1 00:00:00,840 --> 00:00:02,480 Hello, hello. 2 00:00:02,480 --> 00:00:06,400 This is Sabrina Amina with the Feelings Pod 3 00:00:06,400 --> 00:00:11,400 and this is a podcast where I share a bit about 4 00:00:11,920 --> 00:00:16,200 navigating our feelings, my feelings, 5 00:00:16,200 --> 00:00:20,480 with mindfulness and the lessons that 6 00:00:21,600 --> 00:00:24,560 we can all draw from this practice. 7 00:00:24,560 --> 00:00:29,560 Today's episode is on holding our hurt feelings 8 00:00:33,120 --> 00:00:38,120 and the reason I bring this up is because 9 00:00:40,360 --> 00:00:45,360 lately I've been noticing if I'm avoiding something 10 00:00:47,040 --> 00:00:49,360 because I'm afraid my feelings will get hurt. 11 00:00:49,360 --> 00:00:52,680 So I'll give you an example. 12 00:00:55,520 --> 00:01:00,520 There is this fellowship that I've been kind of mulling over 13 00:01:01,040 --> 00:01:04,080 and thinking about applying for. 14 00:01:04,080 --> 00:01:08,400 And there's part of me that was like, 15 00:01:09,680 --> 00:01:11,400 am I qualified for this? 16 00:01:11,400 --> 00:01:13,880 I don't know, should I even bother? 17 00:01:13,880 --> 00:01:18,880 So all of that like basically saying no to myself 18 00:01:22,120 --> 00:01:25,040 so somebody else won't say no to me 19 00:01:25,880 --> 00:01:30,880 because historically the no leads to hurt feelings 20 00:01:31,080 --> 00:01:33,640 that no is a rejection. 21 00:01:34,920 --> 00:01:38,600 I've shared another episode on rejection, 22 00:01:38,600 --> 00:01:40,320 I believe in season one. 23 00:01:40,320 --> 00:01:44,560 So if you're curious to do more of a deep dive into that 24 00:01:44,560 --> 00:01:49,080 with me, I invite you to check out that episode. 25 00:01:51,520 --> 00:01:55,000 So I noticed this kind of pattern 26 00:01:55,000 --> 00:01:57,720 and it came up a couple of times this week, 27 00:01:57,720 --> 00:01:59,680 well in the last two weeks or so 28 00:01:59,680 --> 00:02:04,680 because I've had some opportunities pop up on my radar 29 00:02:04,680 --> 00:02:06,200 and I was like, oh, this would be great. 30 00:02:06,200 --> 00:02:08,200 I would love to do this. 31 00:02:08,200 --> 00:02:12,560 Tapping into that feeling of desire and excitement 32 00:02:12,560 --> 00:02:15,800 and like, yeah, I would love this. 33 00:02:15,800 --> 00:02:20,800 But also noticing a fear creep up about, oh, 34 00:02:21,280 --> 00:02:25,440 well, what if I apply and what if I pay for the application 35 00:02:25,440 --> 00:02:28,240 and what if I do all that? 36 00:02:28,240 --> 00:02:29,640 What if I put in all this effort 37 00:02:29,640 --> 00:02:33,200 and then they say no and then they tell me 38 00:02:33,200 --> 00:02:34,200 I'm not good enough. 39 00:02:34,200 --> 00:02:39,200 Now, none of these like, 40 00:02:40,880 --> 00:02:43,560 so notice the story I tell myself like, 41 00:02:43,560 --> 00:02:47,120 the no means I'm not good enough. 42 00:02:47,120 --> 00:02:51,680 The no means I'm being rejected, right? 43 00:02:51,680 --> 00:02:56,680 So attaching these kinds of meanings to a no 44 00:02:59,400 --> 00:03:02,080 or not attaching this kind of meaning 45 00:03:02,080 --> 00:03:05,400 to not getting what you want. 46 00:03:08,080 --> 00:03:11,360 You know, imagining these outcomes 47 00:03:13,080 --> 00:03:18,080 is leading to me pretty much getting in my own way. 48 00:03:18,680 --> 00:03:23,160 Like when I explain this, it seems pretty clear. 49 00:03:23,160 --> 00:03:27,600 Well, yeah, of course you should apply for the thing. 