Hello, I'm Will Jones.
And I'm Jumaimah McVitie.
Welcome to The Stupid Opinion of Teenagers, the show where Jumaimah and I discuss on how
to be a teenager and whatever else is on in the week.
So for you guys to learn more about teenagers, we will invite a special teenager guest or
an adult with a teenager on to see how they are coping.
And hopefully we will be finding out what happens to you, the listener, and all your
tales of teenagers.
So grab some popcorn or tuck into bed and enjoy.
Hello!
Hola!
Ciao!
Bonjour!
And welcome to The Stupid Opinion of Teenagers, podcast, series two, episode ten.
We are back, ladies and gentlemen.
We are back, okay?
There was no Sunday content, boys and ladies and women.
Sorry, that was kind of mental.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
It was her fault.
No, don't tell everyone.
It was her fault.
Don't lie.
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Sunday content, it's not, I think, something that we do every week, you know?
Sometimes we may just go, I don't feel like it.
I suppose it's not really an episode, is it?
Kind of like a filler.
Bonus content.
What I was about to say is a bad, a bad word.
Why are you laughing?
Don't you get the bonus content that you need?
Nothing.
She's just screaming at you like...
Oh.
Sorry!
Oh, shut up.
Sorry headphone users.
I'm the headphone user.
I'm not well recording this and it hurt, so I'm sorry to the rest of you out there.
I don't know how my voice sounds.
My eyes are a big squeak out, so we need that to work.
No, wait.
I mean, the mic's the furthest away it's been, so...
No, it's so far away!
Anyway, the week, the weak, the really, really, really, really, really, really weak.
You go, dead.
What are you laughing at?
Boo!
What is with this weird today?
Why are you so hyper?
I wasn't hyper, actually, for a few hours, until football.
And then, as soon as I got home, maybe there was a bit of dodgy smoke in the air and I
may have just sniffed it up and now I'm absolutely happy as a kite.
Yeah.
Yeah, yeah.
Like weak, right?
Right.
My weak.
Oh, good save, bro.
Good save.
Right.
My weak.
Now.
My weak.
I'm trying to think of my weak.
What are you doing?
Oh, shut up.
Jeez, man.
Okay, now.
I'm officially not a caster anymore.
Before you really say you like bad food.
to let us get our words out. The bouquet was done. No more singing.
Lassie, that's boring.
So I have a story for all of the people out there. It's part of my week's song, but we'll say it now.
So earlier this week, I was, um, so I went to a concert for the, um, the junior choristers.
I went to watch and I was sitting in the audience and I had been at concerts all the week before
and this German man and his son sat next to me and he turns to me and he goes,
were, are you in the concerts? And I was like, ah, because he had, he was obviously he's German,
so he was trying to speak English. Some of his growl was wrong.
I was desperately trying to understand what he was saying. I was like, oh, yeah, yeah, I'm a chorister.
And he was asking me loads of questions. And then he just...
No, I'm German.
He was speaking English just with a very, very heavy German accent.
And he was like, so tell me about yourself. Tell me about what being a chorister is like.
And so I was just like, and he was like, now tell me, do you get singing lessons?
Do you get singing lessons? It's very important that you answer me correctly.
And I was telling him and afterwards he went, oh, yes, yes, your conduct is very good.
You're a very lucky, lucky girl, aren't you? Yes, you're a very lucky little girl. Yes, yes, yes.
And then at the end he said to my mum, goodbye, very nice to meet you. See you again sometime.
And then he walked off and I was like, when are you ever going to see me again?
You just talk to me. I don't even know who you are.
So there we have it. Little story for you. I made friends with a German man.
What in the blue moon was that? That was so random.
I don't know, man. Oh, no girl. What was that about?
The first thing going on with him. Sorry.
You. Fiddle. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
I don't want to know about trade of the old V-cards or anything. I don't know.
You have V-cards. Pokemon. Have you got a V-maxes and Vs?
All right, everyone search them up. Pokemon V-cards. I'm pretty sure it's for things.
I'm going to search it. I'm. Oh, but wait, would you know who's just replied?
No. Get it. Wait, wait.
Oh, man. Yeah, right. Let me see what he said. Oh, he said he had to get his hair cut.
Bugger your hair. Let me let me. What should I say? His hair's ruined.
