Hello, hello, this is Sabrina Amina.
I am the host of the Feelings Pod and
I believe we've begun season five.
This is episode two.
Well, the second episode of season five.
We just kind of fell into it.
And today we're gonna talk about
patience and impatience.
My name is Sabrina and it's a name that is,
you know, has,
is common pretty much all over the world.
But my roots are North African.
I'm originally from Algeria.
And so the root of Sabrina is sabr.
And in Arabic, sabr means patience.
Allah sabrna is an expression,
is like a prayer that asks God to give us patience.
Allah sabrna.
And so I think that the theme of patience
has been present, if not consciously,
at least in the background for me, my entire life.
And I don't know that I've always fully
or ever fully thought of myself as like very,
a patient person.
So it's something I think I strive for.
And I think I do have a tremendous capacity
for patience,
but it gets a little tricky because
is it really patience when you are kind of
getting frustrated and kind of stuffing down your frustration
and then you get to a point where you kind of lose it, right?
Like is that patience?
Is it patience when you like are kind of acting
like things are okay when they're not until you get
to a boiling point where you can't really accept
any of this anymore?
And sometimes the tipping point will be something really small.
You'll find that I can fly off the handle about thinking,
I've been practicing patience all along, but really,
it was upon reflection, it felt sometimes like,
more resentment than patience, more of bypassing
than really practicing patience because I think in order
to truly practice patience, there needs to be a quality
of acceptance when we have patience.
And I distrust that I'm not really a patient.
And I think that's a good thing.
I decided to do a couple of episodes reflecting
on the month of Ramadan and different themes, emotions,
lessons that have come up from 30 days of fasting.
And one of the big themes every year is patience
because it really takes patience to get through
an entire day without eating, drinking.
Some folks have substance addictions to caffeine
and tobacco or other kinds of substances.
And it takes a tremendous amount of patience to refrain
from consuming any of that. And the thing about fasting
is it really needs to be done in the spirit of service
and submission and grace.
That's when the fast is most,
I would say, when it becomes more easeful is when you
give this sacrifice from a place of willingness
and generosity. And I think sometimes we mistake
the things that we give from a place of like
reluctant duty or obligation, we mistake that for virtue.
And I think really the virtue lies in being able
to offer a sacrifice with love and generosity and care.
And that is really more of what I imagine
the true quality of patience.
So how do we cultivate that?
It takes practice.
And I would say, as always, it takes mindfulness
and self-awareness and self-reflection to be able to notice
am I giving from a place of fullness
or am I giving from a place of lack?
Am I giving when I don't have something to give?
So what are the situations where we offer patience
or where we rely on patience or call on patience
is moments that were challenged, right?
Like in the moments that we feel challenged,
that's when we need patience the most.
And sometimes it doesn't feel quite accessible
to find patience in a moment of anger.
Sometimes you have to physically step away from a situation
to take a breath, gather your resources
and come back to a patient space.
Sometimes it's not available and that's okay too.
And in those moments we practice self-forgiveness
like patience is not available right now.
I'm really angry about this and I can't,
I don't have anything to give right now.
When I think of patience I always think about like interactions
I have with my daughter and
I will ask her to do something
and sometimes I'll have to ask her to do it repeatedly.
I'm not going to ask her to do it repeatedly.
I'm going to ask her to do it repeatedly.
Don't touch that, don't touch it, please don't touch that.
Please put that down.
So I will repeatedly make a request.
That is being ignored and so this is really one of the biggest triggers
for me is not being heard and feeling ignored or disregarded.
And so that's what triggers my anger.
In a recent, I don't know if I talked about this,
but it was a few weeks ago
she was in my room and I had a vase of flowers
and she was playing around where the table was
that had the flowers on it.
And I said, please be careful, please don't play over there,
please don't touch that.
I could kind of see the events unfolding.
But I kept asking her to like stay away from there
and she didn't, she was trying to help is what she said.
And so of course the vase of flowers spilled
and I just lost it on my poor kid.
I was just like, I yelled at her, I got really upset.
I jumped up out of my seat and really had this big reaction.
So, you know, and the times that I feel the least
resourced is often at the end of a long work day,
at the end of the week.
And, you know, this was, I think this was like on a Thursday
or Friday, I remember it being towards the end of the week
and just, you know, completely losing my patience.
But also upon reflection, you know, was I really being patient
in that moment and how could I have cultivated a bit more patience?
I don't know.