50 00:03:27,600 --> 00:03:32,600 But I think a lot of us do this pretty often 51 00:03:33,200 --> 00:03:35,040 without even noticing. 52 00:03:35,040 --> 00:03:37,960 And I've been able to kind of get more 53 00:03:41,120 --> 00:03:45,360 in touch with moments when I'm doing that, 54 00:03:45,360 --> 00:03:47,800 when I am saying no to myself 55 00:03:47,800 --> 00:03:51,400 so that somebody else won't say no to me. 56 00:03:51,400 --> 00:03:56,400 And these kind of self-protective mechanisms 57 00:04:01,160 --> 00:04:05,320 are actually just like kind of protecting the fragile ego. 58 00:04:07,320 --> 00:04:10,320 The ego that's telling you false stories about your worth 59 00:04:10,320 --> 00:04:15,320 and not because the ego is like this terrible, awful thing. 60 00:04:15,320 --> 00:04:18,560 The ego is just like this scared little child 61 00:04:18,560 --> 00:04:22,640 that needs care and attention, 62 00:04:22,640 --> 00:04:27,640 but we don't let that part of our being run the show. 63 00:04:28,880 --> 00:04:30,600 Which is why it's just so critical 64 00:04:30,600 --> 00:04:35,600 to build this self-awareness and mindful, 65 00:04:36,280 --> 00:04:39,000 our mindfulness practice, 66 00:04:39,000 --> 00:04:42,000 especially around our thoughts and emotions. 67 00:04:42,000 --> 00:04:47,000 You know, the thoughts are not always, 68 00:04:49,400 --> 00:04:51,240 you know, more often than not, 69 00:04:51,240 --> 00:04:56,240 a lot of times they're just kind of there. 70 00:04:59,920 --> 00:05:04,920 And bringing a more conscious attention to the thoughts 71 00:05:03,800 --> 00:05:06,800 allows us to engage with the thoughts. 72 00:05:06,800 --> 00:05:10,800 And I think that's a really important part of our practice. 73 00:05:10,800 --> 00:05:15,800 To engage with the thoughts allows us to question the thoughts 74 00:05:16,280 --> 00:05:19,080 and choose a different story, 75 00:05:19,080 --> 00:05:21,800 which is way more empowering than letting, 76 00:05:21,800 --> 00:05:25,440 you know, the scared little ego 77 00:05:27,520 --> 00:05:30,640 get in the way of opportunities 78 00:05:30,640 --> 00:05:33,240 that would be amazing for us. 79 00:05:33,240 --> 00:05:38,240 So I'm feeling pretty proud of myself 80 00:05:42,400 --> 00:05:47,400 for, you know, getting through that block this week 81 00:05:49,320 --> 00:05:50,920 because this is an opportunity 82 00:05:50,920 --> 00:05:53,120 that I heard about over a month ago 83 00:05:53,120 --> 00:05:54,440 and I've just kind of been, 84 00:05:54,440 --> 00:05:59,440 I guess I turned away from it. 85 00:06:04,680 --> 00:06:06,520 I opened up the application. 86 00:06:08,200 --> 00:06:10,240 I saw a confronting question. 87 00:06:11,080 --> 00:06:12,720 It was like, I don't, 88 00:06:14,000 --> 00:06:17,800 that I was like, well, 89 00:06:17,800 --> 00:06:20,400 maybe I don't have the right answer. 90 00:06:20,400 --> 00:06:23,880 And so I stepped away from it. 91 00:06:28,040 --> 00:06:33,040 And, you know, the more we practice, 92 00:06:33,040 --> 00:06:34,440 the better we get at this. 93 00:06:34,440 --> 00:06:39,200 And, you know, it won't take like a month 94 00:06:39,200 --> 00:06:41,240 for us to apply for the thing. 95 00:06:41,240 --> 00:06:46,240 And one of these, it was a fellowship for a, 96 00:06:51,240 --> 00:06:55,240 for folks working in education 97 00:06:59,080 --> 00:07:01,720 on social and emotional learning, 98 00:07:01,720 --> 00:07:03,880 which, you know, that's right up my alley. 