What do I say? Should I say don't worry about it?
OK, sorry, everyone. We were meant to have a special guest on him, but he didn't reply.
And now he has. Yeah, that that that is that's gone.
See, can you on Friday? Wow, a haircut.
Oh, no, now he's he's on the chat. Well, that's so stressful. I'm off. I'm off. Right.
What was I doing? Pokemon. Yeah. Pokemon Vs.
Can you explain what this episode is to everyone? Will I search this up?
Oh, well, because we were supposed to have a guest, as they call them.
We just we had a haircut as as as was said.
So so. Yeah. So I was having a there. Yeah, there's the exists.
So we're just waffling. We're going to give some stories to you guys.
Just what's happened going on in our lives.
What's going on in people's lives? This is our episode. No, no, no one else is ours, kiddo.
Right. Thank you. Pokemon cards, whatever he said, do exist.
Z cards. Yeah. Yeah. OK.
Moving on. So today, I actually will.
It's going to last. I know he is. He's going to rant.
But don't say anything so I can see the rest of the story. You can comment afterwards. OK.
So today, I want to see the Barbie film now.
So yeah, yeah, yeah. You finished good.
So the Barbie film is actually a 12A because it's taking the mick out of Barbie.
It's a great film. Highly recommend. I really liked it.
But I'm a bit surprised, OK, because giving this film is a 12A.
People are taking their six year olds to go see it.
And they're swearing in this film and some very inappropriate moments.
And my mum, we were sitting in the cinema and my mum said to me, Jemima, you know what?
What? This was before the film, by the way, before anyone gets on to me that we were talking the film.
No, we weren't. She says to me, you know, Jemima, on Instagram the other day,
or Facebook or something or another that she was using.
And I said, sorry, what? I'm assuming no worries.
And she was like, I'm. This woman was complaining because this this grandma,
she'd taken her granddaughter to see the Barbie film. Yes. Her seven year old child.
Got her child and you know what?
But she was complaining because she said the film was showing appropriate, giving it's a 12A.
What do you think about this, Will? Because I mean.
How old were the were the were the people?
The kid that went was seven.
Why, you have to read that to me again. I'm sorry. I didn't understand a word you were saying there.
So the Barbie film is a 12A, yes? Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Yeah. You told me this immediately ago. Yeah. On to the good stuff.
So the oh my God, the this grandma had taken her seven year old granddaughter to watch it
and was complaining because she said it was too much swearing into inappropriate.
And so she blamed the filmmakers. Yeah.
Well, no, well, it's Barbie. Why is it a 12A?
What's because because it's like not it's it's like taking the mick of Barbie.
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, that is bald.
Pooh, that is bald poo. I'm not interested.
It's a bunch of people. No one down the rating.
We get a 12 PG or something.
You haven't watched it. It's got some quite inappropriate bits in well.
Some jokes. Get down.
Oh, God. It's a good film. Sorry about here. Right. Moving on.
Right. Anything else in my week? I don't think so.
Right. You. Um, well, where do we start?
No, seriously, where do we start?
I don't know. Nothing's happened in my week, actually. I played golf.
I actually got I got a bogey.
That's what it's called. A bogey and a double bogey, which was that was not impressive.
It's just because I had my drives, which are always great.
My drives are like, oh, my gosh, it's literally near the green. Yeah.
But then it's what I have to use my irons.
It just doesn't actually the second hole when.
Wow. They are what amazing. But.
When I had to do the potting.
I don't know. It's annoying because they changed the hole.
If you know what I mean, they changed the hole.
Not really, to be honest with you, I don't know.
So the whole chain, you turn it moves. OK.
So it's in one position and then it's another position on the green.
So it depends on the different weight you have to hit it.
And it's a bit of a bugger.
You don't mind me using that language, which is not a bad word.
I was just thinking, actually, the listener's stories.
I'm supposed to be about teenagers in our interest about about teenagers tales.
And we thought, what was our last one again about?
Well, who forgot his name? He's out.
I know it was some weird, weird will.
Weird will. We are weird will.
And then we had that and then we were weird.
Yeah, not crackle on. Yeah.
I mean, we were nice about teenagers, isn't it?
Yeah. Yeah. Fair play.
We had William that's and then the not crackle on was so random.
It had no relevance to teenager at all.
