Hey y'all, it's Kayla welcome back to another episode of wholesome black girl podcast
Yes, I am your co-host
Kayla well, she's not my co-host. She's my she's a whole she's a whole like don't call yourself that
I'm your host Kayla and this is
Camry per usual and
Yeah, this is what episode five
Episode five as you can see we're in a new setup. We're in a new space
Let us know how you like it if you like it more like it less anything like that give us your feedback
So yeah, let's get into it
We usually say mental health check-in, but now we're going to do a segment called life life
And basically like in this segment, we're just gonna it's the same thing
We're just gonna give you an update on where we are in life and you know what we've been doing. I feel like um
March
Whooping whooping ass March has been smoking me. I ain't even gonna lie
Um, but I feel like we've had posesses as a brand too. Mm-hmm like um, you should tell them about the whole situation
I feel like you can describe it better. Oh, okay far and posting us. Yeah far
I mean, okay, I mean, um
He's Rihanna
Stylus along with other women and they are you go Kailani? Yeah to name a few
He posted our business card on Twitter and Instagram
Yes, and it's so crazy because I had no idea who that man was I
Did but I was drunk. Okay, so what happened was wait, I asked you to tell it and I'm telling it
Well, what happened was?
So we were at the Ari Lennox concert actually
We had just stopped we just came from where was it the almost famous event? Yeah? Yeah, that happened last week
What was that the 18th? Yeah, the 18th
so we you know
We're talking to people I was just handing out I was handing them out and this one guy this gay guy
He was like you should just spread them all over the bar and we were like, yeah
That's absolutely what we gonna do
So like he was helping us like put them places and everything like that and then it got into the hands of
What's his name far and Farron far well called poochie poochie?
Poochie sorry. We're so sorry that we're pronouncing wrong
So like I said, I don't know who that man is
I don't know him he walked up to the bar with I think he was with a friend and
I was sitting next to them and Kayla was talking to the white gig guy and
They was in there laughing our business cards like they were skinned. They're like, oh my god
Like this is a one marketing. This is great branding. They're laughing but I wasn't saying nothing
So I tapped Kayla and I was like, Kayla they talking about our business card
So then Kayla turned around and she tapped him and she was like, yeah, that's us. That's us
We're hosting black girl and you're like, oh my god, like this is so clever like we love this and we had like a whole conversation with them or whatever
Whole conversation and he's like, yeah, you know, we're gonna post it
Um, he's like, I'm gonna post it on my on my instagram. Oh my god. That's gonna support
So, you know, we go on to the concert or whatever
I come back home. Totally forget
Totally forget. No, I come back home and then
um
My phone blowing up. I'm like, what the fuck? So then I go on twitter and I see that he posted our business card
And he was like, now why did he give this to me?
He was like, now why did he give this to me and I peeped that it was fuchsia
I'm like, oh my god, like at the moment like when I was talking to him
I didn't peep that it was him because I was kind of buzzed like I was I don't want to say I was drunk
I was just buzzed off alcohol
So I really didn't peep that I was like talking to him, but that's kind of a positive though
I didn't know who he was. Yeah, she didn't know he was
But I'm like, what I'm like, wait, we was talking to him
And I knew that it was him because he had posted like the outfit that he was wearing
I'm like, oh, that's the outfit that the person was wearing that I was talking to
So I was kind of mad that I was too drunk to realize that we're not drunk
But buzzed to realize that it was him
But I feel like it was a positive too
Because I feel like if I was sober, I mean, no
Yeah, I feel like if I was sober, I probably would have been a little more fanned out
But I feel like since I was buzzed and I hit that alcohol in me, I was just like myself
So that was a positive and I'm very excited about that
The Ari Lennox concert was great
Jaylin Josie like I love her
Um, who else was there? I'll she wrote pressure
She did. Yeah. Oh wow
Oh, wow, if you didn't know I love Jaylin Josie like that's my girl nail
Like I downloaded like all of her music, but that's like really where we are right now
Like as a brand like we we're rebranding and now since we're in a new studio
We can be a little more consistent
And it's no like the beef or nothing with the previous studio we was at it's just we had
He's so busy, but we're still working with him because he's so cool
It's just his schedule was so crazy that it just didn't work with the consistency
The consistency that we wanted to give you guys
So it's still all up to them. We still gonna work with them
Um, but I do want to get into like what we are personally going through
So do you want to go first or should I go first?
Okay, I'll go first. Okay
So March has been very eye-opening for me in a bunch of ways
One of them is
Um
Where should I start uh friendship?
Friendship has been a really large motif in my life at the moment
I am not currently happy with a certain friendship that I have
I actually am starting not to like this person at all. Um
Like they just do things that are so inconsiderate. They speak to me very
ill
They're just just nasty
Um, they don't listen to anything that I have to say
They don't really care about how I feel about anything
And they don't even want me to have other friends like they feel like I am
Just their friend or at least that's how it feels
And
I'm just over it like
You've seen the screenshots and everything of like the shit that I was I'm going through
And I be feeling bad because it's just like
Like sometimes it's like oh this stuff is so little but I just feel so disrespected
in this whole entire ordeal and
It does seem as though she is a little clingy
um, I feel like
Our generation has
Not even just our generation just society in general has just normalized being super clingy and attached in friendships
and even relationships
so
I don't know. Um
I don't know. I don't feel like she's necessarily a bad person. Like I don't think she's a bad person
I don't think that she's a bad person either. I just think that she's bad for me. Yeah bad for you
And I don't want to be friends with her no more
And it's been really hard for me trying to figure out how to like say that
Especially because like in a couple weeks where we're supposed to do something
Right, I don't want to get into like huge specifics because I know that this is about to cause like a ruckus
Oh, oh shit, I even think
Like this is about to
This is about to be something but like I really just am exhausted
And I don't even know how to explain how I feel right now
Just because like every time I say that something is bothering me
I'm met with well, that's just how I am
Or will you do this too? And it's like we're not talking about me. We're talking about
You and your actions and I hate the deflection
And I hate that
Somehow some way it's always my fault, especially like the last time where I asked her like why you
Like I asked her why she did something
And then she like addressed it like two days later like why did you say this and I'm like because that's how you speak to me
and
We basically went down a rabbit hole and it was basically like I got my own shit going on right now
I have a lot to think about I have a lot to
figure out on my own and like
like
I like you're not helping and essentially she was like well don't bring that on me because
Like you're taking all this stuff out on me and I didn't even do anything
but the whole thing that I said to her was
that
You do this and it makes me feel this way and that's why I'm frustrated
And it was to the point where I just ended up apologizing and everything because it's just like I don't even have it in me
To argue like I'm not about to argue with you. I'm not about to see you and go back and forth
All right, since you feel like it was me that was in the wrong. All right, cool. I'm wrong like
Some people hate that about me, but I'm exhausted like
I'm exhausted. I'm exhausted from everything to be honest everything
Like y'all friendship will make it by the end of the year. No
I don't even wanted to make it by the end of the year at this point right now
Like I'm just really trying to figure out the best way to say it
Oh
I ain't gonna lie. I don't even I can't even say that I know how to do that like how to just end the friendship
This isn't working like it feels like a breakup. Yeah, it is difficult to do and I feel like she'll think that it's out of nowhere
Because she's so
I don't know where because it's like
I feel like you've been like a little irritated with her and I don't even think that she really peeps it
Oh, especially since I'm just like, all right, cool. Whatever you got it
Yeah
Okay, yeah, I don't know I would even know how to like
start that
I don't even know how to start the conversation and every time I try like she looked like
I'm not even going to talk about that because I'll make things too specific. Yeah. Yeah, but there's there's been instances where it's like
questioning like my communication and things of that nature and I'm just like I'm just going through it but
I am going through it, but it's really like I don't want to talk to you
Right, and I feel like a shitty ass person to feel like that. Like I just don't want to talk to you like
You're getting on my nerves every time you text me every time you call me. I roll my eyes like
Type shit. Yeah, once you reach that point where like I'm going through stuff and I can't even tell my friend about it
I feel like that's one
It's time to it kind of reminds me of like
In a way like if you ever watch insecure Miley and Issa's friendship. Yeah, it kind of reminds me of that. I don't I don't know
I don't I don't know it just reminds me of that like she gives me like Miley vibes and you're like more like
Um, and I know like she would really be upset if I said like it's like jealousy there or something like that
But that's what it feels like
It feels like animosity
It feels like jealousy
I
See
But also like it's confirmation too like everybody in the group chat like yo like she's bugging the fuck out and I'm like, okay, cool
And I'm trying and that's the thing like
When I send everything I send what I'm saying and what she's saying too
So I'm not sugarcoating anything and I'm always open to seeing like
When people tell me that I'm wrong
Right, and I think the only thing that I'm doing wrong right now is acting like I'm okay with this friendship and I'm not
I feel you I feel like I've I've been here before but
The difference is like with my friendships. I feel like we just even should be just
Like I don't even think it was ever like a I've never had a conversation where it's like, oh, I'm not cool
It's just like we just fell out
Yeah, I I wanted to be like that. I just want to stop talking to her but I don't think like
She's gonna allow that to happen. So I might really have to actually have a conversation with her and be like listen, bro
No, I don't want this no more
And I'm also like damn I might regret it because this might just be a growing pain
But it's just like I just don't like her energy
Yeah, and quite frankly, I'm just starting not to like her
And I feel so bad
How do you feel bad?
because like
I feel like with stuff like this especially like friendships and female friendships female friendships mean a lot to me because I
Haven't had good experiences with them
Yeah, and I'm like this is no real like I often feel like men don't go through the things that women do
because
I don't know. I feel like
Women like we're just taught to be
We're conditioned to be competitive with one another
So I feel like sometimes that's where the friction comes from in female friendships because we always feel like we gotta compete with one another
Um, yeah, I was actually what should I give I should give
My man a nickname. That's not my man
You know how poor minds be doing nicknames for them for them in
Yeah, I was I was gonna say that too because I got cold then I'm a talker ball. I gotta give him a nickname
Let me see
What does he give what energy does he give?
um
R.T. Carefree like
Damn, but we need like a clever name
We need a clever name. We don't gotta come up with a name now. You can just say my man for now until you come up
I'm tired of saying my man my man my man
I don't know why but talk about him like what's going on with him
Don't you want to talk about your video at how it loves you all right?
