Hello, I'm Will Jones.
And I'm Jemima McVitie.
Welcome to the Stupid Opinion of Teenagers, the show where Jumaimah and I discuss on how
to be a teenager and whatever else is on in the week.
So for you guys to learn more about teenagers, we will invite a special teenager guest or
an adult with a teenager on to see how they are coping.
And hopefully we will be finding out what happens to you, the listener, and all your
tales of teenagers.
So grab some popcorn or tuck into bed and enjoy.
I'd like to interrupt this recording to promote our Sunday content.
This season's Sunday content is terrible fashion trends, which are coming back into fashion.
It's all a laugh, so check it out.
Thank you.
Hello.
Ciao.
Bonjour.
And welcome back to the Stupid Opinion of Teenagers broadcast, season two, episode nine.
Episode nine.
Why did it terribly?
We're back.
We're back, everyone.
Just ignore, right, so if you're wondering what Will was on about at the beginning, because
obviously he's talking, we had just recorded this, well, part of this.
We'd done about two minutes in and realised there was an echo.
So we're redoing this whole entire thing.
So hello, we're back.
Yeah, yeah, yeah.
Okay.
Blah, blah, blah.
Yeah.
Will.
Wow.
Let's get straight on to the week, shall we?
Yeah.
A Swifty star.
How's it going for you?
So the week, it's been quite busy.
I mean, it's still that big chorus to week.
It ends tomorrow.
So that's good.
Yeah.
Just did a really big concert yesterday, actually.
We had a lot of rehearsal beforehand.
Yeah, a lot of like three hours.
We're a bit on the break, so luckily.
And then a concert from 7.30 till 10, which I just didn't appreciate because I'm already
tired enough because this week is literally just killing me.
And so I just wanted to go to bed, but no.
So I got home late and then it, oh well.
Yeah.
But here we are.
The day before that, what day was it?
It was, oh yes, Wednesday.
The BBC came to do a broadcast.
So yeah, I was on the radio, Will.
Are you proud of me?
Yeah.
Yeah, exactly.
Yeah.
Thanks.
No, well, well done.
Congrats.
Yeah.
Takes a lot.
It's a lot of pressure.
You know, can't mess up.
It's live.
There's a million people listening.
Yeah.
But there was no mistakes.
So we're all good.
There was a screaming baby though.
The whole entire time.
Yes.
Oh, well, what's stupid?
Bring your baby though.
I know.
Why would you bring your baby to a BBC recording?
What?
Anyway.
So yeah, that was that.
So how was your week, Will?
My week?
Yeah, it was great.
Let's go into Wednesday.
What happened Wednesday?
Was it just a dry day?
Wasn't it Wednesday?
I don't know.
I don't know your schedule.
Not Wednesday.
No, I'm sorry.
I'm sorry.
It was Wednesday.
No, I'm just gonna skip on from...
Yeah, Chelsea.
They played.
Yeah.
They played.
1.15.
We played Newcastle.
Yes, it was 1.15 Thursday morning, but we called it Wednesday night.
I went to sleep a few minutes in, so I had a sleep.
But I saw a score.
It was a 1-1, like I said, result.
So quite impressive.
I fell asleep, which was dreadful.
Thursday...
Oh, play some golf.
Oh, I played golf on Wednesday as well.
I have good two holes.
I got a bogey and a double bogey.
But then yesterday I just had a putt.
That was terrible.
That was all on Thursday, to be honest.
I did get first place in a four-night fashion show.
Yeah, okay.
Yeah.
And then today I went back to play golf.
Driving range, 175 metres.
We averaged it for a drive.
One of the first hits.
Right.
Which I'm quite pleased with.
So we just sat on a certain driving range for 50 balls, which was quite fun.
And then here we are.
Oh, here we are.
Where?
Actually, I did get a Man United shirt.
Quite cool.
Why?
You don't support Man United.
I have loads of shirts.
This is Real Madrid.
Man City.
You just have a little collection.
Yeah.