No. At all.
It was more you had to suck the nuts and then he's like, sorry, I've been cracking them.
So I don't know.
What was our listener stories in the first season?
Yeah, they were Jake's house. That's not a teenager.
Yeah, I don't have this. Jake's house is Billy.
And that bouncy castle. What about the person driving into a bouncy castle?
Right. OK.
We're not complaining. I mean, that's just hilarious.
But I mean, you're kind of breaking the rules, aren't you now, buddy boo?
Yeah, I'm talking to you. Yeah, you sat at home.
You typing your listener story, talking about little pens and paper flying around.
Teenager stories are breaking the rules, son.
Right. I had my little rant.
You know how many deodorant cans I have?
Yes, I do.
Right. Let's hear a quick story for you.
We were in maths near the end of the year and Will had his games bag next to him
and he was sitting next to this guy in our class and this guy started...
I'm not going to say his name.
The guy started filling out all the cans from Will's games bag
and lining them up along the behind the seats.
And the amount of deodorant cans this guy has is actually unsettling.
And Will proceeds to tell me afterwards that, well, that's not even half of them.
I have way more at home, do you mind that?
Like, Will...
Go and get them.
Yeah, go get them.
Oh my God. I mean, it's hard for me to walk, but I feel sick.
Oh, it's a few there as well. Okay.
That's one, two. One, two.
The other one's after shave.
Right.
Two. Keep talking to listeners while I find some.
Okay. Now, I don't know why Will has so many deodorant cans ever on.
It's a news to me because, well, I guess he's a clean kind of guy.
Apart from he doesn't brush his teeth. I mean, he didn't used to anyway.
Will, do you brush your teeth now?
Yeager.
Neither.
Yes, I do. I do brush my teeth.
Three extras. I'll just put them on the bed actually, no?
Four more.
Oh my God. That's all it is.
Seven.
Nine. Two there. Three there.
Wait.
And four.
Seven.
Yeah. Nine.
Nine is nine. I was right.
Oh, gosh. Goodness gracious me.
He's going to the bathroom to rip them all, but I don't know if I'm weird.
I only have two deodorants. My main one and the one that used to be in my school bag.
It's not. It's some of my deodorant.
They'll be really good.
Oh, good.
Eleven. They're the ones that are all out at the moment.
Some are in boxes. So, eleven deodorant cans in usage.
Arthur, put them back. Yes, there you go.
Oh, God.
It gets stinky.
Right.
It gets stinky.
Baronel, I mean, if anyone ever needs deodorant, you know who to go to.
William Rees-Jane.
It's me.
Yep. Yep. It's him.
Oh, gosh. Oh, wow.
Inserum. Ah. Right. Here we go.
Ah. Okay.
Hello and welcome back to the segment of the podcast where Jemima promotes the Instagram.
Make sure to follow us on Instagram at the underscore stupid underscore opinion and of underscore teenagers.
Yeah. So for us. Good. Thank you.
And on that, there is a link to Will's email, which is really dodgy.
Um, because, as you know, we had to change it because he got some creepy messages.
So now we change some changes. Yeah.
So now we're using a very dodgy email. Have you actually got any emails yet, Will?
Yes, we do. Good.
Listen, that's boring, don't we? Yes.
We can whip that one out.
Mail.com.
Checkers. While you find that, I have a joke for you.
About golf, actually. You told me about golf earlier.
You know, tell me that it's the one with the hole in one in the sock.
No. No.
Golf was once a rich man's sport, but now it has millions of poor players.
Because they're really bad. Yeah. Like full bad.
Not amusing at all.
Okay, sir. Do you know what I don't think is amusing?
What? I don't know.
Right. Okay. Superhero trickery.
Do you want me to read that?
No, no, no. Don't read it.
Yeah, yeah.
You just didn't see two.
It's because I was drinking water, by the way, in case anyone's wondering.
Okay.
Right close up to the microphone.
No, you don't. You're loud enough today, as I is.
Sorry.
Hi, Jemima and Will. Hope you're well.
There was a young boy named Timmy who lived in Superhero Land.
That's quite strange.
Gives me a few memories of you know who.
Lad. Spiders.
Spider lad.
He would dress up in his favorite superhero costume and pretend to fly around the house,
abusing imaginary villains.
