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I'm sure. Hey, welcome back to The Shane and
I Show. My name is Shane. My name's Max, and
that's the facts. And that's the facts, Jax.
Yep. We were rolling there, and we weren't even
recording. Yeah, we weren't rolling. We were
just talking into the ether. We were talking.
Luckily, I caught it. That's good. That's good.
We didn't spend 45 minutes talking without a
recorder on. Which we have done before. Yes.
Yeah. Yeah, this is the podcast about nothing.
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them. When he pushes the button, it goes right
to you. Why did I just do that? Yeah. So boys
and girls on the internet, you can't see what
Shane did, but he was just playing with his finger
in a very interesting sort of way. Anyway, now
we're going to get back to what we were talking
about. Yeah. Because we like talking about Costco
on this show. We do. They should give us an affiliate
link. They should. Because I'm about to sing
their praises. Are you? Minus the old guy? Minus
the fucking old bitch. What happened with the
old guy? All right. Costco, Costco, the same
thing. OK. I have a problem with Costco. I'm
a nice, chill guy. Costco turns me into a different
person. Yeah, I get it. And, like, I go there
to get a bunch of staples for cheap. Right. That's
why anybody goes. Exactly. Anyway, I got through
most of Costco without much incident. Right?
But on the way out, right, we left... The cash
register, we're on our way to the door. Like
you're out, you can see the finish line. We can
see the finish line. Without incident. Yeah.
It's that long ass walk from the cash registers
to the door. Where the guy checks your receipt.
Where the guy checks your receipt and, and there's
almost nobody there. It's like a clear shot,
except for one guy who's already a third of the
way down. So I, I expect by the time I get to
the end. He's going to be out. He's going to
be out. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, except as I start walking,
he starts slowing down and he starts getting
slower and slower and coming to a crawl right
at a place where it's like least convenient to
get around him. And then he comes to a complete
dead stop before the guy. Yeah. Yeah. About.
So he's so he comes to a complete dead stop.
And, and so I, I make a honestly kind of dangerous
pass. Right. Cause there's not a lot of clearance
here, but I've been watching this guy slow down
and by the time he stops, I have gone from serene
to fucking like foaming at the mouth. Yeah, that
would get me too. Yeah. And so as I pass him.
Not only do I come within about half an inch
of clipping him with my cart, I didn't mean to.
I just, I just, I was sure he didn't. I was so
impatient by that point. It almost happened.
But as I'm passing him, I just look to see what
the fuck his deal was. And he had stopped to
read his receipt. If he was curious, if he was
curious about what was in his receipt, letting
me do it when he got out of the register. They
just pulled to the side right there. He could
have just pulled to the side anywhere. Yeah.
That whole long stretch. Yeah. There's a whole
area off to the side where you can find a little
nook, pull over out of everyone's way and do
whatever the fuck you gotta do. Yeah, and every
Costco is both the same. So if you know, you
know. Yeah. And this... this old bitch just stopped
him because he just wanted to read his fucking...
his fucking... I almost lost my... fucking mind.
Did you say anything to him? Thank God Kira was
right there next to me. Thank God for the wife.
Yeah. And she just, she, she took me by the arm.
She's like, breathe. We're almost out. We're
almost out. Yeah. It's like, and then you just
mean mug a dude. You just mean mug him. I didn't
even mean mug him. I should have fucking said
some words. I could mean mug somebody and make
him feel like I don't like him really quick.
I can mean mug somebody into fucking like having
trouble sleeping that night. Yeah. But this guy,
I just, after I got past and Kira took me by
the arm and I just... I kept on walking, but
god damn it. And I, you know, you know what makes
it sometimes I get pissed off about something.