I really love him. I love him so much. She do and she really be like
I feel like he'll be tripping out. Yo like she we just had a whole conference
Just on our way here in the back of the uber. She's sitting here hyper analyze everything that this man do
I was literally just saying like I'm not talking to him no more
I'm just gonna stop talking to him because I'm that way too when I'm talking to somebody like I've had attention to your mannerisms
like
I'll pay attention to everything the way you look at me like
Your body language all of it like I'm this I'm literally the same way, but it's so funny like hearing it from kevla
I don't know why when I'm the same fucking way
I think because I'm not the type of person to overthink
Yeah, I
Know you overthink but it's not like obsessive over thinking like how mine is like I was text kevla like
Yo, just niggas did this and I will literally think about I will analyze
everything
Everything from the time you sent a text
To I don't know the wording in the text. Yeah, I will break it down kevla will overthink but she's not doing all that
Yeah, I'll be like
Damn this nigga don't fuck with me no more
And that's where I'm at right now like I'm in love with him and he don't fuck with me
she
I don't know why she keeps saying that he don't fuck with her now bitch the nigga
I was fucking with he ain't fucked with me and I felt like nicky parker
So
No, I was nicky parker bitch
I was I was feeling like nicky parker and here's why I say I was feeling like nicky parker or I do feel like nicky parker
I'd be like
Oh
I'd be like let me see if he gonna text me
Then I can't wait for it
Because I just want to talk to him
So then I text him
And I'm like girl you failed step one
like
I just be trying to figure it out
But like it's not that I
I don't have it figured out and it's not that he's not
A good dude because he really really is like I admire him so much
I'm just
Afraid and he always say like well, I'm not allowed to be and I'm like no niggas you're not
You have no idea like
It's such a weird space to being right now because like I admire him and who he is as a person so much
To the point where I'm just like am I enough like that's what I've been going through a lot in March to like
internalizing
so much
Like am I enough for him like am I interesting enough?
Am I pretty enough am I enough like
And it makes me like he does some stuff that I'm not even going to get into but
It's little things that I notice
That make me feel that way too
You sound like me the last I'm I'm just like oh god like
Yeah, I think I really know that feeling
I'm happy that I heard you say that not that I'm happy you feeling that way
I'm just saying like it just feels good to know that I'm not the only one because I be thinking that way sometimes too
when I be dealing with certain
I'll be I'll be really thinking that way like am I enough like I don't understand like am I cute enough like yeah
I definitely I definitely and I hate this like
He makes me feel very beautiful, but he also makes me feel super ugly
And I hate to admit this
I hate to admit this that's like that's the point of this podcast
Because I have always prided myself in being like listen a nigga can make me feel a lot of shit
Yeah, but he can't make me feel ugly
But sometimes he makes me feel ugly
I feel like
with the I guess this kind of segues into like some of the topics I wanted to talk about
I feel like with some of the minute I've dealt with
um
Just doing like
Recently in the month of March just doing like some shadow work and stuff like that
I feel like a lot of men that I've dealt with since they treated me so shitty
It's also had had an impact on how I look at myself physically
and so for the
first time in my life
I've always had days where I felt shitty or I just feel insecure, but I've never felt ugly
And this is a first like I really hate and then this is well, but this is really the purpose of this podcast
um
This is my first time feeling ugly
Like I just don't feel attractive because when I look back at the minute I've dealt with
I'm just like they've all treated me like shit. So I'm you know, you internalize it
And you're like, is there something wrong with me?
Like am I just not that bitch? Like am I not attractive or something like that? Like I've I've accepted
the bare minimum for men like
literally and now I'm kind of getting to the point where
I'm also realizing I've never actually dealt with a man that was like sure about me like never
um, even the last two relationships that I was in like them niggas was not sure about me
They weren't they treated me like crap if you were sure about me, you would not treat me like that
You wouldn't so and it's like I'm about to be 24 in like a month and I feel like damn like I've never actually
had like
Good experiences with men like I've never actually really hate this
I can count on my hand how many dates I've been on and it kind of makes me again
I internalize it and it also makes me angry at myself
But then I also realized that like that has everything to do with like my daddy issues. I have extreme daddy issues
um
My dad always gave me the bare minimum. So I feel like that's why I've accepted the bare minimum for men
um
so yeah, I've been dealing a lot with like
issues surrounding like my
My looks
And I'm trying to since it's a new feeling. I'm trying to figure out how to
get through that
Since it's a new feeling. I don't know how to I don't even know how to process it or get through it because it's a new feeling for me
I'd really just feel very
I really do
um, and I've I've also been having like
Body image issues as well
Um, like I said, I am turning 24 in like a month and I feel like um
Entering my mid 20s. I really hate the fact that I have a baby face. I really do. I hate it
I feel like I don't have that grown woman look
I feel like I don't look like I feel like I look like a kid and I hate it so much and it's like I'm so skinny
I'm
Skinniest I've ever been in my life
And I've just been struggling with that. Usually my weight is on and off, but recently I've just been bony
Like I've just been bony and I just don't feel like a woman and you know sometimes I don't want to sound like
I don't want to sound like the the light-skinned girls in the black community when they talk about their struggles with being light-skinned
I'm not trying to do that, but um
A lot of times in the black community, they really do make you feel
Crappy when you're like a really small girl the comments that they the comments that I've gotten and like the things that people say to me
Like it really does it really has done a number on me
And I just feel like okay. I'm about to be 24. So I need to look a particular way
I was even on um the wholesome black girl page and I was saying yeah, like I'm gonna gain weight
I'm gonna document my journey
but now I'm just starting to
Now when I look back I realized I'm like no, you know, it's fine
Like whatever way I am by the time my 24 comes around that's the way that I am like I'm not even gonna
Obsess over anymore. I'm not even gonna attempt to gain weight. I'm just gonna whatever it is is what it is like
So that's where I've been
Um, I've also
I got kind of a nickname for this man. I'm gonna just call him. I'm gonna just call him new year
I've also cut him. No, we're gonna call him bk
Bk why bk?
Aint he from Brooklyn or he from the Bronx Harlem?
Okay, we're gonna call him Harlem Knights. Okay. Yeah, we're gonna call him Harlem Knights
Um, I recently cut him off. I'm not even gonna express like some stuff. I believe you just gotta take to the grave
Yeah, I'm just gonna take this thing to the grave. He did something
To me that I really that was like the final straw for me like him faking being on a ventilator was not the final straw for me
Him faking his name was not the final straw for me him faking his grandma's death was not the final straw for me
Yes, this was this particular incident that he did this last week was the final fucking straw for me
And I don't know why that was a final straw for me, but it was and I deleted his number
I deleted I deleted the contact and I blocked him
So I really have no way of like contacting him at all like I said I'm about to be 24
I'm not dealing with this shit no more because honestly it was going on like two years that I'd known this nigga
and I was still dealing with this nigga and
The situation that made me like
well
He did what he did and then that same day. I still wanted to fucking and I was so mad at myself afterwards
I'm like, why the fuck would you do this? Like why would you do this? I was so mad and that's when I went home
And I did I did that whole process of like just deleting him on my phone and everything
But that shit was very out of line what he did
and that's where I've been also
I've been dealing with um, my mom was recently diagnosed with cancer. So I've been dealing with that while also trying to juggle working in
Podcasting and building a brand and it's really a struggle. It's really a struggle
um
I don't even know how to I don't I don't think anybody knows how to deal with finding out that your parent has
Cancer like nobody knows how to deal with it. Um
And it's I guess like ever since I found out it's just been making me want to spend more time with my mom
I also realized I don't even have a lot of pictures like recent pictures with my mom
I don't I'm like I need to take more pictures with my mom
um now that type of cancer my mom has it's very rare
um and
She should be cool after she does like um a couple rounds of like chemotherapy, which makes me feel like way better
but it's still
I don't know it's you still gonna feel a way just this this is this effect that it's a possibility
Like this even a small chance of like for real like it scares me
It's so scared that one percent chance it scares me. So
Um, that's that's really where I've been in life right now. Um anything else you want to talk about?
Um since we're bringing up moms
I'm tired of that lady too
I'm really tired of everybody like I can't lie if you can't tell by like
My demeanor and what I look like I look a freaking mess
I was about to say that like your energy like not to her energy like not that she's like
I don't know like boring or anything. I'm not saying it but I could I could like anybody that watches the podcast
You could assist to her energy. It's just all
She's a different color today like right now. I'm like who I am on a regular basis every day
But like if you cannot tell I have no makeup on I have mascara and lip lip gloss on
Like, you know, that's not even my steed bro. Like that's not even me
But like I've been so exhausted just trying to juggle everything and then like my mom and I are not
Not getting along and that's such a weird weird thing
Not that we're not getting along because we never really got along but
It's more real this time for some reason like
Usually you will fall out
and be cool the next day, but like
This hurts like I feel like I'm losing my best friend
And that that does hurt that does hurt because your mom is really supposed to be your best friend and your mother
That's really like my whole world like
And it's awful some it's awful dumb stuff like
Just like me becoming an adult me dating
Me like exploring myself
Getting new friendships like she hates everybody
Everybody
Honestly, like that's really I was telling except except the one friend that I don't even want to be friends with no more
How ironic
Look, I was literally telling killer this like it was the same way with my mom. Um
My mom like as I was transitioning into like womanhood like
And I know my mom watches them. I'm sorry mom, but she was bitch like
She literally like I couldn't do anything like if I went out like she would clock me on doing that
She didn't like any of the friends that I had like I was in a relationship. She didn't like that man at all
Um, and it'd be over nothing and it just like controlling and I was grown and she was so controlling
But it's like once I moved out of the house
It's like now my mom is like, oh my god
Like I want to spend time with you like I promise you as soon as you move out like your mom is going to be like
Like on your dick like I'm telling you even with the whole like trying to move out process
The shit is just so stressful because I'm just like I'm doing this shit by myself. I don't know anything
Inflation is crazy. I hate my job and even though like
I also, you know
Kayla's to greet up
You know and I have to pay the I have to pay the government back
Like it's all these things and I'm like I gotta
Like I gotta get myself together
And I feel
I'm not even gonna lie to you like right now. I feel like super hopeless because
Kayla always has it together
Because Kayla always has help
But Kayla is falling apart and it's just like I can't I feel like I can't depend on anybody right now
Definitely
It's really not I definitely know
I definitely know how you feel
Especially when you at parents that
Um, they've helped you and someone got you like a little bit established and they like you're doing everything by yourself like it is
Um, but it really don't last long because I've been in your shoes like for real like it does not last for long
Like that's I feel like that's what come with adulthood like you really
Everybody goes through that on this one. Like it's just a it's a shitty ass feeling that you really got to get through
Like I'm just like my mom was supposed to help me file my income taxes, which like shoot
That's due at the end of this month. Yes
Like within the last yeah like the last week like like literally next week
Yes, it's dude and I'm like shit. I gotta do that. I gotta do so much like being an adult like every time you turn around
It's some shit to do. Yeah, and I'm just like, oh my gosh like I don't even have like an actual credit card in my name
So I have to apply for that. Good thing. My credit is pretty good
And I could get like approved for one
But like even down to like trying to apply like which ones do you apply for because that can knock your credit score down
If you apply like I'm gonna all of this stuff by myself like
By myself and the fact that my mom is here and every time I ask her a question because I'm not doing
What she wants me to do she's gatekeeper information that shit is really fucking sick
It is sick and I hate it
And I'm just so disappointed in every how everything is going
and like I'm just
You gonna see it through I know that's that's what bad bitches do
I'm just like I found this great ass guy that I really love being around
And I overthink everything every five seconds. Sorry if you're watching this even though
Child you never watched the whole thing anyway
Oh, that's a problem. You need to be watching the whole thing
But I'm just like I found somebody that I really
enjoy
Yes, that's great. And then everything else is just like a fucking shit show and I'm just like
We gonna get it together even with just seeing how like our brand is coming together like just
Yeah, it's just in those two. It's like the brand is going great. I found a great person
And maybe I should ask him for more help or more support not like financially or anything
Ask anybody
Low key I just feel like he doesn't have the capacity for it because he got his own stuff going on
And I kind of just want to be there for him for that like
And then I think to myself like why are you making why are you shrinking yourself?