I need to get some match worn, player sign.
That's my next mission.
I was just thinking, looking for a few photos of mine.
I had like a school toilet.
The boys' toilets.
And you know the urinal things.
Yes.
The ones at the bottom, not the ones that are shaped ones.
The ones that are on the floor.
I can't tell you I've particularly ever been in a men's bathroom, but I can imagine.
Yeah, okay.
Okay.
And I was just thinking, they're always filled up with toilet paper.
And you can see the yellow pin.
Oh, I don't want to wear that.
It's on the floor.
It's just gutted in the gutter.
All the toilet paper.
It's just blocked up.
I don't know.
I was just thinking about it.
Of course you were.
How it gets in your shoe.
Well, no.
Ew.
Shut up.
Stop talking.
Oh, sorry.
Sorry.
It is horrible.
It's like a pool.
Okay.
Move on.
Scroll.
What's your favourite thing?
I think I said it right this time.
Yeah.
Camera roll.
Scroll.
Second place.
There it is.
I just saw that at the top of my...
Yeah.
Well, it's running proud of himself, you see.
Hey, hey.
Gwen Stacy's got me second and second twice now.
Okay.
By any chance, skin.
You didn't get that skin, did you?
Oh.
Oh my gosh.
I got the same one that Dylan sent me a gift again.
Why do I always get that one?
That's the third time I've ever landed on that one.
I have such a big camera roll.
And this is just my profile picture for the podcast.
That's everyone doing what that looks like.
Oh, sorry.
Oh, hello, hello, hello, hello.
I got the same one of Dylan.
It's hurting me.
Bloody love my...
My new stadium.
I'm supposed to say no way home, not Wolves versus Chelsea.
Anyway, bloody love.
What was the score on the Wolves versus Chelsea game?
No one cares.
Sorry.
Well, I'll seize it.
Okay.
Okay, yeah, I can do this one.
Right.
Are you ready, Wolves?
Yeah.
Bring it at me.
So this is a cat's Christmas stocking that I brought for my cat's Christmas.
So basically, it has lots of different favourite treats in it and some toys.
And this is what I got them for Christmas.
I paid...
How much did I pay for it?
Oh, it doesn't say.
That's a shame.
I think I paid like eight pounds for it or something.
It's from a company, Cupid and Comet from Amazon.
And what you get in it is you get some cheese stick cat treats, some turkey strip cat treats,
some salmon bite cat treats and some catnip mouse toys.
And basically, it's called Rosewood, Cupid and Comet Christmas dinner cat stocking.
So that's what I got my cats for their present for Christmas.
Oh, you're one of those people who buys presents for their dogs or pet's.
Oh, yeah.
Okay, what did you get them?
Oh, this beauty.
It is a Chelsea versus Wolves poster with Edward Mendy with Doctor Octopus arms from Spider-Man.
That's the most random thing.
Chelsea posted this on their Twitter and I took a screenshot of it because it looked really cool with Mendy.
Pretty rad.
What do you think?
Fair enough.
It's quite dull, but I'm quite pleased with it.
Yeah, good, good.
The coolest arts.
Next topic.
Let's actually get into a proper topic.
And that.
Oh, a question, not a topic, a question.
If you had to be stranded on a desert island with one person, who would it be and why?
Got a celebrity.
Or maybe a celebrity.
Yeah, we'll do that.
I wouldn't choose a celebrity.
Actually, maybe bad girls.
That would be good, wouldn't it?
Because he like, he can like know how to survive.
Okay, so either bad girls or like the obvious answers like my family, obviously.
So obvious answers.
But I'm not going to go say that because it's a bit boring, isn't it?
Yeah, that's dumb.
Or I'd like to be stranded on a desert island with you.
We could just plan the podcast.
It would be great.
It would be funny.
Even though I think you'd get like really stressed out and you'd like it would be really funny because you get really stressed out.
Then we'll stand on a desert island.
Yeah, you would.
You'd be like, we're all going to die together.
We're never going to get out of here.