It is what it is. I'm a human being, but when
I'm right, that's when it's the worst. I know
it's the same way. When I'm, when I know I'm
right, when I know for a fact that my anger was
righteous and that person, I honestly, if I,
if I had stopped to think about it, I should
have done something to fucking like intervene
in their bad behavior so that they wouldn't do
it again. Luckily your wife is there. Luckily
the wife was there. Yeah. Cause I don't need
to get banned from Costco for assaulting old
men. Yeah. And they'd have your picture up there
and don't let this guy in. Yeah. They got a bunch
of cameras. You can't, you can't just fucking
accost some 70 year old dude and get away with
it. And he's 70. Yeah. So I mean, I get it. I'm
getting old. Hey, this guy was old enough to
know better. But not old enough for that to be
an experience. But see, here's the thing about
getting old that I'm starting to realize. Yeah.
Because I just had a birthday a couple weeks
ago, and I'm getting up there. Happy birthday.
Thank you. And I'm getting up there. Yeah. Right?
Almost 87 and a half. Almost 87 and a half years
old. I got to pee a little more than I used to.
I'm not really 87 people, but for podcast's sake,
we're going to say I'm 87. Yep. And maybe I'll
tell you my real age. I don't know. But I realize
there's like two different old people you could
be, right? You could be the onry old person.
It just makes a big deal out of fucking everything.
Like, you know, back when I was young, that kind
of guy. Yeah, that sounds good. Right? Or you
could be, well, three. You could be the dumbfounded
old person that gets lost in fucking Costco and
does absurd things like, you know. gets in front
of Max. Stop in the middle. Stop in the middle.
It's preposterous. All right. And here's the
third one. Yeah. Here's the third one. You could
be that old guy that kind of does creepy stuff,
but people are like, oh, he's just an old man.
It's all right. That kind of does creep. Not
like really creepy stuff, but like when you see
a girl, you can actually say, when you see a
pretty girl, you can actually say, oh, you're
a pretty young woman. Oh, yeah. Like, not too
creepy. Yeah. Not like, follow, hunting down,
I mean, not like, not like, stalker creepy. Right.
But like, you know, just, you can say little
snide comments and get away with it and they'll
look at you and be like, oh, you're a sweet old
man. Yeah. Right? And here's the other thing
that I figured out that was probably the coolest
part about it, is you could wear those fucking
Depends, and if you're in the middle of Costco,
you could shit yourself, not only shit yourself,
but you could just fucking drain the vein, right?
You could just take a piss. right there in the
middle of Costco in your pants. And people would
just be like, oh, poor old man. And you may even
get a discount on the shit you're buying because
you pissed yourself. Because people would feel
sorry for you. Shane, this took a turn I wasn't
expecting. I was just thinking about it as I'm
getting older, right? Like, what kind of old
man do I want to be? And you want to be the shitting
yourself kind of old man? No, I don't want to
be the shitting myself old man. I was just describing...
Because from the way you delivered the options,
that sounded like the one you were leaning towards.
No, no, no, no, no. Like, boy, I can't wait till
I can get away with shitting myself in Costco.
I want to be the guy that can get away with saying
little absurd wisecracks and like saying things
to women like... Oh, you're a pretty woman. Shane,
I'm going to tell you right now, you're not going
to be that guy. I can dream, though, can I? You
can dream. I'm just telling you because I know
you. And I know you're a well -meaning person,
but I also know if you try to be that guy, you're
not gonna get away with it. I know, it's just
not gonna work. It's gonna come across as creepy
if I do it. And if I piss or shit myself in the
middle of Costco, it ain't gonna work the way
I think about it. Unless I make a big deal, unless
I look at everybody and everybody's looking at
me while I'm shitting myself or pissing myself
and they're like, oh my God, that old man's pissing
himself. And I can just be like... This is what
old men do, and they just leave me alone. You'll
get banned from Costco if you do that. I figure
if I'm 87, and I get banned from Costco, it's
gonna be okay. It doesn't matter how old you
are. If you mess yourself in public on purpose,
and everybody knows you did it not because you
have a condition, but because you just goddamn
felt like it and wanted to make a statement,
they're not gonna let you back in. Yeah, and
let's say play the senile man card No, even if
you play the Sierra if there's plenty of there
are plenty of demented people that they don't
let in places Here's the thing I thought about
other thing I thought about though, too Yeah,
that would kind of make it hard for me to get
to Costco if I was really 87. Mm -hmm Driving
because I really hope when I'm 87 Like there's
a law that says like if you're in your 80s, you
can't drive Yeah because I've been, been behind
some crazy old people that you're just like,
what are you doing? Well, once you get to a certain
age, they, they check up on you whenever they
read your license. I really don't want to drive
when I get really old. All right. So don't like
I get, cause I could just picture having this
big old Cadillac or something like having a big
old car and be one of those guys that just does
20 miles an hour everywhere and just kind of
weaves around on the road. Cause I already know
I got bad eyesight when I drive, so I have to
wear glasses, right? But I'd be that guy, that
old man that just forgets his glasses at home
when I got to go somewhere and I'd just be driving
20 miles an hour, fucking swerving everywhere
where I drive. I don't want to do it, dude. Because
again, I know you and you got a bit of a lead
foot. Yeah. So you're not going to be the guy
who goes too slow winding around. You're going
to be the guy who goes too fast winding around.
