replicating potent and powerful technologies. I know there's the whole meme and the joke
about the guards guys who found a slightly better knife and a big whoop you found a really
nice wife.
The mechanicus, I just tell you like the idea of the mechanicus being happy that someone
found a wife is just so stupid. Whoever finds the Hatsune Miku STC. No, oh no. What is this
anime nonsense you're talking about? You know what? Ignorance is bliss. Hello everyone and
welcome once more to lore crimes. Today we are once again moving forward in the Warhammer
timeline. We have covered the rise and fall of the Eldari and now it is time for the birth
of the Imperium. And I'm very excited for this one because now I can sit here naysaying
in the corner instead of Andy doing it.
The revenge has already begun.
To be honest, you're gonna have a lot of that because the Eldar are more or less irrelevant
from now on, you know, they're just kind of their sidelines.
Oh, fine words.
Look at how hard he's seething and it's not even a full minute.
It will be fun, ladies and gentlemen.
Should we just jump right in fellas?
Let's jump straight in.
So today it will be with Andy. He'll be leading us all in the beginner section. So I think
take it away, Andy. Give the boys their lore.
I see, I misread who was doing beginner.
So I'm just gonna, with my section, I'm gonna basically just do like a brief overview of
what we're gonna talk about, then a few points and then I'll pass it over to Hal to flesh
things out of it. So what we're covering today spans from about 8000 BC to the 30th millennium,
just about predating the Great Crusade as far as timeline is concerned. We're gonna
cover a lot of stuff about the Emperor of mankind in particular, because he's very important
at this stage as he always is because, you know, I love Big E. And I'll get this out
the way at the start, there's probably going to be a lot of speculation in this episode,
but we're going to mention when it is speculation. So we're not like, not kind of muddying the
lore or the history so that people go, oh, they're talking about stuff that's not confirmed
or whatever. We'll mention specifically when we're spitballing, when we're not sure. And
this is going to go through everywhere from the kind of formation of humanity spanning
the stars to the Dark Age of Technology, the Age of Strife, Men of Iron, Thunder Warriors,
Technobarbarians, the whole gamut.
All the good stuff.
All sorts of stuff. But to start with, let's just begin with the most important character
in 40K, which is the Emperor of Mankind.
He's not Gilliman.
He's better than Gilliman. He is Gillie's daddy. He is, you know, Jimmy Space's daddy
space. Daddy space. Daddy's daddy space. Oh, God. This is daddy space.
I thought we just finished a Slamash video.
Oh, no. Yeah. I would have gone. All right. Anyway, enough silliness. So who is the Emperor?
The Emperor, we're going to go into the nitty gritty with how section, but to give you an
overview of the Emperor, he is an extremely powerful Psyche in the 41st millennium, arguably
one of the most powerful beings in existence. He's intimately connected to his powers to
the warp. He is a figure from history that keeps coming up time and time again. This
speculation, you could probably guess an actual person from our own history. And in the Warhammer
timeline, that's probably been the Emperor once or twice. Like, it could have been that
Julius Caesar was like an early version of the Emperor. Or, you know, do we have any
ideas of who he could have been in the rise of humanity that we know from our history?
Dame, Dame Judi Dench. 100%. 100%.
Not really specific. I just like to imagine, like, I don't know why I imagined he was involved
in the Manhattan Project. One of the one of those scientists, I feel like it's got to
have been him.
That's actually a good point. That's a really good. I never thought about that one.
Well, this is the thing. He's probably been both at the foreground and the background
of many events in history. So he would have led wars as a general. He would have developed
scientific breakthroughs behind the scenes. He would have been advisors to world leaders.
He would have been a king. He would have been, you know, every kind of, I would say, like,
influential figure, and has given him a length of breadth of knowledge and experience beyond
anyone else in humanity's history, or even most creatures in the galaxy. He's done it
all. With his particular start, he began his ascent as the most powerful creature in humanity's
history during the kind of coalescence of sentient life within the warp. So chaos kind
of got bolstered with the start of humanity and its emotional ties to the immaterium.
And as the forces of chaos coalesced within the warp, so too did humanity. As it got more
progressively stronger, it would also bolster the warp with it. This is also why the three
main chaos gods that we do like more than the Elven one. They got corny boy, you got
Nurgleboo and Cinchyface.
Corn is the worst. I hate him.
I love you, Corn.
He's too blunt. He says, I like punching things.
Yeah, that's all you need.
There's no elegance. There's no style.
Corn can't do a kick flip on his skateboard. Let's just say that.
I don't know. I think Corn would be pretty sick on, you know.
He'd break it in half. I think he'd break it in half and then like walk off all stroppy,
like a teenager.
I can imagine Cinch having those rollerblade shoes. He's like, I'm not going to have a
skateboard. I'm going to have something with more mobility and eyes.
He's a nerd.
Massive Sonic fan. As the chaos gods are doing their thing and they're growing in power,
during the Middle Ages, the emperor is becoming more dominant in history. He actually fights
a void dragon during the Middle Ages. It's believed he is kind of the physical manifestation
of the legend of St. George who slew a dragon. Apparently he sealed this void dragon in Mars.
I don't know how he did that because space travel wasn't a thing yet, but he did it somehow.
He held his breath for a really long time.
He's just that cool.
There's also possibly the idea that maybe the void dragon kind of influenced the mechanicus
and how they see things as well because the void dragon is basically a katanjou. We'll
go into that more later. Humanity then, after this point, with the emperor beating the dragon,
he gets more powerful. Energy gets more and more advanced over time. You start to colonize
the star system. They venture into the wider galaxy without faster than light travel at
the moment, but they're colonizing the solar system and they're getting a bit further
out. They start to encounter aliens. They cooperate with them because they're not jaded
and battered like they are in the 41st millennium.
I think, yeah, because if you're new within Warhammer, all you know is the Imperium humanity
despises aliens. It's pretty sure it's why, Andy, maybe you can admit to hating the Eldar
so much. It's because a little bit of Imperium bias, but at this time, that's very-
I think it's good reasoning.
They had their cake, they ate it, and then they started to do unseemly things with the
cake. So, I'm very sympathetic to that.
After 60 million years.
Yeah, true. But still. Wild over. So, eventually, they start to develop Gellerfield technology
so they can expand even further into the unknown of the galaxy. They develop STCs, which are
standard template constructs, which are so incredibly useful that even during the 41st
millennium, not just humanity, but every species is trying to get their hands on them because
they're so useful at replicating potent and powerful technologies. I know there's the
whole meme and the joke about the guards guys who found a slightly better knife, and big
whoop, you found a really nice wife.
Wife?
A wife.
The mechanicus, I just- the idea of the mechanicus being happy that someone found a wife is just
so stupid.
Whoever finds the Hatsune Miku STC.
No! Oh no!
What is this anime nonsense you're talking about?
You know what? Ignorance is bliss. Ignorance is bliss.
Okay, okay. Yeah, so the STCs are doing well, the Gellerfields making them expand. The modern
age of humanity sees unprecedented peace, prosperity, breakthroughs in architecture
and art and technology, and it's the equivalent of human paradise. And it's at this point
that humanity does a bit of a mistake and it goes, okay, well, we've already got all
this going on, why don't we take the next logical step and develop AI? And then things
go terribly wrong. Humanity creates them so well that the robots become sentient and start
to rebel. Revolt is so extremely perilous for the safety of the galaxy that not only
humanity wages war with them, but they actually band together with other Xenos species, including
the orcs of all people, just to stop the AI from taking over because they are so powerful.
Strange friends. Yeah. And that's why to this very day, a lot
of people say, oh, the mechanical is weird. Oh, they have like all these lobotomized people
and servitors. And it's like, because they hate, because the history of AI in humanity's
history is so detrimental to its progress and prosperity, they are like, we're erring
completely on the side of caution, never again, never again, never again, no more AI. And
of course, you know, this war is so catastrophic with the war against man and machine. By the
end of it, warp storms and destruction and calamity are all over the galaxy. It's completely
destabilized, very fabric of reality that it's been the destruction left in its wake
is absolutely terrible. And it's the first proper nail in the coffin, humanity's downward
descent. Humanity, because they reject not just AI, but other technologies that are kind
of close to that precipice, very quickly start to descend and regress into a less technologically
sophisticated species. And in the case of a big empire across the stars, it completely
breaks down and terror, the home world where we live, which we would call earth, becomes
a barbaric state ruled by techno barbarians.
My goodness, I think Colin will be Colin need to soak in and enjoy this moment as much as
you can.
I am
Is this a LL Eldor boy here? Is this because it's going to get better after this? So you
have to enjoy the misery.
Short, short, what 15,000 years before they screwed themselves over. That's not quite
hitting the record, are we?
Well, these they didn't create necrons with their, you know, like massive human sacrificial
pyre things.
The Eldor didn't do that.
Well, they were involved. So
The old ones are the real bad guys in 40k.
I can settle on that.
And it's this point where the emperor has been doing a lot of stuff. He's he's not,
he hasn't been in charge of humanity up to this point. He's just been kind of involved.
And it's at this point, he goes, right.
We were doing so well. And look where we are now. I'm going to take the reins. I think
I'm the only person who can write this ship. And he starts to see to the retaking of terror.
And he creates a genetic an army of genetically modified super soldiers. One would be the
custodians, the adeptus custodians that we all love, which are very painstakingly made.