We're going to get drowned at sea.
That's what you'd be like.
Okay.
Yeah.
That's very kind of you.
You're welcome.
But yeah, probably bad girls, to be honest with you.
If we're going for celebrity because I mean, then I'm not going to die.
You know?
You're a good guy.
I mean, if you believe he actually does it.
Does he not do it?
Whoa.
I don't really know much about him, to be honest.
I think he fakes it.
What's that guy called?
Is he called like Stephen?
He's a backstabbing.
Backstabbing.
You little backstabber.
Wait, hang on.
I'm Googling it.
You'd say your person, so people don't have to wait.
Person?
Oh, bloody hell.
I mean, I wouldn't bring anyone.
Well, maybe I would.
Oh, yeah.
Will any?
What's he going to do with you?
Keep me company.
Will any?
Here we go.
Steve Batchel.
That's who I'd take.
He's a British natureless.
Like, look at this guy.
You wouldn't want to be standing there like that.
I don't know with him.
Look, he's official.
Yeah, him.
Sorry, whoever I said in the first place, I can't remember your name now.
Bad girls.
Bad girls, yeah.
Yeah.
So you're just, no.
You're nothing compared to Steve, yeah?
Sorry, but.
Steve Batchel.
Whatever his chop says.
Batchel.
Yeah.
No, don't I?
All right, OK.
I mean, if I was going to take a celebrity, actually, I would take a really cool guy,
like Neymar.
Neymar?
Yeah, Neymar.
Why wouldn't I take Neymar?
Well, because the most he can do for you is play a little game of football with you,
with a rock.
Yeah, yeah, entertainment.
OK, fair enough.
Out to challenge each day.
Right, so basically, I'm going to be the one that actually survives, and you're going to
die with Neymar by your side, I guess.
That's probably something you'd wish for in life, isn't it?
I wouldn't mind that, actually.
I'm not going to lie.
That would be quite cool.
OK, Jemima, I'm pretty sure you have time for us to read.
Which one?
We've got quite a lot of stuff.
Listener story.
Right, I've got a listener story.
Yes.
And there.
Right, so let me read this out.
Usually, we'll read the listener stories, but we're sweeping it up.
Here we are.
Are you ready?
I am ready.
Hey, Will and Jemima, with no capital letters for our names.
Great start.
Ah.
I'm loving the pod.
Thanks.
Dude.
I've got a story to tell you all.
My name is William.
I follow William.
Respect, respect.
He's got...
William isn't putting capital letters on every time he says I in this paragraph, so well done, William.
OK, right.
When I was at school, I got bullied.
Well done.
Probably because I was slipping weird.
Ha ha ha.
OK, OK.
Sometimes in maths, I'd ask my teacher for a kiss.
What?
He'd ask his maths teacher for a kiss.
OK, moving on.
Anyways.
Think about that.
Ew!
No, no, no, no.
Ew, no.
Ha ha ha.
OK.
Anyways, I used to get bullied.
There was this kid called Tony.
Tony once sellotaped my head to the locker.
It hurt.
Quite a lot.
Ah, Tony.
Better, Tony.
Lots of people laughed at me, so it was quite funny, I guess.
But it still hurt, so it wasn't that funny.
Oh, we've got more.
Another time, we had jack-o-potatoes for lunch.
That day, I wrote 26 pages for my history essay.
We were told to write one.
Bloody hell!
What did you do that for?
26 pages.
Like, 84 pages.
That's like more than I've ever written in my life.
Probably more pages than all my essays I've ever written combined.
Jesus.
It's crazy.
OK.
We were told to only write one.
But history is fun, so I wrote 26 instead.
Anyways, five people threw their jack-o-potato at me.
Yes!
One of them landed in my mouth.
I became known as Weirdo William.
Weirdo William.
I don't know why.
Anyways, that's all from me.
Keep up the good work, dudes.
We've got a PS.
You ready?
Oh my.
PS, have you tried eating chewing gum from off the bottom of the desk in science?