And I hit something. Yeah. I don't want to do
that. So I really hope when I'm old enough, when
I'm that old, when I'm really 87, they're just
like, nah, dude, nah. Yeah. I also hope that
I hope that I hope you don't choose to shit yourself
just to like challenge people to say something.
I hope you don't do that. What do you got to
say, young man? Just be on the bus. Yeah, and
what I would have to say is leave and don't come
back. There's a list for people like you. What
you got to say, young man? You're afraid of pooping
yourself? No, I just don't want people pooping
next to me. The other thing I was thinking about,
too, is I went to the movies a few months ago.
I've been meaning to talk about this. For some
reason, I... Never I go like have an idea in
my head that I want to talk about on the show
and I'm like, yeah Yeah, I'm gonna talk about
that. Let her rip. Anyway, I went to the movies
a couple weeks ago and you remember when going
to the movies was like a thing Yeah, and it like
the movie theaters were nice. Mm -hmm and like
everything worked like the sound was cool Like
the curtains worked. Yeah, the seats were relatively
in good condition. Yeah, and there wasn't shit
on the floor everywhere Yeah, I paid 14 bucks
for a ticket. All right, that's cheap these days.
Yeah, maybe it was more I can't remember The
curtains, the curtains for the theater, right?
Yeah. How they pull them back? Mm -hmm. Didn't
open through the whole, all the previews. Okay.
Which is a bummer, because I wanted to see some
of the previews. They didn't open the curtains
to reveal the screen? No, they, like, the screen
was there. You could see what was on the screen.
Well, yeah, they were projecting onto the curtains,
not the screen. Yeah. Yeah. And there was shit
everywhere on the floor. Like, when I tell you
there was shit everywhere on the floor, not literal
shit, but like, there was like popcorn, there
was like... fucking Milk Duds, all over the place.
And there was like, like the sound was messed
up and somebody, it was like me and two other
people in this theater. And we went, I went and
saw that new Captain America movie and I thought
it would be packed. It was like me and two other
people. The one guy, one of the guys, I was just
like, I was like, you know, they're going to
fix it. I was like sitting there thinking, I'm
like, they're going to fix it. Cause I don't
mind going to a movie by myself. I actually kind
of like it. And I'm like, they're going to fix
it. They'll fucking realize what's going on,
right? The movie's starting. And they still haven't
fixed it. They still haven't fixed it. The lights
haven't dimmed yet, all the way down. So finally,
one of the guys, there's only three of us in
the movie theater. One of the guys, because I
was like, maybe I should get up, maybe I shouldn't.
I'm debating. At that point, you definitely should
get up. Well, this one guy wearing a Marvel shirt,
so you can tell he was a Marvel fan, got up,
walked out, and you could hear him. He's like,
hey! Hey, can somebody fucking pull the curtains
on the movie? Yeah. And they stop the movie.
Good. Turn on the lights. Good. Apologize. Good.
Turn the movie, turn the lights back off. Yeah.