One day, Timmy's mother decided to take him to a superhero convention.
Timmy was thrilled.
He put in his Spider-Man costume and couldn't wait to meet the hero in person.
This is literally Spider lad's story. It's his origin.
Will probably knows which convention I'm on about.
Do you, Will?
He said Comic Con, I would think.
That's the only convention that I was given a damn for.
Yeah.
If it's not, well, you're weird, Timmy.
Timmy saw a man dressed up as Spider-Man and ran towards him, yelling,
Spider-Man, Spider-Man, it's so great to meet you.
Spider-Man said, it's great to meet you too, kid. What's your name?
My name is Timmy.
And he exclaimed.
Just then, another man in a Batman costume walked by.
Timmy, seeing his chance to meet two superheroes, yelled out,
Batman, I want you to meet Spider-Man.
See, see, see, yeah, there really is.
Did, no, hang on, oh, there you go.
The man, the Batman suit, feeling quite competitive with the Spider-Man imposter,
decided to have a little fun with Timmy.
He whispered to the boy, I'm actually the real Batman.
So sure, Batman.
Spider-Man over there is an imposter.
Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa.
Really? You're the real Batman?
Batman nodded.
Yep, and if you promise not to tell anyone, I'll tell you a little secret.
I have bat powers.
Oh, bat powers?
Oh, God.
Timmy's eyes lit up with excitement.
You do? What kind of powers do you have?
Well, I can leap through buildings in a single bound.
I can shoot lasers out of my eyes.
And I can even fly.
Well.
Batman doesn't shoot lasers out of his eyes.
Does he not? I swear he does.
No, no, no.
Superman.
Are you sure?
Yes, I'm sure, I'm sure.
I'm googling it again. I'm fact checking here today.
But as little rings you can shoot out.
Does Batman shoot lasers from his eyes?
No.
Um. No, no, he can't.
No, Will was right. Right, moving on.
Like now you made me lose where I was.
Oh, okay. It's all right.
Wow, can I see you fly?
At this point, the Spider-Man and P.O.S.T.A. called on the Batman's little scheme and decided to join in the Luthon.
They both lifted Simmy into the air and spun him around, making aeroplane choices pretending to be superheroes.
No, to be a superhero.
The crowd around them couldn't help but laugh.
Oh, sorry, that was one of his phones.
Eventually the two costumed men put Simmy down and admitted to him that they were just having a little fun and they weren't actually the real superheroes.
But the Simmy.
I know.
Ah, crusher.
But for Simmy, it didn't matter.
He had the time of his life and he wouldn't forget that day.
Spider-Man and Batman lifted him into the air and made him feel like a superhero too.
And now that boy Simmy had written to this, to this, to this there, had written this story to you both.
Great P.O.S.T.A.
Oh, he's sliding. I heard that same sound when he came out on stage. What an end. That was cold.
I'm Timmy. No. That's a no.
No, we were like, you're Timmy. And then he was like, no. I'm Timmy. Oh crap.
Just a nick and well. Oh my gosh. I did not expect that. You're Timmy. Oh, thanks, Timmy. That is a very sweet story.
And I'm glad that those people, they, they were doing a nice gesture when you were a child.
But, you know, a nice gesture can go a long way. That's what we have to learn from today.
I hit my heart when you said that.
I know. I'm just so sweet, aren't I?
Okay. I don't think we have to go that far, but.
Oh.
Sorry. Right.
Chat time.
That's that's kind of our little topic today. Chat time.
Right. I mean, you go first.
Right. Now, I do have something to say. Actually, I do.
I got a message from a very loyal listener, very loyal, named Josh Wood. We all know Josh. He's been on the podcast.
We all know him. He listens to every episode of Outfail.
I got a message after last episode, not long after it was posted.
Just a message. And he said, you do realize everyone's going to think you two are dating now.
So I thought I'd clear up the rumors before these rumors start. We are not.
It was a topic, the writing, the letters to each other. It was a topic.
We we know it'll know. Thank you.
Have to clear that up. Yeah.
Just thought I'd get that one out there before any rumors started brewing.
Some of you theory makers.
You're you're you're you're you're a fairy.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Oh, the brain.
Oh, God.
Oh, I don't know why this is so awkward.
Why are we just chatting? So.