Yeah to fit into like his like everybody life to be honest like that's what I've been doing
Yeah, it's shrinking myself like packing myself down so I can fit in his life and my other friends life
like
And my mom's life and I just feel really drained and I
Have no one to talk to about it for real other than you can but I don't want to like dump that all on you
No, I'll be yo
I'll be feeling the same way sometimes because sometimes I'll be written to kill about certain stuff
Yeah, let me let me go to my
But I don't I don't ever feel that way I don't feel that way because I feel like I've been through that experience before so I know how you feel so it's never like
too much for me
but
I do want to segue into
our
next segment
Dark depressing deep shit and we want to get into the punch though
So we have a new segment and it's called wholesome chats and basically in this segment
We are going to discuss all things sex while simons. Hey me. Uh simons. Haneously
Segwaying all other areas of life and love into our sex-positive conversations
So the first topic that we have because me and kelly would just talk about this. We want to talk about female rap
Y'all bitches suck like no recent cut. Okay
So y'all know that I'm a female rap connoisseur anybody that knows me knows that but recently
I've been like so depressed and I haven't been like this depressed in a long ass time
So I was like, you know what? Let me put on some female rap
And I'm sitting here listening to like the lyrics and I'm just like damn like it just like they was attacking me
I was like what the fuck so I can only listen to this music when I'm happy because
This is my first time listening to female rap in like a depressed state and I'm realizing that
A lot of female rap like it's not I feel like it's not as great as it's a need for more humanizing
Vulnerable female rap that's censored around the the female or more specifically the black female experience because
These bitches I was the regular black girl experience. We're not talking about the bad bitches because obviously
I'm not saying that we're ugly and I'm not saying
That I think that yeah, like I really do look like just a regular black girl walking down the street
And I and I don't feel like I don't feel like y'all are making me
At least not when I'm depressed like you're not making me feel like that bitch like I don't they never made me feel like that
They be calling me broke because I like coaching Michael Coors like y'all be calling me dumb because I had feelings for somebody
I could like well damn
Like and even like
I don't care like I like to think because Kayla hate these bitches. I hate you. I hate you bitches
Like I don't give a fuck I don't care you want to know why because y'all say this stuff and y'all don't even love yourselves
As soon as you get
Some money from your damn label the first thing you do is go and get a bbl in a fucking boob job
You disappear for two to three months and you come out with a whole new body and a writer
Like it's nothing wrong with getting a bbl
But it's like y'all be forgetting where y'all like y'all shit on everybody not even it's not a
You know what?
I am judging the bbl bitches. Okay. Okay. You want to know why that's okay. You want to know why?
because
Like you said
They forget where they come from or they forget that they used to look like a regular
A regular black girl a regular mixed girl and it's like you like you
You do all this you get your body done
You don't even disclose that you get your body done
You be acting like you took flat tummy tea
And that going eight a vegan bird diet with seeds and nuts and shit
And you got the body that you have right now. That's one two. It's like
What was wrong with what you looked like before?
Really sit there and unpack that
I really don't want to talk about that because
Okay, first of all, especially since I just seen that dochi got her whole body like she got a bbl
Why her body was banging
I literally I really I really almost cried now with scissor. I was like
I get it. I get it because her music
I like you knew that she was like insecure at some point because she said it
Even though she looks like the michelin man. I don't mean any harm by that. It just doesn't look right
It just doesn't look right
Like and that's what I'm saying like y'all get like y'all want
Desiree ability so bad that shows like okay
I just want to say that I am pro so pro surgery my bad
But I do feel like it's something to be said when we are noticing that a lot of the regular degilablai girls are
just
getting
Plastic surgery like do you not feel like you are you're enough?
But even with scissor look at how much she changed. She got a nose job. She got lip fillers. She got
like she got so much done and like that really
I think she's the last straw for me and I don't even mean it in like a hate and ass way
But also like how I view myself because when the first like
2012 2017 her I was like, oh like she looks just like yes
And I don't I really fear sounding like a pick me
But like it's not even being a pick me because we don't we're not against getting surgery
We're not but it's just like when you when you constantly see it as like a regular degilablai girl
Sometimes it really is
I really do look at myself and be like am I not enough?
But I was having a conversation on twitter. I kind of went I like to say semi viral
Because I was saying how like stars like ari Lennox like she's popular don't get me wrong
But she's not like mainstream. She's not like global or international
She'll go viral for like stuff like when she posted those pictures from the philadelphia
Yeah, like what were you doing on that fucking couch?
I feel like ari really isn't that popular because she hasn't assimilated her look innocence like she looks like us
Yeah, so she's not going to get that mainstream popularity like I really feel like she should be on the same level as like scissor
Or like sure Walker. She's she's not for sure
And I feel like it's because she looks regular like I really do feel that way
And if y'all disagreed and then fine, but that's I really feel that way
I feel like when you don't assimilate like you don't get the success that you want
And so that's why I kind of
Unless you already had a body like yeah anyway
But that's why I feel like a lot of black girls love ari Lennox because like she's so relatable
When it comes to like the black female
Um experience and even just with her looks like she's with her
I feel like one day it's gonna like she's gonna come to all of it because even I think like no real shit
When we get more notoriety and everything like that like what am I gonna want to change about myself?
yeah, like I already nitpicked myself and
And then you see men then you see men's reaction to it and how much they fawn over these people
And how much they love looking at them and although it's like very lustful being lusted after is still something that
Is profitable and then on top of it. It's just like it always continues to eat at me like am I not enough the fact that's
The fact that dochi like we look so much alike. Mm-hmm
I don't even know what she got to be
And I was just like so sad. I was like I love her right like I saw me
Yeah, when I be seeing like the black girls like this up and coming like rmb singers or like just rappers
I'd be praying I'm like, please don't do anything don't do anything because I love seeing I love seeing regular looking black girls
with like the black features and like the the the the hair the natural hair and like all that like I love seeing
I just be thinking like
Please
Judging either it's really not it's really like I'm not gonna stop supporting any of these artists
It's more so I internalize it and it's like it's not their job to make sure that our feelings are safe
It's not but regardless
Yeah, like regardless when you see it all the time. That's why women will go through like great lengths
just to
Be desirable because
You make more money that way you do you do um, I also wanted to talk about um
So I was I don't know if you're familiar
But I was I think it was horrible decisions if I'm not mistaken you watch that podcast
With the girl
Mandy and yeah, I I could be wrong. I think it was them if not them. It was some other podcast, but they were also
Um explain how a lot of female rap
They can make you feel very insecure when it comes to like your sexuality or just like sex in general
and and and it also makes sex standards um very
unrealistic so
I really do think it was horrible decisions
Or with somebody else, but they were saying how like, you know
When they be like, oh like the female rappers be bragging about having like wet kuchi and da da da da da
Like when you hear that as a woman all the time like if you experience
If you're like a type of woman that like
Experience is like, I don't know like like vaginal dryness or something like that
Like you might feel like okay
It's something wrong with my pussy because it's not getting it's not what like it's not what and I just wanted to talk about that
Because sometimes when you're having sex sometimes it just doesn't happen
It doesn't mean that you're like not turned on or anything like sometimes that's just
Like that's just the female body sometimes when you're having sex it just doesn't happen like and it doesn't mean I'm not turned on
It can be a multitude of things like it can be um like birth control
maybe it can happen in the middle of it
Yeah, it can happen in the middle of it and it doesn't even mean I'm not turned on but
That is the importance of like lube like y'all need to start using lube. I know like
The girl is like the bad shit on social media and stuff like I don't need lube my coochie is wet. It's a super soaker 24 7
365 days. Yeah, right bitch. Yeah, okay, bitch. Get the fuck out of here
Um, but y'all need to start utilizing like lube
But I wanted to talk about that like how female rap like sometimes they can also make
Not even just female rap, but just like music the music culture in general when they're talking about sex like they can
They some of the the standards are like very unrealistic. So a lot of people when they're having sex they feel like it should be a certain way
and
Nobody ever really looks at the gray area
um
surrounding
Sex or things that could go wrong during sex like nobody ever looks at the gray area. It's not always going to be spectacular
It's really not sometimes you have bad days. Sometimes you have bad nights. Sometimes you just don't have one at all. Yeah
Um, it's not always going to be like how it says spectacular. Um, and I also want to talk about like
I feel like great sex is like very subjective
Like it's different for everybody like because not everybody's body does the same thing
Exactly. They don't like the same thing. I might say I might say oh this nigga's dick like it was so good
But to another girl it could be
She might not have been
It was trash and and and and that goes in reverse too. Yeah, I don't
Because I know I admit it bitches don't want to admit it but for real but I probably gave some niggas some BS fucking koochee bro
Like I know I did
Rush it like some niggas might be like oh like him like her shit is amazing some niggas might be like
Uh, it was all right, you know, but I ain't never heard it
No, I never heard it. I never heard it, but it look it's some it's I never heard
I've gotten great
I've never gotten a bad review on this thing
But I wanted to talk about like what makes sex good for you because it is subjected
It's different for everybody. I think what makes sex trash or like
Like just I think what makes a man's dick trash though
It's like if I tell you that like something is not working for me and you're not open to like trying something
That's when I'll say okay. This shit is trash
like
It's trash. So what makes sex good for you?