And to open up the curtains finally. Good. Back
in the, back, even in like a couple years ago,
before COVID even, like going to the movies was
a thing. Yeah. Like, it was a, you look forward
to it. Yes. Right? You go out to your fucking
Applebee's or whatever, and you get something
to eat beforehand at the Applebee's at the mall.
Yeah. And then you go see a movie in a nice clean
movie theater. And I was debating with somebody
about this, like, why people don't go to movies
anymore. I think it was an online debate. Yeah.
Because they were like, oh, I love going to the
movies. And I'm like, dude. Not me, not anymore.
I also love going to the movies, but that sounds
like a bad movie experience. Yeah, and it was,
where was it? It was in Petaluma. Which one in
Petaluma? I don't know, I can't remember. Because
there's a nice theater in Petaluma. It wasn't
that one. Yeah. So it wasn't the downtown? No,
it was, no. But it was, like, awful. I just remember
it, because I'm like, I just remember, man. Like,
movies were, like, a thing. Like, you went there,
and, like, it was nice, it was air -conditioned,
it was hot out. There was a whole experience,
man. And, like, this person was saying, oh, people
don't appreciate going to the movies anymore.
And I'm like, people probably would appreciate
it a little more if, like, they, people, like,
worked there, did their job. And, like, the theater
was presentable. Yeah. And, like, you could see
the previews when the movie, before the movie
starts. Yeah. Like, Paid 14 15 bucks or whatever
to get in the movie theater part of what you're
paying to see is the preview Yeah, yeah, and
I like the previews. Yeah, right Especially for
a Marvel movie. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah, and it was
just man. It was just awful And then the movie
the movies are right think the Captain America
movie was all right But yeah, man, it was just
I was bummed out about I was like I don't think
I'm gonna be going to movies movie theater anymore
I'll just fucking wait and watch them at home
For a lot of movies now, you don't even have
to wait. Right. Yeah, there's movies that come
out really quick that were just in the theater
and two weeks later they're available. Well,
there's a lot now that they'll do just theater
for opening weekend maybe, or they just go straight
to streaming the same day that they open in the
theaters. Yeah, it was just an interesting experience.
I mean, it bummed me out, man. It really bummed
me out. Yes, I was like, dude, I remember, like,
when you could go out, you could get a burger.
Yeah, no, you described the meal already. Yeah.
It's a bummer, dude. It is. I went to a movie
in January, and it was nice. Yeah, there's another
nice theater up here in Santa Rosa, the airport
theater. That fucking one's nice. I haven't been
to that. Yeah, you have reclining chairs. You
could, like, order, like, your shit to your...
You could order your shit from your chair. Nice.
Yeah, it's pretty nice. So that was something
I was thinking about. And I was thinking about
this. So I'm on the dating site. I'm on this
dating site, right? Yeah. I'm not gonna say it.
I'm only on one, and right now it's partly for
entertainment purposes. Mm -hmm. Just because
I'm not seriously looking for anything. It's
just like, I like scrolling. Yeah. So when I
scroll, I'd rather scroll on the dating site
than anything else. You might really get into
this topic because I've been wondering about
this one. So a lot of these, a lot of these women
lately, they're putting stuff in their, they
put stuff in their profile. I think, you know,
I want somebody to hang out with, whatever. It's
all nice stuff. Until they get to this part,
and this has literally happened, I would say
probably on 10 profiles that I've seen in the
last two weeks, I want a God -fearing man. So
like, so are they talking about, when they say
God -fearing man, Are they saying like the kind
of God that that old -timey God that smites you
if you're doing the wrong shit? Yes Why they're
they're talking about somebody who's afraid of
going to hell why? Look, I don't understand Okay,
first off. I'm not religious either Am I and
I try not to judge people who are either do I
but it's happened But I I don't like a religion
first off. I think maybe they're not reading
into or they're not fully grasping what God -fearing
means. Because God -fearing is just a traditional
thing you would say to mean somebody who actually
believes in their religion and acts accordingly.
And if they act out, they're going to get smited.
Yes. Because fucking lightning shot down at you.
Yeah, but a God -fearing person isn't going to
get the lightning because they're God -fearing
and they will act accordingly. Right. It does
imply... that you believe your God is an asshole.
