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Hello and welcome back to the rena hundred podcast a podcast where I rena hundred talk about a theme every week in

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kind of a machine

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Stream of consciousness way

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And that being said get off your shelf it's episode 12

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This episode we're gonna talk about fear scary fear and all the scary

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Feary things that come along with it and

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Also, if you hear my neighbors in the background, I'm sorry. It's the day after St. Patrick's Day and

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What can I say they're still st. Patrick's thing their drinks out there

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But yeah fear I've been thinking a lot about fear in our modern-day society because

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We

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live in a scenario where fear isn't very functional most of the time, but it's still innately biological

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And there's kind of no escaping it

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so it's like like for example like the fear of

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Going for what you want asking for what you want from the powers that be that have more power than you from the

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Decision-makers from the people that hold the keys to your future kingdom of having more money success

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Better job better

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Circumstance in life all those people asking for you want going to them and and and and it's scary

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But it shouldn't be really the fear is

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Lying to you in that moment the fear is like your body is reacting

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To a predator or something dangerous in that scenario like it would be dangerous to ask these people like they might chop your head off

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For asking them to recommend you to their manager

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Which is still something I don't think I could ever bring myself to do

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But I should because then maybe I'd have a manager. Hey, I don't know

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But yeah, so the fear is kind of this relic from this foregone time when we were constantly being in circles and

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sought after by

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actual physical predators like wolves, I'm assuming or bears or

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Whatever else used to be able to kill us, but now the only predator

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That's really scary. That's out there is just other people

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Where each other's predators were apex predators and we are scary and people are scary now

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Let's talk about fear and

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What oh my god, it's like scary to talk about fear. I am scared

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Maybe saying fear fear fear over and over just like brings the fear into my body and what it feels like is like

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My mouth dries up

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It's more difficult to access the vocabulary that I want to use my heart quickens my palms sweat

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And I have a heightened awareness of everything going on in the room, right?

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Like I feel like the more afraid I am and a room full of people the more I'm aware if my

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Chair creaks the wrong way or if my one of my hairs is out of place

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Oh, and that's why well something that helps us me with any anxiety that I have socially is just to be very deliberate about

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What I look like when I hang out with other people and I'm not this is not to say

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That I'm one of those people that gets their hair blown out on their nails done

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Which man that would be interesting if I was one of those people, but I'm not and I've never understood

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Well, that's a whole other subject

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I mean it definitely would I think it would it's kind of like an armor in a way

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Especially especially as a woman like you know

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Doctoring the way that you look in order to have this sort of image that you're projecting on to other people

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Which gives you this comfortable barrier between them and being able to

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Psychologically access the more vulnerable parts of your heart soul personality

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And whatever else you don't want these fellow apex predators to be able to access

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Until you know them better and you know that they're not gonna predator you

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And isn't that scary

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Now let's talk about what it does

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Mentally, I mean well, this is more about unfounded fears now that just the unfounded fears that float in your head in the middle of the night

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What if this what if that?

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And for some reason all roads lead to cancer

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And you wonder at night like do all the people I think love me actually hate me?

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I mean, maybe you don't relate this happens to me all the time

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I've been blessed with a specific

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Buffet of genetics that give me a predisposition to generalized anxiety disorder. I am certain of it, but I have not been formally diagnosed

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But yeah, these fears so a little fear so one fear begets another fear the fear starts with

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When I was talking to that apex predator that I respect so much that maybe

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Socially has is higher up on the perceived echelon than I am

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Oh, I said this one thing and they didn't react the way I wanted them to what were they thinking?

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Were they thinking something horrible about me?

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Does that mean that they're always gonna think this horrible thing about them? Did I hurt them? Did I?

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Did I make them think I'm a fucking idiot?

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and

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Then you spiral I mean like it's very easy to spiral from any of these places or like maybe one of your ears is blocked and you're like

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My ear is blocked now, of course

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It could just be earwax, but it also could be a slow descent into deafness or a quick descent into deafness

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That if I don't catch it right now, and I don't go to the hospital right now. I'll be deaf by the morning

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And if you think I haven't gone down that Beethoven rabbit hole you are wrong

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Yeah, so

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It's assuming the worst from a minor from a minor mishap from something that could just as easily be

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Inocuous it could just as easily be earwax, but it's assuming worst-case scenario

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And I do it all this time I picture being horribly maimed when I'm in the car

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And I think to myself all right

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I'd better put my feet in the position that I know

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Statistically is not gonna harm me as much as any other position and I'd better try to relax my body because I know that

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If something does occur where we all get injured if you have a relaxed body your injury won't sustain as as much

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Or whatever research I've gathered through other spirals that I've gone down

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I mean fear in that sense has educated me a lot about all the ways that everything could go wrong

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And maybe I should just work for an insurance assessment company or something

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But probably that would just make that aspect of my personality way worse and who knows maybe I'd never leave the house again

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Another way that fear presents itself is in people pleasing. I mean this is sort of the inverse of the other thing

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You're trying to avoid in retrospect after speaking to your fellow apex predators

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The the moment of reflection where you think you've done the wrong thing

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So you do everything in your power to manipulate the other person to get them to like you and have a good time and think that you're

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Helping them and do everything for them so that they feel good around you so that in turn

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You'll never have to feel that horrible sinking feeling of

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Having disappointed them and and and of having to worry about what they think

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I mean a lot of it does come down to what other people think and I don't think that's so unhealthy because

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In my mind and of course, I'm not an anthropologist and have done very limited. No, I've done zero research on this

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but in my mind

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That's because we all used to live in smaller tribes. Let's say max 100 people

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and for some reason that was very formative in the way that our brains function and if

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And and and we all know that people like to scapegoat and so if one person if you do something where one person comes to a negative conclusion

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About you

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It's really only a couple more steps before the whole tribe is kind of turned against you and they all don't like you and

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Maybe even if they don't kick you out of the tribe that could affect the rest of your life

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if you're gonna be living with that tribe for the rest of your life that will affect the rest of your life if they have this

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negative thought about you that can just perpetuate and perpetuate and perpetuate because

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Most people don't think other people can change even though I I definitely do think that people can change

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Although I'm afraid that I won't be able to change enough, but yeah, okay

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So another thing about fear is the question of how do we get rid of fear? Especially when it is

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not

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useful to us

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One strategy that's been presented to me before is basically the strategy of just playing the tape through

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Which means like all right, what's the worst thing that can happen here?

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But honestly that's never

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That's never worked well for me because I always end up at death

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and

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I'm not okay with death and I don't know if I ever will be and it's not interesting about life that like I

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Would say most people their worst fear is being horribly

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mentally incapacitated physically incapacitated and

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Also dying and and that all of those things are kind of just waiting for us at the end of our lives

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How are we not supposed to be afraid?

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But I guess the hope is that the gravity of that will make us appreciate the good things more and

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If you're less like me and more like someone with a calmer brain, I hope it does do that for you

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Now how do I get rid of fear? I mean people say the opposite of fear is love

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So so you know thinking about all the things in your life that you're grateful for

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Changing your vibe, you know

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I'm deciding that you don't want to feel fear right now

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And trying to focus on something even maybe something mundane

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Even the mundane can maybe save you from fear because mundane is safe mundane is innocuous mundane is not dangerous

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But truly there is no escape from fear

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Because it's part of the human experience so really the only escape from fear I think is just accepting that fear is

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going to be around sometimes and

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To try to make friends with it like some crazy

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Neurotic lady on a podcast talking to you right now

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You