Well, I don't know what I don't want to waffle to on to you, but, you know, to on to you.
Did you see Dylan's a little scheme the other day sitting in the tree in Fortnight?
Oh, yes, I did. We were all doing.
What was it? Late game solos.
It was awful. What?
It was very stressful experience.
Then got killed because it was kind of going to treat the whole entire game
and then you hopped down last minute.
True.
Well, I mean, fair enough, the strap.
I don't be left on the page of a fashion show. Yeah.
I'm a still on good judge.
Oh, I got judged twice and got first, second and third.
So my mission is complete, ladies and gentlemen.
Right. Yeah. Love that for.
Oh, I've got something to show you, actually. Well, my new school bag.
But don't swear at the school this time.
We had to edit that out, guys.
Actually, I mean, it's.
And so basically, it's quite fancy, OK, so it could be a white bag.
Well, no, no, no.
Get out of this school now, rethink your life and never come back.
You're not allowed.
Come on. Oh, no, no, no.
I was about to show you the backpack function. So, yeah, you got the straps.
It can be a backpack. Yeah.
Or if you're feeling more like a tote bag, you ready?
Are you ready for this?
Where we go? Yeah.
You can tuck in the straps and zip them up and it just becomes a little tote bag.
Handbag. Handbag.
OK, sure. Handbag is not really a handbag because it's.
Just call it a handbag.
Hand. It's hand, isn't it?
I've always been calling it a handbag.
What?
I'll sign the bag because you hold it with your hand.
Yeah, I know, but when you say it quickly, you got a handbag.
You're not a little piggy.
On the topic, I have a joke about a pig.
No, you just always get me.
Sorry, don't know what I'm saying.
OK. Why are pigs pink when they can be any pigments?
You said that one before, haven't you?
No. You said something about pigmen.
Not that one, though. They're all off the same website, so they're all quite similar.
Pigmen. Pigmen.
All like pigmen, these nuts.
You don't like that one? No, move on.
Moving on. Sorry, there's a bit of water got in my eyes there.
I just wanted to ask you a question.
I keep waffling.
You know what I'm going to ask you? We talked about this for a brief second.
Yeah.
Failed marriages.
But then we changed it to failed relationships because we've never been married.
So, failed relationships.
I'm counting them up.
Two.
Three. I guess you could count, but I wouldn't say three.
I wouldn't say three. I don't think it really counts.
Three.
What if my mum listens to this?
Doesn't matter.
Oh, sorry, sorry. New generation.
Woman up.
Become the woman you... Ah, my nail!
Oh, but yeah, come on then.
Well, alright, the first one.
I'm being bold.
Stupid thing they use. Oh my god.
No one will know.
We're going to have to bleep that out.
No, no, no, no. I'm too proud to bleep that out.
This one was when I was very little, so I don't think it should count, but Will's making me say it anyway.
It only lasted like four days, but apparently after...
No, no, no. It lasted way longer than that.
Week, months.
You told me, well, I mean, that was a long relationship.
That was like a two year relationship.
You two were like banging each other since year one.
Sorry?
Oh, you said, I don't know, you were like, oh, it was like year one or three or reception, same number.
We like kissed each other behind the bench.
Oh, right, yeah, we kissed each other in PE on a bench in reception when we were like five.
Oh my god, it was going on for blimmin' decades. Oh my lord.
That didn't mean anything. We actually got together in year five, but that did not last long.
Really short, short, short, buddy.
And Will claims that the guy told him in cricket, which I still...
He did. And the page of the book told me.
Get it?
The page of the book.
Yes, I get it, I get it.
Right.
He was there, he was there. We were all wild and free, and we were like, oh, cricket.
I even got a few little runs with...
With the...
Egyptian, Egyptian.
Ah, Egyptian.
So yeah, we dominated, but that doesn't matter.
Failed relationship number one. Out of the way, move on, because that was boring.
We want to get on to the cool stuff.
None of them are cool.
Number two, it was Will's fault.
You told me to ask him out. Yeah, it was your fault. It was your fault.
And then Will had to break up with him for me because I was too scared.
So basically, I'm not going to say any names obviously, but I dated this guy.
I've gone through this. You already know the name.
We saw him on the podcast. You know the guy called Jude.
Yeah, we...
He's, um, yeah.
Jude.
The beard's reduced.