And they take a lot of work. And because of such, they are very few, at least in terms
of the scale of most armies in Warhammer. And then he also made the thunder warriors
who were designed just to retake terror. And these soldiers were given failsafe so they
couldn't they were designed so that they could basically just brutalize anything they were
pointed towards. And because they were so violent and unstable, the emperor basically
made it so that they had like horrific cancers embedded in their genetic coding. So once
they'd done their job, he could just go like, right, wipe my hands clean. We don't need
them anymore. They're not going to be any use after all the slaughter. But nonetheless,
he retakes terror, he unifies terror, he, he bands together all of his custodians. He
also develops the adeptus astartes, which are the next generation of super soldiers.
They slaughter the thunder warriors. And then he says, right, the new warriors, these adeptus
astartes, they have to be capable of going out into the galaxy, no matter what the environmental
or we're going to reef, we're going to find all our lost fragments of our empire, we're
going to bind it back together with like, electric duct tape almost, bring everything
back to the fold, and we will retake our place as the dominant species of the galaxy. And
at this point, he launches the great crusade. And that's basically the overview of what
we're talking about today.
It seems like a very hostile work environment. That's the case in mind for the thunder warriors
are probably like, go ahead, go ahead. Okay. And it made me think of like, the Emperor
doing like a flex seal commercial.
Oh, he slaps it on.
It's like him in green screens in like the galaxy. I like that image. I like that.
Slapping on the tape, like the cow, it seals this water spout. Oh my God.
That'd be that's just like the neck runs when they're flexing, like we could close the eye
of terror.
Zap.
Before we, before we move on to the next stage, do any of you two have any questions or things
maybe that are lingering in your mind that you want to verbalize before we move on?
Do you think that the orcs were still the crook when they were?
It's
Aligned with humanity?
Or they're like halfway in between orc and crook at that point, so they're not completely
crazy.
I think maybe even Colin might be able to answer that as someone maybe a bit weird because
we did the war in heaven episode. Shout out, please watch that before this episode. But
maybe Colin might have a bit of a knowledge on that.
If you'd like to throw it my way, sure. I can kind of give at least my best guess on
the matter. I would say by this point, probably not because each of the crooks were at least
in terms of physical might, probably not too far off from like Primarch stuff. And if there
were any of those running around, I think Biggie would have had a lot harder time. I
think just not even Biggie, I think humanity like before everything fell apart, would have
had a lot harder time going around if there were still anything close to one of them rampaging.
So I'm guessing by this point, they had, they had become orcs.
They don't go on holiday.
The crook went to bed and then they're drunken children, the orcs.
Fair enough. Yeah. So with that said and done, we will now move on to the expert section.
I think everyone is puckered up and ready for this injection of law because we've got,
this is mostly too fair, humanity story, a few little touches of Xenos there, but Colin
will have to sit through and endure this one. As we talk about the birth of the Imperium.
So lean back and relax. So we begin at the start of our story with humanity. So humanity
itself was created long ago by the old ones. It's implied that we were not necessarily
as we are now as probably maybe a bit closer towards obviously our common ancestors like
monkeys or something like that. But it's implied that obviously the old ones had a hand in
our creation and humanity is sitting here on terror, just enjoying the sun, foraging,
doing all your cool stuff, whatever you do on the weekends. And we sort of fast forward
in time. We're not really that evolved, but we get to the point where we're about 8,000
plus BC. And this is where we have some unique characters. These are the perpetuals and there
are the perpetuals called Alanius person and Erda. It's not given a specific date of when
they're exactly born, but it's implied that they are before 8,000 BC sort of time because
we hit exactly, it's implied 8,000 BC. And this would be the birth of the man that would
be known as the emperor of mankind. Everyone's cheering, fireworks are going off. Probably
not at the time, but definitely now. They're just throwing like coloured rocks in the air
or something like that. So the emperor story begins when he's born in a primitive proto
Hittite village. Yes, even to that extent for those history people out there, along the banks
of the Sakyar river in Anatolia. He was born to a very simplistic tribal life. The first time we
actually ever see like an image of him within the Warhammer setting, which something he actually
shows in a vision is a very like small primitive child and he's holding the skull of his dead
father. So a bit of an intro, you know, I mean, if everyone's here watched WWE, it's a pretty
metal way to be introduced into the story, shall we say. And the sort of first thing we see or
first way we interact with the emperor was that he knows that his father has been, he's holding
the skull of his father and he knows that his father has been murdered by his uncle. And perhaps
a either conscious or unconscious decision. He gives his uncle a heart attack and his uncle
essentially grabs his chest and he falls over. And this is obviously how it reveals that the
emperor is obviously a little bit special. He has psychic ability. So he has some kind of magic,
shall we say. You say in every four year old can't just do that at will. They might try it. When
you're growing up, is there one you watch Star Wars and like you try and hold out your hand and
pretend you have the force. I say as a child, I'm pretty sure we've all done it as adults.
We can all confess to that every day. And so the emperor, he essentially is off his uncle,
shall we say. And he immediately after this just leaves his village and he sort of roams across
what would be today in the middle East. And he finds the first ever city of humanity in a little
bit of a nod to people who like history. This is most likely ancient Sumeria of Mesopotamia. If
anyone here is a big history fan, I know Colin might appreciate that little extra tidbit there.
And I think this is a little bit of speculation here. So big disclaimer, this is where me and
Andy think he may have discovered that he was a perpetual. And I think in my own head, that's
probably because he didn't die of old age. I think at first when we were discussing the script for
this, I was just like, oh, he fell down like a massive flight of stairs. And then he's like,
oh, that's weird. I did see a, I saw a meme earlier to be fair, which was like,
survives World War II, survives World War I. And it's like the stairs looking all aggressive.
The stairs got him. We're not sure how he discovered he was a perpetual.
And a perpetual is someone who is essentially immortal. They are ageless, or they stop aging
after a while and they regenerate every time they die. So the emperor is essentially immortal.
And this is a little bit later. So it's not implied exactly how long this took, but
the emperor supposedly met the other perpetual, the older perpetual Erda, and she met a man who
was going by the name of Neoth. I'm not sure if it's his, it's not even said if it's his actual
name. There's no, there's actually a modern 40k plot about discovering the emperor's true name,
which is in the Beckwin novels, but that might be more tied to his psychic power. But the emperor's
real name is not really given, but at this time he's going by Neoth.
Be remish if it was just called Keith.
One thing, one thing before you go further, does this all confirm that the emperor was like,
was born and not created by the, the old suicide pact? Shaman stuff.
Yeah. It may have been that these shamans, the shaman theory about how it was thousands of
psychers pouring their soul into one being, that being may still have been born. So it's not clear
if that is still can, like not, I wouldn't say canon, but we're not sure. It reminds me of the
origins of the Joker, where it's like, there's so many stories about how he turned into the Joker,
but they're all like made up. Yeah. You're not quite knows the truth. So it'd be like
either like an amalgam of them or none of them or. So yeah, so there's a little bit of maybe
possibly it's again, a lot of Warhammer stuff. It's intentionally left mysterious, shall we say.
I like the theory that Malkador found him in a box after someone made him in the dark age of
technology. Or like flowing down a river or something. Yeah. It's just this weapon someone made him in.
Isn't there like a mention of like, he's a weapon in the master of mankind book where
Valdo is about to kill this woman. And she's like, yes, weapon out of the box from the old dark age
of technology. And I'm like, it's minister zoo. He's one of the warlords on terror. She says he's
just a weapon left out of his box. Although that may have been more of a just, she thinks he's an,
it's like an insult rather than a, you know, she actually genuinely believes he was a weapon in a
physical box. No, no, no, no, no mental box, baby. So, Erda, she's met this strange, I guess,
so say strange. She's also a perpetual. So she's, they're both equally as weird as each other.
So she beats the emperor and she agrees to become one of his sort of semi followers. And
this is again, the emperor himself now has discovered someone who's also like him. And so
he sort of roams the world and he seeks out other perpetuals to recruit to his cause. And this is
obviously many thousands of years in BC. So it's just, you know, he's not obviously he's walking
everywhere. So it's not happening fast, but he's often a, it's sort of a background mission that
he's on. And at some point in recorded history, the emperor, it stated that he became a king.
He even organized his own armies. And then he also met the perpetual Alanias Pius, sorry,
Alanias person, excuse me. And Alanias person became his warmaster, even though I think Alanias
is probably older than the emperor, but maybe the emperor is just so, you know, Chad that he was
like, Oh dude, I didn't know you were tight like that. And it's like, they dabbed up and he was
like, yeah, I have to say that's not canon. That is again, speculation. So they kind of, they,
they have a sort of, as there are immortals, they sort of seek to protect humanity and they want to
guide it. They are friends at this time. And as they're leading their armies, these two friends
besiege a tower in Eastern Phoenicia built by a cult that would be known as the cogitate. Yes.
