the practice is being here right now and knowing that

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I don't have to rush off to anything.

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And being fully attending fully to what's here right now is

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being in a state of patience and presence.

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So find a comfortable seat here in this moment and just notice

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where your body is at.

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If you can make yourself a little bit more comfortable in your seat

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as you begin to connect to the breath, take a deep breath into the belly

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and exhale.

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And notice what you get to let go of today with your breath.

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And let's visualize breathing in the quality of patience.

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And we'll use a mantra today with our inhale.

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I practice patience.

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And exhale.

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Inhale.

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I am patient.

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And exhale.

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And inhale.

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I practice patience.

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And exhale.

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Inhale.

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And exhale.

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And take a deep breath.

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Imagine inhaling patience and seeing where that inhale travels in the body.

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And let it go.

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Inhale, patience.

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And let it go.

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Inhale.

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And exhale.

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And inhale.

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And hold the breath here for a moment or two.

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And imagine this feeling of holding patience.

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And exhale.

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Pause once again.

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Take a deep breath in.

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Pause and exhale.

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Feel free to continue this breathing pattern for as long as it feels good for you.

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Thank you for practicing with me today.

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And when you're ready, you can end your practice with patience and ease

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and now that you can come back to this practice anytime you wish.