It has a nice taste and an interesting texture.
Oh my god, he's lying.
He does this as fast as he wants.
Who knows?
Never done that.
I don't know.
You've got to have a screw loose to do that.
That's been in other people's mouths.
It's all brown when it gets under there, Weirdo.
Anyway, bye bye bye exclamation mark.
Weirdo Will.
Well, I can see why you were called Weirdo Will.
No offense, Will.
William Will, you bloody...
Oh my god.
That's just disturbed me now.
I don't like that.
That's giving me the heebie jeebies.
It's like crawling up my skin.
Bloody out crawling up your bloody skin.
What a freak show that was.
Yeah.
Well.
Well, main topic.
No, not main topic.
Well, yeah, it kind of is.
Funny love letters and funny love poems or just love poems.
Okay, this is our main topic, everyone.
We've both written one letter each and one poem each.
We're going to read it to each other.
Comment if you like it.
Do you mind, Ma?
No, I'm taking a letter.
I don't want to go first.
No, no, no.
Read it out, buddy.
Oh, God.
Right.
I've addressed this to you because I'm great.
It's really good.
Okay.
Ready?
I'm great.
Okay.
Will, your eyes are like a sunset.
Oh my gosh.
Okay.
Right.
Your eyes are like a sunset.
Beautiful to look into.
Your smile lights up a room like the sun.
You're so sweet when I see you.
I instantly fall into a trance.
You are truly a gift to my life.
Love, Jemima.
Bloody hell.
I know I'm quite the pellet, aren't I?
Right.
Mine bloody way longer than yours.
I'll cut a few bits out then.
My dearest.
Words cannot begin to express the depths of my love for you.
From the moment our paths crossed, my heart knew that it had found its true home.
You possess that incredible combination of beauty, strength and confidence.
And they not only my eyes, but also my soul.
Sounds like a Wikipedia page.
I may sell this bit.
This bit's a bit pointing out a few physical features.
Oh yeah.
It's just about curves and how mesmerizing they are.
As we journey through life together, I promise to support you in achieving all your aspirations.
Thank you for being my extraordinary woman that you are.
Your unwavering dedication to your fitness journey, as well as your captivating beauty, make you a force to be reckoned with.
I'm honored to call you mine and to hold your heart in mine.
In my hands.
Our love surpasses physical attributes as it is rooted in a deep connection, understanding our admiration for the person you are.
Forever yours, Will.
Bloody...
That was a heart. I was breathing by the heart, that was.
Love it. It was great.
Right, you have to do your poem first now, because I did my letter first, yeah?
Yeah.
I love poem.
You are the light in my dark night.
Your radiant smile fills my life with delight.
Beyond your stunning physical grace, it's your warmth and kindness that sets the pace.
Do you love it? Your words are like music to my ears.
In your embrace, I forget all my fears.
The love that we share is more than just emotion.
It's a bond that defies logic and holds enduring devotion.
Your laughter is a joy that I'll cherish forever.
A sound that uplifts my soul, always and forever.
I am lost in the depths of your beautiful eyes, a reflection of my love, of all my laughter and cries.
With you, I am complete, whole and fulfilled.
A journey we have embarked, a love that is forever instilled.
You are the air that I breathe, that of my heart.
A love continues to flourish right from the very start.
Not done yet, by the way.
I pledge to you, to love you, to make you mine.
A love that is pure, honest and divine.
For you are my soulmate, my one true love.
A love that makes my heart sing to the heavens above.
That's it.
You didn't write that.
I did write that.
Yeah, but there's no way you know what embark means.
I searched it up.
I searched up strong, powerful words for poems.
Okay.
I used a few of them.
Right.
A thing.
This one is also to you.
Oh.
Because I did it wrong.
But it is great.
Okay, you ready?
Okay.
Your podcasting skills will pay your bills.
They could turn anyone on, you're elegant like us.
You're funny and kind.
Your jawline is very defined.
Sir Will Jones, you're basically Sherlock Holmes.