But he's... Yeah, I don't really know what to say about it, Rune. He's just...
Quite lame.
Uh, sure.
What?
That was sarcasm.
Uh, clip that.
Clip that now.
That.
That was...
That was sarcasm. But anyway, yeah, I...
Yeah, we're not... Yeah, there's nothing to say other than yeah.
Basically, I wanted to break up with him.
And then I told Will and Will was like, alright, let's do it then.
And I said I was too scared. So Will texted him a breakup message and in it Will wrote, Bon voyage.
Now this old Will sounds quite cool. Bon voyage.
It was something along the lines of, it's been a really good long winding journey.
But sadly, all journeys have to come to an end.
And one day, I hope that your paths will have to cross again or something. But bon voyage for now.
And then there's something like that. And then there were watching...
No, more than family. He got his phone and he switched over the camera and he put it up to his computer.
And me and him were watching it until very late at night. Just chilling.
Drinking.
That's the best I could hope.
We weren't.
Well, we were. Water.
Yeah, yeah.
And the third and final relationship was the most recent one, obviously, with the guy.
It ended kind of...
It was very sudden, that end.
But basically, he just said to me, because I was moving schools, he said, I'm not dating you when you move school.
So we're going to have to break up before you leave.
And then I said, well, I don't want to date you knowing that we're going to break up.
So I just broke up with him. And then I cried after I broke up with him.
Why?
I don't know. I just did. He's a bit... Yeah.
That's just not appropriate.
What do you mean, it's not appropriate?
No need to cry. No need to cry.
And then, yeah, I don't know how I feel about that really. It was all very...
And I haven't really spoke to him since that. And that was quite a few months ago now.
I didn't actually... I spoke to him once in a P.R.E. lesson.
And he was clicking his pen and I told him to shut up.
But that's the most the conversation has gone to.
So, yeah, there we have it.
In the last relationship, weren't you like, this is what I was told.
You were like really good friends. And then you got together.
Yeah.
Oh, really?
Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.
Really?
Yeah.
Wow. It's like Batman and Robin.
Until one of them turns into a girl and then, oh my gosh, and there's a potato baby.
Wow.
What?
What? Okay, yeah, move on. What are you off about?
I don't know. What are you... Okay. Right. Your turn. I've done mine. Off you go.
Yeah. Go.
He'll be here all night, won't he?
Yes, he will. Will has had a handful of relationships. I'll have to go.
Two handfuls if you want to get realistic.
Oh, right. Wow.
Oh, can I just say something actually? I just remembered something that is really funny.
Can I just... So with the last guy that I dated, he said he couldn't handle long distance relationships.
Yeah, because I was moving school.
But then he goes and dates a girl who lives in Wales.
That kind of hurt. Not gonna lie. But over it now. But yeah, that kind of hurt. That hurt. Yeah, it really hurt.
Yeah. I like that guy, to be honest. He's quite chill.
Sorry, that wasn't right for you.
No, no, that was not the right thing. Okay, yeah. Right. Off you go. Off you go.
Nah.
Our face cloth's quite poor. So we start in reception and I wasn't the same school I am right now. Reception.
With Jemima. But she's moved now. Never mind. Reception.
Okay. Right. This was a really complicated little thing. There was this... thing.
I don't know about this.
Yeah, you don't. This is the first time you hear about it.
Some of this is person. I can't even remember them. I mean, this was like, blurry.
I'll just tell you a few things about my old reception. I was stung on the ear by a wasp.
I got in trouble a lot, actually. I went to the headmaster's office with my few friends.
We got juggled. I don't even know what it was about. And how?
We go to the headmaster's office. The proper headmaster's office. In reception. I mean, it must have been bad.
I can't even remember it.
There was this... I'll give you the sex. The girl. I mean, they were all girls, actually.
Yeah, I don't even know if we were together. I think we were.
And then, in an after-school club, as they call it.
We... No, she wasn't... Maybe she was there. I can't even remember. I went behind a tree and then kissed this really snotty girl.
Get ready. It gets a bit worse. I mean, yeah, yeah, yeah. I don't even remember if we broke up.
I mean, I think I was moving schools by then. But yeah, they just say I had a little affair.
Back in my rebellious slum.
But that was the only time I did it. I mean, I don't know what was going on. I was quite a naughty lad.