It really just be the vibes
It'd be the vibes also
Big dicks only I'm not supposed to sit here and do all this extra shit you feel me like
It's for me it's like the connection for me
I feel like sometimes a man can give you like very mid dick, but they can make the sex in general
Spectacular by doing other things. You know feel that way. I feel that way
I feel like it can be very mid like this it can be very mid
but if you're like doing stuff like eye contact or like
um foreplay or
I don't know praise like I feel like
Absolutely not but I've experienced that before like it just makes the sex in general like just very
Yo, I can't know y'all gotta let me know if y'all feel the same way as me because I've had them they probably do
But like
I don't know like you just gotta come with the full package
But what it really boils down to for me is attraction like if I'm like attracted to yeah if I'm
Mm-hmm if I'm super attracted to you it's like
Oh my god, like, you know
And they be saying like uh like a fucking little bro niggas be the best
And I'm not gonna lie
It's some truth to that
I'm definitely fuck niggas with money and I think that were broke and the broke ones like I don't know
Out of this fucking world
No, they be fucking like they life the pen
It's all that pent up stress
You know from their kind of figure shit out. I remember I asked this one to go out
No, I told this one to go. I was dealing with um
He and he was he was broke. It was obvious. I could I just could pick up on that through con through contact
I'm one time after we was done fucking like probably like a week later
I I I said I'm like, yeah, that shit was amazing
Like I said like what was going on like that was really that was really a performance
And he was like, oh, it's just like I just been going through shit and I told him I said I hope I hope life get worse
He said yo, you're sick
Take it out on me
Take it out on me take it out on me
I hope that get worse. He was like, yo, you're sick. I'm like
I'll be that sick bitch, but like no they definitely do be fucking the best
Yeah, because they like really need to get them so like they need a release. That's what I was talking about
That's why I'm not gonna lie. I look I've known the the girlies and the female rappers are gonna come for me
But I like fucking broke niggas because they really do
Not fucking broke niggas
I'm not saying all that. I'm just saying that the experience be a lot better because
It's not even broke. No, no, I won't even say it's broke niggas. I'll say any man that's going through something
No, like life like life is just not doing what it needs to do for them
Like they they get it out. They get it out on you
And I love it like I love it like if you're if you're mentally healthy like I don't I'm sorry like don't come over here
If life is going great for you and you have money, I don't want to fuck
Because sometimes when they happy they do good too. No, that's true. That's true. I feel like
But nah, like in my experience like something gotta be going a little bit wrong. Yeah, you gotta be a little bit like
stress about something like
Exactly school work and as women we can tell too when you going through something like when you fucking is good
We can tell like when we going through something like I could tell when I would fuck this nigga
I don't like this nigga
Life is beating his ass right now
I feel so sick. He probably gonna watch this shit like wow
Oh, wow, but like baby, I've been knew that she was stressful like I knew
The girlies are gonna attack us for this. I don't care. I don't care like
Get you a man that's a little bit stressed. Yes, so that you can take the stress away. They'd be so happy and tired afterwards
This nigga they just be so
Oh, content they get it all out and they just be laying there a butt-neck it socks on
This nigga fuck you so good that like a month and I got this nigga a birthday gift
I did not care. I did not care. I said I need to thank him for his services. Like I'm sorry
They be stressed out now what they they're going to socks on
They really do the girlies. I definitely gonna attack us, but I don't know why like
What's wrong with spending money on a man though? Like I just don't see the issue
I don't get the issue either like I and I don't even care like even if I've known you for two weeks
Like let's just say that your birthday is the is the week after if I want to get you a birthday gift
That's just what I'm gonna do because that's naturally something that I want to ask how I am
I love to give people gifts. That's just how I am and if you know the time comes around you and do the same for me
Then that's fine. Cool. I just know how to move with you. Like it's no big deal to me. Is that never a big deal?
I don't never be like extravagant with it. It'll be something small. Hmm. No, I'm definitely lying
I've done a lot given extravagant gifts to niggas that did not deserve it
But I'm talking about as of now. I'm like, I don't do that not anymore
I just right now the person that I be giving gifts to he deserves it. He does he does even though I be overthinking
Why why do you think women are bad for spending money on men though?
Because that's really not how things are supposed to go. But it's just like do you like the niggas?
That's what I'm saying and that's what niggas be saying like they be feeling like we don't like them because like
We just like no you have to do everything for me
And I just have to show up and look pretty and there's some men that that's all they require
But a lot of these regular regular men really are stressed out really going through their own stuff trying to make their life
Work just as much as we're trying to make our lives work
And they deserve to feel wanted and appreciated in the same ways that we want to be loved
Wanted and appreciated take the man out
Yeah, I just don't like deal with that like give him a gift if I'm in love and I'm in a relationship
Like I'm definitely tricking on mine. That's what I'm saying. That's my problem now. I'm definitely tricking
I will pick up the tab. I will I will cook for you
Yes, I will like because that's just how I am like I don't know about the cooking part yet
What for real? I I will cook. I will cook. I probably need to cook for this man
but I feel like when you're dating someone like
Dating someone like you know y'all I'm talking about when y'all like boyfriend girlfriend not when you just talking to somebody
Like when y'all boyfriend girlfriend in a weird space. I just feel like
I don't know what it's kind of like a preview
Like if y'all want to move to that next step of like marriage or whatever it's kind of like a you a preview of
What you're gonna get so I just feel like
I just I do like to cook I do like to cook
So I just feel like that's just what I'm gonna do if I really like you I enjoy your company
I want to cook for you like I want to serve you and that sounds crazy coming from me
I'm like that too
But that's just how I really am
Honestly, it's not even serving you to be honest. It's not serving you it's just I'm doing it because I'm like
No it is and it's okay
I don't like I don't like that terminology
You don't like that terminology because it's
I'm not serving you but that's what you're doing
It's just an exchange of energy. That's how I look at it. Like I it's just an exchange
Girl call a spade a spade
Call a spade a spade
I do not like that
We hate we hate the terminology of submission servitude all that other stuff
But guess what that's what the fuck it is
And we have to get out of
I just think it's an exchange of energy like I don't feel like I need to really submit to anybody
I don't feel like I need to do any of that stuff
Cam I don't
When he has an idea and you have an idea
Mm-hmm and he's like this is the best way to go about it and you're like
You know what?
No, no, it's because that's what that's exactly what they're saying. I don't like no
I agree like it's nothing wrong with doing that
It's just I don't like the terminology behind like submission because I feel like it's rooted in patriarchy
Like I don't like that. I just feel like that's just a relationship
Y'all just talking whoever got the best idea got the best idea
But why do it gotta be I gotta submit to you like why is that only put on a woman?
Well, no, that's the thing
And here's and here's
Don't mean to be bible thumping K. Lowe
but like
That's not even what God even intended
Like and we're talking from a religious lens a Christian lens here
Because that's really where this is all coming from
submission like leadership
Headship is also to know when to submit as well because you don't know all the answers and even in the bible it's like
Husbands like take care of your wives
Listen to your wife
It's not just wife submit
But wouldn't you say that it's some patriarchy in the bible too?
Yeah, but I'm okay with that. You want to know why?
That's why I call myself a fim I'm not a feminist or anything
Like because that takes the brunt of the work like it takes a lot of work off of me
Like I'm able to show up for you in the ways that you need because I'm allowing you to have control over a situation
It's only if I can trust you with that though
I would love for a man like I don't care what nobody says you can call me a pick me
You can do whatever whatever you say whatever you want
but
Like when it's time for me to get married and have a husband
Or if I'm working on that with the person that I'm with I have no problem submitting to you if you have good ideas
Like because when you put trust in a man like really put trust in a man
They showed there they show their ass either in a good way or a bad way
But like if I don't have to make all the decisions
And if you know that you're good at finances and I'm good at rearing the children and taking care of the house
Guess what I'm gonna do
that
But that's what I'm saying like I I agree with you. I agree 100% with you. It's just I just me
I guess because I'm coming from the perspective of like because I grew up in a religious household too
And I'm not really a religious bitch anymore. Like I'm really not so I just don't
I agree with everything that you're saying. I just really just don't like that. It's caught that like I think that is my issue
I don't like that. It's why why is it called submission? Like why because that you really are submitting yourself
Like when you get married submitting anything. Yeah, he does
But that's what I'm saying. He relinquishes. He relinquishes his resources
Like come on like if we're really being honest and it's and we're strictly talking about marriage too like
Traditionally marriage is between a man and a woman not saying that that's right. I'm just saying we're talking about tradition
he comes with resources you come with
Pretty much servitude because you're taking care of the house. You're taking care of the children. He's coming home with the money
Like he's taking care of you and
Everything that you come with and on top of that
He is relinquishing a lot if we're talking about it from the bible sense
It says he finds a wife finds a good thing
Okay, but also it also talks about the man leaving his own mother
Leaving his household and coming to wherever you're at. So he's leaving everything that he knows
Everything that he knows to be with you
But people don't talk about that part in the bible. They don't talk about that
Disagree because it's like I don't want you to leave everything that you know
But that's what is but that's that is the goal that is what marriage is
In its essence is you marriage can be whatever you want it to be. Yeah now, but at its core, it's a business
It's a business deal and you're gonna have to make sacrifices
And the sacrifices that the man is making is literally creating a new family like creating a new legacy
with the woman the woman doesn't necessarily have
the
Didn't have the financial resources to do that. Right. So of course you wouldn't be
Okay, so yeah, if we talking about it from like um, like a cultural
Yeah, one of you then yeah, that's that's that's how now looks but now it's just like whatever
I think that men just want to feel manly now
And honestly, I'm okay with doing that
again
Call me a pick me call me what you want. Submission is not a bad thing to me
And I'm going to submit to my husband when the time comes because
That's less responsibility on me. Yeah
I don't know. I just don't I've always been like a very
non
If that's a word non traditional girl
So I just don't like all those ideals and all of my ideologies like I've never resonated with it
It's just always been very confusing to me. I just always just look at it as like a
Exchange of energy not so much like um, like submission like I don't look ahead like that and then I do feel like
At one point I was like, I don't want to get married just because of like like we was just talking about like if we look at like the
like
Like how marriage is supposed to be like I've never resonated with it
but
Now that I think about I'm like, I do want to get I would want to get married
But I want it to be on like my terms like I want like I want to do whatever works for me
Like I don't think I can go by like that traditional
Kind of marriage you know what I'm saying like I just want to do whatever works for me
Whatever works for us works for us. I feel like that's how our relationship should just be in general
We want file the file bible then file a bible if you don't need don't but I just feel like so many people have put like all these
I think they're trying to go what marriage is they're trying to go back. Why can't people just do what they want to do?