Sorry to laugh. No, no. I mean, it just is what
it is. I just don't see, I don't see how people
could be like, you know, I believe in God. My
God is an asshole. Yes. Well, here's, here's
the thing. Here's the thing. If you believe in
a God. Right. You don't necessarily choose the
God you believe in. Right. Right. Once you believe
in it, like if you believe in a God and you're
like, I believe in that one. Right. Then whether
he's an asshole or not isn't up to you. It's
up to God. Right. Right. And, and like the, the
Bible God, right? Right. The one for, for whom
people are God -fearing. Right. He's an asshole.
No, I get that. Like if you read, say like, Yeah,
you read some old timey stuff. It's like, and
then God got angry and fucking flooded a village
or some shit like that. Yeah, there's like all
that. Or just basic shit that they tell you is
part of the sales pitch. They tell you about
heaven, and they're like, and also there's hell.
And you say, what's hell? And they're like, oh,
I don't know. Like, if you use the Lord's name
in vain, like, he takes that personally and he'll
torture you for eternity. Sorry to laugh again.
Yeah, I just think I you see but but change change
change. God is love. Yeah I just think hell is
Like I've watched a lot of TV shows and there's
this one I watched and I can't remember what
what it was But there's this version of hell
where the sky and did suburbia And this is his
version of hell, right? Because everybody has,
according to the show, everybody had their own
version of hell, right? It's different for everybody.
Which I could kind of get behind, right? It's
not like you're, it's not like you know your
soul's being tortured, right? You just think
you're living, you don't even, like, in this
theory, I guess, is that you don't even realize,
like, you're fucking dead, right? You live in
suburbia, you have this house, and I'm like...
Things are normal, like you're waking up, having
breakfast, you're talking to your kid, you're
talking to your wife, right? And the wife goes,
hey, could you go down to the basement and grab
some fucking something from the basement or whatever?
Uh huh. We're at a toilet paper, you go to the
basement and you're walking down to the basement
and you know, there's something, you're kind
of like something like, no, no, no, there's something
kind of fishy about this basement thing. Okay.
And you get down to the basement and there's
some fucking big org fucker down there. Uh huh.
And he torches you. Okay. And then you wake up
and the whole day starts over again. Yeah. That's
like one person's version of hell in this TV
show. Yeah. That's like this person's version
of hell. Imagine the surprise and the terror.
Yeah. That's part of it. Yeah. Yeah. I mean,
if you wake up and you know what you're in store
for, they've given up on surprise and, well,
there's probably still terror, but they've given
up on the showmanship of it. Right. I mean, come
on. I think they just, like, as soon as you're
tortured enough, they just kind of wipe your
mind or whatever, and you just start the day
over. Yeah. You know what I mean? Yeah. That
doesn't sound bad, I mean... That doesn't sound
bad? Going downstairs to get some toilet paper
and being tortured for the rest of the day by
an orc? Okay, in the grand scheme of hells. Yeah?
Not knowing that I'm dead. Yeah. And just repeating
the same thing over and over again. Uh -huh.
It sounds way better to me than actually knowing
I'm dead, being down in this fiery pit of hell,
and getting my soul tortured over and over again.
Yeah, well, that's the hell you're gonna go to.
Because God knows that's worse for you. And because
you used his name improperly. And so he got angry
and he's gonna torture you for eternity in the
fiery pit, where they fucking take the skin off
your living body. That's not gonna be fun. I'd
rather have the suburbia one. You'd rather have
the suburbia one? Yeah, I'd rather wake up in
suburbia and think everything's cool until I
go down to the basement. Think everything's cool
until you go down to the basement and get fucking
sex dungeoned by an orc. Yeah, that's great.
That's better. That's the better option than
fucking getting my skin killed. No, I mean, I'm
with you, man. That's the one I would choose,
too. That's how I know I'm going to the fiery
pit as well. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, I kind of I
kind of think I've already been through hell,
so. Well, it can't be as bad as what I've been
through. Oh, there's always something worse.