99 00:07:03,880 --> 00:07:08,440 It's like, of course it's something 100 00:07:08,440 --> 00:07:09,960 that I should apply for. 101 00:07:12,840 --> 00:07:14,920 But yeah, it took me a minute to get there 102 00:07:14,920 --> 00:07:17,560 and I had a conversation with a friend this morning 103 00:07:18,680 --> 00:07:22,080 or yesterday, time. 104 00:07:24,720 --> 00:07:27,880 And I explained to her like, 105 00:07:27,880 --> 00:07:29,840 oh, there's this really great opportunity. 106 00:07:29,840 --> 00:07:34,200 I've been a little bit hesitant about applying. 107 00:07:34,200 --> 00:07:36,040 And then I said, but I'm gonna do it 108 00:07:36,040 --> 00:07:37,760 because you know what? 109 00:07:37,760 --> 00:07:39,720 I can handle my hurt feelings. 110 00:07:41,640 --> 00:07:45,640 And ultimately, yes, there is always a risk 111 00:07:45,640 --> 00:07:46,960 when you put yourself out there, 112 00:07:46,960 --> 00:07:50,080 when you pursue a dream, when you pursue a desire, 113 00:07:50,080 --> 00:07:51,480 when you pursue a wish, 114 00:07:51,480 --> 00:07:55,120 when you pursue an opportunity, a relationship, 115 00:07:55,120 --> 00:07:58,560 a adventure, anything. 116 00:07:58,560 --> 00:08:01,000 Like, there's always a risk. 117 00:08:01,000 --> 00:08:06,000 And I'm certainly more interested in living a life 118 00:08:10,080 --> 00:08:15,080 of taking these calculated risks 119 00:08:17,800 --> 00:08:22,800 and instead of perpetually being in this like, 120 00:08:23,000 --> 00:08:28,000 protective mode to avoid hurting my own feelings. 121 00:08:28,000 --> 00:08:31,040 Or avoid getting my feelings hurt. 122 00:08:31,040 --> 00:08:32,760 We're already hurting our own feelings 123 00:08:32,760 --> 00:08:34,840 by telling ourselves that we're not good enough 124 00:08:34,840 --> 00:08:36,560 or you're not qualified enough 125 00:08:36,560 --> 00:08:37,800 or you're not skilled enough 126 00:08:37,800 --> 00:08:39,120 or you don't have the right answers 127 00:08:39,120 --> 00:08:41,120 to put on this application. 128 00:08:41,120 --> 00:08:45,160 Like, we're hurting our own feelings. 129 00:08:45,160 --> 00:08:46,800 We gotta cut that out. 130 00:08:48,560 --> 00:08:52,460 It's just getting in the way of our greatness. 131 00:08:52,460 --> 00:08:57,460 So just remember the next time something comes along 132 00:09:03,580 --> 00:09:08,580 that excites you and you wanna pursue steps 133 00:09:10,140 --> 00:09:13,140 to making it happen, 134 00:09:17,220 --> 00:09:20,140 be aware that, yeah, it might not work out 135 00:09:20,140 --> 00:09:22,900 the way that you planned or the way that you want, 136 00:09:22,900 --> 00:09:27,900 but also I'm fully capable of handling the disappointment, 137 00:09:33,620 --> 00:09:35,920 any of the challenging feelings that come up with, 138 00:09:35,920 --> 00:09:38,580 not getting what I wanted. 139 00:09:38,580 --> 00:09:42,260 And I've said it before and I'll say it again, 140 00:09:42,260 --> 00:09:50,260 that every so-called rejection is simply redirection. 141 00:09:51,100 --> 00:09:56,100 It's simply just, oh, this isn't that thing. 142 00:09:58,420 --> 00:10:01,980 I'd call it divine spiritual intervention. 143 00:10:02,980 --> 00:10:04,940 That's like, no, no, no, no, no, not that direction. 144 00:10:04,940 --> 00:10:06,500 We're going in this direction. 145 00:10:06,500 --> 00:10:11,500 Yeah, so definitely let your feelings get hurt sometimes. 146 00:10:15,460 --> 00:10:17,820 It's okay, like you can handle it. 147 00:10:17,820 --> 00:10:20,880 Like we can hold hurt feelings. 