well, because quite frankly
A lot of a lot of women feel the way that you feel but a lot of men don't feel the way that you feel
Oh, that's true. That is so quite frankly if you really want to get married
And that's why and that's why I initially was saying like, you know, I don't feel like marriage is really for me
I got I don't because honestly a lot of men feel that way like they don't feel the same way as me
I just want to be me like I don't feel like it should be like any restrictions or like any rules around marriage or anything like that
It's whatever you want it to be but it's like I was just watching the erica by do interview and she was literally saying that she was like
Yeah, I don't think I could be married because if you really look at what marriage is like traditionally
Like it doesn't fit me. So I don't think it's for me and she was saying that's why she's never got married
And I'm like I resonate with it because it's true like what you're saying is true like a lot of men
Don't feel like they don't feel that way. They don't feel that way about marriage
Which is why when gabrielle union and dwing way like when
When gabrielle was like, yeah, I don't submit to him. We just work together and we just do what works for us
Everybody was like the internet was on fire because she said that they made it seem like
Gabrielle was beating him or some shit. Yeah, but also like
Submission that really is what it is my grandmother
Always told me he's the head. I'm the neck one can't function without the other right
like
I
Contribute he contributes
because like we said in the
The most recent
Podcast men and women do operate differently
Like we do the way that we think the way that we are who we are
We show up differently not just because of like biological things, but also for society
So like you have to take all of those things
All this into consideration if like what you want in the in the end goal is to
Be married or to be partnered
And there's going to be certain sacrifices that you're going to have to make
But some women right now are not willing to because that is relinquishing a lot of power
Yeah, and I'm okay with relinquishing that
Like I'm okay with relinquishing that just because I know that like
Because I've been engaged
before
because like
Like I do run into fuck niggas a lot, but I have a tendency to
to
make men
Feel like they want to partner me
I even had a experience with someone who I'd never even seen in person
Nothing like he literally
has like
We we were just cool
Right and he like sent me this whole paragraph about how like
I'm the only person that he ever sees himself with that he wants
Like marriage and children with me because he loves how I carry myself
Anything like that even like some of the older guys that work at my job as like
Drivers and stuff. They always say like man like even even the patients they're like
Like I wouldn't want my son to marry you. I would want out if I was younger
I would have done it but since I can't
Like I want my son to marry someone like you. I want my daughter to be someone like you
Right. So like I've always known like
That's that's like that's for life for me
Like I'm just I'm I'm going to be someone's wife not because like
I'm saying it but because that's the reaction I get out of people
This is a great segue into what we were talking about when it came to like dating
And like how I was saying remember I was saying like
If you think about it because a lot of women will call you a pick me for that. I don't think you're a pick me for that at all
But remember I was saying how every straight woman who desires love with a man
wants to be picked like
It's a difference between okay. So a pick me
Is a woman who puts down other women to
Look more desirable to men
That's a pick me but I feel like at its core every woman that really wants to be loved by a man
And like you want to be picked because every one of you want because not every woman
Is some woman out here that really just wants to be single for the rest of your life
So I'm not talking about them, but if you're really a woman
Yes, not a lot they may say it but in their head in their room
They're crying and throwing up and that's really what it is and that's why them bitches was going on kevin samuels
Oh god
Every woman who desires like a relationship wants to be picked innocence
And I don't feel like anything they want to be picked. Yeah, I don't think it's anything wrong with that as long as you're not like bashing
Other women that's what you're dating is that's literally being less of yourself
Exactly you're being less of yourself and there are certain things like you can change like if you
know that you're not a
Warm or nurturing person
I'm not gonna lie to you
That might need to change. Yeah. Yeah, just because some stuff that's what it in a relationship. Yes, but also like
If you want to be picked you have to understand the psychology of a of the person that you want to be picked by
And a lot of these niggas aren't group thinking ass niggas. They are
And like the one thing that I noticed is the only reason why people say
They want they would want something out of me like that is because you're so nurturing you're so loving
Like you take such good care of me
And I'm like
some women are not
Willing to do that. So if you're not willing to do that and take care of somebody then
And also show like you said show signs of your
Wifely or girlfriend-esque nature before getting to that actual stage because
How the hell would they even know? I'm not even saying you got to go OD, but it's just like
Show those parts of yourself. Why don't you just show like them parts of yourself?
And I'm not talking about cause like it's a difference between like casually dating somebody and just like um
What's the other term? It's casual dating and then it's like exclusively dating. I guess exclusively dating. I think I think that's what it is
Um, I feel like it's a difference. I do feel like if the nigga is not doing shit for you though
Why are you all dating then you shouldn't be doing those things? I do feel like that like but
If he's pouring into you or whatever like I don't I don't see the issue with you know
Prefume in a little something something like I don't I'm not saying you gotta go OD
But I don't know maybe do something like maybe cook for him one day or I don't know
When y'all go out you pick up the tab or just something like that and I don't think that's being a pick me
I really think that's just how dating is you want to show parts of yourself so they know what they're getting into
Like that's that's what dating is exactly
I feel like in a sense every I'm talking straight women
On when it comes to dealing with men like every woman wants to be picked in the sense
Like you want to be picked by a man because if you want a relationship you want to be picked
Like stop acting. Let's not be dense here. Yeah, like let's not be dense. Let's not act like let's not act slow here guys
Like and me and kella are far from pick me's we are like anybody knows you could call me you could call me with the
Hell you want to go but I don't give you bitches call me a pick me I don't give two shit
You want to know why because you're the same bitches calling me a pick me is the same bitches that have no man
And I don't even mean to be that type of person and I'm not even saying like and what I mean by no man is no good man
Right like y'all be calling people pick me's and you letting this man run a muck in your motherfucking life
That's fixed though. That is fixed get right with God before you say anything about me
So let's also talk about our um
New standards with dating and how we're approaching dating for me personally
I realized that I had like a lack of um
I don't want to say boundaries like I just know you did you think it was boundaries. Yep. I
I'm like, okay, so I had a lack of boundaries absolutely when dating I feel like usually when I date men I just tend to go with the flow
But one thing I've realized and I'm happy that I'm realizing this as I'm turning 24 is that when you're wanting to go with the flow girls
To get your heart broken you're going to be friends owned all the time. Um, because it's nothing that's clear
So I feel like I need to be adamant on what the fuck I want from now on and that's what the fuck I'm gonna do
Um, if you're going to be dealing with me, um, you need to be taking me out on dates
Period because I wasn't even in first net before because I again I was just like I'm just gonna go with the flow
Like I'm not gonna try to force anything because I'm real big on authenticity
So I always be just be wanting things to flow naturally. I don't ever want to force anything
But now I'm realizing that that's really like
That's a negative for me
So now I just want to start like enforcing those those things like I don't want to just
No, we're not sitting in the crib chilling
No, we're not sitting in the car chilling. I'm not doing that shit no more. It's like either you guys
I mean you can but make sure that there's dates. No, no you yeah, we can but it's like every now and then there needs to be dates
If you're not doing them something I think that it should be a first date before
You sitting in the car and doing all that stuff. No real shit. So that's that's like a new standard for me
um, because I'm approaching my mid 20s and I really don't have time for this shit like I don't like
I don't so those are my new my new standards. Um, and I feel like I want to be more like
I would need to be abundantly clear
With niggas like I on what I want and where I want to go with dating. So those are my dating standards. Do you have any?
I have no idea
My dating standards my dating standards are being met right now. That's why I don't understand why I'm really like over thinking
but um
My main standard is
To see me
Like if you're dating me, you see me for exactly who I am
Like don't try to tweak it. Don't try to change it
Like I just want to be admired for the person that I am the same way that I admire these niggas
Like flaws and all like you have no idea like
People could point 10 things that's wrong with somebody to me and I'm just like but look at all the 20 things that are right about them
Right the things that you don't know and I want someone to do that for me
Right. I want to be looked at like that
Me too and I haven't experienced it yet, but I know it's gonna come one day. It do be making
I'm very raw and vulnerable. It'll be making me sad that I've never
experienced it like I'm always the
Homegirl to niggas like every single time like men are never sure again like I said this before but like men are never sure about me
um
I've never really experienced anything like super romantic at all and it does bother me and it is easy to internalize that shit
um
So, yeah, I'm hoping that as I enter 24 and I enforce these new dating standards that I can like start
Begin to experience those things because I'm actively making the change now
Compared to whereas before I didn't really have no rules. I didn't have no boundaries
Like kella said I was just going with the flow with men and I always got my heart broken every single time
because and even I find this with my situation it's just like
I think you just are so like you're so sure about the person but you never know if the other person is sure and
The only time that you know a person is sure about you is if they go out there away for you. Yeah
Absolutely, you know and it is true when they say they want if they wanted to they would I do feel like
I do feel like it's some nuance to that thing but ultimately like if we're really looking at it, it's true
um, they wanted to they would um
Let's get into what else we got dating apps. Have you ever been on one?
So I've recently been trying hinge, right?