Yeah. It is very, again, very mysterious. It's kind of, I don't know, I'm not sure how they know
this, but again, it's like little echoes we have in the Warhammer history. After their forces succeed
in capturing this tower, they discovered something called Inusia. And this is a kind of very strange,
like ancient language that seems to have an effect on the Warhammer setting. And it starts to bleed
corruption and power from the warp. So it's obviously very much tied to that kind of
realm of madness, shall we say. Elanius is like, bro, this is terrible. And he demands that they
just destroy this tower because obviously it's corrupt. Meanwhile, the emperor,
he kind of disagrees and he wants to preserve the knowledge it's held. And the reason he does this
because he thinks it's a better way to protect against this corruption is to understand it as
much as he can. Elanius did not agree. So he became disillusioned with the emperor. He actually
stabbed the emperor with a dagger and then he uttered one of the lines of Inusia. So there's
like a power language and he actually destroyed the tower and ran off essentially. Did a foos
ro dah basically. Pretty much. So Elanius kind of backstabbed, you know, mate, I trust in you,
you know, I'm happy to follow you. And that one decision, maybe not, you know, quick shank and
he left. So that's... I love Elanius. Elanius is just, he's in and out essentially. He's in and out
of the story. And we sort of, time keeps progressing. So humanity itself, we are evolving.
We next find ourselves in the middle ages. So this is very much unfortunate for us because this is
when the first chaos gods are born. Some of the seeds may have been planted much earlier in the
timeline, but this is when they become into a full conscious state. And this is known in the
mirror dimension as, well, we call it the warp. So the warp itself is just like a, if you are new
to Warhammer, just a brief thing about the warp, it's essentially a mirror dimension where all of
our like sentient thoughts, like every, even, you know, good or bad, any kind of feeling, it all
ripples within there sort of creating, I guess, either, you know, good things and bad things,
you know, demons and angels, all that kind of stuff, essentially. It doesn't, it annoyingly
does not adhere to any of these strict laws of physics. So that's obviously, is very much a
storied writing tool, but there's also parts where it's like time makes no sense there too. So like,
oh, we could do anything we want, but, you know, I mean, it's like, surely that, you know, it is,
there's trouble with it, but it makes, it has no reason to adhere to our human understanding,
shall we say. And I'll pass over to Andy quickly to talk about what the Emperor did next in his
great journey. So basically, this is the bit I mentioned earlier about how the Emperor fought
a dragon. Now, I said earlier that it's implied that he might be a fragment of the K'tar known as
Maglodroth the Void Dragon. I should say this isn't explicitly stated anywhere. It's more
kind of assumed with what we know of him and like little references from other bits of like
lore here and there. But basically, he fought this void, what I believe it's just called the
Void Dragon or the dragon, a dragon that he fights, and he seals it inside of Mars,
in what is called the Noctis Labyrinth. No idea how he did it really. I mean,
it's the whole fact that at this point, there isn't really space travel yet. So I guess he
just yeeted him into Mars or something, or he teleported or did some kind of warp trickery,
who knows. Big jump.
It is Maglodroth the Void Dragon. He's the most powerful K'tarn. So if it is a fragment of him,
that's pretty impressive that he was like, I'm not just going to fight a K'tarn shard. I'm going to
best the most powerful one, or a bit of the most powerful K'tarn. So that's pretty cool.
We had a slight theory, by the way, that it was actually Elon Musk that took the Emperor all the
way to Mars, because obviously, you know, he's got a ticket there. But this happens during the
middle aged period. So fortunately, Elon Musk is something like that, maybe.
That's what they didn't tell us about the Tesla launch into space.
And it's still alive today in the 41st millennium. It is watched over by the Guardians of the Dragon
on Mars. And pretty much all the information that the Imperium knows about it is derived from the
Guardians, because they share the memories of the creature. Again, they don't really get out much,
because they're looking after this big K'tarn thing in the core of Mars. So yeah, but you know,
and the Emperor, I believe when he bests the Dragon, he also gets like a kind of power buff
almost. He's like, oh, I'm so good. Look at me. I beat a dragon. A very sexy moment. Thank you
very much there, Andy. And so this was, this is the kind of the Emperor's like big moment, I guess,
in his, I say early history, he's probably like 15, he's a couple of thousand years old, so he's
not exactly young. His stables definitely come through. So crazy how the Emperor had the
struggle to take down a shard, but Cain beat a full one. Yeah, he's got it in. He's got it in.
They could be fighting. They'll be fighting. They'll be fighting into a different planet.
There'll be more fights to come, boys. Don't worry. Don't worry. So I'm just saying, you know,
Cain gets whupped by regular, regular Astartes quite regularly. That's kind of sad though,
isn't it? That makes me sad. Knowing his games workshop needs this character to look powerful
today. Very much so. So for the Emperor's done is like his big, let's just say he's gone super
Saiyan. He's done his big move. He's sent the dragon into Mars. And now we kind of focus a
little bit more on humanity as a whole itself. So humanity is kind of alone on Terra at this time.
We very much start to sort of begin to populate and terraform the solar system itself. So we've
moved a little bit further along in the technological side of things, shall we say. So a little bit
a smarter in general. And eventually we were slowly like building again, it takes thousands
of years. So this is when we get to about the fourth millennium. And this is the kind of first
time that humanity in general is like aware of the warp, as in they like, oh, that, you know,
ping light bulb. What's that thing? Yeah, what's that? Oh, that's terrifying. So this kind of,
it's the first time we've interacted with the warp and it becomes like in general aware of it.
The actual man, Neoth, or the man who had one day become the Emperor, he very much sort of,
he's beat the dragon, he slips kind of more into the background picture of humanity. It might be
like, I think in my own head, speculation, the warning here, I think it might be that he gets
overshown by a lot of other things. I think obviously, like in the 41st millennium, the
Emperor is a relic of a different age when all these great things are made. And I think this is
the time where he doesn't see, hasn't necessarily, he's not a genius yet, because he hasn't gone
through all the discoveries because they're happening right now. So he's a bit more of a,
oh, I'm learning, you could say at this stage. Although I suppose if at this point, he's also
still of the mind of, oh, we shouldn't be believing in superstition. If they've literally turned him
into a parable of St. George killing the dragon, he's probably like, okay, I need to like step back
for a minute. They're starting to, they're getting ideas in their heads. I'm just going to like Loki,
killing a dragon was fun, but you know, don't look at me yet. Don't look at me. I'm a bit shy.
Mason- Yeah, I don't know why I put that there. I thought it'd be fun to ask you guys if you had any
people in the history, I think we asked it earlier, but I think Colin said in a different video,
you thought Julius Caesar, and even I think we said it earlier in this one as well, we kind of
have a hint that, because a lot of that symbology of Warhammer, like the Imperial Eagle, obviously
it might be taken from, you know, might have nicked it from somewhere else. I wonder if anyone had
any different ideas about different people you could have been, possibly.
Colin- I think you can call him a lot of the big conquerors, the really successful commanders and
stuff like that. He goes against everything he believes in, but he could have been like an Odin
slash Jesus figure. And then it's like, I don't know what he tried to preach was taken differently
or something, but. Mason- I never thought of him being Odin. That would be quite cool.
Colin- I mean, Jesus have many parallels.
Mason- Yeah. Go ahead.
Colin- I say, I have heard that, at least this was not confirmed, I've just heard someone suggest
that he might have been a follower of Jesus, in which case he's a great, he shows, jumping ahead
a bit, shows what happens when you try and play God and do better at it than his own game. Though
perhaps I'm jumping a bit too far ahead of the time. Mason- I don't know which one we would
speculate. Colin- I just like the idea of like Jesus being like, hey, look, I turned water into wine.
The Emperor's like, Pfft, Baggin, eat it mate. Mason- Well, which of the followers was he in the
end? That'll be a bit, you know, it could get really spicy. We probably shouldn't go there.
Colin- Jesus, okay, yeah, sure. Mason- I don't know if we should speculate too hard.
Colin- Probably more of a Judas figure. Mason- Yeah, you said it, you said it.
So moving on from Jesus, you know, the lighthearted topic that that is.
Colin- And it's getting angry. Mason- They're already typing. So humanity now is,
we're pretty much, you know, we're on the train and it's moving. So humanity, we start to reach
the 15th millennium and our technological understanding reaches its zenith. So everything
at this time period is awesome. So people will even live longer. Life is pretty peaceful.
It's kind of like, I always thought of it a bit like, you know, how some Star Trek stuff is,
where it's like, it's a time of exploration and discovery. Like humanity is really curious about
what's going on in the stars. You know, like, I think, you know, the curiosity of like looking
up in the night sky is very much a driving force. We're not really jaded yet, but that will be
coming. So hopefully everyone's excited about that part. So many of the technologies that are like
really sought after in the 41st millennium, they are created during this kind of millennia spanning,
like golden age. So we have things like a Terminator pattern armour. We have,
we'll say starting off that small, you'll see why. We go all the way to Titans, which if you're new
to Warhammer, they are the enormous, like clunky robots with, I guess, guns the size of cathedrals
on each arm. Walking cathedral towers with guns. I think, yeah, they're pretty, they're chunk,
shall we say they're pretty chunky. Oh boy, they're thick. That is a sentence you don't
think you'd ever hear in your life, but it makes sense. Humanity even gets to the point where
time travel is possible. There's a short story, I think, about a ship that time travels. In Warhammer
there's an interesting part where the time travel ship meets like the modern 40k time around it,
just basically calls all the humans like scum. It is hilarious. And there's also something I think
is my favourite is black hole guns, which is like things that are hiding inside some of the
mechanicus equipment. There's like even a mechanicus ship that can phase an object in time. So basically
it creates like a double of itself and it's on top of itself and it basically just implodes.
It's a bit crazy. I don't know if anyone here wants to speculate about what other pieces of
technology you think might have come from this era. I think to be honest, titans might be
probably my favourite just because I think I'm not exactly sure what it was originally a titan, but
maybe the idea of it being like a ploughing machine or something, you know how like knights,
like I think we almost, we're not sure if it's cannons. A little bit of speculation here, like
Terminator armour is somewhere in old lore might've been like diving equipment possibly.