That's amazing.
Oh, thank you.
You're the best.
Thank you.
You're just...
Oh.
That's not only nice, that is.
Sweet.
I know.
That is nice.
It's kind of brought a tear to my eye.
Really?
Divine eye, Holmes...
No, that isn't right.
Anyway, the main topic kind of technically, I guess you could say, the great debate.
This week's debate is, are we alone in the universe, or is there an intelligent life out there?
So are there aliens, in other words?
Okay, I have the agree statement that there are aliens out there.
Jemima has the disagree statement.
I'm gonna lose.
So who's going first?
Go ahead.
Oh, okay.
Okay, the question whether aliens exist or not has been the biggest mysteries in our
universe for ages, okay?
We all know that.
However the advanced technology the scientists have, they've discovered it's becoming increasingly
likely that aliens do exist.
The vast expansiveness of planets, you know, how many planets there are out there.
Right, yeah.
Just think.
There's definitely got to be some sort of life form on one of those planets.
Actually, I've just realised I have so much proof to just say.
There's been life found on Mars.
Well, you can't beat me at that, can you?
I mean, no, but I don't agree with what I'm arguing with, so.
That's all I was saying.
Life form on Mars.
Yeah, but they didn't actually ever get anywhere with that, to be fair.
No, that was found recently, so life form on.
Yeah, and?
No, alien.
Well, not necessarily.
Yeah, any life is an alien to us because it's not something that we know.
Yeah, yeah.
We have to be sort of a blimmin' rabbit to land on Mars and survive out there for years.
And it's now come into like some sludge.
Right.
Maybe they took some monkeys up there a while ago.
Well, this is one of the monkeys.
No, no, no, no, no.
They've been taken to Mars.
Oh, no, they didn't.
But maybe it just hopped onto Mars.
Oh, so really?
Just hopped onto Mars?
Well, how many miles is this to Mars?
It just hopped over there, did it?
Yeah, it swung with its monkey arm.
Ah, like Spider-Man.
Yeah, it doesn't.
Ah, it's...
Yeah, yeah, yeah, like it didn't.
I mean, that was a terrible argument back, by the way.
I mean, it's just so much proof that there is continuous...
There could be a counter-Earth for all we know.
Counter-Earth, that could be...
Uh... opposite of will.
Yeah, and half.
They could be making a podcast, but they could be making, like, not a comedy.
It could be like a tragedy.
Tragedy, yeah.
Do you see? You never know. You never know.
What else is out there?
It's a crazy world. It is a crazy world.
Not world, universe, even.
Yeah.
Well...
Um...
I just wanna say, haven't they found another galaxy?
What?
Another galaxy.
Where?
Well, there's another galaxy, alright?
Like the something galaxy.
You must know this.
There's definitely another galaxy.
Oh yeah?
Yeah, yeah.
Yeah, there's more than one galaxy, obviously.
And they found a new one. Well, ages ago.
Yeah, it was ages ago. It was like...
Ages ago.
Ages ago. I'm just saying.
There's life out there.
Yeah.
Probably. Yeah, say...
Wait, why did I say yeah? No, no, no, no, no, no, no.
No, no, no, no. Of course. Sure, sure, buddy.
Um, seriously, I...
If there are any aliens out there, do you think they'll come and kill us?
There isn't any aliens, so...
Let's say there is. If, if.
Well, no, because they would've killed us already by now, wouldn't they?
How long have we been on this earth? So long. They would've just murdered us.
300,000 years.
Exactly. What are they doodadying about if they want to kill us?
Tell me. Another thing. You, well...
I know, you could be right. Do you think they've come here before?
Like, actually come here and talk to humans before?
Or interact with you?
Wait, are you an alien and you're trying to tell me this?
No, no, no, no, no, no.
Bleh.
But do you, do you think they have interacted with us before?
And we haven't realised?
No, no, no, no, no. We have realised. It was just so long ago.
And this is where I get to my point.
Oh, right. Um...possibly. I mean, obviously we could've known.