But I still remember the taste of the snot. I still remember it. It's still on my throat still.
It's... Gosh. That is actually grim.
So, that happened.
Right. Lovely.
Because she could say we were Frenching behind the snotty tree.
Oh my god, no. Okay, these are next.
Next.
Ah, yes, three. Are we thinking of tasting?
Party.
Yes.
Right. How did you know about this?
The girl?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. But how did you know it was at the party?
The girl?
The girl, yeah, I think. I know it, so it must be.
Right. Now this, in my opinion, was an absolutely shambolic performance.
Yeah.
Shambolic. What do you mean, yeah? In what way?
Should we have the whole... Okay.
Wasn't your best relationship? It was...
Well, the person or the...
No, the incident. Yeah, just explain and then I'll...
The incident?
Yeah.
What? No, it's just...
I was on the smoothest moments in world's history.
Go on, go on.
So, party, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. No, this was a sick party, though.
I dressed up as Darth Vader, conqueror of all galaxies, and then Dylan, you know.
No, it wasn't.
It was your first relationship who dressed up as a minion or... I know, he dressed up as...
What is that?
A minion? And he was like, my lord, my boss. No, not my boss. No, I was the lord.
I was obviously the lord, I'm Darth Vader. He was like my minion, literally, minion.
And then Dylan was dressed up as a ninja.
Of course he was.
Surprised he wasn't dressed up as Spider-Man.
Of course.
Like Timmy would pick.
Yeah, they were like my men, they were like my minions, my soldiers.
And then... I'll get on, I'll get on. Were there any other boys there?
I don't know, it wasn't at this party.
I can't remember. Because I can't remember any other boys.
And they would have been in the old Darth Vader team otherwise, wouldn't they?
What, you... Malf, Malf, that's...
I'm trying to tell you someone.
Was he that?
No, no, no, that was three.
Alright, he was... maybe he left at the end of yet there.
Did he?
Yeah.
He was long gone. Anyway, so blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, and he gets this little dark, dingy corner.
I'm drifting on this story for too long, because this is the only one I care about.
To be honest.
It was... dark, dingy corner.
And then we... wasn't it a smooch?
I think so.
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Can we just keep in mind, year three.
This was in year three. How old were we then?
Seven. You keep saying this, don't you?
Seven.
Yeah, this was in the other episode.
So yeah, we had a little smooch, and then, this was the embarrassing bit for me. I always felt bad.
We were like running around, chasing around, then we had to split paths.
It was either drag her into my... there was a door, drag her into my area, and save her from the bad guys, let's say.
Or let her go to the bad guys.
And I... and I completely bottled it and went with my team, and she was left in the bad guys.
And then, I don't know, we met whichever later, but you know.
Probably why you broke up, that was... that was the root of it.
She was totally furious.
When did you break up? Why did you break up?
Why do... I know why we did.
I don't.
Because I was a little P-U-S-S-Y.
Right.
That's good, yeah.
And then, everyone was knowing about it at school.
So I was like, okay, this has to end. This is what I remember.
And they were like, this has to end now.
And then, yeah.
It kinda went like that, didn't it?
Which I regret, heavenly, but...
Ending it?
Yeah. You know, it could last another day or two, you know?
Right.
Moving on, moving on, moving on.
Oh my god, we'll be here forever if I name everyone. I'll drift over them quickly.
Yeah, do it quick.
Year five?
Nothing in year five.
Year five and four, nothing.
Year six.
No, you just...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, year six.
Two.
One on and off.
Oh, yeah, no, I know, I know.
Yeah.
So, one of them was...
The first one was like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
We dated, then we dated, then we dated, then it was like that.
It was like, make some match.
And then...
No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no.
You dated her, though?
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.
And there was another person who then was my friend's...
Oh, this is so...
This is my friend's girlfriend.
And then I stole her.
Oh, god. Yeah, of course you did.
I'm so confused who you're talking about, though.
The person you said, this is the person...
The first one, then?
You won't know, because I'm not going to say.
You...
Goodness.
Well, let's say...
I don't want to give it away to our listeners, because some of them...
You know, but there you go, that's the letter.
Oh, yes, yes.
Wait, you dated her?
On and off, so many times.
Yeah.
I did not know that.
Oh, that's a bit boring.