That's the question I'm still like thinking about,
but I think it's important to be able to, so it right after
that happened, I felt like she got really upset and even like
kind of scared at my big reaction and she like ran out of my room
and she was, you know, not only was she upset and feeling
badly that she spilled the flowers, but she was also like,
you know, even more upset because of the way I reacted.
And so then I went into a place of like shame and even more anger
because like, it was messy.
It was messy.
I talk about these things because I, these are the moments
that give us opportunity to learn and grow.
And I'm, you know, we all have these human moments and I think
the process of turning towards and reflecting and looking at like,
oh, that was a moment where I felt really ashamed of how I reacted.
Like how can I do this differently in the future?
So coming back to the practice of patients during Ramadan,
what comes up for me here is, so the food thing, I've been
fasting since I was, you know, in grade school.
So the food thing now, like I, I know how to prepare my body
for fast.
Like before, like years ago, like a couple of years ago,
I was more of a regular coffee drinker.
Now I don't really drink coffee.
It's kind of a once in a while thing, but I'll definitely be
mindful of any kind of caffeine consumption, which really
makes me anxious even on, even on, and I noticed like the
sensations in the body where I have had caffeine and I have less
patience because of the substance in my body.
It's, it's crazy noticing the difference and realizing like,
oh wow, this is just like how I was operating for years and
thinking that, oh, coffee is the comfort.
Coffee is what's giving me the solution to get through my day
when in fact it was more like revving me up in a, in a way
that, that didn't feel like settled.
And so I'm really mindful of like any kind of caffeine intake
like in the, in the weeks before Ramadan.
I, it's, for me, it's more about being patient with like being
more, taking the seat of the observer more, like,
because when you're not eating during the day, like you don't
have, like you have to conserve your energy.
You don't have, at least I definitely don't have the energy
to fight with anybody or, you know, argue or like deal with
any kind of really intense emotional situations.
And so I have to be really grounded in my practice of
self-awareness and mindfulness and self-compassion and just
being connected to my breath.
But it's also wonderful how much spaciousness is created in my
day when I don't have to like think about what I'm going to
eat or plan a meal or figure out where lunch is coming from
today or cook or go grocery shopping.
Like food takes up a lot of time in the day.
So this is also creates spaciousness to be like kind of
reflective and like do other things.
It's such a, it's a month where like I do get to practice more,
you know, I feel more connected to God and it's really just,
I think there's also like a, the super, not, I would not
super natural, that's not quite the word, but definitely a divine
quality to patients.
Because you know in those moments I'm like, God give me patience
and come back to that prayer.
Allah sabrni, like you know, I ask for patience from a source
that is indefatigable.
So for me it is very much a spiritual practice patients.
And I know I call this the feelings pod.
I don't know if patience is like something I'd consider an emotion
necessarily, but impatience is definitely something in the
realm of emotion.
I think patience is more of like a state of being.
I suppose one could argue that all emotions are states of being,
but that's an interesting thought to ponder.
Yeah, so the other thing I'm building patience around is just
noticing when I need immediate gratification for something.
And a lot of times food is a comfort and when we're stressed we'll
reach for something like that feels nice to eat.
It's like one of the first things that we instinctively do as
babies to find comfort is you know, we're fed.
And so when this source of comfort, when food is not a source
of comfort that's available, what else can I rely on for comfort?
And having patience definitely brings comfort.
So let's get into our practice for today.
I'd like you to notice how patient you are with the practice today.
Sometimes I rush through my prayers or my meditations because
I'm excited or you know, eager to do the next thing,
but really the practice is being here right now and knowing that
I don't have to rush off to anything.
And being fully attending fully to what's here right now is
being in a state of patience and presence.
So find a comfortable seat here in this moment and just notice
where your body is at.
If you can make yourself a little bit more comfortable in your seat
as you begin to connect to the breath, take a deep breath into the belly
and exhale.
And notice what you get to let go of today with your breath.
And let's visualize breathing in the quality of patience.
And we'll use a mantra today with our inhale.
I practice patience.
And exhale.
Inhale.
I am patient.
And exhale.
And inhale.
I practice patience.
And exhale.
Inhale.
And exhale.
And take a deep breath.
Imagine inhaling patience and seeing where that inhale travels in the body.
And let it go.
Inhale, patience.
And let it go.
Inhale.
And exhale.
And inhale.
And hold the breath here for a moment or two.
And imagine this feeling of holding patience.
And exhale.
Pause once again.
Take a deep breath in.
Pause and exhale.
Feel free to continue this breathing pattern for as long as it feels good for you.
Thank you for practicing with me today.
And when you're ready, you can end your practice with patience and ease
and now that you can come back to this practice anytime you wish.