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Don't be a bore. It's episode 24.

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Hello and welcome back to the Rena 100 show.

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The show where I, Rena 100, pick a topic usually every week.

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And talk about it.

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And this week what we're gonna talk about is

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Jealousy.

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Na na na inside of me.

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I don't know the words at all.

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Na na na.

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Hmm hmm.

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Da na ma.

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Na na na.

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I think she takes off her dress at one point.

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Anyway.

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Jealousy.

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Being jealous.

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Jelly.

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As the kids used to say.

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I don't think anybody says it anymore.

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Being jealous is when you look at someone else and you covet what they have.

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Like a demon.

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Um, no, but you see that they have something that you want.

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And maybe you think you're the one who should have it.

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Why do they have it? Why do they have it?

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I want it just as much and I'm just as good as them if not better.

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Right?

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Why are they getting these spots at that comedy club?

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Why are they getting on TV?

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I mean this is just some LA bullshit that I'm spouting right now that comedians think in their heads.

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Because you know it's hard. It's a very competitive business.

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And every once in a while you fall into the trap of jealousy.

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Because you're feeling insecure.

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You're feeling insecure.

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And you're wondering how can I fill that void of feeling like I'm not enough?

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Why are you feeling insecure?

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Because you take stock of your career and it just never measures up to where you wanted it to be.

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I think ever?

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Because I think as soon as you get something your eye is on the next prize, you know?

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And then you look ahead and you see all the people who are perhaps better than you, perhaps worked harder.

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Perhaps not. Perhaps just nepotism babies.

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We don't know. We don't judge.

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But we do judge when we're jealous.

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So and you look around and you're like, why don't I have this thing?

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I've been doing this for so long.

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I've been working so hard and they've only been doing it this amount of time.

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But they already have this and what's wrong with me?

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Why not me?

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And it's totally irrational because somebody else's opportunities have nothing to do with your own potential and where you're going.

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And I mean it's like yeah, we're competing with each other I guess as comedians.

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But not really because at the end of the day we all have unique voices that cater to unique audiences.

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And there are enough people in this country and in the world for all of us to have pretty good careers.

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If we find our people, the ones that particularly relate to our vibes, you know?

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OK, so we're not all going to be totally prime colors, network television, main stage folks, you know?

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But those people, a lot of the time they're kind of watered down.

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You know, they're kind of, am I just saying that because I'm jealous?

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Probably.

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I don't know. I don't know.

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What's so weird too is that like it looks so much better from the outside I bet.

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Like you see people, like sometimes I'll look at Lady Gaga and just be like, ah, I should have had your life.

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Like I used to be a lounge singer and oh, I just would have, I think I would have just loved to live her life.

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But at the end of the day, like there's no way that her actual experience of her life is as good as I imagine it to be.

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You know? It's probably exhausting and hard.

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And she probably gets jealous and insecure a lot of the time.

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How could you not? People are always looking at you being like, that's Lady Gaga.

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Or whatever her real name is. I definitely didn't feel like Googling it for this.

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It's funny though. Should I change my name as a comedian and just be like, I'm Dr. Laughing Boob. My terrible name.

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I'm Fart-o. Fart-o. Just some, I haven't figured out my brand. I think that much is clear.

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What's weird about jealousy too is that you can actually get jealous of yourself.

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You can get jealous of yourself in the past. As you age.

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You were like, wow, I really, my, you know, now that I'm in my thirties, once in a while.

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And I know I don't actually miss it because majority of my twenties I was just fucking miserable and depressed and in the throes of some drama.

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And my brain balls hadn't totally dropped yet. So it's like my brain wasn't grounded or matured or had no idea how to deal with anything.

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And I, God, I mean, I'm sure I left a whole pile of wreckage around that time.

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But sometimes I think back to it and I'm like, oh, remember when I'd get all excited to go out at night and so excited with get all dressed up and get, it was just kind of fun, you know, and to feel like totally self-involved, the center of attention.

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You know, there was just something to be said about the drama.

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And sometimes I look back and I'm and I'm like, wow, I'm never gonna be in my twenties again, unless I will be, you know, in the parallel dimension, multiple lives sense.

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But in this life, in this experience of this life with time moving in one direction, it's never gonna, I'm never gonna go back, you know.