Can we just keep in mind you did date Mr. Day, Malcolm Day?
I did not...
Tell the story.
So, these two were chatting in the maps, and I was like...
We were chatting, we were arguing in the maps, we hated each other.
Yeah, we were chatting in the maps, and they were like...
Chatting, and then...
These two were hitting it off.
And...
So, I've always shipped to this day, and he went off to...
Farming school.
So, we never saw him again, but...
I still ship me to the end of Earth.
Basically, Will told Dylan I was dating him, and Dylan believed it,
and he didn't tell Dylan for years later that it wasn't true,
and Dylan just thought I was lying the whole time.
Yep. Yep.
Ridiculous. Anyway, next girl, go on.
You seven cleat in relate chips, I mean, not...
The end of year eight.
And year eight.
No, unless you want to say the end of year eight.
The end of year eight.
Oh, right, in the summer.
This one.
We're at the year three one.
This one.
Do you mind if I know how much I smacked my head on the table about this one?
I've had... Yeah, this one...
It's quite recent, isn't it?
Yeah.
I've been chatting in the summer, I had my weird dreads on.
Oh, God, they give me the crinked stuff with oil.
Keep chuckling. Keep chuckling.
And then, I mean, yeah, blah, blah, blah, blah.
Got to... No, we didn't.
Yeah, you did, when you were drunk.
What?
That's what the girl told me.
I know, I know, you told me this, and I was like...
I've been drunk.
I still assume why I wasn't drunk.
Then I don't know how you don't remember this, because she told me that.
I do get drunk when I don't drink, sometimes.
Like today, at the start of this episode.
Like that.
So I have a run, but I mean, yeah.
Crazy.
Then, blah, blah, blah, we got stuck, too.
And then, it kind of just...
Oh, I was a D-I-C-K to them, and then...
And the girl was trying to ask me whether he liked her, and it was all a whole bit in.
And yeah, that didn't go well, and now they...
I hit my head on the table, and then she's...
Got another heart.
Yeah.
And we're not going to talk too much about it, because it is too depressing.
So is that the final one, though?
Well, please, we're on a podcast, don't cry, we're on a podcast.
Hello, Will.
Oh, come on, I just threw it in the house.
Is that the final one?
No, there's like... I missed so many out, actually.
I was just going with the ones you would know.
Yeah, I know you missed one out.
Because you didn't tell me anything about her, but I know about her.
Because that's one of the most dreaded things in my life.
It's so complicated.
Well, let's talk about it after this podcast.
Right.
Don't cry.
Um, how's this?
None recently, none last year.
In third form.
Maybe, maybe one will start soon, Will.
I'm in third form?
You must stop, come on.
That's what I'm thinking.
I swear. Hang on. Sorry, everyone.
It's probably really boring, I'm actually chuntering on it at this point.
Sorry, yeah.
Nearly 50 minutes of this waffle, but...
Gosh.
If you love the podcast, you love us.
You would get it, really.
Yeah.
You must have been wrong, come on, Will.
You're a lovely kind of man.
Come on, Luke.
I wasn't, was I?
I'm trying to think of all the classes.
Yeah.
Oh my God, no, there wasn't.
No, that was it.
Crazy.
You're not a girlfriend, Asians.
Quite proud, actually.
Look out to it.
Good morning.
It's been a bad friend.
That's all we've got to say, is it?
We've done the listener story, we've chanted on about failed relationships.
Can we clarify we're not...
No, no.
We're basically siblings at this point.
So, don't start rumours. Thank you.
Don't.
I know what it's like to have a white sister.
It's normal.
Exactly.
And yeah, we've dealt with enough rumours at school back in the day,
so we're not going to do that again.
Thank you.
There were so many rumours.
That was absolutely shambles.
Anyway, we've walked along for too long.
You guys probably want to get some sleep because this will be our late.
Or you want to go enjoy a little kick around at 12 at midnight.
So, enjoy that kick around, enjoy that poo in your nice toilet,
and then wash it out with the little Florence washer thingy.
The day.
The day?
Yeah.
The day, that thing.
I never used it in Italy.
So, enjoy it.
I guess we'll see you guys later.
Ta-ta.
Bye.
Follow me on Instagram.
Oh yeah, do that.
Suckers.
Click is still here.