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Get your vaccine it's episode 14. There I go making it political shouldn't be political, right?

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That shouldn't be a political. Anyways, hello. Hello and welcome back to my show. Today we're gonna

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talk about friendships. Kind of doing a three-part series. Last time we did dating is hard, this

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time we're doing friends and apparently I'm still singing my words and next week we're gonna do a

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family can of worms but we're not there yet. So let's talk about friendship. Why do I talk like

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let's talk about friendship. Like who am I? Am I like a DJ in the 90s on a radio station? So as you

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can tell by my gleaming personality, it hasn't been the easiest or when I was younger to make

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friends I think. Maybe it was easy. I don't know I feel like our memories of the past are always

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like glossed over by whatever parts of whatever like conclusions we came to about our own identities

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based on like distorted perceptions of the way things went down. But here's my distorted perception

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of the way things went down. I think I had a bit of trouble at a certain point connecting to kids

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the same way I saw them connecting to each other but I think the reason for this is because when

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I was really really young I went to daycare and made a lot of friends I think and also had like a

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best friend there and was comfortable there and then my family moved to the Middle East for a year

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or about a year at least a school year and so I was kind of ripped away from the environment that I

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was comfortable with. I don't think this was a bad thing by the way. I just think it was kind of

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unique and put in like a brand new country with a new language and I luckily I was four years old

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so I learned the language really quick and I made new friends and then I was ripped back into my

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hometown and then when I went back to visit the daycare most of the kids didn't remember who I was

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even though I had been thinking about them while I was away and that was very alienating and I didn't

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go back to daycare after that I went to kindergarten whole new school again and most of these kids

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hadn't you know left the country not to mention like lived in another language in another continent

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so I think that started me off kind of in an interesting way in terms of making friendships

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because I had gained this whole new perspective I mean I remember that that I just you know leaving

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the continent kind of breaks your brain in a way and makes you realize well the world isn't all the

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same like not everybody lives the way I do you know like there's all these countries that live in

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radically different ways and the whole vibe is different and the food is different and the language

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is different and the culture is different everything is different even though it's still human beings

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but their needs are being met through such different means did the whole shape of it is

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completely different and so I would look I remember looking around at the other kids this is where

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my snobbery I mean I was destined to kind of be a snob having academic parents but this is where

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the snobbery really took it up a notch because I was remember looking around the kids in my

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kindergarten class and just I remember them like giggling on a slide and I remember walking

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pensively I'm like five years old at this point thinking they'll never understand the joy of youth

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has been removed for me that's so immature because they didn't understand there was nobody that could

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really relate to what I had been through and that just kind of forever put up a barrier I think

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between me and other people not necessarily in a negative way just where I kind of expect people

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to not really understand where I'm coming from and I've kind of made my peace with that but it's

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definitely made me be like I don't know if trying to make friends with these people is even gonna

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be worth it because I'm gonna have to get them to jump over this hurdle of like trying to understand

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me and me trying to understand them and maybe it's not even worth it I also don't trust people

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right away I like to know them for a long time I make a lot of snap judgments about people it's

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really weird it's like either I make a snap judgment it takes me a long time to trust someone or

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once in a blue moon there's people that I just trust right away and that probably isn't great either

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I guess I kind of bounce around between extremes in that way but when I get a good feeling about

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someone I just trust them right away I don't know so that's weird but let's see what else I have in

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those yeah what is the difference between the people that I trust right away and the ones that

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I don't honestly I don't know it's like completely intuitive I feel like I can see some things on

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people's faces like sometimes people's trauma shows on their faces and I feel like sometimes I can

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identify like oh that's an unhealed wound to the point where if I get close to that person their

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wound is going to hurt me so I need to stay away and it's usually in the eyes I can see this like

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deep pain in their eyes and I'm like oh I can't fix that and also it's a little dangerous for me to

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be around which is kind of fucked up survival of the fittest mentality but you know we only have

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so much time and energy on our hands and we can't be friends with everybody can we some people seem

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like they can and you know what I don't understand those people I don't know where they get the

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energy and they always come across as kind of disingenuous to me because nobody just likes

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everybody that much all the time there it just seems dishonest and I those are the people I think

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I don't trust the most the ones who are just blandly nice in all situations and don't have

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opinions I guess it's just hard for me to respect them because I'm like because I can't make out who

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they really are or what they think and it seems like they're trying to manipulate the people around

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them by being just nice to everybody and friends with everybody just so they can get whatever it is

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that they like the jobs that they want or something and I just it's hard for me to respect that because

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in my value system I guess I put relationships above the opportunities that they could provide and

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that's probably led to a lot of lack of success in my life because we live in a society that just

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promotes the hell out of narcissistic sociopaths and that's hard I mean that would be so hard to be

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that dishonest all day I feel it's like I'm not even like oh I'd be a bad person but also it just

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looks exhausting I feel like I'd be exhausted every day masking that hard pretending to like every

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single person that I encountered not that I mean to people I don't like I just keep my distance if

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I think it's gonna be dangerous but yeah which leads to the question what is a friend what do we

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think a friend is what are we looking for in a friend to me the best version of a friend is someone

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you can be your whole self around you're comfortable you can take off the stress like being around

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people you're not friends with stressful you need to kind of walk on eggshells a little bit or at

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least I do I shouldn't I shouldn't I should not walk on eggshells for anybody but you know what I

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feel unsafe around people that I don't know that well and that lack of trust adds a whole layer of

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stress and tension in my body so like a good friend is somebody where I can take off that stress

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and just comfortably be myself because I can trust that they're not gonna react in a way that's

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going to wound me hopefully if you if it's hopefully I mean I think at this point the people

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that you've chosen if you're choosing correctly they shouldn't really be wounding you so they're

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kind of like a like a safe space and you are in turn a safe space for them to be their whole

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self and you also will do your best not to wound them and make them feel loved and honored and

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respected isn't that a beautiful thing and I have found it's it's kind of harder to make friends in

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LA than it was in Canada and I don't know if it has something to do with the base level of social

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democratic country that just kind of takes a little bit more care of its own and the floor

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isn't just an endless bottomless pit of despair but sorry about all the noise in the background

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I don't know if it has something to do with that to me I think maybe it does but when I first moved

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here and I mean especially in LA people leave their whole families their whole support system to go

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after a dream that's just completely their own you know what I mean so they've given up so much

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so they're willing to do a lot to get what they want meaning that they don't have allegiances to

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anybody all the people that they were loyal to are the ones they left at home and they come to LA

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and it's like a reality show they are not here to make friends except for me I came here to make

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friends and it was hard and and it honestly to make real friends it takes years because you really

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you kind of need that history and that level of comfort to develop that trust so I mean if you've

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moved to a city recently or you're an adult and you're finding it hard to reach out and make friends

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just just don't give up it just it really does take longer than you want it to but in the end

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it's so worth it just to have that safe comfortable place to love and be loved

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you