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And sometimes, often our brains, I think it's a coping mechanism, use rose colored glasses to look back.

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And I'll look back and I'll be like, wasn't it so nice then?

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Because that's what it looks like from here.

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Because I'm looking from the outside and I'm benefiting from all the hard won wisdom now that I'm like, if I had that then I'd know exactly what to do.

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It's just the classic youth is wasted on the young crap. But it's so true.

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You know, I was so insecure, so insecure about my looks.

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And now when I see what I look like, I'm like, there was nothing to worry about.

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I looked great. But I just, you know, when you're young and you're insecure, it's just, it's never good enough.

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And I still struggle, you know, in the moment it's hard not to struggle with that.

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But it is a good trick, if you've heard of it, to picture yourself 90 years old looking at how you looked now.

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It definitely, it's a good trick if you're feeling like you look like shit.

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Because you still look great too. When you're 90 you'll still look back and be like, I was young and I look great.

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And sometimes I get jealous of my own potential future.

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I'm like, why aren't I there yet? Why aren't I there yet? Why haven't I figured it all out yet?

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And it's funny because I remember in the past being like, dreaming of where I would be now.

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Dreaming of the things that are happening to me now. Not thinking it could ever be real. Never.

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And now I'm living that. And I'm like, and it's like things that were just so unattainable.

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Maybe like five years ago? Six years ago? I don't know. And now I'm just taking it completely for granted.

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And I'm like, where is the other stuff that I want in the future? And all the stuff that's unattainable now?

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And it's just this fucking hamster wheel, isn't it?

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Now jealousy also fuels competition, doesn't it?

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And sometimes that can be good. Sometimes it can motivate you, you know, to get better, work harder, measure up.

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And that can help your skills and your, you know, if you have ADD like me, it's hard to find the adrenaline and the push to actually get stuff done.

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So like jealousy can be an interesting motivational tool.

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But let me tell you, oh my God, I'm sorry, I just burped right in your ear. At least you don't have to smell it.

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But let me tell you, when jealousy motivates me moving forward in my career, it doesn't.

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I may be taking action, but there's something about the vibe of that action that never pans out.

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It's almost like people can sense it. Like, let's say I see that somebody's doing a lot of shows and I'm like, I want to do a lot of shows.

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So then I send a lot of emails inquiring and trying to get on the shows. It's almost like the vibe, just the vibe I'm putting out there from that,

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that it's just this trying to fill the void, trying to fill the lack, trying to throw gold into a black hole to fill it,

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which is impossible because the black hole just expands. So you can't fill a black hole. It's a black hole.

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I think, I don't know, I'm not a scientist. I feel like I say that every single episode.

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So by now you know I'm not a scientist. But jealousy, because it fuels competition, is just such an essential tool of capitalism, isn't it?

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Keeping up with the Joneses, what kind of Tupperware do they have? Why don't I have that kind of Tupperware?

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And then you're like, well, I better go get on the hamster wheel and get that fucking Tupperware and go to Target or whatever, wherever you go.

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Go to Louis Vuitton, or I don't know. But yeah, I think that's why capitalism feels so empty a lot of the time,

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because it's just so fear-based. And yes, it does allow for a lot of innovation, but there's just, and I'm not saying all the time,

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I think sometimes there's very positive innovation. I'm not an all-or-nothing person about capitalism.

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I see the ruin and I see how things have to change, but there's also been huge, huge advances.

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But anyway, I'm not trying to get too political. But obviously I'm Canadian, so you can deduct where I am on the spectrum.

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But I think that's why it feels so empty a lot of the time, because a lot of our motivations, a lot of the driving force of it is jealousy,

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competition, measuring yourself against other people. And that just isn't real, like isn't like spiritually real,

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because deep down if you really connect to your deepest self, you have nothing to do, you have to do with other people in the sense of

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connection and inspiration and all we could build together. But who you are in reference to other people,

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it's apples and oranges, baby! Everybody's a different flavor of fruit and that's the flavor you bring, and that's all gravy!

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God, I'm such a hippie at the end of the day, aren't I? But there is competitiveness going on. It is called the human race, after all.

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Anyways, I hope you have a great week and hey, come back next week!

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you