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Hello, hello, this is Sabrina Amina and I'm the host of the Feelings Pod.

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This is a podcast where I talk about feelings and how we can mindfully navigate the emotions

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that are ever-present in our day-to-day lives.

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And at the end of each episode, I share a mindfulness practice.

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Thank you for joining me.

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Today's episode is about shame and using shame as kind of a compass for the deep inner work,

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what we like to call shadow work in the spiritual circles.

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So, one of the, I mean, shame comes up all the time, right?

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Like we do things that we regret or we'll do things that make us feel like, oh, I'm

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feeling kind of ick about myself because of this decision I made or this choice or something

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I said or even we can even feel shame about things that, like, about thoughts, about emotions

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that come up.

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And so, what's really helpful about shame is that when we're mindfully paying attention

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to it when it comes up, it really can be a guide to helping us turn our attention towards

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some of our really deep wounds.

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And I, in my own life, there's an experience of shame I had.

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Actually the very last time I recorded a podcast episode, I can't even listen to it.

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It was the episode I recorded back in August.

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And then I stopped recording podcast episodes for several months.

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Now there were a couple of factors for that.

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But I think one of my big stumbling blocks was, oh my goodness, the last episode I recorded

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was so sloppy and terrible and I still can't go back and listen to it because I'm afraid

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of how much cringe will come up for me.

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Actually I think that's exactly what I'll do when I finish recording this, is listen

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to that last episode.

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So the key with shame is turning toward the cringe.

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So that is something we try to avoid and are like, I don't want to look at that.

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I don't want to touch that.

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I don't want to feel the feeling that comes when I think about that.

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And as I tell the story, like as I talk about the thing I feel shame around, first of all,

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it kind of softens the shame.

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I'm like, I don't know why I'm feeling so much shame around this thing.

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And it allows me to kind of question the emotion.

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It allows me to examine it and approach it with curiosity instead of judgment.

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A few episodes back I talked about the importance of leaning into curiosity when judgment comes

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up and I think a big part of our shame is we're very harshly judging ourselves when

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we have moments of shame.

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So a powerful antidote to our shame is turning towards it with curiosity, compassion, kindness.

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And someone, even a little child who's feeling really upset or embarrassed, and how would

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you treat someone like that?

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You with softness and tenderness and offer, you'd offer reassurance.

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At least that's how I would treat a child who's struggling in an emotional way.

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And so we all have this inner child that lives within us and the shame a lot of times comes

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from wounds from our childhood, like deep wounds, things that we don't really consciously

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necessarily remember where they come from or how they came about or why these are the

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things that bring up shame in us.

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So turning towards that inner child who maybe was shamed for speaking up or being too loud

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or saying the wrong thing or behaving inappropriately, quote unquote, inappropriately, whatever that

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means, that's where the medicine is.

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The medicine is really facing those shameful feelings.

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So for example, as I turned towards that shame feeling, I'd ask myself, oh, well, what is

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it that I'm feeling shameful about?

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So I guess I would say I didn't do it well enough.

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I put something out there, you know, talking about feelings is vulnerable.

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Talking about things that are close to your heart and your person can be a little bit

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scary.

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And so this touches on a couple of things.

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So this idea that I need to do things perfectly.

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I can't show anyone anything unless it's good and done right.

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And so turning toward that kind of limiting belief, I get to let it go a little bit.

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I get to ask myself, you know, turn towards inquiry and be like, is that true?

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Is it really true that I can't express myself imperfectly?

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And then I realize, oh, you know, that's okay.

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What I did is perfectly fine.

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In the event where, you know, the shame comes from really owning that you've done something

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wrong or hurt somebody and you're feeling shame about that.

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So for me, for example, I get really overcome with shame when I shout at my child, when

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I lose my patience with her and I like kind of freak out.

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That's really the place that feels like, oh my God, I'm being such a horrible parent,

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like this poor kid.

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She doesn't deserve my outbursts and my upset.

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Like, and in those moments, I really have to take a step back because the more I kind

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of fall into that shame spiral, the harder it is to move into repair, right?

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So when you've made an error and maybe you're not ready to see it or accept that you've

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made an error in order to kind of avoid the shame, we dig our heels in even deeper.

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We get, our defenses go up.

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So instead of like kind of owning what we've, the harm we've caused, we put up our defenses

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and justify the behavior.

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And instead of turning towards the guilt and shame and owning why, like perhaps what I

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did was not right, we try to make it right in our minds.

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So I think in those moments, I've realized, you know, before doing this work and even

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like, I think thankfully as a parent, I've been able to, you know, I've been deeply enmeshed

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in this kind of work.

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So I'm able to repair and respond and in my human moments recognize, you know, my errors

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and, you know, offer an apology, you know, comfort my child.

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But in other situations, like perhaps in high school, I remember, I got really, I was feeling

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really jealous about a friend, a friend of mine.

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And she, I can't remember exactly the context, but she said something and I responded in

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like just a mean way.