Egyptians. Egyptians. Aztecs.
Look at their buildings. Look at who they pray to.
Have you seen their gods? No, no, no, they're not the gods.
Or, you'll see, we pulled something up.
Yeah?
Egyptian...Egyptians...oh, this is a stupid phone.
Egyptians and aliens.
Egyptian and cats.
Look at that.
Hang on, let me just load it. Oh, there you go.
This is...look at their gods. You can even see right there.
That little goddy. Weird head.
Yeah?
Alien.
See, I was telling me the Egyptians were praying to aliens.
But aliens came down and taught them stuff. Kind of became their gods.
Welcome.
This is all in the book. It's this book.
So where are the aliens now? What are they doing there then, Will?
Maybe we lost their trust. Maybe they...come and believe in us or just left us.
Alright, so if we all start worshipping what the Egyptians worship,
they'll pop back down to say hi again, will they?
Maybe.
Try it. All of your meditating, Will, can be your new thing.
I know.
I stopped meditating now.
Yeah, because he realised that it wasn't doing any good because he thought the earth was flat.
Sure.
I mean, that is astounding. Amazing.
Imagine walking around the temple.
I haven't done the argument yet.
Sorry, I've dragged on too long. I've just enjoyed it.
I mean, that's literally all we've got, isn't it? This episode? Unless you pulled up something.
What about my argument?
Oh, no argument.
Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, carry on.
Alright.
What's the problem about you?
You know, you always forget about me, don't you?
Okay.
Not around, Will.
Okay. Right, here's a question for you, Will.
Actually, no, because you're just going to say that because you just love that.
Oh, great.
Oh, God.
So, the aliens did exist.
Why aren't they contacting us right now, then?
Well, because they have no use for us. They've discovered this planet.
They're discovering another planet or we don't worship them.
And we used to worship them.
We changed to whatever religion you are in.
Right.
So, as a few minutes,
we've visited lots and lots of planets.
No, we haven't.
Okay. I've visited some.
And if we've been up in space,
we've been having a little no-is-y around the space station,
a little space walk and all this, all that. Why haven't we?
Space is spousy trillions of miles long.
Why haven't we saw something by now?
We have Mars.
I can read it by Google today.
Right. This one is from my own brain at this point.
So, this is the hot stuff.
Right. Okay. You ready?
Okay. Yep.
Aliens.
They're just like fairies and giants and trolls.
There's something that don't exist that we tell our children about
in stories when they're younger.
And all these people that are saying,
oh, yeah, yeah, there's still aliens around.
Yeah, them.
They are just children at heart.
They haven't grown up.
They haven't stopped believing in fairies and giants and unicorns.
They are still children.
Right. Okay.
Oh, this is a day ago.
Looks like USO have maybe found some sort of spacecraft.
And remember that thing that came down years and years and years ago
that the USA, the US government hid from the people?
What? No.
Oh, my gosh. It was like this thing that came down.
Maybe it was in that restricted area in the USA, you know what I'm talking about.
Yeah.
It came down and they hid it from the public and we still don't know what it's like.
I did not know that.
What do you say? And Mars, aliens.
Yeah, I don't know why you're arguing like I don't actually believe in alien.
I just want to prove my point to all the people who don't.
You just want to prove my point.
Right. So everyone, you can decide who won this argument.
I think we all know as well.
Yeah, because for some reason, I always get the bad sides in these debates.
Next week, I'm going to get the good side.
I wrote this debate before I even told you what it was. I'm sorry.
You did.
It's just my topic.
Yeah.
OK. Well, we're having words before we decide next time.
Oh, Jesus. OK.
Sorry, my dearest.
Forever yours, Will.
But that's 33 minutes.
That's some hopeful good content for all of you, for all of y'all.
So, y'all.
We'll see you guys next time. Thank you for joining us on this episode nine.
Hopefully you enjoyed this episode and the chase.
We'll see you Sunday content. Bye, guys.
We'll see you Sunday.