We're not sure if that's cannon. I say again, yeah, this is kind of speculation, but I think that
I read that it's the basis for Terminator armour is taken off of what like construction equipment
people would wear. They essentially just kind of revised it so the black carapace would work with it.
I mean, yeah, so it's pretty, I mean like ludicrous. We're not really sure what's going on,
but essentially the gist is humanity makes some really dope stuff. Like it makes them like the
cooler, you know, and they make the air pods. You know those little things that were popular a couple
years ago, like you spin, all those things like the little three claw. They made fidget spinners
that can fly. I don't know. They made a George Foreman toastie where if you overpack it with
too much cheese, it doesn't like come out the side. It's like that's what it's all about.
It comes out your nose. I'm surprised I haven't seen a meme where Jane czar has a fidget spinner.
I just thought of that now. Like tricycle weapon. Yeah, the little throwing thing there,
whatever that is. Yeah, I do have a ride on a tricycle what you just said there.
Well, you know, that you know, that they call something like a tricycle, it's a similar name.
When you say that I think of the little kid in the Incredibles. And he's like, you know, the
Mr. Incredible lifts up the car and the little kids on the little tricycle, but it's actually
Jane czar. She's got daggers like that's what I'm thinking of in my head. And it's Mr. Incredible's
the emperor. She's like, I'm waiting for you to do something cool. I don't know something amazing.
So yeah, humanity makes some, like, you know, some really cool stuff. And we're essentially,
you know, as terrorists, the homeworld, we're sort of blooming our way across the stars, we are very
much colonising everything that can be colonised, shall we say reasonably. So we're on humanity is
definitely spreading out. So people are not born necessarily within the solar system anymore. And
this is where we first encounter many of the lovely Xenos races such as Orcs, the Eldari, and
probably at this time, numerous other minor Xenos that okay, we did definitely the Jiquero as well.
Monkeys, the monkey men have returned, they are here. Why do they look like I have eaten the last
ice cream? I don't know why they look at me like that. They make me nervous. So they've they've
definitely, you know, we're on the block if you know what I mean, humanity is out there. And again,
the tone is more curious, we're not the 41st, you know, millennium, the grim dark future isn't there
yet. So it's much more chill. Although, I think we have speculated that the Orcs probably weren't
chill, you know, they weren't chill, they weren't chill like that. So we probably didn't hang out
with them. And you're a black hole gun. So they're like, you want to attack and it's like, flump,
I, they probably didn't enjoy fighting humans at the time, because there's no, you know,
charging into a, basically a wall of guns with, you know, melee weapons, essentially,
this hasn't happened yet. So at the height of this time, it's basically humanity's golden age,
we are almost in a way, unchallenged in technology and science. The Emperor, unfortunately,
he's not really doing much, but him and other perpetuals he's discovered over the years,
they sort of, they've created like a cult, shall we say, I don't know, they don't necessarily
exclusive club. Yeah, pretty much like, you know,
can you join the cause like, Oh, what do I have to do? And they just like stab you in the chest
and then you're like, how? Oh, yeah, he's fine. Yeah, let him in.
If you don't come back, he's lying. So they very much have like, you know, they got their click
together. And these, this culture perpetuals, they sort of suit up for a mission that only
perpetuals can do. And they reach a world called Moloch. And this world is really important within
Warhammer. And the reason why Neoth or the Emperor, the man who had one day become the Emperor,
he only had perpetuals with him was because they were traveling in a ship that was not faster than
light travel. So it had to be crewed by essentially immortal people that wouldn't be able to travel.
Essentially immortal people that wouldn't die of old age. And as they've reached this kind of very
strange world of Moloch, I'll pass it over to Andy to tell you what exactly went down on this
strange place. Well, this is this is the what you could call the ascendance of the Emperor's might
where he he he basically enters a warp gate. And he's in there for a few moments. And then when
he comes out, his psychic powers have just been like, pranked up to, you know, 115 out of 10.
He's essentially got, you know, he's like the most powerful being inhumanity in like,
snap of a finger. And when he's in the the warp gate, and he goes into the immaterium place,
I suppose you'd call it. He also gets like a kind of a lore dump of like, something incredibly,
really important and very difficult to digest information. Let's put it that way. I imagine
if you were like, watch every one of our channels, all the videos in half a second, and you
divulged all the information, but you also knew like everything we'd ever done in our lives.
And you know, the postcodes of everywhere in I don't know, Mozambique,
all this information. Where did all this information come? I don't know. It's a bit
much. It's a bit much. It's a bit much. And for some reason, when no one knows what he actually
saw in there, but it changed him completely. Like his personality just dropped off a cliff
to the point where Erda, the perpetual even comments about how the emperor used to have a
sense of sense of humor. And now he doesn't laugh anymore. He's just very stern, very stoic, very
funny. And it's like, it's like such an incredible shift in his personality,
to which we could probably speculate that that's the moment where he started to
give less of a care for humanity in some regards, because he lost a lot of his human traits.
So I think it's quite a, I like the fact that Erda, when we do meet Erda in the Warhammer books,
I'll, it's so like hilarious to me that she actually says the emperor was really funny
before. Cause you have to imagine like, is his sense of humor like really outdated and it's
something that only the perpetuals get. Do they make only like, I don't know what happened in like,
you know. Are you inferring that the comedy, the comedy stylings of the emperor were not woke?
Is that what you mean? It's more slap, is it like slapstick? Do I, like, you know,
do you know what I mean? Like falls over like, oh, I tripped and he's just, or does he make like,
you know, stepped, you know, step brother jokes? I don't know what he does, but I think the idea
of him being like his humor being old to me, at least hilarious. I think it was president
Truman that had like this audit or this aquatic car that could drive into lakes.
And he would sometimes pretend that he was losing control of his car and just dive into a lake.
I like to imagine like the emperor would just do that regularly. I lose control like that.
Oh my God. Yeah. So he very much. So, you know, all that, all his funny,
let's say his funny bone was removed as soon as he entered this massive warp rift gate.
Rift gate. And, you know, he didn't, he didn't come out the same. Let's just say that. And
he kind of, after this, we return a little bit towards the species entirely. So humanity again,
we're sort of, you know, we're trudging along. We sort of reached to the 22nd millennium. And
this is where the STC is the standard template construct. Many of us who, we all run law channels,
I'm pretty sure this is like a, oh, this is a massive moment within the law because the STC
is an incredibly complex piece of technology. And it's kind of unique thing is that it contains
thousands upon thousands of blueprints. And the reason why it's so useful is because
anyone who owns an STC can simply just input resources into the standard template construct.
And then the STC will manufacture whatever you desire, as long as you have, so, you know,
you put, it's literally like, I guess, video games in a way. So you put in like, you know, iron,
wood, and it's like, oh, here you go. Here's plasma gun.
I love the idea of like just having a massive funnel and you just like put in like iron or
ore, like gun powder and just like, I want to make a bolt out of it. Just cramming it in this big funnel
coming out the other side, like a sausage. I imagine that there's probably some very
cursed stuff as well. Like, you know, oh, I don't know if they had like a standard like
blueprint for, let's say, anime body pillow, but they had, but let's just say they had,
they had, they had, go ahead. So they essentially have everything a colony would need is,
is contained within like these kind of like core devices. So they are extremely important and
incredible. I mean, if we owned one like humanity now, which is basically be unstoppable and each,
and each colony has essentially one of these. So it's a, it's a massive boon for humanity across
the stars. So as we progress a little bit further, we are, it's not actually an empire of humanity,
but it's a federation. So it's a collection of many different groups, but humanity itself,
maybe there was like some civil strife, but it's not mentioned, but it's definitely not
ruled in the same way that the 40th millennium is under one person. And with our utter mastery
of technology in this golden age, we made a bad choice and we decided we will develop AI in tandem
with this, you know, incredible technology. So we kind of, yes, these were going so well. So you're
like, right, what could go wrong? This is great. Surely whatever else we make will be great for,
yeah, we're not sure why, you know, what could go wrong is the famous last words for many people.
So back in the early 20th millennium, there were kind of the earliest versions of these AI
devices called the men of stone. And they were like the first kind of foray into AI. They are,
they are inferred to be sort of more machines and tools for like kind of everyday human needs.
They're like assisting ones, but these men of stone eventually will create and were the first
iteration of what would be known as the men of iron. And unfortunately, as a reference here,
they're pretty much, if anyone here, they're basically terminators. We're not going to,
you know, even though there are necrons in Warhammer, it's basically terminators. We've
also thought it was really important to let you guys know we made a good reference here of,
come with me if you want to live. And then we also have, because it makes sense, you know,
get to the chopper. Because Arnie is here. Unfortunately, Arnie is not in this age, but
we're essentially, we made terminators. I'm pretty sure everyone has to like scrub their brain from
what they just heard there. Unfortunately, those movies did not exist in the Warhammer timeline.
Otherwise people would have known better. Well, they might have, but it's like, it
may became like full circle and then like the robots are the main characters and then like the
humans. So essentially, yeah, we done goofed it, the official term, and we made AI. And of course,
the men of iron are essentially, within the Warhammer verse itself, they are actually sentient.