Um hinge is completely different from the other dating apps because it allows you to show more of you
um, like they have like these different prompts that you can answer and stuff like that
um, they have like little polls that you could do like um first date polls and stuff like that
Um, I've been trying hinge at first. I didn't like it because honestly, I was not finding any way that I found
Attractive on your because me I love a fine man
Like I'm not going to deal with anybody that is ugly or or a medium ugly or I'm not I'm not dealing with it
We don't do that at all
But recently I've been on hinge more and I've been seeing I found a few not a lot. I found a few men who are
attractive and
I'm a little excited like I so I didn't tell you this but I'm supposed to go on a date with this one dude next week
Which I'm very excited about
I'm super excited about it
And he's cute. He's cute as shit. Um, so I'm excited about that
Um, but for the most part I do be fun. Like it's not a lot of fine men on dating apps
I feel like they just they're not they're not on there like that throw back throw back to the christmas episode
Yeah
throw back to the christmas episode you're not on the blackout
They don't be on there just because your standards are in the pits of hell
Evidently they don't be on there for real for real. I feel like I see a fine man like twice a month
I really do I just yeah, and some people like some of my friends have told me
Oh, just go on a date with them. Even if you don't find them attractive just for the experience, but I
Will be hurling I'll be throwing up my food
I just don't find the point and be doing it like I'm not going on a date with somebody that I do
That I am not it's the same way
It's the same way that I don't understand niggas that hit hit like really like have sex with women that they're not attracted
I don't understand it. I can't like I'm like if your peepee can stand up for that then your peepee should not be standing up for me
No way
I'm just not that's diabolical
That's diabolical nonsense
But can we also talk about how chaotic these dating apps are because it was just one nigga
He messaged me on hinge and he was like are you a munch and I said do you trick?
Am I a munch?
Munch on Jesus
You're very chaotic. I've gotten some wild messages on hinge. Like I really have it's very crazy. No fucking way
I'm probably going to screenshot them and post them in our close friends on hoson black group
I'm probably going to show them off, but it's it's very chaotic and I for the most part
My point was I don't feel like it's too many fine men on those dating games. I really don't um, they are
Rare occurrence. They are
Yeah, I tried dating apps. I tried to be okay at that sucked but I did do bumble
But not as like a dating app as like the bumble bff app
Oh, and that's how you uh, yep
Oh
It worked out for the time
Worked out for the time. I mean I still like
Met some other like cool people that we like follow each other on instagram
Like I want to start I'm gonna start doing it. I'm gonna go on bubble just to find friends. Yeah, it was fun
It was a fun experience. You know, yeah
Let's um talk about so we also have another segment
Um that we are going to do every episode called what's going on
And we are going to discuss all things that have been going on the blogs pop culture and the media
So the first thing I want to talk about
um the alexa sky
slash black china everybody's been going on these healing journeys. Um, so basically
Um alexa and black china have recently been very vocal about their healing journeys and their spiritual transformations that they are going through
China has removed the furthest from her face gotten baptized and has chosen not to do only fans anymore
alexa sky has been adamant on loving herself more and getting right mentally and people have a problem with this
I just want to know why
Why do we put there everybody's like oh like now all the holes all the all the pores want to get their lives together now
Misogyny and misogynoir. No real shit. That's that's really all it is. Um
I feel like black women are not given the grace to make mistakes
And it's not even mistakes. They're not allowed to be sexual beings
They're not allowed to have the same wild ass time as our other counterparts as as men
Men and other women of other races are allowed to have their whole phase and still get wiped up and still get married and all this other stuff
Have you seen girls gone wild?
Real shit, but but black girls were not well, okay, because your mama was in the book of holds in 1997
It's like she don't get no damn redemption. No real shit. And it's like I kind of
I kind of resonate with that in a sense because I remember when I was like
because I'm
Gotta be 24 soon, but um like 18 to like 22
I kind of had like a well first I was in two relationships back to back
But after I got those relationships, I kind of had like a
A whole phase and I was very I still am still very sex positive. Um, but during those times I used to talk about sex a lot
Um openly like on instagram on twitter like say all types of wild shit and people would perceive me as like some kind of horror
Whatever, but when I hit 23 I got into the stage where like I wanted to really get myself together
like I want to start
feeling more like mentally I want to get to the root of like my daddy issues and stuff like that and I just don't
Understand like people were very shocked when I wanted to go in that direction
like
He was a shock like even some of the friends that I had this time they were like what do you mean? You want to heal like
And that's another thing like why oh, oh, oh, oh, okay now you want to hold like I did that already
Yeah, I did it already and I'm done with it like
That doesn't mean that I'm that doesn't take away from me being sex positive
I still encourage women to like live their best lives sexually to have all the fun that they can to explore sexually
I still want to I still want to explore a little more
Uh, sexually but at the same time I also recognize that when I was in my whole face
Like it was a lot of deep issues that I had. I don't regret my whole face. I really don't I feel like it
I do develop me. You do I hate them. I
You hate the man was such a waste it was such a waste of time and to be honest
I only really added like two bodies on that on the body count. I guess you could say during my whole phase
I didn't have much of one
Because like I just could never get myself to do stuff like that and the people that I did waste that one. I'm just like
Y'all I hate y'all like I agree like I I
The men that I did sleep with I regret that I don't regret my whole face. I just demanded I did it with like I just
Yeah, I wish that I never I wish I never I was in such a low place
Mentally and I realized that once I turned 23 I was like, I gotta get myself together
Because it's no way that I allowed these men to
Casual sex is also not really beneficial for women
What do you mean like in terms of what like oh you mean like like are you talking about like the orgasm yet?
In every sense of the word like casual sex has done nothing for a lot of women
Yeah, it has really just made them feel lesser than themselves
Because they have all this sex with all these people
You know how men are then men start talking shit
I don't mean to cut you off
But you know another reason why a lot of women feel like shit like when they have like a lot of casual sex with men
Is because a lot of men feel like just because y'all are having casual sex that they can just treat you like shit
Exactly like they completely like
They completely forget that you're a human they add they take value
They take value away
Like an object and so after the fact and that at least in my experience
After the fact you feel like shit. It's like damn like you're you literally use me basically to masturbate
And then after that it's like you treat me like shit. Like you don't even treat me like
I don't know you don't treat me with like any type of compassion or like
You don't even have any manners when it comes to me. You're just
Treating me like I'm just a dog on the fucking street
And I feel like that's a lot of the problems that a lot of women have with their whole faces
I feel like it's just a lot of these men just really feel like they don't have to respect you just because they're fucking you
And that's very problematic and it's also very rapy to me
Like I feel like it's very that plays into rape culture a lot
Like you don't feel like you need to respect me just because we're having sex like so what does that look like to you because
like not to bring that nigga back up
but
When you talked about that whole situation
You was like, I wasn't even trying to
Do all that extra stuff like we could have just fucked and it been fine
And he asked for vulnerability out of that but respect also there's a there's a
Vulnerability that's what I'm saying like we could like treating you with manners treating you with but this the thing we could have still
Fucked and you could have still had he would have still had manners and stuff and he would have still been respectful
But I think my problem was
What does it mean to you just treating me like a human just being like
Oh, like are you good like after sex like what he would usually do?
But I think my issue lied where like my issue was like you're staying for like three four hours
Then after after you leave like we're on the phone for like hours and hours and hours and you're building this connection with me
Getting to know me we could have just not did that we could have still fucking you could have still you know
We could have had like short conversations and you could have still been
Um respectful and have manners like as he was already doing but it just didn't have to elevate to that level of just like
You getting to know me so deep like not that he knew everything about me
But it's just like it didn't have to get to that level where you're just like
Doing all that like you didn't I have to do that. Yeah, I'm just asking because
It's gonna sound like you've contradicted yourself. No, no, I get I get I get where you was going. That's why I answered it
I get that I get that like a lot of men are gonna look at you like
Oh, this bitch don't even know what she wants. You don't know what she wants. Yes. I do know what I want like
so and especially if he watches it
He probably gonna be like so
But um, yeah, I just feel like we should definitely have their grace when it comes to wanting to get right mentally
and just
changing our whole lives, um
So besides that, I also want to talk about uh, the uh, sierra's ask address was a lot of controversy around that from like the christian community
This gonna be short and sweet
Her husband was there mind your fucking business. That's really all that I gotta say about that
Her husband was standing right next to her and he clearly had no problem
And he had no problem and for all you men talking about he looked he looks baby. I'm comfortable
Know the hell he didn't you know a midlife crisis. She misses future
What?
Like what are you even talking about like what and I think a lot of bitches was just jealous because y'all could not look that good
In the dress it's not even that y'all couldn't look that good the nigga that you would have all these rules and regulations for your
S you're not allowed to dress how you are dressed with controlling ass men and that's why y'all had an issue with that as well
Even to the men are gonna be like it's not controlling that I want
I only want to see that from my woman blah blah blah well, that's you you go ahead and get you a guy
Exactly that dresses modestly, but that's guess what y'all don't want that y'all want baddies
You see how y'all just do stuff exactly but like on some real on some real on some real shit
this should have never been a conversation because
Quite frankly what it all boils down to is this and this only it works for them. That's their marriage
They do what they want to fucking do and just because you show your body doesn't mean that you don't love god. Yep
Obviously she love god. She got a good man
Maybe you should go to the lord in prayer
sweetheart
Maybe you should get on your knees instead of trying to do other things on your knees you should go on your knees and pray
By y'all just be saying anything at this point like y'all be saying anything. She looked good. She looked amazing
And then apparently and it went with the theme like
Like
Like cuz y'all hate black women so much that's really all that it is
It's not even like let's not even bring race
Engender into it y'all just hate like y'all are so hate
Hateers for real and y'all take y'all sit there and nitpick every single thing like you really just gonna like find anything wrong with anything
That's her husband as her life. That's her body and her dress that we can't afford
We should believe our broke opinions
From rich
Exactly talking about it
Shut up y'all
Meaning kind of like manner like what what do you like? What is your what is your kids gonna say?