True. Yeah, true. Anyone else? I had to adult
yesterday, dude. And I was thinking about this
the other day. You know me. You're 87 years old.
You had to do that sometimes. 87 and a half.
Yeah. So I threw on my Depends. I had to go fucking
do some shit, right? I had to go register. I
had to go get my car smogged. I had to go pay
my registration. And I was thinking about it,
man. Like, I don't fucking... There was a time
where I didn't care about any of that stuff.
Yeah, I remember. Yeah, I'm like... I'm like,
dude, I don't care if I'm driving around on expired
tags... Yeah. ...until I can't get my license
back. And then I'm like, why can't I get my license
back? Oh, this is bullshit. Yeah, exactly. Fucking
victim mentality, right? Uh -huh, yeah. Oh, oh,
I thought I took care of... Oh, man. You know,
you throw the DMV some money, guess what? You
get your license back. Mm -hmm. It's my experience
anyway. So anyway, I was taking care of this
stuff and I was thinking about that. I was like,
man, I'm really, I'm actually kind of glad I
get to do this now. Like I don't have to fucking
worry about fucking driving down the road and
getting pulled over. Cause you know how bad it
was. Like the cop would pull, I would get pulled
over and the cop would be like, oh, so back in
1989. Right. Yeah, I remember all this, yeah.
Back in 1989, you had a driving with like something
stupid, dude. And I was too afraid to go to court
and show up to court. It wasn't like I was trying
to get away with something. It was like, I was
too afraid. Like, honestly, like I was a kid.
I was like this guy that was just, I don't want
to go in front of a judge. Yeah. Right? And I
wouldn't tell anybody any of this stuff. And
I would just try to figure it out. And then I
wouldn't go. And so that turns into a fucking
$2 ,000 fine. Right? Twenty years later, yeah.
Twenty years later, I'm driving down the road,
and I think I'm cool, right? Because they gave
me my license back, so I think it's okay. Like,
I have it in my wallet. And I'm driving down
the road, and they're like, oh yeah, by the way,
in 1989, you were driving without a fucking seatbelt,
and you didn't go to court. So there's a warrant
from 1989 for you. And we don't really care about,
you know... Nevada cops dude, they would just
pull me over they would pull me over and be like
I'm like, dude Are you serious 1989? Are you
serious? You're like, yep 1989, dude now in in
all fairness at the time you were driving a drug
dealer car You weren't a drug dealer, but you
were driving a drug dealer car. Yeah. Oh, yeah,
it was I was driving that fucking BMW Yeah, I
fucking hated that that car was cool to have
for like a month. Yeah, I I drove that car from
I drove that car from where it was. It wasn't
a drug dealer car. And I drove that thing from
where it was impounded in the South Bay all the
way up to Marin. Oh, that must have been nice.
Because that car didn't move. It was, man. It
was a cruise. I didn't even realize how fast
I was going until I... That car, you had to go
80. Like, you just had to. There was no... Like,
you went 60 or something like that. You were
going too slow. Yeah. But at the same time, like,
I knew if I fucking dug into, like, a hole in
the upholstery or something, God only knows what
you're gonna find in there. Yeah, exactly. Yeah,
that car was my ego car, right? That was full
ego, full fucking, like, I want a nice car. And
it used to be a nice car 10 years before you
acquired it. Yeah. And then, and then it had
like a CV problem, like the CV, like I needed
a new, what was it, to get it to pass smog, I
needed something. It was like a CV joint or some
shit like that. And it was like $5, it was like
800 bucks. Yeah. And I just remember, I just
remember being like, dude, I don't want to deal
with that. And I just drove it around. You just
drove it illegally. Yeah. I learned my lesson,
man. See, here's the thing, people is like, I
can laugh at all this shit now because I've dealt
with it and I've learned my lesson and I don't
do that shit anymore. Like all that said, though,
in that situation, maybe like the responsible
thing to do. Oh, yeah. Was just to drive it around
illegally until the police pulled you over, took
it away. Then you pay then you pay the fine for
driving an unregistered vehicle if there is even
a fine for that. But you let them keep the car.