So they have their own thoughts and their own feelings. This is a part where it gets difficult
to say, would you define them as alive? Because again, that's, I guess, the Alan Turing test,
isn't it? This is a bit of a tricky thing. We're not really sure. But in the Warhammer universe,
they are very much sentient beings. And of course, when you have sentience, you have problems. So
if anyone wants to put on a t-shirt, by the way, they're welcome to use that quote,
you know, sentience equals problems. And so the men of gold, they refer to, which is humans. So
the masters, we were the creators. They decide we're not good masters anymore. So they revolt.
And this is called the cybernetic revolt. And it literally, because it's AI, obviously machines are
usually connected to each other, you know, particularly our internet as well. You know,
we're obviously four different people connected over, you know, different places. So, you know,
if we, if we woke up tomorrow and all of our like iPhones or smartphones weren't working,
like ever again, just be over. Like, no, what's the point?
And that's now pretty much. Yeah. So everyone, everyone can access TikTok anymore. It was a very
sad day. So, so this literally explodes across the federation of mankind, like almost probably
within an instant, or how it depends how quick the, you know, the internet speeds are in his realm.
And the, this war is Titanic is on every single human world. And it was so dangerous, shall we
say that this is where the Xenos, such as the orcs and also our Giga chads, the Eldari,
I think Colin might want to enjoy this. Yeah. So the Eldari actually ally with humanity,
surprisingly the orcs do. I think it might, I speculate that it may be humanity where,
yo, there's an enemy that you could crunk. Really? No, you could crunk that guy and it'd be really
fun. And they probably went, yeah, that sounds fun. So, oh, we've never fought them before.
Cracks knuckles. They just pointed them in that direction. Hey, orcs, big guy.
That's all they need to do. Orcs smash. And they went, and then they ran.
I guess I just think the idea of orcs that they have diplomacy at the time is still utterly
hilarious, but apparently they did. So the orcs, you know, they, they're like, you know, we're in
essentially, and this war, as positive as I've made it sound, this war is awful. So this war is so bad,
it literally scars humanity to this day. And AI, so artificial intelligence is banned. It's not
allowed because again, it's literally the worst thing that apparently is the worst thing that ever
happened to us. And it's rebranded, so rebranded to abominable intelligence. A little bit dicey, a
little bit heavy on that. And we were having a discussion though, we weren't sure what scale
it would be in comparison to like the Horus heresy, because I was like, I understand that the, the,
the references, it's so bad, it literally kind of opened the door for the warp to cause a bit more
mischief and it ruined humanity's progress and stuff. But I'm also like, well, Horus heresy was
pretty bad as well. And it, you know, it, it, again, it, it put like the last nail in the coffin for
humanity in a lot of ways. So I was, we were having a, we weren't quite sure how it stacked up to it.
We were wondering if you guys maybe thought it might have been worse in the heresy. What do you
guys think? I think it was probably worse just because everyone helped to stop it. Whereas
the other races, well, I mean, Horus heresy was a different time, I guess. No one wants to help the
humans after the great crusade. Yeah. I can't imagine that made them friends. Yeah. It does
seem worse though. It does seem more on like a galactic, like the full galaxy had to be involved,
not just the humans. And it was our fault as well. So, you know, we can't, who do we blame but
ourselves? And so humanity is just, you know, AI is essentially gone and we have to learn to evolve
to not use it. So this is where we get the disgusting kind of grim dark meshing of human
and machine. So servitors, I think everyone, maybe if you guys remember like when you first
get into Warhammer, do you remember seeing like servitors or hearing about them? You kind of go,
that is awful. I think I just remember the cherubs being like, what is that? Yeah. Yeah. That was
it's shocking. Isn't it? They're so great for Warhammer setting though. They make it so yeah.
Cherubs. Oh, they're great. Yeah. Eli has got some strange tendencies.
I'm all about the grim dark of Warhammer. It's awesome. You remind me of like,
this is going to be the reference of like, no one will get this, but it was like, you know,
they make parodies of films, like a scary movie or something like that. But there's one where they
had like Alvin and the Chipmunks in it. And there's a reference, I don't know what film it's meant to
be a parody of, but the Alvin and the Chipmunks are really cute, but they also say like really awful
stuff. And that reminds me a little bit because because they're like, oh, they're so nice. They're
like, we're going to rev up your spine. And it's like, oh no. But when you look at a servitor,
you just like, it's the perfect embodiment of what Warhammer is. That's true. Yeah, true.
Like sanctity of life. What? No, thank you. Yeah. It's a, it's just a nice little reminder of a
Warhammer is when the art and stuff nowadays is kind of losing grip of. It's a little bit more
clean. Yeah. It's got like a weird mix of, it's not cyberpunk, but it's got like, it's obviously
more advanced than our technology, but it's also kind of barbaric in its implementation. It's got
that nice aesthetic to it. Dehumanizing feeling to it. Well, speaking of dehumanizing, we move on to
the next stage in Humanity's story. So Humanity essentially survives the war. You know, we did it,
we made it through, but we're not really the same. And this is where we kind of reached to the
24th millennium. And this is where a figure who would one day be called Malkador the Sigillite
is born. Yeah, that's my boy. Yeah. I think I put in this notes that it's important to stress.
He only got a short millennium. Malkador is also speculated to be a perpetual. And he's a very
important character in the birth of the Imperium, as we will see later. But he basically, Malkador
arrives, Humanity's just survived like the worst war it ever gets. And then he basically has a
millennia to enjoy this time. And then it's about to get worse. So he doesn't really get a good
deal, if you know what I mean. Whereas the Emperor who's still around, he's still in the background of
what's been going on. Obviously he saw the cool stuff. You know, he got to see
the Warhammer world when it was mentioned. So the Emperor was around. And so this is,
unfortunately, we get to the end of the 24th millennium, and we've reached the 25th millennium
era. And this is where, I'm so sorry, Colin, but due to the decadence of the Eldari, a storm in the
warp was brewing. Would you like to, just for a brief explanation about how, if you could give
a quick summary, Colin, about how tragic you feel about how much the Eldari have fallen, just to
really give it some oomph for the listener. 20 out of 10, very tragic. Falling from
from unchallenged, unrivaled dominance to not that.
Not having that.
It's, yeah, it's credibly, it's bad news, let's just say. So we put in brackets, by the way,
a storm was brewing. You're a wizard, Harry, because, you know, a storm was brewing. And
Hagrid was, I don't know why I put this there, but I think I remembered it later. But yeah,
I think a storm was brewing. It's like, you're a wizard, Harry, because it reminded of Hagrid's
voice. So imagine Hagrid was narrating that the Eldari are decadent. So enjoy that.
Harry Potter is just going to seep its way into all of our videos.
I watch it every year for Christmas. So it's coming up. So warp storms just start to,
let's just say, I like the image of, you know, how you put ink in water and it starts to slowly
spread out and let's just say, die the rest of the pureness around it. The warp storms are,
start to ravage across the galaxy. And humanity itself, they can only really maintain this,
like interstellar, I guess, the ashes of this interstellar federation by doing warp travel,
because luckily travel in the warp is, I hate to use this analogy, but like Minecraft, isn't it?
If everyone goes to the end, not the end, is the end of the Nether, sorry, in Minecraft,
how you can travel further in the Nether. So it's like the warp is a bit shorter in distances,
some reason. And so communication and travel is completely just shut down. And this is really the
last nail in the coffin for humanity. And essentially it just like we collapse, like,
you know, worlds are cut off and it's just kind of everyone's on their own. Maybe you're lucky if you
can be within range of some planets, but essentially everyone is just like, we're done. And this is the
sad part of Andy, I'm very sorry for this bit, but for 3000 years, humanity starts to regress. The
golden age has passed. Technological understanding is poor, war and civil strife is just everywhere
over the scraps of just what's been left of like our best times. And this is sort of where religion
and faith starts to return to humanity. It's implied that it kind of, this is again, a little
bit of speculation, but it's implied that it's sort of faded away, maybe within the early millenniums
of humanity. So I guess we're in the second millennium, and then it's sort of between now
and what was essentially the golden age, it sort of faded away. And this is the time where, I guess,
it's so awful and life is just sucks. Let's be honest, it just sucks. And this is where like,
you start to see across made numerous different worlds where humanity reside, it starts to return
on a certain scale. And this kind of slow decline is pretty much, you know, we all know where it's
going at this point, if you're part of humanity, you just kind of know that the best days are behind
us. But not everyone agrees with that. So on the war scarred hellscape of terror, a figure reveals
himself to the galaxy. This is the Emperor of mankind. So Big E decides, no, not, you know,
not on my watch or something. So you know, he gets, he's just stands up and he makes a,
I guess, sorry, makes a stand, shall we say. So, but this is not easy, shall we say. So terror,
the big emperor, big emperor, the biggie, the big daddy, the big daddy emperor, he is, he's on,
well, let's not go there, shall we? He is on terror when this is all collapsed. And
terror at this time, as we said, the beginner section is dominated by various techno barbarian
warlords, warmongers, leaders of like strange, weird cults. And I think I put at the end, selfish
individuals, just because I wanted to just explain that they are like very much they're in for
themselves. It's kind of like, um, they don't hear it.
People, he would cut into a queue. You're like, excuse me.
Oh, that's the worst lines over there. And they're like,
I'm going to go here. I'm just going to skip the queue. You can't do that in the UK. That's,
that's just like a warranting a death stare from everyone. I think, um, I think a lot of people
have made the analogy, like this is kind of like Mad Max. They want to hear a fan of like Mad Max
stuff like that. It's kind of a bit of a, uh, nod to that, shall we say. So we've covered a lot of
different influences from different universes. So we're, we're in Mad Max era right now. And
you're probably wondering where has the emperor been? Like where, why has he not, uh, made his
big presence known earlier? Cause obviously he's old, shall we say he's, he's a immortal.