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And prior to that, I had always been like really, we'd had like a kind, tender, affectionate

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relationship, but I responded in this like really mean way.

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And I remember her kind of being taken aback by it and hurt.

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And, you know, we never, we never spoke again.

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I lost a friendship, like my, my, my shadow and my, it costs me my friendship, that kind

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of jealousy and subsequent anger towards this person really led to actions that I guess

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thinking back now, I can, I remember feeling shame about it, but not necessarily being

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able to engage with the shame.

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I remember kind of being like, oh, that wasn't really a great way to act, but that's where

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it stayed.

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I, you know, felt shame about behaving in a way that led to the demise of a, of a friendship.

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So I say that I compare like an experience of shame from when I was a teenager to an

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experience of shame now as an adult to kind of highlight the difference between turning

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towards shame and just not really knowing what to do with it.

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So we avoid it or we push it aside.

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Now for like experiences far in the past that I, that I remember feeling shame about, even

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those experiences I can turn towards and offer myself forgiveness.

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I think forgiveness is another really potent remedy for, for shame and saying, yeah, that

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wasn't great behavior.

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That wasn't such a good thing to do, but I was acting from a place of wounding, a place

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of hurt and I forgive myself for not knowing better.

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I forgive myself for having the reaction I did, even though it led to some hurt feelings.

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Um, yeah, so I think that shame can be a really big stumbling block for us.

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It could be like a huge block for us, or it can be this really powerful healing portal

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for us if we learn how to mindfully turn towards it.

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If we learn how to observe the discomfort that comes with the feeling of shame and instead

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of, instead of pushing it away, because we know that whenever we push any kind of emotion

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away it, it doesn't disappear, it just kind of festers and for the purpose of our highest

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growth and development and well-being, you know, as much as possible we want to shed

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light on the places that are, are painful, are uncomfortable.

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So on that note, I invite you to find a comfortable position if you're not able to practice the

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mindfulness meditation in this moment, you can always pause and come back at another

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time.

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So as you settle in, allow the eyes to close and really tune into the sensations in your

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body.

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We'll start with a brief body scan, noticing where your feet are, noticing the support of

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the ground beneath you, bringing your attention up to your ankles, take a deep breath, let

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it go, continuing to bring the attention up the shins and the calves, take a deep breath

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and let it go.

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Notice your knees, the tops of your thighs, the backs of your thighs up to your seat.

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Noticing the support beneath you, really grounding in at the hips, take a deep breath

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in and let it go.

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Bringing your attention to the belly, take a deep breath here and let it go.

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And bring your awareness up towards your chest and your heart space.

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Breathe in and breathe out.

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Bring the upper arms and shoulders, your forearms and both your hands, perhaps wiggling the fingers.

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Take a deep breath in and sigh it out.

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Bring your attention to the throat.

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Breathe in and out.

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And bring your attention to your face and just allow all the muscles in your face to

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soften, allow all the expression in your face to just melt away.

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Breathe in and breathe out.

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Bring your attention to your third eye, the space right between your eyebrows.

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Take a deep breath here and let it go.

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And bring the attention to the crown of your head, drawing up one big deep breath, drawing

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it up from the bottoms of your feet all the way up through your body, up, up, up to the

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crown of the head.

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And give a big exhale.

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Now as you continue breathing, bring your attention to your thoughts.

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Notice the quality of your thoughts in this moment.

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Are you thinking about memories?

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Are you making plans?

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Or are you able to be fully present right here, right now, to the sound of this practice?

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Are you able to tune in fully to the present moment, your breath, your body?

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And if you happen to catch a thought, notice it.

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Grab the thought with curiosity, label it.

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Perhaps the thought is a plan.

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Perhaps the thought is an event in the past.

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Perhaps the thought is something coming up in the future.

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Notice if there's an emotion that comes up with the thought.

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And get really curious here.

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Notice if the thought brings up the emotion.

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Where does that emotion feel like?

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Where does that emotion live in your body in this moment?

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See if you can really tune in and breathe deeply into that space.

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Take a deep breath in and let it go.

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And if you have a pretty neutral thought, feel free to just continue breathing in and

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out.

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And if the thought brings up emotional activation, see if you can just breathe into the emotion.

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And notice if there are any changes or movement in the body as you breathe into it.

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You notice the emotion in a particular spot, breathe in here and exhale and just observe.

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Take a deep breath in and let it go.

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And just notice.

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Come back to the breath again.

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Inhale and exhale.

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Observe the thoughts once again.

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Notice if you're able to be more present or if the thoughts continue to arrive, there

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is no wrong answer.

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We're simply observing what's here right now.

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And remembering that each time a thought arises, we can approach with curiosity and compassion.

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We can observe emotion and follow its path in the body.

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Your breath is always available to you.

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And as we close this practice, take note of any emotions that are present now.

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Take a deep breath in, let it go.

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And as you open your eyes and come back to the room, offer yourself a bit of love and

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gratitude for offering yourself some time to practice.

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Thank you so much for practicing with me.

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I hope you enjoy the rest of your day.