148 00:10:24,340 --> 00:10:29,340 Our hearts are stronger and more resilient than we know, 149 00:10:30,140 --> 00:10:31,900 but we'll never know if we don't 150 00:10:31,900 --> 00:10:36,540 give ourselves the opportunities 151 00:10:39,340 --> 00:10:41,500 to live our fullest lives ultimately. 152 00:10:43,740 --> 00:10:48,740 So if like me, you've been holding back 153 00:10:49,820 --> 00:10:54,820 on sending that application, reaching out, 154 00:10:54,820 --> 00:10:59,820 applying for the job, throwing your hat in the ring, 155 00:11:03,060 --> 00:11:05,340 whatever ring that might be for you, 156 00:11:07,340 --> 00:11:11,700 may this serve as your little nudge and reminder 157 00:11:11,700 --> 00:11:15,820 that you can do it, go for it. 158 00:11:15,820 --> 00:11:19,540 And whatever the outcome is, you can handle that. 159 00:11:19,540 --> 00:11:24,540 So on that note, let's get into our practice for today. 160 00:11:29,980 --> 00:11:34,980 Find a comfortable position, settle in, 161 00:11:37,220 --> 00:11:40,940 start to notice the breath and close the eyes. 162 00:11:42,380 --> 00:11:44,460 Take a deep breath in to the belly 163 00:11:44,460 --> 00:11:49,460 and let it go. 164 00:11:53,900 --> 00:11:56,380 Place your hand gently over the heart 165 00:11:57,820 --> 00:12:02,820 and breathe into the heart space and let it go. 166 00:12:09,420 --> 00:12:14,260 Letting the jaws soften, letting the shoulders melt 167 00:12:14,260 --> 00:12:18,780 down the back, really feeling into the support 168 00:12:18,780 --> 00:12:19,900 beneath your seat. 169 00:12:24,900 --> 00:12:27,340 Just noticing what's present for you right here 170 00:12:27,340 --> 00:12:31,940 and right now and just observe it. 171 00:12:33,260 --> 00:12:38,260 Maybe it's an emotion, perhaps it's a physical sensation, 172 00:12:38,260 --> 00:12:43,260 perhaps it's a nagging thought, whatever is present for you, 173 00:12:47,100 --> 00:12:51,260 see if you can just observe it without judgment. 174 00:12:51,260 --> 00:13:04,260 Take a deep breath in and let it go. 175 00:13:14,940 --> 00:13:18,780 For the next few minutes, just follow your breath 176 00:13:18,780 --> 00:13:23,780 on the inhale, in your mind you can say breathe in. 177 00:13:27,340 --> 00:13:32,100 And on the exhale, just say to yourself, breathe out, 178 00:13:36,460 --> 00:13:41,460 breathe in and breathe out. 179 00:13:41,460 --> 00:13:46,460 And perhaps you'd like to invite something in 180 00:13:52,340 --> 00:13:53,940 with your inhale. 181 00:13:59,900 --> 00:14:02,780 And as you exhale, maybe there's something 182 00:14:02,780 --> 00:14:04,140 you'd like to let go of. 183 00:14:04,140 --> 00:14:09,140 Inhale and exhale. 184 00:14:18,380 --> 00:14:23,380 Inhale and exhale. 185 00:14:23,380 --> 00:14:27,380 And I invite you to continue following the breath 186 00:14:27,380 --> 00:14:30,380 for as long as it feels good for you. 187 00:14:30,380 --> 00:14:53,380 Know that these practices are always available to you. 188 00:14:56,380 --> 00:14:58,380 Thank you so much for practicing with me today. 189 00:14:58,380 --> 00:15:00,380 Thank you so much for listening. 190 00:15:05,380 --> 00:15:08,380 If you know someone who could use a little bit of courage, 191 00:15:11,380 --> 00:15:13,380 share this episode with them. 192 00:15:17,380 --> 00:15:21,380 My name is Sabrina Amina and this is the Feelings Pod. 193 00:15:21,380 --> 00:15:23,380 Thank you so much for joining me. 194 00:15:23,380 --> 00:15:28,380 Have a wonderful day.