And that's because the emperor himself has been working on a secret project. Uh, he currently
at this time resides in little hidden laboratories in the Himalayan mountains. And this is where
let's just say he's been cooking. He's been cooking up a plan to, uh, you know, he, they all
may say, um, who was the guy with the frosted tips by the way? Uh, what's his name? Yeah. Guy
Fieri or something like that. He, uh, he's been cooking. Well, what's his catchphrase? What's
his catchphrase? Uh, Guy Fieri, Colin, please. Yum, yum, yum. It's flavor time. It's flavor time.
Yeah. So the emperor, the emperor, it's, um, I know welcome to flavor town is it's not that, but
so the emperor, this is not canon, but it's in my head. The emperor says it's flavor time or
flavor town or time to take it to flavor town, whatever you like. And he unleashes many more
of solo. Oh God. So he, uh, unleashes his, a millennia long plan that he was creating
in secret. So in the Himalayan mountains, you know, in the snow armies begin to march forth
filled with mortals and engineered super soldiers. This is also, uh, at the kind of end of the 28th
millennium, this is where we meet the character Constantine Val door. So he is the first emperor's
custodian. Uh, he's a very, very cool character. I did a shameless plug, by the way. I did a cool
video on him. Let's check that out. Thank you. Thank you. And, um, we'll, we'll probably tackle
him in a, another separate video, but he's essentially, as Andi said in the beginning
section, custodians, like a handcrafted, like specialized super sculpture. It's implied that
the emperor remakes them on the molecular level. And yet there's also something else to that
process. And Val door in particular is also arguably as strong as a Primarch as the like main
custodian. A lot of people are like, Oh, he can like, he's pretty even match for Primarch. And
that's without all the weird warp. He, uh, he's supposedly jewels. He's jeweled a couple of them.
I think it states that he managed to the first time he fought Rogal Dawn in a jewel, he managed
to beat Rogal Dawn, but that was implied that because Val door was essentially a centuries
long experience warrior and Dawn had just been found by the emperor. So it's kind of like a cool
little part to show you, but then apparently he never beat him again after that. So, you know,
it'd be difficult. He'd like, it would, it would take quite a few custodians, but the custodians
are, that's how strong they are. They could take on a, you know, a demigod figure essentially.
And, uh, with these sort of specialized soldiers, there are also, uh, sorry, just backtrack a little
bit. Cause I found this, I love this part of the, uh, Constantine Val door book. It's implied that
when they first start out, the, uh, forces of the emperor, they're mostly scientists and they
essentially don't have much. So when they set out to like conquer terror, they literally say that
they started in like simple steals and like leathers and they had kind of mix and match
equipment. And every time they kind of defeated an enemy, they sort of slapped on pieces. They stole
all like powered armor and guns, but they have like really like Val door even states in a part
of his book that they literally began with just whatever they could find. And then it kind of,
he didn't invest in insurance for his STC, which is a bit of a shame. Yeah. It's like, it was a very
humble, I say humble beginning because it's filled with like demigod powered characters,
but they very much, they had to build everything as they were going. But there's also another
force, shall we say that fought alongside these mortals and custodians. I'll pass over to Andy,
just to give a little brief look into who these strange things were.
As, as good as the, um, custodies are the emperor knew he didn't really have enough to do a full
scale war. You know, his custodians are important. He doesn't want to waste them like getting mowed
down by like massive amounts of, you know, if a custodian can fight a thousand people and just
about survive, fair enough, but he doesn't want to like take a hundred of his custodians or a thousand
and sacrifice them. So he develops these thunder wars and they are, they are more powerful than
the starties. These guys are huge lumbering, genetically, um, engineered, it's like walking
tank men. And they were, they were designed by a genius scientist known as a Mar Astarte.
And the name is important there because she would also go on to, to develop the Astarte's
as it's their namesake. Uh, they were mass produced. So they, um, and, and the thing was
they were never designed to leave terror. Like the reason they have like open helm designed armor,
they had greaves with like bits missing where there were weak points. They weren't designed
to be unstoppable. They were designed to get the job done, you know, savage the enemy, cut them to
bits, absolute brutality and barbarism unleashed on the enemies of the emperor in like bronze armor.
Um, a good thing to check out, which I'm sure if you're listening to this podcast, you probably
already know, um, the last church written by Graham McNeil, there was a team that made an animated,
uh, version of it called Apocalypse. I believe it is. And it was created by a chap. I'm gonna
butcher his name. I think, uh, Tiber, Tiber Portuguese or Portugase who wrote it animated
by Tony Cesar and composed by Aaron Weatherford. And although the original video was taken down
by a games workshop, I think you can still watch it on the kill team, hungry YouTube channel. So
it's worth checking out. It's worth a watch. And that animation will detail the events and very,
very crisp detail, um, of the rise of the funder warriors and the, uh, the, the, the onslaught
they brought to terror. I think, uh, that animation has everyone here, uh, seen that by the way.
I saw most of it. Colin, I haven't seen all of it. Uh, but I've watched a decent bit of it. And it,
I, I cannot recommend it enough. It is, it's actually, I would consider it one of the,
if you didn't know what Warhammer was and you watch that, that would straight send you like
straight into the deep end. Cause it's so, um, nothing crazy, nothing, you know, defining
happens in it, but it's in terms of like, you know, big set piece battles, something like that, but
it has such a important moments. I do like that bit where it's like this huge army of techno
barbarians and they're like charging towards this line of funder warriors and they're trying to
shoot at them, but they're too far away. The guns don't reach, they start charging and then the
warriors just go volley and it just rips through them. Oh, it's haunting.
SNA them. Yeah. I'll go ahead. So the last church, both like the video and the stores,
it's also just cool. Cause it shows you can have a good Warhammer store without needing
like huge budget. Yeah. It just falls to the wall action the whole time.
And in the, in the, it's pretty good. It doesn't have any space as well. It doesn't have a,
a single space ring. I want to move on from the provocations. Well, there is a space mean
at the very end with the Garveo loco T, uh, Logan T's right at the end of the post credits, but still
I actually don't think I saw that part. So you caught me out. That's good. That's good.
It doesn't rely on them. They don't need to do with stories usually do and throw in marines
every five minutes. It's just like, Hey, this is a cool story. There's very little action,
but it's still an excellent read. So speaking of the last church. So the Thunder warriors,
the custodians and the mortal armies of the emperor, they've pretty much, I guess,
I don't want to say crushed cause that's not big enough. They've crunked like the people of terror.