By the time your kid their kids see it, they're probably be grown
And they probably won't care. Yes. So once to the next topic. We also got um, I don't know how he's is it finesse two times
I don't know but finesse
He's a rapper and he got that he got that song um
It's a problem when they know it's a problem when I do it fuck you know that song
She don't know she don't kill it on listen to that type of music
But basically finesse two times and erica bank. I'm such an old lady. I don't know that
Basically finesse stated in an interview that the reason him and erica did not work out is because she was on her phone first thing in the morning
He says that woman needs to be focused on making breakfast and spending time with your lover in the morning
He said this on a radio show because somebody asked him why did him and erica bring up now me
I personally don't think it's anything wrong with him wanting this but I just don't feel like why you had to go
Why did you have to go on a radio show and say this and if I just don't know why you would have to do that?
Why you have to like try to play her like that? I don't know
um, I just don't
I don't see the issue with what he said if that's what I don't feel that's what she want
That's what you want. That's what you want
But it's just like he said it in a way where he was trying to like
Embarrass her like try to play her basically and that's my that's my issue. Um, so what do you think about that? I feel like
I agree that the first thing that she should not be doing is grabbing her phone
That's kind of weird. I'm not live you grab my phone
Hey, I do too, but I think that's really unhealthy. We have a really unhealthy connection to our phones
I also agree that if you are with someone that your attention, especially during the morning
should be on them like you should be
wanting to talk to them and
You know spend time especially since like y'all are both entertainers
Y'all have studio time to get to
All types of things like you should savor every moment with that person. So
I
Agree with him however
I just don't like the fact that he said women should be
Yeah, I don't that's my issue like if that's what you want
That's what you want
I just but I also had a problem with the fact that why couldn't you just say oh, we just didn't work out
Like why did you have to do that? Like why do men always have to be extra and do all that shit?
Like you could have just said we didn't work out
We have to do all that. Oh, she ain't make breakfast in the morning. She was on her phone first first thing in the morning like nigga
What?
Like damn
That's what it is. But you know, I don't I don't think there was anything wrong with him. That's what you want
That's what you want. That's what you want
So once our next topic
So this this segment is called tweet anatomy. So basically we're going to pick tweets or memes that we see on social media
That stuck out to us and we're going to dissect them and give our takes
so
the tweet that I picked
It says being used for intimacy feels a thousand times worse than being used for sex
And I kind of resonated with that because I've definitely had my fair share of men who really just liked
Keeping me around more so for like the intimacy or like, I don't know like the cuddling and like the talking and the conversation
And I don't know. I just fallen victim to that a lot and it does feel very shitty
I do feel like men do have an issue when you just want to fuck them. Um
So yeah, so yeah, um
That's my that's that was that was the tweet that I picked but what about you? How do you feel about that?
I
Agree like it feels shitty as fuck. Yeah, I'd rather you just use me for sex to be honest
No, seriously, because at least I know it's a physical exchange, but if I give my heart to you
If I'm really like showing myself really quick because I really show myself getting involved to you
all because you
need
that type of
Comfortability or mental stimulation or you're trying to get sex out of me that way
I would feel so low like
Exactly hate to feel like that. I would really hate that like I just know that that shit is ridiculous. You know
It is um and unfortunately a lot of men do do that
Yeah, and it's just like you would have got the kuchi anyway. Why do you want to know?
I'm more about my life. No, like why it's like
So the the last situation that I was in
Like I was very content with
with I and I said this
Previous episode, but I'm gonna just repeat it again. I was very cool with us just having sex
I was cool with that
But it's like the nigga cut pressing and pressing for
More out of me. He wants to see more of my personality more things that I was into
And it's just like in the long run. It's like he wind up telling me that he never wanted anything serious
He didn't want anything serious with me at all, but it's just like, okay. If you knew that it's just like why
Like why would you even press me for more in that kind of sense if you knew that you didn't want that?
Like what is the what's the point? Like what's the goal of doing that? You know what I'm saying?
Like it just doesn't make sense. So why would you want me to do all that? You don't want anything serious with me?
So why would you not consent with us just fucking so?
That that's I've definitely fallen victim to that. It's fucked up, but
Which tweet did you pick?
So my tweet was
Hose are better at relationships and get more commitment out of men than regular women
I 100% agree
I
agree
because
What I've noticed about hose is that they prioritize men
Then prioritizing men
Makes them know what they make even less
Makes them know what they want
So they can give
A man exactly what they want and then on top of that these holes are the ones
Who they're these niggas are going to cheat on their wives and their girlfriends with?
Follow me. Follow me. Follow me
The hoe is the one that gets gets the listening ear
Like they'll say all the things that they can say to their girlfriend or their wives literally come to you for advice and everything
I'm not saying that I'm a hoe. I'm just saying that I've been in a situation where it's like
You know
A man will feel comfortable with me enough to like vent in that way
Like but these holes are getting sex and they're getting their like their therapist
Because they sit there and pillow talk afterwards. Trust me. That is true
And they'll say all these things like I want a woman to do this and I want a woman to do that and this and that and the only
Reason why I'm with this girl is because she does this and that for me
You're listening to all this
No, they're taking all the intel. They're taking all the intel. So one thing for sure
Women, please listen to the please listen to your men like please listen to them because you do not want to be out here
And even when it comes to like female friends and stuff like that the best friend the best thing that they be like
Hunching on when they're not in a relationship and all that other stuff or just the female best friend
They're them niggas are going to them. Yeah, and they're like
This bitch does this this this and I don't like it and she don't care about this and she don't care about that and
No, that's true
Regular women thought about it that way regular women think that it's just enough to have a low body count
And think that it's just enough to
Just oh well, I don't dress like a whore and I haven't had sex with this amount of people and all these things niggas let it hold
niggas let it hold
They let it hold so
But it's because of that like you you think that you bring in a low body count and
Um modest dress on monday wednesday and friday is going to be enough to keep the niggas
Or having your own shot my own car have my own thing have my own that and then you wondering why
a women that were like alexa sot sky and black china and all these other like kim kardash
Yeah, all that because niggas really don't care about what you really they don't really care about what you bring to the table
I'm gonna be for real that they do not give a fuck about that. They don't
I mean, maybe some men do but like majority of them don't like they don't they'd rather you
Especially if they know that they can take care of you
Please yeah have nothing
Like
That's facts though, but the hoes really do listen to your niggas so maybe y'all should start listening to y'all men
And maybe you can keep them around. Oh, that's a good. That's an amazing point. I didn't think about it like that
And also they know how to fuck
I know that men like freaky versions, but it really don't ever happen like that
So you're usually yeah, like usually regular women low-key are not pleasing men
Now that's a that that's a conversation we could talk about
I'm cranky because that's an unpopular opinion because it's always like talking about the pleasure gap with women
Which it does we do have a pleasure gap, but think about all the niggas out here that'd be like
Yeah, that shit was just mid, but it was pussy. So I guess yeah, and they just don't talk about it
Mm-hmm. They don't talk about it at all. Actually they keep their mouth shut
That's very but if they was as vocal as us there would be another pleasure gap conversation
Freaking up like y'all don't know which y'all y'all don't know how to suck dick y'all don't know how to ride dick
Y'all don't know how to do anything and then expect 100 loyalty from an infomaniac
I'm dead because would it really that's really would it be boiling down to like men our age?
horny
all right
horny
I didn't think about that. That's true
Um, okay. So that's awesome move on. It was another tweet that was so basically
They was on twitter saying things that they're too old for
So what are so some things that I put that I was I was too old for?
um
For me
I could do this like probably even a year ago
Or or two years ago three years ago four years ago, but now I feel like I'm too old to stay out to party until the am
Like I can't do it no more. I can't like I feel like I'm
It's too much for me. Like
I need to be in the crib at least about 12
Like I can't stay out past 12 anymore. Like I can't I'm too old for it. I can't do it
Um, I also said I'm too old for these hairstylists and these braiders
Um, they're getting on my fucking nerves. So now I've just resorted to wearing my hair natural or trying to do it myself
Or asking my mom to do it because I'm tired of you bitches. Honestly. I'm sick and tired of y'all
Um, and I'm also feeling like I'm beginning to get too old for social media
Now I do gotta be on there to like promote our brand and stuff like that
But I don't know if people notice or not, but on my personal page
I usually was on there all the time
But now I do not be on there no more like that no more like I don't like I just I don't be on there
I'm too old for it. Like I just don't feel the need to be on there
I also find that social media can be harmful because I be comparing myself to bitches
Um, not even just like when it comes to like, um body image, but even just like finances and shit like that
And all like it's very when little do you know they selling pussy? No
Roush it roush it no wallow says something like that. He was like, yo
I gotta stop comparing y'all some of these girls because they be selling a pussy for
They do they dead dude
Like once I realized that he was on the podcast and he was like y'all be y'all be making yourselves depressed
Wondering like why is it my business doing as good as this girl's business? It's because they selling that cat
Maybe and it's look. I'm not mad at it. I'm not mad at it either. It's just but I'm just saying yeah like unless you
I mean if that's what you want to do
Do it
But like that's what they be doing. They be selling twat. They be selling few pics and stuff and
Yeah, and I just like I'm not going there route. So it's not for me
It is because I can't just fuck a nigga that I don't like. Yeah, I can't my kuchi don't get wet like that
And only fans is not for me like I couldn't do it like so it's gonna be a little difficult for me
To get where I want to be and
Um, so yeah, those are things that I am too old for staying out to party to the am
Um dealing with these Philly hair stylist um embraters because y'all bitches is really not hairstylist for real because y'all don't want to wash hair
And social media. That's what I'm too old for right now
by you
I'm too old
Wow
I'm just too old
Like you're over it. Yeah, like I'm too old for
Like
Circling back to friendships like over overly clingy
Friendships, I'm too old for animosity
Between us when I don't answer the phone or something like that like bitch. I don't feel like talking
Leave me alone
um social media but in the sense
I don't mean to cut you off
But I know kello over it because today I asked her I was like, do you want to go see kree after we after we film and she was like no
I'm just like yeah, and I love that she's so direct with that shit too. I'm like, I know she's over it like she don't
But you would say it wouldn't you say about social media. I'm sorry social media just
social media as people like
I hate the fact that we're curating our lives so much
Like be fucking normal
Like you don't have to take pictures of
Your food when you eat it
Bitch, I be doing that like a lot for my little dumps
But even that like that like why
Just enjoy yourself
Like I'm not even judging you. It's just like this. It's just like no I'm like just live in a moment. Yeah, just enjoy yourself
And that's one thing I've been trying to work on like when I went to um
I went to made America last year
And I found myself not really recording as much because I'm like I just want to live in this moment
And I did live in a moment and it was a very great moment was jasmine solar been on stage and I was just it just wowed me
I'm just like
This is what it feels like to live in the moment like I was I recorded a little bit, but it wasn't a lot
I'm just like I'ma just chill on it
But it does feel good to just just
Be there be present exactly
What else am I too old for?
