Hello and welcome back to the rena hundred podcast a podcast where I rena hundred talk about a theme every week in
kind of a machine
Stream of consciousness way
And that being said get off your shelf it's episode 12
This episode we're gonna talk about fear scary fear and all the scary
Feary things that come along with it and
Also, if you hear my neighbors in the background, I'm sorry. It's the day after St. Patrick's Day and
What can I say they're still st. Patrick's thing their drinks out there
But yeah fear I've been thinking a lot about fear in our modern-day society because
We
live in a scenario where fear isn't very functional most of the time, but it's still innately biological
And there's kind of no escaping it
so it's like like for example like the fear of
Going for what you want asking for what you want from the powers that be that have more power than you from the
Decision-makers from the people that hold the keys to your future kingdom of having more money success
Better job better
Circumstance in life all those people asking for you want going to them and and and and it's scary
But it shouldn't be really the fear is
Lying to you in that moment the fear is like your body is reacting
To a predator or something dangerous in that scenario like it would be dangerous to ask these people like they might chop your head off
For asking them to recommend you to their manager
Which is still something I don't think I could ever bring myself to do
But I should because then maybe I'd have a manager. Hey, I don't know
But yeah, so the fear is kind of this relic from this foregone time when we were constantly being in circles and
sought after by
actual physical predators like wolves, I'm assuming or bears or
Whatever else used to be able to kill us, but now the only predator
That's really scary. That's out there is just other people
Where each other's predators were apex predators and we are scary and people are scary now
Let's talk about fear and
What oh my god, it's like scary to talk about fear. I am scared
Maybe saying fear fear fear over and over just like brings the fear into my body and what it feels like is like
My mouth dries up
It's more difficult to access the vocabulary that I want to use my heart quickens my palms sweat
And I have a heightened awareness of everything going on in the room, right?
Like I feel like the more afraid I am and a room full of people the more I'm aware if my
Chair creaks the wrong way or if my one of my hairs is out of place
Oh, and that's why well something that helps us me with any anxiety that I have socially is just to be very deliberate about
What I look like when I hang out with other people and I'm not this is not to say
That I'm one of those people that gets their hair blown out on their nails done
Which man that would be interesting if I was one of those people, but I'm not and I've never understood
Well, that's a whole other subject
I mean it definitely would I think it would it's kind of like an armor in a way
Especially especially as a woman like you know
Doctoring the way that you look in order to have this sort of image that you're projecting on to other people
Which gives you this comfortable barrier between them and being able to
Psychologically access the more vulnerable parts of your heart soul personality
And whatever else you don't want these fellow apex predators to be able to access
Until you know them better and you know that they're not gonna predator you
And isn't that scary
Now let's talk about what it does
Mentally, I mean well, this is more about unfounded fears now that just the unfounded fears that float in your head in the middle of the night
What if this what if that?
And for some reason all roads lead to cancer
And you wonder at night like do all the people I think love me actually hate me?
I mean, maybe you don't relate this happens to me all the time
I've been blessed with a specific
Buffet of genetics that give me a predisposition to generalized anxiety disorder. I am certain of it, but I have not been formally diagnosed
But yeah, these fears so a little fear so one fear begets another fear the fear starts with
When I was talking to that apex predator that I respect so much that maybe
Socially has is higher up on the perceived echelon than I am
Oh, I said this one thing and they didn't react the way I wanted them to what were they thinking?
Were they thinking something horrible about me?
Does that mean that they're always gonna think this horrible thing about them? Did I hurt them? Did I?
Did I make them think I'm a fucking idiot?
and
Then you spiral I mean like it's very easy to spiral from any of these places or like maybe one of your ears is blocked and you're like
My ear is blocked now, of course
It could just be earwax, but it also could be a slow descent into deafness or a quick descent into deafness
That if I don't catch it right now, and I don't go to the hospital right now. I'll be deaf by the morning
And if you think I haven't gone down that Beethoven rabbit hole you are wrong
Yeah, so
It's assuming the worst from a minor from a minor mishap from something that could just as easily be
Inocuous it could just as easily be earwax, but it's assuming worst-case scenario
And I do it all this time I picture being horribly maimed when I'm in the car
And I think to myself all right
I'd better put my feet in the position that I know
Statistically is not gonna harm me as much as any other position and I'd better try to relax my body because I know that
If something does occur where we all get injured if you have a relaxed body your injury won't sustain as as much
Or whatever research I've gathered through other spirals that I've gone down
I mean fear in that sense has educated me a lot about all the ways that everything could go wrong
And maybe I should just work for an insurance assessment company or something
But probably that would just make that aspect of my personality way worse and who knows maybe I'd never leave the house again
Another way that fear presents itself is in people pleasing. I mean this is sort of the inverse of the other thing
You're trying to avoid in retrospect after speaking to your fellow apex predators
The the moment of reflection where you think you've done the wrong thing
So you do everything in your power to manipulate the other person to get them to like you and have a good time and think that you're
Helping them and do everything for them so that they feel good around you so that in turn
You'll never have to feel that horrible sinking feeling of
Having disappointed them and and and of having to worry about what they think
I mean a lot of it does come down to what other people think and I don't think that's so unhealthy because
In my mind and of course, I'm not an anthropologist and have done very limited. No, I've done zero research on this
but in my mind
That's because we all used to live in smaller tribes. Let's say max 100 people
and for some reason that was very formative in the way that our brains function and if
And and and we all know that people like to scapegoat and so if one person if you do something where one person comes to a negative conclusion
About you
It's really only a couple more steps before the whole tribe is kind of turned against you and they all don't like you and
Maybe even if they don't kick you out of the tribe that could affect the rest of your life
if you're gonna be living with that tribe for the rest of your life that will affect the rest of your life if they have this
negative thought about you that can just perpetuate and perpetuate and perpetuate because
Most people don't think other people can change even though I I definitely do think that people can change
Although I'm afraid that I won't be able to change enough, but yeah, okay
So another thing about fear is the question of how do we get rid of fear? Especially when it is
not
useful to us
One strategy that's been presented to me before is basically the strategy of just playing the tape through
Which means like all right, what's the worst thing that can happen here?
But honestly that's never
That's never worked well for me because I always end up at death
and
I'm not okay with death and I don't know if I ever will be and it's not interesting about life that like I
Would say most people their worst fear is being horribly
mentally incapacitated physically incapacitated and
Also dying and and that all of those things are kind of just waiting for us at the end of our lives
How are we not supposed to be afraid?
But I guess the hope is that the gravity of that will make us appreciate the good things more and
If you're less like me and more like someone with a calmer brain, I hope it does do that for you
Now how do I get rid of fear? I mean people say the opposite of fear is love
So so you know thinking about all the things in your life that you're grateful for
Changing your vibe, you know
I'm deciding that you don't want to feel fear right now
And trying to focus on something even maybe something mundane
Even the mundane can maybe save you from fear because mundane is safe mundane is innocuous mundane is not dangerous
But truly there is no escape from fear
Because it's part of the human experience so really the only escape from fear I think is just accepting that fear is
going to be around sometimes and
To try to make friends with it like some crazy
Neurotic lady on a podcast talking to you right now
You