They, you know, they've ran deal and slithering out. They've, they've, they've very much, uh,
terror is pretty much theirs. They've crushed, they crushed many like big forces. There's a notable,
uh, enemy called, uh, Mollard Sen who's famously a like evil priest King who the emperor actually
met early on in his life. And there's kind of a nice hint there about they kind of knew this day
would come. So there's a lot of sort of famous names that essentially get ticked off the list,
but as the emperor's kind of United terror, he makes one last stop, shall we say. And this is
where the emperor, uh, as we've mentioned in the last church animation, he visits the last church
upon terror and he meets with the priest named Uriah. Now we'll be a little bit sensitive here
because we're not here to render judgment or anything like that, but we're here to kind of
show that I guess the conversation they have has a merit within both of them. So they have like
really interesting points which undercurrent and undermine each other. There's no, there's like,
there's no, I wouldn't say there is like a clear, ah, I'm right and you're wrong. They both have
elements of like, especially in the setting, like, ah, I suppose one is more harsh and cold
and calculated, whereas one is more emotional, but also filled with hope. And so there's,
there's an interesting dynamic in their discussion. Definitely. And I think, um, so to, uh,
spoilers for the last church animation, we'll say it here, but, um, so in a brief summary,
the emperor himself kind of goes into detail, uh, speaking with Uriah, the kind of, it's about
the intricacies of Uriah's own faith, which is, um, they all spawn many different stories that he
holds like very dear to his heart. And you can see like the, like Uriah himself has led a very
difficult life, but he kind of, he had a very like troubled and he wasn't very good person
in the beginning, but then he finds this place and it kind of cumulates to the point where
the emperor, when he's first approached Uriah, he was, you know, disguising himself as a
man, but at some point he decides enough and he actually reveals himself as the, you know,
the glorious, the golden wreathed in golden armor, shining psychic dominant man, the emperor of
mankind. And unfortunately with this kind of revelation, Uriah realizes that the faith that
he had been serving his like church, it was all built upon fables. And let's just say people
remembering stories about the emperor himself. So you even see it in parts where like things on
like the ceiling are like depicting, as you mentioned earlier, the emperor fighting the
dragon of Mars and things like that. So this church is kind of built upon something that's not
really the faith that Uriah has in his heart. And it's obviously a bit, I found that really sad,
that part, cause it was like, damn, you know what I mean? And even Uriah, like his most crystallizing
moment in his like faith is when he thought he met, he met God. And then he realized that he met the
emperor on the battlefield 50 years ago, appearing just as he does before him, you know, gold
shimmering his, he put L'Oreal in his hair because he's worth it. You know what I mean? It's like all
flowing. But there's a nice part of this because even though I would say this is a little bit of
speculation here, sorry, which is Uriah is, he realizes that his faith is not true in the sense
like, you know, what's written down in the book is not, you know, he can obviously see in front of
his eyes, it's not the truth of it, but everything he did because of his faith, he did, it ended up
being like a really good thing. Like he helped people, he cared for people, you know, the sick
and the dying and he's led a really good life because he believed. And even if what he believed
in was a lie, the belief itself, I think was real. I think that's a retouching moment because it's
saying, you know, his God didn't have to be real for him to lead a good life because of what was
written in his faith. And that's kind of where he, you know, puts a middle finger up to the emperor
and he says, you know, even if it's not real, I still did all that. That was me. And I, because
I believed it, it was real. And then he kind of, he doesn't want to live in the future where there's
almost no, where there's not people like who can, where humanity itself is not allowed to do the
things he has just done now. And so therefore he walks into the burning, the emperor's burning the
church down and Uriah walks into it and he defies, he literally defies the God-like emperor. Ironically,
you know, the emperor not claiming to be a God, but yet he's so God-like in his power. But Uriah
turns away and he literally holds to his faith all the way to the end. And it's a very, I think it's
a very nice, it's a very well-written piece and a very nice moment. I don't know. Did you guys,
I don't know if everyone else here had the same interpretation of that story. If they walked away
with that, what do you think Colin? I'll ask Eli after. I think, I don't know, something I always
come back to when I think about it is that Uriah is not a priest. He's said there's almost been
like called through his faith, but he's not trained as a priest. He's not ordained. So
I'd like to imagine that the emperor argued with an actual ordained priest instead of shooting them
in the face. He'd be even more on the losing front. And Eli, what do you, how do you think when you
came away from that story? In a long time since I read it, but yeah, I did really like it. I do
really like it because I don't know how to say it correctly. I don't know. I think the emperor has
very, well the emperor is a liar. He lied to everyone. And I mean, it depends on how you see
it, but the emperor knows gods do exist, but I guess in Warhammer, it's a perspective kind of
like how Fabius sees it of if they are gods or if there's really strong things. There's a coalition
of emotions in the warp. They're not like real. Yeah. So the end, sorry. We see people time and
time again, going back to seeing the emperor as a God, even Lohgar, his Primark. I mean, he's
not, it would seem, but it gets to the point where he's at such status and such power that calling
him a God is not that far off. And I mean, we see how him rejecting it entirely and not telling
people of the supernatural really bites him in the end and ruins it for everyone. He definitely,
Lohgar in particular, he's got the weird parallel of he grew up on a planet where there was worship
and his adoptive father was a clergyman of a form of faith and it ruined his legions
projectory. And it's like, ah, but that's what the emperor was talking about. And it's like, oh,
okay. Also as soon as Baldruses are introduced, there's like no time for talking anymore. It's
like, right, something's happening and it's not going to be good. I think also as Major Kil says,
he's also, um, Lohgar's bald. So therefore, you know, he's going to end up as the bad guys.
Absolutely fine when he had a head of hair and then bald, evil. There's something about Warhammer
and bald, the bald guy. So he ended up on the evil side. Even Borgrim lost all of his like skin
and limbs and was reborn as a big snake. And even he still had luscious locks and he looked evil,
but he looked better. But he's pretty. Pretty boy indeed. And I think, go ahead, go ahead,
Gollum. And I know it's jumping ahead, but even Gilman, now that he's back, is starting to think
maybe Lohgar had a point. Yep. I mean, the entire, in the end, Lohgar did win the heresy. Like,
the, the, the, the Imperial, even if Korraki outfies his daughter, scratching at it. Let me in,
let me in. Yeah. The only text though that the Imperium follows is literally the book of Lohgar.
Like he won the metaphorical, he won, he won the philosophical, philosophical, philosophical,
philosophical. There we go. He won the philosophical war. Yeah. Unless you, you could also subscribe to
the idea that the Emperor orchestrated the entire heresy so that he could become a god and one day
destroy the chaos gods. That's a theory, I guess. But he just stuck a punch in Ergel recently. So
that was quite good. That was enjoyable. I think, whatever the reason, just before we move on just
to the, if we're wrapping up, shall we say the birth, the Imperium, the reason that the Emperor
burns the last church on Terra is because as he, the sort of the foundation of its Imperium is
beginning, the, this is say the, the thing that lies at the heart of the Imperium is called the
Imperial truth. And this is a set of like, I don't know if it's a say atheistic beliefs,
because it's a bit more than that, but it's essentially a worldview. Sorry, go ahead, Andy.
I know the kind of catchphrase is there are no gods in the earth or in the sky. That's like a
saying that is part of the Imperial truth. It's a sort of doctrine that's about, I think in a way,
it was meant to be designed as a, we're trying to return to how people saw the universe in the
golden age of humanity. So there's a sort of emphasis on there are no gods, there are no
stories and fables. There is only reason science is the only truth essentially. And they wanted to
create, well the reason that the Emperor does this will definitely be tackled, I think, as we get
further on into the Imperium story, because it's definitely a big reveal in the end. And like,
as Eli said, there's some obviously hypocrisy involved, which, you know, as Warhammer fans,
we love a bit of hypocrisy in the law, not outside the law, but in the law. So we'll definitely
tackle the Emperor's reasons for this kind of atheistic doctrine that he starts to spread.
And with the last church, unfortunately, and poor Uriah burned, terror is essentially unified,
and everything is under the, I would say hand, but I mean like the iron grip of the Emperor.
And the Emperor at this time sort of forms a, I think it's described in the books as a triumvirate,
so similar to, shout out a bit of history here if everyone enjoys that. So the triumvirate is
it's obviously taken from the time of, you know, when Augustus Caesar, he was obviously not called
Augustus at the time, but him, Mark Antony, and do you know the other third person in the triumvirate
columns? I know you enjoy your Roman history. Off the top of my head, I'm afraid.
It's all right, we'll get someone to comment it, I'm sure, but there's,
I'll leave that for you. I know, I'm sorry I put it out.
At the end of the podcast, or the next one will be doing a completely different subject,
and you'd be like, it's so and so, ah, sorry, go back to the old one.
Crassus. Crassus, so.
It was Julius Caesar, Pompey, and Crassus. Oh, that's the first triumvirate, isn't it?
I think another one with Mark Antony after. Oh, never mind.
Yeah, so that was- Hensley, Lepidus, and Octavian.
I'm sorry, I couldn't let that one sit. That's all good, all good. So this is the,
they form a triumvirate on Terra. We're at the essentially 29th millennium now, and I think,
I remember the word they use in the book for it was because there was, one was the king,
one was the sorcerer, and one was the warrior. I think they describe it as the emperor, obviously,
being the singular, it's described as the singular vision at their heart. It's famous words of the
emperor, and Malkadour obviously being a thousand-year-old perpetual. He's a very mysterious
kind of advisory figure. He looks like an old man, but he might, I don't know if it's described,
if he's an actual perpetual, but- I think he is. It's just a case of like, he puts on a,
he projects to the world that look in order to have that kind of old man weakness.
Such. He looks like an old man, yeah. And I think there's a funny point, isn't there,
in the lore where him and Constantin Valdor, the custodian, they both run at the same pace at some
point. So obviously, Malkadour is not weak, but so Malkadour is like an elderly perpetual figure,
shall we say, but we'll tackle him again in another video. And Valdor, who's the first custodian,
so they are the triumvirate on Terra, and they start laying the groundwork for the next stage,
which is now that Terra's together and they've used the Thunder Warriors, the brutal, the awful,
just, I guess, maniacs that are the Thunder Warriors, they are not fit for a war in the stars.
And so they create a plan to exterminate all these warriors who had fought for the emperor,
and they just like basically backstabbed them. And after this is done, Constantin Valdor finds
himself confronted by one of the high lords of Terra. This is a figure called Aworma Candelwire.
She's kind of like an elderly stateswoman, I guess, but it's kind of, it's implied that she
confronts Valdor and she creates a plan with like kind of the surviving Thunder Warriors that was
not decimated, that she's trying to fight for an imperium that's almost like a democratic and
accountable imperium, where the emperor doesn't get to do what he wants. And yeah, so she's kind
of, you know, what would happen in our world, to be honest, would that kind of future would probably
be fought for, but in Warhammer, it doesn't obviously, you know-
With resin models with guns.
... with guns. So this is, it doesn't go her way, unfortunately. And there's a really awesome scene,
which is, it describes how she like stands before Valdor and the Thunder Warriors behind her,
and Valdor stands alone and he just looks at them all. And he just basically, behind him in the
mist, it says like 10,000 helm flares ignite. And it's basically the adapters are starting to start to
march forward. So the space marines are here and they've been created in secret away from like the
knowledge of the high lords, again, an unaccountable force to the emperor.
They're the Dark Angels because they're the first legion, the proto Dark Angels.
Yeah. And they, there's a really cool part where it describes how the Thunder Warriors
fight like bears, but the space marines fight like wolves.
Oh, I love Ushatan. I love Ushatan, who's like the Primarch of the Thunder Warriors. Who's like,
not a Primarch, Primarch, but he's like-
The title is the title Primarch.
And he's like, he's fighting and Valdor's fighting and you know, he's killing these
space marines. He's like, Valdor, these new warriors fight, they're constipated. And I was like-
Great line.