Oh, I know what I'm too old for and it's gonna sound
I know a lot of girls are not gonna agree with me and that's fine
But I feel like I'm too old to I really don't want a roster anymore. Like I just don't I cannot talk to
Multiple men anymore. Like I could do it. I could do it probably a year ago
Or like when I was 22 or 21, I can't do it anymore. Like I was never able to do stuff like that
That's why I get my feelings hurt. Yeah, I can't talk to multiple men anymore. I really can't maybe my max is two
Anything over that I can't do it no more. Like I don't like men that much
I get that people will be like don't put all your eggs in one basket and I might be being dumb right now in my situation, but
I'm happy so yeah, I can't deal with more than two men and that's another thing that I'm too old for
And that's another thing that I'm too old for I'm too old to be worried about how everybody else is feeling
Like I'm happy. Yes. I'm very very very happy
And that the fuck the outside. Yeah, like I'm very happy especially with the brand about the person I'm dating
like
the like the friends that I have
Like I'm very happy. I'm very content with my life like
I'm I'm where I'm supposed to be at 22 and that's another reason why I think I'm too old for social media because it makes you feel like you're so behind
It does. That's why I
I post that stuff on the hosting page and I log up
Like I don't even even on the hosting page like I only follow like
I've only followed pages that that are like inspiring like maybe like self-care pages and or shit like that
I don't follow nobody else on that page or other creatives that that inspire me. I'll follow them on that page, but like
That's it. Like I I'm really
I just don't find the big deal in social media
Me even have to promote our brand like that's really it and post my selfies every now and then
Like but even with that like I'm just too I'm too and I'm also too old to be following trends
Yes, that's who I don't want to be a trendsetter. I don't want to be dressing like everybody else
I just want to wear what I like
and
Some it was really hard for me like recently just for
A lot of reasons that we're not going to get into because like
But like I was just finally like but I'm not them. I'm not them. I'm not that
I can't even fake the funk if I wanted to I like the way I look. I like the way I look as myself
I'm not about to sit here and try to change that
because I feel like
some people
Would like to see me differently or I notice that some people
notice
Other people
When they look a certain way, I'm like well shit. Fuck it
If they can't like me for how I'm for how I dress and what I look like then then they just don't need to be around me
like
um
I keep mentioning I'm about to be 24, but I keep mentioning it because that's like your mid 20s and I feel like that's major but like
Since I'm I'm nearing my mid 20s
Like I've really been a lot of things have been shifting for me mentally
Like I don't a lot of stuff that I cared about a year ago. Yeah, I do not give a fuck about that shit no more like
at all
So I I feel you on it like I just don't care to be on social media like then no more. I don't care to
really follow trends
I don't care to have the latest bag or like I just don't care. I just want to be happy and to have everything that I want
Like I don't I don't care about anything else. It's so easy to get caught up in that stuff though
It really is and I I can say that I've fallen guilty to that at times
Because again, it's it's easy for that to happen when you're on social media all the time, but now I'm just I'm not like that
I'm chilling like I'm cool
um, but let's get into our music segment so
Okay, so
How much time we have got a couple minutes left?
We I want to talk about some of the newest music that's come out. Um, I don't know if you heard it yet
But victoria monay and lucky day they had her
I need to buy this song
I feel the same way too and I usually like
Everything that victoria puts out and I like this song don't get me wrong. I like it. It's not everything
That's not a bit already put out before. Yes. That's what I was about to say. It just sounds like everything that she's already put out and um
I really love that song. Yeah, that's her aesthetic. It's not a horrible song
Um, but I just
It's nothing new like it didn't excite me in the sense. Um, I'm gonna still listen to it
But it's not that exciting to me. Um, also Chloe Belly dropped a song called body do did you hear it? Yeah, I liked it
I kill her does not like
He does not like this girl
I love her. Why do you not like her?
Her face. Why do you not like Chloe?
What is there to like?
I like I love Chloe like she should what is there to like
She's talented
He loves me
I really can't stand
I like her music is art. You know like her music sucks
Her music really sucks and it makes me so mad because like she's she could sing her behind off
I just feel like this whole
This whole performative as sex positivity shit that she got going on
Her non
I just can't get jiggy with it. Like it looks so forced. I'm so sorry
I do like she looks like
My man when he said this nigga said
He she looked like she she just gives the um the awkward join that's trying to fit in
Wait because I'm still on like as soon as I said Chloe Belly
Killa's face she was just like
What is there like she doesn't do nothing for me like
The art just sucks like
She don't feel like people have put her in a box because she's Beyonce's artist
And that's probably why y'all don't know I think she put herself in that box
She's been trying to mimic the way that her career like Beyonce's career has gone and it has not done anything
For her it has not done anything beneficial
Girl, I'm not even trying to be mean. It's just not doing nothing like every time I really like
Killa does not like her
It's not that I don't like her
It's just that I want more from her whatever the fuck this shit that she's doing is is not it
It's not it
I think that she should actually be herself, but you don't think she's being no you can tell that she's
You know that that shit is forced
Come on even the damn choreography
You mean to tell me that you don't see that wait she had posted this picture and people was was flaming her
No, we probably shouldn't even do this because we hope so let me see they was like why she clenched her but
We let me find the picture
You see like yo, they was grinding the fuck out of her. They said she clenched her ass
Yes, like
Hey, y'all Killa does not like this girl
What is this diaper booty ass shit?
Stop don't do that
Don't do that. We supposed to be
You see this?
We supposed to be hosting Black girl
It's like she's so gorgeous. She's so gorgeous, but she doesn't know how to work her sexuality right now
You don't think she has any sex at all. I think that should suck like I don't get turned on at all
Okay
Halle has natural sex oh, I love holly
Halle just does something for me and I don't even mean to compare but it's just like you could tell that
That holly knows who she is. You could tell that Chloe does not know who she is
She's still figuring herself out out though. That's why I give her grace. She's still figuring herself out
But nah
She said yeah, but nah
So I just can't let's let's just move on. What we're excited to hear new music from next for me
I have summer walker and I have Megan the science
I'm very excited to see Megan the science come back
Especially after the shooting with um the the tour lane shooting
I'm excited to see what she's gonna release and what her subject manner is gonna be because honestly now that I think about it
Um, some of her music is repetitive, but I now that she's going through this situation might sound a little fucked up
I am just excited to see how she approaches that in her music if she does at all
She doesn't have to I will understand if she wouldn't because it's
It's traumatizing so
excited to hear new music from Megan the science summer walker
I don't really think I really have to expand more on that. I know how much I love her
Um, I'm but honestly, I'm curious to see
What direction she's gonna go in with her music because I feel like the last two projects she had like they was just like
Like sad relationship music and now it seems like she's if I'm not mistaken
She's still in a happy relationship
So I wonder like what that's gonna be like and she just had twins
So I wonder what her music is gonna be like like just subject wise, but that's who I'm excited to hear from. How about you?
I'm not impressed by anybody
Thus I have no answer
I
Just music today ain't doing it for me right now really
Um, the only person that I really want to hear something from is probably Hallie. Oh
Yes, I
Yeah, if she if she is like working on solo like a solo project, man, I'm gonna eat that all up. Yes
Um, you know who else I will say, um
I want to see what Ari wants to do next. Where's she gonna go next?
Ari
She was done with music or something like that, but I don't think she's serious. I don't think that she's serious
I think that she's tired. She's just very emotional
My girl. She's a fire sign. She's an Aries today's her birthday. Oh, happy birthday Ari Lennox
If you see this
Yeah, so she's just like super emotional
As fire signs have
Been yeah for a long time me. I'm excited to see where Ari Lennox goes next as well
Yeah, I just want to see how she's gonna approach her sound because like shape other baby versus age sex location
I liked age sex location better
But I feel like I only liked it better because of where I'm at in life
Yeah, right. I feel like I resonate with Ari a lot like I remember she tweeted something like have I made myself look dumb because I
Designed love love. Yeah, and that's how I am like I
Do niggas not want me because I want love. Yeah, she said something like that and I feel like that's what that's that was the whole
Like her whole asl project. I feel like that's that that was that like that's what she was like
Displaying in that album like her me or well her one her her yearning for love
And that's where I'm at in life and I feel like that's why I love it so much better than shape other baby
I just really want to how I want to be in a relationship like I want to experience
True love like dates all that stuff like and I
I ain't good there yet. So I'm excited to see where she goes
Yeah, I ain't but she like shape other baby better
I don't really have a preference
I'm in such a weird. I'm in such a weird space right now as y'all can tell like I don't even look like myself right now
So like right now musically I haven't even really
been listening to anything like
I just been in silence for a like a minute
Yeah, just because I don't really know how I feel and like what I listen to is contingent upon like where I'm at
That is very true. And right now. I'm in such a weird
A weird space
I just can't I I can't feel anything
I can't feel anything
So right now. I'm just like not impressed. Well, hopefully
Things will not hopefully things will get better for me
I hope so it needs to get better by tomorrow because life is smoking me
Um, but that's about everything we're gonna get up out of here. Um, y'all make sure y'all are following us
Well, make sure you are download our playlist. Um
The official hosting playlist is on Spotify. It's like music. Um, we're going to drop um
our episode
On friday. Well, we can't it's pretty irrelevant for me to say this. Yeah
Watch the like watch the most recent watch the most recent issue be dropped by the time this comes out. Yes
So watch the most recent episode
Um, again, if you're a Philly artist, um, like Philly artists make sure y'all DM us so we can put your music in our playlist
And also make sure that y'all are following our personal instagrams as well
Mine is the only camry and be with two ease because I am the only camry. There's no other camry in this world that exists like me
Um, so make sure you follow me. See h e only and then camry k a m r i and then kella
My instagram name is k the curator. Yes. So c a i the curator
And then make sure y'all also follow the wholesome black girl page. I'll spell it out for y'all again h e a
u x s o m e black girl. So we're gonna get up out of here. Um, and we will see y'all the next episode. Bye
Oh
That's all that was a good conversation. We got through everything. I mean