Well, no, I wound up donating it and got a tax
write -out for it. I remember. I'm just thinking
about it now. And I did do the responsible thing
and I stopped driving it. Yeah, I remember that
too. Like, because it was just like, dude, that
car just, it was just like all of a sudden, it
was just like too much. And I remember like deciding
right there and then like whatever it took to
get my license back. Like that's what I was going
to do. Like I was going to, I'll pay the money,
I'll pay whatever. And thank God for student
loans. Cause I was in school at that time and
I used my student loans to pay back all my shit
for my license. And I, and I used it for some
books and books for the classes I took. Look,
it's, it's perfectly legitimate to use it for
transportation to class. Right. Yeah. Right.
And I swore, and I also swore that day, like
I'm going to get a nice, like incognito car that,
that I could go kind of fast in that they're
not going to be like, it's not going to be like
every time they see it, they're going to pull
over and like, I got a car that blends in because
there's so many of them on the road. Yeah, you
got a nice Nissan. No, it's not a Nissan. It's
a Hyundai. It's a Hyundai. Whatever it is, it's
a cool little fucking Korean car. Yeah, and there's
so many of them out there that I just blend in.
Yeah, you got to just... The color I got, everything,
and I did it on purpose. Yeah, fuck, you got
it in silver. That's a counting color. Yeah.
Yeah. Yeah, and there's so many of the same color.
Like, I could drive like an asshole if I wanted
to. And I'm going to be like, oh, it was the
other guy. But I'll tell you what, since that
lesson I've learned... Right? With the BMW. I
have not been pulled over for driving without
a license. I have not been pulled over with driving
without insurance. And I have not been pulled,
and that was like, what, 10 years ago? Yeah.
Yeah. So in 10 years, I have not been pulled
over for any of that shit. Well, you couldn't
be because you had a license, insurance, and
registration. Yeah. But, I mean, even if they
did pull me over, like, like even going through
DUI checkpoints now, I'm like happy to do it.
And I'm just like, oh, here's my license. Yeah.
They're not gonna, they're not gonna be like,
Hey, by the way, 1987. Yeah. Which, which they
used to, you know, that was a concern before.
I remember I used to have to avoid them. You
know, I, I, I, I one time had the experience
of coming up on a DIY checkpoint and realizing
like, Oh shit, my registration's late. And fucking
like darting, like darting out of the way last
minute, hoping one of the fucking like, like,
cause they, they always keep a couple of cops.
a couple of blocks back to chase people who do
that. I was like, I hope they didn't do that.
Cause I got, I got, I got away with it. Yeah.
I did. I tried to do that a few months, like
a month ago, there was a checkpoint by my house
and I was coming up on a, I had one of my headlights
was out. So I was driving them on a bright sun
and I didn't realize it when I came off the freeway,
they were still on because I usually just turn
them off. Yeah. until I could get that headlight
fixed, right? And I'm coming off the freeway
and the brights are still on, and I see the checkpoint,
and I'm like, I usually, I don't like dealing
with the cops around here. I just don't like
dealing with them. Well, Roanard Park police
are kind of, they're sketchy. Yeah. So I turned
right by Rayleigh's shopping center to get to
my house, because that's the other way I could
go. And I got pulled over, right? And the guy
was like, hey, You know, you look, you got your
head, you got, what do you have your brights
on? And I was like, oh, I just got off of work
and I was getting off the freeway, yadda, dadda,
dadda. Right. And he was like, oh, do you have
a headlight out? And I was honest with him. I'm
like, yeah, I got a headlight out. And he asked
me for my laces. He checked my shit and I was
clean. And he came back and he was like, okay,
just, you know, when he pulled, get off the freeway
until you get that fixed. I just turn off the
brights. And I was like, holy shit, that's like
almost never, like the guy pulled me over inside
the Rayleigh shopping center. And I was like,
I've never gotten away with it. He's like, I'm
not gonna write you a ticket or anything because
he asked me what I did for work and I told him
and I was like, I just got off like a 10 hour
shift. So he's like, okay, yeah, just get that
fixed. So yeah, and then I got it fixed the next
day. Well, headlights are easy enough. Pop the
thing out, put a new bulb in, there you go. Bingo
-bungo. Yeah, I just don't mess around with that
kind of shit anymore. It's just like you live
a little, maybe that's why I'm not gonna go to
hell. Have you ever used the Lord's name in vain?