Is a, Ushatan's like the last kind of leader of all, he has the title Primarch. So that's the
reason obviously why Primarch gets used later in the O'Hanmul-Law. And essentially they get
slaughtered and it's a Valdor, I think even at that point, they're not really like,
they're not upset with a Thunder Warrior. They think they did the good service, but they're just
not, they're not what's needed because the Imperium is going to encompass humanity and therefore
Thunder Warriors, unfortunately, don't belong in that vision. And so we kind of get to basically
the last stage of the birth of the Imperium here. So I think it's stated that the Adeptus Astartes
themselves, they were created from quote, new generals. And obviously we'll be talking about
them a lot in the Warhammer. So if you stay tuned, they'll be coming up quite a bit. And these were
new. So these Astartes were created from the gene seed. So specialized, fat grown organs from these
quote unquote new generals, Primarchs basically. And they were much more stable. They were a little
bit smaller, a little bit weaker than Thunder Warriors. I think we said that before, but
they're obviously-
Still little. They weren't as like-
Crazy.
The trade-off with the Thunder Warriors, they were big, they were bulky, but yeah,
fail safe to make sure that they didn't last too long.
And this was actually, they had to be, the reason they were created in secret was because
like with the, at this time for the Emperor, the reason he created these new generals was because
over the years, even we could probably say since he left the gate of Moloch many millennia ago,
the Perpetuals around him, they didn't see that the same man they decided to follow. And like,
they all started to leave his side over the years. And so this is why he created these new generals,
I guess. I think this might be my own theory. He also created them because he wanted people to
relate to, but that might be like a kind of in the background is not a conscious thought sort of
thing, just my own theory there. So even like Ammar Astarte, who helped the genius Genesis,
she even betrays him as well. Like he's constantly gets betrayed by people who start to realize like,
oh, he's like, he's not sharing any of this. He means to put himself at the head of everything.
And these adapters Astartes, which I think the funny part is even after her betrayal,
he still likes to call them Astartes. And it's implied that he has, I think it's,
Malkador says he has a very, even now he says it was a very strange sense of humor. He's
obviously not funny, but I think he like, he enjoys the joke that the person who thought he would fail
and who betrayed him, he essentially has warriors named after these failures. And obviously they go,
no, it does come, you know, as much of a sense of humor as Luther calling him Lionel Johnson, like
Mr. Johnson, Mr. Johnson. That sounds a bit, a bit suss, I would say, but
Mr. P this.
So, so terror now essentially starts to be transformed. It's all under their control.
This is when the very last thing that kind of births the Imperium is the creation of the golden
throne. I think it said that it said that this is like a smashing of technologies from the golden
age of humanity, which is actually at this time, sorry, at this current timeline, it's actually
referred to as the dark age, funny enough, because it's so, I can't remember the exact reasons why
it's called the dark age. I don't know if anyone here can remember, but it's essentially no longer
called the golden age, the dark age of technology when all these like great things were created.
And it's so long ago as well, like barely anyone understands it, obviously except the emperor.
So with the creation of the golden throne, we have the astronomic on as well. So it's like a
kind of North star beacon in the walk. And this essentially is like the kind of lighting the flare.
And this is where the emperor stands in front of all of them. He has his armies, he has his
Imperial truth, he has the astronomic on, and he's preparing to in his own view, save humanity.
And he launches the great crusade. So the Imperium is born and the reunification of mankind
begins. There we go, boys. I do have one small thing to read. And I thought, I think Eli touched
this a little bit earlier, and I would like it's in, I'll put it in the chat here. And I think I'd
like Colin to read this out as a sort of a, let's just say the mindset of the emperor as we kind of
leave off to, so we understand who he really is. This is a part with Uriah here.
Alan All righty. Uriah looked into the emperor's face as he spoke, now seeing past the glamours
and the magnificence to the heart of an individual who had lived a thousand lives and walked the
earth for longer than could be imagined. He saw the ruthless ambition and the molten core of the
violence at the emperor's heart. In that instant, Uriah knew he wanted nothing to do with anything
this man had to offer, no matter how noble or lofty his ambitions might be.
Oh, and that's, that's the true emperor of mankind.
There was a, could I add one more thing? Of course, of course.
I believe it's worth mentioning. I believe that in the last church, there was a clock in said church.
Oh, yep. That had been, it was broken and had been for many years. And it was prophesied to only ever
ring when the hour of the end of the world was at hand. And after the emperor was done burning the
church to the ground, it very softly began to chime. Yep. Shivers, shivers.
Emperor is literally the bad guy. I'm telling you.
There's, there's no good. The emperor's a bad guy.
Him and everyone else in this. Yeah, they'd have to be a good guy.
I think, does anyone, so as we've, the Imperium is, you know, it's alive now and the great crusade
will be something we tackle next going forward. Does anyone here have any questions or maybe
final thoughts about humanity's kind of, humanity and the emperor, shall I say, their kind of,
let's just say, you know, 30,000 year long timeline that we just covered.
I don't know if it's on, if it was on purpose or not, but I feel like there's the emperor,
or like the, has some similar with the old ones with between the Thunder Warriors and the Crooks,
like the Thunder Warriors or there's, is disposable foot soldiers who ultimately have no place,
but to essentially serve as these brutes who are supposed to clear the threats.
At least the emperor was more thorough. He just, there's like, there's one
named Thunder Warrior who survived into the 40,000 year old, the horse heresy.
And like, yeah, he did a much better job at cleanup.
Yeah. The, the old ones and that's do so much, such a good job with the Crook.
He had the vacuum on full blast, essentially, who would them all up in one go? And I think it's.
Gilded vacuum.
Now the emperor himself is, is a very, the same mysterious figure doesn't even
quite justify it because even with all these books in Warhammer, if you are new, like it doesn't,
the emperor is intentionally just like, there's, there's misdirection. I wouldn't say left the
mystery because I've said that quite a lot, but that's my catchphrase, but it's, there's a lot of
misdirection because the emperor, I think me and Andy have said this before to each other, like the
emperor is who you want him to be. Was it Colin? I think he's like, the emperor himself is, he's
almost different to every person he meets. Maybe there's a sort of manipulate, manipulative
undertone to it, or maybe it's just, he's what people expect him to be. And maybe we see what
we want, but he's at this time now it's, you know, this is the launch, the 29th millennium
and humanity on terror, you know, thousands, hundreds of thousands, hundreds of thousands,
excuse me, hundreds of thousands of, you know, super soldiers, mortal armies,
ships of incredible power are essentially launching towards the stars and war has begun.
Is there any last, anyone got any last comments or feelings I want to share about the birth of the
the imperial? Most of the emperor was from a new book, I assume, newer. I read a lot of it from,
I think I mentioned it in some of my other things, Master of Mankind, which goes into a lot of like
a lot of like good detail about the emperor's like tree, it's kind of a, it's a very divisive
book, we've said like, between ourselves, where it's just, yeah, I can, I can tell why people
don't like it. It's valuable, because I got some bits in his book as well, which are little fragments
of the emperor and the thunder warriors. Yeah, I assume people didn't like it because it, I mean,
it just made canon, the emperor's origins, it kind of took away part of the mystery.
I think you're also sometimes there's like moments where the emperor's like,
like a good father in some books, and this kind of revealed that he's not, he's really not.
I'm fine with that. I think it, it was like, it was like kind of the mass slipped, if you know
what I mean, in this book. Yeah, I had to at some point, obviously. And I think some people don't
like what they see, because it is in a way, horrifying to see a man that, to be that powerful,
but yet this was so much hubris, I'll say. Thank you all so much for listening to that. I hope,
do you guys think you have a good understanding of the birth of the Imperium? How do you think?
Oh, yes. Yeah, I think so. I feel like I've learned quite a bit.
Quite a, quite a decent, you know, injection of law there. We will,
uh, lucky for our next episode, I was, I was, uh, also good. I was going to say, would it be okay
if I, uh, do the what's coming next? Oh, of course. Absolutely. Go for now.
Of course we, the, uh, the next time in the mainline, uh, podcast, we are going to keep
the timeline going. We're going to be talking about all of the wonderful 40 K stuff, you know,
in love, but next time we're going to be changing over a bit by the time this goes up, the empire
of man quiz will have been out for a little while, but for the first time in the maid podcast,
we're taking a switch. As many of you know, I'm quite like my Eldar. I know Andy in particular
takes, uh, offense to it, but they are, they are not my favorite Warhammer racer faction.
That, that belongs to one in Warhammer fantasy and one who, if you ask your local witch hunter,
he will assure you does not exist. There are most certainly not rat men in your walls.
We will be covering the skaven race next time. Yeah. So excited. The horned rat, the horned rat
and Colin number 13. It will both be doing the entire podcast episode in a skaven voice.
We can't promise that. The beginning section will be on the skaven voice. So if you hate the
skaven voice, don't worry. Colin. It's not going to do it. He's been, unless he does praise number
13 boys and girls. Thank you so much for listening everyone. Uh, I'm going to go ahead and say,
thank you so much for listening everyone. Uh, make sure to like, uh, subscribe. We, it was a really
help us out. We really appreciate it too. And, um, if you have any questions or if we made any law
crimes, um, do let us know, uh, cause we make quite a few often. So we would very much appreciate
it. And we will see you all next time with the, I don't know how to say the skaven. What, why can I
describe that there? I don't know if awful was the right word. The infected word you can use to
describe skaven scourge skirt, the scourge of the skaven. I was the answer. We will see you all,
uh, next time. Thank you so much for listening. Take care of everyone. I love you.