Plenty of times. Well, he'll hate you forever
and peel the skin off you in the fire pit. I
don't know if that's the hell I'm gonna get,
Max. You used his name in vain. You're not gonna
get off easy with the Orc Sex Dungeon. Yeah,
that's kinda what I want. I mean, tough shit,
man. Like, if I had a choice in hells, like,
give me the orc fucking sex dungeon now, repeating
the same day over and over again. Uh -huh. And
just being oblivious and I'm just repeating the
same day over and over again. Yeah. Or the woe
of knowledgably spending eternity in the pit
of fire and torment. Yeah. Yeah, like, you just
know you're in there and it's gonna suck for
eternity. Yeah. Or the other place to be, the
other cool, the other, not cool, but the other
place to be that wouldn't be so bad probably
would be, what's the place between heaven and
hell? Purgatory? Purgatory. Okay, like traditionally,
do you know what purgatory really is? Not traditionally,
no. I mean, I don't know. I just know it's a
place where spirits go that just can't go to
either heaven or hell. So it's purgatory because
that's where they purge the sin out of you before
they can let you into heaven. Everybody's got
some sin. Right. So for some period of time,
whether it's 15 minutes or 15 ,000 years, nobody
knows, but they will peel the skin off your living
body in the pit. Yeah. Until all the skin has
been purged. No, it's the same fucking thing.
It's just for a limited period of time instead
of forever. So maybe it would be better if I
was just a lost soul and I just haunted people.
And I would hump a fuck out of people. Yeah.
Just pick somebody random and just fucking haunt
their house. You don't have to pick someone.
I mean, pick someone. Pick someone. Like, find
someone who you're really interested in haunting.
Just be like, yeah, that's what I'm gonna do.
And just fuck with them. Here's the thing about
purgatory. It is a limited amount of time followed
by eternity. in the light of the Lord. Right,
and I assume heaven would be your personal, whatever
your personal heaven would be, you know what
I mean? However bad hell is, heaven should be
that good. Right. You would think. Yeah, you
would think. Yeah. So, but having a God -fearing,
being a God -fearing person though, would you
be afraid that heaven would be that good? What
do you mean afraid that it would be that good?
Like if you fear God. Yeah. Right? Yeah. And
your promise is paradise of heaven. Don't know.
I just think it would be like a too big of a
promise for somebody like that's too big of a
thing to actually think it's true I just rabbit
fear God. I don't know that didn't make sense.
No You're saying somebody would believe in hell
and be like but heaven sounds too good to be
true. Yeah No, yeah, he'll send my soul to a
pit of eternal torment and torture But heaven
seems too good to be true. But what do you really
hope for is inky blackness? would it really be
like paradise? You know what I mean? I guess.
I don't know. Anyway, I think that's gonna do
it for our episode. Yeah. We've been going on.
And look, we're not experts in God. And we're
not spiritual. Well, kind of. But we're not fucking...
We're not religious. We're not religious. We
don't go to church. No. We don't read any holy
books. But I was just curious why people say
on their dating profile, I'm looking for a God
-feared man. Yeah, they just want someone who
takes their religion seriously. And by their
religion, I don't mean they're looking for a
man who takes his religion seriously. They look
for a man who takes seriously as his own the
religion that that woman believes. Right. I got
it. Yeah. So that's going to do it for our episode.
Hope you guys listen to the whole thing. Yeah.
And until next time, people. Yeah. Don't show
yourself in Costco while making eye contact.
And being like, yeah, what you gonna do about
it? Don't do that. Don't. Do it on public transportation.
Don't do it. Anywhere. Until next time, people,
don't be a dick. All right. free audio post -production
by alphonic .com